# What do you guys think of kink and the kink community?



## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 7, 2019)

As someone who's been around that community for a while I'd like to know what's your raw, uncensored opinion on such things.

To be honest, they all look quite insane, insecure, deluded and elitistic. I could be wrong, maybe I've been to the wrong communities, etc etc

Here's a weird little gem.





						r/FemdomCommunity - [NSFW] Does anyone like taking care of and maintaining penises?
					

71 votes and 20 comments so far on Reddit




					www.reddit.com
				









Do kinky people ever outgrow their kinks? Do any stable relationships ever happen from this?

They love the word "healthy" to describe the most bizarre things, always going on about "connection" and how wonderful their relationships are only for things to fall apart in some dramatic blowout or the other.

I feel like I can't get any honest sane opinion anywhere else because whenever I try it is quickly met with the usual -isms, identity politics nonsense, more delusion, and no one actually explaining anything.


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## MediocreMilt (Aug 7, 2019)

Two in the pink, one in the stink. All you need, really.


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## the real heisenberg (Aug 7, 2019)

I support it. Just don't put a toothbrush in my cock you crazy bitches.


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## Bessie (Aug 7, 2019)

Ours is a kink-shaming community. Doesn't matter if you're into the most vanilla, conventional stuff. Doesn't matter if you're "asexual" or "pansexual". We will mock you.


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## WhoBusTank69 (Aug 7, 2019)

Probably the most mentally fucked up people on the internet and each in desperate need of therapy.


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## Large (Aug 7, 2019)

ICD-10 Version:2016
					

ICD-10 Online contains the ICD-10 (International Classification of Diseases 10th Revision)




					icd.who.int
				











						The DSM Diagnostic Criteria for Fetishism
					

The historical definitions of sexual Fetishism are reviewed. Prior to the advent of DSM-III-R (American Psychiatric Association, 1987), Fetishism was typically operationally described as persistent preferential sexual arousal in association with non-living objects, an over-inclusive focus on...




					link.springer.com


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## YayLasagna (Aug 7, 2019)

Yes, you can outgrow them over time for various reasons such as bad experience. Puberty typically has this happen to you a lot especially.
No I wouldn't call sticking a toothbrush down the pisshole healthy, but that's just me I guess.

For someone who claims to be around kink communities for so long this OP reads a lot like this is the first time you're learning about people doing weird things in the bedroom.
Granted, reading that Reddit post makes me feel like I'm inside a psychopath's head. Maybe you're just looking at the worst you can find.


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## ES 195 (Aug 7, 2019)

Bessie said:


> Ours is a kink-shaming community. Doesn't matter if you're into the most vanilla, conventional stuff. Doesn't matter if you're "asexual" or "pansexual". We will mock you.


Public handholders should be tar and feathered.


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## Pvt. Shitpost (Aug 7, 2019)

Shes gonna ruin this mans penis.


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## Colours of Africa (Aug 7, 2019)

What men need to know is that Trent is a man who has an anus, simply. Men of Africa know of the pleasures of Trent. Sometimes the man Magenta does not allow any anus for other men but this is an anus that needs many cock and even Magenta the man who loves anus can give it all pleasures


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## The Manglement (Aug 7, 2019)

There's nothing wrong with wanting to do weird sex stuff. There is something wrong with turning it into an 'identity' and a 'community' and endlessly promoting it online, showing everyone all your weird fucking shit.


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## PL 001 (Aug 7, 2019)

I think most people have a kink or a fetish. If all you're into is basic vanilla Missionary position, you're pretty damn boring. 

Most people also have the common sense to not broadcast their kinks online or in public for everyone to hear. The deviants that do are usually the ones interested in the sick and twisted shit no normal person wants anything to do with.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 7, 2019)

YayLasagna said:


> For someone who claims to be around kink communities for so long this OP reads a lot like this is the first time you're learning about people doing weird things in the bedroom.
> Granted, reading that Reddit post makes me feel like I'm inside a psychopath's head. Maybe you're just looking at the worst you can find.


Oh man, I've read a bit of everything. It's just that I've either read only hard facts like scientific articles (many of which biased), kink being praised as the best thing ever by kinky people themselves with no room for disagreement, or puritans who think everything sexual is evil. I'm looking for different opinions.


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## Dom Cruise (Aug 7, 2019)

People who get too far removed from the basics of sexuality, like boobs, butts, cocks, pussies and good old cock in the pussy, basically the more non-sexual a thing is sexual to you (like say feet or... balloons) the less I understand it.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 7, 2019)

Pvt. Shitpost said:


> Shes gonna ruin this mans penis.


What penis?


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## Casey0714 (Aug 7, 2019)

All things in moderation. It's alright to have a few kinks but it should always be understood that kinks are not to be made normalized in public society. If you want to play out some fetishized fantasy with like-minded individuals in private, that's fine but going out into public getting offended that other people find your kinks obscene is crossing a line. 

The kink community is a bit mixed. For some, it's a place to go and enjoy a little bit of freedom from the stress of everyday life with their indulgences but the community itself tends to be toxic to outsiders who do not support it. Unfortunately, such communities tend to attract the easily manipulated people and they get caught up into a cultural spiral trying to gain more and more affection from within the community while making themselves more and more cringy to normal people.


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## break these cuffs (Aug 7, 2019)

Degenerates


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## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Aug 7, 2019)

Stop being such a bigot, yo.


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## YayLasagna (Aug 7, 2019)

sweet-cereal-killer said:


> Oh man, I've read a bit of everything. It's just that I've either read only hard facts like scientific articles (many of which biased), kink being praised as the best thing ever by kinky people themselves with no room for disagreement, or puritans who think everything sexual is evil. I'm looking for different opinions.


Do whatever you want as long as
A. Does not hurt anyone but you (or your partner if that's their thing)
B. Does not cause permanent damage.
C. Does not involve animals and children.
I personally feel all of the above are a requirement for anything I'd consider 'healthy.' D is optional but my favorite, which is

*D. I get to poke fun at you for it as much as I damn well please*


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## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Aug 7, 2019)

YayLasagna said:


> Do whatever you want as long as
> A. Does not hurt anyone but you (or your partner if that's their thing)
> B. Does not cause permanent damage.
> C. Does not involve animals and children.
> ...


That last part is the most important.
Especially for tards that love to flaunt it.


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## FierceBrosnan (Aug 7, 2019)

As a full time dirty old man I can say that yes people do grow out of kinks over time and sometimes develop new ones. Healthy relationships can be had if there is more to the relationship than just indulging each others kinks.

When it comes to a full blown community though things get hard ( lawl ) because now you're surrounded by people that are by and large just there to indulge themselves. And with enough groupthink it can mess up a person's view on what is and isn't healthy to do.  Like the penis groomer has a routine with her boyfriend and obviously they are both really into it, but there is a danger in asking a community of people into this ( or dirtier stuff) about spicing things up. So say in the future she gets some wild idea about a new type of play from some dude that enjoys jamming needles through his dick and suddenly she finds herself single after stapling her boyfriend's forsewking to his stomach and not understanding why he needed to go to the hospital because XxXKnife_Daddy_Cock_Stab_the_14thXxX convinced her that it's totally harmless and a bunch of other hardcore pain enthusiasts backed him up. 

So tl;dr Do what makes you both happy ( within reason) and have more together than just what gets you off.


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## YayLasagna (Aug 7, 2019)

Sword Fighter Super said:


> That last part is the most important.
> Especially for tards that love to flaunt it.


It's not even having a more out there kink is what's so funny, it's when people feel the need to mention it all the time. It's okay to surround yourself with like minded people so you can feel comfortable, but holy hell there is not a reason it should be flaunted like you got a trophy.


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## neverendingmidi (Aug 7, 2019)

Your bedroom, your problem. Dressing up in puppyplay and wandering the aisles of Petsmart with a rawhide in your mouth levels of perversity? Burn the heretic.

Basically don't force others into your sex life unwillingly. Hell I get annoyed by people attempting to loudly suck each other's face off while dry humping right next to me on a public bus.


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## Girugamesh (Aug 7, 2019)

Honestly, as long as it doesn't include people 18-, and everyone's consenting, then go crazy.


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## Violence Jack (Aug 7, 2019)

kinks are something that we should strive to 'remove' from ourselves. They're mental aberrations, they are not cause for celebration or mention.


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## FierceBrosnan (Aug 7, 2019)

YayLasagna said:


> It's not even having a more out there kink is what's so funny, it's when people feel the need to mention it all the time. It's okay to surround yourself with like minded people so you can feel comfortable, but holy hell there is not a reason it should be flaunted like you got a trophy.


It's the same reason we all rag on transtrenders here. You can only deal with so much of "I'm trans, did you know I'm trans? Teehee muh girldick because trans UwU" before you're ready to kneecap the sped. Same goes for the kink community, if you like shoving watermelons up your ass and crushing them that's fine ( also call me) but if that's all there is to you, then go and stay go.


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## Niggernerd (Aug 7, 2019)

Only kinks I got is my gf cosplaying my waifus and letting me go down town on her and handholding


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## Faket0Fake (Aug 7, 2019)

If they are both consenting and doing it behind closed doors I have nothing to say. Just don't walk your gimp down the street on a leash with its' giant strap on for all to see.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 7, 2019)

YayLasagna said:


> D is optional but my favorite, which is
> 
> *D. I get to poke fun at you for it as much as I damn well please*


It shouldn't be optional at all


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## TaimuRadiu (Aug 7, 2019)

We all like doing weird degenerate shit. I can understand why there'd be "communities" around this sort of thing. I can still point and laugh at them from a distance, though.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 7, 2019)

Violence Jack said:


> kinks are something that we should strive to 'remove' from ourselves. They're mental aberrations, they are not cause for celebration or mention.


Tell me more.



BigRuler said:


> what did you mean by this? do you regularly attend bdsm orgies at your local fetish dungeon?
> or did you just mean "i watch a lot of weird hardcore porn"?


Nah, just a lot of reddit lurking.


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## LateNightMuffin (Aug 7, 2019)

if i never hear the word 'kinkshaming' again it will be way too soon. shame and mock. mock and shame.


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## Sexual Chocolate (Aug 7, 2019)

Why can't these people just do sex to women the normal way?

With an Al Green record on in the background and a silk scarf romantically draped over the bedside lamp, while you make sweet, sweet love to her vagina like you're SUPPOSED TO









						Al Green - Let's Stay Together
					

"Let's Stay Together" performed by Al Green Lyrics: I, I'm I'm so in love with you Whatever you want to do Is all right with me Cause you make me feel so bra...




					youtu.be


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## Bessie (Aug 7, 2019)

Sexual Chocolate said:


> Why can't these people just do sex to women the normal way?
> 
> With an Al Green record on in the background and a silk scarf romantically draped over the bedside lamp, while you make sweet, sweet love to her vagina like you're SUPPOSED TO
> 
> ...


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## ⠠⠠⠅⠑⠋⠋⠁⠇⠎ ⠠⠠⠊⠎ ⠠⠠⠁ ⠠⠠⠋⠁⠛ (Aug 7, 2019)

There are a lot of weird fags on here.


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## Sylvie Paula Paula (Aug 7, 2019)

I got introduced to kinks before I had my first period or got a proper talk about the birds and the bees, so obviously my opinions are very biased.

Keep kinks in the bedroom, and/or wherever minors can't reach it. People who purposefully expose children to sex and kinks should all die violent deaths.
Speaking of pedophilia, it is not a kink and anyone who thinks it is deserves to be shot. Also, DDLG and its variants are fucking gross, even with two or more consenting parties.
People who feel the need to meet up with others in public to events related to their kinks deserve to be mocked.
Also, thank goodness you can say "pedophiles should die" on Kiwi Farms and nobody's going to be mad at you for it


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## LyapunovCriterion (Aug 7, 2019)

I don't care as long as people keep it behind closed doors. Keep that shit to yourself.


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Aug 7, 2019)

Sex with humans is the worst kink, tbh.


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## LyapunovCriterion (Aug 7, 2019)

Sylvie Paula Paula said:


> I got introduced to kinks before I had my first period or got a proper talk about the birds and the bees, so obviously my opinions are very biased.
> 
> Keep kinks in the bedroom, and/or wherever minors can't reach it. People who purposefully expose children to sex and kinks should all die violent deaths.
> Speaking of pedophilia, it is not a kink and anyone who thinks it is deserves to be shot. Also, DDLG and its variants are fucking gross, even with two or more consenting parties.
> ...


What places do you post at where people get mad when you say "pedophiles should die"? I thought that was the only thing most people agree on.


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## PL 001 (Aug 7, 2019)

LyapunovCriterion said:


> What places do you post at where people get mad when you say "pedophiles should die"? I thought that was the only thing most people agree on.



Reddit. They've decided pedophilia is their hill to die on. Speak one word against them, and you'll have a legion of sickos trying to make every excuse in the book.


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## Y2K Baby (Aug 7, 2019)

break these cuffs said:


> Degenerates


OK, now this is epic.


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## lurk_moar (Aug 7, 2019)

As long as it’s not my fetish, they can stay away from me.


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## Slowpoke Sonic (Aug 7, 2019)

DIsgustang


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## ⠠⠠⠅⠑⠋⠋⠁⠇⠎ ⠠⠠⠊⠎ ⠠⠠⠁ ⠠⠠⠋⠁⠛ (Aug 7, 2019)

Sylvie Paula Paula said:


> DDLG and its variants are fucking gross, even with two or more consenting parties.


I don't like it but to some extent- like BDSM practised between an adult male and an adult female at home, with no interaction with any other parties- it's just an attempt by broken women and probably at least slightly broken men to recover the normal sexual dynamic between a man and one or occasionally more than one woman.

Not advocating for it, using familial terms like 'daddy' in that context is still creepy as fuck.


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## Y2K Baby (Aug 7, 2019)

Sylvie Paula Paula said:


> "pedophiles should die"


GOD
I HATE PEDOPHILES SO MUCH, GUYS
DIE, PEDO, DIES


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## Recoil (Aug 7, 2019)

I'm glad for the kink community's existence - It lets me know who to avoid and why. The legitimization of kinky garbage has made people eager to let me know what flavor of degeneracy they favor, and with that openness I'm able to kick people the fuck outta my house and life without nearly as much detective work.

EDIT: Case in point, @Y2KKK Baby has rated me autistic. He doesn't even realize that he's hit up against my freak filter.
Keep your life free from degeneracy and scum.


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## MrTickles (Aug 7, 2019)

Is trannies kink?

Also when I'm super thirsty after a great drought I start to find black women attractive in an animalistic, carnivorous way. Is that just a kink?


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## Sylvie Paula Paula (Aug 7, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> Reddit. They've decided pedophilia is their hill to die on. Speak one word against them, and you'll have a legion of sickos trying to make every excuse in the book.



And certain parts of Twitter and Tumblr.


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## Takodachi (Aug 7, 2019)

I mean, if they are both into it and it doesnt harm kids and/or animals, I dont see any issue with it.
...  That does not means I'm not gonna laugh at them, though.


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## Bessie (Aug 7, 2019)

Y2KKK Baby said:


> GOD
> I HATE PEDOPHILES SO MUCH, GUYS
> DIE, PEDO, DIES


Guys, this poor baby has clearly been diddled by some sick pedo fuck.
Quick! You get the pitchforks, I'll get the torches, and we'll hunt the bastard(s) down.


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## Casey0714 (Aug 7, 2019)

Pretty much anything can be fetishized. With enough mental gymnastics, you can draw a correlation to some of the most random things to signals of fertility and trigger base levels of attraction. A lot of this is subconscious for folks without as much self-control. 
Examples include but are not limited to:
Unclean themes triggering the forbidden fruit response
BDSM triggering conquest reactions and primal submission for survival in the event of defeat
Any sign of being "healthy" rather correct or not
Any behavior that can imply consent to advances
Anything showing vulnerability to being taken
etc


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## the real heisenberg (Aug 7, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> Reddit. They've decided pedophilia is their hill to die on. Speak one word against them, and you'll have a legion of sickos trying to make every excuse in the book.


A wise man once said:


Sword Fighter Super said:


> Lol, Reddit is for fags.


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## WhoBusTank69 (Aug 7, 2019)

MrTickles said:


> Is trannies kink?


In more recent years the shemale/dickgirl fantasy has absolutely been a contributing factor to the increase in troons.
Like I said, kink communities are a hive of the mentally damaged making increasingly terrible decisions.


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## SomethingWittyandBadass (Aug 7, 2019)

My problem is with the kink community is not really about the fact that some people like to do a bit risque type shit. It's more towards the fact that people ARE SERIOUSLY DOING VORE/SCAT shit and we're supposed to be okay with that. No. That's gross. You're gross. Fat loving as well. Fuck that shit. Anything with Feet. Get that shit out of here. Simple as that.


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## Y2K Baby (Aug 7, 2019)

SomethingWittyandBadass said:


> Fat loving as well. Fuck that shit. Anything with Feet. Get that shit out of here. Simple as that.


Armpit nigha detected.


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## SomethingWittyandBadass (Aug 7, 2019)

Y2KKK Baby said:


> Armpit nigha detected.


I honestly forgot about it, but armpit people ain't trying to be weird with furries about it so I'll give it a pass only once.


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## Y2K Baby (Aug 7, 2019)

SomethingWittyandBadass said:


> I honestly forgot about it, but armpit people ain't trying to be weird with furries about it so I'll give it a pass only once.


My instincts were correct.


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## escapegoat (Aug 7, 2019)

The community is a dysfunctional horror show, and gawking at them is how I ended up here, really.


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## Inflatable Julay (Aug 7, 2019)

they're all degenerates but i'll still jerk off to it


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## Bessie (Aug 7, 2019)

Inflatable Julay said:


> they're all degenerates but i'll still jerk off to it


Apt username.


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## Red Hood (Aug 7, 2019)

"Profligates like you belong on a cross."


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## whatever I feel like (Aug 7, 2019)

People who call it "kink" are cringey fucks. Just own up to the fact that you have a weird fetish like the rest of us.


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## U 'MIRIN BRAH? (Aug 7, 2019)

If you don't eat the gf's butt like 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





 then do you even really love her?


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## TerribleIdeas™ (Aug 7, 2019)

Bessie said:


> Ours is a kink-shaming community. Doesn't matter if you're into the most vanilla, conventional stuff. Doesn't matter if you're "asexual" or "pansexual". We will mock you.



Everything-shaming.


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## JosephStalin (Aug 8, 2019)

Like others here, am a member of  "as long as all concerned are consenting adults and things are done behind closed doors".

Kinks have been around as long as there has been sex.  No two ways about it.  Believe there are a couple of ways to look at kinks.  First, everyone has their own personal kinks.   This is only natural, as one's sexual experience and knowledge develop.  It would take someone without any imagination whatsoever to have no kinks.  Second, certain kinks are harmless, such as costumes, leather and latex.   Believe BDSM, at least some of it, can be enjoyable to watch as long as safety standards are observed for all concerned.    You're watching people play roles, nobody is treated in any way they didn't previously consent to. 

Personally, don't care for pain, bestiality, scat, or insects, and utterly despise pedophilia.


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## BeepMareep (Aug 8, 2019)

As much as I hate seeing people do harmful and unhealthy things and enabling it, these communities provide a window into abnormal behavior, which is really fascinating and difficult to observe otherwise.


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## Underestimated Nutria (Aug 8, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> I think most people have a kink or a fetish. If all you're into is basic vanilla Missionary position, you're pretty damn boring.



This is precisely what all the deviants mocked on this site believe. Fetishes are not personality substitutes. And if they're truly inborn or unwitting, not that I believe that, they should say nothing about your personality at all anyway.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 8, 2019)

Underestimated Nutria said:


> This is precisely what all the deviants mocked on this site believe. Fetishes are not personality substitutes. And if they're truly inborn or unwitting, not that I believe that, they should say nothing about your personality at all anyway.


I've heard that repeated on these communities so many times: everyone secretly has kinks, everyone secretly has dark sexual desires and all sorts of repressed urges, and those who say they don't are hypocrites or boring "vanilla" people. These people will even think they have the moral high ground because "admitting" to the weird stuff they are into makes them more honest, open and healthy people than those poor repressed vanillas.

It's annoying.


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## Rick Pratt (Aug 8, 2019)

I have mixed opinions on the kink community
it depends on the person and it depends on the kink
I'm in the "as long as they keep it to themselves and that the people involved are consenting adults then go ahead" camp

that and while not every kink community member is bad those communities do tend to attract some bad apples and manipulators
then again you get that with any problematic "community"


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## Casey0714 (Aug 8, 2019)

I'd say a lot of it is a gradual descent chasing the enjoyment they found in something.
For example, say a person enjoys pokemon but as they grow older, move on into an mmorpg. There, they choose a nonhuman race because it reminds them of the fun they had as a pkmn trainer. Playing as that character, they socialize with others and maybe get a bit immersed in the canon of the game's story. But then there's the fetish festering. Maybe while browsing porn, they see something furry and that subconscious connection triggers. Then they might get a fertility kink leading to rapid pregnancy fetishes. Those lead to maybe dipping into vore with unbirthing at first but then more versions of characters being consumed with the idea of a stuffed pred connecting to the thought of a pregnant woman. Then they play out more of the fantasies, adding more detail to the roleplays until all of a sudden, they're posting a disposal scene fetishizing literal shit. All the while, the addiction is fed by the fetish community of people thanking them for writing stories and roleplaying with each other as they slowly indulge into further and further depths of taboo.

The rabbit hole goes deep. I've seen folks who consider the above to still be relatively tame and continue into prey-transfer fetishes and beyond.


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## PL 001 (Aug 8, 2019)

You're reading too deep into what I said. Kinks don't have to automatically be the worst possible degenerate examples your mind can conjure. A little dirty talk could be considered a kink. You could technically call eating pussy or getting a blowjob a kink as well.



> This is precisely what all the deviants mocked on this site believe. Fetishes are not personality substitutes. And if they're truly inborn or unwitting, not that I believe that, they should say nothing about your personality at all anyway./QUOTE]
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Stranger Neighbors (Aug 8, 2019)

(minor powerlevel)

It's my belief that the kink community has a few camps:

There are the normal people who you'd never know have them unless you became their partner or stalked them or something. These people have found a niche they enjoy and they stick with it.

There is the "Community" which tends to have conventions, FetLife, clubs etc. Most of them are either old boomers or the younger college SJW crowd. They adorn themselves with stupid bondage gear in public and bitch about "toxic masculinity" while white knighting for pedos in the community.

Then you have your outliers, the people who have an addiction to the darker sides of human nature people the SJW crowd basically help conceal, these are addicts and people with legitimate Paraphilias who use kink communities to conceal themselves and prey on the young and naive. they tend to hang with a gaggle of SJWs, "protected classes"  and Reddit tier "sex therapists" they build a social shield around themselves and get away with years of abuse but so long as they say "fuck Drumpf" and "Health care is a human right" no one pays much mind


there are nice individuals I know in the kink community (also depends what kinks we are talking about) but for the community as a whole it's a bunch of deviant twisted assholes moving the goal post further and further as to what should be openly acceptable and seen in society , check out the "sex posi" movement


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## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Aug 8, 2019)

I think of them the same way I think of any community. People who have made one small aspect of their personality their entire identity.

WTF, do kinky shit or don't, why do you need a community? Is there a "People who have pretty much normal sex" community? No, because they have actual identities.

It all seems like a search for imaginary persecution to me, but I suspect that's the true 'kink'.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 8, 2019)

Even Odder said:


> There is the "Community" which tends to have conventions, FetLife, clubs etc. Most of them are either old boomers or the younger college SJW crowd. They adorn themselves with stupid bondage gear in public and bitch about "toxic masculinity" while white knighting for pedos in the community.
> 
> Then you have your outliers, the people who have an addiction to the darker sides of human nature people the SJW crowd basically help conceal, these are addicts and people with legitimate Paraphilias who use kink communities to conceal themselves and prey on the young and naive. they tend to hang with a gaggle of SJWs, "protected classes" and Reddit tier "sex therapists" they build a social shield around themselves and get away with years of abuse but so long as they say "fuck Drumpf" and "Health care is a human right" no one pays much mind


What do the SJWs gain with siding with those creeps? Doesn't it hurt the cause?

You describe two types of people: people who are into kink because it's "cool" and progressive and people who are into some dark stuff and use kink as a cover for abuse.
Are there any actual kinky people there?


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## Stranger Neighbors (Aug 8, 2019)

sweet-cereal-killer said:


> What do the SJWs gain with siding with those creeps? Doesn't it hurt the cause?
> 
> You describe two types of people: people who are into kink because it's "cool" and progressive and people who are into some dark stuff and use kink as a cover for abuse.
> Are there any actual kinky people there?


Alot of the fresh faced Bernie supporters are easily tricked rubes who so long as you say what they want to hear they will continuously side with anyone (even nasty people) it's not that they gain anything most are desperate, sheltered, children. You would be surprised with how many of the rad fems actually just want a Dom to spank them or how many of them want to enact rape fantasies.
Yes there are good people but the idiots or weidos kind of out weigh that.

I imagine you're asking because you are either a journalist trying to write a hit piece or youre interested in exploring kink yourself. As I said above though what kind of Kinks are we talking about because there are many different types. 

If you had a Paraphilia (which goes beyond kink into attraction to morally reprehensible behavior) such "kinks" have their own communities:
Cannibalism, Pedophilia, Necrophilia, Non consentual BDSM, all of those people might classify as "kink" just the same as Bondage and Sadomasochism. Most vanilla BDSM people  frown upon openly discussing Paraphilias but that community is where those people tend to hide out in.

if you are in the community or are looking to get into it (especially looking into getting in it) be very careful who you trust and be vulnerable around. It only takes one time of some sick fuck tying you up and ignoring your safe words.


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## TiggerNits (Aug 8, 2019)

I mean, everyone has sexual prefrences and oddities, but it probably ain't best to let those become a driving factor in your personality


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 9, 2019)

r/FemdomCommunity - [NSFW] Girlfriend doesn't want to stop using me as her toilet [serious]
					

70 votes and 23 comments so far on Reddit




					www.reddit.com
				






> *Girlfriend doesn't want to stop using me as her toilet [serious]*
> 
> Ok first of all, we are talking about piss only, no scat or anything. Neither of us are into that.
> My girlfriend and I are switchers and she sometimes she uses me as her toilet. We have even bought a special chair for that occasion so she can just take a piss completely relaxed as if she's using an actual toilet.
> ...


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## Terrorist (Aug 10, 2019)

Even Odder said:


> (minor powerlevel)
> 
> It's my belief that the kink community has a few camps:
> 
> ...



lol yeah because the biggest problem with people who like shitting dick nipples isn't getting off to shitting dick nipples, it's politics and ess jay double yews giving the ~sane and normal~ ones a bad name. I'd way sooner associate with a normie vanilla guy who likes bernie/healthcare/whatever than an alt-furry or BASED TRAP or Toilet Slave 4 Trump (Dems are the real kinkshamers!).


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 10, 2019)

Terrorist said:


> shitting dick nipples


wat


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## SchlauFuchs (Aug 10, 2019)

Different "kinks" have different "communities" with varying levels of disgustingness, but I don't care what someone yanks their willy to as long as they keep it privately between consenting adults. The ones I can't stand are people who are waaaaay too open about their fetish and act like they're spearheading a sexual revolution that everyone needs to know about. What comes to mind is the BDSM scene which has spiraled completely out of control to the point where they have full-blown college lecture-esque seminars and think it's ok to walk their partner on a dog harness in a busy street on broad daylight where kids are watching.



Casey0714 said:


> I'd say a lot of it is a gradual descent chasing the enjoyment they found in something.
> For example, say a person enjoys pokemon but as they grow older, move on into an mmorpg. There, they choose a nonhuman race because it reminds them of the fun they had as a pkmn trainer. Playing as that character, they socialize with others and maybe get a bit immersed in the canon of the game's story. But then there's the fetish festering. Maybe while browsing porn, they see something furry and that subconscious connection triggers. Then they might get a fertility kink leading to rapid pregnancy fetishes. Those lead to maybe dipping into vore with unbirthing at first but then more versions of characters being consumed with the idea of a stuffed pred connecting to the thought of a pregnant woman. Then they play out more of the fantasies, adding more detail to the roleplays until all of a sudden, they're posting a disposal scene fetishizing literal shit. All the while, the addiction is fed by the fetish community of people thanking them for writing stories and roleplaying with each other as they slowly indulge into further and further depths of taboo.
> 
> The rabbit hole goes deep. I've seen folks who consider the above to still be relatively tame and continue into prey-transfer fetishes and beyond.


>Disney style furry donkey icon
Your experiences are not universal.


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## Terrorist (Aug 10, 2019)

sweet-cereal-killer said:


> wat



Its an ancient ED meme and trust me, you don't wanna know.


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## Muscle Manlet (Aug 10, 2019)

Its a little worse than being autistic, a little better than being gay


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## Spunt (Aug 10, 2019)

Weird sex is great. Y'all are missing out with your tedious Mormon missionary in-and-out.

The "kink community", however, is fucking garbage cancer AIDS. Think furries but even more self-righteous and gatekeepy.

There is a Community Watch thread on fetish communities but it's never really got any traction. Fetlife and CollarMe are dystopian hellscapes that produce much hilarity, though you'd actually have to rummage through those websites for good material, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 10, 2019)

Spunt said:


> There is a Community Watch thread on fetish communities but it's never really got any traction. Fetlife and CollarMe are dystopian hellscapes that produce much hilarity, though you'd actually have to rummage through those websites for good material, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.


I think I could revive it a little. Link pls?


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## Spunt (Aug 10, 2019)

Fetish Communities
					

After Alan Pardew graced us all with that unforgivable horse transformation comic in the Furries thread, I figured I'd make a spinoff thread for the various weird fetishes that people have on the internet. Because some of it is just so goddamn weird (vore, transformation, egg-laying, inflation...




					kiwifarms.net


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 10, 2019)

r/BDSMcommunity - [NSFW] Is it possible to find a respectful relationship with a fucked up, kinky sex life?
					

276 votes and 107 comments so far on Reddit




					www.reddit.com
				






> So I (F19) am quite new to the world of BDSM (I know what my kinks are though), and I'd like to find a kinky boyfriend or girlfriend my age, so I've decided to turn to the most popular kink related site in Sweden (darkside). I haven't made a profile yet, because I'm not sure how to express myself.
> My biggest concern is that, considering my more dark fantasies (like CNC), I won't also find a respectful loving, relationship? Like sexually I want to be tied up, fucked in my ass, used and abused, called mean things, covered in bruises, but outside of the bedroom I want to be respected, treated lovingly, laugh, play games together, normal stuff, you know? Like a "normal" relationship?
> Are these two things even compatible? Or am I asking for too much? Has anyone else had any luck with this?
> I hope this all made sense, I'm extremely tired.
> EDIT: Thanks for all the responses! I feel very inspired. Just gotta figure out what to write on my Darkside profile now.



Am I weird for feeling uncomfortable about fetishizing a potential partner's childhood trauma?


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## Casey0714 (Aug 10, 2019)

Nah, it's normal to be put off by it. It sounds kind of like they're using the fetish as a coping mechanism.

Edit
An important part of any "healthy" BDSM relationship is aftercare. Gotta avoid any permanent harm and always keep it clear that the sadism is an act.


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## norbo (Aug 23, 2019)

As a general rule I always thought, back in the late 90's and early 00's, that this kink or fetish stuff would stay online. There weren't that many people on yet. It was becoming more common but still was relatively rare. Over time, those weird communities grew and became more... exhibitionist I guess. Effectively, I saw the internet as a kind of containment for weirdos. As it turns out, its more just a constant feedback loop where members seem to want to one-up each other almost. Now they're spilling out into the real world in public and, frankly, I want them to just get walk into the highway.

I still laugh at them, but clearly mistakes were made. Like building a zoo without any fuckin cages. Those gay tigers aint just gonna stay there.

EDIT: Keep it to yourselves unless you enjoy being laughed at. Pretty sure that is a kink in and of itself if Liu is any example.


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## IN 041 (Aug 23, 2019)

Veeh has a weirdly good quote, "He who only watches vanilla porn may throw the first stone"


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## UnsufficentBoobage (Aug 24, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> I think most people have a kink or a fetish. If all you're into is basic vanilla Missionary position, you're pretty damn boring.





JosephStalin said:


> It would take someone without any imagination whatsoever to have no kinks.





Spunt said:


> Weird sex is great. Y'all are missing out with your tedious Mormon missionary in-and-out.





Jesus Wept said:


> Veeh has a weirdly good quote, "He who only watches vanilla porn may throw the first stone"


Lol, you all better be joking.
It's like shaming someone for liking plain toast.


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## Nykysnottrans (Aug 24, 2019)

Spunt said:


> Fetish Communities
> 
> 
> After Alan Pardew graced us all with that unforgivable horse transformation comic in the Furries thread, I figured I'd make a spinoff thread for the various weird fetishes that people have on the internet. Because some of it is just so goddamn weird (vore, transformation, egg-laying, inflation...
> ...



I have been posting regular updates about some recent BDSM drama in the NSFW BDSM Tumblr thread, because the Seattle dom I have been researching was active on Tumblr picking up "littles" (DDLG/age-play practitioners) there. Do you think I should move the discussion here? You said that this thread is about Fetlife. The Seattle dom was also active on Fetlife but from what I understand he was mostly using Tumblr to hook up with playpartners. 

As for my personal opinion on kink/BDSM, I think there will always be people who want to push their boundaries, either their physical boundaries or their psychological boundaries, as well as their sexual boundaries. I don't think society has a right to stop them from doing so. Society has a right to discourage them, to tell them that it's wrong to do so and why, but people who want to do extreme things will end up doing extreme things. No matter how much feminism insists you should never try anal sex because it's dangerous, there will be a woman/man out there who wants to try anal sex, even and despite knowing it to be dangerous. Especially when there is financial incentive to do so. I don't think you can realistically ban BDSM and not likewise ban extreme sports. Just because the one is sexual and the other isn't doesn't justify banning the one and not the other. It's like trying to ban chiropractors. Some people say it's total quack and that patients are just going in to get their bones broken, and some people insist it has helped them and trust their chiropractor. 

What I cannot stand is people who insist that there is any such thing as "feminist BDSM". I have read a lot of TERF and SWERF websites on the topic of BDSM and I do not think BDSM can be reconciled with feminist principles. James Deen - a BDSM porn actor who turned out to have sexually abused dozens of his female co-workers at KINK -  also claimed he was a feminist and you saw what happened there. Just ask ContraPoints' favourite porn actress Stoya. These types of guys always like Stoya and other supposedly "feminist" porn actresses. They say shit like "watching a feminist porn actress makes me feel less like I am cheating for watching porn". 

I have spent some time reading accounts of abuse in BDSM from kinky women to see how they themselves distinguish consensual BDSM from abusive BDSM. For example this article, if you want to read a fairly typical account of abuse: https://annabelleanti-venom.tumblr.com/post/174654532888/anonymous-submission-via-fetlife 
For the most part I find these women incredibly inconsistent in their reasoning, if not to say outright illogical. None of them have ever been exposed to SWERF/TERF criticism of BDSM, so I have to wonder who SWERF/TERFs think they are reaching with all these websites they have online loudly denouncing BDSM. They are definitely not reaching the young Tumblerinas I am currently reading about. These BDSM women who claim they've been abused in BDSM are definitely compartmentalized, which is one of the characteristics of an abuse victim trying to rationalize their abuse (ie, a form of denialism). IMO, there is literally no consistent way of determining what is consensual or non-consensual BDSM because so many of these people (consciously or subconsciously) practice CNC ("consensual non-consent") and PRICK or RACK. The BDSM community has for years, and rather succesfully I would say, spread the lie in the MSM that all BDSM is SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) but anyone who spends about 5 minutes in the BDSM scene knows that's a fucking lie that's perpetrated by the BDSM community and their MSM as part of a PR repair campaign to save face because there have been so many BDSM scandals. The case I am currently following with the Seattle Tumblr dom is just the latest in a long line of BDSM scandals, some of which included fatalities (people who were either accidentally or deliberately killed during BDSM).  The idea that everything is negotiated in BDSM is also a fucking lie. Especially all the young Tumblerinas (many of whom aren't even legal, we're talking about 15-16 year old teenagers here who identify as "kinky") who are getting into BDSM haven't the slightest clue about negotiation, have never negotiated and just wanted to find a "Daddy" ASAP. This is obvioulsy not their fault, but for the BDSM community to pretend that all BDSM everywhere is negotiated or that this kind of negotiation is even standard of best practice in BDSM is a fucking lie. If they really cared as much about harm reduction as they claim, they should be honest about what's really going on. 

This video says it all, I think. This is what contemporary BDSM/kink is like, and anyone who claims this is the exception or an outlier is lying:


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 24, 2019)

Nykysnottrans said:


> You said that this thread is about Fetlife.


This thread is not about Fetlife specifically. It's about the kink community in general.


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## *extremely mom voice* (Aug 24, 2019)

I was a kinkster. (Wow I hate that word). Shit's fucked, man. Most of the women are traumatized due to being raped when they were younger. If they're not traumatized, they're kinky because they're autistic and have zero fucking street smarts. "Oh I went to his house for some nonsexual rope play, he has a fetish for tying women up and raping them, and I let him tie me up.... and then he raped me!" WOW can't believe that happened, who could have predicted? Someone can still be a victim even if they're dumb as rocks, so don't read this as victim blaming. But so many women in the scene get raped due to being dumb as rocks around blatantly dangerous men. 

Some of the male doms are autistic, awkward, ineffectual, and more or less harmless. Some male doms are fucking sociopaths who should be shot like rabid dogs.

I went to BDSM dungeons once or twice a month for almost two years. AMA.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 24, 2019)

*extremely mom voice* said:


> I went to BDSM dungeons once or twice a month for almost two years. AMA.


Tell us some horror stories.


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## ES 195 (Aug 24, 2019)

UnsufficentBoobage said:


> Lol, you all better be joking.
> It's like shaming someone for liking plain toast.


Is that at least with butter? If not, eating just plain toast by itself* is* weird.


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## UngaWunga (Aug 25, 2019)

They're sex weeaboos.


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## ⋖ cørdion ⋗ (Aug 25, 2019)

Spend an hour on f-list and you'll realize it's a thin veil for elitism and the desire to come out on top. There's more arguing there than platforms dedicated to it, and there's a whitelist of kinks that are "cool", such as being a kid banging a hot "thicc" mom, because that means you fucked upwards in the chain and came out on top. It's not really a community anymore; it's a shade to just about everything in life. Even Twitch chat is just non-stop "le hentai is quirky to reference in public!".

We've gotten a lot more open about sexual shit for better or worse, but actively sitting in rooms meant to engage in kink shit is twice as autistic.


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## Biggie Smalls' Taint (Aug 25, 2019)

They're on the same level as furries: they take something that makes their privates tingle and make it their identity.


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## Spunt (Aug 25, 2019)

BiggieSmall'sTaint said:


> They're on the same level as furries: they take something that makes their privates tingle and make it their identity.



The point at which a hobby becomes your identity is the point at which you veer into lolcow territory. Plenty of cool and normal people like video games, TV or kinky sex, but when you introduce yourself as a "gamer", a "Superwholockian" or a "kinkster" then it's a clear sign of a defective personality or an autistic obsession.


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## Ebony Cain (Aug 25, 2019)

The Manglement said:


> There's nothing wrong with wanting to do weird sex stuff. There is something wrong with turning it into an 'identity' and a 'community' and endlessly promoting it online, showing everyone all your weird fucking shit.



This mainly applies to people who self-identify with the kink "community", but they seem to have a fixation that goes beyond the sexual with whatever their thing is (domination, submission, pretending to be an animal whether or not you dress up as one) and seem compelled to do public demonstrations.


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## *extremely mom voice* (Aug 25, 2019)

Mass-quoting lots of different shit so as not to double post. I just wrote about the cis straight people and their issues, I didn't even get into any dirt on the trannies.



sweet-cereal-killer said:


> Tell us some horror stories.



Every four to six months, someone would come out with a lurid tale of how they'd been abused and mistreated by a male dominant in the scene. This _happened like clockwork_, and I even started to get a sense for when we were "due" for another one. It was always a charismatic, well respected guy. There would be a messy split between people who sided with the girl and people who sided with the guy. Whoever had more friends would win; whoever lost would vanish, sometimes taking a small circle of friends with them to have their own kink parties.

This story follows that exact pattern.



Spoiler: A Tale of Sleaze, Malfeasance, and Corporate Prostitution



The biggest drama of 2018 was Jeff Mach, a major organizer for a number of kinky and geeky events. There's a lot of overlap between kinky and geeky, though if you're reading this I doubt that's a surprise. These events were his livelihood...but Mach mismanaged his shit, and was permanently in the red. Friends lent him absurd amounts of money to make these events possible, including a $42,000 loan from one of his board members. He could never hope to repay them, since he couldn't even afford to pay the company's outstanding bills, and relied on volunteers for a lot of positions. He worked via favors and agreements rather than, you know, formal legal contracts, which let the operation run on fumes for much longer than it should have.

All this came to light when his ex-girlfriend came out with her story of how Mach tried to settle debts with his friends by offering the girlfriend's sexual services. She was not cool with this, even though she was already working for no pay as part of her "slave" role. Of course, she can run herself into the ground for no pay and call it whatever she likes. She can fuck men besides her boyfriend and call it whatever she likes. But if her boyfriend is pimping her out to his buddies to keep his failing business afloat? Doesn't matter if that's a kink. It's fucking illegal babey!

It's been at least a year since I checked in on the state of this drama, and I don't really feel like going down that rabbit hole. "Jeff Mach" is your powerword if you're curious.





sweet-cereal-killer said:


> You describe two types of people: people who are into kink because it's "cool" and progressive and people who are into some dark stuff and use kink as a cover for abuse.
> Are there any actual kinky people there?



People who are "cool" and progressive get involved with kink for the same reasons as anyone else (horniness), and they bring their progressive ideas with them. For these people, there's no difference between kink and progressiveness. At the same time, for the abusers, there's no difference between kink and abuse.

The most common type of kinky person is actually middle aged theater kids.



Even Odder said:


> Alot of the fresh faced Bernie supporters are easily tricked rubes who so long as you say what they want to hear they will continuously side with anyone (even nasty people) it's not that they gain anything most are desperate, sheltered, children. You would be surprised with how many of the rad fems actually just want a Dom to spank them or how many of them want to enact rape fantasies.
> Yes there are good people but the idiots or weidos kind of out weigh that.



BDSM groups contain some of the most gullible people I've ever known. A lot of them are autistic, which contributes to that. The women get involved with very dangerous guys because they have a faulty creep-detector. Whenever there was an account of negligent BDSM, emotional abuse, or rape, the trusted protector boyfriend was often the guilty party. I can't think of a single instance where a man successfully protected his girlfriend from sexual violence.

Most women in BDSM consider themselves feminists, and will switch effortlessly from "choke me daddy" to "smash the patriarchy." They simply don't see a contradiction. But a lot of them will assume that a guy shares their values just because he can mouth the right words. It's obvious to anyone with a brain, but if a man has violent kinks, there's a good chance he actually hates women.



Even Odder said:


> If you had a Paraphilia (which goes beyond kink into attraction to morally reprehensible behavior) such "kinks" have their own communities:
> Cannibalism, Pedophilia, Necrophilia, Non consentual BDSM, all of those people might classify as "kink" just the same as Bondage and Sadomasochism. Most vanilla BDSM people  frown upon openly discussing Paraphilias but that community is where those people tend to hide out in.



Paraphilia means "something that you absolutely need in order to get off." It's just a really obsessive kink, and it has nothing to do with the morality of a particular act. BDSM people do not like to talk about this, but kink is any deviant sexual practice, which includes some behavior that no one, not even them, would defend.

"Ageplay" was So. Fucking. Popular. and basically impossible to miss if you were in that world. You'll get shouted down if you say you want to fuck a nine year old, but if your girlfriend roleplays as a nine year old, then that's fine, innit?

I've seen a lot of weird stuff, but the most disturbing thing I saw was a fat Asian twenty-something guy, wearing a t-shirt with a teddy bear on it and sucking on a pacifier.



sweet-cereal-killer said:


> r/FemdomCommunity - [NSFW] Girlfriend doesn't want to stop using me as her toilet [serious]
> 
> 
> 70 votes and 23 comments so far on Reddit
> ...



This is some really funny fiction which this guy wrote in order to get off.



sweet-cereal-killer said:


> r/BDSMcommunity - [NSFW] Is it possible to find a respectful relationship with a fucked up, kinky sex life?
> 
> 
> 276 votes and 107 comments so far on Reddit
> ...


When it comes to BDSM, the worst thing you can do is train yourself out of feelings of discomfort.


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## MaoBigDong (Aug 25, 2019)

I'm interested in the rate at which male doms abuse female subs vs the rate female doms abuse male subs. I'm assuming due to the femdom crowd being a much smaller subsection of the ~BDSM community~ there would be a higher rate of abuse per couple, but due to how depraved most male subs come off it seems like being actually abused would just be another memory for the ol' spank bank. Not to mention the old theory that less men report rape and abuse because of  "toxic masculinity" (i.e: i'm not a pussy ass bitch that would get raped i liked it). 

I also wonder if the women are a bit more cunning at hiding their abusive tendencies. Usually with the male doms you can tell when they're shit heads just trying to say the right things to women so they can get some spare coochie, but on the femdom subreddits it's more male posting than females, and when a female does post every dude on the subreddit upvotes because he's thirsty. Seems an awful lot like male doms and male subs fall from the same tree, just with different kinks. Everybody just wants some damn coochie. But that doesn't excuse the fact that you might have to abuse or be abused to get some. 

What ever happened to the good old days where I could share a milkshake with my sweetie and after that we'd lynch a negro together as foreplay. The kink community is leaving a sticky mess all over the internet.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 25, 2019)

Nasty Old Person said:


> Suffice it to say SRS in Thailand did nothing for his dysphoria and he's now serving life + 170 years for murder. In a women's prison.


How did one thing even lead to the other...?


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## thx1138 (Aug 25, 2019)

Y2K Baby said:


> DIE, PEDO, DIES


"The pedos, the"?


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## Spunt (Aug 26, 2019)

Right, I'm feeling like shit today and can't get out of bed. Time for a spergout:

The BDSM community suffers from the same problems as places like the metal fandom or the table-top roleplaying community in that it's a self-defined "outcast community". (I'm willing to bet that other such communities - LGBT, furries, anime, railfanning - are like this, but I don't have any experience of those). Most, if not all, of its members have been bullied or ostracised for what they enjoy, or have kept quiet about it for fear that they might be. That makes those places very accepting, which is usually a good thing, but it means they're also accepting of people and behaviour they shouldn't be. All those places have this "I'm proud to be a weirdo and this is the only place I can be weird, so I'm going to be as weird as I can" feel to them. There's good weird, and there's bad weird.

The BDSM community suffers from the same geek social fallacies as nerd communities do - especially a reticence to throw out toxic or dangerous people because that might be "bullying" or "kink-shaming". If you've been ostracised in the past for your sexual preferences, doing that to someone else can feel hypocritical. This means that terrible people are tolerated for much longer than they should be. BDSM communities have many of the same toxic hangers-on that nerd or niche music communities do - neckbeards, dangerhairs, autists - but they of course have their own distinct flavours. These are from my experiences, but mine are a little bit limited because I've spent much of my life avoiding kink communities exactly because of these sorts of problems:

*1 - The mentally ill.* It's a stereotype that BDSM types, especially subs, are damaged people who have experienced trauma. I think there's some truth to it, but I'm not sure there's a causal link. I do think that subs tend to be emotionally sensitive and fragile people, and of course those people are more likely to be damaged by negative life experiences than others, so you often get subs with abuse in their past. But you also get subs (even ones into the really weird shit like ageplay and scat) who have had lives of nothing but buttercups and rainbows.

There is, however, a definite tendency for some people to treat the BDSM community as a free therapy group, and glom onto people who seem accepting of their problems (often because they've only just met them and don't know how crazy they are). I don't think BDSM is a substitute for proper mental health care in any way, but there are those who think it is (there's a certain narcissism to the community in that way), and it's tempting for broken people to use it as a substitute - it's cheaper, and you don't have to answer any awkward questions about yourself.

*2 - Druggies.* This one's harder to explain, but it's definitely a thing. Go to any BDSM meetup or event and some weirdo will ask you for gear. Guaranteed. My best guess is that these people assume that because BDSM is "transgressive", that its participants are into other "transgressive" things, and because they are a welcoming, friendly bunch they will give you free drugs. No we won't. Fuck off.

*3 - Predators.* In my experience, well-organised BDSM groups, events and meetups are very good at identifying predators and throwing them out. Aside from it being obviously a bad thing to happen in itself, tales of abuse tend to turn normies against the kink community and they're very keen to make a big show of keeping it clean from sex offenders. The real problem these days exists online or in small private events, where experienced people and crowds can't protect vulnerable people.

Personally I think that being a good dom/domme isn't anything to do with abusing people, but that's just my opinion, and not one shared by many narcissists, stalkers and psychopaths who use kink as a cover to get their way with the inexperienced, the vulnerable and the naive. 50 Shades of Grey didn't fucking help, because it portrays an abusive, manipulative psycho as a romantic master dom and gave a lot of idiots the wrong idea about what BDSM is all about.

As for the gender split of these predators (someone mentioned it earlier), I think there are more abusive male doms out there, but only because there are more male doms. My experiences have suggested to me that for male-dominant relationships, the number of male doms and female subs is about the same, but for female-dominant relationships, there is a huge shortage of female doms compared to the large number of male subs. I don't know why this is, but it's the reason a market exists for professional female dominants in a way it doesn't for male ones - supply and demand. I've met some female dommes (some of them professional) who are narcissist psychopaths of the worst kind, but they get away with what they do because they know they're in short supply. It's also considered OK to abuse male subs in ways (financially, emotionally) that it is not to treat female subs, and I guess that's down to sexism. Nobody respects male subs. Even though I should (we're supposed to be accepting and all), there's a part of my lizard brain that sees a male sub grovelling in front of some flabby bitch and thinks "Jesus Christ, just grow a pair, you worm."

I'm off to be sick. That was my essay thank u for reading it.


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## queerape (Aug 29, 2019)

Enjoy whatever kinky sex you like, kink is no problem for me at all. But the community is another thing. There's a lot of pudgy overweight middle aged women larping Fifty Shades (a piss poor representation of BDSM) too. It's really hard not to find a Dom who's trying to abuse you in the bad way, most big maledoms are outed as shitty people at some point, especially in kinky/geeky overlap.

Honestly, if you like rough sex and nerd shit, your best bet is not to find a dom in the BDSM community, but to get an actual boyfriend who's cool and will do that shit with you when you fuck him with out any need to be in the community. In that case, you aren't basing the relationship off just sex, you have an actual personal relationship that allows you to build a lot more trust. With a community dom, it's more like a professional service, even if you aren't paying him, as you're one of many subs. So, it's more impersonal, and thus less remorse in taking advantage. But having kinky sex with your boyfriend, it's a personal, exclusive relationship, which is far far more intimate so he'd less want to fuck around with that. With a community dom, he's always in control of you as you see him in scenes, so he knows that to you he's master and you'll be more open to him doing actually messed shit. But with your boyfriend, there's more to your relationship than how you fuck him, you get to be more equal to him outside of the bedroom so you get a chance to see him as an equal 



Spoiler



or girlfriend/domme for this whole paragraph, w/e





*extremely mom voice* said:


> here's a lot of overlap between kinky and geeky, though if you're reading this I doubt that's a surprise.


Why exactly is there such a kinky/geeky overlap? I've always wondered, be it for bdsm, furries etc.


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## *extremely mom voice* (Aug 29, 2019)

queerape said:


> Why exactly is there such a kinky/geeky overlap? I've always wondered, be it for bdsm, furries etc.



The long answer is complicated, the short answer is :autism:

I'm not even being flip. Autistic people are just more likely to have fetishes.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Aug 30, 2019)

BDSM marriage aka collaring ceremony









						r/BDSMcommunity - Dom & Sub "Marriage"
					

229 votes and 41 comments so far on Reddit




					www.reddit.com


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## Spunt (Aug 30, 2019)

queerape said:


> Honestly, if you like rough sex and nerd shit, your best bet is not to find a dom in the BDSM community, but to get an actual boyfriend who's cool and will do that shit with you when you fuck him with out any need to be in the community. In that case, you aren't basing the relationship off just sex, you have an actual personal relationship that allows you to build a lot more trust. With a community dom, it's more like a professional service, even if you aren't paying him, as you're one of many subs. So, it's more impersonal, and thus less remorse in taking advantage. But having kinky sex with your boyfriend, it's a personal, exclusive relationship, which is far far more intimate so he'd less want to fuck around with that. With a community dom, he's always in control of you as you see him in scenes, so he knows that to you he's master and you'll be more open to him doing actually messed shit. But with your boyfriend, there's more to your relationship than how you fuck him, you get to be more equal to him outside of the bedroom so you get a chance to see him as an equal
> 
> 
> 
> ...



This is really good advice. Good kink relationships are relationships first and foremost, just with good sexual compatibility. "Scene" people have an exhibitionist streak (duh, that's why they're doing this shit in semi-public) and often choose their partners based on how jealous they think they can make other "scene" people. That's an awful basis for any kind of meaningful relationship other than a completely casual one.

Find a partner the normal way, no matter how much of a pervert you might be in the bedroom. Even BDSM dating sites tend to be terrible for any kind of long-term relationship, because by definition they are full of people who put relatively shallow sexual compatibility above all the other things that make a proper relationship work. In my experience relationships begun in the "scene" tend to be trainwrecks and dramabombs.



queerape said:


> Why exactly is there such a kinky/geeky overlap? I've always wondered, be it for bdsm, furries etc.



Autism is one reason for sure. Extreme insecurity is another. I mean, she can't leave you if she's tied to your bed, right? I'd also add a penchant for goth/metal music to that mix too, for whatever reason. It's not all negative though, nerds are generally more creative than most and not satisfied with mainstream ways of passing the time or ways of thinking. They also tend to want more emotional depth in their relationships, and when done right BDSM can provide that.


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## Kotaro (Aug 30, 2019)

Daddy issues.


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## queerape (Aug 30, 2019)

Spunt said:


> Find a partner the normal way, no matter how much of a pervert you might be in the bedroom. Even BDSM dating sites tend to be terrible for any kind of long-term relationship, because by definition they are full of people who put relatively shallow sexual compatibility above all the other things that make a proper relationship work. In my experience relationships begun in the "scene" tend to be trainwrecks and dramabombs.


I think a lot of it boils down to people treating the want of kinky sex as a need. Even if you are into kinky stuff, you can still have satisfying vanilla sex with a partner who meets your real needs, as you can overlook wants when your needs are met and good sex isn't always kinky sex, there are many ways to have good sex but above all it's you liking the person and him meeting your needs. Now, that being said, over time you can introduce your partner to rougher stuff, as his tastes (or hers whatever) will influence yours and vice versa, and that's how people grow and develop in the context of intimate relationships. Believe me, this is one of those things that's easier done than said. You may think you can never be with a guy who doesn't do X but then the day comes you find a wonderful guy who doesn't do X and you don't even miss X because he's so right for you in all the other ways that actually matter.

So, if you are into kinky stuff and look for a partner in the scene, you end up treating a want as a need, and you end up with less satisfying relationships that satisfy your wants but not your needs. But if you get a boyfriend the normal way, you may not be guranteeing your wants, but you are taking care of your needs first, and even if some of your wants aren't there you wont even miss them given your needs are met.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Sep 3, 2019)

r/BDSMcommunity - Is anyone here into bondage bags, encasement or mummification?
					

106 votes and 61 comments so far on Reddit




					www.reddit.com
				








yikes


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## OjSimpsonFan21 (Sep 3, 2019)

I’m of the opinion that I don’t give a fuck what people do as long as everyone involved consents and is able to consent. It’s a community of people talking about a pretty niche thing, so it’s naturally gonna have cringy elements.

50 Shades was the worst thing to happen to BDSM because it portrays an actual abusive relationship as a BDSM one.


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## sweet-cereal-killer (Sep 4, 2019)

Gay dude from r/gaybros embroids his husband butt naked masturbating on a shirt, a guy tries to explain to him why wearing something like that in public is innapropriate, OP isn't convinced








						r/gaybros - “Husband” handmade embroidery
					

1,656 votes and 114 comments so far on Reddit




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## Pointless Pedant (Nov 22, 2019)

I think people in this thread are underestimating how common this kind of atypical sexual behaviour actually is. Joe Rogan is the furthest thing from a nerd but he talked about having relationships with women into foot fetish, rape fantasies, and choking before, the last of which is not only insane but potentially fatal. Especially in the aftermath of the massive success of 50 Shades Of Grey, a lot of people want to incorporate some aggressive power dynamics into relationships, usually female submission and male dominance, though occasionally the reverse, and most of them aren't nerds. The people described in this thread seem to be those who define themselves entirely around this stuff like furries, but the community extends far further than that.

Various non-nerd celebrities have been exposed as having bizarre fetishes as well. Chuck Berry was massively into omorashi/watersports and was arrested for secretly filming inside the women's toilets in his restaurant. They just don't define themselves around it.

In my experience it's easy to find women who like the idea of submitting and being controlled by a strong man without having to participate in any explicit "kink community". Female rape fantasies also seem far more common than some might think. It goes without saying that I don't date troons and autistics though.


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## Token Weeaboo (Nov 22, 2019)

I cam in here to see some funny remarks. Now I'm getting vibes I stepped into the deep thoughts forum


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## neverendingmidi (Nov 22, 2019)

Pointless Pedant said:


> I think people in this thread are underestimating how common this kind of atypical sexual behaviour actually is. Joe Rogan is the furthest thing from a nerd but he talked about having relationships with women into foot fetish, rape fantasies, and choking before, the last of which is not only insane but potentially fatal. Especially in the aftermath of the massive success of 50 Shades Of Grey, a lot of people want to incorporate some aggressive power dynamics into relationships, usually female submission and male dominance, though occasionally the reverse, and most of them aren't nerds. The people described in this thread seem to be those who define themselves entirely around this stuff like furries, but the community extends far further than that.
> 
> Various non-nerd celebrities have been exposed as having bizarre fetishes as well. Chuck Berry was massively into omorashi/watersports and was arrested for secretly filming inside the women's toilets in his restaurant. They just don't define themselves around it.
> 
> In my experience it's easy to find women who like the idea of submitting and being controlled by a strong man without having to participate in any explicit "kink community". Female rape fantasies also seem far more common than some might think. It goes without saying that I don't date troons and autistics though.


There's a difference between having kinks, and defining yourself by them. Anyone in the "kink community" is pretty much guaranteed to be the latter.


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## Pointless Pedant (Nov 23, 2019)

neverendingmidi said:


> There's a difference between having kinks, and defining yourself by them. Anyone in the "kink community" is pretty much guaranteed to be the latter.



The only people I've really seen that with aside from troons and furries are literal cucks and polygamous types (and I'm not sure the latter really consider that a fetish). Stephen Bonnell proudly declaring he was a cuck on video comes to mind, though even he is more known for his attempts at political debate than anything else.


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