# Mental Illness Thread



## Mourning Dove (Oct 16, 2013)

Here's a thread to share any experiences you or a loved one has had with mental illness and society's attitude toward it.

To start off, for the last few years I'm been having complications from anxiety and depression, and both of them I'm on meds for. One time I checked myself into the mental hospital. And currently as the days are shortening in the Northern Hemisphere, I'm starting to feel the effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I'm becoming more sluggish, reclusive, and sleepy since it's getting darker now.


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## The Hunter (Oct 16, 2013)

Recently, I found out my ADHD was legitimately misdiagnosed.

Still taking the meds from it. They have some positive affect, but it's no different from drinking a cup of coffee every morning, apparently. 

I get depressed a lot in the summer and curl up and die. I'm really energetic and wonderful in Autumn and Winter. I tried to get over that summer depression last year with some success. Having a friend to keep me in check helped.

I'm not sure about anxiety. I know most of my family members have it, but apparently, it doesn't really show that much in me or my sister.


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## Mourning Dove (Oct 16, 2013)

After I eat my light dinner I need to get on the treadmill. My meds have made my gain weight, and also my therapist has said that exercise is good for mental health.


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## exball (Oct 16, 2013)

My Mental illness is being too amazing.


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## sparklemilhouse (Oct 16, 2013)

I've had some sort of undiagnosed mental illness since I was 12. When I was 25, I started seeing a counselor when I transferred to another college and pretty much lost my marbles.  I've been on anxiety medicine ever since. I think it helps a lot, I don't cry all the time like I used to.


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## The Hunter (Oct 16, 2013)

exball said:
			
		

> My *M*ental illness is being *to* amazing.


Whatever illness it is, it has a devastating affect on your writing.


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## pickleniggo (Oct 16, 2013)

Everyone is at least _little_ mentally ill. A therapist once suggested that I was obsessive-compulsive, but I immediately stopped seeing her after that so I guess I'll never know. Maybe I'm better off not knowing.


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## Niachu (Oct 16, 2013)

I've had severe issues with depression and anxiety in the past but I treat it without relying on medication as much as I can now.


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## exball (Oct 16, 2013)

The Hunter said:
			
		

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## Mourning Dove (Oct 16, 2013)

Niachu said:
			
		

> I've had severe issues with depression and anxiety in the past but I treat it without relying on medication as much as I can now.



How do you do that, may I ask?


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## The Hunter (Oct 16, 2013)

exball said:
			
		

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I can't believe you missed the fucking joke, god damn, I must be the only person here that knows how to spell.

*leaves building*

No, no, fuck it, I'm done. I can't work with these incompetent... assholes!

*begins to get into truck*

Fuck off.

*starts up truck, drives forward, runs over camera man*


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## Mourning Dove (Oct 16, 2013)

The Hunter said:
			
		

> I can't believe you missed the fucking joke, god damn, I must be the only person here that knows how to spell.
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The joke is that you used "affect" when you should have used "effect," isn't it?


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Oct 16, 2013)

I have a mental illness, but the name of it freaks me out so I won't say what I have, but suffice to say that it sucks.


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## Niachu (Oct 16, 2013)

Mourning Dove said:
			
		

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Diet, exercise, pets, being involved in my community and having things to take pride in.


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## CatParty (Oct 17, 2013)

i've dealt with mental illnesses. i've been in the hospital for it. but i have learned to never let them be an excuse for anything. they actually motivate me every day to not sit around feeling like crap all the time. it is possible to deal and cope. 
but i recently came across this article:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/fo ... 0320.story
stuff like that makes me feel good that there are people out there bringing attention to mental illnesses. something i feel is not really talked about as much as it should be.


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## Mourning Dove (Oct 17, 2013)

CatParty said:
			
		

> i've dealt with mental illnesses. i've been in the hospital for it. but i have learned to never let them be an excuse for anything. they actually motivate me every day to not sit around feeling like crap all the time. it is possible to deal and cope.
> but i recently came across this article:
> http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/fo ... 0320.story
> stuff like that makes me feel good that there are people out there bringing attention to mental illnesses. something i feel is not really talked about as much as it should be.



I agree. Society's stigma towards mental illness, such as attributing it to weak will or "craziness", only makes mental illness among sufferers worse. As I learned during my time in the mental hospital, openly and candidly talking about mental illness is one of the best methods for healing. Mental illness is simply an illness after all (chemical imbalances in the brain to be exact), just like diabetes, Celiac disease, or breast cancer. Yet strangely enough the attention, care, and sympathy towards it is still absent.


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## sparklemilhouse (Oct 21, 2013)

Certain smells, like my moms terrible cooking (she likes to overcook things) will set off my anxiety.


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## Zim (Oct 21, 2013)

Mourning Dove said:
			
		

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Mental illness is a stigma because when you bring it up people automatically think of the ranting lunatics lost in their own world and possibly criminals high on drugs. I'm not above thinking of mental illness in this way either most of the time. It's a habit. 

When, for example, I was at work and this younger guy in his early 20's came up and explained to me over the course of an hour that he had psychic powers and that the Jehovah Witnesses wanted him because the leader of their church also was psychic and was sending thoughts into his head to make him do things the first thing I thought of was "Holy crap how do you not know how crazy you sound? Why don't you just stop?". Same thing happened when this lady came in late one night and told me she had driven over 4 hours out of her way because she didn't like the look of a policeman she passed on the interstate because she was constantly being followed by cops and the government because it was her "job" to follow cops around to make sure they were doing their job right. This is the kind of people most people think of when mental illness is brought up.

And you're right that the best way to heal from mental issues is to talk about it. The problem is most people don't want to talk to these people so they end up being alone which makes the illness worse which causes even less people to want to talk to them.


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## The Dude (Oct 21, 2013)

I've got bipolar disorder. I've tried to commit suicide several times. The last time I tried I curled up in my bathtub with a .41 magnum in my mouth and the hammer pulled back. 4lbs of pressure on the trigger and I wouldn't be here. My finger was on the trigger and I just couldn't will my finger to move, which made me incredibly angry. Wound up going to the hospital where I met Anna McLerran. I've been stable since, found my Dudeness if you will.


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## Mourning Dove (Oct 21, 2013)

Related. I (thankfully) don't have schizophrenia, but recently I found a simulation of a schizophrenic psychotic episode on YouTube. Having the disease must be terrifying! You wouldn't know what's real and what isn't!

[youtube]LWYwckFrksg[/youtube]


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## SlowInTheMinds (Oct 22, 2013)

Mourning Dove said:
			
		

> Related. I (thankfully) don't have schizophrenia, but recently I found a simulation of a schizophrenic psychotic episode on YouTube. Having the disease must be terrifying! You wouldn't know what's real and what isn't!
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> [youtube]LWYwckFrksg[/youtube]


OK that's kind of scary.
Also, I don't get why the voices stop as soon as she comes in...


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## Zim (Oct 22, 2013)

The Dude said:
			
		

> I've got bipolar disorder. I've tried to commit suicide several times. The last time I tried I curled up in my bathtub with a .41 magnum in my mouth and the hammer pulled back. 4lbs of pressure on the trigger and I wouldn't be here. My finger was on the trigger and I just couldn't will my finger to move, which made me incredibly angry. Wound up going to the hospital where I met Anna McLerran. I've been stable since, found my Dudeness if you will.



Damn Dude! I'm glad you didn't do it. I know I don't know you that well but still it's good you got yourself right. Suicide is only an option if it's your last great act of defiance against the alien invaders. Even then it's sort of a rule that you take at least 3 of them down with you.


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## TL 611 (Oct 24, 2013)

Posting in this thread makes me feel... Weird. I mean a lot of you guys have been formally diagnosed, so me moaning about my problems seems off somehow. Not that I didn't try to get a fucking psych evaluation.

When I was a teenager I was convinced I was totally insane, whenever I went to any professionals they just shrugged me off, which was frustrating and I didn't understand why they wouldn't help. They kept referring me to this place called "share" which was utter _bullshit_. It was one of those "youth advice" places where anyone could drop in whenever and "talk" to people about their problems. The people who worked there were often people's mums who had spent 6 weeks on some shitty counselling NVQ so they could make a bit of money.

I went in there once asking if they could refer me to a proper doctor about getting an evaluation or something, anything, and their response was "fuck off it's our lunch time come back in a few hours."

I did come back in a few hours, and they told me "to contact my GP" - the one who had referred me there. 

I went to my GP about 3-4 times before realising they were full of shit. One of the last times I went it was because of insomnia - I'm sure you guys know how difficult it is for me to sleep. The bastard referred me to share because "in teenagers the leading cause of insomnia is stress and you need someone to talk to." 

I have very little faith in this place, I probably did have severe depression but noo because I was teenage they assumed it was just me being angsty. 

The more time that passes, the more I start to doubt my self-diagnosis; it's a medical professionals job to pick up on all this shit and if they didn't, then it surely wasn't there. 

I tried to kill myself a couple times, once through tablets (cocodamol, I took like 15, made me puke my guts up, made me a bit delirious for a bit, taught me a fucking lesson ), once through hanging. That hurt, a lot. We have a lot of nautical rope in our house and I decided it'd be a good idea to tie it to the curtain rail, that'd be sturdy enough for my weight! 
It wasn't, and it was a very surreal moment. Bracing yourself for an eternity of nothing just to come crashing back into reality, really fucking hard like. The curtain rail snapped in two and I fell to the ground. It was the first time I had felt any subconscious will to live, I can't really remember those seconds when I was falling or hit the ground, I just remember being on the floor with rope burn on my neck and a sore arse . It means that some part of me must have loosened the rope, my innate desire to live took over. And I've messed around with nautical rope a lot, it is not easy to loosen a hangmans noose in such stiff and thick rope. Neither times I went to the hospital, my parents are very much "you don't need to see a doctor unless you're dying" sort of people. Not that they knew about any of this, the broken curtain rail is still up in my room 

I think I've gotten over it now though, maybe. It might be just because I self medicate. I gave up trying to be formally diagnosed because it's obvious I'm never gonna find out off medical professionals; I have a theory to what causes it and something to fix it, that's all that matters.

My totally unfounded theory is that I have a problem with seratonin. Like it doesn't get distributed properly or something. Or I'm not producing enough. To be honest the "why" doesn't bother me, knowing how to de with it is the part I focus on.

MDMA makes you overproduce seratonin, which is why there's a euphoria. However people are supposed to crash, as my psychology teacher said it "you burn out all your seratonin and then feel really grumpy." 

But it doesn't work like that I don't think. The first time I took MDMA I was being destructive, but I can hands down say it was the only thing that has ever helped. Some may get offended or whatever from my glorification of illegal drugs but I had felt this kinda numb weirdness for as long as I could remember, it left me after I took MDMA. Ocassionally it comes back, but only temporarily, I imagine that's just normal ups and downs and I don't mind that much. Well, if I go longer than 6 months without MDMA it starts to come back, but I dunno, maybe it's just cuz I'm naive, that doesn't seem like that bad a trade.


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## Picklepower (Oct 24, 2013)

I have paranoid ocd, anger issues and depression. I hope your ok now Melchett.^ I used to have times where I wanted to die, but I never made an attempt or anything. I think I was more thinking, "Everything sucks, if I die tomorrow, I don't give a crap cuz I don't wanna be here." then actually wanting to end my life through suicide.



			
				sparklemilhouse said:
			
		

> Certain smells, like my moms terrible cooking (she likes to overcook things) will set off my anxiety.



Its funny that you say that, My Oma's apartment in DC has this horrible smell that I really cannot describe, but because I have played in that apartment a lot in childhood, when ever I go back to visit, the bad smell brings back good memories. When you first walk in the door you get hit by the odd smell and it surrounds you, but then you get used to it. Its an apartment in the ghetto.


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## teheviltwin (Oct 24, 2013)

I have mental illness in both sides of my family. Bipolar on my father's and schizophrenia on my mother's. My Dad was sectioned in his early 20's and spent time in an Asylum. I've had issues as long as I can remember but I was diagnosed at 21 with bipolar and due to moving and the weird way the NHS is structured I've seen several psychiatrists since. Four agreed bipolar with elements of schizophrenia.A trainee psychiatrist tried to tell me I had DID but that was bollocks. She was looking to find an "exciting case" whether it was accurate or not. Not sure what my last psychiatrist thought because I stopped communicating after a while for a variety of reasons. I've only had one decent one and he was very blunt and pulled no punches but also knew what the fuck he was talking about. Naichu's post reminded me that he was the one who told me to go and get a cat. Pets de-stress you, even more so if you grew up with them. You become used to them as a coping mechanism. Also, I will always get out of bed to take care of my cat no matter how much I neglect myself.

My worst experience in the mental health system has been my last shrink and psych-nurse. They were the most awful pair of idiots.

*Convo with my professional psych-nurse:*

*Me:* (describes the serious problems I was having controlling my rage)

*Her: *"Have you tried counting to ten?

*Me:* "Do you know what bipolar is?"

*Her:* "Erm... No."

*Me:* "Manic Depression?"

*Her:* "No."

Weirdest thing I've gone through would be ECT. It is so surreal afterwards and I lost even more big chunks of memory. On the upside it meant I got to watch some of OPL's videos for the first time... Twice.

I'm currently loitering in the limbo of the system. No psychiatrist assigned. Mostly because I absolutely refuse to have the same psychiatrist. Also, I am not considered high risk because I have only ever been suicidal once and at that time I was too weak to do anything about it. However, I do have a history of completely losing all perspective of reality and doing things that are dangerous (example: was found once on top of a multi-storey car park, nude from the waist down and muttering to myself at 3am... don't ask, I have absolutely no idea.) but that doesn't count.

Most annoying thing for me is that my current medication is generic and the active ingredient % varies wildly. Sometimes this can make me stumble and slur. I hate people assuming I'm drunk or on some illicit substance. I drink maybe twice a year and that's it. I'm currently fighting to have my meds switched back to the branded version that has much stricter standards and more importantly worked for me.


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## Duke Nukem (Oct 25, 2013)

I was allegedly diagnosed with a mild form of high functioning autism at a young age. I've had some difficulties earlier in life, some related to HFA and some not, but I've learned to cope with most things.

Apart from that and just plain old thinking a little differently than most people, I don't really have any significant problems there.


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## Niachu (Oct 25, 2013)

teheviltwin said:
			
		

> Naichu's post reminded me that he was the one who told me to go and get a cat. Pets de-stress you, even more so if you grew up with them. You become used to them as a coping mechanism. Also, I will always get out of bed to take care of my cat no matter how much I neglect myself.



I cannot stay upset when when my big poofy guy is purring and flailing his stubby little arms around to play, haha. <3


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## Duke Nukem (Oct 25, 2013)

Niachu said:
			
		

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It's too bad I can't have pets in my apartment. Well, maybe a fishbowl but other than that? I dunno, man. It's kind of small and cramped as it is.


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## teheviltwin (Oct 25, 2013)

Niachu said:
			
		

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Mental illness is no match for the adorable derpiness of kitties.   

Mine is also bizarrely protective. She really doesn't like men coming near me. She's really small for a house cat and there is nothing more cute than her being all big and scary. Reminds me of this... 

[youtube]aCA96Pyurb8[/youtube]


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## SlowInTheMinds (Oct 25, 2013)

teheviltwin said:
			
		

> Weirdest thing I've gone through would be ECT. It is so surreal afterwards and I lost even more big chunks of memory. On the upside it meant I got to watch some of OPL's videos for the first time... Twice.


ECT? Is that still legal (and especially in a country like the UK)


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## teheviltwin (Oct 25, 2013)

SlowInTheMinds said:
			
		

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Of course. Although I believe that the US uses a more intensive therapy with 3 sessions a week rather than 2.

EDIT: It can be extremely effective at breaking the chemical cycle of extreme depression in the brain. Didn't work so great for me because my prolonged period of depression had been caused by my ex partner manipulating my medication along with some other less than savoury things.

EDITED EDIT: It's generally only used for things it is effective at treating now. Rather than everything including your sexuality.


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## Night Terror (Oct 25, 2013)

I'm mentally sound but my brother has something I can't remember the name of. It affects his learning, though.
I don't think I have anything wrong with me apart from severe apathy and a lack of motivation. I can't get motivated about anything anymore without a serious kick up the arse.


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## Picklepower (Oct 25, 2013)

Oh and I got da Ass Burgers. I like how Chris thinks saying it like that is insulting, I think its funny.


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## Mourning Dove (Oct 25, 2013)

Picklepower said:
			
		

> Oh and I got da Ass Burgers. I like how Chris thinks saying it like that is insulting, I think its funny.



I have Asperger's syndrome too. Apparently the syndrome has its pros and cons. On the down side, I have trouble reading social cues, and looking people in the eyes when interacting with them is painful for me. This makes me shy, have social anxiety, and at worst reclusive. On the up side, Asperger's can make people super-focused on certain topics to the point where they become experts. For instance, while Chris became an "expert" on Sonichu and CWCville, my friends and family consider me their local expert in birds and rocks.


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## Holdek (Oct 25, 2013)

Mourning Dove said:
			
		

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This is a society where many people (not just Chris) think that it's possible to "choose" not to be gay.  Before that those with schizophrenia were sometimes said to be in communication with the Devil.  (I'm not saying homosexuality is a mental illness.)  Basically what I'm saying is that the mind is seen as somehow separate from the rest of biology, and thus subject to different interpretation and rules, and so consequentially popular understanding of mental health lags behind that of other types of medicine.


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## random_pickle (Oct 25, 2013)

The worst thing I have is Aspergers, even then I'm not officially diagnosed.

When I was somewhere between 3 and 5, I was acting strange according to my mom. She took me to the doctor to see if there was something wrong with me. The doctor said I had a extremely mild case of Aspergers syndrome. However, the case was so mild that he didn't think it warrented being labled as Autistic along with all the cultural baggage that came with it.

Even so, I still needed speech therapy all throughout elementary school. Someone would take me out in the middle of class to talk to the speech therapist every day. Back then I didn't know I had Aspergers, so I thought this was something every kid went through. 

Unfortunately, I still have social anxiety problems, depression, and paranoia. When I'm conversing with someone, I tend to panic when the conversation has gone on too long. 

The worst thing that's happened to me over this happened in my highschool Psychology class. Each of us was to pick a mental illness and do a research powerpoint on it. I chose Autism because I wanted to learn more about what I had. I was talking to the girl beside me who chose to research hoarders, and she asked me why I chose Austism. I told her it was because I had it. She told me in a snarky tone that I was probably faking it and being over dramatic. I don't know why, but that made me feel terrible.

Reading through this thread though, , you guys are troopers.


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## Metal Sink (Oct 29, 2013)

I used to think I have ADHD, but I've never been diagnosed with anything... so I'm not sure.


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## cheersensei (Oct 29, 2013)

I don't believe it's been fully diagnosed, but anxiety is high on my list, was on Buspar for it for a while. Depression is another one I've fought. Getting off hormonal birth control has helped quite a bit for me, though I do have my occasional breakdowns.

Also got to see one of my friends when I went back to my family for a visit. Chris (unfortunately) shares the same name and condition of OPL: high functioning autism. He finally admitted it to me in a conversation. It explained quite a bit why he didn't respond to my advances and the general weirdness we experienced trying to go on a date. It was interesting hearing about his experiences.


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Apr 10, 2014)

(not sure where this should go, but putting it in Off-Topic just to be safe)

I guess there are two parts to this thread:

In the short time I've been on the forum, several users have mentioned having Asperger's or something similar when explaining certain traits or behaviors of Chris. Out of curiosity, how many people here suffer from some sort of mental disorder?

I have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, & PTSD. After dropping out of school, losing my job, & getting kicked out of my mom's house, I wound up in a mental illness recovery program. One thing that has helped me develop better ways to cope & has kept me on the straight & narrow is knowledge of Chris. Is he paranoia fuel for anyone else?


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## OtterParty (Apr 10, 2014)

I have a sister named Chlamydia


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## The Hunter (Apr 10, 2014)

Thought we had a thread on this, but apparently not.

Mundane over here. Was depressed at some point. Got over it.


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## LM 697 (Apr 10, 2014)

I have No Known Weaknesses.


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## cypocraphy (Apr 10, 2014)

The guy in Compy's avatar does.


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## LM 697 (Apr 10, 2014)

bungholio said:


> The guy in Compy's avatar does.



I had no idea Jack Nance did.


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## spaps (Apr 10, 2014)

I have a few symptoms of aspergers (which explains why I'm so spergy), and a massive inferiority complex. Don't know if that can be considered a real mental sickness, though.


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## CatParty (Apr 10, 2014)

I have to use the search function before making new topics. Does that count?


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## EI 903 (Apr 10, 2014)

Look to the forum member on your left. Then to the one on your right. They're both autistic. You're normal though.


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Apr 10, 2014)

Hellblazer said:


> Look to the forum member on your left. Then to the one on your right. They're both autistic. You're normal though.


 Your avatar goes perfectly with that statement somehow.


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## A-Stump (Apr 10, 2014)

I'm unbelievably handsome and cool


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## Holdek (Apr 10, 2014)

http://cwckiforums.com/threads/mental-illness-thread.2210/


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Apr 10, 2014)

Holdek said:


> http://cwckiforums.com/threads/mental-illness-thread.2210/



DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS


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## PopOfColor (Apr 10, 2014)

I have ADD/HD but it only gives me a lot of issues when driving. I was in special ed till 5th grade then got tossed into "normal" classes because I could learn as long as you let me shake my feet and not really set still in my desk.


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## Holdek (Apr 10, 2014)

@Himawari posted this in another thread, and I found it to be quite good:


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## Jewelsmakerguy (Apr 11, 2014)

I have Aspergers, so Chris would probably hate me. More so because I actually have a job and act like I'm not a self-entitled baby.


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## Trickie (Apr 11, 2014)

PTSD, although thankfully it's not quite as bad as it used to be.

Oh, and also gender identity disorder, but y'know... "duh".


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Apr 12, 2014)

The Dude said:


> I've got bipolar disorder. I've tried to commit suicide several times. The last time I tried I curled up in my bathtub with a .41 magnum in my mouth and the hammer pulled back. 4lbs of pressure on the trigger and I wouldn't be here. My finger was on the trigger and I just couldn't will my finger to move, which made me incredibly angry. Wound up going to the hospital where I met Anna McLerran. I've been stable since, found my Dudeness if you will.



We're certainly glad to have you here! I've been in similar situations, but in my case I was too depressed to even follow through with several suicide attempts. But that's the great thing about bipolar disorder---your highs are great! Sure, you might be hallucinating & not sleeping for days at a time, but what the hell! Then your lows are. . .well, really low.

. . .did you seriously meet Anna, though?



Melchett said:


> Posting in this thread makes me feel... Weird. I mean a lot of you guys have been formally diagnosed, so me moaning about my problems seems off somehow. Not that I didn't try to get a fucking psych evaluation.
> 
> When I was a teenager I was convinced I was totally insane, whenever I went to any professionals they just shrugged me off, which was frustrating and I didn't understand why they wouldn't help. They kept referring me to this place called "share" which was utter _bullshit_. It was one of those "youth advice" places where anyone could drop in whenever and "talk" to people about their problems. The people who worked there were often people's mums who had spent 6 weeks on some shitty counselling NVQ so they could make a bit of money.
> 
> ...



Holy fuck, Melchett. D: I really don't know what to say, other than I hope you're doing a little better now, at least? I think clinical trials are being done on MDMA's "therapeutic potential," but who knows when we'll see those results.

Also, I had been to several different psychiatrists for years after my bipolar diagnoses---from the time I was seventeen to now---& I've only had one really good psychiatrist. She diagnosed in five minutes what three doctors hadn't figured out in seven years. One of them I'd been seeing for five. So don't give up, okay?



CatParty said:


> I have to use the search function before making new topics. Does that count?



I totally didn't know there was a search function I am truly an exceptional individual


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## silentprincess (Apr 12, 2014)

Hi 

I wasn't sure if if wanted to share my mental illness with you all, but I'm glad there are many people here that have the same. I've had people judge me because of this, friends, family, ousiders and it's kind of hard to know who to trust.

But I will start, I just hope this isn't too heavy for people to read as I'm sure I am going to end up writing my whole life story. I am really sorry if this upsets people, annoys you, upset you, or makes you think I am only trying to get attention. I've had plenty of people tell me that over the years, Just let me know. 

I have depression, well a lifetime of depression, I think I was born with it because I have never been happy, truly happy. Then my step brother sexually abused me from the age of 11 to 16 while being bullied at school. I went into a really deep depression, but managed to continue normally until 2007 when I started to get deeply depressed again, I was raped by my sisters boyfriend who told me he has wanted to do this to me since the age of 12. I got better, but in 2009 I woke up unable to move my body, I've been diagnosed as having PTSD, conversion disorder, anxiety (which I have had for years, and has been very overwhelming to the point it has stopped me working, because I faint.) 

I am thankful I am slowly getting better, but I still have times when I have falshback, or dreams about what has happened. I can walk a little better than I could after having therapy and physio, though I am still not 100%. 

I know these will never fully go away, but I am working on controlling them. 

Again I am sorry if this has upset anybody.


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## Foulmouth (Apr 12, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> Hi
> 
> I wasn't sure if if wanted to share my mental illness with you all, but I'm glad there are many people here that have the same. I've had people judge me because of this, friends, family, ousiders and it's kind of hard to know who to trust.
> 
> ...


 
Bloody Hell, you've had a hard life there. All I can say is good on you for surviving and keep on trying.


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## Some JERK (Apr 12, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> Hi
> 
> I wasn't sure if if wanted to share my mental illness with you all, but I'm glad there are many people here that have the same. I've had people judge me because of this, friends, family, ousiders and it's kind of hard to know who to trust.
> 
> ...


That really sucks. But you know, don't convince yourself that those things can't ever fully go away. I mean, of course you're never going to forget that they happened, but that doesn't mean that they have any bearing on you as time goes on. You might not ever be able to "move on", but you can absolutely move _forward_ to the point where those things, for all practical purposes, basically happened to another person.


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Apr 12, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> Hi
> 
> I wasn't sure if if wanted to share my mental illness with you all, but I'm glad there are many people here that have the same. I've had people judge me because of this, friends, family, ousiders and it's kind of hard to know who to trust.
> 
> ...



Goddamn, what sick fucks. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I've been on the receiving end of numerous sexual assaults, but I've never actually been raped. D: But while I've never dealt with _exactly_ the same trauma, one thing I do know is that while those nightmares may never go away, they do become less frequent with time (& intensive counseling). & I think the hardest thing is having to relive those memories over & over in therapy. Not even just in therapy---in everyday life. I can't even watch Law & Order anymore, because depictions of sex crimes or child abuse of any sort makes me flip my fucking shit. & certain situations just exacerbate these flashbacks. My dad was super abusive, & even after being away from him for years, shit my mom or siblings would do would send me into an episode. The best thing I was able to do was get away from that environment, even though it meant a stay in the psych ward, a group home, & now a mental health recovery complex.

Was the paralysis due to physical trauma, or something else, if you don't mind me asking?

I know how frustrating it can be to deal with mental illness, & trauma on top of that. I actually had to stop working & drop out of school because I would start experiencing anxiety-induced psychotic episodes. So you're not alone, trust me. But everything will be okay. Stay strong. Seek help, take your meds (if applicable), & keep doing what you're doing. You've managed to make it this far already! It takes amazing strength & courage to deal with what you've gone through, & to tell your story as well! You can only keep getting better. No one can control you---they will only if you let them. You're in charge of your life. Take it back, one step at a time. Everyone else can go fuck off or choke on a dick. 

Hang in there! You've got DING DANG DIRTY TROLLS in your corner, rooting for you!


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## silentprincess (Apr 12, 2014)

BOLDYSPICY! said:


> Goddamn, what sick fucks. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I've been on the receiving end of numerous sexual assaults, but I've never actually been raped. D: But while I've never dealt with _exactly_ the same trauma, one thing I do know is that while those nightmares may never go away, they do become less frequent with time (& intensive counseling). & I think the hardest thing is having to relive those memories over & over in therapy. Not even just in therapy---in everyday life. I can't even watch Law & Order anymore, because depictions of sex crimes or child abuse of any sort makes me flip my fucking shit. & certain situations just exacerbate these flashbacks. My dad was super abusive, & even after being away from him for years, shit my mom or siblings would do would send me into an episode.
> 
> Was the paralysis due to physical trauma, or something else, if you don't mind me asking?
> 
> ...



Sorry for quoting the whole message, I have no idea how to make it quote what I want. 

But thank you, I know what you mean about TV, I actually don't watch it anymore because everything seems to have abuse in it of some kind. The question about the paralysis, was due to the physical trauma, my therapist said that it was my minds way of getting me to actually deal with things, kind of like a mini breakdown he called it. 

I'm sorry to hear about you, and I hope you get better too. I hope everything is okay with you. 

Also thank you everybody for your support, even if you are all Dang Dirty Trolls. It's been nice to get things off my chest.


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Apr 12, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> Sorry for quoting the whole message, I have no idea how to make it quote what I want.
> 
> But thank you, I know what you mean about TV, I actually don't watch it anymore because everything seems to have abuse in it of some kind. The question about the paralysis, was due to the physical trauma, my therapist said that it was my minds way of getting me to actually deal with things, kind of like a mini breakdown he called it.
> 
> ...



OH, okay, I know what you're talking about. I think that's called "sleep paralysis?" I think? & that sounds about right---it's pretty weird how mental disorders start manifesting themselves in physical symptoms (e.g., anxiety attacks, body aches associated with depression, etc.).

I'm doing better, though. I hope you are, too. <3


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## applecat (Apr 12, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> Also thank you everybody for your support, even if you are all Dang Dirty Trolls. It's been nice to get things off my chest.



You're going to be okay someday. I believe it.


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## exball (Apr 12, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I know these will never fully go away, but I am working on controlling them.
> 
> Again I am sorry if this has upset anybody.


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## Dork Of Ages (Apr 13, 2014)

Wow, reading about all that you guys went through, I'm glad that I don't have any serious mental illnesses, other than having low self-esteem and being very socially awkward.

Just know that even with all the frustations and troubles your mental problems might give you, and make things difficult or even impossible, just know that there will be many things in live that can make you happy and that you should strive to have these things the best ways you can.


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## Drawets Rednaxela (Apr 17, 2014)

While I've never been officialy diagnosed, I strongly believe I have SAD. No two therapists can agree on where I belong on the autistic spectrum, if at all. And I've been suicidal ever since an especialy bad job interview in Spring of '10.

But other than that I'm right as rain.


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## Meowzers (Apr 17, 2014)

i have GAD and i've dealt with depression my whole life, nothing too interesting, everyone has those. my depression is under control and i haven't gone into a depressive episode in over a year. the anxiety thing is at an all time high, though. pretty sure i'm developing panic disorder/agoraphobia, which is freaking me out considerably. panic attacks are my biggest fear, and they always happen when i'm outside of the house. nothing worse than having a panic attack out of nowhere when you're in the middle of class and have to excuse yourself to throw up @_@


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Apr 18, 2014)

Drawets Rednaxela said:


> While I've never been officialy dianosed, I strongly believe I have SAD. No two therapists can agree on where I belong on the autistic spectrum, if at all. And I've been suicidal ever since an especialy bad job interview in Spring of '10.
> 
> But other than that I'm right as rain.



I'm sorry. D: How have you been holding up recently?



Meowzers said:


> i have GAD and i've dealt with depression my whole life, nothing too interesting, everyone has those. my depression is under control and i haven't gone into a depressive episode in over a year. the anxiety thing is at an all time high, though. pretty sure i'm developing panic disorder/agoraphobia, which is freaking me out considerably. panic attacks are my biggest fear, and they always happen when i'm outside of the house. nothing worse than having a panic attack out of nowhere when you're in the middle of class and have to excuse yourself to throw up @_@



Panic attacks are the worst. I'm not even agoraphobic, & I get uneasy when there's too many people around, so I can only imagine what you go through. Have you been prescribed anything to take the edge off?


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## silentprincess (Apr 18, 2014)

Foulmouth said:


> Bloody Hell, you've had a hard life there. All I can say is good on you for surviving and keep on trying.



Thank you so much.


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## Zeorus (Apr 18, 2014)

I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm Aspergian.  I also have chronic depression and anxiety and (not technically diagnosed but possible) agoraphobia.


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## Meowzers (Apr 18, 2014)

BOLDYSPICY! said:


> Panic attacks are the worst. I'm not even agoraphobic, & I get uneasy when there's too many people around, so I can only imagine what you go through. Have you been prescribed anything to take the edge off?


i used to take lorazepam sometimes for the GAD years ago, but i lost my parents' insurance when i graduated high school so i haven't been able to get any more. it's for the better anyway, i think. lorazepam helps a lot but it's a scary drug since it's super addictive and withdrawal symptoms are awful. i've figured out how to deal with the anxiety unmedicated (working out, breathing exercises and lots of chamomile tea), but it's the panic thing that i'm having trouble with, especially when they come on when i'm in a place where i can't go somewhere quiet to take a few deep breaths and cry it out. i'm supposed to be getting healthcare sometime within the next few months (thanks obama ) so i can get properly medicated and in therapy or whatever.

also, hey, question to you asperger's people - is there some symptom that made your doctors come to the conclusion that you had it? doctors toyed with the idea of me having asperger's when i was younger, since i had (and still have) a lot of the symptoms (trouble with eye contact, sensory issues, speech trouble, social awkwardness) but in the end i guess i don't fit the mold entirely. i don't want to have it, but i'm just curious what makes doctors figure out that you have it.


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## Drawets Rednaxela (Apr 19, 2014)

BOLDYSPICY! said:


> I'm sorry. D: How have you been holding up recently?



Not bad. Some days are better than others.


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## Zeorus (Apr 19, 2014)

Meowzers said:


> also, hey, question to you asperger's people - is there some symptom that made your doctors come to the conclusion that you had it? doctors toyed with the idea of me having asperger's when i was younger, since i had (and still have) a lot of the symptoms (trouble with eye contact, sensory issues, speech trouble, social awkwardness) but in the end i guess i don't fit the mold entirely. i don't want to have it, but i'm just curious what makes doctors figure out that you have it.



I was diagnosed relatively young so I don't recall whether there was one symptom in particular.  Probably my near-total disinterest in social activity.


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## AnchuentProphecy (Jul 18, 2014)

I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia. it started when I was in the military and got worse when I was discharged. for 5 years I was unstable I kept going in and out of the VA hospital before I finally got it under control. I was disorganized, paranoid and from time to time I would have visual and audio hallucinations. the worse part of the disease wasn't the disease itself but it was the fact I was alone during those 5 years I shut out the outside world including my family. I wasn't taking good care of myself and to this day there is still things I saw in my life that I'm still not sure if there real or not. my social skills are shit now because I don't have much interaction with people but I'm working on it. 1 year ago was the last time I had to be hospitalized but I have been getting better since because I'm on the right medication and therapy. Even though the worst of it is over there is still parts of the illness that hasn't gone away I've lost interest in a lot of my hobbies and been left with depression. But on the bright side I'm much better then last year and still working on improving my life such as college and therapy.


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## Watcher (Jul 18, 2014)

I was diagnosed with a mental disorder when I was really young and I didn't actually know about it until I was an adult.

I don't take much stock in the diagnosis since I'm fairly neurotypical and don't get depressed all that often. I'm assuming it was either a misdiagnosis or I grew out of it, but whenever I googled it after the fact most of the articles read "You do not grow out of it" so it's pretty confusing in general.

I also don't believe in simply slapping mental disorders onto people if they're just different in some way. Like a person isn't necessarily autistic or something when they're really young just because they're shy or they like doing things in specific patterns.


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## ASoulMan (Jul 18, 2014)

Back in 2000, I was diagnosed as a child with HFA (though Asperger's is a more accurate description), with tests in 2001 confirming it. I used to be in an IEP program throughout my time in school, but as I went on through high school, I started relying less and less on it, to where I barely needed help in all of my classes (except for math). 

I've always known I had autism, but I never really made a fuss about it. Nobody would know that I have it unless I told them myself (or if someone in my family did).


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## Ariel (Jul 18, 2014)

I've got GAD, it's fairly mild & I cope. So I consider myself lucky.


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## Queen of Tarts (Jul 20, 2014)

I've suffered through depression pretty much my whole life, but it really manifested itself this year in terms of self harm and suicidal thoughts.  I was lucky enough to get into therapy, and was sent to a psychiatric hospital after the suicidal thoughts reached a very high point.  By then I'd been cutting daily, usually 20 plus times a day with a razor blade.  They weren't deep, mostly surface stuff, but it was the only thing helping me cope besides music and writing.

I was put on meds and stayed roughly 2 1/2 days before being released.  Since then I've been on meds and have slowly been taking steps to piece everything together.  It sounds dramatic, but it's going pretty good so far.  The last time I cut was last Friday, but only because I had gotten some pretty bad news and wasn't sure how to cope.

It's weird because until this year I never self harmed.  I have no idea what triggered it.  Maybe curiosity, or wanting to hurt the person who I was blaming for my situation (though in reality, I wasn't helping myself and could be the only one blamed, even though this person is awful company).  Having a best friend to help me and a therapist to talk to, as well as my family taking my mental health seriously, helped me a lot.  Otherwise I don't think I'd be here.


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## AnchuentProphecy (Jul 20, 2014)

Queen of Tarts said:


> I've suffered through depression pretty much my whole life, but it really manifested itself this year in terms of self harm and suicidal thoughts.  I was lucky enough to get into therapy, and was sent to a psychiatric hospital after the suicidal thoughts reached a very high point.  By then I'd been cutting daily, usually 20 plus times a day with a razor blade.  They weren't deep, mostly surface stuff, but it was the only thing helping me cope besides music and writing.
> 
> I was put on meds and stayed roughly 2 1/2 days before being released.  Since then I've been on meds and have slowly been taking steps to piece everything together.  It sounds dramatic, but it's going pretty good so far.  The last time I cut was last Friday, but only because I had gotten some pretty bad news and wasn't sure how to cope.
> 
> It's weird because until this year I never self harmed.  I have no idea what triggered it.  Maybe curiosity, or wanting to hurt the person who I was blaming for my situation (though in reality, I wasn't helping myself and could be the only one blamed, even though this person is awful company).  Having a best friend to help me and a therapist to talk to, as well as my family taking my mental health seriously, helped me a lot.  Otherwise I don't think I'd be here.



I'm really sorry to hear that you've been struggling with those problems and i'm glad you're getting help.


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## klystron (Jul 20, 2014)

silentprincess, that's a rough story. I respect you for surviving and carrying on. The best thing you can do to all those that have hurt you is to rise up and be better than them. Be more successful, kinder to others, and a better person than they could ever hope to be.

I have this view that too many people are on meds for "chemical imbalances." To me it's a positive-feedback system. I've read studies that show certain meds can alter brain chemistry. I've also read studies that show circumstances and attitude can alter brain chemistry. I have a friend who insists he can't do anything with Adderall because he can't pay attention for more than 5 minutes without it.... only he got it prescribed after he graduated (with honors) with a masters degree.

If the drugs help you then that's great, but I hope that the people who are on them at least consider lifestyle changes that could possibly have just as much benefit. I think a lot of psychiatrists prescribe drugs because it's easier than listening to every patient talk in detail about how their closet contains a portal to a town where they are the mayor and sonic recolors run around.

So that said, here is my story. When I was 15 I got expelled from high school. Hilarious! I spent a year moping around watching tv and playing vidya and my dad got me to go to a technical college. I graduated from that college at age 18 with an AS degree. I didn't really consider it a challenging environment and for the most part I just watched tv and played vidya. I saw adulthood approaching and my father said I had to get a job to continue living at home. I was so unmotivated and depressed because I had no friends and girls hated me. One day I decided that I was sick of sitting around doing nothing and so I started looking for work. I never looked back. I don't know what did it. I just decided I had had enough. I suspect that's got to be a part of it. Of course, this is a story I typically share with people who are "stuck in a rut" which can be a symptom of depression or a cause.


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## Afinepickle (Jul 20, 2014)

I have Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder and Schizotypal Personality Disorder.

Honestly, I've struggled with these issues my whole life and they're a constant looming specter. Just recently, as a direct result of an episode, I  crashed my car, lost my job and spent a month in the psych ward after a period of visual and audio hallucinations brought on both by my disorders and not sleeping for a week. By the time I went to the hospital I was convinced there were ghosts living in my head telling me to kill myself. Not fun. In the past as a result of episodes I've flunked classes in college, gotten into fights and trouble with the law and have spent months, sometimes close to a year, simply hauled up in my room. Honestly, if it weren't for my supportive and loving family I wouldn't be nearly as together as I am.

I'm stable now, been out since early February, taking every day as it comes and trying to ease myself back into life. Also trying to get over the fear I have of having another episode because it's honestly holding me back from doing what I want to do with life but with each little step I've been getting better and better about it.


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## klystron (Jul 20, 2014)

Afinepickle said:


> I'm stable now, been out since early February, taking every day as it comes and trying to ease myself back into life. Also trying to get over the fear I have of having another episode because it's honestly holding me back from doing what I want to do with life but with each little step I've been getting better and better about it.



Is it possible for you to pursue what you want in life in a way that there's some kind of mitigation should you have another episode? You only live once man you gotta go for it.


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## Afinepickle (Jul 20, 2014)

klystron said:


> Is it possible for you to pursue what you want in life in a way that there's some kind of mitigation should you have another episode?



That's part of what I've been trying to work out and put together for the past couple of months, setting up some kind of safety-net that I can fall back on in the event of another big episode so I can get myself back out there.


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## Waifu (Jul 20, 2014)

It's nice that we have this thread. I've been keeping this to myself so maybe typing about it will help; I'm not sure.
I have really bad PTSD and because of that, severe gripping anxiety/panic that sometimes results in fainting. Depression and ADHD as well, but the PTSD has been giving me the hardest time. I haven't been doing so well lately with all of it, especially having flashbacks to the things that have happened to me. A lot of things trigger memories and really bad urges to do something very unhealthy that I used to. I haven't done it in a year and a half now, and I'm hoping I can keep clean of it. I've also developed some strange phobias as a result of the anxiety. I am medicated, but the medicine makes me very tired, uninspired, weak, nauseous, etc. I've tried a mess of other medications but nothing seems to work. I'm just really not in a place that I want to be right now, mentally. :^( I try to keep my head up and be my best for other people but I'm just so tired.


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## SparksterSanjulo (Jul 22, 2014)

I admit, I'm scared of sharing my mental diagnoses on here, but I would kind of like to talk about it just because I have no one else to talk to about it right now.

I have borderline personality disorder, major depression with severe psychotic tendencies, PTSD, and a mild case of Aspergers. Right now I _should_ be taking four different meds but because I had to quit my job, I no longer have health insurance to pay for my meds. I've only been on Zyprexa and I'm going crazy. I'm starting to have a lot of mental breakdowns, becoming increasingly angry about my friend's roommate making snide comments about me (saying I'm fucked up, I'm "not really gay" because I haven't found any woman I want to date, I'm just trying to seek attention, etc.), shaking, and panicking over things I wouldn't be panicking over if I were stable on my meds. I know what I need to do to get back on these meds, I've just been increasingly depressed and have lost my motivation to do basically anything. 

I'm real glad a thread like this exists though because I have basically no support from people in my life aside from my med provider and one friend, and trying to get therapy has been an absolute bitch. I keep checking in to try and get a therapist and everyone keeps giving me the runaround.



GiraffeWaifu said:


> I am medicated, but the medicine makes me very tired, uninspired, weak, nauseous, etc. I've tried a mess of other medications but nothing seems to work. I'm just really not in a place that I want to be right now, mentally. :^( I try to keep my head up and be my best for other people but I'm just so tired.


Keep working with your med provider to get that perfect mix of meds. While it's good the meds you're on now are working, it's not good at all to have them make you as tired as you are. I had to try several different meds before the ones I got put on worked.


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## Waifu (Jul 22, 2014)

SparksterSanjulo said:


> I admit, I'm scared of sharing my mental diagnoses on here, but I would kind of like to talk about it just because I have no one else to talk to about it right now.


If you need a friendly ear or two, you can always message me. I'll be happy to listen and offer what encouragement I can!


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## Surtur (Jul 22, 2014)

GiraffeWaifu said:


> If you need a friendly ear or two, you can always message me. I'll be happy to listen and offer what encouragement I can!



I think this goes for a lot of us. Psychology is kind of my thing, so if someone needs to vent or some shit, my beard is here to help.


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## SparksterSanjulo (Jul 22, 2014)

GiraffeWaifu said:


> If you need a friendly ear or two, you can always message me. I'll be happy to listen and offer what encouragement I can!





Surtur said:


> I think this goes for a lot of us. Psychology is kind of my thing, so if someone needs to vent or some shit, my beard is here to help.


You guys are awesome. Thank you!


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## SparksterSanjulo (Jul 26, 2014)

So, good news: I was able to talk with my med provider on Thursday and I was able to get back on all of my meds, sans my anti-anxiety meds (which costs money, which I don't have to spare right now). It feels so good not being manic and wanting to crawl back into bed or having intense road rage/anxiety when I'm driving. I hope everyone else has been well...?


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## DenseDeerFather (Dec 27, 2022)

Necroing this thread. Recently, I got diagnosed with a hybrid personality disorder. A really bad case of Avoidant Personality Disorder with some Emotional Instability Disorder sprinkled over it. On top of that, I got some ADD and OCD as well.



Spoiler: Ramblings about my life in a rather long post



To make a long and shitty story short, it's been affecting me my entire life. I have always struggled with feeling out of place and disconnected from people. I've struggled with standing up for myself and speaking my mind, getting close to others, and just being, well, normal. A common sign of AvPD is extremely low self-esteem which I've struggled with for as long as I can remember but it also drew me to try and carry on as if I was as mentally well as everyone around me.

Without a proper support structure throughout my life, I sat with that feeling of _something _being wrong with me and everyone else telling me that there was something wrong with me but never helping me out through my youth and just expecting me to handle my issues myself. Idk about you but you can't expect a 15-year-old to fix a personality disorder.

So being left on my own, it was allowed to grow and fester while I continued to barely make it through high school and university. It all came to a head last year when I spent two months in a psych ward after a mental breakdown and a necking attempt that left some uggo scars.

Got issues with self-harming too due to the emotional instability and it sort of became an evil circle because my guardians had no idea of how to handle it, so they'd levy threats and hurl verbal abuse while I felt even shittier and sliced some more. It's only after I moved out that I managed to do it less often and I've been a year clean so far.

Having AvPD is kinda like being a bottle of cola where all the shit that goes on in your head and your mind builds up over time but because it's like social anxiety on crack (psychologist's word) and you feel as worthy as forgotten dog shit on the sidewalk, you're basically crippled without an outlet due to fear of abandonment and rejection so you don't even bother. And then the bottle blows up because someone dropped mentos into the coke.

In worse cases, you isolate yourself because the world became the bully in your head. Added to being an emotional wreck, it makes daily life a struggle. Heck, it's fucking my ability to work though the ADD also fucks me there too.

Right now I'm stable-ish but minor things, changes, and interactions that I always turn negative can fuck me up for a few days at best and a few weeks at worst. I'm not on any medication or in therapy currently though I'd like to get things going because right now, I'm just existing, feeling as if my life is going me by, though I'm not even that old.

It should be mentioned that apparently there's no medication for Avoidant so therapy is what I really need. The ADD on the other hand...

I live in a country with intensive healthcare and welfare systems but the wait times are brutal because of neo-lib shit so all I can do is wait for a slot to open up for therapy.



I apologize for the possibly unhinged sperging of this post. As is obvious, I got a lot on my chest which I never let out until now at least. 

Edit: grammar


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## Friend of Dorothy Parker (Dec 27, 2022)

DenseDeerFather said:


> Necroing this thread. Recently, I got diagnosed with a hybrid personality disorder. A really bad case of Avoidant Personality Disorder with some Emotional Instability Disorder sprinkled over it. On top of that, I got some ADD and OCD as well.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Have you already gotten on waiting lists for therapy?  Is it completely centralized/do you have options as to whom you see?  Either way, if you haven't done what you need to to get in queue, do it today.  

_[N.B.:The stuff below is basically in reverse order of what I'd recommend to you rn, having re-read your post after I wrote my response.]_

In the meantime, you could keep reading up on the things you've had identified - but also, to the extent there's trauma or childhood stuff that might be contributing, then if you feel safe following that thread on your own, you could do some reading and research on finding some of your root causes/emotional wounds.  If those exist, they can be enormously negatively impacting in ways you don't even realize until you start digging them up.  

That said - I make that rec *only* if you are safe from self-harm and are okay to look at some early pain to start to process through it in ways that can relieve some of the burden and weight.  *DON'T GO THERE* if you haven't really done any work yet, not alone.  

BUT - once you're in a less fragile place, looking inward may help you be able to get the top off that soda bottle without it exploding.  And nobody roll your eyes, but if those things are a part of your psychological mix, inner child work can be useful.  It's hard and takes a long time, but good.  Might not be the place to start (it can be draining), but keep it in mind.  I do think that sorting through some emotional origins of things and figuring out how they've twisted and ingrained in you over time will help with being able to make efforts to modify/ manage the avoidant reactivity and bring a greater awareness to why you're feeling or why/how you're reacting to things.  

On self esteem things, I rec Nathaniel Branden's _The Six Pillars of Self Esteem_.  Also rec reading it 30 minutes or so a day, taking notes, and doing the exercises - approach it more like a textbook than a beach read.  Again, may be useful or, or maybe later, but he has a very rational* and nuanced breakdown of what we generally lump into the term "Self-Esteem."

*_he was an associate (and lover) of Ayn Rand decades ago.  The book is 90s, maybe 80s, but it's solid and pretty timeless imo._

Last, and again it might sound trite or skepticism-worthy, but small, passive things like listening to affirmations (you don't have to say them or reflect, but it's good to do sometimes, when you get there - there's no timer) can be a good place to start with little required or difficult thinking - if they're good/you like the person's approach and voice, they just wash through you and can start to make sense over time.  

Insight Timer is a great app with all kinds of material - meditations, affirmations, courses, music, live events, etc. (like 70,000 of them) and most are free.  My favorite for affirmations and meditation (plus stuff to fall asleep by) is Kenneth Soares, who is a young* Norwegian dude.  He has a great voice and has a bunch of material on IT, as well as on most streaming music services and youtube.  PL discovering and starting to listen to Soares a few years ago helped start to bring me back to life from a very bleak place.  He and studying Buddhism resurrected me.  Clichéd but true.  But there are thousands of options/people even just on IT, the app functions well, and you don't have to pay for  great content, so I always recommend it in general.  

*_older than you, younger than your parents/30s I'd say _


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## Cats (Dec 27, 2022)

I don't have any mental illnesses.


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## Arianne Chan (Dec 27, 2022)

Is this thread revived? Well i suffer from ADHD and Oppositional defiant disorder, it is always a pain in the ass to live having these two things

At least my symptoms have improved and i have recovered a lot since my childhood


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## Lone Wandering Courier (Dec 28, 2022)

Aspergers and ADHD. There are possibly some other issues I have that have been left undiagnosed.


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## Cats (Dec 29, 2022)

i take these pills sometimes, for symptoms


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## Monkey Shoulder (Dec 31, 2022)

Nothing officially diagnosed, but there's some stuff in my family. If I were to see a shrink I would probably get diagnosed with two things, maybe three.
I've refused to go see someone for 16 years, and at this point I probably never will. Not as long as it's up to me.

I've got no interest in being on medication, and I don't want to be the guy with the conditions.


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