- Joined
- Aug 9, 2014
What are some of your worst experience trying to contain a full bladder? Here are some of mine:
The Toll Gate
My girlfriend had to move about three hours' drive away from me a few years ago for work. I went and visited her every weekend, but a problem I'd run into during the drive is I'd get horribly dehydrated and end up with a splitting headache, so one time, I decided to have a couple of litres of water handy in the car.
The motorway my girlfriend lived on the other side of had a toll bridge, and by the time I was approaching the toll gate, I'd chugged pretty much all of the water and my bladder was starting to feel the effects. It had kicked in just after I'd gone past the last service station, and the next one was the other side of the toll gate. It hadn't quite got to the stage where pulling over to the roadside seemed like a good idea, so I silently hoped the queue for the toll gate wouldn't be too long today and pressed on.
Longest. Fucking. Queue. Ever.
I swear I'd never seen it as bad as it was that day either before or since. To make matters worse, I'd ended up in one of the middle lanes, so I couldn't even abandon my car and sprint for the bushes. It got so bad I almost used one of the empty bottles of water, but was stopped by the lorry next door to me which had a birdseye view of the inside of my car.
After what seemed like an eternity, I cleared the toll and no word of a lie, made it to the service station toilets with seconds to spare. I'm not exaggerating when I say that if it had been a nanosecond longer, it would've been too late.
Takeoff
This one's more recent and is more clearly etched in my memory. I was doing a long haul flight and we did a brief, 45 minute stop in Singapore for the plane to refuel. When you return to the plane after a stop, you're not allowed to bring any liquids back on because you have to go back through security, even if they were bought after clearing security at your original departure point.
I realised as I was standing in the queue that I had a bottle of Pepsi Max I hadn't drunk yet, and didn't want to waste it, so I gulped it down before security and was allowed to board the plane.
Not twenty minutes later I was absolutely fucking desperate for a piss. The toilets on the plane were out of action for takeoff, and the plane did the longest fucking taxi ever up the runway. I was swearing under my breath I was in so much agony, and every bump as the plane hit an uneven section of runway only made it worse. I nearly ignored the seatbelt sign and made a run for it, my kegels were screaming at me.
Thankfully I managed to hold it until the seatbelt sign was switched off. You've never seen someone sprint as fast towards the back of the plane as I did then. I may or may not have bowled an old dear out of the way in my haste, but I didn't care. The relief never felt so sweet.
The Toll Gate
My girlfriend had to move about three hours' drive away from me a few years ago for work. I went and visited her every weekend, but a problem I'd run into during the drive is I'd get horribly dehydrated and end up with a splitting headache, so one time, I decided to have a couple of litres of water handy in the car.
The motorway my girlfriend lived on the other side of had a toll bridge, and by the time I was approaching the toll gate, I'd chugged pretty much all of the water and my bladder was starting to feel the effects. It had kicked in just after I'd gone past the last service station, and the next one was the other side of the toll gate. It hadn't quite got to the stage where pulling over to the roadside seemed like a good idea, so I silently hoped the queue for the toll gate wouldn't be too long today and pressed on.
Longest. Fucking. Queue. Ever.
I swear I'd never seen it as bad as it was that day either before or since. To make matters worse, I'd ended up in one of the middle lanes, so I couldn't even abandon my car and sprint for the bushes. It got so bad I almost used one of the empty bottles of water, but was stopped by the lorry next door to me which had a birdseye view of the inside of my car.
After what seemed like an eternity, I cleared the toll and no word of a lie, made it to the service station toilets with seconds to spare. I'm not exaggerating when I say that if it had been a nanosecond longer, it would've been too late.
Takeoff
This one's more recent and is more clearly etched in my memory. I was doing a long haul flight and we did a brief, 45 minute stop in Singapore for the plane to refuel. When you return to the plane after a stop, you're not allowed to bring any liquids back on because you have to go back through security, even if they were bought after clearing security at your original departure point.
I realised as I was standing in the queue that I had a bottle of Pepsi Max I hadn't drunk yet, and didn't want to waste it, so I gulped it down before security and was allowed to board the plane.
Not twenty minutes later I was absolutely fucking desperate for a piss. The toilets on the plane were out of action for takeoff, and the plane did the longest fucking taxi ever up the runway. I was swearing under my breath I was in so much agony, and every bump as the plane hit an uneven section of runway only made it worse. I nearly ignored the seatbelt sign and made a run for it, my kegels were screaming at me.
Thankfully I managed to hold it until the seatbelt sign was switched off. You've never seen someone sprint as fast towards the back of the plane as I did then. I may or may not have bowled an old dear out of the way in my haste, but I didn't care. The relief never felt so sweet.
