My earliest memories are ones where I was being molested by a girl my own age. My babysitter when I was in kindergarten was a white trash single mother. I spent every afternoon there for about a year.
Her daughter was a classmate. We would spend our time "playing" in her bedroom with the door shut. Clearly her mother was exemplary at her job.
I remember three specific moments quite vividly. The first time I got an erection while she straddled me on her bed. The first time she told me to put my hands down her pants and being confused that she didn't have a penis. And the day I finally stood up to her because I instinctively knew what we were doing was "wrong" even though I remember enjoying it. My "first sexual attraction", if you will.
In hindsight the girl was obviously being serially abused, probably by her mom's boyfriend. A six year old who engages in pushing boys on her bed and playing with their cocks has obviously been through some shit. I don't think she ever forced me to penetrate her, but maybe she did. This was a daily occurrence, but most of the memory is foggy.
I rarely think about those memories, but when I do I always question whether or not I harbor any psychological trauma over it. I don't think that I do. I'm not into BDSM which is basically what I was being subjected to. I don't have any irregular attitudes about sex. I guess I turned out okay, but maybe I'm just blind to it.
I also wondered what happened to the girl. I assume she was pregnant by 16, probably hooking, probably addicted to meth or heroin. What a tragic life.
Merry Christmas, lads.