# Ethan Ralph and the Law



## AgriDrThunder (Dec 10, 2020)

If you've ever listened to a killstream, even just one, you have learned one very important thing about Ethan; that he's been in jail. Ethan Ralph is a convicted felon.

In this thread we can discuss Ethan's criminal past and future. 

This list was current as of August 2020: 


Disorderly / Public Disorderly Conduct - SC Greenville County Summary Dockets (SC) - Oct 23, 2008 - Transferred From Bond/Other Court
Disorderly / Public Disorderly Conduct - South Carolina Spartanburg County Summary Courts (SC) - Oct 23, 2008 - transferred to different court
Traffic / Speeding, More Than 15 But Less Than 25 Mph Over The Speed Limit | Traffic / Operating Motor Vehicle Without License In Possession - Dec 17, 2008 - Spartanburg County Circuit Court (SC) - Pled Guilty to first count, found not guilty in bench trial on second
Driving While Under The Influence, Less Than .10, 1st Offense - Sep 16, 2009 - Spartanburg County Circuit Court (SC) - Pled Guilty
Possession Of A Drug Paraphernalia | Disorderly Conduct - South Carolina Greenville County Summary Courts (SC) - Jul 16, 2010 - Not guilty on first count, guilty on the second
Possession Of A Drug Paraphernalia - SC Greenville County Summary Dockets (SC) - Jul 16, 2010 - Not Guilty (Bench Trial)
Disorderly / Public Disorderly Conduct - Oct 11, 2010 - Spartanburg County Circuit Court (SC) - Disposed, unknown (Repeat of his first charges at beginning of list)
Public Drunk | Assault / Assault & Battery 3rd Degree | Disorderly Conduct | Driving Under Suspension, License Suspended For Driving While Under The Influence - South Carolina Greenville County Summary Courts (SC) - Aug 26, 2010 - All guilty
Public Drunk - SC Greenville County Summary Dockets (SC) - Aug 26, 2010 - Pled Guilty
Assault / Assault & Battery 3rd Degree - SC Greenville County Summary Dockets (SC) - Aug 26, 2010 - Pled Nolo Contendere
*Assault: On Law Enf/Doc Person | Obstruct Justice Without Force | Public Swearing/Intoxication - Virginia Administrator Of The Court Supplement File (VA) - Aug 28, 2016 - Guilty, Nolle Prosequi, Nolle Prosequi*
46.2-1003 Defective Equipment Generally | Rd-Speed 56/35 | Defective Equipment Generally - Richmond-Marsh Criminal/Traffic General District Court At Manchester - Jun 6, 2017 - All Guilty In Absentia
Improper Control/Driving | Fail Stop Scene Of Accident - Chesterfield General District Court (VA) - Jun 9, 2019 - Guilty of first, Nolle Prosequi on second
Contempt Of Court: Without Jury - Virginia Administrator Of The Courts District Courts (VA) - Jun 24, 2019 - Dismissed
The red charge above was his felony and the crime for which he spent roughly a year in county jail.

Mugshots:






Does anyone have a better version of this one?


----------



## RichardRApe (Dec 10, 2020)

5'1", 247 lbs


----------



## Sam Losco (Dec 10, 2020)




----------



## ElAbominacion (Dec 10, 2020)

112kg at 155cm, HOW IS HE NOT DEAD YET?


----------



## Step Away From The Melon (Dec 10, 2020)

Sam Losco said:


> View attachment 1779902



Blotchy back then and now just red all over I'm not sure the lotion is helping the gunt.


----------



## Salade Nicoise (Dec 10, 2020)

5 fucking 1. You couldn't dry pussy up harder if you tried.... I mean unless he opened his mouth. Or his shirt.


----------



## TopGunt (Dec 11, 2020)

I keep seeing people get this wrong and I wasn't sure what thread to post it in, but then this one appeared and it felt like the perfect spot, so here we go.

Ralph didn't get bullied into cutting his hair.  If you go back and watch the stream with chat you'll see that Ralph was the one who came up with the idea to cut his hair for money.  He wanted to make $200, if my recollection is correct, but he didn't hit that goal before announcing that he'd cut his hair.  He then cut his hair himself.  This was no bullying, he came up with idea and executed it without much incentive as far as most people could tell.  He then began to seethe as callers made fun of him, even though it was all his own idea and his own doing.  So why would the gunt come up with this idea and see it through even though it was something that made him seethe so much?  After this post you will know.

A little necessary context:

According to Losco's clip, Ralph cut his hair on August 18th. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j45LJWL2bWs
Around the time of the head shaving people had been calling Ralph's probation officer
Hair follicle tests are able to determine drug use going back months and can't be beat without shaving your head, while urine tests have a much smaller detection window and can be beaten through dilution or masking agents.
Ralph is on probation for an arrest in Loudon county
With that out of the way, I'm sure you can tell what I'm getting at and now I will provide the evidence.  

On August 22nd Ralph posted this:

[ Tweet | Archive ]

Leesburg is 2 hours away from him and it's not in between Richmond and Washington DC, so why would he be traveling so far, or going out of his way on a trip to or from DC?  Could it be that he was visiting the Loudon county probation & parole office (district 25), which is only 5 minutes away from Melt?





As you can see, there's is only one probation office for Loudon county and it just so happens to be minutes from where Ralph was eating, only a few days after he angrily shaved his head even though it was his own idea and he didn't even meet the donation goal.  The only way I can explain this is that he shaved his head to beat a drug test and he pretended to do it for donations so either the paypigs or the ayylawgs wouldn't know. 

I'm sorry you all fell for his tricks, but I hope you now see the light, unobstructed by that gristly gunt.


----------



## TriggerMeElmo (Dec 11, 2020)

Aren't hair and blood tests more expensive, though? I can see your point but it seems like it wouldn't matter because they could easily take hair samples from his arms/legs/beard even if the follicles on his head weren't substantial.


----------



## Blancmange (Dec 11, 2020)

TriggerMeElmo said:


> Aren't hair and blood tests more expensive, though? I can see your point but it seems like it wouldn't matter because they could easily take hair samples from his arms/legs/beard even if the follicles on his head weren't substantial.


He was clean shaven around this time as well.


----------



## TriggerMeElmo (Dec 11, 2020)

Blancmange said:


> He was clean shaven around this time as well.


I hope you're only referring to his beard and not what rests beneath the gunt.


----------



## Crabcakes (Dec 11, 2020)

TriggerMeElmo said:


> I hope you're only referring to his beard and not what rests beneath the gunt.


No probation officer pay is worth going after any hair that resides under the gunt.


----------



## AnOminous (Dec 11, 2020)

TriggerMeElmo said:


> Aren't hair and blood tests more expensive, though? I can see your point but it seems like it wouldn't matter because they could easily take hair samples from his arms/legs/beard even if the follicles on his head weren't substantial.


Those grow really slowly and wouldn't prove you'd used in the relevant time window.  You could have used before you were even arrested.


----------



## TriggerMeElmo (Dec 11, 2020)

AnOminous said:


> Those grow really slowly and wouldn't prove you'd used in the relevant time window.  You could have used before you were even arrested.


Valid point, but I think given the Gunt's inability to restrain himself, the whole thing is rendered moot.


----------



## Ulamog did nothing wrong (Dec 11, 2020)

TopGunt said:


> I keep seeing people get this wrong and I wasn't sure what thread to post it in, but then this one appeared and it felt like the perfect spot, so here we go.
> 
> Ralph didn't get bullied into cutting his hair.  If you go back and watch the stream with chat you'll see that Ralph was the one who came up with the idea to cut his hair for money.  He wanted to make $200, if my recollection is correct, but he didn't hit that goal before announcing that he'd cut his hair.  He then cut his hair himself.  This was no bullying, he came up with idea and executed it without much incentive as far as most people could tell.  He then began to seethe as callers made fun of him, even though it was all his own idea and his own doing.  So why would the gunt come up with this idea and see it through even though it was something that made him seethe so much?  After this post you will know.
> 
> ...


Partially correct. 
Hair testing is cumbersome, expensive and hardly used for even inmates. If you need to have hair tested, they can essentially use a judgement to enable the hair to be collected. They used to do this stuff for the NYPD at one point, and you were warned that you had to have (x) amount of hair for collection on you or simply be found at fault. If you think they wont force you to shave yourself in place you thought never possible (lol) think again.

Another normal misconception is how urine tests are beaten. If Ralph or any other person needed an actual test, other than just to cause concern or inconvenience to drug users (essentially a shit tier way to try and curb drug abuse), then they would send him to a reference lab, and trust me you cannot and will not beat an actual urine test. Dilution, and other things are not going to help, since the most basic checks like specific gravity/creatine/temp ratios are one of the most commonly missed marks by people who do these things. They are many other markers, but I think you all get the idea.

Elisa testing using saliva is also cheap and very effective. When the system needs or wants actual info, they will absolutely get it and you get to pay for all their efforts in cash or money order.

Addressing blood tests, hardly used for criminal stuff, and the only time you will see them is normally in a clinical situation for overdoses and what not. For criminal justice, normally you are looking for the presence of the the metabolite and not the drug itself, which then is confirmed and then you can pin point, time and amount of use, and if necessary you can even give estimates as to how often using references. (dont know much about this part, a chemistry sperg does this things usually). The big exception is BAH (Alcohol) which needs to be save in plasma so that the body does not break it down and you can get an actual legal amount to present to a court. They are stupidly expensive and take a while to run usually due to the cost.

Essentially, it all falls back on how hard does probation want to fuck with him, if they do they will find what they need (if present) otherwise, then yes he can beat a half hearted urine test meant to simply fuck with the Gunt, which is why you hear so many people say that "they can beat an urine test".

Nobody was had, and if the probation department truly cared or needed to find something, they absolutely would. On the other hand, the Gunt may simply be smart enough to not fuck around.


----------



## Mundane Ralph (Dec 11, 2020)

Ulamog did nothing wrong said:


> Partially correct.
> Hair testing is cumbersome, expensive and hardly used for even inmates. If you need to have hair tested, they can essentially use a judgement to enable the hair to be collected. They used to do this stuff for the NYPD at one point, and you were warned that you had to have (x) amount of hair for collection on you or simply be found at fault. If you think they wont force you to shave yourself in place you thought never possible (lol) think again.
> 
> Another normal misconception is how urine tests are beaten. If Ralph or any other person needed an actual test, other than just to cause concern or inconvenience to drug users (essentially a shit tier way to try and curb drug abuse), then they would send him to a reference lab, and trust me you cannot and will not beat an actual urine test. Dilution, and other things are not going to help, since the most basic checks like specific gravity/creatine/temp ratios are one of the most commonly missed marks by people who do these things. They are many other markers, but I think you all get the idea.
> ...


While all of this is true, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is whether or not Ralph was afraid he might be follicle tested.
View attachment x-files-i-want-to-believe-poster1.jpg

Edit: anybody know why I can't insert this image as a thumbnail?


----------



## WhimsicalTrolli (Dec 15, 2020)

With the news of Ralph being detained after coming home to guntsville I wonder if we will get a new mugshot in the coming weeks.


----------



## Insane In The Membrane (Dec 15, 2020)

Would be nice since Ralph with the dryer lint on his head has gotten a bit stale, especially since he's now basically going bald.


----------

