- Joined
- Jan 16, 2017
We all have songs we don't like. Some songs are annoying, some are boring, some are unpleasant listening experiences, or are just OK songs that get played way too much.
But this thread is for songs that go much further than that. These are songs that you HATE. Not dislike, but truly, viscerally, HATE. Songs that make you feel rage, disgust, despair at the mere idea of this song. Songs you hate every aspect of. Songs you hate so much that they make you hate the artist (even if they have made other music that is much better), the musicians, the producers, and anyone stupid enough to actually like these songs. Songs that make you hate all of humanity to a genocidal degree.
You can nominate more than one song, but if you're just listing loads of songs you don't like you're doing it wrong. If you hate hundreds of songs enough to enter a frothing, homicidal rage, then the problem is probably you, not the song, and you should get help.
That said, as I sit here and write this, I can think of a number of songs I really, really hate and I need to get off my chest. So these are my dishonourable mentions before I get to the two songs that make me want to exterminatus the entire human race.
Phil Collins - Another Day in Paradise. A song about the homeless written by a tax exile. Fuck off, Phil Collins.
The Police - Roxanne. Sting is a great musician and has made a few good songs - but I can't forgive him for this ear-grating, whiny slice of shit pie.
Lil Pump - Gucci Gang. A vapid, zero-effort song about vapid consumerism. Musically lazy, horrible vocal performance, anyone who actually likes this song is someone whose opinions, on any topic, should be ignored.
Don McLean - Vincent. Only in the Spoony thread can you find an equally potent cocktail of narcissism and self-pity as this dirge, which my mum liked so much she put it on the mixtape that was playing in the car on the way to and from school for about five years when I was a kid. It's supposedly a song about Vincent van Gough, but it's really a song about Don McLean. You see, Vincent van Gough was a tortured misunderstood genius, just like Don McLean, and he goes on about this for four minutes, but it feels like four years. Fuck you, Don McLean. "American Pie" was shit too. Get over yourself.
Annie Lennox - No More I Love You's. Like Sting, Annie Lennox has made good music. This is not good music. This may be some kind of psy-op by the music industry to target me personally, by making a song designed in every way to annoy me as much as possible. Dubba dubba dub dub dub - AAAAHHH!!
The View - Same Jeans. The Nadir of Landfill Indie, there was a time in the early-mid 2000s when any berk with a leather jacket and scruffy hair could get a record deal provided their band looked fashionable and was named "The [something]". This was the kind of garbage that killed Indie music stone dead. A friend of a friend of a friend was a groupie for this band and slept with the lead singer. Apparently he was "shite".
But here's the two worst. I can't figure out which I hate more, because to do that I would have to think about these songs and I have things to do today other than smash things.
Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger
Holy shit if the 21st Century could be summed up by one song this is it. Utterly bankrupt plastic manufactured pop by a Pop Idol winner with no talent. Its melody is plagarised note-for-note from "Oh My Darling Clementine", a 19th century folk lament about a man's grief and guilt after he failed to save his fiancee from drowning because he couldn't swim. So a natural fit for a noisy, thumpy pop song about how you have "Swag". The fact that this song is about "Swag" in the first place should be enough to put everyone involved in a camp, but add the utter talentlessness and sheer cynicism of its creation and marketing, the fact that Simon Cowell was involved, not to mention that this video has over a hundred million views, then this song is pretty much conclusive proof that Al Qaeda were right all along.
(I signed out of Youtube to get the link to the video because I don't want to dirty my internet history with it. No lie. I know I can remove it from my history, but I don't want it there in the first place. Basic self-respect).
The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
Speaking of plagarism, this garbage steals its entire rhythm and bassline from "Hey Mickey", which is a very shit and annoying song in its own right. But "Hey Mickey" had choruses, which had a melody, but for some reason they just use the verse and some irritating bint yells tuneless, empty girl-power nonsense over it over and over and over until the song ends or you book yourself in with Dr. Kervorkian, whichever happens sooner. These talentless leeches latched on to the Landfill Indie phenomenon, but were somehow even worse because they weren't a real band and didn't write real songs. This song stands as a monument to just how much you can achieve with the right industry friends despite not even producing a sound that has all the required elements to be considered "music" (in that way it predicted things like Trap in being literally all marketing and no music). Hateful, vile, empty and inexplicably popular amongst people who attend the kind of parties that end with one girl crying on the stairs wearing one shoe and holding a bottle of expensive gin.
But this thread is for songs that go much further than that. These are songs that you HATE. Not dislike, but truly, viscerally, HATE. Songs that make you feel rage, disgust, despair at the mere idea of this song. Songs you hate every aspect of. Songs you hate so much that they make you hate the artist (even if they have made other music that is much better), the musicians, the producers, and anyone stupid enough to actually like these songs. Songs that make you hate all of humanity to a genocidal degree.
You can nominate more than one song, but if you're just listing loads of songs you don't like you're doing it wrong. If you hate hundreds of songs enough to enter a frothing, homicidal rage, then the problem is probably you, not the song, and you should get help.
That said, as I sit here and write this, I can think of a number of songs I really, really hate and I need to get off my chest. So these are my dishonourable mentions before I get to the two songs that make me want to exterminatus the entire human race.
Phil Collins - Another Day in Paradise. A song about the homeless written by a tax exile. Fuck off, Phil Collins.
The Police - Roxanne. Sting is a great musician and has made a few good songs - but I can't forgive him for this ear-grating, whiny slice of shit pie.
Lil Pump - Gucci Gang. A vapid, zero-effort song about vapid consumerism. Musically lazy, horrible vocal performance, anyone who actually likes this song is someone whose opinions, on any topic, should be ignored.
Don McLean - Vincent. Only in the Spoony thread can you find an equally potent cocktail of narcissism and self-pity as this dirge, which my mum liked so much she put it on the mixtape that was playing in the car on the way to and from school for about five years when I was a kid. It's supposedly a song about Vincent van Gough, but it's really a song about Don McLean. You see, Vincent van Gough was a tortured misunderstood genius, just like Don McLean, and he goes on about this for four minutes, but it feels like four years. Fuck you, Don McLean. "American Pie" was shit too. Get over yourself.
Annie Lennox - No More I Love You's. Like Sting, Annie Lennox has made good music. This is not good music. This may be some kind of psy-op by the music industry to target me personally, by making a song designed in every way to annoy me as much as possible. Dubba dubba dub dub dub - AAAAHHH!!
The View - Same Jeans. The Nadir of Landfill Indie, there was a time in the early-mid 2000s when any berk with a leather jacket and scruffy hair could get a record deal provided their band looked fashionable and was named "The [something]". This was the kind of garbage that killed Indie music stone dead. A friend of a friend of a friend was a groupie for this band and slept with the lead singer. Apparently he was "shite".
But here's the two worst. I can't figure out which I hate more, because to do that I would have to think about these songs and I have things to do today other than smash things.
Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger
Holy shit if the 21st Century could be summed up by one song this is it. Utterly bankrupt plastic manufactured pop by a Pop Idol winner with no talent. Its melody is plagarised note-for-note from "Oh My Darling Clementine", a 19th century folk lament about a man's grief and guilt after he failed to save his fiancee from drowning because he couldn't swim. So a natural fit for a noisy, thumpy pop song about how you have "Swag". The fact that this song is about "Swag" in the first place should be enough to put everyone involved in a camp, but add the utter talentlessness and sheer cynicism of its creation and marketing, the fact that Simon Cowell was involved, not to mention that this video has over a hundred million views, then this song is pretty much conclusive proof that Al Qaeda were right all along.
(I signed out of Youtube to get the link to the video because I don't want to dirty my internet history with it. No lie. I know I can remove it from my history, but I don't want it there in the first place. Basic self-respect).
The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
Speaking of plagarism, this garbage steals its entire rhythm and bassline from "Hey Mickey", which is a very shit and annoying song in its own right. But "Hey Mickey" had choruses, which had a melody, but for some reason they just use the verse and some irritating bint yells tuneless, empty girl-power nonsense over it over and over and over until the song ends or you book yourself in with Dr. Kervorkian, whichever happens sooner. These talentless leeches latched on to the Landfill Indie phenomenon, but were somehow even worse because they weren't a real band and didn't write real songs. This song stands as a monument to just how much you can achieve with the right industry friends despite not even producing a sound that has all the required elements to be considered "music" (in that way it predicted things like Trap in being literally all marketing and no music). Hateful, vile, empty and inexplicably popular amongst people who attend the kind of parties that end with one girl crying on the stairs wearing one shoe and holding a bottle of expensive gin.
