# What would you do if you were God?



## Joey Caruso (Jun 25, 2018)

Like, say one morning you woke up and "whoops, looks like i'm god now, how'd that happen?". What would you do next?


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## Draza (Jun 25, 2018)

Remove kebab permantly.


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## Black Waltz (Jun 25, 2018)

quit my job


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## OhGoy (Jun 26, 2018)

hopefully as a god i'd finally be able to find true happiness


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## LofaSofa (Jun 26, 2018)

day of retribution


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## PantsFreeZone (Jun 26, 2018)

I would hurl Jim Acosta into the sun and then take a giant shit on India.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Jun 26, 2018)

Erase everything, including myself.


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## Teri-Teri (Jun 26, 2018)

Watch the world burn.


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## Zaragoza (Jun 26, 2018)

Initiate the rebirth of the human world in the shape of a dyson sphere based on Abrahamic beliefs in Tokyo.


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## Black Waltz (Jun 26, 2018)

third impact


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## skiddlez (Jun 26, 2018)

Start over from scratch.


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## Mr. Poker in the Front Liquor in the Rear (Jun 26, 2018)

Bring Mussolini back from the dead and see how he would act in modern day society.


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## A Hot Potato (Jun 26, 2018)

Fucking so many people would die or suffer eternally...


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## Some JERK (Jun 26, 2018)

Laugh and eat popcorn all day, just like the real God does.


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## Nobunaga (Jun 26, 2018)

One more god rejected


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## Thelostcup (Jun 26, 2018)

Smoke weed and play video games all day and do nothing else just like the real God


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## POWER IN MISERY (Jun 26, 2018)

make hurricanes in montana, see how those assholes like it


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## Red Hood (Jun 26, 2018)

Start granting random perks to human beings.


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## Rand /pol/ (Jun 26, 2018)

I would make it so there would be 10 women for every single man and see how society would react.


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## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Jun 26, 2018)

I'd probably go all Doctor Manhattan and take off to start shit elsewhere.


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## Gordon Cole (Jun 26, 2018)

Slaughter all my enemies in the cruelest ways possible.


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## killmeme (Jun 26, 2018)

Can a God kill themselves?


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## vhstape (Jun 26, 2018)

Make Gabe Newell count to 3


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## ES 148 (Jun 26, 2018)

I'd bool with Big Nigga


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## QB 290 (Jun 26, 2018)

Buy @skiddlez an ice cream

Then delete it for the lulz


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## Memeneeto (Jun 26, 2018)

Make anime real


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## Hail Nyarlathotep (Jun 26, 2018)

I would just fuck with people's sanity.  Like creating  a mix between a kraken and an elephant in front of them, or something.


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## skiddlez (Jun 26, 2018)

Alpha Loves You said:


> Buy @skiddlez an ice cream
> 
> Then delete it for the lulz


y b mean tho


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## Feline Darkmage (Jun 26, 2018)

I'd make the lizard people take Hillary Clinton back home because Earth doesn't want her any more.


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## 160048 (Jun 27, 2018)

mandatory trap conversion therapy


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## A Useless Fish (Jun 27, 2018)

I'd probably take the job seriously and drive myself insane in the process. I'd want a universe of people living carefree, happy, uneventful lives, but how the fuck can you do that without removing Free Will, and all of the beautiful and terrible things that come with it?


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## Duke Nukem (Jun 27, 2018)

I would spend all day dreaming up ways to fuck with scummy ass televangelists who usurp my name for personal and financial gain. 

Peter Popoff, you're Numero Uno on the Lord's hit list.


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## MacMasonry (Jun 28, 2018)

Turn myself into a super God and commence the Day of the Rake. All those Canucks will get what's comin' to 'em, I say!


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## Hell0 (Jun 28, 2018)

buy everyone a free ice cream


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## Vocaloid Ruby (Jun 28, 2018)

Vore the universe through my ass.


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## Secret Asshole (Jun 28, 2018)

Give every country a perpetual motion machine (but some don't work) and make humans have 100% perfect DNA replication so there are never any errors in DNA repair and see what happens.

(Humanity kills itself lolz)


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## Shub-Niggurath (Jun 28, 2018)

Birth _a Thousand Young_


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## Lez (Jun 28, 2018)

Build a swimming pool with no ladder and wait for the next expansion pack.


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## Smith Banquod (Jun 29, 2018)

Dox Jesus and become best bros with Satan and then pass the torch over to Null.


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## Hellbound Hellhound (Jun 29, 2018)

I'd fix the mistakes that the last guy made.


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## Joan Nyan (Jun 29, 2018)

Contemplate myself. Lol at everyone implying the unmoved mover can move.


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## Jewelsmakerguy (Jun 29, 2018)

Fuck with those crazy zelots who think everything's a tool of Satan.

Can't wait until they add "God, our lord and savior" to that ever-growing list.


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## OneMillionRPM (Jun 30, 2018)

Create a ton of different timelines just to answer all the "what if" questions I've had. What if (influential person) never became famous/infamous, what if x country won or lost a war, what if x fad never caught on, stuff like that. Then maybe if I ever find the best possible timeline I'll invite some people from this one to go live there.


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## Zarkov (Jun 30, 2018)

I'd take control of Kiwi Farms, ban all mods and replace them with @Y2K Baby, remove all rules from the CWC forum and spend eternity making threads about Chris' taint and the smell of his farts.

And you fuckers would be powerless to stop me.


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## CabbageMan (Jun 30, 2018)

Kill everyone who abuses dogs.


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## AnOminous (Jun 30, 2018)

Joey Caruso said:


> Like, say one morning you woke up and "whoops, looks like i'm god now, how'd that happen?". What would you do next?



Unmake the universe.  Then cease to exist.


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## Kiwi Jeff (Jun 30, 2018)

I'd probably just go about living my normal life unless someone else became a god, and they decide to abuse their power. Then I'd try to stop them.


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## 8777BB5 (Jun 30, 2018)

Enjoy the fact I have ultimate Rock Band (Jimmy Hendrix on Guitar, George Harrison on Rhythm, John Entwistle on Bass and John Bonham on drums) and remove Eve's sin so I can see her run around naked.


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## Ravelord (Jul 1, 2018)

I like how no one stated the obvious. Fund the Kiwifarms forever and archive every single lolcow from the world at once. I mean, I'm God. I should at least keep myself entertained somehow.


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## Forever Train Engineer (Jul 1, 2018)

Destroy commies, resurrect Pinochet, and Chiang Kai-shek


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## Iwasamwillbe (Jul 4, 2018)

My answer to the question would depend on which conception of "God" that we are using. Would I become the Jewish conception of God, or the Christian or Islamic conceptions? Am I to take the nature of the Hindu God, or the Sikh or Zoroastrian God? This is not even getting into the specific _interpretations_ of these conceptions (for example, the debates within Christian theology over whether the God of Christianity is immutable, and, if so, the specific nature of his immutability, and how this relates to his other attributes).

This answer of mine, as of now, will base itself on the most generic, "limited" conception of God imaginable, basically the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition: the creator and ruler of the universe (defined here as strictly the observable universe, for simpicity).

If I were to spontaneously become God, I would spent my time contemplating and understanding my own existence. After that, here is the list of things that I would want to do:

1. Go absolutely insane, and start fucking around with spacetime, the laws of physics, the physical constants, the four fundamental forces, all forms of mass-energy, etcetera. Probably cause some kind of universal catastrophe, then reverse it as if it was nothing, with no one remembering (because I control causality too). 

2. Start semi-randomly giving superpowers to various people, good and evil, and watch the planet Earth spiral into chaos and madness. These superpowers will have an at least vaguely scientific explanation for each and every one of them, because I'm anal retentive like that. Hell, I'll even find/make life on other planets to give _them_ superpowers too.

3. Start constructing cosmic entities, because you can never go wrong with a pantheon of literal deities and beings who are deities in everything but name. Some consciousnesses who contain various concepts fundamental to reality (like causality, gravity, chairs, etc.), some living black holes, some personifications of constellations

4. When that finally gets boring to me, I would write The Great Big Book of Everything, containing such trivial information as the scientific Theory of Everything (because since I _built_ the universe, I should logically be able to know everything about it), a revised version of the Ten Commandments that is based on moral universalism, a logical proof of my existence, and other things, and come down to Earth in the form of a living nuclear explosion, while handing certain people (who will be my new prophets) the book, while I'm surrounded by light beings (who these prophets will invariable identity as "angels") who circle me and sing nothing but my favorite songs (of course revised to complete perfection).

5. Completely destroy the universe, only to recreate it instantly after.

6. Repeat number 5, but recreating the universe to fit some stupid story I have in my head.

7. Rinse and repeat.


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## A Hot Potato (Jul 4, 2018)

Iwasamwillbe said:


> My answer to the question would depend on which conception of "God" that we are using. Would I become the Jewish conception of God, or the Christian or Islamic conceptions? Am I to take the nature of the Hindu God, or the Sikh or Zoroastrian God? This is not even getting into the specific _interpretations_ of these conceptions (for example, the debates within Christian theology over whether the God of Christianity is immutable, and, if so, the specific nature of his immutability, and how this relates to his other attributes).
> 
> This answer of mine, as of now, will base itself on the most generic, "limited" conception of God imaginable, basically the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition: the creator and ruler of the universe (defined here as strictly the observable universe, for simpicity).
> 
> ...


tl;dr


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## Iwasamwillbe (Jul 4, 2018)

A Hot Pizza said:


> tl;dr


Can't help it. I'm a Teal Deer like that.


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## 1864897514651 (Jul 4, 2018)

I would make a creation in my image, and I would want the creation to prove its freedom by loving me. It would be an introspection over the matters of slavery and freedom.


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## Cod of War (Jul 4, 2018)

Give myself a big dick...and naw just the big dick.


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## Manah (Jul 5, 2018)

Make all the ugly people cute and all the cute people cuter.

Seriously, who LIKES ugly people.


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## A Hot Potato (Jul 5, 2018)

Manah said:


> Make all the ugly people cute and all the cute people cuter.
> 
> Seriously, who LIKES ugly people.


Amen.


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## TheMayorofHerbertville (Jul 6, 2018)

i would get this documentary out to everyone I could:






and this as well


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## vhstape (Jul 6, 2018)

TheMayorofHerbertville said:


> i would get this documentary out to everyone I could:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 




Why is AIDS denialism a thing


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## Silly Voices (Jul 6, 2018)

I’d turn white supremacists into nig nog’s 

For shits and giggles ofc


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## Pikimon (Jul 7, 2018)

Silly Voices said:


> I’d turn white supremacists into nig nog’s
> 
> For shits and giggles ofc



Would probably end up with them getting an understanding of racial prejudice from a black perspective.

Or we'd get more people like Candance Owens and Brian Logan


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## Jaimas (Jul 7, 2018)

Teach people to _be excellent to each other_.

....By launching communists into the sun


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## George Oscar Bluth Jr (Jul 7, 2018)

I'd make Bigfoot real just to fuck with everyone.


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## A Hot Potato (Jul 7, 2018)

George Oscar Bluth Jr said:


> I'd make Bigfoot real just to fuck with everyone.


YOU MEAN HE'S NOT?


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## Black Waltz (Jul 7, 2018)

Destroy Europe


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## Lord of the Large Pants (Jul 7, 2018)

Hopefully I'd be a lot smarter, and my answer then would be a lot different from my answer now.

But my answer now? IRL boob sliders.


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## GnomeofDoc (Jul 7, 2018)

Just watch and laugh like we do here except I could slap the fuckers around after they died and could make fun of the atheists. Beyond that just make sure I don’t break the NAP and we good homie.


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## REGENDarySumanai (Jul 7, 2018)

I would remake the entire world in my image. A world where all must fear the worst consequence, absolute destruction on the spot. No exceptions, no second chances. All shall fear God's name.


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## Red Hood (Jul 7, 2018)

Create a special hell for owners of taco shops that don't have shredded beef or chorizo


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## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Jul 13, 2018)

Are we talking full powers God God? Like, omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent? Knowing everything, having the power to do anything, and being everywhere all at once?

I guess I'd just do.... everything? I suppose I'd have a much better idea of what to do once I knew absolutely everything ever.  But then I suppose I'd have already done it, as I assume omnipresence includes all places in time.  So... I guess we know what I'd do if I became God, I'd create this exact universe apparently.  Because if I ever am god, I always was.  I'm interested to find out what I was thinking with that garden of eve thing, really seemed like a setup if I ever saw one.

If we're going Jim Carrey version, I guess I'd pause time and mess with people, shoot hadoukens for fun... make people be cool and shit.  Make myself permanently in complete bliss? I guess I should share the wealth at that point though, so bliss for everyone. Even the shitty people, because I'd unshittify them.  Unless we're also taking the "free will" clause from that movie.  Then it's just the stuff that isn't making other people good and happy.


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## Xetzyr (Jul 13, 2018)

You wouldn't want to be God.  If you were, human perception, human life, human consciousness would become little more than a static figurine by comparison to your own God state.  The world and all the universe would become as malleable as clay itself, you could change anything, make anything, alter anything... but from your God state it would all just be clay.  The human condition would become no more than a collection of rocks, some brightly colored, some more sparkly than others, but rocks nonetheless.

It's a lot like video games.  You can use God level codes in video games to give your character unlimited everything, but then the game becomes rather worthless.  You can breeze through it without any effort at all and while the story might be good, the struggle is lost entirely.  And without the struggle the story is just that... a story, it's not something you had to work for, not something you had to earn or fight for.

Basically, being God is pointless.

Now, if you want to talk about limited God level powers, that might be interesting.  The difference between instantly leveling to 99 and a code that gives 4x experience let's say.  In human terms that might equate to giving yourself 4 times the average life span let's say, or giving yourself nearly unlimited intellectual or creative capacity while still have all the other inherent limitations of the species.


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## Piss Clam (Jul 13, 2018)

I think I'd be bored as shit.


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## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Jul 13, 2018)

Piss Clam said:


> I think I'd be bored as shit.


Why do you think God created life?  It's like the ultimate TV show.

That's what I'd do.  Be like Doctor Manhattan and hang around for a bit before I get bored and go create life on a another planet.


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## Piss Clam (Jul 13, 2018)

Sword Fighter Super said:


> Why do you think God created life?  It's like the ultimate TV show.
> 
> That's what I'd do.  Be like Doctor Manhattan and hang around for a bit before I get bored and go create life on a another planet.



Yes, but the life you create will after a time be able to create life itself. And so it goes.

I love learning new things, but after a thousand years, I would just be some husk staring at words.

Everything would just become a dream, or maybe our reality.


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## Xetzyr (Jul 13, 2018)

If you truly had the power of God you could experience everything there is to experience an infinite number of times and in an infinite number of ways and you could do so in a single instant.  At which point, the only thing not done, the only thing left to do... is not exist.  So if something ever achieves a true state of Godhood they either cease to be in the same exact instant... or they have to forcibly limit their own power to give themselves some semblance of purpose/meaning.


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## Desire Lines (Jul 14, 2018)

destroy the patriarchy because at this point only god can do that


Spoiler



and make bara men real


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## Van Darkholme (Jul 14, 2018)

I would build the ultimate blunt.


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## Wurstbrot (Jul 15, 2018)

Okay, let's say I can keep my human survival instincts which create most decisions in my brain (because I woke up and be a god) and got limitless ability IF I want to have them. So I'm still all powerful, all knowledgeable but only if it fits me. The amazing power to have no power.

So, I still want to be driven by my own human survival focused mind, or everything else and all further decisions wouldn't be really mine anymore.

At first, nobody knows I have these powers but as soon as I perform a "miracle" they would give their own gods the credit. So I would plant in the knowledge of the new Wurstbrot-god in everyone's mind, even the unborn.
Then get rid of all viruses, diseases, cancer and so on. But because other mechanisms in nature need some of this bullshit, I just say NO. And so they don't need it anymore.

Then I print in the moon face of Majors Mask in our moon, fly of into space for an awesome adventure, discover cool things and leave mankind alone. For a few hundred years. 

If they are still unbearable, not my fault!


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## Tiamat (Jul 16, 2018)

I'd try to create an overall better world the best i could. Also I'd make Mothman real because why the hell not


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## ASoulMan (Jul 16, 2018)

Nuke humanity with another meteor.


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## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Jul 17, 2018)

Man, you guys don't give the concept of god enough credit.  The shit you're doing is something some fancy aliens could do.  

You silly demi-gods, talking about 'trying' this, and 'maybe' that... doing the 'best you can'.  You're not ready for the true power of a deity.  Omnipotence, bitch, do you speak it?


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## Huge fucking cunt (Jul 17, 2018)

I probably would have forgotten about Earth by now since he obviously stopped caring about this place centuries ago


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## Domo Kitties (Jul 17, 2018)

pay off my student loans

edit: then masturbate


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## sadstuck (Aug 15, 2018)

Make TempleOS the best OS out there and give it the ultimate companion — TempleBrowser, which can load any webpage in 0 milliseconds without internet


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## HazamA (Aug 15, 2018)

I would give DEATH a promotion.


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## Bass (Aug 18, 2018)

Smiting.   Lots of smiting.


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## Sperglord Dante (Aug 19, 2018)

Give humans superpowers, and see which comic book writer got the most accurate prediction.





Silly Voices said:


> I’d turn white supremacists into nig nog’s
> 
> For shits and giggles ofc


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## Pinup Paracelsus (Aug 19, 2018)

Everyone would be (THC) high 24/7, I'd like to see how society would function.
Or be a God hiding among men, interacting/messing with people would be much more fun than watching from afar.


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## Eldritch (Aug 26, 2018)

Manifest in physical form and declare myself God-Emperor. Conquer all of humanity. Then when I run out of human enemies, create races of xenos ex nihilo to conquer.

Creating exciting problems and solving them in counterintuitive, non-godlike ways is infinitely more fun than instantly fixing mundane, serious problems.


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## Emperor Julian (Aug 26, 2018)

Make some more Gods, divide responsabilities. None should have total power.


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## Cheerlead-in-Chief (Aug 26, 2018)

Create aliens and make any creation that I make come to life.


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