- Joined
- Sep 16, 2018
I watched the sea beast, and I have to say I feel really sorry for all the talented animators and artists that are forced to work with dogshit writers who's only possible explenation for still getting jobs at this point is blackmail.
The high quality of the animation juxtaposed with the insanely low quality of the writing just frustrates me, because imagine what an actually good writer could do with this team and budget.
I don't understand when the bar for writing in kids movies dropped this astronomically low. My only guess is that as technology improves producers realize they can cut corners on the writing team because as long as the keys are sufficiently shinny audiences won't care.
Man, I just don't get it, how did we go from Stallion of the Cimarron, Mulan, Tarzan, the Prince of Egypt, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, How To Train Your Dragon, Atlantis and Treasure Planet and countless other masterpieces to... this.
This movie is just depressing me because its another nail in the coffin of the art of animated storytelling.
The high quality of the animation juxtaposed with the insanely low quality of the writing just frustrates me, because imagine what an actually good writer could do with this team and budget.
I don't understand when the bar for writing in kids movies dropped this astronomically low. My only guess is that as technology improves producers realize they can cut corners on the writing team because as long as the keys are sufficiently shinny audiences won't care.
First of all, the biggest issue with the movie is that the red bluster basically tames itself and is instantly friendly to humans that 24 hours prior were trying to kill it. This is important because its literally what the entire plot hinges on. Why is the red bluster suddently friendly exactly when it has been sinking ships and killing people for god knows how many years?
Its like the writers watched httyd and thought "We can do that" without understanding how and why it worked. Hiccup was able to tame toothless in httyd because:
A.) Toothless didn't see hiccup trying to kill him. (Jacobc tries to kill the sea beast twice, one of those times in a 1v1 where the sea beast is literally staring at him the entire time and even tries to stop him)
B.) Hiccup spared toothless right in front of the latter and helped him escape.
C.) Hiccup showed that he is not a threat several times.
D.) Hiccup brought a crippled toothless food and toothless was barely in a condition to fight back after being maimed, crashed and hungry.
E.) Even then toothless was apprehensive and took a long time to warm up to hiccup.
In the sea beast the main characters try to kill the bluster right in front of it, they fuck up and the captain tries to kill them (long story) the bluster for some reason seeing the people that just a second ago were trying to kill it RESCUES them, and then jacob tries to kill the bluster several times in a row AFTER it rescues him for no reason, and then after the main characters get in trouble the bluster risks its life trying to rescue them AGAIN and then is instantly tamed and they ride it around wherever they want.
They tried to kill this thing twice, and twice it risked its life for them for literally reason other than the plot needed to progress somehow.
Why? We see that it has no qualms about killing people or destroying ships (It kills like a thousand people onscreen when it literally charges the HMS victory or whatever the fuck it was called while it was idle, not even in self defence) so why did it spare the protagonists and befriend them other than because it was needed for the plot to happen? Especially when while it was trying to befriend them, they were trying to kill it the entire time?
It cannot be understated how stupid this is. Imagine if in httyd, while toothless is tied up with the bola hiccup tries to kill him, but another dragon stops him, and toothless frees himself then rescues the person that was literally trying to kill him a second ago. AND THIS HAPPENS TWICE.
And the overarching plot also makes literally no sense. It turns out that the royal family that PAYS the monster bounties out of pocket falsified history books to justify monster hunting for profit, which is stupid in so many ways.
First of all, the way the falsification is discovered is beyond stupid:
A.) The little black girl discovers that all the history books are printed by the same publishing house. No shit? How many presses does she think exist in a medieval kingdom? How is this even proof of anything at all?
B.) The main hunter read in a book once that 5 centuries ago a city was destroyed by a sea beast. When he passed by (passed by mind you, he didn't even inspect the island, he just saw it on the horizon this one time) the place where the city was, he didn't see no city. No shit??? The book literally says the city was destroyed you fucking retard what were you expecting?
And second of all, what? How the fuck do they make profit like that? There's not even a whaling alegory here. The hunters don't bring back whole carcasses that can be used, they just bring the monster horns back as killproof and get paid out of the monarchs pocket and the rest of the bodies are left to sink. And this somehow makes the royal family profit???
At first I assumed that the monsters were blocking trades and expansion routes, but no, that was a lie all along. So why the fuck are they even killing monsters? What was the lie and what was the truth?
And the way the movie ends is also awful. To not disturb the sea monsters, they decided to just straight up stop exploring. Yeah that's literally how the movie ends.
"And with that, the world began to change, no ship would ever sail the dregmorr again, and the mysteries beyond would remain undisturbed."
This is supposed to be a positive ending? Just isolate everything and everyone, don't explore, don't discover, just sit home and consoom?
There so many more more problems with the movie, like the fact that what kicks the movie into gear also makes no sense, the royals that have been falsifying history to continue monster hunting that they make no money out of and pay out of pocket, decide to just cancel monster hunting alltoogether and fund their own expeditions, which again, if they fucking lied about the monster war to begin with then what is the point???
Where is the money coming from, how the fuck does the royal family benefit from paying randos to kill monsters that apparently aren't bothering anyone if they don't even want or use the bodies???
And the witch that shows up once in the movie to give the captain a really big harpoon then makes a threat that scares the whole crew that is never followed up on.
And the fact that 500 years of war and profiteering are instantly stopped because a black 6 year old girl gaving a speech that somehow everyone in a 500 mile radious heard.
Its like the writers watched httyd and thought "We can do that" without understanding how and why it worked. Hiccup was able to tame toothless in httyd because:
A.) Toothless didn't see hiccup trying to kill him. (Jacobc tries to kill the sea beast twice, one of those times in a 1v1 where the sea beast is literally staring at him the entire time and even tries to stop him)
B.) Hiccup spared toothless right in front of the latter and helped him escape.
C.) Hiccup showed that he is not a threat several times.
D.) Hiccup brought a crippled toothless food and toothless was barely in a condition to fight back after being maimed, crashed and hungry.
E.) Even then toothless was apprehensive and took a long time to warm up to hiccup.
In the sea beast the main characters try to kill the bluster right in front of it, they fuck up and the captain tries to kill them (long story) the bluster for some reason seeing the people that just a second ago were trying to kill it RESCUES them, and then jacob tries to kill the bluster several times in a row AFTER it rescues him for no reason, and then after the main characters get in trouble the bluster risks its life trying to rescue them AGAIN and then is instantly tamed and they ride it around wherever they want.
They tried to kill this thing twice, and twice it risked its life for them for literally reason other than the plot needed to progress somehow.
Why? We see that it has no qualms about killing people or destroying ships (It kills like a thousand people onscreen when it literally charges the HMS victory or whatever the fuck it was called while it was idle, not even in self defence) so why did it spare the protagonists and befriend them other than because it was needed for the plot to happen? Especially when while it was trying to befriend them, they were trying to kill it the entire time?
It cannot be understated how stupid this is. Imagine if in httyd, while toothless is tied up with the bola hiccup tries to kill him, but another dragon stops him, and toothless frees himself then rescues the person that was literally trying to kill him a second ago. AND THIS HAPPENS TWICE.
And the overarching plot also makes literally no sense. It turns out that the royal family that PAYS the monster bounties out of pocket falsified history books to justify monster hunting for profit, which is stupid in so many ways.
First of all, the way the falsification is discovered is beyond stupid:
A.) The little black girl discovers that all the history books are printed by the same publishing house. No shit? How many presses does she think exist in a medieval kingdom? How is this even proof of anything at all?
B.) The main hunter read in a book once that 5 centuries ago a city was destroyed by a sea beast. When he passed by (passed by mind you, he didn't even inspect the island, he just saw it on the horizon this one time) the place where the city was, he didn't see no city. No shit??? The book literally says the city was destroyed you fucking retard what were you expecting?
And second of all, what? How the fuck do they make profit like that? There's not even a whaling alegory here. The hunters don't bring back whole carcasses that can be used, they just bring the monster horns back as killproof and get paid out of the monarchs pocket and the rest of the bodies are left to sink. And this somehow makes the royal family profit???
At first I assumed that the monsters were blocking trades and expansion routes, but no, that was a lie all along. So why the fuck are they even killing monsters? What was the lie and what was the truth?
And the way the movie ends is also awful. To not disturb the sea monsters, they decided to just straight up stop exploring. Yeah that's literally how the movie ends.
"And with that, the world began to change, no ship would ever sail the dregmorr again, and the mysteries beyond would remain undisturbed."
This is supposed to be a positive ending? Just isolate everything and everyone, don't explore, don't discover, just sit home and consoom?
There so many more more problems with the movie, like the fact that what kicks the movie into gear also makes no sense, the royals that have been falsifying history to continue monster hunting that they make no money out of and pay out of pocket, decide to just cancel monster hunting alltoogether and fund their own expeditions, which again, if they fucking lied about the monster war to begin with then what is the point???
Where is the money coming from, how the fuck does the royal family benefit from paying randos to kill monsters that apparently aren't bothering anyone if they don't even want or use the bodies???
And the witch that shows up once in the movie to give the captain a really big harpoon then makes a threat that scares the whole crew that is never followed up on.
And the fact that 500 years of war and profiteering are instantly stopped because a black 6 year old girl gaving a speech that somehow everyone in a 500 mile radious heard.
Man, I just don't get it, how did we go from Stallion of the Cimarron, Mulan, Tarzan, the Prince of Egypt, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, How To Train Your Dragon, Atlantis and Treasure Planet and countless other masterpieces to... this.
This movie is just depressing me because its another nail in the coffin of the art of animated storytelling.