# The shitty advice thread



## PT 522 (Apr 7, 2019)

Post your problems and receive shitty advice from internet autists.

If you reply with serious advice you're fucking gay.
If you spam "kill yourself" with no creative flair you're so gay that you're probably taking dick up the ass as you type.

I don't have any problems because I am the perfect alpha giga Chad living a perfect alpha giga life and I am only here to allay your woes out of the kindness of my heart. Come whisper your sorrows in my ear.


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## MediocreMilt (Apr 7, 2019)

My but smell. Why my shit stink???


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## mr.moon1488 (Apr 7, 2019)

MediocreMilt said:


> My but smell. Why my shit stink???


Your butt only has one T.  This is a rare genetic disorder which can cause your shit to stink.


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## PT 522 (Apr 7, 2019)

MediocreMilt said:


> My but smell. Why my shit stink???


Your problem is that you wipe ass with tissue and not with hand


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## JM 590 (Apr 7, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> I don't have any problems because I am the perfect alpha giga Chad living a perfect alpha giga life and I am only here to allay your woes out of the kindness of my heart. Come whisper your sorrows in my ear.



nigga you fat tho

How do i become a hoarder


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## Glad I couldn't help (Apr 7, 2019)

MediocreMilt said:


> My but smell. Why my shit stink???


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## Lame Entropy (Apr 7, 2019)

Perfect. I need to find a new car and place to live within the next two months, what to do?


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## Suburban Bastard (Apr 7, 2019)

Piss said:


> How do i become a hoarder


Make a runescape account.


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## Wendy Carter (Apr 7, 2019)

how do i shot web?


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## MediocreMilt (Apr 7, 2019)

BanalEntropy said:


> Perfect. I need to find a new car and place to live within the next two months, what to do?


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## PT 522 (Apr 7, 2019)

Piss said:


> nigga you fat tho








Call me when you can get half as many bitches with your skinny ass ?


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## mr.moon1488 (Apr 7, 2019)

Wendy_Carter said:


> how do i shot web?


I think drinking silly string, and gorilla glue will do it for you.


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## PT 522 (Apr 7, 2019)

How do I get a girl to let me touch one of her titty


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## Yaoi Huntress Earth (Apr 7, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> How do I get a girl to let me touch one of her titty


Put a gun to her head and ask politely.


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## Mightykiwi (Apr 7, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> How do I get a girl to let me touch one of her titty



Pay her


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

Wendy_Carter said:


> how do i shot web?


Directly into your veins


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## Sexy Senior Citizen (Apr 8, 2019)

How do git gud?


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## Kirito (Apr 8, 2019)

I made some hot cocoa but it was too hot. I added some water to cool it down but then it was too weak. I drank it anyways.
How should I move on from this?


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## nagant 1895 (Apr 8, 2019)

I've been called for jury duty. How can I escape this terrible burden?


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## Kirito (Apr 8, 2019)

nagant 1895 said:


> I've been called for jury duty. How can I escape this terrible burden?


Just give them a call and say you're really not feeling it and stay home. They'll understand


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## nagant 1895 (Apr 8, 2019)

Sexy Senior Citizen said:


> How do git gud?


button mash and use online-only-combos


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## Glad I couldn't help (Apr 8, 2019)

nagant 1895 said:


> I've been called for jury duty. How can I escape this terrible burden?


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

big bad fish said:


> I made some hot cocoa but it was too hot. I added some water to cool it down but then it was too weak. I drank it anyways.
> How should I move on from this?


Drink your beverages hot next time like a man. Burn your throat and mouth to oblivion in a pointless show of masculinity.


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## Tahoma (Apr 8, 2019)

some Homo sexuel wrote their number On a bathroom stall at my uni, shoild i make them Cum

also why my grundle smell good


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## RG 448 (Apr 8, 2019)

My neice has a serious drug problem and goes into rehab tommorow.  How do I make sure she won’t stop selling me cocaine without coming off as insensitive?


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## nagant 1895 (Apr 8, 2019)

Testaclese Maximus said:


> My neice has a serious drug problem and goes into rehab tommorow.  How do I make sure she won’t stop selling me cocaine without coming off as insensitive?


Threaten to frame her for probation/parole violations unless she keeps giving you the hook up.


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## RG 448 (Apr 8, 2019)

nagant 1895 said:


> Threaten to frame her for probation/parole violations unless she keeps giving you the hook up.


Nah she’s got too much dirt on me for that to work.


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## Blood Bath & Beyond (Apr 8, 2019)

nagant 1895 said:


> I've been called for jury duty. How can I escape this terrible burden?


Tell them about Kiwifarms and then call the judge a faggot.


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## Midlife Sperglord (Apr 8, 2019)

Testaclese Maximus said:


> Nah she’s got too much dirt on me for that to work.



Time for you to start selling blowjobs for more blow.


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## RG 448 (Apr 8, 2019)

Midlife Sperglord said:


> Time for you to start selling blowjobs for more blow.


How do you think I’ve been raising the capital up to now?


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## Midlife Sperglord (Apr 8, 2019)

Testaclese Maximus said:


> How do you think I’ve been raising the capital up to now?



Just rip off a lifetime supply of cocaine from a Mexican cartel, then.  It’s not like you’ll need your family alive anymore once you are hiding in Venezuela, having nose candy for every meal of the day.


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## RG 448 (Apr 8, 2019)

Midlife Sperglord said:


> Just rip off a lifetime supply of cocaine from a Mexican cartel, then.  It’s not like you’ll need your family alive anymore once you are hiding in Venezuela, having nose candy for every meal of the day.


Nah my family hooks me up with other good shit.


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## PsychoNerd054 (Apr 8, 2019)

That really embarrassing picture of me at that Christmas Party got leaked, what should I do?


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## MemeGray (Apr 8, 2019)

PsychoNerd054 said:


> That really embarrassing picture of me at that Christmas Party got leaked, what should I do?


Post it here. Please.


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## Eryngium (Apr 8, 2019)

How do I restrain myself from strangling people with high pitched voices who talk loudly?


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## Lame Entropy (Apr 8, 2019)

Eryngium said:


> How do I restrain myself from strangling people with high pitched voices who talk loudly?


Easy, destroy your eardrums and it'll never be a problem again. As a bonus, you'll be immune to mouth breathers and people that chew like they were raised by pigs in a barn.


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## Carcinogenesis (Apr 8, 2019)

I'm conflicted on whether traps are gay or not.  I need some sort of middle ground.


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

Carcinogenesis said:


> I'm conflicted on whether traps are gay or not.  I need some sort of middle ground.


Hang a sailor moon poster over your bed. A trap sailor moon.


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## Midlife Sperglord (Apr 8, 2019)

Eryngium said:


> How do I restrain myself from strangling people with high pitched voices who talk loudly?



Shoot them instead.


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## Carcinogenesis (Apr 8, 2019)

PsychoNerd054 said:


> That really embarrassing picture of me at that Christmas Party got leaked, what should I do?


Show everyone your porn collection, now that picture will be tame compared to what you showed them.


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## Suburban Bastard (Apr 8, 2019)

Carcinogenesis said:


> I'm conflicted on whether traps are gay or not.  I need some sort of middle ground.


Slice the dick off but keep the balls. Now you got some levels of straight and gay, the perfect middle ground.


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## Samoyed (Apr 8, 2019)

how do I tell my dog it'll go to heaven?


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## JambledUpWords (Apr 8, 2019)

Kurtains said:


> how do I tell my dog it'll go to heaven?


You don’t tell your dog it will go to heaven, you kill it so it can experience heaven.


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## Lame Entropy (Apr 8, 2019)

Kurtains said:


> how do I tell my dog it'll go to heaven?


Become a dog otherkin. Once you become one with your true canine self, you'll be fluent in dogonese and be able to relay your message.


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## Midlife Sperglord (Apr 8, 2019)

Kurtains said:


> how do I tell my dog it'll go to heaven?



Give it multiple orgasms so that it will never want to leave Earth and go to Heaven to begin with.


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## 666DEATHGAY (Apr 8, 2019)

I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz


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## Clop (Apr 8, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> Call me when you can get half as many bitches with your skinny ass ?



I know who I'm calling you sick fuck.


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## Midlife Sperglord (Apr 8, 2019)

666DEATHGAY said:


> I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz



You don’t need a resume to be a streetwalking prostitute.  Nor do you need one to sell heroin to inner city youth.


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## nagant 1895 (Apr 8, 2019)

666DEATHGAY said:


> I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz


There are many helpful websites than can teach you all the secrets of money making success for just 49.99 per class. Yes, you too can become a millionaire by working from home with just these 5 weird tricks wallstreet doesn't want you to know.


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## Sundae (Apr 8, 2019)

666DEATHGAY said:


> I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz



Just lie on your resume and say you have years of experience and multiple degrees.  It's not wrong if you don't get caught.

And that last bit of advice doesn't just apply to lying on resumes.


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## obliviousbeard (Apr 8, 2019)

If you feel little bit under a weather, try lubricating your nipples with some pig lard to avoid chafing.


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## JM 590 (Apr 8, 2019)

What weighs more by itself: An anus or a vagina?


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## Spunt (Apr 8, 2019)

<- Depends how many anuses you have.


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## Begemot (Apr 8, 2019)

How do I convince the people on the desert bus that eating cats is good  both morally and in a culinary sense?


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## oldTireWater (Apr 8, 2019)

nagant 1895 said:


> I've been called for jury duty. How can I escape this terrible burden?


Jury duty pays. Quit your job and rejoice in your new long-term employment as a peer. Go buy a new car with your new juror fat-cash to ease the transition.

If you can't accept your new life, then just bring a gun to the court-house.


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## Lilac1 (Apr 8, 2019)

My upstairs neighbors are really noisy and I'm searching for ways to kill them without causing damage to my apartment/having to actually go up there.


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

chekovia said:


> How do I convince the people on the desert bus that eating cats is good  both morally and in a culinary sense?


Bite the head off a kitten ozzy ozbourne style in front of them while screaming "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD". I'm sure that'll get everyone on your side.


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## JambledUpWords (Apr 8, 2019)

666DEATHGAY said:


> I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz


Steal someone’s identity and pretend to have experience at whatever job they do. Afterwards, kill that person you stole the identity from and forever change who you are.


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## IV 445 (Apr 8, 2019)

If you have an opinion about how the site could be better you should PM Null about it


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## A single cheeto (Apr 8, 2019)

How do you cook good? How do you make bubble bath?


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## Lez (Apr 8, 2019)

A single cheeto said:


> How do you cook good? How do you make bubble bath?



Douse yourself in gasoline first, that'll help your body cook better.
Blow really hard for a long time into the bath water.


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## Red Hood (Apr 8, 2019)

How do I shot web


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## Slappy McGherkin (Apr 8, 2019)

A single cheeto said:


> How do you make bubble bath?



Eat Hormel Chili slathered in cole slaw, side dish of pickled eggs. Slap yo ass in tub and Mr. Bubble ahoy! Enjoy!


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## A single cheeto (Apr 8, 2019)

The Shadow said:


> How do I shot web



Eat spiders. All kinds of spiders for every meal.


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## AnOminous (Apr 8, 2019)

Hortator said:


> If you have an opinion about how the site could be better you should PM Null about it



Better yet, start new threads about it in the Lolcow forum every few minutes and tag him in to all of them.  Start up a PM chain with him and every mod and lolcow on the site.  Give it an attention grabbing name like Fuck You Null You Cunt because he gets so much mail he won't pay attention to it unless it stands out from the crowd.

Also post to Articles & Happenings and reply to one of his posts with just his name.


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## Yaoi Huntress Earth (Apr 8, 2019)

A single cheeto said:


> How do you make bubble bath?


Just fart a lot in the tub.


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## Recoil (Apr 8, 2019)

What are some red flags I should look for when dating a new person?


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## obliviousbeard (Apr 8, 2019)

Recon said:


> What are some red flags I should look for when dating a new person?





> stable job, they're going to treat you as secondary thing
> no diagnosed mental health issues, you'll never know what bubbles behind the surface
> good dialogue - they're most likely some sort of charming sociopath
> sense of humour
> good in bed - they're just gonna pump and dump


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## tasty humane burger (Apr 8, 2019)

666DEATHGAY said:


> I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz



Lie on your resume/cv and put your friends as references for security vetting. Even better, fake a degree.


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## 666DEATHGAY (Apr 8, 2019)

Recon said:


> What are some red flags I should look for when dating a new person?


Your partner having a significantly bigger cock than you.
Your partner calls you a faggot while he fucks your ass and fills it with cum. 
Your partner making you wear female clothes in public.

If he does any of these things you may downgrade from a faggot to a mega faggot cumslut supreme


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## VIVIIXI (Apr 8, 2019)

Recon said:


> What are some red flags I should look for when dating a new person?



Cold sores.

(edit: damn... forgot this was supposed to be bad advice.)


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## Milk Mage (Apr 8, 2019)

How do I make my penis smaller?


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## KeyserBroze (Apr 8, 2019)

Recon said:


> What are some red flags I should look for when dating a new person?



Hmmm..... the Turkish one i suppose?


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## Midlife Sperglord (Apr 8, 2019)

How can I create a virus that would eradicate all of the asshole drivers on the planet?


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## EenyMeenyMineyMo (Apr 8, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> Call me when you can get half as many bitches with your skinny ass ?


it doesn't matter how much pussy you get if you're going to jail bud


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

MilkMage said:


> How do I make my penis smaller?


Go to Thailand and get it turned inside out. Now it's negative length.



Midlife Sperglord said:


> How can I create a virus that would eradicate all of the asshole drivers on the planet?


If you see someone being an asshole on the road, t bone them and drive off without leaving your insurance information. Your job should be done in a few hundred years.


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## Just A Butt (Apr 8, 2019)

Lilac1 said:


> My upstairs neighbors are really noisy and I'm searching for ways to kill them without causing damage to my apartment/having to actually go up there.



I’ve been here, I have some actual (stupid) good advice!

Search YouTube for “Bass Test”
Connect to a surround-sound system, if possible.
Press play, and leave the house for a while.

EDIT: here. This one is ten hours. That should do it. 









						Bass Test 10 Hours
					

Bass Test for 10 Hours. Test the bass in your speakers...how long can you last




					youtu.be


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## ProgKing of the North (Apr 8, 2019)

I was staring at my coworker's penis at the urinals the other day and it seemed to be getting slightly harder. What should I do about the fact that my coworker is a pervert?


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

ProgKing of the North said:


> I was staring at my coworker's penis at the urinals the other day and it seemed to be getting slightly harder. What should I do about the fact that my coworker is a pervert?


Don't just stand there, suck the man's dick.


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## Glad I couldn't help (Apr 8, 2019)

On this other forum, there is a very serious advice thread that I want to troll. What retarded questions should I ask?

Ask for a friend, BTW.


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

Just A Butt said:


> I’ve been here, I have some actual (stupid) good advice!
> 
> Search YouTube for “Bass Test”
> Connect to a surround-sound system, if possible.
> ...


I tried this with my own shitty neighbors and now my speakers are broken. What do


Glad I couldn't help said:


> On this other forum, there is a very serious advice thread that I want to troll. What exceptional questions should I ask?
> 
> Ask for a friend, BTW.


Steal a botched SRS story from reddit and change the details around a little bit. Ask what you should do about the surgeon, your health, and if you can sue. Also mention that you're having trouble getting your totally real lesbian girlfriend to have sex with your new stink ditch and you don't know if you should dump her or not. And ask if anyone knows a surgeon who can reconstruct your horrifying tuberous breasts, including pictures as an example of what you're talking about of course. Watch them squirm trying to be nice about everything.
Your name is Dymand Starlight Destini and you are a real and valid trans woman.


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## Just A Butt (Apr 8, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> I tried this with my own shitty neighbors and now my speakers are broken. What do



Obvious: get better speakers.


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## ProgKing of the North (Apr 8, 2019)

Glad I couldn't help said:


> On this other forum, there is a very serious advice thread that I want to troll. What exceptional questions should I ask?
> 
> Ask for a friend, BTW.


Just spin a sob story about how your parents/doctors/society is preventing you from transitioning and being the true and honest wolfkin that you know you are


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## JM 590 (Apr 8, 2019)

What is the most chad video game fart fuck?


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

Piss said:


> What is the most chad video game system?


https://youtu.be/NvXleDSkB-g


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## ProgKing of the North (Apr 8, 2019)

Piss said:


> What is the most chad video game?


Nintendo Switch. You know Chad plays that thing before giving it to the dude who's wife he's fucking


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## Smaug's Smokey Hole (Apr 8, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> I tried this with my own shitty neighbors and now my speakers are broken. What do



Simple, get better locks so they can't get in when you're out.

I prefer not wearing socks and this is not a problem when wearing shoes and being outside, but I live in a society where everyone takes off their shoes at the door so in new environments this comes off as a bit weird if I forgot to put on a pair. Should I just get a wheelchair so I can have shoes on indoors or is there another way?


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## PT 522 (Apr 8, 2019)

Smaug's Smokey Hole said:


> I prefer not wearing socks and this is not a problem when wearing shoes and being outside, but I live in a society where everyone takes off their shoes at the door so in new environments this comes off as a bit weird if I forgot to put on a pair. Should I just get a wheelchair so I can have shoes on indoors or is there another way?


Cut off your feet. This way you don't have to wear socks OR shoes AND get a wheelchair. Win-win-win. Bonus points if you claim transabled status and get insurance to pay for it.


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## mr.moon1488 (Apr 8, 2019)

Piss said:


> What is the most chad video game fart fuck?


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## PsychoNerd054 (Apr 9, 2019)

My Pee Pee just snapped in half! What do I do now?


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## PT 522 (Apr 9, 2019)

PsychoNerd054 said:


> My Pee Pee just snapped in half! What do I do now?


Stick the detached half up your bumbum


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## JM 590 (Apr 9, 2019)

PsychoNerd054 said:


> My Pee Pee just snapped in half! What do I do now?


The other half will grow its own head and it'll crawl away like a worm.


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## Lilac1 (Apr 9, 2019)

Just A Butt said:


> I’ve been here, I have some actual (stupid) good advice!
> 
> Search YouTube for “Bass Test”
> Connect to a surround-sound system, if possible.
> ...



Thanks, now to get a pair of 12" speakers.


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## Yaoi Huntress Earth (Apr 9, 2019)

What should I have for lunch?


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## PT 522 (Apr 9, 2019)

Yaoi Huntress Earth said:


> What should I have for lunch?


Twenty chicken mcnuggets, two big macs, a filet o fish, three large fries... and a diet coke.


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## PsychoNerd054 (Apr 9, 2019)

Yaoi Huntress Earth said:


> What should I have for lunch?



A huge pancake


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## Tragi-Chan (Apr 9, 2019)

Recon said:


> What are some red flags I should look for when dating a new person?


A good personality. Most people develop a good personality to hide the fact that they’re ugly, and obviously no one wants to date an uggo.

Sometimes people appear to be good looking and have a good personality, but these people are usually Photoshopped. When you meet, check the environment around them for signs of distortion.


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## obliviousbeard (Apr 9, 2019)

Yaoi Huntress Earth said:


> What should I have for lunch?











						GTA:SA - Big Smoke's Order
					

~~ Background song is Gang Starr - B.Y.S. ------  I've reuploaded this video in 1080p60fps. I'd highly recommend it for the quality and better framerate over...




					www.youtube.com


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## ProgKing of the North (Apr 9, 2019)

I fucked a dude up the ass to establish dominance but he enjoyed it and now he thinks I’m gay. What do?


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## PT 522 (Apr 9, 2019)

How do I ask my black friends for an n word pass?


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## Lame Entropy (Apr 9, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> How do I ask my black friends for an n word pass?


Don't ask, kick their ass to establish dominance. The pass is naturally transferred.


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## DrJonesHat (Apr 9, 2019)

My neighbor refused to stop practicing his pan pipes at 3am. What is the most fitting method of execution for him?


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## PT 522 (Apr 9, 2019)

ProgKing of the North said:


> I fucked a dude up the ass to establish dominance but he enjoyed it and now he thinks I’m gay. What do?


Fuck him up the ass again to show him that you're a real alpha male and not a HOMO


DrJonesHat said:


> My neighbor refused to stop practicing his pan pipes at 3am. What is the most fitting method of execution for him?


Tell him his technique is fine, but his playing lacks emotion.


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## CancerGoat (Apr 9, 2019)

How do i get someone to love me?


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## PT 522 (Apr 9, 2019)

CancerGoat said:


> How do i get someone to love me?


Make a sign with all your requirements for a partner and loiter in public spaces. Your quest should be over in 2-3 days.


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## Sammy (Apr 9, 2019)

How do I become motivated to exercise more and better myself?


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## Bonedome (Apr 9, 2019)

Sammy said:


> How do I become motivated to exercise more and better myself?


Get fat enough to get on my 600 pound life.


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## Tragi-Chan (Apr 9, 2019)

ProgKing of the North said:


> I fucked a dude up the ass to establish dominance but he enjoyed it and now he thinks I’m gay. What do?


You have to show him that you’re not some sissy little faggot. What you need to do is work out and get really ripped, then go around shirtless to show that you’re not a man to be messed with. You may wish to oil yourself up to show your new physique to its best advantage.

As for the rest of the look, what’s scarier than bikers? Pair your shirtless torso with leather pants, leather vest (worn open) and leather peaked cap. If there’s time, grow a manly mustache.

An easy way to augment your tough-guy image is to put out rumors that you have a badass past - that you used to be a cowboy, a sailor or a convict. You may wish to add props to the ensemble to make the tale more convincing, e.g. a whip for a cowboy or chains for a convict.

Then you have to go into a gay bar so that all the local swishes see you and it becomes known among them that you’re butch as hell and not some kind of mincing Nancy. That’ll show those homos who’s queer.


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## Ali della Fenice (Apr 9, 2019)

Sammy said:


> How do I become motivated to exercise more and better myself?



try to look at yourself in a mirror as many times as possible in a day and the disgust you'll feel, will give you the motivation you need.


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## PT 522 (Apr 9, 2019)

How do I break up with my gf


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## DrJonesHat (Apr 9, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> How do I break up with my gf


Start screaming "YOU ARE TOUCHED BY SATAN" every time she comes near you. Curl up in a ball. She'll break up with you, saving you the guilt.

Should I take up the xylophone or become a serial arsonist?


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## Recoil (Apr 9, 2019)

CancerGoat said:


> How do i get someone to love me?


Smother them with attention and buy things for them, they'll have no choice.



Fat Pikachu said:


> How do I break up with my gf


Nobody wants to date an alcoholic. Bottoms up!


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## ProgKing of the North (Apr 9, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> How do I break up with my gf


fuck her dad


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## PT 522 (Apr 9, 2019)

DrJonesHat said:


> Should I take up the xylophone or become a serial arsonist?


Both. Burn xylophones.


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## エリス (Apr 9, 2019)

Sammy said:


> How do I become motivated to exercise more and better myself?



Just do it.


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## PsychoNerd054 (Apr 9, 2019)

Can someone help me with my maths!?


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## TenMilesWide (Apr 9, 2019)

ProgKing of the North said:


> I fucked a dude up the ass to establish dominance but he enjoyed it and now he thinks I’m gay. What do?


Just humor him and be gay for a while.


EurocopterTigre said:


> How do I can I most efficiently drink myself to death?


depending on where you live you can get a gallon of methanol for $10 or less


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## Recoil (Apr 9, 2019)

EurocopterTigre said:


> How do I can I most efficiently drink myself to death?


Take 1000 mgs of tylenol every time you go on a bender.


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## PT 522 (Apr 10, 2019)

PsychoNerd054 said:


> Can someone help me with my maths!?


Yeah. Step one is to call it "math"


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## PT 522 (Apr 10, 2019)

Guys, I think I might be nonbinary. How do I come out to my friends/family


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## Lilac1 (Apr 10, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> Guys, I think I might be nonbinary. How do I come out to my friends/family



Youtube video with MLP characters


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## Tragi-Chan (Apr 10, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> Guys, I think I might be nonbinary. How do I come out to my friends/family


No point. Walk away. The troons are your family now.


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## Professional iPad Hoarder (Apr 10, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> How do I break up with my gf


Start calling her JULAY and jerk in front of her


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## Lame Entropy (Apr 10, 2019)

I think there's a squirrel in my attic, how do I get it out?


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## obliviousbeard (Apr 10, 2019)

BanalEntropy said:


> I think there's a squirrel in my attic, how do I get it out?



Apply burning napalm


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## TiggerNits (Apr 10, 2019)

BanalEntropy said:


> I think there's a squirrel in my attic, how do I get it out?



Hold it down and shit in its mouth


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## Ghost of Wesley Willis (Apr 10, 2019)

How can I get my epic Rock and Roll McDonald's Breakfast past 10 AM?


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## PT 522 (Apr 10, 2019)

Ghost of Wesley Willis said:


> How can I get my epic Rock and Roll McDonald's Breakfast past 10 AM?


Set your clock four hours back. That way, you can get it all the way until 2 pm.


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## YW 525 (Apr 10, 2019)

When you see a fork in the road, take it.


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## ProgKing of the North (Apr 10, 2019)

Exceptional Mafioso said:


> When you see a fork in the road, take it.


What about a spoon in the road?


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## JM 590 (Apr 10, 2019)

ProgKing of the North said:


> What about a spoon in the road?


Run over anyone spooning in the road because they are degenerate deviants who are asking for death anyway


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## PT 522 (Apr 10, 2019)

I'm trying to get a lesbian to date me but she's being a misogynist and says she doesn't want to suck my girlcock! What's a dainty laydee to do?


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## Stoneheart (Apr 11, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> I'm trying to get a lesbian to date me but she's being a misogynist and says she doesn't want to suck my girlcock! What's a dainty laydee to do?


CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!


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## ProgKing of the North (Apr 11, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> I'm trying to get a lesbian to date me but she's being a misogynist and says she doesn't want to suck my girlcock! What's a dainty laydee to do?


“Does this brick smell like chloroform to you?”


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## Comicsgeist (Apr 11, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> Guys, I think I might be nonbinary. How do I come out to my friends/family



Surprise them with the info by having them all arrested for a lifetime of misgendering you with the wrong pronoun!


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## Comicsgeist (Apr 11, 2019)

BanalEntropy said:


> I think there's a squirrel in my attic, how do I get it out?



Present your nuts at the trapdoor in an attempt to lure the little fucker out.


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## Comicsgeist (Apr 11, 2019)

Ghost of Wesley Willis said:


> How can I get my epic Rock and Roll McDonald's Breakfast past 10 AM?


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## PT 522 (Apr 11, 2019)

I'm a world famous rap star. People are saying I stole some old dead faggot's beat. I tell them my song is better because I'm in it and also it's totally different and not plagiarized. They don't believe me. What do?
Pic related


Spoiler


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## obliviousbeard (Apr 11, 2019)

Buy a mansion


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## Cackspangler (Apr 11, 2019)

Fat Pikachu said:


> I'm a world famous rap star. People are saying I stole some old dead faggot's beat. I tell them my song is better because I'm in it and also it's totally different and not plagiarized. They don't believe me. What do?
> Pic related
> 
> 
> Spoiler





Spoiler: ONLY CORRECT ANSWER






You can also shove a plastic straw up your dick and squeeze one of those big bottles of lemon juice right in.


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