Containment What If?

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What if Chris teamed up with Ken Penders to write a Sonichu comic?
 
What if Chris was given 5 choices in his 23rd birthday:
  1. Having sex with celebrities of his choice twice a year
  2. Free lifetime supply of Lego products (cannot be sold)
  3. Free Rectum surgery so that he'll no longer shit himself
  4. Sonichu acknowledged by Sega as an official Character
  5. Nintendo acknowledged by Gamefreak as an official Pokemon
 
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  1. A lot of famous tard babies;
  2. He'll build a house for himself somewhere in CWCville.
  3. He'll die of septic shock in days;
  4. SEGA then reveals that it's all an April Fool's Day joke by pulling off 'Sonichu's' tail, revealing that he was just Super Sonic all along, and;
  5. Shigeru Miyamoto would flip the Zelda moon switch and kill us all.
 
What if Chris was inspired by Power Stone instead of Sonic Adventure?
 
What if Chris was God in disguise, merely acting the semi-lovable buffoon because he wanted to take a break from everyone kissing his ass?
 
What if Chris was on Mythbusters?

I think he and Adam would get on extremely well until Adam would have to tell him he would need to wear an adult diaper for explosions (Fun Fact: Whenever there's an explosion on the show the Mythbusters are usually wearing adult diaper so the shock waves don't cause them to soil their pants) I have a feeling Jamie would probably go crazy given he barely tolerates Adam's craziness and Chris would probably force him over the edge. As for the build team he would probably hit on Kari, be excited to meet Mythtern Christine, be indiffetrent to Scottie and would give Grant and Tori strife for being jerks.

What would happen if Cole took Chris to a Nevada brothel for this eighteenth birthday
 
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