# Ralph the Fitness Expert



## Null (Feb 17, 2021)

ralph swam three laps in an olympic swimming pool at 0.75 feet / second and walked my daily grocery run

he's going with the cardio workout so he can slim down to that femboy physique may wants


some vintage gunt fitness advice:




"How I lost 50 pounds in 2 months"


			https://theralphretort.com/how-i-lost-50-pounds-in-two-months-7024015/
		

https://archive.md/HswwL
His secret was he stopped drinking.


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## themasterlurker (Feb 17, 2021)




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## MeltyTW (Feb 17, 2021)

Null said:


> he's going with the cardio workout so he can slim down to that femboy physique may wants


You may be joking but way too many pieces are lining up


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## Gregor Samsa (Feb 17, 2021)

i would love to be able to understand Ethan's thought process. How brain damaged do you have to consider that a workout?


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## Mr E. Grifter (Feb 17, 2021)

Null said:


> View attachment 1927282
> 
> ralph swam three laps in an olympic swimming pool at 0.75 feet / second and walked my daily grocery run
> 
> he's going with the cardio workout so he can slim down to that femboy physique may wants


An average walking pace is a mile in 15 minutes.  He went for a bumble for 20 minutes and counted that as a workout?

 Using his distance, pace, activity, time and calories burnt it may be possible to figure out his weight.


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## byuu (Feb 17, 2021)

Wow, that's like 3 shots of Maker's Mark you burned off there, Ralph.


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## Gangster Talk (Feb 17, 2021)

This is something hilarious fat people do, they'll do the bare minimum of physical activity and consider it an accomplishment, not understanding it's something you have to do regularly. Fat retard probably celebrated waddling a mile with a "treat".


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## Gold Star Commissar (Feb 17, 2021)

Every time I think Ralph’s lack of self awareness couldn’t be any worse and then I find out he wrote an article on weight loss.


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## Cucktry Roads (Feb 17, 2021)

I don't think exercise nor proper eating will shrink the parasite entity that is his Gunt.


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## UnLimiTed-Lbs (Feb 17, 2021)

Ralph starting Operation Punt The Gunt is a go.
now, we need Gator to start punting his gunt.





Your browser is not able to display this video.


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## FakeNewsAnchor (Feb 17, 2021)

Null said:


> walked my daily grocery run


Daily grocery run... uh oh lads, Jersh is becoming a Eurofag.


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## ClipBitch (Feb 17, 2021)

Ralph wants in on Amberlynn's weight loss grift.


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## Vetti (Feb 17, 2021)

> *How I Lost 50 lbs in Two Months:*
> First off, as Mike Cernovich said yesterday, if you stop drinking your calories, you will lose weight. Give up sodas and even dairy, if you can manage it.


You heard it here first. It's drinking _dairy _that's bad for Ralph's health.


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## Not Even Twice (Feb 17, 2021)

There is no way he burned that amount of calories swimming at that speed. He's basically just floating along with whatever current the filter provides the pool.


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## dirtydeanna96 (Feb 17, 2021)

Lol Ralph quoted Mike Cernovich. "Self help" shit is for losers.


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## NynchLiggers (Feb 17, 2021)

Why Gunt is even Verified on twatter? could be a fed situation like AF?


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## Tapeduck76 (Feb 17, 2021)

Thank you Estrogen said:


> i would love to be able to understand Ethan's thought process. How brain damaged do you have to consider that a workout?


He thinks that when something shows up on his fitbit it means that he accomplished something. he's one of those people that rapidly refreshes their fitbit's step counts so that he can see the little ticker move up and up. when it moves a quarter of a micrometer, he is fatigued and says "that's good enough".
It's fat logic. 


FakeNewsAnchor said:


> Daily grocery run... uh oh lads, Jersh is becoming a Eurofag.


>not going to the local farmers market to support local businesses daily
NGMI


ClipBitch said:


> Ralph wants in on Amberlynn's weight loss grift.


He will never be as... uh.. successful..... as she is with her grift. he's far too flakey to do it


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## Heavy Rainfall (Feb 17, 2021)

Only had time for one mile my ass. You barely do any show prep and show up late all the time. Also the You're Gonna Carry That Gunt is extra funny ITT


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## Trappin in the Trap (Feb 17, 2021)

It's almost like Ralph is at the point where anything besides drinking and flapping his jowls will cause him to lose weight. Bets on Ralph actually getting in shape within the next 3 years? I think he'll peak at a fatter version of Alex Jones.


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## Pale Empress (Feb 17, 2021)

NynchLiggers said:


> Why Gunt is even Verified on twatter? could be a fed situation like AF?


Twitter was much more liberal with their policies regarding checkmarks, I remember Ralph mentioning he submitted his application for it with no expectations and was surprised that he qualified. Bear in mind this was back when Goobergrape was still relevant and The Ralph Retort was something people actually read (or at least pretended to read).


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## draggs (Feb 17, 2021)

He should get rich selling his prison food / prison life diet / exercise plan


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## Fslur (Feb 17, 2021)

Ralph giving Wild Smile dietary advice in 2019. “The number one thing is I am good at losing weight”  -Ethan Ralph 2019

Full Killstream mirror 2-10-2019




Your browser is not able to display this video.


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## byuu (Feb 17, 2021)

Fslur said:


> Ralph giving Wild Smile dietary advice in 2019. “The number one thing is I am good at losing weight”  -Ethan Ralph 2019
> 
> Full Killstream mirror 2-10-2019
> View attachment 1927481


The audio needs to be on top of a video of him chasing Whiskey with Coke.


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## Lame Entropy (Feb 17, 2021)

Soon enough we'll have to move Ralph into the Beauty Parlour.


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## Lore Master (Feb 17, 2021)

Null said:


> View attachment 1927282


This is a workout? I walk almost 10 times as much a day working in an office building 5 days a week.


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## Spectre_06 (Feb 17, 2021)

Mr E. Grifter said:


> An average walking pace is a mile in 15 minutes. He went for a bumble for 20 minutes and counted that as a workout?


I have a fucked-up back and legs and I still makes 1.5 miles to the grocery store in 20 minutes.  I'm not even the best shape, either.


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## Banworld (Feb 17, 2021)

There's no way that Ralph can lose weight until he stops drinking. Ade even said that he barely eats anything already, it's just all the booze he drinks, while exercise is good for burning a bit of fat and getting your metabolic rate up. However, your body doesn't burn fat as effectively whilst you're drunk, and so even if you have a massive metabolic rate where you'd be losing weight quickly, if you're wasted for 50% of the day then your body is going to be working through the booze and not burning fat. It's how Ralph has such a massive gunt and such skinny legs.

It's never going to happen anyway, Ralph is much to set in his ways to begin doing things that would really help lose weight such as preparing proper meals and eating at routine times to stop him from over-eating. This guy thinks he can wake up at 5PM, work out for a bit before the Killstream, drink throughout the stream and do it all over again the next day and lose weight.


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## Mr E. Grifter (Feb 17, 2021)

I love to shit on Ralph, but I highly doubt he's 228kg.

Which leads me to believe that Ralph might not be entirely honest about his working out, and I mean having to lie about walking a mile is fucking ridiculous as it is.


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## Sea Hag Henderson (Feb 17, 2021)

This is dangerous territory for Ralph.  The Gunt will fight for its survival.


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## Pill Cosby (Feb 17, 2021)

I can't wait to see skinny sober Ralph but I probably have a better chance of seeing AOC's tits.


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## Mr.Downer (Feb 17, 2021)

the only way ralph will ever lose a significant amount of weight is if he gets back in jail again, away from alcohol and other junk food access. ralph, you're never going to lose your gunt! it's your most defining feature!


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## RichardRApe (Feb 17, 2021)

Trappin in the Trap said:


> Bets on Ralph actually getting in shape within the next 3 years? I think he'll peak at a fatter version of Alex Jones.


I'll take that bet but conditional that he doesn't get incarcerated. No way if he stays a free man he'll get in any kind of "shape".

I mean... technically he's already a fatter version of Alex Jones... He's a fatter version of most people but I think you mean he'll lose 50 lbs which I don't.


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## HOMO FOR LIFE (Feb 17, 2021)

Fuck My Life said:


> I can't wait to see skinny sober Ralph but I probably have a better chance of seeing AOC's tits.


Aw shit. You know how epic it would be to see AOC lolcow thread. I mean there should be one at this point.  Just need cuckold drama which seems inevitable at this point.

And then she goes on OnlyFans when she gets exposed for a fraud that she is. Or actually not a fraud. Exactly as her resume states.  Lucky barista who is riding on simp euphoria.


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## Pill Cosby (Feb 17, 2021)

HOMO FOR LIFE said:


> Aw shit. You know how epic it would be to see AOC lolcow thread. I mean there should be one at this point.  Just need cuckold drama which seems inevitable at this point.
> 
> And then she goes on OnlyFans when she gets exposed for a fraud that she is. Or actually not a fraud. Exactly as her resume states.  Lucky barista who is riding on simp euphoria.


I agree, she talks a load of shit and constantly contradicts herself. Also the whole "I'm a survivor" bullshit.


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## joebobmurphy (Feb 17, 2021)

We should probably just be glad he did anything at all. It won't help, but it's slightly better than the folks who never move more than 200 feet in a day.


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## jell0 (Feb 17, 2021)

If he commits and looses the weight then good on him.  Just hope he realizes that if he looses it all, he's gunna need surgery to remove the deflated gunt skin or he's gunna have to sling it over his shoulder to walk without tripping.


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## Ethan Ralphs Micro Penis (Feb 17, 2021)

you ayyloggin Ralph again eh buddy?


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## Shakka Ahmose (Feb 17, 2021)

Here Ralph read this: /fit/ sticky


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## Hüftpriester (Feb 17, 2021)

Ethan Ralph: obese fitness expert, finance expert living at home with mom well into his 30s and world famous podcast host who is prettier than all his haters. What's next? Big dicked nibba/sex guru?


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## Cow Poly (Feb 17, 2021)

Hi there fatty... we know this is just another grift off your fat NEET incel audience and you are probably about to have the fitness Jew back on (the one they fucking hate) ... but let’s pretend that you are serious. 
The pills you take make your gunt-cells retain water and the sugar from hard alcohol creates _more_ gunt-cells.... so fuck off with muh steps and muh laps.


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## FM Bradley (Feb 17, 2021)

You'll NEVER be able to trap a teenager under you without your weight. 

Now go order a pizza you inbred West Memphis Sweathog.


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## Sam Losco (Feb 17, 2021)

The guy that sounded out of breath from crossing the street during his IRL streams walked 1.1 miles in 20 minutes?


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## Bob Barker (Feb 17, 2021)

Mr E. Grifter said:


> View attachment 1927544
> I love to shit on Ralph, but I highly doubt he's 228kg.
> 
> Which leads me to believe that Ralph might not be entirely honest about his working out, and I mean having to lie about walking a mile is fucking ridiculous as it is.


More likely explanation is the app or whatever he is using exaggerates how many calories you burn so that fat retards using it get more of a dopamine kick when they do hardly anything.


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## Trappin in the Trap (Feb 17, 2021)

Sam Losco said:


> The guy that sounded out of breath from crossing the street during his IRL streams walked 1.1 miles in 20 minutes?
> 
> View attachment 1927979


Fuck crossing the street, he gets winded from talking for too long.


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## RollingRock (Feb 17, 2021)

I've never swam for exercise so maybe I'm just out of the loop. Who goes and works out for just ten minutes? He walked to the pool, did his best manatee impression, walked home and felt accomplished.


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## FM Bradley (Feb 17, 2021)

It burns extra calories when you swim in your clothes, though.


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## TriggerMeElmo (Feb 17, 2021)

Bob Barker said:


> More likely explanation is the app or whatever he is using exaggerates how many calories you burn so that fat retards using it get more of a dopamine kick when they do hardly anything.


I thought his wristwatch doubled as a Fit Bit or something similar but I could be totally off about that.


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## Sriracha (Feb 17, 2021)

Bob Barker said:


> More likely explanation is the app or whatever he is using exaggerates how many calories you burn so that fat retards using it get more of a dopamine kick when they do hardly anything.


If he has a fitbit/garmin/something similar it measures his heart rate/pulse, so say he's walking at 3 miles/hour and his heart is fucking dying trying to do it, it will register as a higher calorie burn.

Also, fuck Ralph is a retard. Can someone archive his dogshit article so I don't have to click on his retarded site?

Edit: Not reading it but let me respond to the obvious clickbait. Most women who are thin/enjoy working out can eat massive, high calorie meals and most of them do. As long as you make a note of calories in/calories out you will not gain weight and it doesn't matter what your meal is made up of UNLESS you are trying to bulk up, like getting a nicer, peachy ass. In cases like that the only thing that matters is protein, which you can get easy with shakes (whey protein) or chicken breast. The amount of exercise you do is negligible if you do it like Ralph. The amount of swimming he did is a single piece of chocolate. 

If you are fit/thin already and want to look Victoria Secret/Instagram, you don't drink water or eat food the night before you take pictures because it bloats you. Most of the nice looking models are fasting while they are taking the pictures or a little dehydrated.


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## High Tea (Feb 17, 2021)

And he was bored af when David Duke was trying to give them fitness advice.  Zidan was the only one that seemed even remotely interested.  The only thing that helped Ralph fitness wise was being in jail.  Even living as a neet, you can't replicate those conditions.


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## FM Bradley (Feb 17, 2021)

He lost weight in jail because the other inmates took his food in return for not being raped.


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## Cow Poly (Feb 17, 2021)

Oh I just got that. 0.75ft/sec. Nice. A solid pace.


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## Ol' Slag (Feb 17, 2021)

Ralph lost weight cause he stopped booze and probably had a terrible case of the DT's.


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## Sam Losco (Feb 17, 2021)

Trappin in the Trap said:


> Fuck crossing the street, he gets winded from talking for too long.


That sounds like he's having sex.


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## PhoBingas (Feb 17, 2021)

UnLimiTed-Lbs said:


> Ralph starting Operation Punt The Gunt is a go.
> now, we need Gator to start punting his gunt.


Holy shit, Gator sounds so different in older clips. As insufferable as he used to sound, his ''new'' best gymbo impression is even worse.
If Ralph wants to lose weight like a real chad alpha, he should start rolling bowls with his Tampa buddies. Remember, you won't lose weight if you don't hold the smoke in Ralph.


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## Anonymus Fluhre (Feb 17, 2021)

Mr E. Grifter said:


> An average walking pace is a mile in 15 minutes.  He went for a bumble for 20 minutes and counted that as a workout?
> 
> Using his distance, pace, activity, time and calories burnt it may be possible to figure out his weight.


You have to take into consideration his fat stubby legs. It takes the dwarf longer to get anywhere. 
Given how much he supposedly works out he should have lost a ton of weight by now.


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## MeltyTW (Feb 17, 2021)

Sriracha said:


> If he has a fitbit/garmin/something similar it measures his heart rate/pulse, so say he's walking at 3 miles/hour and his heart is fucking dying trying to do it, it will register as a higher calorie burn.


this fuxking thread is way better than any gay jail saga,  Ethan Ralph's piggy heart is going to die floating around the pool


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## PhoBingas (Feb 17, 2021)

MeltyTW said:


> this fuxking thread is way better than any gay jail saga,  Ethan Ralph's piggy heart is going to die floating around the pool


You figure with all that fat he'd gracefully move about the water like a whale or seal


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## TriggerMeElmo (Feb 17, 2021)

PhoBingas said:


> You figure with all that fat he'd gracefully move about the water like a whale or seal


Well he's trying to slim down to a graceful dolphin figure. It's just that damn soda a-logging him again!


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Feb 17, 2021)

PhoBingas said:


> You figure with all that fat he'd gracefully move about the water like a whale or seal


All I picture is a pig screaming and flailing, trying not to drown in the shallow end.


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## PhoBingas (Feb 17, 2021)

Paddy O' Furniture said:


> All I picture is a pig screaming and flailing, trying not to drown in the shallow end.


All that fat he's gonna float like a beachball. I'm giggling thinking about it. I bet he floats real well but has a hilarious doggy paddle with his gunt swaying from side to side as he tries to flail to the other end of the pool.


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Feb 17, 2021)

PhoBingas said:


> All that fat he's gonna float like a beachball. I'm giggling thinking about it. I bet he floats real well but has a hilarious doggy paddle with his gunt swaying from side to side as he tries to flail to the other end of the pool.


Don't forget the child's arm floaties that I can't remember the name to!


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## RichardRApe (Feb 17, 2021)

Paddy O' Furniture said:


> Don't forget the child's arm floaties that I can't remember the name to!


Water wings!?


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Feb 17, 2021)

RichardRApe said:


> Water wings!?


Jesus christ I'm an idiot. Yes, those.


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## PhoBingas (Feb 17, 2021)

Paddy O' Furniture said:


> Don't forget the child's arm floaties that I can't remember the name to!


Water wings? But I'm from leafland, we might call them something different, but that's fucking hilarious.


RichardRApe said:


> Water wings!?


beat me to it. Guess its universal.


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## AltisticRight (Feb 18, 2021)

He calls that a workout? I walk more miles working from home, and fuck it's nothing to be proud of, this dumb covid shit is reinforcing unhealthy lifestyles. 

Laughable. Floating around in a pool isn't swimming, Ralph.


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## TriggerMeElmo (Feb 18, 2021)

AltisticRight said:


> He calls that a workout? I walk more miles working from home, and fuck it's nothing to be proud of, this dumb covid shit is reinforcing unhealthy lifestyles.
> 
> Laughable. Floating around in a pool isn't swimming, Ralph.


To be fair, he probably considers soaking in a bath tub to be "swimming" so let's not get ahead of ourselves.


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## Salubrious (Feb 18, 2021)

RollingRock said:


> I've never swam for exercise so maybe I'm just out of the loop. Who goes and works out for just ten minutes? He walked to the pool, did his best manatee impression, walked home and felt accomplished.


I am going to give Ralph the benefit of the doubt right this second.  I reserve the right to take it back at any time.

This workout for perfectly fine for Ralph as a first shot.  You have to realize, he is COMPLETELY out of shape.  Just moving around a little, even for 30 minutes, is going to help him immensely.

As far as swimming goes, I would expect Ralph with some practice to swim about 3 minutes per 100 yards.  So 150 yards in 10 minutes is good if it is his first time getting back in the pool in, I'm going to say ever.  Swimming is very easy on the joints, but very taxing in cardiovascular.  I'm also going to guess Ralph's technique sucks.  All his fat may be helping him "float", but it's also causing a tremendous amount of drag as well.

Him walking 3 mph is also a good start.  When he's first starting out, he needs to keep it light so that he doesn't develop knee, foot, and leg problems.

I would eventually like to see him do some weight training a few days per week.

TL;DR - This is fine for Day 1.  I seriously doubt that there will be a Day 100 though.


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## Vetti (Feb 18, 2021)

Salubrious said:


> TL;DR - This is fine for Day 1. I seriously doubt that there will be a Day 100 though.


There probably won't be a day 10.


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## AltisticRight (Feb 18, 2021)

Vetti said:


> There probably won't be a day 10.


Not even optimistic enough to see a day 2.
Congrats Ralph, you burned calories equivalent to...




4.5 oz of Maker's Mark, which is 1/6 of an average bottle. Give yourself a pat on the back and chug down the whole thing! 

Found footage of Ralph "swimming".
Oh Nora.....................


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## George Cuckzunian (Feb 18, 2021)




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## NaggotFigger (Feb 18, 2021)

George Cuckzunian said:


> View attachment 1929528


Ralph is still obviously fat after these workouts lol, even if he tries too hard.


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## Terrorist (Feb 18, 2021)

GAYDUR AHM PERMABULKIN

Must be going for that Big Lenny look (liver ascites + diabetes + tranny piss).


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Feb 18, 2021)

It's cute that he stops exactly at the timer.


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## Not Even Twice (Feb 18, 2021)

Mr E. Grifter said:


> View attachment 1927544
> I love to shit on Ralph, but I highly doubt he's 228kg.
> 
> Which leads me to believe that Ralph might not be entirely honest about his working out, and I mean having to lie about walking a mile is fucking ridiculous as it is.


If he's using one of the countless apps for his phone, then he probably doesn't know he is lying. They are notoriously inaccurate when it comes to calculating calories - on purpose. Fat/lazy people tend to use them to validate their minimal effort workouts.


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## Randy Lahey (Feb 18, 2021)

Paddy O' Furniture said:


> Don't forget the child's arm floaties that I can't remember the name to!





RichardRApe said:


> Water wings!?





PhoBingas said:


> Water wings? But I'm from leafland, we might call them something different, but that's fucking hilarious.
> 
> beat me to it. Guess its universal.



 His gunt doubles as a floatation device so he doesn’t need them.


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## AMERICA (Feb 18, 2021)

I love the "only" one mile thing, as if one mile isn't a big deal for Gunt. You're not fooling anyone. We can see what you look like, you idiot.

It's incredibly transparent; you sound like an insecure teen girl.


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## Chive Turkey (Feb 18, 2021)

Bob Barker said:


> More likely explanation is the app or whatever he is using exaggerates how many calories you burn so that fat retards using it get more of a dopamine kick when they do hardly anything.


Even if it was accurate, it doesn't mean jackshit unless you're aware of your intake. Ralph could be burning off a thousand calories through exercise but it's moot if he just eats and drinks it all back in the same day.

The fatfuckery coupled with rampant alcoholism is a terrible combo if he does decide to start seriously exerting himself, especially if it involves dyel strength training. The stress on his joints and muscles is going to be bad enough as it is, and drinking like a fish means his body won't get the nutrition to adequately repair any damage he inflicts on hinself.


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## Dick Molesterson (Feb 18, 2021)

RollingRock said:


> I've never swam for exercise so maybe I'm just out of the loop. Who goes and works out for just ten minutes? He walked to the pool, did his best manatee impression, walked home and felt accomplished.


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## Helvítis Túristi (Feb 18, 2021)

Chive Turkey said:


> Even if it was accurate, it doesn't mean jackshit unless you're aware of your intake. Ralph could be burning off a thousand calories through exercise but it's moot if he just eats and drinks it all back in the same day.
> 
> The fatfuckery coupled with rampant alcoholism is a terrible combo if he does decide to start seriously exerting himself, especially if it involves dyel strength training. The stress on his joints and muscles is going to be bad enough as it is, and drinking like a fish means his body won't get the nutrition to adequately repair any damage he inflicts on hinself.


Doesn't the diet play about 70-80% of the role in weight loss? He could probably lose weight faster by doing fasting days and not overeating the next day. If I knew ralph's weight and the percentage of body fat he has, I could measure how long he could last without eating. It's also important to note that ralph's age is going to work against him, as metabolism drops the older you get. Not eating sugar and drinking alcohol is good, but you also need to eat high nutrient foods instead of junk food. Ralph made no mention of that, so I think he will end up snacking on this supposed weight loss journey.


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## Ethan Ralphs Micro Penis (Feb 18, 2021)

Fslur said:


> Ralph giving Wild Smile dietary advice in 2019. “The number one thing is I am good at losing weight”  -Ethan Ralph 2019
> 
> Full Killstream mirror 2-10-2019
> View attachment 1927481


"Cut out the soda"

This the same nigga that drinks his alcohol mixed with coke every stream. Even adds some Coke to his drinks.


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## Lore Master (Feb 18, 2021)

Helvítis Túristi said:


> Doesn't the diet play about 70-80% of the role in weight loss? He could probably lose weight faster by doing fasting days and not overeating the next day. If I knew ralph's weight and the percentage of body fat he has, I could measure how long he could last without eating. It's also important to note that ralph's age is going to work against him, as metabolism drops the older you get. Not eating sugar and drinking alcohol is good, but you also need to eat high nutrient foods instead of junk food. Ralph made no mention of that, so I think he will end up snacking on this supposed weight loss journey.


Yes diet is the most important thing for weight loss. Sugar and carbs being a HUGE one. I quit drinking soda and just soda alone and I lost around 30 lbs in a couple months without changing anything else.  Maker's Mark is 15g of carbs per shot of which is sugar due to the distilling method used. Now imagine drinking one to two bottles a day. The daily allowance for carbs is between 225-325 and each shot is 15g of carbs and a 750mL bottle is a total of 25 shots equaling from each bottle 375g of carbs and a total of 1725 calories from one bottle a day. He has talked about drink 2 bottles a day at one point. Those carbs and calories don't even take in account of the other processed garbage he throws down his gullet. I wouldn't be surprised if he has diabetes and doesn't know it. I look at the gunt and you see poorly healed sores on it, which is a good indicator of diabetes. There is a condition a lot of fat people get due to their body not being able to fight off infections (can't remember the medical term), but it leaves scars like what you see at the bottom of Ralph's gunt and most times it is due to the body not providing enough insulin to fight off the infection like it would with a healthy person.

If Ralph really wants to lose weight due to how inactive he is. He needs to go on a sugar free low carb diet. You really only want to pack on carbs if you are hitting the gym hard and looking to build bulk and muscle. Otherwise those carbs become fat cells.


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## George Cuckzunian (Feb 18, 2021)

Shikikan-san said:


> Ralph is still obviously fat after these workouts lol, even if he tries too hard.


Shhhhh, don't let stupid shit like "facts" get in the way of the Ralphamales direct path as a winner to live a Trad ++ lifestyle while he crushes and Dabs on all his haters and all the hottest celebrities show up and follow him on his verified twitter and he finally gets the approval of all his TWO LGBT daddies: Dax and Milo. You are just jealous and a hater and have a broken penis and your dick doesn't work and your dick can't please women and your dick only gets hard for kids but also your dick doesn't work and your dick is ugly and stupid unlike the Ralphamales Rootin Tootin Sperm Shootin stalk of baby corn.



Spoiler: My joke didn't land :(



While I think my videojoke was obvious, no one caught that the video gets stuck in a loop at 1:24 saying "Blech Blech Blech" on repeat, the sound of the involuntary gagging the world outside of Ralph's hugbox has when picturing this angry piggy "working out" and feeling proud of walking a mile (Especially when he has no day job that is eating 8 hours of his day) and then walking around in a speedo and "tanning his cheeks"


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## Spectre_06 (Feb 18, 2021)

Ethan Ralphs Micro Penis said:


> This the same nigga that drinks his alcohol mixed with coke every stream. Even adds some Coke to his drinks.


He even mixes it in his mouth.  Who needs a glass?


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## Helvítis Túristi (Feb 18, 2021)

Lore Master said:


> Yes diet is the most important thing for weight loss. Sugar and carbs being a HUGE one. I quit drinking soda and just soda alone and I lost around 30 lbs in a couple months without changing anything else.  Maker's Mark is 15g of carbs per shot of which is sugar due to the distilling method used. Now imagine drinking one to two bottles a day. The daily allowance for carbs is between 225-325 and each shot is 15g of carbs and a 750mL bottle is a total of 25 shots equaling from each bottle 375g of carbs and a total of 1725 calories from one bottle a day. He has talked about drink 2 bottles a day at one point. Those carbs and calories don't even take in account of the other processed garbage he throws down his gullet. I wouldn't be surprised if he has diabetes and doesn't know it. I look at the gunt and you see poorly healed sores on it, which is a good indicator of diabetes. There is a condition a lot of fat people get due to their body not being able to fight off infections (can't remember the medical term), but it leaves scars like what you see at the bottom of Ralph's gunt and most times it is due to the body not providing enough insulin to fight off the infection like it would with a healthy person.
> 
> If Ralph really wants to lose weight due to how inactive he is. He needs to go on a sugar free low carb diet. You really only want to pack on carbs if you are hitting the gym hard and looking to build bulk and muscle. Otherwise those carbs become fat cells.


Yeah, soda is really bad for you. Although sadly I haven't cut it and sugary drinks out of my diet. At least it's not American stuff. There's this Japanese soda called cc lemon that has a high vitamin c content. Tastes amazing when mixed with 100% cherry juice, ginger beer, or just beer for a shandy. But at least that has vitamins and polyphenols in it, the stuff the gunt is drinking is just processed sugar with artificial flavoring.


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## DonDaLemon (Feb 18, 2021)

Ralph... you pay for a gym membership and work out for 30 minutes? I spent longer walking my dogs in the rain today.


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Feb 19, 2021)

Has he switched to Diet Coke Zero yet?


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## Erika Furudo (Feb 19, 2021)

Ethan Ralphs Micro Penis said:


> "Cut out the soda"
> 
> This the same nigga that drinks his alcohol mixed with coke every stream. Even adds some Coke to his drinks.


Honestly it's probably healthier to drink the soda instead of the alcohol. Now Americans have higher calories than everyone else because they add sugar to everything and more of it, but google says a 250ml coke is 118 calories. Whiskey 250ml is 592 calories. 
As a person who drank quite a bit during lockdown when gyms are all closed, I noticed just how bad alcohol is for weight. Which ensured I will never touch that stuff ever again, liver damage be damned tell everyone about the caloric content we are getting, it's fucking insane. 

I still envy Ralph in a way. I wish my local gym or pool were open. I tried callisthenics but couldn't keep it up because it was just dull and I can't really get into things when you have to do everything from home. That said with constant new strains threatening to fuck up vaccinations, we will probably have eternal lockdowns so I should probably just accept it's never getting any better and try to get into callisthenics.


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## Sriracha (Feb 19, 2021)

Erika Furudo said:


> Honestly it's probably healthier to drink the soda instead of the alcohol. Now Americans have higher calories than everyone else because they add sugar to everything and more of it, but google says a 250ml coke is 118 calories. Whiskey 250ml is 592 calories.
> As a person who drank quite a bit during lockdown when gyms are all closed, I noticed just how bad alcohol is for weight. Which ensured I will never touch that stuff ever again, liver damage be damned tell everyone about the caloric content we are getting, it's fucking insane.


Alcohol and soda are both terrible for your weight. 

General rule of thumb is 8 glasses of fluid each day as the bare minimum. That is 944 calories of soda when a male adult has a calorie budget of 2000. That is nearly half your daily intake. All we see Ralph drink is whiskey and soda so he probably drinks what an average adult male (who actually moves around) needs in terms of maintaining weight.


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## TriggerMeElmo (Feb 19, 2021)

Sriracha said:


> Alcohol and soda are both terrible for your weight.
> 
> General rule of thumb is 8 glasses of fluid each day as the bare minimum. That is 944 calories of soda when a male adult has a calorie budget of 2000. That is nearly half your daily intake. All we see Ralph drink is whiskey and soda so he probably drinks what an average adult male (who actually moves around) needs in terms of maintaining weight.


Ade said he he does daydrinking so there's that. If I had to guess he probably falls back on TV dinners and if he's lucky that it's chicken salad sandwiches. Who knows what kind of mess he does alone, it could be nothing but potato chips and other dry foods because he doesn't want to cook himself any meals.


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## Erika Furudo (Feb 19, 2021)

Sriracha said:


> Alcohol and soda are both terrible for your weight.
> 
> General rule of thumb is 8 glasses of fluid each day as the bare minimum. That is 944 calories of soda when a male adult has a calorie budget of 2000. That is nearly half your daily intake. All we see Ralph drink is whiskey and soda so he probably drinks what an average adult male (who actually moves around) needs in terms of maintaining weight.


I'm not saying soda is healthy, I don't drink it either. But it is less calories than straight alcohol. That said given how long Ralph has been drinking, and how much he drinks, I think he would probably have physical withdrawl symptoms if he quit. 

Do we actually know exactly how much he drinks? I think Ade said he ate very little food, meaning all that gunt is almost purely due to alcoholic calories. I'm legit surpised he doesn't have more health issues, but then onlyusemeblade is still alive somehow.


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## TriggerMeElmo (Feb 19, 2021)

Erika Furudo said:


> I'm not saying soda is healthy, I don't drink it either. But it is less calories than straight alcohol. That said given how long Ralph has been drinking, and how much he drinks, I think he would probably have physical withdrawl symptoms if he quit.
> 
> Do we actually know exactly how much he drinks? I think Ade said he ate very little food, meaning all that gunt is almost purely due to alcoholic calories. I'm legit surpised he doesn't have more health issues, but then onlyusemeblade is still alive somehow.


He will have physical problems that are life threatening in nature. He's going to need several medications/medical supervision to treat these because the come down is really awful, so things like Ondanestron and Chlordiazepoxide to handle his shakes and vomiting spells because his body is rejecting food. He won't be able to eat solid food (so soup maybe) for a couple of days and at best, he'll be reduced to eating saltine crackers and water. When his body re-adjusts it will probably be bowel problems (which thank god we never hear about).

I've said in previous threads but if Ralph does quit drinking, he's going to eventually supplement this with sugar so baked goods or ice cream and he may get even fatter. It's all a possibility on his end but this is how I've seen alcoholics who are in recovery respond to once they have to be sober. If I had to predict anything: energy drinks are going to be his go-to if he does become clean.

EDIT: He's also going to need a stable supplement or source of B12 and Folic Acid because it replaces the brain chemistry as well as his heart.


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## Lore Master (Feb 19, 2021)

TriggerMeElmo said:


> Ade said he he does daydrinking so there's that. If I had to guess he probably falls back on TV dinners and if he's lucky that it's chicken salad sandwiches. Who knows what kind of mess he does alone, it could be nothing but potato chips and other dry foods because he doesn't want to cook himself any meals.


I bet that Ralph will forget to eat or be too drunk to try to eat and then just binges food. Hence why he has all that loose jiggly fat. Instead of eating multiple times a day and keeping his metabolism running. He gorges himself at his most sober point of the day and has trained his body to just keep calories and fat in his body to avoid the cycle of starvation. If you eat only one meal a day your body thinks that it is starving and needs to conserve fat in order to keep itself alive. If you eat 3 meals a day and have small snack in between those meals it keeps your metabolism up all day and properly disposes of fats that you consume.


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## Sbralph (Feb 20, 2021)

Lore Master said:


> He has talked about drink 2 bottles a day at one point.


Calories would be his least concern if he was drinking 1-2 750ml bottles of spirits a fucking day. Without plenty of valium the withdrawals will hit him too hard without hospital supervised detox.


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## Lore Master (Feb 20, 2021)

Real Precious Leaf said:


> Calories would be his least concern if he was drinking 1-2 750ml bottles of spirits a fucking day. Without plenty of valium the withdrawals will hit him too hard without hospital supervised detox.


More than likely with his drug and alcohol abuse. They might put him in a medically induced coma in order for him to detox. Otherwise he could actually die from detoxing from his level of addiction.


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## TriggerMeElmo (Feb 20, 2021)

Lore Master said:


> More than likely with his drug and alcohol abuse. They might put him in a medically induced coma in order for him to detox. Otherwise he could actually die from detoxing from his level of addiction.


His alcoholism is manageable in the sense they wouldn't need to but would need him constantly watched around the clock when the detox drugs kick in, monitor his heart rate, etc. He'd probably sleep most of the time though so you're sort of correct. He's more than likely going to be puking up his guts so they're going to want him to consume fluids if he can keep it down. The pills he takes may complicate things because he's going to have to withdraw from those as well. Ideally they'll eventually get him to a stable spot and then put him on Vivitrol or a benzo tapering. He'll probably revert to being a 'dry drunk' and moody as fuck for awhile. Even after sobriety the effects of depression or desire to relapse can last for months or years. It's only going to get worse before it gets better if he cares about staying alive for another 10 years or get the chance to finally see his son.


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## Takayuki Yagami (Feb 20, 2021)

AltisticRight said:


> Not even optimistic enough to see a day 2.
> Congrats Ralph, you burned calories equivalent to...
> View attachment 1929509
> 4.5 oz of Maker's Mark, which is 1/6 of an average bottle. Give yourself a pat on the back and chug down the whole thing!
> ...


I feel the need to point out that a shot in the US 1.5 ounces, so he hasn’r even burned that.
Edit: Misread what you meant. That’s irrelevant to your point.


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## No. 7 cat (Feb 20, 2021)

Lifting big macs is legit exercise.


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## naught sock account 1 (Feb 20, 2021)

i don't believe ralph ever leaves the house.


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## Troon Anthropologist (Feb 20, 2021)

Strangest thing. Couldn’t stop hearing this song in my head when I pictured him flailing his bitch tits and little t-rex arms to move around the shallow end of a pool.


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## TadGhostal22 (Feb 20, 2021)

Good for Ralph. I hope he loses weight, stops the drinking and tries to build a good relationship with his ex and baby. 

It took me a long time to get over my knee issues when I began to work out. I could barely go up a hill. I wasn't 425lbs like the Ralphamale but I remember it sucking nonetheless. It required buy in and dedication and realization that it wouldn't be easy.


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## Erika Furudo (Feb 20, 2021)

Lore Master said:


> I bet that Ralph will forget to eat or be too drunk to try to eat and then just binges food. Hence why he has all that loose jiggly fat. Instead of eating multiple times a day and keeping his metabolism running. He gorges himself at his most sober point of the day and has trained his body to just keep calories and fat in his body to avoid the cycle of starvation. If you eat only one meal a day your body thinks that it is starving and needs to conserve fat in order to keep itself alive. If you eat 3 meals a day and have small snack in between those meals it keeps your metabolism up all day and properly disposes of fats that you consume.


I think eating less throughout the day would help him. Eating gives a spike to insulin, high insulin stops you burning fat as your body will try to break down glucose. It's still mostly calories in/out though. I tried looking it up and I am getting conflicting reports, some studies saying eating more frequently is good, others saying it's not.


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## Unoriginal Username 2D (Feb 20, 2021)

Mr E. Grifter said:


> View attachment 1927544
> I love to shit on Ralph, but I highly doubt he's 228kg.



Just here to correct that Ethan is 155cm, not 162cm.
As seem by this post : https://kiwifarms.net/threads/ethan-ralph-theralphretort.16672/post-3938549

This don't actually change much the math, but it's good to remember.


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## Hüftpriester (Feb 20, 2021)

I thought that in the spirit of Ralph turning over a new leaf and getting shredded, we take some time to remember the victims of his obesity.


Spoiler: RIP



Equus Lives Matter!


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## RichardRApe (Feb 20, 2021)

Unoriginal Username 2D said:


> Just here to correct that Ethan is 155cm, not 162cm.


"Just making this video to let you guys know I'm not 5'1, I'm in fact 5'2.5, so...."


Spoiler: Virgin Ralph vs. Chad 5'6 Kiwi


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## FM Bradley (Feb 20, 2021)

Hüftpriester said:


> I thought that in the spirit of Ralph turning over a new leaf and getting shredded, we take some time to remember the victims of his obesity.
> 
> 
> Spoiler: RIP
> ...


Him becoming a Horse Girl after he fully transitions will ensure harvests for years to come.


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## High Tea (Feb 20, 2021)

FM Bradley said:


> Him becoming a Horse Girl after he fully transitions will ensure harvests for years to come.


So that's why he's obsessed with Bojack


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## Sriracha (Feb 20, 2021)

Lore Master said:


> Instead of eating multiple times a day and keeping his metabolism running. He gorges himself at his most sober point of the day and has trained his body to just keep calories and fat in his body to avoid the cycle of starvation. If you eat only one meal a day your body thinks that it is starving and needs to conserve fat in order to keep itself alive. If you eat 3 meals a day and have small snack in between those meals it keeps your metabolism up all day and properly disposes of fats that you consume.


Some of the things you are saying are correct, but it's not in the way you are describing. 

Your metabolism is just the energy spent doing basic bodily functions/keeping you alive. Your body works harder/spends more when you exert yourself eg. cardio exercise makes lungs work harder to supply more oxygen to your organs etc. Eating food DOES cost energy to break down/digest but unless you are just drinking water that has a caloric value of 0, the food you eat will NEVER have you at a deficit. Whether you eat one meal a day or 10, it doesn't matter as long as you follow the simple math of in/out. 

I hear so many fatties reference starvation mode. I understand that some people 'experience' something like it, but not really. When you lose weight and are at a calorie deficit after being fat, your body requires a lot less energy to keep everything running. It's that when you were larger, your body exerted itself more to keep you moving and when you lost more weight, your body doesn't have to spend as much energy to keep you functional as it did before therefore weight plataeus. You can fix this by eating less to lose more weight or you can implement more exercise into your routines/gain muscle mass. I notice that a lot of people who diet too strictly are lethargic and don't move around as much which is why they end up not losing anymore weight. Then they become demoralised and binge eat to feel better. You're less likely to do that if you eat frequent, small meals. 

Weight loss doesn't have to be as complicated as people make it out to be, it's better to just eat a balanced diet, not be too restrictive and move more.


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## Ripple (Feb 22, 2021)

Even forgetting CICO for a minute here, if Ralph ever manages to put down the bottle he’ll lose quite a bit of weight just from the DTs.


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## George Cuckzunian (Feb 22, 2021)

Hüftpriester said:


> I thought that in the spirit of Ralph turning over a new leaf and getting shredded, we take some time to remember the victims of his obesity.
> 
> 
> Spoiler: RIP
> ...


Was this in El Paso TX? Looks like it but there isn't any identifying landmarks where I can pinpoint where he was.


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## Lame Entropy (Feb 22, 2021)

The fat fuck just needs to drink less, it's not complicated since he supposedly doesn't eat that much.


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## Ralphamale (Feb 22, 2021)

George Cuckzunian said:


> Was this in El Paso TX? Looks like it but there isn't any identifying landmarks where I can pinpoint where he was.


Yup, was when he went to visit that guy who works for the local news there and wanted to give Ralph a real Texas experience. Shame it had to come at the cost of a horse.


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## aiqe00135 (Feb 22, 2021)

Lame Entropy said:


> The fat fuck just needs to drink less, it's not complicated since he supposedly doesn't eat that much.


That's what all fat people say


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## Vetti (Feb 22, 2021)

Ralphamale said:


> Yup, was when he went to visit that guy who works for the local news there and wanted to give Ralph a real Texas experience. Shame it had to come at the cost of a horse.


Remember how excited Ralph was to be on the news when his segment was literally three seconds long?


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## Ralphamale (Feb 23, 2021)

Vetti said:


> Remember how excited Ralph was to be on the news when his segment was literally three seconds long?


Ralph prayed to Ronnie that day. He had finally made it.


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## donjulio (Feb 23, 2021)

I can’t believe they had to put down a horse just to give Ralph the Texas experience. It wasn’t even the full Texas experience; I bet they didn’t even take him to a gay bar.


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