Containment What If?

Spend the first two hours in the shower thoroughly washing every damn part of his body. Throw out OPL's entire wardrobe save for shit that actually fits, and then go and buy some decent, age-appropriate, NOT Tomgirl clothing. Pull down all the kiddie bullshit in his room and burn it on top of Patti's grave. Donate all the vidya to the local hospital's kids wing save for the PS3 and the games he actually plays (so LBP and ModNation). Set up an investment account with the tugboat with a note that he has to come onto here, Facebook, and Youtube and issue sincere apologies for his behavior in order to access the password so he can manage it himself. Call the local MHA chapter and ask them to come to the house to see the state that Barb makes him live in so that she's forced to clean up the hoard or so he can move the hell out with assistance. Tell Anna the hell off for being two-faced and insincere, and delete her from his Facebook friends. Put in job applications anywhere and everywhere, and interview for the position on the same day if possible. Eat nothing but fruits, veggies and whole grains the whole day. Take care of the yard and pay in full for someone to paint the house. Get the car's oil changed and schedule whatever else work it needs. Email Cole and apologize for being such an entitled little bastard and genuinely congratulate him on his successes in life. At 2345 sit down and write a long letter about how he's elected to make serious changes in his life because he realizes that he needs to improve himself before he can accomplish any of his goals. Scan it and send it to everyone on here. Then sit down exactly where he was before I assumed control.
 
Honestly, I'd manage to scrape together enough of the Chandler asset's to get about $1800. Then I'd book a one-way ticket to either Australia or New Zealand to depart the same day. Somewhere far from Barb.

*Edit, fuck passports. I know Chris doesn't have one of those.


OK, then, I'd book the ticket to the other end of the country. Maybe Alaska or Hawaii or Guam.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
Honestly, I'd manage to scrape together enough of the Chandler asset's to get about $1800. Then I'd book a one-way ticket to either Australia or New Zealand to depart the same day. Somewhere far from Barb.

*Edit, fuck passports. I know Chris doesn't have one of those.


OK, then, I'd book the ticket to the other end of the country. Maybe Alaska or Hawaii or Guam.
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Can you imagine Chris in Alaska? "Mmm yeah, dere's nothin' here... oh dere's a bear... where's da nearest McDonald's?"

Barb immediately calls the police and screams at them about how they've been robbed and how she's going to kill herself if her shit isn't found quick. Chris immediately makes his triumphant return to Youtube as he posts a video blaming the trolls for taking all their stuff and threatening to kill every last one.

THAT WAS MY STUFF.mov
 
Chris Stress Sighs and (:_( on the bare rug.

The next tugboat he gets he spends a lot of it on vidya and vows to get it all back . . . eventually.

Barb Stress Sighs and starts hoarding again once she gets the money.
 
c-no said:
Did we already have a "Control Chris" topic on this forum before?
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Well, we had a very good one on the Yuku iteration of the forum....but that was "what would you do if you had control of Chris'tard's body for 48 hours."

I posted -- if I do say so myself -- a very well thought out itinerary that stripped this hypothetical OPL of all his crutches.
 
Actually, one probably couldn't do much more than he does now, seeing as he is so out of shape from abusing his body for 31 years. To be quite honest, constantly crashing into slumber may make for the most restful 24 hours I've ever experienced.
 
I wonder if the Jerkudge would get annoyed at Chris for "faking insanity" to try to dodge jury duty, when he showed up in tomgirl regalia.
 
Lady Houligan said:
Da Pickle Monsta said:
Honestly, I'd manage to scrape together enough of the Chandler asset's to get about $1800. Then I'd book a one-way ticket to either Australia or New Zealand to depart the same day. Somewhere far from Barb.

*Edit, fuck passports. I know Chris doesn't have one of those.


OK, then, I'd book the ticket to the other end of the country. Maybe Alaska or Hawaii or Guam.
Click to expand...
Can you imagine Chris in Alaska? "Mmm yeah, dere's nothin' here... oh dere's a bear... where's da nearest McDonald's?"
Click to expand...

To be fair, Chris would probably do just fine for himself in Anchorage, at least until the winter came along with -35 F. I can't see him doing the necessary maintenance to his vehicle to keep it from freezing up.

He'd probably be able to manage in Fairbanks, or even Kenai or Juneau, but outside of those cities he wouldn't be able to fend for himself. For the love of God, we can't send Chris to Barrow, Bethel, or Nome.

Or we could be utter dicks and send him to Deadhorse. Population: 50.
 
I think the problem nowadays is that Chris'tard is living under constant surveillance by the Great Snorlax, and the only way to get anything done would be to ensure that she sleeps solid for 24 hours straight so as not to interfere.
 
LordCustos3 said:
I think the problem nowadays is that Chris'tard is living under constant surveillance by the Great Snorlax, and the only way to get anything done would be to ensure that she sleeps solid for 24 hours straight so as not to interfere.
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Yeah, but if we're inhabiting Chris's body then there's no reason to not tell Snorlax to eat a dick and die, and then go fire up Son-chu's replacement and go.
 
Kosher Dill said:
I wonder if the Jerkudge would get annoyed at Chris for "faking insanity" to try to dodge jury duty, when he showed up in tomgirl regalia.
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That might not work.
I've heard tell of a guy who wanted out of Jury Duty, and showed up each day in a Starfleet Uniform....and the Judge intentionally didn't kick him off the jury just to make an example outta the guy.

Chris'tard, however, would get kicked off for his BO, fecal incontinence and constant stress-sighing.
 
Geocaching's been around for a while and although there have been instances where police approach geocachers, they are usually satisfied when people just tell them that they are looking for a cache. I mean, if it's a public area and they aren't trespassing on anyone's property, they aren't doing anything wrong. If Chris got in trouble with the cops for geocaching, it would be either due to him looking for a cache in The Game Place (or in a womens' bathroom somewhere), and/or due to him getting belligerent with a cop who simply asked what he was doing.
 
Actually, there was a woman who showed up in a Starfleet uniform as an alternate juror to the Whitewater trial in Arkansas. She wasn't insane, just really into Star Trek. She was dismissed for talking to the media about her uniform.

It's in the documentary "Trekkies" and they talk about her in the first 10 minutes IIRC.

Chris would tardrage when he's told he can't play his DS or Vita during the trial, if he got selected for jury duty.
 
He's 31. Something tells me he was selected for jury duty a while ago, but never went for it. They didn't pick up on any warrants though when he was arrested, so I could be wrong.
 
LordCustos3 said:
Kosher Dill said:
I wonder if the Jerkudge would get annoyed at Chris for "faking insanity" to try to dodge jury duty, when he showed up in tomgirl regalia.
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That might not work.
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Oh yeah, it definitely wouldn't "work", it would just make the judge mad at him. They've heard it all before.

It's definitely possible that Chris has never been called for jury duty though. His sleepy county probably doesn't impanel that many juries. (recall that even his own trial was in Charlottesville, not Greene County)
 
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
Actually, there was a woman who showed up in a Starfleet uniform as an alternate juror to the Whitewater trial in Arkansas. She wasn't insane, just really into Star Trek. She was dismissed for talking to the media about her uniform.

It's in the documentary "Trekkies" and they talk about her in the first 10 minutes IIRC.

Chris would tardrage when he's told he can't play his DS or Vita during the trial, if he got selected for jury duty.
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....and then some smartass saw "Trekkies" and thought he could use that ruse to get out of jury duty. Unfortunately for him, the Jurkudge saw "Trekkies" as well, saw through his ruse, and let him sit in the jury box looking like a doofmeister, just for shits'n'giggles. ]:(P
 
Marvin has said Chris is afraid of jerkops, so if one approached him he might run away, which is a really bad idea. He got dogpiled in the Get-Tar Region because he ran from the cops after trying to give a speech.

You're right, as long as the geocachers are obeying the law they shouldn't have anything to worry about if a cop wants to know what they're doing. Chris, however, would do something dumb.
 
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