Containment What If?

I'd like to mention a fourth (though Very unlikely) outcome;

4.) Chris somehow manages to acquire a firearm, not shoot his eye out, actually get up at an appropriate time to go deer hunting and manages to somehow find a deer. Thinking deer are these meek, timid, gentle things that couldn't hurt anyone the Chris approaches to get a better shot and startles it. The deer turns on Chris and proceeds to box him. The sudden and violent attack causes Chris to scream in pain and terror as the ill-tempered buck slashes and stomps with his hooves. After a few minutes the animals stops and dashes off at the sound of other people headed it's way.
 
Coldgrip said:
I'd like to mention a fourth (though Very unlikely) outcome;

4.) Chris somehow manages to acquire a firearm, not shoot his eye out, actually get up at an appropriate time to go deer hunting and manages to somehow find a deer. Thinking deer are these meek, timid, gentle things that couldn't hurt anyone the Chris approaches to get a better shot and startles it. The deer turns on Chris and proceeds to box him. The sudden and violent attack causes Chris to scream in pain and terror as the ill-tempered buck slashes and stomps with his hooves. After a few minutes the animals stops and dashes off at the sound of other people headed it's way.
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Ooooo I like that one! Lets go with that one! Watching sugar tits getting the crap beaten out if him by Bambi would make me :heart-full:
 
Lady Houligan said:
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
He'll be like this one guy I knew in high school who went hunting. He went deer hunting but didn't see any deer, so he took a shot at a raccoon that was near a squirrel. He missed the raccoon and killed the squirrel.

He may be like the idiot who shot swans instead of ducks. He'd get a license and then think he can kill as many animals as he wants. He'll think the forest rangers are dang dirty trolls when he gets arrested.
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Maybe it's because I've been watching a lot of "North Woods Law" while I've been on maternity leave, but I just pictured him trying to outrun a state game warden in the woods and it's the funniest fucking thing ever.
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I watch that too. Now that you say it, I am imagining Chris-chan trying to outrun a state game warden in the Cadillac and getting it stuck in the mud, getting disarmed and thrown in jail, and the car, his iCrap, Lego high school, PS Vita, DS and other crap he undoubtedly keeps in it at all times, and his gun, being sold at a Virginia State Police auction, then finding out that a ]:(P bought it all.
 
I had the joys of repairing a Ford Excursion at work yesterday and that begged me to wonder, what kind of havoc do you think Chris would be capable of wreaking behind the wheel of one of these?

ford-Excursion-white-312924.jpeg.jpg
 
October 28th, 2011 would have played out differently.

Either that, or it'd just become as dilapidated as the other residents of the the "Chandler Graveyard".
 
Chris would underestimate it's acceleration and drive it into his living room
 
GAS IS EXPENSIVE!

This would end up being better than the Aerostar or Caravan as far as Chris having a place for him, his vidya, his iCrap and his Sonic plushie to go after :snorlax: dies.
 
Snyder wouldn't stand a chance.

"Hmm... Yeah. I-I'll show that dang, dirty Jew now! Nobody bans Christian Weston Chandler!" :twisted:

Either that or he'd paint it in Sonichu colors.
 
Picklepower said:
They wouldn't let a retarded man donate sperm though. Would they?
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only when the person running the sperm bank is retarded too.

I think people have to be paid to get his sperm implanted instead of the other way around. Nobody wants the sperm of a balding 31-year old retarded autistic obese narcissistic manchild with :briefs: who spends :tugboat: on all sorts of useless things.
Anyone sick enough to get it done should be sent to the nearest psychiatric hospital ASAP.

The Doctor said:
Snyder wouldn't stand a chance.

"Hmm... Yeah. I-I'll show that dang, dirty Jew now! Nobody bans Christian Weston Chandler!" :twisted:

Either that or he'd paint it in Sonichu colors.
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Let's just say Chris would be in for a nice little voluntary manslaughter charge...
 
Henry Bemis said:
Even if the Anne Boleyn thing were true, Chris would eventually learn that there are hundreds of distant relatives of English royalty in the world. To claim so is not that big a deal.
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When you go back that far it is not hundreds but millions.

Here is some basic math.

Chris is not actually descended from Ann Boleyn, her line ended. He might be descended from Thomas Boleyn, her father.

Thomas Boleyn was born in 1477, over 500 years before Chris. Assuming a generation takes about 25 years, that is about 20 generations before Chris. Each generation multiplies the number of ancestors you have by 2. You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great-grand parents etc. That means that 20 generations back each of us has 2^20 ancestors (ignoring inbreeding). That is over 1 million.

The population of England at the time was around 3 million. That means that among people with largely English ancestors, approximately 1/3 of them should be descended from Thomas Boleyn. If you take into account the fact that Thomas Boleyn was wealthy and his immediate descendants were more likely to survive and propagate, that number might be a lot higher.

So it is very reasonable for Chris to say that Chris is descended from Thomas Boleyn. (His Ann Boleyn claim is ridiculous). Many of us on the forum are as well. If you go back 500 years, it is almost certain that anyone with largely Weatern European heritage is related to Christian Weston Chandler. Sorry.
 
As a big Walking Dead fan, I kept wondering something. If Chris was caught in the middle of a walker uprising and was put in a group of survivors in a prison hold for protection, what do you think might happen? Would they protect him, would he protect them, or would he annoy them to the point that they would throw him into a pit of walkers.

IOW, how would a zombie apocalypse change Chris...if anything?
 
He'd become a fat, autistic version of the Governor. Comic version of the Governor.Except with more :briefs: and 18 to whatever age he happens to be at the time white females who don't smoke, have a steady income of scavenged items, etc. Also like the Governor he will keep the heads of trolls in his study to be entertained by
 
A Witty Name said:
He'd last 5 seconds. No more, no less.
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Electric hedgehog po...*gets jumped by a hoard of walkers and is eaten*

A-Stump said:
He'd become a fat, autistic version of the Governor. Comic version of the Governor.Except with more :briefs: and 18 to whatever age he happens to be at the time white females who don't smoke, have a steady income of scavenged items, etc. Also like the Governor he will keep the heads of trolls in his study to be entertained by
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Also, instead of keeping a walker daughter, he would keep Barb Walker
 
It'd be interesting to see what he found. I can see him looking at any Chandler that came up in the system and picking out the ones that looked best to him. In all fairness, that wouldn't entirely be unheard of in the genealogy circuits. Everyone wants so badly to be that person in those commercials who found out that their great-grand-uncle was a businessman or a detective, only to start searching and find out that their greatest confirmed claim to fame in their family was that one of their relatives was forced to put his animals to death because he was fucking them. (True story- my mom had a field day telling my sisters and I about that one.) There are a lot of "we think that we're related to _________ through this link, but we're really not sure" stories, but not all of them are always confirmed. There's a lot of bastard children out there and while some of them were born to mothers who only slept with one famous guy, not all women were the one guy type. Some of them had multiple lovers or just outright lied about who the father was for whatever reason. It's one of the things my mom loved and hated about all of this stuff.

In any case, I see Chris picking and choosing things to make his family look good. Of course the real fun would be watching him unleash himself upon one of the forums looking for help. I can see him trying to pay someone $5 to look up his entire line or for free. It'd be interesting to see him go to the history museum in Richmond to try to look at some of the documents- he'd probably crap himself after walking about 2-3 feet outside of the parking deck since the majority of Richmonders in that area are black.
 
There's a possibly autistic oblivious otaku shut-in in the novel World War Z who ends up surviving, but he's also very intelligent and had read a lot on the zombies before he ends up among them. He also has a huge nutting up moment and a lot of luck.

Chris would probably try to be a quisling; just break down and act like a zombie himself. If he was really lucky, the smell would repel the real zombies and he'd live as a shuffling, drooling, brainless creature and he'd at least be getting exercise and fresh air.
 
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