The would you rather thread

[Pig Cups]

Would you rather:

Eat out a fat 500lb asshole

or

Eat out a mentally retarded asshole

A retard’s anus is fucking disgusting. Think about what passes through it: constipated, blood booger-riddled, cankle-like group-home-food shits that look like fat Slim Jims (or a Yodel wrapped in olive loaf meat). Shits that are full of gum, pennies, and hair. And they’re constantly itching it with their repulsive, unwashed, clubbed fingernails, transferring god knows what to the area. To that end, I imagine that people who engage in coprophagia probably look at a retard shit as the holy grail. While retards are the zeroes in all other areas, they could potentially be the kings of scat porn.

I’ll take the 500-lb anus. Weirdly enough, I feel like it has the capacity to be cleaner, and I’d feel like I’d be doing it with a consenting party, rather than taking advantage of a not-all-there retard. Just pray that fatty doesn’t rip any farts.

Would you rather, during an extremely important business presentation, have to use the term “cumload” three times? Or wear those red and blue 3D glasses for the duration of the presentation?
Things to consider: “We had a cumload of negative publicity after the incident in Sarasota.” “Let’s be proactive and get a cumload of buzz going.” “Gretchen, is that a cumload on your shirt?”

 

[Turquoise]

A retard’s anus is fucking disgusting. Think about what passes through it: constipated, blood booger-riddled, cankle-like group-home-food shits that look like fat Slim Jims (or a Yodel wrapped in olive loaf meat). Shits that are full of gum, pennies, and hair. And they’re constantly itching it with their repulsive, unwashed, clubbed fingernails, transferring god knows what to the area. To that end, I imagine that people who engage in coprophagia probably look at a retard shit as the holy grail. While retards are the zeroes in all other areas, they could potentially be the kings of scat porn.

I’ll take the 500-lb anus. Weirdly enough, I feel like it has the capacity to be cleaner, and I’d feel like I’d be doing it with a consenting party, rather than taking advantage of a not-all-there retard. Just pray that fatty doesn’t rip any farts.

Would you rather, during an extremely important business presentation, have to use the term “cumload” three times? Or wear those red and blue 3D glasses for the duration of the presentation?
Things to consider: “We had a cumload of negative publicity after the incident in Sarasota.” “Let’s be proactive and get a cumload of buzz going.” “Gretchen, is that a cumload on your shirt?”

I would rather say the word cumload in my presentation and I'd add in more filth for my own amusement. "we've been cranking out cumloads of units at the factory but the ladies on the floor are all shagged out now."

Would you rather be able to make people shit their pants or be able to make any 50+ year old woman want to sleep with you?

 

[The Last Stand]

Would you rather be able to make people shit their pants or be able to make any 50+ year old woman want to sleep with you?

The last one. Why do I feel like these are directed towards me?

Spoiler: For the hell of it...

Could it be any 50+ year old woman of my choosing? Could I time travel to find a 50+ year old woman like Grace Kelly or Gloria Swanson? How would that work? Would they want to sleep with me by default from my presence or could it be anything suggestive?

Would you rather have to write a 2000+ word essay on a random book or write a 1500+ word review on a random user on here?

 

[Pig Cups]

Would you rather have to write a 2000+ word essay on a random book or write a 1500+ word review on a random user on here?

Review of the KFer. The possible catch with the essay is being assigned something like Artamène.

Would you rather tongue-clean all of the grab bars and straps on an 11-car NYC subway train, or have a girl weighing over 350 lbs drop a period clot down your throat? (chewing and swallowing is required)
Things to consider: I’ve heard that it’s like getting an oyster covered in tender eyeball skin, and like biting into a chocolate-covered cherry.

 

[Wot Zit Too Yah0996]

Would you rather your mother hate your guts, but be nice to everyone else, or have her be a paedophile, but nice and harmless towards you?

 

[Unredacted TND]

Hate my guts and be nice to everyone else.

Would you rather fuck a pooner on T and never see her again or deal with her all day?

 

[Wot Zit Too Yah0996]

on T

Sorry, I don't know what that means.

 

[The Last Stand]

Would you rather your mother hate your guts, but be nice to everyone else,

This, as if I don't already live that.

Would you rather change genders for a week or change races for a week?

 

[Wot Zit Too Yah0996]

This, as if I don't already live that.

Would you rather change genders for a week or change races for a week?

Change races. With my state of my mind, anxiety, overthinking, blah, repressed formative years anger, blah, blah, I imagine being a woman would add to the frustration.

 

[The Last Stand]

Would you rather live in Mario world or Sonic world?

 

[Ventrue]

Mario world. Mushrooms, dinosaurs and haunted castles sounds like a lot of fun.

Would you rather sail around the world in a boat or in a hot air balloon?

 

[Pig Cups]

Mario world. Mushrooms, dinosaurs and haunted castles sounds like a lot of fun.

Would you rather sail around the world in a boat or in a hot air balloon?

Boat. It’s a better-tested method for that journey.

Would you rather be stuck on an elevator with zealous and confrontational Jehovah’s Witness missionaries, or flatulent supermodels?

 

[FattyMcFatterson]

JWs for sure. I would bring up the failed prophesies, ask about shift in doctrine about blood bans and shunning to shut them up or hopefully plant a seed so they leave the cult.

Would you rather fuck Andrew Ditch or Chris Chan?

 

[Radola Gajda]

Both are disgusting, And just the idea makes my skin crawl but I will go with.

Andrew Ditch

Because Chris Chan has more gaylogs and he is far more notorious. So it will be easier for me to pretend it didn't happen. If I fucked Chris I would never hear the end of it.
Would you rather spend rest of your life in North Korea or in slums of India.

 

[Pig Cups]

Would you rather spend rest of your life in North Korea or in slums of India.

India. It’s a lose-lose situation, but at least you still have your freedom.


Would you rather have phone sex with Yoda (“Ravage you, I will…”)

OR…

Someone who speaks entirely in clinical terms? (“I want you to press that glans against the anterior of the vaginal introitus…lick that mons pubis…”)

 

[FattyMcFatterson]

Can I have a 3 way? Neither would be sexy but both would be amusing.

Staying on the subject of sex, would you rather have a 3 way with X Files Mulder and Scully or Homer and Marge Simpson?

 

[Pig Cups]

Staying on the subject of sex, would you rather have a 3 way with X Files Mulder and Scully or Homer and Marge Simpson?

1990s Gillian Anderson? Hell yes.

Would you rather have an airplane seat next to Fat Albert, or a woefully insecure sleestak?

 

[Wot Zit Too Yah0996]

Rewatching Bohemian Rhapsody the other night got me thinking about Rocket Man, and so...

Would you rather have sex with Freddie Mercury once and live as long as he did after getting infected with HIV, which, no shit, resulted in full blown AIDS Burgers, OR... would you rather be Elton John's boytoy for the rest of his life?

Would you rather have an airplane seat next to Fat Albert, or a woefully insecure sleestak?

Fat Albert. He's funny and well-meaning for such a tub of Type-2 Diabetes risked lard. The hardest thing to put up with is hiding my snacks for several hours during the flight.

 

[Pig Cups]

Would you rather have sex with Freddie Mercury once and live as long as he did after getting infected with HIV, which, no shit, resulted in full blown AIDS Burgers, OR... would you rather be Elton John's boytoy for the rest of his life?

No. 2- at least I’m not guaranteed to die horribly, and I could possibly score a decent inheritance once he kicks the bucket, which’ll be sooner than later. At least I won’t have to bend over (EJ doesn’t strike me as a top), and his libido’s probably diminished- he and his partner didn’t even use the personalized cock rings given to them by Eminem. It’d probably be about as easy as being David Geffen’s boytoy, at this point.

Would you rather live in a world where massive afros were mandatory for all members of government, or a world where it was legal (in fact, encouraged) to crucify mimes?

 

[Chicha Drinker]

Would you rather live in a world where massive afros were mandatory for all members of government, or a world where it was legal (in fact, encouraged) to crucify mimes?

Afros my cool cat brotha. I aint got no beef with no square turkey mime, dig?

Would you rather have incredibly messy shits 3x a week, (like 20+ wipes messy) that are painless, or have dry, painful shits 3x a month? Diet doesnt affect your bowel movements and you have no negative health reprecussions either way.