Some Indian Cope about toilets and their linguistic quirks:
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Five reasons why Indian toilets are better than western toilets
It’s really a matter of preference when we talk about Indian or Western toilets. While most households are installing western toilets, there are many who still prefer the Indian style toilet.
It goes without saying that western toilets are comfortable but they have many disadvantages too. Here are five reasons why Indian style toilets are better than the western style toilets.
1. Indian toilets keep you fitter
Squatting in Indian toilets makes you exercise every day, which is good for your overall health. While most of us know the importance of exercising, we still choose to ignore it. Sitting in Indian toilets makes you squat, sweat and move your hands.
It is said that the way you sit in Indian toilet increases your blood circulation and is a great exercise for your hands and legs.
2. Indian toilets can improve digestion
Squatting squeezes your stomach, which aids digestion by pressing, pressurizing and churning the food in your stomach. Sitting in western-style toilet does not put any pressure on our stomach and sometimes doesn’t even lead to good and satisfactory clearance of stool.
3. Indian toilets are eco-friendly
You use toilet paper in Western toilets, which also leads to wastage of paper. There is no paper wastage in case of Indian toilets. Western toilets require even more water as compared to Indian toilets.
4. Indian toilets are good for pregnant women
Using Indian toilets benefit pregnant women as they have to squat while using them. There is no pressure on the uterus while a pregnant woman sits on the Indian toilet. It is even said that using Indian toilet regularly makes pregnant women ready for a smooth and natural delivery.
5. It can prevent colon cancer and other diseases
Squatting helps in the complete evacuation of the stool from the colon in our body. This prevents the chances of constipation, appendicitis and other factors that can cause colon cancer.
All this can be summed up as is
I'm to lazy to do squats for about 5 minutes a day to
I wipe my shit with my hands*.
*Regarding handwashing. But in most parts of India, hygiene practices are not a priority for many people. A National Sample Survey in 2018 found that 35.8% of Indians washed hands with soap before eating while 74.1% washed hands after defecation.
If we account for Jeet lying and proper handwashing, we are probably looking at the low 40%
Don’t prepone it – do the needful. 10 Indianisms we should all be using
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Prepone. Don’t all shudder at once. You may think this word sounds wrong, but millions of Indians use it every day. Shorter and handier than using the phrase “Do you want to bring our meeting forward by a day?” In 2010, the word was added to the Oxford English Dictionary, but is still rarely used by those outside south Asia.
Lately, observers have been arguing that useful
Indianisms such as prepone should form part of the global vocabulary of our language. Indian English, they say, is a perfectly valid form of English – as is American or east Asian English – excluded only by rank snobbery.
As an occasional teacher of journalism to college students, I used to despise Indianisms. But I have begun to change my mind, and wondering if I am being too pernickety. Many are so handy that I find myself using them surreptitiously, in speech, if not in formal writing. When expressions like “lol” and “bae” are part of modern lingo, can we sneer at prepone and its ilk? Here’s a list of Indianisms that strike me as too useful, or too colourful and endearing, to be forgotten.
Do the needful
The granddaddy of all Indianisms, a clunky phrase mostly used only by bureaucrats and people forced to plead with the bureaucracy. And yet so apt when you don’t want to type out, “Please send me the five forms I need to file my taxes” or “Please fix the road in front of my house that I have written three letters about already”. “Do the needful” covers a multitude of requirements, and avoids repetition. Should it be revived, old fashioned though it is?
Veg and non-veg
In a country where so many of us are strict vegetarians, it’s crucial to class the populace by diet. Indians use a simple, universally understood shorthand in speech, menus and
matrimonial columns: vegetarian or non-vegetarian? Just saying “I am veg”, will ensure that only vegetables, not even eggs or fish, will cross your path. No need for dancing around elaborate lacto-ovo-pescatarian definitions. No need to drive people insane by saying, “Ooh, I am a vegetarian, but partial to fish”. Veg is veg.
Auntie/uncle
In India, this term is also used for non-relations: older people we are on friendly terms with, such as the parents of our friends or elderly neighbours. Many of us find it less cold and more endearing than Mrs X or Mr Y. It’s also a useful indicator of age. If the neighbourhood kids are calling you “uncle”, it’s time to reconsider that hipster man bun.
Rowdy sheeter
A term regularly used by smaller Indian papers to refer to someone who has a long and storied criminal record. So much more expressive than “dangerous criminal”, so much more colourful than “thug” or “goon”. Rowdy sheeter made it into the Cambridge English Dictionary, but is it time it made it further?
Timepass
An expression used for anything that is frivolous, vaguely silly, killing time, and a guilty pleasure. Especially useful for Bollywood movies and reality television. “How was the latest episode of I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here? Oh, you know, timepass.”
Fortnightly
Britain and India still have a few things in common. Among them is the use of fortnight as a measure of time, something that completely baffles our American cousins. I think it deserves to be used widely. Much better than saying take this pill every two weeks. Or come back to me in 14 days.
Mugging
Used in India to mean memorising and rote learning, not to take away someone’s money by threatening violence. Really, no other word would fit the intense ritual of committing to memory that is a part of the Indian education system. Cramming would be a weak substitute. The constant swaying back and forth that accompanies the recitation of times or periodic tables can only be mugging.
Kindly adjust
This is the Indian version of “Sorry, please excuse the inconvenience I am causing you, but I can’t do anything much about it right now”. It’s what Indians say when forced to share an already too small train compartment, or when packed into a tiny elevator. It hides a wealth of meaning in a crowded country with fraying tempers where we are all constantly stepping on one another’s feet. Imagine how it would defuse tempers on the tube when your backpack is sticking in someone’s face.
Rest is fine
Indian shorthand for “I don’t have time to go into everything that I have been doing, but worry not because we are all just fine and dandy”. Just right for your Xmas round-robin when you don’t feel like going into the details of how little Johnny got expelled from school for setting fire to the toilets. Instead, just begin with “Season’s greetings”, mention how you ran the marathon and started a juice cleanse, then end with “Rest is fine”.
What’s your good name
I used to hate this phrase. A literal translation of a Hindi phrase, I thought of this as stuffy and pompous. But lately, as I get older and my memory fails, I have been finding this very useful, as a gentler, kinder, less abrupt version of “I have forgotten your name even though I’ve met you at least half a dozen times”. Especially useful in family events when an unknown person beams at you while you are trying to place them. I simply say, “Your good name, please”, and it smooths over the awkward moment.