# Do Online Friendships Carry any Value?



## MW 002 (Feb 16, 2018)

For a while, I’ve been pondering on this question when I read a thread on Facebook where some guy said that the internet is his only form of socialization- to which then a bunch of other people jumped into the same thread to confess to to the same thing. It has left me really concerned, but fascinated at the same time. Then it made me recall all of the people I’ve run into over the years who pretty much let their lives be revolved around the Internet.

Thing is, with internet friendships it’s a lot easier to pretend to be someone you’re actually not in real life. For example, when online you can be as witty and sarcastic, with a side dish of charisma in contrast to being an insufferable sped in real life. And your friend could be doing the same to you; so really, you only get to know as much about them as they’d let you know and vice versa. And, if DeviantArt and LiveJournal are any kind of model to use in this context- online friendships tend to be a lot more fickle than ones that would normally be formed in the real world. It’s easier to get away with being flaky with friends online than in real life it would seem. 

Not denying that you can find friends online- but they do take a lot more work to be satisfying than say non online friendships do. 

I’m interested in hearing the thoughts of you socially, well adjusted kiwis.


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## IV 445 (Feb 16, 2018)

My feelings for you all are real


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## Philosophy Zombie (Feb 16, 2018)

No.


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## Graffiti canvas (Feb 16, 2018)

Online interactions are a poor, distorted and false representation of what real socialization is.  That doesn't mean that they don't have any meaning or value. But you should keep them in the proper context.


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## ES 148 (Feb 16, 2018)

They hold value in several ways. You can have completely valueless ones, of course, but the same can occur in real life.
Bearing in mind that someone who is a complete sped (for example, me) may well put value on their internet friendships despite their actual lack of value, that person having a group who they can access at almost any time and can offer advice, support and sympathy (or a kick in the backside for being a total sped) can help them in a lot of ways. Issue being that that's also the sort of person who gets assmad over 'cyberbullying'.
Once someone video-chats with you, you can be pretty sure they're a genuine friend, because then the anonymity barrier is lost.
Like most things, it's subjective. Value is very subjective, especially.

TL;DR Vrakks likes having a hugbox of 'friends' who pretend to care about her


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## AntiphonRhamnousios (Feb 16, 2018)

I compare them to Monopoly money. They do carry some value, but far below their denomination.


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Feb 16, 2018)

I've got a few online friends who I'm really close with and talk to all the time. We send each other holiday cards and have a connection. I'd consider them real friends. But it's honestly rare to find people online that can have that kind of connection with you.


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## QB 290 (Feb 16, 2018)

I have several online friends who are very important to me. I also have several irl friends who are fucking worthless.
The worth of their friendship is based on the worth of their character


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## RG 448 (Feb 16, 2018)

Yes but don’t get catfished.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spent hours chatting it up with some nerdy fat slob only to find out it was actually a hot chick playing me the whole time.  Always be cautious online.


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## Cummunism (Feb 16, 2018)

I'd say they're in the eye of the beholder. A while back, I had a friend whose other friends were mostly online and through steam. A lot of drama went on within this circle, stemming heavily from the fact that it's so easy to represent yourself differently over messages than in a call/video chat. Unfortunately, when I tried to intervene, my friend got upset with me for seemingly trying to disrupt her best friendships.

I absolutely believe that the internet can be a gateway to true, fulfilling friendships, but it's much harder for this to happen due to its inherently impersonal nature.


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## Kari Kamiya (Feb 16, 2018)

I think online friends whom you consistently message with on a regular basis are like the modern-day pen pal, and people have managed to become good friends with their pen pals. But like with all relationships, it's something _all_ recipients have to put in the effort to maintain that connection, or it'll fall apart in due time. Of course I've made friends online, but those who I've been talking to for at least a good number of time and have managed to form a connection with that _does_ go beyond what we originally bonded over are those I'd consider _actual_ friends. Yeah, the number of friends I've made that way I can count on one hand, but that's actually realistic, even tangible.

It's just that sadly, I think too many people (probably because they're speds) can't seem to realize that. It's been making me wonder if we're getting to that point where not even small children are able to socialize in person and need a computer to do it for them.


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Feb 16, 2018)

The problem with online friendships is that if you don't talk constantly, then yes there's a big chance that you'll drift apart. I had a couple of friends who I used to chat with every day and write messages to, but they drifted away because they started doing their own thing so we lost contact. One was a person who I thought I'd stay friends with for a long time. Then again, I've had one online friend since 2012 and we still talk all the time in Groupme.


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## someweebname (Feb 16, 2018)

My online friends don't try to bum rides, borrow money from me constantly , want to borrow my video games or want to use my amazon prime free shipping  and buy stupid shit that I'll have to look at like items for the next year. I can close the chat window and do something else. They're like digital pets you never have to feed. They're my favorite friends.


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## carltondanks (Feb 16, 2018)

Hortator said:


> My feelings for you all are realView attachment 384132


oh god, that's reminding me of that one cat from turkey. don't worry, she's way way better now


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## escapegoat (Feb 16, 2018)

I think it's really unhealthy to _only _have internet friends.

I have had internet friends turn into real friends, but _most _internet friendships are 80% projection. You fill in the gaps with your own stuff. All the things you don't actually know about them, you _imagine_. A lot of the time your imagined friend has nothing at all to do with the real asshole on the other end of the wire. You are, in essence, mostly just having a friendship with yourself. It's a very sneaky form of narcissism. I mean... look at tumblr, and tell me I'm wrong.


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## Somsnosa (Feb 16, 2018)

I consider friends those who I voicechat with regularly. When you're talking you can't really correct or predict words like in text. It's healthy to have normal human relations every day, but you often have to rely on the internet to find those 2-3 people you share much in common with. I always save some bucks to meet hem, and I was never disappointed. You can either use the internet to fake your persona or reveal your true self


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## AnOminous (Feb 16, 2018)

I wonder if anyone here ever actually had a relationship over handwritten letters on paper.

This used to happen, you know.


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## TwinkleSnort (Feb 16, 2018)

AnOminous said:


> I wonder if anyone here ever actually had a relationship over handwritten letters on paper.
> 
> This used to happen, you know.



I had one, starting age 12. We still talk, many years later.

Regarding internet friendships, IMHO, they can be good, but in order for them to become more of a "real" friend, you need to take it offline and spend time face-to-face. 

I met someone online about 20 years ago - we took it to Real Life™, and are still close.


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## NIGGO KILLA (Feb 16, 2018)

As a proud niggo i can say @Adamska is mah niggo


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## m0rnutz (Feb 16, 2018)

I'm not going to go into detail or powerlevel, but yes, in my experience they can and do.


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## Carnivorous Plant (Feb 16, 2018)

i've had many internet friends who i've managed to meet in real life, and they've all been wonderful people.

i'm also much different in real life. none of them cared about that because at the end of the day i'm still the same individual who shares their interests and cares about them.


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## MW 002 (Feb 16, 2018)

escapegoat said:


> I think it's really unhealthy to _only _have internet friends.
> 
> I have had internet friends turn into real friends, but _most _internet friendships are 80% projection. You fill in the gaps with your own stuff. All the things you don't actually know about them, you _imagine_. A lot of the time your imagined friend has nothing at all to do with the real asshole on the other end of the wire. You are, in essence, mostly just having a friendship with yourself. It's a very sneaky form of narcissism. I mean... look at tumblr, and tell me I'm wrong.


I agree with this as I’ve met far too many people who only do their socialization in the online world. 

I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something about face to face interaction that just can’t be replicated in the online world; something which a lot more people are beginning to miss out on due to delayed social development that we’re starting to see nowadays.


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## escapegoat (Feb 16, 2018)

Right. Also, in real life, people are a pain in the ass. You have to negotiate things. You have to put up with them being annoying, or being awkward, or eating sardines and cheese in front of you. Making the same fucking stupid mistakes in front of you over and over again. And vice versa. It's good for people to have to deal with that level of interpersonal friction. It keeps you from retreating too far up your own ass.

Online, you can just log off, or ignore, or unfriend, or hide, or block. It's a simulation of a friendship. Close, but not quite.


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## Slap47 (Feb 17, 2018)

I don't see any difference between "real" friendships and online ones.


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## Hatoful Dandy (Feb 17, 2018)

Speaking from experience: yes, they can be (under the right circumstances).  Sure, you're bound to have a few that drift away over time (this political climate doesnt help) but the ones you still talk to after 10-20 years are keepers. You just need to work at as best you can and hopefully it'll work out.


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## Bassomatic (Feb 17, 2018)

Alpha Loves You said:


> I have several online friends who are very important to me. I also have several irl friends who are fucking worthless.
> The worth of their friendship is based on the worth of their character


This nailed it on the head.

When I was younger forums for hobbies etc (pre facebook) were huge, and I went to car meets people (myself as well) crossed states to meet up with screen names we dug. Had a great time, one mixed blessing was how people are different in person than online, not even meaning dishonest but how someone who's very shy online is really out going in person or vice versa.

Being in some niche groups, there was no one else who really cared about X in say 300 miles, so you become friends sharing a hobby etc. Maybe you meet maybe you don't. I've had nothing but the best meetings in person from online friends. I've opened my house and had doors opened for me from it. Back when I was really into modifying cars, I can't tell you the amount of help I gave and got from "online" friends. I was on my back covered in oil at 11pm on a work night swapping the motor out of someone's race car, and next week he was dialing my tune in. 

I rather be friends in person, because good friends kick ass, but I rather have a good friend who I can only talk to online than a shit bag next door. We are lucky as now we can do so much more for a better personal interaction like skype, whatsapp, face time etc. It's a lot more personal than a IM/DM.

I do agree, you should have some IRL because no matter how close you are to people in spirit, you still need that guy down the block who helps you move and you are a better friend and person to be doing that for someone in person.


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## Black Waltz (Feb 18, 2018)

No.


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## Pikimon (Feb 18, 2018)

Apoth42 said:


> I don't see any difference between "real" friendships and online ones.



You can hug real friends and not just send them a string of emoticons that imply a hug


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## AnOminous (Feb 18, 2018)

The best kind of friends are those you can turn off just by pushing a button when you're tired of their bullshit.


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## Orkeosaurus (Feb 21, 2018)

in my experience real life friends can be much more ephemeral, especially after school, because people move on. It's just weird trying to keep in touch with RL friends online. With online friends you don't have to deal with the lifestyle dick measuring and there's less of a filter. Obviously everyone's different. I'm the kind of person where my best friends are online but I have more real life acquaintances.


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## Todesfurcht (Feb 21, 2018)

Yes. Yes they do.


Spoiler: POWERLEVEL WARNING



I've met some of the strongest, reliable, honest, and sincere people over the internet.
I've met some here, others I've met on platforms like Discord or Facebook. 

My best friendships and relationships have been formed online. They helped me build confidence, they turned me into the person I wanted to be, the people online guided me and taught me how to be less sensitive, how to take punches. They taught me how to be more empathetic. They helped me care in places I otherwise wouldn't have. 

I've been through drama with friends, with people I thought were friends, and people who should have never been friends. 

These experiences better prepared me for real life friendships and relationships. I was able to take the leap into the real world. [And my god, it's amazing]

If not for the relationships I've had online [good or bad], I wouldn't have become the person I am today. I am 100% comfortable and happy with myself and my life.


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## KerryDixon9 (Feb 21, 2018)

Friends, online and offline, they're all going to fuck you over in the end. People are just not worth the effort.


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## Molo (Feb 21, 2018)

If I can connect with another person then yeah I'd say it has  value at least on an emotional level regardless of how one sided it could be


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## Uncle Warren (Feb 21, 2018)

No.


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## Funnybone (Feb 21, 2018)

I actually really care about the friends I've made from kiwi. especially one. he knows who he is.


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## Brit Crust (Feb 21, 2018)

I don't have much to contribute to this topic, but whether it comes to online friendship, I'm often reminded of a deviantART journal entry I'd read years and years ago. In that entry, the author cynically described online friendships to the effect of it being like having imaginary friends, i.e. empty and of no value.

I don't necessarily agree with that statement, but it's something that's always stuck with me.


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## Paul_Allen (Feb 21, 2018)

If you pay $5 to get cute emotes on Twitch and get to voice chat in some gamergril’s discord, you’re a fucking idiot. At least do something more honest and go to Hooters or a strip club where you’re not fooling yourself about what you want. 
Fuck, pay for a hot yoga class so you can stare at up to 30 asses in spandex for an hour.


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## Agent Scud (Feb 24, 2018)

They have as much value as you are willing to give them.  Personally I think having offline interaction is more valuable, but I have about as much faith in my current online friends.  People may act differently depending on how you interact with them but what matters is what your instincts tell you.  That said being able to at least hear them and the way they talk helps a lot, but it's possible to pick up on how they type too.

I have a group of friends I met almost ten years ago and chat with on a daily basis.  We trust one another to the point of sharing personal info and some of us have managed to meet in person.  I still have some local friends, mainly a couple co-workers I can trust to help me out when I need it and vice-versa, but otherwise most of my high school friends have moved and/or cut ties with (I still keep in contact with one of them), and the only friend I can still contact (I think) from college is now a sexual deviant junkie.


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## ArnoldPalmer (Feb 26, 2018)

It's no replacement for a physical friendship, but I wouldn't discount it as worthless.


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## LazarusOwenhart (Feb 26, 2018)

Depends on your definition of 'friend'. There are a few people on this site whose opinions I value on certain things and whose advice I will readily take. In as much as you can be friends with a handle, an avatar and a collection of opinions I consider them my friends. They enhance my life in a small way and therefore have a meaning to me. I think the difference here is that, if I was ever unable to visit this community I wouldn't spend hours agonizing over losing friends the way I would lament losing an IRL friend. I'd be happy to run into them in another community but that's about it.


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## Dr. Tremolo (Feb 26, 2018)

Absolutely. One of my closest friends isn't even from my country, I met him on Newgrounds, he still persists to this day after many real life friends have come and gone.


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## UncleFezziesPantsPuppet (Feb 26, 2018)

Met some people on the net that were pretty cool, this site included.


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## Hui (Feb 26, 2018)

Testaclese Maximus said:


> Yes but don’t get catfished.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spent hours chatting it up with some nerdy fat slob only to find out it was actually a hot chick playing me the whole time.  Always be cautious online.


Why can't we find fat incel friends to play CoD with?


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## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Feb 26, 2018)

Sure, you _can_ be somebody else much easier online, but it's also a lot easier to be an unfiltered version of yourself.  That's not to say that you don't/can't have different filters that you use with different groups of people (both IRL and online), but when you have anonymity on your side,  it's _a lot _easier to say something that you normally wouldn't, or express an opinion you'd usually keep to yourself.

  I think online friendships can hold value, even if it's just as simple to have somebody to talk to when you're bored or lonely.  Sometimes I think my online buddies know me a little better than my IRL buddies.  You just have to be careful about revealing too much to anybody.  Also, don't be stupid.  I'm fairly certain that most of the situations on that show "Catfish" are manufactured bullshit, but there's got to be a nugget of truth in there.  Just like there are people who fall for those 'Nigerian Scam' emails.  Otherwise, why would they still exist?


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## Raging Capybara (Mar 22, 2018)

Pikimon said:


> You can hug real friends and not just send them a string of emoticons that imply a hug



Hugs are for faggots.


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## Pikimon (Mar 23, 2018)

Raging Capybara said:


> Hugs are for faggots.



So is the Kiwi Farms


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## Doctor of Autism (Apr 16, 2018)

Yes they do. I have some online friends who are practically becoming IRL friends cause I got their phone numbers, and my IRL friends I mostly interact with through text due to them being out of state.


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## Sun (Apr 17, 2018)

I can give you a really good example of the good and bad, if I may.

Online friendships can be extremely fulfilling. You can learn about the ways of life of many people you otherwise would not meet. Online friendships can also be fairly low maintnence in the sense that if you simply turn off your computer and never return? Well. That's that. 

It is important to have friendships from all sources, offline and on. To get too wrapped up in online friendships speaks only trouble. One of my Ex's was pretty much like this - a hermit who only had online friends. He was extremely socially isolated and as a result, couldn't interact very well in the real world. His dream was literally to 'do nothing'. 

That's not to say that others offline don't exist in this form, but no matter. Point is, online relationships should be treated with the same degree of caution as any other relationship. And just like offline relationships, they can drift and leave.


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## Faint taste of butter (Apr 17, 2018)

Do you meet nice and interesting people on internet? Yes.
Will they ever replace real friends? No.


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## Thelostcup (Apr 17, 2018)

Spoiler: Not directly powerlevel but w/e



Had an ex who would constantly blow me off and her real life friends off to spend countless hours on Skype with people across the country who would do nothing but coddle her and reinforce her self-esteem issues. After the breakup said friends eventually convinced her to drop out of college, that she was lying every time she said she loved me, and that she should go on HRT to appear "more androgynous".


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## XYZpdq (Apr 17, 2018)

I rank my online pals sorta like people I know from The Bar or another social public group type setting. There's good camaraderie for fun times but I wouldn't necessarily look to them for really heavy shit unless I'd known them outside that circumstance, and I similarly probably wouldn't show up at their funeral.


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## tiggered (Apr 17, 2018)

I always thought of the internet as just another way to communicate with people I know in real life, so in that regard I think they're valid. Internet friends by themselves are valid to a certain extent, but they can't be compared to face to face.


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## UselessRubberKeyboard (Apr 30, 2018)

For people who are housebound (genuinely, due to actual illness not just being autistic weirdos) or who live in extremely remote places, online friendships are absolutely crucial.  Just a brief scan of many critical illness stories in the media will throw up tales of young children, elderly men, teenagers etc who would be utterly forgotten and alone due to their illnesses if it weren't for being able to socialise online.  

In other situations, I guess it depends how deep your conversations are, how honest each party is, how long you've known each other.  Pretty much like a meatspace friendship, but without the back up of being able to see body language (which is a huge part of interaction.  Lacking this is possibly one of the main reasons why people feel uneasy calling online acquaintances 'friends').

I've known people online for many years and still say 'hi' but don't know that much about them.  I have people like this in offline life too.  Likewise there are friends online that I talk to often about all the stupid shit friends come out with, as well as the more important stuff - and that's the same with offline friends.  Most people around me seem to be the same way, so all I can gather from that is that online friendships are normal and ok.

I don't think it's positive to have only one or the other, though, unless your life circumstances genuinely preclude it.


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## Henry Wyatt (May 8, 2018)

used to moderate a TTT server, met some of the nicest people on there.

And I ended up bumping into an even older online friend from a MC server there completely randomly

so I would say they do


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## Cosmos (May 8, 2018)

My best friend is someone I met online 5 years ago. We text each other everyday and she's even stayed over at my house a couple of times. I roll my eyes whenever I hear that online friendships aren't "real" friendships, because we were close for years before we finally met in person. Her friendship is something I treasure more than anything.

I definitely agree that some online relationships can be shallow and unfulfilling, but seriously, that applies to real life, too. I don't think it's fair to generalize, because every relationship is different. And, I mean, when you get to the stage with online friends when you're frequently texting each other, talking about your lives, sending pictures, and maybe even talking on the phone with them, they're not much different than an IRL friend (especially one that doesn't live close to you). It all depends on how much effort you put into it. If you never progress beyond small talk, you won't be good friends, but if you take the effort to get to know them and invest in the relationship, you'll be good friends.

IRL friendships are important too, and definitely shouldn't be neglected. But in my experience, it's much easier to connect with people online. Online, I just feel more freedom to be myself, and as a result I usually end up meeting people who like my personality and want to get to know me. It's also way easier to find people who have a lot in common with you, as opposed to IRL where it can be hit and miss.


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## awoo (May 8, 2018)

If you happen to live in bumfuck nowhere then online gives you lots more opportunities.

The great value in internet friends is finding people who share perhaps obscure interests and also getting to meet people in different countries. It's interesting to know how people live in different cultures with cultural memes


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## Nova Prime (May 8, 2018)

During the age of the Nintendo Wii, I met this circle of friends to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl with. To this day, I still play with them, but on the PS4 now.


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## lameandgay (May 8, 2018)

Definitely.
I have internet friends from back when I was twelve, one of them actually moved to my country, just 20 minutes away from where I live recently. They've provided me with an incredible amount of support over the years.

:powerlevel:I went through an extremely rough patch in my early teens and dropped out of school. Then got sick. Only people I hung out with weren't really friends, just people I used with. 

But when I got home and on my PC to chat with the people I bonded over normal, teenage stuff with, things were always instantly better.


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## Muttnik (May 8, 2018)

My best friend lives in a completely different state across the country and we met online. We hang out every day and skype every other night and it's been great. Online friendships are pretty flexible and it's a lot easier to communicate more frequently with each other. So I'm all for it.


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## Lucky Wildcard (May 10, 2018)

Friendship is more trouble than its worth, both online and offline.  Fuck friendship.


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## Gus (May 10, 2018)

I've got a few that I consider solid, but I only got them after years of regular interaction. To most people on and off the net, I am rather distant and hard to get to really know, so I don't get too much in the way of friends.

Ironically, because I back away from and filter out most people, the only ones I do put in effort to keep around are the best ones, so I'll focus my time on cultivating the few rather than rolling swells at surface floaters. The result is that I have really great quality and very low quantity.


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## speedcore (May 22, 2018)

Yeah, I met some of my best friends online. Although it's best to make sure you don't get swept up into the obsession of "internet fame" - having as many "friends" as possible and spending unhealthy amount of time online - I had to struggle with that and I'm still working on it.


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## drtoboggan (May 22, 2018)

Testaclese Maximus said:


> Yes but don’t get catfished.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spent hours chatting it up with some nerdy fat slob only to find out it was actually a hot chick playing me the whole time.  Always be cautious online.


Damn filthy casuals. They’re not True and Honest nerdy fat slobs.


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## RG 448 (May 22, 2018)

drtoboggan said:


> Damn filthy casuals. They’re not True and Honest nerdy fat slobs.


When she claimed she weighed 347 pounds, lived in her mother’s basement, and played nothing but “touhou” (whatever the fuck that is) I should’ve known it was too good to be true.


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## Smith Banquod (May 23, 2018)

Online friendships are so ruined by people who only want to kill time by occasional pokes and watercooler small talk that it's lost that initial value since it's rarely about making bonds that can last.
I think that what most people need is an AI that always responds back to them, or maybe I just need to find some better group chats.


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## LagoonaBlue (May 23, 2018)

I think they can.  I met my best friend through twitter, and have met up with them multiple times IRL.


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## neger psykolog (May 23, 2018)

I have a hard time classifying online relationships as being much different to IRL relationships but it obviously depends whether you know what they look/sound like or if if you only know them through a message board.

I've known people online purely through message boards, through video and audio-only and I've had friends IRL as well. I don't always "fully" socialize with some people, who I'd just class as being acquaintances, but there are people online who I would call genuine friends where they've helped me with things and vice versa and its not just a small conversation.

I'm in a situation now where I spent all my life using computers the internet for my social life and I've been trying to make it more balanced, but if you go out with people they all take their phones out and start fucking Instagramming and all sorts of shit. So I'm sort of stuck in a position of asking myself "well what's the fucking point of getting off the internet because everyone else is clearly only using the internet now"

And the topics people discuss all usually revolve around the internet as well, so this whole "IRL" thing is kind of running second place to what happens on the internet.

So I started thinking "well what can I do and where can I go to meet people in real life" and more often than not everything still revolves around the internet in some way.

The best way I can think of and one that has always resonated with my understanding of being "social" is that if you're a weird motherfucker that browses k-farms, or you enjoy discussing specific & autistic topics the internet offers you the greatest ability to "meet" people who you can actually have a conversation with.

So if you cut off your online friendships to just test yourself and your ideas of being social, you'll probably find that things move backwards because its difficult to find people to connect with in real life depending on what your interests and what your personality is like.

Plus once you reach a certain age, everyone you know has gotten married or has kids and you can call them every weekend for 6 months and be like "yeah we should totally catch up soon man" and you'll never catch up.

Anyway, all that really matters on the internet or in real life is surrounding yourself with people you can respect, people you can learn with and people who you can laugh with. The line between what is "online" and what's real life is a lot blurrier now than previously and the distinction matters even less.

And when people say faggots on the internet and places like k-farms lie about who they are, it doesn't come close to the difference I see in some people when they present themselves offline versus online (Instagram/Facebook/Twitter)


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