What are the dumbest names people’s parents cursed them with?

[Ruin]

A hippy friend of mine named his daughter Crystal Amethyst Jewel. The only upside is no one in his family has worked in three generations so she won't have to suffer through the job hunt with that name.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I’ve always thought we should revive the Puritan naming tradition, like with this guy.

 

[Freddy Freaker]

Soviet Russia had a ton of crazy names for kids.
Someone already mentioned Dazdraperma on the first page. It’s an acronym for - Be Praised First of May (Labour Day), but I got a couple of others.

_Dazdrasmigda, acronym for Praised be the links between the city and the province.

_Tractorina, coming from Tractor. Cute name for a little girl in a communal farm.

_ Vaterpezhekosma, acronym for Valentina Tereshkova, first female astronaut.

_Pridespar, acronym for Hello to the delegates of the Party’s session.

_Vinun, acronym for Lenin will never die.

_Luidgi / Luidgia, acronym for Lenin’s dead but his ideas live on.

I love how theyre all stupid acronyms, and then we stop in gopnik ghetto to buy krokodil off Tractorina.

 

[ColtWalker1847]

A hippy friend of mine named his daughter Crystal Amethyst Jewel. The only upside is no one in his family has worked in three generations so she won't have to suffer job hunt with that name.

Could always be a stripper. But yeah every chick I've ever known named Crystal has been white trash.

 

[Alpacawitz]

I always thought "Andrew" was a weird name (Like "An" "Drew"). Also met someone names Ballwinder.

 

[Babyspackle]

Woman I use to work with had two cousins in Chicago named Oranjelo and Lemonjelo (spelled like this, not sure if thats better or worse)

 

[Shoggoth]

Sometimes I doubt if this happened because I was pretty young back then so I could be misremembering, but I remember being at the mall and a panicked woman was looking for her son, "Burden".
And no, it wasn't some stupid -den name, because it wasn't in an Anglosphere country and I translated it for you.
Who the fuck names their kid Burden?
What happened to good old names like Genghis Stalin?

 

[オウム 2]

Sometimes I doubt if this happened because I was pretty young back then so I could be misremembering, but I remember being at the mall and a panicked woman was looking for her son, "Burden".
And no, it wasn't some stupid -den name, because it wasn't in an Anglosphere country and I translated it for you.
Who the fuck names their kid Burden?
What happened to good old names like Genghis Stalin?

Made me think of Princess Herzeleide (Herzeleid is heartache in German) who was named that because she was born the month after Kaiser Wilhelm II was forced to abdicate.

 

[millais]

There was a South Carolinian political family (the Gists) that infamously named their son "States Rights" after their pet political issue. People called him "States" for short. Would have been a pretty awkward name to be carrying around in the post-American Civil War era, but he was killed during the war while commanding a Confederate brigade, so that problem kind of solved itself.

I can't imagine anyone today naming their kid "Second Amendment" or "Medicare For All", for example

 

[W00K #17]

Galaxy

 

[Oddjob OTP]

I sat in math class behind a black girl named Clitora. Well that's how it was pronounced anyway, I expect the spelling was somehow even more exceptional.

 

[Angry New Ager]

Ima Hogg. Absolutely terrible name, but an interesting lady.

The worst name I've seen given to a child recently? Inez. Pronounced in slackjawed, whitey fashion as "eye-NEZ."

Little Inez's mom is a hipster-artist type with ugly, oversized '80s glasses and chronically bad haircuts who could have stepped out of an episode of Portlandia. I have not met the father, but suspect he's a pallid soyboy who is really into collecting vinyl.

I do know that nobody in either of their family trees is of Hispanic descent, though it wouldn't make much difference because even Latinos here in the US don't name their daughters Inez any more. And when I asked, "Oh, that's a name you don't hear too often; is she named after one of your grandmas?" the mom's response was, "No; we just liked it."

Fucking hipsters.

 

[AbyssStarer]

the most white trash name on earth is Bubba, nickname or not.

I never knew how this bitch's name was written, but there was a tiny black girl in school named I.G. Ayejee, ahG, eyegee, i dunno, but everybody called her "I'm a G."

 

[Remove Goat]

Blanket. What the fuck, MJ?

 

[Azovka]

Met a guy literally named “Semen” the other day, but he’s Russian so I guess that’s not as bad?

Semen would be the Cyrillic variant of Simon / Simeon, and it’s pronounced more like Semyen, but yes I agree that the Latin transcription makes it look awful.

 

[Barnard]

Soviet Russia had a ton of crazy names for kids.
Someone already mentioned Dazdraperma on the first page. It’s an acronym for - Be Praised First of May (Labour Day), but I got a couple of others.

_Dazdrasmigda, acronym for Praised be the links between the city and the province.

_Tractorina, coming from Tractor. Cute name for a little girl in a communal farm.

_ Vaterpezhekosma, acronym for Valentina Tereshkova, first female astronaut.

_Pridespar, acronym for Hello to the delegates of the Party’s session.

_Vinun, acronym for Lenin will never die.

_Luidgi / Luidgia, acronym for Lenin’s dead but his ideas live on.

These are absolutely brilliant. I thought Soviet-specific names would be something along the lines of Vladilena, but these are on another level entirely.

 

[Azovka]

These are absolutely brilliant. I thought Soviet-specific names would be something along the lines of Vladilena, but these are on another level entirely.

Vladilen / Vladilena is not that uncommon. And it’s shortened to Vladik.
Pl: it’s my father’s name, so perhaps I’m biased, but it doesn’t seem as bad as Tractorina or Luidgi.

Speaking of names honouring our great leaders, we also have Stalilen (Stalin x Lenin).

 

[Super Book]

Never really liked the name "kiki" because I had a classmate in middleschool named that who was a complete asshole.

 

[Jason Wynn]

I used to know a kid in middle school named Gaylord. This was in the mid-90s, so you can imagine how much the poor bastard got picked on.

 

[W00K #17]

Also met a guy named Rachaeo, pronounced like "ratio".