# Worst Date you've ever had



## QB 290 (Aug 23, 2016)

We've all had terrible dates, it could be the person, the place, circumstances or anything. One thing for sure, it sucked dick. So what was the worst date you've ever had. Feel free to post more then one.


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## Philosophy Zombie (Aug 23, 2016)

I had a gay experience in Summer Camp when I was 7. My bunkmates were experimenting, and made me their mo-fo unwilling guinea pig. I was blindfolded during the whole thing, feeling an 8-year old's dick up my ass. I was not thrilled from the ordeal. But last January, I became curious from the recalling of the feeling, so I asked Jerry to show me a night. At first it was neutral, then he made out with me; his breath was minty with a hint of garlic from something he ate; it was cool with me. Then he told me to suck his dick, and I did; the taste and sight did not thrill me. And he sucked mine. He got a rise out of me, but then I started to feel uneasy. It was minor at first, and I promised myself I'd see this through. Finally, he was in me doggy style. As he humped me, I was feeling it both in my penis, and in my gut; worsening as he went on. And eventually, I embarrassed myself grossly. I came AND fucking threw up simultaneously. Jerry had not come yet himself, and out of respect, he withdrew himself and asked me if I was okay. He cleaned me, and my mess on his floor up. I felt soo damn ashamed, but Jerry was kind and understanding to me. And it was then I confirmed it for myself that I was not gay, and Jerry and Dino agreed with me. So with that, I was able to move forward feeling more confident in my orientation.


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## Pepsi-Cola (Aug 23, 2016)

like any of you losers have had dates lol


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## Bogs (Aug 23, 2016)

I went on a minor one with my girlfriend to Subway, she was about to leave for Canada so she met me to say goodbye. Things went well, except for a minor detail at the end: I asked her if I could walk her into town, she said "No...goodbye." and left without looking back. That was 3 years ago.


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## VJ 120 (Aug 24, 2016)

One time when I was in high school this guy I was not really into at all asked me out on a date, so we saw a movie and he invited me back to his place to play video games. So we were playing Halo or whatever and this dude straight up got mad and accused me of looking at his half of the screen because I kept managing to get headshots on him. I wasn't. He was just really shitty at Halo. At some point his mom came home from whatever she was out of the house doing and actually started making fun of him for losing to a girl. After that, he ragequit and I decided to make an excuse to go home.

The kicker is that I had never played Halo in my life up until that moment and never really played an xbox 360 either, so he must have been pretty awful. I suck at video games.


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## polonium (Aug 24, 2016)

She wouldn't get into the van, and I had to spend hours cleaning the blood up.


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## BurningPewter (Aug 24, 2016)

Had a female friend I met on an Asperger group, we had been friends for a couple of years (met at the forum meetups) and she told me she liked me and we got close chatting online. I went to London to visit her and had a nice day, we hugged and seemed close. 

Later she asked me online to stay the night next time, she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to have sex but she wanted to rent the new Disney movie and get a pizza and I could sleep on the sofa if it got too much and she needed to sleep alone. I was not sure if i wanted sex either but i thought pizza and film sounded fun.

So I went to London again and the first thing -she stood back and said sharply she had met a guy at college and only wanted me as a friend. The whole day was awkward and then she went nuts at me having bought a little clothes bag and said she didn't remember asking me to stay.

I think it was best though as even the first date had been dull..now I've dated people I enjoy talking to more I see how badly matched we were, but at the time I just thought it was me being depressed.

I wish she had told me not to come instead of meeting me for a shit day


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## Hyperion (Aug 24, 2016)

I was at a restaurant with a girl, she gets a phone call. I ask her who it was, and she said it was her boyfriend.


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## Nyx (Aug 24, 2016)

I'm gonna say the one where the guy nearly killed my dog.


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## polonium (Aug 24, 2016)

Realtalk now:
Met up with a girl after talking online. We met at a tapas place, near where I work but miles away from my house (not relevant really)

She spends the whole time disagreeing with me. It's clear we have nothing in common. She's smoking hot but I can't even make myself care about that because her personality is so fucking obnoxious. Finally I've had enough. I pay the bill so I can go, she wants me to walk her to her car. It's dark, so I do. But I don't even try for a kiss or a hug, she's that annoying. Couple of days later she texts me and I don't reply. 

To this day I'm still pissed that I paid for dinner and didn't even get a BJ.


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## pozilei (Aug 24, 2016)

Went on a blind-ish date with a guy once: not only was he about 15 minutes late he also spent about half of the date complaining about his ex-wife, how he loves his kid but doesn't want any more because evil women be entrapping men with pregnancy/children. Suffice it to say, we didn't go on a second date.

Dude, I get it, we all have our hangups, past hurts, issues and whatnot. But we only went for a coffee. I don't need to hear about your issues with women.


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## QB 290 (Aug 24, 2016)

I don't know if anyone else has ever gone on dates with male feminists, but from my experiences, they're the worst. 3 hours listening to them cry about how much women are oppressed or why they're totally for LGBT rights or how they hate being white. At the end of the day, no amount of sexiness replaces confidence and nobody wants a whiny bitch to treat you like a goddess just because you have a vagina.
Then there's going through the teenage "bi" years every girl goes through because we need to feel special. My first (and last) date with a girl was a goddamn nightmare. She couldn't for the life of her talk about anything interesting. It was either how dumb the Kardashians are or about her cat. All the while trying to play footsies and touching in places she shouldn't. Then she started telling people we fucked. Spoiler warning, we didn't.
So yeah, those were my horror stories.
The moral is, New age liberal feminists and dumb touchy lesbians are not cute. Not that you needed me to tell you that though.


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## TheMockTurtle (Aug 25, 2016)

I've had a lot of bad (dating site) dates but one that sticks out is the one I let come over and hang out instead of go out because my leg was broken and they had to take some pills with food and they ate a dinner roll by tearing it into pieces and they got an insane amount of bread in my bed. It was disgusting. I decided to kick them out early because they were really boring other than that and I had to drive them an hour back to their school because the busses weren't running. They had to give me 20 for gas and then told me to send 20 bucks to repay it later. No. If I have to drive you an hour because you're so lame I'm keeping the whole 20.


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## cypocraphy (Aug 25, 2016)

I saw "Dude, Where's My Car?" on a date.


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## Bassomatic (Aug 25, 2016)

So I was the last person to see Napoleon Dynamite like ever it was about to leave theaters and there was a girl I liked in a class and she raved about it. I barely knew her she was cute so I figured to ask her to take me so I can check it out.  She was more than happy to see it for I want to say her 4th time. Everyone else I knew loved it too, and everyone said you need to be altered mind for it. I don't smoke pot, so drinking it was. I knew I was going to get fucked up so I forget how I talked her into driving for it but we did.

She snuck some sour patch kids, I snuck a flask. Being both underage and poor it was some rot gut bourbon. I pre gamed a little before the date this was bad stuff... but at the time I was a light weight. I had a buzz still by the time trailers started playing. I got this vibe she was a goody goody so I didn't think to mention I had been drinking or had booze with me.

The movie was still pretty packed and she's laughing her ass off like loud enough I'm uncomfortable. Howling like a banshee, but most have been some other die hards as she wasn't alone in it. Me being a bit embarrassed and not quite up to the point I was a proud public degenerate yet, I snuck a few quick pulls here and there.

I'm really kinda just missing what's funny but it was kinda enjoyable to see that many people losing it. Well I'm getting bored half way through and figure time to get from business drunk bassomatic to fucked up sloppy bassomatic. Perhaps I will do something bold like, put my hand on her knee.

I cock my head back and go for the kill on the flask. She looks over at me, even in the dark I can feel that wide eye stare of shock and disgust. Being a gentleman deep down, I offer her a pull by taking my lips off it and giving it a gentle shake in her direction. "I DON'T DRINK" Sounding like a mother. Down the hatch it goes.

On the ride home, she scolded me. The entire ride home. Oh and my parents were fucking thrilled I showed up drunk late at night.


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## FuckBitchesGetRiches (Aug 25, 2016)

Some dude who ended up being super into vore and wanted to show me his vore fiction. He kept talking about sex in the restaurant and was a feeder. I dropped him like a hot potato.

Later on, I found that he mentions his fetish on a non-sex site. Fun stuff.


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## Have a Pepsi (Aug 25, 2016)

Can I just say this is really the kind of thread I needed to see? My friends have literally nothing but success stories.


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## RI 360 (Aug 25, 2016)

Once in HS some kid I had a crush on who was a couple years older and on the wrestling team asked me on a date, I was pretty excited. We went to dinner later that week and the experience was so awkward, I'm normally pretty good at getting people to relax and talk but he was just impossible. Every question I asked he answered curtly, in a way that I couldn't really build on. Finally, I cracked and asked the obvious "what are you passionate about?" and I got two answers *1. being a Jehovah witness* and *2. the sound track from Star Wars*. He was tripping over himself talking about both for like the next forty minutes before I finally got us to leave, he sperged about it the entire walk to my apartment. Then a few days later he showed up in front of my building at like three am fucking wasted and was belligerently ringing the door bell and screaming for me (the bell was broken, so when you rang one you rang all three which included the landlord). He woke my dad up, who then woke me up and I chased him away. Then he left for college and I saw him a couple years later and he was a total fucking mess. We made eye contact and the first words out of his mouth were "I KNOW! I KNOW! I GOT REALLY FAT" lol sooo gross.

My favorite thing that ever happened on a date was the time me and my BF at the time took his boat out on a lake to watch the sunset. We cut the engine when we were far enough out and sat comfortably in silence cuddling, enjoying a beer and the electric colors in the sky. It was so idyllic, with a sailboat gliding effortlessly past us.  After a little while the silence was shattered by a loud metallic clattering and crash into the water followed by a drawled "ooooohhhhh sshiiiiiiiiiiiittt" the sailboat that had made the scene so perfect lost its mast. I started cackling like a fucking hyena, like so hard I couldn't breathe as they drunkenly surveyed what exactly happened and what it was they were going to do. After I got myself to a point where I could speak we flashed them with a light and called over if they needed any help. They declined. Probably because they could still hear me laughing. It brings me to tears to remember til today.


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## IV 445 (Aug 25, 2016)

I knew this thread would be great, but the first post: "I had a gay experience in Summer Camp when I was 7" lmao I'm sorry but I'm putting that in random.text

edit: ah screw you philosophy zombie


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## Durable Mike Malloy (Aug 25, 2016)

Hortator said:


> I knew this thread would be great, but the first post: "I had a gay experience in Summer Camp when I was 7" lmao I'm sorry but I'm putting that in random.text


It is CWC copypasta - http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Trollin_Train


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## IV 445 (Aug 25, 2016)

Philosophy 农民 said:


> I had a gay experience in Summer Camp when I was 7.





Durable Mike Malloy said:


> It is CWC copypasta - http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Trollin_Train


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## Bluebird (Aug 25, 2016)

Ive never been on a date. Im too autistic to maintain any normal human relationships.


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## WW 635 (Aug 25, 2016)

A baby tried to make me look bad on a date once by crying when I waved at it to show how great I am with babies. Asshole baby.


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## Henry Bemis (Aug 25, 2016)

My hand fell asleep.


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## Hat (Aug 25, 2016)

Hortator said:


> I knew this thread would be great, but the first post: "I had a gay experience in Summer Camp when I was 7" lmao I'm sorry but I'm putting that in random.text
> 
> edit: ah screw you philosophy zombie


Your first mistake was assuming that Philosophy Zombie would make an original post.


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## sourrascal (Aug 25, 2016)

FuckBitchesGetRiches said:


> Some dude who ended up being super into vore and wanted to show me his vore fiction. He kept talking about sex in the restaurant and was a feeder. I dropped him like a hot potato.
> 
> Later on, I found that he mentions his fetish on a non-sex site. Fun stuff.



Why did you go out with him? Was he hot?


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## FuckBitchesGetRiches (Aug 25, 2016)

sourrascal said:


> Why did you go out with him? Was he hot?



Checking him out from OKCupid. Seemed to have a few interests in common, thinking he wouldn't be out for a quick fuck, but that wasn't really the case. He also got his knickers in a twist over me calling someone a bitch.

I don't bother with online dating stuff anymore.


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## QB 290 (Aug 26, 2016)

Have a Pepsi said:


> Can I just say this is really the kind of thread I needed to see? My friends have literally nothing but success stories.


There are 2 kinds of people in this world, the kinds who admit that every 2 out of 3 dates suck and fucking liars


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## AnimuGinger (Aug 26, 2016)

Every date I've had in the last year has been bad because I forgot how to go on dates.

As if I ever knew.


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## Anime Dad (Aug 26, 2016)

I took her to The Cheesecake Factory and all she wanted to do was LARP as Harry Potter characters through the whole dinner date.


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## Holdek (Aug 26, 2016)

Anime Dad said:


> I took her to The Cheesecake Factory and all she wanted to do was LARP as Harry Potter characters through the whole dinner date.


You LARPed it up with her though.


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## Anime Dad (Aug 26, 2016)

Holdek said:


> You LARPed it up with her though.



She wouldn't talk to me unless I called her Severus. 
I did it for the cheesecake and never called her again.


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## Oh Long Johnson (Aug 26, 2016)

I'm sitting here, thinking about past dating disasters and just now realizing how many of them involve Russians. God damn Russian women are the oddest, craziest people I have met.

So, one time, I get set up with a girl by a married Russian co-worker. Talk to her on the phone and while she doesn't have anything all that interesting to say, I'm single so let's see where this goes. We meet at a Spanish restaurant fairly late. She's got jet black hair and is thicker than your usual Russian girl. Tall as well, so overall, a pretty good package. We talk a bit while eating and she's only been in the States a year. I think she was a nanny, which I found odd given that none of my Russian acquaintances even have kids. I think we split a bottle of wine. The meal is basically over and I'm not feeling all that much of a connection but she comes up with the idea to go to a Russian bar the next town over. 

So, we head to the bar. Place is jammed. She perks right up and is talking to half the bar. We dance a little and have some more drinks. This goes on forever. After a good while, she suggests going to my place which is out in the burbs. I'm confused but definitely up for it.

We get to my house - separate cars - and start on a bottle on wine in the living room. I try laying down the charm and make some moves. All rebuffed. This is becoming confusing. She's not leaving, though. I open another bottle of wine and we start on that. Still, she's shutting down any advances. And she's still not leaving. I'm making excuses at this point, trying to get rid of her but she's acting like I'm the first person in the world who has ever listened to her talk. Eventually, she finally leaves. Frigid kiss at the door and see you later. Frustrating night overall but what can you do?

Three weeks later, my house gets robbed while I'm at work. Not your usual robbery where they trash the place - they just taxed me, leaving half of some things instead of grabbing everything they could. Never brought the robbery up to Irena at work, but I'm pretty sure I got robbed by the blind date and her husband/boyfriend.


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## RI 360 (Aug 26, 2016)

There was that time I met @Bassomatic and he turned out to be a tranny.


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## Innocuous (Aug 26, 2016)

It involved a goth girl, two demonic basset hounds, hot sauce, a window, and two days of angry phone calls.


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## Malodorous Merkin (Aug 26, 2016)

She turned me into a newt!



I got better.


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## Have a Pepsi (Aug 26, 2016)

Never had a date, but I think people will get a kick out of this: a classmate once pretended to have a crush on me because she felt bad that no one's liked me like that before. 

Not only did I find out she was faking it after she said we could date, she also turned out to be a lesbian.


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## Lachlan Hunter McIntyre (Aug 26, 2016)

Got two. 
First one was in grade 7. There was this girl that said she liked me and wanted to go out with me, but before we could actually date she moved away. But we were long distance. So a week or so later, a friend of hers (that went to our school) writes me this long-winded letter telling me how the first girl is cheating on me and doesn't love me and that she (the second girl) would treat me right. I say "alright, let's see where this goes." So she invites me on a date with a few of her friends to the local mall. It's boring, don't do anything worthwhile. The girl stops talking to me. I later learn from a 3rd party that the second girl decided I was boring and did not like me anymore. Thanks a lot.

Second was when I was about 19. This girl I met on a dating site asks me out to the cinema. I'm absolutely gobsmacked she would ask me out because she is drop-dead gorgeous. Thin, waifish, black bob hair. About 2 years older than me. Anyway, she shows up _30 minutes late_ and refuses to offer a real explanation. Alright, then. Already missed the first few minutes of the film we were gonna see but whatever. So we get to the ticket kiosk and before I can get my wallet out she's already paying for both of our tickets. I don't particularly mind, but it seemed a bit odd she didn't even wait to let me offer to.
 So we go in, she buys her own food and I don't get anything. Again not giving me time to offer, so I just assume she's forward-thinking like that. I crack a couple of lame jokes whilst we wait at concessions because the silence sucks and she doesn't laugh. So we go into see the movie (John Wick, her choice) and I offer her my over shirt because she's in very short shorts and it's fucking cold in theatres. Trying to be nice. Gives me a nice cold 'no'. After we finish that, she decides to sneak in to see Gone Girl. I didn't like either films but I kept my mouth shut about it. I offer my shirt again during that movie because I'm a fucking idiot who doesn't understand the concept of no. She obviously turns me down again. 
After it's over, she just sort of nonchalantly says 'bye' and goes on her merry way. I try texting her a few times, if nothing else than to see what I did wrong and she never responds. I never heard from her again.
I really didn't understand that cookie, she didn't use me for a free film. Or anything. I can only guess she thought I was ugly and weird. I didn't try coming onto her, or pull the 'yawn and stretch' move or try to kiss her or anything, no idea what happened. Such is life. Guess dating ain't for me


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## VJ 120 (Aug 27, 2016)

A few years ago, I met this guy on OkCupid and started texting him. He seemed super into me, but honestly I wasn't THAT amazed by him. He had that stereotypical Reddit dwelling, Minecraft playing "quirky because I have a beard and drink craft beer" schtick about him and I could see right through it. You know, the male equivalent of a manic pixie dream girl. Anyway, I was pretty heartbroken over a recent breakup so I decided to meet up with him as some sort of lame ego boost and optimistically hope that maybe he wasn't so lame/shallow irl.

We met at this gastropub after I got off work. He was chubbier than his picture let on, and wore a Minecraft t-shirt and jeans (I was dressed up really nicely in heels/dress and this was a nice place...), and his beard/hair were not well taken care of. The whole date consisted of being "out-nerded" by him-- he would ask me about myself and then immediately challenge my intelligence and pop culture smarts by making some Family Guy-esque reference to obscure nerdy shit and then talk down to me when I didn't understand him. The highlight of the entire evening was hearing his 20 minute rambling sperg speech about Judge Dredd (something I've never seen before). Did I mention that this was completely unprompted on my end?

He also referred to women as sluts and whores, and had no life outside of Reddit.

Needless to say, I did not go out with him again after that and I stopped using OkCupid permanently after that experience.


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## Drago (Aug 28, 2016)

I met a guy on Match. Smart, pretty attractive, claimed to be 5'10, and 35 years old. He was 5'2 and looked and dressed exactly like Andre Nowzick from The League. Also, he was 55 not 35. He said he had to lie so that he could get a girl like me, and that I was his fantasy girl because of my job (lets just say, something in uniform) He also asked if I would pretend to love him. And said that he would take me shopping to buy appropriate clothing for my children to meet his mother.


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## TheMockTurtle (Aug 29, 2016)

Do you guys know that old story of U2's Bono slow clapping at a concert saying "every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies" and some drunk dude yelled "so stop doing it, ye basterd!"?

I had someone on a date tell me that story and try to pretend they were there. they were mortified that I said the punchline for them and said "oh that was in Glasgow right?, what were you doing in scotland?". The date came to a screeching halt and they sperged out about how I now know they make shit up and aren't really funny or original and they practically ran to their car in shame.


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## Overcast (Aug 29, 2016)

I've never eaten dates, so I wouldn't know.


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## Caesare (Aug 30, 2016)

scorptatious said:


> I've never eaten dates, so I wouldn't know.


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## GingerDixie (Aug 30, 2016)

While I've never had a bad date, per se, my first boyfriend was literally the _worst _kisser in the world. He would constantly try to shove his tongue down my throat and it was really gross. But given as we were in high school and it was both of our firsts I guess it's not that surprising. 

I would have more luck talking about my older brother's dates with his current girlfriend, because good God that lady is a basket case.


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## RI 360 (Aug 30, 2016)

lol I just realized I took someone on the worst date ever.

I had a boyfriend for two years who wasn't athletic or interested in doing the outdoorsy stuff I was/am. I was going to be leaving for like nine months (we were ending things) and I finally convinced him to come sailing with me, a friend (who owned the boat) and a couple of my cousins. There was a storm headed our way, but something like a 60% chance it was going to skirt around us, so we took that risk. We left at 8pm with the intention of being back by 11, but unfortunately the storm did not pass us and we got caught in the middle of it and ultimately didn't end up getting back to our mooring until 2am. Boyfriend was alarmed and uneasy when the boat listed in a good wind while it was smoothing sailing, so imagine his increasing distress as the waters began getting so rough me and my friend ordered everyone to put life jackets on. Boyfriend retired into the cabin once the waves started crashing over the stern, soaking us. The winds picked up to 40mph (half a hurricane) and we were getting walloped by waves at least ten feet high, I looked into the cabin to see the BF huddled into himself, and at the moment a wave washed over the boat, dumping a ton of water directly into his lap through a vent that was above him. I started laughing... then realized he was probably traumatized. Went inside to comfort him, he began crying. He was scared, felt trapped and I honestly couldn't give him an estimate of when we'd be back just that we had to weather the storm out (excluding we could capsize if this was handled incorrectly). Went back out to help with steering, me friend, and cousins (who at that point took to standing at the entrance of the cabin) all had a blast, it was a serious challenge to navigate and we all got home and had a fun story to tell... Except for BF. I ended paying for him to take a cab all the way home after that instead of putting him on the train, it was his first time on a boat and he swore he would never, ever, get on one again.


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## Bogs (Aug 30, 2016)

entropyseekswork said:


> lol I just realized I took someone on the worst date ever.
> 
> I had a boyfriend for two years who wasn't athletic or interested in doing the outdoorsy stuff I was/am. I was going to be leaving for like nine months (we were ending things) and I finally convinced him to come sailing with me, a friend (who owned the boat) and a couple of my cousins. There was a storm headed our way, but something like a 60% chance it was going to skirt around us, so we took that risk. We left at 8pm with the intention of being back by 11, but unfortunately the storm did not pass us and we got caught in the middle of it and ultimately didn't end up getting back to our mooring until 2am. Boyfriend was alarmed and uneasy when the boat listed in a good wind while it was smoothing sailing, so imagine his increasing distress as the waters began getting so rough me and my friend ordered everyone to put life jackets on. Boyfriend retired into the cabin once the waves started crashing over the stern, soaking us. The winds picked up to 40mph (half a hurricane) and we were getting walloped by waves at least ten feet high, I looked into the cabin to see the BF huddled into himself, and at the moment a wave washed over the boat, dumping a ton of water directly into his lap through a vent that was above him. I started laughing... then realized he was probably traumatized. Went inside to comfort him, he began crying. He was scared, felt trapped and I honestly couldn't give him an estimate of when we'd be back just that we had to weather the storm out (excluding we could capsize if this was handled incorrectly). Went back out to help with steering, me friend, and cousins (who at that point took to standing at the entrance of the cabin) all had a blast, it was a serious challenge to navigate and we all got home and had a fun story to tell... Except for BF. I ended paying for him to take a cab all the way home after that instead of putting him on the train, it was his first time on a boat and he swore he would never, ever, get on one again.


Get that man a copy of Moby Dick and tell him to man the Fuck up


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## QB 290 (Aug 31, 2016)

Bogs said:


> Get that man a copy of Moby Dick and tell him to man the Fuck up


yeah, I second that, there's nothing sexy about a guy with less balls then you
*cough* Andrew Dobson *cough*


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## Caesare (Aug 31, 2016)

Bogs said:


> Get that man a copy of Moby Dick and tell him to man the Fuck up




At least she got an excellent story out of it. After reading that though I wanted to call him a wuss.


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## Motherboard (Sep 2, 2016)

It was either before or after Valentine's Day, but my first "official" date was with a guy I'd known since 2nd grade. In fact, in my earliest memory of him, I fucking ate shit on the seesaw because I had no balance whatsoever.

But basically, he had just recently gotten his driver's license, and was taking me to the movies to see Deadpool. Before all of this, I learned he was into vore, watching people eating, fat fetish, the whole horror show involving the digestive system. I became nervous around him also because he's touchy-feely, and I most certainly am not. Despite expressing to him that I don't want to be touched, he'd do so anyway.
On the way to the movies, I was texting my friend whom had known I was scared of this guy, and was trying to keep me calm and say he'd castrate him if he tried anything. He didn't, thankfully, but he did say some real creepy shit that I'd rather not repeat.
But while I'm texting my friend, this guy almost gets into an accident by pulling into an intersection when he wasn't supposed to. This was my first time being driven somewhere by him too, so that only amped up my anxiety over the whole thing.
The whole experience was uncomfortable and frightening, but at least nothing happened to me. I really only stayed with him that long because I'm afraid of that kind of confrontation.

I also got a taxidermy butterfly necklace out of the encounter, which I still have and wear despite where I'd gotten it.


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## Bogs (Sep 2, 2016)

With my first "real" girlfriend, we walked out to a forest near her house and clumb a tree. Everything went really nice sitting on a branch making out n shit until basically she started talking:
"So like we've been together 3 months now, and we can tell each other anything right?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"So like, for example, if you thought my best friend was attractive, you'd tell me right?"
"Uhh..."
"What do you think, is she attractive?"
"Umm, I've never thought about her that way." (I'm not touching that question with a 10-foot pole)
"Oh come off it, guys always think about girls in that way."
"But I've never thought about her that way."
"Well if you had to, what would you say?"
"Well---if I had to, I would...say she's attractive?" (ERRRR Wrong answer)
"What?" her expression suddenly changes to deep concern
"Yeah, I'd say she's attractive. Are you happy?"
"What the fuck do you mean you're attracted to her?"
"I didn't say that."
"But you meant to say that. Christ, I can't believe you're attracted to my best friend."
"What the fuck?"
"Oh my God, I can't be here any longer, goodbye." she climbs down from the tree and walks home. Leaving me shouting after her. That night she rings me saying she's willing to forgive me. And so began 6 miserable months.


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## Motherboard (Sep 2, 2016)

Bogs said:


> With my first "real" girlfriend, we walked out to a forest near her house and clumb a tree. Everything went really nice sitting on a branch making out n shit until basically she started talking:
> "So like we've been together 3 months now, and we can tell each other anything right?"
> "Yeah, I guess so."
> "So like, for example, if you thought my best friend was attractive, you'd tell me right?"
> ...


Jesus christ, I hate girls that pull that shit. Like bitch, you ain't the only pretty girl out there. (If she even was pretty.)


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## Dr. Henry Armitage (Sep 3, 2016)

My senior year of high school I started dating this girl. She was super christian and big into purity culture. We dated for about four months our last date was a church trip to an amusement park with attached water park. Now I don't like roller coasters and she knew this. So i mostly stuck to the water park. She wanted me to go so I could pay for everything . After lunch she disappeared with some members of her church group I didn't think to much of it. I didn't see her until we went to leave. She was in the church van having sex with one of the guys from her church youth group and and the rest of the group caught them. I ended up calling my parents to pick me up Since I refused to ride back with them.

One more, about a year after the amusement park incident I was set up on a date with one of my brothers coworkers. She seemed nice and not fucking insane (don't they all). We dated for about a month. our last date was to the movies when we came out i hear some guy yell at her I turn around and there is her other boyfriend a short fat weeb with an Inuyasha shirt on.  whom she was supposed to meet for a date.   They had been dating for like five years. I calmly explained to him that I didn't know they were dating and she told me she was single. That's when she said that if we were real men we would fight over her. She had set this whole thing up hoping we would get into a fight over her in a movie theater lobby.I told him he could have her I was done. She sent me a message on facebook about a week later asking me for another chance I just laughed and blocked her.


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## Bogs (Sep 3, 2016)

I had a religious encounter with my girlfriend but in reverse. Her parents house was adorned with all sorts of Catholic paraphernalia, Mary's and Jesuses looming high on every wall, and a bible in every room. The family weren't nuts, they just had been raised differently. In my girlfriends room, she still had her communion and confirmation photographs on her bedside table, unbeknownst. So any time I stayed over, I politely stayed in a different room to sleep. This drove my girlfriend nuts. We fucked like bunnies when we were at my house, but I shut up like a trap when I was at hers. So once when her house was empty, she wanted me badly. I tried as best I could to avoid it, but it basically came down to "take your clothes off, were having sex." I flat out refused, she was like "what the hell is wrong with you?" and I meekly said, "sorry X, this is your dad's house, and your dad's a Catholic." and this hit her like she didn't know what Catholicism was. She wasn't giving up, so I made her find out when her parents were coming home. They weren't going to be home for an hour or so, so she won in the end. But before she could claim her prize (I ain't saying I'm a prize...) God Himself intervened and gave me a random seizure. Nobody ever said anything to me afterwards, but I hope she dressed me before my Dad got there. Needless to say, we never tried anything in her house again, God speaks but once to promiscuous couples.


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## Caesare (Sep 3, 2016)

Bogs said:


> I had a religious encounter with my girlfriend but in reverse. Her parents house was adorned with all sorts of Catholic paraphernalia, Mary's and Jesuses looming high on every wall, and a bible in every room. The family weren't nuts, they just had been raised differently. In my girlfriends room, she still had her communion and confirmation photographs on her bedside table, unbeknownst. So any time I stayed over, I politely stayed in a different room to sleep. This drove my girlfriend nuts. We fucked like bunnies when we were at my house, but I shut up like a trap when I was at hers. So once when her house was empty, she wanted me badly. I tried as best I could to avoid it, but it basically came down to "take your clothes off, were having sex." I flat out refused, she was like "what the hell is wrong with you?" and I meekly said, "sorry X, this is your dad's house, and your dad's a Catholic." and this hit her like she didn't know what Catholicism was. She wasn't giving up, so I made her find out when her parents were coming home. They weren't going to be home for an hour or so, so she won in the end. But before she could claim her prize (I ain't saying I'm a prize...) God Himself intervened and gave me a random seizure. Nobody ever said anything to me afterwards, but I hope she dressed me before my Dad got there. Needless to say, we never tried anything in her house again, God speaks but once to promiscuous couples.




Yeah you got lucky that time. Next time it was going to be a lightning bolt to the crotch.


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## weaselhat (Sep 3, 2016)

Blind dating a closeted gay man was the worst date.  It wasn't so  much that it was blind and he was gay, it was he couldn't just tell me, hey I don't want my coworkers to know, but we can just go out as friends and enjoy this because your not my type.   It had to be awkward and weird.  Like we danced around a large elephant in the room decorated with rainbow stickers.  I was too immature to just call him out and say yeah, I know your gay, so can we just eat dinner.   On a side note, my friend was a dumbass  because she did not see I was not the dude's type.   Granted this was the 90s, but still.  Dude was very gay and totally obvious.  I guess maybe I should have told him how obvious it was. Maybe he was clueless that he was in a glass closet.


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## feedtheoctopus (Sep 3, 2016)

tl;dr she fucked my roommate instead


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## The Fifth Waltz (Apr 19, 2018)

The last date I had been on two years ago was awful. Met this guy on a dating site, and went on a date to a board game cafe in the city. I like to keep my personal life private, especially when it's a first date with someone. My mom had heard I was going to the city to "Hang out with some friends"  that day and forced me to go with her. I get dropped off at the cafe two hours early, and have to wait until my date shows up. Once my date did show up it was actually pretty fun and we talked for hours until I get a text message "Aj, I'm on my way to pick you up" which wasn't so bad until my mom walks in and crashes my date, I grabbed my shit and booked it.

Mom still laughs her ass off about this. FML

Despite what happened he actually was pretty cool with it and we dated for six months.


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## Randy Lahey (Apr 29, 2018)

Some kids threw bottles at my girlfriend. She said she still had fun.


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## Hollywood Hulk Hogan (Apr 29, 2018)

Second worst date:
Four years ago I went out with this girl. She was Asian and probably a 2/10 in the face, a solid 7/10 in the body (thicc). First date was drinks and went well. Even got the good night kiss and she immediately texted for a second date. For the second date, she suggests sushi, so we go to a local sushi place. She apparently used to work with the sushi chef and she spent the whole date talking to him. I was cordial and got involved in their conversation as much as I could (it was mostly about former coworkers who I obviously didn't know), but you can imagine how awkward it was. The guy did give us our meals for free, so I tried to play it off as cool. Anyway, the date finishes and do the kiss goodnight and that. After the date she then texts me that she wasn't that attracted to me. Now not to toot my own horn, but I am a decently good looking guy, so I didn't really care (even had a few dates with other women lined up at the time), but I was more confused than anything.

Anyway, I am sort of seeing this girl now (not official or anything) but I never de-activated my OKCupid. Guess who is back on OKCupid, doesn't remember me, and sent me a message out of the blue!

Worst date (if you can call it that):
Back in 2012 I talking to this chick on OKCupid. We exchange #s, and she suggests I come over to "watch a movie". I may be socially weird enough to follow lolcows on the internet, but even I knew what that mean. She tells me her address and to park in the lot behind her apartment. Her address is a sketchy part of town, but I had actually just hooked up with a girl in that area a few months prior so I didn't think twice of it. I park on the street and send her a text. She replies, "I told you to park in the lot behind my apartment. Park there now." I am not stupid enough to actually do that, so I text her that I am not comfortable and got the fuck out of there. I don't know what was waiting for me in that lot, but I sure as hell wasn't going to find out.


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## Yaoi Huntress Earth (Jun 3, 2018)

One guy wanted me to move to his city and live with him on our first date. He also kept trying to stuff me with food and didn't want to leave his appartment so I was stuck spending most of the date there. I had to call my parents to help make a fake emergency so I could leave.


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## Synthwave (Jun 19, 2018)

This one guy turned out to be way older than he said, had three kids and some custody fights with the childrens mother, his house was falling to pieces and he worked without paying taxes. All this came out when we were on the date. 

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I cracked some lame joke to interrupt the awkward silence after his revelations and he laughed so hard that a long, stringy yo yo of snot came out of his nose and landed on his beard, hanging now over his mouth. It was just horrible. When the torture was over, he wanted to give a hug. I did but the snot still haunted me. There was no second date.


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## Ido (Jun 19, 2018)

Prom. I didn't even want to go, my mom forced me to go and considering the guy friend I planned to go with had asked someone else (who sat on her ass for a week and turned him down the day before) I was also told to accept the first guy that asked so that I wouldn't be alone while all my friends had dates.

First guy asked me how I'd like to be asked to prom, if I wanted something special or just to be asked, told him to just fucking ask. If I had chosen something special, he pulled out a pokeball from his pocket and said he was going to give it to me with it saying "I choose you!"

Guy friend drove us, talked to friend more than date, ignored date for food, we swung our arms awkwardly as that's as much as I was willing to dance with him, we all left early and went to a different friends house, kicked date in my sleep from across a couch.

To make matters worse I was forced to take those professional pics with him at prom and my mom still carries it around. I regret not going alone.

I also suspect he was a Furry.


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## Polexia Aphrodisia (Jun 20, 2018)

I was dating a guy during HS as a rebound. Had really nothing in common but he was really sweet and kind and I had just come out of something abusive. 

We started dating shortly before summer break, and while I realized before then I wasn't very into him, I thought it would be unfair to meet up specially over the summer just to break up with him. Especially since he had done nothing wrong. We both had stuff do to so we rarely saw each other in summer.

We went one one final date before school started again. We had literally nothing to say to each other. Not a single thing to talk about. We barely spoke the entire time and it was excruciatingly uncomfortable. I think I might have cried at home because he was really such a genuinely good guy but I had zero feelings for him. 

It's not really dramatic or anything. But it was the final nail in the coffin that I would have to break the heart of this guy who had been nothing but sweet to me.


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## AnOminous (Jun 20, 2018)

The only bad date is if she turns out to have a dick or tries to murder you.  Anything else is pretty good.


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