What are the dumbest names people’s parents cursed them with?

[Meat Pickle]

Poor kid with 1000 dumb ghetto names just so the mom can get in Guinness Book of World Records.

Prior to that, the longest personal name was a by German immigrant named Hubert Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff Sr., who had 988 letters in total.

Spoiler: Hubert's full name

Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffwelchevoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvorangreifendurchihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolfhunderttausendjahresvorandieerscheinenvonderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgenachtmittungsteinundsiebeniridiumelektrischmotorsgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchennachbarschaftdersternwelchegehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneuerassevonverstandigmenschlichkeitkonntefortpflanzenundsicherfreuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvorandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum Sr.

Hubert died in 1997, which is the exact year when the clip first aired.

 

[オウム 2]

 

[Cosmos]

There’s this amazing blog that documents bad baby names in Utah and Idaho, many of them from Mormons (apparently Mormons have a thing about naming their kids “unique” names). There’s 10 years of names, from 2007 to 2017, and it’s definitely worth a read through. Some of the best names imo are:

• Hunter Raige
• Oaklie Raelyn
• Raiden Bayne Ryker
• Jentreigh
• McKynzlee
• Embyr Serenity (I actually love the name Serenity but with “Embyr” attached...)
• Rexalyn
• Bentlee
• Diesel J.R.
• Charlize Zeplynn
• Gunner J-Mack
• Justyce Cozy
• Diezel Jaxson
• Sargent Slade
• Razdyn

I only went back a few years, but you can probably catch my drift.

 

[Barnard]

• Rexalyn

This one sounds like a viable drug name... Perhaps a laxative or anxiolytic.

 

[MrTroll]

I don't want to dox myself so I won't say who but my dad is a famous Hollywood actor who is obsessed with Superman so he named me Kal-El. wtf. I wish I could be named Liam or Aidan like other rich white kids.

 

[Azovka]

Soviet Russia had a ton of crazy names for kids.
Someone already mentioned Dazdraperma on the first page. It’s an acronym for - Be Praised First of May (Labour Day), but I got a couple of others.

_Dazdrasmigda, acronym for Praised be the links between the city and the province.

_Tractorina, coming from Tractor. Cute name for a little girl in a communal farm.

_ Vaterpezhekosma, acronym for Valentina Tereshkova, first female astronaut.

_Pridespar, acronym for Hello to the delegates of the Party’s session.

_Vinun, acronym for Lenin will never die.

_Luidgi / Luidgia, acronym for Lenin’s dead but his ideas live on.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

There was a guy on my college board named Rusty Kuntz and whenever my friend had to go to a board meeting he always struggled to not giggle at the guys name.

 

[Krimjob]

Joshua

Also Jared. How much do you hate your kids if you name them fucking JARED

 

[Oaat]

I wonder if anyone remembers this. I heard it from a teacher years ago.

Le-a

Pronounced "Ledasha."

 

[Cosmos]

I wonder if anyone remembers this. I heard it from a teacher years ago.

Le-a

Pronounced "Ledasha."

Thankfully this one is an urban legend and there probably isn’t a child out there cursed with that confusing name.

 

[Gravityqueen4life]

Dovakin.

met a girl once who was named story and the first thing i told her was "story, tell me a good story". and of course, people have made fun of her for that since gradeschool.

 

[Friendly_AI]

Soviet names were already mentioned in the thread, but this reminds me of the more recent case: in 2002, parents named their child БОЧ РВФ 260602, short for Biological Human Object of Voronins and Frolovs (Биологический объект человека рода Ворониных-Фроловых). See, his parents, Vyacheslav Voronin and Marina Frolova were sure that usual names are nonsensical enough, so it doesn't matter. Poor kid did not have a birth certificate due to this, according to this news dated 2013:

Ребенок по имени БОЧ: 11 лет без документов | 56orb.ru

56orb.ru

 

[Pineapple Fox]

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Met a guy literally named “Semen” the other day, but he’s Russian so I guess that’s not as bad?

 

[hotcheetospuffs]

Penn Jillette (Penn and Teller) named his kids Zolten and Moxie Crimefighter.

I've also known a family where all the kids were named after brands of guns.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Joshua

Also Jared. How much do you hate your kids if you name them fucking JARED

Knew a Josh and a Jared and they both were rapey, unbearable autists.

 

[Oskar Dirlewanger]

Met a guy literally named “Semen” the other day, but he’s Russian so I guess that’s not as bad?

It's not pronounced anywhere near the english word.

I remember there was a male negro actor on Stargate Atlantis named "Rainbow Sun".

 

[Grinrow]

Travis, not because its a weird name but the 4 people I've met named Travis have all been cooked cunts. Also "The Third" or "The Second" that people use after their names is so fucking retarded.

 

[OneEyedCool]

Someone on another message board claimed they met a girl in New Mexico named "El Der Ray".

Along with "Travis", every single male I've met with the name "Earl" turned out to be a crook.

 

[The Fair Lady]

My cousin went to school with a kid named Mufasa.