The Writing Thread

[CyrusHowler]

Always wanted to write a western story where cowboys go on an epic journey on the Texas Gulf Coast and across the plains of Mexico to find buried pirate treasure.

The idea of cowboys finding buried pirate treasure has always intrigued me.

 

[Shaneequa]

cowboys finding buried pirate treasure

Make them gay cowboys and it'll sell gangbusters

 

[Cat Funt]

I'm writing some retarded short about a cowboy world where everyone is grossly obese, just for 'practise'. Fat Meridian, sorta.

 

[CyrusHowler]

Make them gay cowboys and it'll sell gangbusters

I’ll put a chick in it and make her lame and gay.

 

[Shaneequa]

I’ll put a chick in it and make her lame and gay.

Ok but she better have a sidebuzz and your choice of vitiligo, amputee or hijabi.

 

[CyrusHowler]

Ok but she better have a sidebuzz and your choice of vitiligo, amputee or hijabi.

Better yet, BALD with vitiligo and amputee. She fought in the Civil War Mulan style and lost her arm when she fought off 17 Rebs by herself and it was blown off by a cannon ball.

 

[Cat Funt]

I'm writing some retarded short about a cowboy world where everyone is grossly obese, just for 'practise'. Fat Meridian, sorta.

Yeah ok I'm done with my Fatrick Tomlinson fanfic. Now I can get back to the serious business of writing my 'book'.

 

[Spink Trebinkle]

I recently decided to take up writing, and I feel like I need feedback in order to grow. Attached is my second work, a short horror story themed around procrastination (for lack of a better word) and a looming feeling of wrongness. I would be very grateful if you guys could tell me if it's any good and let me know what I could be doing better. Thanks.

Edit: Accidentally uploaded the version before I did the final spelling/grammar pass. Fixed.

 

[Shaneequa]

I need feedback in order to grow.

in case u didn't know, "finna" is AAVE for "fixing to, going to" as in "I'm finna slap you upside your damn peanut head, dummy."

 

[Cat Funt]

The first line is pretty dire.

 

[Shaneequa]

The first line is pretty dire.

Looking back at it I'd delete "meaningless" from the first line, as well. @Spink Trebinkle Don't tell me about meaningless stuff, it's rude.
But I gotta say I like the alliteration of sPeckled Pipes drew (adjective) Patterns on the Porous concrete wall. I like the way it feels in my mouth.

 

[Spink Trebinkle]

But I gotta say I like the alliteration of sPeckled Pipes drew (adjective) Patterns on the Porous concrete wall. I like the way it feels in my mouth.

Yeah, I'm a sucker for bouncy, rolling prose.
@Cat Funt I see how it could be grating or tonally inappropriate, though. Will keep this in mind.

 

[Pomniman]

I recently decided to take up writing, and I feel like I need feedback in order to grow. Attached is my second work, a short horror story themed around procrastination (for lack of a better word) and a looming feeling of wrongness. I would be very grateful if you guys could tell me if it's any good and let me know what I could be doing better. Thanks.

Edit: Accidentally uploaded the version before I did the final spelling/grammar pass. Fixed.

The dialogue is pretty shitty. A bit too much like some kind of teen soap opera. It would've probably been better if you focused more on the hallucinations/imagery and ended with a final scene of that instead of the characters talking.

 

[Spink Trebinkle]

The dialogue is pretty shitty. A bit too much like some kind of teen soap opera. It would've probably been better if you focused more on the hallucinations/imagery and ended with a final scene of that instead of the characters talking.

Thanks for reading. Can I get some more detail on what specifically sucked about it and an example of what good dialogue looks like?

 

[BrunoMattei]

an example of what good dialogue looks like?

Read a good book and take notes.

 

[Commissar Fuklaw]

Read it out loud and hear how it sounds. Better yet, have someone else read it.

 

[Pomniman]

Thanks for reading. Can I get some more detail on what specifically sucked about it and an example of what good dialogue looks like?

J R by William Gaddis. It's probably on libgen, go pirate it if you don't want to buy it.

Not going to do a full breakdown, but as for what sucked the most, the whole part where she's basically accusing him of molesting/raping her or whatever while she was unconscious/high is probably the best example because it felt unrealistic and childish for it to play out that way in some sort of survival scenario with a gun involved; your emphasis on anger over fear in the dialogue (yes I know the narration explicitly says she's scared, but the dialogue just sounds like she's throwing a tantrum instead of acting like someone who thinks they might be raped again (assuming she thinks that's what happened at the moment) or shot with the missing gun) doesn't comport with the overall sense of danger/desperation that'd come with those sorts of circumstances and just makes them both look like stupid kids bickering over something completely inane.

Though if this is supposed to be Young Adult fiction I'd amend that to say I still think it's shit but the audience for it won't mind because shit is what they guzzle down and live for.

 

[Hybrid Hubris]

I have a question about writing. I'm curious as to how much real life experience you should have to make your writing more grounded in reality. Maybe it makes dialogue flow more naturally, or make the hero's journey more convincing if you actually experience these things in real life. Living life could probably also give you fresh ideas you can never get from sitting in your room all day. I know a lot of writers are shut-ins who only engage with the world through books and consume media nonstop, and always in their head thinking about their fantasies, and don't really get out there and actually live life. But I also know there are writers, for example Michel de Montaigne whose real life experience is the spice that gives his writing life. So my question is, what lifestyle can make you a good writer?

 

[AnsemSoD1]

My oc hates vampires and is determined to make his lifestory not end up sad, depressing, and bitchless like in Salem's Lot where everybody that wasn't the main character turned.

 

[Pomniman]

I have a question about writing. I'm curious as to how much real life experience you should have to make your writing more grounded in reality. Maybe it makes dialogue flow more naturally, or make the hero's journey more convincing if you actually experience these things in real life. Living life could probably also give you fresh ideas you can never get from sitting in your room all day. I know a lot of writers are shut-ins who only engage with the world through books and consume media nonstop, and always in their head thinking about their fantasies, and don't really get out there and actually live life. But I also know there are writers, for example Michel de Montaigne whose real life experience is the spice that gives his writing life. So my question is, what lifestyle can make you a good writer?

You can cheat by being a creepy weirdo who hangs out at busy cafés all day and listens to other people's conversations without ever talking to them, though this probably only works if you live in some shithole major or capital city.