why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

I tried to do the whole thing in my early adulthood but ended up burnt and losing interest.

Sounds familiar. Same thing happened to me. I just refocused on education and career... and that essentially brings us to today.

IDK, generally I just don't seem to meet women I'd like to have a relationship with. For some reason the women I find myself interested in turn out to be horrible people.

The feedback I seem to get is that I'm good on paper, but women say they don't feel a "spark" when they date me.

I've decoded "spark" as "You are freakishly unattractive". In the looks category I am indeed nothing interesting. I'm just your typical tall nerdy white guy who is height/weight proportionate.

...and don't fucking ghost me after meeting...

This x1000. I mean, is it really that hard to be an adult and say you aren't interested?

I also think it's possible I may be slightly autistic because my ability to read social situations and know what to say is impaired. In a number of situations I've needed someone to tell me what is going on because I just couldn't read what was happening.
 
Last edited:
Much like previous posts, I have a number of things as to the reason why I'm still single: introvert, self-loathing, no confidence in myself, anyone I was interested in was either already in a relationship or had no interest in me, and no interesting personality traits, quirks, or talents that might charm the ladies. While my job doesn't having me working paycheck to paycheck, it still isn't something that will amaze people. I felt like a phony when I answered various questions on dating apps, even the ones that were the closes I could get to describing whatever were the few hobbies I could associate with. Also like others have stated, things have gotten so political and tension-filled a part of me ask why take the risk if a bad breakup results in your ex spreading lies on social media that could ruin you in so many ways.
 
Last edited:
You are actually on the right path. Women's most marketable period as a romantic partner is early in their lives: 18-35. For men it's older, probably 28-45. It feels rough now because your competition at the moment is often men with established careers and years of confidence/wealth building. If you keep on the path, as you get older you'll find you start to stack up better against your competition, who increasingly becomes younger and less established/confident than you. Just give it time and remember the right woman will fit into your life, not ask you to blow it up.
"dude just endure misery and loneliness for half your life, then in the future when you have money some used up slut will pretend to like you for it"

death by hanging sounds more appealing than the life of humiliation you are advertising here
 
"dude just endure misery and loneliness for half your life, then in the future when you have money some used up slut will pretend to like you for it"
Your bias. Don't associate with used up sluts.
death by hanging sounds more appealing than the life of humiliation you are advertising here
Username tracks. No one is stopping you from necking yourself if you're that insecure.
 
  • Dislike
Reactions: pleasegoaway
Been single for 3 years.

I'm an introverted and eccentric person that prefers to lead a quiet life, which is not for most people and with that, most women.

It's part voluntary part not voluntary. I had the opportunity to enter a relationship or have a fling a few times the past 3 years. The latter I don't do at all and the others I didn't see any happy or satisfying future with.
 
Your bias. Don't associate with used up sluts.
who else do you expect to flock to 30+ year old social rejects whose main selling point is money+status lol

the whole "women peak at 18, men peak at 35, hang in there bro, you're just a late bloomer" narrative is just sad cope, a deliberate distortion of reality. in practice guys who were socially successful in their teens and twenties will go on to be even more socially successful into their thirties and fourties, while guys who were social failures in youth will remain social failures in advanced age as well.
 
who else do you expect to flock to 30+ year old social rejects whose main selling point is money+status lol.
"Social rejects" is your own projection. Also money + status is incompatible with being a social reject.
the whole "women peak at 18, men peak at 35, hang in there bro, you're just a late bloomer" narrative is just sad cope, a deliberate distortion of reality
It would be sad cope, if that were at all what i said.
. in practice guys who were socially successful in their teens and twenties will go on to be even more socially successful into their thirties and fourties,
So it sounds like men are most valuable as a partner between 28-45.
while guys who were social failures in youth will remain social failures in advanced age as well.
You're speaking from personal experience i take it.
 
Well the fundamental reason I am single is because, like Jung said, I have standards. ("You don't have sex because no-one wants you, you don't have sex because you care who you sleep with"). Yeah I totally could pick up some makeup-caked chick at a bar while out with the boys, who will be overweight and foul tempered. Not to mention not that bright. I did it plenty when I was younger. I am 31 now and really don't care to do it anymore. Sleeping with someone is something more than just physical, and I regret doing it so much when I was a young dumb piece of shit. I've had relationships, including an almost 5 year long one. But I've been dumped every time. The first was 100% my fault, but I learned a lot from it, and since then, its been an increasingly insane trip with women. Seriously, a woman on birth control and antidepressants = RUN.

I'm also 1) not running into anyone that I find that attractive, which is probably because 2) I'm not around that many women in the first place. I am in an extremely male dominated field of "hard" I.T., statistically I think it is at least 90-95% male. My current workplace is all old boomer dudes and the occasional fat office worker wife. There is 1, ONE attractive female in this complex of about 150ish employees, and shes married to some real soyboy looking dude, star wars t shirt in their wedding photos and everything. My hobbies are a) Muay Thai, where there are some fit women but very much the minority, and the ones I've talked to have dropped "bf" around either me or some other guy, b) beer league kickball, same as above c) aussie football, again, no women. I am also gradually working on my skydiving license, again a very male dominated sport.

I mean, it sucks. It really does. I live at my parents while making a stupid big amount of money. If my plan works out over the next 3 months, I'll have two remote I.T. gigs, and be damn close to a 6 pack if not having it. My plan/hope is to achieve real-deal financial independence with a six-figure investment income by 36-37ish. I have great life goals and am working, hard, at achieving them. I read books that aren't Harry Potter, and play chess. I go out and have fun with a lot of guy friends. I've been to 4 continents. In a lot of ways my life is quite successful (seriously, gratitude journalling is awesome). Its just really hard not to think of my current situation with the ladies as some kind of karma for whoring around a lot in my young to mid 20's. They just aren't there in my life and idk what I can do to change that.

At some point, you stop really caring too. My experience in so many past relationships is emotional bullshit, manipulation, non-commitment and occasionally, real deal mental issues. Eventually you get the idea that to a big extent, what they are bringing to the table isn't worth it.
 
The feedback I seem to get is that I'm good on paper, but women say they don't feel a "spark" when they date me.

I've decoded "spark" as "You are freakishly unattractive". In the looks category I am indeed nothing interesting. I'm just your typical tall nerdy white guy who is height/weight proportionate.
You have no idea what "spark" means to a woman do you?

Women operate in the world of emotions, whereas men operate on logic. When she says you didn't make her FEEL a spark it means you didn't move her needle enough for her to get a read on you. Like you say you sound good on paper but if all you were was pleasant and polite and didn't excite her or make her laugh, or tease her a bit to get a rise out of her she can't get a feel for who you are. The feeling is the most important thing to her, even if it doesn't make any sense to you.

Pleasant and content and everything is fine are good things to us guys but to her emotions mean agitation, and any agitation good or bad is better than the needle staying in the middle. That's why they test and cause drama. It's not that they want to, per se, but because they all have a monster in them that makes no logical sense that demands agitation to feed it for her to feel safe. As fucked up as it is, that's why some women stay with abusers. They don't necessarily like the abuse, but on some deep level it makes the world make sense and they feel safe because they know where their man stands.

So it sounds like you are a "nice guy". Not the kind that blow up and send awful texts nice guys, but more of a you are too bland and agreeable so you are going to finish last nice guy.

You should work on being less polite and more direct with what you want. It won't work out every time, because everyone is different and women aren't really a hive mind with a magic code to get all of them but you do have to give her enough agitation to be able to make a judgement call about you. Being overly nice is like trying to get a ride without paying the fare, if you know what I mean.
 
- No social media -> fewer (new) contacts
- The next person I'll be with has to become my partner in edgy mischief and prepare to start a fully conscious robot colony in the forrest with me
-- I have yet to build a cabin in the forrest with enough storage space for our robotic friends
 
You have no idea what "spark" means to a woman do you?

Women operate in the world of emotions, whereas men operate on logic. When she says you didn't make her FEEL a spark it means you didn't move her needle enough for her to get a read on you. Like you say you sound good on paper but if all you were was pleasant and polite and didn't excite her or make her laugh, or tease her a bit to get a rise out of her she can't get a feel for who you are. The feeling is the most important thing to her, even if it doesn't make any sense to you.

Pleasant and content and everything is fine are good things to us guys but to her emotions mean agitation, and any agitation good or bad is better than the needle staying in the middle. That's why they test and cause drama. It's not that they want to, per se, but because they all have a monster in them that makes no logical sense that demands agitation to feed it for her to feel safe. As fucked up as it is, that's why some women stay with abusers. They don't necessarily like the abuse, but on some deep level it makes the world make sense and they feel safe because they know where their man stands.

So it sounds like you are a "nice guy". Not the kind that blow up and send awful texts nice guys, but more of a you are too bland and agreeable so you are going to finish last nice guy.

You should work on being less polite and more direct with what you want. It won't work out every time, because everyone is different and women aren't really a hive mind with a magic code to get all of them but you do have to give her enough agitation to be able to make a judgement call about you. Being overly nice is like trying to get a ride without paying the fare, if you know what I mean.

tl;dr women talking about nebulous shit like this "spark" (lol gay) is just beating around the bush. what it means in reality is you're beta, you're not alpha, you're not chad, and they can sniff that out immediately. it's doomed for you.
 
I don't want any bullshit or drama while I'm working on bettering myself. When I'm ready, I want to make sure the person I partner up with for the rest of my life is someone I'll love, cherish and tolerate on a bad day. The whole concept of "dating someone to feel less lonely" just isn't for me. Especially with how expensive shit is nowadays.

in practice guys who were socially successful in their teens and twenties will go on to be even more socially successful into their thirties and fourties, while guys who were social failures in youth will remain social failures in advanced age as well.

You fail to account that people change. Some grow as people and find success where they once found failure, and vice versa. It's just a matter of what you need to change about yourself to find success, which is easier for some and harder for others.

The "late bloomer cope" is overly optimistic but what you're saying it overly pessimistic.
 
So it sounds like you are a "nice guy". Not the kind that blow up and send awful texts nice guys, but more of a you are too bland and agreeable so you are going to finish last nice guy.

I've had girlfriends tell me outright "I'm too nice" because I generally try to attend to their needs and don't try to influence them emotionally or make grand gestures. While I've watched a girl go back to her ex because the ex was so obsessed with her, he beat up her new boyfriend.

I've come to realize I'm probably not partner material. Maybe being raised by a single mother did it. Or maybe it's autism.
 
Last edited:
i loved a woman for over 3 years and dated them for 2.5 years. during that entire time she struggled with her anxiety, which resulted in her calling me for hours whenever it sprung up (multiple times a week) without even the slightest complaint from me regarding it.

I revealed to her a miniscule amount of anxiet/depression regarding my future and she broke up with me within a month. 2.5 years dowm the drain because i revealed some involuntary mental shit shes also struggling with, lmao.

Just found out shes dating someone while im drinking every day until i pass out, so why bother dating if thats what its like to date someone who presents themselves as compassionate and understanding of everyone?
 
tl;dr women talking about nebulous shit like this "spark" (lol gay) is just beating around the bush. what it means in reality is you're beta, you're not alpha, you're not chad, and they can sniff that out immediately. it's doomed for you.
Many nice girls don't want to be around someone that is an endlessly cynical know-it-all. That would not create a spark.
 
Honestly I am kind of a sperg when it comes to relationships and the girl I have been going out with is also a sperg so we have not become super intimate, its been awhile and I don't want to move on because I feel like we do genuinely have feelings for each other.

Before, it was fear and insecurity in myself.

Now? Just haven’t found the right woman yet.
How did you overcome the insecurity and fear of rejection. The gym used to work for me but it does not really help anymore.
 
Back