You know what's funny? For years I've had it in my head that Square Enix should make a set of each Final Fantasy game with its own leather-bound case, and each one would come with a copy of the very first release of the game, alongside whatever's the best updated modernized version with the extra dungeons. Make it feel real nice and classy, magnetic closures on the sides and a faux velvet interior, along with a little booklet about the game. Each one's leather a different color, tastefully toned to each logo's color - Final Fantasy III's with a cyan tone, IV's in purple, VI's in red. Sell 'em all in a little box set that would actually look great on a bookshelf.
but NOOOOOOOOOOOOPE i must CON-FUCKIN-SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
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A lenticular cover is one of the bonuses for dropping a mother fucking $260 on this? A lenticular cover? Like they gave away for free with Crash Bandicoot 2?
Fuckin'... yeah, they sure know how to take advantage of their fans. It's a ripoff, it's full of the usual consoomer shit like artbooks and vinyls, whatever, I don't care, but man, can there just be a single collector's edition out there, somewhere, that isn't just cut and pasted from a template? Undertale had a 14 karat gold music box necklace and that was just $60, and you mean to tell me that a couple of vinyl records kicks up the price by nearly $200? Fuck on outta here.
You know what? Forget the money, man, just give us something that's not totally useless or trite. Throw in some dish towels embossed with character sprites, or like, one of those singing toothbrushes that plays overworld themes. Something I've never seen in a collector's edition before. Even Call of Duty managed to pull that off, tossing in paracord wristbands and RC cars. Final Fantasy's one of the biggest video game franchises in the fuckin' world, and you mean to tell me that the original six aren't worth any more than some fuckin' vinyls, an art book, and plastic figurines? Show some fuckin' dignity, Square Enix. I know you greedy fucks are all about the benjamins, but you wanna make more money on your golden goose? Treat it like it's fuckin' special. Make your cash grab feel like a bona fide celebration. Not this cynical consoomer shit. Yeah, it
will sell, and I'm certain it'll sell big, but associating your anthology with a buncha chintzy bullshit for streamers to show off is just fuckin' gross.
But you know what's the worst part? I got no real suggestions. I'm sure this is exactly the best way to pull the most money possible out of the Pixel Remasters, because consoomers will consoom regardless of quality, and I just have to sit here being mad at the internet, donning a stack of tophats, coping and seething because I can't get my fancy pants leather bound copy of FFVI with both the Woolsey translation and the bonus dungeons on a Switch cartridge.
