In japanese anime, there are many videos, shows, pictures and all of boys who look, dress, sound and act like girls. In urban slang they would be called: "traps" "femboys" "sissies". It's all vulgarly strange and weird. I don't know how this has happened, but I find myself seeing them just as females and masturbate to it too. I believe that it is because of my childhood attraction to anime. The pictures resemble females so well that I don't see the difference, even if there is a penis in the drawing. This has sometimes even led me to watching normal shemale pornography.
I don't know the best to describe it without showing it and I DO NOT WANT TO SHOW THESE IMAGES, I mean, for God's sake, I want to stop looking at these images!
It's strange because they're boys, and I'm a boy, yet I see them as females, but then at the same time, I know they're males, but I associate them with their slang terms.
I don't think I'm homosexual because men and boys are not attractive to me. You may be thinking, "but you look at those japanese anime images of boys drawn to look like girls?"
I know, it's weird. However, I don't feel any emotions towards men. Locker rooms with men, I just see my friends, classmates, and other males. We shower and change in there, but nothing has ever crossed my mind. Guys are guys, not really attractive at all. Then, I see girls and I can't help but think how pretty and attract some are and things like that. I've had crushes on so many girls , but as a Muslim I've never gone any further. I may have impure thoughts, but I haven't done anything. I've met girls that I've wanted to have a relationships with, and things like that. My heart races around girls. I feel semiconscious around girls. "Does my hair look good?" "Do I have nice clothes on?" "Does she find me attractive?"
Things like that. I mean, I like girls. But my situation is so strange! I look and masturbated to these images of males drawn as females, blatant male organs there, and shemale pornography. I've tested this by looking up gay pronography and it's not the same. I don't feel the urge to masturbate or get the same thoughts.
I read cases where many straight males have seen shemale pornography, but are straight. I thought I was similar, but then that doesn't explain the pictures of the "femboys', "traps" etc.
However, even if I see pictures of those kinds, but the art style makes them look masculine, I see them as boys and I get turned off. "That's a man."
