Your personal nightmare pizza

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Ghost of Wesley Willis said:
Mayonnaise and peas.
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pizza-with-peas-and-mayo.jpg
 
Nightmare pizza is the one I don't get to eat any of.
 
Nightmare pizza?

Ok

Imagine a homemade sourdough base, lightly brushed with garlic butter, topped with san marzano pizza sauce impeccably seasoned, cheddar, mozzerella, gruyere shredded atop, and on to this stacked high is salami and caramalized onions and home cured bacon and smoked sausage. A perfect balance of meat and cheese and sauce prepared on the best pizza dough you have ever fermented from scratch.

Hands trembling you place it on a peel dusted with semolina, and swiftly slide it into a red hot wood fired pizza atop a pizza stone. After 42 seconds you quickly use the peel to rotate it round, and leave it for the second half to cook to perfection

You take it out the oven and the crust is a rich golden brown with just the right edge of char. The cheese is melted through and the meat has browned and caramelised.

You slice it apart, this whole pizza is for you....and now after a day of prep you finally eat the first meal you have eaten all day....

AND THE FUCKING CHEESE BURNS THE GODDAMN FLESH FROM THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH AND TONGUE AND EVERYTHING IS NOW AGONY AND YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TASTE ANYTHING FOR A FUCKING WEEK
 
One time a coworker ordered pizza for all of us and ordered broccoli on it without asking. Then she ate a slice with ketchup on it. That was my nightmare pizza and she was the monster that haunts my dreams. Fuck you Gillian.
 
ricecake said:
One time a coworker ordered pizza for all of us and ordered broccoli on it without asking. Then she ate a slice with ketchup on it. That was my nightmare pizza and she was the monster that haunts my dreams. Fuck you Gillian.
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I don't know you Gillian but you're a fucking villain.
 
Last edited:
Judge Holden said:
Nightmare pizza?

Ok

Imagine a homemade sourdough base, lightly brushed with garlic butter, topped with san marzano pizza sauce impeccably seasoned, cheddar, mozzerella, gruyere shredded atop, and on to this stacked high is salami and caramalized onions and home cured bacon and smoked sausage. A perfect balance of meat and cheese and sauce prepared on the best pizza dough you have ever fermented from scratch.

Hands trembling you place it on a peel dusted with semolina, and swiftly slide it into a red hot wood fired pizza atop a pizza stone. After 42 seconds you quickly use the peel to rotate it round, and leave it for the second half to cook to perfection

You take it out the oven and the crust is a rich golden brown with just the right edge of char. The cheese is melted through and the meat has browned and caramelised.

You slice it apart, this whole pizza is for you....and now after a day of prep you finally eat the first meal you have eaten all day....

AND THE FUCKING CHEESE BURNS THE GODDAMN FLESH FROM THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH AND TONGUE AND EVERYTHING IS NOW AGONY AND YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TASTE ANYTHING FOR A FUCKING WEEK
Click to expand...
it's just the risks you run in the gangsta life
 
Seafood pizza. I fucking hate seafood, and a pizza with anchovies or tuna just sounds doubly disgusting. Not a big fan of onions either so go ahead and toss that on the nightmare pizza. Let's finish it off with white sauce.

Anything by Pizza Hut is trash pizza as well. Those $6 Hot and Ready pies from Little Caesar's that have been sitting out for hours are better than the crap Pizza Hut shits out.
 
One of those terrible desert pizzas who think it is a good idea to actual cook the gummy worms and stuff over actual bread covered in chocolate sauce and put hard to fucking chew and unmelted cooking chocolate chips on it.
Sweet lord those pizzas are disgusting when done by people who have no idea what they are doing and it ends up looking and tasting like the aftermath of a alcoholic clown going on a circus bender.
 
My grandma once made a pizza on dry pita bread topped with slightly turned feta cheese and very slippery lox. I still have nightmares about it.
 
My Nightmare Pizza
- Dry, crusty, tasteless base that's been overcooked
- Bland tomato sauce
- Cheap processed cheese that when it melts it melts into an orange oil-like liquid

Toppings
- Raw onion
- Cheap pork mince meat
- Caramelized pineapple chunks
- Overcooked chicken breast
- No spices, except for a heap of chili powder
- Soggy fried mushrooms
- Mayonnaise drizzle

And it's cooked by a guy who didn't wash his hands after taking a shit.
 
Bacon has a scent and taste so strong it'll spoil the rest of the pizza if you get half and half.

I like bacon just fine, but damnit if I wanted bacon I'd get the frying pan out. I wanted pizza this time asshole.
 
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