🐱 The Rise of Skywalker isn't a bad movie

CatParty


“The dead speak!”

That phrase – the first words of the opening scrawl in JJ Abrams’s Episode IX, also known as Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker – has become, in certain circles, handy code for trashing this film. But I think it’s the perfect way to begin this fun and fulfilling adventure. Yes, “the dead speak!” is hokey and corny. And so ought to be Star Wars.


Few need reminders that young George Lucas was influenced by approved-by-elite sources like Akira Kurosawa and Joseph Campbell. That’s great for essayists, but when Leia grabbed Luke, kissed him on the cheek for good luck, and they swung across a chasm on a grappling hook, what’s plainly on the surface is pure Buck Rogers.

The Rise of Skywalker leans into this, and is fast-paced and funny, and blessedly devoid of talk about trade federations like the unbearable prequels. Its set and creature design, color palette, and blend of practical and computer effects make for some of the richest action-adventure sequences in recent years. Abrams is not a director without faults, but the guy always knows where to put the camera, and his imagery is propulsive and vibrant. Compare any frame in The Rise of Skywalker to the allegedly thrilling conclusion of Disney’s other big breadwinner, Avengers Endgame, and you will see the difference between a cinema that crackles versus soul-deadening smudgy brown nothingness.

From the opening “lightspeed-skipping” (so many worlds! so many employed illustrators!) to the Aki-Aki Festival of the Ancestors (“colorful kites and delectable sweets!”) to the group hug at the end, The Rise of Skywalker keeps it moving and keeps it big. Plus Chewbacca, the greatest character in the entire franchise by many parsecs, finally got that medal Princess Leia should have given him back on Yavin 4.


Giving Chewie his reward is an undeniable, four-decades-late bit of fan-service, a treacherous road to walk for a project like this. It opens the door to why many, I think, dislike this movie. Since the debut of The Force Awakens in 2015, Star Wars – a simple, enjoyable kids movie with laser-swords and Frank Oz-voiced puppets – has become contaminated with the same toxin found everywhere else in our culture. Somewhere between Gamergate and stealing mail from Nancy Pelosi’s office, there are online armies aligned based on what you think of these movies.

To some bad faith keyboard warriors Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi was perceived to represent a trashing of heritage on the altar of woke politics. The Rise of Skywalker was, therefore, a “Make The Galaxy Great Again” reactionary gesture. I reject all of this. I think both of the movies are terrific and have far more commonalities than differences (even though only Johnson’s has the outstanding throne room fight.)

I’m not saying turn your brain off to politics when you are watching a movie, but maybe don’t seek out conspiracies where none exist. It is true that Rose Tico’s storyline was effectively dumped by Abrams, but Admiral Holdo, the other character that misogynistic online ding-dongs rage against, gets a proper shout-out for her “maneuvers” when Poe and Finn are figuring out how to help Rey in battle on Exegol.

A battle, by the way, which has space horses racing across the hull of a star destroyer, and an undead wizard in a laboratory (beneath a giant cube of stone for some reason) that’s as gorgeous and silly as anything from Hammer Films. Ian McDiarmid’s return as Emperor Sheev Palpatine (“the dead speak!”) maybe comes out of nowhere, but, again, let’s look once more at the origins of Star Wars. In 1977 the advertising boasted Hammer’s Peter Cushing as its main villain, and then, as the sequel got re-written, we learned that Darth Vader was actually Luke Skywalker’s father. How is that any more ridiculous of a story turn than the return of Palpatine?

But there’s no need for me to be so defensive about The Rise of Skywalker. Let’s look at the highlights. C-3PO, the galaxy’s most annoying robot, is a non-stop comedy punching bag (“the one time we need you to talk and you can’t!!!”) whose second canonical memory wipe is a source of glee. Keri Russell’s helmeted Zorii Bliss is a welcome whiz-bang space ranger from the Buck Rogers mold, and Naomi Ackie’s Jannah on that aforementioned horse (an orbak, if you must know) cuts a striking image.

I found the yes-they-kiss, but-also-he-dies conclusion of the Rey-Kylo relationship to be appropriately satisfying, though I do agree I would have liked to have seen Finn hook up with Rose. Oh, who am I kidding, I really wanted to see him hook up with Poe, but Hollywood thinks audiences are ready to accept superluminal travel, but not a same-sex romance.

I get that some fans were keen on Rey not being of noble birth, but learning she is actually in the Palpatine line is quite fitting with the entirety of this series and the absurd coincidences it has featured from the start. Leia sends R2-D2 down to Tattooine to find Obi-Wan but he just so happens to get picked up by Jawas and sold to the man that’s been hiding Anakin’s son all this time? Please!

As such, Rey’s final line, declaring herself Rey Skywalker with Force Ghost Luke and Leia looking on with approval (the dead watch!), is considered a howler to critics. I think it’s perfect.
 
It's funny to see new op-eds pop up in a short amount of time to defend Disney Wars. First it was that weird Ripley Podcast that didn't exist before December 2020 and is only known for having published that weird hit piece that tried to tie Geeks And Gamers, EVS and others to Gamergate, Milo, Alex Jones and Steve Bannon and now this?
 
Tho one good thing about TROS is it never expanded on the Knights of Ren, so I can maintain my headcanon that they're just space Deagle Nation (with Hux as a combination of flyawaynow and Tyce and Finalizer as the RACE WAR SHIP).

press one if I should kill my dad. Press oneeeeee!!!!
 
Correct, The Rise of Skywalker isn't a bad movie, because it's not even a movie at all. It's just a collection of scenes strung together with essentially nothing connecting them to each other that goes on and on and on. You could hit "random scene" over and over again and as long as you watch the final scene last you'll get essentially the same experience.

And keep in mind that none of the scenes are very good either. It's written like a low-budget video game from the early 00s in terms of story (seriously, a fucking scavenger hunt?) and acting where the only redeeming value is that the gameplay competently rips off a better video game. Problem is, this isn't a video game, it's a movie, and there's no gameplay to save it, so you're left with a pile of shit that fails on every level and like said low-budget video games, is totally forgettable. I can barely remember a thing about this movie a year later other than "it's overlong and totally disconnected."

Compare that to The Last Jedi, which is remembered to this day for being so fucking awful. But you know what TLJ did that TROS didn't? It's actually a movie. It's an utterly pretentious mess that insults the audience almost as much as the director does, but it's actually a movie and it actually feels like at least one person along the way tried. TROS has none of that, it exists because Disney needed an Episode IX, not because anyone wanted to make it, and everyone involved in this movie clearly shows it on screen.
 
If he cares so much for his fucking vision he shouldn't have sold it to a soulless corporate money printing factory like Disney.
Another example of poor decision making. George was gullible enough to believe Disney (a multi-billion dollar corp well known as a questionably soulless corp) would honor a non-written promise to keep him on as a creative consultant simply because they made an attraction based on his movies, only for him to get the boot in less than year and he couldn't bitch about it because they kept sending him checks to stay away. That's what you get for trusting the rat and thinking they gave a shit about you outside of your money printer. So now he just fucked off from SW entirely other than for a few promotional appearances on the Mandalorian BTS.
That guy was a Powerpuff Girls villain!
Spitting image.
PPG Actually.png
 
Another example of poor decision making. George was gullible enough to believe Disney (a multi-billion dollar corp well known as a questionably soulless corp) would honor a non-written promise to keep him on as a creative consultant simply because they made an attraction based on his movies, only for him to get the boot in less than year and he couldn't bitch about it because they kept sending him checks to stay away.

George isn't gullible at all. You don't become a multibillionnaire by not understanding how contracts work. He knew this outcome was possible and he had a response prepared for it, just as he no doubt had responses prepared for every other possible outcome.

They don't use his ideas, sequels bad: "Disney are white slavers, the real sequels live in my head and you'll never see them."

They don't use his ideas, sequels good: "I knew Kathleen understood my vision, she gave my characters life and they will live on at Disney forever."

They use his ideas, sequels bad: "They're movies for children."

They use his ideas, sequels good: Some bullshit about the 9-film saga he had planned the moment his head popped out of his mother's vagina.
 
If he cares so much for his fucking vision he shouldn't have sold it to a soulless corporate money printing factory like Disney.
He naively thought they'd use the rough scripts he'd given them when he sold it, instead of giving them the Disney treatment and pumping them full of unwanted diversity politics and focus-group approved changes that violate canon. So, he kind of has a half-gripe, they threw his scripts in the first trash can after telling him "sure, we'll use them" , but he never got it in writing they wouldn't turn it over to the woketards when he really should have.

His only mistake was trusting the Mouse to do something the lawyers hadn't signed off on.

So, on one hand, yeah, they really are ignoring you, but on the other, they're paying you a SHITLOAD to be ignored... so just shut up.

You sold your Lambo and are shocked, SHOCKED the new owner is driving too fast in it? Well, what did you THINK would happen and if you were so concerned for it, why'd you SELL?
 
But I think it’s the perfect way to begin this fun and fulfilling adventure. Yes, “the dead speak!” is hokey and corny. And so ought to be Star Wars.
Nothing can ever be even remotely serious, even for a moment, everything has to be hokey and corny. The poison that is Joss Whedon continues to course through pop culture.

The Rise of Skywalker leans into this, and is fast-paced and funny
That's an odd way of saying schizophrenic and try-hard.
To some bad faith keyboard warriors Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi was perceived to represent a trashing of heritage on the altar of woke politics. The Rise of Skywalker was, therefore, a “Make The Galaxy Great Again” reactionary gesture. I reject all of this. I think both of the movies are terrific and have far more commonalities than differences (even though only Johnson’s has the outstanding throne room fight.)
Okay, now I know this fat fuck is just being stupid on purpose. That fight scene was a slow-moving clusterfuck built to accommodate Daisy Ridley's lack of athleticism and coordination. The Raid, this is not.
 
Does Disney even have enough money to continue to pay shills? Their parks are closed down and I imagine their hotels aren't allowed to operate at full capacity either, as well as their restaurants. Slow down guys, your movies are shit, save what money you have instead of trying to make the masses accept a lie.
 
Do they need to when tards will happily do shill for free for whatever fucking reason.
IMO the biggest reason a lot of throat-slitting capitalist corporations "go woke" is because by tying their brand/product to an identity or cause, it makes people then believe they need to support that brand/product to support the identity/cause tied to it. If I make a really cheap halfass lazy reboot of something to cash in on a name... I can then ALSO put black or trans characters in it, and then position my reboot so that people feel like if it fails it would be a "loss" for the black/trans "communities" and representation. SO many people will go see and support things if they believe it supports or represents their political cause or identity. They spend money on products they dont even use or enjoy just to support the cause or identities tied to them. They'll defend a garbage quality movie with a trans person in it, as if defending that movie is defending all trans people.

The grift is used on the right too. Hardcore anti SJW types tend to defend and spend money on and simp for things that portray themselves as sticking it to the SJWs, not because its a genuinely good brand or product, but because "they're on my side!" Ditto with a lot of stuff that tries to appeal to Christianity, etc.
 
I won't watch or defend a movie that's made by people who openly (and very vocally) hate my very existence.
It's worse than that, they hate you if you don't agree their movie is good. And the fucking hilarious part is that I know SJWish people who hate the new Star Wars yet knew one guy who'd post anti-Obama conservative memes on Facebook back in the day and sympathizes with the Oathkeepers who liked both Episode VII and even Episode VIII.
Okay, now I know this fat fuck is just being stupid on purpose. That fight scene was a slow-moving clusterfuck built to accommodate Daisy Ridley's lack of athleticism and coordination. The Raid, this is not.
If they were competent they could've gone for the hard-hitting choreography of the OT which feels raw and meaningful compared to the fast-paced and elaborate "dance of death" style of the PT (which is meaningful too, especially Episode III where the destruction around the combatants showcases their emotions), but nope, they couldn't even do that.
Does Disney even have enough money to continue to pay shills? Their parks are closed down and I imagine their hotels aren't allowed to operate at full capacity either, as well as their restaurants. Slow down guys, your movies are shit, save what money you have instead of trying to make the masses accept a lie.
They don't, that's why there was barely any shilling for this "movie" when it came out compared to TLJ. Disney was writing off their losses from both Solo, the bloated production of this mess, and the disaster that was Galaxy's Edge.
 
The only good part of that movie was that planet with massive waves. It was an interesting planet. What the script had happen there was most certainly not, though. I can barely remember anything else about the movie, though, it was so forgettable.
 
We are long overdue for a war in which fat fucks like this are drafted and get culled from the gene pool. And if this lump of fat somehow survives, things like shitty Disney movies will be put in perspective and he won't be bothered to write this garbage since he'll either be grateful he's alive or crippled by PTSD.
 
IMO the biggest reason a lot of throat-slitting capitalist corporations "go woke" is because by tying their brand/product to an identity or cause, it makes people then believe they need to support that brand/product to support the identity/cause tied to it. If I make a really cheap halfass lazy reboot of something to cash in on a name... I can then ALSO put black or trans characters in it, and then position my reboot so that people feel like if it fails it would be a "loss" for the black/trans "communities" and representation. SO many people will go see and support things if they believe it supports or represents their political cause or identity. They spend money on products they dont even use or enjoy just to support the cause or identities tied to them. They'll defend a garbage quality movie with a trans person in it, as if defending that movie is defending all trans people.

The grift is used on the right too. Hardcore anti SJW types tend to defend and spend money on and simp for things that portray themselves as sticking it to the SJWs, not because its a genuinely good brand or product, but because "they're on my side!" Ditto with a lot of stuff that tries to appeal to Christianity, etc.
Except it doesn't really work, the number of people who will pay to watch a movie to support its political stance is very low. Compared to people who just want a good movie.

That's the essence of go woke go broke, tossing 80% of your potential audience to appease 10%.

And even if the fanatics watch it three times, you still aren't making what you would have from half of that alienated 80 watching it once. 10 x 3 = 30, 80 x .5 =40. This is basic math, but they still don't get it in the Halls of Hollywood yet, the "woke multiplier" they want to court so bad for asspats and atta-boys at cocktail parties cannot and will not overcome the penalty of everyone you lose who isn't interested in remakes of classics to start with, much less ones where dangerhair politics have been forcibly inserted....

And most of the wokeista wont even watch, the fact they complained enough about representation for it to get made was mission accomplished, it's the normies job to do their duty and watch it, or else we cancel them.... SJWs aren't interested in being fans, they want to be the gatekeepers and determine who can BE a fan.... they ultimately want to exclude as many as possible, as the number of sexist/racist/phobic scalps they can claim is what they live for, not what Hollywood used to live for, number of butts in seats, regardless of if some self-appointed moralists approved of them....
 
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At least Adam Driver got paid to makeout with someone other than Lena Dunham and it caused woke tumblrinas to shit themselves in rage, which they're still doing to this day.

People complain that the Mouse is woke, but at least in the shipping department the Mouse did every single thing the woke kids DIDN'T want.
 
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