Video games are just action figures/playing make-believe for men. - Change my mind

The only games I've been playing lately are post-apocalypse themed, so when COVID causes the economy to crash and I have to lead my raider gang of half naked leatherbois at least the tactical part of my brain has been honed to a razor edge. At least that's what I tell myself.

Oh, and I'm still trying to figure out how to enable the console in real life, if I figure it out I'll let you all know.
 
Fagatron said:
I'm a gay man. I wouldn't say it's an uncommon among gay men, it's less common opinion than among the women in my life but there are a good few gay men who are serious gamers and those (in my circle those are usually the more extroverted and who tend to be outside more) who are really put off by that trait.

I'm not sure how much of this opinion is my experience of relationships or my ethnicity, hikikomori-types being the fear of many a parent and something that's definitely not tolerated.

At the same time I've dated more shy, nerdy men and quite often their desire to retreat inside and play with their toys and neglecting the other aspects of life (state of the house, lack of ambition etc) has often gotten on my nerves.

I'm not against leisure time or hobbies, but I know more "gamers" than not who either let it take over their lives or are sorely lacking in some core skills; usually social ones.

My BF is more introverted than me and does have some games he plays and anime he likes, but it isn't something he'd do every week. I've not had this discussion with him but we've not really had to. I've watched him do some of them and tried to show some interest by looking into the ones he likes since I knew little about it (an endless source of amusement to him that he knows more about anime than I do which I still don't really understand, not all white people wear slankets and are fat), and that I'm fine with.

I know some girls (and men) who would still consider that too much to consider dating. I actually didn't know about this side of him until we moved in, but I suppose that just shows how little an influence it is.
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Wait, so you're not just a fag (which I mean with the utmost respect), but also a Jap?

Personally, I've found that I find the idea of a woman who plays games to be kind of a turn off. Which makes me think, if I owuldn't like that in a mate, should I like it in myself? But ther'e's another interesting thing with games, they're somewhat (less so nowadays) gendered. Men play vidya, women play... well, vidya, but a different kind of vidya, more of those abstract games that are purely mechanics-based instead of a mimicry of reality. It's funny that being masculine in the modern day can mean being a shut-in on the computer and not just an outdoorsy badass. It's like you've got positive and negative masculinity, and gaming falls in more of the latter. And that's probably what's offputting about female gamers to me. Not only is it masculine, but it's negatively masculine.

I went on a date once with a girl who asked me what video games I liked. I answered her briefly, but moved on to the next subject after that. Reckoned she didn't real care, was just trying to relate to me. Never came up again. Had another girl over at my house once. Now, I shouldn't care too much what she thought, but I noticed that she seemed to grimace, really briefly (blink-or-you-miss-it sort of thing) when she saw my vidya underneath my TV. It wasn't even a big collection or anything, but I reckon some women don't like their men playing games at all, kind of like what you hinted at. It would be kind of hypocritical of her, though, since I once asked her what her hobbies were and she had the gall to mention, of all things, watching videos about Disney or some shit. horrifying
 
Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
Wait, so you're not just a fag (which I mean with the utmost respect), but also a Jap?

Personally, I've found that I find the idea of a woman who plays games to be kind of a turn off. Which makes me think, if I owuldn't like that in a mate, should I like it in myself? But ther'e's another interesting thing with games, they're somewhat (less so nowadays) gendered. Men play vidya, women play... well, vidya, but a different kind of vidya, more of those abstract games that are purely mechanics-based instead of a mimicry of reality. It's funny that being masculine in the modern day can mean being a shut-in on the computer and not just an outdoorsy badass. It's like you've got positive and negative masculinity, and gaming falls in more of the latter. And that's probably what's offputting about female gamers to me. Not only is it masculine, but it's negatively masculine.

I went on a date once with a girl who asked me what video games I liked. I answered her briefly, but moved on to the next subject after that. Reckoned she didn't real care, was just trying to relate to me. Never came up again. Had another girl over at my house once. Now, I shouldn't care too much what she thought, but I noticed that she seemed to grimace, really briefly (blink-or-you-miss-it sort of thing) when she saw my vidya underneath my TV. It wasn't even a big collection or anything, but I reckon some women don't like their men playing games at all, kind of like what you hinted at. It would be kind of hypocritical of her, though, since I once asked her what her hobbies were and she had the gall to mention, of all things, watching videos about Disney or some shit. horrifying
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Kinda funny, while I don't really see a girl being into games as a turn off in of itself, part of me can't help but prefer it if a potential girlfriend wasn't really into them normally. In my experience, a lot of people who are super into video games rarely have any other interests or passions and it really shows. There's a good reason why for the longest time, gaming was associated with basement dwellers or generally unkempt people and girls aren't an exception to this.

And yeah, for whatever reason, a lot of girls who are into Disney tend to be super obnoxious about it. Not all of them, I mean Disney made good films in the past, but still.
 
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Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
Wait, so you're not just a fag (which I mean with the utmost respect), but also a Jap?
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I'm a mutt. One ethically Vietnamese and one Japanese parent but I've not been to either country . My Vietnamese is fluent, my spoken Japanese is fine but I'm not very literate in Japanese. Part of that was I tended to speak French at home (my parents are absolutely not "we do not integrate", they were determined that we were going to be more French than the Ethnic French), and Vietnamese when with my grandparents who lived close by.

Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
Personally, I've found that I find the idea of a woman who plays games to be kind of a turn off. Which makes me think, if I owuldn't like that in a mate, should I like it in myself? But ther'e's another interesting thing with games, they're somewhat (less so nowadays) gendered. Men play vidya, women play... well, vidya, but a different kind of vidya, more of those abstract games that are purely mechanics-based instead of a mimicry of reality. It's funny that being masculine in the modern day can mean being a shut-in on the computer and not just an outdoorsy badass. It's like you've got positive and negative masculinity, and gaming falls in more of the latter. And that's probably what's offputting about female gamers to me. Not only is it masculine, but it's negatively masculine.
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I don't know about the positive/negative masculinity; but you have touched upon an interesting theory in child psychology.

The TL;DR: Version is that masculine is largely defined in the negative, a man is strong because a woman isn't, a man doesn't show his emotions because that's what a woman does. A woman can largley move in and out of both spheres in western societies with only small social stigma, but it's a considerable taboo for a man to do so. It's been questioned as a possible cause as to why previously male dominated professions such as teaching have become entirely dominated by women. I.e: Once the leadership is female men will no longer join that profession, because it's "a womans job".

I think (just my own two cents) is part of it boils down to the old stereotypes of expected role. Women have broken free from their stereotype as home maker but men are still expected to be the go getter and provider. Anything that suggests he might not be the alpha male dominant leader with ambition is going to reflect badly on him.

On the other hand, I've just had bad relationships with guys who were super into gaming who had little personality and motivation beyond that. It's hard to say, and it might be helpful if some of the female posters shared their thoughts!

Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
I went on a date once with a girl who asked me what video games I liked. I answered her briefly, but moved on to the next subject after that. Reckoned she didn't real care, was just trying to relate to me. Never came up again. Had another girl over at my house once. Now, I shouldn't care too much what she thought, but I noticed that she seemed to grimace, really briefly (blink-or-you-miss-it sort of thing) when she saw my vidya underneath my TV. It wasn't even a big collection or anything, but I reckon some women don't like their men playing games at all, kind of like what you hinted at. It would be kind of hypocritical of her, though, since I once asked her what her hobbies were and she had the gall to mention, of all things, watching videos about Disney or some shit. horrifying
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Oh totally, and I think part of that boils back to the lock in a lot of men still have with stereotypes. The woman is fine to get involved with those sort of activities, especially in the name of making herself more attractive and/or something she does with the children, but it's still looked down upon for the father figure to do the same.

I come from a fairly strict background though, I don't really know how well these would translate into a more liberal minded one.
 
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Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
Wait, so you're not just a fag (which I mean with the utmost respect), but also a Jap?

Personally, I've found that I find the idea of a woman who plays games to be kind of a turn off. Which makes me think, if I owuldn't like that in a mate, should I like it in myself? But ther'e's another interesting thing with games, they're somewhat (less so nowadays) gendered. Men play vidya, women play... well, vidya, but a different kind of vidya, more of those abstract games that are purely mechanics-based instead of a mimicry of reality. It's funny that being masculine in the modern day can mean being a shut-in on the computer and not just an outdoorsy badass. It's like you've got positive and negative masculinity, and gaming falls in more of the latter. And that's probably what's offputting about female gamers to me. Not only is it masculine, but it's negatively masculine.

I went on a date once with a girl who asked me what video games I liked. I answered her briefly, but moved on to the next subject after that. Reckoned she didn't real care, was just trying to relate to me. Never came up again. Had another girl over at my house once. Now, I shouldn't care too much what she thought, but I noticed that she seemed to grimace, really briefly (blink-or-you-miss-it sort of thing) when she saw my vidya underneath my TV. It wasn't even a big collection or anything, but I reckon some women don't like their men playing games at all, kind of like what you hinted at. It would be kind of hypocritical of her, though, since I once asked her what her hobbies were and she had the gall to mention, of all things, watching videos about Disney or some shit. horrifying
Click to expand...
The generic guy who seeks female validation. Can't even feel comfortable with something unless it's approved by a woman. Sad.
 
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