# DSP's scholastic journey from valedictorian to boiling ramen in a keurig and eating it with a spoon



## Monday Michiru (Sep 5, 2018)

Questions abound.








Sparkletor said:


> I've gotten in contact with someone with the Notre Dame of Fairfield. They cannot get me the records of who the valedictorians for 2000 until the school opens in a couple weeks. How much you want to bet Phil was not valedictorian like he has claimed?





Sparkletor said:


> The person doesn't work for the school, they plan reunions and print the alumni newsletter. I emailed them and got a rather quick response telling me that once the school is open they can get the class information and let me know who the valedictorians were.





Sparkletor said:


> My source at Dave's old high school says they will be going to the building next week and will get me the names of past valedictorians.





Sparkletor said:


> I just got the info.
> 
> It took me 2 months to get an answer. They did not want to tell me because I did not go to the school. I had to give them an excuse to get the information.
> 
> Sadly, Phillips Burnell is listed as the valedictorian of their class of 2000.



User @Sparkletor has gone above and beyond the call of duty in investigating the claim about DSP's past that has generated the most intrigue -- his status as valedictorian. So it would appear he was indeed valedictorian of Notre Dame High School in Fairfield, Connecticut. I was never quite willing to rule it out... but nice to have confirmation for this ancient, fantastic claim. Hear Phillip himself recall his school days:










I know many you have questions. And I know some of you have explanations ready. This is the place for them. *How did the valedictorian of anything grow up to be DarksydePhil?* Or, more cynically, *How did DarksydePhil sneak the title of valedictorian from anywhere?* Someone enlighten us!

"I was blessed with intelligence" -- DSP

http://www.notredame.org ND have more than a bit to say about themselves. Talk of rigor, devotion, faith, and intellect. All qualities essential to the character of our favorite goateed Let's Player. Right? *snort*

From the Mission Statement:


> Helping young men and women grow in character, faith and intellect…. that’s Notre Dame’s mission, and it sets the stage for everything we do throughout a student’s four years here.
> 
> We encourage our students to develop a thirst for knowledge and truth, and we instill in them the determination to strive for excellence in every endeavor they undertake. Through a challenging and collaborative learning environment, we provide students with the academic foundation, confidence, and discipline needed to excel, both in college and in life.


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## Ahffline (Sep 5, 2018)

Evidence of the decline of public education?


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## REGENDarySumanai (Sep 5, 2018)

Even the mightiest titans fall one day, and Phil is no exception. Then again, that would imply that Phil was a titan in some shape or form.


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## DarkSoulsPhil (Sep 5, 2018)

No fucking way


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## Pubic Enemy #1 (Sep 5, 2018)

Are we sure it's the same Phil Burnell? Maybe there's a Phillippe Burnell who does yoga and ghostwrote for Stephen Hawking.


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## Wing Zero (Sep 5, 2018)

What a waste of education.


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## Nurse Ratchet (Sep 5, 2018)

You forgot "Was never working with top shelf material to begin with", so I can't vote in this poll.


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## Waveysauce (Sep 5, 2018)

it must have been a special autistic school with 45 kids in the class

like wtf the nigga cant even say basic shit. Like calling people who charge back pay pals are guilty of "perjury" and not fraud. or instead of called the median that is in between roads he calls it the "meridean" like the prime meridean" just a bunch of shit like that that he is so off about. Or even not being able to complete easy ass puzzles in games


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## Juan But Not Forgotten (Sep 5, 2018)

The fucking games did this to him.


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## Red Hood (Sep 5, 2018)

I did coffee maker ramen, but I was never enough of a douche to buy a Keurig. That shit's overpriced if you drink more than one cup of coffee at a time. And I drink it by the pot.


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## PieceofShet (Sep 5, 2018)

No. Unless I see evidence of it. So far there is none.


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## PenisMuncher23 (Sep 5, 2018)

JuanButNotForgotten said:


> The fucking games did this to him.



That would imply that the valedictorian has to be smart in the first place.


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## AP 297 (Sep 5, 2018)

Honestly, I think that Phil's state of mediocrity and misery fits in quite well with him being a school Valedictorian. 

Most Valedictorians live mediocre and boring lives. A good article on the subject:

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/24/what-happened-to-your-class-valedictorian-probably-not-much.html



> Everyone remembers their class valedictorian: perfect grades, perfect test scores and in some cases, perfect hair. They probably went on to professional fame and enormous wealth, right?
> 
> Not necessarily.
> 
> ...



Phil pretty much spent his life in High School working hard and regurgitating information on command. You don't become get there by being inventive or creative. You get there by doing everything you are told on command like a trained monkey. Creativity, intellect, or inventiveness are not even a part of the equation. Compliance, discipline, and hard work are all you need. 

It sums up his channel. He just pumps out videos on a timed basis to meet Youtube's standards with no polish, charm or creativity to meet his quota like a good little trained monkey. If anything, Phil being a Valedictorian explains a lot.


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## Kosher Dill (Sep 5, 2018)

I don't know why everyone was so hard in denial about this to begin with. Phil just put in the kind of work that can get you #1 at a Connecticut high school. And then never worked again.


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## Kamatsubu (Sep 5, 2018)

Could it be that his luck stat is so high that he can become valedictorian without even trying despite how stupid he is?


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## Commander Keen (Sep 5, 2018)

https://www.niche.com/k12/notre-dame-high-school-fairfield-ct/rankings/

It’s top 300 in “diversity”...but pretty low in other rankings besides sports. I’ll bet you one American dollar that this is one of the Roman Catholic institutions designed to produce athletes. You can find private catholic schools all over the US where all they really care about is sports. Phil getting first isn’t that unbelievable if my hypothesis is true.

What they do is scout the public schools for stud niggers to ball hard for them and give them scholarships. The white alumni pay through the nose in “donations” because of the sports glory. I should look up basketball champions in CT.

Edit: ranking correction


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## Kosher Dill (Sep 5, 2018)

Kamatsubu said:


> Could it be that his luck stat is so high that he can become valedictorian without even trying despite how stupid he is?


I think the moral we should be taking from this is that Phil isn't _inherently_ a moron - he made himself into one. And the same could happen to any one of us.
:powerlevel: My grandmother spent the last decade or so of her life in retirement and didn't know what to do with herself, so she ended up essentially living the Phil lifestyle - watching TV all day in a huge empty house far away from most of her family (including myself). It really was a strong contributing factor to her mental decline in my opinion. Phil is just getting a few decades' head start on the process.
If you want to stay sharp, stay engaged with the world _somehow_. Work a respectable job, travel, pick up a hobby, something. Otherwise you may just misplace Italy on the map one day, and there'll be nothing you can do.


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## Kamatsubu (Sep 5, 2018)

Just to put it out there I'm not one for debating unless it's something I really give a shit about, but I don't think it's that hard to keep your mind sharp even if you avoid having intellectual debates like most of the internet these days. I usually do by listening to political podcasts, and I go out and talk to people around where i live. Phil shouldn't be that bad off because he's not totally isolated, but it seems like whatever "girlfriend" he lives with doesn't really provide much intellectual stimulation and the stuff he watches... So wait, is Phil like how Huey ended up on the Boondocks when he tried to watch BET for 24 hours? I really don't think netflix would do that to someone but what do I know?


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## Cyber Bowling (Sep 5, 2018)

I can't speak for Phil's specific high school, but there are some pretty small schools in CT, especially when it comes to private schools. One of my friends graduated from a class of 20ish students. If Phil had a relatively small class size I don't think it's too out there to believe he was top of the class. Phil is super prideful and cares way too much about titles and achievements, so I could see him trying to game the system to get the highest GPA possible. Even with Phil's minimal critical thinking skills, you can get through high school pretty easily based on memorization and following the instructions teachers lay out in their projects. I wouldn't be surprised if Phil's parents also helped him with any type of project outside the classroom. 

It's also possible, strange as it may seem, that younger Phil put effort into things. I can think of quite a few people who tried really hard in high school, but then when they got into college and suddenly had freedom and less outside pressure to succeed, became super lazy and complacent. Sometimes it is just living away from home, but other times it is also the lack of praise and recognition, especially if you're coming from a smaller school where it is way easier/common for teachers to acknowledge getting a good grade on something.


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## Prince Lotor (Sep 5, 2018)

So I'm remembering how Phil was talking about having to learn all these things about Catholicism and how he learned it all and could regurgitate it but pretty much immediately forgot all of it as soon as he got to college and it has me wondering how much of Phil's high school curriculum was rote memorization of Catholic dogma?  I'm not extremely well versed in it, but from what I remember of Catholic schools in the 90's they were less bastions of academic achievement and higher learning and more indoctrination factories that made damn sure you had the bare minimum required knowledge memorized so they could keep the state Education board out of their hair.

Also there is a tendency to think of 'Private Schools' as somehow more prestigious or more academically rigorous, but by definition all Catholic schools have to be private schools.  That school is in the bottom 35% for 'Best College Prep' and 'Best Private' High Schools in America, and in the bottom 30% for 'Best Catholic High Schools in America'.  Meanwhile it's in the top 3% for 'Most Diverse Private High Schools' and in the top 8% for 'Best High School Sports in America'.  It doesn't seem like higher learning is a huge focus there.  Ranked in just Fairfield county it comes in second to last in academics out of 15, and ranked in Connecticut it's the 3rd from last out of 22 in 'Best Catholic High Schools' and 6th from last out of 61 in 'Best College Prep Private High Schools' and 'Best Private High Schools'.


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## Forbidden Math (Sep 5, 2018)

This is just a reminder that the valedictorian is the best boot licker, not the smartest student. Not hard to imagine Phil being a real teacher's pet.


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## White Devil's Advocate (Sep 5, 2018)

REGENDarySumanai said:


> Even the mightiest titans fall one day, and Phil is no exception. Then again, that would imply that Phil was a titan in some shape or form.



Does being a titan at ragequtting count?


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## ReentryPhantom (Sep 5, 2018)

>...*boiling ramen in a keurig and eating it with a spoon
*
Perhaps the Home Ec program was shit?


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## REGENDarySumanai (Sep 5, 2018)

ReentryPhantom said:


> >...*boiling ramen in a keurig and eating it with a spoon
> *
> Perhaps the Home Ec program was shit?


He's too poor for an electric kettle and some chopsticks.


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## Haunter (Sep 5, 2018)

@Sparkletor This is prolly _soooooper _dum_,_ but exactly how did your contact at the school spell Phil's name?

He signs his name with only one L in "Philip"


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## millais (Sep 5, 2018)

The ramen-keurig-spoon debacle was surely the end result of pure laziness and lack of preparation on his part rather than any overt stupidity. He needed to shit out a DSP Tries It vid in a few minutes between streams and couldn't be assed to put it on hold long enough to get an electric kettle and a fork/chopsticks.


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## Zaryiu (Sep 6, 2018)

SunLightStreak said:


> Honestly, I think that Phil's state of mediocrity and misery fits in quite well with him being a school Valedictorian.
> 
> Most Valedictorians live mediocre and boring lives. A good article on the subject:
> 
> ...


So Phil also lost discipline then


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## Waveysauce (Sep 6, 2018)

The Shadow said:


> I did coffee maker ramen, but I was never enough of a douche to buy a Keurig. That shit's overpriced if you drink more than one cup of coffee at a time. And I drink it by the pot.



thats another thong he cant even cook basic shit. he fucked up a simple ramen cup and thats just off the top my head. he can make like 2 things


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## Feline Darkmage (Sep 6, 2018)

REGENDarySumanai said:


> Even the mightiest titans fall one day, and Phil is no exception. Then again, that would imply that Phil was a titan in some shape or form.



His weight is increasingly titanic, as is the amount of gout in his body.


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## Sparkletor (Sep 6, 2018)

Haunter said:


> @Sparkletor This is prolly _soooooper _dum_,_ but exactly how did your contact at the school spell Phil's name?
> 
> He signs his name with only one L in "Philip"
> 
> View attachment 535206


They said "Philip Burnell"


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## George Beorge (Sep 6, 2018)

So Phil is exceptional at memorizing and repeating information? The school system doesn't exactly test problem solving skills or anything.


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## Wurstbrot (Sep 6, 2018)

George Beorge said:


> So Phil is exceptional at memorizing and repeating information? The school system doesn't exactly test problem solving skills or anything.


Basically, train the students to repeat what the teachers tell you without questioning? In a religious school? Sounds quite logical, reduces the professionalism of this school even further. So I assume Dave is not religious if he decided to not memorize any of that specific lecture, even so he yells OH MA GAHD every few minutes.

I'm not sure if the narrative of his valedictorian achievement crumbles down through your people's experience with this subject. Or if we all came to the conclusion being a valedictorian isn't that great if Phil can achieve it.
I guess parts of both worlds.


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## Kosher Dill (Sep 6, 2018)

And in conclusion, Phil is still a cultural virgin.


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## This+ (Sep 6, 2018)

My guess is he actually did try in high school to get into Yale or some other nearby Ivy League college. Unfortunately, you have to be pretty extraordinary to get into one and Phil didn't cut it possibly due to his lack of extracurriculars or anything of importance. He might have just purely focused on academics which isn't what those universities look for. He also did rather mediocre in his SAT/ACT but I guess he banked on his GPA carrying him through. (Fun fact, standardized test scores are better weighted than your GPA, as schools have too much variables while SAT/ACT are administered the same nationwide.)

Maybe his weightlifting team story is true and he was athletic to a degree, but even then you'd have to at least place in state rankings for that to start mattering. 

Phil is also a half-decent writer from what I've read on his forum posts or twitter or whatever, when he's not busy sperging out on random shit. He has a relatively solid grasp on grammar and uses a fair bit of SAT vocabulary which is probably holdover from his Junior year when he studied for it. I still see bigger youtubers and streamers (American, mind you) who can't get the difference between "it's" vs. "its," and who actually believe "should of"/"could of" is grammatically correct. The reason why I'm saying this is that part of the essay portions on college admissions test your writing skills. My guess is that while Phil demonstrated that he is a good writer in his essay, he most likely suffered in his creativity or content of the essay, which is a definite negative to admission reviewers. 

To make a long story short, it's very likely that Phil only focused on his grades and not so much in anything else. Him being a valedictorian is still notable no matter how small/shitty the school is, but college admissions, especially Ivy Leagues like Yale, Princeton, Harvard, etc. have holistic standards meaning they look at the overall student potential rather than pure academics/athletics. He got rejected and settled for a "lesser" university, and that's where his laziness and complacency started developing.


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## Commander Keen (Sep 6, 2018)

This+ said:


> My guess is he actually did try in high school to get into Yale or some other nearby Ivy League college. Unfortunately, you have to be pretty extraordinary to get into one and Phil didn't cut it possibly due to his lack of extracurriculars or anything of importance. He might have just purely focused on academics which isn't what those universities look for. He also did rather mediocre in his SAT/ACT but I guess he banked on his GPA carrying him through. (Fun fact, standardized test scores are better weighted than your GPA, as schools have too much variables while SAT/ACT are administered the same nationwide.)
> 
> Maybe his weightlifting team story is true and he was athletic to a degree, but even then you'd have to at least place in state rankings for that to start mattering.
> 
> ...



He went to a catholic university, he probably was autoadmitted from his catholic high school with a nice scholarship check. Why he didn’t go to UConn perplexes me, since UConn is a national school and isn’t hard to get into.


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## Sparkletor (Sep 6, 2018)

Doesn't a valedictorian need to be "book smart", one of the many insults Dave lobs at YouTube and Google employees?


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## Feline Darkmage (Sep 7, 2018)

Sparkletor said:


> Doesn't a valedictorian need to be "book smart", one of the many insults Dave lobs at YouTube and Google employees?



Phil Burnell, Street Valedictorian


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## This+ (Sep 7, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> He went to a catholic university, he probably was autoadmitted from his catholic high school with a nice scholarship check. Why he didn’t go to UConn perplexes me, since UConn is a national school and isn’t hard to get into.


Yeah, anyone with a brain who wants to stay in-state would have picked UConn. They're easy to get into, has more clout, and more people know about it. He might have heard from his dad or someone else that Fairfield has a good business major with lots of connections. Unfortunately for him it seems like all he did was go to class and stay in his dorm all day instead of joining a business major frat or something like that, as he makes absolutely zero mention of his colleagues.


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## LordofCringe7206 (Sep 7, 2018)

The more I think about this story, the more I start to wonder: what if being valedictorian _was_ what caused Phil to go down a bad path in life? It sounds stupid, but think about Phil's past. We see how things like winning that gaming competition or being a success on YouTube caused him to develop a huge ego. Perhaps becoming valedictorian was the first thing to fuel his ego.

He goes off to college after having this major accomplishment. He starts out okay, but proceeds to get lost in the more "fun" aspects of being a college student. He develops several bad traits that continue to shine to this day. He doesn't think twice about it because no one gives him a wake up call and his ego is already getting in the way of things. Then as an adult he finds success on YouTube and has that one competition victory. His ego starts to swell even more, and it causes all the other negative personality traits that he developed to swell as well.

Perhaps teenage Phil wasn't that bad of a person. He had some personality flaws, but they weren't so bad. He was hard working, in better shape and actually participating in hobbies that were good for him. Graduating as a valedictorian was the first true step down a bad path in life.


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## actually (Sep 7, 2018)

LordofCringe7206 said:


> Perhaps teenage Phil wasn't that bad of a person. He had some personality flaws, but they weren't so bad. He was hard working, in better shape and actually participating in hobbies that were good for him. Graduating as a valedictorian was the first true step down a bad path in life.



How far back do his Shoryuken posts go? Cause from all the ones I've seen, he was a shit-talking asshole then too, but maybe that still falls after/in college or something.


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## Wurstbrot (Sep 7, 2018)

LordofCringe7206 said:


> The more I think about this story, the more I start to wonder: what if being valedictorian _was_ what caused Phil to go down a bad path in life? It sounds stupid, but think about Phil's past. We see how things like winning that gaming competition or being a success on YouTube caused him to develop a huge ego. Perhaps becoming valedictorian was the first thing to fuel his ego.
> 
> He goes off to college after having this major accomplishment. He starts out okay, but proceeds to get lost in the more "fun" aspects of being a college student. He develops several bad traits that continue to shine to this day. He doesn't think twice about it because no one gives him a wake up call and his ego is already getting in the way of things. Then as an adult he finds success on YouTube and has that one competition victory. His ego starts to swell even more, and it causes all the other negative personality traits that he developed to swell as well.
> 
> Perhaps teenage Phil wasn't that bad of a person. He had some personality flaws, but they weren't so bad. He was hard working, in better shape and actually participating in hobbies that were good for him. Graduating as a valedictorian was the first true step down a bad path in life.


Changing people's personalities doesn't happen suddenly unless his brain got literally drilled with a rusty spoon during his speech. Or if he absorbed a ton of brain altering chemicals, just like Cosmo/Narcissa. For example if he drank some kind of medication cocktail... huh.

Joke aside, he was always a rotten brat. His memory of not getting a Wolverine toy is just as fresh as his memory of the valedictorian speech or his 1st, eh, 4th place at Evo. If we wait longer we can probably get a story of how he couldn't blahwk his own birth.

He has a great memory if he's confronted with ego influencing situations, suddenly he can recall a bunch of useless informations every other person would just have forgotten. However, if this speech would be so important it would have changed his life, he would have come with it much earlier. Probably in a way like:
Guys, for my business I have to make a lot of decisions you might not like. But they are important, I know that because I was an excellent student, I did a valedictorian speech in front of everything and people applauded and thanked me, thank you, really thank you, and bowed right where they stood and then they tipped me bits, excuse me, invested their money into my business because I make a lot of sense.

So I do think it boosted his ego. But the kickstart happened way earlier.


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## Kermit the Frog (Sep 7, 2018)

Considering how academically weak the school is, I guess it shouldn't be too much of a surprise he actually was valedictorian. It shows that Phil is that guy who peaked in high school. I mean, every single story he tells about his life takes place during Phil's teens or early 20's. Phil is a competitive person, and he probably had his parents pushing him to succeed. For whatever reason, Phil convinced himself he could get into an Ivy League university based on his grades alone, and when that didn't happen he just said "fuck this dood" and went to whatever no name school was nearby as a formality to please his parents. He could have easily gone to UConn, a university with some national name recognition, and try to make the best of it, but he felt entitled to everything and gave up when the first obstacle appeared. Just like with his gaming career, completely entitled to being the most popular and successful, but doesn't want to actually do anything different when the circumstances change because he's convinced himself he does nothing wrong.


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## Commander Keen (Sep 7, 2018)

https://www.google.com/amp/www.cour...boys-basketball-final-20180318-story,amp.html

Perfect season in basketball. State title.

Phil was valedictorian at a school where kids go to play basketball, not play school. A cursory search produced tons of highlights of kids dunking on fools left and right.

Edit: they had a kid graduate this year who was one of the top recruits in the state and going to Manhattan. The kid is 5’7” and has a ton of highlight videos with thousands of views. Goddamn Mugsy Bogues balling hard, he was breaking white boys’ ankles left and right.


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## BrunoMattei (Sep 7, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> https://www.google.com/amp/www.cour...boys-basketball-final-20180318-story,amp.html
> 
> Perfect season in basketball. State title.
> 
> ...



So once again this faggot was the victim of dumb luck.


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## Ruthless54 (Sep 7, 2018)

So that wrestling promo of a validvictoran speech he cut was real?


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## harbinger (Sep 7, 2018)

Ruthless54 said:


> So that wrestling promo of a validvictoran speech he cut was real?



There’s a recording of the valedictorian speech?


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## Prince Lotor (Sep 7, 2018)

Ruthless54 said:


> So that wrestling promo of a validvictoran speech he cut was real?



It seems likely he actually gave that REEtarded speech 



harbinger said:


> There’s a recording of the valedictorian speech?


No, according to Dave in the year 2000 no one had camcorders because only the richest people had them.  Ignore that he went to a Private School.  The school he went to was so shitty apparently they didn't even have 1 video camera to record the fucking Graduation Ceremony.  Here is his gin-addled, NPD tinged recollection of it.  This from a man-child whose favorite topics are anal penetration and uncontrollable shitting, who seems delightfully amused & fascinated when shown a penis.


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## sperginity (Sep 7, 2018)

harbinger said:


> There’s a recording of the valedictorian speech?


God I hope not, I have a feeling he was a normal high schooler and completely squandered all his potential with poor choices and egotism. It would probably feel like when I saw a picture of Ted Cruz as a college freshman. He looked normal back then, some poor woman married that face, and it has since morphed into a terrifying goblin man. Downward spirals of that sort aren't very entertaining to watch, it's depressing.


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## Commander Keen (Sep 8, 2018)

sperginity said:


> God I hope not, I have a feeling he was a normal high schooler and completely squandered all his potential with poor choices and egotism. It would probably feel like when I saw a picture of Ted Cruz as a college freshman. He looked normal back then, some poor woman married that face, and it has since morphed into a terrifying goblin man. Downward spirals of that sort aren't very entertaining to watch, it's depressing.



Nigga, are you comparing Ted Cruz to DSP? A fucking presidential candidate and current senator to a fat 36 year old dude with an outdated goatee who panhandles for a living?


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## actually (Sep 8, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> Nigga, are you comparing Ted Cruz to DSP? A fucking presidential candidate and current senator to a fat 36 year old dude with an outdated goatee who panhandles for a living?



To be fair, they're both widely loathed by people who are supposed to be their colleagues (and potential friends) and have attracted a large detractor crowd.


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## millais (Sep 8, 2018)

The Wolverine incident seems to indicate he was something of a bad apple from even his childhood days. By highschool, I'm sure he was already beginning to morph into something closely resembling the Phil we know today.


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## sperginity (Sep 8, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> Nigga, are you comparing Ted Cruz to DSP? A fucking presidential candidate and current senator to a fat 36 year old dude with an outdated goatee who panhandles for a living?


I'm comparing Ted Cruz's _face_ to DSP's potential 



Spoiler: Seems fair


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## WeeblesWobble (Sep 8, 2018)

Prince Lotor said:


> It seems likely he actually gave that REEtarded speech


Just like his cahmentary, he basically states the obvious and puts it out there as some profound shit. Holy shit, that was fucking horrible.

Anyway, I'm kind of surprised by it being true, but at the same time I'm not...It makes sense that he peaked in high school. Most of those types do. How many star athlete, valedictorian, super popular people are now boring fucks? I realized several years ago that the majority of people that were top shit in high school lead lives that are pretty depressing now. Phil is just another in a long line of people who have gone down that path. The guy remembers the speech he gave almost 20 years ago I wonder if Phil will go to any high school reunion type stuff. I would love to hear his interpretation of how it goes down.


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## Commander Keen (Sep 8, 2018)

actually said:


> To be fair, they're both widely loathed by people who are supposed to be their colleagues (and potential friends) and have attracted a large detractor crowd.



Anyone with a R next to their name has a large crowd of detractors waiting with baited breath for them to get busted with child porn or something. 

Anyone with a D next to their name has a similarly sized crowd waiting for a similar outcome. 

DSP is a jackass, but people don’t want him to be infected with HIV because of his political leanings.


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## harbinger (Sep 8, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> Nigga, are you comparing Ted Cruz to DSP? A fucking presidential candidate and current senator to a fat 36 year old dude with an outdated goatee who panhandles for a living?


I’d like to point out that both are middle-aged, Ted Cruz is not exactly Paul Ryan, and politicians do spend a lot of time panhandling for votes and donations. But you are correct, the esteemed Senator from Texas does not have an outdated goatee.


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## Commander Keen (Sep 8, 2018)

harbinger said:


> I’d like to point out that both are middle-aged, Ted Cruz is not exactly Paul Ryan, and politicians do spend a lot of time panhandling for votes and donations. But you are correct, the esteemed Senator from Texas does not have an outdated goatee.



Phil is 36. I know the hot meme is to call 30-somethings middle aged, but you don’t hit middle age until 40s. 

Unless you got money on DSP clocking out early and you’re being literal in the sense that he is closer to his death than he is to his birth.


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## Prince Lotor (Sep 8, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> Nigga, are you comparing Ted Cruz to DSP? A fucking presidential candidate and current senator to a fat 36 year old dude with an outdated goatee who panhandles for a living?



Considering this is what Dave looked like 14 years ago when he was 22 I find the comparison of the goblinization of their faces apt.


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## Sparkletor (Sep 8, 2018)

WeeblesWobble said:


> I wonder if Phil will go to any high school reunion type stuff. I would love to hear his interpretation of how it goes down.


Is the reunion going to be at his house? If not, Dave can't go because he can't get the time off from work. Plus I don't think his foemer classmates have the super secret code to get past the gate.

If DSP's classmates want to interact with him, they can watch his stream. And if they watch the stream they better tip/sub/cheer because if they watch his content without paying him they are basically stealing.


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## BeanBidan (Sep 8, 2018)

*snort* I myself am a former academic


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## Zaryiu (Sep 8, 2018)

The poll could use a all of the above option since they are all good answers


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## The Manglement (Sep 10, 2018)

As much of an unlikable cunt as Phil is, it would be hard to argue that he wasn't a major success in terms of Youtube 5-6 years ago. He made good money in a new form of media, and managed to fuck it all up through exceedingly poor financial decisions and not actually improving the quality of his content to try to keep up with the competition. Oh, and being such an unlikable cunt that he has more haters than fans.


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## BrunoMattei (Sep 10, 2018)

The Manglement said:


> As much of an unlikable cunt as Phil is, it would be hard to argue that he wasn't a major success in terms of Youtube 5-6 years ago. He made good money in a new form of media, and managed to fuck it all up through exceedingly poor financial decisions and not actually improving the quality of his content to try to keep up with the competition. Oh, and being such an unlikable cunt that he has more haters than fans.



I'd consider Game Grumps or PewDiePie a major success. Their videos got hundreds of thousands to millions of views. Phil's video rarely ever got that. On average they'd get around 10-20K. Not a lot but when you vomit out 50 videos a day it adds up.

And he was successful at it thanks to -once again- sheer dumb luck.


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## actually (Sep 10, 2018)

BrunoMattei said:


> I'd consider Game Grumps or PewDiePie a major success. Their videos got hundreds of thousands to millions of views. Phil's video rarely ever got that. On average they'd get around 10-20K. Not a lot but when you vomit out 50 videos a day it adds up.
> 
> And he was successful at it thanks to -once again- sheer dumb luck.



To add on to this, you can helpfully sort all of Phil's videos on DSPGaming by popularity (read: views) here: https://www.youtube.com/user/DSPGaming/videos?view=0&flow=grid&sort=p

He has exactly 2 videos over 1 millions views. One is from 8 years (Spiderman, pt 1) and one is from 4 years ago (NFS from PS4 launch day, again only pt 1). Going beyond that, he has only two videos between 500K and 1M views--one is, wait for it, Part 1 of AC: Brotherhood (955k views) and one is his video about Bill S.978 (would have made streaming copyrighted material a felony) with 725k views.

@BrunoMattei is right. Phil made his money by shitting out as many videos as possible as quickly as possible. He exploited Youtube's searches by putting his videos in non-gaming categories and was fortunate enough to have a view-based, not ad-based contract with Machinima initially.


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## BeanBidan (Sep 10, 2018)

The Manglement said:


> As much of an unlikable cunt as Phil is, it would be hard to argue that he wasn't a major success in terms of Youtube 5-6 years ago. He made good money in a new form of media, and managed to fuck it all up through exceedingly poor financial decisions and not actually improving the quality of his content to try to keep up with the competition. Oh, and being such an unlikable cunt that he has more haters than fans.



His fame was gained like Wings tbqh. Not many people were doing it at the time, so tech he did it at the right time but people just upgraded and adapted better than he, also they're more likeable.


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## sperginity (Sep 11, 2018)

BeanBidan said:


> His fame was gained like Wings tbqh. Not many people were doing it at the time, so tech he did it at the right time but people just upgraded and adapted better than he, also they're more likeable.


A less shitty person would have gotten a little bit of extra money and a neat story for future grandkids out of their brief stint as a successful let's player. Phil decided he was entitled to that job and income level for the rest of his life,  and made poor financial decisions ever since.


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## ANDS! (Sep 11, 2018)

SunLightStreak said:


> Honestly, I think that Phil's state of mediocrity and misery fits in quite well with him being a school Valedictorian.
> 
> *Most Valedictorians live mediocre and boring lives.* A good article on the subject:
> 
> https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/24/what-happened-to-your-class-valedictorian-probably-not-much.html



That article doesn't even begin to say what you summarize it as saying; no clue how this got upvoted so hard beyond people desperate to push back against the idea that he was telling the truth.


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## Haunter (Sep 12, 2018)

ANDS! said:


> That article doesn't even begin to say what you summarize it as saying; no clue how this got upvoted so hard beyond people desperate to push back against the idea that he was telling the truth.



Ah, thanks for pointing this out. ""[Valedictorians] do well,' Barker told CNBC, 'but they don't actually become billionaires or the people who change the world." Then, "'Valedictorians aren't likely to be the future's visionaries,' says Arnold. 'They typically settle into the system instead of shaking it up.'"

The article basically says grades, in high school or college, aren't a predictor of either success or failure: "'College grades,' Barker writes, 'aren't any more predictive of subsequent life success than rolling dice.'"


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## Sparkletor (Sep 12, 2018)

Everyone has moments where they do something stupid, but as a person who graduated top of his class I expect more "street smarts".

Things Phil has said in his videos:

Didn't change the oil in his BMW because he thought the dealership keeps track of that stuff and calls customers when it is time for an oil change.

Didn't know how to wash his own clothes until he was 35 years old.

Had difficulty making and eating a cup of ramen soup.

Didn't know how to paint a wall a solid color.

Didn't know how to open his blinds so he ripped them down and bought new ones.

Opens someone else's mail from the federal government and reads it in a video.

Owned a land line telephone for years for the soul reason so his parents could call him because his cell phone might not work.

Had to have his dad explain to him that the mysterious things he found in the garage were latex gloves.

Puts bacon grease in the toilet.

Feel free to post your favorite examples of his genius in action.


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## Prince Lotor (Sep 12, 2018)

ANDS! said:


> That article doesn't even begin to say what you summarize it as saying; no clue how this got upvoted so hard beyond people desperate to push back against the idea that he was telling the truth.


I remember reading the article at the time and noting that the user's summary was somewhat disingenuous as to the actual contents and conclusions of the linked article. I can't speak for anyone else but I gave it a Medal sticker based on this comparison at the end, and not the link to the article, because I found the statement amusing.


SunLightStreak said:


> Phil pretty much spent his life in High School working hard and regurgitating information on command. You don't become get there by being inventive or creative. You get there by doing everything you are told on command like a trained monkey. Creativity, intellect, or inventiveness are not even a part of the equation. Compliance, discipline, and hard work are all you need.
> 
> It sums up his channel. He just pumps out videos on a timed basis to meet Youtube's standards with no polish, charm or creativity to meet his quota like a good little trained monkey. If anything, Phil being a Valedictorian explains a lot.


Generally I reserve the Medal sticker for posts that entertained me in an amusing manner, things that made me lol at a cow, not posts that I necessarily Agree with or find useful in an Informative manner, although Informative tends to be the most likely sticker for me to use in a tongue-in-cheek fashion.

As for examples of Dave's genius in action: In college he quit lifting weights because he was certain he had 'burst a blood vessel in his brain while lifting', also known as a hemorrhagic stroke, because he 'heard a pop inside my head, dood'. Here is what the progression of a hemorrhagic stroke would be like https://www.livestrong.com/article/161217-broken-blood-vessels-in-the-brain/ more than likely one of the tendons that connect near the base of your skull popped. This would be like if someone quit playing piano because they heard a knuckle pop and became certain that they were developing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from playing piano.  Here's a neurologist explaining it to someone else who is very concerned because they 'heard a pop in my head two days ago' https://www.justanswer.com/neurology/6n0ra-hi-two-days-ago-heard-pop-back-head.html especially funny is when the neurologist suggests they have anxiety issues due to how overly concerned about it they are after the user repeatedly states 'I just don't want to die!'


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## AP 297 (Sep 12, 2018)

ANDS! said:


> That article doesn't even begin to say what you summarize it as saying; no clue how this got upvoted so hard beyond people desperate to push back against the idea that he was telling the truth.



Sorry, I think I was reading over several articles and they all bleeded into each other. A number of them put a different spin on one another and honestly I may have put up the wrong one. 

https://qz.com/996687/after-graduation-valedictorians-arent-the-most-likely-to-succeed/

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/succeed-valedictorians-article-1.3222897

https://www.thedailybeast.com/why-grade-grubbing-valedictorians-never-get-to-rule-the-world

https://www.businessinsider.com/why-high-school-valedictorians-dont-become-really-successful-2017-5

http://time.com/money/4779223/valedictorian-success-research-barking-up-wrong/

There were even more than this on the same topic written in this March 2017 - June 2017 timeframe. 

Time/Money had this paragraph that I somehow must have gotten mixed up with another article that was written in the March-June 2017 series of write ups:



> So why are the number ones in high school so rarely the number ones in real life? There are two reasons. First, schools reward students who consistently do what they are told. Academic grades correlate only loosely with intelligence (standardized tests are better at measuring IQ). Grades are, however, an excellent predictor of *self-discipline, conscientiousness, and the ability to comply with rules*



Sorry to post the wrong article, I clearly messed up. 

Everything else there in my post was my own opinion.


----------



## Commander Keen (Sep 13, 2018)

Sparkletor said:


> Everyone has moments where they do something stupid, but as a person who graduated top of his class I expect more "street smarts".
> 
> Things Phil has said in his videos:
> 
> ...



The land line thing is pretty common with older people, 30 and above. We were kids when cell phones really weren’t a big thing and, when cell phones became a big thing during our teenage years, they were not very reliable like they are today. When I was in college, I had a landline for 911 and emergencies in case the cell phone didn’t work and the habit just stuck with me. 

That’s not Phil being “dumb” it’s Phil being a “30-something boomer”. I didn’t really give up a personal landline until relatively recently when it was finally hammered into my head that it’s only good for telemarketers and panhandlers and that I should just switch to a cell provider with better coverage where I live.


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## Sparkletor (Sep 13, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> The land line thing is pretty common with older people, 30 and above. We were kids when cell phones really weren’t a big thing and, when cell phones became a big thing during our teenage years, they were not very reliable like they are today. When I was in college, I had a landline for 911 and emergencies in case the cell phone didn’t work and the habit just stuck with me.
> 
> That’s not Phil being “dumb” it’s Phil being a “30-something boomer”. I didn’t really give up a personal landline until relatively recently when it was finally hammered into my head that it’s only good for telemarketers and panhandlers and that I should just switch to a cell provider with better coverage where I live.


I understand your reasoning, but Phil specifically said in the vlog when he got rid of the phone that he only had it because mommy and daddy said he had to.

This is not Phil thinking that his cell phone may fail in an emergency. This is a 30 year old man paying for a separate phone line because his senior citizen parents think that his phone may fail in an emergency.


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## Commander Keen (Sep 13, 2018)

Sparkletor said:


> I understand your reasoning, but Phil specifically said in the vlog when he got rid of the phone that he only had it because mommy and daddy said he had to.
> 
> This is not Phil thinking that his cell phone may fail in an emergency. This is a 30 year old man paying for a separate phone line because his senior citizen parents think that his phone may fail in an emergency.



Yeah, I guess, but DSP is an only child. I think. People who are only children do crap like that to appease their parents. 

He talks a big game about the wolverine action figure, but I’m fairly positive he’s a milquetoast mama’s boy. Just like any male of the species who is an only child, deep down.


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## Near (Sep 13, 2018)

The Manglement said:


> As much of an unlikable cunt as Phil is, it would be hard to argue that he wasn't a major success in terms of Youtube 5-6 years ago. He made good money in a new form of media, and managed to fuck it all up through exceedingly poor financial decisions and not actually improving the quality of his content to try to keep up with the competition. Oh, and being such an unlikable cunt that he has more haters than fans.


He's so much of a success that YT is all he'll ever be able to do. The tornado of autism around him will stalk every other job he'll even attempt to apply for, once his e-career goes to shit


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## NiggoPls (Sep 14, 2018)

sperginity said:


> I'm comparing Ted Cruz's _face_ to DSP's potential
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh look! It's Slippin' Jimmy!


----------



## This+ (Sep 16, 2018)

Sparkletor said:


> Feel free to post your favorite examples of his genius in action.



Uses Pam spray because he's too lazy to melt butter or heat oil. 

Doesn't know how to crack an egg.


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## harbinger (Sep 16, 2018)

This+ said:


> Uses Pam spray because he's too lazy to melt butter or heat oil.
> 
> Doesn't know how to crack an egg.


In all fairness, it’s not because he’s lazy, it’s because he has no time to melt butter. He’s a gamer.


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## This+ (Sep 16, 2018)

harbinger said:


> In all fairness, it’s not because he’s lazy, it’s because he has no time to melt butter. He’s a gamer.


Oh right, that was what he said. To be honest, him saying he was too lazy would have been more acceptable.


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## Mr.PiggyOinkOinkOink (Sep 21, 2018)

Well this was a fun thread to read. It’s pretty funny that even when Dave is right, he loses. This shit only makes him look worse in the grand scheme of things. 

Ignoring the intelligence level of his high school and the drama around that, this was a man at the top of his class that managed to screw the pooch and lives a miserable shut in life. They should play the down the rabbit hole video about him to seniors as a cautionary tale.

This has made me rethink how much of his countless past ramblings have truth to them, maybe he’s not the big liar we peg him for. But I just can’t believe it....the guy is so egotistical, he talks like the world revolved around him when he was younger.

My biggest wonder is just when he changed. I think he was bad apple from early on, everything about him points to a coddled only child by Mami burnell.

What I do know is old DSP is a very different person from current year DSP, maybe not in personality, but in attitude.

Old dsp actully put effort into his life, he went out and traveled to fighting games, attempted to have friends, went through the effort of doing well in school and college, but even back then there’s still something off about his stories. He’s always the one being mis treated, the world and it’s inhabitants are out to get him. 

It’s his entitlement, he’s always been a narcissistic, entitled, spoiled child. All his past effort and success were most likely grand attempts to sate those feelings. Then he makes it big on the early days of YouTube doing his hobby, and suddenly those negative traits that were fueling his ambitions hold him back. 

He’s unable to adapt and change, he starts making enemies and responds negatively back to criticism and hate. He’s unable to plan ahead and can’t cope with the those big YouTube bucks he’s entitled 2 start lessening.

Fast forward to current year and all this over the years, along with other factors such as him driving away most the people close to him and isolating himself from everyone except yes man have degraded him into a bum. A loser that has to ask others for basic shit on something as simple as video games. Someone who can’t wait to get away from the only thing he has going for him in life.

I could go on, but I’ve wasted enough words on him.


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## Agentsmith (Sep 21, 2018)

Some gold here

#failurehuman haha


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## Wurstbrot (Sep 21, 2018)

Agentsmith said:


> Some gold here
> 
> #failurehuman haha


Holy Gout on a Tax-Cycle.
"I was able to ace everything. I had straight A's in high school. I had a natural talent to learn in school and just absorb from the books. I was in the chess club, the drama club, the musical club. I was doing voluntary work, working at a home for the elderly"

What the shit, Tevin was right. This sounds nothing like anything our beloved Dave who eats noodles with a spoon could achieve, but more like he played "The Sims".


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## A Witty Name (Sep 21, 2018)

Agentsmith said:


>



It's missing the best part though, and possibly the explanation to all of this.


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## Agentsmith (Sep 22, 2018)

[IMG said:
			
		

> https://my.mixtape.moe/gspczm.png[/IMG]



Amazing. Why would a person even say such a ridiculous thing? I'd like to see the video of that

Possibly related (and sorry if already posted) the 1st 2 mins of this video is hilarious AND shows off his soft caring side for the girl that lost her way... And the teacher DSP was going to "break his face". A man of limitless talents...


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## BeanBidan (Sep 22, 2018)

Agentsmith said:


> Amazing. Why would a person even say such a ridiculous thing? I'd like to see the video of that
> 
> Possibly related (and sorry if already posted) the 1st 2 mins of this video is hilarious AND shows off his soft caring side for the girl that lost her way... And the teacher DSP was going to "break his face". A man of limitless talents...


So he was able to keep up with academics because it was easy but reading a fighting games manual and doing training missions is way too much for his big brain. Wow.


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## Sparkletor (Sep 22, 2018)

According to this video Phil stopped trying by 11th grade and did not get straight A's.


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## Haunter (Sep 22, 2018)

Sparkletor said:


> According to this video Phil stopped trying by 11th grade and did not get straight A's.



I missed the part of the 11th grade thing, I guess? Doesn't he say it was after his straight-A's in High School didn't pave the way into Harvard or Yale that he gave up?

Anyway, he says that his grades didn't get him into a good college. Those good colleges are reserved for privileged students from wealthy families. And then immediately after says he received a scholarship and went to a good college that was %95 students from wealthy families. 

When he heads out into the job market with his newly minted Finances degree, he was only offered "unpaid internships". Back in June 2003, when Phil still used his pseudonym "WhoahMoses" and was still allowed on the Shoryuken Forums, he was feeling bitchy and posted PMs of himself badgering at someone. In those PMs he says: "I'm busy with my internship". I've never heard this mentioned elsewhere. Maybe it was a lie he used on the Shoryuken Forums and dropped once he got the boot?


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## Sparkletor (Sep 22, 2018)

Haunter said:


> I missed the part of the 11th grade thing, I guess? Doesn't he say it was after his straight-A's in High School didn't pave the way into Harvard or Yale that he gave up?
> 
> Anyway, he says that his grades didn't get him into a good college. Those good colleges are reserved for privileged students from wealthy families. And then immediately after says he received a scholarship and went to a good college that was %95 students from wealthy families.
> 
> When he heads out into the job market with his newly minted Finances degree, he was only offered "unpaid internships". Back in June 2003, when Phil still used his pseudonym "WhoahMoses" and was still allowed on the Shoryuken Forums, he was feeling bitchy and posted PMs of himself badgering at someone. In those PMs he says: "I'm busy with my internship". I've never heard this mentioned elsewhere. Maybe it was a lie he used on the Shoryuken Forums and dropped once he got the boot?


According to another Ask the King:
He claims he got an internship selling life insurance. The idiots there put him at the bottom despite his business degree. They wanted him to cold call people to try and sell policies. After that didnt work out, the insurance company had the audacity to try and charge Phil for the office and resources he used. Phil told them to go fuck themselves and then proceeded to use them as a reference on his resume. They illegally slandered him when other jobs checked this reference, leading to Phil not being able to get a good job.


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## Agentsmith (Sep 22, 2018)

Sparkletor said:


> According to this video Phil stopped trying by 11th grade and did not get straight A's.



Some highlights for me (in between the rocking and snorting)

- Why does he talk about his birth??? What person would be interested in how a "YouTube content creator" was born? Or what toys he liked as a kid... And the names of the local kids in his neighborhood??

- "I could be doing so many better things than sitting in a church..." - like recording high kwality unedited playthroughs and uploading 30-50 videos a day??

- Nice to hear him insult his parents again

- Also plays the race card about being refused into ivy league unis

- Calls the then president  "the dumbest mfer I've ever met in my life"

- his first jobs were "tossing salad and pumping yogurt" because he can "laugh at himself"

- he "built PCs" and knew all about networking

-best buy "framed him" for abusing the employee discount system, leading to him being fired but he appealed it and got a lot of $$

- he was a face of the helicopter company... Until restructuring and then he was fired

- when he discovered his back was sore he couldn't play things like football anymore

- took days off work to play Batman

- the detractors back then we're hurting the business and not helping him improve


He's possibly the #1 lol cow


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## HansGruber (Dec 30, 2018)

Pargon said:


> This was something that was brewing in my head the more I learned about him. All of his stories about Past Phil paint him as The Big Dick on Campus when he was in high school (lifted weights, women wanted him, and didn't he supposedly play football?) and some kind of bizarre chimera of Frat Boy and Academic Overachiever in college (the "drank and smoked weed then puked and shat" story). And it's not unheard of for Phil to try and rewrite history.
> 
> I think Phil is a noodly-armed faggot dork who is desperate to portray himself as anyone who he perceived as more successful/popular than him growing up. It's also likely that they're the same people who pushed him around, since we know how much he likes to wield the tiny bit of power that he has.
> 
> ...


I'm still reeling from the proof that he was in fact Valedictorian of his high school. I want those facts triple checked. I still have an easier time believing the escort story.


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## Pargon (Dec 30, 2018)

HansGruber said:


> I'm still reeling from the proof that he was in fact Valedictorian of his high school. I want those facts triple checked. I still have an easier time believing the escort story.



I've got two words for you: structured environment. I guarantee Phil's backslide started when he was in college. Making those sweet Machinima dollaz just accelerated things.


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## Noob-Noob (Dec 30, 2018)

BallBuster said:


> What proof?  That dogshit generic “speech” of his? This dude failed at eating a cup of fucking noodles. There is your proof.



I mean, the school literally said he was the VD...somehow...


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## BallBuster (Dec 30, 2018)

Noob-Noob said:


> I mean, the school literally said he was the VD...somehow...


Where?  When did this happen?  The guy has the IQ of a Frankenstein’s Monster.


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## Wurstbrot (Dec 30, 2018)

BallBuster said:


> Where?  When did this happen?  The guy has the IQ of a Frankenstein’s Monster.


Confirmed by the KF months ago. The school was contacted and after delaying the answer for a while, they confirmed he was the valedictorian. Apparently they have very low standards, a religious sport school are some shit.

However, I would still not quote Dave on his speech. If this really happened the way he told, some people there should evaluate their meaning in life and act accordingly.


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## BallBuster (Dec 30, 2018)

Wurstbrot said:


> Confirmed by the KF months ago. The school was contacted and after delaying the answer for a while, they confirmed he was the valedictorian. Apparently they have very low standards, a religious sport school are some shit.
> 
> However, I would still not quote Dave on his speech. If this really happened the way he told, some people there should evaluate their meaning in life and act accordingly.



Sorry I can't buy that.  He is dumbest fucker on this planet.  Someone who flushes fucking bacon grease down the toilet is no academic luminary.


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## Hungrymandinner (Dec 30, 2018)

Maybe Phil’s high school will do a “Where are they now?” piece on him for the student newspaper or the yearbook as the 20th anniversary of his graduation approaches. Or more likely keep it under the most opaque of wraps. I doubt many parents would be willing to cough up tuition if they saw that Darksydephil was a product of their child’s private school. 

I don’t find it difficult to believe that Phil was valedictorian. Phil’s character arc is one of tragedy: he gave up his friends, family, potential, health, career in pursuit of virtual bits. This is what happens to the brain when it is fed a steady diet of video games, wrestling, and Netflix and deprived of critical thinking, social interactions, and novel situations. Yes, you can approach those subjects critically (e.g., the high level play of a League of Legends professional, the comedic works of James Rolfe, the researched podcasts of the Retronauts) but if you just consume them mindlessly (and nothing else), the brain will atrophy.


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## Commander Keen (Dec 30, 2018)

HansGruber said:


> I'm still reeling from the proof that he was in fact Valedictorian of his high school. I want those facts triple checked. I still have an easier time believing the escort story.



Being first in your class if you’re from a shitty school system isn’t much of an accomplishment. DSP went to a basketball school, they produce recruits for colleges in the colonial states. That’s all they do and care about.

So when he talks about the “mean streets” he probably means he just was surrounded by the bix nood type of hood rat every day at school and just assumed they were gang members because he’s a dumb ass white kid. What those catholic schools do is give scholarships to niggas to ball hard for them. That’s why you see all those small ass catholic universities in the NCAA tournament, they’ve been doing it ever since they found out about the sport.


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## Fuckyoudad (Dec 30, 2018)

BallBuster said:


> Where?  When did this happen?  The guy has the IQ of a Frankenstein’s Monster.



You don't need to be especially clever to be valedictorian at all trust me on this one. You just need to be semi-literate and halfway competent at spewing up pure word salad. The one thing Phil has always been qualified for. He's also proven to this day that he can surround himself with a party of mongs that he manages to appear smarter than in that chat of his. I'm sure he picked up this skill through DSP: The High School Years. 






The short version: "San Dimas High School Football Rules!"


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## Sparkletor (Dec 30, 2018)

Fairfax of Notre Dame told me Philip Burnell was valedictorian of the class of 2000, so I have to believe them.

It was just as unbelievable to me, especially since he stated in a King of Hate segment that he quit trying in school by 11th grade and did not get straight A' s. As has been stated, this school focuses on sports more than academics so that is one factor. 

Second, this school is rated as one of the most "diverse" and you can take that for what it is. I don't have any demographics, but if there was a high percentage of students who had English as a second language it would give Phil an advantage.

This was a Catholic school. As far as I know, science is taught differently in religious schools as opposed to public schools. I'm sure I'm over exaggerating, but couldn't you just answer any test question with some variant of "because God said so".

I also have a personal theory that Phil's parents did a good portion of his schoolwork for him. We have Phil's testimony to go by, but his parents allegedly went to the school to get him less homework. Daddy got him the helicopter job. They give him birthday and Christmas money to this day. They seem to have an unusual relationship with their son and I wouldn't be surprised if little Phil cried "I can't do it" and mommy and daddy did it for him.

Another example of his high school being poor is when he went to college. He took a computer class and flunked out. He blamed his high school for never teaching him how to use a computer. This is conflicting with Phil's claim that computers was his favorite subject in school.


----------



## TheGoutinator (Dec 30, 2018)

There has to be at least a few teenage kids today that currently go to Phil's high school that are into the Twitch thing.

If only they knew. I hope one of them discovers the pigroach and that he went to the same school as them and they go and dig up his yearbook pictures or something.


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## BallBuster (Dec 30, 2018)

Fuckoffdad said:


> You don't need to be especially clever to be valedictorian at all trust me on this one. You just need to be semi-literate and halfway competent at spewing up pure word salad. The one thing Phil has always been qualified for. He's also proven to this day that he can surround himself with a party of mongs that he manages to appear smarter than in that chat of his. I'm sure he picked up this skill through DSP: The High School Years.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



My ex GF was only a salutatorian at her high school and got a fat scholarship to Cornell. The Vale at her school got a full ride to Columbia. 

This faggot says he was a Vale and couldn’t get accepted into any college and I’m calling 100% bullshit on that unless his school was filled with equally as pathetic mongoloids.


----------



## Preferred Penne (Dec 30, 2018)

Sparkletor said:


> Another example of his high school being poor is when he went to college. He took a computer class and flunked out. He blamed his high school for never teaching him how to use a computer. This is conflicting with Phil's claim that computers was his favorite subject in school.


That could mean that he liked played Oregon Trail and Number Munchers.

Which makes me want to see him play Oregon Trail to see if his whole party dies while fording the first river.


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## Kosher Dill (Dec 30, 2018)

PreferredPenne said:


> Which makes me want to see him play Oregon Trail to see if his whole party dies while fording the first river.


I'd love to see him play Oregon Trail, he's utterly lacking in the sense of humor you have to have to enjoy it.
He _would_, however, do a massively racist impression of the Indians who trade with you. Including making that "wuwuwuwuw" noise.


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## Fuckyoudad (Dec 31, 2018)

BallBuster said:


> My ex GF was only a salutatorian at her high school and got a fat scholarship to Cornell. The Vale at her school got a full ride to Columbia.
> 
> This faggot says he was a Vale and couldn’t get accepted into any college and I’m calling 100% bullshit on that unless his school was filled with equally as pathetic mongoloids.



I mean you pretty much answered the how part for yourself here. The company present around him at the time must have had a hand in deciding that he was the one for the role. When I said trust me on this one it's because I know a couple of people who made valedictorian and today both of them are drug-addled slackers. One of them didn't even finish college. I mean drugs can be a thing hitting anyone in any walk of life but even before this I would still say neither of were ever the sharpest tacks in the box. Even a dim bulb like DSP can manage to stand out for a while.. he managed it for a period on youtube afterall. Doesn't mean he can sustain it in any path he chooses because he's one lazy fucker. You also have to account for the weirdo luck he manages to pick up and squander in the blink of an eye.


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## Colloid (Dec 31, 2018)

Sparkletor said:


> I also have a personal theory that Phil's parents did a good portion of his schoolwork for him. We have Phil's testimony to go by, but his parents allegedly went to the school to get him less homework. Daddy got him the helicopter job. They give him birthday and Christmas money to this day. They seem to have an unusual relationship with their son and I wouldn't be surprised if little Phil cried "I can't do it" and mommy and daddy did it for him.


This wouldn't surprise me at all since pretty much every manchild in existence results, at least partially, from bad parenting. The fact that Dark admits to still getting cash from them despite being in his 30's with his own income, on top of everything else, is a dead giveaway that they've coddled his ass since the beginning. He's so poorly disciplined and entitled because of them that not getting a Wolverine toy when he asked for it is considered a major life event/trauma for him.


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## Mooty Mooty Mooty (Jan 23, 2019)

It is incredibly hard to believe that Phil wasn't a complete wash out in High school. I think it is almost as likely that there happened to be another student with the same name, or that he was in some kind of special needs class.

Or being a catholic school maybe the principal was willing to give out rewards to kids that stayed in his office after school for extra-curricular activities. "Darksydephil, suck my balls and lick my taint". "Dood *snort*, getting under the principals desk is a buyers market right now. Its just like playing Street Fighter 2 with an arcade stick ack ack ack".


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## Wurstbrot (Jan 23, 2019)

Mooty Mooty Mooty said:


> It is incredibly hard to believe that Phil wasn't a complete wash out in High school. I think it is almost as likely that there happened to be another student with the same name, or that he was in some kind of special needs class.
> 
> Or being a catholic school maybe the principal was willing to give out rewards to kids that stayed in his office after school for extra-curricular activities. "Darksydephil, suck my balls and lick my taint". "Dood *snort*, getting under the principals desk is a buyers market right now. Its just like playing Street Fighter 2 with an arcade stick ack ack ack".


There is a rumor / people say / just one person wrote: It could be that his parents did most of his work, maybe also class-mates (he explained he was lazy and preferred playing videogames all day, he even missed school because of this). Then, probably all he had to do was memorizing data without understanding its meaning. Learn an easy mathematical formula, use it, the end. Make up theoretical solutions in a business test about a hypothetical problem, you get good grades as long as you write a lot and understand the basics. And if everyone around you is even dumber than you, you win.

I won't doubt Phil/Dave/Tom was good at school, parroting is easy and he has an absurdly good memory for useless facts. But school is nearly always theory, but praxis is always way different and this is where he fails hard. He was fired from everywhere as he can clearly not do anything on his own, is obnoxious and fails to use his knowledge properly. As can be seen in his current "job".

His education was wasted. Furthermore, maybe his education is sabotaging him as he literally things everything he does is always right, because he is valedictorian Phil Burnell, Champion of Wallet.


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## gaarashatan (Jan 23, 2019)

Wurstbrot said:


> There is a rumor / people say / just one person wrote: It could be that his parents did most of his work, maybe also class-mates (he explained he was lazy and preferred playing videogames all day, he even missed school because of this). Then, probably all he had to do was memorizing data without understanding its meaning. Learn an easy mathematical formula, use it, the end. Make up theoretical solutions in a business test about a hypothetical problem, you get good grades as long as you write a lot and understand the basics. And if everyone around you is even dumber than you, you win.
> 
> I won't doubt Phil/Dave/Tom was good at school, parroting is easy and he has an absurdly good memory for useless facts. But school is nearly always theory, but praxis is always way different and this is where he fails hard. He was fired from everywhere as he can clearly not do anything on his own, is obnoxious and fails to use his knowledge properly. As can be seen in his current "job".
> 
> His education was wasted. Furthermore, maybe his education is sabotaging him as he literally things everything he does is always right, because he is valedictorian Phil Burnell, Champion of Wallet.



i still dont believe he was valedictorian. and if we was, theres no way he earned it himself. and even if he did! didnt he go to a public school? like who cares if youre valedictorian in a public school


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## ReentryPhantom (Jan 23, 2019)

gaarashatan said:


> i still dont believe he was valedictorian. and if we was, theres no way he earned it himself. and even if he did! didnt he go to a public school? like who cares if youre valedictorian in a public school


It was a Catholic private school in Fairfield Connecticut.


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## gaarashatan (Jan 23, 2019)

ReentryPhantom said:


> It was a Catholic private school in Fairfield Connecticut.



when a man of god turns into a toxic mass, parents paid for private school. and probably his college, and yet here he lies. begging for money on the internet, thats a sad stroke of fate. i know tons of people who wouldve jumped on the chance for so many opportunities in life


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## Pargon (Jan 23, 2019)

gaarashatan said:


> when a man of god turns into a toxic mass, parents paid for private school. and probably his college, and yet here he lies. begging for money on the internet, thats a sad stroke of fate. i know tons of people who wouldve jumped on the chance for so many opportunities in life



I don't think Phil's attendance at a private Catholic high school had anything to do with faith and everything to do with his parents knowing he'd likely be thumped on a daily basis at a public school.

On a related note I think it's a testament to Phil's overall lack of notoriety that no one he went to high school or college with has talked about what he was like. Usually when someone so tahksik crops up in the public consciousness there's some attention whore out there ready to blab about what a shitstain they were as a kid but not so with him. Outside of spergs like us no one even remotely cares about the King o' Weight.


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## DuckSucker (Jan 23, 2019)

I dont think he a lot of friends in high school, especially at his own actual school, did he? It was mostly FGC stuff wasnt it? I mean he might not have been that shitty of a person back then, but I think it's really just a matter of that he used to keep it quite in check. 

If you go back and look at some of his first, earliest videos, especially interacting with other people, he's actually really restrained and kind of almost a bit shy. He's someone who, if you didnt know him for his fame on the internet, you wouldnt really notice him. Maybe he would say something out of line but if you called him on it, he would back down like a scared animal, or just be somewhat gracious about it. The type of kid who would toe the line and do something to get in trouble but all you really need to do is pull him aside and scold him or lecture him and he'll get back in line.

There are some FGC videos I remember with Leanna in particular where he lost and he wasnt screaming, he wasnt blaming the game, he just did the "Hey good match man," thing, shook his hand and moved on. It's really only when he's by himself or people he's very close with and doesnt see as somewhat "greater than" him (and he insulates himself for this reason, but also now that's kind of cracked him) that he can act like himself.


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## Q_Anon1001 (Jun 28, 2022)

Sorry for my necroposting, but I figured since actually hasn't locked the thread, it's still fair game. Although it's pretty much confirmed by Sparkletor that Phil was Valedictorian. I went down somewhat of a rabbit hole and found a newspaper clipping that did a quick showcase of Notre Dame High School's class of 2000 graduation stating that Phil was valedictorian in a class consisting of 147 students. His yearbook isn't available digitally on the internet. There is  a high school called Notre dame in new jersey that has all their yearbooks backed up on the internet which threw me off for a minute. So unless someone somehow manages to find Notre Dame's class of 2000 yearbook, I think this is as close as we'll have to a record rather than just hearsay.

 At first glance I thought that phil could have possibly been one of the guys in one of the two pictures on the right hand, but unfortunately it wasn't him.



Edit: I forgot to mention that the newspaper is called fairfield minuteman, cue that x files music, tinfoil hats


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## TJGamebox (Jun 28, 2022)

https://www.allhighschools.com/school/notre-dame-catholic-high-school/161927


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## Kosher Dill (Jun 28, 2022)

Only 22 years to go from valedictorian to an invalid Victorian.


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## TJGamebox (Jun 28, 2022)

https://digital.fairfield.edu/cdm/ his university seems to have an archive on everything, but I cant find anything on a philip burnell


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## Gotta Groom Em All (Jun 28, 2022)

TJGamebox said:


> https://www.allhighschools.com/school/notre-dame-catholic-high-school/161927


Big ups Tom Thumb.


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## UncleTusky (Jun 28, 2022)

TJGamebox said:


> https://digital.fairfield.edu/cdm/ his university seems to have an archive on everything, but I cant find anything on a philip burnell


You're correct that he does not appear in the yearbook (at least not in 2004 when he should have graduated or 2005 when he would have needed 5 years to finish) but from what I can tell the yearbooks just don't mention someone if s/he didn't have a senior picture, not even a "No Picture" entry with the name below it or a list of seniors without photos at the very end. If the two possibilities are Phil not having his photo taken and lying about attending Fairfield University I'm inclined to believe the former. This isn't because I suddenly think Phil's credible, it's because he is so terrible at telling _plausible _lies that he would probably have claimed Harvard or Yale if it were all made up - we know he has a sore spot about not getting in to Harvard since he has said that he applied but never got in because  he was functionally retarded and his SATs show it a nigger took his spot he was a poor white kid.


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## LolCowCentral (Jun 28, 2022)

UncleTusky said:


> You're correct that he does not appear in the yearbook (at least not in 2004 when he should have graduated or 2005 when he would have needed 5 years to finish) but from what I can tell the yearbooks just don't mention someone if s/he didn't have a senior picture, not even a "No Picture" entry with the name below it or a list of seniors without photos at the very end. If the two possibilities are Phil not having his photo taken and lying about attending Fairfield University I'm inclined to believe the former. This isn't because I suddenly think Phil's credible, it's because he is so terrible at telling _plausible _lies that he would probably have claimed Harvard or Yale if it were all made up - we know he has a sore spot about not getting in to Harvard since he has said that he applied but never got in because  he was functionally retarded and his SATs show it a nigger took his spot he was a poor white kid.



Its not that complicated to verify.  You can call the school posing as HR for your company citing a background check on a new hire and just doing an eduation/graduation verification. 

You'd need his name, DOB, and maybe last 4 of social (which usually you don't need social). 

They won't verify anything other than 

"Yes he graduated" or "no he didn't".

I think we feel confident he did because didn't he show his bachelors degree on camera one day ?

Either way - 20 years of drinking and never letting yourself continue to mature and learn will make you a complete retard as we see in Phil.


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## Corpun (Jun 28, 2022)

Q_Anon1001 said:


> Sorry for my necroposting, but I figured since actually hasn't locked the thread, it's still fair game. Although it's pretty much confirmed by Sparkletor that Phil was Valedictorian. I went down somewhat of a rabbit hole and found a newspaper clipping that did a quick showcase of Notre Dame High School's class of 2000 graduation stating that Phil was valedictorian in a class consisting of 147 students. His yearbook isn't available digitally on the internet. There is  a high school called Notre dame in new jersey that has all their yearbooks backed up on the internet which threw me off for a minute. So unless someone somehow manages to find Notre Dame's class of 2000 yearbook, I think this is as close as we'll have to a record rather than just hearsay.
> 
> At first glance I thought that phil could have possibly been one of the guys in one of the two pictures on the right hand, but unfortunately it wasn't him.
> View attachment 3435227View attachment 3435228
> ...


If a time machine is ever invented but has a single uses (To and from the point in time) I think a detractor should go back and record his valedictorian speech because I want to know how much gloating and ego is in that speech.


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## Q_Anon1001 (Jun 29, 2022)

LolCowCentral said:


> I think we feel confident he did because didn't he show his bachelors degree on camera one day ?


Yeah. But It's typed out in latin and Roman numerals. The graduation year MMIV confirms he graduated in 2004.


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## Hungrymandinner (Jun 29, 2022)

Corpun said:


> If a time machine is ever invented but has a single uses (To and from the point in time) I think a detractor should go back and record his valedictorian speech because I want to know how much gloating and ego is in that speech.


That speech must exist somewhere on someone’s VHS tape. Surely some parent recorded the entire graduation ceremony. Can someone (i.e., not me) post to the school’s Facebook group or whatever asking if anyone has a copy?


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## FamicomGorby (Jun 29, 2022)

Hungrymandinner said:


> That speech must exist somewhere on someone’s VHS tape. Surely some parent recorded the entire graduation ceremony. Can someone (i.e., not me) post to the school’s Facebook group or whatever asking if anyone has a copy?


Even if it was found I wouldn't expect too much, given Dave's usual level of effort he probably just copied some generic speech.


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## Iron Hamster (Jun 29, 2022)

FamicomGorby said:


> Even if it was found I wouldn't expect too much, given Dave's usual level of effort he probably just copied some generic speech.


_I had a robust and flavorful 4 years here..........._


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## Balr0g (Jun 29, 2022)

Maybe he was nailbiting all the time because there were some many basketball americans in the crowd. That would have been something. "sorry ladies and gentleman speaker Burnell has a chronic issue and can't speak on the bahlf of the school" Or was it "chiki chang wang charlie chang chika chuka chuka chang."?


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## Kosher Dill (Jun 29, 2022)

Iron Hamster said:


> _I had a robust and flavorful 4 years here..........._


... and in conclusion it was a mixed bag. It is what it is, I guess.

................

Oh, the camera's still on.


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## Corpun (Jun 29, 2022)

Iron Hamster said:


> _I had a robust and flavorful 4 years here..........._





Kosher Dill said:


> ... and in conclusion it was a mixed bag. It is what it is, I guess.
> 
> ................
> 
> Oh, the camera's still on.


Maybe we can write it out for him.

"My car salesmen used to tell me it was a buyers market for cars out there and today it is a buyers market for graduates. Let's use our rainy day funds while we can.


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## Michael Janke (Jun 30, 2022)

speaking of phil's education, he's probably the most famous alumni of his high school. unless there's some NBA nigger i don't know about.


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## Angry Mug (Jun 30, 2022)

Even if it is true, bragging about high school accomplishments as an adult is pretty fucking pathetic.


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## Iron Hamster (Jun 30, 2022)

Angry Mug said:


> Even if it is true, bragging about high school accomplishments as an adult is pretty fucking pathetic.


kinda like showing off a mall trophy


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## Corpun (Jun 30, 2022)

Angry Mug said:


> Even if it is true, bragging about high school accomplishments as an adult is pretty fucking pathetic.


I'm honestly surprised he doesn't embellish high school life as much as he did college life. We get stuff like hot Latinas grinding on him but not much else.


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## Sparkletor 2.0 (Jun 30, 2022)

Corpun said:


> I'm honestly surprised he doesn't embellish high school life as much as he did college life. We get stuff like hot Latinas grinding on him but not much else.


There's a few stories about his school life. Like the story about how one time his parents went to the school principal and yelled at him because the teachers were giving Phil too much homework.

Or the one time Phil got detention. The principal knew that Phil did nothing wrong, but he asked if Phil would please take the punishment anyways as a special favor to make the principal look good.


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## Dennis Rodman (Jul 1, 2022)

Sparkletor 2.0 said:


> There's a few stories about his school life. Like the story about how one time his parents went to the school principal and yelled at him because the teachers were giving Phil too much homework.
> 
> Or the one time Phil got detention. The principal knew that Phil did nothing wrong, but he asked if Phil would please take the punishment anyways as a special favor to make the principal look good.


Please tell me you have video links for these. Please.


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## Corpun (Jul 1, 2022)

Sparkletor 2.0 said:


> There's a few stories about his school life. Like the story about how one time his parents went to the school principal and yelled at him because the teachers were giving Phil too much homework


Considering how Phil was obviously spoiled and coddled as a kid I can believe his parents would do this. I believe they were the first victims of pignosis and it took along time for them to fall out of it, if they have.


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## Balr0g (Jul 1, 2022)

Dennis Rodman said:


> Please tell me you have video links for these. Please.


I think it was this (shoutout to Meerkat)


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## Gotta Groom Em All (Jul 1, 2022)

Corpun said:


> Considering how Phil was obviously spoiled and coddled as a kid I can believe his parents would do this. I believe they were the first victims of pignosis and it took along time for them to fall out of it, if they have.


His mom gave him a bunch of money after he promised her he would get a job soon and get his life together. That was in 2019 lmao his parents are trash and just enable him to continue being a useless waste of oxygen.


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## Corpun (Jul 2, 2022)

Gotta Groom Em All said:


> His mom gave him a bunch of money after he promised her he would get a job soon and get his life together. That was in 2019 lmao his parents are trash and just enable him to continue being a useless waste of oxygen.


We hear a lot more from him about his mom than his dad, and when we hear about his dad it is usually him avoiding calls or emails his dad sends because he is too busy.

Something tells me Dave Burnell isn't happy with the way his progeny turned out.


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## Brownshirt Freshman (Jul 2, 2022)

Sparkletor 2.0 said:


> There's a few stories about his school life. Like the story about how one time his parents went to the school principal and yelled at him because the teachers were giving Phil too much homework.
> 
> Or the one time Phil got detention. The principal knew that Phil did nothing wrong, but he asked if Phil would please take the punishment anyways as a special favor to make the principal look good.



The principal loved Phil and his streams. Unfortunately due to trolls false reporting him to the office he was forced to suspend. Phil did nothing wrong.


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## Gotta Groom Em All (Jul 3, 2022)

Corpun said:


> We hear a lot more from him about his mom than his dad, and when we hear about his dad it is usually him avoiding calls or emails his dad sends because he is too busy.
> 
> Something tells me Dave Burnell isn't happy with the way his progeny turned out.


No. As the man of the house ultimately the responsibility falls on you to make sure your woman is under control and doesn’t poison your child’s mind and raise your child up to be a weak over-nurtured piece of shit. 

He failed to control his woman, and his child ended up a colossal failure as a result. This is actually more his fault than hers.


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## Lilly Philly Burnelli (Jul 3, 2022)

Gotta Groom Em All said:


> He failed to control his woman, and his child ended up a colossal failure as a result. This is actually more his fault than hers.


This. It’s always the man’s fault. The man should always set ground rules for his woman, which trickles down to the children. It’s the same reason some men get killed because of their wife mouthing off and he has to “protect” her honor or some dumb shit. It’s his ultimately his fault for not controlling his woman. 

And since Phil’s father probably worked and just ignored his child and let Linda raise Phil with no guidance look how Phil turned out. This is also exactly why Phil exhibits such feminine traits. You ever wonder why you ask yourself, “god why is Phil so emotional? Why is he such a baby? Why is he complaining about everything? God shut up. Quit bitching” Well, there you go.


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## Freshtodeath (Jul 3, 2022)

Think the validictorian at my school went to harvard. Phil lacks any critical thinking skills at all. How the fuck could he be number one in his class? He couldn't even beat the early stages of half life. I think i beat that section when i was 10 years old and that was before the internet to look up guides.


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## Iron Hamster (Jul 3, 2022)

Freshtodeath said:


> Think the validictorian at my school went to harvard. Phil lacks any critical thinking skills at all. How the fuck could he be number one in his class? He couldn't even beat the early stages of half life. I think i beat that section when i was 10 years old and that was before the internet to look up guides.


After reading the @Sparkletor 2.0 story, and seeing how actually stupid he really is, I have no doubt the parents bought it for him.


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## Corpun (Jul 3, 2022)

Iron Hamster said:


> After reading the @Sparkletor 2.0 story, and seeing how actually stupid he really is, I have no doubt the parents bought it for him.


Can you buy a valedictorian? I know that a lot of private/Ivy League schools have not so hidden preferential treatment towards students who's parents are huge whales but unless Mr. and Mrs. Burnell were whaling the same level Phil does on gacha I find it hard to believe.


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## LolCowCentral (Jul 3, 2022)

Corpun said:


> Can you buy a valedictorian? I know that a lot of private/Ivy League schools have not so hidden preferential treatment towards students who's parents are huge whales but unless Mr. and Mrs. Burnell were whaling the same level Phil does on gacha I find it hard to believe.



No. Valedictorian is nearly almost always the highest G.P.A. in that graduating class. In the case of two people with the same G.P.A. it goes to the one with the most Advanced Placement credits. 

This is barring any special circumstances like someone has terminal cancer and became honorary Valedictorian.


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## Corpun (Jul 3, 2022)

LolCowCentral said:


> No. Valedictorian is nearly almost always the highest G.P.A. in that graduating class. In the case of two people with the same G.P.A. it goes to the one with the most Advanced Placement credits.
> 
> This is barring any special circumstances like someone has terminal cancer and became honorary Valedictorian.


So were all DSP's peers just Derishs and Slayers?


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## Kosher Dill (Jul 3, 2022)

Corpun said:


> So were all DSP's peers just Derishs and Slayers?


They were mostly basketball-playing negroes, no joke.


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## Cyber Bowling (Jul 3, 2022)

At the risk of giving Phil's parents too much credit, it's possible they pushed him to do well in high school. I don't think it's a stretch to say they were far from the greatest parents in the world, but it doesn't mean they were completely absentee and only ever spoiled him. We just have very limited knowledge of them, especially from the younger Phil years. 

As others pointed out earlier in the thread, getting valedictorian in a small school isn't exactly the hardest thing in the world, especially when said school is primarily known for pumping out athletes. One of my friends graduated from a private school with a class of like, 20 something and was ranked as the 2nd or 3rd highest, despite frequently skipping classes and barely trying. As far as we know, DSP didn't have much of a social life or anything, and while his critical thinking and analytical skills have been shot for at least the last 10 or so years, I think a lot of that has to do with the way he developed his lifestyle. I'm not saying the dude was smart or anything back in the day, but a younger Phil could probably retain information better than current age Phil who let his brain atrophy.

It's basically the 4th place win all over again. Phil was playing a game barely anyone played, aka going to a small school. He memorized a few broken combos and got to the top, aka sat at home before tests and memorized the material because most high school teachers hand you everything you need to know. The difference is with SF, there were a few other people who actually cared about coming out on top. In Phil's tiny school, they were more concerned with basketball. If Phil went to a more traditionally sized school, there's probably no way he gets valedictorian.


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## TomBradysVagina (Jul 3, 2022)

Hmmm. I went to a private Catholic school in CT too. Don't know about Phil but I had 7 people in my grade.


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## Prince Lotor (Jul 4, 2022)

TomBradysVagina said:


> Hmmm. I went to a private Catholic school in CT too. Don't know about Phil but I had 7 people in my grade.


When I looked I think Phil's school had something like 300 students enrolled the year he graduated. I don't know if that included 7th and 8th grade or not, but that would put Phil's graduating class somewhere between 50 to 70.

This is also really funny to remember whenever Phil is talking about the 'cliques' at his highschool and him being an 'outcast' and forming his own clique with the other couple of people who didn't fit in that Phil called the "we don't give a shit" clique.

It's not like he went to a large highschool and struggled to stand out from the crowd or anything. Everyone in his grade knew him and likely had multiple classes a day with him, but even in highschool no one liked him. Even his trying to paint himself as a rebel outsider who didn't give a shit falls flat because the 3 or 4 other guys in the clique Phil invented in his head would have been like 10% of his entire grade.


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## Sparkletor 2.0 (Jul 4, 2022)

I'm pretty sure that when I was investigating, I found out that Phil's graduating class consisted of 34 students.


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## Overdrive MASK_de_SMITH (Jul 4, 2022)

Because anyone can parrot some shit written in a text book. But it's another thing to apply the shit you learned. DSP may have been a valedictorian, but he lacks any and all common sense and simple application. I'd like to think that all that time as a fucking hermit, living away from any human interaction, was responsible for this.


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## Kosher Dill (Jul 4, 2022)

Sparkletor 2.0 said:


> I'm pretty sure that when I was investigating, I found out that Phil's graduating class consisted of 34 students.


Yes, but most of them only count as 3/5 of a person so it's more like 20.


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## actually (Jul 4, 2022)

Kosher Dill said:


> Yes, but most of them only count as 3/5 of a person so it's more like 20.


There's a joke Phil won't get.


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## Freshtodeath (Jul 4, 2022)

Has phil ever mentioned what he scored on the SATs?


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## Corpun (Jul 4, 2022)

actually said:


> There's a joke Phil won't get.


He could get troll tipped something about that (A waste of money) and we would get another brilliant clip of Phil's retardation on the scale of that time he said six million sounds fake.


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## Cyber Bowling (Jul 4, 2022)

Freshtodeath said:


> Has phil ever mentioned what he scored on the SATs?


4th place


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## UncleTusky (Jul 5, 2022)

Freshtodeath said:


> Has phil ever mentioned what he scored on the SATs?


According to this clip



			https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vVq8xl82mA&t=16s
		


He doesn't remember but thinks it was "around 1400" (this would have been when the maximum score was 1600, so a 1400 would be in the top ~five to ten percent). Since he phrased it as a good score despite not remembering how well he did or what the maximum was, I'm calling bullshit - there were plenty of much smarter people than him taking the SAT (it's graded on a curve so that the percentage of people getting a certain score is more or less the same but the cutoffs for a score can vary) and it just raises more questions about how an alleged valedictorian with high SAT scores wound up going to such a mediocre university.

Edit: Slight PL but I forgot my SAT scores within a few months of getting admitted to university - they weren't embarrassing or anything, they just didn't matter anymore. The same thing happened with my GRE (like the SAT but for graduate school) scores a few years after that. At least to me Phil's posturing about his valedictorian status and high SAT scores doesn't make him sound smart, it makes him sound like somebody who has nothing to be proud of from when he went to Fairfield/when he had real jobs. It's the 'Tism Vortex equivalent of bragging about having a high IQ.


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## Corpun (Jul 5, 2022)

UncleTusky said:


> Edit: Slight PL but I forgot my SAT scores within a few months of getting admitted to university - they weren't embarrassing or anything, they just didn't matter anymore. The same thing happened with my GRE (like the SAT but for graduate school) scores a few years after that. At least to me Phil's posturing about his valedictorian status and high SAT scores doesn't make him sound smart, it makes him sound like somebody who has nothing to be proud of from when he went to Fairfield/when he had real jobs. It's the 'Tism Vortex equivalent of bragging about having a high IQ.


Honestly I don't think anyone remembers their SAT scores after a while. It's just another arbitrary number schools give out at the end of the day.


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## Flavius Anthemius (Jul 6, 2022)

Corpun said:


> Honestly I don't think anyone remembers their SAT scores after a while. It's just another arbitrary number schools give out at the end of the day.


For the vast majority of people's actual mature-adult life, you really won't see a lot of people bragging about their academia to everyone all the time, only really certain people in particular fields of work and even then, it's only to boast about the exclusive elite college they went to, no one really gives a fuck after a certain age and if all you have to brag about is how good your SAT score was so many years ago, if you've got nothing else to show for it then does it really mean anything in the end?


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## Corpun (Jul 6, 2022)

Flavius Anthemius said:


> For the vast majority of people's actual mature-adult life, you really won't see a lot of people bragging about their academia to everyone all the time, only really certain people in particular fields of work and even then, it's only to boast about the exclusive elite college they went to, no one really gives a fuck after a certain age and if all you have to brag about is how good your SAT score was so many years ago, if you've got nothing else to show for it then does it really mean anything in the end?


Phil always brags about the weirdest shit. The 2005 EVO thing is one thing with the mental gymnastics he pulled but more stupid was that trophy he won at a local mall tournament he put up that looked like a 5 dollar trophy you get at Walmart for a T-Ball game.


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## Iron Hamster (Jul 6, 2022)

Corpun said:


> a 5 dollar trophy you get at Walmart for a T-Ball game.


It looks like a simple participation trophy honestly.


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## Freshtodeath (Jul 6, 2022)

Its funny to think Fairfield admitted DSP into their computer science program possibly one of the dumbest people on earth.


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## Sup3r (Jul 6, 2022)

Freshtodeath said:


> Its funny to think Fairfield admitted DSP into their computer science program possibly one of the dumbest people on earth.


Phil's "capable" of regurgitating information, he's just shit at coming up with his own ideas. It's why he survived through school and why he struggles everywhere else, he simply had no way to think for himself. And he's only gotten worse as he's gotten lazier.


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## Wesley Tailpipe the Third (Jul 7, 2022)

Freshtodeath said:


> Its funny to think Fairfield admitted DSP into their computer science program possibly one of the dumbest people on earth.


Hey, gotta fill that disabled quota somehow.


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## Q_Anon1001 (Nov 22, 2022)

My 'tism and insomnia kept me up last night, and I found out that Phil's 10 year school reunion occurred on June 2010. And he was on the list of people that they weren’t able to contact.


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## Negative Toxic Loser (Nov 22, 2022)

Q_Anon1001 said:


> My 'tism and insomnia kept me up last night, and I found out that Phil's 10 year school reunion occurred on June 2010. And he was on the list of people that they weren’t able to contact.
> View attachment 3912012


THEY DIDN'T SEND HIM AN EMAIL AT DSPGAMING@HOTMAIL.COM?!


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## Big Brown Schlub (Nov 22, 2022)

Q_Anon1001 said:


> My 'tism and insomnia kept me up last night, and I found out that Phil's 10 year school reunion occurred on June 2010. And he was on the list of people that they weren’t able to contact.
> View attachment 3912012


The "thanks in advance" in the end made me chuckle.


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## Balr0g (Nov 22, 2022)

Negative Toxic Loser said:


> THEY DIDN'T SEND HIM AN EMAIL AT DSPGAMING@HOTMAIL.COM?!


It's darksydephil@hotmail.com you lame brain piece of dum shit!


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## Negative Toxic Loser (Nov 22, 2022)

Balr0g said:


> It's darksydephil@hotmail.com you lame brain piece of dum shit!


The Farms solve another mystery!


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## QwahlityKahntent (Nov 30, 2022)

Kosher Dill said:


> And in conclusion, Phil is still a cultural virgin.


and an actual virgin


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## Ptolemy (Nov 30, 2022)

Q_Anon1001 said:


> My 'tism and insomnia kept me up last night, and I found out that Phil's 10 year school reunion occurred on June 2010. And he was on the list of people that they weren’t able to contact.
> View attachment 3912012







			Reunions
		


Interestingly enough, there is another reunion for DSP's class of 2000 next summer in 2023. I hope the dents can fund Phil's trip!

It would be fun to be a fly on the wall and listen to some DSP stories from 40 year olds.


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## Martys_not_smarty (Nov 30, 2022)

Someone should be sure they have Trent's brothers email DSPGAMING@HOTMAIL.COM that way he can pretend he never got it when asked.  Wait big brain idea maybe someone can ask if there are any photos of the graduation they might have.


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## Ching_Chong (Nov 30, 2022)

I hope they look up a picture for him and the only thing they find is The Incident one.


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## Cistern Rumbler (Nov 30, 2022)

The best thread title ever.


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## Balr0g (Dec 1, 2022)

Ching_Chong said:


> I hope they look up a picture for him and the only thing they find is The Incident one.


I think his soy react face and his head peeking out of the closet would do nicely too. Like "Ugh who is that pedophile?"


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## JackoVerde (Dec 22, 2022)

Ptolemy said:


> View attachment 3969345
> 
> 
> Reunions
> ...


wouldnt this make it real easy to verify the valedictorian thing
they gave us contact information right in the thing


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## Sparkletor 2.0 (Dec 22, 2022)

JackoVerde said:


> wouldnt this make it real easy to verify the valedictorian thing
> they gave us contact information right in the thing


I did verify it. Read the OP.


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## JackoVerde (Dec 22, 2022)

Sparkletor 2.0 said:


> I did verify it. Read the OP.


i mean, i guess im gonna have to just take your word for it.
a recording, yearbook photo, some kind of physical proof would be fine as well.
imagine if the financials leak was just a word file


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## AnOminous (Dec 22, 2022)

JackoVerde said:


> i mean, i guess im gonna have to just take your word for it.
> a recording, yearbook photo, some kind of physical proof would be fine as well.
> imagine if the financials leak was just a word file


Consider suicide, moron.


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## Keith the Horse Fucker (Dec 23, 2022)

Wurstbrot said:


> Basically, train the students to repeat what the teachers tell you without questioning? In a religious school? Sounds quite logical, reduces the professionalism of this school even further. So I assume Dave is not religious if he decided to not memorize any of that specific lecture, even so he yells OH MA GAHD every few minutes.
> 
> I'm not sure if the narrative of his valedictorian achievement crumbles down through your people's experience with this subject. Or if we all came to the conclusion being a valedictorian isn't that great if Phil can achieve it.
> I guess parts of both worlds.


Don't forget, Phil went to a private school mostly comprised of little illiterate thugs who thought they were going to make bank balling.  None of them did, and most are probably now dead or in prison. 

Showing up most days would be enough to put you in running for valedictorian.


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## ReentryPhantom (Dec 23, 2022)

Ptolemy said:


> View attachment 3969345
> 
> 
> Reunions
> ...


23 year reunion? Must be because of COVID


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## UncleTusky (Dec 23, 2022)

Keith the Horse Fucker said:


> Don't forget, Phil went to a private school mostly comprised of little illiterate thugs who thought they were going to make bank balling.  None of them did, and most are probably now dead or in prison.
> 
> Showing up most days would be enough to put you in running for valedictorian.


Which is confirmed by him going to a shit-tier university - Fairfield is expensive, unselective, and in a really boring location; the valedictorian from a half-decent school would have been able to go somewhere much better.


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## DerichLovesSSI (Dec 23, 2022)

Keith the Horse Fucker said:


> Don't forget, Phil went to a private school mostly comprised of little illiterate thugs who thought they were going to make bank balling.  None of them did, and most are probably now dead or in prison.
> 
> Showing up most days would be enough to put you in running for valedictorian.


This still confuses me. What hoodrat attends private school?


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## RandyFries (Dec 23, 2022)

They get recruited to them and get in for free because they are good at sports. (I went to a private high school that did this, but it was also a top tier education school which Phil’s wasn’t)


DerichLovesSSI said:


> This still confuses me. What hoodrat attends private school?


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## Jaracainofthewind (Dec 28, 2022)

DerichLovesSSI said:


> This still confuses me. What hoodrat attends private school?


The kind that only has sports to try to make it to college.


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## ReentryPhantom (Dec 29, 2022)

I was looking at DSP's dad's LinkedIn again... why would it take someone 14 years to get a business degree? Also, why the fuck didn't DSP go to UCONN? It's right there. Why go to some dumb school in Fairfield when you could have had a better education 30 minutes away?


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## Balr0g (Dec 29, 2022)

ReentryPhantom said:


> I was looking at DSP's dad's LinkedIn again... why would it take someone 14 years to get a business degree? Also, why the fuck didn't DSP go to UCONN? It's right there. Why go to some dumb school in Fairfield when you could have had a better education 30 minutes away?View attachment 4159923


Did he perhaps take leaves from his university? Or perhaps study between jobs? I am not sure how long a course actually goes but I agree 14 years does sound a bit long unless the past study courses were way more stretched then they are today


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## Iron Hamster (Dec 29, 2022)

He took off 2 years between his BS and Masters and those would have been Phail's most difficult pubescent years


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## PenskeMaterial (Dec 29, 2022)

If you look at the date it coincides with Phil's birth. He likely took a break to support his family and help raise the future King of Hate. 

Imagine putting aside your goals to support your kid only to have him mooch off you at 40 years old even though he makes six figures a year.


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## Iron Hamster (Dec 29, 2022)

PenskeMaterial said:


> If you look at the date it coincides with Phil's birth. He likely took a break to support his family and help raise the future King of Hate.
> 
> Imagine putting aside your goals to support your kid only to have him mooch off you at 40 years old even though he makes six figures a year.


Phail was born in 1982. Dave was fully ensconced in getting his bachelors to avoid changing the scatmaster's diapers


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## Corpun (Dec 29, 2022)

PenskeMaterial said:


> If you look at the date it coincides with Phil's birth. He likely took a break to support his family and help raise the future King of Hate.
> 
> Imagine putting aside your goals to support your kid only to have him mooch off you at 40 years old even though he makes six figures a year.


Which is why I really hope my theory about Dave hating Phil is correct. Phil brings up his dad less than he does his mom, and when he does it sounds like there is some hostility between them. Phil doesn't answer his dad's calls or emails unless it is his sacred day off, even then, he probably moved across the country to get away from his parents urging him to get a job.

Mama Burnell may still be coddling her baby boy, but I doubt Papa Burnell is happy with the way he turned out. Fingers crossed both parents hate Phil and have cut him out of the will because the salt produced from the inheritance money going to the cousin he hates or charity would be amazing.


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## Jaracainofthewind (Dec 29, 2022)

Iron Hamster said:


> Phail was born in 1982. Dave was fully ensconced in getting his bachelors to avoid changing the scatmaster's diapers


When did his parents get hitched?


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## Sparkletor 2.0 (Dec 29, 2022)

Jaracainofthewind said:


> When did his parents get hitched?


If I had to hazard a guess, I would say sometime between 1978 and 1981 because if Dave went into the Marine Corps at 18 and did the minimum amount of years, he would be out in 1978 and started a job at Sikorsky.


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## Jaracainofthewind (Dec 29, 2022)

Sparkletor 2.0 said:


> If I had to hazard a guess, I would say sometime between 1978 and 1981 because if Dave went into the Marine Corps at 18 and did the minimum amount of years, he would be out in 1978 and started a job at Sikorsky.


Oh right the Marines. I was like started College the year Phil was born? Was this is a Shotgun wedding? But that adds up a little better.


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## UncleTusky (Dec 30, 2022)

ReentryPhantom said:


> I was looking at DSP's dad's LinkedIn again... why would it take someone 14 years to get a business degree? Also, why the fuck didn't DSP go to UCONN? It's right there. Why go to some dumb school in Fairfield when you could have had a better education 30 minutes away?View attachment 4159923


Night school. He was working that entire time so between his day job and raising Phil he might only have have had time for 1/3-1/4 of what a full-time student would. The MBA took less time because Phil would have been a teenager by the time David started and many business schools will offer MBA programs aimed specifically at people who are working full-time.


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