Lovequest Updated OKC Profile

[CWCTime]

Anyone here really good with Photoshop? I think that giving Chris a Photoshop "makeover" could have interesting results.

I made a more serious attempt. Original:

Spoiler

Less fatty:

Spoiler

And a Tomgirl edition:

Spoiler

Edit:

If it was his high school ring just turned around it would be thinner towards the middle and flair out more at the sides. He very likely bought himself a new ring to make himself more tomgirly.*

*Edit: Or he's trying to do some sort of voodoo/sympathetic magic and thinks that if he wears a wedding band he'll attract his future barb replacement.

Yeah, I think the Amnyfest ring is darker all around too. Also, I think it's on his right hand, and wedding bands traditionally are worn on the left hand. Not that tradition would necessarily mean much to

 

[Doctor Duke]

Spoiler: you asked for this?

i clicked the spoiler tag and my dick fell off

 

[Tubular Monkey]

I see absolutely nothing that would imply that he's an unbelievably naive and stupid, ugly old repulsive manchild. Nothing at all.

Query: Did Chris make a typo with "parents" or does he think he's getting cosmic advice from AngelBob?

"Maaaa sonnnnnn.... Telllllll emmmmmm you're a goooooood boyyyyyyy...."

"Aaaaaaaaaand take offfffffff yerrrrrr braaaaaaaa.... Yaaaaaa loooook like a faaaaaaaaaaaaaaag..."

 

[tobacky_vapor]

i clicked the spoiler tag and my dick fell off

Oh quit exaggerating, all it did was Permanently bend your dick at a 45° angle

 

[Hitler]

Made me think of something like this

 

[Artard]

Ok sooo... after feeling disgusted by myself I made this imgur collection of some questions and answers Chris has made... Some are red, that means we didn't match or something I think.

These are absolutely brilliant, well done

 

[butt in trouble]

How is that private? He constantly whines about it any chance he gets.

Nice to see that despite not making any progress on his love quest in over ten years he still thinks he's in a position to demand things from complete strangers.

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

chris has no idea what transgender means huh

Nnnnnnnope.

 

[qld]

If you go to his OKCupid you see a list of "similar users". How shitty would you feel if you showed up there?

Well, the one similar user I looked at is an attorney and won the home economics award in eighth grade. But since he only lists winning a perfect score in Wii bowling as his proudest lifetime accomplishment, maybe he deserves to be ranked with Chris.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Singin' in the Rain makes Chris's list of favorite movies. The leading ladies react:

 

[Sweet and Savoury]

If you want the privilege of supporting me for the rest of my life while I sit around and do sweet dick all you must message me and then come to meet me all within 24 hours!

Act now, this is a limited time offer.

Probably one of the most pant-on-head, bathroom fire retarded idea I've ever heard of. How is he still pursuing this dream of a fuck-mommy just throwing herself at him?

Seriously it hurts my brain at how delusional he is about this.

 

[Angelica Rosechu]

I'm confused... According to one of Chris's answers, he has never kissed a non-relative in a "more than friendly way". What gives? Did he not kiss the prostitute?

What prostitute would ever kiss him?

How big is your porn collection?
LARGE

He has a Grand Number of Free Adam and Eve DVDs.
(The fact that his answer is in all caps never fails to make me crack up.)

 

[Coldgrip]

"Which is WHY it is Mandetory for immediate in person meeting with me."

That doesn't sound creepy at all.

 

[Muncie Anderson]

Yes, because getting locked up in the county jail for the night is the same thing as serving time in a real prison, isn't it?

Ha ha ha, "the charge was minor" and he was found "innocent". Funny, I don't remember reading that anywhere on the CWCki.

Also, Chris isn't socially experienced enough that insisting on meeting immediately is a big turn off for a lot of women, especially if they actually made it to the end of his profile where he expects to meet up right away (chances are, most are clicking the back button as soon as they see 'Lego', 'drawing/coloring', My Little Pony, or that his favorite programs are primarily kids' cartoons). Sure, there are cases where two strangers come into contact, immediately hit if off, and agree to meet that evening, but that's never going to happen to Chris.

Unless he gets trolled again.

 

[Ghost Got Double Dipped]

Still insecure, eh Chris?

 

[CWCTime]

Spoiler: This is what Chris actually believes

 

[bradsternum]

I'm confused... According to one of Chris's answers, he has never kissed a non-relative in a "more than friendly way". What gives? Did he not kiss the prostitute?

Prostitutes aren't paid for kissing.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Yes, because getting locked up in the county jail for the night is the same thing as serving time in a real prison, isn't it?

Chris could never be found innocent because his guilt was never questioned.

 

[tobacky_vapor]

Prostitutes aren't paid for kissing.

I believe the term you're looking for is escort. Technically escorts are usually paid to do that for being a temp girlfriend, even know their actual service involves something else.

 

[butt in trouble]

Spoiler: This is what Chris actually believes

you forgot to put a bra on it.