# How would humanity deal with alien contact?



## Tiamat (Jul 17, 2018)

Wanna hear ya thoughts


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## Draza (Jul 17, 2018)

Declare war.


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## Derp Potato (Jul 17, 2018)

Depends on where they land, tbh.


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## Caddchef (Jul 17, 2018)

Try and fuck it.


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## Dial M for Misgender (Jul 17, 2018)

Shit myself and do nothing


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## Desire Lines (Jul 17, 2018)

It'll be like Mass Effect: a giant ass war, peace then 



Spoiler



sex


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## OhGoy (Jul 17, 2018)

what kind are we talkin' about?

because there's a lot of different kinds of aliens

john carpenter's "the thing," ridley scott's "aliens," lovecraft, mass effect, etc


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## Big News (Jul 17, 2018)




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## IV 445 (Jul 17, 2018)

I imagine like mass effect. Confusion at first, followed by combat, cease fire and attempts to communicate and maybe a few generations of xenophobia and mistrust for initial contact.

Then there would be alien-human babies


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## Xetzyr (Jul 17, 2018)

It's highly doubtful advanced aliens would see us as anything more than slightly more evolved animals.  It would be like when Europeans started branching out and colonizing the lesser world.  Half of us would likely wind up inadvertently dead after they made a pit stop for... whatever and then left.  They'd probably take some of us pets/slaves/amusement but for the most part they wouldn't likely have much interest outside of idle curiosity/entertainment.  There would likely be mass panic with dead people everywhere and attempted "war" against them and they would probably just find it funny/strange/bizarre/interesting to study.


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## QB 290 (Jul 17, 2018)

muslims and trannies would be old news and SJW's would jump on the alien virtue signal train while making up a bunch of pronouns about how they are Xeno-kin too


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## Hatoful Dandy (Jul 17, 2018)

Were not ready, especially if they have four dicks,  if George Clinton is right.


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## Flying_with_the_Penguins (Jul 17, 2018)

Xetzyr said:


> It's highly doubtful advanced aliens would see us as anything more than slightly more evolved animals. It would be like when Europeans started branching out and colonizing the lesser world. Half of us would likely wind up inadvertently dead after they made a pit stop for... whatever and then left. They'd probably take some of us pets/slaves/amusement but for the most part they wouldn't likely have much interest outside of idle curiosity/entertainment. There would likely be mass panic with dead people everywhere and attempted "war" against them and they would probably just find it funny/strange/bizarre/interesting to study.



Your post reminds me of an interesting greentext from 4chan.  Overall I think its an fun thought experiment to imagine earth as a proper colony instead of the usual "kill all humans without any real motive or end goal" type of shit.


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## Bob Page (Jul 17, 2018)




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## KemChy (Jul 17, 2018)

there is no aliens the way we imagine them i mean there probably is life outside of earth but for all we know it could be just a living mass of nothing. the probability that extraterrestrial beings have the similar structure to us is close to zero.


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## Teri-Teri (Jul 17, 2018)




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## dunbrine47 (Jul 17, 2018)

We'd have an Intergalactic Clique and start doxxing these bastards.


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## ES 148 (Jul 17, 2018)

dunbrine47 said:


> We'd have an Intergalactic Clique and start doxxing these bastards.



'Zargok these humans are posting my coordinates on the spaceweb'
"haha yeah you go earthlings"
_Zargok high-fives the planet, his moon-sized hand killing all human life_


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## Doc Cassidy (Jul 17, 2018)

Dude I bet aliens have some crazy drugs. Imagine tripping balls on Martian psychedelics that would be nuts dude!


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## Fascist Frederick (Jul 17, 2018)

It's theorized that in order for a civilization to advance to the point where they can effectively explore the galaxy, they would have left war and conflict behind long ago. So those poor fuckers would excitedly show up on earth finally discovering some form of intelligent life. Unfortunately, they are completely unarmed and unprotected as violence is something they no longer comprehend. Within hours of first contact, we've slaughtered the bastards and gutted their ship, advancing our own technology by tens of thousands of years in a fraction of that time... Then we take to the stars to fuck everything up like we do best.


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## Mr. Poker in the Front Liquor in the Rear (Jul 17, 2018)

America would be too busy eating cheeseburgers to actually give a damn. That's for sure.


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## Slap47 (Jul 17, 2018)

We'll capture their ship and reverse engineer their FTL technology. With the only space force in the galaxy we'll conquer the stars.


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## Zaragoza (Jul 17, 2018)

Mr. Armenian said:


> America would be too busy eating cheeseburgers to actually give a damn. That's for sure.


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## Inquisitor_BadAss (Jul 19, 2018)

Shit post them into oblivion securing our place as the dominant species in the universe.


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## LazarusOwenhart (Jul 23, 2018)

Pity there's a rule against one word posts because all I really want to put is "Badly!"


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## Caz (Jul 23, 2018)

That greek guy from _Ancient aliens _would nut so hard his dick will implode.


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## millais (Jul 23, 2018)

Murmur said:


> It's theorized that in order for a civilization to advance to the point where they can effectively explore the galaxy, they would have left war and conflict behind long ago. So those poor fuckers would excitedly show up on earth finally discovering some form of intelligent life. Unfortunately, they are completely unarmed and unprotected as violence is something they no longer comprehend. Within hours of first contact, we've slaughtered the bastards and gutted their ship, advancing our own technology by tens of thousands of years in a fraction of that time... Then we take to the stars to fuck everything up like we do best.


There is an old sci-fi novel with this premise called, "The High Crusade" by Poul Anderson. An Alien survey ship lands in medieval England and is captured by an army of English crusaders who go on to conquer the entire Alien empire conquistardor-style because the Crusaders are highly experienced political intriguers compared to the Aliens.


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## Inquisitor_BadAss (Jul 24, 2018)

millais said:


> There is an old sci-fi novel with this premise called, "The High Crusade" by Poul Anderson. An Alien survey ship lands in medieval England and is captured by an army of English crusaders who go on to conquer the entire Alien empire conquistardor-style because the Crusaders are highly experienced political intriguers compared to the Aliens.



We shall re take space Jerusalem.


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## Max Dragon (Jul 24, 2018)

Make sure they don't land in India. We wouldn't want them to think we can't manage our own waste now would we?


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## QT 219 (Jul 24, 2018)

Instant terror.  People go into mental and bodily shock.  Entire worlds of philosophy and thought are destroyed in a single theological and secular blow.  It would be mayhem of the worst kind.  No one would have any idea what to do.  Rational thought would be completely abandoned.

In short; anarchy of the most heinous sort.


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## Commander Keen (Jul 24, 2018)

Gook Choy said:


> Instant terror.  People go into mental and bodily shock.  Entire worlds of philosophy and thought are destroyed in a single theological and secular blow.  It would be mayhem of the worst kind.  No one would have any idea what to do.  Rational thought would be completely abandoned.
> 
> In short; anarchy of the most heinous sort.



But, in the corner, one man rises up and says: "I want to fuck that sentient fungus". 

Fast forward 300 years and there's a new race of fungus-mammalian super men who conquer the universe. With their dongs. And cum. Raping sentient life forms into submission. Repeatedly. Hourly. Starships are fueled by the vaginal secretions of various alien races. Faster than light travel is trivial when it's powered by rape. 

Eventually a utopia is formed throughout the stars. A caste system is installed with sex slaves occupying vast sections of galactic society. But that's ok. They orgasm repeatedly and don't mind the oppressive living conditions imposed upon them by the fungus-mammalian elites with sex organs reaching 35 centimeters (in cuck units) long and as girthy as something really girthy. 

So get on board and do your duty to humanity by fucking your alien overlords to create the new dominant galactic species.


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## millais (Jul 24, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> But, in the corner, one man rises up and says: "I want to fuck that sentient fungus".
> 
> Fast forward 300 years and there's a new race of fungus-mammalian super men who conquer the universe. With their dongs. And cum. Raping sentient life forms into submission. Repeatedly. Hourly. Starships are fueled by the vaginal secretions of various alien races. Faster than light travel is trivial when it's powered by rape.
> 
> ...


Enjoy your Space AIDS


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## Commander Keen (Jul 24, 2018)

millais said:


> Enjoy your Space AIDS



Only faggy homo buttqueer types get space AIDS because they fuck other faggy homo buttqueer types in their contaminated bootyholes. Fungus-Mammalian super men get space chlamydia.  The space chlamydia actually boosts your IQ into the quadruple digits and causes you to lose weight and gain muscle. When you are "infected" with the space chlamydia you start producing pheromones that make you obscenely attractive to space females of any species. The potency of your ejaculate is also increased a thousand fold like glorious niponese steel. You are able to impregnate anything with a womb. Also plants. Because fuck plants. Fuck them hard.


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## GnomeofDoc (Jul 24, 2018)

Commander Keen said:


> Only faggy homo buttqueer types get space AIDS because they fuck other faggy homo buttqueer types in their contaminated bootyholes. Fungus-Mammalian super men get space chlamydia.  The space chlamydia actually boosts your IQ into the quadruple digits and causes you to lose weight and gain muscle. When you are "infected" with the space chlamydia you start producing pheromones that make you obscenely attractive to space females of any species. The potency of your ejaculate is also increased a thousand fold like glorious niponese steel. You are able to impregnate anything with a womb. Also plants. Because fuck plants. Fuck them hard.


When did this become Mass Effect.... Just banging everything that moves the game.


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## Nobunaga (Jul 24, 2018)

Ever played x-com op?


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## ZeCommissar (Jul 25, 2018)

Every single alien thread we have I always say the exact same thing....


SUFFER NOT THE XENO TO LIVE


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## Piss Clam (Jul 25, 2018)

I was told there would be three tits. Disappointed.


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## Replicant Sasquatch (Aug 5, 2018)

Attempt dickings.  When rebuffed, war were declared.


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## NARPASSWORD (Aug 6, 2018)

We fuck it, especially if it's a yiffy alien.


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## Antipathy (Aug 6, 2018)

All of the above: Murder, sex, violence, robbery, blind worship, whatever.

It'd be a total clusterfuck.

_But I'd totally do an alien if it looked good enough._


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## JohnLenin (Aug 10, 2018)

Call them space niggers


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## Julias_Seizure (Apr 19, 2019)

Desperately try to communicate and fail horribly


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## Sinner's Sandwich (Apr 19, 2019)

Alien porn


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## Anonymous For This (Apr 20, 2019)

I don't know, but Elizabeth Warren will undoubtedly try and say her great-great-granny told stories about the great Uk'Luk'Dik Culture.


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