Containment What If?

[Marvin]

This has probably been asked already (but I'm too lazy to look it up ), but what if a boyfriend-free, 18-32 year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcoholic white girl appeared in Chris' life, and was willing to be made into a sweetheart from the ground up by him? Essentially a perfect girl who loved Chris and would be willing to put up with everything he did. How would his life change?

He'd have a new mommy. That's it.

 

[Rainy]

What if Chris resorted to anonymous sperm donation in order to have the child he wants so badly and set out to search for the resulting kid?

 

[Owlflaps]

What if Chris resorted to anonymous sperm donation in order to have the child he wants so badly and set out to search for the resulting kid?

Chris would never go to a Sperm bank. He would insist that a pretty nurse come to his place to "coerce his comeuppance" out of him.

 

[Mr. 0]

What if Marvin was gay and the real reason he stole Emily was to get her away from the true object of his affections: Ian Brandon Anderson?

 

[Marvin]

What if Chris resorted to anonymous sperm donation in order to have the child he wants so badly and set out to search for the resulting kid?

Heh, really? The child he wants so badly?

 

[BT 075]

Heh, really? The child he wants so badly?

If it weren't for him sharing his dream with the world, and the internet keeping this information around, wouldn't he have forgotten about it already by now?

More on-topic, I think Chris probably sees having a child as creating a pet that is sure to outlive you and keep you company in your old days. And just like how he feels like he's sacrificing himself to selflessly take care of his ailing mother, he'd probably expect the same commitment (and much, much more) from any potential child he might have.

Either way, the dream was pretty specific about his daughter's mother being his one true love. He wouldn't settle for anything less. Isn't he kind of an all-or-nothing type of guy when it comes to his little autistic prophecies?

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Yeah, absent him mentioning it again, I choose to believe Chris has largely discarded his interest in having a child. Unlike having a fuckmommy housemaid, having a child doesn't provide Chris with any immediate gain, so it won't be something he fixates upon.

 

[Marvin]

If it weren't for him sharing his dream with the world, and the internet keeping this information around, wouldn't he have forgotten about it already by now?

What, the dream of having a daughter? Yeah, he's largely forgotten about it by this point.

Either way, the dream was pretty specific about his daughter's mother being his one true love. He wouldn't settle for anything less. Isn't he kind of an all-or-nothing type of guy when it comes to his little autistic prophecies?

Chris doesn't justify his current goals by saying they were promised in his dreams anymore. If you were asking him about what he wants in life, he'd probably start off his spiel talking about how lonely he is, not that his pretty little daughter and wife were promised in his dream.

Maybe if we sat him down and asked him a lot of questions about the subject, he might mention the dream, but I don't think it's a big factor in how he thinks anymore. Pretty much what ChurchOfGodBear said.

Well, and plus, whichever girl he does get, would be expected to bear him a child at some point, so there's not much of a difference. Just a change in focus.

 

[cahoots]

What, the dream of having a daughter? Yeah, he's largely forgotten about it by this point.


Chris doesn't justify his current goals by saying they were promised in his dreams anymore. If you were asking him about what he wants in life, he'd probably start off his spiel talking about how lonely he is, not that his pretty little daughter and wife were promised in his dream.

Do you think this is because he's legitimately forgotten about the dream, or he realized how naive his dream was?

 

[Marvin]

Do you think this is because he's legitimately forgotten about the dream, or he realized how naive his dream was?

He's stopped thinking about it. You'd have to bring up the subject to him.

 

[StallChaser]

What if Chris resorted to anonymous sperm donation in order to have the child he wants so badly and set out to search for the resulting kid?

Manajerks at the sperm donation place would laugh at Chris. Then ask him to leave. Then ask him to leave again. And then jerkops would remove him as he does Curseyehamehas to devastating effect. Which is to say, none.

 

[4Macie]

He's stopped thinking about it. You'd have to bring up the subject to him.

I think it's because he just doesn't think about it. He doesn't want a wife and kid because it was a dream anymore, he wants it so he's not lonely, so he has someone to support him, so he has someone to fuck him when he wants (not when she wants mind you), and he wants someone to cook, clean, and make the money. A kid would just be an addition that proved he had people who loved him. But in all seriousness, the first thing he would do after he was married would be to say, "TAKE THAT TROLLS! I HAVE A WIFE! I'M STRAIGHT! MORE STRAIGHT THAN ALL YOU HOMOS! AND WE HAVE SEX, LOTS OF SEX". Of course, unless Chris does a complete 180, or if he starts accepting mentally challenged girls with a little meat on their bones and a glaze in their eyes... he won't ever get that magical wifey.

 

[CatParty]

what if chris and jace pooped each other's pants

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

What if Chris tried to write a children's book? I mean, we all know how well his children's comic turned out, but for some reason I was thinking about this book I read as a kid called "Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day" & could definitely imagine Chris writing his own version: "Christian Weston Chandler & The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, DIRTY DANG TROLLS"

 

[Da Pickle Monsta]

what if chris and jace pooped each other's pants

Then they'd do nothing.

 

[BT 075]

What if Chris tried to write a children's book? I mean, we all know how well his children's comic turned out, but for some reason I was thinking about this book I read as a kid called "Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day" & could definitely imagine Chris writing his own version: "Christian Weston Chandler & The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, DIRTY DANG TROLLS"

After having seen his idea of sexual education and the comic about the fourteen year old girl wanting to march in a topless pro-feminist parade, I'm pretty sure whatever children's book Chris is going to write will be incredibly disturbing to the intended audience. I also doubt many a publisher would be interested in his book, Summer Camp Stories: Gruesome Tales Of The Holiday That Shattered Both My Innocence As Well As My Sphincter.

 

[Randall Fragg]

If it weren't for him sharing his dream with the world, and the internet keeping this information around, wouldn't he have forgotten about it already by now?

More on-topic, I think Chris probably sees having a child as creating a pet that is sure to outlive you and keep you company in your old days. And just like how he feels like he's sacrificing himself to selflessly take care of his ailing mother, he'd probably expect the same commitment (and much, much more) from any potential child he might have.

Either way, the dream was pretty specific about his daughter's mother being his one true love. He wouldn't settle for anything less. Isn't he kind of an all-or-nothing type of guy when it comes to his little autistic prophecies?

What if Chris is actually a prophet, but is just too lazy and stupid to care about anything not related to him.
"Huh? My dream told me that someone's going to try to kill the President! Eh, it was probably nothing. What's this? My dream told me to write down a new addition to the Bible that will resolve all religious conflicts and bring about a new age of peace and prosperity? Eh, screw it, I'm drawing Sonichu. Wait! In my dream I had a daughter! I must find a Boy-Friend Free Sweethart!"
Oh god, can you imagine Chris with psychic powers? That would be friggen hilarious/terrifying. Hilarifying.

 

[trueandhonestfan]

KIMAAAAAY! KIMAAAAAY!

What if Chris is actually a prophet, but is just too lazy and stupid to care about anything not related to him.
"Huh? My dream told me that someone's going to try to kill the President! Eh, it was probably nothing. What's this? My dream told me to write down a new addition to the Bible that will resolve all religious conflicts and bring about a new age of peace and prosperity? Eh, screw it, I'm drawing Sonichu. Wait! In my dream I had a daughter! I must find a Boy-Friend Free Sweethart!"
Oh god, can you imagine Chris with psychic powers? That would be friggen hilarious/terrifying. Hilarifying.

We already have someone like that. He's called Magi-chan. Since fictitious characters are obviously real in another TRUE and HONEST dimension, a part of Chris has psychic powers.

 

[TheRedRanger]

What if Chris played Ride To Hell: Retribution? And, assuming he wasn't too lazy to write a review, what would he have to say about it?

 

[Count Olaf]

Well....since this is a "what if" thread and no shit is too minor, I have a random one. As Shakespeare once said, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."

So, what if the story of Christian Weston Chandler was portrayed in the style of a Shakespearean play? Would it be a comedy, or would it lean toward tragedy? Or perhaps a mix of both? What would be a fitting title for the play?