why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

Love Quest Update: We cooked mac and cheese, watched big trouble in little China. nice low key date. Things are going well, but had a hard time reading her so I was a more direct with my feelings as we were leaving. She explained that she struggles with relationships and never really had one (same as me). After some awkward flirting I shot for a kiss but got a hug instead. Maybe I pushed too hard, or the long delay between dates killed my momentum, or it simply wasn't in the cards. But I'm going to say I failed unless something drastic happens. I'll give her a few days and do a quick check to see how she is feeling. I do genuinely like her and being friends is still a win for me. At least I am hanging out a buddy this weekend who knows the saga, maybe he has some sound advice.

I will keep those of you invested in this story posted if anything changes or a new quest starts up.

New quest time. Get yourself some gym baddie

Oof. Game over, man. Game over.

At least she was polite about it and let you down gently. In case you didn't know, if you ever hear some variation of "I'm not looking for a relationship right now," always add "...with you."

Take the hint.


Just means she's been pumped and dumped a few times. She was just looking for some dick, and you disappointed her.

Sadly. Maybe she's looking for the dark meat ...

It's not that weird, I've known non-ugly late twenties girls who've never dated and a girl in her mid-twenties who has never been kissed a boyfriend of three years. Strict parents and demanding workplaces make such things possible

It happens but it's pretty rare unless you're (as a lady) fuck ugly or really fat.

Also, women lie ALL THE TIME

Well, my dating pool just got a lot smaller. On the other had women will tell you they are vaxxed way, way, way, before they would say if they had an STD or Aids.
I DO NOT THINK you can catch the COVID vaccine from sex..... At all.

An intramuscular injection isn't sexual intercourse.

Hell, a doctor recently told me that a man getting HIV from vaginal intercourse is rather difficult (HIV REALLY spreads from anal sex and needle sharing)

Don't sweat it
 
Also, women lie ALL THE TIME
No, it was a combination of having an idealised view of love, and overfocusing on one person but being too afraid to show direct interest.

I was thinking of trying for a shortstack
Aren't almost all Taiwanese girls shorter than (I assume from FILTH) British guys?

You are exotic, you are who a girl would go for if she wanted something different from her ex's.
 
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It happens but it's pretty rare unless you're (as a lady) fuck ugly or really fat.

Also, women lie ALL THE TIME
Ugly women who are really trying aren't going to have much more trouble than any other woman, because there are tons of ugly men who'd date them.

If some girl hasn't had much (or any) relationship experience by their late 20s, it's usually more of a psychological thing. Just like it is for tons of men who can't help but get in their own way.

Idk, everyone's supposedly got their reasons for being single but when I look at threads like this I think a lot of it for people online might be the relentless negativity and assumption (on both ends) that the opposite sex lives in a completely different reality where they don't experience any of the same struggles.

I swear if aliens were looking in on planet earth via the internet they'd assume that interacting with the opposite sex must be some kind of torture ritual people engage in to punish themselves and not something that you're intended to enjoy.
 
Hell, a doctor recently told me that a man getting HIV from vaginal intercourse is rather difficult (HIV REALLY spreads from anal sex and needle sharing)

I've known this for a long time, you can find the report on Google. The chance of a man getting HIV from a woman through vaginal sex is less than 1%. However don't take this as a greet light to go and rawdog a load of women fellow kiwis. There's a lot of other nasty STDs you would be exposing yourself to.
 
I don't know if I've ever shared this before here, but I've gotten to thinking that maybe one reason I'm so passive is that my first/one girlfriend screwed me up.

She was a few years older than me, like I was a college freshman and she was five years older. I was, I think, both a rebound for her and a pity date. Her fiance had cheated on her and I don't know how long ago it was, but she was still in that grieving-the-relationship stage. Was kind of trying to discourage me, but real half-hearted, and I could tell that she liked having a "puppy boyfriend," liked the idea of being some younger man's first everything.

At the time I was very worried about finding a girlfriend. I felt like I was way behind because I didn't date in high school, and I felt this huge pressure on me, like I had to catch up, I had to find a wife for when I graduated and since it's a kind of random process I had to date feverishly. This was all foolish, of course, but I think many of you understand how a young person will place burdens on themselves, will worry themselves to death over things that have to sort themself out in their own time. There's an irony, isn't there, that younger people often feel like they have less time because they have so little of it behind them that they can't see how much they have before them. It wasn't just about love/companionship either. My father was an old man even when I was born and I was/am very attached to my parents. They'd take me to graveyards and funerals a lot when I was a little kid. I always had, even from a very early age, a strong awareness of death and a sense that I had to prepare a replacement family for before they'd pass, and preferably soon enough that they could appreciate it too. And add on to all of that that I was, at the time, exploring a religious tradition that not only prioritizes family life but actually elevates it to being the center of its cosmology. Makes it the whole point of life.

So I was very desperate, and I glomped on to her. Not dissatisfied in doing so, either, but because I had no perspective (that would have come from dating multiple women), was still in that puppy love phase of maturation, I idolized her.

For her part, she was very emotionally immature. Like a lot of young women, overly concerned with romantic passion and benevolent in character but unintentionally cruel in behavior.

She'd tease me by saying things like she felt she was about to fall in love with me.

She ended up dumping me about a week* after taking my virginity - same day I wanted to tell her I loved her - and got engaged something like a month after that to a man that she knew. I don't know if I was the side guy (she wanted to keep the relationship hidden) or if he just sprung it on her out of nowhere. In her religion that sort of thing is entirely common. But I think the whole business was a real mind screw.

*This was my fault, at least partially.

In the years after that I did take an interest in some other women. There was one that I had a very strong puppy love for, but she was useless - was uninterested but fed me crumbs of attention - and in the end wore out my patience to where I gave up on it. (I'd tell a young man what my father tried to teach me, don't waste your time on a woman that makes you chase her. If they're interested they'll become a nuisance to you for how much they want to be around you.) There were a few others that I asked out or was interested in but didn't for whatever reason. That's another thing, you come to realize that you don't even remember small rejections. These people that don't become part of your life fade from your memory fast. But I also think it came to feel like women were more of a danger than anything. That one relationship paid out way more pain, in the long run, than it ever did good. So did the two other women I was interested in. I know, in hindsight, that I could have managed it better. Confront it quickly and walk away quickly. But all the same, it feels like the intensity of pain is too high, and the risk too high, to be worth the gamble. I think that sort of calculation sat in my subconscious for a very long time, and the facts of it haven't changed.

The happier I got the less it mattered to me, as well. Then graduate school came and with it the depths of misery, and I didn't care much then either. It takes a certain middle level of happiness to care. Sufficiently happy to have trivial problems, insufficiently happy to be content in yourself.

I don't know why I got onto this topic. I had a sort of spiritual awakening over the past year, and I felt my heart thaw and my demeanor become a lot more easy. Started to feel a lot more peaceful. My mind works better now, I feel a lot more attuned with the spiritual world and what God wants.

Yesterday I was smoking a cigar on my porch, something that to me is a spiritual activity (I approach tobacco use with the mentality of the Indians). I had seen an ex-friend recently who I've hated for years. He was visually miserable - pitiable - and hopefully friendly. What remained of my anger melted, at least for the rest of the day before my heart could harden up again. I got to thinking how after all this time he has probably been through as much inner turmoil as me and may not be the same person. I realized that if it was easier to "act" friendlier to him than to be cold, that meant the coldness was the act, and it was time to let it all go. It's not like I hadn't tried long ago. It just never worked. Now it fell off my shoulders.

I was thinking too about that girlfriend. I wish I could talk to her. The last I spoke to her was in anger, and I don't beat myself up for it. That's normal with these things. But I regret it all the same. I think I may be kind of young to feel this way, but that it's not an uncommon desire. Old people do that. I felt old the moment I was born.
 
I just don't care about them. They have shapes and voices that compel my attraction on a physical level, but that's it. You want to know why I'm thinking I should get a wife someday? It's "Man, I really need to stop jerking off. It'd be easier if I have a wife, plus then I could have a family which might be cool". I can't honestly ever say that I've been drawn to the force of personality of a woman. They can be nice and even pleasant to be around, but they're kind of boring.

Maybe that's ok, though. Connecting on your passions is what men are for. Or maybe I just haven't met her yet
 
Because I'm a functional adult who has basically everything ready for a kid except a partner, but can talk to only terminally online people who tend not to be.
Ugly women who are really trying aren't going to have much more trouble than any other woman, because there are tons of ugly men who'd date them.
You couldn't possibly think the only (or even overriding) consideration for an adult when dating someone is their appearance, could you? People want partners they can settle down with - you getting some random ugly incel isn't going to guarantee you a financially stable, non-addict, moderately emotionally mature and open partner. There's 0 point to dating someone without those latter traits- it just wouldn't go anywhere in the long run. There's nothing in it for either party.
 
Most of my longterm hobbies are male-dominated and kind of geek-y, so they're either filled with coomers and troons or people assume I'm a troon if I say I'm a chick. That leaves the dating pool small pretty small.
I'm the same way, but if I said I was a chick I would in fact be rightly seen as a troon. Or maybe a comedian.
 
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Most of my longterm hobbies are male-dominated and kind of geek-y, so they're either filled with coomers and troons or people assume I'm a troon if I say I'm a chick. That leaves the dating pool small pretty small.
what are you talking about? If youre a girl into male hobbies you basically have your pick. Youre not gonna meet guys in a knitting club. I doubt as many assume youre a troon as you think.
 
what are you talking about? If youre a girl into male hobbies you basically have your pick. Youre not gonna meet guys in a knitting club. I doubt as many assume youre a troon as you think.
There aren't many if any chads in nerdy hobbies. Choices are extremely small.
 
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