What's your fiance's take on all this?
Along the same line my mom throws me into a rage. She's a miserable person who is toxic to everyone around her and then plays the victim. You know those MRA stereotypes of Western Women (tm)? She nails every single one. The only ones she doesn't, are I think trapping husbands with kids (not actually sure on this) and she hasn't tried making money by divorcing men or making fake claims against them in court. But I wouldn't put it past her if she really wanted to and thought it would work.
I actually had a talk with the fiance, and told him that his mother had five years to try and build a relationship with me. For those five years I got nothing but her talking behind my back, telling him I was a mistake and flipping out and screaming at him when he showed her the ring he was going to present to me. I had seen her three or four times and she never tried to hide that she hated me. I told the fiance that she cannot decide when she wants to hate me and disown me and then want my attention like I'm just there for her own amusement, and that everything she had done means I will never be able to trust her, even if her feelings were now genuine, and that any time she was even mentioned during something I'd start getting nervous because I knew she would do something to make the situation worse, which I was never wrong about. In the end, he understood, and I apologized for being so bitter but I had made up my mind and would not ever reconcile with her, she's too toxic, so I will not be going for family dinners like she was expecting. My fiance is very much a momma's boy but I never want to let him know how much I hate her since it's still his mother, but when I just let him know everything I had felt for five years he apologized if he seemed he was always defending her actions.
In short, we made up and I feel loads better.
Your mother sounds similar to his in the sense of constantly trying to use people, though I do know her former boyfriends are as much to blame for my fiance and his sister's separate issues as she is. She's still the lesser evil with one father, I don't know anything about the other, but she loves to gossip behind anyone's backs and I've seen her do the same to me, so I never trusted anything she said during our first dinner together, where she let me know how disgusting and awful my fiance's father was (after trying to embarrass him about his boxer shorts when both of us were too young at the time to really want to think about such things with each other...)
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Sorry if this got off-topic. If it helps, one of the main things that annoys me easily are super awkward, blunt posts online, the ones that you only expect from someone who might have English as a second language or they've never been on a chat before. That whole Tumblr type of lazy typing with no punctuation, capitalization, or just even random spergy comments that you have no idea how to reply to. I have a member like that on my forum, plus she's an negligent threat to her dogs because she got the brilliant idea she should breed them and make money off the puppies, despite the parents have no pedigree, she's never done it before, and she isn't even able to drive herself because she'll get lost a block from her house. She spends her tugboat on useless Pokemon shit and runs out of food and dog food sometimes, she didn't know her pregnant Pom needed special food, she didn't know anything about her going into labor, and she leaves her food all over the floor so her male Pom choked on a whole walnut. She got these two Poms just to breed them, made them breed when the female was in her second heat (which apparently is dangerous), and her vet told her it was a bad idea and predicted that there might be some stillborns. She got super angry about this and always calls him the "drag queen vet" condescendingly, I don't even know where it came from but I told her to knock it off. She types and acts incredibly weird and it's getting to the point of infuriating me.
