Get

to the hospital.
Clean up as much of the hoard as possible. Take as much of the junk that's worth something (including all Chris's vidya) to Snooki's pawn shop, trade it for silver or invest it in an account. Sell Bob's old BMW to the person on the CWCki forum who wants it.
Set up the

so it's actually used wisely, maybe set up an account with a financial adviser so a portion is automatically invested.
Call a mental health professional and schedule an appointment, pay in advance.
Go to the gym and pay a year's dues.
Make YouTube videos apologizing to everyone who Chris has wronged. Post several apologies on Facebook as well.
Change the darn phone number.
Get any relics of fail and send them to my address in Ohio.
Throw out all the bad food and buy a lot of fresh fruits & vegetables, buy some lean meats and fish, etc. Get a George Foreman grill, a juicer and a bread machine.
Before the 24 hours is up, go full

and go to the farthest gay bar I can get to. Park a mile away and walk in.