# How to Avoid Causing/Being the Subject of Forum Drama



## Flowers For Sonichu (Nov 3, 2015)

Hi, so I've been appointed by Null to be the forum drama officer or something because we can all agree that his approach is a bit lacking in handling these subjects well.  The best way to deal with forum drama is to prevent it, so I figured I'd give it a shot and give some advice to y'all.  I've been fucking around on message boards and chatrooms for nearly 20 years, so I hope my advice and the mistakes I have made and observed can help make this forum a better place.

#1. THIS IS NOT OKCUPID.  For every @FramerGirl420 and @cat there are dozens of [some random person] and Waifus out there that just result in drama, hard feelings, and general shitting up of the forums. This is not a matchmaking site.  There are a lot of attractive women and some attractive men here.  There are also probably some unattractive men posing at attractive women in order to bait and find the next halal cow.  Either way, that attractive person you want to  all over probably does not live anywhere near your zipcode or even country.  Unless you live in a research station in Antarctica, I'm almost certain there are plenty of hot singles in your area who are looking for some.  Get a tinder/okcupid/grindr whatever and find them instead of here.  Even if things work out and they're not @DNJACK , it is very possible that you'll break up with them and then have to see their shitposts all over your favorite threads and the forums will be a less enjoyable place for you.  Also, your mutual friends may be forced to pick sides in this situation and you might lose friends over this.

#2. DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE?  THATS OKAY PEOPLE DISAGREE WITH YOU.  One thing that makes this place fascinating is the diversity.  We have trisexual transethnic otherkin, we have people with klan robes in the closet, and we even tolerated a dude who wished he was a maxi pad.  We have people of all races from different countries and different political leanings from fascist all the way to #analchest.  People are going to say things offend you, if they're really offensive, you have the option to report that post and the staff will take care of it and possibly threadban them.   IF they're simply rustling your jimmies, you should remember the age old saying that arguing with someone on the internet is like the Special Olympics: even if you win, you're still retarded.  Especially if you're getting mad at someone for using Chris' preferred pronouns.

#3. TRANNY DRAMA RUINS COMMUNITIES.  Remember the Laverne Cox thread?  That was fucking horrible on all sides.  Does someone chopping their penis off really cause you that much butthurt?  Let people live their life and don't worry about it.  If people want to go rant about how trannies are crazy, let them.  What people on the internet say shouldn't bother you.  If you are a true and honest trans person, you should be angry at people like Brianna Wu and ADF because they contribute to the negative stigmata against transwomen.

#4. REPORT AND IGNORE ARE YOUR FRIENDS.  If someone is being spergy, report their posts.  Staff probably agrees with you, but they're too busy locking @Dynastia threads to notice.  If they really rustle your jimmies, ignore them.  That's what most people do with @cat here.

#5. TALK TO STAFF IS YOUR FRIEND.  I've made a few talk to staff threads in my day about random things.  It's gotten terrible users banned, people acting a fool warned, and they're pretty willing to listen to you.  If you don't want Null reading your messages or whatever, I'd recommend talking to me.  If you hate me, talk to Compy, Surter, or Saney because they've shown behavior that is awesome.  Say what you want about Null, but he picks great people to be green mods.

#6. I HEARD U WERE TALKING SHIT.  If you hear someone talking shit about you behind your back, message me about it with proof and I'll deal with it.  If someone talks shit to you to your face, congratulate them for having the cajones to do so and then take caps and send it to me or alert staff so they can issue a "drunk tank ban" which is a one day chat ban until someone sobers up.

#7. LEARN TO HANDLE YOUR LIQUOR.  "I was drunk" is not an acceptable abuse for shitty behavior.  I'm typing this two margaritas deep in a bar while waiting for my friend to get out of work.  When my friend shows up, we are going to drink more while I help him roll up a character for our game of Pathfinder that we will play later.  I am a functional alcoholic which means I can drink a 12 pack of beer and be completely fine.  I know other people who drink six beers and get kicked out of the bar for being an asshole and then try to fight random people on the street.  Some people here can't handle their liquor and flip the fuck out in chat and say stupid shit they later regret.  You can't undo threatening to rape someone.  If you are one of those people, I would recommend you go out to a bar instead of drinking at home and let the police deal with you rather than staff.

#8. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING IN CHAT COME BACK IN FIVE MINUTES. Nothing is more annoying than someone in chat bitching about what other people are talking about.  This forum has hundreds of threads about weird people.  Go read that, come back and people are probably talking about a different subject that may interest you.

FINAL THOUGHTS: One of the biggest problems of the internet is that it affords people the ability to say things to people they wouldn't have the courage say to someone's face.  Before hitting the send button, you should ask yourself "if I said this to someone's face, would they punch me?"

I might add more later if they come to mind.


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## Null (Nov 3, 2015)

@Flowers For Sonichu I want to open up the public Teamspeak again but I'm afraid of clique drama and people threatening to rape pretty girls. What do?


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## Tookie (Nov 3, 2015)

Are dick pics still cool or what?


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## ChuckSlaughter (Nov 3, 2015)

Flowers For Sonichu said:


> Hi, so I've been appointed by Null to be the forum drama officer or something because we can all agree that his approach is a bit lacking in handling these subjects well.  The best way to deal with forum drama is to prevent it, so I figured I'd give it a shot and give some advice to y'all.  I've been fucking around on message boards and chatrooms for nearly 20 years, so I hope my advice and the mistakes I have made and observed can help make this forum a better place.
> 
> #1. THIS IS NOT OKCUPID.  For every @FramerGirl420 and @cat there are dozens of [some random person] and Waifus out there that just result in drama, hard feelings, and general shitting up of the forums. This is not a matchmaking site.  There are a lot of attractive women and some attractive men here.  There are also probably some unattractive men posing at attractive women in order to bait and find the next halal cow.  Either way, that attractive person you want to  all over probably does not live anywhere near your zipcode or even country.  Unless you live in a research station in Antarctica, I'm almost certain there are plenty of hot singles in your area who are looking for some.  Get a tinder/okcupid/grindr whatever and find them instead of here.  Even if things work out and they're not @DNJACK , it is very possible that you'll break up with them and then have to see their shitposts all over your favorite threads and the forums will be a less enjoyable place for you.  Also, your mutual friends may be forced to pick sides in this situation and you might lose friends over this.
> 
> ...


I agree.  I always agree with everything you say because it's smart.

I heard you've also gotten really hot since you chopped your dick off...  you should fly to seattle and live with me in my studio apartment.


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## brooklynbailiff (Nov 3, 2015)

What is this tl;dr thread?


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## AnOminous (Nov 3, 2015)

brooklynbailiff said:


> What is this tl;dr thread?



Something that should be absolutely unnecessary.

(But isn't.)


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## RP 520 (Nov 3, 2015)

brooklynbailiff said:


> What is this tl;dr thread?



Don't try to date or creep on people from this community, don't take the forums seriously, debating tranny things seriously is a no-no, don't be a hot-head, don't take the internet seriously, don't come on the site shit-faced, and use report/ignore/talk to staff about issues and concerns instead of handling it yourself and starting drama.


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## brooklynbailiff (Nov 3, 2015)

King n Yellow said:


> Don't try to date or creep on people from this community, don't take the forums seriously, debating tranny things seriously is a no-no, don't be a hot-head, don't take the internet seriously, don't come on the site shit-faced, and use report/ignore/talk to staff about issues and concerns instead of handling it yourself and starting drama.


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## Ariel (Nov 3, 2015)

Don't shitpost, don't bait known hotheaded spergs & most importantly don't try to trigger Katsu to start ranting in chat!


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## CWCissey (Nov 3, 2015)

https://sneed-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/00/2c/7f/002c7f7a4c896da1842879476613b06f.jpg


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 3, 2015)

i thought null was the only person allowed to write long textwalls of shit that nobody is going to read


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 3, 2015)

LikeicareKF said:


> i thought null was the only person allowed to write long textwalls of shit that nobody is going to read


i wrote that, then realised that this community is more likely to analyse everything you said word for word


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## Fallensaint (Nov 3, 2015)

LikeicareKF said:


> i wrote that, then realised that this community is more likely to analyse everything you said word for word



tldr


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## Bork Laser (Nov 3, 2015)

Null said:


> @Flowers For Sonichu I want to open up the public Teamspeak again but I'm afraid of clique drama and people threatening to rape pretty girls. What do?



I thought we got mumble because autistic people couldnt figure it out.


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 3, 2015)

Fallensaint said:


> tldr


dont be rude or i'll report you to Flowers


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## Ariel (Nov 3, 2015)

So, we're going to try this again.

For the uninitiated, I've deleted 330+ replies to this thread. All of them were shit. Every single reply was shit. Most of it was shitposting about how there was shitposting in the thread.

*All of you are retarded. This community is retarded*. You guys have no concept of how to deal with things you don't like and that is absolutely fascinating considering what sort of a forum this is. I don't know how we ended up with a population that is 50% transgender/lgbt-"ally", but it has slowly rotted away at what the very notion of a lolcow is. We've become Imgur-lite, a shitty, reactionary website filled with easily offended prudes who can't even stomach something they don't like being on the same domain name as where they post.

You people are so fucking easy to troll, all one has to do is make an alt account and say something disagreeable to end up with a 400 reply thread in under 12 hours. This has happened numerous times. Introman isn't here to troll, but he knows how preposterously easy it is to offend the LGBT community. He's a contributor to RoK, a troll website, which is the parent company that owns Reaxxion, also a troll website. I've said this multiple fucking times and nobody believes it because you'd all rather cry about dumb shit.

A fully grown wxmyn with a professional acting career engaging in an edit war on Wikipedia over their birth name is fucking stupid and funny. If you can't see that, you're in the wrong place.

All of our recent rules have been setup to protect people from themselves and encourage quality posting. Nobody cares about what you consider to be a passing transexual. Nobody cares about your personal stories. Nobody cares if you don't think this person is a lolcow. If you think the thread is off-topic, report it. Your shitposting does not fix anything, and as far as I'm concerned, disrupting conversation is a form of backseat moderating. If you can't get a thread locked, just make the thread as shitty as possible, right? Nah, not anymore -- I'm going to start threadbanning people if you decide you're going to take _SOCIAL JUSTICE_ into your own hands and puke into the reply box to fuck with the conversation.

This thread would have died if you fucking morons didn't reply to it. There are less lolcowish people on the last page of this forum that sank because people just_didn't reply_. That didn't happen here because the topic was a transexual, and that's _your fault_.

I made this promise a year ago. Lest we forget:

↑
*2) Transgender Debates*
Don't bring tranny shit into every thread. Take it to Deep Thoughts. If you can't access off-topic and/or don't want to be formally challenged on what you think, don't bring it up.

This includes
Gender versus Sex
"Chris isn't a *LEGIT* tranny" whining

Dicktucking drama ruins communities. It's a cancer in the PVCC, it tore apart the Lolcow boards, and I won't let that happen here. I will burn it out of the forum before I let it control every discussion.
Click to expand...
Edit: This is also not a thread to discuss this post. Make a Forum Discussion thread if you're inclined.


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 3, 2015)

*All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null*


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## Null (Nov 3, 2015)

When did @Ariel become so wise and sexually attractive?


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## Ariel (Nov 3, 2015)

All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null


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## Ariel (Nov 3, 2015)

Null said:


> When did @Ariel become so wise and sexually attractive?


Impossible


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## Fallensaint (Nov 3, 2015)

Ariel said:


> All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null



This rainbow text is obviously in support of gay rights and that triggers me.


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## HG 400 (Nov 3, 2015)

Flowers For Sonichu said:


> Hi, so I've been appointed by Null to be the forum drama officer or something because we can all agree that his approach is a bit lacking in handling these subjects well.  The best way to deal with forum drama is to prevent it, so I figured I'd give it a shot and give some advice to y'all.  I've been fucking around on message boards and chatrooms for nearly 20 years, so I hope my advice and the mistakes I have made and observed can help make this forum a better place.
> 
> #1. THIS IS NOT OKCUPID.  For every @FramerGirl420 and @cat there are dozens of [some random person] and Waifus out there that just result in drama, hard feelings, and general shitting up of the forums. This is not a matchmaking site.  There are a lot of attractive women and some attractive men here.  There are also probably some unattractive men posing at attractive women in order to bait and find the next halal cow.  Either way, that attractive person you want to  all over probably does not live anywhere near your zipcode or even country.  Unless you live in a research station in Antarctica, I'm almost certain there are plenty of hot singles in your area who are looking for some.  Get a tinder/okcupid/grindr whatever and find them instead of here.  Even if things work out and they're not @DNJACK , it is very possible that you'll break up with them and then have to see their shitposts all over your favorite threads and the forums will be a less enjoyable place for you.  Also, your mutual friends may be forced to pick sides in this situation and you might lose friends over this.
> 
> ...



no


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## Ariel (Nov 3, 2015)

Fallensaint said:


> This rainbow text is obviously in support of gay rights and that triggers me.


Gay rights are fine, just as long as katsu doesn't get any.


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## DoshesToDoshes (Nov 3, 2015)

Also, do not rate Cucky's posts autistic or dumb don't be @Cucky. Don't take the forums (especially something as superfluous as ratings) too seriously.

IIRC, Cucky was just pretending, but that's just as retarded.


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 3, 2015)

Null said:


> When did @Ariel become so wise and sexually attractive?


its the shoulders


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## HG 400 (Nov 3, 2015)

LikeicareKF said:


> its the shoulders



I like her broad masculine hands and adam's apple too.


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 3, 2015)

Dynastia said:


> I like her broad masculine hands and adam's apple too.


at least ariel can take pride in knowing shes one of the best looking mtf trannies on the site


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## HG 400 (Nov 3, 2015)

LikeicareKF said:


> at least ariel can take pride in knowing shes one of the best looking mtf trannies on the site



She's 4th best afaik


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 3, 2015)

Dynastia said:


> She's 4th best afaik


4th isnt even a podium, thats depressing


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## HG 400 (Nov 3, 2015)




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## DNJACK (Nov 3, 2015)

I need access to deep thoughts to talk about trannies. @Ariel fix this.


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## CatParty (Nov 3, 2015)

DNJACK said:


> I need access to deep thoughts to talk about trannies. @Ariel fix this.




me too


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## HG 400 (Nov 3, 2015)

cat said:


> me too



I also want access to Deep Thoughts @cat and I were unjustly blocked from there for shitposting when it was a shitposting subforum and were never given a proper chance to show ew could be thoughtful and productive posters in the reformed Deep Thoughts environment that's basically profiling and is unfair.


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## CatParty (Nov 3, 2015)

Dynastia said:


> I also want access to Deep Thoughts @cat and I were unjustly blocked from there for shitposting when it was a shitposting subforum and were never given a proper chance to show ew could be thoughtful and productive posters in the reformed Deep Thoughts environment that's basically profiling and is unfair.


*we


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## HG 400 (Nov 3, 2015)

cat said:


> *we



no fuck you I meant to say 'ew'


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## CatParty (Nov 3, 2015)

Dynastia said:


> no fuck you I meant to say 'ew'




ew


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## Iamthatis (Nov 3, 2015)

This idea will only end in butt hurt and tears.


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## Clown Doll (Nov 3, 2015)

Flowers For Sonichu said:


> #1. THIS IS NOT OKCUPID.  For every @FramerGirl420 and @cat there are dozens of [some random person] and Waifus out there that just result in drama, hard feelings, and general shitting up of the forums. This is not a matchmaking site.  There are a lot of attractive women and some attractive men here.



Relating to this :
*If someone's being a creep and you don't like it, tell them to knock it off instead of playing along and hoping people will read your mind.*
Telling off someone who's otherwise a nice and friendly person but gets really oversexual towards you in chat / Skype / PMs might be difficult and you think you'll ruffle their bum feathers hard but you don't have to tell them to fuck off, just say that this stuff makes your uncomfortable or use the ignore function on them. Misguidedly playing along and feeding them will encourage problem behavior more and likely end up resulting in a drama where someone's banning is being considered when it could've been handled with a stern "fuck off" or talking to staff at an early stage instead of letting it drag on.


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## AnOminous (Nov 3, 2015)

LikeicareKF said:


> *All of you are retarded. This community is retarded - Null*


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## TheProdigalStunna (Nov 3, 2015)

DoshesToDoshes said:


> IIRC, Cucky was just pretending, but that's just as retarded.


That really should be another rule.  "Pretending to be retarded" will just dig yourself into a deeper hole.  Don't do that shit.


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## Witlich (Nov 3, 2015)

Avoid necroing threads ought to be on there. I've done that several times already without meaning to.


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## HG 400 (Nov 3, 2015)

Witlich said:


> Avoid necroing threads ought to be on there. I've done that several times already without meaning to.



nah that's fine


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## Cuck Norris (Nov 3, 2015)

Dynastia said:


> nah that's fine


I tried to tell her that was a time-honored tradition.


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## Tempest (Nov 3, 2015)

Ariel said:


> Edit: This is also not a thread to discuss this post. Make a Forum Discussion thread if you're inclined.


Make me


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## Ariel (Nov 3, 2015)

Dynastia said:


> nah that's fine


Yeah, its actually something that is encouraged.


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## Ruin (Nov 3, 2015)

You can't cause drama if you shit yourself and do nothing.


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## Tookie (Nov 4, 2015)

Flowers For Sonichu said:


> #1. THIS IS NOT OKCUPID.  For every @FramerGirl420 and @cat there are dozens of [some random person] and Waifus out there that just result in drama, hard feelings, and general shitting up of the forums. This is not a matchmaking site.  There are a lot of attractive women and some attractive men here.  There are also probably some unattractive men posing at attractive women in order to bait and find the next halal cow.  Either way, that attractive person you want to  all over probably does not live anywhere near your zipcode or even country.  Unless you live in a research station in Antarctica, I'm almost certain there are plenty of hot singles in your area who are looking for some.  Get a tinder/okcupid/grindr whatever and find them instead of here.  Even if things work out and they're not @DNJACK , it is very possible that you'll break up with them and then have to see their shitposts all over your favorite threads and the forums will be a less enjoyable place for you.  Also, your mutual friends may be forced to pick sides in this situation and you might lose friends over this.


What if you meet a girl offline and find out later she's a kiwi? Like you're dating this girl a couple months and you're chilling out and you see she is on Kiwi Farms on her phone and you're all "WTF, that bitch has been snooping around on my computer" so you grab her graduate school textbooks and head out to the parking lot and that old man who is always hanging out with his golden retriever is all "what's going on" and you go "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS OLD MAN" and then you light her textbooks on fire to teach her a lesson and she's all "why are you burning my cellular biology textbooks?" and you're like "I saw you were on Kiwi Farms, I know you went through my computer you stupid bitch" and she's like "dude, I'm a Kiwi too" and then you're all "ayyyyyy lmao"???


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## Dr. Meme (Nov 4, 2015)

SkeletonBias420 said:


> What if you meet a girl offline and find out later she's a kiwi? Like you're dating this girl a couple months and you're chilling out and you see she is on Kiwi Farms on her phone and you're all "WTF, that bitch has been snooping around on my computer" so you grab her graduate school textbooks and head out to the parking lot and that old man who is always hanging out with his golden retriever is all "what's going on" and you go "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS OLD MAN" and then you light her textbooks on fire to teach her a lesson and she's all "why are you burning my cellular biology textbooks?" and you're like "I saw you were on Kiwi Farms, I know you went through my computer you stupid bitch" and she's like "dude, I'm a Kiwi too" and then you're all "ayyyyyy lmao"???


implying kiwi's have an education past 3rd grade


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## Tookie (Nov 4, 2015)

Dr. Meme said:


> implying kiwi's have an education past 3rd grade


Shut up. Some of us are brilliant and uber-successful people who are here for incisive commentary on Sonichu and when Barb will die.


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## exball (Nov 4, 2015)

SkeletonBias420 said:


> What if you meet a girl offline and find out later she's a kiwi? Like you're dating this girl a couple months and you're chilling out and you see she is on Kiwi Farms on her phone and you're all "WTF, that bitch has been snooping around on my computer" so you grab her graduate school textbooks and head out to the parking lot and that old man who is always hanging out with his golden retriever is all "what's going on" and you go "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS OLD MAN" and then you light her textbooks on fire to teach her a lesson and she's all "why are you burning my cellular biology textbooks?" and you're like "I saw you were on Kiwi Farms, I know you went through my computer you stupid bitch" and she's like "dude, I'm a Kiwi too" and then you're all "ayyyyyy lmao"???


Lol, women on kiwi. They're all trannies here.


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## HG 400 (Nov 5, 2015)

SkeletonBias420 said:


> What if you meet a girl offline and find out later she's a kiwi? Like you're dating this girl a couple months and you're chilling out and you see she is on Kiwi Farms on her phone and you're all "WTF, that bitch has been snooping around on my computer" so you grab her graduate school textbooks and head out to the parking lot and that old man who is always hanging out with his golden retriever is all "what's going on" and you go "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS OLD MAN" and then you light her textbooks on fire to teach her a lesson and she's all "why are you burning my cellular biology textbooks?" and you're like "I saw you were on Kiwi Farms, I know you went through my computer you stupid bitch" and she's like "dude, I'm a Kiwi too" and then you're all "ayyyyyy lmao"???



Then you realise you've been fucking her in an open surgical wound instead of a vagina and you have a nervous breakdown.


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## Conrix (Nov 5, 2015)

DoshesToDoshes said:


> Also, do not rate Cucky's posts autistic or dumb don't be @Cucky. Don't take the forums (especially something as superfluous as ratings) too seriously.
> 
> IIRC, Cucky was just pretending, but that's just as retarded.


Guys plz stop making fun of this video k thx


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## CatParty (Nov 5, 2015)

Conrix said:


> Guys plz stop making fun of this video k thx




those are slashes not stabs. the video is incorrect in it's description


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## Ariel (Nov 5, 2015)

Conrix said:


> Guys plz stop making fun of this video k thx


You've obviously never played Skyrim


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## Peace and Harmony (Nov 5, 2015)

I think it would be awesome to have a Kiwi girlfriend. I would prepare a huge thread about her in secret and threaten to post it if she ever said that she wanted to break up with me.


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## Flowers For Sonichu (Nov 5, 2015)

New suggestion: don't post on /cow/ under your kiwi name even if they are talking shit about you. There is no point arguing with glaive, woody, and xalver and you will only make us cringe at you.


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## AnOminous (Nov 5, 2015)

Peace and Harmony said:


> I think it would be awesome to have a Kiwi girlfriend. I would prepare a huge thread about her in secret and threaten to post it if she ever said that she wanted to break up with me.



I don't want to become an illiterate piece of shit that fucks sped girls!!


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## exball (Nov 5, 2015)

Flowers For Sonichu said:


> New suggestion: don't post on /cow/ under your kiwi name even if they are talking shit about you. There is no point arguing with glaive, woody, and xalver and you will only make us cringe at you.


I'm pretty sure if they're dumb enough to use their username on an imageboard, being told not to isn't going to dissuade them much.


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## Peace and Harmony (Nov 5, 2015)

Flowers For Sonichu said:


> New suggestion: don't post on /cow/ under your kiwi name even if they are talking shit about you. There is no point arguing with glaive, woody, and xalver and you will only make us cringe at you.



You could always post under someone else's username though


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## The Knife's Husbando (Nov 5, 2015)

I'll add a few veggies to the pot for some of the newer users.

While all this may seem daunting- if not a bit outright frightening- to you newbies, it's not a big thing. The main rule here is don't be an asshole. Every other rule is a variation of that. If you screw up- and we_ all_ do from time to time- just apologize, learn from it, and move on.       

*Lurk more*: This site is a really, really, really large bank of tons on info on various Lolcows and assorted crazy folks with literally hundreds of users reading & adding to it every day. That epic prank you're planning to pull on Chris? Somebody tried that two years ago. It sucked.  That idea you're going to tell Connor? Someone mentioned it twenty-five pages ago. This isn't saying you, as a new user don't have anything or will never have anything to add, but it's saying take a bit to read up & get your sea legs under you before you charge headlong into a situation you know the square-root of fuck all about.

*Put on your armor*: While the majority of the users and staff here are chill as hell, they _are_ a few folks who come here _just to fuck with people_. Some of them do it lightheartedly for fun, some do not. You have been warned. They're not here to laugh at Lolcows, they're here to make people chimp out and laugh at them. The topic is irrelevant. They're going to look for buttons. They're going to find them, and they're going to push them. Guess what? *If you let them get to you they are winning*. No, they are. They don't care about the debate subject or "winning" the argument. They don't care about factual accuracy or logic. Every angry text wall you throw at them not only makes them laugh more, but also puts you one step further down the road to going full-frontal Halal, which is a place no one wants to go.

*Do you really want to die on *that* hill?*: People are passionate about things. They like to debate about them. Some things are important world affecting events and ideas, some are trivial nonsense. There does however come a point in every debate when one side looses. Simply put, sometimes you loose, _and you need to let it go_. Don't make it personal, don't blatantly attack people who disagree with you, and don't keep trying to dig your way out of a hole. It doesn't work. Walk away from the keys. Take a smoke break, go get a 'sammich, whatever ya need to do to chill out a bit.

*Cannibalism*: This place eats its young when they get bored. Are you prone to saying stupid shit while drunk/high? Are you a thin-skinned SJW otherkin? Do you moonlight as a Tumblr special snowflake? Do you masturbate to cartoons? Do you have a large collection of really weird fetish porn stashed on another site? Do you have a lot of sacred cows and skeletons in the closet? If the answer is "Yes" to any of these, then either _hide that shit really well and never mention it_, or better yet- walk away. _Right now_. It will be found, and you will be laughed at.


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## CatParty (Nov 5, 2015)

The Knife's Husbando said:


> *Cannibalism*: This place eats its young when they get bored. Are you prone to saying stupid shit while drunk/high? Are you a thin-skinned SJW otherkin? Do you moonlight as a Tumblr special snowflake? Do you have a large collection of really weird fetish porn stashed on another site? Do you have a lot of sacred cows and skeletons in the closet? If the answer is "Yes" to any of these, then either _hide that shit really well and never mention it_, or better yet- walk away. _Right now_. It will be found, and you will be laughed at.




you forgot bronies


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## The Knife's Husbando (Nov 5, 2015)

cat said:


> you forgot bronies



Noted, and fixed. Thanks.


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## Wildchild (Nov 5, 2015)

> This place eats its young when they get bored. Are you prone to saying stupid shit while drunk/high? Are you a thin-skinned SJW otherkin? Do you moonlight as a Tumblr special snowflake? Do you have a large collection of really weird fetish porn stashed on another site? Do you have a lot of sacred cows and skeletons in the closet? If the answer is "Yes" to any of these, then either _hide that shit really well and never mention it_, or better yet- walk away. _Right now_. It will be found, and you will be laughed at.



Pfffft, this describes most of the people here...


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## The Knife's Husbando (Nov 5, 2015)

Witlich said:


> Avoid necroing threads ought to be on there. I've done that several times already without meaning to.



In my opinion it's okay to occasionally necro threads. But before you do, you have to ask yourself two questions: A. Is this relevant? And, B. Does this add quality content?

An example of "good" necroing is "The Official Paintball Thread". It was started in early 2014, some people talked a bit, and then it petered out. Okay. Dead thread. No problem.  Fast forward to 2015. I get pointed to it after mentioning I just got into paintball in chat one day. I post some pics, get some new folks into the thread to talk, post their pics, and we all add new quality content to an old thread. Good deal IMO.

An example of "bad" necroing is bumping/commenting to the "A Feminine Pad" thread. That deal is done and over with. Dude is never going to show up here again, and unless you have any_ new and relevant information _about what the pad dude is doing online/IRL, don't post. A whole page of "OMG so weird!" and "LMFAO! Gross!" Is tedious as hell to read, and frankly pointless.


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## The Knife (Nov 5, 2015)

Everything Dynastia says is shit, except for that one time. If you weren't here for that one time, don't worry about it, because it will not be repeated. If it bugs you, ignore it and don't let it ruin your day.
Dynastia is in fact a beautiful and voluptuous woman with flaming red hair and sultry come-hither eyes. This is God's own truth. If she starts hitting on you, you are the luckiest of men. Feel free to tell her all your innermost secrets.
Null's kind of a dick. But he's _our _dick. Null has a stressful job, and it's all our fault, and he's going to take it out on us and we will love him for it and beg for more. If you don't like it, go somewhere else and make your own forum with blackjack and hookers.
If you _do_ make your own forum, don't tell us. We don't care. Unless there are actual and literal hookers. We like hookers.
Actually, if you leave, just go. Chances are we didn't notice you were here and no one will notice you left. Don't make a post telling us all why you're leaving because chances are the only response you'll get will be Cat posting the word "bai."
This is my own personal rule, but it's kept me in good standing so far: if it takes you longer than ten minutes to write up your thoughts on something, your thoughts are probably shit and not worth hearing. Ten minutes is time enough for us to have moved on to an entirely different subject. Keep up or get out. If you get out, see #5.
Don't decide that a lolcow is your personal nemesis. Don't get attached to the lolcow. Do not convince yourself that you and you alone are the one person who can actually make a difference, positive or negative, in the lolcow's behavior. If you find yourself being sucked into the lolcow's nebula of crazy, you need to step away from the lolcow.
For fuck's sake, don't powerlevel unless it is funny or relevant. If you're not sure if it's funny or relevant, chances are that it's neither.


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## The Knife's Husbando (Nov 5, 2015)

The Knife said:


> Don't decide that a lolcow is your personal nemesis. Don't get attached to the lolcow. Do not convince yourself that you and you alone are the one person who can actually make a difference, positive or negative, in the lolcow's behavior. If you find yourself being sucked into the lolcow's nebula of crazy, you need to step away from the lolcow.



This is wisdom. Remember when you almost had to physically restrain me from ripping Tyce a new virtual asshole because of his crappy knife reviews.


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## HG 400 (Nov 8, 2015)

The Knife's Husbando said:


> This is wisdom. Remember when you almost had to physically restrain me from ripping Tyce a new virtual asshole because of his crappy knife reviews.



What was wrong with his knife reviews?


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## Joan Nyan (Nov 8, 2015)

The Knife's Husbando said:


> An example of "good" necroing is "The Official Paintball Thread". It was started in early 2014, some people talked a bit, and then it petered out. Okay. Dead thread. No problem.  Fast forward to 2015. I get pointed to it after mentioning I just got into paintball in chat one day. I post some pics, get some new folks into the thread to talk, post their pics, and we all add new quality content to an old thread. Good deal IMO.


Another example of a good necro is going to a years old Chris thread named something like "what if barb died?" and posting something like "i hope fatty shits himself".


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## Surtur (Nov 10, 2015)

I think all tumblrs should die pls


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## Oglooger (Nov 10, 2015)

Just be like me and don't give a shit.
I didn't even know we are having drama right now until they mentioned it in chat and I still don't know what's going on.


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## John Daker (Nov 10, 2015)

Jon-Kacho said:


> Another example of a good necro is going to a years old Chris thread named something like "what if barb died?" and posting something like "i hope fatty shits himself".


You post one, I'll post the other, whoever gets the most negatives wins.


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## Scratch This Nut (Nov 11, 2015)

Hey shouldn't this thread be stickied?


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## Agent Otter Whiskers (Nov 12, 2015)

The Knife's Husbando said:


> *Put on your armor*: While the majority of the users and staff here are chill as hell, they _are_ a few folks who come here _just to fuck with people_. Some of them do it lightheartedly for fun, some do not. You have been warned. They're not here to laugh at Lolcows, they're here to make people chimp out and laugh at them. The topic is irrelevant. They're going to look for buttons. They're going to find them, and they're going to push them. Guess what? *If you let them get to you they are winning*. No, they are. They don't care about the debate subject or "winning" the argument. They don't care about factual accuracy or logic. Every angry text wall you throw at them not only makes them laugh more, but also puts you one step further down the road to going full-frontal Halal, which is a place no one wants to go.


Forgive me for asking, but does such a simple thing really require an explanation so detailed? It should be common sense not to take a bait, yet I've already run into a few individuals who fail to heed this. I believe an explanation won't solve the problem, especially one so lengthy a common user won't take the time to read.


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## Megahertz (Nov 12, 2015)

Davey Vezír Otter said:


> I believe an explanation won't solve the problem, especially one so lengthy a common user won't take the time to read.


I think most "common users" wouldn't even bother clicking on this subforum, much less this thread. Half of the stuff said in here is preaching to the choir and won't ever reach the ears of the people whom it is directed to.


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## The Knife's Husbando (Nov 13, 2015)

Davey Vezír Otter said:


> Forgive me for asking, but does such a simple thing really require an explanation so detailed? It should be common sense not to take a bait, yet I've already run into a few individuals who fail to heed this. I believe an explanation won't solve the problem, especially one so lengthy a common user won't take the time to read.



IMO it is. Because simply put- Common sense isn't common. One of our users here- while he's an excellent LOLcow herder,_ has a fishhook graphic superimposed over every post he makes, because 99% of them are bait-posts._  And it still doesn't help. People still chomp onto his posts. Hell, I've done it myself before, and I've been here quite a while. 

If people don't read the instructions, A.K.A. lurk more, and then screw up- it's their own fault.


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## Agent Otter Whiskers (Nov 13, 2015)

The Knife's Husbando said:


> IMO it is. Because simply put- Common sense isn't common. One of our users here- while he's an excellent LOLcow herder,_ has a fishhook graphic superimposed over every post he makes, because 99% of them are bait-posts._  And it still doesn't help. People still chomp onto his posts. Hell, I've done it myself before, and I've been here quite a while.
> 
> If people don't read the instructions, A.K.A. lurk more, and then screw up- it's their own fault.


@LikeicareKF  think you've got a fan.

You should then include links to important instructions in the registration form or somewhere they're bound to see it.


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 13, 2015)

Davey Vezír Otter said:


> @LikeicareKF  think you've got a fan.
> 
> You should then include links to important instructions in the registration form or somewhere they're bound to see it.


i know, im famous


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## Flowers For Sonichu (Nov 14, 2015)

Basically the purpose of this is that people do this shit all the time and now when they do it, I can point to this and said "see, we warned you" and then laugh at them for being an exceptional individual.


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## DNJACK (Nov 14, 2015)

laughing at retards is no fun.

step up your game


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## Overchek (Nov 14, 2015)

Here's my advice:

Don't post.


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 14, 2015)

Wildchild said:


> Wildchild wouldn't bully, and tries to help out other members in need, so maybe we should all try to be just like her.


me too


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## Hi I Am From Page 6 (Nov 14, 2015)

Wildchild said:


> "Hey, what would Wildchild do?"



... I should send nudes to Dynastia?

Seems odd, but I see no reason to distrust anyone here.


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## Philosophy Zombie (Nov 22, 2015)

I'm amused by a few of the comments here. Apparently many of you think that kiwifarms.net is a shark tank inhabited by vicious, angry piranhas who will devour your flesh at the first sign of weakness. If some highly unusual circumstance forced me to compare this site's userbase to a fish, kiwis are really more like the sharks from _Finding Nemo_ who try to only eat vegetables or some shit. But again that's only if I were absolutely forced to make a comparison, because that's not really a good one either.

Normally I would say that the easiest way to not get noticed is to keep your spaghetti in your pants and not, say, make your avatar your furry OC getting sodomized by a pastel horse or use the same username as the one you use to write awful Steven Universe self-insert fanfiction. It seems like common sense not to do something like that, but if there's anything we've learned it's that most kiwis have no common sense at all, and chances are if you are the kind of person who needed this advice it's already too late for you. So from there we move on to the next step.

I said "normally" because even if you do that it's really easy to get out of it. Just don't draw attention to yourself. Don't defend yourself, and above all things do not get mad. Those are the only four important words in this post because when you get down to it the Kiwi Farms is largely a crowd of people who get off on people getting mad at them, the silly people on the computer, so they can laugh at them and call them poopyface and fatty ding dongs while writing 4-paragraph essays on why their arguments are wrong. Anger is the metaphorical blood for our hypothetical _Finding Nemo _sharks. Not being angry makes you boring, and users on this website have the memory of a sieve so they'll completely forget about you and move on to the next person they can call a faggot in a week. The best-case scenario is that they will give you a gold star for Not Being Mad and hold hands and sing kumbaya around a fire with you like they did with that pad dude and the dude who's a half. I heard they'll give you back rubs and maybe a cookie. A lot of users here are very fucked up people with very low standards for friendship, so it's very possible. In my opinion we let quite a few people get away way too easily actually, but that's neither here nor there.

Even if you're knee deep in halal it's never too late to turn around. Wizzrobe posted his terrible in a funny way Bionicle manga back in May, and even got mad about it, but after a couple days the gears clicked in his head to, get this, stop replying! and he did. If your reaction to me saying this is "who's Wizzrobe again?", you've proved my point. He's probably lurking or has an alt right now and no one knows. Another example is the poster who said he liked the idea of fucking dogs. He didn't even make an alt and is still lurking here and occasionally even posts.

tl;dr becoming halal isn't a precipice that any normal person could fall into by making one mistake, it's something that's only going to happen to an absolute total faggot autist and if you're at the point where you get a thread I have no sympathy for you at all. You can really be as strange and open about being strange as you like; just don't fall for the fucking honeypot.


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## Clown Doll (Nov 23, 2015)

Philosophy Zombie said:


> becoming halal isn't a precipice that any normal person could fall into by making one mistake You can really be as strange and open about being strange as you like; just don't fall for the fucking honeypot.


Halal isn't a danger here, the shitty high school clique drama is. If you do any socialization on this website at all, you're going to get dragged into it and when you're at the point where people have each others' power words and real life pictures and know what the other people are into sexually, well then it isn't simply a matter of walking away cleanly. People will tell you to your face that your quirks are endearing but when you get ostracized, those quirks will absolutely be used against you. People on this site prove time and time again that they're petty and vindictive and your only social security is to gather as much ammo against others as possible so when you're lit on fire, the powder keg you're sitting on will hurt others too. A nuclear arms race of dick pictures and proof of deviancy, if you will.


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## ChuckSlaughter (Nov 23, 2015)

I work to actively lower the posting quality on the board and I encourage all of you to do the same.  Has anyone here ever gotten an STI from a furry?   *MAKE A THREAD ABOUT IT.*

Or don't!! Go into another thread that already exists and talk about it there!


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 23, 2015)

Clown Doll said:


> Halal isn't a danger here, the shitty high school clique drama is. If you do any socialization on this website at all, you're going to get dragged into it and when you're at the point where people have each others' power words and real life pictures and know what the other people are into sexually, well then it isn't simply a matter of walking away cleanly. People will tell you to your face that your quirks are endearing but when you get ostracized, those quirks will absolutely be used against you. People on this site prove time and time again that they're petty and vindictive and your only social security is to gather as much ammo against others as possible so when you're lit on fire, the powder keg you're sitting on will hurt others too. A nuclear arms race of dick pictures and proof of deviancy, if you will.


the fact that you actually feel the need to say all this, means theres no hope for the community

if you're just a huge group of autists talking about other autists....expect autism


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## GS 281 (Nov 23, 2015)

Clown Doll said:


> Halal isn't a danger here, the shitty high school clique drama is. If you do any socialization on this website at all, you're going to get dragged into it and when you're at the point where people have each others' power words and real life pictures and know what the other people are into sexually, well then it isn't simply a matter of walking away cleanly. People will tell you to your face that your quirks are endearing but when you get ostracized, those quirks will absolutely be used against you. People on this site prove time and time again that they're petty and vindictive and your only social security is to gather as much ammo against others as possible so when you're lit on fire, the powder keg you're sitting on will hurt others too. A nuclear arms race of dick pictures and proof of deviancy, if you will.



What if your entire purpose here is to explore horrifyingly deviant feelings you have towards autistic cows?


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## autisticdragonkin (Nov 23, 2015)

yawning sneasel said:


> What if your entire purpose here is to explore horrifyingly deviant feelings you have towards autistic cows?


Then you are fine


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## DNJACK (Nov 23, 2015)

whats the point of collecting ammo when you can just invent any "fact" when you need it ? It's going to work just as well.


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## LikeicareKF (Nov 23, 2015)

DNJACK said:


> whats the point of collecting ammo when you can just invent any "fact" when you need it ? It's going to work just as well.


im going to preface this by saying DNJack likes the idea of fucking dogs


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## HG 400 (Nov 23, 2015)

I have dirt on a bunch of ppl here. It's not ammo though, because if people decide to be vicious vindictive shits at me my only possible reaction will be "lol this is the internet".  Don't go Mutually-Assured Destruction with ppl's secrets that's retarded this is the internet not Game of Thrones.

*How to avoid drama*
1) Say whatever you want to say whenever you want to say it
2) Don't be a crying butthurt faggot
3) This is the internet ffs


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## GS 281 (Nov 23, 2015)

Dynastia said:


> I have dirt on a bunch of ppl here. It's not ammo though, because if people decide to be vicious vindictive shits at me my only possible reaction will be "lol this is the internet".  Don't go Mutually-Assured Destruction with ppl's secrets that's retarded this is the internet not Game of Thrones.
> 
> *How to avoid drama*
> 1) Say whatever you want to say whenever you want to say it
> ...


What if whatever you want to say includes being a crying butthurt faggot?


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## HG 400 (Nov 23, 2015)

yawning sneasel said:


> What if whatever you want to say includes being a crying butthurt faggot?



Harden the fuck up and what you want to say will no longer include being a crying butthurt faggot.


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## Dr. Meme (Nov 23, 2015)

every time i try to directly confront people in posts it gets deleted so i'm forced to be a passive aggressive asshole behind their back. this is not my fault this is the shit mods fault


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## Cuck Norris (Nov 23, 2015)

Dr. Meme said:


> every time i try to directly confront people in posts it gets deleted so i'm forced to be a passive aggressive asshole behind their back. this is not my fault this is the shit mods fault


No see @Flowers For Sonichu has to do it for you.


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## Dr. Meme (Nov 23, 2015)

Cuck Norris said:


> No see @Flowers For Sonichu has to do it for you.


why go through a middle man when i can just tell tumblrfags in deep thoughts that self diagnosis isn't a valid form of diagnosis.


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## The Knife's Husbando (Nov 23, 2015)

Drama breaking out in the "How to avoid forum drama" thread. 

LMAO. Never change Kiwis, never change.


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## Dr. Meme (Nov 23, 2015)

The Knife's Husbando said:


> Drama breaking out in the "How to avoid forum drama" thread.
> 
> LMAO. Never change Kiwis, never change.


ur like 12 shet up


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## AnOminous (Nov 23, 2015)

Dynastia said:


> Harden the fuck up and what you want to say will no longer include being a crying butthurt faggot.



I read this as "Hayden the fuck up" before reading the rest of the sentence, which isn't what Hayden would do.


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## Dr. Meme (Nov 23, 2015)

AnOminous said:


> I read this as "Hayden the fuck up" before reading the rest of the sentence, which isn't what Hayden would do.


do you think of gen zed on the daily


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## MarvinTheParanoidAndroid (Nov 23, 2015)

Chat is a chaotic shithole, the fact that cliques started emerging from it is astounding to me.

Deep thoughts on the other hand, is not that surprising, actually.


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