# Go outside, fatty!



## TiggerNits (Apr 10, 2017)

You probably don't go outside enough. Your trips to starbucks and KFC don't count, either. I mean actual outside, like with trees, rocks and shit like that. It's been unscientifically proven by me just stating it right now that going for a goddamed hike makes you like, 70% more attractive tot he opposite sex and 10000% more likely to become a millionaire.

So now I bet you're asking yourself "So how do I do this outside shit?"

Good fucking question, buddy.

First go out and get yourself a bag. You shouldn't cheap out, but at the same time these can be a lot less expensive than you thing. I just built up a camping bag for my buddy's 12 year old son for his birthday gift and in total the bag with supplies only ran me about $85. It would have been less had I not used brick and mortar stores to set it up.

I went inexpensive (not cheap) with an American outdoor backpack from Wal Mart with water bladder (brandname Camelback) pouch as well as 3 zipper pockets, 2 net pockets (for water bottles/gloves/etc) and a back elastic netting to shove a sleeping bag in to. Total price without supplies, $22

Then to outfit it, since he has a water bladder and a sleeping bag already, I got him 1 flint with striker, 1 emergency foil/survival blanket, 1 compass that converts in to 4x binoculars, signal mirror and flashlight (Seriously, they make neat shit nowadays) , a H&K folding knife and an electric chem light (it's a flashlight that also has chemlight-like capability to do a soft glow, and even blinking, for hours on end with only 2 AAAs), 30 yards of paracord, a 2 person First Aid kit and some carabiners (including one that actually has some extra shit on the sides of it to make it an easy tethering point to strap shit up at night. As well as some small tissue packs and an extra water bottle. 

Thats really all you need to get started and not be completely unprepared for even the most basic shit. If you're like us and live out in the middle of the desert and mountains, you can even cheap out on a sleeping bag, as it's hot as fuck here at night half the year and insulation will just make you miserable. I also suggest some good hiking boots/shoes. I always go hiking shoes over boots, but it's because I have fucked up knees and will always side to the lighter gear.

Now, I also suggest you always have atleast 3 liters of water on you when you go hiking, but I normally aim for 6, because my wife will always manage to only bring 2 for herself and bum some of mine after the 4th mile. Like I mentioned, I live in the high desert, so water is the most valuable thing you can pack, which holds true for most places unless you happen to be hiking up and down a clean river or something. 

I run an old assault pack style bag most of the time when my wife and I are out, no metal frame on it, just space for the 3 liter camelback  bladder, two 1.5 liter bottles on the sides, a first aid kit, 2 chemlights, a flashlight, a knife and some extra socks and a small chamois towel. I also throw in a compass, forestry map, a zippo and some snacks (granola bars and some dried fruit) as well as a simple sporting goods store first aid kit, some super glue and a can of antiseptic/protection spray on. I also have a garmin GPS, but to be honest I rarely use it if I know the area well enough. Normally have my Smith & Wesson .357 (loaded with snakeshot) as well, because we have plentiful rattle snakes out here. Simple sporting goods store first aid kit, some super glue and a can of antiseptic/protection spray on. It sounds like a lot, but in reality it's really not, the bag will weigh less than 23lbs and I keep my gun and ammo on a hip holster.

My wife runs a small camelback bag with a first aid kit an 2 liters of water in the bladder and a small ziplock of jerky. As well as a hip bag with 2 extra water bottles (when she remembers it) and our phones, spare batteries and 2 flares and smoke markers. And her Ruger LCP. Her total carried is less than 12lbs split across the small camelback and her shoulder/hip bag. 

Combined we have been able to do a few day hikes that have been a total of more than 20 miles over 8 hours through the canyons here. Turns out most outdoorsy stuff only gets expensive if you're going to REI/Bass Pro Shops. I highly suggest hitting up Amazon, because I've gotten really good equipment through there thats lasted me years and haven't spent more than $35 on any single piece. I'll update with more later, ie tents, frame bags, and even mountain biking shit


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## grumbleBum (Apr 21, 2017)

I really, really, REALLY want to hike the Appalachian trail.


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## Lackadaisy (Apr 21, 2017)

I always chew through Camelbacks


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## TiggerNits (Apr 24, 2017)

Lackadaisy said:


> I always chew through Camelbacks




So does my 7 year old nephew that's a bit of a spazz. Take from that what you will

Now let's talk camping tools

You need a good knife. Not a multi-tool, swiss army knife or anything like that, but a good, non-folding knife. While multi-tools are useful as can be, they're kinda shitty as a knife for anything more than opening your Amazon package that contains your new, actual knife. And despite was QVC, some mall ninja mother fucker or that kid on the bus that was totally gonna be a SEAL one day told you, you can actually go a little cheap and still get a good knife.

You want a full tang, high steel quality and preferably American, German or Japanese construction. Not some neck knife, boot knife or push dagger shit either, but an actual  dropped point knife with a full sized handle and a nice little bezel to protect your finger with when you're trying to cut sdomething that requires delicate handling. Only 4 countries really make GREAT steel and three were the aforementioned, the other is the UK, and they need all their knives at home where they can commit knife crimes with them, so you're SOL if you want one of them. So if you want affordable but high quality, go Schrade, they're normally under $35 on Amazon ( for realsies )  and they're shockingly sturdy even when you use them for weird shit. I had to use one as a tent stake a year ago and the fucking thing took the abuse like a champ and was as good as knew after a quick meet up with a whetstone. The handles aren't as nice as some higher end companies, but if you really need a super ergonomic handle on your knife, you shouldn't be camping, you should be in a Pilates class you fucking sissy.

Benchmade, Kershaw and Al Mar make some really great knives as well, but there's definitely a price to pay for that. I'm actually terrified of using a nice Al Mar knife that was gifted to me by a friend because I know its value, but I'll use my $30 Shrade for just about anything because I know it can handle it, and in the event of it fucking up, it can be replaced at a cost that will keep my wife happy.

Next tool you'll probably want is a good hiking pistol, assuming you live anywhere with snakes, coyotes, mountain lions, bears or hippies. I carry a double action revolver chambered for .357 mag. The thinking behind it is simple enough. Revolvers are more sturdy, handle being dirty better than semi autos,  a double action trigger is a harder pull from uncocked, meaning you run a much lower chance of shooting something you do not want to, and going with .357 means you can also fire .38 special, which is cheaper, has far lower recoil and is easier to find loaded for snake shot (think a mini shotgun shell meant to obliterate snakes at less than 10 feet). You can go cheap with a Taurus or Rossi, they do OK with their revolvers for the most part, and while I carry a Smith and Wesson, I understand why someone wouldn't want to fire snake shot out of a gun worth more than $250, as it can be hell on the barrel and make for the need to clean much more often.

The only other super important one would be a hatchet. Not to sound like a Juggalo, but a good hatchet is something that carries far more utility than you'd think. They can be used as a hammer/mallet as well as a skinning tool and something to make kindling/firewood with. Once again, you want to make sure it's made in the US, Germany or Japan, so just think of steel the same as a Luxury Car, if it isn't coming from the US, UK, Japan or Germany, you shouldn't buy it. A good hatchet can be super expensive, you would be astonished at some of the costs associated with higher end hatchets, they'll offer everything from titanium handles to laser sharpened steel heads, but in reality none of that matters as much as having a heavy head and a handle that can support it well enough to not split or let it go flying off, since more often than not your hatchet is going to be used more as a hammer than anything else.


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