Containment What If?

What if Gandalf and the dwarves showed up at his door in order to take him away to help them steal the dragon's gold?

(in this version, the gold is protected by a magic force field that fries everyone with heroic qualities in him so they had to take the least-heroic individual they could find)
 
Re: In a garbage heap in rural Virginia there lived a tard..

Chris would scream at them, call them trolls, slam the door, and call for his mom to make them go away. Then he'd go play vidya.
 
Also this:

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Re: In a garbage heap in rural Virginia there lived a tard..

The riddle game in Gollums lair would go on for seven hours and would make absolutely no sense:

"hmm... yeah. well, i've got some good... i have a pretty good one for you 'dere. What is... what do lemmin cake, da Sphinx, and da great wall of China all have in common?"
 
Re: In a garbage heap in rural Virginia there lived a tard..

AUGH YEAH
 
Re: In a garbage heap in rural Virginia there lived a tard..

I don't think Gandalf and Thorin's company would enjoy Hungry-Man dinners and q-sands.

Perhaps the dwarves could finally clean up 14 BC just like they cleaned after the feast in Bilbo's house :lol:
 
Re: In a garbage heap in rural Virginia there lived a tard..

When he was told to steal stuff from the trolls, he'd think the trolls messed with him at some point on the internet.
 
Re: In a garbage heap in rural Virginia there lived a tard..

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
When he was told to steal stuff from the trolls, he'd think the trolls messed with him at some point on the internet.
THEY KNOW CLYDE CASH!!!- on William, Tom and Bert

And when he finally comes back (that is, if he manages to not die), it turns out that Charlottesville-Snyders, being happy merchants they are, put their hands on 14BC during the absence of its occupants (momma wouldn't let her boy to go only with strangers for such dangerous adventure :snorlax:) and were trying to sell PS3 and many items from the hoard.
 
Chris' vision of the reunion:
Everyone that he knew shows up, it's held at the MHS auditorium, and he would have a chance to re-do his prom & graduation experiences, except this time it would all go right. He would dance with Tiffany and his gal-pals, and would get some awards praising his creativity and recognizing him as the man who made the reunion happen.
Final goal: Re-live high school and reconnect with his gal-pals so he can choose one to make into his sweetheart from the ground-up.

How it would really happen:
Assuming there is any interest at all, hardly anyone shows up. Most people have moved on with their lives. If left to Chris it is held in some public place where people can just show up, if he has help it might happen at some rented meeting room. Those who do show up are locals who had nothing better to do that night, and almost certainly some "trolls" will be present. Chris will have been aware the trolls know his reunion plans and be paranoid of everyone and will be checking everyone's names in his high school yearbook (although that won't keep trolls from assuming one of those identities). Maybe a Man-in-Pickle-Suit shows up, Chris would be outraged and terrified, while his classmates find the M.i.P.S. amusing and welcome him as the highlight of the otherwise dull event. Although Chris would anxiously be awaiting their arrival all night, none of his old gal-pals will show up. If any women do show up they are with their husbands. No one will want to dance with Chris, who despite making a half-assed effort to groom himself for this special night will look 2 years worse than he does today. Chris would get a feeble round of applause for his part in organizing the pathetic attempt at a reunion from the few people who don't leave early as his only reward for his efforts. Based on how shitty the 15 year reunion would be, his classmates will never have any interest in attending any future reunions, killing any chance that a 20 year reunion would ever happen.
Final results: :heart-empty: (:_( (and :briefs: if the Pickleman shows up)
 
Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h

After banishing his trecherous sweetheart from ruckersville, he decides theres only one way out...

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(just mentally replace Johnny's nice apartment being trashed with Chris's unholy den of fail being trashed)
 
Or recreational vehicle that looks almost like a mobile home? I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. Some RVs have wifi and TV in them and arguably, RVs are cheaper than most homes and of course cheaper than his trash heap of a house. I could picture Chris being free from Barb once he has his RV and sadly, the dogs won't be with him in this case too. What do you guys think would happen if Chris should acquire an RV?
 
Chris probably wouldn't like to go camping. He'd have to be outdoors most of the time.

He'd get a secondhand RV cheap and get a year long camping spot at a park for a few thousand dollars. Chris doesn't strike me as a hoarder, so this would be a nice setup for him.
 
Isn't "Trailer Park Trash" the bottom rung of US society?

If so, it would be the logical place for CWC to finally succumb to entropy.
 
Find the nearest Walmart parking lot with a McDonald's nearby. Proceed to make it the Mobile Hoard Vehicle Unit between vidya, unwashed clothes, and food wrappers.
 
Some trailers are actually really nice. Not that Chris would get one of the nice ones.

I know some people who live in a trailer park and they're decent people, they just don't have a lot of money. Not all inhabitants of trailer parks are meth-addicted, welfare-receiving white trash, but that is the stereotype.
 
DykesDykesChina said:
Isn't "Trailer Park Trash" the bottom rung of US society?

If so, it would be the logical place for CWC to finally succumb to entropy.

There's a huge difference between an RV or truck and camper trailer and a "portable home." Many modern RVs cost several hundred thousand dollars and even have things like marble counter tops and flooring.
 
Re: In a garbage heap in rural Virginia there lived a tard..

Does this make his niece that he knew nothing about until that one optometrist appointment the Bearer of the One Ring?
 
First off, driving an RV isn't the same as driving a Ford Escort. Chris would fail to allow for the wide turn radius and end up taking out a light pole or traffic signal, or change lanes and run into a smaller vehicle he didn't notice.

Second, Chris doesn't keep up with maintenance on his vehicles. He would probably never realize he needs to empty the shit tank.

And while Chris may not be the hoarder that Barb is, he's not the neatest person. The RV would fill up with McDonalds wrappers and cups and smell like ass.

Whatever Chris might do with an RV, its eventual fate is to be parked in the Chandler yard, filled with junk and raccoons living in the engine.
 
And here's Barb:

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How did that lady not feel the breeze? Maybe she has severe nerve damage.
 
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