Containment What If?

Re: What if Chris smoked marijuana?

He'd order all the wacky tobacky on the moon to be sent back.
 
Someone would probably capture him, and offer opportunities for other lunatics to kill him over and over. It'd be a profitable amusement for the thousands of deranged people in the world. I can think of numerous nations that would sanction it, for a cut of the profits. Man, that bummed even me out. :(
 
Which came first - ranch or Cool Ranch?
 
Judge Holden said:
However, this results in Chris's bowels rupturing and a stinking torrent of feces to be sucked up the armpiece and directly into the dalek's cage. Drowning in this nightmarish sludge, the dalek enables his self destruct function and detonates, killing the dying Chris along with him

Result: Draw
Click to expand...

:briefs: MY OLFACTION IS IMPAIRED!

I think the suckers are well-secured from the cage what with the fear of contamination, unless the sludge is too corrosive. Two other ways I could see a draw:

1) The Dalek indulges in some trash talk as the Cult of Skaro did against the Cybermen. Chris lands a rare zinger like he did against Jack Thaddeus and the Dalek self-destructs out of shame taking Chris with him.

2) Chris KICKS, CHOPS, a dormant Dalek thinking it's a troll's disguised accordion camera, inadvertently waking it and giving it some of his DNA. Assuming they aren't outweighed by the unparallelled arrogance that such a hybrid could have, DalCWC would suffer from self-disgust at his new qualities and internal conflict because THE DALEKS HAVE NO CONCEPT OF TOMGIRLISM, and self-destruct out of shame taking Chris with him.
 
Chris vs Duke Nukem
dnfteasercut.jpg

Duke's strengths: Incredibly strong, can take insane levels of damage, has a large arsenal of weapons, and a fast wit, so he can quickly make up a one-liner when he tears Chris apart.

Weaknesses: ...

The battle:
After walking into a McDonalds, he sees Duke Nukem buying it out and turning it into a Duke Burger restaurant. Chris rushes Duke, only to to be blocked by Duke by simply holding his hand forward. Chris swings his arms around violently, and then gets punched by Duke, straight in the face, knocking him back a few feet, but also instantly knocking him out, causing him to shit himself. Duke looks down at Chris, and responds with, "Looks like someone needs to be changed."
 
After posting this on the Random What If? thread before Chris released his epistle to the his former church, I decided to come out and ask you guys this: What if you had the powers of God, ala Bruce Almighty, and you could command Chris to do something, and he would do it because you're God. What would you have do? It can range from having him improve his life, to making youtube videos, or to even doing something stupid that could cross the line?
 
I'd tell him to make another Sonichu comic

Then again he'd probably call me as god a troll since I'm telling him to do something with his life.
 
I'd make him go to the Game Place butt naked.
 
If I were God I'd pretty much keep doing what I was doing - making sure that all the boyfriend-free girls in the world stay paired up with JERKS. The classics are classics for a reason!
 
If I had god-like powers, I'd build a new Chris from the ground-up. After, you know, solving the problem of starving children and other more important matters.

I'd take away his autism, give him a great physique, great work ethic, moral center, above average intelligence and middle-class, disciplinarian parents who were 25 when they had him. After that, he's on his own.

Then I'd make ADF funnier so we could all laugh at the weeaboo commie instead. Or possibly Chris will still fail and we'll laugh at him. Being an lolcow could be his destiny.
 
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