So here's the thing, 99% of the folk picking up those pre-packaged ramen packs are rather:
A: Trying to eat cheap.
B: Don't want to do dishes.
C: Trying to slowly kill themselves with the amount of salt so it doesn't look like a suicide to everyone else they know and are too skittish to stage an accident instead.
We all know we can buy the noodles in bulk and I'm sure everyone's seen that lil ethnic section at the grocery store with all the sauces and such can be bought. Let's be honest though. We're too lazy for that bs and just want something we can rip the lid off and pour some water in before the microwave dings in about 4-5min. Maybe by the time you're done with that round of Call of Duty or whatever the hell you're doing, the noodles might've soaked up enough of the water and now all ya gotta do is dump the seasoning in and stir.
So, despite all the better options, you're gonna go to the damn store to the ramen section, no, not that one, the cheap ramen section back over there by the canned shit with the 24-packs on the floor level that have gotten hit by more grocery carts and brats wanting to kick things now that beating them isn't considered discipline anymore. You know the one I'm talking about. Ya got your big pack-o-squares that are dirt cheap and if you want to pretend you got some dignity and not wanting to kneel down on you knees begging for generic BBC (bland beef/chicken), you lift your head up to the shelf that slightly higher than the floor to the actual dick-sucking level of those 94cent Nissin packs and those cardboard bowl things. This isn't your first time here and you know it. Act like it.
Now as someone undoubtedly familiar with this place, you've likely noticed that sometimes the flavor of the one on sale you actually like is sold out and while you are still on your knees, you do understand that there's only so much an asshole can suffer through and there's no point being here saving some cash if you gotta spend it on medicated lube to dunk that plug in. Yeah, we know where you hid it. So, here's what ya do. You're gonna break down and hand over that crusty cash for those flavors you don't want to even eat but shut yer hole and listen. You're not buying them for the seasoning. That's what's bending you over. No, you're just wanting the noodles and the packaging. Remember, you're just wanting all the advantages of buying the stuff over on the fancy isle without having to do dishes because you're lazy and would have to do all the other dishes in the sink before you could even start cleaning the ones you'd mess up trying to cook something. Seriously, go clean up your kitchen. Alright, ya got the second-cheapest noodles in the cheap section. Ignore the judgmental looks from the other shoppers trying to pretend they're having a hard time choosing between the half-dozen different shaped versions of Chef Boyardee over there. I know you like it when they watch but settle you're kinky ass down. They're just waiting for you to get out of the way so they can have their turn for sloppy seconds and are hoping you don't clear the shelf off before then. Rather you do or not, I don't care. Just make sure you put two or three of them back after you realized you grabbed too many so you have enough cash to grab one of those bouillon cubes sitting right next to them.
So, ya bought your shit and now your back home, standing in the kitchen feeling guilty about your life choices. Alright, ya done trying to lie to yourself about cutting back on the soda? Good. Now here's where ya start to learn something.
1. Open up your ramen.
2. Take out the veggie packet and the seasoning packet.
3. Throw away the seasoning packet. (Leaving that laying around is just asking for problems later.)
4. Add the water to the noodles.
5. Add the veggie packet.
6. Microwave 4-5min as usual.
7. Use those memories of all the years of opening packets to guess how much of the bouillon cube you need to shave off over the noodles. You know exactly what it should look like.
8. Stir
9. Let it set for two or three minutes so you don't burn yourself and give those noodles time to soak up the seasoned juices.
10. Eat and use your newfound confidence to think of all the creative ways to make ramen better before remembering why you're here.
