# The New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 17, 2019)

Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation

Chapter 1: Death Before Rebirth

"Ahh, there's nothing like a fresh turd in a diaper" Sneasel said to himself.  His testosterone patch was kicking in and he was fully loaded.  He poured himself a < sneasel drink here > and sat in his recliner.  He got halfway reclined, and then the phone rang.

Sneasel grabbed a diaper by mistake and put it up to his ear.  "Hello?" Sneasel said to the diaper.  "Hello?  Heeeelllooo? Fuck you!  Hang up on me?  Don't fucking call this number again, asshole."  Sneasel slammed the diaper into the arm rest of his recliner.  The diaper made a farting sound as it squished.  Some poop came out.

The phone kept ringing.  Sneasel picks the diaper up again and is about to scream, when he realizes that the other phone is ringing.  The green phone.

Sneasel rolled off the side of his recliner and continued rolling over a minefield of used diapers until he arrived at a red telephone in the middle of his living room floor.  His right arm reached out and flopped around until he found the handle to the phone.  This was the green phone.  He hadn't used the green phone in years.  He hesistated before picking it up.

"Hey Sneasel - phssshhhsht - It' -- psshst- ull.  Vordr- pshhht- bzzzzzzzz- SITE IS DOWN I REPEAT SITE IS DOWN."

"Null I can't help you, I'm retired."

"Snea - bzzzzzz boweeeeeee- pshhhsh- faggot- kshhhvvvvvvvvvv- nigge- fvvv bewoooop"  The connection cut out.  Sneasel knew now that Null was in trouble if the green phone wasn't working.  He raced to his bedroom, near a gun safe, and fumbled through keys on his keychain.  He took a deep breath and turned the key.  The gun safe opened up.  Hanging on a hook in the center of the gun safe was a pink diaper, with the Kiwifarms emblem on it.  He was retired.  He hadn't suited up in years.  Did he still have what it took?  Why couldn't the others help?

Sneasel took the underpants off of the hook and shouted the transformation "EMINENT DIAPER POWERS TRANSFORM!"

A flash of light, brighter than the sun, filled his bedroom.  Smoke coalesced around sneasel.  As the smoke dissipated, Kiwi Ranger Number Two stood in Sneasel's place.  He raised one arm into the air.  He turned into a streak of green light and flew into the sky, punching a hole in roof.  He was halfway across the world in an instant.  His destination: Kiwi Base Beta.  The only problem was that when he got there, the Ukranian apartment had been turned to rubble.

Sneasel immediately landed and began to search the rubble.

"You won't find anything, sneasel!" an ominous voice shouted.  Sneasel turned around.  It was Vordrak!  "It's too late, my virus has already turned Null Autistic.  He is trapped in my lair, jacking off to Sonic the Hedgehog porn as we speak.  And as for you, you will meet the same fate as this Ukranian apartment building."

Vordrak began throwing Evanessence CD's at Sneasel.  "Kiwi Ranger ass-block!" sneasel shouted as he turned around.  His diaper deflected the attack of the CD's.  The compact discs exploded as they fell to the ground.  Sneasel was thrown backwards into the rubble.

He pressed a button on his diaper that enabled the Kiwi Ranger communicator.  "Kiwi Red, Kiwi Blue, come in, I need help!"

"Your Ranger friends can't help you now, Sneasel.  They banned their own accounts.  You are all that is left.  And soon you won't be."

Vordrak readied his attack.  Sneasel pressed another button on his diaper.  A holographic projection shot out of his asshole.

"No!" Vordrak shouted "Pornography with adults in it!  My only weakness!  You haven't seen the last of me.  I'll be back to finish you!"

Vordrak disappeared in a cloud of smoke.  Turning off the hologram, sneasel tried to regain his breath.  Was it true what Vordrak said?  Are the others gone?  He needed to come out of retirement, he needed a new team.

Standing up, but grabbing his shoulder in pain, he began to walk back to his apartment.  If he was to stop Vordrak and save Null, he was going to have to start his search for new champions to herald the power of the socks.


----------



## Rand /pol/ (Oct 17, 2019)

More like Kuck Rangers


----------



## LullerDerbyRollin (Oct 17, 2019)

What the fuck did I read and why do I want more? Good job!


----------



## Lord of the Large Pants (Oct 17, 2019)

This story is absurd. Null was always autistic!


----------



## Count K. Rumulon (Oct 17, 2019)

*Chapter 2: Something Something Mole time.*

Inside the building in which Null was being held, several original characters were being created as wank fodder for the newly autistic Null. The machine creating these things was large and sprawling. Tubes going in and out of large metallic chambers. Mounds of store-bought meat went in, shitty original characters went out, each either more sexualised or edgy than the last. However, amongst all the cringe, edge and cock-n-ball torture, a figure hopped out of the automated production line and slipped into a nearby vent duct. It was Pingu the Frog, Kiwifarms artist and autismo extraordinaire.

As he sneaked through the duct, he noticed many things throughout the facility, he noticed quite a few things in the various rooms there were. He could see a lot of these things happening due to the amount of grates connecting the rooms to the ducts. In one room, he could see what looked like Lily Orchard eating rotten Wumpa fruit with her rabid Gardevoir banshee. In another, he saw Vordrak forcing some rats to watch kiddy porn. In another, he saw a furry orgy.

That last one was somehow worse than both of the former two combined.

Upon reaching the main prison hall, he found several people trapped in various cell rooms, with each being heavily guarded. Eventually, he found Null's cell room, in which he was wanking to Sticks the Jungle Badger getting her feet tickled. He noted the cell block number, the floor it was on and made a quick dash back to where he initially came from. Any more time spent there and he might have become autistic as well.

...Well, more autistic than he already was, anyways.

As he was making his way back, he heard something coming through the vents. _"OH SHIT!"_ he thought, how the hell did anyone manage to find him? Did he slip up somewhere? Why was the alarm not going off? He readied himself to fight whoever was coming around the corner. Sure, it wouldn't be too effective given that he was in a vent and couldn't utilise his whole body, but he'd still be able to throw a few punches, probably. He calmed his mind, clenched his fist and quickly turned the corner to fight whoever was coming to kill him...

...only to find @MemeGray looking right at him.

"Oh... it's just you." Sighed Pingu as he lowered his fist to the ground. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Trying to find where Null is and bust him out of here" Meme stated quietly, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a dog to save."

"Bad idea" whispered Pingu, "Each cell block has its own security feed, at least two guards outside it, and Vordrak's got a whole personal army of Sonic OCs."

"What does it matter?" asked Meme, "I can take them."

"Yeah, about 20 or 50" Pingu replied, "But not ten million, which is how many OCs he's made so far. You really wanna fight ten million Shadow recolours? Be my fucking guest, but I for one wanna make sure that I get out of here with my head still attached and I also wanna make sure I don't lose my virginity to a cat."

Meme mulled over what Pingu said for a while. "Fine" she said.

"Good" said Pingu, "Ok, now let's get outta here. I know which cell block Null's in and which floor. I just gotta make it out of the building and get to the drop point without being caught. Then Cedric Eff, Sword Fighter Super and Skullomania will pick us up from there in the Kiwimobile. Got that?"

"Got it" said Meme.

"Good" said Pingu as he crawled past Meme to make his way out of the facility. They managed to do so without much issue. Once they got to the courtyard and out of the vents, it seemed like it was smooth sailing from there.

Unfortunately, fate is a cruel mistress, and so is being unlucky.

The alarm went off shortly after making it to the edge of the courtyard. Lily and her Gardevoir had spotted them and sounded said alarm. Upon hearing the noise, Pingu and Meme made a bolt for the fence and leapt over it in a single bound. All the guards that ran after the two couldn't get past their own fence and clawed at the escaping Kiwis.

The Kiwimobile, a large armored Ford Focus, was at the drop point as expected, with Cedric, Sword fighter Super and Skullomania inside the vehicle as described. Pingu jumped into the vehicle with Meme flying in not too soon after.

"Wait, who the fuck is this?" Questioned Sword

"Don't worry, it's just MemeGray, she's cool!" Explained Pingu "Now get the fuck out of here! We got spotted! DRIVE!"

"Ok, gotcha!" Said Cedric as he slammed his foot down on the Accelerator. The Kiwimobile then zoomed off into the night at speeds unparalleled by most cars. They were long gone by the time Vordrak found out that someone entered the building without his permission.


----------



## Exigent Circumcisions (Oct 17, 2019)

Fittingly enough, I read this on the toilet.


----------



## SweetDee (Oct 17, 2019)

And then what happens?


----------



## zyclonPD (Oct 17, 2019)

Toasting in a potential epic bread


----------



## whatever I feel like (Oct 17, 2019)

"Pornography with adults in it! My only weakness!"


Nice.


----------



## Fish-Eyed Fool (Oct 17, 2019)

Can't wait for the motion picture re-release.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 17, 2019)

Chapter 3: New Beginnings

OC Sonic characters were in hot pursuit of the Kiwi mobile, and they were FAST.  Cedric fought to keep control of the vehicle every time an OC rammed into it.  When they hit the Kiwi mobile, they exploded into a ball of ectoplasm and semen.  They seemed to have no sense of self-preservation.  Vordrak might have created the ultimate killing machine.

One OC sideswiped the car, flipping it.

"Brace for Impact!" Cedric shouted.

Swordfighter and Skullomania held each other in a tight embrace, because they forgot to wear their sealtbelts and were trying to use each other as padding.  The car remained upside down and slid down the highway.  Sparks flew as the car skidded.  Eventually, the car slowed down.

After catching their breath, Cedric pressed some controls to open the passenger window.  Everybody crawled out. They needed to rest.  This was not a luxury they could afford, however, because they were surrounded by a dozen OCs.

"What do we do now?"  MemeGray shouted.

Pingu the Frog made a faggy kung fu pose.  "We fight!"

"Yeah, we fight!" Sword Fighter agreed.  He pulled a switchblade from his pants pocket and pressed the blade release.  A comb flipped out and he quickly combed his hair.  "Gotta look good before we kick some ass"  An OC charged towards SwordFighter.  He ducked and tripped the OC.  It fell to the ground and exploded into a pile of ectoplasm and cum.  "OK Guys, we know how to take 'em down"

The Kiwis quickly dispatched several OC's.  More OC's surrounded them.  Hundreds.

Skullomania threw her arms up in the air.  "We can't take this many!"

The Ford Focus and all the kiwis disappeared in a flash.  Beams of colored light streaked across the sky.  They circled the globe 69 times and then landed in Michigan.  The Kiwis rematerialized in a smelly apartment.  The floor was covered in used diapers.  Panic began to sink in.

"Where are we?" Pingu asked.

"You are in Kiwi Base Beta."  A figure walked from a dark corner into view.  A sneasel in a pink diaper marched into their line of sight.  "I have been watching.  I am Seargent Sneasel.  I have been searching for shitposters with attitude."

Sneasel pressed another button on his diaper.  A blinding flash of light and smoke revealed all of the Kiwis in their own diapers.

"Cedric, for being named similar to Cedrick the Entertainer, a black guy, I endow you with the power of Kiwi Ranger Black"  The diaper turned black.

"Swordfighter, because your Mario avatar has a lot of red, I endow you with the power of Kiwi Ranger Red"  Swordfighter's diaper turned red.

"Skullomania, you are Yellow because fuck it."  Skullomania's diaper turned yellow, and she made a faggy ranger pose.

"Froggy, you are green because frogs are green."  Pingu the Frog's diaper turned green.

"With these diapers you are granted great powers to save the Farms and our great dog god Null from the evil clutches of Vordrak.  For you are now the New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation"


----------



## JoshPlz (Oct 18, 2019)

Fucking based!


----------



## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Oct 18, 2019)

Kiwi Red Ranger reporting for duty, Sir!


----------



## Pina Colada (Oct 18, 2019)

When's the reboot?


----------



## Spl00gies (Oct 18, 2019)

_*THAT'S WHY YOU WERE ASKING WHAT HIS FAVOURITE DRINK WAS IN CHAT!*_

It all makes sense now.
More please.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 18, 2019)

Chapter 4: Dark Times

"With my Evanessence powers unfurled, take me to the virtual world!"  Vordrak shouted as he made a super faggoty ninja pose.  Within seconds he transformed into blue bolts of lightning and went into his Hewlett Packard computer.  Feeling the power of Pentium MMX technology flow through his digital veins, he travelled across the internet at a blazing 28.8 kilobits per second.  He arrived in his secret e-lair.

His command center allowed him powers not seen since the Lawnmower Man.  With this power he had crafted a diabolical plan to turn all users of the world wide web into autists.  His first test subject was progressing.  He peered through a one way mirror to observe.

In a small cell, Null was masturbating non stop.  He couldn't control himself.  An Amazon Echo was reciting the contents of the "Sonic the Gloryhole-Hog" fanfiction, and pictures of trains covered the walls.

Vordrak turned his attention to a lab table.  Various test tubes and gears were scatteted across it.  "I will end the last of the Kiwi Rangers.  With my new monster, Sneasel will be finished!"  He arranged various rocks, a saxaphone, and food from a dumpster into a small pile.  He uncapped a test tube, carefully pouring the fuming contents onto the pile.

The pile dissolved into a mound of sludge.  Bubbles formed and ectoplasm and semen erupted from the top of the pile.  It grew taller.  The ectoplasm dripped away, revealing a 65 year old, two spirited stoner.

"Go, my monster!  Destroy Sneasel once and for all!"  Vordrak clenched his fist and then raised his arm in front of him.  This was the faggiest pose yet.  The Tooterglob coughed up a ball of phlegm before moaning and walking away, ready to fullfill his task.

----------------------------------

Back at Kiwi Base Beta, the New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation were training.  Swordfighter was mastering the switch blade comb.  Cedric was eating chicken and Watermelon.  Memegray was learning to use her psychic powers to shitpost without actually touching a keyboard.  Froggy wad busy licking himself to build up an immunity to his own hallucinagenic secretions.  Skullomania was flailing around in a faggy manner, destroying expensive ceramic models of houses.  The ones that old ladies use to decorate for Christmas.

"Faster!  Harder!" Sneasel shouted.  "We need to train hard so we can unlock the Hyper Kiwi Bot!"

All of the Kiwi rangers raised their fists into the air like a bunch of tards and said, in unison, "right"


"Now the trick to summoning the power of the-"

BOOM!

A wall in Sneasel's apartment shattered.  The ceiling above Sneasel collapsed, killing him instantly.  "Nooooo!" Froggy screamed.  But the Rangers didn't have time to mourn.

Tooterglob entered trough the collapsed wall, saxophone in hand.  He placed his his mouth on the Saxaphone reed.  As he blew into the reed, a baritone shockwave blasted across the room.  The kiwi rangers dodged but the shockwave hit Sneasel's refridgerator, causing it to explode. The second shockwave hit Skullomania, causing her to shit her pants.

"Acoustic weapon!"  Skully shouted, "It knows the brown note!  We need to morph to stop it!"

"Allright then.  IT'S DIAPIN' TIME"

The Kiwi rangers assumed their overtly homosexual poses.  Nothing happened, no morph.  The diaper powers must have died with Sneasel.  The situation seemed hopeless.

BOOM!  An explosion behind the Tooterglob threw it off of its feet.  A trampish Scandanavian crossdresser emerged from behind the staggered Tooterglob.  "Kiwi Rangers" it said "You must take it out without the diapers!"

The Kiwi Rangers charged.  Cedric regurgitated watermelon seeds and began rapid-fire spitting them at Tooterglob.  The tooterglob moaned.  Swordfighter leaped onto the Tooterglob and began combing its hair.  Aghast at the idea of hygene, the Tooterglob threw Swordfighter off of it.  "The only thing I groom is children!" it exclaimed.

Froggy was still tripping balls after getting high on himself and was of no use.

The trampish Scandanavian crossdresser fired laserbeams from a swollen codpiece at the Tooterglob.  "Now Kiwi Rangers!" he shouted.

Skullomania picked up Froggy and threw him at the Tooterglob.  Froggy's psychadelic secretions covered the tooterglob, which died simultaneously OD and COPD.  The Kiwi Rangers caught their breath.

"Rangers" the Scandanavian said, " I am Kiwi Deep Throat Intelligence Network Field Agent @Rio.  The power of the diaper is no more.  It died with Sneasel.  But hope is not lost.  I know of a deeper power that I can help you unlock.  For you are the chosen ones, destined to become the Neo New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation Z"


----------



## Spl00gies (Oct 18, 2019)

shut up and take my sempers, Nipples.


----------



## Suburban Bastard (Oct 18, 2019)

Still waiting for the inevitable sex scene.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 18, 2019)

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

The POZRAM engines on the Kiwijet left milky-white chemtrails through the sky.  Speeds never before seen by man or hedgehog were now achievable thanks to the engineering developments of Dr. @bearycool, at the Kiwi Deep Anus Research Lab.  After a short flight at over 69,000 miles per hour, the jet fired its neg-thrusters.  A vertical landing was made in the back yard of 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, VA.

A ramp entended from the front of the Kiwijet.  Rio stepped out, followed by the Rangers.  An 18 year old woman greeted Rio.  They both saluted.  Rio placed his hand on the woman's shoulder, Joe Biden Style.  They briefly exchanged a whisper.  The young woman briefly glanced at the Rangers.  "You're one Ranger short" she said to Rio.

She then approached the Rangers.  "I am Crystal Weston Chandler.  Years ago, my mother, Christine Weston Chandler, and her boyfriend free girlfriend, my other mother, were trapped in a failed dimensional merge.  Before their disappearance, they taught me the art of hedgehog powers  I am not strong enough, but you are.  If you ever hope to defeat the OC's you must embrace the power of your own inner OC.  But, you are one member short"

Rio opened up a dossier and handed a photo to Cedric.  "Our Kiwi Deep Anus Research Facility has been searching for the prophecised final Kiwi who can complete the team.  We think our spergotron analizer has found a valid candidate."  Cedric looked at the photo of @Angel Baby Firefly.  It took him a moment because the picture was the size of the sistine chapel's roof.

"Swordfighter" Rio said, "The prophecy says that you are the one who recruits Firefly.  The rest of you should start training immediately.  Follow me Sword fighter."

As Swordfighter and Rio got back into the Kiwojet, Crystal Weston Chandler put the Kiwi Rangers on a training regiment that would take days to complete: Walking up an entire flight of stairs.  The Kiwijet began its vertical liftoff and then shot across rhe sky at 1,488 miles per hour.

--------

69000 feet in the air:


"I don't understand.  Why do we have to become OC hedgehogs to stop OC hedgehogs?"  Swordfighter asked.

"I wish I could explain, but for now all I can tell you is that autism is a spectrum."

The Kiwijet began to shake mid air.  The pilot made an announcement over the intercom.  "This is your pilot @nippleonbonerfart. we are are under attack!  Abandon ship!  Nipples and Boners first!"  The pilot ran from the cockpit into the passenger section.  He opened a hatch and jumped out, forgetting to grab a parachute.  The intercom came on again.  "This is your captain.  My faggot copilot mistook turbulance for an attack and jumped ship.  He is dead now.  Just buckle up and we should be-"

BOOM!

The Kiwijet exploded into two pieces.  The tail section spun.  Swordfighter, being the strongest and fastest, unbuckled his seatbelt.  He pulled himself through the passenger aisle, seat by seat, making his way to a box marked "parachutes"  The box was empty.

"Brace for impact!" Rio screamed.  The tail section of the plane fell.  900 feet, 800 feet... 100 feet... bounce.

Bounce.

Bounce?

The tail section bounced several times, coming to a soft landing.

"Get your goddamn plane off of me!"

Swordfighter climbed out of the wreckage. towering over him was a large individual who had absorbed the impact of the landing, completely unscathed.  Swordfightet's heart skipped a beat.  Was he seeing an angel?  or a baby? or a firefly?

"F-Firefly.  It's you.  I mean, i've seen you.  You were in me..  i-i mean you were in my picture"  He began to blush.  He gulped "I'm Swordfighter."

"Well whyever you are here, you can explain back at my house.  I have to watch my Soaps."  Firefly began rolling across a field towards an aircraft hanger.  Rio and Swordfighter followed.


----------



## SweetDee (Oct 18, 2019)

omg i'm gonna be a hero!


----------



## Suburban Bastard (Oct 18, 2019)

Angel Baby Firefly said:


> omg i'm gonna be a hero!


You mean an hero.


----------



## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Oct 19, 2019)

Chapter 6: Romancing the Diaper

As Swordfigther and Angel Baby walked toward her house, she said "It's a good thing you guys crashed where you did because you almost destroyed my special weed crops.  I've been working on a special strain that makes you smarter rather than dumber, and it's nearly ready for experimentation."

"Wow", Swordfigter said, "What does it do to your ability to create new OCs?"

"What the fuck kind of gay shit are you talking about" she replied.  "Anyway, hurry the fuck up and tell me why you're here, there's a marathon of classic General Hospital, and I gotta get my John Stamos fix."

Trying to think of the best way to explain the situation, Swordfighter took out his trusty pocket comb and nervously began combing his mustache.

"Woah" exclaimed Angel Baby Firefly, "That comb looks just like the one I've seen in my dreams!"

"Really!?  What else have you seen in these dreams?" Ask Sword.

"Well, it's mostly hazy, but I see a man trapped in some kind of super secret prison with the word "paedophile" written over his forehead in green marker being forced to watch episodes of "Thomas the Tank Engine" with a strange contraption attached to his head.  I'm not sure, but I think the contraption is being used to siphon his energy off to some kind of machine"

"OF COURSE" Swordfighter shouted, "That's how Vordrak is making these creatures: concentrated weaponized autism!  He's using Null as some kind of energy plant!"

"OK," said ABS, "Enough of these riddles, tell me now what's going on!"

"What's going on is you've been given a gift!  The ability to see shitposts before they happen!  That's why I'm here we need you on our shitposting team to help us save our dear leader from a fate worse than death: creating an army of gross OCs for a degenerate British faggot who is trying to turn the whole world autistic!"

Before he could get out another word, there was a bright flash of light and the two were surrounded by OCs"

"Holy shit, you weren't kidding", said ABF.  "What do we do?!"

"WE FIGHT!" Said Swordfighter as he took a hella gay pose and brandished his pocket comb furiously.


----------



## Scarlett Johansson (Oct 19, 2019)

Omg keep going


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 19, 2019)

Chapter 7: Chapter 6 part 2: The Limits of Combat

"Kiwi Kombat Roll!  Ultra Spin!"

ABF began rolling in place.  Her girth peeling out the ground bemeath her.  She shot off like a faster version of Violet Bouregard being moved by Oompa Loompas.  A trail of dust settled behind her.  She steamrolls the OCs.  They explode and shoot globs of ectoplasm and semen onto Firefly's port side.

Firefly revs up again.  Excess ectoplasm and spooge shook off of her and flew in all directions.  Swordfighter and Rio get splashed.  Firefly stops spinning makes a faggy pose.

Rio was astonished with Firefly's fighting skills.  "You sure took care of those jizz monsters!" exclaimed an excited rio.

Firefly wiped some ectoplasm and spooge off of her lip with the back of her hand.  "Heh!" Firefly said, "I eat jizz monsters for breakfast."

A giant echidna kicks Firefly.  She goes rolling across a field.  An irate Firefly shouts "You motherfuckerssssssss!" as she rolls off into the distance.  The giant echidna stomped.  Swordfighter jumped to dodge its foot.  It punched the ground.  A shockwave of dirt and clay throws everyone off balance.

Rio lands dick-first.  "Oh god my fucking dick!  I mean i was going to cut it off anyway but holy fuck ouch!"

Swordfighter's pocket comb spins and slides along the ground, just out of reach.  Swordfighter reaches to grab his comb.  The giant echidna foot came down on his comb.  Another shockwave sends Swordfighter 50 feet into the air.  "Brace for Impact!"  Swordfighter shouts to nobody as he falls back to the earth.

Firefly comes rolling back.  "Hey guys I'm here to help agai- motherfucker!"

Swordfighter lands on Firefly.  He bounces off of her, flying towards the giant echidna.  Sword fighter flies by the echidna's dreadlocks.  He grabs on to a dreadlock and uses it as a swing to land on the snout of the giant echidna.  Annoyed, the echidna begins swatting at its own snout.  Sword fighter struggled to avoid the swats.

"Swordfighter take this!" Rio shouted.  He threw a codpiece towards Swordfighter.  Swordfighter catches it and attaches it to his groin.  "Kiwi Ranger Codpiece Laser Assault!  Infinite Spectrum!"  he shouts.  Hundreds of Laserbeams fire in all directions out of Swordfighter's groin.  Two of the laserbeams blind the echidna with direct shots to the eyeballs.

Blinded and leaking ectoplasm and semen out of its burned eyeballs, the echidna moans and shakes.  Swordfighter falls off and lands on Firefly.

"Goddammit!"  Firefly shouts.

The moaning echidna stops stomping.  The shockwave settls.  The echidna assumes a faggoty squatting position.  Growling, it powers up.  Two giant dicks grow from the echidna's nipples.  A thick, brown,  acidic substance begins squirting out of the dicks.  Small holes burn into the ground the as substance lands.

"We can't get close enough to the acid!"  Shouted Firefly.  "My weed crops will be ruined!"  Firefly closed hey eyes.  She couldnt bear to see her precious weed destroyed.  She prepared for the worst.

......

"What is this trouble all aboot?" a heroic voice shouted from the distance.  Across the sky, faster than a speeding Moose.  More Powerful than the Toronto Maple Leafs.  Is it a squirrel?  Is it a plane?  Whoosh.

Its... @jenffer a jay, Canada's most beautiful and powerful woman.  Jennfer flys into the battle.

"Hi guys I just finished saving Canada and the world from the Libtards.  No biggie.  Anyway I came to help."

Jennffer makes a non-faggy pose; a power only available Canada's most beautiful and strongest woman, across all canons and AU's and timelines and in real life.

"Maple Spirit HRT!  Supersized!"

Jenffer grows as big as the giant echidna.  The echidna grows 2 more dicks in its burnt eyeholes.  Their peeholes open and two eyes are revealed.  The monster can see again.  It charges towards Jennfer.

"Oh buttertarts!  I better stop it!"

As the echidna charges, Jenffer grabs it by its two face dicks and swings it around like an olympic hammer thrower.  She lets go on the third swing.  The echidna goes flying halfway across the globe.  It lands in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, still alive and dangerous.  Nobody gave a shit about the third world.

Jenffer brushed some dirt off of her shoulder.  "Well Golly Total Recall 2070,  you sure got yourself in a pickle.  Glad I could help.  Listen I gotta get back to Canada snd save a kitty from a troon.  Keep it up, maybe one day you will defeat something.  I believe in you.  Bye!"

Jenffer flew away.  Everyone was in awe of how terrific Canada's most beautiful and powerful woman truely was.

"Gee that was close" Firefly said.

"We must train to become stronger and defeat dick nipple echidnas" sad Swordfighter.

"Right!" shouted Rio "For Justice! For Nool!" Rio made a faggy pose.

Sword Fighter followed with his own fag pose.  "For dick nipples!"

Firefly made the faggiest pose of the 3.  "For weed!".

All 3 shouted "We are the Kiwi Rangers and the Ranger sister, Rio!  We will fighting!  We will victoriousing!"


----------



## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Oct 19, 2019)

nippleonbonerfart said:


> "Brace foe Impact!" Swordfighter shouts to nobody as he falls back to the earth.


----------



## Scarlett Johansson (Oct 20, 2019)

Lol are we all gonna make appearances


----------



## Recoil (Oct 20, 2019)

This makes me very happy.
Thank you for this brightness.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 20, 2019)

Chapter 8: And now a brief word from our sponsors.

Hey kids, now you can be just like the Kiwi Rangers.  Introducing the New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation Codpiece Laser Assault! Assault Laser Codpiece!  available this Christmas at KayBee Toys, Sam Goody, and select Salvation Army locations.

_A kid straps a the toy on and then plays with other Kiwi Rangers toys.

"Take this faggots!"  the kid shouts.  A laser beam shoots from the toy and explodes the other toys._

New for this year, each one comes woth a karate-action, 1200-watt laser!  Now you can really save the world from Vordrak and the OCs.

Use it to play practical jokes in your sister!

_A kid lasers his sisters barbie dolls, exploding them, making her cry._

Use it to kill your parents!

_An emo kid shouts "Fuck you dad!"_

Call now 1-900-666-1488, have your parents credit card ready.  Weapons-grade uranium sold separately.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 21, 2019)

Chapter 9: Inner conflict

Rio phoned in for a new Kiwi Jet, chinook, and service service crew to airlift Firefly back to Neo Kiwi Base Beta Cuck.  Workers in orange safety vests attached caribeaners to various straps around Firefly's mid section.  The Chinook lowered itself just enough to attach the final lift cable. 

As it raised up again, its frame buckled.  The familiar sound of the propellers was replaced with a grinding noise.  The lift cable snapped.  The chinook spun out of control.  It crashed into the ground, exploding.

The snapped lift cable whipped the other direction, towards Rio.  Rio's head severs and lands on the ground next to her decapitated body.  "Fuck not again!"  A disgruntled Firefly mumbles to herself.

"We better hurry." Swordfighter says, "We're not alone."

Over the horizon, a caravan of migrants began to approach their location.  Swordfighter scrambled to roll Firefly and attempt wedge her into the Kiwi Jet.  As the migrants came closer, Swordfighter knew he needed to buy more time.  He picked up Rio's decapitated head and torso.

"Kiwi Troon Toss!  Horizon Shot!"

Swordfighter makes two overhead throws.  Rio's decapitated head and torso flew off to the horizon.  Thirsty, the migrant caravan turns around and heads back to gangbang Rio's head and corpse.

With that distraction out of the way, swordfighteter finishes shoving Firefly into the Kiwi Jet.  On the final roll, Firefly's face momentarily rolls past Swordfightet's crotch.  "Owo whats this?" she says as Swordfighter blushes and closes the hatch.  He sits down and fastens his own seatbelt.  The other surviving service crew operates the Kiwi Jet back to Kiwi Base Beta Cuck.

--------------------------

At Kiwi Base Beta Cuck, Skullomania and Firefly, fresh from orientation, get into a cat fight.  "I don't care how much you can roll" Skullomania says, "around here I am bottom bitch!"  Skully snaps her fingets 3 times in the air.

Firefly retorts  "Bitch I got more bottom than you'll ever be!"

Froggy intervenes.  "Calm down, we need to work as a team to save Null!"  We need to train so we can summon Gallowtron if we want to have a fighting chance."

"Froggy's right," MemeGrey says, "Besides we all know I'm bottom bitch."

The bickering dies down when @Tempest enters the room and flickers the lights in and off rapidly.

"I am Kiwi Kommander Captain Admiral H. Tempest.  We have located the energy core neseccary to summon Gallowtron.  It is on the far side of the moon.  Suit up Kiwi Rangers, you are going into space!"

Tempest opened up a binder and said "I don't want to be in this fanfic anymore." He pulled a ruger from between laminated pie charts and shot himself in the face.  It didn't work and Tempest is still in the story.

"I'm sorry we got into a fight!"  Firefly said.

"Yeah!" said Skullomania,  "We should be fighting, not fighting."

Memegrey, Skully, and firefly make a faggoty pose.  "Girl Power!"

"Wow," said Cedric, "Maybe they can't all be bottom bitch, but they all sure are basic bitch."

Everybody laughs.  Cedric always had the best zingers.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 21, 2019)

Chapter 10: The dark side of the Moon

Giant treads made tracks  on the ground.  Grass and stone alike were pressed into a muddy indent.  Kiwi Crawling Utility Mover- 2 postitioned the Uranus-5 Heavy Lift rocket into launch position.  KCUM-1 followed behind with a pair of boosters.  Giant robotic arms moved the rocket and boosters off of the crawlers to perform final assembly.  Long, prehensile fuel tubes rose from the ground.  They moved into position and penetrated various openings in the Uranus rocket.  The tubes made a pulsating, pumping motion as they filled the rocket's chambers with fuel.

Peering through windows at the launch base, the Kiwi Rangers, now fitted with spacesuits, watch in awe at the world's largest rocket was pounded full of fuel.  Technician @Tahoma was with them, showing the Rangers around.  "This our newest heavy lift rocket, Uranus-5.  She runs on clean burning coal.  Uranus 1 through 4 had technical problems, so for this one, we went deep into Uranus design principles to build the mark-5."

The kiwis crossed a final catwalk.  They were now in the Opseration module at the tip of the rocket.  "Kind of amazing." Froggy says, "all this metal below us just to lift this tiny Opserations  module."  The Kiwi Rangers all buckled up.

Over an intercom, Tempest gave the final countdown, consisting of mostly guttutal noises from whatever was left of a mouth.

"Kwee imuh hem, ime, eihuu" ( t-minus ten, nine, eight )

The primary rocket fires prematurely.  The Kiwi rangers flip various switches and knobs, continuing the flight plan.

"Begin retrograde separation phase"  Swordfighter says, flipping various switches.  The Opseration module separates from the rocket and boosters, which fall back to earth.

Other than shooting off early, which kiwi technology sometimes does, the trip to the moon went off without a hitch.  A shadow enveloped the ops module as it orbited the moon's backside.  "Prepare for final descent." a confident Froggy says as he presses a random button.  A hissing sound, followed by a clunk, rattled the module.  "Damn!  Propellent lines must have gotten jammed during retrograde!  We're coming in too fast!"

"Brace for Impact!"  shouted a panicked MemeGrey.

"No! Turn this ship around and put on your spacesuits.  I have a plan!"  Firefly interjected.

Froggy wiggled a limp joystick back and forth a few times.  Remaining unclogged thrusters fired.  The Ops module turned 180 degree.  The module was now falling, Firefly first.  She cushioned the landing, leaving the module intact and everybody alive.

Memegrey opened up suit to suit communication.  "I'll stay behind and psycho-sonically clean the module's propellent lines.  Go find that energy core."

The other Kiwi Rangers made a faggy pose and said "Right!"

Froggy operated a wrist mounted computer on his spacesuit.  "According to the aspimeter we are getting high energy readings, bearing 14.88. 2 miles from here."

Froggy, Skully, Cedric, and Swordfighter used the low gravity of the moon to jump high in the air and land on Firefly.  They balanced on top of her and used their feet to roll her towards their destination.  After an hour of rolling, they reach a large rock formation.  Tired, they dismount from Firefly to rest.

Froggy scans the rock formation with his wrist computet.  "It looks like a Connorite temple.  But what is it doing on the moon?"  He finishes his scan.  "It looks like the entrance is over here."  He pounts to a door on the temple marked "Entrance."

They enter the temple.  The ground shakes and the entrance caves in, leaving them stuck inside.  They use flashlights to inspect their surroundings.  They are in a long, large cooridor.  The ground shakes again.  A low pitched moan fills the chamber, followed by an loud ominous  voice.

"None shall multipass!"


----------



## Agoraphobic Bullshit (Oct 21, 2019)

I thought this was going to be the most autistic thing on the General Board... and I was right, but in the most amazing way. Novella sales when?


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 21, 2019)

Chapter 11: Double Vision

"I am unbannable.  I am eternal."

Corbin Dallas Multipass hovers from the high ceiling, subsiding slowly into the ground.  He appears distorted.  1000 copies of himself wavered around a central point.  The  copies all merge into one figure, revealing the faggiest of faggots to ever fag.

"You shall not have the power core.  You shall not stop Vordrak.  With Null gone I cannot be banned!"  Corbin makes a faggy pose that was gay by even faggy pose standards.  He bends his pinkies like every other weeb faggot does when they try to look badass.

"Multipass Multiply!"

1000 copies of Corbin Dallas Multipass shoot outwards from Corbin.  They circle the Rangers.  "Try to stop me now Kiwis!"  One of the clones makes a beeline for Swordfighter.  Swordfighter headbuts it.  The copy of corbin disappears leaving behind a pile of socks on the ground.  The light gravity of the moon causes swordfighter to lose his balance.

A second Corbin dissappears and reappers behind Skullomania.  It grabs her ass and them dissappears again.  A third does the same to Firefly's boobs.  Cedric barely avoids getting groped.

"Tits and ass," a maniacal Corbin sings.  "Tits and ass.  Tits and ass.  Who's gettin groped by the Multipass?  Hee hee."

Firefly gears up for an attack by spinning rapidly in place.

"Kiwi Kombat Steamroll!  Faggot Flatten!"

Firefly rolls towards a line of Corbins.  A trail of socks is created as she runs them over.  Several Corbins surround her, sacrificing themselves but ultimately slowing her down until she is stuck.  Her attempts to roll off of them are unsuccessful.  The most she can manage is a back and forth rocking motion.

"Tis but a flesh wound"  Corbin says.  The piles of socks reform into copies of Corbin Dallas Multipass.  The copies all make faggy poses and each of them splits, multiplying.  2000 Corbins in all.

"At this rate, all new accounts will be Corbin's!"  Cedric shouts.

Skullomania hears a voice in her head. "Skully, it is I, Crystal Weston Chandler, true and honest daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfriend free girlfriend.  You must unlock your original character."  Skully looks around.  She cannot see Crystal.  Is this real?  "I-I don't know how!"  she shouts to nobody.

"I'm not here.  This us a telepathic link.  You mus- to continue please insert $2.00 - click -"

Two Corbin clones approach Skully.  Time stops for a moment.  Skullomania feels some thing primal from within.  She blinks.  A shockwave erupts and the Corbin Clones are thrown back from it.  The primal feeling envelopes her body, like the warm feeling a stoner gets on the outside of their skin.  Skully assumes a squatting position and waves of pure force energy move around her.

She powers up.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

She powers up more.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

She powers up more.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Skullomania shits her pants and stops powering up.

Froggy snaps Skully back to reality.  "Swordfighter found the power core while your pants shitting distracted all the clones.  We have to get out of here!"

Firefly and swordfighter had already made their way back to the entrance.  It was still blocked from the cave in.  A Corbin clone materialized in front of them.

"Don't think you can just put me on your ignore list!"

Skullomania hears a voice again.  "Skully it's me.  Crystal Weston Chandler.  True and honest daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfirend free girlfriend.  You must try again.  No matter how many times you shit your pants , you must try!"

The world goes black around Skullomania.  She suddenly sees thousands of galaxies in front of her.  An inspirational video of Christian Weston Chandler plays above her.

"You know it's ok to be different.  You know sometimes we -stress sigh- have our accidents we poop ourselves.  And then, we get, we end up with dirty pants-ants-ants-ants."

These word "pants" echoed and faded.  The galaxies around her disappeared and she was once again in battle.  She tried powering up again.

"Hurggh!  Ehhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh!  KIWI HEDGEHOG POWERS ACTIVATE!"


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 22, 2019)

Chapter 12: Escape from the dark side of the Moon

Skullomania shits her pants again.

"I must keep trying!"  Skullomania shouts, shitting her pants a third time.  The Corbins stopped attacking momentarily, mesmerized by Skully's pants shitying.  "That's it!" shouts Froggy, "Keep shitting your pants! We need more time to clear the exit!"

Skullomania vigilantly continued shitting her pants.  Her flow soon loses potency.   "I'm running out of turd!"  Swordfighter springs to Skullys aid by spinning around like a faggot and chanting a summon.

"Kiwi Burrito!  Bean Supreme!"

A burrito the size if a dead infant appears in front of Skullomania.  She opens her mouth, loosens her throat, and swallows the burrito whole.  Rejuvinated, her turd output increases to 110 percent.  Her spacesuit was getting full.

Froggy and Swordfighter finish clearing the debris.  "Ok let's get out of here!"

"Follow me Skully!" Firefly shouts, rolling to the exit.  Full of turds in her spacesuit, Skully follows Firefly and rolls to the exit too.  As they exit, Corbin, followed by blurry trail of 2000 Corbin socks, chases them.  Corbin gets stopped by some invisible force at the entrance.

"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Corbin shouts.  His socks all smack into the invisible shield on the door, like flies to a streetlight.  The Kiwi Rangers relaxed their caution when they realized that Corbin was stuck.  After a few more minutes of thrashing about, Corbin sauntered back into the inner chamber, to masturbate to videos of Jordan Peterson owning libtards.

"I think I understand now." Said Froggy.  "His account was unbannable. So the Connorites, the long deceased mods of old, must have threadbanned him to the dark side of the moon.  They could not stop him, only contain him."

"With Null gone," Swordfighter said, "who knows how long the incelectric field will last."

The Kiwi Opserational module lands next to them.  Memegrey emerges.  Her psychoacoustic sounding of the retrograde fuel lines cleaned them out, and the module was fully operational.  "Hey guys!  I sounded the debris out if propellent holes M through Q.  Luckily only the P hole needed it."

The Rangers boarded the Ops module and took flight positions.  "Firing primary ejectulation thrusters."  Froggy said as he flipped a limp toggle switch.  The module lifted off the moons surface.  Thrusters fired, and it was in its way back to earth.

A large dreadnaught flew overhead of the Ops module, casting a shadow on it.  The intercom in the ops module received a message.  "You are entering Palestinian occupied territory.  Turn back or you will be stoned to death."

Smaller ships fly out of various holes im the dreadnaught.  Palestinian space pilots turn towards the Ops module.  Their radars lock onto the module.  When the green crosshairs blink and "Certified Halal" flashes, they open fire.  Hundreds of rocks fire out of the palestinian space ship cannons.

Two of the rocks hit the module, destroying a propellent line.  The module begins spinning uncontrollably.  It makes a fast, spinning path towards the Dreadnaught.

"Brace for impact!"  Memegrey screams.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 23, 2019)

Chapter 13: An Unconventional Cure

The Opserational Module continues careening out towards the Palestinian space Dreadnaught.  Froggy looks out of a viewport.  He notices a Star of David on the side of the Dreadnaught.  "Hey guys I think only part if that ship is Palestinian." 

"Open hailing frequencies!" a panicked Firefly says.

Froggy begins flipping limp switches on a control panel and entering morse code by toggling another limp switch.  The limp switch firms up and begins twitching.  "I've got a response!  They're engaging tractor beams!"

The Dreadnaught's tractor beam brings the  Ops module to a slow, spinning crawl and lines it up with an entrance port.  Froggy flipped a few more limp switches.  A display monitor presented various graphs and numbers.  "We are approaching the dock at 5.9 sheckles per second.  We should arrive in about 4 minutes."

"I'm feeling nervous," Firefly said, "I've never met any Space Jews."

"The Ops Module has a full encyclopedia in its memory banks.  I'll pull up the entry on Space Jews."  Froggy said.  He toggles a rather large limp switch switch.  It firms up for a moment and then goes limp again.  "Hold on this switch is slightly defective." Froggy says, feeling mildly incinvenienced.  He toggles, shakes, and rubs the switch until it firms up.  A hologram projects from the tip of the switch, displaying the encyclopedia entry:

"Space Jews: In 2X33, the Israelis and Palestinians signed an agreement, ending XXX years of hostility.  In exchange for leaving the Gaza Strip, Israel would provide the Palestinians with a space ark to live on.   In 2X35, Israeli archeologists excavated new, previously unknown Dead Sea Scrolls.  In these scrolls, it was Revealed that YHVH promised the 7 tribes of Israel new territory in space, which happened to be in the orbit the Palestinians were now occupying.  Seeing no other choice but to follow Elohim's will, the Israelis began occupation of the Palestinian Space Ark.

The holograpic projection ends just as the tractor beam pulls the Ops module into Jew Dock 7.  A loudspeaker announces the landing sequence.  "Engaging mooring laks, prepare to disembark."

A security crew meets them at the hatch of their ship.  "I am security chief Abraham.  We got your SOS but you must come with me."

The Kiwi Rangers step out of the damaged ops module.  Skullomania collapsed.  "I'm not feeling so good" she said, then passed out.  A crew of Jew medics placed her on a hover stretcher and escorted her to a jewish medical bay.

The Rangers tried to follow Skullomania.  Abraham's security liasons made Krav Maga poses and held them in place.  "I am sorry," Abraham said, "you must follow me to security before I can let you see your friend."

-----------------

The Rangers were in luck.  Kiwi Base Beta Cuck had good relations with the Space Jews, and security screening was quick.  They were given visitors badges that allowed access to the Space Jew Business District as well as the Jewish side of the Space Temple.

The Rangers stepped off of a hover bus into Med Bay Mek'lah 7.  Doctor Abraham approached the rangers to deliver his prognosis.  "I'm sorry, your friend has days to live.  Worst case of Claustridium Difficile I have ever seen."

"What can be done?" Firefly asked.

Doctor Abraham sighed.  "I'm afraid, I'm afraid the cure is not Kosher.  I do not have it, and your friend won't get back to earth in time."

Firefly got frantic "Doctor, is there anything else at all we can do?!"

"Well I don't know.  If you go to the Palestinian side, then maybe, while the cure is not Kosher, it might be Halal."

Swordfighter folded his arms.  "The space Palestinians tried to stone us to death!"

"We must try!"  Said Memegrey, making a faggy pose.

"You're right" Swordfighter said, makimg an equally faggy pose.

Firefly and Froggy, and Cedric made their own faggy pose.  They all spoke in unison.

"We are the Kiwi Rangers and we will confronting the Palestinians!"


----------



## The Last Stand (Oct 23, 2019)

I want to be in it!


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 23, 2019)

Chapter 14: Things That are Yet to Cum

A large, flat boulder behind the Jewish side of the Space Temple's main altar rolls along the wall, revealing a stone tunnel.  Rabbai Abraham holds a Torah and bows several times.  "This tunnel leads to the Palestinian side of the Space Temple," the Rabbai instructs the Kiwi Rangers, "Follow me."

Everybody had to hunch to fit in the tunnel. @Angel Baby Firefly attempted to roll into the tunnel entrance and got stuck.  She shook and popped herself loose, backed up, and tried to roll into the tunnel again, and got stuck again.

"Guys I guess I'm gonna have to sit this one out!"

She struggled to break free.  Popping out of the tunnel, she knocks over a pedestal with a priceless glass menorah on it.  The menorah hits the ground and shatters into a million pieces.  "Fuck!" she says to herself, then whistles and rolls away casually, pretending like nothing ever happened.

She rolls past an air vent.

tip tap

She rolls past a second air vent.

tip tap

It must be a space rat in the ducts.  @Angel Baby Firefly hadn't eaten in 45 minutes.  She was famished, and the thought of a space rat made her mouth water.  Licking her lips, she listens to the sound of the rat moving through the air ducts.  She quietly rolls next to the next air duct and waits.

A brief flash of white blinds her.  She see's something.  A vision.  Someone running out of this temple hall and getting Krav Maga'ed to death by a Jew Guard.  A brief flash blinds her again.  Her vision returns to normal.

Was it a premonition?  Swordfighter told her once that she had the ability to see a shitpost before it happens.  She didn't believe him.  Maybe he was right.  She was uncertain, but a gut feeling told her someone was in the duct work.

A Palestinian jumps out of an air vent and makes a beeline towards the temple exit.  The temple hall itself was free of guards, but she knew that if he managed to leave, he was dead.

Firefly revs up to intercept him.  "Kiwi Patroll Roll! Islam Inhibit!"

She barrels towards the Palestinian and runs him over.  He becomes trapped underneath her.  The Palestinian unsuccessfully flails about, uttering expletives.

"Shhh!  Quiet!" Firefly whispers.  "I just saved your life."

The Palestinian stops flailing and calms down.  "Please, get off of me."

Firefly rolls off of him.  He stands up and brushes fragments of a shattered menorah of if his clothing.

Firefly pleads "You have to go back.  It isn't safe.  There is a passage way behind the-"

The Palestinian cut her off.  "Why is the door to the DMZ open?"

"One of my friends is ill, so my other friends went through the passage to-"

The Palestinian cut her off again.  "You let people into the DMZ tunnel!  You can't!"  The Palestinian ran to the tunnel.

Firefly panicked. "Wait!  What is in the tunnel?"

"I have no time to explain!  Your friends are in danger!"

Firefly felt slightly annoyed that she wasn't getting answers.  "Could you at least tell my who you are?"

The Palestinian stopped for a moment, turned towards Firefly, and said, "I am Prince Mohammed Abdul Sabayat Ayatollah Aladdin Mesothelioma Bashir @The Last Stand."  He ducked into the tunnel and pressed a hidden button on a stone inside the tunnel.  The large boulder rolled back into place, covering the tunnel entrance.


----------



## SweetDee (Oct 23, 2019)

someone needs to narrate this


----------



## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Oct 23, 2019)

Good thing I don't have any actual coworkers, because they'd probably think I'd turned exceptional with how hard I'm laughing right now.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 23, 2019)

Chapter 15: Confessions, part 3

The Rabbai shined a flashlight down the tunnel.  The Rangers had been walking, hunched over for an hour.  Cedric felt knots form in his back.  "Hey guys," Cedric said, spinning his eyeballs, "I'm gonna get Skulliosis from saving Skullomania."

Everybody laughed.  "You have the best jokes, Cedric" Froggy said between snorts.  The humor offered only a small relief, though.  After another seemingly-endless hour of hunching, the tunnel opened up into a large room.  It had to be at least 30 kilosheckles in size and over 100 stories high.  Everyone's jaw dropped.  The walls were perfectly flat and covered in stainless steel.

Rabbai Abraham surveyed his surroundings.  "I don't see an a door anywhere."

"Don't you know where you're going?"  Cedric asked.

"Truthfully," Rabai Abraham confessed, "None of us have ever been this far.  We always gave up after 20 minutes in the tunnel and went back."

Cedric spun his eyes around again.  "Nigga if I was a Jew and you were at my Synagogue, I'd be like 'God-bye Rab-eye' "

Everybody laughed again.  Swordfighter stepped backward while laughing and stepped on a pressure plate.  Thousands of trap doors in the floor and walls open.  Springboards, giant pinball bumpers, loops, floating platforms, monsters and spike balls emerge from every trap door.

A robotic hedgehog with flying rocket shoes bolts across the floor, navigating the loops.  It passes by the Kiwi Rangers and grabs Rabbai Abraham.  Speeding back across the loops, springboards, and platforms, it makes its way to the top of the arena, too small to see from ground level.

A robotic bee buzzes near the Rangers and shoots spikes.  "Aww hell nah, nigga!"  Cedric screams, "I'm allergic to bees!"

"It's not just bees!"  shouts Swordfighter.   "Wheeled snail robots, 3 o'clock!"

"Slow moving caterpillar robots!"  Shouts Froggy.

Colored lights and moving laser beams activate.  Swordfighter steps forward to try and get to a moving platform above him.  A laser beam sweeps across the floor, singing the hairs if his moustache.  Swordfighter jumps back.

"Do you hear that?" Memegrey says, turning her head towards the tunnel behind them.  A faint whirring sound comes from the tunnel.  It remains constant and gets louder.

A brown hedgehog comes spinning out of the tunnel.  It unrolls and looks at the the Kiwi Rangers.  "You must go back!"

"We can't" says Memegrey, "The Rabbai is up there."

The hedgehog rolls its eyes and runs off.  It completes the various loops, springboards, and bumpers, until it was out of sight.  A moment later, the brown blur returns with the Rabbai.

"I cannot disarm the security system.  We must go back!" the hedgehog says.

"No," says Froggy.  "Our friend has C. Diff and we need the cure!"

The hedgehog gasps for a moment.  "C. Diff.  Your friend didn't- look out!  Get back in the tunnel!"  A swarm of slow moving robotic caterpillars were surrounding the Kiwi Rangers.  They did as the hedgehog ordered.  The hedgehog entered behind them.  An aura of energy appeared around him.  "My shield can guard you from some of the slow-moving, mildly annoying caterpillars, but you must hurry."

After an hour of slowly treking through the long, shallow tunnel, the hedgehog stopped for a minute.  "I dont think they are followimg us anymore.  Could you guys hurry up?"

Cedric got annoyed.  "Nigga we're bigger than you.  These tunnels made for hedgehogs or something?"

"Yes, they were."

After another half hour of back breaking crouching, they reached the temple opening.

The hedgehog stopped for a moment.  "Before I open this door, you have to promise me you will not speak of anything you saw."

The rabbi began "OK we won't-"

"Promise!"  The hedgehog demanded.

Everyone made a faggy pose.  "We the Kiwi Rangers and Ranger Rabbai Abraham promise not to talk about what we saw."

"Good" the Hedgehog says.

He presses an unmarked stone in the wall.  The large bolder rolls out of the way, opening the entrance back to the temple.  Everyone steps out.  Firefly rolls back to greet everyone.

"Did you guys get the remedy?  Hey why is there a hedgehog with you?"

"Oh no! I forgot to transform back!" the hedgehog said to himself.  "Chaostism control." he shouts, and returns to human form.

Firefly is astonished "@The Last Stand!  How can you turn into a hedgehog?"

@The Last Stand stress sighs for a moment, and drops a bombshell.

"All Muslims can turn into hedgehogs."


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 24, 2019)

Chapter 16: JEWS

@Cedric_Eff spun his eyes around, preparing to make another award-winning zinger.  "Muzzie djou got a lot of 'splainin to do" he said in a Cuban accent.

"There's really not much to explain," said Stand, "My people have been able to turn into hedgehogs since the beginning, when the prophet Mohammed firs- I'm sorry, I've said too much.  What was this about C. Diff?"

The Kiwis explained their adventure so far, about Null, Vordrak, the Kiwi Ranger destinies.  They talked of Corbin Dallas Multipass, Sneasel, Crystal Weston Chandler, and of @skullomania shitting her pants until she got Claustridium.

Stand folded his arms as he listened.  When the Kiwis were done, he took a moment to process their situation.  Rabbai Abraham interrupted his brooding.  "Yeah OK we have lovely story.  What are you doing on this side of the ark, goyim?"

"I've come to make a deal with the devil.  If you people can grant me a  audience with the Prime Minister of the Space Jews, I can help your dying friend." Stand said, still folding his arms.

Firefly had another preminition.  "You can't leave this temple hall.  Hide, now!"  Stand scurried into of of the air ducts.  Space Jew guards opened entered the temple chamber.  Grand Jew Guard, Abraham Ezekiel @jellycar, approached the Kiwi Rangers and the Rabbai.

"This is a holy place, no weapons," Rabbai Abraham demanded.

"We've no need for weapons, Rabbai," Jellycar responded arrogantly, "The Jewish Elite Warriors are trained in Krav Maga.  No JEW alive would use anything else."

The annoyed Rabbai pointed to the temple entrance.  "This is a place of worship, you and your guards are interfering with-"

Jellycar cut him off.  "Performing a wedding, Rabbai?  Or perhaps some extreme redecoration?"  Jellycar looked down at his shoes, observing the glass fragments and toppled pedestal.  "Say, wasn't there a menorah here?"  His head sprung up.  He sniffed the air.  He shifted his eyes.

"Or perhaps some space rats caused this mess.  Lets just take a look in the-"

"No!" @Angel Baby Firefly screamed.  "Kiwi Roll!  Heeb Halt!"

Firefly rolled into @jellycar.  His Jewish Elite Warrior squad immediately rushed to his aid.  They made faggy Krav Maga poses.  Firefly revved up to attack again.  A voice in her head screamed at her.

"Stop!"  It was Skullomania's voice.  Firefly looked left and right.  Skully wasn't here.  This must be another vision.  Firefly saw the Kiwi Rangers floating out of an airlock with no spacesuits.  An execution.  What was she doing?  Why did she so brashly attack?  If she continued, her friends would be hurt.

She rolled off of @jellycar and gave up.

"Angel Baby Firefly, you are under arrest.  I don't have time for this.  Y'all are exceptional.  Take her away!"  Jelly stormed off, annoyed.  The rest of his JEW squad brought in a tow truck to winch her on the back and take her to Jew Jail.

After the JEWs left the temple with Firefly, the Rabbai made a stress-sigh.  "Oy Vey!"

@The Last Stand emerged from the duct work after the coast is clear.  "Your friend saved my life.  She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I wish she could be my 13th wife.  I am grateful.  I will help both Firefly and your friend, but I still need to speak with the Prime Minister of the space Jews."

"Oy Vey!" Rabbai Abraham said, how are we ever going to get him past the JEW guards?"

"We will fight our way back!" Said Froggy, making a faggy pose.

"No you don't understand, the Jewish Elite Warriors are military.  They're not like civilian security.  Everyone is Israeli occupied space knows never to trust the JEWs.  We need a plan!"

Plans were not the Kiwi Ranger's forte.  Usually, they just charged into a situation and let luck, an act of god, or @jenffer a jay save them at the last minute.

"Use our heads and think,"  A frustrated Memegrey said, shaking her head yes when she actually meant to be shaking it "no."  "That's never going to work!"

Swordfighter twisted his moustache to think.  "Wait a sec," he said, and then pulled a baggie out of his pocket.  "I have some of Firefly's weed."


----------



## Spl00gies (Oct 24, 2019)

a fren with weed is a fren indeed


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 25, 2019)

Chapter 17: Smart Weed

"Nigga this ain't no time to be smoking weed" A worried Cedric said.

"No, this is special weed.  It makes you smarter instead of dumber." Swordfighter replied.  "Firefly is developing it."

"Yeah, developing.  Like, still in development.  How do we know it's going to work?"

Memegray placed her right hand on her left forearm and twitched her thumb nervously.  "I guess," she said, "one of us is going to have to try."

"Not it," @FroggyMan said, "My skin secretions contain all the drugs and I have a really high tolerance."

@MemeGray also declined.  "I only take drugs in my anus, I'm too hardcore to smoke."

Swordfighter wrapped a fat blunt.  He licked the rolling papers and sealed it.  He passed it to Rabbai Abraham

"I can't.  Leviticus 4:20 prohibits it.  Only meth is Kosher."

"Count me out too," Stand said, "I gotta go fast and weed doesn't help."

Swordfighter looks at Cedric "Well I guess that just leaves us."  Cedric and Swordfighter make faggy poses.

"Kiwi Blunt Burn!  420 Giga Blaze!"

Cedric uses a cool looking lighter, that has a skull on the top of it, to light the joint.  He inhales.  A red ring burns around the tip of the blunt.  It moves backwards.  hot ash drips off the tip of the blunt.

"Hey don't smoke the whole thing faggot!" an impatient Swordfighter stammers.

Cedric passes the half smoked blunt to Swordfighter.  He holds the smoke in his lungs, before blowing smoke rings out of his mouth.  He waits a moment for the weed to kick in.  Nothing special is felt.

Swordfighter finishes the blunt and also waits for the buzz to kick in.  Nothing.

Disappointed, Cedric laments, "Hey guys I don't think this is worki-iiiiiiiiiiiiiii ahhhhhhh HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT!"

Cedric's pupils dilate.  Time slows down.  His body collapses inward until it is a single point.  He sees the entire universe.  He hears the entire universe.  Mathematical formulas fly past him.  One number resonates across the entire cosmos: Infinity.  He is one, he is nothing, his mind is LIMITLESS.

Swordfighter floats by, wearing sunglasses and sitting in a recliner.  "'Sup Dawg!"  Cedric says.

"Oh hey" swordfighter responds, "I was just gaining the infinite wisdom of the universe how about you?"

"Me too dawg me too!"

"Cool!" Swordfighter nods.

@Bastard Samurai floats by with a pedal powered food cart, selling Funyuns and orange juice.  Cedric and Swordfighter eat junk food and then float back to the singularity.  The Jewish space temple fades into existence.

They were back in reality.  At least, the closest to reality any mortal can understand.  When they fully snapped back, they were naked and hanging from the ceiling.

Cedric and Swordfighter lock eyes, pupils dilated, bloodshot. They say in unison "I've got a plan!"

--------------------------------

@jellycar stomps down the prison hall.  He stops at cell block 1488.  The door is solid steel, impossible to steamroll through. A keypad on the wall flashes.  Jellycar enters a code into a keypad.  The steel door lifts up.

Jelly car steps into the cell.  Tuna nets and cinderblocks held Firefly down.  A floating robot, shaped like a ball, with a syringe protruding from its front, accompanies him.

"And now your highness, you will tell me the location of your secret Kiwi Base."


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 25, 2019)

Chapter 18: A really fucking good plan

Firefly got mad.  "You faggots already know where the Kiwi Base is."

"Oh sure we do.  You are going to tell us where your other Kiwi base is.  The base that holds the Proto-Kiwi"

Jellycar operated a remote control.  The floating ball-shaped robot hovers towards Firefly and shoves the syringe into her ass cheek.  The thick, white truth syrum slowly flows into her butt.  Firefly merely smirks.  "You think your tiny prick will affect me.  I'm @Angel Baby Firefly.  I do all the drugs, motherfucker!  A garbage truck full of carfentynil wouldn't do jack shit."

Jellycar takes off one of his white gloves and brushed the back of his hand across her cheek.  "Oh, my sweet Shixa, I thought you might say that."  He presses another button on his remote control.  A hologram appears in the room.  It shows Stand, the rabbai, and the Kiwi rangers in the temple hall.  Cedric and Swordfighter are naked and hanging from the ceiling.

"We know about your little friend.  We know he can turn into a hedgehog.  Were you thinking with your dick when you tried to save him?"

Firefly got flustered and stammered,  "I don't like him that way!  I just met him!"  She rocked back and forth, trying to loosen the tuna nets that held her down.  "I don't know about any proto-Kiwis and even if I did I wouldn't tell you!  @jellycar, you are a mean faggot w e e n!  I am not afraid of you!"

"Not afraid of @jellycar, eh?  Maybe I should show you who you should reeeeealy be afraid of." 

jellycar raises his arms and makes a faggy superman pose.  "Evanessence powers, transform!"

--------------------------------

Cedric finished drawing a bunch of lines and patterms on the floor "Ok everyone, that's the plan." 

"Just in time, too" Swordfighter said, "My weed is wearing off.  "You know, I must say this is a pretty sweet plan."

"Yes," @The Last Stand said, "This is a very good plan."

"Oy vey! This plan's got chutzpa!" the rabbai agreed.

Memegrey and Froggy made faggy poses.  "Maximum plan!" they shouted in unison.

"Ok," said Cedric, "let's do it."

----------------

"How did you get into my office?"  the Space Jew Prime Minister, @zedkissed60 asked, astonished.  "And what is this Palestinian doing in here?"

"Mr. President, I am I am Prince Mohammed Abdul Sabayat Ayatollah Aladdin Mesothel-"

"Yes, Yes" I know who you are," the Prime Minister interrupted, "Jewish Intelligence doxxxed you already.  I was given the dossier over a plate of delicious Japanese beef beef.  What. Are. You. Doing here?"

"Mr. Prime Minister there has been a coup."

"I don't care, thats your business."

"Mr. Prime Minister" Stand paused for a moment before continuing.  "My cousin has taken the chaotistic emerald.  The one that powers this ark.  If we don't get it back, my people and your people will perish"

The Prime Minister went pale.  The chaotistic emerald.  The rare source of power.  One of the seven primordial streams of autism the universe used when it willed everything into existence.  Only a handful of non Muslims knew about them.

"This damn ark!"  Zed shouted.  He threw papers across his desk.  "Your prophet made a blood oath with the Hedgehog King, you people were supposed to hide its existence!  Thousands of years of war and bloodshed.  For what.  For you to lose it?  Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

@zedkissed60 stress sighed.  "Where is your cousin?"

"He is still on the Palestinian side.  He turned on all of our security defenses.  I fear he will try to leave the ark soon."

zed folded his arms.  "Fine, I'll help you stop your cousin.  Anything else?"

MemeGray stepped forward.  "Yes there is, I need Stand to cure Skullomania, and our other friend has been arrested."

"Very well," the Prime minister said.  "Go to sick bay, I'll talk to the prison wardens."


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 26, 2019)

Chapter 19: Loss

"Vordrak!"  Firefly shouts.

"I see Sneasel found new champions.  Is no concern of mine."  Vordrak extended his arm forward.  His hand glowed blue.  He powered up.

"DDoS att-"

A liason of prison guards entered the cell.  Interrupting Vordrak.  Facing his backside, he was unaware of the transformation.

"Sir, the Prime Minister has granted a full pardon to the inmate in cell 1488."

Vordrak, still only showing his back to the guard, disguised his voice to respond.  "Well now, we wouldn't want to disappoint the prime minister."  He transformed back into jellycar before turning around.  "You there, what is your name and rank."

"Abraham Malkovich @Maskull, Civil Prison Guardsman 69."

"Guardsman 69 you are relieved of your post, I will release the prisoner."

@Maskull becomes slightly defensive.  This was highly unorthodox.  Military doesn't perform civilian arrests and they don't use civilian jails.  JEWs shouldn't have access to the prison codes.  "I will not comply jellycar.  You have overstepped the separation of powers as outlined by Leviticus 14:88."

"Guardsman 69 you are out of line.  Nobody speaks to Grand JEW jellycar this way."

Maskull makes a faggy pose.  "You are not @jellycar !"

jellycar smiles.  "Indeed I am not.  Evanesence transform"  Vordrak reveals his true form.  "DDoS attack!"

Vordrak throws a ball of energy at Maskull.  Maskull jumps over the energy ball.  It flies past Maskull but arcs arountd, hitting Maskull on his side.  He is thrown off balance .  He spits blood and brushes his payot out of his face.  "Is that all you got!"  he taunts.

"If I wanted you dead you'd be dead.  And now I want you dead."

Vordrak charged up for another attack.  Maskull got back on his feet.  He interrupted Vordrak's charge.  "Latke Launch!"  Hundreds of potato cakes materialize and fly towards Vordrak.  Vordrak slides sideways, motionless in his body.  The potato cakes hit the wall behind him.

@Angel Baby Firefly finishes eating a hole through the tuna net, and also eating the rest of the tuna net.  This was not the first time she had been caught in a fishing net.  She revved up and rolled towards Vordrak.

Vordrak finished charging up and launched his next projectile towards Maskull.  "EU Data Retention Removal Request!"  A glowing mobius strip throws Maskull onto his back.  Firefly barrels over Vordrak, pancaking him.

Maskull got back up.  This attack hurt less than the last one.  Vordrak was losing power.  He took advantage of this weakness.  "Matzo Ball Blast!"  Thousands of matzo balls pelt a pancaked Vordrak.

The other Kiwi Rangers, with a newly cured Skullomania, arrive in the cell.  "Firefly!" Skullomania shouts.  "What is going on?!"

Maskull sees the Ranger reinforcements.  "Quick, his welfare check is running out!"  All of the Kiwi Rangers made faggy poses, ready to fight.

"You may have won the battle but the war is far from over!  Tugboat Teleport!"  Vordrak disappears.  Maskull uses his walkie talkie to issue code 66.  The prison goes on high alert, auto lockdown initiates, and more prison guards enter the cell for backup.

Firefly has one more vision.  Vordrak is in her marijuana fields, pissing fire out of his dick.  The fields burn. Vordrak is laughing.  This is a vision she knows she cannot stop.  She breaks down and cries.

----------------------

Back at a JEW barracks, the Rangers, Maskull, and The Last Stand finish a debriefing with JEW General Private Abraham L. @PlasticOwls and the Prime Minister of the Space Jews.  Negotiations with Kiwi Base Beta Cuck allowed the Space Jews to borrow the recovered power  core from the moon until their missing chaotistic emerald was recovered.

"We did not know the situation on earth was so dire." The General said.  "We cannot help you until we find the missing chaotistic emerald.  You are free to stay as long as you need.  But I know you will want to leave quickly."

"I want to stay," Firefly said, "I have lost my will to fight now that my weed is gone, and I am in love @The Last Stand.  I will to become his 19th wife."

The Prime Minister of the Space Jews makes Firefly an offer.  "@Angel Baby Firefly, you are the first to open a dialogue between the Space Jews and the Palestinian Royal Family in XX years.  You can stay on the Ark as Ambassador of the Space Jews."

"I'll go with them," Maskull said.  "I want to help save Null."

After a beautiful wedding ceremony, @Angel Baby Firefly was now @The Last Stand's 26th wife.  The finest parachute makers on the Ark provided her a burqua, and she began her happy life as @The Last Stand's 95th wife. Maskull boarded the newly repaired Ops Module.  The Rangers and their new Jew friend departed for Earth.

They had a lot to report, and a feeling that something was being hidden within Kiwi Deep Anus.  They wanted to know, who, or what, this Proto-Kiwi Vordrak mentioned, actually was.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 27, 2019)

Chapter 20: @skullomania Fistfucks the Queen of England

The trip back to earth would take 4 hours time.  Froggy and Cedric were watching reruns of Night Court while Swordfighter was complaining to MemeGrey about how he blew it with Firefly by not just surprise sexing her when he had the opportunity.  Maskull was accessing the Ops module's encyclopedia.  He did not know very much about Kiwi Deep Anus but he knew he wanted to help save Null.  He read the contents of the entry on his holo-display.

Kiwi Deep Anus:

In 1XXX < redacted > founded < redacted > After World War < classified > the Nation of Israel began project Beta Cuck.  An elite group of shitposters with attitude were recruited by Al Gore to protect US < contents missing > interests from Russian interference.  Kiwi Deep Anus currently operates < Insufficient security clearance > BEEEEEEP! SESSION TERMINATED.

Maskull waved his hand, which caused the holographic display to turn off.

"Let me try, maybe a Kiwi Ranger has security clearance."

Skullomania brought up the file on Kiwi Deep Anus.  She got the same result as Maskull.  She tried again, this time entering a security override password.  The holo display flashes an error:

TOO MANY REQUESTS FOR CLASSIFIED INFORMATION. SYSTEM SHUTDOWN.

The holo display turned off.  Rebooting failed to turn it back on.

Skullomania slams her fists on the keyboard "Goddamnit!  Something is being hidden far from us in the Deep Anus and I'm going to find out!"

-------------------

After arriving back to earth, the rangers were given a paid 2 week vacation.  Skullomania decided to stay at home in her apartmemt.  She searched the intermet tirelessly.  Cans of Mountain Dew and jars of Marmite were littered across her floor.  She hadn't bathed in days.  She was relentless.  It would have helped if she had some of Firefly's weed.

She came across a website: www.totallynotprotokiwi.info.  She clicked on it.  The site dis not load and Netscape Navigator 2.0 displayed an error.

"ERROR 1488: knock knock"

There was a knock on her door.  She grabbed a machete and slowly made her way to her front door.  Looking through the peephole, she saw nothing except for a box.  She brought the box inside and locked her door.  Inside the box was a stack of punch cards with a tag that read "To be incinerated 02/03/1X76"

She opened the CD ROM drive tray and tried to put a punch card into her Compaq.  Surprisingly it worked.  A window popped up that read

"Please Insert Card 2/1,413,217"

After loading all of the punch cards, two beams shot out of her computer monitor.  They scanned Skullomania and then a hologram appeared.  It began to speak "Seeker of the Proto Kiwi, I have assumed a form that you will find non threatening."

Queen Elizabeth appeared as a hologram in front of Skullomania.  It made that faggy wave that the queen makes.  It continued.  "I am a hard light hologram.  I do not have the answers you seek but I have a key deep inside my virtual asshole.  In the lower levels of Deep Anus, you will find an abandoned lab in a room Delta Sigmoid.  This key will grant you access."

The holographic queen of england bent over and exposed her virtual asshole.  "You cannot hurt me, take the key."

Skullomania holled up her sleeve and shoved her fist into the virtual Queen of England's asshole.  The hard light holographic anus did not feel like the inside of a real anus but it was a pretty decemt facsimile.  She fished around for a moment, before gripping something hard.  She pulled her fist out.  In her hand was a USB 1.0 drive.

"This program will self destruct now."

All of the punch cards burned up.


----------



## NeverHappened (Oct 27, 2019)

Someone tell me when the time travel arc starts. Those are always the best in this sort of story, unlike ever other sort of story.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 28, 2019)

Chapter 21: Secrets Revealed

@Maskull tied the back of his hospital gown.  Being born with a missing rib made him flexible.  The quarantine period was almost over.  While everyone who came back from the space ark had to undergo a short decontamination period, Maskull was held longer due to concern over bad bloodwork.  Smoked salmon levels were healthy but there was concern about readings of low cholesterol, alcohol, THC.  Dr. @PlasticOwls, one of the best Deep Anus medical professionals, oversaw a prescription of fried chicken, weed, and Everclear.

"Ok," Dr @PlasticOwls says to Maskull while looking at a clipboard, "Cholesterol and THC have stabilized, we just need one more blood sample to verify a BAC of at least 20% and you should be good.  Where do you want the blood drawn, dick or scrotum?"

"Can I have half from my dick and half from my scrotum?" Maskull asks.

"Well, that is not standard procedure, but I don't see why not." @PlasticOwls responds as he pulls out a syringe with a 9 inch long needle.  Sticking it in @Maskull's balls, he pushes the syringe forward, an old med school lifehack used to clear any potential contaminamts before drawing blood.  He fills the syringe with 12 litres if @Maskull's blood before repeating the same process on his dick.  Dr @PlasticOwls placed one drop of the blood on a glass slide.  He then discards the other 24 liters of blood into a bin marked "Medical Waste"  and the syringe into a bin marked "Needle Reuse Program <3 Sharing Is Caring."

The Dr. pours a bottle of a test solution on the slide and presses the end if a strip of litmus paper onto the slide.  He carefully examines the color.  "Looks like you are at 35%.  Quarantine is over, here is your vistor badge and a Park Map.  Welcome to Deep Anus."

Maskull leaves the quarantine center and looks at his park map.  A handful of labs and training facilities were listed, but it looked like 90% of the real estate was dedicated to cafeterias.  He wandered around the outer ring of Deep Anus before deciding to visit Cafeteria 18-G.

Inside the cafeteria, the Kiwi Rangers were sitting at a table eating Borscht.  "Sup Nigga" Cedric says as Maskull joins them.  Skullomania slides a flash drive avross the table to him.  "The fuck is this?" Maskull asks.

"It's a flash drive with an access code.  '5318008'  I think it lets us into the lower levels on Deep Anus."

"I left my people to save Null, what does this have to do with him?"

Froggy frog'splained to Maskull.  "Null wasn't the first to run the site.  We don't know anymore than that, but we think whatever is far inside Deep Anus can tell us."

Maskull folded his arms.  "I still don't see what this has to with saving Null.  I'm here to keep the shitposts going"

"That's just it," Froggy replied, "Shitposting goes beyond Null, beyond the Farms, beyond any of us.  Shitposting is an energy field created by all living things.  It surrounds us and penetrates us.  It binds the galaxy together."

"Whatever is down there," Skullomania interjects, "I think it might be the Proto-Kiwi."

Maskull becomes skeptical.  "The Proto Kiwi is a myth.  It's a fairy tell that parents tell their children."

Skullomania replies "Well whatever is down there, I am going to find out."

--------------------------------------

The Kiwi Rangers and Maskull take the elevator to reach the lowest possible level of Deep Anus.   Despite Maskull's skepticism, he tags along.  The bottom floor is unimpressive.  There is a long hallway with several doors.  The Kiwis make their way to a door marked "Deep Anus Sigmoid"  A small kepyad is next to the door.

Skullomania gets ready to entet the code, but Swordfighter grabs her wrist to stop her.  "Hold up.  How do you know this isn't a trap?"

Cedric agreed with swordfighter.  "Nigga, you don't even know who gave you the access code."

"I gave you the access code." A voice from behind them says.  They all turn around and see a scientist in a white labcoat.  "I am Dr. @bearycool, and I sent you the access code.  I think it is time you got some answers, Rangers.  Enter the code."

Skullomania entered the code.  The door slides open.  Inside is the very bottom of the base: Kiwi Deep Anus Sigmoid. The room is small, empty, and transitions a stone wall.  A small tunnel with railroad tracks protrudes from the back wall.  A railroad handcart is on the tracks.  Bearycool accompanies Maskull and the Rangers on the handcart.  The Kiwis take turns operating the hand cart.

"We are traveling to the center of the earth" bearycool says.  "You may all be familiar with Kiwi Deep Anus Base Beta Cuck, but soon you will see the other Kiwi base.  Welcome to top secret Kiwi Deep Anus Base Alpha Bull.


----------



## bearycool (Oct 28, 2019)

Waiting for the AIDs-Autism Virus Arc


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 28, 2019)

Chapter 22: The Proto-Kiwi

Deep Anus Alpha Bull was impressive.  It did not look anything like Deep Anus Beta Cuck.  Every surface, floor, tables, walls, and seats flowed into one another.  Some parts of the environment would change form.  "Mimeo Seminomorphic alloy," bearycool explained.  "Nanomachines that take on different form and function."

The Kiwi Rangers and Maskull followed bearycool.  He walked towards a seemingly innocuous area of the floor that looked bare.  As he approached, the floor bulged and a giant ass appeared.  Two flowing arms with hands rose from the floor and spread the asshole apart.  The Kiwi Rangers walked in.

The next room was cicrular.  It looked more conventional than everything they just witnessed.  In the center of the room was a pedestal with various conduit and tubes protruding from the sides of the pedestal to random connections in the floor, walls, and ceiling.  In the center of the pedestal was an old coffee tin with a piece of masking tape on the side and "Proto-Kiwi" written in Sharpie marker.

Bearycool picked up the coffee can.  "This is the remains of @champthom, the Proto-Kiwi; The founder of Deep Anus.  His shitposting was so powerful that even to this day, just a teaspoon of his remains has provided enough shitpost essence to operate this facility for 100 years."

Below the pedestal, bearycool opened a small door.  He pulled out the most retarded looking crystal they had ever seen.  "This is a chaotistic emerald.  The source of OC powers, one of the primordial forms of autism."

5 more pedestals raised from the ground.  A colorex buttplug hovered over each pedestal.

"Shitposting starts with the anus and ends with the anus.  These buttplugs have been infused with @champthom's essence and charged with the full spectrum of of the chaotistic emerald."

The buttplugs disappeared and teleported into the Anus of each Kiwi Ranger, and also into the Anus of Maskull, who had just been given the blessing of autism.

"Welcome @champthom into your anus.  Feel the power of the autism."

"@FroggyMan, the power of Kiwi Ranger Green"

"@Cedric_Eff, the power if Kiwi Ranger Black"

"@skullomania, the power if Kiwi Ranger Yellow"

"@NOT Sword Fighter Super, the Power of Kiwi Ranger Red"

"@MemeGray, you are Kiwi Ranger Gray."

"And you, @Maskull, thepower of Kiwi Ranger Pink."

The rangers all morphed into their ranger suits, something they had not been able to do since Sneasel's death.

"Whenever you need to morph, just make a faggy pose and shout 'It's Buttplug Time!' Vordrak's day of reckoning is coming.  And you have the power to stop him."

The Rangers all made faggy poses.  Their confidence levels were at an all time high.  They had new powers, could morph again, and were ready to take on Vordrak.

For they were now The Neo New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation GT.


----------



## DatBepisTho (Oct 28, 2019)

"Faggy poses" and any other variation is cracking me up more than it really should.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 28, 2019)

Chapter 23: Panic! at the Disco

"Virtual World!  Teleport!"

Vordrak goes into the computer.  The power of virtual cyber program runs through him.  He paced back and forth, stewing over a bad situation.  He felt desperate.

Amy Lee filed an injunction against him. His Evanessence powers were disabled.  He still had his DDoS powers, but his monthly tugboat was running out.  The Kiwis knew it, and he knew the Kiwis knew it.  He needed to keep the Kiwis distracted until his tugboat recharged.

Vordrak hobbled over to a table to flip through the pages of an ancient tome.  He was looking for an incantation.  The spells were difficult to read.  He shook with frustration.  After hours of reading, he finally reached page 2 of the tome.  The tome was only 26 pages long but the level of reading was advanced.

He recited the spell on the second page:

"Big B.  Little b.  B is for Bee.  B is for Bat.  Can you find the bat."

Vordrak spent five minutes looking for the picture of the bat on the page.  Finally, he identified it and pointed to it.  A portal opened up in front of him.  An obese man rolled through the portal on a motorized scooter.  This obese man had long orange fingernails and was wearing a prom dress.  His accent sounded like a man trying to impersonate a mentally retarded valley girl.

"Why have you summoned me!"

"I have something you want." Vordrak said, holding up a 3.5 inch floppy disk.  "The true identity of @WGkitty"

The fat man reaches for the floppy disk.  Vordrak pulls his arm back, just out of the fat man's reach.  He moves his power scooter closer to vordrak but he is so fat he gets stuck in the portal.  "Gimme that!" he shouts, "Gimme that or I'm filing a human rights complaint!"

"Oh you can have it, you just have need to do me a favor."

The man in the power scooter was offended at the idea that he do anything involving labor.  "Forget it!"  he said.

"I thought you might say that."  Vordrak wheeled a wagon in front of the man.  A brown woman who spoke little english was sitting on the wagon, tied up and gagged.

"If you do this favor for me, this brown woman will-"

BAAAAAAARF!

Vordrak wiped vomit off of his face.  "This woman will-"

BAAAAARRRRRRRFFFFFF!

Vordrak wiped the vomit from his face and spoke as fast as possible.  "mmmmmmmh.  thiswomanwillwaxyourballs."

BAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRFFFFFFF!

The tied up brown woman's pupils dilated.  She shook her head no.  "mmmmh mmmmh!"  She struggled against the ropes that bound her.  Vordrak kicked her.

"Shut up."

The man on the power scooter was amused at the sight of a brown woman getting hurt, and he chuckled.

"All right," the man said, "what do you want done?"

------------------------------------

Maskull was getting accostomed to life as a Kiwi Ranger.  He was training every day to get stronger, his shitposts were at full power, and his Tinder Profile was blowing up his phone.  He finished typing his latest message to a girl he just met online: "Maskull wants sum fuk, com fuk Maskull do it u ugly cunt and then leaf my house."
She quickly replied "LOL u cute i come fuk and leaf ur house."

Maskull hailed an uber and set off for da club, where was meeting his date.  A bus stops by da club.  The special access lift on the bus slowly lowers a handicap woman wearing a purple prom dress and a tiara bought from Claires.  "Hi my name is Jessica" the woman said.

Maskull felt a strong stirring in his loins.  He used his VIP access to da club to bypass the line and get in with his date.  Inside da club, Maskull and his date, Jessica, got a VIP booth.  Maskull ordered a bottle of Cristal, and Jessica ordered 700 milkshakes.  Watching her dump the milkshakes down her gullet excited him.  

A slow song played in da club.  Maskull and Jessica wheeled down to the dance floor to slow dance.  Maskull grinded her gunt, which was so big it flopped to one side.  Slowly, they locked eyes, and embraced in a passionate kiss.  Maskull, feeling extra horny, reached underneath Jessica's prom dress, and immediately started vomiting.

The vomiting did not stop for ten minutes.  Everyone else in da club fled the scene in disgust.  "Nobody catfishes Maskull" He shouted.  "It's buttplug time!"  He morphed into Kiwi Ranger Pink and made a faggy pose.  "I only like post ops u faggot!"

Jessica revved the throttle on his power chair and drove towards Maskull.  He jumped out of the way.  Jessica energized a taser and stunned.  A pink cane hit him, and he went flying backwards.

Maskull used the Kiwi intercom to signal a kiwi emergency.  In mere seconds the other Kiwi Rangers appeared.  

Jessica had a menaced look on his face.  "I'm going to kill all of you!  And when I'm done, I'm going to make you wax my balls!"

The Rangers assembled around the motorized scooter.  

"Kiwi Cow Tip!" they shouted.  The scooter was tipped over.  Jessica Yaniv flailed around, unable to get back up.

Vordrak was watching from a remote monitor.  He summoned some of his tugboat money and sent it through the internet until it reached da club.  "Make my monster grow!" he shouted.  lightning bolts  shout out of a telephone in da club and hit Yaniv.  He grew until he was 50 feet tall.

The roof of da club broke open, and Yaniv began destroying the city in a giant scooter.

"We have to stop him!" Cedric shouted, "One of these new Ranger Powers must do something!"

Swordfighter looked at Skullomania.  "Skully" he said.  "Do you remember when you tried to turn into a hedgehog but you kept shitting your pants?  Well maybe the buttplug will prevent that."

Skullomania raised a fist and shouted "I will try!"

Skullomania assumed a squatting position and powered up.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

The ground around her cracked.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

Sparks jumped around her.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

...

...

"HEDGEHOG POWERS ACTIVATE!"


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 29, 2019)

Chapter 24: Rangers vs Giga Yaniv

Skullomania came close to shitting her pants, but the buttplug held firmly.  The infusion of chaotism power made it expand in her colon until it was so tight that no amount of impacted feces would dislodge it.

Shullomania turned into a yellow hedgehog.

"Yellow Kiwi Hedgehog Dash Extreme to the max way past awesome!" she shouted.  She ran off towards the 50 foot tall Yaniv, who was riding an equally large electric scooter.  

The scooter drives through a mosque.  Giga Yaniv laughs and claps his hands like an amused baby.  He turns the scooter around 180 degrees and drives through a Sikh temple.  Families in the temple flee in terror.  Giga Yaniv picks up fleeing children.  He lifts them high into the air and drops them into his mouth, swallowing them whole.

"It's heading for the pool!" Cedric screams.

Yellow Hedgehog Skullomania careens down the street at break kneck speeds. She catches up to the motorized scooter and runs up Giga Yaniv's gunt.  When she reaches the shoulders, she runs down them and reaches the handlebars of the scooter.  An oversized key in on the handlebar's center console, turned to a position marked "on"  Skullomamia grabs the key with both hands.  She twists it to the off position and pulls the key out, tossing it over the side of the giant scooter.

The scooter slows to a halt, stopping short of the swimming pool.  Giga Yaniv groans.  He repeatedly presses the button on his oversized life alert.  A sinkhole opens up and a 50 foot tall elderly woman emerges from the sink hole.  The elderly woman approaches the other Kiwi Rangers, shouting "You go!  You go!  You leave now!"

The Rangers back into an alley.  Giga Mama Yaniv reaches her arm into the alley but cannot reach far enough to grab any of them.  Cornered, cedric shouts "I'm gonna do it!  I'm gonna go hedgehog!"

Cedric assumed a squatting postioon and powers up.  Sparks flash around his body.  He groans.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

His Ranger buttplug flies out of his anus at high speed.  It ricochets off of the ground, then off of a street sign.  Flying high into the air, it hits Giga Yaniv's tiara.  The tiara is knocked of his head.    It falls onto a parked car, crushing it.  @Cedric_Eff could still somhow feel the buttplug in him, so he tried again.  Another buttplug flew out of his anus, ricocheted off the ground and a wall, and hit Giga Yaniv in the gunt.  @Cedric_Eff still felt the buttplug in him.

"This must my my GT power." cedric tought to himself.  He bent over and used his hands to spread his ass cheeks apart.

"Kiwi Buttplug Blaster!"

A barrag of buttplugs shot out of his asshole like 50 cal rounds in a machine gun.  The buttplugs pelted Giga Mama Yaniv's hand which triggered arthritis in them.  She pulled her hand out of the alleyway and groaned.  The Rangers used this opportunity to get out of the alley.

In plain sight of Giga Yaniv, cedric prepared an assault on him.  He bent over.  The ground exploded ten feet away from him.

"Mortar fire!" froggy shouted.  The Kiwi Rangers jumped out of the way of a round of mortar attacks.  Tanks and armored vehicles approached from north, occupying the halfway destroyed city. An MLRS fired rockets at Skullomania, who ran as the rockets exploded behind her.

An armored vehicle with a loudspeaker on the top made an announcement:

"This is the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal.  You have used the wrong pronouns with Miss British Columbia 2XXX.  Prepare for extinction."

Giga Yaniv started crying over the loss of the tiara.  Giga Mama Yaniv went to comfort and enable him.

"I've got an idea" froggy shouted, "move Giga Yaniv closer to the pool.  We'll zap it with its own taser.  Swordfighter, Maskull, evacuate the pool.  Skullomania, find away to lure it."

Swordfighter and Maskull made faggy poses.  "Right!"  They got on some abandoned mopeds and sped off for the pool.  While most everybody else had already fled the city, the children were fuckimg stupid and kept swimming.

Skullomania ran into a department store and wrapped a blanket around a cardboard tube.  She ran out towards Giga and Mama Yaniv.  The BCHRT opened machine gun fire.  Giga Yaniv's scooter and gunt shielded her from the spray of bullets.  "Lookie here, I got a tampon!"  She ran towards the pool, which had now been evacuated by Swordfighter and Froggy.

Giga Yaniv roated "Graggh!  Moooom!  I want that tampon!  Carry me!"

Giga Mama Yaniv picked up Giga Yaniv and carried him, piggyback, towards the pool.  Mama Yaniv grew shorter as Giga Yaniv's weight crushed her kneecaps to a fine powder.  Giga Mama Yaniv's legs snapped in half.  She fell over, dead.  Giga Yaniv got on all fours and crawled towards Skullomania.  A taser attached to alanyard fell out of his moobs.

Skullomania reached the pool.  She tossed the giant "tampon" into the pool.  Giga Yaniv reached into the pool to grab it.  The taser hung around his neck, partially submerged in the salty water.

"cedric now!" Froggy shouted.

Cedric bent over.  "Kiwi Precision Poop-Chute Shoot!"  A single buttplug flew across the town and his the "on" switch of the taser.  Bolts of lightning traveled across the pool and up Giga Yaniv's arm.  Giga Yaniv thrashed about, convulsing.  

He stood up, ripped off taser off the, and threw it.  The giant taser landed near the BCHRT.  A surge of electricity rippled throughout the platoon, electrocuting most of the troops.  Heavy artillary exploded.

Giga Yaniv thrashed about, thef fell daintily onto his side.  He convulsed and tried to press his life alert button.  He died of heart failure before he could reach it.

The Rangers unmorphed and convened next to a destroyed building to catch their breath.  A spotlight from a helicopter, carrying a payload of missiles covered them.  The chopper pilot locked onto their location.  He pressed the fire trigger.


----------



## Spl00gies (Oct 29, 2019)

Apologise for double posting! 
(You'd better conplete all 69 chapters, chap)


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 29, 2019)

Chapter 25: Oi way to the Danger Zone

@Tempest rides a missile towards the helicopter.  His face is still all fucked up from when he shot himself to try to get out of the story.  This time he was certain to die.  Right as the chopper's missile tubes open, he crashes his missile into the chopper and embraces sweet death.

His arms and legs fly off of his torso in the explosion, but he survives.  His torso gets thrown against the destroyed building the Kiwi Rangers were leaning against to rest.  "Hey thanks!" MemeGray says.  The other Kiwi Rangers also congratulate @Tempest on his bravery.  @Tempest really wanted to tell them to fuck off but he couldn't on account of his missing most of his mouth and tongue.  He wept.

The Rangers recovered his limbs and went to work performing field surgery.  They weren't the greatest surgeons.  All of the limbs functioned and his legs were put back on correctly, however his arms were attached to his ass cheeks; one on each side.

The Deep Anus Kiwi Kleanup Krew arrived to vacuum any carpets that were soiled while fighting.  Dr. Bearycool arrived on the scene to collect samples of the Giga Yaniv and Giga Mama Yaniv.  Once the work was done, everybody boarded a Kiwi Jet bound for Deep Anus.  General Captain F. @nyess came along to commend @Tempest on a job well done.

"Great job, Captain Admiral H Tempest.  You're getting a promotion to Admiral.  I have a feeling that your involvement in the adventures of the Kiwi Rangers will be greater from now on."

General Captain F. @nyess briefed the Kiwi Rangers on their next mission.  "Deep Anus Intelligence suspects the last attack was just Vordrak buying time until his tugboat recharges.  For the next mission we are going to hit Vordrak where it counts: His Wallet.  Your next mission is to infiltrate the < add name for british unemployment office after asking the britbongs > and alter his file to mark him employed."

@nyess got out of his seat to go take a shit in the airplane toilet.  Before closing the bathroom door, he gave the Kiwi Rangers one final piece of advice.  "And be careful, Kiwis, England is.... weird."

----------------------------------------------

The Rangers deplane from the Jetway.  As they walk across, Skullomania expresses concern.  "I've never been to England, @nyess said the place was weird."

MemeGray shrugs.  "I don't think it will be that bad.  I mean they speak English in England."

"Barely." Froggy adds.

As they approach the end of the jetway, a Virgin Airways customer service rep greets them.  "Whalecum to merry 'ole England.  Fancy yourself the tram or a hack to your hotel?"

The Kiwi Rangers look at each other and then scream in terror.  They run as fast as they can from whatever strange beast was just encountered.  After the coast is clear, they find themselves in a large area with conveyor belts.  Froggy reads an info pamphlet.

"According to this, we are in a place called 'baggage claim'"  He said.

Swordfighter shrugged.  "We don't have those in America.  @nyess is right, England is weird."

A baggage handler approaches the Kiwi Rangers.  "Do you have a receipt?"  The Rangers scream in terror and try to run.  A flight attendant approaches them.  "Can I help you?"

At this point the Kiwis Rangers have no choice.  "IT'S BUTTPLUG TIME!" they shout, morphing into their GT form.  They quickly dispatch all of the flight attendants and baggage handlers.

"Oi! You there!"  A bobby shouts.  He blows his whistle.  "Whats this awll about wut with the raping people to death?"

Cedric makes a pouty face.  "I'm sorry officer, I didn't know rape was illegal in your country."

"Well it isn't but since you're an immigrant you don't know any better.  Just don't do it again.  Or maybe do it again, after all, you are a dark skinned immigrant."  The bobby walked off, whistling and twirling his billy club.

"Stay on Guard" said @Maskull, "I don't think we can trust anybody here."

MemeGay folds his arms.  "I think this will be our toughest mission yet."

"We can do it! We will winning!" Swordfighter said while making a faggy pose.

The rest of the kiwi rangers made faggy poses.  "We are the Neo New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation GT and we will sabotaging the  < add name for british unemployment office after asking the britbongs >!"


----------



## OwO What's This? (Oct 30, 2019)

Terrorism won.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 30, 2019)

Chapter 26: Erin, go back!

The Kiwis exit the airport.  The first thing they observe is cars driving in the left side of the road.  "England must exist in a mirror universe" said MemeGray.  They Rangers walk past Buckingham.  The queen was busy signing autographs for her fans.  Skullomania squeals and approaches the queen of England. "I fisted your asshole is my dimemsion!" she said excitedly.  The Queen blushes and  gives her an autographed nude photo.

The Kiwi Rangers continue their trek through the streets of England.  They pass underneath a bridge.  Froggy opens up a tourist pamphlet that he took from one of the flight attendants that the Rangers raped to death.  "According to this pamphlet, we are under the London Bridge.  It says here that this landmark was made famous when Paul McCartney necked himself from the bridge in 1X66.

Froggy pointed to another landmark.  "And over there is the world famous workhouse where little children did manual labor until they died."

Skullomania frowned at that landmark.  "If only England had a strong anarcho-fascist system like we do in the United States."  All of the Kiwi Rangers placed their hands across their hearts and recited the Neo National Anthem of the United States:

"America! America!
From sea to shining sea
And crown thy good for brotherhood
MAGA territory!"

They walk past a hospital.  Skullomania feels devestated at what she sees.   "These poor people.  The mirror universe has socialized healthcare."  Skully clenches her fist and makes a faggy "winning" pose.

"We came to England to sabotage Vordrak's unemployment, but it is apparant that England needs out help.  We need to save england from being a socialist utopia."

Just as Skullomania finished her speech, an air siren blares.

"Warning!  Warning!  London is under attack!  Find the nearest bunker and stay there!"  A military garrison marches past the Kiwi Rangers.  cedric stops one of the soldiers.

"citizen get to a bunker!"  the soldier instructs cedric.

"Can you tell me what is going on?"  cedric asks.

"The Irish, they've invaded London." the soldier said before marching away.

cedric thought for a moment.  He had heard of these "irish" before, but he had never seen one.  Sure, the newspaper tabloids sometimes reported sightings of an irishman in Jersey.  Always some outrageous claim of a short man with a green hat.  It couldn't possibly be true.

A short man in a green hat jumps onto cedric and starts hitting him in the face with a shaleleh.  cedric grabs the little man and struggles before throwing the little man off of him.  The little man chuffs like s guinea pig.

It scurries towards Froggy.  Froggy places his forearm outward to block the irishman.  The Irishman leaps and bites Froggy's arm.  Froggy's skin secretions of all the drugs kill the irishman immediately.  It falls off of his arm.  A sore bite mark is left on his arm.  More Irishmen approached their position.

"Poatoes, 6 o clock!"  Memegray Shouts.  The Kiwis dodge the incoming potatoes.  They don't explode when they hit the ground, they just splatter.  Some of the potato splater flies into MemeGray's mouth.  "It's too much starch!  I'm on s low carb diet!"  she shouts.

"Corned Beef, 3 o clock!"  Swordfighter shouts.  Large balls of corned beef roll towards the city.  "If @Angel Baby Firefly was still here, she could have eaten our way out of danger." he thought to himself.

"I think it's time to power up," shouts cedric, "IT'S BUTTPLUG TIME!"

The Kiwis morph.  Skullomania turns into a hedgehog and runs off in a different direction, distracting the balls of corned beef which roll after her.  cedric begins an assault of buttplugs firing out of his anus.  His barrage of buttplug fire destroyed the potatoes flying at them.  MemeGray used psychoautistic waves to barf a rainbow out of her mouth.  The Irishmen all crowded around the end of the rainbow looking for a pot of gold.

Swordfighter extended two small knives from his arms and spun around.

"Kiwi Blarney Blender!"  He spun like a tornado into the Irishmem, chopping them into a million pieces.

With the immediate threat over, the Kiwi Rangers unmorph.  One of the soldiers approaches them.  "Well I never thought, in a million years, I'd see Americans save the British in a war.  I'm Colonel Cornwall J. @Chicken Picnic. Nice to meet you."  MemeGray saw the crippled lesbian in front of her and blushed.  Whatever was going on with the Colonel, she definitely wanted to ride that short bus.

"We are celebrating this victory with tea and strumpets in the Army tent.  You Yanks should join us."


----------



## PlasticOwls (Oct 30, 2019)

Chapter 28

@Unog descends from the sky, a massive behemoth the size of the Chrysler Building.

his ape-like mouth unhinges, a single beam of light erupts onto the world.

The world, is no more.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 30, 2019)

Chapter 27: Chapter 28 Part 2

"Whoa I just had the strangest dream that the world was destroyed" abbot @PlasticOwls said.  His gay lover, Novice @Unog, turns over abd french kisses him.  "Go back to sleep honey, you have a long day as the abbot of the Lindisfarne Monestary."

@PlasticOwls gets out of bed.  "No," he says, "I fear that this dream was a vision of some kind.  I should consult the gospel for guidance."  He pulls The Book of Kells out of his peehole and flips through the pages.

"Are you sure you don't want to come back to bed?  You can poz my nog-hole," @Unog said, making a pouty face.

@PlasticOwls wasn't paying attention, he found the page he was looking for.  Signs of the upcoming apocalypse.  A comet in the sky, a giant hamplanet in the earth, and the third, something he hadn't seen yet, a frog turning into a leprechaun."  The other two have come to pass.  He tried to decipher the next part of the prophecy when he was interrupted by @Unog raping him through his assless abbot robes.

"Not now honey," @PlasticOwls said, "I must depart for London.  Something foul is afoot and I have a feeling the filthy spud niggers on this island have something to do with it."

@PlasticOwls unrolled a cloth cintainimg a monk's assassin kit: Throwing knives, piano wire, a copy of the koran, 25 Trojan Condoms, and a Creed/Nickelback mix tape.  Checking that everythkng was in place he rolled it backup and shoved in his peehole for save keeping.

"Lover before you go, take this to remember me." Unog said.

@PlasticOwls looked at the gift.  "Your cock ring.  I shall dip it in Holy Water and remember you fondly.  He put it on his penis and was about to depart.

"Are you sure you don't one last fuck?" Novice Unog asked.

"Oh what the hell why not!" @PlasticOwls said excitedly.

----------------------------------------------------

Halfway througj tea and strumpets, froggy wasn't feeling so great.  "Hey guys, my arm is turning grern, and not frog green but like Irish Green.  The Kiwi Rangers huddled around Froggy to inspect his arm.  Indeed it was turning from frog green to Irish Green, starting at the bite mark.  cedric was about to touch the wound when @Chicken Picnic stopped him.

"Don't touch it!" she said, "I've seen this before, once.  He has been bitten by an Irishman.  In 72 hours time, he will turn into an Irishman.

"Noooooooooooooooo!" shouted Froggy, "Is there anything that can be done?

@Chicken Picnic pondered for a minute.  "Well, you can only have one bitten form at a time, I suppose, so if you were to get bitten by a Scot or a Cornish or a Welshie, then you would turn into one of those instead, which is only half as bad as being Irish."

The Rangers didn't waste any time.  They left the army tent immediately to find one of these "Scots" or "Cornish" or "Welshie".  They weren't even sure they would find anything but they had to try for Froggy's sake.

Froggy's condition seemed to be worsening, and then he said something that horrified all of the Kiwi Rangers: 

"I don't know about you guys but I could really go for a glass of Smithwicks."


----------



## Count K. Rumulon (Oct 30, 2019)

What the shit is Smithwicks?
Also that's inaccurate. I should have wanted a glass of Guinness


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 30, 2019)

Chapter 28: Chapter 27 part 2

The Kiwis raced through the streets of
London, asking everyone they met if they knew a welsh, scot, or cornish person.  Froggy began Riverdancing.  "I can't stop" he said.  He Riverdanced over to Swordfighter.  "If this thing consumes me, you have to kill me!  I can't wander this planet as a Greenwalker"

They met one Welsh man but he had no teeth so he couldn't bite Froggy.  Froggy was now playing the fiddle.  The end was getting closer.  Skullomania tried to stop him from playing music.  "Give me the fiddle Froggy." she instructed.  Froggy handed her the fiddle, but halfway through he began tugging the fiddle back.  He pulled hard, matching Skully's own strength.

"Give it to me!"  Froggy shouted "Give it back!"  His voice started to take on an Irish accent.  "Ohhh gimme back me fiddle it is me lucky charm it is."  Froggy bit Skullomania on the arm.  She recoiled in pain.  Froggy used this opportunity to take the fiddle back.  He fiddled and Riverdanced away.

Skullomania soothed her bite wound.  "Goddamnit I just got over C. Diff now I'm gonna turn into an Irishman."

She places her hand over her heart, ready to sing the national anthem one last time before she becomes part of team Ireland.  With a tear in her eye, she paces back and forth and sings:

"America, America 
From sea - sob- to shi-"

As she paces she bumps into a man in a black abbot cloak.  "Show me your arm" he commands.  Skullomania reveals the bite wound.  The abbot reaches into his cloak, revealing a vial with a cork stopper.  It makes a pop noise as he twists the cork off.  He pours the contents of the vial onto her arm.  The bite wound sizzles and smokes, and is replaced with a small scar that looks like Froggy's tooth indentation.

"What was that?" Skullomania asks.

The man replied "Holy Water."

"Nigga does this mean we can take Froggy to church?"  cedric asked.

"No," said the man, "It has to be special holy water, blessed by an Irishman who has the demons cleansed from his body.  A penitant man who begs God everyday for forgiveness of the sin of being born Irish."

The abbot held the vial upside down to show it was empty.  "I'm afraid that is all I have."

"Is there anything that can be done?" Memegray asks.

"From what I saw," the abbot replied, "your friend mutated faster than any other case of mossman I have ever seen.  The only thing that we can do now is perform an exorcism.  You have to catch him first.  And try not to get bit."

The Kiwis scattered to find Froggy who was now Riverdancing and fiddling through the streets of London. The Kiwi Rangers morphed.  Skully assumed her GT hedgehog form.  She ran through the streets of London and spotted Froggy.  She used the Kiwi KommuniKator to relay his location.  "He is near a giant building that looks like a fabrige egg or a buttplug or something."

"On it!"  cedric said.  He identified a building that kind of looked like a buttplug, bent over and shot buttplugs out of his butt towards the buttplug shaped building.  The buttplugs arced high into the air and landed at the base of the Gherkin.  The base floors exploded.  The Gherkin toppled over, landing Next to Froggy.  A thousand Britbongs died in the collapse.  Froggy was now trapped on 3 sides by buildings. buttplug

Skullomania tried to reason with Froggy, knowing that as an Irishman, his mental capacity was diminished.  "Hey I've got a Tayto.  Who wants a Tayto?"  Froggy got excited.  "Ooh ayy want a Tayto."  Froggy said.

"Come on boy lets get a Tayto!"  Froggy followed Skullomania back to the rest of the Kiwis.  The abbot examined Froggy.

"He looks in good health except for being Irish."  The abbot said.  "We must get to Lindisfarne post-hase."

"Easy!"  Said Swordfighter.  "Kiwi Teleport!"  Swordfighter turned into a red beam of ligjt and shot off to Ireland.  In a momemt the beam of light returned.  "Oh shit I forgot that Froggy can't morph."

-------------------------------------------

At the airport a flight attendant taped on a keyboard.  "I'm afraid all flights to Ireland are booked.  Say aren't you the chaps who raped a bunch of flight attendants to death?"

"It's OK," replied cedric, "I'm a dark skinned immigrant and I didn't know any better."

"Very well then," the flight attendant said as he continued typing on a keyboard.  "Yyyy-huh, mmm-hmmm, yeah" he hummed to himself as he worked the keyboard.  "Ahh, there we go, I can have a flight for you in 4 days."

"We can't wait 4 days!" Maskull said.

"Well I'm sorry," the flight attemdamt replied, "There is a big dirt and hopelessness festival going on in Ireland right now."

Skullomania kicked a trash can.  "Dammit!"  she said.  The nude signed photo of the queen fell out of her cleavage and wafted to the floor.  The flight attendant picked it up and examined it.  "Where did you get this?"  he asked.  "You know what, nevermind, follow me."  He pulled a handle on a string above his head.  Jets of steam rose from the floor below the Kiwis.

The Customer service Kiosk raised up thanks to a scissor lift platform.  The platform continued lifting until it was at the 69th floor.  The walkway next to the lift had no guardrails.  It was a long way down if you fell off.  Right after the walkway was a long runway hovering 69 stories above the ground.  A G6 landed and the hatch opened.  "Oh step in" a familiar voice said.  It was the Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth Cornwall @Wendy_Carter !

The Kiwis entered the plane.  The interior was much larger than it looked on the outside.  "That picture I gave you contained the royal seal: my titties.  I know who you are, Kiwis.  Dr @bearycool designed a hologram with my likeness.  The Flash drive really was in my anus, though, as a pocket dimemsion exists in both my anus and the hologram's anus."

"I knew hard-light holograms were bullshit"  Skullomania said to herself.

"I heard you needed a lift.  Well I can help you," the queen said.  "But first, you must defeat me."

The Kiwis all gasped.  That had to kill the queen.

"In a weed smoking contest."  The Rangers let out a sigh of relief.  The queen rings a bell.  A butler comes out with a shoebox full of blunts.  The queen takes a blunt from the shoebox and looks at the Kiwis.

"I'll make it a fair fight, all you together have to outsmoke me.  Are you faggots ready to blaze it?"


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Oct 31, 2019)

Chapter 29: Everybody was Kung Fu Viking

The Rangers were behind.  Each one finished half a blunt by the time the Queen of England smoked 12.  They were determined not to give up.  They were up to the challenge. Upbeat heroic music played and they inhaled the rest of their blunts.  Swordfighter was beginning to feel warm and happy.  He struggles with a lighter but manages to light another blunt.

The Queen of England puts 5 blunts in her mouth and lights them.  10 seconds later she was finished.  Maskull tried to stuff ten blunts in his mouth to do the same.  He lit them all then spit them all put from coughing.  He very slowly reached down to pick up the dropped blunts.  His hands were so big.  He was a lost cause as he now just stared at Froggy Riverdancing.

cedric sucked down 6 blunts.  He coughed.  "You know none of y'all purses would survive the hood."  He lot a seventh blunt.  His eyes were glassy and bloodshot.  He laid down to take a nap.

"Hey guys imma feeling kind of tired too." Swordfighter said, failing to finish his second blunt.  He passed out for a snooze as well.

Skullomania didn't even finish her half joint before dozing off.

MemeGray began matching the Queen blunt for blunt.  At least, she did until the queen farted.  Her farts smelled like weed.  "Clever girl," the Queen said "Psychokinetically creating a pocket dimensiom in your lungs to avoid smoke inhalation.  It's a shame I created my own psychokinetic pocket dimension in my anus and linked ot to yours."

Braaaaaaaaaaap!

The plane filled with weed smoke from the queens anus.  MemeGray succombed and fell asleep as well.  Froggy stopped riverdancing and fell asleep as well.

The Queen looked at abbot @PlasticOwls.  "Wanna challenge me?"

"Forget it," said the abbot, "Your chronic level is over 69,000, there's no way I could match that."

"Oh come on don't be such a pussy, I was going to help you anyway.  Now toke up bitch."

Feeling less pressured, PlasticOwls lit a joint and casually smokes.  The Queen of England shotguns a bottle of Everclear before sitting in the pilots seat and taking off.

"Where did you faggots say you were going again?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------

When the Kiwi Rangers awoke, they were daisychained, crotch to anus, to a parachute.  Froggy and PlasticOelwls each had their own parachutes.  They were slowly drifting towards the roof of a monestary.  "Welcome back to the world of the living."  The abbot said.  "Below is Lindisfarne."  As they descended, smoke billowed from the sides of the building.

"Oh no!" PlasticOwls said as he landed on the roof.  The Kiwis landed shortly behind him.  "Y'all niggas cookin somethin?"  cedric asked.

"No, it's the vikings.  They're raiding the monestary!"

Grappling hooks flew next to the kiwis before pulling back and catching on the edge of the roof.  Two Nordic vikings climbed atop the roof.  Their black viking suit and face scarves made them extra intimidating.  One of the vikings unsheathed a katana while the other one wielded throwing stars.  They both made faggy poses.

"Waaaaaasaa!  You gonna dieeee!  Hi-yah!" the katana weildong viking shouted.  He charged towards swordfighter, swinging his katana like a retatd.  Swordfighter dodged.  The second Viking hot Swordfighter in the leg with throwimg stars.  Swordfighter fell to his knees, holding his shoulder in pain even though his leg was injured.

"I got this!" cedric said and morphed.

"Kiwi Buttplug Blaster!"

Buttplugs fited in rapid succession out of his anus.  The first Viking swung his katana in a rapid figure eight pattern, deflecting all of the buttplugs.  One of the deflected buttplugs hit cedric in his tittie.  He fell to his knees and held his shoulder in pain even though he was injured in his tittie.

Maskull morphed and summomed a trident with a menorah on top.  He made jabbing motions.  The katana came down chopping the katana in half.  Maskull fell to his knees and held his shoulder in pain even thkugh he was not injured at all.

Skullomania morphed and assumed her GT hedgehog form.  "Bet you nordic gooks can't match my speed."

The viking tossed his katana aside and made a faggy ninja pose.  He flicked the tips of his finger, as to taunt her.  She sped towards the viking.  He dodged her charge.  Skullomania collapsed to het knees and held her shoulder in pain even though not even her weapon was broken.

MemeGray realized that one of the vikings was psychokinetic, which was causing the Kiwis to fall so easily.  She morphed and attempted to dampen the Vikings psychokinetic waves.  His psychokinetic abilities were too strong, and she collapsed to her knees, holding her shoulder in pain even though she didn't even try to attack.

The first viking retrieved his katana blade.  He pointed the blade at the abbot.  "Looks like it's just you and Fiddler on the Roof left."

Abbot @PlasticOwls smirked.  "Oh then I guess it's a fair fight now."

The abbot made a faggy pose.  The wimd howled.  His abbot robes began waving.  Streaks of energy ran through him.

He looked at the Viking and said "Ezekiel, 14:88"


----------



## Remove Goat (Oct 31, 2019)

what the fuck am i reading


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 1, 2019)

Remove Goat said:


> what the fuck am i reading



You are reading:

Chapter 30: Tears of a Frog

The heavens parted.  A single cloud remained in the sky.  Zeus, the Christan God of Lightning ememerged from a single cloud.  Zeus threw lightning bolts towards the roof.  The Throwing star weilding Viking was zapped.  His crisp, stiff, blackened body toppled to its side.  When it impacted the rooftop, it disintegrated, leaving behind only a pile of black dust.

The other Viking pressed his finger into the black dust and snorted it.  "Now it's a fair fight, summoner.  You'll find your little bag of Christian gods to be of little use against me."  The Viking raised his Katana skyward.  A beam of light emergrd from the tip of the Katana.  Xiuhtecuhtli, the Viking god of fire and time emerged.  He blew a large fireball from his mouth and altered time around the the fireball to make it approach slowly.

"In 5 minutes, this monestary will explode."

@PlasticOwls smirked.  "I'll only need 4 minutes and 59 seconds."

The viking charged with his katana forward.  PlasticOwls did a front flip pver the viking and tossed two throwing knives in his back.  When the viking fell to his knees to grab his arm in pain, PlastocOwls wrapped the piano wire around the Viking's neck.

The Viking choke and gurgled.  "Kchhh  Good.. luck-kkkk stopp.  ing the -ghhhhh - fireball.  gkkk.. faggot!"  PlasticOwls pulled the piano wire.  The viking's head severed and rolled onto the roof next to the Viking's torso which stood straight up.  Faint lights and beeping occured from underneath the headless viking's robe.  PlasticOwls pulled the Viking's black robe off to reveal a suicide vest with a countdowm.

The other Kiwis regained their mobility as the Viking's psychokinetic inhibitor wore off.  Maskull observed the suicide vest.  "A dead man's switch must've triggered the suicide vest.  In 5 minutes this monestary will explode.  Also there is a fireball which will explode this monestary in 5 minutes as well."

MemeGray tried to psychokinetically hold the fireball at bay while cedric and swordfighter examined the suicide vest.  "Nigga is there any way to disarm this vest?"

"I don't know anything about science stuff.  Froggy would know."  They looked over at Froggy who was still fiddling and Riverdancing.  "Abbot!"  Swordfighter shouted, "can you depossess froggy"

PlasticOwls knew there wasn't enough time to depossess Froggy and that he wasn't the right person, but he pulled the Koran out of his peehole and began to recite incantations.  Skullomania tried to reason with Froggy, hopong he still had some brain function.

She directed Froggy towards the vest.  "Froggy, it's me, @skullomania.  You got drunk and texted me ur frog dick once, remembet, you have to remember!"

Froggy was still River Damcing and fiddling but now he was rambling about his penis being a 1 leaf clover.  PlasticOwls began glowing an arua as he recited ancient Christian spells in an attempt to depossess froggy.  Froggy began glowing.  A leprechaun ghost struggled to stay in Froggy's mouth.

The leprechaun ghost peed a stream of urine into the air.  It arced and landed in @PlasticOwl's mouth.  He was momentarily distracted and stopped his incantation.  The leprechaun ghost jumped back into Froggy's ear.  His mind was racing as he fiddled.

Pot of Gold.  Bomb.  Blarney Stone. Blue Wire. Green Wire.  Science Bullshit.  Potato.  Potato.  Potato.  Potato.

"Potato Potato Potato Potato Potato Potato" Froggy repeated in a trance-like state.  His fiddle was now hovering next to him.  The sky opened up and a giant Potato, the Irish god of not starving to death appeared.  It shot beams of light from its eyes.  One of those beams covered Froggy and another covered the Viking torso.

The suicide vest faded off of the viking and onto froggy.  He grabbed the hovering fiddle.  The fiddle played harder than any fiddle ever played.  Froggy ascended towards the fireball.

"Noooo don't do it!"  Swordfighter shouted.

"Froggy come back!"  MemeGray shouted.

@FroggyMam spoke with an angelic voice.

"Don't cry for me, Kiwis.  This is the only way."

A tearful cedric demanded "Nigga u get back here!"

Skullomania opened up the unsolicited dick pick froggy sent her and held her phone close to her chest.  "Froggo" she said meekly.

@FroggyMan ascended towards the fireball.  His aura lit up the sky brighter than the sun as he reached the fireball.  The fireball exploded in the upper atmosphere, away from harms way.

The kiwi rangers all cried like little bitches.

@PlasticOwls searched the Monestary.  No survivors.  The Vikings slaughtered everyone.  His lover was gone.  He reached into his pants and touched his lover's cock ring.   He too cried like a little bitch.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Froggy's funeral lasted for 3 days.  Heavy drinking and reminiscing of all the times he sent unsolicited dick pics to everyone set the mood.  Everybody cried like a pussy almost the entire time.  Through their mourning, they all agreed that suicide bombing was the most honorable and righteous way to die.

During those 3 days, @PlastocOwls tirelessly studied the Book of Kells.  The prophecy was true, but it wasn't the end of the world, it was the end of *his* world.  What did it all mean?

Owls joined the Kiwis to open the stone on Froggy's tomb to mourn one last time.  Froggy's human remains were vaporized so they had made a paper mache replica and put it im the tomb.

"Hey where ya niggas put the Froggy Pinata?" cedric asked, looking in an empty tomb.  Froggy's paper mache replica vanished.

A light in the sky appeared above the tomb.  Froggy descended from the sky.

"I have Risen!"  He said, "Do not weep my children for I will ascend to heaven to be seated at the right hand of God.  Which God, I don't know yet because you faggots have too many gods."

From that day forward, anytime anyone mentioned @FroggyMan's name, they ended with PBUH.

@PlasticOwls decided to help the Kiwis.  "I couldn't save the Monastry,"  he thought to himself, "But perhaps I could help save whoever it is these faggots are trying to save."


----------



## Spl00gies (Nov 1, 2019)

"Peace be upon him"
 ⚰


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 4, 2019)

Chapter 31: Ghost Cock

The Kiwi Rangers and @PlasticOwls arrive at a small office building located next to the Shard, which is owned by Qatar.  The door said "Britbong Unemployment
Agency and 24 hour Kebab Takeaway." A smaller sign read "Under new management."

The rangers approach a front desk.  A clerk hands them a clipboard and a form to cedric.  "Fill out the form for benefits, chocolate" she says.  cedric takes the form and the Kiwi rangers try to form a plan.  They decide that Skullomania should turm into a hedgehog and run past the clerks when they aren't looking and find a record room.  cedric would pretend to be a dumb immigrant and keep messing up the form to distract.

cedric writes "I am? Brown Man plz Gib moneyes" across the entire from, ignoring all instructions and text boxes.  He hamds it ti the clerk who looks back at cedric.  "Oh you poor dark skinned immigrant you don't know aby better, here is a million England Dollars.  As the clerk opems a cash register, Skullomania assumes GT hedgehog form and runs past the front desk into a room with a small "Records processing" placard on the door.

Inside this room were piles of cardboard boxes with stacks of unemployment records in them.  Skullomania walks down the boxes until she reaches a box marked "Records: Smith to Smoth"  The box was taped shut so Skullomania began cutting the tape with a small box cutter she carries in her wallet chain.

A hazy red light permeated everything, flashing.  A PA system blared, "Warning!  Warning! Illegal knife detected."  Steel blast doors came down, covering the normal doors in the room.  "Put the illegal weapon down you have 15 seconds to comply!"  Skullomania flips the security system off.

"You fukken Britbongs will never take the colonies back!"

Two British security bots emerge.  They balance on a single wheel as they race towards Skullomania.  Their left robotic arm is blowing a whistle and thejr roght arms are swinging a billy club.  The first robot wrestles skullomania to the ground.  In the acuffle she drops the box cutter.  Immediately the robot picks the box cutter up to place in an evidence bag. 

"Foreign presence you are under arrest for unlicensed use of a knife."  

The second robot starts beating the first robot with a billy club for unlicensed posession of a knife.  The first robot sparks and catches fire.  The fire spreads from box to box.  Skullomania rushes to search the box for a form marked, "Smith, Samuel" before the box burns. 

The second robot, now happy that the crisis is over, returns to its charging station.

She finds it just as the box in front of her combusts.  She uses a pencil to erase the "unemployed" status and change it to "employed".  Sprinklers put the fire out and the blast doors open now that the knife threat is over.

Skullomania leaves the records room.  Back in the lobby, sje hands the form to the receptionist.  The receptionist stamps the paper and places it in a stack.  The Kiwis and PlasticOwls leave the office.  Each one had several hundred thousand Brotish Dollars stuffed in their pants.

They used the million British dollars they stole to throw a large expensive orgy in celebration of accomplishing the mission.  By the time they were finished, 4 out of every 5 citizens of London either had Syphillis or was pregnant.  

PlasticOwls abstained, still grieving the loss of his lover in the viking raid.  He had other business to attend to anyway.  Outside of Buchingham Palace where the orgy took place, he met a shadowy figure in the dark.  They said nothing to each other while they exchanged briefcases.

The mysterious figure turned a corner until he was out of PlastocOwl's sight, and used a wrist phone to relay a message.

"This is Ghost Cock, I have the briefcase, awaiting further orders."


----------



## heyilikeyourmom (Nov 4, 2019)

I call pink ranger.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 4, 2019)

heyilikeyourmom said:


> I call pink ranger.



All the Rangers are pink on the inside


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 4, 2019)

Chapter 32: Owl Wayne Bobbit

America was a strange place for @PlasticOwls.  They had free access to guns and knives, and in the New Jersey Airport alone, he saw 9 agitated mothers reprimand their children by punching them in their tiny child faces.  He was assured by airport security that US law allowed parents to spank and administer other mild forms of corporal punishment.

Luckily new Jersey was just a layover and soon they would be boarding a Kiwi Jet bound for Kiwi Deep Anus.  Swordfighter was looking forward to playing ping pong with @PlasticOwls in the cafeteria of Deep Anus Sigmoid.  They chatted on the plane ride about their shared love of small white balls.  Owls tried to stay cheerful but something weighed weighed heavily on his mind:  He had made a deal with Ghost Cock.

On the way back to Deep Anus, MemeGray watched a news story about Norway getting Nuked into oblivion on the KiwiJet's holo screen.  The jet lands, and everyone is held in quarantine.  @Maskull recounts his quarantine experience to @PlasticOwls.  "I could pass their drug screening with flying colours" he said to himself.

"Hello @PlasticOwls I am Dr. @PlasticOwls and I'm here to take your bloodwork.  Where do you want it, dick or balls?" 

@PlasticOwls said "balls" without hesitating and @PlasticOwls got to work draining 50 liters of blood from @PlasticOwls' balls.  He placed a drop of blood on a slide and threw the other 50 liters into a bin marked "Cafeteria entrees."

Running the bloodwork through the compyter looked promising.  THC and alcohol levels were a bit low for a Catholic but still quite high.  Beef Wellington was nominal at 67 ppm.  The computer beeped at the next readout, so @PlasticOwls reran the scan.  The computer beeped again.

@PlasticOwls grapped a green phone.  "Hello, Dr. bearycool, this is @PlasticOwls.  I'm here with @PlasticOwls and I have an anomolous reading.  Yes I can email it."

20 seconds later, bearycool comes storming into the quarantine lab.  "Drop your pants @PlasticOwls" he says to @PlasticOwls as @PlasticOwls stays silent and watches.

@PlasticOwls is hesitant.  "Drop them now!" bearycool demands.  @PlasticOwls drops his pants.  @bearycool looks at his cock and balls.  As he suspected, half of @PlasticOwls dick was missing.  It was fine at the shaft but faded into nothingness. 

bearycool makes an accusation:

"You made a deal with Ghost Cock didn't you?"

@PlasticOwls lowers his head "Nuking Norway was the only way to save the monestaries from future attacks."

"I don't blame you for nuking Norway," bearycool said, "I would have done the same if I was in your shoes, but you awakened Ghost Cock."

@bearycool picks up the green phone to call Seargent Private Q. @Samoyed.  "Seargent, we have a code red."  He puts the phone down without saying anymore.

"That deal you made with Ghost Cock, it won't stop as just half of your dick."

bearycool folds his arms.

"Ghostcock is not just half ghost half cock.   He is half man, half ghost, half cock. He will not stop until he is made whole, by any means necessary....

by any means necessary."


----------



## bearycool (Nov 4, 2019)

HE WILL TAKE THE WHOLE DICK


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 4, 2019)

Chapter 33: 0xDEADBEEF

Dr. @bearycool paced through his lab. Holo screens displayed bar graphs.  Lights blinked and beepers beeped. The equations almost worked.  He just needed to solve for the gaussian field distortion and the jizzometric drift.  He types a program into the Microsoft Visual Basic 6.0 compiler and clicks run.

The computer makes clicking noises as it crunches numbers.  A monitor displays results:

"Gaussian field at 14.. 88.. 92.. BLUE SCREEN"

"Goddamnit!" bearycool shouts.  He pounds his fists into his keyboard.  Keys pop off and go flying around him, scattering everywhere.  He gets down on his hands and knees to pick up the scattered keys.

The underside of his desk was littered with debris.  He made a mental note to sweep the floor, something he hadn't done in years. As his hands felt around for the missing keys, he cuts his finger.  bearycool lifts up broken testtube.  He wiped the newly smeared blood off of it. "G.C. 69" was written on it in permanent marker.

A flashback almost occured.  bearycool popped a bottle of amyl nitrate to suppress it.  Though the flashback didn't occur, beary knew he would have to work harder to finish solving his equation.  Frustration was buildiNg up.

He decided to take a smoke break. 

In the break room, the Kiwi Rangers were smoking weed. Dr. @PlasticOwls was with them. 

"I'm telling you," @PlasticOwls said while high, "Half his dick was gone."

"Gone, like chopped off?" Maskull asked.

"No I mean it was like just gone."

The rangers and Dr. @PlasticOwls discussed the logistics of half a dick.  How would one pee?  What if the middle half was missing, would the head just kind of sit atop a phantom penis?

A high cedric added his two cents, "Nigga if you chopped someone's dick off in the hood, they'd just bleed they HIV on erryone."

HIV.  That's it!  bearycool knew what he had to do.  "You genius!" bearycool exclaimed.  He kissed cedric on the forehead and ran back to his lab.

Swordfighter shrugged.  "When did that faggot come in?"

Back in the lab, @bearycool reassembled his keyboard.  HIV.  I was Roman for 1, V was roman for 5.  15.  He searched his visual basic code for 15.  He found a line marked "0x15"  Except in Visual Basic, to denote a hex value, the syntax, "&H" is used instead of 0x like in other languages.  HIV...  H15.... &h15.  He made the code change and ran his program.

"Computing jizzometric drift.  10% 69% 100%  Reticulating Splines 10% 20% 100%  Undistorting Gaussian Field 10% 50% 99% 99% 99% 100%"

A glowing portal materialized in the middle of his lab. He ran back into the break room where the Kiwis were still smoking weed.  He inhaled some weed smoke.  His IQ temporarily went from 700 to 640 but he could still talk.

"Allright you faggots." He said, "Get to my lab.  We're going back in time."

"Where and when are going back in time to?"  Skullomania asks.

"5 days ago, to England."  @bearycool answered.

His answer was met with a lot of swearing.  "We just got back from that shithole" @skullomania said as she threw an empty Funyun bag at him.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 5, 2019)

Chapter 34: Back to the Past

Lindisfarne Monestary: 5 days ago

It was a cold, rainy day at the Monestary.  A few monks attempted to resume their outdoor chores, believing that suffering in this life leads them to paradise in the next.   Most of the monks, however, took refuge in doors.

Behind a nondescript toolshed on the Monestary grounds, a portal opened.  bearycool and the Kiwi Rangers jumped out.  Skullomania was not too happy to be back.  She missed her homeland, and hummed the Neo National Anthem quietly to herself.  

The Kiwi Rangers kept quiet, sneaking around the perimeter of the monestary, until bearycool signaled a hand gesture meaning to stop.  They were conveniently in a stable full pf goats.  "We can talk for now, we wait for the rain to settle and make our move."

Swordfighter was confused.  "Hey beary you still haven't told us why we came back."

"Yeah," cedric added, "and why isn't @PlasticOwls with us?  Isn't that nigga training to replace froggy?"

bearycool thought how to best explain things before answering.  "@PlasticOwls didn't come, because,"

He paused for a moment.

"We are in the past to kill him."

The Kiwis got angry with bearycool.  " No way!" Memegray said, "@PlasticOwls is one of us."

"Ohana,"  said Swordfighter, "Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind.

bearycool knew this would be contentious.  "Listen the reasons are difficult.  @PlasticOwls made a deal-"

"Made a deal with Ghost Cock?"  a mysterioys voice interrupted.  beary and the Kiwis turned around.  Someone in the Green Kiwi Ranger suit was standing there.  

"Froggy!"  Skullomanoa shouted.

"Not quite," The green Ranger said.  He took off his helmet, revealing bearycool's face, albeit older.  "I can't let that happen.  I've come back in time from the future to stop me."  Future bearycool branded a set of brass knuckles.  Present day bearycool also branded a set of brass knuckles.

"Can we reason first,?" present day bearycool pleaded.

Future @bearycool arrogantly taunted himself  "Oh Id like that, wouldn't I?  Do I really think I deserve an explanation after hiding secrets from everybody else."  

Present day beary assumed a fighting stance.  "Deep Anus isn't ready for the truth!"  

"Oh I think it is."  Future bearycool turned to the Kiwo Rangers.  "The truth is, ghost c-"

Pow!

Present day bearycool punched future bearycool in the jaw.  Future bearycool does a sick leg sweep and trips present bearycool.  Present bearycool does that cool shoulder jump thing and gets back on his feet.  He punches.  Future bearycool blocks and returns a punch.  Presemt day bearycool blocks.

They both jump back and stare each other down.  Future bearycool grows to twice his size and turns into a grizzly bear.  Present day bearycool also transforms into a giant grizzly.  They pounce on each other.  They wrestle and bust through the stable wall and chase each other off into the horizon.

MemeGray threw her arms up in frustration "Great with bearycool gone, how are we going to get back to the present?"

"I guess we will have to find him." Swordfighter said.

Skullomania had an idea.  "Wait, while we are here, what if we saved Froggy?"

The Kiwi Rangers discussed various ways they could save Froggy.  Directly intercept the Irishman that bit him?  No, London is too far away.  Cure him at the abbey?  Maybe, they if they could stop the ciking raid.

A skeleton wearing a cowboy had and jacked liesurely strolled into the stable through the hole the two bearycools made while fighting.  The skeleton's incredibly long penis hing below the bottom of his cowboy jacket.

"Ooh, think you can change the past?"  The skeleton said.  "That's... cute..."

The Rangers all assumed fighting stances.  Skeletons are bad news.  "There's no need for that."  he said.  Swordfighter threw a punch anyway.  His fist went through the skeleton.  "Can't hit a ghost" the skeleton said.  It wrapped its long prehensile penis around Swordfighter, constricting him.  "I'm not here to fight."  The skeleton said, and let swordfoghter go.

"You're him." Skullomania said.  "You're Ghost Cock aren't you?"

The skeleton lifted his hat and bowed.  "The one and only."

"You can't stop us." cedric said while making a faggy pose.

"Oh whi said something about stopping you?  Ghost rules prevent interfering with the affairs of solids, unless, ehem, some equitable trade is made.  I'm afraid none of you have anything I want."

Ghost Cock walked towards the hole in the stable to leave.  "And now that I've made your acquaintence, Im afraid I have to leave.  Parting is such sweet sorrow."

He farts as me makes his exit.  A film canister ejects from his butthole.  "Oops" he says.  "Ciao!"

Memegray picks up the canister.  Present day bearycool walks back into the stable.  "I don't know where thay faggot ran off to.... Did anything happen while I was gone?"

MemeGray hid the film canister behind her back.  "Nope, nothing." She said, nodding her head yes again when she meant to say no.


----------



## User name: Required (Nov 5, 2019)

Y tho


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 5, 2019)

User name: Required said:


> Y tho




Because:

Chapter 35: 51% finished 300% bearycool

The Kiwis were beginning to distrust bearycool.  They didn't understand his sudden shift in behavior.  They didn't kbow why Ghost Cock paid them a mysterious visit.

"Well it looks like the rain is cleared and future me is dead so let's go kill @PlasticOwls."   He said and made his way for the hole in the stable.  Skullomanis grabs his wrist.  "Stop," she says, "This isn't you, you're acting crazy beary."

"The only crazy thing is not killing @PlasticOwls." beary said.  He began his transformation into a grizzly bear.  "And it must be done!"  He swiped at Skullomania.  She dodged.  Swordfighter summons a whip.

"KIWI WHIP WRAP!  BEAR BONDAGE!"

He cracks the whip and then swings it at grizzlybearycool.  The whip wraps around the grizzly.  bearycool growls and struggles.  Eventually he gives up and growls.  "Ok! Ok! I'll explain!"  Swordfighter  uncoils the whip.  Bearycool transforms back into a person.

"I'm trying to protect humanity.  I've spent most of my life hunting Ghost Cock.  He exists for one purpose: To steal men's penises and attach them to women." bearycool dropped his pants, revealing a floating penis head attached to an invisible shaft.  "He stole half of mine.  Cherokee ninjas attacked the Lab years ago, and he said he could nuke the Cherokee nation... for a price.  I spent years and years only being able to suck dicks, over 30 in my lifetime, never being able to get sucked.  The faggots I would be with were afraid of the ghost part."

cedric felt empathetic.  "We didn't know, nigga, we didn't know."

bearycool stress sighed.  "I thought we had contained him, years ago.  Everytime he gets a new piece of someone's cock, his dick grows longer.  If it grows long enough, he could use it as a space elevator to the moon and make a deal to free Corbin Dallas Multipass.  @PlasticOwls cock was the last piece needed."

The Kiwis all gasp in horror, having known forsthand what kind of massive fuckwad Corbin is.  This changed things

Memegray offered some sympathy.  "I understand but I can't let you kill @PlasticOwls.  In the 35 hours we've known him, he's become like a lifelong brother to us."

Swordfighter removed his Mario cap and put on his thinking cap, which looks exactly like his mario cap.  "Hmm," he said, "He made a deal nuke Norway.  What if, instead, we nuked Norway?"

Maskull his fingers.  "Yeah!  And them, since the agreememt wasn't fulfilled because someone else killed all of the Norwegians, @PlasticOwls would get his cock back."

cedric rolled his eyes in circles to make an award winning zinger.  "Ghost Cock?  More like won't have the most Cock amirite?"

Everyone laughed but their laughing was cut short by another portal opening up in the stable.  A future @bearycool came out of it.

"Kiwis!" he shouted, "You mustn't kill @PlasticOwls!  There is another way!"  He caught his breath.  The Kiwis all assumed faggy poses.  bearycool turned into a grozzly bear.

The other future bearycool backed up.  "No no I'm not here to fight!"  bearycool turned back into a human and the Rangers breathed a sigh of relief.

"That other bearycool was not me," other future bearycool explained, "It was a new forum user named bearycooler, a Corbin sock."

Everyone opened their mouths in shock.

"Yes," other future bearycool said, "In the future, he escapes the moon, and killing @PlasticOwls is the key."

Another portal opens.  A present day bearycool jumps out with The the present day @PlasticOwls and the present day Kiwi Rangers.

"All right!"  Shouts Owls, "Let's go kill Corbin's sock, PlasterOwls."  He turns around and looks at the two other @bearycools and the other set of Kiwi Rangers.  Everyone in the stable goes quiet


@bearycool number 3 pushes his lab glasses higher up onto his nose and says "I knew we took a wrong turn at Alberquerque."


----------



## Spl00gies (Nov 5, 2019)

_heh... beary had a Ray-Man penissss_


----------



## bearycool (Nov 5, 2019)

And that’s how I became a bottom


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 5, 2019)

bearycool said:


> And that’s how I became a bottom



Nothing's ever really gone









						No One's Ever Really Gone
					

Please recycle.




					youtu.be


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 6, 2019)

Chapter 36: Bearback to the Past

"Ok we got a problem" Swordfighter #1 said.  "When we go back to our respective times, we need to make sure we are with the right group."  He used his Kiwi Ranger Powers - which allow him to conjure anything moderately sized, excluding swords but including small knives, in case you faggots havent figured that out yet - to summon a stack of sticky nametags.  Each nametag had "Hi I'm ____________________ and I'm a special boy/girl"  He then conjured sharpie markers for the Kiwi Rangers to use.  They wrote either their name followed by a "#1" or "#2" depemding on which group they were with.  The bearycools went up to a #3

While the Kiwi Rangers all attached nametags to themselves, the 3 bearycools decided to try to suck each other's dicks, but were ultimately turned off by their Rayman like penises.  Sympathy for theor 30+ sexual partners kicked in a little.  They settled for just fingering each others buttholes for a few minutes.

MemeGray #1 interrupted the bearytrain for a momemt.  "Hey, we all have different missions but all of our timelines face the same threat: Ghost Cock frees Corbin from the moon."

MemeGray #2 chimes in.  "In our time, Corbin is sending socks back in time to sabotage our attempts to stop Ghost Ghost Cock from making a deal with @PlasticOwls and take half his dick.  Everytime we stop his sock, he just sends another."

future bearycool offered his wisdom.  "In the late future, only Corbin and I exist on the forums."

bearycool #2's jaw dropped.  "Then all of our effort was a waste."

"No," said future bearycool.  "I've had decades to figure this out.  Corbin always sends his socks back to this point in time. Everytime he does, a splinter universe is created. Using jizzometric chronodata, I was able to figure it out: Changing this point in history has the potential to collapse all of the timelines and reveal the true and honest timeline."

cedric #2 stopped shooting dice with cedric #1 for a momemt.  "But nigga its hopeless, you said so."

"I've identified another point in history that has a 50/50 chance  of correcting the timeline as well: the time before the failed dimensional merge."

"The failed dimensional merge!" Maskull #1 said, "The moment in history when Christine Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the electric hedgehog pokemon, and her boyfriend-free girlfriend, disappeared from existence. Every space jew learned about it in Jew school."

bearycool #2 twisted his left nipple to attenuate his cybernetic brain implant.  "But Ghost Cock exists across all time and space.  Collapsing the timeline won't stop him from existing in the future."

"I did more math bullshit in the last 30 years," Future bearycool said, "it turns out that he can exist in all time and space, but not all at once.  Collapsing the timelines will isolate them, trapping Ghost Cock here with me."

@skullomania #2 became disheartened.  "But future beary, you will be trapped here."

"Small price to pay."  bearycool #3 said.

@bearycool #1 and #2 suddenly became very silent.  bearycool #3 gave them a nod as if to say "I know what I did."

Kiwi Rangers #1, Kiwi Rangers #2, alternate timeline @PlasticOwls, and all 3 bearycools discussed their plan:  Ranger group #2 had to continue distracting Corbin and ghost cock by defeating Corbin's socks over and over.  Kiwi group #1 was going to travel farther back to before the dimensional merge, and bearycool #3 would use science gadgets and other shit to trap ghost cock forever in a single timeline.

All 3 bearycools began tickling their prostates a humming a chrono-resonant tune.  A rime portal opened up.  The Kiwis checked their nametags to make sure the right kiwis went into the portal.

"Hey wait, nigga," cedric #2 said to cedric #1, "you owe me three hundred dollars from playing dice."

"What can't hear you," cedric #1 said, "trapped in a time portal."  cedric #1 and Ranger group #1 all entered the portal, which closed behind them.

cedric #2 became irate.  "If I ever see me again, I'm gonna kill myself!"


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 8, 2019)

Chapter 37: Did Knee LAN

@PlasticOwls was still stuck in Kiwi Kwarantine.  Left out of the loop on what the Rangers were doing or why they suddenly left on a mission, he thinks about the events that broughtbhim here.  He feels guilt. Guilt for the monestary, guilt for summoning Ghost Cock.  Could he have done things different?  Sure, Nuking Norway and making half his penis invisible would stop future Viking raids, but at what cost to himself?

He wanted to get out and help the Kiwis.  Deep Anus kept him under constant supervision.  He was allowed to freely visit the various rooms of the quarantine zone, though travel beyond that is restricted.  He sits in a chair and prepares to masturbate to pass the time.  Though the top half of his cock was missing the bottom half worked just fine.

Just as he was about to start fapping, the door to his quarantine room opens.  In walks a visitor, Crystal Weston Chandler, daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfriemd free girlfriend.  Crystal too was undergoing a brief decontamination period after a visit to bronycon 2XX9.  The two had chatted and bonded during this period.

"How are you feeling," Crystal asked, biting her lip.

"Just thinking," @PlasticOwls said, "about Lindisfarne, about past lovers now gone. I don't think I could ever love again"

Crystal sat next to him on his bunk and put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.  "@PlasticOwls, it's been 5 days, that's practically a lifetime ago.  I think you can forgive yourself and move on."

"Maybe you're right," @PlastocOwls said.  Then he has sex with Crystal Weston Chandler.  Long, passionate, sex.  With a Chandler.  When they finish they both have a smoke and watch reruns of "Sonichu The Animated Series ( the SatAm one. )"

----------------------------------------------

Inside the time stream, the Kiwi Rangers saw a million moments flash before them.  World War 2, World War 4, The Holocost, the Holopayment, the Bubonic Plague.  As the plague moment passed, they heard children singing.

"This land land is your land, this land is my land."

The singing got louder.

"Don't be a faggit, get off my island." The song continued.

They found themselves in a raft in a dark ride.  The ride finished its course and the raft came to an exit   When they got off, they realized they were in an amusement park.  "Holy shit!" said cedric, "nigga is this what I think it is?"

"It looks like it," bearycool said, "CwcWikiLand, the famous theme park that was lost to the dimensional merge."

Employees in Sonichu and Rosechu costumes pass by.  Skullomania squeals and goes to get her picture taken with them.  Maskull gets distracted when he sees the Hslaweel-Wheel and runs kff to ride it.  Swordfighter and MemeGray Ride the "Chaotic Coaster."  bearycool decides to relax too and plays skee-ball.  His skee ball skills allow him to win 500,000 dollars of Clyde-Cash-Cash, the park's in-game currency.

The center of the park has a large Sonic the Hedgehog totem.  Inside is a dark ride, "The Totem Of Progress."  Once all of the kiwis finish their current attraction, they all agree to ride it.  The line was short and they all were seated into a ride car quickly.  A young, pimple faced Joshua Connor Moon checks their seat belts before saying, in a pubescent, cracked voice, "enjoy your ride."

The car moves along a track, through a set of doors, and into a dark room.  Lights and fog fill the void.  A voice narrates.

"In the beginning, there was Sonichu."

The car passes an animatromic Chris Chan drawing Sonichu Volume 1.

"A brilliant man with a simple dream."

The car goes through animatronic Japanese people writing software.

"In XXXX, Nintendo and Chris begin a joint venture to make Sonichu and Sonichu Advance.  The game sells 9 million copies in the first 3 days."

The car moves into a Sega office.  "Using his fame and fortune, Chris Buys both Sega and Nintendo, and makes the most important decision in the history of the franchise."

An animatronic Chris Chan points his finger at business people suits and says "From now on, Sonic's arms are never going to be blue.  I want Sonic's blue arms OFF THE INTERNET!"

The car moves through a display of various  Sonichu products.

"Sonichu quickly grows into a media empire, with toys, tv shows, 12 blockbuster films, collectible card games, and even this amusement park!"

The car moves past a room with an animatronic wedding ceremony.  The music in the ride changes to "So need a Cute Girl"

"With the success of the franchise, Christian becomes Christine and marries her boyfriend free girlfriend."

The car stops in a room.  The real Christine weston Chandler is busy working with engi engineers and machinists, who are turning Crayola Model Magic sculptures into animatronic characters.  Christine turns around.

"Hi guys I'm the real Christine Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu.  I'm glad you cane to my park.  I have something special for my fans.  Introducing the newest animatronic character to tbe park, Pingu the Frog!"

A platform raises from the floor.  @FroggyMan appears, with various wires and tubes attached.  The animatronic puppet blinks and speaks.

"Hi!  I am Pingu the Frog.  My CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer."


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 12, 2019)

Chapter 38: The Dimensional Merge Chapter 1

"So that's where Froggy came from!" Skullomania says putting her thinking face on.

Chris Chan continues.  "And tonight, everybody at CWCWikiLand will experience the one and only dimensional merge.  9:00 Eastern Standard Time!"  Chris Chan then turned back to his work.  The car moves through another dark room.  The ride harnesses locked, preventing anyone from escaping.  A animatronic show that played the entirety of the triple platinum Chris Chan and the Hedgehog Boys album.

After the last song, an intermission featuring clips from the "Christian Weston Chandler: Yup I'm on TV" DVD, with announcements that both the DVD and Chris Chan's album were available for purchase from all CWCWikiLand gift shops.

Two more encore performances of the entire album were performed.  The Rangers and bearycool applauded the entire time.  Demanding a third encore, the show rewound the data tapes that controlled the puppets and started playing.  Halfway through "Trollster's paradise, the audio cut out.  Ride harnesses released and emergency marked a path to the exit.

The Kiwis climbed of the ride.  Skullomania in particular was sad that a third encore was not possible.  Near the emergency cooridor, a young girl was crying.  MemeGray, being a pre-op transexual, knowing exactly what it was like to be a woman and a mother, comforted the kid.  "Are you lost?" MemeGray asked.

The little girl sniffled.  "No, my mom and her boyfriend free grilfriend told me to wait here."

"So this is little Crystal" cedric thought to himself.

The Kiwis sensed that trouble was afoot.  MemeGray stayed behind to comfort the child.  bearycool and the rest of the Kiwis went through the emergemcy exit.

Outside it was quiet.  The park was empty.  A single park guest ran across the fairway.  As he ran, the ground opened up behind him.  A troll arm reached out and grabbed his leg.  He was pulled in.  Near the park entrance, a lone guido looking motherfucker stood.  Chris Chan approached him with an army of various sonichu animatronics.

"Clyde Cash!" Chris Chan shouted, "You filthy stinking terrible no good dirty rotten troll!  You will not get away with this!"

Chris chan powered up.  The Sonichu medallion around his neck emitted rays of light.

"Curse-ye-ha-me-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

A powerful curse-ye-ha-me-ha shot towards Clyde Cash.  He stepped to the side.  The energy beam destroyed the ticket gate.

"Sonichu!  Go!  Zap to the extreme!"

An animatronic Sonichu responded.  "Yes mother I will!  ZAP CANNONBALL!"

The zap cannonball hit Clyde Cash directly.  He absorbed the energy.  He brushed dirt off of his shoulder.

"You've been getting stronger, Christine Weston Chandler.  Maybe you could handle one troll like me, but could you handle a troll army?"

Hundreds of sinkholes formed in the ground.   Trolls climbed out of each one.  The animatronic Chaotic Combo formed a line.  Chris Chan stood at the center like a brave commander and military strategist.  "Chaotic Combo, Attack!" ordered Chris Chan, without any actual strategy considered.

The chaotic Combo charged forward, fighting the trolls.

cedric got worried.  "Nigga they're outnumbered!" 

"Well then," said a confident Swordfighter while making a faggy pose, "I guess we should even the odds!" 

Maskull made a faggy pose as well amd bearycool made a gay but not faggy pose.  In unison they shouted.

"IT'S BUTTPLUG TIME!"


----------



## Spl00gies (Nov 17, 2019)

Nipples... about that stoned chapter...


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Nov 21, 2019)

Chapter 39: The Dimensional Merge Chapter 2: The Dark Weenix Awakens

@bearycool went on the offensive.  He tackled a troll and raped it.  The troll struggled at first but eventually accepted.  After shooting his load into the troll's anus, bearycool pulled out and smack the troll in the ass.  The troll died of AIDS a second later.  Two more trolls jumped bearycool.  They met the same fate.

cedric rapid fired buttplugs from his anus.  Three trolls fell down in front of him.  More trolls cornered cedric.  He opened fire again.  12 more trolls fell.  More trolls approached.  Swordfighter grabbed one troll and threw it into the trolls cornering cedric.  They toppled like bowling pins.

"Thanks my nigga," cedric said.  Swordfighter gave him a faggy thumbs up.

Skullomania went hedgehog.  She ran circles around two trolls.  The dust kicked up entered their lungs and they started coughing.  Distracted with their coughing, skullomania kicked them in the balls.  They grabbed their crotches and fell sodeways.  Dead.

bearycool jumps on skullomania's back.  skullomania runs circles at super speed around a thousand trolls.  As she passes a troll, bearycool ejaculates blood into its mouth, killing it with AIDS.

Chris chan flew upwards in the sky, sparri g with Clyde Cash.  "You will not complete the dimensional merge!"  Clyde shouted.  "And your daughter will libe with me and The Miscreants, like every other woman in your life."

"That's where your wrong!"  another female voice behind Clyde shouted.  "I, Christine Weston Chandler's boyfriend-free girlfriend, have never lived with you."  Christine's boyfriend-free girlfriend flew up behind Clyde Cash.  "Pony charge dash!"

Christine's boyfriend-free girlfriend charged towards Clyde in a blue streak.  Clyde dodged but still gets grazed on the side of his cheek.  Clyde wiped the blood from the side if his cheek and smirks.  He teleports behind her and raises both of his hands.  

"Miscreant Mega Maim!"  His hands bitchslap Christine's boyfriend-free girlfriend a thousand times.  She falls, unconscious, back towards the ground.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"  Christine shours, "JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

--------------------------------------------------------------

Inside the ride exit, Memegray does her best, as a pre op trans woman, to comfort Crystal Weston Chandler.  Breastfeeding seemed to help placate the 5 year old, but when an explosion from outside shook the ride exit, Crystal Weston chandler began to cry.  A second explosion shook the ride exit.  The ceiling above them gave out.  As it crashed towards them, one of the animatronic puppets, @FroggyMan, jumped in and stopped it from crushing them.

"Structural integrity at 41%," animatronic froggy said.  Memegray and Crystal Weston Chandler crawled out from under the collapsed ceiling.  Animatronic froggy's arms glowed and the ceiling piece above him disintegrated.

It approached MemeGray and Crystal Weston Chandler.  "I am FroggyMan," it said, "My CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer.  I have been programmed to protect and serve Crystal Weston Chandler, true and honest daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfriend-free girlfriend."

FroggyMan picks up Crystal Weston Chandler.  "Execute plan protect, priority one.  I must take her to the safehouse." Froggy hands MemeGray a sonichu necklace.  "Take this, to Christine" Froggy said, "it will help stop Clyde Cash."

MemeGray places the sonichu medallion around her pre op tranny neck.  The world goes dark around her.  A heartbeat is heard, getting louder.  Below, she is standing on the surface of water.  Sonichu and Rosechu float to the surface in front of her.

"We are the spirits of the medallion, the third chaotistic emerald."  They spoke in unision.  "You are not Christine Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu, the electric hedgehog Pokemon."  They blinked in unision.  "What makes you worthy of our power."

"I haveno idea what kind of faggot shit this is.  Kill yourself." Memegray responded.

Sonichu and Rosechu pause.  "You are not yet worthy of our power, but we will help you realize powers."  Sonichu and Rosechu said.

They disappeared.  MemeGray found herself back in the ride exit, but something inside stirred in her ladydick and ran up her spine.  She had a powerful urge to paypal large amounts of money to,and perfo gay ops on, excepeptional individuals.  

She didn't need further explanation.

Somehow she knew: She was MemeGray, the Dark Weenix.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Dec 2, 2019)

Chapter 40: The Dimensional Merge Chapter 3: The Dark Weenix Awakens Part 2: The Dark Weenix Rises

MemeGray levitated in the air.  Her dark weenix powers were fully awakened.  She could feel the a logging run through her pre-op transexual veins.  Her telepathic mind was now part of the block chain.  Processing trillions of hashes per second, millions of bitcoins filled her virtual wallet.  She was now the wealthiest owner of fake money to ever have existed.

Those bitcoins were put to good use.  Immediately the patreon account of 1000 troons were maxed out.  Messages were sent: A call to action at a trans-positive Antifa rally. 

The patreons of 1000 non-troon speedrunners were also filled.  A call to arms was placed for them as well.  MemeGray fabricated a picture of the Joker, with the motivational phrase "It's time for society to live in us instead."  An email with the text "tee hee i am an underage loli thot and i really need the trolls to be defeated b4 i can sleep with you." was also sent.

Finally two short emails were sent.  One to the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal - "Clyde Cash misgendered someone" - and one to Lowtax - "Your wife is at CWCWikiLand."

MemeGray crashes through the ceiling of the ride exit to join the fight, and just in time. The other Rangers were surrounded by Trolls.  MemeGray Psychokineticly cleared a path in the trolls.  "My psychokinetic shield cant hold them forever, so hurry!"  

The rangers followed the psychokineticpath to reach higher ground: atop a maintenance building.  It wasn't the most ideal spot but they could take out the trolls at the ladder.  MemeGrays psychicenergy ran out.  She landed on the rooftop with the other Kiwis.  "I need time to recharge" she said.

"Bearycool!  Where's bearycool" Skullomania shouted.  Bearycool was indeed separayed.  The Rangers could not see him anywhere on the battlefield below.  While looking down for bearycool, they notoced thay the trolls below began joining ass-to-mouth and climbing on top of each othet, forming a troll-centipede switchback  to reach the roof.  MemeGray used a tiny bit of psychic energy to topple them, but she was not recharged enough and the trolls reformed the switchback.

Swordfighter summoned an AR-15 with illegal bumpstock.  He opened fire on the trolls travelung up the switchback.  This bought a few minutes.  cedric shouted "nigger" at the trolls.  When he realized that was useless, he joined Swordfighter and fired buttplugs at the trolls.

In the air above, Chris Chan and Clyde Cash dodged each others moves.  "Ultimate Guido Form." Clyde shouted.  His skin became more orange.  His spiky hair became more spikey.  The sleeves on his shirt tore away.  His neck chain elongated and Clyde swung it around as a weapon.

Christene Chan assumed her Master Onion Form.  "Chop!"  "Kick!"  "Punch!" she shouted as she flailed around.  Clyde's neck chain swung around and wrapped around her foot.  Clyde pulled the chain to try to entangle Chris Chan more.  

Zap!

A blur of electricity crossed through the chain.  Sonichu broke the chain in Half.  "I believe in you father!"  Sonichu said as he gave a thumbs up!

-----------------------------------------------

Back in the present, @PlasticOwls and Crystal Weston Chandler just finished a long, 38 second, session of sex.  They were laying naked next to each other, making pillow talk.  "Sometimes," PlasticOwls said autistically, "I can see things before they happen too."

"Take my hand" Crystal Weston Chandler autistically commanded.  PlasticOwls grabbed her hand.  Their connection and psychic link amplified each other's premonitions.  PlasticOwls could see bith the past, future, and altetnate possibilities.  At the center of it was a wrinkle im the fabric of space time.  A nexus, a crash.  The failed dimensional merge.

"Do you see the rift?"  Crystal asked.  "It looks like a mistake, but it isn't.  My mother and her boyfriend-free girlfriend were ordained from a power beyond this universe to create its existence.  It cannot be undone."  PlasticOwls saw through the rift, at the battle taking place on the nexus.  He saw what would happen if the dimensional know was undone and the merge allowed to continue: Kiwi Farms would never exist.

Crystal Weston Chandler looked into @PlasticOwl's eyes.  "You, who are cursed to see ruin over and over again, who will see those around you die.  You have lived a thousand lives."  She pointed to her newly impregnated belly.  "And you will live a thousand more."

The words that Crystal Weston Chandler said rang true.  He ft an awakening.  He knew who he was.  Not an orphan dropped off at the monestary, but a reincarnation of the dimensional Nexus itself.

"You must go."  Crystal Weston Chandler told him.  "You must go to the crater."


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Dec 4, 2019)

Chapter 41: The Dimensional Merge Part 4

Trolls were almost piled high enough to reach the roof.  Swordfighter's summoning powers were depleted, only being able to manifest various Nerf footballs to throw.  MemeGray could no longer keep any of psychokinetic shield up.  @skullomania's hedgehog power was useless on the rooftop.  cedric could still rapid fire buttplugs, but due to the raid fire stretching his anus, accuracy was minimal.

Bearycool was also nowhere to be found.

The help of some reinforcement arrived.  Lowtax hobbled to the battlefield.  He held a tire iron in one hand and tapped it to his other.  "Which one of you is my wife?"  Lowtax said menacingly.  He raised the crowbar and charged.  It crashed onto one of the troll's heads.  The troll didn't even flinch.  Lowtax hits like a girl.  He then tried, and failed, to be funny.  "You want the truth?  Well the truth is in the pudding!  You can't handle the money!  Hope you got ten bux!"

The trolls became very annoyedband surrounded Lowtax.  "Perhaps we could pour a cup of Mangosteen and talk this over."  Lowtax pleaded.  Unfortunately Lowtax' brain damage meant that he could neverb be serious about anything except beating his wife.  As the trolls rearranged him into a pretzel, the sarcastically quipped "No not my peefectly good spine how will I sleep in a shopping cart now!"

Amongst the trolls was Shmorky, who approached lowtax and whipped out his Klurf Kock.  "I am a little girl!" Lowtax exclaimed before gobbling Shlchmorky's knob.  The trolls then bludgeoned both of them to death.

The Kiwi Rangers used this distraction to escape the rooftop and fall back to reinforcements consisting of 1000 freshly arrived Patreon troons.  Phil Vincent Haskins-Delici led the troops.

"Antifa supersoldiers!  Human barricade!  Mega meat shield!"

410 of the 1000 troons commit suicide.  The remaining 590 troons stack the dead ones up to form a barricade.  1000 non troon speedrunners  arrive.  "Gamers!  It's rime to rise up.  Were gonna need some quiet it's serious time. Speedfight Any percent!"  The gamers perform an any% speedrun, dispatching all but a few of the trolls in just minutes.

The British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal offered mortar and tank fire, taking care of any remainimg trolls.

With the trolls no longer a viable threat, the Kiwis looked for @bearycool.  He wasn't on the battlefield and none of the bodies looked like his.  Maskull saw a small trail of blood drops.  He scopped some onto his fingers and licked it.

"Still fresh, tastes HIV+"

The Kiwi rangers followed the trail of blood.  Above them, Chris Chan and Clyde Cash were locked into an endless brawl.  Chris Chan does one more flying Master Onion kick.  Clyde Cash is thrown back and he grabs his shoulder.  "It's over Clyde Cash!"  She says. 

Clyde Cash spits out some blood.  "Even if you defeat me, you are too late.  I don't have the chaotistic emerald.  Ian Brandin Anderson has it, and he will disrupt the dimensional merge with or without it."

Christene Weston Chandler powers up for one final attack.

"This is for Julay!  CURSE... YE... HA... ME... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

The energy beam covers Clyde Cadh in a blue glow.  He disintegrates.

With Clyde Cash and the trolls out of the way, Christene Weston Chandler stress-sigheg and flew towards the dimensional Nexus to take care of the new threat, Ian Brandon Anderson.

-------------------------------------

A tour bus arrived at a large crater in New Mexico.  The doors opened.  @PlasticOwls and two tourists stepped off.   He was at the crater, the remains of CWCWikiLand, the, site of the failed dimensional merge.  His birth place.  At the center of the crater was a tourist in a trench coat.  A breeze blew some dirt across the desert landscape.

@PlasticOwls made his way to the center of the crater.  He didn't see anything special.  No visions, no supernatural premonotion.  The tourist turned around.  "Not much of a tourist attraction if you ask me," the tourist said, "you'd have more fun Naruto running through Area 51."

"Yeah," @PlasticOwls said half caring.

The tourist lit up a cigarette and looked at hia watch.  "Solar eclipse in 1 minute.  You're just in time @PlasticOwls."  The tourist transformed his disguise.  It was Ghost Cock!

"I kind of felt bad, having thise vikings destroy your monestary, but now I have part of the dimensional rift's soul, you, in my cock."

@PlasticOwls assumed a faggy fighting stance.  "You set me up!"

Ghost Cock just waved his hand.  "Calm down faggot, you won't be able to fight something that has part of your soul in it.  Besides, this isn't about you.  For you see, I am Ghost Cock, and when Ghost Cock makes a deal, he delivers."

The solar eclipse reached totality.  "An now to deliver."  Ghost cock said in a cocky manner.  One of the Bailey's beads of the eclipse flickered.  Something was emerging from it.  It was getting larger and closer.  The Comnorite temple from the moon descended, landing in the center of the crater.  @PlasticOwls found himself surrounded by the temple.  Corbin Dallas Multipass stood next to him and Ghost Cock.

"My part of the deal is done, Corbin, he will take your place.  I just need payment and you will be free to shitpost again. 

"Very well" Corbin said.  Part of Corbin's dick disappeared and Ghost Cocks got longer.  "Now I can get back to neglecting my wife."  Corbin floated off, leaving the Connorite Temple.

"Hey nothing personal" Ghost Cock said to @PlasticOwls, "sorry you are trapped here forever, tragic life and all.  Well tata!"

Ghost Cock dissappeared.  He flew through the passages of time and space.  With both part of the dimensional rift's soul, and part of the unbannable energized within his dick, there was no possibility that @bearycool could stop him now.

"@bearycool..." Ghost Cock said to himself.  "Father, why did you try to destroy me?"


----------



## PlasticOwls (Dec 4, 2019)

Well, shit.


----------



## bearycool (Dec 13, 2019)

I'm taking on the next chapter. I'll do my best, fam.


----------



## bearycool (Jan 3, 2020)

Chapter 42: The Forgotten Life of Yore

Life flashed before his eyes, but the autistic scientist already knew that. Time warped to that of  a far off fantasy, an illusion that never existed in the first place. The scientist mused, as he always had, about the insanity of the entire situation. It seemed rather queer, more queer than he was used to in general, that the main thing on his mind was Nothing. Beyond all the chaos, beyond time and space, beyond the wars and the great many battles, beyond the Kiwi Rangers and all the bonds he made, beyond all of it he just felt Nothing. He couldn’t even remember his name anymore.

“Well, that’s fucking anticlimatic,” he mused again, with Nothing in him still. 

Yet still the scientist existed. In a darkness more pitch black than the Internet that he formed his methodologies and create the vision that was “Kiwi Farms Base Beta”, he floated for what seemed like seconds that turned into eons. Eventually, he floated towards a cascade of mountains and trees to a vision that began it all.

On the edge of a great blue lake sat an autist sitting at his laptop, screaming about how the Wi-Fi was a piece of shit after trying to post a response to how someone should kill themselves for being a dipshit. He had just finished high school, and was wasting his years in college shitposting on the internet and making relationships with usernames such as “CuckFucker101”, “Null”, “BitchTittiesRUs”, and a whole menagerie of psychos that he found on a new site titled “Kiwi Farms”. Yet there was one user, a name that he had clearly forgotten-- a Ghost from a far off past long forgotten. He was chatting with him while setting up plans to meet up with @PlasticOwls and @skullomania IRL and how they could in the most fashionably flameboyant way raid Chris’ garbage and blame it on @Null, Yawning, and ADF when a sudden figure behind him slapped him with an electrified dildo.

“Yooo faggot!” the voice behind him sounded, making the scientist turn with an erect cock. “I heard you an idea on how to use this thing.” He gave a wink. 

“Wow,” the scientist chuckled. “You think just because I have more sex than you that I know everything about electrified dildos.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to fuck you with it.” The man slapped his ass. “I already have my cybernetic cock you developed for me that does wonders for you already. Besides, I’m not as much of a slut as you are anyway.” 

The scientist blushed, and placed the laptop to the side. “Okay, just what is it the fuck you want, hoe?”

“Well you see,” began cyber-cock man, “I heard you found a way to take over the government with the use of the forum you are using.”


The scientist dropped the poppers he was sniffing to make his butthole twitch, and he looked in abject horror at Cyber-Cock.

“How did you find out?”

“I want in and I want to fuck you while you do it,” Cyber-Cock replied.

“HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?!” he repeated. 

“Beary,” Cyber-cock stated tenderly, “You can’t hide what is important to you to someone who loves you the most. You may be some fucking faggot with an internet addiction, a whole lot of slutty tendencies, and a thirst for fucking shit up, but I love you and I know what goes in your mind.”

“Fuck you, ---,” Bearycool, who finally remembered his name, yet couldn’t hear the name he shouted in flameboyant hysterics. “getting in my head like that is rape.” 

“Yeah, but you would never halal me for it would you?”

True, I never could. A voice replied somewhere distant in his mind. A memory of a memory came bubbling forth, engulfing the scene, smearing it to a mist of younger days that had already past. What next came were the precursor days of Movie Night (all rights reserved.).  In those days, the scientist remember, were the days of the simple shitpost and the steady strides of developing a secret government. Yawning Sneasel, in his development as the first of the rangers, began to be fixated on diapers after a long marathon of adult babies was introduced as an experiment for mind control for the weak willed. @nippleonbonerfart began work on his Treatise of R.E.T.A.R.D.E.D. Affairs. What the acronym meant was never found out, but that was probably due to the fact that he was a lazy fuck and gave the scientist the manuscript barely half finished since he wanted to write some weird ass fanficition while he let the scientist do all the work in the background.

The scene shifted once again, towards the Halal Temple of Autists. Inside, the many remains of insurgents who sought to destroy the vision of a Kiwi Farms centered world, their essence being used to fuel the fledgling experiments that would eventually mark the world.

@Angel Baby Firefly was the first successfully clone ranger, plucked from the DNA of @NOT Sword Fighter Super and @jellycar and combined with the cum of a rare uncircumcised Jewish cock. The Temple at palestine, Beary began to remember, was his first secret base. When he had obtained the DNA from Jellycar and Sword Fighter in their sleep, he returned to the temple. He saw himself looking at the tube in which Firefly was quickly developing in. Suddenly, the familiar voice from the lake came back.

“Do you think this will work?”

“I hope it does,” replied the scientist. “The Kiwi Rangers must rise to the occasion like a dom top to a femme bottom. Swordfighter will need them in the time to come. Movie Night has officially been canceled, fulfilling the required chaos we need to take over and make Kiwi Bases in several 5th world countries who became addicted by the Adult Baby Diaper broadcast. I can’t trust Yawning Sneasel anymore to guide us to success either… the poor fool.”

The man came over and slapped his ass. “Will the rangers know of this?”

“It will be a secret until such a time as I see fit. The timelines have to merge with the eventual event of @PlasticOwls obtaining an understanding of the Nexus, and this is the first part”

“And of Vodrak?”

“The least of our worries. The chaotistic crystal has already predicted his demise and the road to that successful future. @champthon whispers in my ears now, and it gets me rock hard with the autism.”

 “The construction of Kiwi Deep Anus Base Beta Cuck and Kiwi Deep Anus Base Alpha Bull is underway, daddy,” A bearycool from an alternate timeline came. The scientist remember this was also around the time that he began meeting his alternate counter parts. This beary was @barelycool, the most submissive femme bottom out of all of the timeline of bearys, and would do anything just to get used and abused by a bunch of AIDs ridden homos. 

“Good, thank you” and the scientst shot barelycool in the cock, making him moan and depart in bliss. 

“What a fucking faggot,” Replied Cyber Cock.

“He is the version of me that didn’t become popular on kiwi farms and is that timeline’s Chris-Chan. He works as a good slave, however.”

“So…” Began Cyber Cock, “What happens after these bases are belong to us?”

“Ghost Cock… the reason why we doing any of this all in the first place.”

“Ah yes, him…” Cyber Cock gave a sigh, filled with sorrow. “All of this, just because he will eventually become all of time and space, filling it up with his ghost cock if he isn’t stopped. I remember the day you tried to annihilate him because it appeared all possible timelines lead to he Dimensional Merge imploding itself and killing all of existence.”

“He is our son, yet his hubris for bigger cock is the catalyst to the end of all things.” a look of pain came over the scientist face. “I still remember the username you gave him.”

“Yes, it was the emoji you always used in your text messages.” Cyber Cock gave him a wink.

“Yeah, you always knew how much I love @Eggplant"


And right then, at the sound of the name, reality shattered, wind rushing as multifractal colors scattered throughout eternity. Bearycool realize he was falling down, towards the crater that PlasticOwls and Ghost Cock were now in. The scientist put on his cloaking device, and remembered what he had done to come to this scene. During the battle, someone, he didn’t know who, had electrocuted him, finally pushing him into the realm of the Nexus and one of the Dimensional Merge’s dreams. 

 It all came rushing back, the reasoning for why all of this was occurring in the first place. However, he still didn’t understand who Cyber Cock was still. Due to all the timeline shifts and bearys throughout the timeline, the scientist’s memory was still somewhat fractured and missing pieces. It appeared, however, that all were connected to the Merge and were part of a giant universal dream of autism, the scientist playing his part in its scheme to achieve peace and harmony with the Kiwi Rangers with PlasticOwls as one of its reincarnations. 

But the most important information he got from all of this was that he now knew the reason why Ghost Cock, @Eggplant, was doing what they were doing:

It was because they were born with a microcock, and they resented the fact that they couldn’t become a Kiwi Farms Ranger because of it.


----------



## bearycool (Jan 3, 2020)

also congrats @Eggplant you're now part of this story officially.


----------



## Randall Fragg (Jan 4, 2020)

This thread is autistic and I love it.


----------



## Eggplant (Jan 6, 2020)

Oh my god it's beautiful.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jan 8, 2020)

Chapter 43:

In the dimensional rift, a sandstone rock, perhaps the size of an asteroid existed in a dark void.  On that rock was a crater with a Connorite temple in the center. @PlasticOwls pushed against a door marked “Exit”  It wouldn't budge.  He tried kicking the door.  Nothing.  He reached into his peehole and pulled out a 90 PSI pneumatic jackhammer, 200 gallon air compressor, and 3-phase electric generator.


The jackhammer made quick work of the hinges on the door.  The door fell inward.  @PlasticOwls attempted to walk through the open door.  As he moved forward, his dick and balls smashed against something.  An invisible field prevented him from leaving.


He really was trapped the same way as Corbin Dallas Multipass.  He walked to the inner chamber of the temple, a pentagonal room with buttresses running up the wall, supporting a ceiling that sloped upward on 5 sides, meeting in the center.  Letting out a stress sigh, he tried to postulate a way to get out.  There had to be something he could work with.  The temple was quite bare, though.  No random trinkets lying around, no light switches.  Even what appeared to be the central chamber of ritual was simplistic.  Gray floor, gray walls.  It was boring enough to drive anyone mad.  And though @PlasticOwls had many things lodged inside of his urethra, he could still get bored quickly here.   It was enough to make Corbin Dallas Multipass go insane, and perhaps he would succomb to the same fate quickly.


Before @PlasticOwls could ponder his demise for any longer, he felt a pain in his balls, as if someone was filling his scrotum with massive amounts of silicone.  His dick enlarged to the size of a La-Z-Boy reclining chair.  It was fat, not long.  The biggest chode in the universe to be honest.  If officials from the Guiness Book of World Records had been present, they would have certified it as such.  @PlasticOwls groaned for a second. @bearycool popped out of the end of @PlasticOwls' peehole and his dick reverted to normal size.  Beary brushed some seminal fluid off of his shoulder.


“@bearycool?” @PlasticOwls asked, “What is happening?  Why am I trapped here?”


“It's as I feared,” @bearycool said, “Ghost Cock must have made a deal with Corbin Dallas Multipass, part of Corbin's ability to be unbannable, in exchange for Corbin's freedom.  And you? I never thought I would entered the rift through your peehole.”


@PlasticOwls dick enlarged to the size of a La-Z-Boy recliner again.  Another @bearycool came out of his peehole.


“Alright Owls,” the second Beary said, “We got a few more coming, so we might as well do this the easy way.”


@bearycool #2 began making out with @bearycool #1.  @bearycool #2 grabbed @bearycool #1's nipples and squeezed until they lactated.  Both @bearycools pinned @PlasticOwls down and double teamed his dick, jerking him off.  As @PlasticOwls climaxed, 48 other @bearycools shot out.  @bearycool #27 stuck his pinkie in @PlasticOwl's butthole.  The pleasure was so great that one final person shot out of his dick.  It was Ghost Cock.


“Curses and cranberries!  How did I get here!”  Ghost Cock shouted.


“It was in @nippleonbonerfart's Treatise on R.E.T.A.R.D.E.D affairs, written in the margin, between a joke about the Polish and the word 'Nigger': 'Finger the prostate of a tesseract to summon a phallospectral entity.”    


The 50 bearycools surrounded Ghost Cock.  “Father,” Ghost Cock said, “I did everything you asked, and you try to destroy me.  Why?  All I ever wanted was to be a real boy with dick big enough to pleasure you.  You abandoned me for that cybernetic monstrosity.  Everyone betray me!”


“You betrayed us first, Ghost Cock. You were supposed to rape the Vikings in a sexual manner, not in a classical pillage and destroy manner.  You never listened, you were reckless.  Our insurance premium went up after the Viking incident. And then you stole the map to the 4th chaotistic emerald.”


“I needed that emerald!  It was the only way to get a dick of my own!  I will not give you the map!”


“Then so be it.” The 50 @bearycools said in Unison.  “I cannot let all of time collapse, even if you are my son.”



The 50 bearycools all converged into 1. Their power levels combining.  In front of Ghost Cock, @bearycool Ultra MK appeared.


“This is the end!”


@bearycool stretched his cock out to a 20 foot length.  A piercing on the end of it had a blade protruding from it.  He swung it around like a chain, and threw it at @Eggplant.  @Eggplant dodged, pissing acid in retaliation.  The stream of acid piss scracthed one of @bearycool's cheeks, leaving a burn mark.


Bearycool swung his dick again.  Ghost Cock did a backflip, dodging again.  He teleported behind @bearycool and grabbed @his hair, pulling him down to the ground.  @bearycool's dick, which had still been flying, swung around.  The blade severed Ghost Cock at his waist.  His upper half landed about 3 feet away from his bottom.


@bearycool got up and embraced Ghost Cock's upper half, using his fingers to close his eyes.  “I'm sorry my son, RIP in Pepperoni.”


@Eggplant's eyes opened back up, his upper half hovered into the air. His lower half followed, rejoining at the waste.


“I've gained a few powers since I have been away, Father.  Perhaps I should give you a little demonstration.


----------



## Suburban Bastard (Jan 15, 2020)

Got a semi

8.5/10


----------



## The 3rd Hooligan (Jan 16, 2020)

Ive got severe autism by reading that. 


Thanks! Maybe i will get a tugboat!?


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jun 12, 2020)

Chapter 44: Cliffhanger

Ghost Cock powered up and assumed his final form.  "It's over, Father!"  he shouts, "I will take your body and then I will be tall enough to become a Kiwi Ranger.  My birthright will be denied no longer!"

@bearycool summons a NEG field to deflect whatever attack Ghost Cock is about to launch.  Laser beams fire from Ghost Cock's left and right nipples and from his eyes and from his penis and from his butthole.  The butthole laser bends time and space to arc around and join parallel with his front facing lasers.  Also his testicles fire lasers.

The lasers hit the NEG field and deflect.  One hits @PlasticOwls and he dies.

@PlasticOwls ejaculates all of the Kiwi Rangers out of the wormhole in his penis. upon death, and also releases his bowels.  The Kiwi Rangers emerge, having followed the trail of HIV+ blood to find @bearycool.

"Looks like we made it just in time" Cedric said.

"Yeah," @Skullomania added, "@bearycool is ri-"

A deflected laserbeam hits @skullomania and she dies.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!" @MemeGray rushes over to @skullomania's side, picking up her limp, hedgehog body, sobbing.  "I'm sorry @skullomania," xe laments, "I never got to tell you how much I wanted you inside me and now you're dead."

A second deflected laserbeam hits @MemeGray, burning xer to a crisp.  Xhe lay on top of skullomania, dead, managing to molest her dead body at the moment of death.  Their crisp embrace: a permanent reminder of the deadly consequences of #meetoo, and proof that all troons are sex offenders after all.

@bearycool realizes that there is only one way to stop ghost cock, and it will require great sacrifice.  All of the merged bearycools separate and begin beating off vigorously around Ghost Cock.

"What is this?!"  Ghost Cock shouts, "A bukake bomb?  You fool, you'll kill us all!"

All of the bearycools kept masturbating.  jets of fire and steam began shooting out in a wave of precum.

"Noooo!" Ghost Cock shouts, firing a second barrage of laser beams.  A few of the bearycools are disintegrated, but the bearycools remaining close the gap.  They masturbate harder.  They feel like they are about to edge, but they need something a little extra.

One of the @bearycools summons a hologram.  "@Mr Himmler's boipussy, maximum anus!"  He shouts.  A laser beam disintegrates that bearycool.

The hologram is enough to push them over the edge,  they all ejaculate inward towards Ghost-Cock.

The Connorite temple explodes.  A shockwave of semen spreads out, covering half of the United States.  The Rangers, bearycool, and Ghost Cock are all dead.

---------------------------------------------

Christeen Weston Chandler, creater an owner of the original Character Sonichu and Rosechu, the electric hedgehog pokemon, is too late.  By the time he reached the Game Place to challenge him, Ian Brandon Anderson was gone, taking the Chautistic Emerald with him.  Ian Brandon Anderson was a clever one, a being made out of mimetic poly-alloy, liquid metal.  Where liquid Chris went was unknown, but Christeen Weston Chandler had a few ideas.

A void begins opening up above the Game Place, a result of the failed dimensional merge.  A false-vacuum distortion in space time that will get bigger, consuming the universe.  Only Christeen can stop it.


She used her PlayStation Portable to send a message to her best robot worker.  Minutes later, @FroggyMan shows up.  "Your daughter is in safe master."  Froggy Says.

"This is - stress sigh - this is important," Christeen tells Froggy, "You must find Liquid Chris.  Here is your new programming, I have to stay here and stabilize the rift in the dimensional merge.

"Goodbye... master!" @FroggyMan says.  Sparks appear around FroggyMan.  A time sphere envelopes him, and then collapses, sending Pingu the Frog through time.

Christeen Weston Chandler sets up a webcam and makes one last video.

"Captain's log, Juneteenth, XX20.  Well this - this is it folks.  I have accomplished much in my life.  I have defeated that dang dirty troll Clyde Cash and I bought Nintendo and I made my award winning- stress sign- winning games and, and my park, my amusement park andtripleplatinumalbums.  But now is the time for me to fulfill my prophecy, to stop this failed dimensional merge and save my gal pals everywhere."

Christeen Weston Chandler powers up, forming the biggest energy beam, bigger than any other energy beam ever made in the history of the universe.  She gets ready to throw the beam at the void.  "This is for all of the Trolls!  You'll collect your tugboats in Hell!"

"Cuuuuuuuuuuurse!"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

She throws the beam.  CWCWikiLand is consumed by the void, plugging it, and restoring the fabric of space time.  In Christeen's last moments on this earth, she is greeted by a familiar presence.

The Ghost of Bob Chandler.

"You did it, son, you did it.  You finally took that damn thing off the internet.  I am so proud of you."

A tearful christeen says "Thank you father" before a growing white void consumes her and all of CWCkiWikiland, replacing the matterless void with material, but forever erasing Sonichu from the future timeline.

--------------------------------------

With the Rangers all dead, bearycool dead, and the dimensional rift failed, what will become of the fate of Kiwi Deep Anus?  What can a certain time-traveling robot frog do about the situation?

Find out more on the next episode of "The Kiwi Rangers: The Next-Next Generation GT"


----------



## Cedric_Eff (Jun 12, 2020)

Giant Spoons


----------



## Spl00gies (Jun 12, 2020)

I've missed this so much. RIP rangerbrahs.


----------



## PlasticOwls (Jun 12, 2020)

Im so lost right now


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jun 12, 2020)

PlasticOwls said:


> Im so lost right now



TL;DR :

You died from Ghost Cock's laserbeams.  The G2 Kiwi Rangers are no more, A past version of @FroggyMan is traveling through time. 



Spoiler



Also Christeen Weston Chandler's daughter is pregnant with Null


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jun 12, 2020)

Chapter 45: Future Tales of Future Past

The year is 1995, the future. After global warming, caused by solar panels getting too hot and reflecting light into the ozone layer, burning multiple holes, and all the windmills spinning so fast that they lifted off into outer space, no longer providing they're cooling nature from their giant fan blades, people now huddle in tightly packed megacities.  After XXXX years of peace and stability, the anarcho-fascist system that made America so prosperous was replaced with an inferior acarcho-capitalist one. Gangs, tribes, and rival factions compete for territory, resources, and updoots.

In one such city, located at the center of Antarctica, one of the only temperate climate areas left on earth, was an arena as grand as the Coloseum.  Crowds of spectators cheered on a Monster Truck Rally.  Monster Trucks rolled tires through mud puddles and over dirt mounds, spraying all 200,000 spectators with a venerable bukake of mud.

This was no ordinary monster truck rally, this was Truckfest '95, coinciding on the day, XX years ago that the Antarctic Ungoverned Territory Independent State Treaty was signed, declaring Freeze City as a cop-free automimous zone.  Only the best and most skilled monster truck drivers were competing.  The stakes were high.  For the winner: cash, fame, Title IX immunity, dinner with President Greta Thunberg The XXth.  For the rest: a human sacrifice made upon the altar of the god of human sacrifice.

For one driver, death was not an option.  She needed that money.

The final race was on.  It was just her and some knife weilding maniac.  The maniac started his Low Rider's engine.  As @Bastard Samurai put his helmet on, @Wendy Carter took her helmet off.  Protection was for faggots and didn't feel as good.  They revved their engines.  Sweat poured down @Bastard Samurai's face.  He needed thatmoney.  For him, this wasn't just a life or death monster truck rally.  If he didn't get the money, they would follow him into death to collect.

A referee carefully loaded a blank round into a gun, double checking, triple checking.  Things weren't going to go wrong like they did at the Tour De Germany.  He raised the gun into the air, confident the bullet in it is a blank, and signalled the start of the last race.

@Wendy Carter's Big Black Combine (a crowd favorite monster truxk) used a nitro boost to take the lead, plowing into the referee and dragging him under the rear axle.  His, bruised, lifeless body flopped around before breaking loose flying towards the grill of @Bastard Samurai's monster low rider.  As it makes contact, it splatters into a million squishy bits.  Bastard's windshield is obstructed.  He veers off course into the crowd.  70 people die.

"Mother fucker!"  he shouts as he reverses his low rider back to the course.  Wendy was at least a lap ahead and looking to pass him.  Bastard Samurai thought quickly.  He reaches his hand down his pants and grabs his pubic hair, collecting crabs im his hand.  Right as Wendy Carter's truck approaches, he throws the crabs at her crotch.  She was not wearing pants,  She was naked except for gothic lolita socks.  The crabs cause her snatch to itch.

She pulls over to the side to administer some special shampoo.  She is ahead a lap, surely she has time.

@Bastard Samurai steals her hubcaps and completes a lap, catching up.

@Wendy Carter floors the accelerator.  Since she is a woman driver, she rear ends @Bastard Samurai's monster low rider while being distracted from her phone.

"Shit!" she mumbled to herself.  Future rules for monster truck rallys require the event to halt so that citations and insurance assesment.  It looks like she was going to have to give yet another blowjob to get out of this ticket.  This will be the 37th time this happened to her.. today.  For you see she is a woman and therefore a bad Driver.

@Bastard Samurai gets out and contemplates waiving insurance liability in exchange for a blowjob from @Wendy Carter.  No, resist, he mustn't get distracted by the nickel-wide gap in her front teeth.  He needs the race to finish for the money.

As they trade insurance information, the lights of the arena dim.  A dozen armed goons storm into the arena.

"Oh hell no I aint giving that many blowjobs."

Wendy folds her arms.

One of the armed goons replies "We are not here for you.  We are not autinomous parking enforcement."

They muzzle their firearms at @Bastard Samurai.

"@Bastard Samurai," a different goon says, "You are under arrest fir the crime of being Mexican."

Wendy was confused.  "Why are cops in the no-cop autisimous zone?"

@Bastard Samurai raises his hands, not resisting.  "They're not cops you bitch, they're jerkops."

A blue sphere expands from nothing, tearing a hole in the side of @Wendy Carter's Big Black Combine.  Wind energy pushes everyone back.  Wendy cries to herself over the damage to her BBC.  "My poor BBC" she whimpers.  She was sad, she loved her BBC.

The sphere collapses.  In its place was a Robot Frog.    Its exterior was dented.  Paint was scuffed.  His servos whined as he stood up and assessed the situation: 12 jerkops, a spic, and a whore.  Threat assessment algorithms flooded his neural net processor- a learning computer.  Even in his condition, he could take on 12 jerkops.

He punches one jerkop in the face.  The jerkop's face explodes.  2 more jerkops fire their AKs.  Bullets mostly bounce off of him.  One penetrates his exterior damaging some mechanical doodad or the other.  His internal diagnostics run.  "System integrity 29%,  anal gland simulator damaged.  Auto repair function damaged.  Speech synthesizer network half operational"  Not good, but he still had enough to finish.

Flaps in his shoulders opened up.  Two canons emerged and shot vegemite sandwiches into the mouths of 4 jerkops.  The flavor was so bad they shot themselves in the head to emd the suffering.

7 Jerkops remained.  "Alright you fucking cane toad, were gonna stomp ya"  A jerkop brandished a small knife."

"That's not a knife" @FroggyMan said as he pulled a 12 inch bowing knofe from his boots.  "That's a knife."  He evicerates the jerkop.

The remaining jerkops try to run away.  @FroggyMan stretches their penises out and ties them up with their own stretched penis.

"You-u-r totally not a cop safety counc-" buzz "-eal with them."

He looks at @Bastard Samurai and @Wendy Carter, performing one final id scan.  His diagnostic system warns him that his power management system is rerouting power from his damaged energy cells and limiting non essential functions.  Speech synthesis was now at 14.88% capacity.

His degraded voice system processes for a momemt, then he says "Come in me if you want to live."


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jun 15, 2020)

Chapter 46: I must pee into your mouth

200,000 angry spectators boo'ed and threw various bottles of beer and crack needles at the 3 figures in the center of the arena.  @FroggyMan took a protective postion, covering @Bastard Samurai and @Wendy Carter from the barrage.  The crowd became bored after a few minutes.  A mass exodus from the coloseum commenced.

There were going to be plenty of Neo-Yelp reviews tonight.

By the time they left, a ten-foot high pool of bottles and needles filled the entire arena.

Froggy cleared some of the pile out of the way and released @Badtatd and Wendy from his protective embrace.  @Wendy Carter was visibly dissappointed that Froggy's cum-servo-pump was malfunctioning and that she just gave an 20 minute blowjob for nothing.  He scanned the debris.

"This will be more difficult now," he said, "we must find a trap door in the ground."

The three began trudging through the crack needles and bottles, feeling the ground for anything that resembled a trap door.  Froggy's metal shell deflected the pricks if the needles.  @Bastard Samurai and @Wendy Carter were pricked thousands of times and got high as fuck.  The boost from the crack sped up their efforts.  Wendy felt around and stopped when her hand sunk into a small ground void in front of her.  She dug the small void away.

After about 20 minutes of crack inspired digging, a walkout with 3 steps leading down towards a steel door.  Froggy analyzed the door.  It was not a trap door, however the intel he obtained between time hops could have innacuracies.  A deactivated and water-damaged keypad sat next to the door.  No passcode was going to get them in.  Froggy attempted to open the door by brute force.  The locking bars, while weakened from years of rust, failed to yield.

"My motor subsystem is too low in power."  He said.

@Bastard Samurai, being high as fuck from the crack, pulled the foot thick door off of its hinges.  Then he began vomiting and convulsing,  he passed out from crack overdose.  He was not dead.  Froggy pulled Bastard through the vaulted entrance for cover.  He administered ass-to-mouth recessuitation until @Bastard Samurai recovered.  By this time, Wendy had come down from her high.

Inside was a dessicated hallway with various rooms on each side.  Froggyman shined a flashlight on the emd of his errect robot penis. @Bastard Samurai and @Wendy Carter followed Froggy to an lab.  Froggy located a power socket in the wall of the lab and inserted his penis.  Soft white LED lights flickered and the flooded the room with light.  A computer monitor flickered on.

"My power cells are low.  I can power this facility for 49 minutes. You must locate the main generator turn it on.  Otherwise the jerkops will find you."

"Hold on," @Bastard Samurai stammerrd, "I want some answers!"

"You'll get answers after you turn on the power, faggot" Froggy replied.

--------------------------------------

Ghost Cock paced frantically.  It has been XXX years but it felt like YYY years.  His whole world was green and small.  His environment: black and greem.  Diffracted in places.  His regret for making a deal with Corbin Dallas Multipass.  He regretted betraying Kiwi Deep Anus.  This was his punishment, his personal hell.

He proceeded down to the back of the green temple's main chamber.  On the altar were 6 monoliths, flat and 2 dimensional, though they gave the illusion of a 3 dimensional object inside.  They were holograms, the same as this green prison.  A hologram of the connorite temple that used to contain Corbin Dallas Multipass.

He had to choose.  @bearycool gave him one day with any of the Kiwi Rangers every XXX years.  Ghost Cock was immortal, the Kiwi Rangers were not.  This suspended animation prolonged them.  Evenually, though, they would age and die.  Then it would just be him, alone forever, or until the heat death of the Universe.

Ghost Cock (@Eggplant) placed his finger in the gloryhole of @bearycool's hologram.  The 2 dimensional monolith faded, revealing @bearycool.

"Father," pleaded @Eggplant, "Have I not atoned for my sins?  Is this penitence enough."

@bearycool scratched his balls and replied.  "My son, you have suffered plenty.  There is only one gift I can give you and you reject it every XXX years."

"Father I have decided, this time, to accept your gift.  Please, make me mortal.  Give me a way out.  I will grow old and die with the rest of you."

@bearycool, being the original designer of holpgraphic soul-traps, had godlike powers, however he could not render himself immortal because aome asshole subcontractor fucked some of the source code up.  @Eggplant kneeled in submission.

""In order for me to make you mortal"  @bearycool said, "I must pee into your mouth."


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jun 19, 2020)

Chapter 47: Truckfest 47

@Bastard Samurai and @Wendy Carter reached a dead end.  Froggy had given them a communicator to track their progress.  It seems his directions were incorrect.  "The map data I have is incorrect.  You are standing were a control room should be.  What do you see?"

@Bastard Samurai felt around the walls and also "accidentally" felt @Wendy Carter's breasts.  And snatch.  And penis.  And feet.  As he felt around on the floor more, he became aroused by @Wendy Carter's feet.  This fogged his judgement.  He was gonna have to nut if he wanted to keep going.  His fingers, feeling around the cold cement floor, poked some loose cement away, revealing a small hole in the cement.

Well, a hole's a hole, he said to himself, and he began fucking the hole in the cement floor.  He was close to nutting, when he heard a click.  His dick was stuck in the hole.  "Uhh hey I know we're short on time but Im gonna need you to he-"

The lights came on.

"Stay where you are," @FroggyMan said over the communicator "We don't want the power to turn off again.  Your erection must have pushed on a control rod in buried nuclear reactor, starting the fission process.  My memory banks have no information about why the reactor was buried."

Wendy chimed in with her stupid female opinion.  "Somebody must have really wanted to hide it, that's for sure.  It's a good thing the cement chipped in that spot."

@FroggyMan instructed again over the comms.  "You are going to have to maintain that erection until I reach your location.  Otherwise the control rod might go out of alignment.  @Wendy Carter, you must help @Bastard Samurai maintain the erection.  Do whatever it takes.  Once my powercells charge up I  will meet you.  ETA is 4 hours and 7 minutes."

"Great, how am I supposed to maintain an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours?"  @Bastard Samurai Lamented.

@Wendy Carter knew what she had to do, she was an expert in maintaining erections.  She found a box of rubber gloves in one of the now illuminated labs and returned to Bastard.  Before she began her work, @Bastard Samurai asked a question over the comms.

"Hey, by chance do you know how much radiation my dick is being exposed to?""

"Yes," @FroggyMan said over the comms, "and you don't want to know.  Entering sleep mode for accelerated  power cell rejuvination and system nano machine repairs.  This will be my last communication until I am charged and repaired @FroggyMan out."

The comm went silent.

------------------------------------------

In the past, the year XXXX, technicians became worried.  No check-ins, no radio chatter, the green phone never rang.  Dr. Nurse H. @CatParty took a readout from an ocsilloscope.  Transverse-sigmoid levels were normal, perfect.  Almost too perfect.  There was no discernable reason why the timeholes weren't capable of returning any communications.  Not even the usual heartbeat signal from the comms was being returned.

He paced back and forth, reading various displays and gauges, marking numbers on his clipboard.  @CatParty needed to solve this.  If he didn't, he would have to work overtime.  And he would miss Truckathon XXXX.  He has attended every Truckathon for the last 17 years.  This would be the big 18.  His window for attending closed with every passing second.

Frustrated, he punched a lab technician in the face.  The technician fell over, unconscious.  17 unconscious technicians lay strewn around the lab.  He notified the supply depot to send for more technicians.  With German-like effeciency, a zamboni  moves through the lab, cleaning the floor of passed out technicians.

A forklift dropped off 12 more technicians.  It didn't matter now, though, he missed Truckfest.  There was no point in doing his job, let alone living anymore.  Might as well quit and throw himself into the grand canyon.

He walked into the supervisor's office.  Supervisor Boss F. @Harnessed Carcass was busy reading yhe funny papers and smoking a stogie.  His hairy, fat arms folded the newspaper.  He takes the stogie out of his mouth.  "What is it?"

"Sir, I quit." @CatParty replied.

Carcass' raspy voice retorted "Why u wanna quit youre doing great science and shit. Don't tell ne those Kengle fuckwits at Tech Onion gave you a better offer."

"No, sir."  @CatParty took a moment to compose himself.  "I am quitting so I can go to the Grand Canyon and kill myself."

@Harnassed Carcass stood up, his loose suspeders suddenly tightening from his girh.  He slammed his hands on his deck and pointed at @Catpart.

"Now you listen here you little shit if you commit suicide I'mma fuckin' kill ya I made you what you are I gave you a shot when nobody else would and this is how you repay me you little fucking ingrate Nobody in this town sciences better than Kiwi Deep Anus NOBODY!  If you don't match back in therr and start sciencing roght now I'mma rip your fucking balls off and feed them to your dead mother do you hear me punk YOU ARE NOTHING your life is mine and you will only die when I say you can die!
...

  I didn't suck dick in trenches of Vietnam for someone like you to come along and just up and quit when they can't see their stupid car crashes."

The last line sent @CatParty over edge.

"It's not stupid.  IT'S GODDAMN TRUCKFEST!"

@CatParty flew into a rage, pummeling @Harnessed Carcass into a carcass.  Blood and spleens flew in all directions sticking to a wall.  @Harnessed Carcass had at least 30 spleens.  By the time he was finished, all that remained was a pile of bone dist, mised with blood and liquified organs, and two more spleens."

This changed everything.  The chain of command was very clear.  The supervisor dies or quits, he becomes supervisor.  All other ranking Kiwis were off on some mission.  He was in charge.  He would never have to miss Truckfest again.  He would... turn Deep Anus into a monster truck arena.

@CatParty marched triumphantly back to the lab.  He was going to inform the technicians to start excavation at once.  Deep Anus was shifting its business model.  A technician greets him before he can make the announcement.

"Sir." the technician says, "Somethimg came through the time hole."  He hands @CatParty a small holofilm reel.

No.  Fuck no!  Catparty thought to himself.  I @bearycool is in there, he could come out and ruin @CatParty's new plans.  He couldn't destroy the holofilm either.  Only @bearycool possessed that knowledge.  But, perhaps he could make it go away by other means.

He took an elevator to the underground reactor.  A large sphere with control rods placed into it stood on a column, surrounded by ladders and catwalks.  @CatParty winds his arm and tosses thr holofim into the reactor's central cavity.  Now that faggot ain't stopping him.

He orders the technicians to evacuate Deep Anus immediately and start filling the reactor.  Cover it all.  Instead of excavating downward, @CatParty Arena would sit above ground.


----------



## WhimsicalTrolli (Sep 10, 2020)

Will there be a kiwi zord?


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Sep 13, 2020)

Chapter 48: I'm high rn but will add a chapter name later but probably not

@Bastard Samurai's erection was beginning to soften.  "My penis is at the subcritical threshold.  If I get any more flacid, I won't be able to keep the control rod in place."

"Hold on," @FroggyMan said over the com link, "I've finished recharging my power cells.  I'll arrive at your location in 3 minutes.  Do not let the reactor fail.  Wendy, keep him erect until then."

@Wendy Carter fingered @Bastard Samurai's buttole even harder.  Suddenly, she keeled over and died. The sight of @Wendy Carter's dead body was enough to keep @Bastard Samurai erect until @FroggyMan arrived.

@FroggyMan arrives with a sledgehammer and begins swinging it into the cement floor.  Hairline cracks form and grow from the impact point.  Froggy stops swinging for a moment to let his neural net processor scan the room.  He walks towards @Bastard Samurai, who is still gloryholing with an undergroumd nuclear reactor.

"@Wendy Carter was not supppsed to die. Another historical deviation.  Inadequate data to process quantum disturbance correction."

@Bastatd Samurai grew impatient.  "Hey, uhh, can you sperg about this after I get my dick out of this hole?" 

@FroggyMan resumed striing the cement floor with a sledgehammer until a hole big enough for him to climb into was excavated.  He lowers himself to the floor below, into the reactor core.  He repositions the control rods and climbs back up to the floor above.  Now free of his duty to gloryhole the reactpr core, @Bastard Samurai dismounts and looks for some other object in the room to fuck.

Now at full power, the subterranean rooms and hallways lit up.  @FroggyMan guided Bastard Samurai through a labyrinth of cooridors.  At a dead end, Froggy bent over to pick up a small canister.  He hands it to @Bastard Samurai.

"Historical record showed that Wendy Carter was the one to unload the holo universe, however Wendy is dead.  You must be the one to do it now.  Shove that film canister into your urethra."

-----------------------------

In thia future, Vordrak was still alive.  His body has long shriveled up and had to be augmented by cybernetic implants.  He was still able bodies, as he could not die, no matter how long patiently waited for him to give up.  

In his secret lair, he finishes beating off to the Netflix movie, Cuties, and them turns his attention to the pod.  Inside the ppd, a sleeping dog, long tired from nutting to feeder porn centuries earlier and in a state of hibernation.  Though subdued, this dog, like him, could not die either.  Though blissfully unaware of anything outside of his containment pod, the dog still projected psychoautistic waves.

Vordraks more powerful abilities remained subdued by this psychic field.  So powerful was this field that it inhibited  Vordrak from destroying the dog.

"I will break free soon," Vordrak said to himself.  For centuries he was hard at work, manipulating events in the timeline, sealing time periods off from time travelrrs, and, most importantly, appealing Amy Lee's restraining order.  

Of course, Amy Lee had been dead for centuries, but that didn't stop Vordrak from repeatedly trying to steal her embalmed corpse from the Library of Congress.

The time of his grand plan, the Inquisition Singularity, drew near.  Thanks to his meddling, the legacy of Kiwi Deep Anus was forgotten.

Vordrak gave himself an ass pat for a job well done.  He was the one who sabotaged the dimensional merfe XXX years ago, he was the one who corrupted Ghost Cock.  He was the one who destroyed the Kiwi Rangers.

Or so he thought...


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jul 15, 2021)

Chapter 49: Something this way cums

@Kirito dies.  He fucking dies.  A bright flash envelops the room and he fucking disappears.  This was not supposed to happen.

@Froggyboi looks perplexed.  A quantum computer spins up a vast network of relays and trapsistors in his head, attempting to calculate new probabilities; too many deviations in the timeline.  The monster truck festival, Wendy Carter dying, and now @Kirito is gone along with the holographic universe.  Without the OG rangers, there is nobody to stop Vordrak.  Froggy lamented that it was a good thing Christine Weston Chandler never programmed him with emotions, or he could be mildly upset about the situation.

His programmed mission was to unlock those destined to stop the Autistic Legion of Doom.  He traveled through time.  He existed for thousands of years.  He collected data, ran gorillions of simulations, he knew his ultimate fate, to die in the past, riverdancing.  Every time he tried to unlock the holofilm, the kiwidestined would fucking die.  With every failure, he timehopped and tried again.  And every time, the future changed, like what happened in that shitty Ashton Kutcher film.

His timeditch only had enough radioactive bees in it for one more time hop.  If he failed again, that would be it.  It would also mean that he couldn't riverdance with the OG New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation Kai to meet his ultimate fate.  Should he give up?  What would his purpose be?  If his advanced POZatronic neural net couldn't determine a plan, what could?

Perhaps if he could revive the supercomputer in the core of Kiwi Deep Anus, he could increase his processing power.  The base had electricity for now, well at least lights.  Who knew how long the ancient nuclear reactor would keep the place running.  His autism-accelerator unit temporarily boosted his POZatronic brain to determine how long the supercomputer run on the old reactor.  "PROBABILITY OF FULL BASE SHUTDOWN: 69%.  OPERATIONAL TIME(max) 420 seconds."   Better than nothing.

He made his way through the base, down various tunnels, across catwalks in large, cavernous test chamgers.  The laser turrets that normally kept intruders out were not a threat, as they ran on the same DDOS guard that Null used for his website.  Eventually, he reached the deepest part of Kiwi Deep Anus: Level Omega.  In lieu of a door was what looked like a giant prolapsed anus.  Historical records indicated that @bearycool used to call the "Transport Tube" and insisted it was necessary for science.  Froggy climbed into the gaping anus-like entrance.

Once inside, he appeared to be floating in a void.  There was no echo, there was no light except for a small glow in the center of the room.  A single LED on a 1.44 megabyte floppy drive.  That was what Froggy was looking for: an advanced supercomputer and the heart of Kiwi Deep Anus.

As he floated towards the single point of light, a dim but glowing octagonal platform appeared beneath him, allowing him to walk again.  In front of him was a card table with an IBM 5170 and an open copy of "Girldick Quarterly Magazine"  Its pages were stuck together and the magazine itself was permanently cemented to the table.  Froggy momentarily scraped some of the dried cum off the table and tasted it.  Radiosemen dating sensors in his mouth analyzed the ancient, dried cum.

"CUM PROCESSING:  1.. 2.. 33..  100%  Species analysis: Cat/dragon hybrid.  Age, approx XXX2 years old"

"Only XXX2 years old?"  Thought Froggy, "That's too new.  Someone has been here before."  He disregarded that for a moment and flipped the switch on the IBM 5150.  The monitor showed a bios screen before booting to a cycle accurate Super NES emulator.

The void faded revealing a high-resolution mode-7 floor miles below the octagonal platform.

A voice roared behind him.

"I have risen!  You faggots only thought I killed myself!"

Froggy turned around.  He saw a cat/dragon hybrid furfag hovering a few feet above the platform.

"Byuu!"  Froggy exclaimed.

"It's been a long time, Froggy man", the flying furfag said, "or, perhaps should I say, It's been a long time...  @Count K. Rumulon!"

... To be continued


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jul 16, 2021)

Chapter 50: Snap back to Reality

In the holofilm universe, @bearycool finished unloading 5 or 6 gallons of pee into Ghost Cock's mouth.  Being a religious conservative and a powerbottom, he made sure to stay flaccid the whole time so not to tarnish himself withe disgusting sin of penile stimulation.  Special compounds in @bearycool's urine, including Amyl Nitrates and 5 different bee pollens, and enzymes, performed complex chemical processes.  Ghost Cock could feel his DNA altering.  His immortality waned, his cock became corporeal.  He was no longer the villain known as Ghost Cock, now he was just @Eggplant, who was a goodboy who dindu nuffin wrong.

"Thank you for peeing to my mouth, father.  I now pledge myself to the side of good."

@bearycool, being the designer of the holofilm universe, raised his right hand.  A green, @bearycool-height pillar formed from the ground.  A screen and keyboard manifested.  @bearycool typed on the keyboard and looked at various gauges and some other stupid shit on the screen.  "Something is not right," @bearycool said, "I cannot establish a link with the outside world."  @bearycool had been communicating with Froggy through the terminal for XXXX years.  He was trapped in the holofilm universe, but he provided intel, calculations, and time-dilation support.  He ran a diagnostic on the Gigatronic-Laser-Operated-Radio-Yield Heavy-Overband-Lexical-Emitter, the device which allowed him to communicate outside the holo dimension.

The computer displayed the results:

GLORY HOLE status... diagnostic mode...
...
...
...
Quantum-tunnel link: Neg
Point Of ZInvsrsion: Neg

"M y POZ hole just got negged" @bearycool stress sighed.  His hands raced across the keyboard, attempting to determine what has gone wrong.  After reading more gauges and status boxes and other bullshit, he discovered the problem.  "It appears that we are stuck inside the urethra of the b: anned.  We cannot link in limbo."  Bearycool thought for a minute, and came to a similar conclusion that Froggy would have made: the timeline changed.

He summons the crystals that kept the rangers in stasis.  Believed to have all been killed with laser beams, @bearycool teleported them all into the film canister's holographic dimension and placed them in suspended animation, for they were mortal.  The crystals floated in a circle around him.  He pressed more keys on the computer pillar.  The stasis crystals shattered.  On the ground were the Kiwi Rangers: @not Swordfighter Super, @Cedric_Eff, @Spl00gies, @PlasticOwls, and @MemeGray.  They began to protective writhe inside layer of amniotic jissmoglobin.  4 of the Rangers were moving.  @MemeGray, sadly, was unresponsive.  @bearycool attempted ass to mouth recessitation to no effect.  @MemeGray, sadly, died of faggotry.

Being newly mortal, and having an average penis size, @bearycool turns to @Eggplant, "Well, son, today you get your wish.  Today we have an opening, and you are now a Kiwi Ranger!"  The holo dimension did not have any towels or a shower basin, so the rangers resorted to eating the jizzmoglobin off of each other.  Being a hilarious black comedian, @Cedric_Eff would roll his eyes and say "Blacked!".  The Kiwi Rangers would laugh at Cedric's classic zinger and reply with "Buck Broken" in kind.

After the jovial reunion, the rangers accepted ghost cock's apology.  "Super Sorry" he said.   @bearycool turned to the rangers to lay out the situation.

"Rangers, we are trapped in a peehole withing a voidhole.  It is time for us to exit the holofilm.  The timeline has changed, I do not know what is out there.  I alone do not have enough power to trigger the void exit.  That is why I am giving you all the ability of time travel.  To do this I give you some of the Chrono difficile that exist in my urethra.

The Kiwi Rangers gasped.  They knew what this would mean.  The only way to transfer C. Diff was from the urethral to anal route.  What would this mean for @bearycool.  He would have to break the vow he made years ago at Mount Wuhan: A vow to never achieve penile stimulation, only anal.  Was this sacrifice too great.

"Y-you can't!" @Spl00gies stammered, "You know what this means if you-"

"I do," @bearycool said, adjusting glasses that we all just now know he wears for some reason.  "To give you all C. Diff...

...

...

I will have to be the top."


----------



## T_Holygrail_Jesuschrist 2 (Jul 16, 2021)

This is epoch. Plz make moar


----------



## Krystal (Jul 16, 2021)

If this gets adapted, will it be animated or live action?


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jul 16, 2021)

Chapter 51: Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (Original title do not steal)


In the lowest level of Kiwi Deep Anus, Byuu floated downward and approached Froggy.  "Yes, I know who you are.  you were once Froggyboi, the robot built by Christine Weston Chandler before the failed dimensional merge engulfed all but her daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler.  I have been waiting in the bowels of Kiwi Deep Anus, watching.  I know you once became the Count of a Dubai after the Jew King knighted you.  I know you disguised yourself as a Wuhan lab worker and released COVID.  And I know your mission."

Froggy, aka @Count K. Rumulon after being knighted and declared the count of Dubai by the Jew King, entered a defensive pose.  "And I know of you, Byuu.  I know you carry the BLOODLINE OF YAWNING SNEASEL.  I will destroy you if necessary."

The fur faggot sauntered towards Froggy.  "I was byuu... once.  That was XXX9 years ago.  I am not here to fight you."

Something about the furfag in front of Froggy hindered his processing capability.  Some strange miasma, an electromagnetic field, perhaps.  He turned on his enhanced MMX instruction set to compensate.  Still, his processing power was boosted to 40% at most.  Servos and gyros and various bullshit attempted to move.  Froggy was stuck, standing in one spot, keeping his faggy looking defense pose, only able to twitch slightly.

"I am aware of the effect my presence has on you.  It is the curse of being a cycle accurate emulator author.  But it is not my only curse.  It is not my sin.  You see, the reason the dimensional merge failed XXXX years ago, the reason the timeline is undoing itself, is because of me.  Because I lied about killing myself.  I cheated my own destiny, and as a result, time itself crashed."

Froggy processed the information at hand.  Being a robot created only to protect, he could not understand such human emotions as guilt.  To him, everything was an equation, a number to be balanced and processed.  Perhaps not everything could be solved.  Perhaps, sometimes you had to divide by zero.

"I've been waiting, bound to this place, for the time to make things right.  Your friends, your Kiwi Rangers, wait, trapped in a peehole in a void hole.  I, too, have been calculating time deviations.  I know the precise moment in which they will attempt to return to this reality.  When they do, I will use the last of the reactor's power to activate the Chrono Nigger.  But for that, I will need the radioactive bees stored in your robotic cock.  I will need you to...

...

fuck me in the ass."

Froggy's cpu power dropped to 20%.  "DOES NOT COMPUTE" froggy replied in a motonous tone,"I WAS NOT PROGRAMMED FOR SUCH ACTS"  Froggy's main program, Temple OS, threw up diagnostic flags.  "Error, circuits rewiring, undefined action/response set in spooler."  With all of his cybernetic power and ability to do math to the level of a chinese third grader, he could not complete the equations.  Was this something more?

"ERROR: SENSORY MODULE OVERLOAD....  I... AM... FEELING... EMOTIONS.  DID YOU DO THIS?"  He broke free of his faggy pose and regained control of his various servos and gears and motors and other bullshit.

Byuu sauntered closer to Froggy and places his hands around Froggy's cold, metallic waste.  "I did not, but I have seen many timelines.  In all of them but this one, you and I were lovers.  And maybe even in this one."

@Count K. Rumulon quivered as Byuu ran his hand down his robotic thigh.  This emotion he was feeling, it was complex.  It was love, sadness, grief over a timeline that never happened.  His robotic steel penis hardened.  He embraced the furfag known as Byuu, kissing him softly.  Byuu dropped to all fours on the ground.

"I'm sorry we never had a chance to be together, but at least we can do this.  Give me some of your radioactive bees."

@Count K. Rumulon fucked Byuu hard, ejaculating radioactive bees into his anus.  Something came over @Count K. Rumulon.  Suddenly, he didn't want the equation to complete.

"Now", Byuu said, "I will fire up the last of the nuclear power of this computer I am bound to.  When the merge is corrected.  You must go back to where it all started and work with my ancescor, YAWNING SNEASEL, to recruit the original New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation and I will die for real this time."

"I-I do not want you to die."  @Count K. Rumulon said, "We can figure out another way."

Byuu shook his head, "I'm sorry my love, there is no other way, but at least I will die knowing that, even in this torn timeline, I get to be a furfag that gets fucked by a robot"

Byuu marshalled his copy of Red Had Linux 5.0 to maximize power.  Safety interlocks disengaged.  A holographic countdown appeared above both him and Froggy.  7:00, 6:59, 6:58  An emergency broadcast channel filled the chamber with a critical overload message.  The exact time to activate the Chrono Nigger, when the kiwi rangers in the holographic universe in the peehole in a void hole attempt to activate their own time-space bullshit, was known to Byuu because, being the author of a cycle accurate super nes emulator, he knew a thing or two about time.

Sparks and lightning and other retarded pyrotechnic effects shot from the IBM desktop computer running Kiwi Deep Anus.  The timer counted down.  0:59, 0:58

---

Inside the holographic universe in a peehole in a void hole, @bearycool finished topping every kiwi ranger.  They formed a circle and concentrated their new C Diff powers.  @Spl00gies, in particular, strained so hard in channeling the power, that some of the C. Diff traveled back through time to when the Kiwi Rangers were in Occupied Palestinian Territory.

---

Inside Kiwi Deep Anus, the timer counted down and more retarded sparks and shit came from the computer.  0:25, 0:24... 0:09

"Goodbye, my love," @Count K. Rumulon said, with salty robotic tears in his eyes.  As the timer reached 5 seconds, he embraced Byuu.  Byuu glowed brighter than any CIA agent ever could.  The timer reached 0:02, 0:01, 0:00

Byuu disappeared.

---

Inside the holographic universe, the kiwi rangers were neck deep in diarrhea.  "How the fuck is @Spl00gies able to shit so much that an infinite pocket universe is now up to your neck in shit?"  Cedric screamed.

"Work through it, Rangers", @bearycool said, "We are almost through!"

The holographic universe collapsed around them.  They all collapsed into their own assholes.  Then they uncollapsed out of their own assholes.  They were in Kiwi Deep Anus.  A dilapidated, dark, unpowered, kiwi deep anus, in the future, in the year 1995.  @Count K. Rumulon was on the floor, crying over the loss of a furfag that he knew for 7 minutes that he had sex with before it died.


----------



## bearycool (Jul 17, 2021)

nippleonbonerfart said:


> Chapter 51: Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (Original title do not steal)
> 
> 
> In the lowest level of Kiwi Deep Anus, Byuu floated downward and approached Froggy.  "Yes, I know who you are.  you were once Froggyboi, the robot built by Christine Weston Chandler before the failed dimensional merge engulfed all but her daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler.  I have been waiting in the bowels of Kiwi Deep Anus, watching.  I know you once became the Count of a Dubai after the Jew King knighted you.  I know you disguised yourself as a Wuhan lab worker and released COVID.  And I know your mission."
> ...




"The part where @bearycool has to piss in the mouth of his son/lover in order to escape from a recursive space time null pointer" 


<3


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jul 17, 2021)

bearycool said:


> "The part where @bearycool has to piss in the mouth of his son/lover in order to escape from a recursive space time null pointer"
> 
> 
> <3



And he was a brave man who made the ultimate sacrifice by being the top.


----------



## Spl00gies (Jul 17, 2021)

Yeah.


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Jul 19, 2021)

Chapter 52: Chapter 52

@Count K. Rumulon, after several minutes of crying like a little bitch over the loss of a furfag that he knew for 7 minutes and then had sex with and then filled its anus with radioactive bees, regained his composure.  "Now that I can feel emotions I more firmly understand my mission and the value of human life and all that other bullshit.  I must travel back in time to recruit all of you in the past and then shove the holographic film canister up Ghost Cock's anus when he is not looking so that he farts it out later, and then get bit by a radioactive leprechaun and then die.  In the past.  But, alas, I am out of radioactive bees"

@bearycool responds, "Don't worry, I have C. Diff.  They're genetically modified radioactive bees meant to be smaller so you can concentrate more of them in your body and time travel without needing to refill as often.  You just have to time hop with your anus instead of your cock"  @bearycool then tops @Count K. Rumulon and fills his anus with C. Diff.

The Kiwi Rangers all Salute @Count K. Rumulon, who abruptly disappears after a bright sphere briefly engulfs him.  The Kiwi Rangers then strategize their next moves.  Not much came to mind.  Here they were, in lowest level of Kiwi Deep Anus, without power, as the reactor unit spent its last power recovering them from the holofilm.  Traveling back in time, while possible now that all of the Kiwi Rangers were infected with C. Diff, was off the table, as the already fragile timeline faced further fragmentation.

A monster truck festival full of dead spectators was above them.  Perhaps that would be a good place to find some ideas.  The Kiwi Rangers made their way up a bunch of ladders and platforms and elevator shafts and other bullshit until they reached a manhole that led to the monster truck arena, full of dead people.

@Eggplant and @bearycool decided to take advantage of the rigor mortis and bottom a bunch of dead people.  @Cedric_Eff, @not Sword Figher Super, @Sploogies, and @PlasticOwls searched the pockets of the dead, looking for loose change and weed.  Partway through searching, Cedric signals the Kiwis to inspect a dead body in the monster truck arena.  The Rangers assemble to the location of the dead body, far up in the bleachers of the monster truck arena.

Cedric unclips a lanyard from one of the dead bodies and reads an ID card.  "Israeli Space Force, special austronaut division."

"Space Israelis!"  @Spl00gies says, getting a sudden inspirational moment, "We've met with both the space Israelis and space palestinians.  Maybe we could pay a visit and see if they can help!"

"That's a fucking stupid idea", Cedric Said.

"Space Israelis," @NOT Sword Fighter Super says, getting a sudden ispirational moment, "We've met with both the space Israelis and space palestinians.  Maybe we could pay a visit and see if they can help!"

"That's a fucking great idea!"  Cedric said.  All of the Kiwi Rangers then agreed in unison that @NOT Sword Fighter Super's idea was great.

The Kiwi Ranger exited the Monster Truck Arena.  Around them was a sprawling futuristic city.  Back in the year of XXXX, there was just Kiwi Deep Anus hidden underneath a bunch of cornfields.  In the future, 1995, a decaying urban core with a corona of new developments, with a monster truck arena at the very center, hid any knowledge of the existence of Kiwi Deep Anus.  In the past, everyone knew of the Kiwi Rangers.  In this future, they would just be faggots in diapers.  They would need to lay low and not make a scene until they found access to space.

In the future, it appeared that diapers were not fashionable anymore, and everyone just walked around naked.  This would be a problem, as the diapers were the source of the Kiwi Ranger's powers.  They walked aimlessly through the city, completely lost.  Some of the naked passerbys pointed and started mocking them.

"Look at those faggots in diapers. LMAO!"  Everyone started laughing and the Kiwi Rangers felt embarrassed.  The Kiwi Rangers all began to cry like little bitches over being bullied and briefly contemplated suicide to end the mild embarassment."

A man with a cowboy hat approaches them from behind.  "Good god you faggots best get inside before you make more of a fool of yourself."  The man points to his general store.  The kiwi rangers all enter the general store and resume crying like little bitches for a few more minutes before calming down.

"General store" was not a good descriptor, as this small shop, devoid of customers, was full of books.  Each one featured some sort of title like "Step Cousing Gangbang" and "Totally not Biological Sibling Adventures: Suck Fest Part 5"

The man in the Cowboy hat offers them all some bacon.  "You folks don't look like you're from 'round here," he says, "By the way, the name's @wry wrangler."


----------



## Game master arino (Jul 20, 2021)

Can I be in the story? mabye I can do something epic like jump out of an exploding helicopter


----------



## bearycool (Jul 30, 2021)

I can't believe this is still going


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (May 5, 2022)

Chapter 53: The Smoke

After buy a bunch of books on incest from @wry wrangler. The Kiwi Rangers began to plan a trip to the Baikonur Cosmodrome.  Along the way, they discussed all of new things the future held.  Russia conquered all of the world except for China.  The love child of Vladimir Putin Jr. The XXth/Eric Trump Jr. The XXth, has ruled the world in a long dynasty with XXXX years of peace and prosperity.  The Baikonur Cosmodrome still had the same retarded looking Soyuz capsule they had been using since the XX60's.  But the Kiwi Rangers were broke, and @bearycool had spent the last of the cash in the reserves of a now festering Kiwi Deep Anus facility on crack-cocaine.  This led to the Kiwi Rangers having to eat a few of their own team members to survive.  The members of the team who were the least of a faggot were chosen to be eaten.

As a result, only @Spl00gies and  @NOT Sword Fighter Super, and @bearycool were the only ones to remain.  Still needing cash, they took the roasted skeletons of the other Kiwi Members they ate to a market in Lagos, Nigeria, where the locals still practiced stupid tribal bullshit with people's bones.  They lied and said the bones were from albinos, increasing their value.  As they left the market, a crowd of locals began to run pas them.  A large shadow loomed and grew in size.

"The rage pig is back!"  one local shouted.  Everyone else in the market sought cover as the ground quaked.  A giant greased up boar stormed through the market place.  It kicked over stalls, impaling locals hiding underneath them.

"Fuck that boar's gotta be like 5 foot, one inch tall." Swordfighter said in a panic.

The rage pig stopped kicking over stalls, and turned towards the Kiwi Rangers.  Smoke spewed out of its flaring nostrils.  It scratched the ground with it's front hoof, and charged, visibly enraged at the comment.  "Way to go, faggot!" @Spl00gies said to @NOT Sword Fighter Super.  The Kiwi rangers knew they had to act fast.  @Spl00gies transformed into a hedgehog, shitting her pants in the process, as is customary for transforming into a hedgehog.  Swordfigher took a fighting stance and pulled out his switchblade comb.  He brushed his moustache, then juked to the left to avoid the charge of the rage pig.

The rage pig turns to the right, making a beeline for @bearycool, impaling him, but only in his anus.  As a result, @bearycool shot a load all over the ground and slipped on his own jizz.  Whe he fell over, the rage pig fell onto its side as well.  After struggling to get its boar tusk loose, which involved repeated back and forth head motions, @bearycool came 5 more times, but the boar could not get its tusk loose.  "Nothing can escape the grip of my mighty sphincer!" he exclaimed.  The rage pig struggled more.  @bearycool's grip was so tough that he snapped the top half of the rage pig's right tusk off.

Breaking free, the rage pig stomped around for a moment.  It turned back toward's @bearycool to make another charge attempt.  Mid charge, @bearycool thought fast and sharted the boar tusk, lodged in his anus, at the rage pig.  It hits the rage pig in the face, fracturing its right orbital socket.  This only further enrages the boar, which accelerates its charge.  Right as the boar is about to impale  @bearycool's anus for a second time, a cloudy miasma of cancerAIDS wafts into the rage pig's path.  It inhales THE SMOKE and stops.  After coughing twice, it turns, and runs off, visibly shaken.

With the threat over, the merchants all emerge from hiding and set up their market stalls.  A sickly man, wheeling an oxygen tank behind him approaches the 3 Kiwi Rangers.  "You have angered the rage pig by commenting on its height.  It will return," the sickly stranger said.  He adjusted a pair of headphones on his sickly ears and said "Follow me if you want to stop the rage pig."

"Fuck that," @bearycool says, "We're going into outer space, who gives a shit about the plight of the third world."

"You don't understand," the seriously ill and decrepit strainger said, "you can't escape the rage pig once you have spoke the curse.  It's like solving the puzzle box, except more retarded.  No matter where you go, the rage pig will find you.  Also you now have cancerAIDS from being too close to my attack.  The cure is back in my house."

Not wanting to have cancerAIDS, the 3 remaining Kiwi Rangers followed the man back to his house.  The wheels on the man's oxygen tank carrier squeaked the whole time.  It was actually kind of stupid for them to walk because the man's house was back in the USSA.


----------



## Spl00gies (May 6, 2022)

w o a h


----------

