Containment What If?

[LordCustos3]

Scared Straight

I really hope Chris does not go to jail for a long period of time. That would traumatize him. I doubt Snyder though would push for Chris to have to do jail time.

....and this is bad....how, exactly?

There has to be a point where everyone stops mollycoddling him so he starts behaving like a civilized human being instead of the narcissistic, semi-feral douchewhistle he is now. If you traumatize him, it'll have one of two effects:
1) It'll snap him back into reality and make him see that his actions have consequences; making his less likely to misbehave in public, thus making him less of a menace.
2) It'll send him into a catatonic fugue.

Either way, Chris won't be making a nuisance out of himself.
We've tried being nice, and all it does is make him more selfish, demanding and entitled. Being Nice doesn't work.
It about fucking time for some Tough Love.

Spoiler

 

[Hyperion]

Chris is already a gibbering lunatic. Jail will probably make it worse, but who really cares?

 

[QI 541]

Then I'd feel sorry for whoever Chris gets as a cellmate.

 

[_blank_]

What would probably happen is that his ego would get bruised for five minutes or however long it takes him him to get back on the computer (or his smartphone nowadays) and write up a tirade about how he was the victim and delude himself into believing as much. This will only be further enhanced if there was a white-knight whistleblower that called out whoever kicked his ass because of Chris's autism. Of course, knowing Chris, he would probably start acting like a complete shrieking maniac before that happened.

 

[kagayaki]

Chris-chan would instead be sent to the nearest mental institution and remain there until he acts like a mature person based on psychological and physiological reports about him. He may also be included in the state's sex offender registry if needed.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

If Chris ever attacks Snyder, he'll go into a closed psychiatric facility if he's lucky. Or to jail if he's unlucky.

 

[exball]

Snyder would probably manage to land Chris with a short term prison sentence. Once in there Chris would probably manage to drop the soap and stay a virgin with rage because of his bad

The man thinks standing while playing vidya is exercise. Chris probably believes operating the gas and brake on his Shitbox of car is a strenuous workout. I don't believe Chris would more then two minutes at the gym.

If Chris had his ass beaten he would quickly . When he got home he would go on Facebook and whine to Anna about how he was the victim and that once again the world was playing a jolly good game of
Kick the Autistic he would then

 

[Blue Max]

Losing a fight is never a good survival strategy; frankly, this might be one of the few things Our Pet Lolcow is pretty much correct on. Still, he does stupid things and can be provoked to do more, so it's not out of the question.

Chris probably craps his pants in the middle of the fighting.
I could see things like his glasses being broken and several bruises. He might have sustained broken bones in the fighting (the collarbone is the most likely to break on a person) and I'd not rule out a trip to a hospital.

But he'll make a full recovery, at least physically. And he'll be rededicated to the idea that getting in fights with people is a STUPID idea. But what about the mental side of things?

Chris had, at one point, been mislead into thinking that his ability to heft 12 cans of soda at once was a feat of strength, or that of Patti's doghouse. A more accurate guess is 100 Pounds is quite heavy for the average person--and that the 10-15 pounds Chris struggled with actually means that he's wimpy TO THE EXTREME. His foe in the fight might need to launder their clothes and brush their hair afterward--it would be that one sided.

This lie is busted for good. Chris has never had to face evidence that he's a weakling, just as he's been Orwellian in regards to his weight decreasing to slowly increasing numbers. And while he might bluster, and certainly would want to say he's NOT pathetic, he knows at his core that he is--and does remarkably little about it. Worst case: he plays cathartic video games set to SUPER EASY to beat the troll who kicked his ass.

There is an outside element of CWC trying to play victim card. He's autistic, and he got his ass kicked. Barb might be all for filing charges, until it becomes apparent that Chris instigated the fight. When the chips go down, there's no case and no lawsuit, but the misguided belief that old friend Robert Bell could make things right again might well extend the humiliation. The guy who kicked Chris' ass did so legally.

Behind everything Chris says is an element of stress. How tired he is of hiding himself from his ego and id, from honestly comprehending that he's screwed and needs to get some kind of WD-40 to unscrew himself. But he's 31 now and might very well be closer to his death than his birth. Barb will undoubtedly tell him he's special, a lie that might work again, but Chris at some level knows the truth.

If 10/28/11 didn't make any progress in unsaddling our Lolcow, this has no chance at all.

 

[kagayaki]

What if Chris converted to the Catholic Church?

 

[derpi]

I mean, clearly they're perfect for each other. I ship it.
I'm thinking if they did get together, Chris would move in with Anna, away from Barb and the hoard.
Barb would be all buttfrustrated "AH CHANGED DA LOCKS CHRISSHUN"
Chris wouldn't care because he would be getting sweet China on the daily, and Cole would probably have to step up to help with Barb somehow, most likely with
Anna would clearly be the provider, and Chris could live his dream of being a house husband and playing vidya all day.
(Although Anna would resent him for that and try to get him to at least volunteer somewhere ^)
And one day they would have his beloved Crystal .-.

 

[___]

What if Chris attended Alumni Afterhours at Piedmont Virginia Community College?

[youtube]qdqgeb7Yq3M[/youtube]

and what if he was interviewed for this video?

 

[LordCustos3]

He may encounter some like-minded individuals.

Those bowls... JESUS CHRIST. I've always thought of myself as fat, but I can't eat that much! The curry on top of that!

What....what IS that?
It looks like 4 heaping bowls of frosted mini-wheats!
And why is the flag of Finland doing in that puddle of curry?

Damn, man. The body pillow is the least confusing thing about that pic.

On the plus side, though, the guy in the pic looks like has decent hygiene. You can't see the dogshit fumes wafting off of him like a heat mirage.

 

[Lefty]

I think at this stage of the game Anna becoming Chris' sweetheart is probably the best case scenario. All the shit you said would happen. But I think Crystal's existence would be in doubt. Marriage is different than internet asspatting. Chris would have to start to pull his load in some way shape or fashion or they'd break up. Given Chris' history at this sort of thing its entirely possible that he'd be too lazy to do so. So realistically speaking (as realistic as Chris getting a girlfriend can be), they'd probably just break up. I don't see Barb sticking around long with Christian out of the house so that may leave Chris dolo with 14 Branchland Court possibly in his possession.

 

[LordCustos3]

He'd have a new mommy for a few days, but he'd get no china, because Anna's more into china than Chris is.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

What if Chris converted to the Catholic Church?

DIRTY CRAPPED MASS

His patron saint would be St. Jude Thaddeus, the patron saint of lost causes.

We had a thread awhile back on what if Chris was pope.

And why is the flag of Finland doing in that puddle of curry?

It's the flag of Norway, actually.

Maybe it's curried lutefisk?

 

[LordCustos3]

Back when Our Graet Direcktor Chandler was trying oh-so-hard to seem like a Big Boy, he boasted about how much he enjoyed that appalling torture porn flick Saw.
This got me to thinking about what he would think about various other films in the "Extreme Cinema" genre.
There are a few "extreme" films I think OPL might be able to relate to; such as

-- A Serbian Film: A nice guy is tricked by trolls into making an embarrasing sex movie.
-- Audition: A nice guy finds out his heartsweet is a mean troll.
-- Bad Boy Bubby: A perverted nutcase manchild is locked in his house for 30 years by his batshit mother
-- Baise Moi: Two Hot Dykes go out and Kill JERKS!
-- Straw Dogs: Trolls everywhere are trying to get into the house to get at a nice guys heartsweet but he teaches them all a lesson.

He might even be able to wrap his tiny head around (and genuinely enjoy) Ichi the Killer and Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS.

So here's what I'm proposing.
Think about the most depraved, unhinged, transgressive movie you've ever seen. Then tell us...

1) How would Our Pet Lolcow would react to seeing this film?
2) How would he relate the events/characters to his own tiny, skewed worldview?
3) Chris, like his brother Cole, has a nasty habit of missing the point. Since it is inevitable that he will misinterpret the film; how will he misinterpret the film in question?
4) Are there any extreme films that might have a beneficial effect on him? (i.e.: Bad Boy Bubby would hit so close to home, that it might make him rethink his own life.)
5) Are there any extreme films that would have a deleterious effect on him? (i.e.: I'd feel it would not be in anyone's best interest to show OPL any of the August Underground films....he might start having some very bad ideas about how to deal with his trolls.)

If you are momentarily drawing a blank, here's a few "extreme" films to jar your memory.

• 
  964 Pinocchio
  A Clockwork Orange
  AntiChrist
  Battle Royale
  Begotten
  Cannibal Holocaust
  Combat Shock
  Eraserhead
  Funny Games (either version)
  Guinea Pig II: A Flower of Flesh and Blood (or any of the other entries in that series)
  Gummo
  Happiness
  Hard Candy
  Hostel
  Human Centipede
  I Stand Alone
  In A Glass Cage
  Inside
  Irréversible
  Liquid Sky
  Martyrs
  Men Behind the Sun (or any of its numerous sequels)
  Nekromantik I + II
  Peeping Tom
  Philosophy of a Knife
  Rubber's Lover
  Salò, or 120 Days Of Sodom
  Schramm: Into the Mind of a Serial Killer
  Slaughtered Vomit Dolls
  Tetsuo the Iron Man (or its sequel)
  Visitor Q
  Wolf Creek

So.....what are your thoughts, fellow Christorians?
What sick flicks would have the most profound effect (for good or ill) on Our Pet Lolcows soggy headmeats?

 

[soIregistered]

Didn't he post about watching "Cannibal Holocaust" once, and he thought the rape scene was actually just people having super fun sexy time?

I've seen some appalling movies, and even I have never watched "Cannibal Holocaust", nor do I want to.

I may be off in my assessment, but even though Chris is technically a child, I think he's a wee bit of a sociopath, and other people's pain and suffering doesn't quite register for him, so...he probably doesn't have a hard time watching anything.

 

[LordCustos3]

Oh, fuckwhistles....get a load of this movie description and see if it doesn't remind you of a lolcow we all know and love....

• The Living and the Dead
  
  2006 Directed by Simon Rumley
  
  A descent into Hell is triggered when "Ex-Lord" Donald Brocklebank finds that he must leave Longleigh House for London to find a way to pay for the medical treatments for his wife Nancy. Alone, his over-protected, delusional, adult son, James, fancies himself in charge of the manor house with his terminally ill mother, and barricades the two of them into the house.

Ye Gods. Lets pray he never sees it.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Didn't he post about watching "Cannibal Holocaust" once, and he thought the rape scene was actually just people having super fun sexy time?

I've said it before, but this is why Chris should stay away from I Spit on Your Grave. He'd be baffled as to why the female protagonist would not want sexytime with four guys at once.

 

[LM 697]

More of a What If? thread.