# Kiwi Farms Fantasy Football League: KIWI BOWL THIS WEEKEND!



## PeeveTheSheev (Aug 26, 2021)

Getting a Fantasy Football league up and running for Farmers has been discussed a few times in the past, but with the new season fast approaching I want to give it a real go. For clarity, this is not futbol/soccer but what most of the world knows as American football / handegg.

I'm looking for at least nine other participants to join me in a Fantasy League that has been set up as follows;

NFL.com​
Standard scoring​
Standard team format (QB/RB/RB/WR/WR/Flex/TE/K/DST)​
Live draft tentatively set for the first weekend of September​
No Dynasty / keeper bullshit​
Ten participants (max of 12)​
Flavour text stories throughout the season​
Opt-in KF private conversation and thread to bitch about your team​
I find ten to be the ideal size, but if we get a ridiculous number of Farmers interested I'm happy to set up a second division so everyone can play.



​The league has been created and is ready to go, it just needs some Farmers to come and join it. I'm keen to run a live draft with everyone, which has been set for 7 PM EDT on September 3rd. That time and date can be changed based on when people are available - the auto-draft is shit so if you want a competitive team you may want to make an effort to attend. In addition to the league configuration outlined above, I'd like to make the following suggestions;

Use a dummy email account to register​
Use a fake name for your profile​
If you have to use your existing account, anonymize your name​
NFL.com has a profanity filter, so be smart in bypassing it​
Come up with a lolcow/KF-inspired team name​
No flaking goddammit​
You can join the league at http://fantasy.nfl.com/registration/privateleaguejoin?leagueId=9733885, but to avoid fags and glowies filling it up with socks or flaking on purpose I will PM the password separately to interested Farmers. Give this post any sticker, leave a reply, or send a DM and I will ping it over.


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## W00K #17 (Aug 26, 2021)

I'd be down


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## Gone Ham (Aug 26, 2021)

Auto draft here I come


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## MerriedxReldnahc (Aug 26, 2021)

I know absolutly fuck-all about football but I've always kind of wanted to join a fantasy league and then make all my drafting choices based on tarot and I-ching.


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## RealtreeByGod (Aug 26, 2021)

I'll do it even though I payed absolutely zero attention to football last year.


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Aug 27, 2021)

If there's a spot available in the 11th hour, I'll join


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## PeeveTheSheev (Aug 27, 2021)

That's a pretty amazing response so far, thank you all. We've got eight participants tentatively confirmed, which includes everyone who has posted in the thread by this point.

I have shilled the league in the Community Happenings thread, which should fill up the roster nicely. Two divisions doesn't sound unrealistic at this point so I may have to divide us up in case participants keep trickling in. Invites will follow as things become clearer, before the end of the weekend at the latest.

I will also take suggestions on the time and date of the draft so please do tell me if you can't or don't want to make it for 7 PM EDT on the third of September.


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## W00K #17 (Aug 28, 2021)

Gone Ham said:


> Auto draft here I come


I think I'm gonna have to go the same as the draft is during the middle of my shift at work.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Aug 28, 2021)

Happy to rearrange based on consensus - would the Sunday work better?

Additionally, proud to confirm that the _Buttsharts_ have joined the league. The cover story will be updated with every new team that comes in.


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## W00K #17 (Aug 28, 2021)

PeeveTheSheev said:


> Happy to rearrange based on consensus - would the Sunday work better?
> 
> Additionally, proud to confirm that the _Buttsharts_ have joined the league. The cover story will be updated with every new team that comes in.


Sunday would be perfect for me, I work six days a week, although on Saturdays I'm done by like 7 instead of 10pm.


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## Ged! (Aug 29, 2021)

I haven't given a shit about football since Seatle lost to the Patriots (still mad at that play call btw). That being said I'm tempted to sign up to this, but I know I'll probably stop paying attention after a week or two.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Sep 3, 2021)

We need three more teams to reach the league minimum or we won't be able to hold a draft or even kick off the season. 

If anyone wants to participate, please let me know!


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 3, 2021)

Shit I just noticed this and see you need more. I'm in. Any way to move the draft back to Labor Day or something?

Also, NFL.com won't let you run 8? To make up for fewer teams, you could add a superflex roster spot (QB/RB/WR/TE). It's basically a 2 QB league with a tiny bit of flexibility during byes.


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## Iron Hamster (Sep 3, 2021)

PeeveTheSheev said:


> We need three more teams to reach the league minimum or we won't be able to hold a draft or even kick off the season.
> 
> If anyone wants to participate, please let me know!


I'll play


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## PeeveTheSheev (Sep 4, 2021)

We are with five teams currently - seven when @Iron Hamster and @Cliff Booth accept their invites, thanks for jumping in - because a couple of Farmers who expressed interest never made their team. 8 Is the minimum for NFL.com, so we'll need just one more.

I've set the draft date back to 8 PM EDT this coming Monday since all the Americans will be off that day - it will also give us more time to find the final one to three competitors. The season kicks off on th 9th, so ideally we will have drafted before then.


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## Suikafag (Sep 4, 2021)

PeeveTheSheev said:


> We are with five teams currently - seven when @Iron Hamster and @Cliff Booth accept their invites, thanks for jumping in - because a couple of Farmers who expressed interest never made their team. 8 Is the minimum for NFL.com, so we'll need just one more.
> 
> I've set the draft date back to 8 PM EDT this coming Monday since all the Americans will be off that day - it will also give us more time to find the final one to three competitors. The season kicks off on th 9th, so ideally we will have drafted before then.


Oh thank god because I completely forgot about it yesterday. Depending on how busy I am Monday expect either a manually drafted team or just an auto draft,


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Sep 4, 2021)

I'll probably join tonight after the college games if the spot is still available


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## PeeveTheSheev (Sep 5, 2021)

The inaugural season of the Kiwi Fantasy League is officially on! Eight teams have joined and we will be able to draft tomorrow.





Participants;

Renton Paypigs - @PeeveTheSheev
TheViolentButtsharts - I don't actually know
Gunts Lil Monsters - @Suikafag
Ethan Ralphs Corn Children - @Wazzupnerds
Sneedville Frogs - @RealtreeByGod
Not for Long - @Iron Hamster
Kasper King Kobras - @Goyaanisqatsi 
60 Yard Gunt - @Cliff Booth
The draft remains set for 8 PM EDT tomorrow (Labor Day), I hope everyone can make it. I will also keep the league open just in case we have two more people who'd like to join. If no one else enters, I will cut the roster down to eight ahead of the draft. 

You can join via the following link with the password; SneedsFantasyAndSeed

https://fantasy.nfl.com/registration/privateleaguejoin?leagueId=9733885


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## Iron Hamster (Sep 6, 2021)

Anyone else waiting for draft to load?

This blows.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Sep 7, 2021)

And with that, we are off; following a draft that saw six out of ten teams attend (and one sit by the sidelines due to technical issues), we've got  our teams. Highlights from last night inlude Deshaun Watson being picked #6 overall, a touching show of support for the man.

Week 1 promises to be a good one. 60 Yard Gunt is forecasted to be the highest scoring team based on current line-ups, but everyone still has time to tweak ahead of the kick-off game on Thursday.


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## W00K #17 (Sep 7, 2021)

PeeveTheSheev said:


> And with that, we are off; following a draft that saw six out of ten teams attend (and one sit by the sidelines due to technical issues), we've got  our teams. Highlights from last night inlude Deshaun Watson being picked #6 overall, a touching show of support for the man.
> 
> Week 1 promises to be a good one. 60 Yard Gunt is forecasted to be the highest scoring team based on current line-ups, but everyone still has time to tweak ahead of the kick-off game on Thursday.
> 
> View attachment 2517923​


Yeah sorry I missed it, I had some other obligations I had to attend to. Looks like auto draft didn't do completely terrible for me though.


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## W00K #17 (Sep 9, 2021)

I am the buttsharts by the way


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Sep 9, 2021)

I decided to check out my matchup tonight since I've got two playing and it's not even showing the league, yet it says I'm logged in.

Anyone else having this issue or is this just on my end?

Edit: Nevermind, guess it was just some weird bug


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## Wazzupnerds (Sep 9, 2021)

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT WHY DID I BENCH AB


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## Iron Hamster (Sep 9, 2021)

Shocked Dak is looking this good.


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## Suikafag (Sep 9, 2021)

>Match was tonight
Goddamnit I’ve been busy so I forgot. Ended with a complete fucking BTFO of my team who didn’t score at all.

Actually quick question about these matches. Are they manual or automatic? If they are manual then me missing it due to being busy explains why my team didn’t score at all. That or it was bad luck.


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Sep 9, 2021)

Suikafag said:


> >Match was tonight
> Goddamnit I’ve been busy so I forgot. Ended with a complete fucking BTFO of my team who didn’t score at all.
> 
> Actually quick question about these matches. Are they manual or automatic? If they are manual then me missing it due to being busy explains why my team didn’t score at all. That or it was bad luck.


None of your players were playing tonight so that's why you're scoreless. You still have until 1 PM Eastern Sunday to set your starting lineup and make free agent moves.


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## Suikafag (Sep 9, 2021)

Goyaanisqatsi said:


> None of your players were playing tonight so that's why you're scoreless. You still have until 1 PM Eastern Sunday to set your starting lineup and make free agent moves.


Ah I see. Thanks


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 10, 2021)

Suikafag said:


> >Match was tonight
> Goddamnit I’ve been busy so I forgot. Ended with a complete fucking BTFO of my team who didn’t score at all.
> 
> Actually quick question about these matches. Are they manual or automatic? If they are manual then me missing it due to being busy explains why my team didn’t score at all. That or it was bad luck.


Lmao I just looked at your team. If you want some meme upset potential, you need wholesale changes. I would start by dumping Minshew and Badgley and picking up any two of these guys and then put one of them in your lineup over Sermon.





If you want more suggestions or a high-level overview of how this shit works, I'm totally game and I'm sure anyone else in this thread would be willing to help too.

Edit: Okay, I just proposed a trade that'll help your team without decimating my own. Don't accept it just yet, but let me know if you're interested in playing through the season. It'll take maybe 30 minutes of your time once a week. For anyone else reading, I offered Melvin Gordon for Deshaun Watson whom I'm going to immediately replace.


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## blahblahblah678 (Sep 10, 2021)

It would truly be fitting for the Renton Paypigs to finish 4th.


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## Suikafag (Sep 11, 2021)

Cliff Booth said:


> Lmao I just looked at your team. If you want some meme upset potential, you need wholesale changes. I would start by dumping Minshew and Badgley and picking up any two of these guys and then put one of them in your lineup over Sermon.
> View attachment 2527162
> 
> If you want more suggestions or a high-level overview of how this shit works, I'm totally game and I'm sure anyone else in this thread would be willing to help too.
> ...


Yeah I’m interested. I’ve yet to accept the trade as you requested.

Also thanks for the advice to drop Minslew and Badgley, dropped them for some better picks.


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 11, 2021)

Suikafag said:


> Yeah I’m interested. I’ve yet to accept the trade as you requested.
> 
> Also thanks for the advice to drop Minslew and Badgley, dropped them for some better picks.


Awesome. Accept that trade. Idk what the rules in our league are, but there's usually a one or two day delay before trades process, so you might have to wait a week to play Gordon. 

So I mentioned projections earlier, that's going to be a huge resource for you. It gives you a rough baseline of what to expect from your guys each week. Players rarely hit that number on the mark, but it's a reasonable estimate and useful when comparing guys. 

The next biggest thing is knowing positions and basically how to construct your roster. Are you at all familiar with American football? Let me know and I'll pick it up from here.


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## Suikafag (Sep 11, 2021)

Cliff Booth said:


> Are you at all familiar with American football? Let me know and I'll pick it up from here.


Ehhhh kind of. I know the basics, team has multiple positions and they pass the ball and try and get it to the other teams goal so then they can run it back for a touchdown. Tackling is allowed and everyone is very much prone to injury, namely to the head/brain.

But thats about it. I don’t know every rule or technique. Nothin like that. I’m not some professional football enthusiast so I can’t instantly make a team with huge meme potential and know “ok this team is gonna be good”.


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 11, 2021)

Suikafag said:


> Ehhhh kind of. I know the basics, team has multiple positions and they pass the ball and try and get it to the other teams goal so then they can run it back for a touchdown. Tackling is allowed and everyone is very much prone to injury, namely to the head/brain.
> 
> But thats about it. I don’t know every rule or technique. Nothin like that. I’m not some professional football enthusiast so I can’t instantly make a team with huge meme potential and know “ok this team is gonna be good”.


Haha no worries. Autistic knowledge of the NFL is helpful in some regards, but at the end of the day, fantasy is basically gambling week to week. Our trade won't go through until Monday, so you won't be able to play Gordon this week.

So there's a structure to fantasy and it's based on weeks. Each week there's one game Thursday night, about ten to twelve on Sunday throughout the day, and one on Monday night. Every week you play against one other manager, so the only thing that matters is how your guys do that particular week compared to how the other manager's guys perform that week. Here's a screenshot of the top of your matchup this week. I do all my fantasy shit after the draft on my phone, so it'll look a little different than a computer view. Also the times are MDT.





I like this snippet, because you can see that Tom Brady on your opponent's team already played on Thursday. He exceeded his projection by about 6 points. The small italicized numbers next to the players are the projections and the big number, like in the case of Brady, are what they actually scored. The dashes mean they have yet to play and you can see what time each one plays there too. 

The only other important thing on this screenshot are the numbers at the top. You've got 0 because none of your guys played on Thursday. Your opponent has 66, because he's got Brady's 27 points and other guys not on this screenshot who also got points on Thursday. The little red and green numbers are basically a sum projection of your whole lineup. 

Anyway let me know if this makes sense or if you need clarity on anything. I'm about to watch a college game right now, so I'll try to explain a little more at halftime. Go ahead and replace Sermon with Moss in the meantime. It's a pretty intuitive UI, but I can show you how if you need help.


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 12, 2021)

Hey @Suikafag before I doze off, dump T. Huntley and pick up one of these guys.




Also dump these two





And grab this guy: 




And one of these:


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 12, 2021)

Also please substitute Zack Moss for Trey Sermon. I'd bet my 401k that Moss is gonna out-touch Sermon this weekend.


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Sep 12, 2021)

I might even take a look at Hines. Colts just signed him to a new contract a day or two ago, so you got to figure they have some kind of plan of using him in the pass game extensively.

Probably less of a touch share compared to Moss too, since Breida got added to the equation.


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 12, 2021)

@Suikafag  go ahead and make those changes like I suggested and also grab N. Hines rather than a second WR like @Goyaanisqatsi suggested. Do this shit within the next 3 hours or so. Also get trey sermon the hell out of your starting lineup. Play Hines or Moss in that spot.

Here's a screenshot of a guy on my team:



The little blue icon on the left lets you substitute guys in and out of your starting lineup.

Edit: Your lineup is a beaut. So what we now do is wait and watch those points come in. Damn good job! 

You're likely to lose this week, but there's no shame in that because half the league is going to lose. That's just the nature of the beast.


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## Suikafag (Sep 12, 2021)

Cliff Booth said:


> @Suikafag  go ahead and make those changes like I suggested and also grab N. Hines rather than a second WR like @Goyaanisqatsi suggested. Do this shit within the next 3 hours or so. Also get trey sermon the hell out of your starting lineup. Play Hines or Moss in that spot.
> 
> Here's a screenshot of a guy on my team:
> View attachment 2530269
> The little blue icon on the left lets you substitute guys in and out of your starting lineup.


Ok Done. Any other changes that need to be made right now?


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 12, 2021)

Suikafag said:


> Ok Done. Any other changes that need to be made right now?


No sir, you're golden for this weekend's slate.


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 12, 2021)

Suikafag said:


> Ok Done. Any other changes that need to be made right now?


Actually let's do a tiny bit of housekeeping before the games start. Drop T. Sermon and pick up N. Hines instead.


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 12, 2021)

@Iron Hamster any chance I can pry Justin Tucker off your hands? I've got buffalo's kicker, Bass, and we can fuck with the margins next week to make the trade right. If you're down for a Bass-Tucker trade straight up, that works for me.

The reason I ask is because I've got Tucker in my money league, so I'm all about synergy in dogshit positions just so I have less shit to follow.


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## Iron Hamster (Sep 12, 2021)

Cliff Booth said:


> @Iron Hamster any chance I can pry Justin Tucker off your hands? I've got buffalo's kicker, Bass, and we can fuck with the margins next week to make the trade right. If you're down for a Bass-Tucker trade straight up, that works for me.
> 
> The reason I ask is because I've got Tucker in my money league, so I'm all about synergy in dogshit positions just so I have less shit to follow.


I have no problems with that.


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## Cliff Booth (Sep 12, 2021)

@Suikafag dude great move getting Moss out of your lineup. I have no idea what happened to him or why he's not playing. Shit like that is pretty rare, but you got a trial by fire on why you should check your lineup about a half hour before the games start.


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## Suikafag (Sep 12, 2021)

Cliff Booth said:


> @Suikafag dude great move getting Moss out of your lineup. I have no idea what happened to him or why he's not playing. Shit like that is pretty rare, but you got a trial by fire on why you should check your lineup about a half hour before the games start.


Yeah I saw the optimize button and pressed it. That lead to Moss being brought out of the lineup. Also site/app seems to be having API issues. Booted up the app and saw I was logged out. Tried to log back in but it said somethin about an API error. Then again there are games live currently so that traffic probably explains it.

EDIT:
Its back up and working now.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Sep 12, 2021)




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## Cliff Booth (Sep 12, 2021)

Suikafag said:


> Yeah I saw the optimize button and pressed it. That lead to Moss being brought out of the lineup. Also site/app seems to be having API issues. Booted up the app and saw I was logged out. Tried to log back in but it said somethin about an API error. Then again there are games live currently so that traffic probably explains it.
> 
> EDIT:
> Its back up and working now.


Man I just checked your team and things seem to be going decently. Unfortunately you're up against someone who's going to lead the league after week 1. Half the league is going to be 0-1 after Monday, so nothing to worry about there. Fitzpatrick caught an injury early, so you got fucked by the fantasy gods, but that's part and parcel of this stupid game. 

So our next move is playing the waiver wire, but that doesn't matter until Tuesday. The way that you were able to add and drop guys at will the past couple of days goes out the window. Basically all the players who aren't already on someone's team are up for grabs, but there's an order to it. You have to "claim" a player and wait it out until early Wednesday morning. Whoever does worst this week gets first dibs and it scales from there. Anyway, we'll deal with it on Tuesday and I'll try to explain more.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Sep 14, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 1 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;








*Game recaps;*

- The Renton Paypigs were this week's lowest scoring team, leading the league admin to wonder whether a Kiwi League was a good idea in the first place. A fat goose egg from Brandon Aiyuk and a paltry 4.20 score from Aaron Jones opened the door for high-scoring Violent Buttsharts, who saw Kyler Murray and Darren Waller combine for over 60 points on the Monday Night.

- Despite a more-than-suspect draft, Gunts Lil Monsters put up a brave fight against Amberlynn's Mukbangers - the latter now leading the league based on points scored. The contest could have been a lot tighter had Ryan Fitzpatrick not posted a 0.72 due to injury, but there was ultimately no overcoming the only Beauty Salon-themed team in the league. Amari Cooper alone scored 38.90 points for the Mukbangers!

- Going into the Monday night game, the Corn Children had a glimmer of hope in the form of Lamar Jackson, but a good game by Josh Jacobs for the Virgins saw the latter team through in the end. 16.56 Points separated both sides, the closest margin in the league. Had the Corn Children started Antonio 'COOM' Brown over Courtland Sutton, the result would have been reversed. Adam Thielen scored 30 points, but had been left on the bench by the Virgins, a decision that ultimately prevented this game from being a blowout.

- REEEEEEEEEEEs of joy were heard in Sneedville as the local Frogs stole a win over 60 Yard Gunt. Aaron Rodgers is supposedly used to getting fucked in the ass, but this weekend his owners were the ones getting bent over as the Quarterback posted a 1.32 score. The man must be salty over not getting the Jeopardy job. With 18.5 points separating both teams, that has got to sting for the Guntman who will have to bounce back against the KKK next week.

- Finally, Not For Long managed to get the better of the Kobras, who had mostly decent but hardly impressive scores posted by their players over the weekend with a 23.80 by Cooper Kupp being the highest individual performance. Compare that to Deebo Samuel, DeAndre Hopkins, and Dook Poopchute who all scored over 25 for Not For Long. The win was made all the more impressive by the fact that Not For Long started the Packers DST, which ended the night with a score of -4.

This week's prizes;




Next weekend;

- Paypigs play the Lil Monsters; league admin ragequit is looming
- Buttsharts play the Corn Children; flatulence projected to beat demon spawn
- Mukbangers v. Frogs; league leaders looking to boil local wildlife ahead of French-themed stream
- Virgins square off against Not For Long; Ruckersville police department remains silent
- 60 Yard Gunt to play the KKK; Jews claim to be most affected


General housekeeping;

Set your squads in time for Thursday as the New York Gnats visit the Washington [REDACTED] for Thursday night football; not that anyone is seriously considering starting a Giants player, right?

Additionally, have a think about changing your Team Emblems - four teams have already set custom ones. To do so, hit up your My Team page, click Edit Settings, and choose a NFL-supplied emblem or simply upload your own.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Sep 21, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 2 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;







​*Game recaps;*

- Off the back of a dismal week 1 performance - the lowest in the league by any team - the *Renton Paypigs *were projected to outscore *Gunts Lil Monsters* but instead trailed them for most of the weekend. The Washington-based team - revealed to have been responsible for 70% of Door Dash's annual revenue -  needed 26 points from Aaron Jones coming into MNF and all seemed lost... until Jones put up over 40 points against the Lions (of course, it's the Lions). Commiserations to the Lil Monsters, who are putting up a great fight after a bad draft.

- The *Violent Buttsharts* continue to look like championship contenders as they put *Ethan Ralph's Corn Children* to the sword this weekend - narrowly missing out on becoming the highest scoring team. This was one matchup that could have had a very different result though; CEH and Antonio Brown both scored less than three points where the Corn Children left three 20+ point players on the bench. Can they break their losing streak against the middling Paypigs next week?

- *Amberlynn's Mukbangers* led the league based on points scored after week 1, but a collective off-day by their players sees them put up the lowest score of week 2 - they are the only team not to crack 100 points. Bad games for George Kittle and Amari Cooper set them up for failure, while the *Sneedville Frogs* gratefully took advantage with Tyler Lockett scoring a team-high 31.80. This ended up being the most lopsided match of the weekend, and the Frogs now find themselves second in the league table.

- From the biggest blowout we continue onto the closest game as just 4.26 points separated the *Ruckersville Virgins* and* Not For Long*, with the latter adding a second victory to their tally this season. Much of this result can be chalked up to overall #3 drafted player Derrick Henry, who put up 47.70 points by himself to undo a 1.30 stinker by Gerald Everett in Long's TE spot - earning the Top Player of The Week Award in the process. The Virgins will be disappointed but have high-scoring hopes for the rest of the season.

- And finally, the *Kasper King Kobras* won the honours of outscoring everyone else this week with an impressive 149.62 off the back of good performances by Cooper Kupp and Scary Terry McLaurin. An early injury to Jarvis Landry kneecapped *60 Yard Gunt* and with their resident studmuffin Tyreek Hill failing to break the ten point barrier, it was a weekend to forget. Gunt will be relieved to have put out this performance in a match they wouldn't have won anyway considering how much the KKK scored, and will look to record their first win next week.

This week's prizes*;*



The Corn Children's bench outscored two teams this week, and nearly outscored its own roster of starters (113.42 v. 113.76)   
​Next weekend;

- Paypigs play the Corn Children; will Ethan Ralph find enough itemized expenses to kinkshame the opposition?
- Sneedville Frogs play the Lil Monsters; frog spawn squares off with demon spawn
- Not For Long play the Buttsharts; the Buttsharts still have a perfect record... but perhaps Not For Long?
- Kasper King Kobras play the Mukbangers; Kobras looking for a particularly strong tree this week
- 60 Yard Gunt play the Virgins; Gunt yet to penetrate anyone in the KFL, will Virgins be the first?

General Housekeeping;

The Panthers are visiting Houston for the Thursday night game, so if you have players from either side be sure to set your rosters early. The rest of you can dawdle until Sunday morning. 

The Virgins, 60 Yard Gunt, and Gunts Lil Monsters are the only teams to have players listed as Questionable currently in their line-ups.

Don't forget to tip the refs


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## Iron Hamster (Sep 21, 2021)

My game was an ass sweater for sure.


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## W00K #17 (Sep 21, 2021)

God bless Kyler Murray you shrimpy little fast niggo


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## W00K #17 (Sep 21, 2021)

Did we ever make a private chat?


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## Wazzupnerds (Sep 21, 2021)

As the GM for the Corn Children, I wish to announce I have fired the analytics retards, and will now be going only by my gut.


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## Wazzupnerds (Sep 21, 2021)

W00K #17 said:


> Did we ever make a private chat?


tbh I think having this out in the open makes it more fun


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## W00K #17 (Sep 21, 2021)

Wazzupnerds said:


> tbh I think having this out in the open makes it more fun


You're kinda right. And this has been a ton of fun so far to


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Sep 22, 2021)

What I've really enjoyed thus far is that none of the teams are really outright terrible. Even the shitpost drafting turned out to make a competitive team after some helpful advice.

I'd honestly like to see this stick around for awhile.


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## W00K #17 (Sep 25, 2021)

Goyaanisqatsi said:


> What I've really enjoyed thus far is that none of the teams are really outright terrible. Even the shitpost drafting turned out to make a competitive team after some helpful advice.
> 
> I'd honestly like to see this stick around for awhile.


The Kiwi League needs to be a thing we're still talking shit about to each other years from now. We need to make a traveling trophy. I might commission one for this season before it's all over. Fight to the fantasy death over it, you shit sippers.

Edit: fun weekend, some people bounced back, some e leaders took a step back.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Sep 28, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 3 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;




Paypigs in fourth! Oh, the irony!  

Also worth noting; the three Ethan Ralph-themed teams have lost 8 of their combined 9 matches. 



​*Game recaps;*

- What started as an unattractive matchup between two of the lower placed teams ended up being a real shootout this weekend as the *Renton Paypigs* reached close to 160 points while *Ethan Ralphs Corn Children* recorded a tidy 138 - the highest and third-highest scores in round 3. MVP Josh Allen led the way with 37 points, which to a degree was nullified due to his constant feeding of the ball to Emmanuel Sanders who was in the Corn Children's Flex spot. The Paypigs seem to draw out the best in opposing teams; all three squads they faced so far posted their highest scores of the season against the Piggies.

- *Gunts Lil Monsters* once again put up a brave fight and even led their opponents in the projections for large swaths of the Sunday, but in the end the* Sneedville Frogs* held on for dear life to go 3 and 0 to start the season. Three of the Frogs' players scored less than 4 points (and so did their DST), but similarly dire performances by Sterling Shepard and Ty'son Williams for the Lil Monsters ultimately did the 0 and 3 team in. Things could have been different had Ezekiel Elliot and Davante Adams not scored 57 points between themselves on the Monday night.

- The *Violent Buttsharts* established themselves as contenders for the championship in the first two weeks and continued their march by posting a handy 146 points, enough to beat *Not For Long* in the most lopsided matchup held this week. Only three players on For Long's team reached double digits and even the heroics of the Cardinals' DST was barely enough to get them over the 100 point mark. Contrast that to their opponents, for whom only the Steelers DST failed to reach double digits. The 3 and 0 Buttsharts were the second highest scoring team this week, sandwiched between the Paypigs and the Corn Children.

- Last week's forecast spoke of the *Kasper King Kobras* needing a particularly thick tree to hang their next opponents from, but clearly nature is no match for *Amberlynn's Mukbangers*; a weighty 124.98 saw off the Kobras' 117.14, making this the closest matchup of the weekend with only seven odd points separating both sides. Swapping in Mike Evans for either Terry McLaurin or Rondale Moore would have changed the outcome, but as it stands the Kobras are now 1 and 2 to open the season. Justin Herbert and Cooper Kupp netting 61 points between the both of them is a statement of intent for the rest of the campaign.

- Last but not least, *60 Yard Gunt* posted their first W of the season as the *Ruckersville Virgins* were overcome in another tight match, with just 11 points separating both teams. The Virgins lost CMC in the Thursday night game with their star player only picking up 6 points before coming off with an injury - this turned out to be the deciding factor in Gunt's win, which will have been a welcome surprise considering they lost A.J. Brown to injury and saw Tyreek Hill put up less than ten points. Their prospects for week 4 look good, whereas the Virgins will need to put in a few more prayers with Rocky Shoemaker regarding CWC's CMC's rehabilitation.

*This week's prizes;*




*Next weekend;*

- Paypigs play the Frogs; a zoosadist's wet dream in Fantasy Football form
- Corn Children play Not For Long; 0 and 3 team Longing for a win
- Gunts Lil Monsters play the Kasper King Kobras; Lil Monsters to 'snake' that losing feeling?
- Buttsharts play 60 Yard Gunt; ass-themed opponents arouse Killstream host
- Mukbangers play the Virgins; Amberlynn to have a close encounter with her biggest fans

*General Housekeeping;*

The Cincinnati Bungles are at Jacksonville on Thursday night for what will no doubt be another public humiliation for the home team; if you have players on either side, be sure to finalize your lineup before kick off. The rest of you can relax until Sunday as per usual.

Lil Monsters and 60 Yard Gunt both have 'Questionable' players lined up at the moment, and the same goes for the confirmed 'Out' CMC on the Virgins' roster.

Did you know I floated the idea of a Farms league last year already? I'd like to thank everyone for their involvement so far, it has been tremendous fun. I will continue to run the league for as long as the Farms exist and there is enough interest to get ten teams fielded. Should I ever become unable to continue, the admin account is run off a dedicated burner email address which can be passed on and should keep the league's future is secure.





_You have been blessed by the Based Derek Carr of the Holy Spirit. Reply to this thread or your lead Running Back pulls his hammies in training_​


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## Fat Gay Riker (Sep 28, 2021)

Way too early but of you have an opening next year or expand to 12 teams count me in this looks like fun and I'm retarded for not signing up at the start.


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## Wazzupnerds (Sep 28, 2021)

_You have been blessed by the Based Derek Carr of the Holy Spirit. Reply to this thread or your lead Running Back pulls his hammies in training

oh thy holy Carr, I am sorry that thy compared you to your bust brother_


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## W00K #17 (Sep 30, 2021)

So the Chiefs start the season 1-2 for the first time since 2015, and Andy Reid immediately has a fucking heart attack


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## Cliff Booth (Oct 1, 2021)

@PeeveTheSheev I've been busy with work and other shit, so I haven't been able to participate in the chat or the thread, but I genuinely appreciate the recaps. 

Let me ask everyone here a start question from my money league. It's non-PPR. Mike Davis, Darrell Henderson or Emmanuel Sanders this week? I'm leaning Davis just from a touch standpoint but I fucking hate the matchup against WFT's front 7. Henderson is questionable but should play. Problem is he might get be on a snap count and I honestly think Sony Michel is the better back. Since there's no PPR, Sanders would need at least one score to justify the play. I'm also already chasing points because I streamed the Bengals at DST like a dumbass. Fuck Thursday games.

Edit: Oh and the league dipshit dropped Eli Mitchell during weekend waivers, so I've got a claim on him, but I'm 7th in the order so it's highly unlikely I land him.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Oct 2, 2021)

Cliff Booth said:


> *snip*


I would say Davis. Washington [Redacted] DST might be decent but their offense is pants at the minute and will give the even worse Falcons plenty of time on the field.

As the resident Henderson-owner for our league, I'm keeping him benched and so should you. Still a Q next to his name and it will be a fifty/fifty split at best this week - although I strongly disagree on Michel being the better RB between the two of them.

Texans are going to get smashed open early by the Bills and grind the win out on the run. I do think there is a lot of upside here but it is, as you mentioned, entirely TD-dependent. Does sound like you need a hail mary this week, and while Sanders' floor is lower than Davis', his ceiling might just be higher.


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## Cliff Booth (Oct 3, 2021)

PeeveTheSheev said:


> I would say Davis. Washington [Redacted] DST might be decent but their offense is pants at the minute and will give the even worse Falcons plenty of time on the field.
> 
> As the resident Henderson-owner for our league, I'm keeping him benched and so should you. Still a Q next to his name and it will be a fifty/fifty split at best this week - although I strongly disagree on Michel being the better RB between the two of them.
> 
> Texans are going to get smashed open early by the Bills and grind the win out on the run. I do think there is a lot of upside here but it is, as you mentioned, entirely TD-dependent. Does sound like you need a hail mary this week, and while Sanders' floor is lower than Davis', his ceiling might just be higher.


Somehow I was able to land Eli Mitchell, but he's out now, so that isn't even an option. I'm rolling Davis. Henderson is going to play according to McVay, but rib injuries scare the shit out of me, since they take so many blows throughout the game.


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Oct 3, 2021)

I think Davis is ultimately the right choice. His ceiling is limited with the snap share he has with Patterson but the floor is there every game so far this season.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Oct 5, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 4 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;






Amberlynn sinking at more or less the speed you'd expect her to 




*Game recaps;*

- Coming into week 4, the *Sneedville Frogs* were sitting pretty at 3 and 0 - however, a sub-100 point performance sees them lose their perfect status as the *Renton Paypigs* add claim a third straight victory. 16 Points separated both teams, but the margin could have been so much closer had the Frogs actually fielded their DST (although the Saints only picked up two points) and done some team optimization. Mark Ingram shat the bed with a 2.40 posted at RB, while David Montgomery scored 20 points more on the Frogs' bench. A clear warning to any team; set your line-up in time and correctly, or risk losing to an inferior team.

- The highest-scoring performance this week handily breaks the record for the overall season, as *Not For Long*'s players all went off for ridiculous scores against the ever-unlucky *Corn Children*. Deebo Samuel netted 35 points while the Bills' DST added another 23 and the Kicker manager double digits! Ethan Ralph's squad didn't stand a chance, and by leaving J.D. McKissic on the bench and having C.D. Lamb post a measly three points, they are one of a record four teams not to crack the 100 point mark this weekend.

- Get your pointy caps out because the *Kasper King Kobras* are back in business, netting a well-earned win over *Gunts Lil Monsters* to the tune of 156 points. Terry McLaurin led scoring for the Kobras, but spare a thought for Gunt; the Lil Monsters are 0 and 4, but with their score this weekend they would have beaten five of the other nine teams (and even the Paypigs only outscored them by a point). This losing streak looks to be on the cusp of snapping, and the entire league is cheering the team on at this point.

- *60 Yard Gunt *must be over the moon, because they were perhaps the biggest surprise of the week by beating favourites *The Violent Buttsharts* by over 30 points, handily cutting short the league leaders' perfect record. Dismal performances by Chris Carson, Cole Beasley, and Mike Williams sealed the Buttsharts' fate, but you have to put your hands together for Gunt's 139 points. Tyreek Hill single-handedly put 47 of those points on the board in a freak performance that 60 Yard will hope to see replicated down the road this season.

- Tentatively dubbed the Poverty Bowl for incredibly low scores, the *Ruckersville Virgins* managed to see off *Amberlynn's Mukbangers *through sheer luck; Chase Claypool, who was occupying Flex for the Mukbangers was ruled out shortly before the game with Amberlynn failing to replace him in time. The Virgins looked to lose their lead on Monday Night but thanks to Keenan Allen and Daniel Carson failing to put up enough points for the Mukbangers, both teams are now 2 and 2 for the season. We know Amberlynn doesn't like grapes, but they must be extra sour right about now.

*This week's prizes;*





No surprise to see 60 Yard Gunt feature twice considering what Tyreek Hill did.​*Next weekend;*

- Paypigs play Not For Long; Piggies preparing their tender bacon for another 180 point performance
- King Kobras play the Frogs; another Wildlife Bowl which could descend into a bloodbath
- 60 Yard Gunt play the Corn Children; it took five weeks but here we are - the first full Gunt-themed match
- Virgins play the Lil Monsters; can the Virgins be taken for a first victory?

 *General Housekeeping;*

Unfortunately, it looks like the Frogs and Mukbangers are this season's first victims of game day shenanigans; the former forgot to add a DST they had picked up whilst the latter lost due to Claypool failing to suit up. Both teams had multiple realistic routes to victory. If any of you want to avoid the ignominy of being mentioned in this context next week, keep a close eye on your team.

The Rams are playing the Seahawks on Thursday night, so if you own player from either side make sure you are happy with your team before kick-off. Otherwise, see you on Sunday.

So how about them Chargers, huh?





​


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Oct 11, 2021)

Left Taylor and Herbert on the bench and started Saquon.

WHAT A WEEK!


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## W00K #17 (Oct 12, 2021)

That Raiders meme is pretty ironic given the lips the size of Michelin tires quote and the subsequent firing.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Oct 12, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 5 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;




No more 0 and 4!



​*Game recaps;*

- Both the *Renton Paypigs* and *Not For Long* had a 3-1 record going into week 5, but it was the latter who reigned supreme by posting the highest score of the weekend; a whopping 173.08 that negated the Paypigs 152 odd points (third highest in the league this weekend). Only Derrick Henry broke the thirty point mark for Long, but with four 20 plus performances plus a handy 17 points from the Bills defence the score just kept creeping higher. Not For Long are now league leaders based on points scored, the third team to have managed this feat following the Mukbangers in Week 1 and Buttsharts in Week 2.

- The *Sneedville Frogs* recovered from their defeat last week as a few changes to their set of starters (notably taking out Mark Ingram for Devin Singletary) proved enough to see off the challenge from the *Kasper King Kobras*. No fewer than 99 points were left on the bench by the Kobras including a ridiculous 42 score by Justin Herbert. Jonathan Taylor, another benched Kobra, scored 31 points. Had either been fielded instead of Matthew Stafford or Saquon Barkley, the Frogs would have been beaten. Davante Adams ended up being the Sneedville MVP with 37 points against the Bungles.

- When a team is 0 and 4 to start the season, you wouldn't expect them to suddenly pull the second biggest score of the weekend out of the bag. But that's exactly what happened with *Ethan Ralphs Corn Children*, whose stunning 171.08 routed *60 Yard Gunt* in the most lopsided tie of week 5. Lamar Jackson posted over 40 points, Antonio Brown over 30, and none of the Corn Children's other field players posted less than 10. Gunt could potentially have won this matchup, but they left two 25+ point-scoring players (Courtland Sutton and Alexander Mattison) on the bench, while a third substitute in the form of Mike Davis outscored the starting RBs. Nonetheless, the Rest-of-Season prospects look rosy - that goes for both teams.

- Just as the *Ruckersville Virgins* had gotten back to winning ways last week - routing the Mukbangers - they now find themselves at 2 and 3 thanks to a wonderful performance by *Gunts Lil Monsters* who finally recorded their first win of the season but remain in last place on the basis of Points Scored. Calvin Ridley may have proved the difference between these two teams, as his IA designation coming in before the early London kick-off between Falcons and Jets left the Virgins with a big fat goose egg in their WR1 slot. On the opposite end, Marquise Brown put up 33 points for the Lil Monsters, who could have enjoyed an even larger margin of victory with a change of QB this weekend (Davis Mills for the underperforming Derek Carr).

- The closest contest this week was between *Amberlynn's Mukbangers* and *The Violent Buttsharts* with the latter emerging victorious by ways of a 12.24 advantage come the Monday evening. Despite notching up another win the victorious team here did have to cede their #1 ranking in the league to Not For Long on a Points Scored basis, but the Buttsharts will have been relieved to have won at all. The Mukbangers - who led the league following week 1 - are the only side to be on a multiple game losing streak currently and have dipped as low as 7th in the standings now. This defeat will have been extra painful considering either a QB switch (Brady for Hurts) or RB switch (Gaskin for Mixon) would have reversed the outcome this weekend.

*This week's prizes;*





The KFL commissioner congratulates the Corn Children on their first positive appearance in this segment.​*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play the King Kobras; there's a snake in the Renton grass
- Not For Long plays 60 Yard Gunt; league leaders looking for that tasty W3 streak
- Frogs play the Virgins; something something recycling your spawn
- Corn Children play the Mukbangers; vegetables on the menu for the first time in years
- Lil Monsters play the Buttsharts; 1 and 4 meets 4 and 1

*General Housekeeping;*

We had another unfortunate case of an IA listing fucking over a team - this time it was the Virgins running afoul of last minute designations. We now also have our first set of byes coming in, so some teams are guaranteed to require changes. From a glance, those are currently the Kobras, the Frogs, the Virgins, the Corn Children, the Mukbangers, and the Lil Monsters. Over half the league. Please update your teams, if only to not gift your opponents a cheap win (Kobras exempt from this because they are playing me).

The Iggles play the Bucs on Thursday Night Football, so this is the part where I state the obvious regarding the players on both teams.

_Meanwhile, in the Corn Children's locker room..._


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## Wazzupnerds (Oct 12, 2021)

Lamar Jackson: MY ELITE RB


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## Cliff Booth (Oct 16, 2021)

The fact that @Goyaanisqatsi and I have the exact same number of points through week 5 is crazy. Also lots of people bunched up around that 620-650 mark.


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Oct 17, 2021)

Cliff Booth said:


> The fact that @Goyaanisqatsi and I have the exact same number of points through week 5 is crazy. Also lots of people bunched up around that 620-650 mark.


WELL THAT'S ABOUT TO CHANGE because Mike Evans put out an absolute stinker and my running back situation this week is a disaster.

I love the balance of this league so far, though. It's honestly been my favorite fantasy football league outside of my main one I've been in for the last five or six years.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Oct 19, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 6 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;




Only three teams have a winning record as of right now.



​*Game recaps;*
- In one of the league's three animal-themed matchups, the Kasper King Kobras emerged victorious over the Renton Paypigs with the third highest score of the weekend to lift them to 3 and 3 for the season. A tie that was projected to be close turned into a real thriller on the Sunday as the three LA Rams players fielded by the teams scored one TD after another. It was Cooper Kupp with 34 points for the Kobras who ended up being MVP, but the margin between both sides could have been even greater had the victorious team started Stafford over Herbert (14 point difference). The Paypigs, meanwhile, could have eked out a win had they replaced Antonio Gibson (4.40) with Jaylen Waddle (29).

- Not For Long, fresh off a string of impressive performances that catapulted them into the #1 seed in the league, continued to impress by posting this weekend's high score to the tune of 155.70 against 60 Yard Gunt - who cruelly had the second highest score and would have won against any of the other eight teams. Derrick Henry led the way For Long with his third 30+ point game of the season, but with the lowest scoring player on the winning team still posting a respectable 8.10, this was very much a team performance. Gunt has every right to be frustrated; had he played Courtland Sutton, Darrel Williams, or A.J. Brown over Chase Edmonds in Flex, he would have handed Not For Long his second loss of the season. With 6.70 points separating the teams, this was the closest margin in the league this week.

- The Sneedville Frogs might not be 5 and 1 like For Long and the Buttsharts, but they are still comfortably nestled near the top of the league following a tidy win over the Ruckersville Virgins. Only Patrick Mahomes managed to post a 20+ point total for the Frogs but a strong 15 point performance by the Colts and respectable scores by the rest of the team were enough to see the Virgins off. Alexander Thielen was the MVP in this matchup with 29.80 points, but this will be of little comfort for the 2 and 4 Virgins.

- Ethan Ralphs Corn Children started the season 0 and 4 following a string of heartbreaking defeats, but they jump no fewer than three places this weekend thanks to a comfortable win over Amberlynn's Mukbangers who have now lost three matches on the trot. The embattled Mukbangers had two players on a bye, one on IR, and one who was on a bye and on IR - their first and second round draft picks are among them - so there was scant their owner could have done to turn the tide this weekend. CeeDee Lamb was the Corn Children's MVP with some 36 points to lead the way on a team that is growing in confidence as the season edges closer to the halfway mark.

- Finally, the Violent Buttsharts had the easiest match of the league in Week 6 as Gunts Lil Monsters only posted 83 points - almost fifty less than the Buttsharts when all was said and done. The winning team will be frustrated however, as they lost ground to Not For Long; coming into this weekend the difference between both teams was less than ten points, but that gap has now grown to 32 ahead of an exciting week 7. Leaving Cole Beasley on the bench while Mike Williams and Tee Higgins disappointed with sub 10 point scores kept the Buttsharts from posting a truly impressive total this weekend. The Lil Monsters, meanwhile, will have to keep the faith as they continue to struggle following the draft.


*This week's prizes;*

*


GODDAMMIT WADDLE*​*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play 60 Yard Gunt; both teams are on losing streaks, but one of them will turn the tide
- Virgins play the Kobras; Trouser Snakes looking to violate sexless Virginians
- Mukbangers play Not For Long; Amberlynn's heart is still holding on, but For how Long?
- Buttsharts play the Frogs; second and third seeds square off in promising matchup
- Lil Monsters play the Corn Children; another Gunt Bowl, featuring teams that were 0 and 3 not long ago


*General housekeeping;*
Despite all the byes and injuries only one team fielded an ineligible player - the Corn Children - which ultimately made no difference. I thank everyone for having kept their teams updated in this critical phase of the season - and encourage everyone to do the same ahead of week 7. It's the Broncos at the Browns for Thursday Night Football, so you know what to do.

Additionally, I wanted to mention that we are currently planning to contest the play-offs between four teams. I believe I am still able to change that number to 6 or even 8, should people feel that this would make for a more exciting league. I'd be happy to change that number if we get five people in favour of doing so.

I want everyone to know that, should they send me emails, I promise not to leak them when it becomes politically expedient for me to do so.




_Remember to wash your hands ater every violent shart_​


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## Wazzupnerds (Oct 19, 2021)

Oi I'm not stupid enough to drop Koo just because of a bye


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## Wazzupnerds (Oct 19, 2021)

Also, I propose a playoffs made of 6 teams. Start at week 15, and have S(n)eed 6 play Seed 3, Seed 5 play Seed 4. Seeds 1 and 2 have a bye, and go into the semifinals.


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## Wazzupnerds (Oct 20, 2021)

@PeeveTheSheev just added a poll to the leagues discussion area since its more active then the thread.


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## Wazzupnerds (Oct 21, 2021)

@PeeveTheSheev 



We got 5


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## Cliff Booth (Oct 24, 2021)

Lmao I haven't been the most attentive owner and the app wouldn't let me add anyone this morning. I thought that shit was broken, but it turns out I never took Landry off of IR and the Browns played Thursday. Jesus christ.

Edit: It let me drop Toney and add a Sunday night guy which is kinda quirky. Toney was inactive but the Giants played.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Oct 26, 2021)

Big news this week; all teams are confirmed for a post-season as the top 6 will contest the championship while the bottom four get to fight for the consolation prize following a change to the league's structure that was democratically agreed upon. Previously only the top 4 would have gotten to enter the play-offs. At the conclusion of Week 7 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;




We have a new team topping the table. Following the Mukbangers, Buttsharts, and Not For Long, the Sneedville Frogs are now in pole position! Congratulations!



​*Game recaps;*
- Two teams on a L2 streak entered, one emerged victorious; 60 Yard Gunt beat the Renton Paypigs with the thinnest of margins this weekend to go 3 and 4 and leapfrog their porcine opponents in the standings on a points scored basis. Only 4.92 points separated both come the Sunday evening, with strong performances from both teams resulting in a real thriller. Matt Ryan, backup QB for the Paypigs during Josh Allen's bye, was one of a few reasons why the result went the way it did, as he just had to throw an INT and fumble. Your humble KFL admin had also considered fielding Tua Tagovailoa, and if I had, I would have won. Fielding Damien Harris over anyone else would have also done the trick. Congratulations to my pal 60 Yard Gunt for getting the better of me.

- The Kasper King Kobras recorded not only the performance of the week, but of the entire season by posting an absolutely incredible (and ridiculous) score of 190.56 to beat the Ruckersville Virgins by almost 100 points! A score this high is almost impossible in a ten man league because you'd need an average of 21 points per roster spot to get there, but the KKK asserted their superiority in clear fashion. Cooper Kupp, who - without checking - may well be the highest scoring player of the season so far led the way with over 37 points, while the Virgins got struck - again - by an IR listing, this time in the Thursday game with Kareem Hunt being out of the action. The Kobras are now the second-highest scoring team in the league, while the Virgins are 2 and 5 in second-to-last place.

- While scoring 190 points is already quite surprising, it was perhaps not the biggest shock of the weekend; that honour goes to Amberlynn's Mukbangers, who bested Not For Long with a razor-thin margin reminiscent of the Paypigs v. 60 Yard matchup. 5.12 separated both teams here Alvin Kamara sealing the deal for Amberlynn with a 33.90 score. Not For Long only had one player post less than ten points, but has reason for optimism; he had four players and his defence on a bye this week. To then go on to narrowly lose will be disheartening, but a score in the high 130's suggests that they are title contenders. They will now have to chase the Frogs while the Mukbangers are one of four teams to be sitting at 3 and 4.

- Where Not For Long tried to make the most of terrible byes, the Violent Buttsharts facetanked a loss by having no fewer than seven players sitting out the week, including five regular starters. As he couldn't possibly drop them to make space for one-week-replacements, the Owner decided to leave them in and eat the loss, which was surprisingly narrow at a 30 point gap with the Sneedville Frogs, our new league leaders. The Frogs had a full line-up but posted a paltry 81.74 and now lose Davante Adams to a COVID designation, meaning that they face an uphill climb to hold onto first. Disappointment of the week goes to Tyler Lockett, who only managed 3.20 points against the Saints. Of further note here is, had the Buttsharts played Zach Ertz and Joe Burrow over Darren Waller (on a bye) and Kyler Murray, the difference in score this week would have been less than 10.

- Lastly, the Battle of the Gunts was decided in Ethan Ralphs Corn Children's favour as they triumphed over Gunt Lil Monsters - a true case of fratricide if there ever was one, although the league remains in the dark over whether it was Pantsu or Faith who was involved in either team's conception. The Corn Children fielded one player on a bye but still cracked 100 points, a small miracle consider not a single one of their benched players scored any points through a combination of injuries and byes. The Lil Monsters could have closed the gap considerably by taking Nyheim Hines out of their lineup for Kenyan Drake, but their valiant struggle continues to inspire the other owners. Surely a few owners must be rooting for them to escape last place, with the Virgins being their nearest competitors - both teams play one another in week 14.


*This week's prizes;*




​*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play the Virgins; PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I WANT TO WIN FOR ONCE
- 60 Yard Gunt plays the Mukbangers; Gunt'd be lucky to punt Amberlynn 60 inches, let alone yards
- Kobras play the Buttsharts; third and fourth seeds - both 5 and 2 - face-off in what should be a high-scoring affair
- Not For Long plays the Lil Monsters; taking bets on this being the largest gap in a single matchup next weekend
- Frogs play the Corn Children; a tough nut to crack for the new league leaders


*General housekeeping;*
As mentioned in the intro, we now have confirmed play-offs for everyone in the league following the approval of 6 Owners. I don't think any of the other four would massively disapprove of the change, as the top 2 teams get a bye to keep things fair while the bottom four teams still have something to fight for.

Byes are in full swing so be careful with your lineups; you can be brave like the Buttsharts but facetanking might end up in you dropping a position at the end of the season given that tied records are decided on a points scored basis. Also be aware that the Packers take on the Cardinals on Thursday Night Football, so set your players in advance. Other than that, thanks for another riveting week and another soul-crushing loss.

Actually, one more thing; when I reactivate the league next season and confirm participants, we will vote on adding an extra bench slot to the teams to account for these bullshit byes. You can plan around byes during the draft but if you're unlucky or can't attend, you could end up with seven byes in one week like the Buttsharts had. An extra bench spot wouldn't solve this issue but at least make it slightly easier to cope with.




_Justin Fields sucks. Sincerely, from the guy who drafted Allen Robinson_​


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## Wazzupnerds (Oct 26, 2021)

FUCK DA BEARS


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## PeeveTheSheev (Nov 2, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 8 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;






Whether you prefer the 'jobbing' or 'bottling' as your go-to term to describe underperformance, four of the top five teams in the league lost this weekend!



​*Game recaps;*
- Breaking a three game losing streak, the Renton Paypigs finally taste sweet, sweet victory by dispatching the Ruckersville Virgins - who themselves are have now lost four straight matchups. Some 25 points separated teams, which doesn't come as a suprise when you consider that the Virgins' first five draft picks were all unavailable. With literal deadwood on the bench, there was no route to victory for the losing team here who badly need to pull out of their death spiral should they want to harbour any hope of making it to the expanded play-offs.

- Amberlynn's Mukbangers stuck to their winning ways with a 25 point advantage over 60 Yard Gunt to leapfrog two teams in the standings as the regular season crossed the halfway mark. Tyreek Hill's 27 points on Monday night combined with A.J. Brown's 31 for over half of Gunt's points with the rest of his team underperforming badly. Aaron Rodgers put up less than 16 while three other players plus the Kicker and DST failed to top 8 points. The Mukbangers, on the other hand, had three 20+ performers which went a long way to them clinching the highest score of this weekend. Gunt was on the up-and-up, but this loss sees them lose no fewer than three spots on the league table

- The Kasper King Kobras went into the weekend as the fourth seed in the league, and were the only side in the top half of the table to actually win their matchup, against the former #3 seed Violent Buttsharts. The KKK took over third, while the Buttsharts sink to fourth. The losing team's disappointing sub-100 point score came as something of a surprise given projections, but is easily explained by Kyler Murray's underperformance against Green Bay while Kenneth Gainwell and Mike Williams put up shocking sub four point scores. Three 20-plus point scorers on the Kobras team was a modest score when they normally reach the 120 and 130s on a weekend, but was enough to see them to victory - with a winning margin only slightly tighter than that seen in the Paypigs - Virgins and Gunt - Mukbangers games.

- Much has been said about Gunts Lil Monsters draft and their subsequent woes, but to the shock - and perhaps delight - of most they recorded a handy win over Not For Long this weekend with the biggest margin in the league to boot. That's right, the tenth seed sitting on 1 and 6 beat the second seed on 5 and 2 for this week's biggest upset. And upset is exactly what Not For Long will be; their first draft pick will miss 6 to 10 weeks of action with Derrick Henry having gotten injured during the win over the Colts, only putting up 6.80 points before going down. James Robinson also got injured during his game and posted an even lower score while the rest of the team didn't post any particularly high numbers. The Lil Monsters, however, had a solid performance across the board and finally got that little bit of luck that they had been missing in previous weeks. Now at 2 and 6, they will look to overtake the Virgins in week 9 and finally leave the tenth seed for the first time since Week 1.

- To add to the gunty joy, Ethan Ralphs Corn Children recorded a fourth straight win by besting the #1-seeded Sneedville Frogs. Sure, a little help was needed from the Frogs who left the COVID-protocolled Devante Adams in their lineup but winning a quartet of games after going 0 and 4 to start the season is by no means underwhelming, The matchup did feature the thinnest margin in the league this weekend - just under ten points - and Ezekiel Elliot being subbed in for Adams would have reversed the result. The Frogs owner will need to be more diligent if he is to hold onto the top spot, but does have the benefit of the Packers' wide receiver returning in week 9. The Corn Children, meanwhile, arenow tantalizingly close to a play-off spot.


*This week's prizes;*




Clean sweep of both the positive and negative awards, all by a single team! Take your meds!
​*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play the Mukbangers; the two highest scoring teams of Week 8 square off
- Buttsharts play the Virgins; Ruckersville franchise looking to make it five losses in a row
- Lil Monsters play 60 Yard Gunt; another Ralphbowl, with high stakes as the Monsters look to equal Gunt's record
- Corn Children play Kobras; do sneks actually eat veggies tho?
- Frogs play Not For Long; the two teams that lead the standings face eachother in the highlight fixture of the weekend


*General housekeeping;*
Blablabla check your byes, yadda yadda yadda injuries, something something COVID-protocol. Most everyone has been diligent, thank you for your continued loyalty to the league. Only seven weeks of regular season left until all of us go into our respective post-seasons. Now's the time to change your fortunes for the better! Or to, y'know, lose your first round draft pick to injury (Not For Long, much love homie).




*Sad trombone noises*​


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## Iron Hamster (Nov 2, 2021)

lol. That meme is hilarious.




My team is imploding before my eyes.


----------



## Goyaanisqatsi (Nov 9, 2021)

HELL YEAH, I'M IN THE TOP TWO BABY


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## PeeveTheSheev (Nov 10, 2021)

Day late because KFL admin is a lazy faggot. At the conclusion of Week 9 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;





We have a new #1 seed - congratulations to Not For Long for clawing his way back to the top.​




*Game recaps;*
- The biggest embarrassment this weekend - and possibly this season - came in the form of the Renton Paypigs' losing performance against *Amberlynn's Mukbangers*. Despite having no byes or injuries to contend with, the Paypigs full team posted a dismal 68.56, the lowest score by any full team across the past nine weeks. Only two players recorded a double digit score, to the tune of 10.10 and 10.30 where the Mukbangers had the benefit of two 28 point scores. Over 60 points separated both teams, and the KFL admin is on suicide watch.

- In a surprise upset, the *Ruckersville Virgins* beat the *Violent Buttshart*s in a relatively close-fought encounter - with neither team breaking the 100 point barrier. The Buttsharts started the season strong but have now lost three matches on the trot while the Virgins have barely avoided dropping to last place. Not a single player on either team reached twenty points scored, which is further proof of what a strange weekend it was in the NFL. The Virgins did receive a massive boost to their hopes of glory across the coming weeks as CMC is officially back.

- Fighting bravely against the stacked teams they share a league with, *Gunts Lil Monsters* recorded a third win to keep them level with the Virgins at the bottom of the table - remaining tenth by virtue of points scored. 60 Yard Gunt fielded one player on a bye (and one very based Green Bay QB) which led to a dismal 48 point score. The Lil Monsters, meanwhile, broke the 100 point mark once again and saw their efforts duly rewarded. Marquise Brown was the MVP in this matchup with a modest 20.60 score.

- Winning four matches in a row is no small feat, so put your hands together for the Kasper King Kobras who beat Ethan Rakphs Corn Children to move up to the #2 seed in the league with the highest-scoring performance of the week at 135.26 - narrowly eclipsing the 130 odd points posted by the Mukbangers. This cruelly snapped the winning streak of the Corn Children, who went 0 and 5 before winning four in a row, but now it's the KKKs turn to try and reach five in a row next week. A monster score by Jonathan Taylor clinched matters between these two teams, with the losing side sitting just outside the championship play-offs at the minute.

- Finally, Not For Long made up for last week's defeat by putting the Sneedville Frogs, leapfrogging (HAH!) them into first place - a remarkable feat given that they had James Robinson post a zero score following an early injury. The Frogs had not accounted for byes this week and thus posted a zero score of their own to even things out, but the rest of their team ultimately fell short. That's mostly down to James Connor posting a ridiculous 40.30 score in For Long's FLEX slot.


*This week's prizes;*




Over 1800 milligrams of sodium on the Paypigs right now.​

*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play the Buttsharts; can this season get any worse for the former? Yes, it can.
- Mukbangers play the Lil Monsters; Lil Monsters potentially make for a Lil Snack
- Virgins play the Corn Children; Ruckersville outfit hoping to salvage their play-off hopes
- 60 Yard Gunt plays the Frogs; officially dubbed the Bye-bowl after last week
- Kasper King Korbas play Not For Long; the two teams that lead the standings face eachother in the highlight fixture of the weekend (this is literally the tagline from last week)


*General housekeeping;*
Byes, byes, byes, bitches. Might also want to check COVID designations, as Aaron Rodgers wasn't allowed to play last weekend while Nick Chubb is designated COV for the upcoming round of play.






I couldn't decide which headline was more ridiculous, so have both.​


----------



## PeeveTheSheev (Nov 16, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 10 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;




Not a lot of movement this week




*Game recaps;*
- The *Renton Paypigs* are back to winning ways after pulling off an upset against *The Violent Buttsharts*, exacting revenge for the humongous loss they suffered in the opening week of the season. The 78 point score from the Buttsharts was mostly down to Kyler Murray posting zero points as he was ruled out of the Cardinals' game against the Panthers at the last minute. Even if reserve QB Teddy Bridgewater had been fielded, the Paypigs would still have comfortably won. The Buttsharts were early contenders for the title, but now find themselves in 7th place in the table - their first time being outside the play-off spots.

- We've talked about close margins before, but .18 points separating two teams? *Amberlynn's Mukbangers* beat *Gunts Lil Monsters* by the absolute skin of their teeth in a matchup that was so closely contested, it'll remain a league record for years to come. A struggle from start to finish with both teams posting sub-100 point scores, all hope seemed lost for the Mukbangers as they went into the Monday game with a 15.82 deficit and only the 49ers DST left to play. But with the Rams and Stat Padford shitting the bed, the Lil Monsters' hopes were so cruelly crushed - once again confirming them as the unluckiest team in the league. I repeat, .18 points difference between these two teams this week.

- Things look a lot brighter for *Ethan Ralphs Corn Children*, who dispatched the *Ruckersville Virgins* with relative ease and an almost 40 point gulf between both sides. This has launched the Corn Children into fifth place - their highest position of the season and the first time they hold a tentative play-off spot. The Virgins might have CMC back, but with a dismal performance by Russel Wilson at QB, a two point stinker by Jared Cook at TE, and five more sub-10 point scores there was no way they were getting anything out of this weekend. Finishing in tenth place is now a realistic fate with the Lil Monsters' recent performances being on the up and up.

- The performance of the week goes to the *Sneedville Frogs*, who finally broke out of their rut to humiliate *60 Yard Gunt* with a stellar 149.00 score over Gunt's 89.48. Leaving C.J. Uzomah on a bye wasn't the best move in that regard, but with the absolute violence perpetrated by Patrick Mahomes (36 points), Justin Jefferson & DeVonta SMith (both 26), and Ezekiel Elliott (20) there was just no route to victory for Gunt. They remain in 8th place, ahead of the Virgins and Lil Monsters by virtue of points scored. Fun fact; the Frogs also posted a 0 score at TE, because TJ Hockenson was targeted once but didn't register a catch. Fucking Loins, man, I swear.

- Last but not least, the matchup at the top of the table; the first and second seed faced off with *Not For Long* proving victorious over the *Kasper King Kobras*. This was a tie that went all the way to the wire, as both teams came into the Monday evening game with just two points separating them, and Cooper Kupp and Deebo Samual left to play for the KKK and NFL respectively. A 30 point score by the 49ers wideout proved to be the deciding factor, keeping Not For Long #1 and the Kobras #2. This happened despite the former not switching out the injured Julio Jones. Expect both of these teams to be part of the play-offs - they remain the two highest-scoring teams in the league and the only ones to have broken the 1,300 barrier so far.


*This week's prizes;*





The Poor Coaching Decision Trophy is sponsored by the Chiefs' Darrel Williams.​

*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play the Lil Monsters; a potential grudge match considering the Paypigs won this tie in week 2
- Corn Children play the Buttsharts; a slide down the table of never-before-seen propotions to be halted this weekend?
- Frogs play the Mukbangers; something something French cuisine
- Not For Long plays the Virgins; #1 versus the soon-to-be #10?
- Kasper King Kobras play 60 Yard Gunt; Kobras looking to make it 2 and 0 0ver Gunt.


*General housekeeping;*
Another general reminder to check for injuries and byes before the Thursday matchup (if you have Patriots / Falcons players) and the Sunday round of games. This is the home stretch, and one tweak of your team now may turn out to be the difference between play-offs and the consolation bracket.






_Don't forget to get immunized, cowboys!_​


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## Wazzupnerds (Nov 16, 2021)

Can't keep the Corn Children down


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Nov 17, 2021)

Those first quarter injuries really boned me last week


----------



## PeeveTheSheev (Nov 23, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 11 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;




We welcome the Frogs back to the top of the pile




*Game recaps;*
- The *Renton Paypigs* are enjoying a winning streak after putting *Gunts Lil Monsters* to the sword, but the real story here is the score; only two points and change separated both teams, with replacement TE Pat Freiermuth catching a Touchdown in the dying seconds of the Steelers v. Chargers game to put the Paypigs ahead. Gunt has been by far the most unlucky team in the league, constantly happening upon disheartening defeats, and this weekend's result is just the latest in a long string of heartbreaks. The team's poor draft can be blamed for their loss, as their two highest scoring positions (Diontae Johnson and the Patriots DST) accounted for over half of the Lil Monsters' points. Zach Moss was the biggest dunce with a 0.50 score.

- A four game losing streak would be enough to make anyone despair, but the *Violent Buttsharts* convincingly snapped their poor run of form with a comfortable win over *Ethan Ralphs Corn Children* - who posted the lowest score of the weekend. Austin Ekeler rushed for over 41 points on the Buttsharts' behalf, offsetting a sub-10 score by Joe Burrow and a goose egg by the Steelers DST. The Corn Children were kneecapped by an injury to CeeDee Lam, Younghoe Koo scoring 0, and three other players scoring less than ten points each. They now fall out of the play-off spots, courtesy of the the Buttsharts and the Paypigs

- Freshly minted league leaders *Sneedville Frogs* posted the second highest score of the weekend to make short work of *Amberlynn's Mukbangers*, with the latter's march up the table screeching to a halt for now. The difference could have been a lot larger considering the Frogs' Chuba Hubbard posted a goose egg what with CMC being back for the Panthers, but the strength of the rest of the team keeps them in the running for the top seed in Kiwi Fantasy. Davante Adams and Justin Jefferson were the two stand-out performers for the winners, while Patrick Mahomes once again shat the bed points-wise despite the Chiefs beating the Cowboys. If the Mukbangers had fielded Jalen Hurts and Myles Gaskin, the result might have looked very different though....

- The 9th placed team beating the #1? Biggest surprise of the week goes to the *Ruckersville Virgins*, who defied the odds to deny *Not For Long* a third straight victory while simultaneously proving that the league's teams really are quite closely matched on a good day (2.44 is a very, very thin margin). Admittedly, the Virginia squad did get a little help from For Long's team, as Dook Poopscoot posted  2.64(!!!) score following two INTs, one fumble, and zero Touchdowns. Kirk Cousins, the backup QB, scored almost 23 points more and would have flipped the result although one cannot blame the team's owner for his decision on this matter. Switching TEs and WRs would also have changed the outcome, but then so too could the Virgins have maximized their score by choosing a different Kicker (11 point difference) and fielding Elijah Moore (29 points) over Alexander Thielen (22.20) DK Metcalf (5.80) and FLEX Marvin Jones (9.20). Considering the Virgins still have two early draft picks on IR and three players on bye, this was a massive win for them.

- Finally, the *Kasper King Kobras* were this week's standout performers by posting both the highest score (169.5 and the largest margin of victory (49.2 with *60 Yard Gunt *being the unfortunate victim of their opponent's scoring lust - meaning that we once again had a weekend wherein all three Ethan Ralph-themed franchises lost. I can smell a few rebrands coming for the 2022 edition of the league, but so too does the corpse of the Buffalo Bills' DST stink: Jonathan Taylor torched them for 204 yards (rushing and receiving) and FIVE touchdowns to post a scor of 53.40, which might be the highest of any player in the NFL so far this season. Only Hunter Renfrow and the Titams DST scored fewer than ten points for the KKK, so it's no wonder they came out on top, especially when considering the fact that 60 Yard Gunt had two byes fielded for their FLEX and DST. The wooden spoon is coming ever closer for them, as the Lil Monsters' misfortune is due to run out one day soon.


*This week's prizes;*





Mukbangers and Kobras delivering that 1-2 punch to secure all of this week's silverware​

*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play the Corn Children; a real nail-biter considering the implications for the play-offs this matchup has
- Lil Monsters play the Frogs; #10 vs. #1, are we going to see another shock upset?
- Buttsharts play Not For Long; two teams looking to avoid recording a losing streak
- Mukbangers play the Kobras; snake's back on the menu, boys!
- Virgins play 60 Yard Gunt; now or never for both teams as the play-off spots slowly disappear from view


*General housekeeping;*
Something something byes. I'm feeling oddly positive and cheery this week, which is likely down to having absolutely robbed Gunts Lil Monsters in our matchup. I am so sorry, lil' homie.





I hate the Patriots so this isn't actually funny.​


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## Wazzupnerds (Nov 23, 2021)

FUCK DA PAYPIGS


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## PeeveTheSheev (Nov 30, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 12 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;





The Lil Monsters have escaped the bottom rung of the table for the first time since Week 2! @Suikafag, congratulations homie!

​
*Game recaps;*
- The *Renton Paypigs* have made it three wins on the bounce by making short work of *Ethan Ralph's Corn Children* this weekend, posting the highest score of all teams in the league to the tune of 156.50. Three 20+ scoring players on top of Nick Folk kicking 20 points worth of field goals and extra points will do that. Initially both teams were projected to score around 110 points, but the Corn Children were badly let down by a number of their players, including heavy hitters like Najee Harris and Lamar Jackson both scoring less than 10 points. J.D. McKissic was the highest scorer on the losing team, but ironically outscored by teammate Antonio Gibson on the Paypigs. The Corn Children slink out of play-off contention as a result.

- The #1st seed facing the #10th seed would usually only ever go one way, but this weekend it very much didn't; *Gunt's Lil Monsters* posted a score in the lower 90's to beat the rudderless *Sneedville Frogs*' 67.86, lifting the former to 9th in the table for the first time in over ten weeks. Not bad at all, but things could have been so much better considering the 70+ points left on the Lil Monsters bench. Special Teams helped secure the win, with the Patriots DST posting 14 points while Daniel Carson kicked for another 20.

- The *Violent Buttsharts* have suffered a shaky few weeks but got back to winning ways by posting the second highest score of the weekend to put* Not For Long* to the sword in an exciting matchup that could have easily gone the other team's way. Fielding Leonard Fournette was perhaps the deciding factor with the Buccaneers' RB rushing for over 44 points, backed by stellar performances from the Buttsharts' other stars like Austin Ekeler, Stevon Diggs, and Tee Higgins. For For Long, only Dook Poopscoop, Deebo Samuel, and A.J. Dillon cracked the 20 point mark, but with Samuel possibly out for a while their pursuit of a bye in the play-offs is looking like being an uphill climb. Poor scores from Nick Chubb (less than 6), Kyle Pitts (less than 5), and Kicker Randy Bullock (just one point) ultimately did the team in this week.

- How much will *Amberlynn's Mukbangers* regret leavign Kenyan Drake in the starting lineup on Thursday, when swapping him out for Myles Gaskin would have prevented their defeat at the hands of the *Kasper King Kobras*? In a nervy match that saw neither team crack the 100 point threshold, it was the Kobras who emerged victoriously with less than 8 points more than the Mukbangers. Only Joe Mixon (for Amberlynn) scored more than twenty points so you could argue that both teams badly underperformed - and no position disappointed more so than Tight End. The Kobras' Dallas Goedert scored a single point, while the Mukbangers' George Kittle could only muster 2.30. That's depressing for such an early draft pick. Both teams will look to do better next week as they gear up for the play-offs - and congratulations are in order for the KKK who now hold the #1 seed in the league.

- Finally, the *Ruckersville Virgins* slaughtered helpless *60 Yard Gunt* with a point difference of over 40. That's a short term gain for the Virginia-based squad, but the big story for them is that Christian McCaffrey is once again on IR - and out for the season this time, after posting just 3.50 points this week. The #1 draft pick only posted 5 respectable scorelines all season and two shit ones as a result of in-game injuries, making him a massive bust and landing the man a place next to Not For Long's Derrick Henry (#2 overall) who is also still on IR. Don't expect either the Virgins or 60 Yard to make the play-offs; the former are once again ravished by injury while the latter are now bottom of the pile following the Lil Monsters' win.


*This week's prizes;*



The Lil' Monsters ironically left more points on the bench than the Frogs, but only losing teams are eligible for the Poor Coaching Decision Trophy


*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play the Frogs; a loss for Sneedville could potentially see them drop all the way down to 5th with how close the league is
- Not For Long play the Corn Children; two teams on L2, both with play-off hopes - the makings of a real nail-biter
- Kobras play the Lil Monsters; no longer in last place, the Lil Monsters need a win here to retain any play-off hopes
- 60 Yard Gunt play the Buttsharts; Ostensibly the most lopsided match of the weekend, but might we see a surprise result?
- Virgins play the Mukbangers: this matchup resulted in a shock Virgins win in week 4, will the Mukbangers face another upset?


*General housekeeping;*
Keep those byes in mind, folks - they're no joke. Also wrap those first round draft picks in bubble wrap, because they're clearly made of glass





Seachickens on fucking suicide watch. Not that the Jets will use it on anyone good.​


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## PeeveTheSheev (Dec 8, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 13 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;





The play-off race is heating up with tight battles for a first round bye and for #6th place.



​
*Game recaps;*
- The *Renton Paypigs* have won four in a row now - half of their tally of victories this season - thanks to getting the better of the *Sneedville Frogs* this weekend, who continue their fall from grace as they dip out of the top 3 for the first time since Week 4. Despite Justin Jefferson putting up over 36 points and the Colts DST netting 18 points for the Frogs, it was a set of disappointing performances by Patrick Mahomes, Ezekiel Elliott, and DeVonta Smith that ultimately did the team in. The Paypigs, meanwhile, had no real high-flying performers with Antonio Gibson's 22.10 score being the highest in their line-up.

- *Ethan Ralphs Corn Children* booked the shock result of the week - as well as the closest margin of victory (2.10) - by outscoring former #3 seed *Not For Long* in a relatively unspectacular matchup that saw both teams only barely break the 100 point threshold. Just like in the Paypigs - Frogs game, fingers will be pointed at the underperformers which in this case were Dook Poopscoop (11.22) and A.J. Green (2.40) for Not For Long as well as Travis Kelce (5.70) and Jamaal Williams (9.00) for the Corn Children. Both teams were neck and neck throughout the weekend and only at the very end of the Sunday evening did the Gunty team edge out there opponents thanks to Lamar Jackson's performance against the Steelers. Although they remain in 7th place, the Corn Children's play-off hopes are alive and well with matchups against the hopeless 60 Yard Gunt and fellow contenders the Mukbangers remaining. For Long should not be too disheartened as byes and injuries handicapped them badly this weekend - their only route to victory would have been to start Kirk Cousins over Poopchute, but then the Corn Children had three changes they could have made for an even higher score. Some weeks you just can't win.

- Can anyone stop the *Kasper King Kobras*? That was the question on everyone's lips as they romped to a handy victory over *Gunt's Lil Monsters* with the highest score of the week to make it 9 and 4 for the season. With just the Frogs and Paypigs left on their schedule, a victory in Week 13 would pretty much seal their first round play-off bye and thanks to good performances by Justin Herbert and Cooper Kupp the Kobras did exactly what was required of them. The Lil Monsters again proved to be the unluckiest team in the league by posting a score that would have beaten out five of the other teams had this weekend's matchup been different. While the championship play-offs are now out of reach, Gunt are a dark horse for the consolation bracket.

- Having flirted with falling out of the top 6 in the last few weeks, the *Violent Buttsharts* recorded a win against rudderless *60 Yard Gunt* to notch a delicious three win streak and climb to third place in the standings. The less said about 60 Yard's performance the better this weekend, but that didn't stop the Buttsharts from putting a tidy 117 points and change on the board; Tee Higgins was the standout performer with 28.80, which made up for sub-10 point performances from Cole Beasley, Stevon Diggs, and Zach Ertz. Fielding Joe Burrow over Kyler Murray ended up hampering the team with the latter outscoring the former by 12 points, but this ultimately would have little difference in terms of winning against Gunt.

- Finally, Amberlynn's Mukbangers exacted sweet, sweet revenge for their shocking loss in week 4 against the Ruckersville Virgins, with 127.32 trumping 112.44 in an otherwise tepid game. One could argue that this was more a case of good luck (or misfortune) as the Virgins lost Alexander Thielen to an ankle injury very early on in the Vikings' eventual loss to the Lions (fucking LMAO). Marvin Jones sucking (3.70 v. the Chargers) also didn't help their case, which was doubly the case for George Kittle finally rewarding the Mukbangers for the early draft pick spent on him with 39.60 points scored versus Seattle. Had Thielen not gone out of the game (or been replaced in the lineup with Elijah Moore), the Virgins would have beaten the Mukbangers again, but as things stand, they are now highly unlikely to make the play-offs with their 5-8 record. Amberlynn, meanwhile, holds onto that coveted #6th seed.


*This week's prizes;*



Mukbangers made an impact this weekend, with the Buttsharts and Frogs making unfortunate cameos.


*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play Not For Long; look for the winner of this one to clinch that play-off bye
- Frogs play the Kobras; Animal Abuse Bowl 2; Amphibian Boogaloo
- Corn Children play 60 Yard Gunt; The final Guntbowl of the season
- Lil Monsters play the Virgins; two sides jockeying for a good seed in the battle for the consolation bracket
- Buttsharts play the Mukbangers; the flatulence jokes write themselves


*General housekeeping;*
This recap is a day late because the league admin is a massive fag who plays too many Japanese video games. Check your byes and injuries ahead of Thursday evening, as the Vikings go to visit the Steelers





Better luck next time, Antonio!​


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Dec 13, 2021)

Where has half the league gone? Seems like they've just given up on setting rosters.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Dec 14, 2021)

At the conclusion of Week 14 of the Kiwi Football League, we have the following standings;





Barring a miracle in the race for 6th between Not For Long and the Corn Children, the participants of the championship and consolation play-offs are now decided.



​
*Game recaps;*
- The *Renton Paypigs* have now won five matches on the spin, taking them from 4-5 to 9-5 with a handy victory over *Not For Long* being the latest feather in their cap. With player-of-the-week Josh Allen leading the charge and Hunter Renfrow benefitting from a dearth of receiving targets on the Raiders offense, a very respectable 148 score was set by the Paypigs as they look to lock in a first week bye in the play-offs. Not For Long was once again forced to field an underperforming team due to injuries, and will rue having left James Conner and his 33.50 points on the bench in favour of Alexander Mattison and his 2.70. Although For Long is now on a four game losing streak, results elsewhere have seen them become all but locked in for the championship play-offs

- The *Sneedville Frogs* are also ascertained of the play-offs despite losing three games on the bounce, with their latest defeat coming at the hands of the league-leading* Kasper King Kobras*. With one week left to go and being one victory and 130 points ahead of the Paypigs in the standings, the Kobras are all but confirmed for the top seed - with a tantalizing matchup against the Renton-based runners-up on tap in week 15. The rudderless Frogs had two players on byes in their squad plus a 0 score from T.J. Hockenson but would have had a shot at victory if they played their cards just right with 75 points on their bench (including 27.20 from just Tyler Lockett). On the Kobras, Cooper Kupp once again asserted his dominance with 31.30 points posted with Justin Herbert in second place thanks to a 24.90 score. No matter what happens next week, the KKK enter the play-offs as the favourites to take the inaugural crown.

- *Ethan Ralphs Corn Children* were on a late charge to make the play-offs, but a disheartening defeat to bottom placed* 60 Yard Gunt* cut short their hopes as they now need a miracle still finish sixth. True heartbreak considering this defeat wasn't just by the thinnest margin in the league this week, but also partially inspired by the Corn Children leaving their RB2 space empty AND seeing Lamar Jackson go down injured early on in the Ravens - Browns game. Had the QB stayed upright, the Corn Children may well have beaten Gunt who themselves had fielded two injured players. Gunt now climb out of bottom place but can still be considered cannon fodder in the consolation play-offs.

- In what some suspect could be the matchup for the fifth place game in a few weeks, *Gunts Lil Monsters* were defeated by the* Ruckersville Virgins* with a score of 77.02 to 121.84. The result perfectly encapsulates the season both teams have had; Gunt was kneecapped by a meme draft while the Virgins could muster up decent scores every now and then when not plagued by injuries and byes. In terms of individual performances, the Raiders DST posted a negative score for the Lil Monsters which was compounded by mediocre postings from AJ Dillon and Tyler Conklin, while the Virgins notched 24 points from the Chiefs DST alone. Javonte Williams was the only other player to score 20+ points, but with acceptable performances from the rest of the team, the Virgins should feel optimistic about their chances to win the consolation bracket. The Lil Monsters fall back into last place and will need a win over the Buttsharts next week to reclaim 9th.

- Finally,* Amberlynn's Mukbangers* gobbled up everything the *Violent Buttsharts* threw at them and then some, leapfrogging them and two other teams in the standings to now sit in third with one victory and 2.28 fewer points than the Paypigs in 2nd - setting up a dramatic final regular season weekend as the fight for the first round bye is wide open. The Violent Buttsharts can theoretically still finish second as well, but due to having posted 90 points less than the Paypigs across the season so far, they will need a record-breaking win (and the Paypigs' lowest ever score) to still finish in the top two. Initially projected to be a tight affair between the Buttsharts and the Mukbangers this week, the latter ran away with the game as Tom Brady and George Kittle combined for some 64 points amid plenty of high scores from other players, with Joe Mixon surprisingly posting the lowest tally for Amberlynn with 8.80 this week. The Buttsharts were dealt an early blow to their hopes of victory with a surprising 0 score from the Steelers DST on Thursday, but ultimately saw only one other sub-10 score all weekend (courtesy of Zach Ertz with a still respectable 9.20). Both teams will relishing the chance to meet again in the championship play-offs, with the Mukbangers still in the mix for that all-important bye.


*This week's prizes;*




The Sneedville Frogs are clearly very keen on collecting those Poor Coaching Decision Trophies, while 60 Yard Gunt's surprise win was mostly down to just two players.​

*Next weekend;*
- Paypigs play the Kobras; 1st and 2nd seed face off in what may just be the most exciting match of the season yet
- 60 Yard Gunt play Not For Long; two teams with nothing left to lose as respective play-offs beckon
- Virgins play the Frogs; Ruckersville is rooting for its rejuvenated team to make a final splash in the Sneedville pond
- Mukbangers play the Corn Children; cloudy with a chance of indigestion, as Amberlynn hungers for a bye
- Buttsharts play the Lil Monsters; Gunt needs a win to avoid last place where their opposition can comfortably lean back


*General housekeeping;*
As @Goyaanisqatsi remarks, we sadly had a few people forget to set their rosters this week. 60 Yard Gunt and the Frogs have been absent for a few weeks now sadly, but the usually dilligent Corn Children joined the malaise this week - ultimately costing them their final chance to make the championship play-offs. The other seven teams, however, remain active and have - by my count - not missed a single round of the league this season.

This is admittedly better than I expected, as getting an active and dedicated league built from randos on a gossip forum dedicated to internet retards would be quite the feat. With a few fresh teams next year (two applications are already in) I'd expect a much smoother season in 2022, but it's still a shame to see the end of this inaugural campaign spoiled a little. Nonetheless, with IRL byes now finally over I strongly encourage everyone to make the most of the final regular season week as well as the three coming rounds of the play-offs.





_Courtland Sutton and Demaryius Thomas (RIP homie) confirmed to be fans of the Kobras _​


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## Iron Hamster (Dec 14, 2021)

Goyaanisqatsi said:


> Where has half the league gone? Seems like they've just given up on setting rosters.


I have become the dsp of the league.


Also, the Broncos should have laid a Thomas jersey in the slot when they honored him with 10 players.


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## W00K #17 (Dec 21, 2021)

*breathes sigh of relief*


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## PeeveTheSheev (Dec 22, 2021)

With fifteen weeks having come and gone, these are the final regular season standings for the Kiwi Football League. Update's a day late because a few teams caught the Coof.





The Kobras, Paypigs, Buttsharts, Frogs, Mukbangers, and Not For Long qualify for the championship play-offs.
The Corn Children, Virgins, Lil Monsters, and 60 Yard Gunt contest the consolation bracket.



​
*Game recaps;*
- The *Renton Paypigs* finally lost a game again as they came up well short of a victory against the *Kasper King Kobras*, who effortlessly snapped the Paypigs' five game winning streak by posting close to fourty points more as well as the single highest score of the weekend. A 1.30 score by offensive rookie of the year candidate Ja'marr Chase underlined the Paypigs' inability, where on the other side of the equation Cooper Kupp (34.70), Justin Herbert ( 23.04), and Jonathan Taylor (23.00) ran riot for the Kobras. All three players scored more than the Paypigs' best performer (Josh Allen, 20.80). The men and women of Kasper were already assured of a bye in the first play-off round but now also hold aloft the trophy for best regular season record.

- *60 Yard Gunt *capped off a dire season with a somewhat meagre 91.72 points resulting in a loss against *Not For Long*, with the latter clinching fifth place in the regular season standings. Had Gunt not fielded two injured players the result might have been very different, but as things stand they finish in 9th while For Long finishes the regular season on a high. Although none of his players managed to hit 20 points scored, For Long can feel optimistic about his chances in the play-offs which he will enter as the #5 seed.

- Despite fielding one injured player, the *Sneedville Frogs*' stacked roster allowed them to get the better of the hapless *Ruckersville Virgins*, who posted an abysmal 69.04 score despite having their roster fully up to date - a cruel result indeed. Patrick Mahomes of the Chiefs led the way for the Frogs with 29 points and change while Davante Adams and Ezekiel Elliott also contributed handy scores. Their lowly regular season positioning being the result of their inability to keep up with byes, the Frogs may very well turn out to be a dark horse in the play-offs, while the Virgins turn to the consolation bracket.

- *Ethan Ralph's Corn Children* secured the honour of being the best Gunt-themed team in the league by recording a nifty victory over *Amberlynn's Mukbangers*, who see themselves fall no fewer than three places in the standings at the absolute end of the season. Another team that got sloppy with byes, the Corn Children narrowly miss out on the play-offs after a handful of close results in the second half of the season - ruining a potential fairytale ending after having gone 0 and 4 to start the year. The Mukbangers, meanwhile, need to worry about their viability as they have to enter the first round of the play-offs next weekend. Jalen Hurts might have been their highest scorer this week with 27.64 points, but he won't be able to carry the team's weight in an even tougher tie next week.

- Finally,* the Violent Buttsharts *capped their regular season with a win over *Gunts Lil Monsters *to catapult themselves into the #3 seed for the championship, while their opponents collect the wooden spoon and are left to recharge as they enter the consolation bracket. 104.58 points is well below the floor you normally expect from the Buttsharts, but most every team failed to meet their projections by quite a large margin this weekend - none of the Buttsharts' players managing to cross 20 points scored is testament to this. The Lil Monsters' team of scraps and waiver wire hand-me-downs put up a good fight in the end an actually featured the highest scoring player in this matchup; Tyler Boyd at 20.60.*


Regular Season prizes;*




Rather than focus on the weekly prizes, I am happy to present the league's regular season-based novelty prizes, awarded to five different teams. A few more will be added after the play-offs conclude, and I am open to suggestions for further trophies.​

*Next weekend;*
Play-offs! Six teams (#1 and #2 seeds as well as the #7, #8, #9, and #10 seeds) have a bye, leaving just two matches.

- #3 seed Buttsharts play #6 seed Mukbangers; the winner will face the #2 seed Paypigs in the semi-final
- #4 seed Frogs play #5 seed Not For Long; the winner will face the #1 seed Kobras in the semi-final


*General housekeeping;*
Again, play-offs! If you've been absent during the latter stages of the season (looking at the Frogs and 60 Yard Gunt), now might just be the time to set your rosters and make the most of the play-offs. For the teams that are on bye, I encourage you to already set your teams based on the week 17 NFL schedule, as this is what will decide your fate in the semi-finals.





_Imagine being a fan of either New York team, hahah...hah...ha..._​


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Dec 22, 2021)

What a season! I think I'm going to celebrate my one seed with some cidies.


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## Iron Hamster (Dec 22, 2021)

What a freefall for my not live drafted team. 
The NFL schedule was not kind to me. Glad I made the playoffs though.


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## W00K #17 (Dec 26, 2021)

Merry Christmas to all of you. This has been a fun ride and I hope we do this again next season. 

All that being said, now that the playoffs are underway: get felted bitches!


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## PeeveTheSheev (Dec 30, 2021)

Following the first round of the Championship lay-offs, we have the following schedule on tap for week 16;




Having lost the quarter final, the Sneedville Frogs and Amberlynn's Mukbangers go into a bye as they prepare for the fifth place game.
The Kobras, Paypigs, Buttsharts, and Not For Long (re-)enter the fray this week in the semi-finals.




Having enjoyed a bye last week, the Corn Children, Virgins, 60 Yard Gunt, and Lil Monsters return to fight for victory in the Consolation bracket.




*Game recaps;*
- Not For Long fell to a late season slump that forced them into the first round of the play-offs, but with some great individual scores they saw off Sneedville Frogs to gain access to the semi-finals. 16 Points and change separated both teams, with Dook Poopchute and Deebo Samuel leading the charge for For Long. Good thing they did, because his WR1 James Robinson went out with an injury early on in the Jags v. Jets Mediocrity Bowl and posted just a solitary point. A.J. Green also disappointed with a 4.30 scoreline, but the Frogs just didn't have it in them to best For Long's 131 points due to middling performances across the board - and an IR designation for T.J. Hockenson.

- On the other side of the bracket, the Violent Buttsharts made short work of Amberlynn's Mukbangers to back up their odds as a dark horse contender for the championship with 147 points scored being a very healthy amount for this stage of the season. Tee Higgins exploding for over 40 against the Ravens went a long way as did the three twenty plus scores from other players on the Buttsharts' roster. The Mukbangers - who led the standings in Week 1 - saw a number of players fail to produce to the point where they were the lowest-scoring team of the quartet playing this past weekend. Keenan Allen, Chase Claypool, and Mike Gesicki all posted bad games (although Gesicki still outscored the benched George Kittle - good management by Amberlynn there) which leaves the Mukbangers knocked out and bitterly disappointed.


*Next weekend;*
Starting Sunday as we do not have a Thursday game this weekend!

- #2 seed Paypigs play #3 seed Buttsharts; both teams are 1-1 v. one another as they head into their most thrilling encounter yet
- #7 seed Corn Children play #10 seed Lil Monsters; another GuntBowl, with the highest stakes of all Ethan Ralph-themed games so far
- #9 seed 60 Yard Gunt plays #8 seed Virgins; Ruckersville channeling their inner Faith Vickers this week?
- #1 seed Kobras play #5 seed Not For Long; a matchup worthy of the final, played in the semi. Will the Kobras live up to their seeding?


*General housekeeping;*
Everyone except the Buttsharts should set their line-up on Sunday to avoid the latest injuries and COOF infections. The Buttsharts should empty their line-up for no reason at all (nothing to do with who they are playing, I swear).






_The Kiwi Fantasy League does not condone bullying! Except when it comes to fruity Cowboys._​


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## Iron Hamster (Jan 3, 2022)

6 fucking yards! That's all I need damn it!


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Jan 3, 2022)

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT A NAILBITER.

I was thinking for sure that keeping New Orleans D and Eli Mitchell on the bench was going to bite me in the ass.


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## Iron Hamster (Jan 4, 2022)

I feel like dsp................nothing I could do. But in my case, it is true. 
Only position on bench scoring higher was TE but still would have been short.


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## PeeveTheSheev (Jan 4, 2022)

Following the second round of the Championship play-offs, we have the following schedule on tap for the final week of the season, week 18;






With wins in the semi-final, the #1 and #2 seeded Kobras and Paypigs march on to the Kiwi Bowl. The Buttsharts and Not For Long will enter the field to contest the third place game.





The #8 and #10 seeds Virgins and Lil Monsters face one another in the Spoiled Kiwi Bowl, having emerged victorious in their respective semi-finals. The Corn Children and 60 Yard Gunt square off for 9th place.
​
*Game recaps;*
- What started as a tasty, enticing matchup between the *Renton Paypigs* and the *Violent Buttsharts* quickly spiralled out of control as Ja'Marr Chase single-handed ran a full freight train into the latter to secure the Paypigs the highest score of the week and a ticket to the championship game. 55.60 Points in the FLEX spot is something very, very few opponents can recover from, and seeing how the rest of the Paypigs' team performed to standard, the Buttsharts can at least rest easy knowing that nothing they could have done would have changed things. Heck, their QB was Joe Burrow to the tune of 34.84 points! Of course, that's only a small consolation when the guy keeps chucking it at Chase. The Buttsharts' bench would not have been of much help, and neither was Antonio Brown... in other news, the Paypigs, who were rock bottom in the standings after week 1, should be overjoyed at how far they've come.

- In another nail-biter sure to go down in history, the *Kasper King Kobras *beat *Not For Long* in what must surely be the sweetest case of Fantasy revenge ever; the Kobras went 11 and 4 in the regular season, with two of those four losses coming against For Long. But, when it counted most, the team from Kasper, Wyoming hung on by the skin of their teeth with a margin of victory of just 3.62. As with the Buttsharts, For Long had no chance of overtuning this result seeing as out of all their benched players, only the sub TE scored more than the one they fielded (but only to the tune of 2.50). The projections had both teams close to one another throughout the weekend and saw For Long head into the Monday Steelers/Browns game with a slight advantage - they only needed Nick Chubb - the last player on both teams to play - to bag 9.43 points. But because the Browns are the Browns, Chubb only scored 5.80 before coming off with a rib injury. With their nailbeds ruined, the #1 seed squeezes through to the Kiwi Bowl

- On the consolation side of things, this year's final Gunt Bowl was won by Wooden Spooners *Gunts Lil Monsters* thanks to a smart 15.50 point edge over *Ethan Ralphs Corn Children*. This is a major upset considering the self-imposed handicap the Lil Monsters adopted during the draft and really speaks to the grit and creativity of their owner who put together a team of scraps and free agents to peak at just the right time. Najee Harris was the MVP in this matchup (although benched Rashaad Penny scored even higher) but consistent scoring across the Lil Monsters' team ultimately clinched the game in their favour.

- Finally, the *Ruckersville Virgins* bested a depleted *60 Yard Gunt* with a scoreline of 119.94 to 89.02 to book themselves a place in the consolation final where they will face the resurgent Lil Monsters. Despite fielding a strong team on paper, disappointing performances from Tyreek Hill, A.J. Brown, Dalvin Cook (4.30!), and D'Andre Swift spelled sub-100 doom for Gunt, while DK Metcalf led the way for the Virgins with a score of 30 plus. Kareem Hunt posted a goose egg after a late Out designation, which really says it all about the Virgins' season - they still have six unavailable players on their bench thanks to injuries and coof infections. One final test awaits them next week, while Gunt will have to fight for 9th place.

- *Sneedville Frogs* and *Amberlynn's Mukbangers* were on a bye


*Next weekend;*
Starting on Saturday with the Iggles facing the Cowsoys and the Brooncs playing the Choofs

- #1 seed Kobras play #2 seed Paypigs; both teams lived up to their high seeds, but only one can claim the Kiwi Bowl
- #3 seed Buttsharts play #5 seed Not For Long; third place might not be what either team hoped for, but they'll still want to claim a podium spot in the league's inaugural year
- #8 seed Virgins plays #10 seed Virgins; does this final even come with a trophy? Vindication for the Lil Monsters, or a small band aid on a slaughterhouse full of injuries for the Virgins!
- #7 seed Corn Children play #9 seed 60 Yard Gunt; two helpless, hapless teams in this year's Flake Bowl for last place
- #4 seed Frogs play #6 seed Mukbangers; Amberlynn heavily favoured to finish this dessert.


*General housekeeping;*
One last push! Set your lineups in time for Saturday! This is it! Six teams playing for tangible prizes (if there is no award for the consolation final, I will create a custom trophy)!





_AB confirmed as main inspiration behind two or three unnamed Kiwi Fantasy League teams._​


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## PeeveTheSheev (Jan 12, 2022)

After 18 weeks of football action, including three rounds of play-offs, the final results of the Kiwi Fantasy League are as follows;











Standings after the play-offs;
1. Kasper King Kobras
2. Renton Paypigs
3. Not For Long
4. The Violent Buttsharts
5. Amberlynn's Mukbangers
6. Sneedville Frogs
7. Ruckersville Virgins
8. Gunts Lil Monsters
9. Ethan Ralphs Corn Children
10. 60 Yard Gunt​*Game recaps;*

- The title-deciding game ended up being contested between the second-highest and third-highest scoring teams of the weekend with the former coming out on top: congratulations are in order for the *Kasper King Kobras*, who have been crowned the inaugural champions of the league. Commisserations go out to the *Renton Paypigs*, who fought ardently throughout the year to go from #10 all the way to #2. The Kobras had the sense and/or fortune to draft both Jonathan Taylor and Cooper Kupp - the highest scoring players in their respective positions - which in hindsight meant that the title really was theirs to lose this season. Taylor disappointed but Kupp once again put up over 26 points (alongside Amon-Ra St. Brown and Mike Evans) to drill the Paypigs into a thirty point deficit come Sunday evening, with Justin Herbert heroballing his way to the highest score on the Kobras but, crucially, not into the IRL play-offs. 

- Not For Long laid claim to the bronze medal this year with a score just shy of 150, more than enough to beat out the Violent Buttsharts who had given up on their team following their semi-final loss to the Paypigs. Dak Prescott and Deebo Samuel led the way for For Long as they had all season while getting James Conner onto the team also proved to be a master stroke by their owner. While the Buttsharts left a few high scoring players on their bench, such was the gap in scores that the deficit could not have been overturned regardless of team selection thus leaving Austin Ekeler the highest scorer for the Buttsharts as well as their top player of the season, making good on his first round draft position.

- In the fifth-place game, *Amberlynn's Mukbangers* won a small consolation by besting the *Sneedville Frogs* 113 to 101. Brady and Kamara topped the board for the winners, as they had done all season (although Amberlynn had the most active QB rotation policy in the league with Brady often making way for Jalen Hurts). The Frogs could have escaped with a win with better team policy, but look to be one of a small handful of inaugural teams that may perhaps not rejoin the league next season. Amberlynn kept trucking to the very end despite some disappointing defeats on the road to the play-off, and will look to better their result next season.

- For seventh placed, the embattled* Ruckersville Virgins *saw off the brave *Gunts Lil Monsters* to secure the smallest of honours following a season that was utterly destroyed by injuries and NFI designations. Their first five draft picks were all unable to play this weekend with CMC having been out for most of the season and Calvin Ridley similarly not suiting up for the majority of games, while Robert Woods went out for the rest of the year about halfway through the campaign. But where the Virgins kept having bad luck after the draft, the Lil Monsters steadily built their team out following their meme picks on the opening day - losing the weekend only because of to goose eggs informed by IRL play-off considerations. For a team that propped up the standings for pretty much the entire year, 8th place is a great achievement and something worth celebrating. We hope to see the Lil Monsters back next year as the highest ranked Gunt-themed team - hopefully with a proper draft strategy this time around too!

- FInally, for the 9th placed game, the helpless *Ethan Ralphs Corn Children* and *60 Yard Gunt* featured in a matchup that was as poor as its score betrays; 71.00 versus 69.96, a ridiculously tight margin that could have been avoided had both admins been more active. As with the Sneedville Frogs, it remains to be seen whether either team will join the seven active managers for the 2022 season.


*End of Season prizes;*

*

*
The Ruckersville virgins will be awarded a custom prize for winning the consolation bracket.
Gunts Lil Monsters will win the custom Admin Discretion Prize for Fighting Spirit



*End of Season Remarks*​
I'd like to take the opportunity to thank @W00K #17 @Suikafag @Iron Hamster @Goyaanisqatsi plus the other DMs for being such faithful and sporting competitors this year. I really enjoyed my time throughout the 18 weeks we played, and hope everyone else had just as much if not more fun competing.

The first season was always going to be a challenge, having to gather ten random shitposters on an internet gossip forum to actively set rosters for months on end. The fact that we had seven active players all the way to the final weekend is, as far as I'm concerned, a great success, and better than I had hoped for.

As an admin, I've learnt a few things that will hopefully improve next season massively; we'll shorten the regular season by one week to avoid players being rested IRL on the final day of the season, we'll start the season with clearly defined play-offs (rather than changing halfway through), and rosters will increased by 1 space to account for the longer IRL season and its injury/bye implications. I will create next year's thread slightly earlier (by one or two weeks) to give people more time to join. I will try to maintain either the current league size of 10, or expand to 12 (max) if there is sufficient interest from people who are willing to commit.

A few weeks into this season, @Fat Gay Riker expressed interest in joining us for next year and there is a spot reserved for him should he wish to take up the offer after the summer. I spoke to @CatParty when setting up the thread and while he had reached his max number of leagues for 2021, he too is more than welcome to join us in 2022. The seven active teams will have their spots in the league reserved and can confirm their continued participation or opt out during pre-season.

Next year's thread will appear in due time, and I will @ everyone in the opening post. This thread, in turn, will be archived in a short while. The very best wishes should your team be contesting the IRL play-offs, and Godspeed to you all - thanks for playing!


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## Iron Hamster (Jan 12, 2022)

> While the Buttsharts left a few high scoring players on their bench, such was the gap in scores that the deficit could not have been overturned regardless of team selection


If they had Murray, Williams, and Gainwell in for the '0' they got, they would have ended up with 150.10 to my 149.66

Forgot to say, also glad to play in a competitive league and hope to do it again next season.


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## Suikafag (Jan 12, 2022)

PeeveTheSheeve said:
			
		

> I really enjoyed my time throughout the 18 weeks we played, and hope everyone else had just as much if not more fun competing.



As Did I honestly. Even if in the end I didn’t win, I’m just surprised I did as well as I had in the end. I’ll make certain to be back next year, with a better team and at least _some _more knowledge of FOOBAW. I’m glad to have participated in this, and I wish everyone the best of luck with next year


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Jan 18, 2022)

It was a fucking pleasure you guys and I can't wait to defend my championship. If we can't expand to 12 teams, I'd be happy with have better retention and participation out of 10 teams next season.


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## W00K #17 (Jun 2, 2022)

98 days til opening weekend, and I'm already stoked for it. Hopefully people are still down for the second season of the kiwi league.


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## 俺たちファームズでノッテる (Jun 27, 2022)

W00K #17 said:


> 98 days til opening weekend, and I'm already stoked for it. Hopefully people are still down for the second season of the kiwi league.


We should perhaps expand this into the USFL/XFL when those seasons get kicking again.


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## InuRightsActivist (Jul 8, 2022)

W00K #17 said:


> 98 days til opening weekend, and I'm already stoked for it. Hopefully people are still down for the second season of the kiwi league.


Quit following football after Carlson got traded, but I'm always down to watch Wentzfags get btfo


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## W00K #17 (Aug 3, 2022)

36 days til season opener. It's pretty much time to start talking about the next season. Do we expand to 12 teams? Can we start shit talking each other about last season yet? What's our playoffs plan? The time is now for these discussions.


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Aug 12, 2022)

Has there been a date set for the draft?

KKK 2.0 is ready to explode


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## Goyaanisqatsi (Aug 31, 2022)

COME ON NIGGERS, WEVE GOT ONE MORE SPOT AVAILABLE


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