Your personal nightmare pizza

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This is a bit of a powerlevel, but I once worked at a pizza place. If there is one thing that grosses me out, it's steak on pizza. I don't have any aversion to steak or beef as a meat, but steak from pizza places is disgusting. The meat would come in frozen slabs, each roughly the size and shape of a case for a Nintendo Switch game. The individual slabs would be separated by wax paper. The steak was prepared by having an employee separate each slab and place them onto a large sheet pan. The sheet pan would then be placed in the pizza oven; reheating the meat. The end result of the reheating process was a 9-12 slabs of meat that didn't look or smell like steak sitting in a mix of water and juices. The steak was really gross throughout this entire process. I will never eat pizza that has steak on unless it didn't come from a restaurant.

I also don't like anchovies, but that's probably self-explanatory.

I personally think that bacon, ham, and pineapples taste great on pizza. I personally like to have all three at once. I also found that broccoli tastes pretty good on pizza and I love having onions on my pizza (but I love having onions on everything, so I don't know).
Internet Explorer said:
During the late 80s/early 90s, there was a short-lived range of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle themed pizzas put out by Asda.

There were four toppings to choose from: chocolate and marshmallow; sausage and egg; bacon and beans; apple crumble.

They were short-lived for a reason - all of them were fucking terrible. Sauce | Archive
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I don't even need to check the source. I know it's true, because only a British supermarket could be capable of such depravity.
 
Going with normal pizza ingredients: Thin crust, little or no cheese, large chunks of onion, sliced tomatoes, sausage.
 
I can go pretty much go anything standard on pizza.

Seafood/Marinara pizza is only good from a proper Italian restaurant that also serves seafood dishes, otherwise it's the seafood mix from Thailand/Vietnam probably farmed in poo ponds.
I love mexican food and can handle spice but don't like mexican or spicy hot pizza, it's just not enjoyable to eat.

Kebab pizza, that cheap and nasty doner meat is "ok" when drunk at 3am, in a kebab. It doesn't belong on pizza.

Pajeet Pizza. If pizza place is run by street shitters it's generally fucking awful. They knock up a lot of black kitchens on uber/deliveroo and will run 5+ different store profiles from the same location and just create new ones when they get downvoted to 3.0.

Stupid meme fusion pizza.
Recent one was a Cheeseburger pizza. Ground beef is massively underrated on pizza, mustard and pickles however are disgusting.
 
Hamburger, steak, eggs, anything sugary, cheesy crust, Little Caesar's pizza.
 
Frozen pizza(there was a good one where I lived until they changed the dough to match every other brand) and any pizza with anchovies.

And these things... The student lunch.
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Imagine the guy who made the 4chan ramen thread coming back one day and making a new thread that documents his antics on making a homemade pizza.

Also, putting sushi on pizza and calling it as is. Just like the previous post that has ramen and fermented soybeans as the toppings, both are incompatible with each other. Doing so should be considered sacrilege, and punishable by harakiri.
 
I’ve had my actual nightmare pizza. For the three people alive who don’t know they put weird shit on pizza in Japan, and when I went there to study my host family welcomed me with a goddamn smorgasbord which included domino’s pizza.

“Cool,” I thought. “Prolly cheese. Meat is expensive as fuck here.”

No.

Cheese, kernel corn, and instead of tomato sauce, mayo. I haven’t read enough about it to know if that’s a regular thing over there or if they just thought I’d like it because I’m a Burger.

Anyway I had to eat some because that’s the gracious thing to do and I wanted to die all the way through it. Fucking vile.
 
Pargon said:
I’ve had my actual nightmare pizza. For the three people alive who don’t know they put weird shit on pizza in Japan, and when I went there to study my host family welcomed me with a goddamn smorgasbord which included domino’s pizza.

“Cool,” I thought. “Prolly cheese. Meat is expensive as fuck here.”

No.

Cheese, kernel corn, and instead of tomato sauce, mayo. I haven’t read enough about it to know if that’s a regular thing over there or if they just thought I’d like it because I’m a Burger.

Anyway I had to eat some because that’s the gracious thing to do and I wanted to die all the way through it. Fucking vile.
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Dear God in Heaven! :cringe:

https://www.cookingmyfeelings.com/recipe/cheesy-corn-pizza-korean

I hate mayonnaise with a passion so I think it would make me barf.

It's similar to Mexican street corn pizza, which doesn't have the mayo.
 
Dysnomia said:
Dear God in Heaven! :cringe:

https://www.cookingmyfeelings.com/recipe/cheesy-corn-pizza-korean

I hate mayonnaise with a passion so I think it would make me barf.

It's similar to Mexican street corn pizza, which doesn't have the mayo.
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the phrase “creamy, tangy mayonnaise” makes me want to vomit all over the person who wrote that and then shoot them

creamy things (as to suggest they are cream-based or otherwise dairy-based) should not be tangy. historically that means it is rotten and will make you sick and if your body doesn’t react as such when you eat it there is something wrong with you
 
Pargon said:
I’ve had my actual nightmare pizza. For the three people alive who don’t know they put weird shit on pizza in Japan, and when I went there to study my host family welcomed me with a goddamn smorgasbord which included domino’s pizza.

“Cool,” I thought. “Prolly cheese. Meat is expensive as fuck here.”

No.

Cheese, kernel corn, and instead of tomato sauce, mayo. I haven’t read enough about it to know if that’s a regular thing over there or if they just thought I’d like it because I’m a Burger.

Anyway I had to eat some because that’s the gracious thing to do and I wanted to die all the way through it. Fucking vile.
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It's actually pretty fun. People like to dunk on America for getting things so wrong with our "ethnic food", but it's unique to the human condition and there are a TON of misconceptions about American food in other countries. The idea we put corn on everything seems to be a common one for some reason.
 
Varg Did Nothing Wrong said:
1. Any pizza with white sauce. This goes triple if it's some white trash pizza with mayo instead of white sauce.
2. Any pizza with barbecue sauce on it
3. Any pizza with chicken breast. Either use chicken thigh or just don't bother. Breast meat makes the pizza dry as fuck.

"Gluten free vegan" pizza sounds like an utter shitshow but I'm not even going to call that pizza to not give it the satisfaction.
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BBQ sauce pizzas and gluten free doughs are fine. Dunno why people oppose these things.
 
I dunno why this didn't occur to me earlier. The answer is so obvious.

PapaJohns.png


How is this shitshow one of the most successful pizza chains? I'd rather have Little Ceasers than Papa Johns, and yet there are whole sections of the country that are basically pizza wastelands if you don't like PJ's.

They're shit.
Their crust is tasteless, except for being inexplicably sweet.
Their sauce is sweet.
It's like eating a fucking pizza flavored Little Debbie snack.

Their cheese is tasteless and mushy. No pull to it at all, it just like an ooze.

Their sides are a disaster. Their sole chicken offering is the crappiest frozen popcorn chicken. Their "sandwich" alternative is invariably burned around the edges.

And they aren't even cheap! They're one of the most expensive chains, maybe the most expensive.

What the fuck, consumers? How did this happen? There's not a single redeeming feature to them.
 
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