Containment What If?

[DangDirtyTrolls]

i don't have to weigh someone's upbringing and the circumstances therein when making my decisions on whether or not i like them or believe they're a good/bad person. That's absolutely ridiculous, and expecting far far too much from people.

I don't hate Chris, and i don't think he's a monster that deserves to be harmed. But i'm not going to lay the blame for his shit entirely at Borb's feet, because really, where does that shit end? Barb didn't magically sprout her character flaws. I'm sure her parents had a lot to do with that.

in short, allowing Chris to slide because of 'extenuating circumstances' is something that Chris believes should happen, and if more people in his life held him directly accountable for his behavior, maybe none of us would be here right now.

When you analyse someone in as much depth as we do Chris then you have to take their upbringing into account. Everyone is moulded by their upbringing and Chris' helps explain a lot of his behaviour.

That being said there is a limit to how much responsibility Barb should take for his actions. Chris is directly responsible for a lot of things, like getting banned from malls over and over, getting kicked out of PVCC etc but Barb also shares a portion of the blame indirectly by coddling Chris, reassuring him he's right/he's special etc.

Of course you wouldn't expect a normal 31 year old man to blame his mummy when he fucks up but then again Chris isn't a normal person. Hell, he's actively being disallowed to grow up by his own mother at this point. Chris is unusual in this respect and it's definitely worth bearing in mind how much control Barb has over Chris even at 31. Barb's invisible chains bind Chris and he's too retarded to realise it.

In India when training a new elephant they will tether it to a sturdy pole in the ground which it won't be able to pull free from, so it learns to stay put. By the time it's a full-grown elephant it doesn't even try to break free from the pole, even though at its size it would be trivial to escape because it learnt when it was young that escape was impossible. This is the sort of mentality Chris has. Barb is 72 years old and has holes in her ass likely due to sitting on it literally all day. What could she really do if Chris just went up to his room or walked out the house? There's no way she could physically stop him, and she's dependent on him herself so she couldn't lock him out forever. But Chris is too stupid to realise this: when he was young his mummy took care of him and always made the big, bad people go away. Chris never realised he outgrew the pole.

We know he wants out. He Tweets about it all the time. But he dare not even try to break free.

 

[Some JERK]

When you analyse someone in as much depth as we do Chris then you have to take their upbringing into account. Everyone is moulded by their upbringing and Chris' helps explain a lot of his behaviour.

That being said there is a limit to how much responsibility Barb should take for his actions. Chris is directly responsible for a lot of things, like getting banned from malls over and over, getting kicked out of PVCC etc but Barb also shares a portion of the blame indirectly by coddling Chris, reassuring him he's right/he's special etc.

i don't disagree with any of that. Of course we're opining about the "whats" and "Whys" of Chris. But there's a difference between saying "you're a dickhead, and part of that is because your parents suck" and "you're only a dickhead because your parents suck". Sure, a big part of the reason that Chris is how he is is because Barb basically created a perfect environment for him to become so, but as you say, he's not blameless. If he were, then we should just be discussing Barb and leave Chris completely out of it.

In my opinion, Chris has gotten by his entire life by believing that he's innocent and blameless in all things, and that all of his negative traits and actions are actually caused by others. If that were a reasonable assertion, then Anna is completely right, and none of us should be here.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Now, as far as Chris being a bad person goes, he's shitty quite frequently, but there are a lot of situations where, if you look at it from Chris' perspective, he really doesn't know any better. Morally, he's doing the right thing, as far as he can tell.

But where do you draw the line? How far do you let a person, even an autistic idiot, go believing that "I deserve more than everyone else, and whatever dirty means I use to make this happen" is morally right?

 

[KatsuKitty]

Belongs in the what if forum.

 

[Some JERK]

Now, as far as Chris being a bad person goes, he's shitty quite frequently, but there are a lot of situations where, if you look at it from Chris' perspective, he really doesn't know any better. Morally, he's doing the right thing, as far as he can tell.

But where do you draw the line? How far do you let a person, even an autistic idiot, go believing that "I deserve more than everyone else, and whatever dirty means I use to make this happen" is morally right?

Or for that matter, where do "good intentions" fail to be an acceptable measure? My niece likes petting the dog. She doesn't understand that her hitting him on the head isn't 'petting'. She's not an evil monster. She's not a bad person either. Her intention is to do something nice for the dog. But she's hurting my dog and i don't let her do it. If she keeps doing it, she gets in trouble. I don't give my sister a time-out because she failed to teach her daughter how to pet dogs.

If she did it until she was 30, i'd just let my dog bite her because at that point she would deserve it.

as for morally, We know that chris understands that lying to someone hurts them, because he gets so angry when he feels people have lied to him. Chris knows that touching someone when they don't want to be touched is unpleasant, as evidenced by his extreme unhappiness at being handcuffed, sat on laps, etc.... but he does these things to others anyway, because he doesn't care as long as it isn't him.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

This isn't just Chris and Barb's useless crap that's been taken, it's things they rely on for their daily survival; their microwave is gone, washing machine, gone.

They don't use those things.

^That actually sounds like a better board game. 14 Branchland Court is the board itself. It could be based off "Don't Wake Daddy", except instead of a father it's Barb, and waking her means the player has to change her bandages. The various activities you have to do without waking her would be playing vidya, mass debating, shooting pictures of Mike Snyder with your cap gun, etc.

We know that chris understands that lying to someone hurts them, because he gets so angry when he feels people have lied to him. Chris knows that touching someone when they don't want to be touched is unpleasant, as evidenced by his extreme unhappiness at being handcuffed, sat on laps, etc.... but he does these things to others anyway, because he doesn't care as long as it isn't him.

A very good point. I don't think it even matters to say what Chris's morals are, because I don't think he cares much about morals. He just wants to win.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Changing the bandages can be based on "Crocodile Dentist". Get them off without making her go off!

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

The Concerned Mothers would hate the game and want it to be banned from stores. It would have to have a limited release among us Christorians, but I think everyone already knew that.

My brother and I had an old game called "Go for Broke" in which you had to be the first person to lose or spend all your money. I imagine a game about Chris would be like that, you have a tugboat and have to spend it all by the end of the month (every time around the board is one day).

We could have McDonald's, Wal-Mart, the Game Store, etc. spaces on the game. Jail would be 14 BC and you have to lose a turn or wait until Barb falls asleep, goes out with you or lets you go out by rolling certain combos. There are also spaces on the board where you commit petty crimes like soliciting (the nonsexual kind), loitering and trespassing. There may also be a few significant spaces like 10/28 incident (requires Barb) in which you lose half your remaining money.

There could be bad places where you actually get money. I can't think of anything Chris would do to get money, maybe pawn shop and found money spaces. I doubt Chris would try to find the proper owner if he found money on the ground.

 

[Big_Pete_33]

I know how A-loggy it sounds but for whatever reason Chris did to get himself into death row. The Electric Chair is still in use for executions in Virginia, ironic death for him. But the years of not bathing/showering and his fat may result into something like [youtube] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb44FHAeKto this: [/youtube]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment_in_Virginia

According to the Wikipedia article, executing the mentally handicapped is against the Eight Amendment of cruel and unusual punishment. But CHris isn't really considered retarded, just selfish and completely lacking in common sense.

But even crueler punishment is his last meal being pickles

 

[LordCustos3]

A very thorough itinerary.

=== Phase 1: Setup ===

*Make some "tea" for Barb...with a something in it that will make her sleep very, very deeply.
*While Barb nods off, I thoroughly empty my bowels and then shower like I've never showered before.
*Call for an ambulance to take Meemaw away "'cuz she's very ill and has these infected sore all over her tuchus and I've shaken her and she won't wake up."
*With Meemaw out of the way, I rush out to perform some "errands":
*At the local equivalent of Staples or Office Max and get the following: 4 Sturdy cardboard boxes, a pack of padded mailers, a small pack of manilla envelopes, and a big box of industrial strength trash bags.
*At the local equivalent of Lowes or Home Depot, I get copies made of Son-Chu's keys. Trust me, this becomes important later.
*In Box 1 I put all the Relics of Fail and other artifacts of Christorical significance. Then I put Box 1 in Son-Chu (or whatever car is working.)
*In Box 2 I put the Life Upgrade and all the games to it that I'd like to try out myself. Then I put Box 2 in Son-Chu.
*In Box 3 I put all the toys. That goes into Son-Chu.
*In Box 4 I put whatever vidya and gadgetry I'm not interested, that I can sell for a quick buck. That goes into Son-Chu.
*Into the trash bags goes all of the soiled sex-toys, dirty tomgirl clothes and rubbish that isn't even worth pawning.
*The padded mailers and the manilla envelopes are for later.

=== Phase 2: Online ===

*I power up his computer and log onto each of his most frequented websites.
*While on Youtube, I change his settings to allow comments and responses, unblock everyone, then make a video apologizing for all the shitty things I've done, and tell everyone I'll be holding a Q&A session later on today, and everyone is welcome to participate.
** -- then I change his password.
*While on Facebook, I change everything to public, accept as many troll friend requests as possible, alert the Facebook massive to the Q&A Session...
** -- then I change his password.
*While on twitter, I make everything public, accept as many troll friend requests as possible, alert the twitter massive to the Q&A Session...
** -- then I change his password.
*For visit every relevant link in his favorites, changing the password and allowing unfettered access to anyone.
*I get into Bob's file cabinet and retrieve the autism papers and anything of Christorical interest. That gets put into a padded mailer (along with those Son-Chu car keys) and mailed to myself.
*I then compose 4 scathing letters and put them in the manila envelopes.
** -- One is addressed to Barb, and tells her how awful a mother she has been.
** -- One is addressed to Rocky Shoemaker and tells her how much she failed as a councilor.
** -- One is addressed to the judge who handled the court case, and is a tirade of islamic/nazi rhetoric and death threats peppered with mockery of how foolish he is for being so lenient to me.
** -- And finally, the last one is to Chris himself, telling him why he sucks so damned bad.
*Just to be on the safe side, I thoroughly empty my bowels again.
*Next comes the second round of "errands"

=== Phase 3: Dunging Out. ===

*I throw all the trashbags full of tainted sextoys and tomgirl clothes into a dumpster.
*I go to the local non-Snyder owned game store and sell off all the sellable games/consoles from Box 4, etc for cold hard cash. Anything that doesn't sell gets hocked at the local pawnshop.
*I go to the local Goodwill/Salvation Army and donate all the toys from Box 3.
*Boxes 1 and 2 stay in the car for right now.
*Then I go back to 14 Branchland and hold the Q&A session. Assuming I have full access to OPL's entire memory, I can answer honestly (as opposed to HONEST'n'TRUE) any question posed.
*After the Q&A Session, I then dump any data/media of Christorical interest to an online dropbox. Then I power the machine down, crack case, remove the harddrive, put the harddrive into a padded mailer and mail it to myself; so that my suite of data forensic software can recover any lost/deleted lulz hidden in slack.
*Then I call up a travel agent and book a one way trip to San Francisco.
*Just to be on the safe side, I thoroughly empty my bowels again.
*Right before I leave, I pin a large note to the wall of Chris's room. It reads as follows: "I've hidden The Life Upgrade, the controllers and all the games in different parts of the Hoard. If you want them back, You are going to have to start digging."

** -- Chuckle to myself.
*On the way to the airport I mail all the padded mailers and manilla envelopes.

=== Phase 4: Isolation ===

*I leave Son-chu in the farthest corner of the Airport Parking Lot, and fly to Frisco.
*On the way to Frisco, I keep myself amused by looking -- up on his iPhone -- addresses for the dankest Gay Bordellos in the Tenderloin district.
*Upon arrival, I get a taxi to said dank gay bordello. While in the taxi, I quietly slip his credit cards and drivers license/photo Id into a hidden nook inside the taxi, "losing" them. Then I wolf down an entire package of Ex-Lax.
*If I time this right, I'll arrive very close to midnight.
*Upon arrival at the Bordello, I hand the proprieter a huge handful of money and say "I want to hire your swarthiest, most muscular He-Whores for the next two hours."
** -- I tell the He-Whores: "Form a Conga Line and start taking turns porking this chocky starfish. I may struggle and pretend I don't want it, but its all part of the act. The Safeword is 'Artichoke Eclipse'. If you don't hear me say 'Artichoke Eclipse' then its safe to keep going. Here's my iPhone....film the whole thing!"
* Then at 11:59, I yell "Top of the World, Ma!" and prepare Chris to re-inhabit his own body.

=== Endgame ===

*While OPL is stranded in Frisco with no money and no ID. I should receive a bunch of interesting self-addressed padded mailers. One of which contains a copied set of keys.
*I then rent a car and head on down to Ruckersville.
*I park the rental car at the motel closest to the airport.
** -- Then I put on a fake spray tan, some gauche shades, and a shirt that reads "Clyde Cash"
*Then I head over there to collect Son-Chu.
*I drive Son-Chu from the Airport to the motel, transfer Boxes 1 & 2 to the rental car, and then drive Son-Chu back.
*I go back to the hotel, change, wash off the spray tan, and drive home.
*I become the most Epic of Weens. God Emporer of Weens. Privy to ALL the Hoarded Cocks. Forever.


TOP THAT SHIT!

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

Chris would never be on death row. I don't know what Virginia is like, but here in Ohio you have to commit aggravated murder, get convicted, get all the jurors to recommend the death penalty, have the judge agree, and have the state Supreme Court agree with the sentence to get da chair. Which means he'd have to kill someone under 13 (a very young BlueSpike trolls Chris and he gets his revenge), commit premeditated murder (he waits for Snyder to close the Game Place and kills him), or kill someone in the commission of another felony (he tries to rob the Game Place with his Megatron pistol, Snyder has a heart attack and dies).

We all know Chris is mostly harmless and is only a danger to you if you stand behind his car while he's trying to run away. He's simply not that depraved.

Let's say he did commit aggravated murder. He gets Bell again and he says Chris is an adult autistic child and that he doesn't deserve the death penalty. Even if only one juror or the judge believes Bell, that's enough to keep Chris from sitting on Sparky.

that said . . .

If he did, he'd likely have to wait for years until he was put to death. He went nuts spending a few hours in a holding cell, he'd be absolutely nuts (I'm talking Rika level nuts) by the time his sentence would be carried out.

 

[Some JERK]

Chris is not mentally, emotionally or physically capable of doing anything that would land him on death row.

 

[Lady Houligan]

Chris would never be on death row. I don't know what Virginia is like, but here in Ohio you have to commit aggravated murder, get convicted, get all the jurors to recommend the death penalty, have the judge agree, and have the state Supreme Court agree with the sentence to get da chair. Which means he'd have to kill someone under 13 (a very young BlueSpike trolls Chris and he gets his revenge), commit premeditated murder (he waits for Snyder to close the Game Place and kills him), or kill someone in the commission of another felony (he tries to rob the Game Place with his Megatron pistol, Snyder has a heart attack and dies).

We all know Chris is mostly harmless and is only a danger to you if you stand behind his car while he's trying to run away. He's simply not that depraved.

Let's say he did commit aggravated murder. He gets Bell again and he says Chris is an adult autistic child and that he doesn't deserve the death penalty. Even if only one juror or the judge believes Bell, that's enough to keep Chris from sitting on Sparky.

that said . . .

If he did, he'd likely have to wait for years until he was put to death. He went nuts spending a few hours in a holding cell, he'd be absolutely nuts (I'm talking Rika level nuts) by the time his sentence would be carried out.

I'd say it's less about depravity and more about cowardice. Chris is well known for his hatred of responsibility and work, and carrying out a murder would likely reek of both. But honestly in this day and age there's no court in the land that would send him to prison, let alone the chair, unless it was proven without a shadow of a doubt by the prosecution he'd carefully planned out the killing. Were it to somehow happen, though, I'd see him ending up in solitary all the time and eventually being able to change his sentence to life instead because he'd talk nonstop with whatever character he thought was helping him survive.

 

[Trombonista]

Chris and Barb would both shit themselves.

 

[c-no]

If Chris and Barb came home to discover that everything in their home is gone, they would get stressed at losing whats precious to them (Hoard for Barb, Vidya and toys for Chris). Aside from calling the cops and yelling to them about what happened while also suffering dangerous health effects of stress, Chris would leave a message on facebook, saying that the trolls and/or Snyder are behind the theft of their possessions, despite the fact neither groups would benefit from stealing Chris and Barb's junk. If they left most of their money in their home, then they can kiss that goodbye since they would now have to cut back on whatever luxuries they spend on, though Chris would break that since he doesn't care about that and only has interest in vidya that he would never play. If anything, they would have to slowly rebuild what was lost though it probably wouldn't take long for Barb's hoard to grow if she now collects garbage bags full of junk and not just used clothes and items from Goodwill and other thrift stores.

 

[darkhorse816]

^That actually sounds like a better board game. 14 Branchland Court is the board itself. It could be based off "Don't Wake Daddy", except instead of a father it's Barb, and waking her means the player has to change her bandages. The various activities you have to do without waking her would be playing vidya, mass debating, shooting pictures of Mike Snyder with your cap gun, etc.

I remember that game! I actually pictured Kick the Autistic being like "Don't Wake Daddy" for some reason.

 

[kkeps123]

I'd be more curious as to how Chris managed to capture all the trolls.

Probably the same way as Martin in The Human Centipede 2. Round them up in a parking garage, cap em in the foot with his Megatron pistol, load them into the Aerostar, and off they go to the hoard.

 

[derpi]

Barb crashes into slumber even harder than when Bob died.
Cole posts some video in honor of Chris to gain sympathy.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Of the three methods used in Virginia's history (hanging, electrocution, and lethal injection), the latter two methods-the only ones currently available to the state-would probably be the only successful options. Glancing at the table of drops for a proper hanging, Chris would make it really hard to ensure a clean break in the neck. Not only does he get the shortest drop allowed (5' 0" for anyone weighing 200 lbs or more), but his neck is as soft and cushy as pudding; there's a significant risk he'd just end up getting strangled.

-Signed, the guy doing his senior research project on a hangman

 

[derpi]

I think the pawns will be the following:

Jerkops
Manajerks
MLW (as portrayed in fan art)
JERKS! (hunky male)
Boyfriend Free Girl

Make it so that the space in front of the BFG is 14BC, and the BFG is the winning space.

And if we're going to go ahead and mousetrap the game, make it so that if you do get to the final space, you get booted one space back to 14BC.

You can never leave