X-Com 2: Kiwis Under The Sea
- Thread starter Tavern Explorer
- Start date
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2014
JANUARY 17, 2040
We got the drop on one of the fuckers' ships hanging around on the ocean floor. Tactical strike team is already on the way, dude.
COMBAT REPORT:
Before the op begins Absinthe gives a warm welcome to Hustine Fiblette and InSaney, the first two soldiers to be brought into the force after base creation. Once more living stations are set up more tactical assets can be brought in, but for the moment these two are the only reinforcement to the squad that we have.
The fresh sergeant orders the team to unload and a perimeter's set up. Chyeah dude, like #BasicTraining and shit, we know what to do.
Safety Scissors finds herself on overwatch with Hungry Mytoes, descendant of the legendary Captain Hunger Mythos of the previous war. Basically like #History dude, Mythos was like a tactical goddess of the battlefield and #StrykerSquad's mascot before some bullshit killed her. Here's hoping that Mytoes will have just as many successes and not get caught in some dead-end mission, 111111111
InSaney picks up a tango in his search area. Dude, that's FUCKED UP! The FUCK is this gray faggot reskin? That things a water version of that first tango we fought dude, look at it!
Mauvboy fires a burst at it and HOLY SHIT
Tactical bubbles are everywhere dude, and I don't know why! Was that metal structure a stray shot hit an oil pipe?
Or was it something the tango was holding?
FUCK dude, Randall's scouting mate got sniped by something big! Basically like #Roleplay he just drops to a knee like "FUCK dude that's FUCKED UP, gimme some cover!"
Mytoes does better than just cover dude, she fucking nails the thing from long range! FUCK yeah, shit doesn't fall far from the tree and shit.
Randall shakes off that near-death experience like the tactical space survivor he is dude, and he just wraps around to get full visual of the ship. This is the first time we've been able to really focus and study the vessel, and even though it's a little busted we can see--
WAIT
OH MY GOD
THAT'S A-- THAT'S A DIIIIIIIIICK
We got the drop on one of the fuckers' ships hanging around on the ocean floor. Tactical strike team is already on the way, dude.
COMBAT REPORT:
Before the op begins Absinthe gives a warm welcome to Hustine Fiblette and InSaney, the first two soldiers to be brought into the force after base creation. Once more living stations are set up more tactical assets can be brought in, but for the moment these two are the only reinforcement to the squad that we have.
The fresh sergeant orders the team to unload and a perimeter's set up. Chyeah dude, like #BasicTraining and shit, we know what to do.
Safety Scissors finds herself on overwatch with Hungry Mytoes, descendant of the legendary Captain Hunger Mythos of the previous war. Basically like #History dude, Mythos was like a tactical goddess of the battlefield and #StrykerSquad's mascot before some bullshit killed her. Here's hoping that Mytoes will have just as many successes and not get caught in some dead-end mission, 111111111
InSaney picks up a tango in his search area. Dude, that's FUCKED UP! The FUCK is this gray faggot reskin? That things a water version of that first tango we fought dude, look at it!
Mauvboy fires a burst at it and HOLY SHIT
Tactical bubbles are everywhere dude, and I don't know why! Was that metal structure a stray shot hit an oil pipe?
Or was it something the tango was holding?
FUCK dude, Randall's scouting mate got sniped by something big! Basically like #Roleplay he just drops to a knee like "FUCK dude that's FUCKED UP, gimme some cover!"
Mytoes does better than just cover dude, she fucking nails the thing from long range! FUCK yeah, shit doesn't fall far from the tree and shit.
Randall shakes off that near-death experience like the tactical space survivor he is dude, and he just wraps around to get full visual of the ship. This is the first time we've been able to really focus and study the vessel, and even though it's a little busted we can see--
WAIT
OH MY GOD
THAT'S A-- THAT'S A DIIIIIIIIICK
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2014
First space Muslims and now underwater Dicksquad, why hasn't the government been taking these threats seriously, you need to stop their gay agenda Commander.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2014
Dude that was FUCKED UP dude, that was SO FUCKED UP! The soldiers stripped that FUCKED UP vessel to the bone okay, took all the good shit out, but the assassination's still there okay, I can't get that...that DICK out of my head man! Jesus that's FUCKED UP!!
JESUS....anyway, the nerds have finished setting up alien containment facilities on the base dude, and they've got a definite plan, okay.
So basically with the new laws and red tape the nerds will be a lot slower researching things. They've found a loophole, though--there's been no regulations on the tangos since 40 years ago, since everyone basically thought they were gone. What that means, gamers, is that if we can catch some of the fucks we can get them to work for us and speed up the research process again. We're gonna get #WaterDickSquad on our side dudes, like divide and conquer and shit, basically.
JANUARY 20, 2040
The shipment's in and a couple more storage and living spaces are open in the base. Shit's become more expensive everywhere but, like, we've learned a few things about managing money you know, #MoneyMaster dude. We won't be in a bad spot with our money for these first couple months if things go well.
JANUARY 22, 2040
We had a great surprise in the small group of volunteers we got today! HrrDrr was standing with the recruits, looking as tactical as he did 40 years ago. Seems like when Space Osama was killed the soldier's enslavement to the HAARP rays was lifted and he spent the next few decades finding his way back to the force. That's some fudcking dedication dude, press 1 to respect the commitment of a truly tactical soldier gamers.
Another tactical find among the volunteers was Organic Sippycup, the descendant of the sergeant that gave his life in the one base defense of the last war. He's as brave and all-around tactical as Fapcup was; I have high hopes for him.
Basically I'm feeling pretty good about how things are, soul assassination or not. Now to just glide through to the end of the month and our first paycheck--
DUDE ARE YOU FUDCKING SERIOUS
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2014
[ROLEPLAYING]: Randall's all like, "shit man, let's go save some civvies". And then he runs a comb through his greying President Polk mullet and cocks his rifle.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2014
- Joined
- May 25, 2013
Private Naamaleipuri reporting for duty, I can do everything from cleaning the bathrooms to parkouring over hordes of alien muslim bastards.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2014
This is FUCKED UP dude, at least the space muslims waited until the second fudcking month to pull this shit! This is FUCKED UP, with prices as unrealistic as they are we can't risk too many soldiers but we can't risk the carrier by sending too few either...Randall and three other tactical troops will have to do. With this number, someone has a chance of getting back to the ship and taking off if things go south at least.
It's FUCKED UP but it's all we can do.
COMBAT REPORT:
Two steps off the Triton and Absinthe has found the first tango. Let's start this right dudes, I trust that--
WHAT
Dude that's FUCKED UP, I didn't know some weapons only worked underwater!
Fucking--! A-Twig's gone and almost killed himself with his gun, trying to see if it would work or not
Absinthe runs up like "Dude the FUCK, come on we're gettin out of here!"
Randall and InSaney's tactical dart guns seem to work fine. The two check the Triton's corners while Absinthe gathers up A-Stump. Basically like #Roleplay dude, they're all like yelling at A-Twig dude, like "Hold on okay FUCKING stay alive man!"
...Dammit
Absinthe picks up A-Twig's gas cannon and ammo and starts heading back toward the others. It's FUCKED UP but we can't waste the money that gun cost.
Basically he like turns around before he runs out like "That's FUCKED UP dude...I won't forget this dude, SHIT!"
The tangos are everywhere dude, they're throwing grenades and shit
InSaney takes reaction shots at at least two of them before the enemy turn's up.
He takes like a couple more bursts and he's like nervous dude, like "Hey gamers we should probably get out of here--"
An explosion splashes on the front of the Triton
FUCK this dude, we're out!
Dammit, we were not ready for this shit gamers. This is FUCKED UP beyond belief. #WaterDickSquad's even more heartless than the space muslims, Jesus!
After it's all over, Absinthe and InSaney are both promoted to nautical sergeant, and although he wasn't on-site Pernod's been upgraded to a rank we're a little more familiar with. We'll need some officers giving the troops morale if #WaterDickSquad is going to be this FUCKED UP past this point.
FEBRUARY 1, 2040
At least the suits seem to still respect us enough from the last war. Not a lot of funding raises but Europe and Taco Bell have both given us a little extra. We'll put it to good use.
Overall this first month's been alright but it will get FUBAR fast if we don't have some breakthroughs fast. Goals for this new month will be to enslave some tangos and get some weapons that won't FUCK UP in the occasion of a land battle. There'll be time to mourn the fallen gamers of the month when we're not in such a crucial danger situation--I know it seems harsh but we have to get right to it.
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2014
E
EI 903
Guest
kiwifarms.net
Well, at least none of them shot themselves in the head while figuring out if their guns would work out of the water. Totally not a problem caused by flinging unprepared, untrained kids into battle to save a little room in the budget...
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2013
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2014
FEBRUARY 25, 2040
This is absolute bullshit gamers, there hasn't been a single tango incident within our range all month, and now they're attacking an island! This is FUCKED UP dude, we're not any closer to our goals but there's no way we can run away from this fight. We've loaded the craft with several extra tactical supplies and a squad with some of our most tactical soldiers--we've got to win this time or the fight may be off to a very nasty start.
COMBAT REPORT:
The door opens up like SURPRISE, BITCH, okay, #Coelicanths in this bitch. Basically these guys are the HWPs of the future dude, hardcore and ready to like fuck shit up.
Haaaaa, first volley drops a tango and almost ices another one!
FUCK yeah dude, second tango down. The troops start unloading now but they gotta be careful-- the tangos throw grenades around like candy, we've seen.
The Coelicanth moves up to get a better view--ohhhhh shit.
Quote Me Now snipes one of the tangos that the Coelicanth saw and Absinthe moves to take out a tango to the east. Good shit dude, this is good shit. If our tank can parkour any enemy fire we'll be just fine--
GRENADE!
FUCK!
That's fucked up dude... that's--that's FUCKED UP, DUDE... Sippycup, Quote me now and Absinthe III were all just blown away dude, no FUCKING chance! Basically lie three tiles away Pernod watches his brother get shredded dude, and he's just like "NOOOOOOOOO!!222!!22!2" and he like jams the abort button dude.
Stryker FUCKING dammit! That's so FUCKED UP! Three shining tactical stars of the battlefield dude, three possible #StrykerSquad2.0 members okay, just wiped the FUCK out by a fudcking grenade, and absolutely nothing to show for it. The terror op was a failure, nothing of value was brought back, and the nerds haven't even been able to re-research medikits yet! SO FUCKING FUCKED UP!
Oh, and all the FUCKING suits cut funding! Jesus this is FUCKED UP dude, we've failed in the crucial danger zone. The future of this fight's looking very, very scary right now, gamers.
This is absolute bullshit gamers, there hasn't been a single tango incident within our range all month, and now they're attacking an island! This is FUCKED UP dude, we're not any closer to our goals but there's no way we can run away from this fight. We've loaded the craft with several extra tactical supplies and a squad with some of our most tactical soldiers--we've got to win this time or the fight may be off to a very nasty start.
COMBAT REPORT:
The door opens up like SURPRISE, BITCH, okay, #Coelicanths in this bitch. Basically these guys are the HWPs of the future dude, hardcore and ready to like fuck shit up.
Haaaaa, first volley drops a tango and almost ices another one!
FUCK yeah dude, second tango down. The troops start unloading now but they gotta be careful-- the tangos throw grenades around like candy, we've seen.
The Coelicanth moves up to get a better view--ohhhhh shit.
Quote Me Now snipes one of the tangos that the Coelicanth saw and Absinthe moves to take out a tango to the east. Good shit dude, this is good shit. If our tank can parkour any enemy fire we'll be just fine--
GRENADE!
FUCK!
That's fucked up dude... that's--that's FUCKED UP, DUDE... Sippycup, Quote me now and Absinthe III were all just blown away dude, no FUCKING chance! Basically lie three tiles away Pernod watches his brother get shredded dude, and he's just like "NOOOOOOOOO!!222!!22!2" and he like jams the abort button dude.
Stryker FUCKING dammit! That's so FUCKED UP! Three shining tactical stars of the battlefield dude, three possible #StrykerSquad2.0 members okay, just wiped the FUCK out by a fudcking grenade, and absolutely nothing to show for it. The terror op was a failure, nothing of value was brought back, and the nerds haven't even been able to re-research medikits yet! SO FUCKING FUCKED UP!
Oh, and all the FUCKING suits cut funding! Jesus this is FUCKED UP dude, we've failed in the crucial danger zone. The future of this fight's looking very, very scary right now, gamers.
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2014
And I thought the first X-com didn't mess around. Damn waterdicksquad is way more powerful than the space muslims.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
I think it might have been the coelacanths. I think they were the only ones to leave the ship, aside from Sippycup, Quote Me and Absinthe. Who else was on the transport?
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2014
MARCH 1, 2040
It's early as hell but we're going to try sinking money into a second base. If we don't get more good relations this month then #WaterDickSquad is in a seriously strong spot way too early. We set up a classic second base in Asian waters...
And like, #Risky dude, we sink even more money into another interception base in American waters, named after one of the martyrs of the last war. With all this cash going into quickly setting up bases our our economic danger situation's gone crucial; if we survive to the end of this month we'll be in a much nicer position to get shit done in April. But if relations get worse and we slip into debt....
MARCH 16, 2040
FUCK yeah dude, finally something we can reach and deal with. The fuckers are shot down in seconds and a recover team's sent out.
COMBAT REPORT:
You know who it is, #Roleplay dude. HrrDrr like looks at Randall before the op starts like "Heh, like, it's been a while, you know?"
And Randall's just like "Chyeahhhh, one more time and shit, let's take out the tangos dude."
The two sergeants are with the first squad securing the perimeter. In moments they spot a tango and call InSaney in with Absinthe's old launcher.
Safety Scissors finds a great sniping spot nearby and takes her tactical position. From up there she has a good view of the junkyard of debris to the north; if a tango pops out of that shit she'll be able to take it out easily.
Pernod and Randall approach the craft while one of the rookies, a descendant of Chimpchan, follows up with a stun rod. So FUCKED UP dude, even the smaller ship has to be shaped like a FUCKING SCROTE or something
Chimpchan III stacks up against the door and like #Roleplay dude, she's just like preparing herself like "This one's for you, grandma..."
HrrDrr pops around the corner to stack up with the rookie while Randall moves up from the left. The sergeants are like vets dude, they've done this a million times.
Like #Roleplay dude, HrrDrr gives Chimpchan like a thumbs up and that tactical nod. Basically he's like "Heh, like, don't be scared gurl, me and Randall got this shit."
And Randall's like "Tahaaaaaa you know it dude, let's do it!"
They go FINISH THE FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!1111111!!1
Seconds later the engagement's done gamers, and Pernod and Chimpchan are looking at three stunned tangos...
And two dead sergeants.
Chimpchan starts screaming.
We have just went through an event that we've never seen before. Through high courage and tactical decisions we've never had to experience something as FUCKED UP as this.
There was a panic spiral, gamers
Mytoes is dead, Mauvboy is dead, Randall and HrrDrr are dead, InSaney's dead...Jesus CHRIST this is FUCKED UP.
Safety Scissors is promoted but it's not enough, dude. It can't make up for the losses we've had today.
The only upside is that we caught three of the fuckers alive. This had better help speed up research fast, because things are looking worse and worse...
It's early as hell but we're going to try sinking money into a second base. If we don't get more good relations this month then #WaterDickSquad is in a seriously strong spot way too early. We set up a classic second base in Asian waters...
And like, #Risky dude, we sink even more money into another interception base in American waters, named after one of the martyrs of the last war. With all this cash going into quickly setting up bases our our economic danger situation's gone crucial; if we survive to the end of this month we'll be in a much nicer position to get shit done in April. But if relations get worse and we slip into debt....
MARCH 16, 2040
FUCK yeah dude, finally something we can reach and deal with. The fuckers are shot down in seconds and a recover team's sent out.
COMBAT REPORT:
You know who it is, #Roleplay dude. HrrDrr like looks at Randall before the op starts like "Heh, like, it's been a while, you know?"
And Randall's just like "Chyeahhhh, one more time and shit, let's take out the tangos dude."
The two sergeants are with the first squad securing the perimeter. In moments they spot a tango and call InSaney in with Absinthe's old launcher.
Safety Scissors finds a great sniping spot nearby and takes her tactical position. From up there she has a good view of the junkyard of debris to the north; if a tango pops out of that shit she'll be able to take it out easily.
Pernod and Randall approach the craft while one of the rookies, a descendant of Chimpchan, follows up with a stun rod. So FUCKED UP dude, even the smaller ship has to be shaped like a FUCKING SCROTE or something
Chimpchan III stacks up against the door and like #Roleplay dude, she's just like preparing herself like "This one's for you, grandma..."
HrrDrr pops around the corner to stack up with the rookie while Randall moves up from the left. The sergeants are like vets dude, they've done this a million times.
Like #Roleplay dude, HrrDrr gives Chimpchan like a thumbs up and that tactical nod. Basically he's like "Heh, like, don't be scared gurl, me and Randall got this shit."
And Randall's like "Tahaaaaaa you know it dude, let's do it!"
They go FINISH THE FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!1111111!!1
Seconds later the engagement's done gamers, and Pernod and Chimpchan are looking at three stunned tangos...
And two dead sergeants.
Chimpchan starts screaming.
We have just went through an event that we've never seen before. Through high courage and tactical decisions we've never had to experience something as FUCKED UP as this.
There was a panic spiral, gamers
Mytoes is dead, Mauvboy is dead, Randall and HrrDrr are dead, InSaney's dead...Jesus CHRIST this is FUCKED UP.
Safety Scissors is promoted but it's not enough, dude. It can't make up for the losses we've had today.
The only upside is that we caught three of the fuckers alive. This had better help speed up research fast, because things are looking worse and worse...