# Imagine A Book Filled with Your Internet Posts



## Feline Darkmage (May 28, 2016)

How embarrassing would it be to see all it?


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## Ntwadumela (May 28, 2016)

Shit, that would be absolutely horrifying, especially if it includes posts when you're younger.


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## Leonid Brezhnev (May 28, 2016)

a shit book made out of shitposts.


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## AnOminous (May 28, 2016)

Feline Darkmage said:


> How embarrassing would it be to see all it?



There isn't a printing press that could print that.  If it was normal sized though, I'd be glad nobody could read it because the print would be nano-sized.


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## x.eight.six.systems (May 28, 2016)

AnOminous said:


> There isn't a printing press that could print that.  If it was normal sized though, I'd be glad nobody could read it because the print would be nano-sized.


There is this book made by /lit/.


Spoiler: Large Image


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## Sailor_Jupiter (May 28, 2016)

ARGHGHGHGHHGHHGHHGHHGHH! 

This is the stuff of nightmares.  _Even from the Pokemon phases?!_


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## Feline Darkmage (May 28, 2016)

AnOminous said:


> There isn't a printing press that could print that.  If it was normal sized though, I'd be glad nobody could read it because the print would be nano-sized.



Let's say for the purpose of this thought experiment that it comes in volumes and was printed on God's printing press, so it's magical.


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## Ryuuzaki (L) (May 28, 2016)

oh dear god


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## Derbydollar (May 28, 2016)

It would basically just be whatever I have on the farms, since I really don't post on anything else 
Lucky me, avoiding social media when I was younger lol


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## Halberd Sonichu (May 28, 2016)

It'd be a shameful tale of try hard giving up on everything he doses. But after years lurking and growing up he finally give the net a proper go again. Trying to less of a giant fag.


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## AnOminous (May 28, 2016)

Feline Darkmage said:


> Let's say for the purpose of this thought experiment that it comes in volumes and was printed on God's printing press, so it's magical.



I would punch God in the dick for doing that.


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## ToroidalBoat (May 28, 2016)

With most internet surfers, such books could be less cringey the later you go, since people tend to mature over time.


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## Funnybone (May 28, 2016)

what would be done immediately


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## Ntwadumela (May 28, 2016)

ToroidalBoat said:


> With most internet surfers, such books could be less cringey the later you go, since people tend to mature over time.


Like how a young fruit tastes sour and unpleasant, but ripens into something sweet and delicious .


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## Dr. Tremolo (May 28, 2016)

ToroidalBoat said:


> With most internet surfers, such books could be less cringey the later you go, since people tend to mature over time.


But we'd still get our posts from obscure fetish forums or something exposed.


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## fire_fly (May 28, 2016)

I haven't even been on the internet a decade (my family didn't get regular access until my last year of high school) so my book wouldn't be _too_ cringey, but there are some things I wish I hadn't written. Like pretty much all of my LiveJournal.

I dunno, I'm pretty quiet on social media, so it'd be mostly really boring.


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## Overcast (May 28, 2016)

My book would be cringe personified.


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## Loxiozzz (May 28, 2016)

All that edge and weeb shit in one book. Everything in it would be Marilyn Manson and a badly drawn anime oc. Jesus. It would be called  "I wish my parents had kept me off the net until I was at least 16".


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## lolwut (May 28, 2016)

It would be titled "Talking out of Your Ass; An Instructional Guide."


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## autisticdragonkin (May 28, 2016)

I would be proud of it but it would need context for the posts


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## Zeorus (May 29, 2016)

Mine would be a bildungsroman demonstrating the benefits of kick the autistic.


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## ZehnBoat (May 29, 2016)

Why not a book based on line of the day


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## TowinKarz (May 29, 2016)

Not just a book, but soon to be a hit movie!


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## CatParty (May 29, 2016)

chapter 1: lol
chapter 2: lol calm down


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## Coldgrip (May 29, 2016)

It would be the greatest story every told.


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## Frenda (May 29, 2016)

it would be the gayest story ever told


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## Coster (May 29, 2016)

@Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard drew this for me before, it's definitely what I'd look like with my internet book and also give you a pretty good idea of the contents therein.

https://kiwifarms.net/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FwdBsjMP.png&hash=f06bcd500370dfbefe8eec7a0ab31120

Artist comment: " 'How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.' I was going to write that on the book you were holding but it wouldn't fit."


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## MrTroll (May 29, 2016)

It would be the best catalogue of personal quotes since the Little Red Book.


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## Shoegaze (May 29, 2016)

Jesus Christ how horrifying.
I feel like I could handle having my own personal copy of the book. Then I could at least read through the first couple chapters, cringe, and toss it in the attic.


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## Morbid Boredom (May 29, 2016)

It would be dull, but the chapters would be dull in different ways.


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## Tismo (May 29, 2016)

It would shift from autistic walls of text to crappy 1-sentence shitposts really quickly and constantly.


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## Nyx (May 29, 2016)

Would this include posts from accounts you've deleted?

Thankfully I normally purge all my internet stuff every few months because I get bored which saves me a lot of cringing later on. But dear god if my old tumblr accounts resurfaced. Edge so sharp picking up the book would result in an instant paper-cut. If only past me had sliced her fingers off on it to stop her from posting all that shit.


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## Wildchild (May 29, 2016)

My posts wouldn't be embarassing at all with the exception of my elementary school-high school posts which would be cringy.


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## Feline Darkmage (May 29, 2016)

Nyx said:


> Would this include posts from accounts you've deleted?
> 
> Thankfully I normally purge all my internet stuff every few months because I get bored which saves me a lot of cringing later on. But dear god if my old tumblr accounts resurfaced. Edge so sharp picking up the book would result in an instant paper-cut. If only past me had sliced her fingers off on it to stop her from posting all that shit.




ALL OF YOUR POSTS. (All of them)


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## TheMightyMonarch (May 29, 2016)

I did and I died from the cringe. I'm now posting as a ghost.


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## Rabbit Bones (May 30, 2016)

I'm glad I use new handles on every site, and always have. No one will ever be able to tie me back to my numerous, embarrassing teenaged Live Journals. I'm really hoping the Russians stop using it soon, so the site will just be closed down.


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## alex_theman (May 30, 2016)

My book would be classic cringe


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## HG 400 (May 30, 2016)

It would be the greatest novel ever written and I'd get invited to be on Oprah and then I'd fuck Oprah right in her pussy on live television and nobody would really mind all that much because my novel was so great.


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## Lipitor (May 30, 2016)

Dynastia said:


> It would be the greatest novel ever written and I'd get invited to be on Oprah and then I'd fuck Oprah right in her pussy on live television and nobody would really mind all that much because my novel was so great.


Oprah's entire career is fueled on real life shitposts and overcoming being a shitposter so this isn't that unrealistic.


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## AnOminous (May 30, 2016)

Dynastia said:


> It would be the greatest novel ever written and I'd get invited to be on Oprah and then I'd fuck Oprah right in her pussy on live television and nobody would really mind all that much because my novel was so great.



And then everyone in the audience would get a copy.


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## HG 400 (May 30, 2016)

AnOminous said:


> And then everyone in the audience would get a copy.



And I would stand at the door with a trolly pole as they all try to leave and make them pay me full retail price for it anyway.


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## Tranhuviya (May 30, 2016)

I want to die.


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## Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. (May 30, 2016)

I'm pretty sure that'd be grounds for some kind of intervention.


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## Halberd Sonichu (May 30, 2016)

every buddy's book will start off with cringe. you better hope that it doesn't take two volumes to get pass it.


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## Cosmos (May 31, 2016)

My parents would want to have a long talk with me.


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## Ido (Jun 1, 2016)

The cringe pains me but then I remember that it would have to include that smut fic I wrote of Katsu and Null and that makes me feel slightly better.


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## Sanae Kochiya (Jun 2, 2016)

"... Man, I cared way too much about SpongeBob polls."


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## Ntwadumela (Jun 3, 2016)

Ughhhh..... Damn you Deviantart..


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## MehicTUH_92 (Jun 8, 2016)

A convincing argument for suicide


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## AlephOne2Many (Jun 8, 2016)

May all the world powers collapse to my post history.


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## darkstar0854 (Jun 8, 2016)

Let's see, my internet posts include 80% stuff that could pass for autism (for some people), 19% of non-autistic stuff that I forgot about, and 1% 'Fuck Windows XP'.

I would personally buy the entire print run and burn it.


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## WW 635 (Jun 9, 2016)

It would be glorious.... Provided that pm's weren't included. That's where shit gets weird.


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## dunbrine47 (Jun 9, 2016)

Either they would be awesomely aged lulz or just run of the mill sperging.


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## Eldritch (Jun 9, 2016)

I think my first posts took place on roblox and minecraft forums, so... shit.


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## AA 102 (Jun 10, 2016)

I would laugh at my own jokes as my entire family disowns me.


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## ScrewTheRules (Jun 11, 2016)

About 70 unfinished fictionpress.net stories, 7 or 8 unfinished fanfiction.net stories, whatever the fuck I posted on fictioncentral back on the day and never finished... 
Plus a whole bunch of absurd rants about absurd shit courtesy of tumblr, which usually peter out towards the end because I got distracted and forgot what I was ranting about. A whole bunch of shitposts that peter out towards the end because I got distracted and forgot what I was shitposting about. This post, which is petering out towards the end because I got distracted and forgot what I was posting about...

Also, a whole bunch of, "I'm going to learn (useful skill, usually a language)" that I never make good on.


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## Pina Colada (Jun 13, 2016)

"Well, it all started back when I first learned what a DeviantART and a YouTube is..."

(God help me if it's still selling by the volumes when I'm dead)


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## LazarusOwenhart (Jun 14, 2016)

Quite a few pages of awkward, graphic, teenage AIM cyber sex and internet tough-guying followed by a lot of blank pages then everything here. I didn't really participate in forums and things when I was younger.


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## MrJakeTerror (Jun 14, 2016)

I'd think I'd actually like my book and be willing to have it distributed. I have no shame.


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## XH 502 (Jun 15, 2016)




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## ObeseScreamingBlackMan (Jun 16, 2016)

Chapter 1:  13-year-old sperg gets banned from Playstation game message boards.


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## Bokrug's Basement (Jun 16, 2016)

Spoiler


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## Witlich (Jun 22, 2016)

Oh ... oh dear. It would probably be titled something like, 

"_14-year-old Sperg Tries to Start Fights With Everyone and Whines When Her Ass Gets Hande To Her_"

Embarrassing, but true. What frightens me is I seem to have only improved within the last few years.


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## Hi I Am From Page 6 (Jul 11, 2016)

"Oh Shit I'm A Lolcow", the novel.


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## SpessCaptain (Jul 11, 2016)

I Just Want to See Attachments said:


> View attachment 104659


I saw this and had to make my own.


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## Ginger Piglet (Jul 18, 2016)

I would be threadworthy within 2 pages.


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## LagoonaBlue (Jul 19, 2016)

Ginger Piglet said:


> I would be threadworthy within 2 pages.



So would I.

12 year old me used to lurk Youtube and the old Nintendo of Europe forums.  I used to post so much shit on there, my god.  Most of it was in text speak as well.


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## Lachlan Hunter McIntyre (Jul 24, 2016)

It would be a book where literally every page is just smeared with faeces. With personal details hidden underneath.


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## Hypodermic Johnny (Jul 24, 2016)

All...all of it? From taking the internet too seriously and getting laughed at in AOL chatrooms to the 3edgy5me matricide jokes on dA to weeabooism on Gaia Online to attempting to integrate with furries to 4chan shitposting to fansperging on Tumblr to the Farms and now. And all that porn. The shameful, shameful porn. That kind of all of it?

It would singlehandedly be the thing to reinstate public book-burnings. 

This must be what hell is like. The devil, reading your internet history aloud to you while you're hanging over a pot of boiling shit by your own intestines.


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## XH 502 (Jul 24, 2016)

Hypodermic Johnny said:


> All...all of it? From taking the internet too seriously and getting laughed at in AOL chatrooms to the 3edgy5me matricide jokes on dA to weeabooism on Gaia Online to attempting to integrate with furries to 4chan shitposting to fansperging on Tumblr to the Farms and now. And all that porn. The shameful, shameful porn. That kind of all of it?
> 
> It would singlehandedly be the thing to reinstate public book-burnings.
> 
> This must be what hell is like. The devil, reading your internet history aloud to you while you're hanging over a pot of boiling shit by your own intestines.



Are you secretly @Meowthkip ?


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## Hypodermic Johnny (Jul 24, 2016)

I Just Want to See Attachments said:


> Are you secretly @Meowthkip ?



Now that's an insult to @Meowthkip and you know it.


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## XH 502 (Jul 24, 2016)

Hypodermic Johnny said:


> Now that's an insult to @Meowthkip and you know it.



Have you ever looked through her Tumblr? She is everything you just described, especially in regards to the shameful, shameful porn.


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## Meowthkip (Jul 24, 2016)

Hypodermic Johnny said:


> Now that's an insult to @Meowthkip and you know it.



Sadly, it's fairly accurate.


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## Hypodermic Johnny (Jul 24, 2016)

I Just Want to See Attachments said:


> Have you ever looked through her Tumblr? She is everything you just described, especially in regards to the shameful, shameful porn.





Meowthkip said:


> Sadly, it's fairly accurate.



I know. I'm a follower. 

But I mean, it's still far less embarrassing/spergy than anything I've ever done, is my point.


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## XH 502 (Jul 24, 2016)

Hypodermic Johnny said:


> I know. I'm a follower.
> 
> But I mean, it's still far less embarrassing/spergy than anything I've ever done, is my point.



>SpikeyFoxDick.jpeg
>far less embarrassing/spergy than anything I've ever done

Halal when?


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## Hypodermic Johnny (Jul 24, 2016)

I Just Want to See Attachments said:


> >SpikeyFoxDick.jpeg
> >far less embarrassing/spergy than anything I've ever done
> 
> Halal when?



Three words: Alien fish dick. And that's all I'm gonna say.


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## XH 502 (Jul 24, 2016)

Hypodermic Johnny said:


> Three words: Alien fish dick. And that's all I'm gonna say.



But is there another, smaller head inside the penis head? And does the smaller head have teeth?


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## homewrecker (Jul 25, 2016)

I'll skip the first 2 or 4 or 16 chapters to save myself the embarrassment of my child and teen self...


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## c-no (Jul 25, 2016)

I can imagine said book focused on my post as being this:
Chapter 1: A Look at all the stupid shit I posted.
Chapter 2: A Look at all the shit I posted that isn't as shitty.


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## Meowthkip (Jul 25, 2016)

I Just Want to See Attachments said:


> But is there another, smaller head inside the penis head? And does the smaller head have teeth?



It'd fucking better.


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## friedshrimp (Jul 25, 2016)

"Well, the first chapters are quite bizarre, but still exciting! But then towards the end it's just predictable and boring and the author overly repeats herself..."


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## WW 635 (Jul 25, 2016)

Chapter 1: Uninspired Shitposts
Chapter 2: Random Doxes
Chapter 3: @DNJACK dick pics
Chapter 4: "Fuck I got banned"


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## keksz (Jul 26, 2016)

I like to think it would be mildly interesting since I try to contribute to discussions and am a fairly decent critic and sometimes offer a wide-angle view of the subject- it could even be somewhat interesting without context.

Oh and a lot of times these things fail big time so expect a lot of sperging around any possibly good content.

Another interesting question would be: what would the back-cover reviews of your book say?


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## XH 502 (Jul 26, 2016)

keksz said:


> Another interesting question would be: what would the back-cover reviews of your book say?



"This is gay." - Portia de Rossi

"This is REALLY gay." - Ellen DeGeneres

"I fueled a monster." - Lucy Lawless

"Could've been gayer." - Ellen Page

"Kill urself, faggot" - Null


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## WW 635 (Jul 26, 2016)

keksz said:


> Another interesting question would be: what would the back-cover reviews of your book say?



"lol reckt" -  @Amy Lee of Evanescence 

"fine, I noticed you" - @DNJACK


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## Meowthkip (Jul 26, 2016)

keksz said:


> Another interesting question would be: what would the back-cover reviews of your book say?



"In this book, you see the creation of a social and sexual deviant over the course of nearly two decades... truly horrifying." ~ New York Times

"It's shit. It's fucking shit. It's all shit." ~ Some Homeless Man on the Street

"... Problematic from start to finish." ~ Tumblr

"Please keep this lady away from me." ~ Jeff Goldblum


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## Ninja_Warrior (Jul 26, 2016)

It would be a short book and not embarrassing at all.
As per the back cover:
"6 Pages of absolute bullshit, I'd pay 9.99 for it!" - Some asshole.


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## Innocuous (Aug 4, 2016)

The older posting in my life would be pretty cringey, but I did the kind of stuff irl to back it up, like if I talked about making a threat irl, I pretty much did. I got myself into trouble pretty much all the time in my teens, so at least I can say I wasn't a dumbass that just talked about shit online


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## keksz (Aug 4, 2016)

Tell me again how it's better to follow up on your threats irl than to leave them to the online space? Clearly a winner here.


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## Innocuous (Aug 4, 2016)

keksz said:


> Tell me again how it's better to follow up on your threats irl than to leave them to the online space? Clearly a winner here.


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## polonium (Aug 4, 2016)

What a fucking amazing book this is. I'm sending a copy to everyone i know.


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## Innocuous (Aug 4, 2016)

keksz said:


> Tell me again how it's better to follow up on your threats irl than to leave them to the online space? Clearly a winner here.
> 
> EDIT user deleted his post I was replying to and sent me faggot PMs



My post is still there, you just didn't quote it? Even if I did delete my post, the quote would still appear in your reply.

Edit: As for my original thread reply, I never followed up on threats. I just made sure people knew how I felt about things, and it was usually provoked anyway. Everyone has had problems and says stupid shit when they're younger. You can choose to move past it, or stay in the past dwelling on it


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## drain (Aug 4, 2016)

A book about weird fetishes, pointless discussions, bad english and full of frustration? Sounds good to me.


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## BatNapalm (Aug 4, 2016)

It would need to be split into multiple volumes. Two, to be exact:

Vol. 1 - Mean comments about movies
Vol. 2 - Unabashed racism

That last one is a joke.


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## kookerpie (Aug 5, 2016)

I would love it


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## feedtheoctopus (Aug 8, 2016)

It'd be a mixture of pretentious political theory and cultural criticism, me being pathetically sad and potentially insane on my off days, and me being drunk and starting dumb arguments with people. Nothing particularly bad outside of chatlogs, which is where the real humiliating stuff is. My shit attempts at short fiction would probably make people roll their eyes also.

My 4chan days would make me want to slit my own wrists though, now that I think about it


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## Shokew (Aug 8, 2016)

Oh good, someone who can finally read my shitty fan-fictions about cartoons (E.G.: Kid's stuff!) that were/are still considered to be bad that I "made better, at least in my honest opinion".

I imagine some stellar reviews for the more-than-one books I haven't gotten around to writing like that, because I'm not that desperate for money just yet.

Sounds like something fun to do, though.


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## Feline Darkmage (Mar 6, 2017)

@Field Marshal Crappenberg's book would be longer than that autistic Smash Bros fanfiction that is 4 million words long.


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## DatBepisTho (Mar 6, 2017)

Plz no. 

It'd be like reading posts written by three different people with as long as I've been on the interbutts.


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## Feline Darkmage (Mar 6, 2017)

DatBepisTho said:


> Plz no.
> 
> It'd be like reading posts written by three different people with as long as I've been on the interbutts.



Only 3?


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## DatBepisTho (Mar 6, 2017)

Feline Darkmage said:


> Only 3?


Lol so randumb and its varying levels of 'tism doesn't count as people.

Otherwise it'd be like War and Peace levels of dense reading with X-Men and Superman sperging _alone_.
Oh, and Resident Evil. I sperged hard on that shit all the way up until RE4.


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## Mater Lachrymarum (Mar 6, 2017)

It would be an interesting journey from a 9 year old REEEEing about everything to whatever I am now. Oh, and some play-by-forum smut in the middle.


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## Lurkette (Mar 6, 2017)

i would laugh my ass off and probably post highlights here


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## Todesfurcht (Mar 6, 2017)

I feel as though it'd be best selling.


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## muina (Mar 6, 2017)

it would be like reading my shitty paper on shit no one care sabout


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## FBongRizzle (Mar 6, 2017)

An instant penguin classic with a record breaking advance.


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## Foltest (Mar 6, 2017)

Would be an report on an mental patient.


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## Meat_Puppet (Mar 9, 2017)

It would be a book that I'd be okay burning.


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## DoctorJimmyRay (Mar 9, 2017)

There would be comprehensive chapters on pimple popping lust and hatred of nonhuman primates.


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## The Iconoclast (Mar 11, 2017)

Only the middle toward the end would be interesting.


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## Kari Kamiya (Mar 14, 2017)

I'd win an award for "Best Character Development" (if such an award exists), I could tell you that much. But I would still accept the scathing reviews 'cause I don't give a shit about what I was like 10+ years ago.


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## A-tistic (Mar 14, 2017)

The book would be absolutely fucking schizofrenic and no one would ever trust anything I said again after reading it.


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## Un Platano (Mar 14, 2017)

When I was thirteen I was inspired to become a master troll, which amounted to calling people on a certain website faggots over and over again with hundreds of sockpuppets. I wouldn't read that chapter.


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## Zarkov (Mar 16, 2017)

The chapter about my comments on YouTube will give you cancer.


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## Varg Did Nothing Wrong (Mar 16, 2017)

You'd see the slow journey of an extremely naive boy who unironically thought communism could work and thought everything he said was hilarious even if it was horribly not, and his transformation into a kebab-hating white supremacist cynic who has nothing in his life that gives him pleasure anymore and who still thinks he's the cleverest fuck around, even though he isn't.


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## Feline Darkmage (Mar 16, 2017)

Purmojemvits said:


> Book's name would be: Cringe - the electric boogaloo



Well, if the title is any indication...


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