Containment What If?

Re: Our Pet Lolcow in the Marines

If he somehow made it to basic training he'd be crying in an hour for Barb to pick him up.
 
Re: Our Pet Lolcow in the Marines

(to the tune of The Marines Hymn)

From the halls of 14 Branchland Court
To the shelves of the Game Place
He waddles all about the town
Getting banned from every space

Always crashing into slumber
Against pickles and the Jew
He's a blub'ring mass of grease and fail
The father of Sonichu!

He embarks upon his love quest
With Attraction sign in hand
To inflict himself upon e'ery
Boyfriend-free girl in the land

With his red string and dirty crapped briefs
Such fine spouse material
Why China always flees the brown
Our fat savior cannot tell

Let the tales of Mary Lee Walsh
and the Asperpedia Four
Remind us all of just how much
Our pet lolcow is a boor

Let him rot and swelter in his lair
Where night differs not from day
'Til the time comes when he finally
Grows a brain and shouts JULAY!
 
Chris would get to empty his sack more often.
 
What if a movie based off Chris came to the theaters?

Suppose a comedian like Sacha Baron Cohen got wind of Chris's existence, and decided to make a movie like Borat or the Dictator based around the guy's life. Would the movie be a success? And how would Chris react to having his life appear on the silver screen?
 
Re: What if a movie based off Chris came to the theaters?

I was under the impression that Freddy Got Fingered was made when Tom Green took a time machine into the past and did just that.

Guess I was wrong?

(ETA: From Rob Bell status to Niggo level up. To celebrate;
[youtube]sEyos6YB2_o[/youtube]
)
 
Re: What if a movie based off Chris came to the theaters?

Chris would rage about how the movie misinterpreting him and raged about the DANG, DIRTY, TROLLS in charge of the movie.

Re: Our Pet Lolcow in the Marines

He would faint due to the amount of stress, but at least he could try to entertain the Marines with the "I Got A Fish" song.

Nobody would get gifts due to Chris thinking giving all the gifts takes a lot of STRESS.

But perhaps he would give his dang, dirty, trolls some coal.
 
Re: Our Pet Lolcow in the Marines

Haven't we done a "What if Chris was in the military?" thread before? I swore it was last week we had a "What if Chris went to boot camp?" thread.
 
This is an overweight, dellusional man with zero muscle tone and no experience fending for himself whatsover. Once the power and plumbing go out, he's fucked.

In other words, even if he managed to avoid the hordes of undead and roving groups of brigands, he'd still be dead inside of a couple of months.
 
Chris already does consider himself an emotional zombie, so maybe he'd just join them.
 
Re: Our Pet Lolcow in the Marines

champthom said:
Haven't we done a "What if Chris was in the military?" thread before? I swore it was last week we had a "What if Chris went to boot camp?" thread.
Click to expand...
Yes, we do have a "What if Chris went to boot camp" thread.
http://www.cwckiforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=2900&hilit=boot+camp
Should the two threads be merged into one, maybe make it something like "What if Chris were to join the Military" thread?
 
deeman said:
What if he applied for work on your new super cool vidya store in Ruckersville?
Click to expand...
Chris apply for work? Hahaha, what a story deeman.
 
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