# How would Kiwi Farms of history be like?



## lolcow yoghurt (Jun 1, 2022)

Let's say, in 1856, how would the society have a Kiwi Farms? My bet is on a freak circus.


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## Rear Admiral Butthole (Jun 1, 2022)

"Grug use sharp stone, take off man-berries. Want be called Lurrg now"
"Ha ha ha, Lurrg is woman name, Grug is big lolaurochs. I draw petroglyph in Birdcave, everyone make fun now."


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## Certified_Autist (Jun 1, 2022)

Kiwi Farms would be the local pub/tavern where everyone goes to get gossip, make fun of village idiots (many of whom also frequent the place), and argue over stupid bullshit.


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## Kier (Jun 1, 2022)

Certified_Autist said:


> Kiwi Farms would be the local pub/tavern where everyone goes to get gossip, make fun of village idiots (many of whom also frequent the place), and argue over stupid bullshit.


And eventually it would probably become a speak-easy somewhere


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## FatMebius (Jun 2, 2022)

I'd imagine we'd all be wearing some slick togas. But, instead of talking about how a funny thing happened on the way to the forum, we'd be talking about some sperg  drawing their own original mary sue Greek god who sleeps with all the goddesses. Or sharing tales of a large, angry pig who who's said to sire multiple offspring he never sees and flees from the sight of Anglos.


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## DDBCAE CBAADCBE (Jun 2, 2022)

FatMebius said:


> I'd imagine we'd all be wearing some slick togas. But, instead of talking about how a funny thing happened on the way to the forum, we'd be talking about some sperg  drawing their own original mary sue Greek god who sleeps with all the goddesses. Or sharing tales of a large, angry pig who who's said to sire multiple offspring he never sees and flees from the sight of Anglos.


Actually... that’s pretty much Arthurian legend is.


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## Red Hood (Jun 2, 2022)

"We're gonna tar and feather the Bri'ish magistrate! Liberty or death!"

"Fuck you Patrick Henry, we are NOT YOUR PERSONAL ARMY."


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## CyberGoyim (Jun 2, 2022)

Go check out Søren Aabye Kierkegaard


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## Johnny Salami (Jun 2, 2022)

Joshua "Cowboy" Moon would be a rancher however when you ask to see the "funny looking cows" you'd go to a secret room where you can either pick up a pamphlet of what the lolcows were up to and you could drop off notes about the crazies out in town did. Everyone knows the pamphlets exist but nobody knows how they're getting out nut they just wish to never be on there (in this scenario nobody knows null runs the farms because in the 1850s Jersh would have been shot a long time ago


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## Russian Bot (Jun 2, 2022)




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## Kaido117 (Jun 2, 2022)

A pub.


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## Ronnie McNutt (Jun 2, 2022)

"have thee heard about christian weston chandler? i heard we're going to see his execution tonight"
"i am laughing my buttocks off"
"crimean war? it's happening"


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## Jimmy Olsen (Jun 2, 2022)

1930s A&N would be filled with arguments about Hitler, so not that different than it is now.


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## Poppavalyim Andropoff (Jun 2, 2022)

Hanoi Jane , Patty Hearst, Manson, Crying about Star Trek being cancelled, Womens Liberation, Vietnam, Jet fuel & steel beams, Unabomber..


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## Toyota Camry (Jun 3, 2022)

Depending on the circumstances, we may have to deal with the local authorities more often than the other competing pubs and most people wouldn't admit they have ever visited our establishment, even though it's literally the best grapevine with somewhat amazing and surprisingly diverse patrons. 

We would talk about every single horrible ruler and their dickrider, how certain science experiments are just a front for human cruelty, and other nonsense that the public have been exposed to. Everyone have the same speaking power and dear leader would be somewhat of a legend among us.


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## Neurotypical Mantis (Jun 3, 2022)

it would be a secret society/cult...
in a sewer system


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## fat venus (Jun 3, 2022)

tabloid publisher house. isnt this the same shit, just online? and with more insults


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## MrGodSlave (Jun 3, 2022)

They'd be all over this chap


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## PipTheAlchemist (Jun 4, 2022)

Russian Bot said:


> View attachment 3345331


Martin Luther was not nearly this based


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## AMHOLIO (Jun 4, 2022)

It would be funnier because people would have to work harder to shitpost IRL without videos.


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## Homer J. Fong (Jun 4, 2022)

I said it in another thread of historical lolcows, but Wilde v. Queensbury was the lolcow lawsuit of its time. And Kiwifarms had it magically existed back then would have shitposted endlessly calling Oscar Wilde a faggot and goofing on Queensbury for being so butthurt that his children were homos.


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## Dyn (Jun 4, 2022)

Everybody who ended up posting on kiwi farms would have been exposed to the elements at birth if it was 1856.


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## Near (Jun 4, 2022)




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## Cilleystring (Jun 4, 2022)

It would be more local. Townsfolk would laugh discussing the village idiots and eccentrics at the pub, and travellers would tell tales of the lolcows of their hometowns and other strange folk they had come across. 

The village idiots would think the townsfolk were having secret cultlike meetings solely to discuss them, as opposed to everyone just laughing about their antics over some ale. 

A-logs were probably much more aggressive back then too. Life has rarely been good for cows.


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## Fag Albert (Jun 4, 2022)

Early to mid 70's? Could totally see it as a weird amateur magazine talking about Francis E Dec and the like.


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## RSLUG30 (Jun 5, 2022)

there is a roman-era shitposting wall in pompeii, talking shit about others is part of the timeless human experience.


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## Jeff_the_Thriller (Jun 5, 2022)

Village idiots have been around since there were villages. Now the village idiot can broadcast their insanity to the world.


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## ToroidalBoat (Jun 5, 2022)

There was this thing called _The Gentleman's Magazine_ where readers could submit letters and discuss stuff.


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## TurdFondler (Jun 5, 2022)

In classical history we would 100% be homeless retards making fun of Diogenes.


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## Saint Agustin (Jun 5, 2022)

fat venus said:


> tabloid publisher house. isnt this the same shit, just online? and with more insults


There were subscription from pulp fiction publisher about "weird stuff" and science fiction stories in the 80'. I can see a cellulose print magazine with KF logo talking about the most degenerates people in existence or about certain digusting or out of the normal topics.

Kiwi Farms can totally thrive as print subscription even nowadays.


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## Lieutenant Rasczak (Jun 6, 2022)

_"Hey guys look at this Josh Norton guy claiming to be Emperor of the United States."_
t. Anonymous poster, circa 1873


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## Cedric_Eff (Jun 12, 2022)

Kiwi Farms of the past would straight up just be those old IRC chats and just like BBS.


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## TheAntiE-CelebLeague00 (Jun 13, 2022)

It would be gossip, certain articles in local newspapers, and tabloids


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## CWCissey (Jun 13, 2022)

We'd literally burn the lolcows rather than in the colloquial sense we do today.


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## Rome's rightful successor (Jun 30, 2022)

It would be a heavily audience involved magazine about updates on lolcows on a monthly basis kinda like a TLC show you can write to.


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## No Batty Boys in Jamaica (Jul 2, 2022)

ALL SPERGING ABOUT SLAVERY OUTSIDE OF THE SLAVERY DEBATE CONTAINMENT THREAD WILL RESULT IN PERMANENT BANISHMENT.





No Nancy Boys in Jamaica replied:

But what if the lolcow being discussed is an abolitionist loon? One should be able to loon about slavery in the John Brown thread. And Bleeding Kansas General is nothing but abolitionist vs slavers howling at each other. Secessionist General is the same. Village Idiots, Freaks, and Towne Drunks are all open for those who wish not to engage in political discourse.


[this is all taking place over telegraphs]


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## Tempress (Jul 5, 2022)

Rome's rightful successor said:


> It would be a heavily audience involved magazine about updates on lolcows on a monthly basis kinda like a TLC show you can write to.


there would be lynching section for sure.


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## 5t3n0g0ph3r (Jul 5, 2022)

Cilleystring said:


> It would be more local. Townsfolk would laugh discussing the village idiots and eccentrics at the pub, and travellers would tell tales of the lolcows of their hometowns and other strange folk they had come across.
> 
> The village idiots would think the townsfolk were having secret cultlike meetings solely to discuss them, as opposed to everyone just laughing about their antics over some ale.


Well, there is one village idiot from the 1700s that absolutely would be a lolcow in today's standards as well as his own lifetime's:
Timothy Dexter


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## Cilleystring (Jul 5, 2022)

5t3n0g0ph3r said:


> Well, there is one village idiot from the 1700s that absolutely would be a lolcow in today's standards as well as his own lifetime's:
> Timothy Dexter


Just read the short wiki bio about him. He sounds like the Chris Chan of the 1700s except he got rich and successful from the trolling attempts. I laughed when I saw he wrote a book called _A *Pickle* For The Knowing Ones_


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## 5t3n0g0ph3r (Jul 5, 2022)

Cilleystring said:


> Just read the short wiki bio about him. He sounds like the Chris Chan of the 1700s except he got rich and successful from the trolling attempts. I laughed when I saw he wrote a book called _A *Pickle* For The Knowing Ones_


You should try reading the book.
Mind you, the second edition has a page filled with punctuation marks for readers to put in where they please since the first printing HAD NONE.
A funny way to troll the complainers.


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## No Batty Boys in Jamaica (Jul 6, 2022)

Tempress said:


> there would be lynching section for sure.


Monkeyshines General.



5t3n0g0ph3r said:


> Well, there is one village idiot from the 1700s that absolutely would be a lolcow in today's standards as well as his own lifetime's:
> Timothy Dexter


Invented dropshipping 300 years before Amazon.
Faked death to see how people would react.
Held a fake funeral.
3000 people showed up:
Revealed the hoax when wife didn’t cry.
Caned her for not crying.

Pretty based.

It’d be like if Chris used the Sonichu watch and win money to buy thousands of Apple shares. Had extremely strong hands through the dot bomb meltdown. Cashed out as a multi millionaire when the trolls were getting really bad. Used some of the money to track down the real Clyde Cash and Bluespike. Then invested the rest in Tesla and Bitcoin and became a billionaire. Married Megan. Beat her for not liking SheCameForCWC. Married Sarah Hamer. Worked out contracts with Sega and Nintendo to make Sonichu real. Passes on a majority stake in Nintendo to Crystal.


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## 5t3n0g0ph3r (Jul 6, 2022)

No Batty Boys in Jamaica said:


> Monkeyshines General.
> 
> 
> Invented dropshipping 300 years before Amazon.
> ...


He got beat up by a lawyer, though.


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## Chuck Gruden (Jul 16, 2022)

Probably a tavern with a reputation for being slanderous. Also if we were in the 1850s-1860s, John Brown would definitely been seen as a lolcow for some of us.


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## Peggy Olson (Jul 17, 2022)

sooooo much autistic meltdowns and fedposts about Lyndon Johnson.


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## LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV] (Jul 18, 2022)

Most lolcows would be commited, burned at the stake or lobotomized early on their careers.


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## Syaoran Li (Jul 20, 2022)

If KF was a thing in the 1970's, it'd probably be a series of mondo films for the lolcow boards and a magazine in the vein of something like Soldier Of Fortune or anything that was ever published by Paladin Press or Loompanics for the Autistic Thunderdome boards.


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## StickFruit (Jul 21, 2022)

"Thee shall nev'r beest a mistress!"


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## Chi-com Soldier (Aug 11, 2022)

A semi-private pub where it's mostly gossip, arguments and bants, but you have to lie about your name, the gossip is more important than the booze and once in awhile a patron gets dragged out into the street and lynched.


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## Justin d Tipp (Aug 22, 2022)

It would be old dilapidated warehouse with printing presses converted into a saloon. The saloon would centrally located between several large towns. 

It would also be a burlesque house/brothel. Where members get up on stage to try to "outgay" each other with lewd and deplorable acts. 

Upon some someone doing some really embarrassingly hilarious shit. The presses are used to make flyers and the pony express is used to distribute them to the surrounding town halls and churches. 

Publicly, everyone talks about how full of sin the establishment is. And how it should be torched. But privately they all love the flyers and look forward to the next batch. 

Tolerating all of it, Null would be the salty bartender. Making enough from watered down liquor and moonshine sales to scrape by. 
Constantly complaining about how much paper and ink costs. Bitching non-stop about how many suppliers refuse to do business with him, or how many pony express riders won't carry his flyers.


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