# Are online friends actually friends?



## BingBong (Sep 25, 2019)

Do you believe that it is possible to build true friendships on the internet?

Personally, I don't think you can call someone a friend until you have met them in person.


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## Mike R (Sep 25, 2019)

People present the best side of themselves on the internet. This might be shocking for some people to read, however, some people on the internet completely make shit up.


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## heyilikeyourmom (Sep 25, 2019)

Mike R said:


> however, some people on the internet completely make shit up.


I make a lot of shit up, but it’s all an extension of my weird-ass sense of humor that most people outside this site don’t get, so in a way, Kiwis know me on a deeper level than most of my friends, family, and johns.

As for whether or not that makes online friends genuine, I love most all of you and would take a bullet for you if the opportunity presented itself, partly out of loyalty, and largely out of sexual gratification.  

The point I’m trying to make here is if you’re in a movie theater and someone opens fire, and I happen to be by your side, leave the kevlar at home and wear a poncho instead.


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## ES 195 (Sep 25, 2019)

Can you actually have a deep friendship with someone who doesn't know who you really or, what you look,sound, and actually act like?
We could become bestest buds and talk for years but finally meet and you'll learn I was a serial dog murderer or something. 

I don't think you can form a legitimate deeper-meaning friendship on the internet, at least not by itself. I believe you can start one online and move it into IRL, I've done that myself, but without a person actually being able to know who you are beyond what you present I don't think online friendships can be anywhere close to as meaningful as offline.


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## Annoying Thick Bitch (Sep 25, 2019)

For some people, the relationships they form with others online are often the only ones they have.  I mean @heyilikeyourmom is my new best friend, they promised to protect me from the bad people and gratify me sexually!


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## YourMommasBackstory (Sep 25, 2019)

It really depends.
I know a group of people for several years, whom i can call friends. we all know how each other looks and sounds like. We know about each other's family, work, personal situations, health and mental problems. We've helped each other to improve life situations, are not afraid to lend money, send gifts to each other. We saw how each of us became an adult person, since we all've met in ours 18-early 20s.
Two of those friends moved in one city and became irl friends. I'll move with them soon too.
I wouldn't say that all people i know on internet are my friends, 99% of them are not, but those people are special to me. I don't know where i would be if i didn't knew them.


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## heyilikeyourmom (Sep 25, 2019)

Annoying Thick Bitch said:


> gratify me sexually!


I meant I’d be gratifying _myself _sexually by getting shot.  I apologize for not making that clearer.


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## Annoying Thick Bitch (Sep 25, 2019)

heyilikeyourmom said:


> I meant I’d be gratifying _myself _sexually by getting shot. I apologize for not making that clearer.



I would say "Well fuck me!" but I'm not gonna.  Flirting online is for fags.


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## heyilikeyourmom (Sep 25, 2019)

Annoying Thick Bitch said:


> I would say "Well fuck me!" but I'm not gonna.  Flirting online is for fags.


That and you’d have to go through the proper channels and order me on cowboybuttzdrivemenutz.com, where I am both an employee and a customer.

You can also find me at lonelymilfsnearu.com, but you’ll need your SS number for that one.


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## Stranger Neighbors (Sep 25, 2019)

I suppose it depends how you define a friend, personally I would say someone you feel kinship with, someone you have invested trust and an emotional bond with, the argument usually follows:
"Well how do you know the person online is who they claim to be?" And to that I would say
You can always invest trust and emotional vulnerability with someone who can betray that trust IRL as well as online.

Is the risk of people lying or embellishing about themselves on the internet higher than in real life?

I'm not sure
I suppose it depends how you use the internet.

Personally I work in a field and am surrounded by people I can't be honest with about my world view without running the risk of losing my career. So I'd say the rapport I've built and the relationships I've established online are actually _more _genuine and authentic than many of the relationships established in my "Real life" experience.


I'd also argue the point that if trust and rapport can be established there may be different factors at play in the relationship that give it a benefit unique to online relationships... Those mainly being getting to know that person for who they actually are _before_ seeing how they look, what car they drive, what clothes they wear etc, it is a unique experience of being able to measure how your own mind articulates and organizes the data given to it.

Example, I have some kiwis on here I plan to meet IRL fairly soon and I get to see if my imagination of all those external identifiers line up with the reality. Did I imagine them taller or fatter than they are? How do they measure up to the mental image I have built for a year speaking with them?

So TLDR I suppose it depends on how one interacts with people in life versus online, what you use the internet for etc that determines the answer. Me personally yes they are



Edit: shout out to all my Kiwi Homies @Recoil @Exigent Circumcisions @Yuusha-sama @ManateeHunter @J A N D E K @Sofonda Cox @Second Missing Primarch @NOT Sword Fighter Super @Yulexia @Dopey Cunt @Pineapple Fox @Y2K Baby @Rumpled Foreskin @Teri-Teri


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## Dork Of Ages (Sep 25, 2019)

If anything, online friends can be more honest and forthcoming about each other in ways that real life interactions wouldn't be able to provide. However, the way the friendship grows once you cross the meatspace dimension is something else to discuss. Do you just depend on the same way you talk, vent, joke, shitpost on the internet or do you build on the environment you share to keep things interesting between each other? If it's simply just the former, well, that's kinda autistic.

At any rate, I met with some Kiwis here IRL that I do feel I could depend on a pinch for anything, so secret shoutout to them


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## Harvey Danger (Sep 25, 2019)

Friends, yes.  Community, no.

Think of it in terms of _personae_, like the ancient Greeks did.  One person has many faces which they present to the world.  At your job, you adopt a professional persona, focused on work, leaving out many personal details.  At church, you present a pious persona.  To your wife, you use the persona of "husband", while you use the persona of "parent" to your kids.  And to your friends, you present your "friend" persona.

Online, you present whatever persona you want: thoughtful debater, hardcore gamer, shit-flinging troll, badass sniper with 70 confirmed kills, etc.  With multiple screen names, you can present and explore multiple personas.  So it's possible for two online personas to be friends with each other, without knowing the "real person" behind either persona... because no one except your most intimate family/friends ever knows that person anyway.

However, the ephemeral nature of online interactions means you can't form a true community of trust and reliance.  No one you meet online can be relied upon to remain online and help you out.  My Harvey Danger persona exists entirely on a hard drive somewhere; pull one wire, and it disappears.  Even if you find me with another name on another forum, my presentation there will be different, simply by the nature of the new forum.

Put simply, someone is not part of your community unless you have shared a physical meal with them, or helped them move furniture, or babysit their kids for a day.  Your online friends/chatters/followers/subscribers are not your community, no matter how many times a Twitch/YouTube content creator labels their group as one.


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## Kaede Did Nothing Wrong (Sep 25, 2019)

I think there are different ways to know people. being restricted to text communication is a barrier but not an impossible one. there were pen pals before internet forums. I imagine if you're good enough friends you'd want to meet irl though.


Mike R said:


> People present the best side of themselves on the internet. This might be shocking for some people to read, however, some people on the internet completely make shit up.


this is true but on the other hand you could have spaces online where people are more likely to speak honestly when disconnected from their public face. and it's not just on instagram people try to misrepresent themselves for the better. like, the couple you went to trivia night with and thought was normal suddenly breaks up because privately one constantly screamed at the other.

the closest thing I've had to an online friend was a guy I only knew through working remotely with for a few projects. meeting him was kind of a trip because he was just a disembodied email in my head.


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## Clop (Sep 25, 2019)

Even RL friends aren't your friends. Laugh now, come back in a few years so I can laugh back and say I told you so, you fucking gullible peasant.


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## Oskar Dirlewanger (Sep 25, 2019)

Try beating your bench PR with your "online friend" spotting you and tell me how it goes.


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## Shady Attorney (Sep 25, 2019)

If you have to ask yourself if you have friends, you probably don’t


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## Christ Cried (Sep 25, 2019)

>this thread


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## Lards and Lasses (Sep 25, 2019)

who the hell has friends anymore


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## DarkWestern (Sep 25, 2019)

I feel like there's some mental disorder at play here to even ask that question.


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## Stoneheart (Sep 25, 2019)

You can make friends on the interwebs. i made a few friends on the interwebs, you play games together, you talk in the down time, you find common ground and get super drunk together at a festival.


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## scopelessone (Sep 25, 2019)

I like to belive you can have frens online. But it will never be as meaningful as if you meet them/know them in person.


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## Tour of Italy (Sep 25, 2019)

My brother invited many of his close Discord gaming friends of several years to his wedding. They all lived within about the same driving distance.

The only ones who came were the ones he had also met in person, including the one that lived furthest away.

So no, it’s not quite the same.


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## The Cunting Death (Sep 25, 2019)

Well it really depends on how far you take the relationship.

If it's surface level, then it's just that, surface level.

However, you can eventually move that shit beyond if you actually put the effort in your friendship and let it grow. 

Shit, one of my friends eventually married another friend of mine because they decided to move their relationship beyond online btw we all knew each other because of /v/, so who knows if the relationship will last.; and at least two of my best friends I met through online

So it's possible.


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## Megaroad 2012 (Sep 25, 2019)

The longest friendship I still keep regular contact with has been an online friend for 16/17 years now.

Most of my IRL friendships just kind of fade away, usually with a job change or someone moving or just adult life shit in general getting in the way.


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## Eigengrau (Sep 25, 2019)

It's definitely possible for online friendships to be as meaningful as those in real life, but I think it's more difficult and thus rarer. Usually, one has close online friends when for some reason they can't connect with other people IRL.

A fair comparison would be to look at people with both online and offline friends. In my experience, internet interactions tend to be more ephemeral even with people that I've known for the same amount of time, which is ironic considering they tend to be archived somewhere. There's always the potential that someone will stop logging in as often and then suddenly vanish. Then again, maybe I just have no real friends and my opinion isn't valid.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Sep 26, 2019)

Generally speaking no, and it’s very unlikely they’ll ever feel as significant to you as a flesh and blood friend, but possible.

I had one I met on a political site. Had a falling out with the site around the same time I started talking to him, but for some reason he reached out to talk to me through Steam.

Ended up being that we’d talk quite a bit, sometimes on video calls. We didn’t have a lot in common interests wise, but we had a ton in common in terms of problems and life positions. We were both lonely virgin faggots, basically. We played a role you could maybe compare to a friend mixed with a counselor... more helping each other with stuff than just chatting/hanging out.

Eventually we gradually stopped texting as much, but I still hear from him every couple of months, when he texts just to check in. Our lives both improved considerably but it seems his might have more. Then again, he’s had personal tragedies I haven’t in that time.

I know I’ll probably never meet him in real life, and it’s mostly run it’s course, but I feel that the emotional connection of that mutualist relationship goes way beyond anything else I’ve had online. I don’t think of it as the same category as my real life friendships, but as a distinct thing. I refer to him as a pen pal if I mention him to my parents.


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## Surf and TERF (Sep 26, 2019)

I had someone I talked to for about 3 years, but there was always a nagging feeling that our irl personalities weren't compatible. Still, it was closer than any irl friendship that I had at the time.

There was something significant there but I'm not quite sure how to place it. She was the only person I could talk to when I was going though some rough patches with my family, and she reached out to me less than a day after her dad died.

However,  I don't think I actually _knew_ her. I think I was projecting my idealized concept of a friend onto her and that suspicion grew more intense with time. This is what eventually killed it. Even though I knew the friendship was an illusion, my emotional attachment felt disturbingly serious.

I have logs of a few conversations glued into a diary. They still feel meaningful when I read over them. It is bizarre.

I don't try to make close friends with people online anymore. I worked on getting better at opening up to the ones I had in the real world instead. Establishing emotional intimacy with irl people has worked out a lot better than I expected.


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## Autocrat (Sep 26, 2019)

Yes you can have real friends that you've only talked to through a screen. But irl has the greatest capacity for friendship (with our current tech, at least)


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## AnOminous (Sep 26, 2019)

Are "Friends" Electric?


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## Gravityqueen4life (Sep 26, 2019)

friendship sure but not TRUE friendship? i have the see the motherfucker with my own two Eyes in the flesh to call him a true friend.


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## Autisimodo (Sep 26, 2019)

Online Friends can be genuine friends even without the intimacy you'd get from IRL friendships.

Though the Internet being what it is, genuine friendships purely based on the Internet would be harder to cultivate. 
Though my opinion's probably biased, I wouldn't really consider someone a friend unless we both know each other's names and what we look like.*

Otherwise how do I know they're not some weirdo looking for an ERP partner or some scammer.
*Doesn't count if its fake, like in a relationship scam.


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## Logic (Sep 26, 2019)

I’d like to believe that that is the case. But in my experience you’ll be far happier if you use the internet to maintain irl friendships as opposed to making online ones.


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## Rumpled Foreskin (Sep 26, 2019)

Christ Cried said:


> >this thread
> View attachment 948506


Lol go delete your account again, faggot.


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## L50LasPak (Sep 26, 2019)

This is a weird question. Many years ago, I would have told you a flat, absolute no. 

Maybe this is just my perceptions getting in the way, but now it feels like people irl act like how people on the internet act. Really guarded, never admitting how they feel about certain things, polite to a fault, ghosting, etc. At least the sane ones, or "sane" ones anyway. So with this weird societal evolution in mind the answer is now... nominally yes? Not sure how confident I feel about that one.


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## FeverGlitch (Sep 26, 2019)

It's a split decision for me. (chose yes anyways)

I earned bad experiences online socially and IRL, so I stopped looking for people to talk to, mostly managing to get life correctly to my order.
Went on being very skeptical and with mixed feelings on the_ "making friends"_  idea on the way for a very long time, ignoring making new relations because of my past until I met someone on the course. We had our difference in character and in many other things, but yet his optimism was very refreshing to say at least. Because of his nature, I wanted to start trying it out again. Our trust grew over time as much we came together and talked about ourselves and noticed we had good amount of things in common. And with all that suddenly we became friends online and it went on for some years now.

We're always out there to play online some games like FF14, Borderlands etc on free time, talking about our personal struggles and life situations, handing each other some tips out.
It's an absolute blast talking someone close and sharing experiences whatsoever.
Yet, with all the time we knew each other, we never really met IRL. We had our plans to do that but living in different continents can make things hard, also we both are working adults. Always hoping we can find some time in the future to finally meet.

I've met some Kiwis down the line as well. It's always fun and interesting talking to some and I appreciate that. Kinda rough around the edges but keeping it simple helped a lot and shared fair trades of laughs and knowledge. You guys know who you are! Hopefully... 

TL;DR: Yes, it's possible *BUT* it only depends personally on the individual alone, on how far they want to go with the relationship(s) they've built or want to build.


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## nonvir_1984 (Sep 27, 2019)

Depends what you mean by an "actual" friend and what friendship involves. And the subhead, whether they can be as "meaningful" will depend on how you cash that out.
When I was studying philosophy in college we did this for one semester. Best course I did and I kind of grew up a lot in it. We used this book: "Other Selves: Philosophers on Friendship" as the text and I recommend it. But to your question. We actually discussed it.
My answer would be no. Suppose the other "person" is a computer. And the computer is answering your questions and engaging with you, but you do not know it is a computer. Is it your friend? Are you in a friend-relationship with it?
There are two questions. One is a psychological question: do you feel that the other person (or thing) is your friend? The other is philosophical. Given what friendship involves, is it possible to be friends with someone you have never met?
Friendship involves a degree of personal intimacy (or rather in person intimacy). I do not mean bumping uglies but just being able to be yourself and be comfortable and open with the other person, who responds to you sentinently. And who you become friends with after getting to see various facets of their personality. And you can't do those things online. There is always something missing from the relationship. At best the online "friendship" is in some ways idealized and imaginary. 
I came out of the course thinking that real friendships were rare if not impossible. Most were as Aristotle said, friendships of utility and lasted only so long as they were useful to one or other; or they were based on pleasure,  Both people are drawn to the other’s wit, good looks, or other pleasant qualities. The third type Aristotle identified was friendship based on goodness, where both people admire the other’s goodness and help one another strive for goodness. 
Anyway, I was resigned to pass through life with out really encountering the third type of friend. Then I met this girl. And here we still are. 
So, No. I do not think online friendships are friendships, as something essential to friendship is lacking becausr the relationship is online.


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## Dwight Frye (Sep 27, 2019)

Friends? Sure. I've made a few friends online, a few I've known for quite a long time now. 

Best buddies or developing deep friendships online? Doubtful/difficult at best. You might have a lot in common with your online friends. You might have fun getting together online to play vidya or tabletop games, watching movies or just talking and bullshitting about whatever...but you're not going to really get to know the person, only what they decide they want you to know. Yes, that can be done outside of the internet as well, but it's stupidly easy to craft your own persona online, a bit more difficult in person where you can read body language and get a better idea of who they are. In person friends are able to hang out together, spend more time together and as a result get to know the real people better. 

Like I said, I have online friends, and as far as I know they're good people. A handful of them I was able to meet in person, and those friendships were able to develop further. If your only contact with a friend is online though, the best I can see them being is just someone I enjoy talking with. They might be perfectly nice people and someone I'd love hanging out with in person, but you won't get much out of the friendship online beyond that.


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## Manwithn0n0men (Sep 27, 2019)

Re: Intimacy 

I tend to have more social intimacy with online friends because I am freer to speak to them honestly then analog friends


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## queerape (Oct 12, 2019)

Of course. There are people I have known for years that I only know online, people who I havent seen in years because they moved far away I keep up with online, and people who I became very close with online that I met through an irl. I met one of the boyfriend's I had on facebook, and it was as close as my two irl starting relationships even before we met in person.


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## Marco Fucko (Oct 12, 2019)

Wow, the poll's almost dead even. 

A lot of the criticisms of online friends are technically just as true IRL, other than not truly knowing what they look like. I've had shitty false friends IRL and made a really good friend online and vice versa. Ultimately it's about finding someone you're on the same wavelength with.


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## Dom Cruise (Oct 12, 2019)

Absolutely I think online friends are real friends.

I have a few friends online who I've been communicating with for well over a decade, if someone who you've kept in touch for that long isn't a friend, then what is?


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## Spl00gies (Oct 12, 2019)

People you meet anywhere can wind up becoming friends. It's not uncommon to make friends online and arrange to meet face to face.

It's nice to have friends across the world you can visit when you're travelling abroad too. Just use some common sense and don't be too naïve.


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## The Sauce Boss (Oct 12, 2019)

An internet friend of mine literally saved me from being stuck on the streets. More than any of my 'real life friends' did for me.

IMO there's no distinction. A friend is a friend, no matter how you meet them. It's all a mattter of emotional proximity.


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## Jeb-sama (Oct 12, 2019)

Met my closest friend on fucking neopets nearly 20 years ago. He permanently ruined one of my rare pets with an expensive troll item in pvp, and I was seething. I flipped my shit at him, and he would just listen to it all because the tard rage was comedy gold. Ended up becoming friends after a while, and have pretty much spoken daily since.

Would trust them more than anyone else I know. Saved my ass when I was extremely poor in 2010 and never asked for anything in return.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Oct 12, 2019)

Marco Fucko said:


> Wow, the poll's almost dead even.
> 
> A lot of the criticisms of online friends are technically just as true IRL, other than not truly knowing what they look like. I've had shitty false friends IRL and made a really good friend online and vice versa. Ultimately it's about finding someone you're on the same wavelength with.



Speaking of wavelength, I hear a preacher preach once about how we’re drawn to people like ourselves on a spiritual level, whether it’s bad or good.

That seems to be true because it seems like we, or at least I, naturally find myself talking to people who are like me without even knowing anything to indicate they are like me.

People can sense the similarity even with no real evidence for it.


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## toledo (Oct 16, 2019)

littlearmalite said:


> IMO there's no distinction. A friend is a friend, no matter how you meet them. It's all a mattter of emotional proximity.



Wasn't this one of the messages driven home by Serial Experiments Lain? Experiences can be authentic even beyond conventional meatspace ones. Whether they're found in a book, prayer, drugs, the creative process.... these experiences not only can be "realer" than everyday life but arguably are much fuller for those who can appreciate them.


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## Horus (Oct 16, 2019)

There is a large degree variance in this subject, and there is no correct answer.
Friendship, like almost all human activity, has a great deal of subjectivity behind it.  Hell, the definition of the word friend is subjective to each individual, because friendship is based on emotion, and emotions are subjective.

What some people call friendship, others would not, while some people think every single person they ever meet is their friend.

Personally, if you go online looking for true friendship, you can probably find it.  If you believe that you can't make friends online, you won't.  Neither argument is wrong.  People are free to choose their friends how they see fit.


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## Gentle George (Oct 28, 2019)

if you're so socially maladjusted that you're incapable of forming meaningful friendships outside of online circles, yes it's bad. 
if you're capable of maintaining a healthy friend group in real life while keeping your online buddies around for talking shop, then its no problem. Don't rely soley on the internet for your social interaction and development like an unhealthy number of youth do nowadays.


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## Overcast (Nov 2, 2019)

I have a friend online I talk to regularly. Talked a lot about ourselves, our lives, our interests, goals, ect. I consider him a really good friend.

But yeah, as @Gentle George said above me, you want to have people you regularly interact with face to face to balance things out. People aren't meant to be alone after all.


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## Cat Flatulence (Nov 2, 2019)

It's extremely rare, but yes. I began talking to a guy online, we had mutual IRL friends, but were both socially awkward people so didn't get out much and therefore, did not meet for years in person. 
I had deeper conversations with him and more common ground than i did with most. I feel your brain will still get the same positive chemical reaction when you identify with someone via text just as much as IRL, so you still feel a connection. We were both rather averse to small-talk and discussed a plethora of things, agreeing on most, and having constructive debate on that which we did not. 

Eventually we met in person, and got along just as well. We only did this a handful of times, but spoke almost daily for six years. We shared everything personal, and it never got out to others from either side.

He died of an overdose this year, i attended his funeral, and i cried a lot.  I notice he is not here very much so, now.
So, by that experience, you can meet people online and be close. It just seems to be remarkably rare. He was one person who didn't put on a facade, like people online tend to, but the mutual IRL friends would have made that difficult anyway.


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## Hawaiian Lunchmeat (Nov 2, 2019)

Marco Fucko said:


> Wow, the poll's almost dead even.
> 
> A lot of the criticisms of online friends are technically just as true IRL, other than not truly knowing what they look like. I've had shitty false friends IRL and made a really good friend online and vice versa. Ultimately it's about finding someone you're on the same wavelength with.


Also if you're a niche weirdo bitch like me in a remote area surrounded by fucking normies who you can't relate to I'd argue you might be able to become closer than with people in your immediate vicinity. At least 4 or 5 occasions I've gone couch hopping a few states over spending anywhere from a few nights to a week or two to over half a year living with someone I was just "online friends" with at first. TBF, that bit me in the ass hard a couple times too though... 

Moved in with this chick who was on disability and a bit older than me but we had gotten really close as friends. Come to "visit" end up living there about 8 or 9 months. When I first moved in she gives me all these really fucking fancy clothes. Like for a guy who thinks TJ Maxx is too overpriced and only gets the cheap stuff at Goodwill it was kind of cool I guess. Even though paying more than $200 for a pair of jeans is goddam stupid, I will certainly wear the things if they're gifted and look alright. 

At the end she left for a weekend as she did once in a while to see another friend and I house sat. Then fucking the week of Christmas while she's out I have a knock at the door and it's a neighbor saying she says I have a few hours to get my shit and go. I didn't have time to even get all my own clothes much less the grand or so worth of shirts and jeans. Suddenly I remember all those stories of her "horrible ex roomie" who probably like me just didn't have sex with her. So occasionally I still wonder how many replacement me's have been there wearing my ugly/comfy green corduroy jacket. 

Tl;dr You can definitely become closer to online friends than folks in your area if you have a lot in common, but just because you spend a couple years chatting with someone online or in email doesn't mean you _*know*_ them.


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## Emperor Julian (Nov 4, 2019)

Maybe, I don't really have any internet friends and frankly don't care since it's not what I come online for.  I'd probably strongly recommend meeting them IRL but hypothetically yeah sure.  It probably doesnt help that a lot of lolcows have online 'friends' and the relationships have less repoire than I have with the local shopkeeper.

Then again my actual online persona is quite distinct from IRL and deliberatly change on every site so maybe if I was actually me it'd be more doable.


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## Malagor the dank omen (Nov 4, 2019)

tbh the only "friend" i have on the internet is a drunken german idiot with which i regularly play games online. I've met him once and he's a swell dude.

Anyone else who i met online don't even qualify as aquaintances. And i think it's for the best that i don't know them and they don't know me. Because i've tried to build some sort of rapport in the past with people, and it failed miserably.


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## JP's_Canadian_Cider (Nov 4, 2019)

If your definition of friend is someone you have actually seen, then blind people can't make friends. Unless you are implying that smelling people is the special ingredient in friendship.


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## Manwithn0n0men (Nov 4, 2019)

JP's_Canadian_Cider said:


> If your definition of friend is someone you have actually seen, then blind people can't make friends. Unless you are implying that smelling people is the special ingredient in friendship.


I mean are blind people people?"


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Nov 4, 2019)

I met Kiwis here who became dear friends to me. Then we met offline & became even closer. 

Online friendships can supplement & be just as fulfilling as IRL relationships, but it's always better to meet them eventually.


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## Empty Tenement Spirit (Nov 4, 2019)

I feel online friends are about as tumultuous and unreliable as IRL friends, which is to say that I don't think they're any less "real" than each other. Imho it just takes meeting the right people, having a good judge of character - not exactly a flawless thing either - and figuring out who is really worth keeping around. Most of my best friendships have been formed entirely by mutual interests and sense of humour that went on to be more fruitful later on down the line. I personally am partial to online friends but I've made just as many close friends in real life as well.


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## UntimelyDhelmise (Nov 4, 2019)

Online friends can be just as true blue, and as backstabbingly traitorous, as irl based on my experience. But I'd say the key point here is that you should not have online friends _exclusively_. I've been making that mistake for the past decade (we moved to a different town when I was a teen and I never made up for friends left behind) and I've only recently been making efforts to try and go out to meet new people in the flesh. There is no bona fide substitute for genuine, physical interaction with other human beings.

I will go ahead and say that I do know people online I genuinely consider friends. But interacting through little more than text and the occasional voice call can only go so far. It's one thing for a friend to give you text with comforting words. It's another entirely for them to do so while looking you in the eye and giving a hug for reassurance. My first (and thus far only) romantic relationship I had was long-distance, and mere words could not describe the anguish we would both feel when one of us would go through a tough time and we couldn't truly _be there_ together. I don't want to go through another relationship like that if I can help it.


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## Mewtwo_Rain (Nov 4, 2019)

The answer is not yes or no. the question is, can they be.

The outcome of that concept is yes they can.

It just requires people to let go of the facade they create when making an online persona. Some of us don't have online persona's (facade) and have friends (or online friends) who are dedicated and loyal to us as we are to them. For instance,  I met one of my online friends when I was in my later teens, and he himself was around 6. For over 11 years he has talked, and played games with me or just joined my parties with me over that time period.

He knows much of my life, my mistakes, my tragedies, and even my successes as much as I know a lot of his life. He is a closer "little brother" figure than my own three siblings have ever been and ever will be. He is not the only one either.

I even know one guy although we don't get to talk as much, he had a few falls in life that left him bad off, but when we do every now and then he reminds me that the first day we met and that whole span when we used to play Nazi-Zombies on BO was one of the best and most uplifting times of his life. 

All it takes is for one to let go of their insecure ego, and fragility. That doesn't mean all will be "true" friends, but friends or even "family" are what you make of them, as I mentioned a second ago, that one friend, I consider closer to me than my real siblings have ever been. Too many put stock into those next to them and only those they meet in real life, and true some online may be only friends based on a false perception or wearing a mask hiding their true selves, but to those who don't, they can easily be as close a friend as your friends in real life, whether you've met them or not. It just depends on how open they are.


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## Nykysnottrans (Nov 4, 2019)

Malagor the dank omen said:


> Anyone else who i met online don't even qualify as aquaintances. And i think it's for the best that i don't know them and they don't know me.



Exactly. Online "friendships" are a hard no for me. No one is your "friend" online. No one. 



Clop said:


> Even RL friends aren't your friends. Laugh now, come back in a few years so I can laugh back and say I told you so, you fucking gullible peasant.



Exactly. If you can't even trust people IRL/AFK, how the fuck are you gonna trust them online? 



Surf and TERF said:


> I don't try to make close friends with people online anymore. I worked on getting better at opening up to the ones I had in the real world instead. Establishing emotional intimacy with irl people has worked out a lot better than I expected.



I underwrite everything stated here. More people need to do this instead of worrying about all their fake "friends" online.


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## Duncan Hills Coffee (Nov 4, 2019)

I don't really have any online friends, mostly because I find the idea of bonding with a stranger whose appearance and name I don't even know to be a little terrifying, but that's because I'm introverted and I think the same way in real life. I wouldn't necessarily say no to it, but it's not something I see myself getting involved with.

Online relationships on the other hand are total bullshit and I'm shocked at how increasingly common it is these days.


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## ToroidalBoat (Nov 5, 2019)

I think they generally don't count, but maybe it's possible if you know them well enough? Here on KF it's difficult to really get to know anyone. We usually only "see certain sides" of kiwis -- especially because of that "no powerleveling" thing -- so we're pretty much anonymous here, silly names and avatars aside.

And like @Duncan Hills Coffee, I think online only relationships don't work. You kind of need this thing called "intimacy" IRL.


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## Omnium Ultimatus (Nov 5, 2019)

Depends on what the friendship is based on. If it's based on a common interest, than yes, there's some potential for friendship, especially if it's something into which both parties pour a lot of their time. If it's based on something weak or superficial, both parties aren't going to have much enthusiasm for continuing whatever relationship they had.

Of course, there is, as many kiwis here have already brought up, the issue of personas. How can you trust someone if they're just faking it? This is fact of real life as well - How you treat your relatives is different from how you treat your friends or strangers and even how you treat individuals in those groups come with their own nuances. The internet just gives you and everyone else more options when it comes to the masks you choose to wear.

Another important component in friendship is intimacy. Are you willing to share your true self with your friend, and is he willing to do the same? This is something that could spell the beginning or advancement of a relationship, but it's necessary to strengthen them.

For some, the internet is the only place they can find any semblance of friendship, whether it's because they have niche interests most people in their area lack or would ridicule if they found out, or they'd like to seek out communities for things they might like and find like-minded people.

The internet comes with its own set of challenges, but the rules for making friends is fundamentally the same whether it's online or in real life, just be more diligent.


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## Sīn the Moon Daddy (Nov 5, 2019)

Ughubughughughughughghlug said:


> Generally speaking no, and it’s very unlikely they’ll ever feel as significant to you as a flesh and blood friend, but possible.
> 
> I had one I met on a political site. Had a falling out with the site around the same time I started talking to him, but for some reason he reached out to talk to me through Steam.
> 
> ...



Your old friend just wants you to know that he's proud of you.


Malagor the dank omen said:


> tbh the only "friend" i have on the internet is a drunken german idiot with which i regularly play games online. I've met him once and he's a swell dude.
> 
> Anyone else who i met online don't even qualify as aquaintances. And i think it's for the best that i don't know them and they don't know me. Because i've tried to build some sort of rapport in the past with people, and it failed miserably.



That sucks. I had a friend who I tried to build a rapport with. A beautiful woman. Very interesting and intriguing. But, she has autism and it makes her a nightmare to actually deal with. Think Greta, but prettier and almost 30. Every time I tried to talk to her she had come up with a different character to play and she expected me to play along.

It's a shame. I was willing to have little autistic babies with her.

Ultimately she just became too troublesome and I had to cut contact.


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## Malagor the dank omen (Nov 5, 2019)

Sīn the Moon Daddy said:


> That sucks. I had a friend who I tried to build a rapport with. A beautiful woman. Very interesting and intriguing. But, she has autism and it makes her a nightmare to actually deal with. Think Greta, but prettier and almost 30. Every time I tried to talk to her she had come up with a different character to play and she expected me to play along.
> 
> It's a shame. I was willing to have little autistic babies with her.


I tried that too. I had this chick who had terrible experiences with guys being too autistic to engage in normal social behaviour. First i wanted to just have a friendship and then i saw she liked my shitposting and overall dark sense of humor, so i went for it. At first she began telling me she was too fucked up for me and didn't wanted me to bear with all her stuff, but i was willing to work it out.

Then i discovered she was into truly degenerate stuff like sexualized military crafts and gigantess, and i decided to put an end to it.
After that i tried to make it up to another chick that also liked my shitposting and we discovered we had some things in common. Turned out she was a lesbian, but she's still a good friend to this day. Too bad she's overwhelmed by depression and i wish i lived closer so i could help her bear with it.


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## Lemmingwise (Nov 5, 2019)

Ughubughughughughughghlug said:


> We played a role you could maybe compare to a friend mixed with a counselor



I think the correct term is enmeshed or interdependant.

Yes and no. I have borrowed large sums of money to people online and have received every cent back eventually. I get some level of kinship, intellectual engagement, support and brotherhood from people online.

But I never take it as seriously as people that are physically close, as in live nearby.

I don't think having live met or method of communication are what seperates online proto-friends from friends. I think it's the proximity. When a friend moved across the ocean, the friendship became a lot more like other proto-friends and when he moved back it normalized back to shooting the shit with a friend.

---

Some people online don't have friends so they mistake the proto-friendship for ordinary friendship. But then for some people, their second life is their first life, so from their perspective it makes sense.

Until the servers shut down.


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## ToroidalBoat (Nov 11, 2019)

This talk of online friends reminds me of the fixation some -- particularly the woke -- have on "community." Like calling a group with a common trait a "community," no matter how little interaction they have. For example, I recall Kengle once claimed everyone with a mental illness are the "mental health community."


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## Alpacawitz (Nov 12, 2019)

I hope so mein dunkel führer.

But seriously I guess if you consider a friend someone who you can trust and gives you emotional support then I guess so.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Nov 16, 2019)

Sīn the Moon Daddy said:


> Your old friend just wants you to know that he's proud of you.



What, you him?


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## Hatoful Dandy (Nov 16, 2019)

Yes, they absolutely can be.  My oldest internet friend is someone I've known for almost 20 years, another for about 15 years and several others for more than 5 years.  We've shared both good and bad times together though we've never met but have eventually exchanged, cards, letters, presents, etc  after enough time passed.

I have also lost a few along the way because people drift apart, sadly just as they do in real life.


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## Sīn the Moon Daddy (Nov 16, 2019)

No.

I don't really know people that I have been interacting with for years. There's someone who I talk to online every single day and I have never met them, and I really don't know anything about them or how they behave. The way they carry themselves, speak, the way they drive a car or what they enjoy the most about a sunset.

For their part, they don't really seem to know anything about me. Basic facts are complete mysteries. Activities that I participated in once became established parts of my identity to these people. I was shocked to learn that I was an avid firearms enthusiast- I was in the military. A single photo of me, uniformed, carrying an unloaded service rifle was all it took to convince someone that I was a hardcore gun nut.

In short, no. In long, absolutely not. These people don't have a fucking clue about me and I seriously suspect that I don't know much about them either.


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## kūhaku (Nov 16, 2019)

I have someone online who knows infinitely more about me than anyone else on this earth, so I'd say yes but it depends on the type of person you are. Not everyone can make online friends or keep em.

Then again, they are 1 of my 2 friends so maybe that has something to do with it. I don't actually have irl friends either.


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## ⋖ cørdion ⋗ (Nov 18, 2019)

kūhaku said:


> I have someone online who knows infinitely more about me than anyone else on this earth, so I'd say yes but it depends on the type of person you are. Not everyone can make online friends or keep em.
> 
> Then again, they are 1 of my 2 friends so maybe that has something to do with it. I don't actually have irl friends either.


So you vent/powerlevel to a willing subject and that makes them your friend?

I wouldn't say it's possible to create real friends online anymore. It has become too easy. Social media, Discord, Twitter, DMs. It's like yelling into a void except it's populated by 2nd and 3rd-person friends whom you likely have a few friends mutual with. You whine enough in a Discord and someone will eventually whine back.

I  honestly see more friendship in tose toxic Tumblrettes who call each other by their husbandos names and take selfies of their fat selves working at McD for one another. At least they includ their real lives. It's almost as if we've gone full circle, and now it's the norm to not know a single thing about anyone online. You got their alias, their twitter, their porn gallery, their ERP bio. Why would you want their Snapchat?

It's also what I miss the most about online friends; the friend aspect. Actually wanting to move things from "that x person with the y avatar" to "x from y country that I snap my everyday stuff to". It does say something about _our society_ that person-to-person interaction has been replaced with always-on Instagram DMs and Discord. The majority is so devoid of social interaction they'd rather vent on a Discord than establish a sometimes problematic relationship with one person. Notice how all articles on "we're all lonely" references Twitter and communities, never forums or closed group chats.


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## Giant Kozaky (Nov 18, 2019)

met/hung out with people i've met with card games, met one of my best mates because i was trolling a page for a locals he ran.


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## Hatoful Dandy (Nov 27, 2019)

Giant Kozaky said:


> met/hung out with people i've met with card games, met one of my best mates because i was trolling a page for a locals he ran.


That's how I met one of my friends mentioned above: we went to the same MSN chatroom to troll people one night lol.


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## Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost (Nov 27, 2019)

Friendship is a state of mind and I think too many people rely solely on a very easy surface level friendship. 
This is why when you actually get something that is more meaningful, it has a greater effect on you and your enjoyment of it.

Now the risk with online is the fact that while that person might understand you and sympathize there are two major red flags in internet friendships people tend to ignore much to their peril. 

1) The bar is incredibly low in terms of entry. So there is always a risk of some social engineering going on for people who aren't what they claim they are. Catfishing is a classic NPC example, but also infiltrating communities, etc. 

2) Even if the person is legitimately who they say they are. They are essentially until some form of real life contact has been made, an ersatz friend.


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## BrunoMattei (Nov 27, 2019)

Of course you can. It's just as unstable as making friends IRL.


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## Pointless Pedant (Nov 27, 2019)

Rarely, but not often and definitely not on sites like this. I do have a couple of long-term acquaintances from the internet but none from here.


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## escapegoat (Nov 27, 2019)

Unless a person has seen you passed out in your own urine in a 7-11 bathroom, they have not seen the real you.


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