Worst Date you've ever had

[TheMockTurtle]

Do you guys know that old story of U2's Bono slow clapping at a concert saying "every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies" and some drunk dude yelled "so stop doing it, ye basterd!"?

I had someone on a date tell me that story and try to pretend they were there. they were mortified that I said the punchline for them and said "oh that was in Glasgow right?, what were you doing in scotland?". The date came to a screeching halt and they sperged out about how I now know they make shit up and aren't really funny or original and they practically ran to their car in shame.

 

[Overcast]

I've never eaten dates, so I wouldn't know.

 

[Caesare]

I've never eaten dates, so I wouldn't know.

 

[GingerDixie]

While I've never had a bad date, per se, my first boyfriend was literally the worst kisser in the world. He would constantly try to shove his tongue down my throat and it was really gross. But given as we were in high school and it was both of our firsts I guess it's not that surprising.

I would have more luck talking about my older brother's dates with his current girlfriend, because good God that lady is a basket case.

 

[RI 360]

lol I just realized I took someone on the worst date ever.

I had a boyfriend for two years who wasn't athletic or interested in doing the outdoorsy stuff I was/am. I was going to be leaving for like nine months (we were ending things) and I finally convinced him to come sailing with me, a friend (who owned the boat) and a couple of my cousins. There was a storm headed our way, but something like a 60% chance it was going to skirt around us, so we took that risk. We left at 8pm with the intention of being back by 11, but unfortunately the storm did not pass us and we got caught in the middle of it and ultimately didn't end up getting back to our mooring until 2am. Boyfriend was alarmed and uneasy when the boat listed in a good wind while it was smoothing sailing, so imagine his increasing distress as the waters began getting so rough me and my friend ordered everyone to put life jackets on. Boyfriend retired into the cabin once the waves started crashing over the stern, soaking us. The winds picked up to 40mph (half a hurricane) and we were getting walloped by waves at least ten feet high, I looked into the cabin to see the BF huddled into himself, and at the moment a wave washed over the boat, dumping a ton of water directly into his lap through a vent that was above him. I started laughing... then realized he was probably traumatized. Went inside to comfort him, he began crying. He was scared, felt trapped and I honestly couldn't give him an estimate of when we'd be back just that we had to weather the storm out (excluding we could capsize if this was handled incorrectly). Went back out to help with steering, me friend, and cousins (who at that point took to standing at the entrance of the cabin) all had a blast, it was a serious challenge to navigate and we all got home and had a fun story to tell... Except for BF. I ended paying for him to take a cab all the way home after that instead of putting him on the train, it was his first time on a boat and he swore he would never, ever, get on one again.

 

[Carlos Thin]

lol I just realized I took someone on the worst date ever.

I had a boyfriend for two years who wasn't athletic or interested in doing the outdoorsy stuff I was/am. I was going to be leaving for like nine months (we were ending things) and I finally convinced him to come sailing with me, a friend (who owned the boat) and a couple of my cousins. There was a storm headed our way, but something like a 60% chance it was going to skirt around us, so we took that risk. We left at 8pm with the intention of being back by 11, but unfortunately the storm did not pass us and we got caught in the middle of it and ultimately didn't end up getting back to our mooring until 2am. Boyfriend was alarmed and uneasy when the boat listed in a good wind while it was smoothing sailing, so imagine his increasing distress as the waters began getting so rough me and my friend ordered everyone to put life jackets on. Boyfriend retired into the cabin once the waves started crashing over the stern, soaking us. The winds picked up to 40mph (half a hurricane) and we were getting walloped by waves at least ten feet high, I looked into the cabin to see the BF huddled into himself, and at the moment a wave washed over the boat, dumping a ton of water directly into his lap through a vent that was above him. I started laughing... then realized he was probably traumatized. Went inside to comfort him, he began crying. He was scared, felt trapped and I honestly couldn't give him an estimate of when we'd be back just that we had to weather the storm out (excluding we could capsize if this was handled incorrectly). Went back out to help with steering, me friend, and cousins (who at that point took to standing at the entrance of the cabin) all had a blast, it was a serious challenge to navigate and we all got home and had a fun story to tell... Except for BF. I ended paying for him to take a cab all the way home after that instead of putting him on the train, it was his first time on a boat and he swore he would never, ever, get on one again.

Get that man a copy of Moby Dick and tell him to man the Fuck up

 

[QB 290]

Get that man a copy of Moby Dick and tell him to man the Fuck up

yeah, I second that, there's nothing sexy about a guy with less balls then you
*cough* Andrew Dobson *cough*

 

[Caesare]

Get that man a copy of Moby Dick and tell him to man the Fuck up

At least she got an excellent story out of it. After reading that though I wanted to call him a wuss.

 

[Motherboard]

It was either before or after Valentine's Day, but my first "official" date was with a guy I'd known since 2nd grade. In fact, in my earliest memory of him, I fucking ate shit on the seesaw because I had no balance whatsoever.

But basically, he had just recently gotten his driver's license, and was taking me to the movies to see Deadpool. Before all of this, I learned he was into vore, watching people eating, fat fetish, the whole horror show involving the digestive system. I became nervous around him also because he's touchy-feely, and I most certainly am not. Despite expressing to him that I don't want to be touched, he'd do so anyway.
On the way to the movies, I was texting my friend whom had known I was scared of this guy, and was trying to keep me calm and say he'd castrate him if he tried anything. He didn't, thankfully, but he did say some real creepy shit that I'd rather not repeat.
But while I'm texting my friend, this guy almost gets into an accident by pulling into an intersection when he wasn't supposed to. This was my first time being driven somewhere by him too, so that only amped up my anxiety over the whole thing.
The whole experience was uncomfortable and frightening, but at least nothing happened to me. I really only stayed with him that long because I'm afraid of that kind of confrontation.

I also got a taxidermy butterfly necklace out of the encounter, which I still have and wear despite where I'd gotten it.

 

[Carlos Thin]

With my first "real" girlfriend, we walked out to a forest near her house and clumb a tree. Everything went really nice sitting on a branch making out n shit until basically she started talking:
"So like we've been together 3 months now, and we can tell each other anything right?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"So like, for example, if you thought my best friend was attractive, you'd tell me right?"
"Uhh..."
"What do you think, is she attractive?"
"Umm, I've never thought about her that way." (I'm not touching that question with a 10-foot pole)
"Oh come off it, guys always think about girls in that way."
"But I've never thought about her that way."
"Well if you had to, what would you say?"
"Well---if I had to, I would...say she's attractive?" (ERRRR Wrong answer)
"What?" her expression suddenly changes to deep concern
"Yeah, I'd say she's attractive. Are you happy?"
"What the fuck do you mean you're attracted to her?"
"I didn't say that."
"But you meant to say that. Christ, I can't believe you're attracted to my best friend."
"What the fuck?"
"Oh my God, I can't be here any longer, goodbye." she climbs down from the tree and walks home. Leaving me shouting after her. That night she rings me saying she's willing to forgive me. And so began 6 miserable months.

 

[Motherboard]

With my first "real" girlfriend, we walked out to a forest near her house and clumb a tree. Everything went really nice sitting on a branch making out n shit until basically she started talking:
"So like we've been together 3 months now, and we can tell each other anything right?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"So like, for example, if you thought my best friend was attractive, you'd tell me right?"
"Uhh..."
"What do you think, is she attractive?"
"Umm, I've never thought about her that way." (I'm not touching that question with a 10-foot pole)
"Oh come off it, guys always think about girls in that way."
"But I've never thought about her that way."
"Well if you had to, what would you say?"
"Well---if I had to, I would...say she's attractive?" (ERRRR Wrong answer)
"What?" her expression suddenly changes to deep concern
"Yeah, I'd say she's attractive. Are you happy?"
"What the fuck do you mean you're attracted to her?"
"I didn't say that."
"But you meant to say that. Christ, I can't believe you're attracted to my best friend."
"What the fuck?"
"Oh my God, I can't be here any longer, goodbye." she climbs down from the tree and walks home. Leaving me shouting after her. That night she rings me saying she's willing to forgive me. And so began 6 miserable months.

Jesus christ, I hate girls that pull that shit. Like bitch, you ain't the only pretty girl out there. (If she even was pretty.)

 

[Dr. Henry Armitage]

My senior year of high school I started dating this girl. She was super christian and big into purity culture. We dated for about four months our last date was a church trip to an amusement park with attached water park. Now I don't like roller coasters and she knew this. So i mostly stuck to the water park. She wanted me to go so I could pay for everything . After lunch she disappeared with some members of her church group I didn't think to much of it. I didn't see her until we went to leave. She was in the church van having sex with one of the guys from her church youth group and and the rest of the group caught them. I ended up calling my parents to pick me up Since I refused to ride back with them.

One more, about a year after the amusement park incident I was set up on a date with one of my brothers coworkers. She seemed nice and not fucking insane (don't they all). We dated for about a month. our last date was to the movies when we came out i hear some guy yell at her I turn around and there is her other boyfriend a short fat weeb with an Inuyasha shirt on. whom she was supposed to meet for a date. They had been dating for like five years. I calmly explained to him that I didn't know they were dating and she told me she was single. That's when she said that if we were real men we would fight over her. She had set this whole thing up hoping we would get into a fight over her in a movie theater lobby.I told him he could have her I was done. She sent me a message on facebook about a week later asking me for another chance I just laughed and blocked her.

 

[Carlos Thin]

I had a religious encounter with my girlfriend but in reverse. Her parents house was adorned with all sorts of Catholic paraphernalia, Mary's and Jesuses looming high on every wall, and a bible in every room. The family weren't nuts, they just had been raised differently. In my girlfriends room, she still had her communion and confirmation photographs on her bedside table, unbeknownst. So any time I stayed over, I politely stayed in a different room to sleep. This drove my girlfriend nuts. We fucked like bunnies when we were at my house, but I shut up like a trap when I was at hers. So once when her house was empty, she wanted me badly. I tried as best I could to avoid it, but it basically came down to "take your clothes off, were having sex." I flat out refused, she was like "what the hell is wrong with you?" and I meekly said, "sorry X, this is your dad's house, and your dad's a Catholic." and this hit her like she didn't know what Catholicism was. She wasn't giving up, so I made her find out when her parents were coming home. They weren't going to be home for an hour or so, so she won in the end. But before she could claim her prize (I ain't saying I'm a prize...) God Himself intervened and gave me a random seizure. Nobody ever said anything to me afterwards, but I hope she dressed me before my Dad got there. Needless to say, we never tried anything in her house again, God speaks but once to promiscuous couples.

 

[Caesare]

I had a religious encounter with my girlfriend but in reverse. Her parents house was adorned with all sorts of Catholic paraphernalia, Mary's and Jesuses looming high on every wall, and a bible in every room. The family weren't nuts, they just had been raised differently. In my girlfriends room, she still had her communion and confirmation photographs on her bedside table, unbeknownst. So any time I stayed over, I politely stayed in a different room to sleep. This drove my girlfriend nuts. We fucked like bunnies when we were at my house, but I shut up like a trap when I was at hers. So once when her house was empty, she wanted me badly. I tried as best I could to avoid it, but it basically came down to "take your clothes off, were having sex." I flat out refused, she was like "what the hell is wrong with you?" and I meekly said, "sorry X, this is your dad's house, and your dad's a Catholic." and this hit her like she didn't know what Catholicism was. She wasn't giving up, so I made her find out when her parents were coming home. They weren't going to be home for an hour or so, so she won in the end. But before she could claim her prize (I ain't saying I'm a prize...) God Himself intervened and gave me a random seizure. Nobody ever said anything to me afterwards, but I hope she dressed me before my Dad got there. Needless to say, we never tried anything in her house again, God speaks but once to promiscuous couples.

Yeah you got lucky that time. Next time it was going to be a lightning bolt to the crotch.

 

[weaselhat]

Blind dating a closeted gay man was the worst date. It wasn't so much that it was blind and he was gay, it was he couldn't just tell me, hey I don't want my coworkers to know, but we can just go out as friends and enjoy this because your not my type. It had to be awkward and weird. Like we danced around a large elephant in the room decorated with rainbow stickers. I was too immature to just call him out and say yeah, I know your gay, so can we just eat dinner. On a side note, my friend was a dumbass because she did not see I was not the dude's type. Granted this was the 90s, but still. Dude was very gay and totally obvious. I guess maybe I should have told him how obvious it was. Maybe he was clueless that he was in a glass closet.

 

[feedtheoctopus]

tl;dr she fucked my roommate instead

 

[The Fifth Waltz]

The last date I had been on two years ago was awful. Met this guy on a dating site, and went on a date to a board game cafe in the city. I like to keep my personal life private, especially when it's a first date with someone. My mom had heard I was going to the city to "Hang out with some friends" that day and forced me to go with her. I get dropped off at the cafe two hours early, and have to wait until my date shows up. Once my date did show up it was actually pretty fun and we talked for hours until I get a text message "Aj, I'm on my way to pick you up" which wasn't so bad until my mom walks in and crashes my date, I grabbed my shit and booked it.

Mom still laughs her ass off about this. FML

Despite what happened he actually was pretty cool with it and we dated for six months.

 

[Randy Lahey]

Some kids threw bottles at my girlfriend. She said she still had fun.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Second worst date:
Four years ago I went out with this girl. She was Asian and probably a 2/10 in the face, a solid 7/10 in the body (thicc). First date was drinks and went well. Even got the good night kiss and she immediately texted for a second date. For the second date, she suggests sushi, so we go to a local sushi place. She apparently used to work with the sushi chef and she spent the whole date talking to him. I was cordial and got involved in their conversation as much as I could (it was mostly about former coworkers who I obviously didn't know), but you can imagine how awkward it was. The guy did give us our meals for free, so I tried to play it off as cool. Anyway, the date finishes and do the kiss goodnight and that. After the date she then texts me that she wasn't that attracted to me. Now not to toot my own horn, but I am a decently good looking guy, so I didn't really care (even had a few dates with other women lined up at the time), but I was more confused than anything.

Anyway, I am sort of seeing this girl now (not official or anything) but I never de-activated my OKCupid. Guess who is back on OKCupid, doesn't remember me, and sent me a message out of the blue!

Worst date (if you can call it that):
Back in 2012 I talking to this chick on OKCupid. We exchange #s, and she suggests I come over to "watch a movie". I may be socially weird enough to follow lolcows on the internet, but even I knew what that mean. She tells me her address and to park in the lot behind her apartment. Her address is a sketchy part of town, but I had actually just hooked up with a girl in that area a few months prior so I didn't think twice of it. I park on the street and send her a text. She replies, "I told you to park in the lot behind my apartment. Park there now." I am not stupid enough to actually do that, so I text her that I am not comfortable and got the fuck out of there. I don't know what was waiting for me in that lot, but I sure as hell wasn't going to find out.

 

[Hummingbird]

One guy wanted me to move to his city and live with him on our first date. He also kept trying to stuff me with food and didn't want to leave his appartment so I was stuck spending most of the date there. I had to call my parents to help make a fake emergency so I could leave.