I was wondering this question, as I am going to admit I have never had a boyfriend and I'm not very good at attracting them. You see I have this worry that because of all my baggage, men aren't going to be willing to give the relationship a try. Also I'm not a supermodel stunner, I'm not pretty, I'm ugh.
So do people just go for looks? Do people go for personality?
What do people look for in a partner?
*Admins you can lock this thread if you feel this is inappropriate for the forum, or if you think I am trolling.*
If I may, I'll give you two pieces of advice that may help you alot. You sound a lot like a girl I was talking to earlier this year and theres at least two reasons why we never went any where.
1) Confidence - Someone mentioned this earlier but confidence isn't a just a requirement for men in a relationship. One of the sexiest women I know isn't the prettiest or "hottest" but her confidence makes her absolutely intoxicating. Its also important to note that confidence =/= ego. This woman is 100% aware of her worth and its not just physical, professional, emotional all that. She doesn't think shes better than anyone. She just knows what shes worth and thats sexy as fuck.
Don't have confidence? Pretend. Act like you believe you are a desirable romantic partner until you realize that it is in fact the truth. You're not better than everyone else, but you're worth whatever trouble someone would have to go through for you.
2)
Don't make decisions for your potential partner - This is gonna take some explanation but I'm referencing what you mentioned about your baggage.
"You see I have this worry that because of all my baggage, men aren't going to be willing to give the relationship a try"
I'm very familiar with this sort of thinking. The reasons vary. But the thinking usually goes "This person probably won't like me so I won't even bother texting them/hitting them up." Or in the case of females you might deny an invitation to a date or something. And it all stems from the same concept. You're so afraid of rejection that you'd rather do the rejection yourself. So you disqualify yourself from the race before it even starts to keep from losing. And you cite reasons like "guys probably won't deal with my baggage" or "I'm probably not attractive enough." I've done it in the past, I've stopped hitting up girls who were interested because I had convinced myself "she'd just think I'm lame once we got together" and the fact of the matter was
nobody fucking asked me to make that decision for her.
If shes interested in me and I'm interested in her, its kind of a cunty move for me to decide for her that she'd be better off elsewhere. Shes a grown woman, she knows what the fuck she wants. And if its not me, she'll dip.
This was one of the other main problems I had with this girl. In her case it was "awkwardness" everytime she'd have some sort of social faux pax she'd start really beating herself up and thinking that I was mad at her for some awkward shit she did as if I didn't realize she was fucking awkward when we met. I'm a grown man and kind of a dick at that. I have no problems cutting some off if its not worth it. And I found it annoying that I'd constantly have to remind her that dropping a pen or some shit wasn't a deal breaker.
Likewise, I'm assuming your potential partners will be grown men. It can be scary if you truly have baggage because it feels like you're putting yourself out there with no clue as to whether or not the person is going to accept you. But in reality, thats all dating is. Its putting yourself out there and hoping someone catches you. And usually you have a pretty good idea whether or not they will before you put ALL your business out there but there is always an element of risk that the person won't catch you. But someone out there will. You might not get it right the first couple of times. Maybe even the first lot of times. But someone out there will decide you're worth the trouble. And that will be a good day.
Hope this made sense, sorry for the length.
As for me, I prefer attraction over looks if that makes any sense. Theres some 6s I'd give my left arm for over some 9s I wouldn't bother with.
Physical attraction and mental attraction are important. Same religious views are probably most important. And overall an interesting girl I can crack jokes with.
