# Times you accidentally went shitposter in real life



## Russian Bot (Jun 2, 2022)

I'm sure there must be a few of you with stories about this. Where you thought up something you thought was funny so you said it before you realised that you aren't online. I'll start.

Was at the pub with a friend and his friend who I'd not met before. This friend kept banging on about mental disabilities (honestly, it was mainly those bollocks ones that are for attention, not the serious ones) and that whole crowd, and he said "I noticed there's an awful lot of gay disabled people."

So I replied "Well, it is a very common disability".

Managed to play it off as Jimmy Carr style edgelord humour, but had to watch myself to not say anything else like that...


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## Blasterisk (Jun 2, 2022)

I've called something "exceptional" more than once.


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## cornycat (Jun 2, 2022)

In middle school I used to quote filthy frank.


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## Russian Bot (Jun 2, 2022)

catsnuggler said:


> In middle school I used to quote filthy frank.


I imagine that was fine though. Could probably get away with some FF quotes around normies if they've seen any of his stuff.

I'm talking about more contemporary situations where you are trying to hide your political opninions but you think of something funny so you have to say it before you realise it's a bad move.


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## Iron Jaguar (Jun 2, 2022)

I know a guy whose first wife died of cancer. When his latest girlfriend was also diagnosed with cancer, I said, "Fuck, you must be hard to live with." 

Or the girlfriend who asked me what I would change about about our relationship, and I replied, "I'd get you to go to the gym a couple of times a week."


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## Just A Butt (Jun 2, 2022)

i called my dad a nigger


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## Usb2200a (Jun 2, 2022)

I told a room full of opera singers that they were living proof that society had jobs for the morbidly obese.


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## cornycat (Jun 2, 2022)

Russian Bot said:


> I imagine that was fine though. Could probably get away with some FF quotes around normies if they've seen any of his stuff.
> 
> I'm talking about more contemporary situations where you are trying to hide your political opninions but you think of something funny so you have to say it before you realise it's a bad move.


No, I literally would screech it. Imagine a chubby 11-13 year old kid with thick framed glasses who also spouted 4chan shit. I accidentally still blurt out "cope" or "based" sometimes with my older sister.


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## Iron Jaguar (Jun 2, 2022)

Just A Butt said:


> i called my dad a nigger


Which is funny because if he actually was one, you wouldn't know who he was.


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## SpergPatrol (Jun 2, 2022)

I have made jokes without a filter more than once that have gotten me into trouble before.

Example of this was I had a friend back years ago around 2018 who mentioned thier parents drank when they were pregnant with them.
Before they could even finish thier sentence I then said "that explains a lot."

He then began to scream at me for that and then I slipped up more and went "kind of proving my point here."

I wasn't even trying to sass the guy.
It just happened out of instinct from years of trolling users online.

The internet was a mistake.


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## Russian Bot (Jun 2, 2022)

Iron Jaguar said:


> I know a guy whose first wife died of cancer. When his latest girlfriend was also diagnosed with cancer, I said, "Fuck, you must be hard to live with."
> 
> Or the girlfriend who asked me what I would change about about our relationship, and I replied, "I'd get you to go to the gym a couple of times a week."


S Tier bants m8.


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## Chocolate Wombat (Jun 2, 2022)

I called my mom a nigger.


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## Honka Honka Burning Love (Jun 2, 2022)

I was shopping in my non-work clothing a couple of months ago and some fat ass poked me on the shoulder because I wasn't responding to her cause I had my very nice Noise Canceling ear buds in and was very much ignoring her because I WAS OFF THE CLOCK IN MY WORK CLOTHING and asked me to check to see if we had something in stock I told her

"I am off the Clock, get your fat Gunt away from me."

and then walked away as she seethed.


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## Poppavalyim Andropoff (Jun 2, 2022)

my brain has the good sense not to even bother telling me to shut up


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## ToroidalBoat (Jun 2, 2022)

Once I called a "face mask" a "muzzle" by accident in a public setting IRL.

No visible reaction though.


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## Russian Bot (Jun 2, 2022)

Poppavalyim Andropoff said:


> my brain has the good sense not to even bother telling me to shut up


May as well embrace it eh. 

Another one this week, fat bloke walks into the pub at about 11 o clock pointing at his T shirt that had some band on and says "Guess where I've just been!"

I looked at his belly and said "McDonalds?"


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## Poppavalyim Andropoff (Jun 2, 2022)

Russian Bot said:


> May as well embrace it eh.
> 
> Another one this week, fat bloke walks into the pub at about 11 o clock pointing at his T shirt that had some band on and says "Guess where I've just been!"
> 
> I looked at his belly and said "McDonalds?"


yeah ya mum was working the fry basket 
yeah ya mum was in drive through offering gobbies for nuggets 
yeah ya mum was hungry after last night
yeah ya mum was ...

I call that banter not shit posting


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## Iron Jaguar (Jun 2, 2022)

Chocolate Wombat said:


> I called my mom a nigger.


I called your mom a nigger.


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## Chocolate Wombat (Jun 2, 2022)

Iron Jaguar said:


> I called your mom a nigger.


What did she do to piss you off? For me it's a weekly occurrence so I can't remember the full context.


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## Russian Bot (Jun 2, 2022)

Poppavalyim Andropoff said:


> yeah ya mum was working the fry basket
> yeah ya mum was in drive through offering gobbies for nuggets
> yeah ya mum was hungry after last night
> yeah ya mum was ...
> ...


I guess you had to know the guy and the situation. It was definitely inappropriate.


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## Iron Jaguar (Jun 2, 2022)

Chocolate Wombat said:


> What did she do to piss you off? For me it's a weekly occurrence so I can't remember the full context.


I think we have the same mother.


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## R00T (Jun 2, 2022)

Blasterisk said:


> I've called something "exceptional" more than once.


called a friend exceptional once. She was so thankful until I said what it meant.


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## Santa Fe Swag (Jun 2, 2022)

I have shared the video of gunt getting beat up to just about everyone that I know, most of them found it funny but they didn't know who Ralph is or how funny "five star days bitch! Suuuey!" is to me.


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## Psyduck (Jun 2, 2022)

ITT:


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## Russian Bot (Jun 2, 2022)

Psyduck said:


> ITT:


Yeah, I was hoping for more people posting funny things they said rather than "I used to scream retarded catchphrases and show people videos".


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## The Gifted Kid (Jun 2, 2022)

Holy shit I just remembered this one time I opened my mouth and accidentally spoke out loud in the middle of class. I had a real crazy feminist prof. (I think I might've mentioned her here before) who would go on long tangents that had nothing to do with the subject matter. Anyways the topic inevitably drifted onto the wage gap and she said something to the effect of "what are women supposed to do if they make so much less than men." Me being tired and barely paying attention I accidentally said out loud "marry a man" and the class went totally silent and the prof. gave me the coldest death glare humanly possible. Not one of my best moments but kinda funny in hindsight.


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## Moderna (Jun 2, 2022)

I'm usually pretty good at compartmentalizing my online vocabulary and my normie vocabulary, but once while heavily inebriated I called a "nonbinary" woman I know "she" several times in a row due to that being how I refer to her in my head. On a different occasion (also involving alcohol) I found myself explaining autogynephilia to a few woke friends. 

Luckily I think I was the only one present for both instances who remembered them the next day.


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## Dwight Frye (Jun 3, 2022)

An old friend’s mother was in a wheelchair. A bunch of us were hanging out, being dumbasses making your mom jokes and I made the comment “I wonder if when X’s mom is getting fucked the guy starts singing ‘the wheels on the bitch go round and round! Round and round! Round and round!” 

He got pissed and didn’t help that everyone else started cracking up. Felt bad about it later.


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## Womanhater69 (Jun 3, 2022)

There was once this chick that sat behind me in school, since she just kept on talking and talking, one day when she was complaining about the temperature inside the class I turned around and told her the equivalent of: "Can you stop being hot?"
She then started bawling.


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## Monolith (Jun 3, 2022)

When my friend mentioned liking Lizzo, I called her "literally fat."


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Jun 3, 2022)

Was with my Mexican GF, checked my pocket for my wallet, told her you always have to check it around Mexicans.
She had been spending the whole day trying to pick a fight (dump me, but feeling guilty about it, you know) and I think it was making me so nervous that that stupid shit came out of my mouth. (Didn't actually start a fight, I think she realized it was a shitty joke, but obviously that didn't help me at all.)


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## moocow (Jun 3, 2022)

ToroidalBoat said:


> Once I called a "face mask" a "muzzle" by accident in a public setting IRL.


Ooooh, that's a good one. I'm going to have to start doing that.



Ughubughughughughughghlug said:


> Was with my Mexican GF, checked my pocket for my wallet, told her you always have to check it around Mexicans.
> She had been spending the whole day trying to pick a fight (dump me, but feeling guilty about it, you know) and I think it was making me so nervous that that stupid shit came out of my mouth. (Didn't actually start a fight, I think she realized it was a shitty joke, but obviously that didn't help me at all.)


Anyone who can't take a joke like that isn't worth your time anyway, lad. You dodged a bullet.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Jun 3, 2022)

moocow said:


> Ooooh, that's a good one. I'm going to have to start doing that.
> 
> 
> Anyone who can't take a joke like that isn't worth your time anyway, lad. You dodged a bullet.


she brought me cookies after dumping me and has been half heartedly trying to pick fights, so I don’t think the joke was really the problem there. But there was a look of hurt on her face. It didn’t help anything.

It was a big rebound that had burned itself out and she felt bad about it.


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## Bogs (Jun 4, 2022)

I once mentioned Kiwi Farms to some of my friends. They aren’t pleased with you guys. (Most of them are fucking lolcows anyway, fuck them.)


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## AMHOLIO (Jun 4, 2022)

I've been very choosy with words ever since I realized I was fanfuckingtastic at blurting out the first thing I thought of and people didn't like it.  It's developed over time that when it happens, it's usually to people I meet in passing.  I still feel total embarrassment, but it's always better than doing it to someone I like.

I was in a class where the teacher was talking about female rape statistics.  I then said "so if you have a vagina, you always have to be worried about a much higher chance of rape".  This on it's own wouldn't be bad, but one of the people in class was a trans woman and I think it burned her as she later talked to me about how she was nearly raped after going to a pizza parlor with her friends (and her story had some holes in it, of course).  I wish I could tell you a funnier one, but most normies just move on after looking at you funny.



Iron Jaguar said:


> I think we have the same mother.


Kiwi Farms: gluing split families back together, one "nigger" at a time. 


Bogs said:


> I once mentioned Kiwi Farms to some of my friends. They aren’t pleased with you guys. (Most of them are fucking lolcows anyway, fuck them.)


How did you get to be their friends in the first place?  Are you just a cow magnet?


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## Iron Jaguar (Jun 4, 2022)

AMHOLIO said:


> and her story had some holes in it


I bet.


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## Chocolate Wombat (Jun 4, 2022)

Bogs said:


> I once mentioned Kiwi Farms to some of my friends. They aren’t pleased with you guys. (Most of them are fucking lolcows anyway, fuck them.)


I made the mistake of talking about Kiwi Farms with some people in my family only to later be accused of having been radicalized.

Apparently calling trans people troons and saying I don't think children should take hormone blockers means I'm possessed by an alt-right demon or something.


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## Shidoen (Jun 4, 2022)

I was dealing with a turbo nigger so I went wigger and then just full shitpost when then I finally out niggered the nigger.


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## Behavioral Sink (Jun 4, 2022)

I keep accidentally introducing people to the word troon.


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## PipTheAlchemist (Jun 4, 2022)

catsnuggler said:


> In middle school I used to quote filthy frank.


>middle school
>filthy frank


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## BlaireWhitesBottom (Jun 5, 2022)

a buddy said he was going to France, so i told him "better brush up on your arabic"


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## Manul Otocolobus (Jun 5, 2022)

I was once driving through a small town on a trip with a few friends friend and I said "Man, what a one horse town" and my friend looked at me and said "I was born here".

Another time someone was talking about carpeting in bathrooms and I said "That sounds disgusting" and a different person looked at me and said "My bathroom is carpeted"

I am well known in my family for shit like this.


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## Vingle (Jun 5, 2022)

Manul Otocolobus said:


> someone was talking about carpeting in bathrooms and I said "That sounds disgusting" and a different person looked at me and said "My bathroom is carpeted"


That's not shitposting, wall-to-wall carpeting in general is plain disgusting. Imagine everything you can't clean out of it, you spill red wine and leave a big stain.


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## PaleTay (Jun 5, 2022)

Probably over 10000 times by now. I've called a lot of people fat fucks and troons, used to be able to say nigger and faggot more often too. I've made elephant gestures with fat people. 

The weird kids were at the front of the school once and I said to a girl "let's get out of here before the shooting starts", she laughed, called me an asshole but left with me to the nearby park because it seemed like a good idea.

With family I've gotten into trouble with recently because there was a fat black woman singing the national anthem on a sporting event, I said it looks like she's sexually attracted to fried chicken and watermelon.


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## Haint (Jun 5, 2022)

I don't have enough time in the day to describe the times my smart ass takes the lead. It's a daily struggle to not be a smart ass.


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## Steven Aryan Universe (Jun 5, 2022)

When I worked retail, if a customer got mad at me and demanded my name I told them my name was Andy Warski


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## ( . Y . ) ԅ(´ڡ`ԅ) (Jun 6, 2022)

Got told I was meeting a blind person, asked if they knew sign language.


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## Vingle (Jun 6, 2022)

I was laughing openly at a troon at a gay bar, which I really don't like in the first place. Because there are always freaks there, but my friend dragged me there.


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## Xir Majesty (Jun 6, 2022)

I was talking with my wife's classmate and her boyfriend and mentioned the Friend Zone and they got pretty weirded out. Lesson learned, don't use the online lexicon with normies.


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## Honka Honka Burning Love (Jun 6, 2022)

Xir Majesty said:


> I was talking with my wife's classmate and her boyfriend and mentioned the Friend Zone and they got pretty weirded out. Lesson learned, don't use the online lexicon with normies.


Don't talk to Normies.


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## Pringles Can (Jun 6, 2022)

I was once with my aunt who told me she lost her baby on Thanksgiving day.

My retard mouths first words after were "well where did you put it?"

I'm pretty sure the whole room wanted to kill me after that.


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## please (Jun 6, 2022)

I recently got a gf and sperged out about troons and pride month/relationships with big tech, and a couple other things. By the time I realized I was weirding her out with my long tangents about the moral decay of society and what the information age has to do with it, it was too late and i made a lasting impression.

Oddly enough she's still dating me and is head over heels it seems. We'll see how long that lasts. I've been more careful since. She's one of those "I don't see how it's hurting anybody" types that doesn't like to read too much into things. Probably smarter than me for it, tbh.

Do not bring up fringe sociological theories in front of the hoes.


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## PipTheAlchemist (Jun 6, 2022)

Pringles Can said:


> I'm pretty sure the whole room wanted to kill me after that.


They fucking should've


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## Ron Jeremy Stan Account (Jun 7, 2022)

Chocolate Wombat said:


> Apparently calling trans people troons and saying I don't think children should take hormone blockers means I'm possessed by an alt-right demon or something.


A close IRL friend of mine is a huge Metokur fan and a Farms lurker: he unironically uses "troon" in casual conversation when we hang out.


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## Bogs (Jun 7, 2022)

AMHOLIO said:


> How did you get to be their friends in the first place?  Are you just a cow magnet?


I used to live in a very left leaning small town. With nothing to do and everything to fight about.


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## Russian Bot (Jun 8, 2022)

Another one at the pub. Dude was talking about his fat ex and said about her weight "she fluctuates".  I said "no man, she fluctuEATS"


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## Seora (Jun 9, 2022)

This one lecture I attended was so inaccurate and conglomerated with the trendiest ideas surrounding western civilisation and namely whitey that I couldn’t help but ask “difficult” questions. It gave me a bit of a chuckle especially with the fumbling and stuttering it caused. They used Beyoncé as an example by analysis of the music video ‘Formation’ and intersectionality. Load of tosh and utter nonsense.


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## Scalar wave Physicist (Jun 9, 2022)

When I was around the age of 15 I got invited to a birthday party of a former "friend" of mine. That guy had absolutely no sense of humor and was extremely easily offended so I always used to make fun of him supposedly being poor because he was half-greek (he was actually upper middle class) or fuck with him in other ways like stealing and hiding his Ravenclaw-scarf (he was a huge Harry-Potter-fan, don't know if that is still the case considering he's gay and pro-tranny now).  But because he invited me I decided to be nice to him just on that day and I held myself back fairly well until the end came around. First off, we had a kurdish migrant in class at that time, let's call him Muhammed. So just as I and a few other friends were about to leave my "friend" said: "Sorry that the party wasn't that bombastic...", to which I automatically replied "Well, you didn't invite Muhammed". Just when I realized what I just said a slap landed in my face, followed by the guy screaming for his parents: "MOM, DAD, SCALAR WAVE PHYSICIST IS BEING RACIST AGAINST MIGRANTS AGAIN!". His parents stormed to the door, asking what is wrong and he just repeated what I said, hic voice trembling with disgust. His parents then started to give me weird looks so I just excused myself and told them I had to leave. That was the last birthday of his I got invited to.

In retrospect, I really don't know how I managed to stay friends with this guy for about 3 years.


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## Kermit Jizz (Jun 9, 2022)

please said:


> Oddly enough she's still dating me and is head over heels it seems.


This just means you have a big dick. Nice.


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## Niobium (Jun 9, 2022)

got pissed off at my teacher when i was in middle school and i told her to take her prozac


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## Johan Schmidt (Jun 9, 2022)

Had an endoscooy today. No sedation, literal hell.

Was shaking like a recently raped prom queen on my side after it was pulled out, the mildly hot arab looking nurse asked if there was anything I wanted. Didn't even register I'd said 'shag be good' until she laughed and got me water. Not my finest moment.


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## An Ghost (Jun 9, 2022)

My mother informed me a classmate who trooned out in high school sudoku'd. I just shrugged and said "41%" which of course I had to explain what that meant after.


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## Sprate Header (Jun 9, 2022)

One of my friends said something dumb and I incredulously asked "What are you, autistic?" in front of my other friend who has Aspergers.


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## Vingle (Jun 9, 2022)

This is something I actually don't remember, but my parents like to bring it up. But when I was in like 1st grade or something, I got pissed at the teacher and told her to jump off the balcony. It was high enough to be badly hurt or died.


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## LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV] (Jun 9, 2022)

I once said that suicidegirls are all cheap sluts that look like they were rejected from every other slut mill. This was in front of a dude whose girlfriend was a suicegirls model and she was right besides him. 

They didn't said anything back but really fucking hated me. I learned about it from my other friend soon after, she found it hilarious.  I still stand what i said though, this girl was a cheap slut and did look like she would be rejected by every other nude modeling gig.


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## Frostnipped Todger (Jun 9, 2022)

I had a Mexican girlfriend for years who (for some reason) could never dry herself properly when she got out of the shower. It became standard for me to say to her "hey, you're a wetback", but it never occurred to either of us it could be offensive. 
My wife (when we'd just met) was telling me about her extended family and how she had over 20 cousins, to which I responded "well, you are a potatonigger". 
Did not get laid that night.


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## Dialtone (Jun 9, 2022)

One time I went to visit a friend of mine and his girlfriend was visiting, and we love making holocaust jokes and the like, this was around when the boston bombing happened I worked up this whole routine like: "My freind was in the race, he came in first fifth and sevent, I was gonna attend but plane tickets were outrageous they cost and arm and a leg." Among other things, I did this whole routine for him and his girl, she sat aghast and I jetted because work stuff, he got back to me and told me "Dude she was from Boston."

They broke up shortly after


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## Manul Otocolobus (Jun 9, 2022)

Johan Schmidt said:


> Had an endoscooy today. No sedation, literal hell.
> 
> Was shaking like a recently raped prom queen on my side after it was pulled out, the mildly hot arab looking nurse asked if there was anything I wanted. Didn't even register I'd said 'shag be good' until she laughed and got me water. Not my finest moment.



Did they at least use a -caine type spray for your throat so it would be numb? If not, that really is torture level shit. Why no sedation (if I may ask)? No sedation is a rarity, at least here in the US. It is typically only done if a patient is very unstable.

I had an endoscopy done once without the spray, and the sedation failed. I had to rawdog the scope, which I imagine is not dissimilar to how Russel Greer eats spaghetti. I still remember it very vividly. It did teach me something about my metabolism for certain medications not being exactly normal.


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## Johan Schmidt (Jun 10, 2022)

Manul Otocolobus said:


> Did they at least use a -caine type spray for your throat so it would be numb? If not, that really is torture level shit. Why no sedation (if I may ask)? No sedation is a rarity, at least here in the US. It is typically only done if a patient is very unstable.
> 
> I had an endoscopy done once without the spray, and the sedation failed. I had to rawdog the scope, which I imagine is not dissimilar to how Russel Greer eats spaghetti. I still remember it very vividly. It did teach me something about my metabolism for certain medications not being exactly normal.


Because the NHS is a fucking joke. I'd been waiting in A&E for 20 hours (ER for Americans) with a food bolus, retching every 30 minutes to clear saliva so I didn't drown. They told me sedation needed a free bed as I'd have to stay for a day. That could mean another wait for anywhere between 1-20 more hours depending.

So I asked for no sedation, they gave me a mouth spray, but that only went as far as the bolus was lodged. 'Hilariously' the 20 hour wait and constant retching has left me with oesophagitus and a >5cm hiatus hernia now. Plus the camera ramming the food bolus into my stomach to clear it has inflamed my oesaohagus to the point where sipping water still hurts. The entire experience was a waking nightmare actually; waiting room had a screaming heroin addict in it that wouldn't shut up.

They did give me these great dispersible painkillers that mame the pain vanish entirely for ~4 hours though, so that's good. Still though, should have gone private.


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## Captain Syrup (Jun 10, 2022)

I got an Ocarina for my birthday. As soon as the gifter was out of earshot, I turned to our mutual friend and asked,  "Does she know I don't give a sh*t about _Zelda_?" Turns out the mutual friend had bought me a Triforce placemat.  Didn't go down well.


Manul Otocolobus said:


> I was once driving through a small town on a trip with a few friends friend and I said "Man, what a one horse town" and my friend looked at me and said "I was born here".


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## Steven Aryan Universe (Jun 12, 2022)

This newly hired kid at work was having a hard time carrying this overfilled trashbag, so I decide to help and instead of saying "Hey let me help you" or anything normal I, instead, just said "I'll carry that gunt."


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## Aero the Alcoholic Bat (Jun 22, 2022)

I was visiting my Grandfather's grave on memorial day.  Nearby was a headstone of an obvious troon, who had both his female name and deadname on it.  I grimly remarked, "They'll use your real name when they bury you, indeed."  My aunt didn't get it, I had to specifically spell out to her what I was talking about.

Guy even had his obituary linked on his headstone with a QR code.

Tho there were times when I recite the Attack Helicopter copypasta from memory in front of family and friends.  Most of them never heard the joke before, so they dissolve into hysterical laughter when they heard me recite it, no matter how old or tired it is to people who are perpetually online.

Though my dad stopped me halfway through one time, because he took serious offense at the phrase, "dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners."


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## PipTheAlchemist (Jun 22, 2022)

Aero the Alcoholic Bat said:


> Though my dad stopped me halfway through one time, because he took serious offense at the phrase, "dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners."


Tell your dad to stop drinking soy, and to instead switch to alcohol


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## Sperghetti (Jun 22, 2022)

You know somebody's marriage material when you don't even _have_ these moments with them, they just laugh along with you.


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## Falcos_Commisar (Jun 22, 2022)

Chocolate Wombat said:


> I made the mistake of talking about Kiwi Farms with some people in my family only to later be accused of having been radicalized.
> 
> Apparently calling trans people troons and saying I don't think children should take hormone blockers means I'm possessed by an alt-right demon or something.


Ahahah nice

My family is so "normie" most BARELY even have a FB/Instagram. Hell my Dad has ZERO social media.

It's nice


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## Thumb Butler (Jun 22, 2022)

Sprate Header said:


> One of my friends said something dumb and I incredulously asked "What are you, autistic?" in front of my other friend who has Aspergers.


Sounds like you need new friends.


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## Falcos_Commisar (Jun 22, 2022)

Psyduck said:


> ITT:


Holy shiiiiiiittttttt this is almost painful to watch.


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## PipTheAlchemist (Jun 23, 2022)

Falcos_Commisar said:


> Hell my Dad has ZERO social media.


Based dad


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## DankSmoker (Jul 16, 2022)

Having trouble sleeping and thought of a nugget for this thread.

So years back I'm at a family get together, needless to say I had been drinking, and my sister was talking about how she was having trouble conceiving. Her and the husband were considering adopting a child from Africa, as she had recently been on one of those humanitarian  tourist excursions. I launched into a tirade about how that is for rich vapid cunts, how pulling children out of Africa isn't going to solve anything, and that if she wanted a token there are plenty of "locally sourced black babies". They were pretty aghast, but flash forward and they have two healthy kids they shat out on their own.


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## PipTheAlchemist (Jul 16, 2022)

DankSmoker said:


> but flash forward and they have two healthy kids they shat out on their own.


Are they white?


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## TroonsDid911 (Jul 16, 2022)

I have a gay friend who is naturally feminine with an actual womans body like the mythical traps people fap to. He doesn't even try to be a girl or lisp or shit like that and he still gets called a girl by accident all the time. Surprisingly he is rather right wing and can't stand left wing trannies.

One time he got into a heated argument with some troon when we were at a club with some mutuals. She said some retarded shit like how he "is just racist because he can't accept that he is a member of the LGBT community" to which I replied:

"and your just jealous because you will never pass as well as he can without even trying."

She lost her shit but my friend and most of the mutuals were laughing.


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## Gravemind (Jul 16, 2022)

Parents ordered pizza one night and one of them said something like "This pizza is really chewy," except, with their mouth full of food, their pronunciation of "chewy" ended up sounding like "Jewy". 

I replied, "I didn't know Hitler got into making pizza."

My dad immediately picked up on it and started dying. My mom was terribly confused. I explained the joke to her, and then she also started dying with laughter.

Sometimes I'm grateful that both of my parents have shitposting-adjacent senses of humor.


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## BalthasarGelt (Jul 16, 2022)

Went for a dive with a friend who also brought a friend along, he told me he was gay while I was driving us to our immersion point and I immediately gave him my condolences for his broken family situation. Turns out his father did indeed abuse him and his family situation is indeed a mess which just made me laugh harder. He wasn't very talkative on the drive back and I've never seen him again lol


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## DankSmoker (Jul 16, 2022)

PipTheAlchemist said:


> Are they white?


Husband is a touch beaner.


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## Shidoen (Jul 16, 2022)

You ever had that one slice of Pizza Hut that was too sour? That’s when it unleashed.


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## Lady Bizness (Jul 17, 2022)

For the last couple of years we've been having special microagression training and it's the most low quality, poorly researched shit ever but of course I'm too much of a coward to rock the boat. Now that meetings have returned to in person I get a little thrill making my coworkers uncomfortable when we play the stupid little discussion protocols.

Y'know, I've lived and worked around all kinds of ethnicities my whole life and have been absolutely astounded out how retarded wealthy white people are once I moved to a wealthy white area. Anyway, we had to share some stories about microagressions so I shared a really great story from when I worked a shit high school job and a black coworker harassed an asian coworker. We're talking rude little comments daily about not being able to see through they ching chong eyes, you eating dog fo lunch etc. Don't even get me started on the homophobia of this guy...

Anyway, watching my current  colleagues tense up and then forced to acknowledge the microagression made by a black person, oh it was so so good. I could just tell their assholes were clenching.

I'm just a normie lady with her pumpkin spice latte in her Be Kind mug, aint nobody was going to accuse me of dog whistling.


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## Clovis (Jul 17, 2022)

Laughed in a meeting when my boss called a colleague's work exceptional.


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## Pillar of Autism (Aug 8, 2022)

I told one coworker that another coworker was "so far back in the closet that he's sucking cock in Narnia"


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## EnemyStand (Aug 10, 2022)

I've infected the game store I frequent with using "autism/autistic" the way it's used here and on 4chan. There is an actual autistic guy there who's okay with it.

I also posted SuperStraight memes on a Discord where a troon posted a trans awareness day thing.


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## Quantum Diabetes (Aug 10, 2022)

I used the Deadpool line “smells like two hobos fucking in a shoe full of piss” line when some stank ass motherfucker for some reason was a Lidl in a nice neighborhood.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Aug 10, 2022)

Behavioral Sink said:


> I keep accidentally introducing people to the word troon.


I use the word sperg in real life.

That shouldn't be an issue but I work mostly with turbonormies who are so bland that they horseshoe theory right back into being weird and unrelatable, and foreigners, so they tend not to understand that one big of extremely common slang. Same with "Chad," super common word anymore among normal people, but not among that lot.


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## PipTheAlchemist (Aug 10, 2022)

Ughubughughughughughghlug said:


> but I work mostly with turbonormies who are so bland that they horseshoe theory right back into being weird and unrelatable


So kinda like Mormons?


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## milk (Aug 10, 2022)

About a decade ago, I was working for a firm in a western country. Due to taking my work seriously, I had a reputation of being an incredibly stern, no nonsense, hard worker. For whatever reason they decided to give me control over the new wifi/radio thing they setup. So I put this on:





Some of the people from accounts came to my department, with an offended look on their face and angrily demanded to know who put it on, I let them know it was me then their faces changed, and said something along the lines of  " what an unexpected taste in music you have".  It's interesting how cowardly people can be in the face of perceived authority. Admittedly due to my contributions to the company, despite my role I did have the bosses ear. 

Another time I was asked what my favorite movie was, and I told them it was "Gay Niggas from Outa Space". They were bewildered, one asked if it was a porno, and I said no, it was just some crappy B-movie I was fond of. They decided to put in on the new projector screen, to see what  was up, i think a few guys who understood the joy you could get from bad films enjoyed it, the rest were confused. I think maybe three out of the entire company of 90 people figured out why I didn't find anything "normal" funny, the rest thought I was some broken workaholic.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Aug 10, 2022)

PipTheAlchemist said:


> So kinda like Mormons?


Kind of, yeah.


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