Anyone outwardly into Anarcho-Punk or Crust Punk. As much as I like Crust Punk, I absolutely despise the people into the subculture. Almost all of them are either peripherally or directly involved in Anarchist/Antifa activism and eagerly resort to violence and mob mentality to resolve any personal grievance over different ideas or something insanely petty.
Pop music / Pop Rap / Contemporary R&B fans. People who are fans of Pop music generally can't listen to anything heavier than "Zombie" by The Cranberries, and many of them still think Eminem's
The Marshall Mathers LP is the edgiest album ever recorded. They tend to judge music by its social capital and relevance rather than any of its artistic qualities or merits. God forbid you tell them to listen to a song about anything other than the singer's ex-boyfriends. Speaking of which, if they openly identify with any song whose themes are "You thought I couldn't live without you, but you're wrong," I start sprinting.
White guys into Ska Punk. You are cancer. Get out of my face.
- Megan Trainor. It's hard to separate my utter hatred for her and her music from my utter hatred for her fans, but Megan Trainor fans are the most irritating girl at any party, braying about how "quirky" they are and their "vintage" tastes in fashion. This is music for BPD narcissists and trust fund brats, the girls who get offended that anyone would dare ask them out, like, who does he think he is? In fact they all tend to talk like this? With the rising inflection? Die.
Whoever thought to resuscitate her career should be charged with crimes against humanity.
As I only go to metal concerts 99% of the time I usually just look at people's metal vests before I decide if it's worth talking to the person bc there are several red flags on a vest.
- only patches from mainstream metal bands bc you don't dig deeper into what the genre has to offer
- only bands signed to Nuclear Blast bc all Nuclear Blast bands sound the same and suck
- patches from mainstream labels/mailorder brands like EMP
- patches from Wacken Open Air
- festival wrist bands sewn onto the vest
- mostly/only patches from bands that only release digital shit on bandcamp but have no real physical releases. Fuck all these bandcamp-only bands.
I am a simple man. If your vest sucks, you suck.
It's been a while since I've been to a Metal show, but true Punks and Metalheads can be as insufferable as posers and scene kids. You will find a handful of deeply passionate guys and girls into Metal or Punk with their own respective bands, fanzines or blogs, but a massive swath of people claiming to be into the genre but are as much hanger-ons as the idiots whose tastes are informed by Hot Topic or Metal-Sucks. All that's different is that the true Metalheads may post on more obscure forums.
I was at a Clan of Xymox show (yes, it's Goth, I know) and struck up a conversation with a guy in a Bathory t-shirt. Both of us agreed on
Blood Fire Death being the pinnacle of Quorthon's entire career, so you'd think the conversation would continue smoothly. I then mentioned Gummo which led to a deeply negative reaction from him on account of the film being too "fucked up" for his tastes. While I never saw it in its entirety, the film has quite a strong soundtrack including Bathory, Eyehategod, The Electric Hellfire Club, Sleep and Corrosion of Conformity, so his distaste for it surprised me a little. To smooth things over, I told him I hardly have patience for seeing movies anymore and spend much of my free time either shitposting online, reading or trawling the internet for obscure bands to listen to. When I mentioned I still buy CDs and physical media, he instantly started to flex on me stating that, I shit you not, can barely make rent so he doesn't understand why anyone would buy CDs when YouTube exists. Apparently, the benefits of lossless audio experienced through audiophile headphones was lost on him. It's strange to see someone who knows they're in an unenviable position still try to posture as if they're superior to you. In between all his smug, passive aggressive jabs and veiled insults, he then followed it up by declaring his love for me as a friend. Considering I just met this guy, I knew he was trying to irritate me. The immediate way I filtered him was informing him I liked Rock Against Communism. He instantly went cold, walked away to the other side of the pit and actively avoided me throughout the entire show. Couldn't have been gladder to have gotten rid of him.
As for me, these are the big bad list of bands that reek poser: Dragonforce, The Sword, Gama Bomb, Sabaton, Symphony X, any/all Corset Metal bands (Lacuna Coil, Epica, Within Temptation), Ensiferum, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Meshuggah, Nile, In Flames, Therion, Arch Enemy
I'll admit to liking some of these bands, but the people that are outwardly into them are obnoxious or have very superficial tastes in Metal.
Oh shit, it's the platonian ideal of "metal fan"
View attachment 5019238
If you are a false, don't entry.
KORN/SLIPKNOT: The second I see this, I instantly know what you are. I have identified my foe. The once-mallgoth, the Hot Topic lurker, the guy who shops at Spencer's unironically and probably pegs himself. Was a goth in high school, with a tattered and ratty head of dyed-black hair to match the crusty fingernail polish. Frequently in trouble for extremely stupid and retarded hijinks. Gets high behind the bleachers after school or bums a cigarette from a friend. The black hair dye has soaked through past the meninges and, acting as a neurotoxin, has affected all regions of the brain, to the frontal lobes and capability for more difficult problem solving and properly appreciating things, to the temporal lobe, where audio signals are processed. These people rarely rise above fast food, although family nepotism tends to help them build careers they otherwise shouldn't have had.
You will also find these people who are into Five Finger Death Punch or some other form of retarded radio-friendly Hard Alternative. Whether they were mallgoths or buttrock douchebags, they are all insufferable. They're also likely to still quote Marvel movies as if they're high cinema or, if on the off chance they do like something more serious, will completely miss the context for which a famous line is said and will state it merely for its own sake.
Pretentious stoners and hipsters. Way more rational on the whole than the above group, but still annoying. Unironically drinks craft beer, uses Reddit, and watches Rick and Morty. Utterly unoriginal and lazy. Knows how to get good sound out of an instrument, refuses to actually construct anything meaningful. Insists on improvising and jamming, acts smug when you can't follow along with the esoteric chord progression they're playing that they didn't explain beforehand. Very much does music just to say they're a musician and get art-hoe pussy.
Soyboys ruin everything. The IPA drinkers of the music world. Full of themselves and feign "getting it" to appear erudite and sophisticated.
