# Tik Tok is Affecting my Marriage



## Space_Dandy (Jul 31, 2022)

Tik Tok spearheaded the recent move seen across many platforms towards 'short form video content.' It is also owned by the Chinese government. It's no accident that the Chinese version of the app, 'Douyin', is quite different from its Western counterpart. Most notably, it pushes educational and skill-based content, while Tik Tok simply pushes whatever is most popular and it ends up being mostly worthless memes and nonsense.

It is no surprise that regular users of apps such as this have demonstrated a diminished attention span. Rather this is a coy plot by the Chinese to educate their populace while simultaneously dumbing down their competition, I don't know, but it seems to be working that way intentional or not. This is also a totally passive form of entertainment, driven by algorithms that pick what to show you. Watching such content without exercising any agency or decision making puts the brain in a particular state that is bad for your long term mental health if done too often.

For my wife it started with 'Facebook Reels', Facebook's lame attempt at copying Tik Tok. She would become totally addicted to it, just scrolling for hours and hours. I didn't think too much of it at first. Prior to this she would watch Youtube and follow people on various social medias. But suddenly this one thing almost completely replaced everything else all at once. Half of these videos on Facebook were just reuploads from Tiktok, watermark and all. Eventually she just got Tiktok to see what the fuss was about and left Reels in the dust.

She showed me a bunch of these and, while I admit to finding them occasionally amusing, the vast majority of the time they are so incredibly stupid that it almost makes me angry. It's like they all copy each other. We sit next to each other 'hanging out' in the evenings and I just hear this stuff usually. I can tell its the same things over and over. I keep hearing the same little meme sounds and song clips, like this fucking 'oh no no!'  song that I wish I would never have to hear again, because it gets stuck in my head and I hate hearing 10 seconds of it randomly 20 times an hour.

I've noticed a change in her behavior outside of just how much time she spends doing this to the exclusion of all else. We don't watch movies or shows anymore. We didn't do that much to begin with but now its even less. She just has no interest in anything. Like I'm reading/listening to a few books right now and I can't even talk to her about them without her getting bored. Any time I share something I'm interested in with her its like the biggest chore for her to entertain me for a brief time. I don't blame this all on Tik Tok, there was an existing conflict of overlapping interests between us, but this greatly exacerbated it. We used to occasionally enjoy something together. Now, I feel helpless to do anything.

Its even affecting me now, just being near it so much. I can't read or do my daily meditation while she's around because its so distracting. At least when she used to watch Hallmark movies on her phone it wasn't as abrasive, changing every few seconds to sometimes loud or obnoxious sounds, and easier to kind of tune out the slow dialogue and sappy music of the movies. So now I'm finding myself either on here, or playing video games. Sometimes I feel like I can't even watch Youtube videos myself. I tend to listen to lectures or watch videos that explain stuff in history, or sci-fi book reviews, or some video game related discussion. All of these things require me to listen to speech carefully and I find this Tik Tok crap in the background so distracting I just can't. At least when I play video games I usually don't need sound, just to watch the screen for what I'm doing.

I'm pretty adamant about trying to 'leave the door open' so to speak to spend as much quality time with my wife as possible. For example I have a laptop, not a desktop, that I get on when I'm just chilling out. I can take it with me so we can be in the same room to hang out, and I can close the lid the second we decide to do something together. But now I feel like I'm 'leaving the door open' to no avail since she isn't interested in doing anything with me, and I'm paying for it by listening to her Tik Tok crap and being driven crazy. I'm almost to the point of just isolating myself in another room with headphones so I can do what I want.

But I take no joy in that because I'd rather spend time with her. I miss her. I miss sharing things together.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Jul 31, 2022)

ALL ACCORDING TO CHINA'S PLAN


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## m1ddl3m4rch (Jul 31, 2022)

@Space_Dandy


> But now I feel like I'm 'leaving the door open' to no avail since she isn't interested in doing anything with me, and I'm paying for it by listening to her Tik Tok crap and being driven crazy. I'm almost to the point of just isolating myself in another room with headphones so I can do what I want.
> 
> But I take no joy in that because I'd rather spend time with her. I miss her. I miss sharing things together.


I really don't mean to be indelicate, because this breaks my heart. You have to find a way to communicate with her. I think we'll have to bring back interventions, but for the novel addictive behaviors on the internet / social media. It's changing the way we think by constant immersion. If you can't break through then it might be time for divorce. If she's half gone while you're together she may as well be totally gone and you have the run of your home again.


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## Mortin Shart (Jul 31, 2022)

Divorce her ass and cite TikTok brainrot.


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## Uriah (Jul 31, 2022)

Why don't you talk to your pastor/priest about this?


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## Fascist Frederick (Jul 31, 2022)

Tik Tok isn't the issue. You're are blaming Tik Tok for the distancing you are experiencing because it's easiest thing to point at and absolve yourself of any personal responsibility, but the fact that you wrote this sob story on Kiwi Farms of all places suggests the actual issue is that you married a woman instead of a man.


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## Meiwaku (Jul 31, 2022)

I clicked for the title and knew exactly what I was getting into

Real advice: make times for dates together where neither of you are on your phone (so it doesn't seem accusatory). Communication. When addressing her behaviors say shit like "when you ___ it makes me feel __"

If it's really bad or you don't know how to talk to her I highly rec couples counseling. I rec it to anyone before they get married no matter how good they seem together because it gives you a new perspective.


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## Yeshua Moon (Jul 31, 2022)

This happened to me when I discovered internet message boards.  I never recovered.  
She's trapped, but it sounds like a positive for you.  Just buy her some headphones or airpods and enjoy your solitude.


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## Maurice Caine (Jul 31, 2022)

Maybe you shouldn't have married! Unless... if you wanna remarry with me, dandy...


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## Local Fed (Jul 31, 2022)

I think the most reasonable approach to this situation is to make a Tik Tok video of yourself just silently sobbing into the camera with text reading _"Space_Dandy feels so alone."_ Bonus points if you enable the shitty female text to speech voice to read it out loud. Extra bonus points if you have a stripped down version of _'Unstoppable'_ by Sia playing underneath it.

Jokes aside, that sucks. If you haven't already, tell her what you told us in the last sentence of your OP. I hate Tik Tok zombies so much it's unreal.


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Jul 31, 2022)

"I married a vapid person and it's the internet's fault"


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## Lady Rackets Ass (Jul 31, 2022)

How about you be a man and guide your wife’s behavior instead of being a beta cuck? You’re literally being cucked by a Chinese app lmao. Get a hold of the reins and lay down the law. Put some effort into your relationship clearly she’s bored probably because you can’t think of anything more creative to do with her than consoom


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Jul 31, 2022)

B1g Bootie BiTcHeZ said:


> How about you be a man and guide your wife’s behavior instead of being a beta cuck? You’re literally being cucked by a Chinese app lmao. Get a hold of the reins and lay down the law. Put some effort into your relationship clearly she’s bored probably because you can’t think of anything more creative to do with her than consoom


Imagine not mocking your wife for acting like a fourteen year old girl as a _bare minimum _reaction to this.


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## Lady Rackets Ass (Jul 31, 2022)

Exigent Circumcisions said:


> Imagine not mocking your wife for acting like a fourteen year old girl as a _bare minimum _reaction to this.


Right? This couple sounds like npcs lol


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## 90theguy (Jul 31, 2022)

If I was in your shoes I would've stomped on the phone by now


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## Ser Prize (Jul 31, 2022)

People are giving you shit for this and while it's easy to do so I'm inclined to defend you, @Space_Dandy . TikTok is an evil app, programmed in such a way to be hypnotic and addictive.


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## Just A Butt (Jul 31, 2022)

lol chyyyyyyyna


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## Diana Moon Glampers (Jul 31, 2022)

What's going on with your kids when this is happening? Is she ignoring them to do this? If so, rope their sad little faces in when you do this intervention.

Or is this one of these "childfree" marriages? Because if it's that, sorry, this is where those relationships inevitably end up unless you have the spare cash to be on constant adventures. When you've decided all you want is to pass away the time with someone until you die with no legacy, this is where you end up. 

It sounds like you're waiting for her to be the cruise director of your lives. Why aren't you asking her to go do stuff together? What's the "together" stuff you're interested in? If the togetherness you have to offer is watching a movie or playing vidya together, it's not surprising that what amounts to a hyperaddictive version of those activities is what she's immersing herself in, instead.

You've made your entire recreation time about media consumption and now you're having a disagreement over which media is being consumed. Whatever media you're into is not going to be able to be more interesting than an algorithmically computed video stream created just for her and the million women in her particular subdemographic. If you're going to get your marriage back, you need to be the cruise director for a while, and you need to be the person to come up with the activities, schedule them, and make them happen. Take charge. Or you can just complain that the Chinese cucked you with their video app.


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## Car Won't Crank (Jul 31, 2022)

You better watch it man. If she keeps that up your wife might soon be your new husband!


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## Mothra1988 (Jul 31, 2022)

Why would you go to A&H of all places for advice on saving your marriage?  Have you read any of the threads here before?  lol  Do you seriously think most of the posters here are married or have been in a long term relationship?

Also what would happen if you found out your wife made a post about you lolcow.farm or something complaining about you?  I can't really comprehend being in a relationship with communication this bad and my SO comes from a culture where bad communication between partners is normalized.  I mean Jesus, just the stuff about the noise bieng too much for you to meditate, etc., you don't even explain if you asked her to put on headphones or turn it down a bit or something.


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## Golly (Jul 31, 2022)

Literally just tell her the repetitive noise is getting on your nerves. Start spending time away from her if she isn't considerate of this. Explain to her why you don't like TikTok or similar apps/feeds. My husband went through a couple of TikTok phases and that was roughly what I did because I'm a little sensitive to the sounds in my environment during downtime, but I also prefer to stay close to him.

It was OK. He ultimately just went to a different room when he wanted to use the app. Then he got sick of it after a few weeks. You're married, you're adults, you love each other. I doubt she's shutting you out. She probably just doesn't realize that TikTok time with you in the vicinity isn't the same as quality time with you. Start indicating that and things will likely turn around. I'd also echo what others are saying about proposing more couple activities, or even just initiating more conversations.

TL;DR: TikTok is garbage, but your marriage probably isn't.


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## gang weeder (Jul 31, 2022)

*Hide your powerlevel.* Avoid revealing unnecessary or embarrassing details about yourself. This is not your blog and we are not an asylum.


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## Cheerlead-in-Chief (Jul 31, 2022)

At first I assumed the husband was a cuckold but....
There are even mindfulness magazines that advise you to fucking clear your feeds. Therapists are there to tell her to get offline. Oh, smashing her phone if all else fails.


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## Cpl. Long Dong Silver (Jul 31, 2022)

Take away her phone for a week and give her a nightly moderate beating as the prophet would advise.


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Jul 31, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> Why would you go to A&H of all places for advice on saving your marriage?


Much better to go to BP so a bunch of legbeards can diagnose your wife with narcissist personality disorder, lol.


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## Blobby's Murder Knife (Jul 31, 2022)

Exigent Circumcisions said:


> Much better to go to BP so a bunch of legbeards can diagnose your wife with narcissist personality disorder, lol.


True, but I feel Q&A would have given him the most raw, relevant, and definitely non-ironic advice.


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## Space_Dandy (Jul 31, 2022)

Thank you all for the thoughtful responses. I'll now respond to them all at once.


From The Uncanny Valley said:


> ALL ACCORDING TO CHINA'S PLAN








m1ddl3m4rch said:


> @Space_Dandy
> 
> I really don't mean to be indelicate, because this breaks my heart. You have to find a way to communicate with her. I think we'll have to bring back interventions, but for the novel addictive behaviors on the internet / social media. It's changing the way we think by constant immersion. If you can't break through then it might be time for divorce. If she's half gone while you're together she may as well be totally gone and you have the run of your home again.


Indeed I do. We've been together a long time, and our issue of having virtually no overlapping interests has been longstanding. This has just poured gas on the issue, driving us further apart. But we are working on it. Perhaps counseling will be sought. We have a date night set up this week.



Mortin Shart said:


> Divorce her ass and cite TikTok brainrot.





Tik Tok Brain, social media brain.. its fucking depressing.



Uriah said:


> Why don't you talk to your pastor/priest about this?


Good idea.



Fascist Frederick said:


> Tik Tok isn't the issue. You're are blaming Tik Tok for the distancing you are experiencing because it's easiest thing to point at and absolve yourself of any personal responsibility, but the fact that you wrote this sob story on Kiwi Farms of all places suggests the actual issue is that you married a woman instead of a man.





Exigent Circumcisions said:


> "I married a vapid person and it's the internet's fault"


I'm not blaming Tik Tok. The title of this post isn't 'Tik Tok is ruining my marriage' its 'Tik Tok is affecting my marriage.' I believe it just poured gas on existing issues. It's ridiculous that an app should affect one's relationship at all, which is what I really wanted to point out.



Meiwaku said:


> I clicked for the title and knew exactly what I was getting into
> 
> Real advice: make times for dates together where neither of you are on your phone (so it doesn't seem accusatory). Communication. When addressing her behaviors say shit like "when you ___ it makes me feel __"
> 
> If it's really bad or you don't know how to talk to her I highly rec couples counseling. I rec it to anyone before they get married no matter how good they seem together because it gives you a new perspective.


Good advice, and very true. We do have a date night this week actually. We may seek counseling, I'd be willing to give it a try.



Yeshua Moon said:


> This happened to me when I discovered internet message boards.  I never recovered.
> She's trapped, but it sounds like a positive for you.  Just buy her some headphones or airpods and enjoy your solitude.


Indeed its a widespread problem. Who isn't even a little bit addicted to the internet in some form? The only person I can think of is my dad, who doesn't have a smart phone and refuses to have the internet installed at his home.



Maurice Caine said:


> Maybe you shouldn't have married! Unless... if you wanna remarry with me, dandy...


Dandy is like a wild bird, can't stay caged forever 



Local Fed said:


> I think the most reasonable approach to this situation is to make a Tik Tok video of yourself just silently sobbing into the camera with text reading _"Space_Dandy feels so alone."_ Bonus points if you enable the shitty female text to speech voice to read it out loud. Extra bonus points if you have a stripped down version of _'Unstoppable'_ by Sia playing underneath it.
> 
> Jokes aside, that sucks. If you haven't already, tell her what you told us in the last sentence of your OP. I hate Tik Tok zombies so much it's unreal.


Oh God, you're giving me flashbacks of all the shit I hear in the background. Yes, that would be an awesome power move. It would really hurt my pride though to install that app. 



Exigent Circumcisions said:


> How about you be a man and guide your wife’s behavior instead of being a beta cuck? You’re literally being cucked by a Chinese app lmao. Get a hold of the reins and lay down the law. Put some effort into your relationship clearly she’s bored probably because you can’t think of anything more creative to do with her than consoom





Exigent Circumcisions said:


> Imagine not mocking your wife for acting like a fourteen year old girl as a _bare minimum _reaction to this.


Seems like you're the one acting like a fourteen year old.



B1g Bootie BiTcHeZ said:


> Right? This couple sounds like npcs lol


How did you know!? Actual picture of her: 








90theguy said:


> If I was in your shoes I would've stomped on the phone by now


I'm tempted sometimes. Occasionally the battery dies and she doesn't feel like walking upstairs to charge it, so its kind of nice for a little while.



Ser Prize said:


> People are giving you shit for this and while it's easy to do so I'm inclined to defend you, @Space_Dandy . TikTok is an evil app, programmed in such a way to be hypnotic and addictive.


It is undeniably true. Sad thing is that virtually all Tik Tok users that I talk to (including my wife) will freely admit that its addictive and lowers your attention span, etc. But they just can't stop!



Just A Butt said:


> lol chyyyyyyyna


Damn Chyna. Trump tried to warn us.



Diana Moon Glampers said:


> What's going on with your kids when this is happening? Is she ignoring them to do this? If so, rope their sad little faces in when you do this intervention.
> 
> Or is this one of these "childfree" marriages? Because if it's that, sorry, this is where those relationships inevitably end up unless you have the spare cash to be on constant adventures. When you've decided all you want is to pass away the time with someone until you die with no legacy, this is where you end up.
> 
> ...


We don't typically use our phones, computer, or watch TV when our daughter is around and awake. This behavior I'm describing is primarily for the time after she goes to bed, before we do, and other times like that. We've been very firm about that with each other and are in agreement to place our daughter as a priority above our entertainment. 

Got any ideas? Because I've tried some non-consooom stuff too, but there's always more things to try and I'm willing to try just about anything.



Car Won't Crank said:


> You better watch it man. If she keeps that up your wife might soon be your new husband!


Thank God she's actually redpilled, and moreso than even I am. She'd never do that. I have to say my biggest fear is my young daughter getting caught up in this troon promotion shit going on Tumblr and the like and being one of those teen girls that decides to become non-binary or outright trans. We're going to try very hard to raise her with morals and faith, and limit her internet use, so that doesn't happen.



Mothra1988 said:


> Why would you go to A&H of all places for advice on saving your marriage?  Have you read any of the threads here before?  lol  Do you seriously think most of the posters here are married or have been in a long term relationship?
> 
> Also what would happen if you found out your wife made a post about you lolcow.farm or something complaining about you?  I can't really comprehend being in a relationship with communication this bad and my SO comes from a culture where bad communication between partners is normalized.  I mean Jesus, just the stuff about the noise bieng too much for you to meditate, etc., you don't even explain if you asked her to put on headphones or turn it down a bit or something.





gang weeder said:


> *Hide your powerlevel.* Avoid revealing unnecessary or embarrassing details about yourself. This is not your blog and we are not an asylum.


I think half of it is just wanting to get my thoughts into words and putting it in a logical order. That can be immensely healing. Also I don't have any other social media really, this is about it. I love KF's free and open culture. If I made this post on Reddit it'd probably get deleted in .5 seconds because I didn't structure the title right or because the mod was on the rag. Old KF is actually good for some insightful conversations. As for the right subforum, I have no idea, just picked this one. I didn't see a better one, other than maybe general off topic.

I don't give a shit if she made a post like this, its all anonymous. Although I 'powerlevel' a bit on here, I am careful not to give away any PII. Also my name is extremely common. Good luck distinguishing me from the other 100+ people in my state with the exact same name. Back when I was on Facebook I'd have to initiate friend requests most of the time. I feel fairly secure in my identity. Now what pisses me off is when she complains to her mom about me and makes me look bad, then we go over to their house the next day. I try to always make her look good to my mom so that things are as good between them as possible but I don't get that in return. I'd gladly take her complaining online to strangers over what she does to family.



Golly said:


> Literally just tell her the repetitive noise is getting on your nerves. Start spending time away from her if she isn't considerate of this. Explain to her why you don't like TikTok or similar apps/feeds. My husband went through a couple of TikTok phases and that was roughly what I did because I'm a little sensitive to the sounds in my environment during downtime, but I also prefer to stay close to him.
> 
> It was OK. He ultimately just went to a different room when he wanted to use the app. Then he got sick of it after a few weeks. You're married, you're adults, you love each other. I doubt she's shutting you out. She probably just doesn't realize that TikTok time with you in the vicinity isn't the same as quality time with you. Start indicating that and things will likely turn around. I'd also echo what others are saying about proposing more couple activities, or even just initiating more conversations.
> 
> TL;DR: TikTok is garbage, but your marriage probably isn't.


Thank you for the thoughtful comments and sharing about your marriage. Indeed I don't think its garbage, but we do have some problems to work on. I've mentioned it a bit, but I should probably just be more direct. I'm afraid it'll just result in us spending less time together than more sadly. Sadly she uses it as an escape from the stress of being a mom and her job, so to her its her 'recharge battery' time that she needs. Mostly I'm working on finding ways for us to come together more and spend more time together. 



Cheerlead-in-Chief said:


> At first I assumed the husband was a cuckold but....
> There are even mindfulness magazines that advise you to fucking clear your feeds. Therapists are there to tell her to get offline. Oh, smashing her phone if all else fails.


Dopamine detox would probably do her, me, and most people wonders. I'll have to try to get her to give it a try with me. Sadly she uses it as an escape from the stress of being a mom and her job, so to her its her 'recharge battery' time that she needs. Getting her to see other more healthy ways of doing this won't be easy.


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## Blobby's Murder Knife (Jul 31, 2022)

Maybe she needs to quit her job and just be a mom then. And then encourage her to have actually useful hobbies like gardening, homeschooling, canning, archery, firearms, fishing, sewing, spinning, etc. Then she won't have time to be on TikTok ignoring you.


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## Kujo Jotaro (Jul 31, 2022)

Fair warning, most women use tiktok, so if you ultimately decide to leave her just expect the same issue with 90% of other women.


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## Uberpenguin (Jul 31, 2022)

What I find funny is that most of these people would assume you were being hyperbolic and grumpy if you said these services are worse than crack.
I don't know how people can look at the design and function of these platforms and not immediately see them as the same thing.

In fact to me being a tiktok (or comparative service) addict is really far more shameful than being an junkie, since actual junkies generally have to actually leave their house and navigate the black market to get their fix, and does anyone in real life get together to talk about or watch tiktok? At least drug addicts often get together to pick up and get high. They aren't nearly so helpless.

And yet people who recognize that it's a bad idea to even try indulging in hard narcotic abuse will readily expose themselves to these sites/apps that are cynically engineered to get them hooked and keep them using compulsively, even long after it's started making them miserable, and yet somehow they think it's ok.


I can't say how to address your wife because I have no idea what the relationship dynamic is or the kind of person she is, but I couldn't see how it would hurt to at least make her aware how insidious and exacting these apps are, by design.


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## Blobby's Murder Knife (Jul 31, 2022)

Uberpenguin said:


> What I find funny is that most of these people would assume you were being hyperbolic and grumpy if you said these services are worse than crack.
> I don't know how people can look at the design and function of these platforms and not immediately see them as the same thing.
> 
> In fact to me being a tiktok (or comparative service) addict is really far more shameful than being an junkie, since actual junkies generally have to actually leave their house and navigate the black market to get their fix, and does anyone in real life get together to talk about or watch tiktok? At least drug addicts often get together to pick up and get high. They aren't nearly so helpless.
> ...


Didn't most of the creators of these SM platforms say hypocritically that they would never let their own children on them because they knew how addictive they were?


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## Matt Damon (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> Didn't most of the creators of these SM platforms say hypocritically that they would never let their own children on them because they knew how addictive they were?


I constantly hear scaremongering about this, but I had a Facebook account for the better part of a decade.  I checked it about once a week and then deleted it when it became obvious how terminally pozzed all of Silicon Valley is.

It wasn't even fun, much less _addictively _fun.


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## Mothra1988 (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> Maybe she needs to quit her job and just be a mom then. And then encourage her to have actually useful hobbies like gardening, homeschooling, canning, archery, firearms, fishing, sewing, spinning, etc. Then she won't have time to be on TikTok ignoring you.


It's interesting how the male posters who make comments like this never talk about their own wives or girlfriends.  Gee what could the possible reason be?  lol


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## Blobby's Murder Knife (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> It's interesting how the male posters who make comments like this never talk about their own wives or girlfriends.  Gee what could the possible reason be?  lol


I'm a woman, retard.


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## Mothra1988 (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> I'm a woman, retard.


How is your transition going?


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## Blobby's Murder Knife (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> How is your transition going?


Why is it is hard to believe a woman would advocate, I dunno, being a woman? Says more about you than it does me.


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## Kujo Jotaro (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> Why is it is hard to believe a woman would advocate, I dunno, being a woman? Says more about you than it does me.


Post tits


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## DuckSucker (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> Why is it is hard to believe a woman would advocate, I dunno, being a woman? Says more about you than it does me.


lol I mean you knew it was coming though. What else would you expect on this tard website.

Also post tits.


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## Larry David's Crypto Fund (Aug 1, 2022)

She used to watch Hallmark movies? At least the Lifetime ones are MST3K-able. You married someone with terrible taste. It's too late now.

On a more serious note the radical approach would be to talk to her and be completely honest. But I know that's extreme and all, better to just keep passive-aggressively hinting like a girl.


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## Blobby's Murder Knife (Aug 1, 2022)

DuckSucker said:


> lol I mean you knew it was coming though. What else would you expect on this tard website.
> 
> Also post tits.


If you all think I am a troon, why do you want to see a troon's tits?


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Aug 1, 2022)

Larry David's Crypto Fund said:


> On a more serious note the radical approach would be to talk to her and be completely honest.


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## The Inward (Aug 1, 2022)

Some things I'd try:

Put on noise-cancelling headphones when you want to focus and openly admit it's distracting

When you're doing things together, straight-up tell not to get on TikTok and take her phone or do something funny to stop her. So long as you're consistent with *only* doing this when it makes sense _and_ unapologetic _and_ you pay attention to her and be fun otherwise, she'll most likely accept it and respect you for it. A good idea would be any activity where she needs to leave the phone behind anyway, like outdoors stuff.


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## WULULULULU (Aug 1, 2022)

Kujo Jotaro said:


> Fair warning, most women use tiktok, so if you ultimately decide to leave her just expect the same issue with 90% of other women.


Thanks for the reminder, I learned that the hard way.


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## Blobby's Murder Knife (Aug 1, 2022)

TBH, I think both of them are the problem. Neither seem to have hobbies that get them away from the internet. You can't be annoyed if you are doing basically the same shit she is.


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## Zero Day Defense (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> Why would you go to A&H of all places






And you even decide to go the distance by proceeding to give your opinion after criticizing OP for seeking advice from a sub-forum he didn't seek advice from.


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## Ser Prize (Aug 1, 2022)

I agree with posters that you really need to be up front and talk to her about this, but I also have a hidden bonus strat.

Impregnate her again so she's too busy to consoom


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## Zero Day Defense (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> If you all think I am a troon, why do you want to see a troon's tits?


To be fair, he wasn't the one who implied you're a troon, and the person who did hadn't asked to see your tits.


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## Mothra1988 (Aug 1, 2022)

Zero Day Defense said:


> View attachment 3550885
> 
> And you even decide to go the distance by proceeding to give your opinion after criticizing OP for seeking advice from a sub-forum he didn't seek advice from.


Are you this autistic that are you suggesting that other Autistic Thurnderdome spinoff subforms arne't A&H adjacent?  Anyways, stop spamming the thread with off-topic butt hurt.  Like I'm wrong.  If he followed half the posts in this thread, that marriage would be over the next day.


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## WULULULULU (Aug 1, 2022)

Ser Prize said:


> Impregnate her again so she's too busy to consoom


Probably doesn't work. There are women who still consoom coffee and booze while carrying a child in their womb.


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## Zero Day Defense (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> Are you this autistic that are you suggesting that other Autistic Thurnderdome spinoff subforms arne't A&H adjacent?


Not only is that not what you said, Deep Thoughts isn't an A&N spinoff.  You're exerting a boggling amount of effort to save face on something that you could have just dismissed with a tophat sticker.



Mothra1988 said:


> Like I'm wrong. If he followed half the posts in this thread, that marriage would be over the next day.


Magically, you're not in that half.


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## Agent Abe Caprine (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> Maybe she needs to quit her job and just be a mom then. And then encourage her to have actually useful hobbies like gardening, homeschooling, canning, archery, firearms, fishing, sewing, spinning, etc. Then she won't have time to be on TikTok ignoring you.


She'll start making Tiktoks about canning tomatoes from her garden. She'll mix in some hunting and fishing videos.


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## Blobby's Murder Knife (Aug 1, 2022)

Zero Day Defense said:


> To be fair, he wasn't the one who implied you're a troon, and the person who did hadn't asked to see your tits.


Persons who asked to see them. I am not offended, I just think it is funny that apparently it is thought women like me don't exist. We do, just men are looking in the wrong places and they have to be quick because there are, admittedly, not enough supply for the demand. But men are sometimes affected by the same anti-commitment syndrome they bitch about women having.



Agent Abe Caprine said:


> She'll start making Tiktoks about canning tomatoes from her garden. She'll mix in some hunting and fishing videos.


Maybe then she'd find a better man than the OP if she did this all on her own because he sounds like a fucking absolute consoomer cuck who is mad because she is doing the same shit he is doing.


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## Mothra1988 (Aug 1, 2022)

Zero Day Defense said:


> Not only is that not what you said, Deep Thoughts isn't an A&N spinoff.  You're exerting a boggling amount of effort to save face on something that you could have just dismissed with a tophat sticker.
> 
> 
> Magically, you're not in that half.


Yes, thank you for your insightful angry post about semantics regarding how A&H is not short form for Autistic Thunderome despite being grouped in the same category next to eachotehr.  Make sure to correct people's grammar next.


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## Zero Day Defense (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> Yes, thank you for your insightful angry post





Mothra1988 said:


> about semantics regarding how A&H is not short form for Autistic Thunderome





Mothra1988 said:


> despite being grouped in the same category next to eachotehr.


No, seriously, if the advice of half the posts here would lead to a divorce, what makes yours not in that half?


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## Gig Bucking Fun (Aug 1, 2022)

Have you ever seen your wife naked?


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## Overly Serious (Aug 1, 2022)

This sounds depressingly like the main character's wife in Fahrenheit 451 where she does nothing but watch her "screens" which are vapid drama stimulations without clear depth or continuity. They too are a form of social media in the novel.

Anyway, a practical suggestion - find some way of measuring how much time she is on there. Whether that be logging at the router or maybe the phone can show it or you can just log it (though that may seem aggressive). It may be helpful if you can at some point just confront her with: "you spent nine hours just watching TikTok videos last week" as a way of making clear the problem.

Also, consider having friends round more often in the evening. You say you don't have many common interests, well this is a way of filling the evening with something other than TikTok which will engage you both. Cook a meal. If your friends have kids then they can hang out together with yours. Or find baby sitters. It's asking a lot to be purely each other's entertainment every night, every week.

Hope this helps.


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## The Great Chandler (Aug 1, 2022)

I can't understand the idea of having algorithms choose for you  instead of just searching for it. It just feels so dumb.


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## MadStan (Aug 1, 2022)

I mean this sincerely with no joking whatsoever.

You both deserve each other.


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## Tomboy Respecter (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> Yes, thank you for your insightful angry post about semantics regarding how A&H is not short form for Autistic Thunderome despite being grouped in the same category next to eachotehr.  Make sure to correct people's grammar next.


The only person angry here is you, seeing that you shit up every thread you are in with your low quality bait.


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## Space_Dandy (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> Maybe then she'd find a better man than the OP if she did this all on her own because he sounds like a fucking absolute consoomer cuck who is mad because she is doing the same shit he is doing.


There's one main difference though, I try my best to draw us together and think of things we can do together. I never turn her down in the rare occasion she extends an offer like that to me.

We are parents, so this chill out time I'm describing is mostly after we put our daughter to bed. She says she needs this veg out time to decompress from the day. I just wish we could spend more of that together.


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## Cpl. Long Dong Silver (Aug 1, 2022)

Space_Dandy said:


> There's one main difference though, I try my best to draw us together and think of things we can do together. I never turn her down in the rare occasion she extends an offer like that to me.
> 
> We are parents, so this chill out time I'm describing is mostly after we put our daughter to bed. She says she needs this veg out time to decompress from the day. I just wish we could spend more of that together.


So to give you an actual answer, though the guidance of the prophet is good advice, why don't you go outside the box for your decomp time?

Forget what you are doing and forget what she is doing. Set up two chairs in the backyard and ask her if she wants to go sit and look at the stars. You don't have to talk. Leave your phone and laptops inside. Hold her hand, stare up at the sky, and just relax. 

Maybe light a fire if you live in a northern latitude. Disconnect both of you from this fake and gay modern world.


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## Mothra1988 (Aug 1, 2022)

Tomboy Respecter said:


> The only person angry here is you, seeing that you shit up every thread you are in with your low quality bait.


If what I posted was bait (??? lol), what does that make you for replying to it, Tomboy Rapist?


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> If what I posted was bait (??? lol), what does that make you for replying to it, Tomboy Rapist?


How's your husband doing?


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## Cheerlead-in-Chief (Aug 1, 2022)

Space_Dandy said:


> There's one main difference though, I try my best to draw us together and think of things we can do together. I never turn her down in the rare occasion she extends an offer like that to me.
> 
> We are parents, so this chill out time I'm describing is mostly after we put our daughter to bed. She says she needs this veg out time to decompress from the day. I just wish we could spend more of that together.


Like others have suggested, cooking together? Maybe make a device-free block of time per evening, and using your laptop find local events or go to a different town to explore.


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## gang weeder (Aug 1, 2022)

> I think half of it is just wanting to get my thoughts into words and putting it in a logical order. That can be immensely healing. Also I don't have any other social media really, this is about it. I love KF's free and open culture. If I made this post on Reddit it'd probably get deleted in .5 seconds because I didn't structure the title right or because the mod was on the rag. Old KF is actually good for some insightful conversations. As for the right subforum, I have no idea, just picked this one. I didn't see a better one, other than maybe general off topic.
> 
> I don't give a shit if she made a post like this, its all anonymous. Although I 'powerlevel' a bit on here, I am careful not to give away any PII. Also my name is extremely common. Good luck distinguishing me from the other 100+ people in my state with the exact same name. Back when I was on Facebook I'd have to initiate friend requests most of the time. I feel fairly secure in my identity. Now what pisses me off is when she complains to her mom about me and makes me look bad, then we go over to their house the next day. I try to always make her look good to my mom so that things are as good between them as possible but I don't get that in return. I'd gladly take her complaining online to strangers over what she does to family.



I get it. It just doesn't belong in Deep Thoughts. I'm not sure where on the site a personal blog post would go, but it isn't Deep Thoughts.


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## Tomboy Respecter (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> If what I posted was bait (??? lol), what does that make you for replying to it, Tomboy Rapist?


A rational response from a sane person. Calling me a rapist for telling you to calm the fuck down when all your posts are just the malding I'd expect from a menopausal woman.


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## Mothra1988 (Aug 1, 2022)

gang weeder said:


> I get it. It just doesn't belong in Deep Thoughts. I'm not sure where on the site a personal blog post would go, but it isn't Deep Thoughts.


Well, it at least wasn't as bad as the thread by the guy who wanted to tell everyone here he was trying to quit jacking off, but yeah I generally don't think this is the best medium for getting real relationship advice.


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## Manul Otocolobus (Aug 1, 2022)

Easy solution, blackhole the routing to TikTok on your router, so every time she tries to access tiktok, it just comes up as unreachable. Problem solved. If she uses cellular data, just do the same on her actual device, have it route all attempts to connect to TikTok into a blackhole instead. It's not hard to do. If you have any tech ability at all, you can easily look up how to do it.


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## blablabla (Aug 1, 2022)

tik tok is ruinning your marriage? wait until you meet your wife´s boyfriend


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## ♂CANAM productions♂ (Aug 1, 2022)

Kvervandi said:


> Persons who asked to see them. I am not offended, I just think it is funny that apparently it is thought women like me don't exist. We do, just men are looking in the wrong places and they have to be quick because there are, admittedly, not enough supply for the demand. But men are sometimes affected by the same anti-commitment syndrome they bitch about women having.
> 
> 
> Maybe then she'd find a better man than the OP if she did this all on her own because he sounds like a fucking absolute consoomer cuck who is mad because she is doing the same shit he is doing.


I refuse to believe there are women on the internet. We all know this is where men are men, men pretend to be women, and that little child on the site is actually the FBI.


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## Haim Arlosoroff (Aug 1, 2022)

Mothra1988 said:


> Why would you go to A&H of all places for advice on saving your marriage? Have you read any of the threads here before? lol Do you seriously think most of the posters here are married or have been in a long term relationship?


Now now, some of us have marriages mutual-insanity-borne into a form of stability nether party would be crazy enough to do individually, a sort of Ethan Ralph / Porn-addict Horse relationship which combines like sharks and tornadoes into quietly pathetic and easily forgettable series of phenomena which somehow sticks around longer then you would think.  Its heckin' valid.



Golly said:


> Literally just tell her the repetitive noise is getting on your nerves. Start spending time away from her if she isn't considerate of this. Explain to her why you don't like TikTok or similar apps/feeds. My husband went through a couple of TikTok phases and that was roughly what I did because I'm a little sensitive to the sounds in my environment during downtime, but I also prefer to stay close to him.
> 
> It was OK. He ultimately just went to a different room when he wanted to use the app. Then he got sick of it after a few weeks. You're married, you're adults, you love each other. I doubt she's shutting you out.


This is genuinely good advice.  Spouses aren't magic, they're human.  Tell them your private opinions on everything, they don't have to agree they have to sympathize and support.   When your marriage stops being about building a family together, and just about being roommates then its time for a divorce.  You should know continuously more about your wife's opinions over the years, and the same back.

Although blaring the most common songs at her post-ironically (post irony is the sweetest part of a marriage for me, the wife is like a deer in headlights) until she's sick of them too, really quickens the recovery time because she begins to see what you see.



space_dandy said:


> I have to say my biggest fear is my young daughter getting caught up in this troon promotion shit going on Tumblr and the like and being one of those teen girls that decides to become non-binary or outright trans.


Like all other hysterics, women are more easily onboard but also more easily offput by the scene over time.  The problem is attention-seeking.  Women look in the mirror and don't feel like trussing up their hair or painting their face but still do want to display their wares.  So they shave their head, and grow their armpits out longer then their head, and stand out under a different rubric.  It is the same behavior, and connecting psychologically with your child on that level removes their need to play-pretend via surgery.  The key is understanding that liberal parents don't love their children enough to connect deeply _not to the child's health, or hobbies,_ but to their inner most drives and mental needs.

If your girl feels like she cannot readily display a form of perhaps not beauty, but fitting-in while standing out, then she feels left out and freakish.  She looks for others, and finds what liberal democracy runs up every flag pole at every embassy yet claims is underground and rebellious.  She finds the LGBT cult.  We all see the genetic freaks and spiraling loners amongst that group and deeply understand what is happening there if not consciously.  I'll admit it.  I learned to do my daughter's hair, and because of it taught her men have an enabling side to us for women.  We exist to enable families, we are supposed to hurt so that our wives and children don't.  When masculinity has a sense of responsibility, women respect it.  When masculinity is weak, women want it for themselves.  Its not about a few big sacrifices, but about small everyday sacrifices.  Women don't see the responsibility of men, because they commonly only see weak men.  They think they can be that too, and it comes with less extra boring awful barriers-to-entry day-to-day than femininity.  Why wouldn't a stressed out little girl be attracted to that on some level?

You have to understand your daughter's motivations, by interacting with her sometimes as just an equal and listening to her without judgement (anymore than a peer would), in addition to parenting her because kids are stupid a lot of the time.  I know I was now looking back although I couldn't see it then.  I've always drilled Aesop's fables into my daughter as a child at bed time (stories with morals) and stressed that I only judge her for repeating mistakes not for making them for the first time.  Also sometimes a father should side with his daughter over his wife, it happens and your daughter should feel that this is true when she explains herself to you after some family fight.  If men are a moral pillar, and not emotionally indulgent, women tend to respect masculinity for at least its usefulness in keeping objective truth alive in their lives.  Weak men don't enforce rules that hurt them, and women always notice.  Of course, I also taught my daughter how to use Logos, Ethos, and Pathos arguments to manipulate people as a game so she doesn't try to school the master very often as a result.  Not sure myself how often that comes up in her head, but she tries every once in a while and I always try to give her pity points for it.  Post-Irony is your friend in the cringe-worthy times we live in.  Overact emotionally positive at your daughter jokingly, but it should contain a sincerity in it at all times.  Have an emotional reserve when you disapprove though, women see when men have a strong control over themselves too.  If femininity can be weak where masculinity cannot, then women will stop trying to be short weak menlets in society.

*TL;DR:*  I guess what I'm convolutedly dancing around, is that you have to project a strong masculinity that it would be hard to live up to morally.  You have to choose the hard road, and hate those who won't, in front of your daughter enough that she truly understands what a good man is rather than what a modern man, which women can readily ape well enough that they try, is.

Also, FtMs appear most often 13-15 and if you can survive the first 5 months you win your daughter back, otherwise she surgeries over 2/3rds of the time and then detrans  around 5 years later at 18-20.  FtMs are a funnily predictable lot because they're little girls simply don't want to be women.  They stop once you ask them to perform deeper masculine responsibilities, particularly with their partners romantically.  Women can't stand being told what to do, whereas men eagerly want to be Real Men so take advice.  That part most of all fucks most FtM up.  Although, I imagine there will be some true believers who will learn to BBQ socially very well after the constant competing.



Space_Dandy said:


> We are parents, so this chill out time I'm describing is mostly after we put our daughter to bed. She says she needs this veg out time to decompress from the day. I just wish we could spend more of that together.


Get naked, Lube yourself up with animal fats, Steal the phone, and run out of the house towards the horizon.  At least threaten to do this.  Emote often at her your feelings if you cannot communicate them with words.  Make animal noises if you must, but the very worst choice is to not convey anything.

She should feel your hatred for her TikToking selfishly by herself, and she should have to confront precisely the selfishness every time.  However, you're shooting yourself in the foot if you don't offer alternatives.  Don't be a passive partner, be a husband.  Make a note saying you're bored and need to get out of the house with her.  Crumple it up and High arc underhand it at her so it bounces off her head, and tell her to read it.  Don't do it out of anger, but out of playful boredom.  Make her respond to your boredom, and your constant suggestions at relieving your boredom.  Overact and tell her half-jokingly a proper wife would do X or Y with her loving husband, but you genuinely can't have this conversation angrily.  Bitterness sours this important interaction completely and totally, and its always the man's fault when the man's bitterness does it.

Mind you, I go for walks with the wife and the children after supper so she's unwound enough.  I don't live in a city, but maybe there is a park near enough?  Your wife is using her phone for some sort of emotional stimulation.  You have to be the alternative if you want to stop her, or something else needs to be.



Cpl. Long Dong Silver said:


> Forget what you are doing and forget what she is doing. Set up two chairs in the backyard and ask her if she wants to go sit and look at the stars. You don't have to talk. Leave your phone and laptops inside. Hold her hand, stare up at the sky, and just relax.
> 
> Maybe light a fire if you live in a northern latitude. Disconnect both of you from this fake and gay modern world.


This is also incredible advice.  Make moments where you husband your wife, women love the asymmetry of a relationship if you make the times when she gets to feel something that you put time and effort into providing for her.  Go to the beach or somewhere in the woods for a weekend.  She needs to be outside herself in the evenings, she needs emotional distraction.

Something in the backyard would be perfect.  Maybe even include the kid earlier on in the evening.  Learn to play an instrument if you're away from your neighbors.  Or include your neighbors if you aren't.




Your browser is not able to display this video.



Build a "nesling pergola" in the backyard to get her out of the house.  Put a loveseat down with a blanket, and snuggle up.  Try having a meal out there, and put a BBQ next to it.




Maybe start an evening conversation about remodeling the backyard with her one evening?  Look up a few designs and dream with her?  You might connect that way?


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## ♂CANAM productions♂ (Aug 1, 2022)

OP in real life? I jest but still. Don't be like Tom.


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