Reading your whole post, legit just sounds like you got duped into believing that whole "Dark Souls is about bashing your head into a wall until it breaks" bit that people like to spout and because of that you missed out on experimenting and finding success with the game's supporting mechanics. No shade, something similar happened to me on my first time playing, too.
I don't need to spout yet another dissertation on how all of Dark Souls' elements come together to form a really cohesive game - there are more than enough people who've already done that better than I could; but a few points that you brought up specifically warrant a response.
I think your memory is fuzzy my friend, because they don't. They play against eachother; the random animation jank, and the hard locked animations, the random and unreliable parry and dodge, they all come together and make a game that feels less about skill and building the great character, and more about having random and luck, and hoping the enemy's hitboxes glitch out and they don't hit you somehow.
I've heard so many people say that Dark Souls is deep and well thought out and all, when in reality it's not. It's just janky elements playing against each other and they all clash and create a mess of mechanics fighting against the player.
1) You shouldn't really ever be grinding. Level-ups aren't particularly important beyond weapon prerequisites and maybe vitality and endurance, though you can get by without many levels in either. Regardless, bosses drop enough souls regularly that you can very easily finish the game with only those and killing zero enemies.
Simply not. At one point you need to stop and kill some enemies. Sure you COULD fight a boss with wooden stick +1 and chip away at its health for an hour. Doesn't mean that's the way the game is intended to be played. At one point there's 2 or 3 enemies against you; if you don't make quick work of them they will stop your progress, even if bosses don't stop you. And you will get powerful weapons that need rare (read, expensive) materials that need to be grinded because they deal up to 5x damage than what you currently have.
So no, this is false.
2) The strength of Dark Souls' visual design comes less from shooting for jaw-dropping visuals (although some areas like Ash Lake, Anor Londo, and the Kiln of the First Flame are still gorgeous), and more from environmental storytelling and readability. You can tell a lot about the societies whose ruins you walk through with the things left behind, and it's always very intuitive carving a path through them.
Again, nope. There's no 'environmental storytelling' from what I've seen; just random buildings and loot scattered about. Undeadburg doesn't look like it's a castle occupied by undead; it feels just like a empty level with enemies scattered around. If you clear it of enemies there's no sense that someone lives there. In TES for example, when you enter a bandit cave, you can see sleeping bags and eating utensils, in dark souls it's just random stuff plastered around.
I was really disappointed by Anor Londo, which was supposed to be amazing. The stage doesn't make sense as a livable, inhabited fortress. I never felt that people could live in there. Nobody fucking scales the rooftop to get from the main hallway to their quarters. And the layout and ladders make 0 sense; yes I will use 2 sets of ladders to get to the 2nd floor from the 1st. Yes large empty halls with nothing inside but a few random enemies feel inhabited, sure why not?
Blight town is the best example here; didn't feel like a town at all; it just felt like the game designers took the same 3 planks and copy-pasted it all over the place. The guys there didn't feel like they were in their homes or actually living there, they were just plastered around. Even in the depths, where there were those thieves coming out of homes, if you looked inside, there was a 2x2 size room with literally nothing in it; not even a locked door that could hint there's more room in there.
3) If you found yourself dying repeatedly on bosses or other sections of the game and brute forcing it until luck fell on your side, that should've been a sign that you needed to change your strategy, not that you found the correct one. Personally, the moment Dark Souls really clicked for me was at a part where I decided to radically alter my playstyle to reduce the challenge of a specific segment I was having trouble with, and ended up clearing it with relative ease.
Completely wrong, given that the strategy worked and I made it through. Maybe it is viable in the first levels, when you can just pick a weapon and roll with it, but the more you play the harder it gets to 'change strategy'. You get these specific strong weapons that far outshine any other weapon, so it's either, do you take this weapon that kills everything in 2 hits, or do you grind for souls 30 minutes to max this weapon that kills enemies in 10 hits.
There's really no strategy beyond 'get your best weapon, and faceplant till the game lets you pass'