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Containment What If?
- Thread starter darkhorse816
- Start date
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Jeez, if there's a single topic I can sperg about it's F1!
Well, for a start, he wouldn't be able to fit in the cockpit of an F1 car, which also means he'd be too heavy; a single lap of fuel (just over 1 kilo) takes a 10th of a second off your ultimate speed, so the extra weight Chris would add would slow the machine immensely. F1 drivers need huge levels of fitness to deal with the strain it puts on the body, we're talking triathelite levels of fitness here, so that means having a personal trainer who monitors your diet to the tiniest degree as well as daily exercise routines. Then there's the split second decision making and reactions he'd need... I could go on, but I'd bore the shit outta you guys.
Literally, the only thing he has in common with an F1 driver is ego.
Well, for a start, he wouldn't be able to fit in the cockpit of an F1 car, which also means he'd be too heavy; a single lap of fuel (just over 1 kilo) takes a 10th of a second off your ultimate speed, so the extra weight Chris would add would slow the machine immensely. F1 drivers need huge levels of fitness to deal with the strain it puts on the body, we're talking triathelite levels of fitness here, so that means having a personal trainer who monitors your diet to the tiniest degree as well as daily exercise routines. Then there's the split second decision making and reactions he'd need... I could go on, but I'd bore the shit outta you guys.
Literally, the only thing he has in common with an F1 driver is ego.
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I'm a Pro Wrestling fan--and yes, I do know it's fake-- but that thought that popped into my head the other day as I was reading some of the dirt sheets and backstage news.
And yes I know Chris wouldn't be able to make it down the ramp let alone actually wrestle in a match, but just hypotetically speaking since this IS a "What If" thread. . .
What possible matches might occur and how might they play out? (Off the top of my head I thought of Chris /w Barbara Chandler vs Clyde w/ Special Guest Referee, "The Man in the Pickle Suit" and Solid vs Liquid /w Kasey in a Ladder match for the "rights" to Sonichu)
What might the crowds chant? (other than
) What signs might they hold?
What wrestling themes might everyone have? More specifically if you could MATCH a Christorical figure to a theme used by a current or veteran WWE/TNA wrestler, who would you match to what theme?
For example I'd match Chris...well it's a toss up between Eugene's theme--found here:
and Mankind's theme:
I'd match the JERKops to the Shields entrance theme, found here:
I'd also match Bob Chandler to "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan's theme, found here:
The only other match I can make off the top of my head is Carlito's theme for Surfshack Tito. Carlito's theme is found here:
Of course there's many others but I'll leave the rest to all of you.
And last but not least,
What kind of color commentary might go on?
And yes I know Chris wouldn't be able to make it down the ramp let alone actually wrestle in a match, but just hypotetically speaking since this IS a "What If" thread. . .
What possible matches might occur and how might they play out? (Off the top of my head I thought of Chris /w Barbara Chandler vs Clyde w/ Special Guest Referee, "The Man in the Pickle Suit" and Solid vs Liquid /w Kasey in a Ladder match for the "rights" to Sonichu)
What might the crowds chant? (other than
) What signs might they hold?What wrestling themes might everyone have? More specifically if you could MATCH a Christorical figure to a theme used by a current or veteran WWE/TNA wrestler, who would you match to what theme?
For example I'd match Chris...well it's a toss up between Eugene's theme--found here:
Of course there's many others but I'll leave the rest to all of you.
And last but not least,
What kind of color commentary might go on?
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He'd run over Michael Snyder with the car.
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- Mar 23, 2013
He would set all kinds of records:
- Slowest car
- Only car ever sponsored entirely by the internet (4chan, somethingawful, SlutLoad, CWCkiforums)
- Biggest eyesore of a car
- Worst pre-race interview ever
- Most spectacular crash resulting in death
- Shortest career
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He'd crap his jumpsuit and get lapped by everyone.
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Then screamed JULAYYYY with the DMX bark tone? Discuss
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caffeinated_wench
kiwifarms.net
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No. Too much of a pussy.
Even if he did, he's so weak and cowardly that a child could kick his ass.
Even if he did, he's so weak and cowardly that a child could kick his ass.
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I would not want Chris coming after my ass. The mindfuck that he is, I would not want to fall victim of one of his impulsive manchild rampages.
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How about the Hogan/Mr. America storyline, but reworked for CWC, with a dash of the 'Underfaker' and 'Mankind/Shawn Michaels Mind Games' angles thrown in?
Mr McMahon finally gets fed up with Christian's behavior, and the permanent aroma of
, and strips him of the Crayola Fuckin' Model Magic Sonichu title belt before firing his ass.
A week later, mysterious new superstar 'Ian Brandon Anderson' shows up, but Vince can't prove it's Chris, even though he's still exhibiting the exact same behavior, he just has slightly different clothes.
To try and bait Ian into revealing his true identity McMahon brings in Liquid Chris and awards him with the sonichu title, and he instantly gets over massively with the fans, owing to his incredible charisma, ability, and good looks. IBA will simply not stand for this, and completely blows his cover, cutting a scathing, stuttering, nonsensical promo about 'copyright' and 'true original champions'. McMahon fires his ass a second time.
Liquid Chris becomes a media icon, Solid Chris goes to live in a trailer like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, where he does nothing and shits himself.
Fin.
Mr McMahon finally gets fed up with Christian's behavior, and the permanent aroma of
, and strips him of the Crayola Fuckin' Model Magic Sonichu title belt before firing his ass.A week later, mysterious new superstar 'Ian Brandon Anderson' shows up, but Vince can't prove it's Chris, even though he's still exhibiting the exact same behavior, he just has slightly different clothes.
To try and bait Ian into revealing his true identity McMahon brings in Liquid Chris and awards him with the sonichu title, and he instantly gets over massively with the fans, owing to his incredible charisma, ability, and good looks. IBA will simply not stand for this, and completely blows his cover, cutting a scathing, stuttering, nonsensical promo about 'copyright' and 'true original champions'. McMahon fires his ass a second time.
Liquid Chris becomes a media icon, Solid Chris goes to live in a trailer like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, where he does nothing and shits himself.
Fin.
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