# Silly things you used to believe as a child



## Aiko Heiwa (Feb 13, 2013)

what are some silly or stupid things you believed when you were young and a dumbass?

While some kids thought/think that the world used to be in black and white, I knew better. I knew the world was in colour, but I thought in black and white TV shows and movies that the set, costumes, and props were actually made in black and white.

Which is why to this day seeing colour photographs from the sets of old TV shows or whatever is weird to me.


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## Dark Mirror Hole (Feb 13, 2013)

I thought murderers only existed in movies. When my mum told me they were real, I was mildly disappointed.


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## Niachu (Feb 13, 2013)

I thought my mouth would melt off if I spoke too much.


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## CatParty (Feb 13, 2013)

i, up until even right out of high school, thought alfredo sauce was made from white tomatoes


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Feb 13, 2013)

This animal expert came to my school and did the call mother gators make to summon their kids. He told us not to do that at home or baby gators would crawl through the drain.

I actually believed him.

And of course I also believed in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.


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## The Hunter (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to believe in *snort* _the bible_! *snort* HAHAHA*snort*AHAHAHAHAHA*snort*HAAHAHAOINKOINK

Okay, really, I used to think that if you left milk out too long, it would eventually turn into a monster and eat you. I don't know how the hell I came up with such a stupid idea, I just did. I also used to think that wolves were imaginary creatures that only existed in fairy tales until I was like, five.


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## Saney (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to think houses could talk.


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## José Mourinho (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to believe that magic tricks are real.


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## spaps (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to believe that Disney Channel shows were funny. Boy, have I changed my stance on that.


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## Uzumaki (Feb 13, 2013)

I was told cheese curds were candy in order to get me to eat them, and continued to believe it for years. When I see a bag of cheese curds to this day my mind immediately identifies them as "candy curds".

I don't really have too many of these things. My parents never had that "Aaw that's so cute that's he's deluded. Let's not correct him because it's cute!" compulsion a lot of parents do. If I said something adorable and wrong I was immediately corrected.


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## pinkyucat (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to believe my parents loved me.


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## LM 697 (Feb 13, 2013)

I thought that skelatrons lived inside the toilet.


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## Fibonacci (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to believe I was alive.


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## Night Terror (Feb 13, 2013)

Was misinformed that when the ice-cream truck plays its song, that means it's out of ice-cream.
I'm not sure if I'd misinform my spawn (if I ever have any) like that.


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## Tommy_Wiseau (Feb 13, 2013)

Ha ha ha, what a story Aiko through Darky.

I used to think ice cream truck was just truck for playing music because that's what parents told me. When I learned to read I tell them "I am not sure, but I think that music truck has ice cream in it!"

I thought it was hot at the South Pole. After learn otherwise I still thought it get hotter the further south you go but that it suddenly get cold again in Antarctica. So I thought it would be hot at Tierra del Fuego.

I used to think bank would promote me. They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me, and I don't care anymore.


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## An Ounce of Vagina (Feb 13, 2013)

I knew people were buried in the cemetery, but I thought it was only under an inch or two of dirt. 

A tornado once came near where we lived, and I heard that "The tornado is coming!" I assumed there was one tornado that was just always going around the world constantly.


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## Bugaboo (Feb 13, 2013)

I thought that if you died when you were young you came back to life as an old person.
Mostly because I turned on the tv once and a movie came on where a chick got mowed down by a car and then it immediently cut to an old lady feeding her pet bird and because I have such poor facial reconigtion (even today) I thought it was her in the future.
Then I turned it off. BECUASE DED PPL SCAAARY.


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## cypocraphy (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to get Kenny Loggins and Kenny Rogers confused. (I thought Loggins looked like Rogers)


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## DykesDykesChina (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to think that the change you get at a supermarket is actually the money was missing in the sense that when you buy something for 100$, and give the cashier one cent, you'll get 99$ 99 cent in return.

Also, when I was 6 or so, I imagined that the world around me was a huge mock-up done by adults. I thought the the reality was largely different from what I saw everyday, maybe there had been a huge disaster or a war, but the adults had created an intact mock-up world for me to experience because reality was too terrifying for children.


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## Fialovy (Feb 13, 2013)

My parents told me that babies were made when a man and woman really loved each other, well, I was hoping for a little sister, but when the little sister didn't come, I was afraid my parents didn't love each other anymore and they were gonna divorce soon and I was scared. I was also scared because if I really liked a guy, then I might get pregnant, just by simply liking him and with me hearing about pregnancy at an early age, I freaked out because babies I thought kind of just... happened if you liked someone of the opposite gender so I tried to avoid liking guys until I was 12 until I learned the truth and even then I didn't totally understand stuff.

I didn't really understand sex for quite a while, like, I seriously had no clue how to do it and was too scared to look that stuff up because I was afraid of seeing things that I couldn't unsee. I didn't know that there was thrusting involved, I just thought it was insert rod A into slot B and then just leave it there.

For one thing, I thought men were like women in that they could have multiple orgasms and can theoretically go on forever so I didn't know exactly when sex stopped, I knew men came, but I didn't know that after they came, they had to have a cool down period. I didn't know this until I was 19 when my 

Also, I though that my vagina had tastebuds which was why they made flavored condoms. Also, I thought men wore condoms like, on a regular basis and not just during sex sort of like how women wore pads and tampons on their period. 

The list goes on...


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## The Hunter (Feb 13, 2013)

DykesDykesChina said:
			
		

> Also, when I was 6 or so, I imagined that the world around me was a huge mock-up done by adults. I thought the the reality was largely different from what I saw everyday, maybe there had been a huge disaster or a war, but the adults had created an intact mock-up world for me to experience because reality was too terrifying for children.


Oh dude, I forgot to mention I went through something like that as well. I thought I was being constantly monitored, and that my parents, my brother, my teachers, and all my friends were all putting up a charade and I was really some kind of experiment. I believed that until I was 5, lol.


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## Bugaboo (Feb 13, 2013)

Fialovy said:
			
		

> My parents told me that babies were made when a man and woman really loved each other, well, I was hoping for a little sister, but when the little sister didn't come, I was afraid my parents didn't love each other anymore and they were gonna divorce soon and I was scared. I was also scared because if I really liked a guy, then I might get pregnant, just by simply liking him and with me hearing about pregnancy at an early age, I freaked out because babies I thought kind of just... happened if you liked someone of the opposite gender so I tried to avoid liking guys until I was 12 until I learned the truth and even then I didn't totally understand stuff.
> 
> I didn't really understand sex for quite a while, like, I seriously had no clue how to do it and was too scared to look that stuff up because I was afraid of seeing things that I couldn't unsee. I didn't know that there was thrusting involved, I just thought it was insert rod A into slot B and then just leave it there.
> 
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Lol, man periods.
I guess that's why the call it _men_struation.


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## Fialovy (Feb 13, 2013)

haha, like I mean, I knew that guys could have embarassing erections in public so I was like... maybe they just wore condoms in case they came so their pants wouldn't get all sticky.


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## The Hunter (Feb 13, 2013)

Fialovy said:
			
		

> My parents told me that babies were made when a man and woman really loved each other, well, I was hoping for a little sister, but when the little sister didn't come, I was afraid my parents didn't love each other anymore and they were gonna divorce soon and I was scared. I was also scared because if I really liked a guy, then I might get pregnant, just by simply liking him and with me hearing about pregnancy at an early age, I freaked out because babies I thought kind of just... happened if you liked someone of the opposite gender so I tried to avoid liking guys until I was 12 until I learned the truth and even then I didn't totally understand stuff.


My parents told me women get pregnant when they get too stressed. Big mistake on my mom's part because I really wanted a younger sibling.



> For one thing, I thought men were like women in that they could have multiple orgasms and can theoretically go on forever so I didn't know exactly when sex stopped, I knew men came, but I didn't know that after they came, they had to have a cool down period. I didn't know this until I was 19 when my


In all fairness (and this is probably the most sexual thing I'll admit about myself on the internet), I can go on after multiple orgasms without stopping. *My record is 7*.



> Also, I thought men wore condoms like, on a regular basis and not just during sex sort of like how women wore pads and tampons on their period.


But... but I do...


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## cypocraphy (Feb 13, 2013)

One day in pre-school I overheard a girl telling another girl about her VHS tape of "An American Tale". Later that day when I was home I told my Mom this and I also said," she doesn't have that movie, I do!" As if there were no other copies of that movie on earth except for the one I had.


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## Fialovy (Feb 13, 2013)

I was totally unaware that there were people that didn't believe in God until I was 13. Like, I thought there was only Christians, Jews, and Muslims in the world and those were the only religions and I thought all the Christian denominations were the same too and were like Catholics. Boy, I was sure wrong.

Infact, this is why I felt strange when I sort of doubted God's existence as a child because I thought everyone had to believe in God somehow.


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## BigAltheGreat921 (Feb 13, 2013)

I used to think that college students (hell, even high school and middle school students) looked and acted like grown adults. But now that I'm in my 20s, it's kinda different.   

By the way, for those of you who have Twitter (including myself), there's an account called "I Used to Think..." which lists the kind of stuff everyone's talking about here. Go check it out, some examples are pretty funny!


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## Dark Mirror Hole (Feb 13, 2013)

I thought that cats were female versions of dogs.


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## Niachu (Feb 13, 2013)

BigAltheGreat921 said:
			
		

> I used to think that college students (hell, even high school and middle school students) looked and acted like grown adults. But now that I'm in my 20s, it's kinda different.



Oh dear, did I ever believe this...


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## Aiko Heiwa (Feb 14, 2013)

I thought of another one. You know how in vidya, the entire world isn't rendered at once? I thought the world was like that. Only what you could see was actually in existence. I thought if I turned around fast enough, I'd see a glimpse of the void that you normally cannot see.


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## sparklemilhouse (Feb 14, 2013)

When I was four, I thought that pantyhose went _inside_ a leg, like you cut a slit open in your calf and inserted your pantyhose in that way. 

In elementary school, I thought that guys had two penises, very small, but yes, two.

I thought the Celsius readings on the bank sign (you know, where it would flash the date, time, degree and Celsius) was how much money was being deposited in the bank. Like someone really deposited 29¢.


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## Oglooger (Feb 14, 2013)

I used to think that socialism was a good economic and social solution
THANKS KIDZANIA


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## DrChristianTroy (Feb 14, 2013)

Ben Savage (Cory on Boy Meets World) and Macho Man Randy Savage were related. You have no idea how disappointed I am that they aren't.


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## Fialovy (Feb 14, 2013)

that Nintendo, Sony, and Sega were all part of the same company that had a monopoly over the video game industry.


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## snowkitten91 (Feb 14, 2013)

I used to believe that babies could only be born through a Caesarean section but, strangely, I never questioned how babies came to be inside a mother's womb in the first place.


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## cypocraphy (Feb 14, 2013)

DrChristianTroy said:
			
		

> Ben Savage (Cory on Boy Meets World) and Macho Man Randy Savage were related. You have no idea how disappointed I am that they aren't.



Well, "The Genius" Lanny Poffo is Macho Man's brother if that makes you feel better.

And I too thought babies could only be born through C-Section since that's how me,my brother,and sister were all born.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Feb 14, 2013)

I never wondered where babies came from as a child. I must have been a pretty dull kid.


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## The Hunter (Feb 14, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> And I too thought babies could only be born through C-Section since that's how me,my brother,and sister were all born.


Same here. I was born choking to death, apparently (umbilical chord prolapse). I thought since I came out of my mom's tummy, all babies came out like that. Then I found out what a vagina was when I accidentally walked in on a girl in the bathroom. Then not that long after that, I learned what those things were for aside from peeing. Then my innocence was shattered. Good thing my cheery demeanor wasn't until I was 10.


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## cypocraphy (Feb 14, 2013)

Well I remember my Mom being pregnant with my brother and sister of course,so I didn't have to wonder.

How they got there was a different story. I kinda figured my Dad had something to do with it,but I wasn't quite sure what...


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## The Hunter (Feb 14, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> I never wondered where babies came from as a child. I must have been a pretty dull kid.


That reminds me about the time I got skeptical about how they were formed. Again, my parents told me, "it's when you piss off mommy enough," but then I started theorizing. I wanted to conduct an experiment where I'd get girls, observe them, and wait for them to get pregnant. Good thing I didn't wind up some kind of sex scientist at age six.


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## Bugaboo (Feb 14, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> I never wondered where babies came from as a child. I must have been a pretty dull kid.


I figured out that babies come from a woman's belly pretty early on and I knew that you need a male and a female anything to make a baby (unless you reproduce asexually) 
I never had many stupid ideas as a child I just played vidya all day D:


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## LM 697 (Feb 14, 2013)

I thought bad people were shrunken, tarred, feathered, and turned into birds.


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## Niachu (Feb 14, 2013)

The Hunter said:
			
		

> I thought since I came out of my mom's tummy, all babies came out like that. Then I found out what a vagina was when I accidentally walked in on a girl in the bathroom. Then not that long after that, I learned what those things were for aside from peeing.



girls don't pee from their vaginas 

seriously why does everyone think that


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## The Hunter (Feb 14, 2013)

Niachu said:
			
		

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Whatever, point is that I was 5, and I saw pee coming from "down there" (and I'm pretty sure the proximity to it is what leads people to believe that).


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## cypocraphy (Feb 14, 2013)

Only homeless people in New York City did drugs.


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## Niachu (Feb 14, 2013)

The Hunter said:
			
		

> Whatever, point is that I was 5, and I saw pee coming from "down there" (and I'm pretty sure the proximity to it is what leads people to believe that).



I mean it. Some WOMEN think that into their 40's.


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## pickleniggo (Feb 15, 2013)

CompyRex said:
			
		

> I thought bad people were shrunken, tarred, feathered, and turned into birds.



If only that were true. Most of my customers would be horrible, shriveled creatures who squawk incessantly....well, even more so at least.


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## renomakicwc (Feb 15, 2013)

I used to be paranoid of cartoon characters watching me through the windows as I used the bathroom.

I even had a shirt with Sonic on it when I was a little kid, and I'd always roll it up before I tinkled. Thank god my imagination isn't as wild as it used to be.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Feb 15, 2013)

Yeah, I never liked pictures facing me when I changed in my room. I always turned them around, even though I knew they couldn't see me.


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## c-no (Feb 15, 2013)

As a child, I used to believe the dentist was an evil demon from hell who inflicted pain. I also thought Looney Tunes wasn't funny until I saw it again about a year or two ago.


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## Bugaboo (Feb 15, 2013)

Niachu said:
			
		

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It does come out from the general vicinity of vagina-land


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## The Hunter (Feb 15, 2013)

revengeofphil said:
			
		

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Well, it's kinda like calling a Honduran a Mexican, but yeah, same general area. It's not like you guys pee out of your eyeballs, now do you?

...

Do you?


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## DykesDykesChina (Feb 15, 2013)

I found out about sex at the zoo (when I was about 6), seeing two monkeys copulating. From that time, I used to think that humans were only able to have sex in the "a tergo" position, like monkeys and other lower animals. I only learned otherwise when I was 12 and saw the cover of an erotic romance novel at a train station bookstore, which showed a couple having sex in the missionary position.

Also, when I was quite small (4 or 5), I walked into a closet during play, and came face to face with a large mirror inside. I froze: Who was that boy? Did I have a brother my mother hadn't told me about? It took some time until it dawned on me that I was seeing myself.


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## cypocraphy (Feb 15, 2013)

When I was in Elementary School the big urban myth was that Dr.Claw finally shows his face in the last episode of "Inspector Gadget".


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## Enig (Feb 15, 2013)

As a child, I believed Linux OSes were the best. Time has proven this wrong, luckily.


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## Fialovy (Feb 15, 2013)

Until recently, I thought that it was extremely common in most wedding ceremonies to have the bride and groom walk down together during the procession because all the wedding I've been to and seen depicted as a kid, that's what the bride and groom did.

I later found that this misconception came from the fact that I'm Catholic and Catholics believe that marriage is an equal decision make by the couple to walk forth down the aisle together followed by the rest of the wedding party and having the father walking her down the aisle hearkens back to times when women were treated as property and it rather sexist, which might seem a bit odd for some people that the Catholic Church of all things would be against such a sexist practice.


I also thought priests were typically wise older unmarried men as a kid because those were usually only priests I'd see until we had a black priest at my church who was in his twenties and another guy in his thirtie. The latter was actually conceived as a result of rape. I didn't even know that Protestant denominations allowed for pastors to marry either until middle school.


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## LU 961 (Feb 15, 2013)

I used to think kissing (more like making-out) made girls pregnant.


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## sparklemilhouse (Feb 15, 2013)

I used to think that the aerosol cans of contact lens cleaner (which is barely being made anymore) had actual contacts in the container. When you needed one you just, you know, opened the cap and out popped a contact.


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## The Hunter (Feb 16, 2013)

I used to think the balled up Hershey's Kisses wrappers my dad would leave all over the house still had chocolate in them. As in I thought they sold them like that.


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## DrChristianTroy (Feb 16, 2013)

CompyRex said:
			
		

> I thought bad people were shrunken, tarred, feathered, and turned into birds.


That sounds so insanely metal.


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## renomakicwc (Feb 16, 2013)

Stocking said:
			
		

> I was a really big animist when I was little. I used to think that if I didn't take care of my toys and play with them all equally that I would hurt their feelings.



That's really sweet, really. It shows you cared about their feelings, living or not.

If only more people were like that today, and on the Internet as well. The world would be a friendlier place then.


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## pickleniggo (Feb 16, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> Yeah, I never liked pictures facing me when I changed in my room. I always turned them around, even though I knew they couldn't see me.



Oh my god, I used to have that fear too. Any posters in my room had to be covered with a sheet or item of clothing so I couldn't be watched at night. I think I did that until I was about eleven. 
I also used to believe that the Weekly World News and other (obviously fake) periodicals were totally true. Every trip to the grocery store was a half hour of anxiety-stricken anticipation until we got to the checkout, where my paranoia and panic exploded because OMG A METEOR IS GOING TO COLLIDE INTO EARTH, BATBOY WILL GET ME, AND BILL CLINTON IS REALLY AN ALIEN. After every trip, I would have to go home and watch the news obsessively to see if anyone else was talking about these things.

...as you can probably tell, I was a very anxious and depressed child.


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## Fialovy (Feb 16, 2013)

If I sat on a store-bought egg long enough, then a chick will appear. I had no idea about the necessity of fertilization.


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## cypocraphy (Feb 16, 2013)

This was when I was at the age that I knew a man and woman had sex to make a baby, but I didn't know too much else about it. (age 9 and 10) Well,I thought a man had to pee inside a woman to get her pregnant,I didn't know there was another fluid for that.


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## renomakicwc (Feb 17, 2013)

pickleniggo said:
			
		

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Oh my god, I used to think WWN was real too!

Now they are replaced by SUN, which also is a joke of a prophecy magazine. Every cover kept talking about the end, and changed so much that if the end really WAS coming on the date they spoke of, you wouldn't believe them.

Seriously, they shouldn't put those stupid magazines on display in checkouts.. Lots of stupid folk might see and believe, and then we end up with more lolcows because of it.


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## Cwckifan (Feb 17, 2013)

I used to believe that eating gushers (the candy that was so heavily advertised in the 90's and early 00's) would actually turn one's head into a giant piece of fruit


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## GGGBYBYBY (Feb 20, 2013)

Santa would make toys for us and they'd watch us up from above from about September till December. 
Cats tails were snakes.
I would one day invite the creators of Crash Bandicoot round and make them tea, despite later hating tea after trying it.


I had fun believing all that though.


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## DrChristianTroy (Feb 20, 2013)

WAIT. The Weekly World News is no more????? That's mad depressing. In high school I'd buy it for laughs.


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## Hollywood Hulk Hogan (Feb 21, 2013)

Brother, the Hulkster used to believe that Andre the Giant was not able to be body slammed!


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## CatParty (Feb 21, 2013)

Hulk Hogan said:
			
		

> Brother, the Hulkster used to believe that Andre the Giant was not able to be body slammed!




i used to believe in the power of hulkamania, but then he dropped the leg on macho man and joined the nwo.


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## DrChristianTroy (Feb 21, 2013)

CatParty said:
			
		

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Can't blame the guy. I'd wanna drink red wine with Kevin Nash too.


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## LM 697 (Feb 21, 2013)

CatParty said:
			
		

> i *used to* believe in the power of hulkamania



Get out, scum.


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## CatParty (Feb 21, 2013)

CompyRex said:
			
		

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call me evad sullivan, the power is coming back!



[youtube]DV2bZgz1TdI[/youtube]


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## BillRiley (Feb 21, 2013)

Until about 14 or so, I believed that the Creedence Clearwater Revival Song "Bad Moon Rising" contained the lyric:

"There's a bathroom on the right..."

Even though I _knew_ the title of the song, I still could have sworn that's what the guy was singing.


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## sparklemilhouse (Feb 21, 2013)

When I was a kid, I thought cruise control on a car meant that you could just set the car to drive for you, didn't have to pay attention to the road.


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## Saney (Feb 21, 2013)

I used to think North was up, as in the sky.


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## Bugaboo (Feb 21, 2013)

Saney said:
			
		

> I used to think North was up, as in the sky.


Oh didn't we all....


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Feb 21, 2013)

sparklemilhouse said:
			
		

> When I was a kid, I thought cruise control on a car meant that you could just set the car to drive for you, didn't have to pay attention to the road.



Same here. It gave my dad a big laugh when I told him.


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## pickleniggo (Feb 21, 2013)

DrChristianTroy said:
			
		

> WAIT. The Weekly World News is no more????? That's mad depressing. In high school I'd buy it for laughs.



Oh, I would buy it and cut out weird articles and images and affix them onto my bedroom door in a huge, creepy collage. Everyone who came into my room loved it.


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## Bugaboo (Feb 21, 2013)

pickleniggo said:
			
		

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I liked the one where they found cats that were clearly just Spinx cats, photoshopped them on Mars (or the moon) and said "New cat species found on Mars!" 
I also like the one that said "God found in a shopping mall" and it was just some dude with a nametag that said God


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## sparklemilhouse (Feb 21, 2013)

weekly world news is on google books!

http://books.google.com/books/about/Wee ... ADAAAAMBAJ


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## pickleniggo (Feb 21, 2013)

sparklemilhouse said:
			
		

> weekly world news is on google books!
> 
> http://books.google.com/books/about/Wee ... ADAAAAMBAJ



Actually my face right now:


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## sparklemilhouse (Feb 21, 2013)

i'm sooo pissed that google stopped scanning old newspapers. I was fucking devastated when I found that out. I love reading 1980s/early 1990s newspapers, they bring me back to when I was a kid. 

Nearly all of Spin Magazine, Jet, Ebony, and some other magazines are up there too.


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## Hollywood Hulk Hogan (Feb 22, 2013)

CatParty said:
			
		

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Good to hear, brother!


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## DrChristianTroy (Feb 22, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

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Glad to hear I'm not the only one that thought this.



			
				revengeofphil said:
			
		

> pickleniggo said:
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I've always enjoyed the "Face of Satan Found (insert place)". Always the same Satan Cloud.


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## DH 384 (Feb 23, 2013)

Cwckifan said:
			
		

> I used to believe that eating gushers (the candy that was so heavily advertised in the 90's and early 00's) would actually turn one's head into a giant piece of fruit



Wow, I can't believe I'm not the only one who thought that. I actually avoided eating them because I thought that when you ate one your head would actually turn into a giant fruit. Didn't help that nobody else ate them despite being advertised so heavily, which added to the fear that it was some kind of cosmic horror. Fruit Roll-Ups always seemed to be what we liked anyways, though.



			
				BillRiley said:
			
		

> Until about 14 or so, I believed that the Creedence Clearwater Revival Song "Bad Moon Rising" contained the lyric:
> 
> "There's a bathroom on the right..."
> 
> Even though I _knew_ the title of the song, I still could have sworn that's what the guy was singing.



I thought the same thing. Although that one seems to trip up a lot of people apparently. Even though I know that's not what Fogerty's singing, it sure as hell sounds like he's singing "There's a bathroom on the right." Plus it's funnier that way.

As far as misheard lyrics go for me, I only learned 3 months ago that in "Purple Haze" Hendrix isn't saying "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." I honestly thought that's what he sung for years until I saw a documentary about him. Apparently it's "Excuse me while I kiss the sky." Even after so long Jimi Hendrix can still bring something new to the table...


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## cypocraphy (Feb 23, 2013)

There's a line in "Real American"..."courage is the thing that keeps us free". Well,when I was little I thought it was "courage is the thing that jesus preached".


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## 93Aiwass (Feb 25, 2013)

I used to believe in Jesus. And Santa. And the Easter Bunny. And that prayer would make me not wanna transition from male to female.

Yeahhhh... I was a totally deluded kid.


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## Fialovy (Feb 25, 2013)

As a kid, it never occurred to me that the adults in my life were children once.


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## Aiko Heiwa (Feb 28, 2013)

Fialovy said:
			
		

> As a kid, it never occurred to me that the adults in my life were children once.


When I was a kid, I never thought that adults had sex.

I thought babies just appeared out of nowhere.


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## Fialovy (Feb 28, 2013)

Not me, but there was this kid in first grade who thought that the grass in Florida was purple because of a map that had the states in different colors and I kept telling him "nuh uh" because I been to Florida, but he never believe me. 

It didn't help that Michigan was green since he was like "oh, the grass is green, Michigan must be green" and he never went anywhere outside of Michigan.


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## Bob's Fries (Feb 28, 2013)

I used to think I was a frog... So I ate flies.


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## KawaiiChrisChan (Feb 28, 2013)

At 5, I used to think that the world ended around Japan, meaning I didn't think that there were other continents.  (Was born on an Air Force base.)
I also thought that all women have a strawberry tattoo on their left breast, because my Mom has one.  
When I first saw a picture of America I thought it was a giant monster.  
I thought all open sewer pipes had some monstrous beast living inside them.  (Technically they do but not in the way I thought) 
I believed that I could never die of old age.
I thought that Charlie Brown could hear me though the TV screen.  But was just ignoring me when I yelled that Lucy was just going to pull the football away.  (He never fucking Learned!)
I thought that the Loony Toons lived in America and that they lived in the WB water tower, with the Animaniacs.
I thought my toys would come to life at night and try to kill me.
I thought the Mormons made sense.  (until I turned 10)
But most of all...  I thought my parents were always right and never wrong.


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## Bugaboo (Feb 28, 2013)

KawaiiChrisChan said:
			
		

> I thought that the Loony Toons lived in America and that they lived in the WB water tower, with the Animaniacs.


Oh shit I'm not alone! I thought the Animaniacs lived in water towers too!


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## cypocraphy (Feb 28, 2013)

Saito said:
			
		

> I used to think I was a frog... So I ate flies.





Spoiler



[youtube]_3ozEsN2UO8[/youtube]


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## Fialovy (Feb 28, 2013)

revengeofphil said:
			
		

> KawaiiChrisChan said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Kind of funny because my area has an Acme township where I used to look for Bugs Bunny and friends.


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## cypocraphy (Feb 28, 2013)

ACME is also a chain of supermarkets in the southern New Jersey/eastern Pennsylvania area. A fine place too.


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## KawaiiChrisChan (Feb 28, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> ACME is also a chain of supermarkets in the southern New Jersey/eastern Pennsylvania area. A fine place too.


Now I know where to get my fill of dynamite and rocket skates to catch that god damn road runner that keeps waking me up in the mornings.


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## Dig (Mar 2, 2013)

Thanks to my mom's old roommate, I truly believed that gremlins came out of the vents at night. For some dumbass reason, she decided to tell me this while I was having a slumber party. This backfired, as she quickly learned that a group of terrified six year old girls can be very hard to console.


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## sparklemilhouse (Mar 3, 2013)

I thought babies/toddlers hid under their mom's dress until they began to walk. It stems from my mom showing me one of her maternity dresses when I was five or six, and she said, "that's when you used to live under my dress!" ... poor way to describe pregnant women, mom.


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## Bugaboo (Mar 3, 2013)

sparklemilhouse said:
			
		

> I thought babies/toddlers hid under their mom's dress until they began to walk. It stems from my mom showing me one of her maternity dresses when I was five or six, and she said, "that's when you used to live under my dress!" ... poor way to describe pregnant women, mom.


Just like a kangaroo! 

My mum told me babies came from a mother's tummy and then I never questioned how they got there or how they get out. I did know how most animals gave birth though (including marsupials at like, age 8. I think I may or may not be gifted at the coprehension and absorbing of various knowlegde.)


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## An Ounce of Vagina (Mar 3, 2013)

Aiko Heiwa said:
			
		

> I thought babies just appeared out of nowhere.



I thought women just got pregnant spontaneously.


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## Fialovy (Mar 3, 2013)

An Ounce of Vagina said:
			
		

> Aiko Heiwa said:
> 
> 
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> ...



Same, that's why I was always paranoid when I read that the youngest person to get pregnant was 7 years old or something.


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## Bugaboo (Mar 3, 2013)

An Ounce of Vagina said:
			
		

> Aiko Heiwa said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The airborne pregnancy virus


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## cypocraphy (Mar 3, 2013)

In "Ghostbusters" Dan Akroyd gets a BJ from a ghost.When I was 5 or 6 I remember wondering what was going on,I kinda had an idea..but I was like,"No,people don't do _that_ do they?"


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## Male (Mar 3, 2013)

I used to think my toes were like my teeth, like they will all break off over time so I would get new stronger toes.


----------



## Niachu (Mar 3, 2013)

I thought every bearded man I saw was secretly Jesus.


----------



## cypocraphy (Mar 3, 2013)

Speaking of bearded men. I thought you had to ask Santa Claus for things telepathically. I even recommended this to my friends and they all started to do it too.


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## Bugaboo (Mar 3, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> Speaking of bearded men. I thought you had to ask Santa Claus for things telepathically. I even recommended this to my friends and they all started to do it too.


I thought you asked him for things by announcing them out loud.


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## The Hunter (Mar 3, 2013)

revengeofphil said:
			
		

> bungholio said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I thought he didn't exist.

No, really, I had it all figured out, but I didn't have the heart to tell my parents. Although it was kind of obvious when I would intentionally look for really cheap things for Christmas because our budget was always tight back then.


----------



## cypocraphy (Mar 3, 2013)

revengeofphil said:
			
		

> bungholio said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Well,one day my friend and I were watching cartoons and a commercial for the Ninja Turtles' van comes on. He asked for it out loud and I told him that you had to do it in your head. He just agreed with me for some reason and did it. I just felt that with a supernatural being like Santa,telepathy was the only way.

That thing was bad-ass too.


----------



## Bugaboo (Mar 3, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> revengeofphil said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


YOU MUST PRAY TO SANTA FOR TOYS


----------



## CatParty (Mar 3, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> Well,one day my friend and I were watching cartoons and a commercial for the Ninja Turtles' van comes on. He asked for it out loud and I told him that you had to do it in your head. He just agreed with me for some reason and did it. I just felt that with a supernatural being like Santa,telepathy was the only way.
> 
> That thing was bad-ass too.





i lost faith in Santa when my mother told me "Santa couldn't afford the toy you wanted"








until that point i was under the impression he made the toys and thought all other toys throughout the year were just leftovers from the naughty kids on  christmas


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## cypocraphy (Mar 3, 2013)

The Hunter said:
			
		

> revengeofphil said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I kinda figured it out early too. (Toys 'R Us price tags were a big clue...c'mon Mom and Dad,you shoulda known better) But as long as I got my WWF Hasbro figures,I didn't care if the Devil himself brought them to me.


----------



## Bugaboo (Mar 3, 2013)

CatParty said:
			
		

> bungholio said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Jesus Christ that thing looks like it would cost a billion dollars


----------



## The Hunter (Mar 3, 2013)

CatParty said:
			
		

> i lost faith in Santa when my mother told me "Santa couldn't afford the toy you wanted"
> 
> 
> 
> ...


*looks at old toys*

God, my childhood must have sucked.


----------



## CatParty (Mar 3, 2013)

i don't think anyone ever owned it. it's seriously pretty much just a table.


----------



## The Hunter (Mar 3, 2013)

CatParty said:
			
		

> i don't think anyone ever owned it. it's seriously pretty much just a table.


Daycare centers aside, I think some people have. I knew a guy who lived in a big two story house in an awesome neighborhood who had piles of video games and toys and bunk beds and he knew karate at age 5. I think I tried (twice) to borrow his toys, and he would make a huge deal out of it if it was anything bigger than an M&M. We did trade Hot Wheels cars from time to time, though. I loved those things. Must've had, like, 80 of those little cars as a kid.


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## cypocraphy (Mar 3, 2013)

When I was little I pretty much got anything I asked for,I had every fucking ghostbuster and wrestler known to man. I never acted like a spoiled brat though,I can be proud of that I guess.

My Maternal Grandparents had a lot of money because my Grandfather may or may not have been involved in "La Cosa Nostra". 

Grandpop,thank you for bludgeoning Jimmy "the squealer" Marchetti so that I could have the Ultimate Warrior and Andre the Giant.


----------



## CatParty (Mar 3, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> When I was little I pretty much got anything I asked for,I had every fucking ghostbuster and wrestler known to man. I never acted like a spoiled brat though,I can be proud of that I guess.
> 
> My Maternal Grandparents had a lot of money because my Grandfather may or may not have been involved in "La Cosa Nostra".
> 
> Grandpop,thank you for bludgeoning Jimmy "the squealer" Marchetti so that I could have the Ultimate Warrior and Andre the Giant.




i loooooved the wwf ljn figures


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## Snorlaxative (Mar 4, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> When I was little I pretty much got anything I asked for,I had every fucking ghostbuster and wrestler known to man. I never acted like a spoiled brat though,I can be proud of that I guess.
> 
> My Maternal Grandparents had a lot of money because my Grandfather may or may not have been involved in "La Cosa Nostra".
> 
> Grandpop,thank you for bludgeoning Jimmy "the squealer" Marchetti so that I could have the Ultimate Warrior and Andre the Giant.



i wonder how many petty criminals are swimming over the fishes because you just had to have that Brutus the Barber Beefcake action figure.


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## Aiko Heiwa (Mar 4, 2013)

When I was a little kid (like 4) I thought the only countries were the United States (or as I said the Untied States), Canada, and Britain (or as I said Brittan). Aslo, every country had a president. So I had the idea that Queen Elizabeth II was her actual name. It wasn't a title + first-name, no she was Brittan's president.

Then when I got older, around 8, I thought the world was divided like so:
North America was the USA, Canada, and Mexico.

South America was Brazil.

Africa was Libya, Egypt, and Tunisia.

Australia, New Zealand, etc. didn't exist.

Asia was just Japan, China, and the Philippines.

Europe was the UK, Ireland, France, Spain, Germany, Italy, and Russia.

The Middle East was Iraq, except for Jerusalem.


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## Bugaboo (Mar 4, 2013)

Aiko Heiwa said:
			
		

> When I was a little kid (like 4) I thought the only countries were the United States (or as I said the Untied States), Canada, and Britain (or as I said Brittan). Aslo, every country had a president. So I had the idea that Queen Elizabeth II was her actual name. It wasn't a title + first-name, no she was Brittan's president.
> 
> Then when I got older, around 8, I thought the world was divided like so:
> North America was the USA, Canada, and Mexico.
> ...


THEN WHO WAS JERUSALEM


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## cypocraphy (Mar 4, 2013)

I remember being disappointed that there wasn't a 1st grade graduation. I just assumed you had one for every grade.


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## phanatic (Mar 6, 2013)

I remember watching Back to the Future when I was a kid and seeing the hoverboards. I asked my mother if they were real. She said they were, but they took them off the market because kids were hurting themselves on them. I believed that until I was almost 20 and had a conversation with a few friends who had some good laughs at my expense....I cant believe I was that fucking stupid...


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## sparklemilhouse (Mar 7, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> I remember being disappointed that there wasn't a 1st grade graduation. I just assumed you had one for every grade.



Me too!


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## champthom (Mar 7, 2013)

BillRiley said:
			
		

> Until about 14 or so, I believed that the Creedence Clearwater Revival Song "Bad Moon Rising" contained the lyric:
> 
> "There's a bathroom on the right..."
> 
> Even though I _knew_ the title of the song, I still could have sworn that's what the guy was singing.



To be fair, John Foggerty would have fun with that and sometimes in concert he would indeed sing it as "There's a bathroom on the right." 

Let's see, when I was 8 or so, I was told that cotton candy was made from garbage. Of course, when my mother told me that, she meant in a figurative way but I took it literally, like cotton candy was made from garbage you throw out and wonder why on Earth anyone would eat it. 

I eventually figured out. This sounds crazy but I never got around to trying cotton candy until I was in my 20s, it's pretty decent.


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## pickleniggo (Mar 7, 2013)

champthom said:
			
		

> Let's see, when I was 8 or so, I was told that cotton candy was made from garbage. Of course, when my mother told me that, she meant in a figurative way but I took it literally, like cotton candy was made from garbage you throw out and wonder why on Earth anyone would eat it.
> 
> I eventually figured out. This sounds crazy but I never got around to trying cotton candy until I was in my 20s, it's pretty decent.



My friend had a similar experience with egg rolls. I don't remember what she thought was in them, but every time she'd get a meal that came with one she'd give it to someone else. One day she asked me how I could eat them, and I had to explain what was in them and how awesome they are. She tried hers and now loves them.


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## CatParty (Mar 7, 2013)

pickleniggo said:
			
		

> champthom said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...




in a weekend last year i finally rode a roller coaster and ate sushi. 34 year old. hahaha


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## pickleniggo (Mar 7, 2013)

CatParty said:
			
		

> in a weekend last year i finally rode a roller coaster and ate sushi. 34 year old. hahaha


I just started eating sushi a year or two ago, not because I didn't want to but because I grew up in a pretty (trying to find a nice way to put it) _typical_ white-bred household. But to not ride rollercoasters....that's just inexcusable!


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## CatParty (Mar 7, 2013)

pickleniggo said:
			
		

> CatParty said:
> 
> 
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i am incredibly scared of heights. even scared to death of ladders and cannot look down starirs but i sucked it up and did a couple shots and it was an amazing time. i felt like i was flying. 

as for sushi, i don't eat fish or any seafood. but my friend took me to the vegan sushi place so i guess maybe you can say i technically had sushi and maybe you can say i didn't


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## The Hunter (Mar 7, 2013)

I've been eating sushi since I was 4. My parents are big on Asian cuisine. I always knew it was dead fish. I also always knew chicken nuggets came from chickens, hamburgers came from cows, sausage came from pigs, etc. But the only time I ever really gagged after finding out what a meat was made out of was the time I unknowingly ate goat when I was 12 (my grandparents always had goats ever since I was a kid, and I was really close to them. Even got to name a few).


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## shutupman (Mar 8, 2013)

I used to think if I stayed up too late, Dracula, the wolfman etc. would come get me.
I was also *really* afraid of werewolves


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## sparklemilhouse (Mar 8, 2013)

Whenever my dad would drive past the mariners museum in Newport News, va I used to think the giant propellor out front was either a giant bug or flower statue:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrbrkly/4991490399/


(This was back when it was on a much plainer display)


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## Niachu (Mar 8, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> I remember being disappointed that there wasn't a 1st grade graduation. I just assumed you had one for every grade.



Talk about a blast from the past. Just remembered I used to think that, too.

Also, I'm not gonna talk about what I thought sex involved when I was little. It's too weird to go over.


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## sparklemilhouse (Mar 9, 2013)

I used to think sex was just a couple laying on top of one another and their genitals rubbing each other. No insertion.


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## TL 611 (Mar 13, 2013)

I don't know why but over the course of my life someone's been convincing me that there are a lot more dead celebrities than there are. It makes a really nice surprise when I find out theyre not dead but WHY?

Somebody told me Denny Laine (the non-McCartney Wings member) died of a heroin overdose 3 years after he wrote the song "medicine jar", which is a ridiculously specific lie to tell me. And I nearly had a heart attack when I saw Roger Moore on Have I Got News For You a while back.

And I used to think France was like the isles of Scilly, a tiny little island off England that was really close by. 

All the other silly things I remember from my childhood kinda dickish tho, like they'd tell me how dangerous shit was and Id die instantly. Most of them were true but there were a couple retarded ones; I was terrified of suffocating on a hairball as a kid cuz my dad said that you eat hair in your sleep, didn't help I'd seen this mummy autopsy thing on History where one of the mummies had a hairball in his throat. And moss (like the huge mossy, seaweedy stuff on old boats. Not tree moss), because it was a hive mind sentient being that can drag people under the water made up of hundreds of little bastards. My parents were very good at asserting my mortality at a young age .


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## MysticMisty (Mar 14, 2013)

Off the top of my head, I can recall seeing Toy Story when it first came out in theaters (I was in 2nd grade, something I know distinctly because I didn't start to wear glasses until after I had seen it). When I came home from seeing it, I looked around my room and suddenly came to the conclusion that I was neglecting my toys every time I played video games. So after that day whenever I wanted to play games (and nobody else was around) I'd gather my toys around and actively include them in game time with me. I don't know how long I did that, but it was for well over a year, if not more.


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## sparklemilhouse (Mar 15, 2013)

> So after that day whenever I wanted to play games (and nobody else was around) I'd gather my toys around and actively include them in game time with me. I



lol I would do that with my dolls when something "important" was on TV.


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## The Hunter (May 9, 2013)

I was listening to Edge of Seventeen, and I just remembered something. When I was a kid, I used to think that Stevie Nicks, Nikky Sixx, Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, and Fleetwood Mac were all the same person. I also thought they wrote I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor and Heart of Glass by Blondie (as well as the aforementioned Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks).

I also didn't know that Stevie Nicks and Nikky Sixx weren't black. In all fairness, I had never seen any of their faces when I was a kid. I'd just hear their names get mentioned a lot.


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## Niachu (May 9, 2013)

When I was seven I thought you could get pregnant from doing drugs.


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## CatParty (May 9, 2013)

Niachu said:
			
		

> When I was seven I thought you could get pregnant from doing drugs.




well kinda.....


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## Butta Face Lopez (May 9, 2013)

I used to think that in much the same way as babies have soft spots on their heads that harden as they grow, they also had minuscule, invisible to me holes in their chins that resulted in their drooling, which closed as they got older.

I mean I wasn't accustomed to seeing adults drool, so it made sense to me.


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## Aiko Heiwa (May 10, 2013)

I used to think that Interpol was the Internet Police. Luckily, I thought they policed the Internet for illegal shit, so I never responded to someone trolling me or insulting me with "YOU BETTER SHUT UP OR I'LL CALL INTERPOL." (I kind of wish I had though)


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## Fialovy (May 10, 2013)

I once thought that only teenagers got periods. Boy was I wrong. *goes back to eating her gallon of caramel caribou ice cream*


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## YouDorks (May 10, 2013)

Mirrors freaked me the fuck out, to the point where I couldn't sleep in the same one... all because I read a shitty variation of "Bloody Mary" in one of those "Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark" books. I slept on a decrepit, uncomfortable couch in the "Play Room" outside my room and developed mild scoliosis as a result.


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## spaps (May 10, 2013)

YouDorks said:
			
		

> Mirrors freaked me the fuck out, to the point where I couldn't sleep in the same one... all because I read a shitty variation of "Bloody Mary" in one of those "Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark" books. I slept on a decrepit, uncomfortable couch in the "Play Room" outside my room and developed mild scoliosis as a result.


I'm still scared of mirrors, all because of some stupid episode of Sonic X I saw as a kid. It's not bad all the time, but if I'm alone and/or it's dark out, I try to avoid mirrors at all costs.


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## Bugaboo (May 11, 2013)

spaps said:
			
		

> YouDorks said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm afraid of mirrors because I'm afraid ghost will come out of them or some shit


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## cypocraphy (May 11, 2013)

YouDorks said:
			
		

> Mirrors freaked me the fuck out, to the point where I couldn't sleep in the same one... all because I read a shitty variation of "Bloody Mary" in one of those "Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark" books.



Oh man, the drawings in those books used to freak me out so bad. I can't believe they were for kids.

There were a few that I just couldn't look at.


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## The Hunter (May 11, 2013)

revengeofphill said:
			
		

> spaps said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I didn't know fear of mirrors was so common.

I don't know if there's anything that legit scares me. Like, last night, there was this terrifying thunderstorm that was freaking the dogs out and thunder was going off really loud and unpredictably, and all I did was sit in my room, put on some Slayer at an unreasonable volume, looked to my friend and said, "metal." He just nodded his head. Although I do jump from time to time if I hear something that catches me off guard.


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## murdoc (May 11, 2013)

thought process at age 4 or 5 as i ate a jammie dodger:
"jammie refers to the jam. dodger must refer to the biscuity part. dodgers must be plain biscuits"

in the shops
"mum i want plain dodgers"
"sure" *buys pack of jammie dodgers*

i was not a very intelligent child


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## sparklemilhouse (May 13, 2013)

When pee wee for arrested back in the late 80s, mom told me that he took his clothes off in a movie theater and that's why he wouldn't be on tv anymore. I pictured him standing on his seat and flashing everyone in his trademark suit.


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## cypocraphy (May 13, 2013)

sparklemilhouse said:
			
		

> When pee wee for arrested back in the late 80s, mom told me that he took his clothes off in a movie theater and that's why he wouldn't be on tv anymore. I pictured him standing on his seat and flashing everyone in his trademark suit.



My parents basically told me that he was caught playing with himself. I knew back then one could "play" with their wiener, but I really didn't grasp the concept of masturbation.


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## ohnoes (May 15, 2013)

I used to believe that if you ate a watermelon seed a watermelon would grow in your stomach. 

Thanks, Rugrats.


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## Ryan Rash (May 15, 2013)

As a kid, I thought that if dogs ate chocolate, they would grow old and go to heaven. 3':


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## Aiko Heiwa (May 19, 2013)

After watching that one episode of Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy where they ended up breaking Jimmy's outline and turning him into a puddle, I thought that could actually happen if you pulled on a loose thread to much.


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## sparklemilhouse (May 20, 2013)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hollywoodplace/8759664451/

I thought the Wacky Warehouse from the Kool Aid commercials (and this comic book cover) was real. Like, perhaps it was next to Nickelodeon.


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## cypocraphy (May 20, 2013)

When I was 5 or 6 I thought that you could get sucked down the drain of the bathtub, and that gray aliens were down there.


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## BigBoss (May 20, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> When I was 5 or 6 I thought that you could get sucked down the drain of the bathtub, and that gray aliens were down there.



I had a similar belief when I was about that age, except it was monsters in the toilet at night.


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## MY 405 (Jun 1, 2013)

Darky said:
			
		

> Was misinformed that when the ice-cream truck plays its song, that means it's out of ice-cream.
> I'm not sure if I'd misinform my spawn (if I ever have any) like that.


 

Ahhhh, lord, I've been laughing about this one all day.  Go tell your parents I love them.


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## Fialovy (Jun 1, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> When I was 5 or 6 I thought that you could get sucked down the drain of the bathtub, and that gray aliens were down there.



I think there was a Rugrats episode about this.

I remember as a kid, especially when I was 3 or so, I would always run out of the room in a panic after I flushed the toilet because I thought a seamonster would come out and grab my ass. I guess I was also afraid because it was loud, especially those bathroom at my preschool, which was an old church building, it made it look like there was some monster making a whilpool to suck me in. I made sure never to lock my stall either and would only come back to the bathroom to watch my hands when the coast was clear.


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## cypocraphy (Jun 1, 2013)

My Mom had this book:



Spoiler












And the cover used to scare the absolute, living shit out of me. I think my Dad ended up throwing it away eventually.

That's why I thought things lived in the drain I suppose.


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## Bugaboo (Jun 2, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> My Mom had this book:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That also would have scared the shit out of me as a child. 
I remember going to the video store was a horrible ordeal because all the movie covers were scary D:


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## sparklemilhouse (Jun 3, 2013)

When I was 9-ish I thought the reason why I was a fat kid was because I had air trapped in me, and not fat. So I tried to poke myself with a straight pin one day to let the air out.


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## Da Pickle Monsta (Jun 6, 2013)

My bathtub drain got clogged with hair one day when I was about five years old.  I freaked out because I thought it was The Blob (you know, from that old Steve McQueen film) climbing up the drain.    

After seeing a diagram of the human body, I became convinced that the small intestine was really stored feces, and that human bodies had a limited amount of poop for your entire lifespan.  Once you ran out of poop, you would die.

I was an Air Force brat growing up, so my mother would take me to the nearby installation to see the family practice medic at the site detachment for checkups/when I was sick.  They had a diagram on the wall showing how to administer CPR.  I became convinced that the man in the diagram was getting CPR because he had run out of oxygen.  Thus, like the poop mentioned above, the human body must have a limited amount of air and when you ran out, you would have to refill yourself via oxygen tanks or CPR.  If you couldn't, you'd die.

I also got a giant Animal stuff toy (Animal, the drummer on the Muppet Show.)  I was terrified of that toy.  I was convinced that it was alive and would try to sneak out of my closet at night to kill me following a nightmare.  I eventually made my parents sell it at a garage sale.  I regret this because my Dad loved that toy and he has a lot of photos of him playing with it and me when I was a baby.  

I also managed to see a TV advertisement for "An American Werewolf in London."  I became convinced that werewolves were real and would cry whenever I saw a full moon and I would pray to God every night to not let me turn into a werewolf.

. . . Damn, childhood was scary.


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## Aiko Heiwa (Jul 2, 2013)

I used to think that your entire digestive system was just a tube going from your mouth to your anus, just straight down. As for why you didn't just poop your food as soon as you ate it? You had like gates that stopped it at a certain point and turned it into the poo.


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## Globe (Jul 2, 2013)

One of my earliest childhood memories was in Kindergarten. Every Friday, my class had an "early dismissal". Being a kindergartner (and not a particularly smart one, at that) I didn't understand what "dismissal" meant; I would just latch on to the only thing in the word that made any sense to me - - "missile" - - and I would always freak the fuck out thinking we were about to get nuked or something. Misunderstanding a word with more than two syllables is reasonable when you're four. I saw I wasn't particularly smart because this shit happened every Friday.

 For the entire year.

 I never fucking caught on.


----------



## The Hunter (Jul 2, 2013)

Globe said:
			
		

> One of my earliest childhood memories was in Kindergarten. Every Friday, my class had an "early dismissal". Being a kindergartner (and not a particularly smart one, at that) I didn't understand what "dismissal" meant; I would just latch on to the only thing in the word that made any sense to me - - "missile" - - and I would always freak the fuck out thinking we were about to get nuked or something. Misunderstanding a word with more than two syllables is reasonable when you're four. I saw I wasn't particularly smart because this shit happened every Friday.
> 
> For the entire year.
> 
> I never fucking caught on.


Hah, kindergarten.

I remember when someone in my class wouldn't stop saying "presidents" instead of present during attendance. Never got old. Grew up to be a redneck junkie who has his parents pay for everything.


----------



## Lil (Jul 2, 2013)

Back when Pokemon 2000 came out, I lived in a different neighborhood than where I am now. The old neighborhood was closer to traffic and also closer to train tracks, so sometimes at dusk in the middle of the night, you could hear an almost wailing noise. It reminded me of Lugia's call, so I decided that Lugia was real and that no one could tell me otherwise ( ._.)


----------



## AtroposHeart (Jul 2, 2013)

That God created cars.


----------



## The Hunter (Jul 2, 2013)

AtroposHeart said:
			
		

> That God created cars.


Just trucks. And Satan created hybrids.


----------



## Fialovy (Jul 2, 2013)

This was actually my grandma and it was when she was an adult, but she thought that ratings meant how good the movie was similar to book reviews and such and the higher the rating, the better the movie. She took my cousins who were small children at the time to see Chucky because she thought it was gonna be a cute movie about a little doll.


----------



## Bugaboo (Jul 2, 2013)

Fialovy said:
			
		

> This was actually my grandma and it was when she was an adult, but she thought that ratings meant how good the movie was similar to book reviews and such and the higher the rating, the better the movie. She took my cousins who were small children at the time to see Chucky because she thought it was gonna be a cute movie about a little doll.


That's fucking hilarious.
Are afraid of dolls now?


----------



## NoDarkies (Jul 3, 2013)

God and Jesus.


----------



## Fialovy (Jul 3, 2013)

revengeofphil said:
			
		

> Fialovy said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



No, but she traumatized them for a while. This was before I was born.


----------



## TheRedRanger (Jul 3, 2013)

I used to think that adults just got more money from the bank when the needed it, and paid to be allowed to go to work because the law said they had to.


----------



## GV 002 (Jul 3, 2013)

My father used to threaten to cut off my hair and turn it into paintbrushes if I wasn't good, so for quite a long time I thought that paintbrushes were made out of the hair of naughty children.  My father was a cunt.


----------



## José Mourinho (Jul 11, 2013)

Aiko Heiwa said:
			
		

> I used to think that your entire digestive system was just a tube going from your mouth to your anus, just straight down. As for why you didn't just poop your food as soon as you ate it? You had like gates that stopped it at a certain point and turned it into the poo.



I used to think that the entire digestive system is just food going to you mouth and then *poof* it's gone.


----------



## sparklemilhouse (Jul 12, 2013)

I used to think gin was green because tanqueray bottles were green. 

I thought MASH took place during the Vietnam War.


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## Da Pickle Monsta (Jul 13, 2013)

sparklemilhouse said:
			
		

> I used to think gin was green because tanqueray bottles were green.
> 
> I thought MASH took place during the Vietnam War.



Actually, that's not too far off.  My grandfather served in both Korea and Vietnam and he hated MASH.  According to him, it was a show "set during the Korean War that criticized Vietnam."


----------



## Fialovy (Jul 15, 2013)

I thought drinking 7-Up gave me seven extra lives in life, kinda like how Mario gets 1-Ups.


----------



## Picklepower (Jul 15, 2013)

I use to be really religious, more then my parents even, because I went to religious schools most of my life, (Ive been an atheist for a long time now though), at the same time however, in middle school me and a really good friend, read about chi in a kung fu magazine, and we would practice focusing our chi when we weren't in class. I also used to believe in UFO abductions, and horoscopes, when I was 7 or so I had some picture book about aliens, and I thought it was non fiction. I vaguely remember when I was like 8, I read my Cancer horoscope, that said I would meet someone that would change my life, and I started asking my mom, "who do you think that could be?!".


----------



## Lady Houligan (Jul 15, 2013)

I was convinced that bumps in the road were actually from shadows on the road, from the trees and the power lines. That whatever I was watching on TV in one room, anyone else in the house who turned on the TV would have to watch that channel, or if they changed the channel I wouldn't be able to keep watching what I was watching.

And courtesy of my cousins, that there was a man living in a shed in the woods behind my grandparents' house who was a cannibal and only trapped little girls to eat and make their bones into knives.


----------



## Picklepower (Jul 15, 2013)

Oh and when I was 8 my best friend, (who still is my best friend) played a trick on me and convinced me his house was haunted by Civil War era ghosts. (we live in the South)


----------



## Optimistic (Jul 16, 2013)

When I was four I broke my arm really badly. I was fucking around sitting on the back of a chair (my parents were in another room), I tipped it over and fell _just right_ and shattered my elbow. I don't remember any pain, I just remember I couldn't move my arm and so I started crying. My parents ran in and my dad looked at it and said, "It's broken, we have to take her to the hospital" 

At some point before then I had heard my mom talking about someone breaking his leg and he couldn't walk, so I had come to the conclusion that if you broke a limb it would break off. When I heard my dad say my arm was broken I began screaming like a banshee because I believed my arm was going to break right off. My parents thought I was screaming in pain the whole time they rushed me to the hospital. I remember laying on the X-ray table, and as I saw the machine moving closer I just lost my mind because I thought it was going to come down and  cut my arm off. 

I don't remember much, but I know they had to sedate  me and put me in surgery. I remember waking up and being amazed that my arm was still there. However, I couldn't feel my arm so I thought they had sewn it back on. My parents explained it to me later, but I remember being fearful that my arm would just fall right off for a long time. 

I also was really scared of Bloody Mary. In first grade some older kids told me about it, so I went into the bathroom and said "Bloody Mary" once and chickened out, but I was fearful for years that she was waiting to kill me. I still get freaked out when I go into a dark bathroom.  :?


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## Lady Houligan (Jul 16, 2013)

Optimistic said:
			
		

> When I was four I broke my arm really badly. I was fucking around sitting on the back of a chair (my parents were in another room), I tipped it over and fell _just right_ and shattered my elbow. I don't remember any pain, I just remember I couldn't move my arm and so I started crying. My parents ran in and my dad looked at it and said, "It's broken, we have to take her to the hospital"
> 
> At some point before then I had heard my mom talking about someone breaking his leg and he couldn't walk, so I had come to the conclusion that if you broke a limb it would break off. When I heard my dad say my arm was broken I began screaming like a banshee because I believed my arm was going to break right off. My parents thought I was screaming in pain the whole time they rushed me to the hospital. I remember laying on the X-ray table, and as I saw the machine moving closer I just lost my mind because I thought it was going to come down and  cut my arm off.
> 
> ...



Oh man, I had a similar reaction to getting hurt as a kid. My parents were moving a mattress up the stairs, I was sitting at the foot of the stairs like I'd been told to, a picture got knocked off the wall and bam, hit me in the middle of the forehead and then on the thumb. Had blood pouring down my face (my father's description of it was "Carrie at the prom") while I was screaming about my bruised thumb. Then at the hospital they had to tie me down to the get the stitches done.

And oh God Bloody Mary. I hadn't thought about that in years. Of course now I find myself gravitating towards the more psychological "if you know of it it will hunt you down" horrors, like Slenderman. (Setting myself up for mockery but I watched a couple hours of Marble Hornets in one sitting while completely alone and then courtesy of my overactive imagination spent the rest of the night awake and paranoid.)


----------



## sparklemilhouse (Oct 1, 2013)

I just remembered this one. When I was little, and watched the show Night Court with my dad, I thought that all courts took place at night, that was just the norm.


----------



## Dollars2010 (Oct 1, 2013)

I used to believe Pokémon were real so I really wanted to be a Pokémon trainer up until third grade.


----------



## Niachu (Oct 1, 2013)

Optimistic said:
			
		

> When I was four I broke my arm really badly. I was fucking around sitting on the back of a chair (my parents were in another room), I tipped it over and fell _just right_ and shattered my elbow. I don't remember any pain, I just remember I couldn't move my arm and so I started crying. My parents ran in and my dad looked at it and said, "It's broken, we have to take her to the hospital"
> 
> At some point before then I had heard my mom talking about someone breaking his leg and he couldn't walk, so I had come to the conclusion that if you broke a limb it would break off. When I heard my dad say my arm was broken I began screaming like a banshee because I believed my arm was going to break right off. My parents thought I was screaming in pain the whole time they rushed me to the hospital. I remember laying on the X-ray table, and as I saw the machine moving closer I just lost my mind because I thought it was going to come down and  cut my arm off.



Reminds me of this time when I was five or six and I noticed that thin layers of my fingernails were peeling off (I was a nail biter.) I freaked the hell out and screamed about how I was dying.

Mom and I were in the middle of Wal-Mart. I feel bad for her.


----------



## RV 229 (Oct 1, 2013)

I thought the noises that crickets made at night was the sound of the stars twinkling.


----------



## Bugaboo (Oct 1, 2013)

I used to think the sound cicadas make was the sound of the sun being really hot.


----------



## exball (Oct 1, 2013)

When I was four I had a black friend and I thought he had been dipped in chocolate when he was a baby.


----------



## impossibility (Oct 1, 2013)

That the skin of cattle was mostly hairless and was just like sneaker/clothing leather.


----------



## Mourning Dove (Oct 1, 2013)

When I was 4 or so I ate some dishsoap. It had a lemon on the bottle, so it had to be lemon flavored!

...It did not taste like lemon.


----------



## Fialovy (Oct 1, 2013)

I remember as a kid seeing something about "safe sex" on the counter like, it was a letter to my mom and dad about my younger brother's sex ed program and I was like, 12 at the time and I was like "who is the safer sex? Could it be referring to women?" so yeah, I thought it was referring to women being of the safer sex and he was gonna learn all about women.

Fortunately, my mom who was probably worried about me going off to middle school not knowing any of this stuff stepped in, I remember being mortified.


----------



## hm yeah (Oct 1, 2013)

I don't remember this, but I must have been about 3 or something. I was told that an asshole relative whom I don't recall ever meeting in my rememberable life go "hey, watch what I can do" and through the power of perspective and my "it vanished, so it stopped existing" mentality, showed me the back of his hand and just lowered his thumb so I couldn't see it. I was told I reacted as if he had pulled his own head off with his throat and spine dangling out, dripping blood everywhere. Who knew a kid would react that way?

I *do* remember being about 4, at someone's home (I think it was one of MANY homes belonging to my maternal grandma), and I had an uncle who wasn't yet an adult. He played the drums (not very well). I was in a room, standing around doing nothing, and there was that percussion set. I thought it was a strange thing, and wondered what it did. My uncle waltzed right in like I wasn't even there, and got right to practicing the drums. It made the most horrible, startling, terrifying noises I had ever heard in my life, and the worst part was that it really, really looked like each time he hit one of the big, lower drums, that THING was inching closer and closer to me, like it intended to kill me horribly.

I ran out screaming my head off, and my grandma got incredibly super pissed at my uncle, who was just indignant about it.

I didn't have any remarkable beliefs that I recall, I was just really, really high-strung.

(still am)


----------



## cypocraphy (Oct 1, 2013)

On a trip to the supermarket with my Dad I saw a sign in the parking lot that said "compact cars only". That made me think certain cars had a button you would push to make the car smaller so it could park there.

When I was 6 or 7 my Grandmom taped "Jaws IV" off of the TV for me because I was into sharks. I couldn't tell how much it sucked back then. It's one of the worst movies ever and I thought it was some serious Oscar worthy shit. That's part of the fun of being little I think.


----------



## Pikonic (Oct 1, 2013)

I thought every country had states like we do in America. I wondered why Canada had big states.


----------



## cypocraphy (Oct 1, 2013)

Well, most have subdivisions similar to states anyway.


----------



## AtroposHeart (Oct 1, 2013)

That God made cars, at least police cars for some reason.


----------



## Niachu (Oct 1, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> On a trip to the supermarket with my Dad I saw a sign in the parking lot that said "compact cars only". That made me think certain cars had a button you would push to make the car smaller so it could park there.
> 
> When I was 6 or 7 my Grandmom taped "Jaws IV" off of the TV for me because I was into sharks. I couldn't tell how much it sucked back then. It's one of the worst movies ever and I thought it was some serious Oscar worthy shit. That's part of the fun of being little I think.



When I was little I thought Master of Disguise was amazing.


----------



## Picklepower (Oct 1, 2013)

Fialovy said:
			
		

> This was actually my grandma and it was when she was an adult, but she thought that ratings meant how good the movie was similar to book reviews and such and the higher the rating, the better the movie. She took my cousins who were small children at the time to see Chucky because she thought it was gonna be a cute movie about a little doll.



Oh my god that's funny, I remember when I was 6 or 7 anything with living dolls scared the crap out of me. Whenever my dad or some one would have a Chucky movie on I would see the screen and get freaked out and cover my eyes.


----------



## Picklepower (Oct 1, 2013)

Pikonic said:
			
		

> I thought every country had states like we do in America. I wondered why Canada had big states.



When I was really young I did too. Also when I was really young, when my mom referred to her Indian relatives, thought she meant Native American.


----------



## c-no (Oct 1, 2013)

Niachu said:
			
		

> bungholio said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I too thought that Master of Disguise was good, but once I re-watched clips of it via Nostalgia Critic, I started to question myself. Same went for the Tom & Jerry movie.


----------



## polka-dotted (Oct 4, 2013)

I used to think that the Tooth Fairy would bust through my window and eat me alive. Yes, seriously.


----------



## Oglooger (Oct 4, 2013)

>When people grow up, they all become responsible and all try to become productive members of society.
>People in high school will be much more mature
>Time Travel was possible if we made a giant crane and grab the earth's core and twist it counter clockwise, it could go back in time
>America was the magical land of Liberty and milk and honey (I was somewhat right, te bathrooms here are CLEAN and theres not that many hobos)
>If you study religion hard enough, you can throw fire balls and shit.
>The Kingdom of Hyrule resides in the Bermuda Triangle
>Evreything around me is just a figmnt of a derranged imagination, when we die, we all realize it's a simulation used by blue humanoid aliens to "simulate a life" and that one year on earth is like 1 second in "the real world"


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## champthom (Oct 4, 2013)

Here's two more:

1) I thought that the past was black and white, like on TV or movies, that everything was black and white until the 60s. 

2) I thought adults only wrote in cursive and only little kids used printing. I learned cursive in Catholic school, but I went to public school and I don't think I knew anyone who knew cursive. Likewise, when I took the SAT, I was the only one who was able to write out that paragraph you have to write out in cursive saying you won't cheat on the test. Also I know so many adults now who don't write in cursive, it's crazy.


----------



## Oglooger (Oct 4, 2013)

champthom said:
			
		

> I was the only one who was able to write out that paragraph you have to write out in cursive saying you won't cheat on the test. Also I know so many adults now who don't write in cursive, it's crazy.



I can relate to, in Mexico we still taught to write in cursive, but during Secondary education it's not forced.
when I came here to America, I was suprised to see many people couldn't even read cursive.
due to the lck of exposure, my cursive got REALLY rusty


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## sparklemilhouse (Oct 4, 2013)

bungholio said:
			
		

> On a trip to the supermarket with my Dad I saw a sign in the parking lot that said "compact cars only". That made me think certain cars had a button you would push to make the car smaller so it could park there.



I thought cars that literally looked like makeup compacts could only park in those spots. I saw it in a cartoon once, so I automatically thought it was real.


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## exball (Oct 4, 2013)

champthom said:
			
		

> 1) I thought that the past was black and white, like on TV or movies, that everything was black and white until the 60s.



I thought I was the only one who believed that.


----------



## Pikonic (Oct 4, 2013)

champthom said:
			
		

> Here's two more:
> 
> 1) I thought that the past was black and white, like on TV or movies, that everything was black and white until the 60s.
> 
> 2) I thought adults only wrote in cursive and only little kids used printing. I learned cursive in Catholic school, but I went to public school and I don't think I knew anyone who knew cursive. Likewise, when I took the SAT, I was the only one who was able to write out that paragraph you have to write out in cursive saying you won't cheat on the test. Also I know so many adults now who don't write in cursive, it's crazy.


Fuck that SAT paragraph.


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## MysticMisty (Oct 5, 2013)

champthom said:
			
		

> I thought adults only wrote in cursive and only little kids used printing. I learned cursive in Catholic school, but I went to public school and I don't think I knew anyone who knew cursive. Likewise, when I took the SAT, I was the only one who was able to write out that paragraph you have to write out in cursive saying you won't cheat on the test. Also I know so many adults now who don't write in cursive, it's crazy.


I learned cursive in second grade, at a public school. However, just one year later, my third grade teacher one day asked everybody to stop writing in cursive because she couldn't read our handwriting. Throughout the rest of elementary school my teachers encouraged us _not_ to write in cursive because nobody could write it very clearly (according to the teachers) and god forbid they make time in class for us to practice penmanship (to be fair though I blame the overall school system for that). Then I moved to Arizona and I have no idea if they taught cursive at any point here since I never saw my classmates use it. Even the girls with really fancy handwriting only signed their names in cursive. Sometimes.

This isn't really something I believed, but, after I watched Pinocchio for the first time I really wanted to go to Pleasure Island. The place where bad boys behaved badly and turned into donkeys. Even though I was a girl and knew I'd be turned into a donkey, I still wanted to go there.


----------



## A-№1 (Oct 5, 2013)

Pikonic said:
			
		

> champthom said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Slam that paragraph out in shorthand like a boss.  Because fuck 'em if they can't read it.



			
				MysticMisty said:
			
		

> This isn't really something I believed, but, after I watched Pinocchio for the first time I really wanted to go to Pleasure Island. The place where bad boys behaved badly and turned into donkeys.


Sounds like a brony con.


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## Picklepower (Oct 5, 2013)

I am 22 and I don't remember the last time I used cursive, what stuff requires copious amounts of cursive anyway ? The only time I see people using cursive is for signatures.


----------



## hm yeah (Oct 5, 2013)

I also forgot cursive sometime in late elementary/early middle, and then a few years ago, when I was like 20 or something, I had been wanting to remember cursive, just because. So I'd make halfassed efforts to get it back, which failed because I had forgotten a surprising amount. And then one day a year or so later, cursive came rushing back. Huh. How 'bout that.

But effectively it didn't make a difference because when I'd write fast (which was usually. I'm very, very impatient) I'd write in some print/cursive hybrid. Nowadays I often have print letters and cursive letters, sometimes the same letter, in the same sentence. Looks really weird.

In Russian class a few years ago, I'd just print because the print letter were easier to remember. The cursive ones (which the teacher suddenly decide to have be mandatory, idk why) confused me.

I still write a lot, being into snail mail and fountain pens and ink and stuff.


----------



## Mourning Dove (Oct 5, 2013)

When I was learning cursive as an 8 year old I thought I would be using it extensively for the rest of my adult life...! Nope.


----------



## Globe (Oct 5, 2013)

When I was really little (five or six) I saw clips of some made-for-tv drama that my mom was watching. I don't really remember what it was about except that it involved some alcoholic guy that looked a lot like commercial depictions of Jesus, and at one point in the show, he was slapping his wife around. My mom, I guess not wanting me to see that, had me go to my room and I wasn't allowed to be in the room if it was on afterwards.

...So until my parents started shipping me off to Sunday school, I thought Jesus got crucified for spousal abuse.


----------



## Kamen Rider Black RX (Oct 6, 2013)

I used to think Batman was a good role-model, as I preferred the Adam West series over the animated series. I wanted to be Robin so bad.

Ahh innocence of youth.

Anyway, cursive. My elementary school was real big on that, but I never was good at it. High school came and I was allowed to switch back. Too bad my printing isn't that nice. I once had a customer see it and said it looked nice. I replied I've been mistaken for a doctor because of it.


----------



## John Titor (Oct 6, 2013)

Let's just say I thought weather forecasters were wizards who can predict the future and summon a magic screen that can show the world in real time.

Or one that I feel more embarassed about: I thought the entire country have the same exact TV station. I had a poor understanding of how a TV channel works and thought that if I had KTLA in California, then surely some guy in Georgia has the same exact channel.
On a related note, sometimes I got confused when a TV show that's fictional uses real life news studios or anything similar. For example, remember X-Files? They had an entire episode shot in the style of Cops. Scared the hell out of me because at that moment, I thought I was not watching fiction the whole time.


----------



## Dollars2010 (Oct 7, 2013)

I always wanted a chocobo from Final Fantasy to ride around on.


Spoiler


----------



## Da Pickle Monsta (Oct 7, 2013)

When I first learned about the birds and the bees, I was under the impression that both boys and girls had uteruses, and thus a boy could get pregnant, too.  Only that women got pregnant more often because it was "ok" for a woman to get pregnant but not a man, much the same way it's okay for a woman to wear a dress or a skirt but it society tends to frown upon it when a man does it.

I also routinely got the gas and the brakes confused.  While joking with my Mom when I was about six, I'd say things like, "oh, no, there's a Tyrannosaur behind us!  Hit the brakes!"

When I was very little, I convinced myself that Transformers were real.  I think I knew deep down that they weren't, but I really wanted to meet an Autobot, darn it.  I used to tell my Mom that I could see cars going by without drivers (because that was a big deal in the '80s cartoon), when in reality I probably just couldn't see the driver because of the glass/the sun/I was too low in my booster seat to see properly.

I once grabbed a wooden spoon, pointed at my father and yelled, "Thunder!  Thunder!  Thundercats!  Whooooaaah!" because he wouldn't let me climb on the dining room table.


----------



## exball (Oct 7, 2013)

Hunger Mythos said:
			
		

> I always wanted a chocobo from Final Fantasy to ride around on.
> 
> 
> Spoiler


Everyone did I'm sure.


----------



## Kamen Rider Black RX (Oct 7, 2013)

exball said:
			
		

> Hunger Mythos said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Except for the kids who wanted a yoshi.


----------



## exball (Oct 7, 2013)

Kamen Rider Black said:
			
		

> exball said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 :x


----------



## Bugaboo (Oct 8, 2013)

Kamen Rider Black said:
			
		

> exball said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Why not both?


----------



## MysticMisty (Oct 8, 2013)

Kamen Rider Black said:
			
		

> exball said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That would include me.


----------



## MerriedxReldnahc (Oct 8, 2013)

My Grandpa's house had this vent that would make rumbling, growling, noises occasionally, so he told me there was an alligator living under the house. Never questioned that for years. I also saw this cartoon once where the main characters had to go to clown school for some reason, and no matter how hard they tried they couldn't escape the facility so I thought clown school was like a prison where you had to be a clown forever and all eternity.


----------



## cypocraphy (Apr 9, 2014)

Had to pull this one out of the crypt because I remember some good stuff:

-I thought Kenny Rogers was Kenny Loggins

-I thought the Captain and Tenille was "Captain Entinio" which I confused with Michael Jackson's "Captain EO"  ride at the Epcot Center.

-I thought Jehova's Witnesses were "Jehovis Witnesses"

-Before Super Mario All-Stars came out for the SNES I thought the Lost Levels were levels from the first 3 games that didn't make the cut for those games. Kind of like deleted scenes on a DVD.


----------



## Trickie (Apr 9, 2014)

I used to think "Jew" was short for "*Je*hovah's *W*itnesses".


----------



## Foulmouth (Apr 10, 2014)

I used to believe chris was real.


----------



## Xarpho (Apr 10, 2014)

hm yeah said:


> I also forgot cursive sometime in late elementary/early middle, and then a few years ago, when I was like 20 or something, I had been wanting to remember cursive, just because. So I'd make halfassed efforts to get it back, which failed because I had forgotten a surprising amount. And then one day a year or so later, cursive came rushing back. Huh. How 'bout that.
> 
> But effectively it didn't make a difference because when I'd write fast (which was usually. I'm very, very impatient) I'd write in some print/cursive hybrid. Nowadays I often have print letters and cursive letters, sometimes the same letter, in the same sentence. Looks really weird.
> 
> ...


Heh, in my time, everyone learned cursive in about second grade but it was never enforced until they had to write it for a small part of a standardized test in grade 12. There was visible struggling as everyone tried to do something they hadn't done in a decade...


----------



## Francis E. Dec Esc. (Apr 10, 2014)

- I thought Mr. Wizard and Doc Brown were the same person. 
- I thought the purpose of butter was to cool down hot food.


----------



## PopOfColor (Apr 10, 2014)

Fialovy said:


> If I sat on a store-bought egg long enough, then a chick will appear. I had no idea about the necessity of fertilization.


I thought that also that if you did not keep them cold they would hatch.


----------



## Broseph Stalin (Apr 10, 2014)

This is going to sound hella fucking weird but when I was a kid I never used public restroom stalls. Whenever I did I was afraid to flush because I thought I would get sucked down because of the high water pressure. Yes, I was that retarded.


----------



## Varis (Apr 10, 2014)

I thought women had penises.


----------



## PopOfColor (Apr 10, 2014)

Another one came to mind just now. My grandma used to watch trash talkshows in the 1980's . I was watching it with her and this woman was crying her eyes out over her husband giving her a golden shower. I setting there thinking WTH. I look up and ask my granddad if she was going to be that upset with the shower color why did she not help him pick out the paint. They both got a giggle out of it and said I don't know. I hear again about golden showers years latter in a joke and think why the hell did they let me set there watching them damn shows.


----------



## PopOfColor (Apr 10, 2014)

Varis said:


> I thought women had penises.


Some do


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## Bridechu (Apr 10, 2014)

My dad was the worst for believable lies. Like, not even big stuff, just presented it like facts and I accepted them, because who lies about random stuff? My dad, because it found it funny. And I'd laugh at my kid, too...

Some of the ones that come to mind were that Jehovah's Witnesses went to church naked and that's why their churches didn't have windows, that you had to have a special permit and test to drive a red or yellow car, and that all the child stars on TV were orphans owned by the studio.

My favourite childhood belief, though, was when my cousin and I were watching Titanic (it came on two VHSs because it was so long) and it was the scene where Jack's drawing Rose nude. I was eight and it was my first set of TV titties. I asked my cousin if they were allowed to film naked women, and he told me of course not, that they had a wax replica stand in for Kate Winslet during that scene. I still don't know if someone told him that and he believed it, or he was messing with me.


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## The Hunter (Apr 10, 2014)

Broseph Stalin said:


> This is going to sound hella fucking weird but when I was a kid I never used public restroom stalls. Whenever I did I was afraid to flush because I thought I would get sucked down because of the high water pressure. Yes, I was that retarded.


I used to avoid public restrooms like the plague, but that's because public restrooms are fucking filthy.

And you probably could get the plague from one of those things.


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## TrippinKahlua (Apr 10, 2014)

I don't think anyone wants to know what I used to think as a child.

I mean, I'm 27 years old, and I treat frying oil on the stove like its a monster.


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## The Fair Lady (Apr 10, 2014)

That I could become a unicorn.

When my dad told me that was impossible, I cried.


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## OtterParty (Apr 11, 2014)

TrippinKahlua said:


> I don't think anyone wants to know what I used to think as a child.
> 
> I mean, I'm 27 years old, and I treat frying oil on the stove like its a monster.


You still believe in "mirth"


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## Globe (Apr 11, 2014)

I started out drinking coffee really, _really _early in life because I thought it was hot cocoa. After the first time I drank it, I figured maybe the chocolate taste had to be acquired, so I just kept sneaking a mug every time my parents would brew some.


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## cypocraphy (Apr 11, 2014)

I thought sperm was in urine and a man had to pee inside a woman to get her pregnant.


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## Slowboat to China (Apr 11, 2014)

When I was four or so, we adopted a street cat. The first time he let me touch his face, I was weirded out that his nose felt wet, so I asked my parents about it. They told me that cats usually had wet noses and that it was a sign the cat was healthy. I promptly assumed that if wet nose = healthy, dry nose = sick, so using my supreme four-year-old logic I began regularly checking the cat's nose and dampening it to make sure he stayed healthy.


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## IcyHotWings (Apr 11, 2014)

I used to believe I could sort of glide and levitate in place, I would have dreams about it all the time when I was younger where I could just jump up at an angle and hover in one of the upper corners of my room.


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## Fialovy (Apr 11, 2014)

Five year old me thought a psychiatrists and psychologist were people that taught you psychic powers and people that went to psychiatrists had some sort of super special abilities that they needed to learn how to use.
Also, I used to get Asperger's and Esper mixed up a lot too which added to the confusion.


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## Francis E. Dec Esc. (Apr 12, 2014)

When I was about three I overheard my mother once say that she was going to do something "this afternoon" and the words kind of ran together in my head and for a while I thought "afternoon" and "safternoon" were two different times of day.


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## TrippinKahlua (Apr 12, 2014)

I used to come up with a bunch of weird things when I was a kid. Once, for a school assignment, and I seriously did this, I wrote up a comic about President William Howard Taft meeting the Smurfs and they became a part of his army.

And at one point, someone convinced me that during the production of the Wizard of Oz (during the 30s), one of the monkeys used for the Flying Monkeys contracted rabies and spread it all over the set, killing everyone including Judy Garland.


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## sparklemilhouse (Apr 12, 2014)

Fialovy said:


> Five year old me thought a psychiatrists and psychologist were people that taught you psychic powers and people that went to psychiatrists had some sort of super special abilities that they needed to learn how to use.



When I was in elementary school an watched Seinfeld with mom, I remember Elaine saying she went to her psychiatrist, and I just thought everybody just went to one automatically when they were adults. Oh, the chiropractor too.


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## Dormiebasne (Apr 12, 2014)

sparklemilhouse said:


> When I was in elementary school an watched Seinfeld with mom, I remember Elaine saying she went to her psychiatrist, and I just thought everybody just went to one automatically when they were adults.


Seems like this part isn't too far from the truth, honestly.


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## exball (Apr 12, 2014)

TrippinKahlua said:


> I used to come up with a bunch of weird things when I was a kid. Once, for a school assignment, and I seriously did this, I wrote up a comic about President William Howard Taft meeting the Smurfs and they became a part of his army.



Taft you greedy fuck.


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## ToroidalBoat (Apr 13, 2014)

I thought worms were "baby snakes" and ladybugs were "baby turtles" at one point. And that you could make a good beverage out of Skittles® and milk. (this was in the '80s)


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## Aiko Heiwa (Apr 13, 2014)

I thought ponies were baby horses and I didn't realize that animals with antlers like deer and moose had the antlers fall off.



Spoiler



I learned the antler thing a few months ago btw.


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## TL 611 (Apr 13, 2014)

Aiko Heiwa said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> I learned the antler thing a few months ago btw.


 Well now I feel dumb, I didn't know that until now.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Apr 30, 2014)

I thought a serial killer was a guy who stabbed Cheerios boxes because that was a joke on TV.

I didn't know the difference between "killed" and "died" and thought if you were killed it could be reversed 

I was chubby as a kid and thought it would be cool to be the world's heaviest man. Yes, as a kid I wanted to be Fatman


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## Da Pickle Monsta (Apr 30, 2014)

I remember watching a scene in a movie where a male character made a remark along the lines of, "that's what I thought, too, until my ex stabbed me in the back."  I didn't have any idea what an "ex" was, so I constructed a figure in my mind of a mysterious stranger called "X" who was hunting down the movie characters.  I was all excited because I thought X would be super cool and couldn't wait for his appearance.  And then  . . . X with his leather jacket and his sunglasses and his shotgun never showed up. 

I asked me mother about it later and was pretty disappointed when she explained to me what an "ex-wife" was.  That's way less cooler than what I'd imagined.


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## Firesharpie (Apr 30, 2014)

When I was around eight years old, I used to think guys had something similar to a period because I had recently acquired knowledge about urine not being the only thing able to come (lmao) out of their penis.


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## littlebiscuits (May 12, 2014)

When I was six my Dad lied to me and told me that Power Point was a computer game because he was too cheap/ couldn't stand the hideous repetitive music that plays on children's computer games. I played my favorite game, "Power Point" for days, making up fake side shows and designing my own themes. After sitting through hours and hours of fake power point presentations, my parents suddenly decided video games weren't evil after all.

Note: I also couldn't read or write at this time. The slides were full of random letter gibberish.


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## Dork Of Ages (May 12, 2014)

I used to believe when I was 5 or 6 that the index finger was the middle finger. One time, I flipped off a bunch of older kids in a sports club that were making fun of me. They ended up laughing more


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## Axiom (May 12, 2014)

When I was a kid I thought that if my stuffed toys got wet, they would turn to stone.

There was a very sound reason for this:

At the time we lived near a petrifying well, a natural spring that has such a high concentration of minerals that a soft and porous object dripped with the water will turn to stone. An object like, say, a stuffed toy. You could have an item hung under the falls and after a period of four to eight weeks it absorbs the minerals (but not the water) and appears to turn to stone. So there were always these teddy bears that were hanging in the water, and it just looked to me like they were being soaked and that was turning them into stones.

Of course, I was maybe five or six at the time. Eventually I learned to read the placards explaining what was REALLY happening, but for a few years it was awfully hard to get me to surrender my plush toys for a wash.


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## SmugTomato (May 14, 2014)

I thought Narwhals were just an internet joke until about a year ago when I watched a documentary about the Arctic and saw narwhal meat being sold in an Alaskan supermarket. My only defense to such a gap in my knowledge is that I live quite possibly as far away from narwhals as is possible.


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## cypocraphy (May 14, 2014)

When I read the Calvin and Hobbes 10th Anniversary book I found out that Bill Watterson never allowed his stuff to be used as licensed merchandise. So all t-shirts and other shit featuring Calvin were illegal bootlegs. This caused my friend and I to be _very_ legitimately butthurt whenever we saw said merchandise.


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## TopperHay (May 18, 2014)

I used to think that the '7' in 7up was a 'Z', so I kept calling it Zup.


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## exball (May 18, 2014)

TopperHay said:


> I used to think that the '7' in 7up was a 'Z', so I kept calling it Zup.


Zup bro.


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## Randall Fragg (May 18, 2014)

I believed in the "Toy Wolf". Basically, whenever I left my toys and crap out, my dad would come gather them in a black trash bag and stick them on top of the fridge, and then claim that they'd been taken by the "Toy Wolf". I eventually got them back, but after I had learned to clean up my hoard.
Also as a kid, I wanted to flood the crawlspace and keep a gharial as a pet.


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## Randall Fragg (May 18, 2014)

Aiko Heiwa said:


> I thought ponies were baby horses and I didn't realize that animals with antlers like deer and moose had the antlers fall off.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Wait, ponies aren't baby horses? Damn, I did not know that.
So, is that what a colt is? A baby horse?


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## Ariel (May 19, 2014)

If you sprinkled salt on a pigeons tail it wouldn't be able to fly.
Land yabbies (freshwater crayfish like thing) were real, then I thought they weren't and know I know they are.
I thought wolverines were fictional until about a year ago.


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## The Dude (May 19, 2014)

I used to believe that if there was something I wanted really bad, and had a catalog or brochure for it, if I circled the picture and left the brochure/catalog open to that page while I slept that I would someday get it. It rarely worked.


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## cypocraphy (May 19, 2014)

I thought the only people who did drugs were homeless people in New York City.


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## Randall Fragg (May 19, 2014)

bungholio said:


> I thought the only people who did drugs were homeless people in New York City.


I once though marijauna was incredibly dangerous and that you could OD on it. Thanks D.A.R.E!


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## Dr. Tremolo (May 21, 2014)

I thought the elevator shaft has multiple elevators at the same time in it.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (May 22, 2014)

One of my earliest memories was when I was five and a half and the Gulf War was over in 1991. I remember watching TV (we wouldn't get cable until 1994 or so) and they did a breaking news segment about the war being over, and I immediately went to my mom who was painting and told her.

I'd heard of the Vietnam War, World War II and the Civil War, so I didn't know which of them was over. I thought they were all going on at the same time.


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## silky (May 23, 2014)

Randall Fragg said:


> Wait, ponies aren't baby horses? Damn, I did not know that.
> So, is that what a colt is? A baby horse?


 
Don't worry, I know a third year veterinary student who thought ponies were young horses...  A foal is a baby horse (under a year), a colt is a young male horse between 1-4 years old, a filly is a female horse between 1-4 years old.

When I was little, about 5 or so, I accidently saw the scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where the guy drinks from the wrong grail and ages really quickly and turns into a skeleton. It freaked me the fuck out, and for some reason I thought he (as a skeleton) lived in the toilet and if I flushed the toilet at night he'd wake up, climb out the toilet and get me. It took me _years_ to be able to flush the toilet at night again, and even now (I'm 23) it sometimes makes me a bit nervous.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (May 23, 2014)

Vampires and the raptors from Jurassic Park freaked me out when I was young. I always slept with a sheet covering my neck because I thought a vampire couldn't bite me through the sheet.


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## Niggernerd (Feb 3, 2021)

Chocolate milk came from brown cows


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## Sped Xing (Feb 3, 2021)

Notice how much nicer the forum was seven years ago.

Weird.


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