why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

[Party Hat Wurmple]

I refuse to change myself emotionally for women, so im stubborn yet friendly and nice to them. I dont pursue women like they want to be pursued (aka fanatically) so i just dont interact with them beyond a certain point.

If you want women to pursue you, don't pursue them. It's one thing to ask a girl out, but you shouldn't change yourself for them. If they ask you to, then you need to remember to some degree it may be honest opinion. Usually it's a Shit Test to see what they can get away with. This is people in general. Know how to identify a shit test.

I’ve had similar conversations with other ex’s who say similar things and then tell me they can’t bring themselves to love me and it wouldn’t be fair for me to be so supportive when they can’t offer that same support back.

I'll tell you what's going. You're too perfect. You're the ideal great guy they could and should marry but their self esteem is so low they think they don't deserve you so they sabotage it. Broken women want what they think they deserve. If they think that you're the perfect ideal man and things are too easy and too simple, their minds literally snap in two. They HAVE to sabotage it because it's either A. Boring them or B. They think they don't deserve it.

Women like that have an obsession when it comes to men that they think they have to work and earn a man's affection through being a better version of themselves. It's the only way they're able to motivate themselves. Thus, the only way they think they're able to better themselves. So when you're just a great guy, you take all the effort out of it for them. They think they don't have to try anymore and they develop a need for drama. They have the prize, they just don't know what to do with it now and it drives them fucking crazy. That's why you see so many women dump great guys and date garbage guys who treat them like shit. It's because their cycles of motivation and self esteem are stuck in feedback loops and are just completely fucked. They derive pleasure from the drama.

Also, good for you. Never accept the friendship offer.

I'm pushing 40, so it would probably be far, far, far easier to date younger than look for a woman my age who isn't a goddamned mess.

If I have to put my foot down and split, I really have no clue what to do or where my chances are best. I'm seriously considering a rural area and finding a church at this point.

Rural area is the way to go. The reality is just be social and talk to people. And you should put your foot down.

 

[GratsTheat783]

I am not really interested in dating right now. If the oppurtunity comes along, I'll take it, but I'm not planning on going out of my way to get a girlfriend. I'll probably regret not going out if I don't have a girlfriend by 30 though.

 

[liquid nitrogen]

too autistic for normie men too normie for autistic men

normcoremaxxing is a blessing and a burden

 

[Maurice Maine]

I'm ugly and the dating game is fucked

 

[(((Obar Lazcano Kamz)))]

Usually it's a Shit Test to see what they can get away with. This is people in general. Know how to identify a shit

Yes i know that already thats why i ended things.

 

[geckogoy]

On paper, I’m a catch. I’m easy to talk to, supportive, funny, have my own interests, have a good job, tall, good looking, and physically fit. It just doesn’t translate to the real world for some reason.

TBH in the past she would have probably gotten yelled at by her grandparents (and possibly yours as well) but the social decay is pretty deep at this point so arbitrary retard decisions are left standing a lot more often than they should be

 

[BrodyDaMan]

I refuse to court women until I am satisfied with myself physically. There's a instinct in me that keeps saying "No, not yet, you need to get bigger, more handsome before you deserve her."

 

[Falcos_Commisar]

Because the women I date are scared of commitment. Take my last girlfriend as an example. We felt an instant connection, had the same values, we both felt natural talking and being with each other. Her family loved me and immediately welcomed me in. We would play games online with her siblings and they would be upset if I wasn’t able to join. Then, out of nowhere she decides to end things. I asked her why and she said that she loves being with me, that I’m a positive example in her life that makes her want to be better, and is grateful I’m in her life, but she doesn’t think she loves.

I’ve had similar conversations with other ex’s who say similar things and then tell me they can’t bring themselves to love me and it wouldn’t be fair for me to be so supportive when they can’t offer that same support back.

I’ve just about given up. On paper, I’m a catch. I’m easy to talk to, supportive, funny, have my own interests, have a good job, tall, good looking, and physically fit. It just doesn’t translate to the real world for some reason.

What an absolute BITCH. She's probably wanting some bullshit Hollywood fantasy or similar where a relationship has to have literal nightmare moments and gigantic fights to then get all made up later.

In the real world she's be asking "hey let's make this PERMANENT "

He gave her enough validation that she was confident she could trade up. I've been there, twice.

Ouch. No fun Hopefully she "traded up" to a massive PoS that ruined her credit and stole her car.

I'll tell you what's going. You're too perfect. You're the ideal great guy they could and should marry but their self esteem is so low they think they don't deserve you so they sabotage it. Broken women want what they think they deserve. If they think that you're the perfect ideal man and things are too easy and too simple, their minds literally snap in two. They HAVE to sabotage it because it's either A. Boring them or B. They think they don't deserve it

That OR they think "ohh I've got him I think I can do even BETTER"

Or they have massive daddy issues and actively seek out abusive or emotionally unavailable or similar men who treat them like shit because they think they deserve it.

I refuse to court women until I am satisfied with myself physically. There's a instinct in me that keeps saying "No, not yet, you need to get bigger, more handsome before you deserve her."

Agreed.

I need to lose about 20lbs to get back to where I was last spring/summer

 

[Kit Marz]

TBH in the past she would have probably gotten yelled at by her grandparents (and possibly yours as well) but the social decay is pretty deep at this point so arbitrary retard decisions are left standing a lot more often than they should be

I'm really curious what her family said to her or if she tried to paint me as the bad guy to them so it was like she had no choice but to break up with me.

 

[FILTH Tourist]

Love Quest Update: We cooked mac and cheese, watched big trouble in little China. nice low key date. Things are going well, but had a hard time reading her so I was a more direct with my feelings as we were leaving. She explained that she struggles with relationships and never really had one (same as me). After some awkward flirting I shot for a kiss but got a hug instead. Maybe I pushed too hard, or the long delay between dates killed my momentum, or it simply wasn't in the cards. But I'm going to say I failed unless something drastic happens. I'll give her a few days and do a quick check to see how she is feeling. I do genuinely like her and being friends is still a win for me. At least I am hanging out a buddy this weekend who knows the saga, maybe he has some sound advice.

I will keep those of you invested in this story posted if anything changes or a new quest starts up.

 

[DumbDude43]

I'm really curious what her family said to her or if she tried to paint me as the bad guy to them so it was like she had no choice but to break up with me.

if they all liked you (as you said) then you could just ask them about it. like, "hey she broke up with me out of nowhere and i'm kinda stumped, can you help me understand what happened here?"
if she did tell them something then there's a chance that you could find out what it was by doing this.

 

[Kit Marz]

if they all liked you (as you said) then you could just ask them about it. like, "hey she broke up with me out of nowhere and i'm kinda stumped, can you help me understand what happened here?"
if she did tell them something then there's a chance that you could find out what it was by doing this.

I did become friends with her brother and have thought about asking him, but can't bring myself to. Mostly because I do feel that it's best to move on. I don't have any regrets on my end. I bind books in my spare time and had promised to give her a custom leatherbound copy of The Lord of the Rings. I had just finished it when she broke up with me. I decided to mail it to her anyway so it was out of my house and could fully move on. She never acknowledged it and and it became clear that there was no use trying to understand what happened.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

I'm really curious what her family said to her or if she tried to paint me as the bad guy to them so it was like she had no choice but to break up with me.

She probably did paint you as the bad guy. Women love to control the narrative and if you don't get ahead of it, she'll happily lie to them to not seem like a cunt. Most women's #1 perogative is not being seen as the ass hole. So she's probably already been lying to her family long before breaking up with you. Whether they bought into her bullshit or not is on them.

Maybe I pushed too hard, or the long delay between dates killed my momentum, or it simply wasn't in the cards. But I'm going to say I failed unless something drastic happens. I'll give her a few days and do a quick check to see how she is feeling. I do genuinely like her and being friends is still a win for me. At least I am hanging out a buddy this weekend who knows the saga, maybe he has some sound advice.

Well, if I give her the benefit of the doubt and accept her answer as honesty, then no. Things probably aren't completely over and it's not out of your reach entirely. You probably could, with time try to put a square peg into a round hole. Maybe it would work out well for you if you gave it the time and effort. But the real question you need to ask yourself is this. Is it worth your time and energy to waste it on someone who doesn't seem that into you?

My honest opinion is no. You should walk away. If she comes back and asks "hey, what's going on?" Then you can tell her, she didn't seem that interested and you walked away. You've already laid your cards on the table. She'll chase if she wants it. If she don't want it you'll go somewhere else. Make her put in the effort. If she doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. But you'll be surprised how often they come back.

I did become friends with her brother and have thought about asking him, but can't bring myself to. Mostly because I do feel that it's best to move on. I don't have any regrets on my end. I bind books in my spare time and had promised to give her a custom leatherbound copy of The Lord of the Rings. I had just finished it when she broke up with me. I decided to mail it to her anyway so it was out of my house and could fully move on. She never acknowledged it and and it became clear that there was no use trying to understand what happened.

It's probably for the best that you gave it to her. It's best not to hang onto things like that.

 

[Kel1 shi1]

Love Quest Update: We cooked mac and cheese, watched big trouble in little China. nice low key date. Things are going well, but had a hard time reading her so I was a more direct with my feelings as we were leaving. She explained that she struggles with relationships and never really had one (same as me). After some awkward flirting I shot for a kiss but got a hug instead. Maybe I pushed too hard, or the long delay between dates killed my momentum, or it simply wasn't in the cards. But I'm going to say I failed unless something drastic happens. I'll give her a few days and do a quick check to see how she is feeling. I do genuinely like her and being friends is still a win for me. At least I am hanging out a buddy this weekend who knows the saga, maybe he has some sound advice.

I will keep those of you invested in this story posted if anything changes or a new quest starts up.

You friend zoned yourself right from the start by not being direct with your intentions, she already gave you the soft no before she went on vacation.

Find another chick, there's lots where you are and easier than where your from.

 

[Bungdit Din]

She explained that she struggles with relationships

Oof. Game over, man. Game over.

At least she was polite about it and let you down gently. In case you didn't know, if you ever hear some variation of "I'm not looking for a relationship right now," always add "...with you."

Take the hint.

and never really had one

Just means she's been pumped and dumped a few times. She was just looking for some dick, and you disappointed her.

 

[SIMIΔN]

Things are going well, but had a hard time reading her so I was a more direct with my feelings as we were leaving. She explained that she struggles with relationships and never really had one (same as me). After some awkward flirting I shot for a kiss but got a hug instead. Maybe I pushed too hard, or the long delay between dates killed my momentum, or it simply wasn't in the cards.

Better to know now, than futile unrequited love. Maybe the delays might have caused it, but nothing can change it now.

I do genuinely like her and being friends is still a win for me.

Any future kindness would be taken as a tactic to get into her undies. That's not a good foundation for a friendship.
It doesn't matter if she's the heart of the party or a introverted programmer onna-otaku.
Maybe if you get a new girlfriend, you can invite her along to group social activities, but definitely not when you are still single.

Just means she's been pumped and dumped a few times. She was just looking for some dick, and you disappointed her.

It's not that weird, I've known non-ugly late twenties girls who've never dated and a girl in her mid-twenties who has never been kissed a boyfriend of three years. Strict parents and demanding workplaces make such things possible.

 

[Kel1 shi1]

In case you didn't know, if you ever hear some variation of "I'm not looking for a relationship right now," always add "...with you."

It took me some time as a young man to work this out for myself, and I didn't have the internet back then to wingman for me. It's 100% true because a week or two later those girls were always hooked up with chad.

 

[WTBOnlineFather]

Broke up recently. Had to be done. If any of you are dating a zoomie who shows signs of being terminally online and mentally ill, run. These people are unfixable, they don't want to get better. There's no helping someone who willfully spends all day every day on discord reading and talking about things they hate, playing videogames they hate with people they hate, compulsively watching tiktoks about things and events they hate first thing in the morning, whipping themselves into a permanent state of gay and retarded misery. They also cannot cope with the fact that normal people have the ability to not give a fuck so they don't have all these problems.
She was a virgin too scared to have sex but at the same time was pretty clearly an obsessed fujo coomer. I mean damn, I had no idea a person could be this broken. Genuinely never encountered that before, at least not in real life.

 

[Dude Snakes]

Several reasons. I am a bit shy with women, most people here are vaxxed I'm not contaminating myself with their spike proteins. Last is I'm lazy.

 

[Kel1 shi1]

most people here are vaxxed I'm not contaminating myself with their spike proteins.

I'd never considered this, is it transmissible?