Containment What If?

Picklepower said:
He already lives like an 8 year old, this wouldn't be hard for him. Baby Kaka, ugh.
He'll try to get his fat ass into these.



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Thanks for putting such a horrifying image into my head. Now I'll have nightmares for months.
 
That pic brought to you by the Diapered Anime forum. Now you know that exists.
 
Anyone saw the Butterfly Effect?

Imagine that but with Chris, who I know is gonna get expelled.

Would Chris even have the energy, mind process, and motivation to do so?

Almost every media where time travel involves, any attempt to prevent something would only make things worse or at least prolonging the inevitable.

In our OPL's case, he's going to make things worse than before.
 
bungholio said:
I think he mentioned once that he would have had a chance with his gal-pals had he asked one of them out? Well, if he did have the balls to do it...he'd get rejected and hear the 'you're a nice guy, but...'. I'm curious how he'd cope with rejection when he can't blame it on trolls and internet bullies. It would be a big blow to his ego.
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That depends on the reasons she gives him for shooting him down. Obviously Chris got shot a lot down before any of the trolling happened. (That's where he caught his noviophbia from. all the pretty girls were taken by JERKS.) I think we'd see some more interesting mental gymnastics resulting in a few more CWCisms for sure.
 
What do you mean "what if?"

How do you think we got all those cameras in his house!?
 
Tadaa! Now, this is a reverse "What if". Let's first define the end situation: Chris is given the Medal of Honor by the US President - for "conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his or her life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States".

How did he get there?! This is the task of this thread. Construct a scenario which begins at the present situation (depressed post-tomgirl Chris rotting in 14 BC) and ends in him getting the Medal of Honor.

You're allowed to invent even the most surreal and unlikely circumstances, but you're NOT allowed to fundamentally change Chris's basic character or other attributes.
 
It's only awarded to the military, so first you'd have to get Chris into the military. That in itself is impossible, so we have to stretch things really far here. We'll say the draft has been reinstated, and despite how unfit for service Chris is, nobody believes any of it, and he's forced through the training and passed just to get rid of him, just like a PVCC. The "easiest" way to get the MoH is to die while saving the lives of others. So, Chris is in a bunker with his squad, playing his PSP and stuffing his face. A terrorist throws a new small but extremely lethal grenade in, while everyone else hits the deck, the grenade lands in Chris' snacks and oblivious to all that's going on around him, he eats it. His bulk contains the explosion, saving his squad. Thankful that their lives were saved, the squad all says that Chris deliberately swallowed the grenade to save their lives, and Chris becomes a hero.
 
Chris gets drafted. Everyone is repulsed by him. They dress him up and allow him to be captured. His personality is so grating that they offer their surrender if we take Chris back.
That's provided some wise-ass doesn't shoot him first.
 
If Chris woke up in Manchester High as a teen with memories he has before somehow going back into his high school years, he wouldn't upload Sonichu since he said it brought trouble according to an old facebook post, otherwise he could still upload it but he would try to argue with Mimms since Mimms took a picture of Chris when he was able to go to the Game Place. Chris might end up trying to hit on his gal-pals though he might not really be able to do it aside from just bringing trolls like Clyde Cash and trolling conspiracies, making them along with others to think he may be cuckoo bananas. He would be able to go to the Game Place until he gets banned from harassing Megan or Mimms since he sees them as trolls, which can lead him to getting perma-banned. In the end nothing changes for Chris aside from having little to no internet notoriety and still have the same problems minus internet trolls and fake sweethearts.

Chris is drafted into the military and is sent to military base that is closest to home. Soon, the U.S. is attacked by an unknown enemy whose goal is to kidnap a very important person who is a high ranking member of the U.S. government. Said VIP is disguised as a lowly grunt and strangely enough, the VIP resembles Chris. When the unknown enemy attacks, they end up taking Chris, thinking he is the VIP when the VIP was actually in the bathroom. When the enemy tries to interrogate Chris, they find out that he is a threat to their livelihood since he proves to be annoying or something. Eventually, the group that kidnapped Chris returns to the base and surrenders. Believing Chris to of defeated them even though his life and possibly the country was on the line, the President awards Chris with the Medal of Honor.
 
Chris would suffocate under an avalanche of Hungry-Man boxes with nobody to hear his cries for help.

Chris hasn't learned to never trust a ginger.

Brings a whole new meaning to 'dirty crapped briefs'.

He'd knife Mimms and Megan.

I got a medal of honor for christmas back in the 90's. It came with the box-set for the game. Maybe Chris got one too.
 
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What do you think Chris would do if he was given or won a million dollars or more? And this would be enough to turn his life around completely and he would be theoretically set for life with no financial worries, it's not an unlimited amount, maybe 1 to 3 million. But we all know how bad Chris is with money in the sense that he just blows everything all at once on whatever he wants. So my question is, what do you think he'd do with it?

Would he blow it all very quickly on frivolities or do you think he'd actually be smart and hold onto it so that it would last his entire life?
Would he buy his own house and a new car and move out on his own or would he stay in the festering hole that he's at now?
Would he throw his mother into an assisted living home since he would be able to afford it?
How much would he blow on his video game addiction?

I want to say that I think he would move out of his house as he hates being there but he's too lazy to move, I think that he may move Barb into an assistant living complex because she does need care but she may not go because of her hoarding and being away from her stuff would probably cause a heart attack. I think that the status-quo would remain the same, I don't think that he would go crazy and spend everything at once and I think that after Barb passes and he inherits the house he would pay a cleaning crew to get out all the junk.

But what do you think he would do if he had a lot of money?
 
I've said this before and I'll say it again,
Anna is an unusual YOUNG LAIDEE, I call her a cross between a white knight and an A-logger. On one hand she shoves so much sunshine up his ass his intestines need sunblock and cusses out anyone trying to contact her about Chris. On the other hand she does nothing to help him, one pointed out she is a shut in with her own emotional problems, which makes you wonder if she thinks, "at least I'm not as bad as Chris" :alog: thus keeping him pathetic for her own troll shield.
Also keep in mind when we give our attention to Chris we give it to Anna as well. She may insist she wants to be left alone, but she had done things to get Internet attention before (best example is Tale of the Crazy Pacer) Is she an attention whore? I cannot say.
In closing (back to the question at hand)
Is Anna our spy? Most likely not. Would I die from shock if it turned out she was? No.
 
Being so suspicious of everyone who wants to be his "friend" would work in his favor in this case, as I'm sure there would be plenty of people wanting to part a fool and his money.
He would go on a spree, thinking that a million dollars is pretty much unlimited. He probably would get his own place, if for no other reason than to have a place to put all the shit he would be buying. Barb would probably make sure she comes along, and would end up getting a good portion of the money from him and blowing it herself creating a new hoard, except it would be made up of new items rather than old Goodwill crap. What would Chris buy? Do you really even need to ask?
Chris might find himself a boyfriend free gold-digger. We already know there are women low enough to fuck Chris if there is money in it for them.
In the end, they'd end up not only broke, but probably deep in debt.
 
Picklepower said:
You guys seem to be assuming he has learned anything, I think he would go yell at Megan for "trolling" and she would have no idea who he is. He would get banned from the Game place again. Actually, he may have learned enough, to where he would know not to post embarrassing videos. In this alternate future, this forum here would be called the CPWki, and we would be instead, a forum obsessed with Christopher Paul Whitney.
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For a minute I thought that said the CPwiki and pictured something completely different.

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Why hasn't this been locked yet?

PickledNiggo said:
He'd knife Mimms and Megan.
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With that pen knife? He'd fail miserably and stress sigh about it.

He would loose it within a day.
 
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