# The Shart of War by Gunt Tzu



## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (May 22, 2022)

The Gunt is an internet master tactician, and any who wishes to do battle with him in a Twitter spergwar needs to first understand the bevy of maneuvers and weapons in his shartsenal.

-Stonewall Denial aka It's Nawt Tru: A staple in the Ralphamale defensive strategy. Simple and to the point. You may think something is true about him. You may have evidence, even photographic or videographic, proving without a shadow of a doubt that your words are accurate. But not so fast. With 3 simple words Ralph can disrupt your entire plan of attack. What you had just seconds before thought to be true? Well, nuh uh. Ralph said that it's not, actually. And so, actually, since it's not true, you have nothing.

-The Jackknife Counter/Matter of Fact...: Ralph turns defense into offense on this one. Typically can be chained with the aforementioned denial, flipping the script back on you. Starting off with "As a matter of fact" lets you know that Ralph is about to drop some hardcore truth about a thing he made up in his head. Then, cleverly qualifying with "probably" for ultimate plausible deniability, Ralph flips the script entirely, using the force of his enemies attack against them, letting them know that it was THEM that actually did the thing, and not Ralph at all. A truly devastating riposte that is nearly impossible to recover from.

-Personal Firebomb/I hate you: This is where Ralph goes on the full offensive and unleashes the full extent of his hatred against his opponent. Even the most bold and daring Internet Generals would hesitate to take such a hardcore and badass stance, but not Ralph. He hopes you die. The truly scariest meanest thing in the world, he really wants you to. Not only that, when he finds your grave, he's going to...[editor's note: this is too insanely badass and twisted for us to even type here.] Most of Ralph's enemies, in the most heated of arguments, take solace in the fact that if they were on fire, Ralph would still have enough respect for them as to piss on them. Not so, and here Ralph lets you know that he in fact would not piss on you if you were on fire. Knowing just how much Ralph dislikes his enemy is surely extremely important to them and they are left utterly owned by his admission of his true feelings.

-The Jab/Do You Understand: Do you? Do you understand? Here's the thing: you're stupid, actually, do you understand?

What are your favorite Ralphamale internet war tactics?


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## RandomShirtlessMan (May 22, 2022)

Ralph is the master of drunken guntfu.


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## Dead Wife (May 22, 2022)

Ralph’s ability to turn his ire onto his target’s wives, girlfriends and children is a tactical masterpiece of war.
His shrapnel bomb of piercing insults each carefully chosen and aimed to rip and tear into the flesh of his enemy - “whore, tub-o-guts, bitch, slut, ugly, fat, dead“ must render his victims paralysed with bemusement and mild irritation.


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## Blue Miaplacidus (May 22, 2022)




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## An automatic clown (May 22, 2022)

Ralph: ridiculous accusation
Target: actually no that's wrong 
Ralph: WELL I DONT HAVE EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY

Real world example: his hollerin' at Chrissy about her dead mom.


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## Blue Miaplacidus (May 22, 2022)

An automatic clown said:


> Ralph: ridiculous accusation
> Target: actually no that's wrong
> Ralph: WELL I DONT HAVE EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY
> 
> Real world example: his hollerin' at Chrissy about her dead mom.


this tactic falls apart when someone calls him out, IE: Jim stream. It truly amazes me that he still has unironic fans, who believe anything he says. I can't think of one true thing gunt has ever said except for a sentence on that stream, "I've been struggling with substance abuse". Everything else is bullshit.

"Show me", "Pull it up", "Where?" ... _Well everyone was doxing_. "I don't care about everyone, show me where I did X".


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (May 22, 2022)

Few more I forgot to add.

The Imitation Game/This is what you sound like: A tactic Ralph has used a lot relatively frequently. Ralph performs this deft maneuver by mimicking his opponent, utilizing his talent and acting ability to put on a whiny, nasally voice, driving the point home at what a feeble-sounding human his opponent is. In this, Ralph does not even need to come up with his own insults. Like a master Judo artist he lets his opponent's own momentum carry them to the mat. An incredibly genius rehash of a Kindergarten tactic performed by a 37 year old man. 

The Bubonic Vague/I just heard...: Ralph goes full Trickster God on this one. Ralph makes insane, wild allegations, and when confronted for evidence or a source for his claims, pawns off responsibility for the information on a vague and unnamed source. "That's just what I heard" Ralph will say while shrugging his narrow, Cushing's sloped shoulders, smirking as the believable rumor sows discord amongst his enemies fanbase.


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## RussianParasite (May 22, 2022)

The tiger ambush: Ralph has been pretending to be your friend/on good terms with you for years now, but do you remember when you [did or said some vague thing that may or may not have offended him at the time]? Well surprise, bitch! The Ralphamale has been waiting with the patience of a tiger stalking it’s prey. Now your ass is grass. You hear me, bitch!? You fucking piece of shit, lying shyster!!??!?! Do you get it now???!!!?!


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## AltisticRight (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 將計就計
(Entrapment)
Example: A-logs claimed I sharted. I will proceed to holler about shitting all over myself for donations and shit in front of the camera. That will show the a-logs who's KING.
Effect: This displays peak RALPHAMALE vitality and dominance, the a-logs aren't laughing or mocking you, they are in fact scared of such a Chad display.

Tactic: 眼淚;哭;笑
(Laughing with tears emoji)
Example:  I AM TOTALLY NOT MAD
Effect: Throw the a-logs off the track and hide your true emotions. I'm TOTALLY laughing, it WAS YOU that's mad.


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## Smarty Pants (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 勒索
(Blackmail)
Example: Patrick Casey was invited to the Kino Casino to spill the tea on Nick Fuentes and AF, and Ralph went on Twitter and made a thinly-veiled threat that there is a video in his possession of Patrick doing something (probably) illegal, that would get leaked if he followed through with the interview.
Effect: I mean it's literal fucking blackmail.


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## Expendable Zaku (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 性威脅
(Sexual Threats)

The sexual threats to your loved ones and/or immediate family members, particularly female ones, is a classic tactic of Ralphegy. Whether it's the bending over of your "whore girlfriend/fiance/wife/daughter," or the insinuation of someone else that he personally knows or is vaguely aware of, committing or have committed said act, it is yet another avenue of attack when previous methods fizzle out.


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## AltisticRight (May 22, 2022)

Blue Miaplacidus said:


> View attachment 3307479


To be fair to Sun Tzu, Ralph has even chinkier eyes.


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## Lone MacReady (May 22, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> To be fair to Sun Tzu, Ralph has even chinkier eyes.


And even more skid marks in his pants.


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## Mr E. Grifter (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 自殺誘餌
(Suicide Bait)

Example: Tell your highschool age girlfriend that if they leave you, you will end your own piggy life. Even more effective if they are pregnant and scared of being a single parent.

Effect: That stupid WHORE will keep fucking you whilst you can fuck about all you want. Ralphamales can get their fuck on all they want while this stupid bish thinks you actually care.
_Do you understand now?_


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## Post Reply (May 22, 2022)

Crisis King

Example: Your detractors are making fun of that wholesome family-man content you posted on twitter. Maybe they are mocking the horse you married, or cracking jokes about the son you will never see again. Your blood is boiling, but you don't lose your cool. Here, in your time of need, you have a trump card that none of the haters will see coming.

"CHRIST IS KANG!"

Effect: Melt the minds of your haters by invoking the power of Almighty God. All twitter detractors are instantly struck by lightning from on high. They are turned to ashes, and no one mourns their passing.


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## Wine em Dine em 69 em (May 22, 2022)

Tactic for use after 24 hours of coke-bender  unhinged documented RagePiggery- Try to pass as a normal human being. 
Tweet like a Facebook boomer. 
Use lots of exclamation points!  To show the world you’re not bothered!  Also throw in some LOLs!  And Hahas!  Totally not seething! 
Post selfies in the park with bastard ReRoll baby and ReRoll Fiancée. 
Rinse and Repeat.


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## Christorian X (May 22, 2022)

The Vanishing Premise / "I don't know what that is..." - When being confronted with documented and verifiable evidence of malfeasance, bad behavior and/or wrong doing Ralph will suddenly act as if the brain damage people accuse him of is very real. For example:

Jim: "The 30k Odysee contract."
Ralph: "What contract?"
Jim: "The 30k Odysee contract you've been telling everyone on Twitter and streaming about."
Ralph: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Jim: "...ok Ralph."

Ralph will use an indignant, ignorant mumble technique to deny even the most blatant and factually true / provable facts known to literally everyone in his audience. Believing it to be a win, he will then trot off back to his sty and pronounce that his haters don't know shit.


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## MvAgusta (May 22, 2022)

The Guntzkrieg

A barrage of words and insults hurled by Ralph in a rapid fashion, leaving the opponent surprised and shocked at the rage pig’s barrage of verbal diarrhea

For reference (starting at the 4:57 mark)



			https://youtu.be/cmMM3QEPqWE


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## FuzzMushr00m (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 抗自閉症聽覺盾 (Anti-Autism Aural Shield)

Example: Ralph will produce all kinds of annoying bodily noises to cast away the most autistic snipers and alogs; from chewing with his mouth open to coughing, from snorting to sharting including grunts and shrieks he will do everything he can to make the misophonic alog's day worse.

Effect: this is by far his most effective weapon, Flamenco complained about it several times and even in our own Autistic Shitspigots people get noticeably upset when he uses this secret technique.


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## Smarty Pants (May 22, 2022)

@FuzzMushr00m reminded me of another tactic he deployed today on Twitter.

Tactic: 自闭症煤气灯
(Autism Gaslighting)

Example: When his fallout with Flamenco began, he got extremely salty and built the narrative that Flam lacks social skills and is unable to pick up on social cues because he's got autism. 

Effect: Ralph will pretend that the person he's hollering at displays symptoms of being on the autistic spectrum for the purpose of discrediting them, also known as _Argumentum ad Spergium_.


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## Space Cooter (May 22, 2022)

“when your opponent is of indifferent temperament, screech loudly to your 40 or so remaining fans that he’s a pedophile”

True wisdom lies in this ancient work of strategy and statecraft


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## Mr. Manchester (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 離機化學增強
(Off Camera Chemical Enhancement)

As we all know Ethan Ralph is able to enhance his already massive Ralphamale energy with the use of ancient holistic medicines and herbs.  Ralph has been known to show off these wondrous tinctures such as liquor combined with warm coca cola or a massive bong rip, however there are times he must keep his true secrets from his legions of adoring fans.

When these moments arise Ralph masterfully shuts off his camera only to return full of energy moments later and able to perform astounding feats of hollarin'.  Some say this is the result of the teachings of Andy Warski.  Other times he is granted supernatural foresight and was once able to predict the weather, reassuring his mother that it was in fact, "nawt even hot outside".  Sadly, later on Sandra would lose her battle against the evils of western medicine, a grudge Ralph holds to this day.


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (May 22, 2022)

Smarty Pants said:


> @FuzzMushr00m reminded me of another tactic he deployed today on Twitter.
> 
> Tactic: 自闭症煤气灯
> (Autism Gaslighting)
> ...


In his defense Flamenco is a fucking sperg.


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## Least Concern (May 22, 2022)

The High-Volume Chimp-Out:

When Ralph gets incredibly angry at an opponent but does not have the presence of mind to form a coherent argument, he will instead attempt to dominate his opponent through shrieks, grunts, and other primordial noises. We can just talk over each other all day, bitch! Uaaugh! Aaugh! Ugh!

He has even been known to do this in response to pre-recoded footage of his "As a matter of fact, I hope you die, bitch"-level opponent du jour.

One would assume that this would be accompanied by the throwing of feces, but Ralph at least has the presence of mind to realize that feces is far too precious of a commodity to be wasted by flinging at others.


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## WhimsicalTrolli (May 22, 2022)

My favorite tactic is "I have alot more evidence to show but I don't have enough time"


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## Thorndyke Special (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 強大的鼴鼠山
*(The Mighty Molehill)*

Have your opponents made a devastating attack on your person? The counter-attack is not always the best strategy; yet Ralph teaches that we must have an immediate victory. Therefore, give yourself an easily-accomplished task to astonish the masses. (Completing the task is optional)

Example:
Mr. Medicare: You have four tits.

Ralph: I swear to God I'm going to walk two miles as soon as this is done.


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## Thorndyke Special (May 22, 2022)

_Tactic: 优美的散文_
*(The Polished Prose)*

Your enemies must fear you as a warrior and a scholar alike. Let your pen's strokes be as devastating as your sword's strikes.

When confronted with a troublesome foe, Ralph teaches that we should retreat inward to our intellect and counter with the written word. After all, a Tweet may be ephemeral, but a blog post is eternal.

Example:

Enemy: "Ralph was beat up in Portugal over a purse."

Warrior: *writes a devastating diary entry on www.theralphretort.com*


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## Catboys the Musical (May 22, 2022)

_Tactic: 惡毒的嘲諷_
(The Vicious Mockery)

At a glance, one would think these are simply the squealings of a frightened pig.  But in actuality it is a brilliant impersonation of the subject of the Gunt's ire.  Loudly screeching and flailing his limbs around, Ralph is able to pull off a perfect impression of somebody else being mad or insane.

Examples: The pink polo monkey, the Metokur mockery

Effect: The target will be rendered shocked and shamed by Ralph's ability to provide a perfect mirror of their own aspergic behavior.


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## Mr. Manchester (May 22, 2022)

_Tactic: 华丽的展示_
(The Opulent Display)

Ralph knows the one sure fire way to turn any alog into a quivering pile of tears is to prove that he is not a poor person.  A significant purchase of some useless artifact is quickly followed up with several posts on twitter, as he knows his enemies will undoubtedly see them.  This technique originates from the wigger school of thought which Ralph has perfected and incorporated into his own style.

Examples: 600 dollar cowboy hat, the man purse, Papaw's ring and of course that time Ralph bought himself a bowling trophy.

Effect: The alog will realize that Ralph is far wealthier than expected and will be forced to go to work knowing that Ralph can just tweet and shit his pants all day.


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## Smarty Pants (May 22, 2022)

This thread should end up as a paperback, I swear.


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## ManBearHog (May 22, 2022)

Let your plans be as retarded and incoherent as a wailing pig. And when you strike, fall like a fat guy getting beat down by a Portuguean troon.


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## RussianParasite (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 愤怒之路
(The Path of Fury)

When one is at war, they must be able to move swiftly like the wind from destination to destination. Ralph accomplishes this by (drunk) driving across the land, brake checking other vehicles that make him rage and by yelling at his pregnant steed to shut the fuck up and not puke in the car.

Effect: Enemies are baffled and shocked by the speed with which this allows Ralph to seemingly appear in two places at once despite his vast size and horrific health problems.


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## Fivehead (May 22, 2022)

Someone can spruce up the verbiage of this but I like when he outright denies knowing someone, no matter how ridiculous.


> Opponent: "Well, didn't you do that to Faith?"
> Ralph: "Who?"
> Opponent: "Faith Vickers..."
> Ralph: "Who is that?"
> ...


It's really a brilliant tactic because it instantly shuts down the conversation. He as been employing it a lot more lately.


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## Thorndyke Special (May 22, 2022)

Fivehead said:


> Someone can spruce up the verbiage of this but I like when he outright denies knowing someone, no matter how ridiculous.
> 
> It's really a brilliant tactic because it instantly shuts down the conversation. He as been employing it a lot more lately.



扭曲之謎
*(The Wry Enigma)*

When your foe is certain, sow uncertainty; when he is stable, foster instability.

Your opponent attacks directly: you must counter with a blow to his flank--the effect will mystify & mesmerize him. The splinter you slip into his mind will act as a dagger in his chest.

Example:
Opponent: "Well, didn't you do that to Faith?"
Ralph: "Who?"
Opponent: "Faith Vickers..."
Ralph: "Who is that?"
Opponent: The mother of your first born child...
Ralph: "I don't know who that is"
Opponent: "....okay..."

_I'm having way too much fun with these._


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## Post Reply (May 22, 2022)

Least Concern said:


> The High-Volume Chimp-Out





Sexual Meatball Sub said:


> The Vicious Mockery


These moves are even more powerful when combined, as Ralph has often demonstrated.





Your browser is not able to display this video.


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## Jewthulhu (May 22, 2022)

"All hollerin is based." -Gunt Tzu


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## FuzzMushr00m (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 沼澤巫師死靈術 (Bog Wizard Necromancy)

Example: Ralph can bring back to life one of his enemies with a complex ritual that involves a mysterious drink called "bubbly" and hours and hours of hollering and sweating. Ralph used this to resurrect CRP, who came back to life after getting murdered by some Ukranian paramilitary organisation. Performing this ritual takes a serious toll on Ralph's health so he must use it with extreme caution.

"The wise warrior keeps his enemies alive and subjugates them daily." - Ethan Ralph


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## GreeneCoDeputy (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 恶习的投射
(Projection of Vices)

The wise commander retakes the moral high ground by lobbing accusations of immoral, distasteful, or criminal behavior at the enemy. The key to power is lobbing only accusations of behaviors that you yourself are engaged in. You are a disgusting degenerate so you will always have ammunition.

Example:
Projection: "That cokehead Warski!"
Power: "That's my nose running, in the video, because it's fucked up... from years and years of cocaine abuse. If you wanna know the truth."

Example:


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## AltisticRight (May 22, 2022)

These Google translated texts are hilarious, gaslight was translated into a literal fucking gaslight. No wonder people in the west and east cannot understand each other's memes, like image board shitposters talking about giving refuge to Ukrainian waifus in exchange to lose their virginity turning into fucking headlines from mainstream leftoid msm even though this has been a running meme regarding every single global situation since 2008. It's funny stuff. 

Tactic: 薛定諤的白尼哥民族主義者 - J凱撒187
(Schrödinger's wignat-- JCaesar187) 

Example: 
I AM NAWT A RACIST I MARRIED UH PAKI 
FUCK YOU XANDER MEXICAN YOU DUNT BELONG IN MUH COUNTRY 
(Ronnie eulogy at TacoBell)

Effect: to unbox the ill mind of the Ralphamale and reveal his true senses, the only way would be to somehow access his JCaesar187 account.


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## Shek$il (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 崩壊-スライム-拳
(Collapsing-Slime Fist)

A great commander knows simply surviving certain battles is the true victory. If the duel begins to move in the enemy's favor, utilize a combination of pills, alcohol, brain damage, and pathetic behavior to reduce their blows from sharp, focused, and painful to gentle advising out of sheer pity. 

Example: Used effectively as Shogun Metokur was about to strike a series of fatal blows. Now who's laughin' MEDICAAAAAARE!? LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


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## Stasi (May 22, 2022)

Tactic:  怜悯党
(Pity party)

Claim that an opponent's insult (often innocent words only seen as a slight in Ralph's booze addled mind) is so devastating a low blow that they should be tried as a war criminal and publicly executed for their horrible acts. Designed to garner sympathy and pity donations from his audience as well as being a casus belli guntus belly to go on the offensive against his opponent. For added effect, used immediately after Ralph makes a horrible insulting statement against another person's family or loved ones with the effect being total mind fuck and confusions among the viewers as to Ralph's total hypocrisy and brass balls to be making such brazen statements after his own disgusting comments.

Examples: How dare they make fun of my dead mom by saying I was a piece of shit son who made her walk in the summer heat to her dialysis? They are going after muh wife/son/family do you UNDERSAND!?!? (this said immediately after: I think its funny your kid died/you wife is a fat tub o guts whore/your kids are a brood of retards etc. etc.)


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (May 22, 2022)

Post Reply said:


> These moves are even more powerful when combined, as Ralph has often demonstrated.
> 
> View attachment 3308662


I'm too lazy and don't have clips but if someone can match some of the better listings to clips of them in action I will give them a "thunk provoking" reaction.


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## Thorndyke Special (May 22, 2022)

觉醒攻击
(The Awoken Assault)

Where are you? What is happening? The last thing you remember is passing out on that park bench and now a uniformed woman is violently shaking you...

You must attack now! Do not stop to think--consequences are for cowards. Swing your fist and obtain immortal glory!


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## Disgruntled Pupper (May 22, 2022)

马术大师
(Master of Equestrianism)

If one wishes to humiliate and abase their enemies, one must first learn to humiliate and abase their allies. The horse is a useful tool, but it must always be handled with an abusive fist and callous behavior lest it forget who is the master in the relationship.

Examples: Demand a paper plate of homecooked slop after the horse's 12 hour shift at Subway. Constantly cuck the horse with black prostitutes and meth addicts. Slap the pregnant horse's flank on livestream shortly after yelling at it not to get puke on your car. Take over the horse's online presence in order to isolate it, only letting it tweet in defense of your honor against attacks by the haters.


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## RussianParasite (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 算命
(Fortune Tell)

It can be difficult to win a war without the ability to pay for troops and supplies. A true Ralphamale will use his amazing intelligence and deep knowledge of statistics in Las Vegas to lose vast sums of his war chest while bragging openly about the small wins he achieves. 

Effect: when enemy troops finally discover the vast fortunes lost by Ralph, they will only be able to think about how small their pittance of a soldier salary is, feel owned, and slink home without engaging in combat. Absolutely felted.


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## Wine em Dine em 69 em (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: Security

When you’re 5’1 and morbidly obese, your arms and legs are short matchsticks, and your  testosterone levels are too low for stamina and power, you’re going to walk right into a punch or two when you’re blackout drunk. 
Hire some bowling security to hold a guy down so you can curb stomp him without any harm to yourself.   
Tape two microphones together so you can scream commands over a bowling alley’s PA at their security guys, such as ‘throw him out!’ and ‘arrest him!  Arrest him!’


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## Mr. Manchester (May 22, 2022)

_Tactic: _浏览器背叛
(The Browser Betrayal)

When facing an unsuspecting enemy, reveal your position and allow them to fall into your trap.

Examples: That time when everyone found out Ralph was into black cuckold porn because he left the tabs open in his browser, revealing that he had studied the tactics of getting off to black men developed by Julius Caesar himself.  Ralph was also able to show his gentle and womanly soul to his enemies by leaving open a tab displaying an article asking, "How can I show her I've changed."

Effect:  Ralph's enemies soon discover that he has nothing to hide as only a complete retard wouldn't check his tabs before live streaming his internet browser.


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## A Welsh Cake (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 人体弹射器
(Human catapult)

When a general is facing turbulence at times it is best to remove the enemy from your premises.

Examples: When the great general Ralph Ethan had brought the lowly urchin Connor Moon Joshua to his courtyard for the purpose of dismembering him verbally, delivering a wholly improvised speech about the hatred his mother and family must have for him in a non projected way, the ralphageneral proceeds to mute the urchin to prevent any witness to suffer his heresy before removing him from the great forum of the kill stream (a descendant of the Yangtze River).

Court magicians reveal that this technique actually has ties to magic and with the somatic components of “die, bitch, die” the respect and morale you receive from this action increase to a volume not dissimilar to the amount of grains a farmer would gather in a lifetime.


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## BeffJezos (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 鯨魚貓
(The Salamander Tail)

As the battlefield changes unpredictably, so must your tactics to ensure victory. 

Example: You planned to take your mother to her dialysis treatment. However, you got fucked up on pills and liquor, so you don't know of it's 9 at night or _in the mornin'_. As the salamander detaches its own tail to ensure its survival, you must detach your mother's dialysis treatment from your schedule. Like the scary rodent, who thinks it just won the day against the salamander, the a-lawgs will be distracted long enough for you to attack them from the rear in good time.


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## RussianParasite (May 22, 2022)

Tactic: 月亮的收获
(Moon’s Harvest)

A good general knows that his army marches on its stomach, but a Ralphageneral strives to feed off the enemy. “Each pound of food taken from the enemy is equivalent to twenty pounds you provide by yourself.”

By engaging with pedophile Joshua Connor Moon during harvest season, a Ralphamale general knows that the corn harvest will be bountiful and provide more than enough to feed his troops for the winter.


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## veri (May 22, 2022)

ralphaintel, he always has spies to tell him dirt about enemies in the sektur.


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## Post Reply (May 22, 2022)

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:


> ralphaintel, he always has spies to tell him dirt about enemies in the sektur.


Tactic: 用間
(Employing Spies)

_What enables the wise Ralphamale and the good Guntguard to strike and conquer, and achieve things beyond the reach of ordinary men, is FOREKNOWLEDGE. Now this foreknowledge cannot be elicited from spirits; it cannot be obtained inductively from experience, nor by any deductive calculation. Knowledge of the enemy's dispositions can only be obtained from other men._

Example: Just keep a fucking tab open with your Kiwifarms thread and read it obsessively. Don't even bother closing it when you stream.


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## CivilianOfTheFandomWars (May 23, 2022)

Tactic: 她有\喜了
(She's happy / She's in trouble)

_The wise Ralphamale shall sow his seed far and wide, so as to make his dynasty harder to annihilate. One on each side of the continent, this makes it harder for assassins to break your branch._


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## WhimsicalTrolli (May 23, 2022)

Tactic: 固定到叫喊
(Fixing to holler)

"_That's not true!" the wise Ralphamale exclaimed to the alog. A stench of a used tampon and undercooked barbecue on his weapon of choice, the microphone. The wise Ralphamale must always correct the record or die trying._


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## Popper Whiting (May 23, 2022)

Tactic:静音和狗堆
(Mute and Dogpile)

_Pick an internet fight with somebody, invite them to discuss/debate on Killstream, or other friendly platform with numerous Gunt Guard. Mute them so they can't respond before proceeding to holler as the Gunt Guard join in on the pile on whilst also sycophantically sucking the Gunt Grease.

Note: this tactic is less common now that Ethan Ralph is fast running out of friends/associates willing to Gunt Guard._


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## A Welsh Cake (May 23, 2022)

Tactic: 美国自由
(American freedom)

With the oppression by major governments one must always demonstrate the importance of the Declaration of Independence, as to declare your own independence. If your army trusts in the presidency of old so must you. However always remember that you yourself are independent too, and at times one must go against his men to ensure victory.

Example: Oliver Ralph Ethan, the demon king of the south, saw through globohomos lies. Refusing to get vaxx’d no matter what. He didn’t care if you were to bar him from employment, his life on the battlefield was all he needed. He didn’t care if he was not allowed to participate in the bread and circuses, as he would never ever ingest soy in any way. He didn’t care about flight, as his peoples adulation of him carried him to the clouds. He didn’t care about his mother dying in the hospital, as he would rather leave her dying alone and afraid than to abandon his men and take whatever dastardly poison was being spread by the witch Fau’Ci.

However even the great general had a breaking point. Some things in this world are more precious than the words of the founding fathers. Demon king Ralph found himself in the company of a mysterious bard. This bards music was the most moving and beautiful  that it moved Demon king Ralph greatly so that he was willing to sacrifice the bill of rights to attend this very unknown and mysterious bard.

The vaxx which he not only railed against but refused to take be it for employ, entertainment and even the death of his mother, Demon king Ralph knew that this was much more important.
Remember that some things are indeed worth more than your rights or being right.


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## Quintus (May 23, 2022)

Tactic: 蜜罐
(The Honey Pot)

Cleverly leak your credit card number on a live stream to tempt your foes into committing financial crimes.


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## Braphamut (May 23, 2022)

Tactic: 完成後入住 - Wánchéng hòu rùzhù
(Move In After Completion)

Target: used up e-girls in the sektur

Effect:  simp-swim downstream from your internet fwens and schlorp their cummies out of their broken exes. 

Examples: _ Dick, Digi, Baked... hell he's probably been in Jayden's DMs since his breakup with Nick.  _


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## Thorndyke Special (May 23, 2022)

Tactic:  最後的盟友

(The Ally of Last Resort)

Your supply lines have been cut off, your carrier pigeons scattered by the winds, and your oxen have been stalled in the snow. It is time to call upon the ally of last resort. No, it isn't Richard, Nicolas, or James -- they can't save you in time. When the elements threaten your forces, you must call upon the Based Black Farmer.


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## Hüftpriester (May 23, 2022)

Tactic: 震驚和敬畏憤怒的豬誹謗

Shock and awe rage hog slander

A wise general always portrays himself as a true Ralphamale. Therefore, when he anticipates embarrassing information might be released, a counter-narrative has already been prepared. Ignore advice from your loyal capos if they question the wisdom of your plan. You’re the best in the sektur for a reason and at the end of the day, they are just your underpaid gimps.

Example

Ralph: You up?

Gator: Yeah, watching anime and eating doritos.

Ralph: I need to talk to you about something that’s for your ears only

Gator: ok…

Ralph: Faith has been talking to her ex behind my back. Basically just spinning alternate universe level lies. I got in there and told him he can have her back, that I’ve already accomplished my goal by cooming in her raw hundreds of times. So now I think I’m gonna send her ass back to Cali. I’m trying to be analytical and haven’t been able to get blackout drunk since all the stores are closed.

Gator: Dude…

Ralph: But if this gets leaked, it could be embarrassing. So I’m thinking of spinning it as me just using dumb, young pussy as a cum bucket like a true Ralphamale. Fuck a bitch, amirite?

Gator: You should probably do the opposite of that.

Effect

Even the most embarrassing information can be spun to your benefit with sufficient misdirection and slander. Rather than looking like a mark ass simp that was manipulated by a BPD teen, you’re an emotionally detached Ralphamale only concerned with spreading your seed. This is an information war against the aylwags. The pen is mightier than the sword.


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## Wash away the rain (May 23, 2022)

蛇原諒 - snake forgiven 
A rare tactic by the ralpha male to forgive former blood rivals in the face of extreme and overwhelming opposition.

Example: ralpha: “ we hashed it out .
Enemy :” but you called his sister a nigger loving lesbian.”
Ralpha: “ that’s in the past right.”
Former blood enemy: “ yeah Ralph I forgive you.”

Effect : stunning enemies by calling Ally’s from the deepest part of hell , this causes his enemies to seethe over the ralphas ability to forgive and forget , mainly because he burns so many bridges regularly.

感官攻擊：母豬的身體- sensory assault: the body of the sow

The pig demon known as Ralph had many black magics at his disposal but the  worst of his magics  is corporal  form  the pig demon Ralph has a body that defies the human anatomy standard 


this comes in the form of his 2 stomachs (you would be a fool to assume the boghog devil only has 1 but it’s  bifurcated.)  

his ever shifting eyes  due to injury the demons eyes have lost their fixed place and now seem to morph this is hidden by his shades of sealing.

Finally the most devastating  of his deformities the 4 tits of west Memphis a deformity so extreme it sends even the most portly of his  enemies into shock and horror wondering how he could even achieve such a form.


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## Wine em Dine em 69 em (May 23, 2022)

Wisdom in Battle- 
the wounded are a liability. 

Ralph demonstrates this principle in almost every dealing he has with people foolish enough to form a relationship, or ‘alliance’ with him. Ralph makes it a policy to discard them like used tissue when they’ve had enough of his retardation, and Ralph tries to hurt them as much as they’ve hurt him by leaving. 
Why do they always leave, Ralph?
The best example is Faith, the teen mother of Ralph’s first child. Once she was no use to him as a potential breadwinner or sexual partner, and became a liability for future child support, Ralph reached new depths of self-humiliation in attempting to hurt Faith’s and her dad’s feelings lol. Because that’s really all Ralph has is his Twitter checkmark and a streaming platform. 
Sorry, back to Sun-tzu. 
Only deal with your injured soldiers when the enemy calls a truce, i.e. Ralph is dragged into court yet again to answer for his fuckery.


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## Wash away the rain (May 23, 2022)

感官攻擊：蜂鳴器- sensory attack : the holler 

When his enemy is  strong of mind the Ralph seeks to cause him pain via auditory rape  his pig screeches can cause all talks to stop as he sucks the oxygen out of a room.


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## Captain Manning (May 23, 2022)

Tactic: 大師的大師 (Dàshī de dàshī)
Master of Masters

When conquered by a more skilled opponent, claim that you taught them everything they know. Thus validating your own existence, even in defeat.

Example: "Well, I _made _Metokur, Rekieta, Warski, and Gator! They'd be nothing without me!"


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## Wine em Dine em 69 em (May 23, 2022)

Tactic- Appear weak when you are strong. 
Write humiliating personal texts to people that you will inevitably drive away with your shitty behavior. 
Over time, these personal texts will be released publicly, to the amusement of your ‘enemies’. 
Continue to text humiliating personal details to each new potential victim, even though your track record has proven the texts will 99% be leaked to the public. 
Then pull the old Ralph switcheroo- I was just pretending to be stupid, haha!  I knew it was a set-up!  I have hours of texts that prove it’s all a lie!  I’m not going to show them to you!  Lol!


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## Mr. Manchester (May 23, 2022)

_Finishing Maneuver: _戏剧性的眼镜摘除
(Dramatic Glasses Removal)

This technique was created by legendary lolcow master Chris Chan and is used to perform a final blow on one's enemy after a brutal barrage of holler based attacks.  Ralph has elevated the art by widening his eyes to the limit of their porcine proportions and hypnotically allowing his pupils to drift to either side.  Often combined with his patented "Yew unnerstand?" maneuver.

Example: Shortly after Ralph bravely fought off four Portuguese underaged prostitutes martial arts masters all by himself, Ralph bravely hosted the Killstream.  Since this day he has been known to only use this power in the most dire circumstances.

Effect:  Ralph's enemies are stunned and eternally btfo when he reveals the secrets hidden within his pig slits.  They are asked if they understand, yet they can think of nothing but the wondering eyes.


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## Burd Turglar (May 23, 2022)

I was listening to some gunt clips the other day and was contemplating making a drinking game out of the phrases he uses all the time to deflect and make what he thinks is a point but I soon realized not even the gunt could survive drinking that much. For a "professional journalist" he has a vernacular about as wide as his micro dick.


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (May 24, 2022)

Burd Turglar said:


> I was listening to some gunt clips the other day and was contemplating making a drinking game out of the phrases he uses all the time to deflect and make what he thinks is a point but I soon realized not even the gunt could survive drinking that much. For a "professional journalist" he has a vernacular about as wide as his micro dick.


Sounds like sour grapes to me, bitch. Will anyone cosign my statement?


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## Obscura539 (May 24, 2022)

Fat Breathing Fourth Form:  幻覺肉幕
(Meat Curtain of Illusions)

It is important for your enemy to constantly be led unbalanced through misinformation. Where they think you are, you are not.  They believe you eat the droppings of 18 year olds in your area? Make claim it is not true.

Example:

At times during warfare your sheath may be exposed and it’s diminutive size revealed.  In fact, the opposition has acquired video proof of the micro-member.  Disuade them from the truth their eyes speak to them.  It was due to refraction, lighting, angle of the lens, and hardness that give the appearance of a tiny tendril. It’s not even a cope.  The fact remains your sheath is totally a grown up man sheath and definitely not classified has a micro-penis.

A-Logs. BTFO’D


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## Gunty King (May 24, 2022)

Tactic:  Never back down 從不退縮 (Cóng bù tuìsuō)

Napoleon Bonaparte once said "Never interfere with an enemy while he's in the process of destroying himself."  However, such foolhardy strategy calling for restraint and passivity is doomed to failure.  Evidence of this is the fact that Napoleon was a terrible leader confined to the dustbin of history, who never accomplished anything of note, despite his impressive height and stature rivaling even the tallest Ralphamale.  
A true leader must barge into any and all skirmishes with their enemies, regardless of preplanning or strategy in order to take credit for the destruction of their foe.  Being recognized as a true Ralphamale and unbeatable opponent requires you to take all the acclaim and glory, for the destruction of your foes even if you were a sideline participant.

Example:

Despite being asleep or in a incoherent stupor, Ralph expertly managed to swoop in at the last second and steal all the glory for the destruction of Mundane Matt during the Boulderstream by turning the stream into a gay drunken heart to heart with Matt for the last half hour.  This allowed Ralph to earn all credit for the work done by Zidan, Metokur, and Keemstar, as well as further boosting the audience of the Killstream.

This technique was further iterated upon when it was expertly combined with 


FuzzMushr00m said:


> Tactic: 沼澤巫師死靈術 (Bog Wizard Necromancy)
> 
> Example: Ralph can bring back to life one of his enemies with a complex ritual that involves a mysterious drink called "bubbly" and hours and hours of hollering and sweating. Ralph used this to resurrect CRP, who came back to life after getting murdered by some Ukranian paramilitary organisation. Performing this ritual takes a serious toll on Ralph's health so he must use it with extreme caution.
> 
> "The wise warrior keeps his enemies alive and subjugates them daily." - Ethan Ralph


Example:

After allowing his mortal enemies, PPP and Flamenco, to wear themselves down attacking each other for 3 hours, the bold warrior Ethan Ralph rode into battle and scored a mortal blow against former ally Flamenco.  Not content with having destroyed Flamenco's dignity, Ralph engaged once more against his retreating foe and employed the nuclear tactic from the Ralphamale arsenal, Flagging and Reporting 举报 (Jǔbào).  
It might initially appear that this tactic failed, resulting in the entire world forgetting about Flamenco's antics to instead turn their ire against Ethan Ralph.  However, this strategy resulted in the finalization of the long awaited Ralphamale-America First Alliance, cementing Nick Fuentes and the groypers as permanent allys to the Ralphamale for at least 3 months.


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## GreeneCoDeputy (May 26, 2022)

Tactic: *用你的脸引导
(Lead with your face)*

True leaders know that you always lead your troops from the front. The warrior knows that the body always follows the head. Thus, to truly lead and inspire your troops, you must present your face to the enemy. 

A novice warrior will place his hands up to defend his face, but not the Ralphamale. The Ralphamale pins his hands firmly at his sides and presents the enemy with his unguarded face and head. 

Example: 

  



Effect: The enemy may well land a series of debilitating blows and possibly even break facial bones, but he will be unable to deny the immense honor bestowed upon the Ralphamale by this selfless act. The troops will rally behind him from the top on down, and that includes everybody.


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## Wine em Dine em 69 em (May 26, 2022)

Spitting Cobra, aka P(eace) O(n) E(arth)
When defeat is always inevitable, perfect your personal biohazard weapon. 
When all you have to offer the world, (besides being a terminally online dancing monkey-cow-pig hybrid) is your precious bodily fluids, dammit make use of your god-given effluvia. 
Never, ever use a condom, and when getting your ass beat always spit your aids blood on the superior fighter as a sign of your white trash submission on the field of battle.


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (May 27, 2022)

The Twisted Cyclepath: when your enemy has the upper hand, such as pushing you easily to the ground, let out a terror-inducing cackle. This shows that you are completely unfazed by their attack but also shows your dangerous side because you are laughing like none other than the Joker. 

Remember the Joker, and how very twisted and diabolical he is? That’s you. You’re just like him.


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## Bioniclelover (May 27, 2022)

Tactic: 婊子
(Amplification)

Sometimes, one tactic is not good enough to achieve the desired effect. In such cases, it is prudent to amplify your statement with adding the power word at the end to show that you really mean business. 
Example: IT'S NOT TRUUUUUU means simply that it is not true but IT'S NOT TRUUUUUU... BITCH! means it's not true and don't even think disputing it, bitch.

At times the word itself can be a viable strategy. You can also use it as a standalone word to show that in fact even if enemy thinks he is winning, he is actually losing.
Example: Someone has unwisely challenged you to a physical or verbal duel. He might have scored a hit on you but this is just a fleeting victory. You simply shout BITCH and the duel is over - your opponent is a bitch. You might also optionally follow this tactic with another one, following this again with amplification ad infinitum. For example: BITCH! IT'S NOT TRUUUUUU... BITCH!

Other notable examples: FUCK YOU BITCH!


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## genericwhitemale (Oct 22, 2022)

Can someone tell me what the term is for what Ralph does: whenever he denies something, he immediately reframes it by saying that if he did do that, he'd admit to it.  Some examples:
To Josh in Pillstream II, after Josh accused him of being drunk: "No! I'm not! If I was drunk, I would just say I was drunk!"
In response to the shart: "IF I SHIT MYSELF, I'D TELL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"
In response to people claiming his daughter is fed with formula: "I would just come out and say if she drank formula."

There's gotta be a fancy word for this.  Kind of life the OJ "if I did it" thing of tacit admission while still maintaining your innocence.


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## Elmo (Oct 22, 2022)

genericwhitemale said:


> Can someone tell me what the term is for what Ralph does: whenever he denies something, he immediately reframes it by saying that if he did do that, he'd admit to it.  Some examples:
> To Josh in Pillstream II, after Josh accused him of being drunk: "No! I'm not! If I was drunk, I would just say I was drunk!"
> In response to the shart: "IF I SHIT MYSELF, I'D TELL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"
> In response to people claiming his daughter is fed with formula: "I would just come out and say if she drank formula."
> ...


Pathological or compulsive lying? Confabulation maybe but that implies brain damage. On the other hand...


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