# Rule changes



## champthom (Apr 1, 2013)

Today, this first day of April, I've made a few rule changes. They are as follows:

Users:
-all users will be required to have large animated gifs in their signature. Ideally they should be of cats but I'm willing to be lenient of this. 

Chris (as in the forum):
-all posts MUST contain A-Logging and/or sperging. You MUST compare Chris to Hitler, or complain that he's giving autistics like you a bad name, how you're better than Chris, and how Chris is ruining your favorite thing by existing.
-posts about Chris's incontinence are not only encouraged but required as well. Posts must make reference to the fact Chris shits his pants.

Sonichu:
-fanfics must involve you personally beating up Chris for giving autistics like you a bad name or have your Sonic recolors rape Sonichu and/or Rosechu for giving your Sonic recolor a bad name.

General:
-sharing your fetish is now not only encouraged but required. You must reference a fetish you have. If you do not have a fetish, one can be provided to you by contacting a staff member.

The Gay Bar:
-discussion of video games will be banned unless they are games from the following systems:
*Virtual Boy
*Turbo Graffix 
*3DO
*Atari Jaguar
*N-Gage

The Room:
- the only thing allowed for discussion is the film "The Room." 

Music:
- the only band that can be discussed is The Grateful Dead, aka the greatest group ever. But since I'm a kind guy, I'll also let you discuss Grateful Dead tribute bands like Furthur or Dark Star Orchestra or spinoff groups like Bob Weir's Ratdog and the like. 

Deep Thoughts:
- all posts must be written in Shakespearean English, haiku, or dirty limerick form.

Lolcow: 
- Lolcow General will be converted into a forum for loveshys to discuss their problems meeting potential mates. 

Staff will also be required to wear bolo ties. It's forum policy.

Also, I have a confession to make, and this goes out to our friend j crowley. See, the thing is that I'm actually a member of a shadowy organization known as The Brotherhood. It's a cartel of vaccination producers, model train makers, forums about autistic manchildren and Sega designed to infect as many children as autism as possible so we can enhance our bottom line through the sales of Sonic games and toy trains. J Crowley was onto us and we had to take care of him because he knew too much. 

In any case, just follow these few simple rules or otherwise you'll be banned permanently without appeal.



Spoiler



APRIL FOOLS!


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## Dunsparce (Apr 1, 2013)

While I love most of these changes, my heart shattered when I saw I could no longer sperg about the Gizmondo and CougarBoy in the Gay Bar.


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## Saney (Apr 1, 2013)

Well, I certainly wouldn't want to break any rules, so I got myself a new sig.


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## CatParty (Apr 1, 2013)

there are rules for this place?


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## Fialovy (Apr 1, 2013)

Yeah, the only rules I go by are common sense.


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## The Hunter (Apr 1, 2013)

An update on the rules for the General board: you are now required to post your current address, home or personal cell phone number, a picture of your genitals, and a comprehensive list of your fears if you want to keep your access. Failure to do so will result in your General access being revoked, and a possible chance of being permanently banned from these forums.

JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY


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## CatParty (Apr 1, 2013)

may i propose that all user names must be switch to some version of "julay"?


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## BigAltheGreat921 (Apr 1, 2013)

<cue evil laugh>


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## Stratochu (Apr 1, 2013)




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## KatsuKitty (Apr 1, 2013)

Brb, starting long-awaited "Chris' Stool Consistency" and "Chris' Fecal Incontinence Frequency" threads.



> An update on the rules for the General board: you are now required to post your current address, home or personal cell phone number, a picture of your genitals, and a comprehensive list of your fears if you want to keep your access.



You first.


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## Superjad (Apr 1, 2013)

My scanner isn't working, can I get back to you on the genitals?

(Chris is worse than Hitler!)


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## mendoza (Apr 1, 2013)

KatsuKitty said:
			
		

> Brb, starting long-awaited "Chris' Stool Consistency" and "Chris' Fecal Incontinence Frequency" threads.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'll go.

*Address:*
14 Branchland Ct,
Ruckersville, Virginia (for Virgins) 22968-9545
United States of America 

*Phone:* 434-990-0198

*Genitals:*


Spoiler












*Fears:* Pickles, HOMOS, JERKS, girls with boyfriends, and TROLLS.


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## Niachu (Apr 1, 2013)

champthom said:
			
		

> -all users will be required to have large animated gifs in their signature. Ideally they should be of cats but I'm willing to be lenient of this.



Whaaaaat?? I was going to CHANGE my signature today cause this one was getting old! You fools would never see it again! Damn you, champthom! Foiling my plans yet again!



Spoiler



april fools forgive me kitty baby mama's not letting you go anywhere <3


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## Judge Holden (Apr 1, 2013)

Ok, lets go through this checklist

Users:


> -all users will be required to have large animated gifs in their signature. Ideally they should be of cats but I'm willing to be lenient of this.



Check



> Chris (as in the forum):
> -all posts MUST contain A-Logging and/or sperging. You MUST compare Chris to Hitler, or complain that he's giving autistics like you a bad name, how you're better than Chris, and how Chris is ruining your favorite thing by existing.



Is this really necessary? we all know Chris is living testament of claims that some individuals are subhuman and undeserving of life, and in fact were the jews in the holocaust all like Chris, then Hitler would have gone down as the greatest hero of all time, so I think we are all aware of this fact, same way we know that those who boast of plans of physical violence against Chris are the greatest of our number.



> -posts about Chris's incontinence are not only encouraged but required as well. Posts must make reference to the fact Chris shits his pants.



I suggest you look at my minific to see my fulfilment of this quota



> Sonichu:
> -fanfics must involve you personally beating up Chris for giving autistics like you a bad name or have your Sonic recolors rape Sonichu and/or Rosechu for giving your Sonic recolor a bad name.



Fistichu: a minific of vengeance, by Judge Holden (taking about 5 mins to write)


Spoiler



I shall always remember the screaming. That sound alone, out of the entire saga, shall forever herald the fondest of all dreams when I sleep. The screams of suffering, the screams of begging, the screams of a man watching his beloved children be subject to unspeakable depravities while he struggles impotently against my weight. This is the sound I shall always cherish.

It had not taken long to locate Chris. His home address had been a well known fact for years now, and due to him being a friendless subhuman autist I knew he resided there almost every moment of his worthless life. I waited until he left for Mcdonalds before I infiltrated that foul castle of idiocy, but not one moment after I entered did I find myself face to face with the progenitor of unspeakable autism. Barbara "feisty dog" Chandler.

Enraged, she raised her fists to the air and told me how much trouble my butt was now in, but seeing the monster who created the autistic abomination, I was filled with holy furry, and after punching her through a wall, I yanked my knife from my pickle suit and began my bloody work.

Not one moment of Barb's life, not even the days she spent as a girl watching her drunken father violate lubricated farm animals, could prepare her for what I was to do to her. When I had finished with my weapon, and my knife, all that remained of her was a sagging pelt of skin, and stinking chunks of flesh scattered atop mountains of junk. The loss of his personal cook and carer would hurt chris, maybe even destroy him. But this bloodbath had been but a prelude to my true vengeance.

Grinning with childlike mirth, I clambered inside the flayed heap of skin, and lumbered into my victim's bed, and waited for my nemesis to return home. When Chris finally stumbled into his mothers room he did not notice me. Nor did he notice the chunks of human flesh lying around. He seemed far more interested in what I soon realized to be his mother's lingerie draw before I finally cleared my throat to attract his attention.

It did not immediately occur to him that I was merely wearing her folds of flesh as a mere suit, and for what seemed like hours he ranted about "dem damn homos" while my rage slowly built up inside me. However, when  he started to describe his dream of barb as a belly dancer, my patience finally wore out. Calling him to my side, I held his hand tight, and still imitating Barb, I told him this was the end.

Sighing with annoyance Chris moaned that I was just trying to get his attention, and that Bob had tried the same thing just before he died, and it was at this insult to the holy lumberjack that I sprung my trap. Yanking his hand accross me, I flung the foul creature head first into the wall, stunning him as he screamed in confusion, before I stripped the skin and picklesuit off me to reveal my glorious naked form.

As Chris looked up at me, the last thing he saw was my enormous, pulsating, pickle, and now shaking with homophobic terror, he demanded to know why there was a tiny sonichu medallion glued to the japs-eye opening. In cold, righeteous fury, I told Chis that this was Fistichu, my own original parody of sonic crossed with my favorite porn star Fisty mc Fisterton, and that together we were going to make him suffer for his atrocities against decency, and the insult his existance was to my greatness.

With a warriors roar that would have made all great heros erect with pride, I plunged my hardened penis and it's fistichu head directly into Chris's eye socket. beneath me I could feel him shit himself in rage as he was forced to touch another man's genitals, but that did not matter. All that mattered was getting into his mind. Which I was able to do with an extra strong thrust through his skull. As his brain touched my junk, I was able to finally enter his thoughts, and as our minds became one, I witnessed the metaphor of my genitalia violating his cerebra-cortex  being carried out in glorious reality.

Around me, cwcville was ablaze, the blood of thousands soaked the streets and I saw the crucified bodies of Chris's imaginary fans and friends nailed to the walls of every building. But what was most beautiful was the fate of Chris's Sonichu. Before me lay every single sonichu in a straight line, each one's mouth stitched to the next one's anus with red hot iron clamps.

Behind them was my fistichu, his godly body naked as mine, and his majestic penis thrust into the anus of Sonichu. Then to my amazement, it emerged out of the mouth of Angelica, who was at the start of this hedgehog centipede, and then realization struck me. Fistichu's penis had in fact traveled through the anus, digestive system, and mouth of everyone in this line, violating all of them in one beautiful thrust. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I was humbled by the majesty of this event.

Beneath me, I heard a quiet sobbing. Looking down I saw Chris's face beneath my manly boot, his eyelids held open by staples, forced to watch this unspeakable depravity by my mighty leg. After countless hours of making him watch, and with a deep, booming laugh, I knelt down and put my moth close to his ear, and with shout louder than a thousand thunderclaps, I obliterated the last threads of his existance with a deafening JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

As his mind finally died, I was returned to reality to find myself standing ancle deep in Chris's terminal feces. Knowing it would be years before anyone cared to visit the building, I allowed myself an hour to clean myself off, before setting off into the virginia night towards the coast still naked as the day I was born, knowing deep in my heart that I had finally done what all true Kiwis dream of doing. My work, was finally done.

FIN





> General:
> -sharing your fetish is now not only encouraged but required. You must reference a fetish you have. If you do not have a fetish, one can be provided to you by contacting a staff member.



I would not only like to help inform those unaware of my clown/diaper/vomit fetish, but would like to volunteeer myself for allocating fetishes for newcomers



> The Gay Bar:
> -discussion of video games will be banned unless they are games from the following systems:
> *Virtual Boy
> *Turbo Graffix
> ...



Ah, highlander on the atari jaguar was always my favourite pasttime



> The Room:
> - the only thing allowed for discussion is the film "The Room."










> Music:
> - the only band that can be discussed is The Grateful Dead, aka the greatest group ever. But since I'm a kind guy, I'll also let you discuss Grateful Dead tribute bands like Furthur or Dark Star Orchestra or spinoff groups like Bob Weir's Ratdog and the like.



Surely beliebers like me will remain tolerated?!



> Deep Thoughts:
> - all posts must be written in Shakespearean English, haiku, or dirty limerick form.



There once was a manchild named Chris Chan
who desperately wanted not to be a man
So his mother took a rock
smashed up his cock
and now his genitals look like spam

(I fucking hate poetry)



> Lolcow:
> - Lolcow General will be converted into a forum for loveshys to discuss their problems meeting potential mates.



I assume that fucking alpha males, rabbits and whorish bitches will be locked out?



> Staff will also be required to wear bolo ties. It's forum policy.



Can I still wear one?



> Also, I have a confession to make, and this goes out to our friend j crowley. See, the thing is that I'm actually a member of a shadowy organization known as The Brotherhood. It's a cartel of vaccination producers, model train makers, forums about autistic manchildren and Sega designed to infect as many children as autism as possible so we can enhance our bottom line through the sales of Sonic games and toy trains. J Crowley was onto us and we had to take care of him because he knew too much.



I also have a confession. I am in fact JC crowley, and I appreciate your honest validation of my suspicions



> you are now required to post your current address



Orava Castle Slovakia



> home or personal cell phone number



4444444444

If anyone gets this reference you get a cookie



> a picture of your genitals



Well if you insist


Spoiler













> and a comprehensive list of your fears



1) that you will realise where I have been hiding in your house, or that you will block up the hole in the ceiling through which I watch you shower

2) that Chris chan does not die an agonising, humilating, torturous death befitting an autistmench freak like him

3) that the rohypnol I put in your water supply just now will not have kicked in when I climb into your bed tonight


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## Surtur (Apr 1, 2013)

I will also add that a virgin sacrifice be made to me weekly. No uggos though.


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## Judge Holden (Apr 1, 2013)

Surtur said:
			
		

> I will also add that a virgin sacrifice be made to me weekly. No uggos though.



Can that be amended to offering them to me to be hatefucked to death in your name? (dont worry, they will technically remain virgins)


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## Surtur (Apr 1, 2013)

Judge Holden said:
			
		

> Surtur said:
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> 
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Only if its recorded and done on a dark altar.


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## Judge Holden (Apr 1, 2013)

Surtur said:
			
		

> Judge Holden said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You have yourself a deal, Ill clean the blood and feces of my roomates dark altar and use that


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## Null (Apr 1, 2013)

meow


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## Dark Mirror Hole (Apr 1, 2013)

This is draconian, I'm going to create another forum instead where all the banned users and I can be free from champthom's tyranny. After that, I'm going to call a fellow user a CRACKWHORE just because I can. 

The link is spergingisfun.forumer.com and it's totally not going to be reported.


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## Abhor-able (Apr 1, 2013)

calling other members crackwhores is freedom! FRREEEEEDOOOMMMMM!


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## Trombonista (Apr 1, 2013)

I don't feel like changing my signature, can my avatar count as the gif?


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## spaps (Apr 1, 2013)

Fuck, I was too lazy to follow these new rules today. Better make up for it in the next few hours.


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