# why are you still single



## veri (Apr 19, 2022)

is it by choice? if not, what is stopping you from finding someone? what are some obstacles you have noticed when it comes to dating? if it is by choice, what makes you choose to be single and do you have advice to share? we could have a cope circle, or maybe share some struggles and advice here to help each other out 

personally, no one shows me any interest and i don't know how to approach men as they have been very rude in the past, and i don't know how to explain that most of my free time is spent shitposting here


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## Underperforming (Apr 19, 2022)

Because i do not go outside


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## Tomboy Respecter (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm single because I don't have the time to go hang out with people that have similar interests to me (so 80's style tech and science nerds) in grad school. That kinda puts a damper directly on the type of women I can meet and actually form a bond with (which are already not all that common) in addition to reducing the number of meaningful friendships I can have that can get me introduced to a nice lady in one way or the other. When I had time to hang out with such people in undergrad, I was a bit immature and not ready to look for any woman at the time. Now, I kinda miss that freedom and am looking forward to leaving this dead-end town to go somewhere where there are more opportunities to meet like-minded people in addition to a woman I can spend my life with.


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## DDBCAE CBAADCBE (Apr 19, 2022)

I don’t hate women or anything. I believe there are good and sane women out there. I just haven’t met one.


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## Tanuki Mixed Nuts (Apr 19, 2022)

I really haven't felt the need to seek out a relationship in years.

I tried to do the whole thing in my early adulthood but ended up burnt and losing interest. Not exactly sure how I would even go about finding somebody unless they just outright fell into my lap.


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## Joe Swanson (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm not


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## Bloody Kotex (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm a problematic person, no guy deserves to go through all the nonsenses just to put up with me.


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## FILTH Tourist (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm apparently the only white guy in Asia too autistic to get a girlfriend. I didn't do much dating in high school or college, but now that I am abroad and entering the dating market for the first time I have no fucking clue what to do. Language barriers, cultural barriers, and general autism has made it extremely difficult to get a relationship off the ground. Outside of the occasional first date, I am currently just focusing on learning the language and getting fit to help get some form of an edge. Autistic Kiwis who have finished their love quest, can you help a brother out?


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## PaleTay (Apr 19, 2022)

I live in a dead area of town, and I want a smart, fit, ideally blonde who doesn't get offended by me. I think I missed out on quite a few growing up because I was antisocial for a bit when my dad died, others moved, or assumed I was dating one of the girls who liked me.


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Apr 19, 2022)

It's not because I'm fat, timid and autistically focused on obscure dos games, I'll tell you that.


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## veri (Apr 19, 2022)

PaleTay said:


> smart, fit, ideally blonde who doesn't get offended by me.


oh yeah, men like that too seem few and far between. maybe it's different in other places but even men are now very easily offended or betas, or it could be they try to come off that way and intentionally be on their best behavior around women? unfortunately many men who are fit already have a gf as well


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## Joe Swanson (Apr 19, 2022)

FILTH Tourist said:


> I'm apparently the only white guy in Asia too autistic to get a girlfriend. I didn't do much dating in high school or college, but now that I am abroad and entering the dating market for the first time I have no fucking clue what to do. Language barriers, cultural barriers, and general autism has made it extremely difficult to get a relationship off the ground. Outside of the occasional first date, I am currently just focusing on learning the language and getting fit to help get some form of an edge. Autistic Kiwis who have finished their love quest, can you help a brother out?


You literally just need to understand their language and culture and work around that


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## xX_rAcE_wAr_420_Xx (Apr 19, 2022)

At the risk of being gay, because my several-year-old relationship ended abruptly and I haven't quite figured out what I want to do now. We had been engaged for a couple months, discussing weddings and kid names and that shit, and one day she said she just fell out of love and was done with it. That was a few months ago, and I've been figuring out what to do next.

Part of be wants to buy into the blackpill mindset that it's proof that no women want a true, lifelong commitment, and I'm too old to start over anyway, so I need to settle for whatever I can find. That's kind of depressing and pathetic though, so I don't like that.

For now I'm just focusing on getting in better shape and building my hobbies and career more. Translating that into actually meeting single women, though, might be a bit trickier. Maybe I'll try Tinder or one of those apps, but that just sounds like torture (especially in a very liberal, hipster city where I can't say the n-word). I dunno, I kind of subscribe to the idea that you have to build a good life and everything will come from that.


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## Spicboyskafan (Apr 19, 2022)

Too socially retarded to even bring up a proposition for a date let alone a relationship. But in my head, I believe it's because of my height thus making me look weak and pathetic. Broke as shit too.


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## Cup Noodle (Apr 19, 2022)

Single by choice.  I knocked the pussy down when that was something that mattered to me.  Actually I take that back.  Knocking down the pussy started mattering to me but I was a fat fuck that couldn't get any pussy so I lost a shit ton of weight and gained a shit ton of muscle and then the pussy gravitated towards me.  Be tall, slim, and white and you will have no problem getting fucked.  If you can't be all three at least be slim.  In my old age I'm gaining a beer belly, but at this point it doesn't even matter.  I had my kids and I'm in their life every day.  That was a big goal for me.  I'm not opposed to taking on another woman, but my life is pretty damn good without one so I'm cool.  
I'm going to be biggoted and assume that you are female because you are looking for a man.  All men are rude to each other.  It's how we separate out the weak.  We troll each other IRL.  It's quite fun actually.  If you can take it and/or laugh about it you are a bro.  If not you will be looked down upon.  Fucking pussies.  Might as well go and get their penises inverted.  If you see dudes being rude to each other that is just normal behavior. Pay it no mind.  If they are rude to you though, either they are shit or you are shit.  Men generally treat women with a lot more deference.  If you try to act like dude bro chick though they will treat you as a dude bro.  
I need to keep up appearances and sexually harass and just harass you as is my character here.  Hit me up in PM's bitch and I will give you the best dicking of your life.  I'll choke you nearly to death and you will cum harder from it.


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## ChristianKiwi (Apr 19, 2022)

I've no relationship experience and am a bit socially awkward. At the end of the day though, it's because the girls that I want don't want me, and I don't want the girls that want me. I also still live with my parents becuase NY is expensive and my friends don't live in the state anymore and I don't drive because everything is pretty much in walking distance. 



Spoiler



Also, she would have to be a practicing Christian or willing to convert.


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## veri (Apr 19, 2022)

xX_rAcE_wAr_420_Xx said:


> We had been engaged for a couple months, discussing weddings and kid names and that shit, and one day she said she just fell out of love and was done with it. That was a few months ago, and I've been figuring out what to do next.


i can't speak for your relationship but in situations like that usually the dissatisfaction from the relationship is there for a while before saying anything about it. maybe being engaged put a new perspective on the relationship? either way even though it's a shitty thing to happen, it's better sooner rather than later instead of breaking up after marriage/children


xX_rAcE_wAr_420_Xx said:


> Part of be wants to buy into the blackpill mindset that it's proof that no women want a true, lifelong commitment, and I'm too old to start over anyway, so I need to settle for whatever I can find. That's kind of depressing and pathetic though, so I don't like that.


a lot of us do want lifelong commitment. which is why i think that's the reason relationships abruptly end, maybe in your situation too, the major change and commitment of marriage can bring up compatibility concerns and second thoughts... it sucks to be on the other end of that but unfortunately no matter how much they're meant for you, if you're not meant for them it'll fall apart eventually, be it a divorce or infidelity later on. that's why you shouldn't settle either imo, it'll lead to the same problem and then you're at square one again


xX_rAcE_wAr_420_Xx said:


> I kind of subscribe to the idea that you have to build a good life and everything will come from that.


agree. building a good life is difficult on its own it seems, at least in my opinion


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## Shadfan666xxx000 (Apr 19, 2022)

I have an awkward and complicated relationship with women. I've had numerous relationships which could have happened but the mommy issues my early years gave me and the way I ended up being a creeper in middle school damages my self esteem too much by high school on top of being a directionless sperg. 
Even after I got over those issues, I ended up being an immature late bloomer who would make things harder for myself and I even got sabatoged and slandered by a psycho creep. I spent the past year ruminating on that issue amongst a million and just as I finally got a replacement lined up, my life took another shit on itself and I have months of trash to throw out.


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## xX_rAcE_wAr_420_Xx (Apr 19, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> i can't speak for your relationship but in situations like that usually the dissatisfaction from the relationship is there for a while before saying anything about it. maybe being engaged put a new perspective on the relationship? either way even though it's a shitty thing to happen, it's better sooner rather than later instead of breaking up after marriage/children
> 
> a lot of us do want lifelong commitment. which is why i think that's the reason relationships abruptly end, maybe in your situation too, the major change and commitment of marriage can bring up compatibility concerns and second thoughts... it sucks to be on the other end of that but unfortunately no matter how much they're meant for you, if you're not meant for them it'll fall apart eventually, be it a divorce or infidelity later on. that's why you shouldn't settle either imo, it'll lead to the same problem and then you're at square one again
> 
> agree. building a good life is difficult on its own it seems, at least in my opinion


It's a messed-up situation, because the way the whole thing played out was incredibly stereotypical. She never brought up the things that were bothering her, didn't tell me what she wanted, didn't believe I was committed - it felt like no matter what I did it wouldn't help. After it all played out, I sat there going through the scenario in my head, amazed at how well it fit the stereotypical red pill mindset.

Same idea as your archetypal bitter incel, I suppose. You feel like women are out to get you, or can't be trusted, or whatever. If you're not too far gone, you know in your heart it's not true, but it's tough when your _lived experiences_ back up the theory. The cope, which hopefully is actually the truth, is that there are other things in your life that explain it, and you have to find those. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, like you said, and next time you recognize and confront it early on.

As to your situation, I have to admit I'm at a loss. There must be tons of men who would be ecstatic to date a based kiwi farms girl. You might need to overlook the anime bodypillows and jew-hunting gear, though.


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## Zodiac (Apr 19, 2022)

I guess I chose to be single because I want someone who has some common interests and stuff, and I like getting to know potential partners before I make a jump. I want a real lifelong commitment, and I have a serious issue with not being attracted to someone unless I'm in love. I also have a few friends who constantly jump into relationships after getting to know their potential partner for like a week or less and it always ends poorly. I guess having seen the burnouts so often it makes me appreciate being single a little more and not being so desperate to be in a relationship.


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## UtadaWasabi2 (Apr 19, 2022)

I am fat


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## Useless(?) Boomer (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm very recently not single (as of last week...we'll see), but i'll tell you what kept me single or pseudo-single for the three years prior: Women not wanting to commit. Due to them either not wanting to do basic things necessary for a relationship out of an overabundance of individuality, or just flat out wanting to keep their options open, whatever the case, that is what kept me single. I took it as a signal I needed to improve myself to become more appealing as a partner (after cursing women and seething for a while).


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## SiccDicc (Apr 19, 2022)

Because I don't deserve love, duh.


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## Bloody Kotex (Apr 19, 2022)

xX_rAcE_wAr_420_Xx said:


> It's a messed-up situation, because the way the whole thing played out was incredibly stereotypical. She never brought up the things that were bothering her, didn't tell me what she wanted, didn't believe I was committed - it felt like no matter what I did it wouldn't help. After it all played out, I sat there going through the scenario in my head, amazed at how well it fit the stereotypical red pill mindset.


Your relationship lack communication. Not you, but her. If she has something she is not happy with, she can express it but she does not show it. She doesn't trust you enough and a healthy relationship requires communication on both sides and trust. 

If one day you think you can go back to playing the love game, the first criterion you need in a girl is her trust in you.


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## Glowie (Apr 19, 2022)

Religious reasons, attachments are  one of great illusions


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## veri (Apr 19, 2022)

Shadfan666xxx000 said:


> high school on top of being a directionless sperg.
> Even after I got over those issues, I ended up being an immature late bloomer who would make things harder for myself and I even got sabatoged and slandered by a psycho creep. I spent the past year ruminating on that issue amongst a million


shit i’m in the same place too. the reality probably is that the past really doesn’t affect much how people think of you but damn it sure doesn’t feel that way. sometimes i think my fear of getting to know people deeply is just assuming by default that everyone knows every fuckup, embarrassing moment, or intimate detail of my life. 

it’s easy to forget sometimes that people around you only know a small fraction of your personality and life, and aren’t as critical of yourself as you are. it’s still so frustrating though being afraid of getting too close to someone and thinking of all the ways it could go wrong


Zodiac said:


> I want someone who has some common interests and stuff, and I like getting to know potential partners before I make a jump.


same here, it’s worrying too to see all the stories of people who’s partner hurts them, cheats on them etc. just makes it even more intimidating to try to interact with someone with the fear that they will end up being one of those people


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## glass_houses (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm just not capable of having a relationship, for multiple reasons. Sometimes I think it might be nice, but I just don't have the ability right now. Maybe if... 

... but there's always a maybe, isn't there?


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## Big Scumfuck (Apr 19, 2022)

The last time I genuinely dated someone, she was a schizophrenic who broke up with me after a month due to her no longer taking her meds. I don't go outside nor am I good with actually talking to women that aren't much older than me. Plus I fear being exploited cheaply. Plus I crave my freedom too much even though I do nothing with it.


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## Zodiac (Apr 19, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> same here, it’s worrying too to see all the stories of people who’s partner hurts them, cheats on them etc. just makes it even more intimidating to try to interact with someone with the fear that they will end up being one of those people


Yeah, I think that fear is always there for me too, especially since my first relationship was full of that. But if I really click with someone I try to make an effort to pursue the avenue in the chance that it might lead to something greater. If we just end up friends then I have another friend, but if it becomes more I'm pleasantly surprised but open to it. It's just reminding yourself that there are some good men and/or women out there, which can be understandably difficult to grasp if you have some kind of trauma or anxiety tied to the opposite sex.


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## Shadfan666xxx000 (Apr 19, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> it’s easy to forget sometimes that people around you only know a small fraction of your personality and life, and aren’t as critical of yourself as you are. it’s still so frustrating though being afraid of getting too close to someone and thinking of all the ways it could go wrong


That's what I hold on to. As weird as it sounds, I relish talking to strangers because it means I can *be *someone new. Past me was rejected or has rejected so many people and my family has so much bullshit attached even if I need them. But, the well dressed, clean smiling me didn't. I can talk to someone for at least a short time without all the biases, failures and insecurities.


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## veri (Apr 19, 2022)

Shadfan666xxx000 said:


> As weird as it sounds, I relish talking to strangers because it means I can *be *someone new.


i do too. unfortunately the worry is still there and probably always will be until i end up moving somewhere new.  people are probably forgiving hopefully, especially since it’s not high school anymore.


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## Apochrypha (Apr 19, 2022)

Romance is too much work and I like my personal space and freedoms.


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## BingBong (Apr 19, 2022)

mental illness and the fact that I am completely nocturnal.


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## A Useless Fish (Apr 19, 2022)

It's not my fault every rich chick I marry somehow falls off a cliff, or wanders into the Florida swamps to get eaten by aligators. I have so much love to give to the right women, so long as they have daddy issues and a big, fat bank account.


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## Least Concern (Apr 19, 2022)

Typical nerdy/autistic social awkwardness combined with the fact that I'm still somewhat reeling from the fallout of my marriage's disastrous ending and the realization that I'm quite a bit older, fatter, and grayer than the last time I dated anyone and I really have no idea how single people socialize and meet people in current year. Bars were never my scene and dating apps just feel so gross to even think about. I've tried other types of social activity but nothing serious come of it quite yet.

I haven't given up, though. Don't you dare put that "incel" sign around my neck.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Apr 19, 2022)

Celibacy. Bad experiences. Self loathing. The usual shit.


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## DumbDude42 (Apr 19, 2022)

> what is stopping you from finding someone?


nobody wants to be found by the likes of me


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## Ibisanzwe (Apr 19, 2022)

I don't talk to women. I stay at home most of my time, and when I go out its either for work, if it isn't work I just focus on doing whatever i'm supposed to do and don't bother to talk to strangers.
I'm not a very sociable person.


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## b0x (Apr 19, 2022)

> is it by choice?



Yes. I've realized that my interests are esoteric and bizarre.  And that further interactions with Females in the hope of finding someone similar would only hurt others and myself.  So it's better this way.  I have nothing left in me after past relationships anyway.


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## He Who Points And Laughs (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm not


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## Dr. Henry Armitage (Apr 19, 2022)

I am either at work or home helping my parents. being around people is exhausting and I hate going out. I'd like to be in a relationship but after my experiences with women so far I'd rather be alone than be with another lying, cheating, psycho. Tried online dating but whatever women want I don't have. So I focus on my hobbies and have accepted the fact that I'm going to die alone. Probably by suicide once I can't take care of myself.


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## Vingle (Apr 19, 2022)

I stay at home, or I'm at the gym.
As a fit prettyboi, the people that tend to be into me are old creeps or just plain ugly and chubby people aka gay incels expecting someone fat hotter than them. Even though it's the old creeps that tend to rage at me for not wanting to touch them even with a pitchfork. Basically those that are undesired and desperate enough to take everything.

Honestly, my only claim is that they are nice to look at, don't fuck niggers/troons. And don't fucking ghost me after meeting. The woke gays are absolutely retarded, but so are the right-leaning too. So I'm fine with a fwb.

My hunting grounds are on grindr though.


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## BigDongWarrior (Apr 19, 2022)

I don't have a job, and women don't like NEETS. Simple as that.


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## Sho'nuff (Apr 19, 2022)

I just dgaf like I used to.
Bigger issue is relationships and love don't feel the same way as when I was in my teens or early 20s and when you ultimately weigh the benefits of being in a relationship and the benefits of being single, losing the ability to feel hopelessly attached to someone pretty much swings the scales in favor of being single.


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## WULULULULU (Apr 19, 2022)

If only people stopped staring at social media and consooming the next Youtube/FB/Tiktok video, maybe I would have considered it. Other than that, people are too focused to DA NEW MEDIA and other genres I am not interested in.


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## Burned CDs (Apr 19, 2022)

Because I do not need a relationship to bone a bitch.


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## Peanut Butter in Peril (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm an autistic recluse.


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## Two Dollars (Apr 19, 2022)

I was too busy with studying and video games in college, and I didn’t care about dating before then. Now dating locally doesn’t work because of how “progressive” and “diverse” my area is, and online dating hasn’t been effective because the girls who share my political and religious values typically have no interest in my hobbies (and vice-versa), and the girls who share my hobbies are so detached from my values that I’m simply not interested in them romantically. Combine that with the few long-lasting friendships I did have ending poorly, and it’s led to me being very anxious when it comes to dating. I do want to get married and have kids, and every non-social aspect of my life is fine, but I’m too worried that I’ll make the wrong choice in deciding who to spend the rest of my life with.


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## LUNEKO (Apr 19, 2022)

Because...


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## Akashic Retard (Apr 19, 2022)

Women are intimidated by my intelligence and good looks.


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## YourFriendlyLurker (Apr 19, 2022)

Because I find it VERY hard to trust anyone,  I regard each new person I meet as a potential enemy / threat and can do nothing about it. I can be friendly and rather sociable, hell I am even often appointed to lead some project or do presentations because I really can can pull it off. But anything more meaningful or deep? Lol no, I feel like being in a sieged fortress. All my friends are people whom I know 20+ years and modern word needs you to act fast, like meet fast, fuck fast. No one wants to hit the brakes for a bit and just get to know each other, and I can't form any serious relationships otherwise. 

Yes, I sound like an old archaic shit that will probably die alone.


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## It Burns (Apr 19, 2022)

There's a few reasons.

I like to take more time to get to know someone before deciding whether or not I want to date. Had a few bad relationships in my late teens, got cheated on, and that, among other fun life lessons, has left me wary of people to the point that many have difficultly getting to know me and could, at least initially, say I'm quite aloof. Moreover, I've just never known people who started dating the same week they met stick together for more than one to three months.

The second point being that most women, at least those where I live, just aren't worth the effort. Sometimes I find one who catches my interest, or I catch her's, but then learn that she just wants a guy to help cover debts, loves her dog(s) so much I'm left thinking about a certain song by Rusty Cage, wants an unpaid live-in therapist because she has some form of unresolved trauma, or that she's just plain fucking insane. Everyone brings baggage into a relationship, myself included, but there are limits and standards; I come to the Farms to gawk and laugh at retards, I do not need to live with one.

The biggest factor is that a relationship just isn't a major goal for me at the moment. While it would be nice to find someone who suits me and can handle my unusual personality, I have hobbies and other interests which keep me occupied and satisfied with life.


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## Some JERK (Apr 19, 2022)

Cup Noodle said:


> All men are rude to each other. It's how we separate out the weak. We troll each other IRL.


I really wish more people actually understood this. Being toxic as fuck is the highlight of work. It's only not funny if there's something wrong with you. If getting roasted at work doesn't make everyone including you laugh, then you are working with some uptight motherfuckers and you need to GTFO.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Apr 19, 2022)

Never approach women and they never approach me.


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## Some JERK (Apr 19, 2022)

Because the number of people that I don't want to shove into a woodchipper is rapidly approaching zero, and I'm pretty sure it's overtaking _"ruggedly handsome" _as the defining feature of my face.


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## topsikrets (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm terrified of women romantically. I can interact and speak with women completely fine, I can handle friendships, having female superiors and women working under me, but I just can't communicate with a woman that has expressed interest in me, I just shut down. Same if I have an attraction to someone, I'll purposfully go out of my way to avoid contact with them and sometimes I wont even be able to hold eye contact or even look at them. Probably autism or something but fuck if I'll ever talk to some faggot psych about it.


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## Sandraker (Apr 19, 2022)

By choice. After awhile you figure out who you are and generally I prefer to be alone working on my projects and passions while keeping a healthy lifestyle.

It wasn't like this before though as I was generally codependent on being around groups and other people for social interactions including my dating life which just really ended up we me being more a tool. The wake up call came around 2020 when all my friends stopped communicating with one another and we really all asked ourselves what we wanted out of life which of course didn't mesh well with each other either it being maturity of childish pettiness of who you choose to accompany.

Its been quiet but I enjoy building myself up to leave a better legacy for myself and my future family. I just don't settle for less, but I can't have high standards if I don't also put in the work. Sure the dating scene is a bit corrupted now, but its still possible to find someone with good values.


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## The Cunting Death (Apr 19, 2022)

a few reasons

agoraphobia 
celibacy (more because of family reasons)
way too selfish
too politically incorrect
no one wants to date an autist
I'm way too talky when someone gives me the time of day
focusing on my career first


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## Big Ruski (Apr 19, 2022)

I was going to boone this girl I met at the bar but she found my Kiwifarms account and said there was no way. I pm Josh to have my account deleted so I can boone this girl but he said there was no way.


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## snailslime (Apr 19, 2022)

i don't like anyone


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## Ser Prize (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm poor and live in a really small town full of mostly old people. The only girls here are teenagers who haven't gone off to college yet or single moms. 

It's not an ideal situation and I was hoping to move one day, but seems I'm probably stuck here while this country burns around me(metaphorically).


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## Local Fed (Apr 19, 2022)

When I think about dating for more than about a minute I get put off by it. In my experience it always feels like I have to entertain a woman and be someone that I'm not. I feel the same way even about having platonic friends for the most part. I'm not a particularly happy or enthusiastic person and I'm confident that dating again isn't going to magically change my predisposition.

A self selecting group, I'm aware, but I recently did the Tinder thing for a few months at the start of the year and this only reinforced my views regarding both the dating pool and my place in it. Summed up in a word: bleak.


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## Sailor (Apr 19, 2022)

Fat, autistic, and I don't believe in sex before marriage and I use that to feel better about myself


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## Afinepickle (Apr 19, 2022)

Because my divorce traumatized the fuck out of me and now I won't let anyone get close enough to make one work.


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## PaleTay (Apr 19, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> oh yeah, men like that too seem few and far between. maybe it's different in other places but even men are now very easily offended or betas, or it could be they try to come off that way and intentionally be on their best behavior around women? unfortunately many men who are fit already have a gf as well


I find it mixed, growing up we would tone down some stuff around women but that was mainly jocks and rich guys, a lot of guys I've met in university and at work who are "normal" are easily offended betas.


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## gang weeder (Apr 19, 2022)

PaleTay said:


> I find it mixed, growing up we would tone down some stuff around women but that was mainly jocks and rich guys, a lot of guys I've met in university and at work who are "normal" are easily offended betas.



I mean yeah that's an inevitable consequence of gynocentric culture + social justice + etc. Men are told by mainstream culture to not be men, basically. Unfortunately this doesn't change the base psychology of women which is still more attracted to masculine traits not to soy beta line toeing faggots.

Anyways. One of the more interesting trends in the "dating market" is the asymmetry in sexual activity between young men and young women. The recent decline in sexual activity is driven largely by young males many of whom have no dating prospects and have been sexless for their entire lives. Young women however do not show this similar trend of rising "inceldom." Meaning that women are still fucking, they are just hooking up with older men while ignoring men their own age, and more of the women are being "taken" by a smaller portion of the men. It's interesting because it's a rise in "dating inequality" that corresponds to the rise in economic inequality.


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## Shidoen (Apr 19, 2022)

I must make money and do college but if I don't and try to get gf then I'll fail what I've been building up, but if I don't get gf then I feel lonely again and have paranoia back. I feel trapped.


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## SeniorFuckFace (Apr 19, 2022)

By choice.


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## Mask_de_SMITH (Apr 19, 2022)

Had a girlfriend, broke up and ended it badly, decided to just focus on me for a while before jumping back into the dating scene. So far, I have a new job, make more money doing something I like, and am generally happy with myself, so I might get back into it.


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## Cyanide (Apr 19, 2022)

single on purpose, while getting my life together, i am waiting for the right kind of crazy to match my crazy and we can be romantic hermits on mmos together forever.


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## Humpin Henry (Apr 19, 2022)

Because its so over. If you aren't the top 1% of men, it's literally a joke to even think of trying.


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## Ser Prize (Apr 19, 2022)

gang weeder said:


> I mean yeah that's an inevitable consequence of gynocentric culture + social justice + etc. Men are told by mainstream culture to not be men, basically. Unfortunately this doesn't change the base psychology of women which is still more attracted to masculine traits not to soy beta line toeing faggots.
> 
> Anyways. One of the more interesting trends in the "dating market" is the asymmetry in sexual activity between young men and young women. The recent decline in sexual activity is driven largely by young males many of whom have no dating prospects and have been sexless for their entire lives. Young women however do not show this similar trend of rising "inceldom." Meaning that women are still fucking, they are just hooking up with older men while ignoring men their own age, and more of the women are being "taken" by a smaller portion of the men. It's interesting because it's a rise in "dating inequality" that corresponds to the rise in economic inequality.


Yeah when you hear 'millenials and zoomers aren't dating' it's mostly young men not dating. If you look up the figures it's actually pretty alarming.


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## Rich Evans Ayypologist (Apr 19, 2022)

because i pity post for sympathy on a stalking forum, of course


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## Baraadmirer (Apr 19, 2022)

Vingle said:


> I stay at home, or I'm at the gym.
> As a fit prettyboi, the people that tend to be into me are old creeps or just plain ugly and chubby people aka gay incels expecting someone fat hotter than them. Even though it's the old creeps that tend to rage at me for not wanting to touch them even with a pitchfork. Basically those that are undesired and desperate enough to take everything.
> 
> My hunting grounds are on grindr though.


Haha grindr fist bump

I'm working my way to be a fitboi, and it turns out my tastes are very particular which sadly not many guys that are interested in me fall under. I'm also concerned about the financial strain a relationship brings, what with inflation (especially gas) raging in my city. That and I'm starting to find it harder to talk to people, because it feels like every conversation we have is so fake.


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## veri (Apr 19, 2022)

gang weeder said:


> I mean yeah that's an inevitable consequence of gynocentric culture + social justice + etc. Men are told by mainstream culture to not be men, basically. Unfortunately this doesn't change the base psychology of women which is still more attracted to masculine traits not to soy beta line toeing faggots.


that’s the reason i love this forum so much. you can actually speak your mind, joke about whatever you want without having to worry about losing friends or your job or anything like that. i miss the times it was like that in real life.

my guess is that a lot of people are sick of the trannies, liberal shit, politics, thought policing etc but just don’t speak openly about it. it’s hard to meet people and share interests without the worry they will be malicious if they find you offensive or “bigoted”. everything is political now and it’s hard to have a chill conversation with a man when he will watch every word and apologize for saying something considered offensive. 

i’ve seen on other forums men say they don’t approach women anymore because the fear of being called a creep or being “predatory”. i’ve also seen the screenshots from dating apps of liberal women being completely insufferable and berating men for not supporting blm or even just being apolitical. i’ve met other women who are chill and speak freely, but it seems that the modern day the average woman is a SJW who will even try to police how men act together in their own private groups. i don’t blame this for not being able to get a relationship, but it seems to have at least some impact on how men act when it comes to dating now, and how now more people than ever are single. it’s just too rigid and sometimes too risky to pursue someone and be vulnerable to them

 i wish it was how it used to be where you could make a genuine connection with someone. maybe in some places that’s possible, but if you live where there’s majority liberals it’s just not worth the hardship. it used to be that you could have relationships with people who don’t align with you politically, because back then people didn’t give so many shits about who you voted for or your opinion on a fucking vaccine. people now will end a lifelong friendship with someone who holds the “wrong views”. everyone’s at eachothers throats now and hostile


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## The Curmudgeon (Apr 19, 2022)

I don't care anymore. I haven't cared in a long time. When I was younger, I used to feel the pressure to meet somebody, fall in love, get married, etc. Naturally, I failed to be anyone's Mr. Right and never cared too much about trying to impress or attract women anyway. Eventually, I accepted that I really wasn't happy with myself. Though I tried to insist otherwise, I really did care what other people thought of me. Nowadays I'm actually happy with myself. I don't feel like I need a Ms. Right to be happy or fulfilled. I don't see it as a cope either because I don't feel like I failed anything. Maybe other people would understandably think I'm a freak for not being in love, married, or whatever, but I don't care because I mind my own business, live my own life, and I'm not out to get anybody or causing any trouble. Most importantly, I've accepted myself for who I am.

On top of all that, I'm pushing 40 and don't want to waste the rest of my life trying to find this imaginary Ms. Right who I don't need anyway.


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## TurdEthics (Apr 19, 2022)

How many of you posting in this thread are groypers &/or incels?


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## Mojo Thief (Apr 19, 2022)

There's nothing more alien to me than romance. I've been in relationships before, but none have lasted longer than a few months because the mask of charm and sociability I put on eventually slips and they discover I'm really an emotionally stunted person who's incapable of being spontaneously "romantic", whatever that is. 

Now, if I can say something positive about myself, it's that I'm pretty good about owning up to and learning from my mistakes...with the glaring exception of my relationships. The fact this has happened so many times and I still don't understand what I'm doing wrong or how to correct it, scares me out of pursuing relationships. This is not just because it's embarrassing for me, but also for whomever I date, since they seem to get the impression I don't care about them because I'm unable to imitate the courtship rituals of normal people.

I'm far from conventionally handsome, but I know that if I really wanted to and were willing to put the substantial effort necessary to do so, I could get dates and try again. But again, if I know how it will turn out, what's the point in doing so?

Thankfully, this issue doesn't bug me on a regular basis, only briefly when I see my friends get married off or when my parents lament about not having grandchildren. It kinda sucks, since I would like to be a dad, and I think I would be a good dad, but I'd also be an absolutely terrible husband.


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## Agent Abe Caprine (Apr 19, 2022)

I'm not. I have a harem of hot men and women. No one can see them.


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## Kari Kamiya (Apr 19, 2022)

If my autistic ass could get engaged after years of slip ups, bad timings, and crippling loneliness,  anyone can. Takes some luck, have to admit.


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## gang weeder (Apr 19, 2022)

TurdEthics said:


> How many of you posting in this thread are groypers &/or incels?



Im Neither, for whatever that's worth.


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## gang weeder (Apr 20, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> that’s the reason i love this forum so much. you can actually speak your mind, joke about whatever you want without having to worry about losing friends or your job or anything like that. i miss the times it was like that in real life.
> 
> my guess is that a lot of people are sick of the trannies, liberal shit, politics, thought policing etc but just don’t speak openly about it. it’s hard to meet people and share interests without the worry they will be malicious if they find you offensive or “bigoted”. everything is political now and it’s hard to have a chill conversation with a man when he will watch every word and apologize for saying something considered offensive.
> 
> ...



Unfortunately leftism has made many women undateable. No man wants to date a leftist woman that is passionate about feminism and other such anti male garbage. At most you might get the male feminist types going along with it just to try and get some pussy (there is even a term for this it's called "wokefishing") and we all know that's not a recipe for a healthy long term relationship.


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## Tard Repository (Apr 20, 2022)

I'm unreasonably terrified of rejection. I don't really go outside much anymore. I experience such severe anxiety at the thought of approaching somebody I'm interested in that I never actually do it. I think I'm way uglier than I actually am. 

All of these things are huge roadblocks separately but put them all together and you're pretty screwed. More likely for the perfect person to just randomly break into my house and introduce themselves than for me to find anybody organically.


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## The Deep State (Apr 20, 2022)

Stop making these threads.


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## Prophetic Spirit (Apr 20, 2022)

I'm lazy to keep relationships.
That's it. I don't have problems interacting with people actually.
If they want to keep a relationship with me, probably can be more longer than the usual.


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## kadoink (Apr 20, 2022)

Women are too self destructive to be around these days here in Murica. Theres a reason why so many of them are single now. :/


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## Non-breath oblige (Apr 20, 2022)

As an Asian guy:

Everyone seems to be a diehard dog or cat or plant lover which I am not.
Everyone seems to Netflix or Spotify all the time which I do not do.
All the Asian girls seem to be diehard Boba drinkers all the time which I am not.
Politics-wise everyone seems to be either very NPC left or very NPC right and I'm afraid if I say something "offensive" I'll come off as the "enemy" to the other
The profiles on online dating apps absolutely suck ass 99% of the time (e.g: only has Instagram/Snapchat as profile, has nothing in profile, overly political, clearly wacko or has issues, only wants someone as a tour guide or comedian or social media photographer, every answer to a prompt is in a foreign language, etc.)
Interests-wise, not super weeb/geeky/gamer enough for the uber weebs/geeks/gamers, not super sports-y or outdoors-y enough for the very sports-y or outdoors-y people
People I do meet within my interests are too old, too young, or already taken (or have the same issues as above)

Parties, concerts, raves are not my thing
Traveling all the time is not my thing
Eating out a lot of the time/being a "foodie" is not my thing (home cooked food I find better and cheaper)
Should probably show more interest in others and their interests, but sometimes I don't know how to respond at times without sounding creep or fake or forced
The rare people that I found I had somewhat interest in didn't feel the same.
EDIT

If I do open up about my interests, a lot of times it never gains much traction beyond some variant of "oh that's cool, i'm not really that kind of person myself though"
Rock climbing or gym ratting all the time is not my thing (I mean, I don't mind climbing as an occasional friendly meetup activity thing but I suppose due to my upper body strength and hand grip being ass I just don't feel the hype of frequently going the same as others.)


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## murph (Apr 20, 2022)

Because I inherited a fuck ton of money and even when I was poor the dating scene was full of crazy people. I always knew I didn't need kids, that's the key to freedom.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Apr 20, 2022)

Some JERK said:


> I really wish more people actually understood this. Being toxic as fuck is the highlight of work. It's only not funny if there's something wrong with you. If getting roasted at work doesn't make everyone including you laugh, then you are working with some uptight motherfuckers and you need to GTFO.


Depends very much on who you're hanging around, but people who can't take ANY joke at themselves are not very fun.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Apr 20, 2022)

HARDCORE SYNDROME said:


> Interests-wise, not super weeb/geeky/gamer enough for the uber weebs/geeks/gamers, not super sports-y or outdoors-y enough for the very sports-y or outdoors-y people


There is indeed a middle ground of being nerd/weeaboo adjacent without REALLY fitting into it. But I find that the nerds/weeaboos are way more tolerant - in almost every way - than the normalfaggots. It's not just some "oh they have no standards" thing, they're straight up more open-minded/usually more dynamic people.

Even though I don't watch anime, or play Elden Ring, or so on, I feel a reflexive comfort around people like that which I don't get from dudes standing around the water cooler talking about how many hoops Deshawnyious scored last night on TV.


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## Dandelion Eyes (Apr 20, 2022)

I'm surprised that incels.is doesn't have a thread about this thread.


> Look, kiwis make fun of us, but they're actually incels in denial! JFL, you can't that make shit up!


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## BiggerChungus (Apr 20, 2022)

Because IMO there are more pros to being single, or at least fewer cons.


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## Bloody Kotex (Apr 20, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> that’s the reason i love this forum so much. you can actually speak your mind, joke about whatever you want without having to worry about losing friends or your job or anything like that. i miss the times it was like that in real life.


Sorry if I'm replying too much but I've been lurking in the forums for a while but based on what I've seen people here are very genuine. Everyone has different opinions and they are not forced to think in a predetermined way so it is very refreshing.

This forum is like a library of research documents on strange individuals, not the boring ones, it's funny as hell. Usually threads die because lolcows are self-aware of their actions and that the most radical shit I've seen; It doesn't matter how stupid you were in the past, what matters is that you learn your lesson and grow. Live for today, don't worry about the past, all that gay stuff.

I hope that one day political correctness will be gone. I believe it because more and more people are seeing the damage it does to society as a whole. By then I'd probably be old, but eventually I could laugh it off and die peacefully.


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## WULULULULU (Apr 20, 2022)

HARDCORE SYNDROME said:


> As an Asian guy:
> 
> Everyone seems to be a diehard dog or cat or plant lover which I am not.
> Everyone seems to Netflix or Spotify all the time which I do not do.
> ...


Oh hey a fellow Asian. Glad to see someone has the same feelings I have.



Spoiler: Full rant on dating



For real, the reason why dating, be it being gay/lesbian/straight, is tiresome is already said in these threads. Political correctness, social media, very alien habits. In fact, the first two seems to me as the biggest problem (other than maintaining college and getting a job afterwards, provided an opportunity pops up because some retard fucked up in their job). You have no idea how many idiots in Asia, whether it be Weibo for the Chinks or Yahoo/FB for the Japs and a mix of both with Tiktok for the rest of the Asians, are too goddamn laser-focused with their phone and their social profiles that I grew tired of that shit. I would rather text someone rather than say it on a social platform that hosts the same kinds of people, especially Instagram, which I believe alienated many would-be dating people with all the filters and shit. I have no twitter, tiktok, instagram but still have facebook to keep in touch with my family and I am already contemplating with them to deleting it but my other relatives have FB so that's a problem. Also, for the love of God, *DO NOT USE DATING APPS*. It is a social ploy to attach others artificially through one-night stands and not a way to attach to someone in a natural level.

Then there are the interests. I've said it before but I am never the type of guy that goes goo-goo whenever some shiny thing in media gets presented. Hype culture really soured any attempt for me to look at anything new but many people are still stuck in that stupid mindset, and because humans are super social people, those who do not follow the herd basically become left out to fend for themselves. God forbid I want to meet a woman who wants to talk about old games like Half-Life while thinking which movie between Sunset Boulevard and The Maltese Falcon can we watch someday but no, everyone is super glued to Netflix (which I will never fucking participate in, no matter how much my relatives force me otherwise) and mobile gaming. Why should I invest in something I despise just to meet someone who is probably artificial in terms of a personality? Oh and there is the political bullshit which I say I want to be apolitical but many will perceive me as a threat so again, why bother.

Perhaps the biggest flaw I am seeing is that whenever someone approaches for a relationship, they never set ahead for a future. They never think about what children they want to raise or what professions/schedules they can plan, maybe finding a place they can live in. I don't see that. Instead most chats with someone usually focuses on the NOW than the LATER. Everyone talks about which show they like or which Kpop band they adore but never about the prospect of the relationship they want. Then they complain later down the line that "WE DIDN'T DISCUSS THIS, WHY DIDN'T WE DO IT BEFORE" then leave and all that future thoughts you had are again, thrown to the fucking wayside, forced to start from scratch and one can do that until they get sick of it.

Other than those issues I have, I doubt anyone likes a person who's very much on the old-interests side, who often rants from time-to-time, while having college issues and eventually having to find a real job after graduation. I can keep up with chats but honestly most of the interests shown by others is something I am personally not into.



TL;DR: 

Too many people glued to phones/social media. I don't have and will probably teach my future children to never have an account.
Politics. Apolitical is not accepted.
Shallow interests. Everyone is focused with the new and not with the ones before.
College and the prospect of finding a job (and soon maintaining that job for profit).
Lack of foresight into the future of the relationship.


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## Aunt Marge (Apr 20, 2022)

Because every time I'm in a relationship I want to be single again.


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## Secret Asshole (Apr 20, 2022)

My dating experiences are largely limited to sociopaths. Emotionally manipulative, selfish people. They encourage you to be open to emotion and the consequently used it against you. Along with earlier experiences with my 'so-called' friends, some of which bet on me behind my back for me to do certain things and try to get me to do them, treating me like a race horse, I have an abject disgust and distrust for most human beings and I fully don't believe many of them are worth my time. Experiences at my job, in research and in academia have only confirmed my viewpoints that no one will stand up for you behind your back and go with what the group says to fit in, which is pathetic weakness, which I cannot stand. Most people are duplicitious and two faced. Actual people who are mean to your face I actually appreciate more for their honesty. So I naturally despise people and cut myself off. This sometimes make me incredibly destructive in relationships as I don't trust and always question.
Because of my bad experiences, my life has been set back considerably. My job, research and writing has basically eliminated all of my free time for hobbies, including posting here, writing and the like. I used to game excessively, I haven't touched one for the better part of 6 months. 
I am an obsessive perfectionist. If I'm working on something, if it is not going my way, I will spend extra hours doing it. So even if my day begins at 9 am, it will sometimes end up at 1 am because I want things to be correct. This has paid off and I am universally recognized for dedication and my skills. If I had a partner it would not be possible.
Sex is overrated. I've had sex hundreds of times. This is not to brag, I've just been in several long term relationships. Its exhausting, people get very sensitive to it and its messy and annoying and just causes drama I don't need. MAsturbation is easier, cures the urge and I can move on with my life.
Generally, my time is my own. I can focus on what I want to focus on, and if I need a break or want to do something at any time I can. I don't really feel like making more schedules for people. I have enough trouble doing that with family, adding a relationship will make me go crazy.
I do not make a lot of money. I make barely enough to pay my debst and transportation. With a little bit left over for luxuries like a good meal once a day and maybe an uber here and there when I'm too tired to use public transport. Sharing that with someone else is just not feasible. And the societal implication is that the man pays for everything, drives the woman, etc. like its still 1960s, even if that woman is making double or triple what I am. 
I've seen decades old relationships collapse because the woman decided to become incredibly selfish even though she didn't need to work or do anything and was 100% provided for. Like housewives who never needed to work wanting more and more and more. I have no time to deal with sorting through hundreds of women and go on dozens of dates just to worm out the worst of the worst, and my untrusthworthiness further prevents me from getting close.
It is simply not worth it to me. Horniness is an urge that I overcome and then I concentrate on bettering myself. To me, being horny is like being hungry or having to take a shit. An instinctual process that can be easily taken care of.  Incels are whiny losers who don't understand human dynamics much like progtards. You want a relationship, here: Have confidence in yourself, even fake confidence. It doesn't matter how much money your have or sometimes your looks. Have confidence, a good sense of humor and try constantly. You will be in a relationship eventually if you don't give up and never become bitter. There, that simple. If you want intimacy, find a REALLY good friend who you can share your problems with. You only need one. Arguably this is as hard as finding a relationship, but you won't have to spend money and the complications of sex and neediness are gone. Find an amazing friend or a therapist.

I don't find it worth it for me. When I get comfortable, and a decent job, I want to do whatever I want. I don't want to be limited. When I get bored of that, maybe then I'll look. If that means no relationship for a long time, so be it. I'm not looking and planning not to look for awhile.


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## veri (Apr 20, 2022)

TurdEthics said:


> groypers


my post history will vindicate me of this


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## emptyblu (Apr 20, 2022)

I’ve had many crushes before and I would’ve love to have experienced being with them, but they were either already married, dating someone else, lived in a different country, or just simply didn’t like me back, the people I fall for are always unavailable. Basically it’s my fault for being single, but I believe it’s for the best, because when I try to observe myself from a third person’s point of view I can understand why someone wouldn’t want anything to do with me in a committed romantic way.


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## Tomboy Respecter (Apr 21, 2022)

I'm coming back to this thread to ask another question and maybe another tangent for the thread to follow: do most people actually just date/marry people just on the basis of their looks? I get ogling at a hot woman, but I never thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with her or really interact with her just on the basis of the likelihood that we have compatible personalities is slim. Maybe it's because I am a bit more eccentric than most, but that seems like a shite foundation for a relationship. Of course, I'd appreciate if a woman looks attractive and keeps up her appearances but personalities also matter in a relationship and it seems like the dating market is explicitly there to basically force you to put on a mask so you can ape your way into someone's bed rather than to have an actual connection. I might be wrong and I would be willing to learn from anyone that has been/ is in a relationship for a long period of time.


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## DumbDude42 (Apr 21, 2022)

Tomboy Respecter said:


> I would be willing to learn from anyone that has been/ is in a relationship for a long period of time


the "why are you single" thread probably isn't where you'll find people like that

overall attractiveness/appearance is pretty much worthless when it comes to building a real relationship but good luck convincing online dating platforms and their users of that lol


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## Milwaukee Macho Man (Apr 21, 2022)

I haven't met anyone worth wasting an extended amount of time with in like 6 years, and most women seem content on just putting out and hooking up.


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## Gravityqueen4life (Apr 21, 2022)

its mostly trust and honesty issues. back in the old days it was less effective to be a two faced bitch/asshole because the word would spread and when you live in a small community or town, a bad rumor is the last thing you want under your belt. now with social media, you can easily create a new persona and date people far and wide with little consequences, more and less control the negative information of you to some extend. social media has really turned people selfish and spoiled, trying to find someone above your grade instead of settling down with someone around or below your level.

sure, im not exactly a looker or have that much money in the bank but if that is a deal breaker for most, why even bother trying?

with recent events that has been happening in my personal life, it has really destroyed my trust in family.


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## Sandraker (Apr 21, 2022)

Tomboy Respecter said:


> I'm coming back to this thread to ask another question and maybe another tangent for the thread to follow: do most people actually just date/marry people just on the basis of their looks? I get ogling at a hot woman, but I never thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with her or really interact with her just on the basis of the likelihood that we have compatible personalities is slim. Maybe it's because I am a bit more eccentric than most, but that seems like a shite foundation for a relationship. Of course, I'd appreciate if a woman looks attractive and keeps up her appearances but personalities also matter in a relationship and it seems like the dating market is explicitly there to basically force you to put on a mask so you can ape your way into someone's bed rather than to have an actual connection. I might be wrong and I would be willing to learn from anyone that has been/ is in a relationship for a long period of time.



Looking for a relationship based around looks is too flimsy of a foundation and really should only be the basis if you know its not going to be something serious which at that point might as well be a pump and dump.

Its nice to have good face to look at in the morning and taking care of yourself does matter, but real relationships should be built of two compatible people who's willing to work with each others flaws. The problem is modern social interactions expect people to have very few if not any flaws. Everything is expected to be good at face value and if you don't fit the criteria they can just find another person or profile to throw their expectations at.

Too many people try to skip the process of knowing another person cause of the instant gratification they're so used to is plentiful even if its hollow. The process of getting to know someone is much more satisfying even if it isn't as glamorous but it does let you build the foundation of how far you're willing to take it with someone.


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## Ingmar Aspergman (Apr 21, 2022)

Aspergers, moved town a few times and transferred schools enough times to where the most time I spent at one was three years, I tried dating online early in 2020 and it completely soured my perception of the opposite sex. I know that’s not particularly fair but those profiles are real people and the way they act and interact is seen as completely normal, and they were the same despite being in two different parts of the country. I have really niche interests but I don’t need someone who is interested in them, at least as some form of original opinions and perspectives which I just don’t get from most people. Bad body dysmorphia, actually got cosmetic surgery a month ago and I’ll see how that turns out, I feel as if I have to compensate for my specific traits because there are so many alternatives without. Why the hell would anyone waste their time with me when they can get someone who is objectively better in every regard with minimal effort.


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## Lord of the Large Pants (Apr 21, 2022)

Not sure. Best guess, combination of bad luck and crippling autism.


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## Skitarii (Apr 21, 2022)

Probably because 100% of people replying to this thread have a kiwifarms account


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## BrownPhillip (Apr 21, 2022)

Because I am low level trash with no money and no future. And seeing how my family panned out made me realize that at least, by myself, there is no possibility of ruining an innocent child's life.


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## The Emperor Skeksis (Apr 21, 2022)

Fell in love with an autist who didn't want me. Then fell for a guy who was sort of like him, but turned out to be gay after he strung me along for 8 months. Never fell in love again.

I decided a long time ago that I'd rather be alone than with someone I didn't love, and I guess my lizard brain is picky. Also still pretty much in love with the first guy, unfortunately.


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## Meat Target (Apr 21, 2022)

Lack of effort, mostly.


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## Skitarii (Apr 21, 2022)

The Emperor Skeksis said:


> Fell in love with an autist who didn't want me. Then fell for a guy who was sort of like him, but turned out to be gay after he strung me along for 8 months. Never fell in love again.
> 
> I decided a long time ago that I'd rather be alone than with someone I didn't love, and I guess my lizard brain is picky. Also still pretty much in love with the first guy, unfortunately.


Hey lady, female dating strategy is over on your left


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## The Emperor Skeksis (Apr 21, 2022)

Skitarii said:


> Hey lady, female dating strategy is over on your left


What did I say that made you so butthurt?


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## kickingstones (Apr 21, 2022)

I'm a chubby little wallflower and  work weekends it makes it hard to meet people. But it's worth it because I'm making serious money.

I bike every other day so I've already shed the winter weight just need to cut down on the belly fat, then I'll get an app and try my luck.

I got a fuck buddy last summer without even putting myself out there. We were insanely compatible she had a great sense of humour. But she had daddy issues, and she wanted me to treat her like a slut, i wanted us to commit to each other, she ended up ghosting me. Oh well.


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## SandyCat (Apr 21, 2022)

Take a guess


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## kickingstones (Apr 21, 2022)

SandyCat said:


> Take a guess


you're a quadriplegic mix race furry?


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## Ruin (Apr 21, 2022)

It takes a very extreme amount of time and money to hook up if you're an average man and your reward is an orgasm that lasts 2.5 seconds.

I'm better of and richer with vidya and booze.


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## CWC-in-the-minds (Apr 21, 2022)

Came back to Mexico to find a woman and settle down with her in my Catholic hometown. What could possibly go wrong? I've learned my lesson abroad, and have gone back to religion after looking at the consequences of straying away from it.

.... The the plandemic happened. Every woman (and I venture, man, as we beaners don't question daddy government nor its multinational pharma deals) I know has injected herself with the clot shot, which has raised multiple questions that make me uncertain about my (or everyone's?) future.

Could the clot shot batches sent to Mexico affect people the same way they have in the US and Europe? What if the woman I find ends up becoming infertile, or our offspring is?
Could a Mexican woman fall in love with a freak that doesn't trust daddy government and ((( transnational corporations ))) ?
Would she accept to consider not forcing vaccinations on our children?
Why doesn't the Catholic Church raise any questions about the plandemic? Is every priest not named Juan Sandoval Íñiguez a drone that doesn't look at the obvious propaganda from the Synagogue of Satan?
At this point I wouldn't mind America taking over our country, there's not much to defend anyway.


----------



## Demonslayer1776 (Apr 21, 2022)

Any time I make any progress the women disappears into the bottom of a swamp 20 miles out of town. Idk what their problem is but fortunately nobody has found any of them yet.


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## Car Won't Crank (Apr 21, 2022)

Demonslayer1776 said:


> Any time I make any progress the women disappears into the bottom of a swamp 20 miles out of town. Idk what their problem is but fortunately nobody has found any of them yet.


Did you call Shrek?


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## Uberpenguin (Apr 21, 2022)

But what does it mean to be single? In the incel thread I questioned what it means to be "in a relationship" and if most people these days even _can_ be in a relationship.
Like do you just have to screw regularly and say you're dating? Does it matter if you can't stand talking to each other otherwise? What if you're one of the weird soy boys who live with a woman but never actually sleeps with her? Is a Jonah Bex situation where she has two cucks she doesn't bang living with her (one of which she's legally married to) and who kind of financially support her and kowtow to her whims, is she in a relationship? Can they be long distance? Even if the two people meet up and fuck once in a while? Kevin Gibes claims to have "girlfriends" all over the place since they occasionally talk on Twitter and put it in their bios, if we accepted that as real then you're a Lothario for sometimes flirting with that one girl who works checkout at the liquor store.
Hell, at least there's an understanding that you're mutually attracted to each other, which is already more than you can say for half the dudes on Twitter and Reddit who are in "relationships".

What _is_ the minimum threshhold of involvement with another person to be in a relationship? These days people are in "relationships" because being "single" is a sign there's something wrong with you. It's become a vague check box you can decide to mark at your whim, that's it.



The Deep State said:


> Stop making these threads.


Bro, what are you talking about? Why would you give up an opportunity to learn about other users' fears, insecurities, and shortcomings?


----------



## TFT-A9 (Apr 21, 2022)

Why would I buy a bag of crummy-looking oranges when I can get fresh juice for free anyhow


----------



## The Great Chandler (Apr 21, 2022)

It's not that I don't mind dating. It's just not my number one priority. Personal happiness comes first, but there's also nothing wrong with looking out for others' well-being when they deserve and need it

Also not that horny


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Apr 21, 2022)

Tomboy Respecter said:


> I'm coming back to this thread to ask another question and maybe another tangent for the thread to follow: do most people actually just date/marry people just on the basis of their looks? I get ogling at a hot woman, but I never thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with her or really interact with her just on the basis of the likelihood that we have compatible personalities is slim. Maybe it's because I am a bit more eccentric than most, but that seems like a shite foundation for a relationship. Of course, I'd appreciate if a woman looks attractive and keeps up her appearances but personalities also matter in a relationship and it seems like the dating market is explicitly there to basically force you to put on a mask so you can ape your way into someone's bed rather than to have an actual connection. I might be wrong and I would be willing to learn from anyone that has been/ is in a relationship for a long period of time.


I think people generally weigh looks more than they think and much more than they should.
Beauty fades, often very quickly. Personality lasts a lifetime.
At the same time, if you don't live in some really tight-knit community (like a peasant village) you may not have enough exposure to enough women to go entirely off personality. Then what would determine who you go up to? If not just a good vibe - which sometimes you do meet people who just radiate goodness - then it has to be appearance.

Also, if somebody's worth dating, it shouldn't be a challenge to get along with them. That doesn't mean never fighting, but it means you shouldn't feel like you're always trying to earn/fight for their attention.


----------



## Monkey Shoulder (Apr 21, 2022)

I think I've been alone for too long to function with somebody else. Quickly went to shit the last time I tried anyway. And the handful of times before that.


----------



## veri (Apr 21, 2022)

Hoi Polloi said:


> I want someone whose company is better than being alone and I haven't met them yet.


feel, a lot of peoples ideal relationship is being near 100% the same and always doing everything together. honestly i think there should be a balance personally i like my alone time to be able to have a break and think, but a bf would be the person to share those thoughts with and hear his too. a relationship shouldn’t mean having to spend every minute together, i think people feel held down in their relationships is that they don’t acknowledge them and their partner have differences and that it’s okay. 


Skitarii said:


> Probably because 100% of people replying to this thread have a kiwifarms account


i had said earlier in this thread that i like kwf cause you can be completely honest about what you think and not have to self censor. i think a partner should be like that too and being able to show a part of your personality and thoughts  that you don’t show normally.

 i know it’s pretty autistic to compare a new zealand agriculture forum to a real life relationship. the point is that a person that you can confide your most personal thoughts and feelings in is something i’m sure most people want nowadays, but are hard to find. i want a person who i don’t have to watch what i say around them and they don’t have to either. same with friendships too, but that sort of trust is absolutely necessary in a partner to spend your whole life with and have a family with.


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## Skitarii (Apr 21, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> i had said earlier in this thread that i like kwf cause you can be completely honest about what you think and not have to self censor. i think a partner should be like that too and being able to show a part of your personality and thoughts  that you don’t show normally.


This.

KF has a nice balance of moderation and self-autonomy where users can speak their mind and not expect to be coddled by other people to tell them what is and isn't appropriate to say. Too many rules and you have a sanitized hellscape where paranoia becomes the name of the game, and people suck up to the jannies in fear of being banned at random. Too few rules and the forum becomes entirely dictated by the will of the mob in one large shit-flinging competition to constantly one-up other people for a spot on an ever-collapsing social heirarchy. Just like in real life, both totalitarianism and total anarchy enable people to repress their peers, while a society that achieves the golden balance results in people having the greatest freedom of expression.


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## The Curmudgeon (Apr 21, 2022)

TurdEthics said:


> How many of you posting in this thread are groypers &/or incels?


Groyper? Nope. Incel? Yes, but only technically and not ideologically. I wanted to make that clear because I know there are guys who have turned being an incel into some weird political ideology and use it as a form of identity politics. I don't let silly shit like that define who I am.


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## The Unbecoming (Apr 21, 2022)

Because I'm content being the cool uncle who has all the disposable income to my niece and nephew.


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## kickingstones (Apr 21, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> feel, a lot of peoples ideal relationship is being near 100% the same and always doing everything together. honestly i think there should be a balance personally i like my alone time to be able to have a break and think, but a bf would be the person to share those thoughts with and hear his too. a relationship shouldn’t mean having to spend every minute together, i think people feel held down in their relationships is that they don’t acknowledge them and their partner have differences and that it’s okay.
> 
> i had said earlier in this thread that i like kwf cause you can be completely honest about what you think and not have to self censor. i think a partner should be like that too and being able to show a part of your personality and thoughts  that you don’t show normally.
> 
> i know it’s pretty autistic to compare a new zealand agriculture forum to a real life relationship. the point is that a person that you can confide your most personal thoughts and feelings in is something i’m sure most people want nowadays, but are hard to find. i want a person who i don’t have to watch what i say around them and they don’t have to either. same with friendships too, but that sort of trust is absolutely necessary in a partner to spend your whole life with and have a family with.


Yeah I dont want my significant other to be my best friend, but I want them to have the same morals so we can have a strong foundation together. 

Like laughing at terminally online tranny`s is a favourite pastime of mine. They don`t have to be necessarily be into it but they have to be willing to tolerate the joke/memes that I inevitable show them. And understand it`s an aesthetic not a core value.


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## kickingstones (Apr 21, 2022)

The Unbecoming said:


> Because I'm content being the cool uncle who has all the disposable income to my niece and nephew.


shit like this is just a cope for people that aren`t willing to put in the work to get them in a position to have a relationship.

Having a strong family is key to having a long happy life, and you`re denying yourself a fundamental human quality because you`re too lazy and undisciplined. Relying on youre siblings to have a pseudo proxy family is soft.


----------



## Netizennameless (Apr 21, 2022)

Shidoen said:


> I must make money and do college but if I don't and try to get gf then I'll fail what I've been building up, but if I don't get gf then I feel lonely again and have paranoia back. I feel trapped.


You are actually on the right path.  Women's most marketable period as a romantic partner is early in their lives: 18-35.  For men it's older, probably 28-45.  It feels rough now because your competition at the moment is often men with established careers and years of confidence/wealth building.  If you keep on the path, as you get older you'll find you start to stack up better against your competition, who increasingly becomes younger and less established/confident than you.  Just give it time and remember the right woman will fit into your life, not ask you to blow it up.



Mask_de_SMITH said:


> Had a girlfriend, broke up and ended it badly, decided to just focus on me for a while before jumping back into the dating scene. So far, I have a new job, make more money doing something I like, and am generally happy with myself, so I might get back into it.


This is absolutely the correct approach.



Humpin Henry said:


> Because its so over. If you aren't the top 1% of men, it's literally a joke to even think of trying.


You've already lost the battle with that attitude.  You don't have to be in the top 1%, you have to be better than their last ex or appear to be.



gang weeder said:


> Unfortunately leftism has made many women undateable. No man wants to date a leftist woman that is passionate about feminism and other such anti male garbage. At most you might get the male feminist types going along with it just to try and get some pussy (there is even a term for this it's called "wokefishing") and we all know that's not a recipe for a healthy long term relationship.


Leftism tends to infect those who were already unsuitable partners.  It's the fact they are outcasts that makes victimhood attractive to them.



Tard Repository said:


> I'm unreasonably terrified of rejection. I don't really go outside much anymore. I experience such severe anxiety at the thought of approaching somebody I'm interested in that I never actually do it. I think I'm way uglier than I actually am.
> 
> All of these things are huge roadblocks separately but put them all together and you're pretty screwed. More likely for the perfect person to just randomly break into my house and introduce themselves than for me to find anybody organically.


let me put it to you this way:  you are guaranteeing that your worst fear (rejection) will be realized by not even trying.  I recommend talking to potential interests with the mentality that you are practicing.  Don't expect anything to happen, expect that you are learning/experimenting with conversation.  It helps take some of the anxiety away because you're focusing on a task and not the outcome.  Also remember that Ron Perlman got laid, so even if you were ugly it's not necessarily a dealbreaker.   Just don't expect anything to come of any flirting or conversation you have.  You tend to succeed once you stop caring about the outcome and just be yourself.  

Also, positivity draws people in way more so than negativity.


----------



## The Great Chandler (Apr 21, 2022)

Netizennameless said:


> Also, positivity draws people in way more so than negativity.


This 100%!

Biggest key to all social interactions is being cool with who you are and people will be cool with you. You hear this all the time, but wisdom is usually at plain sight


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## Lord of the Large Pants (Apr 21, 2022)

kickingstones said:


> Yeah I dont want my significant other to be my best friend, but I want them to have the same morals so we can have a strong foundation together.
> 
> Like laughing at terminally online tranny`s is a favourite pastime of mine. They don`t have to be necessarily be into it but they have to be willing to tolerate the joke/memes that I inevitable show them. And understand it`s an aesthetic not a core value.


I think I actually do want my hypothetical wife/GF to be my best friend. Is that a bad idea?


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## Netizennameless (Apr 21, 2022)

Lord of the Large Pants said:


> I think I actually do want my hypothetical wife/GF to be my best friend. Is that a bad idea?


Yes.  When you need to vent/seek advice about your wife/GF or situations you're in, you've already taken your best friend off the table.  Also, if you lose said wife/gf  you also lose your best friend.

What I think you are correct about is that you want your significant other to be a good friend.


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## kickingstones (Apr 21, 2022)

Lord of the Large Pants said:


> I think I actually do want my hypothetical wife/GF to be my best friend. Is that a bad idea?


A wife is so much more than a best friend. You need to be devoted to each other and any hypothetical offspring. Friendship water downs the true nature of the relationship.


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## Tard Repository (Apr 21, 2022)

Netizennameless said:


> let me put it to you this way:  you are guaranteeing that your worst fear (rejection) will be realized by not even trying.  I recommend talking to potential interests with the mentality that you are practicing.  Don't expect anything to happen, expect that you are learning/experimenting with conversation.  It helps take some of the anxiety away because you're focusing on a task and not the outcome.  Also remember that Ron Perlman got laid, so even if you were ugly it's not necessarily a dealbreaker.   Just don't expect anything to come of any flirting or conversation you have.  You tend to succeed once you stop caring about the outcome and just be yourself.
> 
> Also, positivity draws people in way more so than negativity.


Ah... Ron Perlman: America's Caveman. I actually never thought of it that way... looking at it more of an experience than a test. Thank you for this <3


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## veri (Apr 21, 2022)

Netizennameless said:


> You've already lost the battle with that attitude. You don't have to be in the top 1%, you have to be better than their last ex or appear to be.


it’s true, social status and wealth mean nothing if you are a good person/partner yeah there’s vain women who won’t date a man who isn’t “at the top” but those types aren’t worth wasting your energy on


Spoiler: slight pl?



i have been with a person who was in a bad place and not good on money. that in its own wasn’t a problem, but no matter what i tried to do or how supportive i tried to be this guy never tried to improve and was just hostile at any suggestions on how to make the situation better. he just wanted to stay a victim and never actually try.

 if you are willing to try to improve yourself your partner will stick around and help you become a better person. if you keep a negative attitude, don’t expect a woman to keep trying to help you. there are people who are in bad circumstances or something bad happens to them, but they keep a good attitude and make the best of their situation. a good partner will stay with you through hard times if YOU do too and don’t just stay where you’re at, you drag them down with you


a lot of the top 1% are miserable cunts who can put on a mask of being good/nice people but aren’t actually that way. they break up  and get divorced because their partner can’t put up with how they really are behind closed doors. 

if the women you pursue reject you for your status, you have to start looking somewhere else. women who only date for reasons like that are shallow cunts and won’t give you fulfilment in a relationship 


Netizennameless said:


> let me put it to you this way: you are guaranteeing that your worst fear (rejection) will be realized by not even trying. I recommend talking to potential interests with the mentality that you are practicing.


i’ve been trying to do this too, it’s good also to try to “separate” yourself from these interactions, what i mean is don’t take rejection or a bad interaction personally or as a reflection on your character. way easier said than done though 


Netizennameless said:


> Also, positivity draws people in way more so than negativity.


100% you get back the energy you put out there. if you look for negativity you’ll find it, if you have a positive attitude that energy will come to you naturally. one bad event only makes a bad day if you let it


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## Tard Repository (Apr 21, 2022)

Tomboy Respecter said:


> I'm coming back to this thread to ask another question and maybe another tangent for the thread to follow: do most people actually just date/marry people just on the basis of their looks? I get ogling at a hot woman, but I never thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with her or really interact with her just on the basis of the likelihood that we have compatible personalities is slim. Maybe it's because I am a bit more eccentric than most, but that seems like a shite foundation for a relationship. Of course, I'd appreciate if a woman looks attractive and keeps up her appearances but personalities also matter in a relationship and it seems like the dating market is explicitly there to basically force you to put on a mask so you can ape your way into someone's bed rather than to have an actual connection. I might be wrong and I would be willing to learn from anyone that has been/ is in a relationship for a long period of time.


Woman here. Looks are okay, but everybody goes saggy in some way eventually. It's a part of life. You're at your peak physical form for the first 35 years of your life, and that leaves you with about 40 years left and the fine lines turning to wrinkles. The only exceptions are people that make enough money to get laser treatments and surgeries done on the regular but even that ends up looking worse than just letting yourself age. 

I just prefer it when somebody takes care of themselves and does the best with what they've got. A shaved head is much more attractive than somebody who desperately clings to the hair they have left despite the obvious bald spots, for example, but it's more than that. Even just a light mist of a good cologne is like candy despite the looks. Showering regularly, dressing fit and possessing your own interests and personality is ten times more valuable than looks are. Anybody who says otherwise is an incredibly shallow person that probably isn't worth your friendship.


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## Ted_Breakfast (Apr 21, 2022)

Tard Repository said:


> A shaved head is much more attractive than somebody who desperately clings to the hair they have left despite the obvious bald spots


I wish I could keep my head shaved, it feels nice, but it makes me look like McNugget.


----------



## Frozen in time (Apr 21, 2022)

Because i have a kiwi farms account


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## BelUwUga (Apr 21, 2022)

I am far too busy ruining and otherwise sabotaging my own life. I can't have some vapid harlot dividing my attention.


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## Manul Otocolobus (Apr 21, 2022)

Tanuki Mixed Nuts said:


> I tried to do the whole thing in my early adulthood but ended up burnt and losing interest.



Sounds familiar. Same thing happened to me. I just refocused on education and career... and that essentially brings us to today.

IDK, generally I just don't seem to meet women I'd like to have a relationship with. For some reason the women I find myself interested in turn out to be horrible people.

The feedback I seem to get is that I'm good on paper, but women say they don't feel a "spark" when they date me.

I've decoded "spark" as "You are freakishly unattractive". In the looks category I am indeed nothing interesting. I'm just your typical tall nerdy white guy who is height/weight proportionate.



Vingle said:


> ...and don't fucking ghost me after meeting...



This x1000. I mean, is it really that hard to be an adult and say you aren't interested?

I also think it's possible I may be slightly autistic because my ability to read social situations and know what to say is impaired. In a number of situations I've needed someone to tell me what is going on because I just couldn't read what was happening.


----------



## The Nothingness (Apr 21, 2022)

Much like previous posts, I have a number of things as to the reason why I'm still single: introvert, self-loathing, no confidence in myself, anyone I was interested in was either already in a relationship or had no interest in me, and no interesting personality traits, quirks, or talents that might charm the ladies. While my job doesn't having me working paycheck to paycheck, it still isn't something that will amaze people. I felt like a phony when I answered various questions on dating apps, even the ones that were the closes I could get to describing whatever were the few hobbies I could associate with. Also like others have stated, things have gotten so political and tension-filled a part of me ask why take the risk if a bad breakup results in your ex spreading lies on social media that could ruin you in so many ways.


----------



## DumbDude42 (Apr 22, 2022)

Netizennameless said:


> You are actually on the right path.  Women's most marketable period as a romantic partner is early in their lives: 18-35.  For men it's older, probably 28-45.  It feels rough now because your competition at the moment is often men with established careers and years of confidence/wealth building.  If you keep on the path, as you get older you'll find you start to stack up better against your competition, who increasingly becomes younger and less established/confident than you.  Just give it time and remember the right woman will fit into your life, not ask you to blow it up.


"dude just endure misery and loneliness for half your life, then in the future when you have money some used up slut will pretend to like you for it"

death by hanging sounds more appealing than the life of humiliation you are advertising here


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## Netizennameless (Apr 22, 2022)

DumbDude42 said:


> "dude just endure misery and loneliness for half your life, then in the future when you have money some used up slut will pretend to like you for it"


Your bias.  Don't associate with used up sluts.


DumbDude42 said:


> death by hanging sounds more appealing than the life of humiliation you are advertising here


Username tracks.  No one is stopping you from necking yourself if you're that insecure.


----------



## BridgeTroll (Apr 22, 2022)

Been single for 3 years.

I'm an introverted and eccentric person that prefers to lead a quiet life, which is not for most people and with that, most women.

It's part voluntary part not voluntary. I had the opportunity to enter a relationship  or have a fling a few times the past 3 years. The latter I don't do at all and the others I didn't see any happy or satisfying future with.


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## Hey Beter (Apr 22, 2022)

Because Im gonna make Null love me and teach him how to cum.


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## DumbDude42 (Apr 22, 2022)

Netizennameless said:


> Your bias. Don't associate with used up sluts.


who else do you expect to flock to 30+ year old social rejects whose main selling point is money+status lol

the whole "women peak at 18, men peak at 35, hang in there bro, you're just a late bloomer" narrative is just sad cope, a deliberate distortion of reality. in practice guys who were socially successful in their teens and twenties will go on to be even more socially successful into their thirties and fourties, while guys who were social failures in youth will remain social failures in advanced age as well.


----------



## Akashic Retard (Apr 22, 2022)

TMI: The Thread


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## Netizennameless (Apr 22, 2022)

DumbDude42 said:


> who else do you expect to flock to 30+ year old social rejects whose main selling point is money+status lol.


"Social rejects" is your own projection.  Also money + status is incompatible with being a social reject.   


DumbDude42 said:


> the whole "women peak at 18, men peak at 35, hang in there bro, you're just a late bloomer" narrative is just sad cope, a deliberate distortion of reality


It would be sad cope, if that were at all what i said.


DumbDude42 said:


> . in practice guys who were socially successful in their teens and twenties will go on to be even more socially successful into their thirties and fourties,


So it sounds like men are most valuable as a partner between 28-45.  


DumbDude42 said:


> while guys who were social failures in youth will remain social failures in advanced age as well.


You're speaking from personal experience i take it.


----------



## GoysGoneWild (Apr 22, 2022)

Spoiler: don't bitch at me if you actually bother to read it



Well the fundamental reason I am single is because, like Jung said, I have standards. ("You don't have sex because no-one wants you, you don't have sex because you care who you sleep with"). Yeah I totally could pick up some makeup-caked chick at a bar while out with the boys, who will be overweight and foul tempered. Not to mention not that bright. I did it plenty when I was younger. I am 31 now and really don't care to do it anymore. Sleeping with someone is something more than just physical, and I regret doing it so much when I was a young dumb piece of shit. I've had relationships, including an almost 5 year long one. But I've been dumped every time. The first was 100% my fault, but I learned a lot from it, and since then, its been an increasingly insane trip with women. Seriously, a woman on birth control and antidepressants = RUN.

I'm also 1) not running into anyone that I find that attractive, which is probably because 2) I'm not around that many women in the first place. I am in an extremely male dominated field of "hard" I.T., statistically I think it is at least 90-95% male. My current workplace is all old boomer dudes and the occasional fat office worker wife. There is 1, ONE attractive female in this complex of about 150ish employees, and shes married to some real soyboy looking dude, star wars t shirt in their wedding photos and everything. My hobbies are a) Muay Thai, where there are some fit women but very much the minority, and the ones I've talked to have dropped "bf" around either me or some other guy, b) beer league kickball, same as above c) aussie football, again, no women. I am also gradually working on my skydiving license, again a very male dominated sport.

I mean, it sucks. It really does. I live at my parents while making a stupid big amount of money. If my plan works out over the next 3 months, I'll have two remote I.T. gigs, and be damn close to a 6 pack if not having it. My plan/hope is to achieve real-deal financial independence with a six-figure investment income by 36-37ish. I have great life goals and am working, hard, at achieving them. I read books that aren't Harry Potter, and play chess. I go out and have fun with a lot of guy friends. I've been to 4 continents. In a lot of ways my life is quite successful (seriously, gratitude journalling is awesome). Its just really hard not to think of my current situation with the ladies as some kind of karma for whoring around a lot in my young to mid 20's. They just aren't there in my life and idk what I can do to change that. 

At some point, you stop really caring too. My experience in so many past relationships is emotional bullshit, manipulation, non-commitment and occasionally, real deal mental issues. Eventually you get the idea that to a big extent, what they are bringing to the table isn't worth it.


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## Bass (Apr 22, 2022)

Manul Otocolobus said:


> The feedback I seem to get is that I'm good on paper, but women say they don't feel a "spark" when they date me.
> 
> I've decoded "spark" as "You are freakishly unattractive". In the looks category I am indeed nothing interesting. I'm just your typical tall nerdy white guy who is height/weight proportionate.


You have no idea what "spark" means to a woman do you?

Women operate in the world of emotions, whereas men operate on logic.  When she says you didn't make her FEEL a spark it means you didn't move her needle enough for her to get a read on you.  Like you say you sound good on paper but if all you were was pleasant and polite and didn't excite her or make her laugh, or tease her a bit to get a rise out of her she can't get a feel for who you are.  The feeling is the most important thing to her, even if it doesn't make any sense to you.

Pleasant and content and everything is fine are good things to us guys but to her emotions mean agitation, and any agitation good or bad is better than the needle staying in the middle.  That's why they test and cause drama.  It's not that they want to, per se, but because they all have a monster in them that makes no logical sense that demands agitation to feed it for her to feel safe.  As fucked up as it is, that's why some women stay with abusers.  They don't necessarily like the abuse, but on some deep level it makes the world make sense and they feel safe because they know where their man stands.  

So it sounds like you are a "nice guy".  Not the kind that blow up and send awful texts nice guys, but more of a you are too bland and agreeable so you are going to finish last nice guy.

You should work on being less polite and more direct with what you want.  It won't work out every time, because everyone is different and women aren't really a hive mind with a magic code to get all of them but you do have to give her enough agitation to be able to make a judgement call about you.  Being overly nice is like trying to get a ride without paying the fare, if you know what I mean.


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## Reluctant MC (Apr 23, 2022)

- No social media -> fewer (new) contacts
- The next person I'll be with has to become my partner in edgy mischief and prepare to start a fully conscious robot colony in the forrest with me
   -- I have yet to build a cabin in the forrest with enough storage space for our robotic friends


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## DumbDude42 (Apr 23, 2022)

Bass said:


> You have no idea what "spark" means to a woman do you?
> 
> Women operate in the world of emotions, whereas men operate on logic.  When she says you didn't make her FEEL a spark it means you didn't move her needle enough for her to get a read on you.  Like you say you sound good on paper but if all you were was pleasant and polite and didn't excite her or make her laugh, or tease her a bit to get a rise out of her she can't get a feel for who you are.  The feeling is the most important thing to her, even if it doesn't make any sense to you.
> 
> ...



tl;dr women talking about nebulous shit like this "spark" (lol gay) is just beating around the bush. what it means in reality is you're beta, you're not alpha, you're not chad, and they can sniff that out immediately. it's doomed for you.


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## mario if smoke weed (Apr 23, 2022)

I don't want any bullshit or drama while I'm working on bettering myself. When I'm ready, I want to make sure the person I partner up with for the rest of my life is someone I'll love, cherish and tolerate on a bad day. The whole concept of "dating someone to feel less lonely" just isn't for me. Especially with how expensive shit is nowadays.



DumbDude42 said:


> in practice guys who were socially successful in their teens and twenties will go on to be even more socially successful into their thirties and fourties, while guys who were social failures in youth will remain social failures in advanced age as well.



You fail to account that people change. Some grow as people and find success where they once found failure, and vice versa. It's just a matter of what you need to change about yourself to find success, which is easier for some and harder for others.

The "late bloomer cope" is overly optimistic but what you're saying it overly pessimistic.


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## b0x (Apr 23, 2022)

Bass said:


> So it sounds like you are a "nice guy". Not the kind that blow up and send awful texts nice guys, but more of a you are too bland and agreeable so you are going to finish last nice guy.



I've had girlfriends tell me outright "I'm too nice" because I generally try to attend to their needs and don't try to influence them emotionally or make grand gestures.  While I've watched a girl go back to her ex because the ex was so obsessed with her, he beat up her new boyfriend.

I've come to realize  I'm probably not partner material.  Maybe being raised by a single mother did it. Or maybe it's autism.


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## BonerMan (Apr 25, 2022)

i loved a woman for over 3 years and dated them for 2.5 years. during that entire time she struggled with her anxiety, which resulted in her calling me for hours whenever it sprung up (multiple times a week) without even the slightest complaint from me regarding it.

I revealed to her a miniscule amount of anxiet/depression regarding my future and she broke up with me within a month. 2.5 years dowm the drain because i revealed some involuntary mental shit shes also struggling with, lmao.

Just found out shes dating someone while im drinking every day until i pass out, so why bother dating if thats what its like to date someone who presents themselves as compassionate and understanding of everyone?


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## Kermit Jizz (Apr 25, 2022)

I personally am shocked, downright flabbergasted, that this thread has so much activity.  How could the well adjusted giga-chad populace of the site KiwiFarms have so many relationship troubles? Truly an enigma.


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## Akashic Retard (Apr 25, 2022)

DumbDude42 said:


> tl;dr women talking about nebulous shit like this "spark" (lol gay) is just beating around the bush. what it means in reality is you're beta, you're not alpha, you're not chad, and they can sniff that out immediately. it's doomed for you.


Many nice girls don't want to be around someone that is an endlessly cynical know-it-all. That would not create a spark.


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## Overcast (Apr 25, 2022)

Before, it was fear and insecurity in myself.

Now? Just haven’t found the right woman yet.


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## Chump (Apr 25, 2022)

Honestly I am kind of a sperg when it comes to relationships and the girl I have been going out with is also a sperg so we have not become super intimate, its been awhile and I don't want to move on because I feel like we do genuinely have feelings for each  other.



Overcast said:


> Before, it was fear and insecurity in myself.
> 
> Now? Just haven’t found the right woman yet.


How did you overcome the insecurity and fear of rejection. The gym used to work for me but it does not really help anymore.


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## Overcast (Apr 25, 2022)

Chump said:


> How did you overcome the insecurity and fear of rejection. The gym used to work for me but it does not really help anymore.


It’s still there, just not nearly as bad as it once was.

I just try not to worry too much about it. In fact, I’ve grown to like the feeling of just trying regardless of success or failure. Women respect a man who puts himself out there and is able to shrug off rejection. Especially if you become friends afterwards. Plus, you never know, she might have a cute friend who she’d introduce you too if she likes you enough. Don’t expect it though.

Also turning to Christianity and going to the gym have done wonders for me and helped me embrace my nature as a man.


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## Chump (Apr 25, 2022)

Overcast said:


> It’s still there, just not nearly as bad as it once was.
> 
> I just try not to worry too much about it. In fact, I’ve grown to like the feeling of just trying regardless of success or failure. Women respect a man who puts himself out there and is able to shrug off rejection. Especially if you become friends afterwards. Plus, you never know, she might have a cute friend who she’d introduce you too if she likes you enough. Don’t expect it though.
> 
> Also turning to Christianity and going to the gym have done wonders for me and helped me embrace my nature as a man.


Yeah well it's hard to be a christian man. With this girl I keep giving my self deadlines of what I should be doing and I keep just not doing it for fear of losing her.


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## Overcast (Apr 25, 2022)

Chump said:


> Yeah well it's hard to be a christian man. With this girl I keep giving my self deadlines of what I should be doing and I keep just not doing it for fear of losing her.


God doesn’t ask us to be perfect. Only to do our best to be good people. You don’t necessarily have to go to Church every Sunday or hold yourself to some ridiculously high standard. And you don’t need to be in a certain place or mental state in your life in order for him to help you. He’s there whenever you’re ready.

I won’t pry into what kind of relationship you two have. One thing I have learned though is that both sides of a relationship need to establish what it is they want. And fairly early on too. If what she wants doesn’t correlate with what you want, or if she’s not showing signs of interest in you, it’s best to move on.


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## Shadfan666xxx000 (Apr 25, 2022)

Chump said:


> Yeah well it's hard to be a christian man. With this girl I keep giving my self deadlines of what I should be doing and I keep just not doing it for fear of losing her.


Don't worry about deadlines or some arbitrary milestone with these things. Love is an art, not a science and whatever you have planned should pan out regardless of your status with this girl and vice versa. Focus on your opportunity with her, give her what she wants and simply let her take you as you take her.


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## svetlalala (Apr 25, 2022)

I only simp for Dear Leader and Dear Leader only simps for Chantal.


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## Unyielding Stupidity (Apr 25, 2022)

Simply put, I'm not attractive, and that's basically a death sentence for actually having a relationship in the modern day.
Women don't date for personality - they'll lust over serial killers, pedophiles and all sorts of absolutely abhorrent individuals as long as that person's tall and has a nice jaw.


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## Skitarii (Apr 25, 2022)

Cause schizo women make threads like these and you're telling me this is my dating pool?


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## Nero You're DeadWeight (Apr 25, 2022)

I was pretty much the fat girl who turned into a cute nerd after getting my shit together after Highschool graduation. Had a good personality but who ever dates the fat girl in High School? I am decently attractive now but all of the men where I live are just kind of pussies or creepy as hell.
To keep it short, a guy who's sister killed a cop was the most normal if that means anything.

The guy's who want to get with me are either
- Hopeless romantics / pussies who can't even stand up for themselves
- Niggers
- Asain fetishizers
- Lonely nerds
- Incels

I dodged an actual pedophile and I STILL think about that. 

I just have no interest and all of the shit I've been through has turned me off from dating all together for the most part.
I never even SEEKED these guys out, it just feels like all of the shit tries to get with me and I want no part of it. Sometimes I wonder if my standards ARE too high, but I'm glad they are if it keeps that shit far away from me. It doesn't help that I can pass for a minor which complicates things cause I'm just a very short woman. I enjoy my youth but god does it attract some whack asses.

I'm just a hyper girl who wants a guy who will join in my shenanigan's with me, and reel me in if I go too far. I'm just looking for my equal and I've yet to find em.


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## LightDragonman1 (Apr 25, 2022)

Still single at 28, and I have never even gone on a single date in my life.

Guess it's just because I like to stay by myself in my room. Besides, who would ever want to go out with someone who's nearly 30, yet still lives with their parents and can't hold onto a full-time job?


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## Johnny Salami (Apr 25, 2022)

Dick to big, size will Penetrate through skin
size queens are crazy and fat


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## Netizennameless (Apr 25, 2022)

Bass said:


> You have no idea what "spark" means to a woman do you?
> 
> Women operate in the world of emotions, whereas men operate on logic.  When she says you didn't make her FEEL a spark it means you didn't move her needle enough for her to get a read on you.  Like you say you sound good on paper but if all you were was pleasant and polite and didn't excite her or make her laugh, or tease her a bit to get a rise out of her she can't get a feel for who you are.  The feeling is the most important thing to her, even if it doesn't make any sense to you.
> 
> ...


To put it another way: in my experience women don't respect a man who doesn't have a red line.  You have to be willing to let a woman walk away.  Sometimes they will, but if they're really interested usually they won't.   

If a woman doesn't respect you, she won't feel a spark for you.  Being single is better than being in a toxic relationship.


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## Chump (Apr 25, 2022)

Shadfan666xxx000 said:


> Don't worry about deadlines or some arbitrary milestone with these things. Love is an art, not a science and whatever you have planned should pan out regardless of your status with this girl and vice versa. Focus on your opportunity with her, give her what she wants and simply let her take you as you take her.


Not gonna lie that sounded like sage adivce.


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## Ser Prize (Apr 25, 2022)

Nero You're DeadWeight said:


> I was pretty much the fat girl who turned into a cute nerd after getting my shit together after Highschool graduation. Had a good personality but who ever dates the fat girl in High School? I am decently attractive now but all of the men where I live are just kind of pussies or creepy as hell.
> To keep it short, a guy who's sister killed a cop was the most normal if that means anything.
> 
> The guy's who want to get with me are either
> ...


You can't control who you attract, only how you handle it. 

T. had a mentally ill girl into me during highschool.


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## AnotherOne (Apr 25, 2022)

Unyielding Stupidity said:


> Simply put, I'm not attractive, and that's basically a death sentence for actually having a relationship in the modern day.
> Women don't date for personality - they'll lust over serial killers, pedophiles and all sorts of absolutely abhorrent individuals as long as that person's tall and has a nice jaw.


I mean you're mostly right, but even now I still see uggo asshole men pull. Trick is they don't give a shit. They'll pay for sex and laugh about it, or bang an obese woman with herpes, or hit on the cute cashier at little caesars (ngl I was super butthurt when I saw that go down), or impregnate a woman on the second date while already in arrears for child support with two other baby mamas. Recklessness is undeniably sexually successful, so in that sense personality _does _matter. 

But even beyond that trashy stuff I still see kinda short dudes with weak chins walking around holding hands with women. Online dating and social media will eventually make neurotic incels out of everyone, but its not there yet.


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## The Nothingness (Apr 25, 2022)

To add a bit more, I haven't figured what exactly my type is outside of physical appearance. That and having hobbies that I would be comfortable with being open about are things I need to work on.


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## DumbDude42 (Apr 26, 2022)

AnotherOne said:


> Recklessness is undeniably sexually successful, so in that sense personality _does _matter.


of course it does, just in the opposite way women usually say it does.
like you said, the kind of personality that actually works involves recklessness, audacity, aggression, disrespect. it's the complete polar opposite of what women say they want (meek, respectful, considerate, etc) and thus the complete polar opposite of what most boys are taught to be like from an early age.


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## Rear Admiral Butthole (Apr 26, 2022)

I have the social and emotional intelligence of an especially withdrawn brick.

In the past it's because I could never really answer these questions:

What do I say, at any point after first introduction, to indicate interest.
What does eligibility look like, since I can't walk up to random people and saying "want bang", 
How do I determine that they're interested, and how to act on it.
Nowadays it's just because I'm somewhat innawoods where there are more sheep than people, so those questions don't need answering (even if the size of my dating pool hasn't changed).


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## Chump (Apr 29, 2022)

Shadfan666xxx000 said:


> Don't worry about deadlines or some arbitrary milestone with these things. Love is an art, not a science and whatever you have planned should pan out regardless of your status with this girl and vice versa. Focus on your opportunity with her, give her what she wants and simply let her take you as you take her.


Update things are going better even though a sperged out a bit. I was at her house tonight and we sat and watched movies in the living room and it was a good night with cuddling. Then she said it was bed time and she got up and went to her bed and I she was sitting there with her laptop expecting me to stay I think and I said well I am going to head home like a fucking idiot.


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## YourFriendlyLurker (Apr 29, 2022)

> he kind of personality that actually works involves recklessness, audacity, aggression, disrespect. it's the complete polar opposite of what women say they want (meek, respectful, considerate, etc) and thus the complete polar opposite of what most boys are taught to be like from an early age.


It does but only on short run. The image of agressive strong alfa male is sexually attractive because humans are actually animals and that's how it works in mother nature. However humans also tend to build a long-term relationships and that's where it stops working that good.  Of course it's still good is you are strong ands active but there are other qualities that start playing the role like intellegence, communication skills, emotional intellegence, your money, your status etc. It's the same as watching porn where everyone has nice tits and big dicks, people jerk off to that but would they actually marry a porn-star? In other words, it depends on your goals.


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## DumbDude42 (Apr 29, 2022)

YourFriendlyLurker said:


> It does but only on short run. The image of agressive strong alfa male is sexually attractive because humans are actually animals and that's how it works in mother nature. However humans also tend to build a long-term relationships and that's where it stops working that good.  Of course it's still good is you are strong ands active but there are other qualities that start playing the role like intellegence, communication skills, emotional intellegence, your money, your status etc. It's the same as watching porn where everyone has nice tits and big dicks, people jerk off to that but would they actually marry a porn-star? In other words, it depends on your goals.


the catch is that you need that alpha shit to get your foot in the door in the first place, without that you don't even get to the point where that other stuff starts mattering


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## Spud (Apr 29, 2022)

Humpin Henry said:


> Because its so over. If you aren't the top 1% of men, it's literally a joke to even think of trying.


Funnily enough it doesn't take that much to become part of that 1% all you have to do is change the area you're at. Think about it, Ethan "Rape'em Ronnie" Ralph of all people got a girl. What is really stopping you?



The Curmudgeon said:


> Groyper? Nope. Incel? Yes, but only technically and not ideologically. I wanted to make that clear because I know there are guys who have turned being an incel into some weird political ideology and use it as a form of identity politics. I don't let silly shit like that define who I am.


If you're trying to get laid you're not incel just unlucky



DumbDude42 said:


> "dude just endure misery and loneliness for half your life, then in the future when you have money some used up slut will pretend to like you for it"
> 
> death by hanging sounds more appealing than the life of humiliation you are advertising here


Why go for the old fruit when you can pick from a fresh tree?


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## WhimsicalTrolli (Apr 29, 2022)

Autism and depression.


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## Wintersun (Apr 29, 2022)

DumbDude42 said:


> the catch is that you need that alpha shit to get your foot in the door in the first place, without that you don't even get to the point where that other stuff starts mattering


I completely disagree. I've seen all sorts of the girliest, faggiest dudes to ever walk the face of the Earth with some of the hottest chicks around. I work in a huge city, and my job requires a lot of face time with people. The only requirements women have for dating is that you're interesting, financially feasible and good in bed. The "alpha" shit is just boner bonus points on top of that.

The other side of the coin is that, once I met my wife in college, girls came out of the woodwork telling me they always had a crush on me etc etc. but were too afraid of me being an asshole to them, since I don't express above a monotone and my face doesn't express anything. Sometimes all you need to do is be in the right place at the right time.


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## Netizennameless (Apr 29, 2022)

Rear Admiral Butthole said:


> I have the social and emotional intelligence of an especially withdrawn brick.
> 
> In the past it's because I could never really answer these questions:
> 
> ...


I can help with these questions. 

Anything that genuinely interests you.  if they nope out immediately, consider it an effective filter for what would have ended up being a waste of time and energy.
this can be sussed out by conversation.  bring up topics where it would be natural to talk about a significant other.  "I saw x band in concert", I watched "y" show.  If a woman is not interested and single, she usually won't engage your questions beyond a surface level.  If she is in a relationship and not interested, she will usually take the first opportunity to mention her relationship.  If you give her opportunities to mention it you can determine eligibility without having to get shot down.
If a woman is interested, she will usually keep finding ways to extend the conversation.  She will also often use the strategy above to try to determine your eligibility.  How to act on it depends entirely on each woman, but often you can figure it out by reading body language.  Be quick to disengage and give her space if you guess wrong.  A misunderstanding can be looked past, an overbearing dude who can't take a hint is unsettling.



Rear Admiral Butthole said:


> Nowadays it's just because I'm somewhat innawoods where there are more sheep than people, so those questions don't need answering (even if the size of my dating pool hasn't changed).


Edit: you'd be surprised how many women are unhappy where they are and willing to go literally anywhere with a man they want to be with.  Roll into a city once in awhile and intimidate the soys by existing.  If you want to.


DumbDude42 said:


> the catch is that you need that alpha shit to get your foot in the door in the first place, without that you don't even get to the point where that other stuff starts mattering


you don't need "alpha shit".  you need to be mentally strong enough that she doesn't think she can roll you and not significantly weaker than your peers.  A small man might not look intimidating in a confrontation, but a small man holding a rifle is just as intimidating as a large man. 


Wintersun said:


> I completely disagree. I've seen all sorts of the girliest, faggiest dudes to ever walk the face of the Earth with some of the hottest chicks around. I work in a huge city, and my job requires a lot of face time with people. The only requirements women have for dating is that you're interesting, financially feasible and good in bed. The "alpha" shit is just boner bonus points on top of that.


Cities are suffering from a horrible shortage of actual men.  Given that shortage, the best of the rest start to look more appealing.


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## ZeCommissar (Apr 29, 2022)

I'm not single, and I haven't been for the past two years. I will admit that i'm not like some people on this thread who have been single for 5+ years or even their entire life. I will say that I have enough confidence now to think I'm attractive. Tall, good jaw, decent facial features etc. Why is that important? I don't mind a little PL since it represents the past me.

I wasn't always this way. Sure I was always the "tall kid", and my facial features have always been strong since puberty but that didn't matter to me. Like most other teens I was heavily insecure for all the wrong reasons. I had very shitty luck with girls when I was younger by acting like some wimpy faggot and treating them like eldritch unknowable beings that I should be lucky if even the ugly ones consider me. The few that did date me were either ugly, or they were hoes that just liked me for my looks who had shitty personalities that very quickly left me for acting like a simp. Occasionally I would find one that was a good woman who still left me for being dumb. Those were the worst ones that really gutted me at the time.

I was lucky if a relationship lasted a week or a month, nevermind 2 fucking years. I would look at my male peers with their pretty GFs that they've been dating for 1-3 years at that time and get jealous, and further fall into the dark pit of insecurity. I thought I was one ugly motherfucker, and no amount of the objective reality in the mirror with my own two eyes changed that. My logic was pretty simple at the time "I can't be attractive since no one but uggos want to date me". I was wrong, and its because I started with insecurity it ended up spiraling very out of control until the last couple of years. Another really shitty thing that happened is that good looking women would send me signals and I was either too inexperienced to pick up on them, or if I did too insecure to do anything but either disbelieve it or freeze up. I was single for 3 years after turning 18 until I started landing dates again.

_*Good looks only get you so far, and if you act retarded you can set yourself up for a world of failure regardless of how pretty or ugly you are. *_

No I do not believe "only personality matters" because that's naive feel good BS. However it IS possible to be ugly and to find a decent looking woman that's not some gold digger. Of course this depends on how ugly you really are since some people are just "meh" to "holy shit what type of fucking mutant is that?" You must have realistic expectations and standards. Don't settle, but don't start batting out of your league if you know you aren't confident. Baby steps my friend.

Take it from me. If you think you "missed out" during your youth with dating young girls/guys and you're far behind other people I will say that you're wrong. All those shitty relationships in highschool and early college only served to give me some experience in what to look out for, and given me a tiny boost to confidence because at least I can find a date, no matter how bad they are. Those guys and girls I mentioned that slayed during highschool and stuck with their "sweethearts" had relationships that crashed and burned. Some of them settled and stayed with very shitty partners that cheat on them because they haven't dated anyone else and they're afraid to be alone. Only a small handful have stuck with people that have meaningful successful relationships. 16/18 year olds are retarded and don't know what a good relationship looks like. Look to the future and present, not the past.


Chump said:


> How did you overcome the insecurity and fear of rejection. The gym used to work for me but it does not really help anymore.


The insecurity part is the tough one. It's hard to overcome fear of rejection if you haven't overcome insecurity first. How did I do it? Well discipline helps out a lot. You already show mental and physical discipline by regularly going to the gym. Now you just need to increase your mental discipline even more. What makes you insecure? Is it because you "sperg" out too much and say stupid things? Do you think you're ugly? Maybe you got bullied? I don't know and only you know, so think about it. Once you know think to yourself "what can I change, and how would I go about it?" Its OK if you don't know the answer to that at the time. Just keep thinking about it until some solutions come up. Chances are the things you feel insecure about can be changed. If you're ugly you can still groom yourself and smell nice. If you're socially inept you can work on it. and get better unless you have extreme autism, and I doubt you have that if a girl is interested in the first place. Don't sweat about how much progress you seem to be making. You have your whole life ahead of you, and as long as you slowly make some gains you will eventually be fine.

One big thing about overcoming insecurity and rejection is that you just have to do it. You're brain will be screaming at you when you start feeling uncomfortable, and want to make the next step. Don't try to push it out, don't try to completely ignore it. That will just make it worse. Realize that its there, and breathe for a second. Think to yourself "I know I feel uncomfortable, but I will be fine". If you truly like this girl and want to move forward you must overcome yourself. You have no choice. It's either do or die. Once you start slowly overcoming your fears the big fears get easier to take on. Eventually you will do this enough that even when you do feel anxious and insecure you will know what response to take and stay calm.



Chump said:


> Update things are going better even though a sperged out a bit. I was at her house tonight and we sat and watched movies in the living room and it was a good night with cuddling. Then she said it was bed time and she got up and went to her bed and I she was sitting there with her laptop expecting me to stay I think and I said well I am going to head home like a fucking idiot.


Hey man we all make mistakes. I still fuck up with my girl after two years, so its expected. Don't beat yourself up for past failures, just learn from them. I no longer think about my exes unless its very specific topics like this. It's just past experience I can use to better my life. I will say don't be afraid to lose someone, even if you think they're perfect. (which they aren't) If things go bad life goes on and you can use it to grow, and get a better relationship. I've been in the exact same boat. I've had girls that might as well been spreading their legs and I still failed to take the hint and fucked it up. I used to say "god I'm so fucking stupid" now I'll say "oh well".

Remember, if she didn't like or trust you she wouldn't have you hanging out with her alone in her house. She has already shown she's at least interested in you, all you have to do is calm down and let things happen that are within your and hers boundaries. If you're unsure about her boundaries then just ask. If I can overcome it you can too brother.

Not sure what you guys think of my advice, but if you're an insecure guy that needs help just PM me. I've been there too and might be able to give another perspective.


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## Shadfan666xxx000 (Apr 30, 2022)

Chump said:


> Update things are going better even though a sperged out a bit. I was at her house tonight and we sat and watched movies in the living room and it was a good night with cuddling. Then she said it was bed time and she got up and went to her bed and I she was sitting there with her laptop expecting me to stay I think and I said well I am going to head home like a fucking idiot.


You'll make it. Just try to pick up on implications a bit better. These things are all based on subtext.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (May 1, 2022)

Would it be a good idea to get myself hammered/high before trying to pick up women, or is that just setting myself up for some really awful feelings when it goes badly?



Spoiler: World's saddest story



I only dated one girl, briefly, in college. I went on some dates with another but it wasn't "dating," she wasn't my girlfriend. Then there were some others I had some interest in but tended to be an issue. Big thing is I have some tiny dating experience but I've gone a long time without dating (like it's not really a help at this point) and it's not that I've been rejected a lot but that I never try and I never see women acting interested to make me willing to try. 

My friends were useless nerd faggots (I miss them dearly, though), crab bucket at best, but now I've got a friend who's a good deal older than me and encourages me, so I feel like I have to get over it real quick because nobody wants to keep trying to help somebody who doesn't do it. There's a party on Saturday that I am dreading. The only flirting I feel comfortable with is teasing, when I had that brief relationship I just outright asked for things (like a hug/kiss) until it got to feeling natural and I have a sense of humor IRL that's both goofy and deadpan that a lot of men get (it isn't their favorite shit, but they at least get it) that women don't seem to pick up on at all.



Srs suggestions only pl0x


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## Muu (May 1, 2022)

Autism, I'm too self centered for a gf.


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## Donker (May 1, 2022)

Life is in a shit situation, living with BPD Barry who is insanely controlling, the house is a fucking biohazard zone because he refuses to clean or take garbage out or shower or anything, I get zero time to myself because BPD Barry is more clingy than a fucking 2 year old, if I go out, he forces himself to come along and then acts like a massive arrogant, selfish, narcissistic prick basically sending every woman in the entire area defcon 1 level of red flag alerts.

Not subjecting some poor girl to that, hell I've distanced myself from friends as well until I can improve living situation and get back on my feet.

On other notes, now too old, hitting 30 makes OLD pretty much impossible as you're only shown to hambeast 1/10s with 5 kids. I actually get along fine with younger people 20-27 until they realise my age then wall goes up. Like others here, I pretty much struggle to actually push we're having fun out together to getting together/laid, especially with my age. The moment that 30 appears, 98% of 20 something single women lose interest and 30 year old single women want a guy halfway up the career ladder at least.


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## TFT-A9 (May 1, 2022)

Donker said:


> Life is in a shit situation, living with BPD Barry who is insanely controlling, the house is a fucking biohazard zone because he refuses to clean or take garbage out or shower or anything, I get zero time to myself because BPD Barry is more clingy than a fucking 2 year old, if I go out, he forces himself to come along and then acts like a massive arrogant, selfish, narcissistic prick basically sending every woman in the entire area defcon 1 level of red flag alerts.
> 
> Not subjecting some poor girl to that, hell I've distanced myself from friends as well until I can improve living situation and get back on my feet.
> 
> On other notes, now too old, hitting 30 makes OLD pretty much impossible as you're only shown to hambeast 1/10s with 5 kids. I actually get along fine with younger people 20-27 until they realise my age then wall goes up. Like others here, I pretty much struggle to actually push we're having fun out together to getting together/laid, especially with my age. The moment that 30 appears, 98% of 20 something single women lose interest and 30 year old single women want a guy halfway up the career ladder at least.


OLD is honestly crap.  Actual social venues are much, much better for even the early stages, though that's a difficult-to-surmount obstacle for a lot of people recently.  That said, after a handful of dates/outings with a 20 year old... it's hard to stay interested in them enough to work past a generational gap towards any sort of long term relationship.  God they're so dreadfully banal sometimes.


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## Netizennameless (May 1, 2022)

Ughubughughughughughghlug said:


> Would it be a good idea to get myself hammered/high before trying to pick up women, or is that just setting myself up for some really awful feelings when it goes badly?


Hammered/high? yes.  A little buzzed to help with social anxiety would be much better but this is something you should probably be sober for.  Alcohol will erode your judgment and a lot of people embarrass themselves that way or miss serious red flags.


Ughubughughughughughghlug said:


> Spoiler: World's saddest story
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Donker (May 1, 2022)

Ughubughughughughughghlug said:


> Would it be a good idea to get myself hammered/high before trying to pick up women, or is that just setting myself up for some really awful feelings when it goes badly?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Tipsy, not drunk so like one or two drinks before, also know when to hold your tongue, don't go into serious topics and unveil any heterodox power level, if she talks politics, just agree and try pull the convo to other shared interests like books, movies, hobbies etc.


TFT-A9 said:


> OLD is honestly crap.  Actual social venues are much, much better for even the early stages, though that's a difficult-to-surmount obstacle for a lot of people recently.  That said, after a handful of dates/outings with a 20 year old... it's hard to stay interested in them enough to work past a generational gap towards any sort of long term relationship.  God they're so dreadfully banal sometimes.



Yeah agreed, honestly age wise I think I would best get along with a 27-32 year old, but again, issue is shit life situation and at that age they're looking for stability from a partner.


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## Roxanne Wolf (May 1, 2022)

Because there are no other gays around me that are based and kiwipilled.

But if we're being serious here, modern dating feels so superficial and predatory. I've never been a lust before love kinda guy, and it feels as if everyone I come across only loves the idea of me and what they see that is skin-deep. 

I'll take your autism ratings now but let's be real, good people are hard to find.


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## TFT-A9 (May 1, 2022)

Donker said:


> Yeah agreed, honestly age wise I think I would best get along with a 27-32 year old, but again, issue is shit life situation and at that age they're looking for stability from a partner.


I saw that a lot too in my age group, but it was typically for almost parasitic reasons (e.g. "I'm a walking trainwreck and I need an absolute rock of a person to develop a codependent relationship with, and don't expect me to become well-adjusted or anything that's not fair, if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best whatever that is").


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## Ted_Breakfast (May 2, 2022)

The Infinitely High Boyfriend Factor.


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## Kermit Jizz (May 2, 2022)

DumbDude42 said:


> the catch is that you need that alpha shit to get your foot in the door in the first place, without that you don't even get to the point where that other stuff starts mattering


I don't know if this qualifies as alpha, but the most successful I've been with women is when I've been indifferent to them, like platonically. I incorrectly assumed my girlfriend was off limits when we met and then she gunned for my dick. I think just being their type + not appearing desperate are the only things that really matter.


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## Smolrolls (May 2, 2022)

Donker said:


> On other notes, now too old, hitting 30 makes OLD pretty much impossible as you're only shown to hambeast 1/10s with 5 kids. I actually get along fine with younger people 20-27 until they realise my age then wall goes up. Like others here, I pretty much struggle to actually push we're having fun out together to getting together/laid, especially with my age. The moment that 30 appears, 98% of 20 something single women lose interest and 30 year old single women want a guy halfway up the career ladder at least.


To be fair, Mister metokur is in his mid-30's and he got married to Jade whose in her mid-20s I think.


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## veri (May 2, 2022)

are dating apps even worth the effort? i’ve used one once, only kept in touch with one person from there. i value my privacy, i don’t know if it’s even worth the risk honestly. what are your guys experience?


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## Ser Prize (May 3, 2022)

Smolrolls said:


> To be fair, Mister metokur is in his mid-30's and he got married to Jade whose in her mid-20s I think.


Metokur is 41 I think.


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## Donker (May 3, 2022)

I'm a loser sleeping on a floor, Metokur is a minor internet celeb/influencer. Any sort of fame/clout gets women dropping to their knees.

What even minor niche podcast fame gets a mofo.


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## Smolrolls (May 3, 2022)

Ser Prize said:


> Metokur is 41 I think.


Then more hope to those who are old.


Donker said:


> I'm a loser sleeping on a floor, Metokur is a minor internet celeb/influencer. Any sort of fame/clout gets women dropping to their knees.
> 
> What even minor niche podcast fame gets a mofo.


Yea but not like people know who he really is until recently in the past 2 years since anonymity is a big thing for him, Keemstar and Dax would be recognized by women who drop their knees for the two . Who still don't know even know what he really look like despite his name and address doxxed to the public.


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## Netizennameless (May 3, 2022)

Kermit Jizz said:


> I don't know if this qualifies as alpha, but the most successful I've been with women is when I've been indifferent to them, like platonically. I incorrectly assumed my girlfriend was off limits when we met and then she gunned for my dick. I think just being their type + not appearing desperate are the only things that really matter.


Generally speaking, eligible women are used to being pursued by men, often men below her standards.  When a man is indifferent to her, it tends to spark questions

1. "why isn't he paying any attention to me?"
2.  Is he in a relationship?
3. Is it solid? 
4. Is he gay? 
5. Can i get him to notice me?
6. Is something wrong with me?
7. Is something wrong with him?

Not all of these questions apply all the time.  It also depends on whether or not there is mutual interest. 

point is, indifference doesn't send a woman any signals to interpret.   Also, US women tend to take silence and fill in those blanks themselves with anxiety.   Lots of women fall for a weak man that put up a strong act long enough to make them doubt themselves.


verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> are dating apps even worth the effort? i’ve used one once, only kept in touch with one person from there. i value my privacy, i don’t know if it’s even worth the risk honestly. what are your guys experience?


Typically dating apps are the bottom of the barrel.  A potential interest in real life can't catfish you or use filters to hide their flaws.  It encourages people to commoditize dating in my opinion.


Donker said:


> I'm a loser sleeping on a floor, Metokur is a minor internet celeb/influencer. Any sort of fame/clout gets women dropping to their knees.
> 
> What even minor niche podcast fame gets a mofo.
> View attachment 3242401


Don't fall for the pretty facade.  The type of women who will pose in a photo like this are usually chasing clout.  They don't love him and they'll be gone the second his money and platform is.  Also none of them look happy except the one bent over and she is clearly self-promoting.


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## veri (May 3, 2022)

Netizennameless said:


> Typically dating apps are the bottom of the barrel. A potential interest in real life can't catfish you or use filters to hide their flaws. It encourages people to commoditize dating in my opinion.


it seems useful to find people with similar interests and lifestyles, but beyond that it just feels really fake. it seems like the only option


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## Netizennameless (May 3, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> it seems useful to find people with similar interests and lifestyles, but beyond that it just feels really fake. it seems like the only option


That's why you go do shit you enjoy IRL, and eventually you meet potential interests there.  One benefit is that it's a lot more effort to actually go do things you dislike (vs just saying you like something on your profile to attract attention) so it's far more likely you share a genuine point of interest.  Also the out-in-public nature makes it easier to get to know someone through repeated encounters.  And if nothing happens, at least you got to do something you genuinely enjoy.


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## malleusmaleficarum (May 3, 2022)

probably because you're on kf


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## Matt Damon (May 3, 2022)

I've dated perfectly attractive, intelligent, decent women and every time, I've found it to be more of a bother than it's worth.  There's a huge amount of implied obligation in a romantic relationship and what I derive from them doesn't justify the time and effort and expense involved.

Getting laid regularly is nice, but it isn't compelling enough by itself and I get almost nothing out of companionship or emotional support or intimacy.


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## Gender: Xenomorph (May 4, 2022)

With the risk of outing myself as an autist, I'll post here saying I just haven't dated someone who's worth my time.

Haven't been on a date lately where I really enjoyed my time and I didn't feel like I need to show off like one of those birds doing their retarded little dances.

I have been dating only online due to corona in the past couple of years, but maybe things are due to change? Unlikely, because in my field there's 1 girl for every 50 guys.


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