# The news story, 9 out of 10 men are Homosexual



## Shiversblood (Dec 24, 2020)

The News Report, 9 out of 10 men are Homosexual in the USA. A scientist is about to go on record on the news are explain this on a breaking news story that is about to be released.

This is the story of Seven men, who are married to women, and live in the USA. Marcus, George, Jimmy, Todd, Lorenzo, Richard, and Dominic.

Marcus and his wife Laura walk into the bar. Marcus goes and sits at the bar and orders a drink. "Bourbon. Neat." Marcus says. George and his wife walk in. "Whats up guys hahahaha." Marcus says. "Not much just chilling etc. Vodka please." George says. Jimmy and his wife walk in. "Hahahaha life is good, scotch please." Todd and his wife walk into the bar. "Bourbon please!" Todd screams. And then Lorenzo, Richard, and Dominic all walk in wife their wives. "The gang is simply all here hahahhaa." Marcus says. The 14 people are all talking and discussing matters. "Me and my wife Laura went to the gun range and were shooting our pistols recently." Marcus says to everyone.
"What the hell!" Jimmy says. Marcus rolls his eyes. "You guys know that I am against guns! They go against my person beliefs and moral code!" Jimmy explains. "Yeah yeah, I know. Your a far leftish liberal Democrat etc." Marcus says with a sigh. "George agrees with me!" Jimmy explains. "Wait, what?" Lorenzo says in a confused manner. "Its true I don't carry a pistol and I don't have any guns in my home." George begins to explain. "But I am not as far left as Jimmy across. We disagree on Immigration." George says. "The USA should have open borders just like Europe! We should let them all in! Lets have compassion for people!" Jimmy says. "Fuck that." Todd says.

Richard pulls out his cell phone. "HOLY SHIT!" Richard screams. "What?" Marcus says very puzzled. "Theres some crazy news report I just saw online. BAR TENDER TURN THE TV UP!" Richard screams. The bar tender turns the tv up. The tv says, "Attention Everyone. My Name is Dr. Anusenjoy. I have breaking news everyone. I have been doing research recently, and I have discovered something. 9 out of 10 men in the USA are actually Homosexual." The Doctor on the TV says.

"HOLY SHIT!' Dominic screams. "BY THE LOVE OF GOD!" Lorenzo screams. "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING OH NO AHHHH!" Todd screams in a panic. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!" George screams. "AHHHH!!" Richard screams in a absolute panic. Jimmy starts punching the bar screaming in agony. "Guys, this story has to be bullshit, right?" Marcus says. Laura chimes in, "Yeah guys don't pay attention to this news story. It has to be fake."

And then the Tv says, "I have done a lot of extensive research on this. This story is not fake." The Tv says. "SHIT!" George screams. Marcus simply shakes his head. Marcus knows that there has to be more to this story. The 14 people then all leave.

The next day, Marcus is on his computer and he is just looking tons of stuff up online, trying to learn more information about this topic. "What the fuck is this Dr. Anusenjoy guy." Marcus mutters to himself as he is looking at his computer. He goes on a forum. Researching websites etc. His cell phone rings. Its Lorenzo. "Hello?" Marcus says as he answers. "Hey. Me and the guys, we are all going to meet up at my house today. Just to hang out and stuff. And have some fun. You want to come too?" Lorenzo says. "No I'm hella busy." Marcus says and hangs up.

Lorenzo is hanging out at his house. The guys start showing up. George arrives, and then Jimmy, Todd, Richard, and then Dominic all show up. "Where the fuck is Marcus?" George says in a curious manner. "I don't know. He said he aint coming." Lorenzo explains. "No matter." George says. "So, guys. The news report says that 9 out of 10 men in the USA are actually homosexual. So that means the chances of any of being straight is pretty much zero." Lorenzo says to the guys. "Yeah. True. It really sucks." Richard says in sad manner. "Its horrible man. I never even had sex with a man before." Jimmy says. "Me either." Lorenzo says. "Yeah. I don't what we should do." Dominic says. "It would be really funny if the six of us started having anal sex together hahaha." Lorenzo says. 'What?" Dominic says in a confused manner. "I could go for some anus." Jimmy says.

Meanwhile, Marcus is looking things up online. Someone sends him a message online. It says. "Don't trust everything that Dr. AnusEnjoy says. He is not a real Doctor he is just a media personality. Here is his address, 124 Anusstreet." The message reads. "Hmmm." Marcus says. He grabs his machine gun. And puts his pistol into his waistband.

Jimmy grabs Lorenzo and bends him over. Jimmy quickly slams his penis into Lorenzos anus. "PLEASURE!" Jimmy screams. Todd runs and tackles George to the ground and slams his penis into Georges anus. Dominic leap frogs onto Richard and quickly slams his penis into Richards anus. "THIS IS HONESTLY SO MUCH PLEASURE!!!!" Jimmy honestly just screams at the top of his lungs. Lorenzos wife hears all the screaming and she goes to see whats happening. She stands at the doorway, and her mouth just drops wide open and she sees her husband and the other men just having sex with each others anus. The men then ejaculate. They dont see Lorenzos wife she hides but is still listening in the hallway.

Marcus jumps into his car and he just speeds to the Fake Doctor Anusenjoys house. He quickly kicks down the door. A man wearing a suit pulls out a pistol but Marcus just opens fire shooting the man in the chest with his machiene gun killing him.


"Guys. I believe there is only one solution to our problem right now." Lorenzo says. "What?" Jimmy says in a confused manner. "We must all, go home and kill our wives. And then have anal sex together everyday." Lorenzo says. At first not all the men are on board, then talk for a while, and then eventually they all agree. "Yes." Jimmy says. "It must be." George says. "We must do what we must do." Todd says. "Fate is fate." Richard says. "I shall" Dominic says. "Then we all agree. You all go home and do it." Lorenzo says. The 5 men leave and Lorenzo remains in his house. Lorenzos wife heard all of it. "Oh no I must warn the mens wives!" Lorenzos wife says. She runs into her room and pulls out her cell phone. She calls Dominics wife. "Hello?" Dominics wife says. "Your husband is coming home to kill you right now!" Lorenzos wife screams. Lorenzos wife is quicky blasted in the back of the head by a sawed off shotgun.

Dominic arrives at home. He gets out of his car and pulls out his pistol. He opens his front door and walks inside. "Honey, I'm home!" Dominic says. He looks around in the front room and does not see her. He slowly walks into the kitchen, but does not see her. He goes upstairs and checks their bedroom. "Where the fuck is she?" Dominic says in a confused manner. He walks out of the bedroom and is quickly shot in the head by his wife and falls to the floor dead.

Richard arrives home. He gets out of his car and goes inside his house. "Hello Richard." His wife says with a smile. Richard looks at her with a very solemn look on his face. "Whats wrong?" She says in a confused manner. "I really don't want to do this." Richard says. "Do what?" She says. "9 out of 10 men in the USA are homosexual. I am...homosexual male." Richard says. His wife gasps. Richard quickly pulls out his pistol and shoots his wife twice in the chest. She falls to the floor and he fires 2 more shots into her. Richard starts crying. Tears begin to roll down his face. "Why did 9 out of 10 men in the USA have to be homosexual?" He says sadly. He puts the gun under his chin and pulls the trigger, shooting himself in the head and dying instantly. He falls to the ground.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU ANUSENJOY!!!" Marcus screams as he walks down the hallway. A man wearing a suit comes out of a room with a pistol raised but Marcus quickly shoots him killing him. Marcus keeps walking down the hall. He kicks open a bedroom door and sees the man that he saw on the TV. Anusenjoy puts his hands up. "Dont shoot!" Anusenjoy says. Marcus points his machine gun at him.

George arrives at home. He goes inside. He sees his wife watching TV. George goes and gets a bottle of whiskey. He starts taking a few shots.

"TELL ME! WHY DID YOU GO ON THE NEWS AND TELL EVERYONE THAT 9 OUT OF 10 MEN ARE HOMOSEXUAL!" Marcus screams at Anusenjoy.

George goes into his bedroom. There is a lot of baseball memorabilia in the room. Posters of baseball players. A baseball in a glass case. Baseball cards.

Jimmy arrives at home. He goes inside. He sees his wife. He waves at her. She waves back. He goes into his bedroom. He sits on the bed. He puts his head in his hands. He is really struggling with this. Jimmy does not have a gun.

Todd arrives at his home. He goes inside his house and sees his wife. "Hey honey." She says to him. "Hey." He says. Todd is really struggling with this.

"Tell me!" Marcus says. "Okay okay. I was lying about 9 out of 10 men in the USA being homosexual." Anusenjoy says. "WHAT?! Why would you go on the news and say that then!" Marcus screams. "Because. I just wanted the publicity. And I cant find a wife of my own. So I decided to mess with everyone by planting the idea that everyone was homosexual, so men would leave their wives or something. And then maybe more women would be single and I could have a easier time finding a wife." Anusenjoy says. "What? That is so stupid." Marcus says.

George goes into his closet. He grabs a baseball bat. Its the baseball bat he used to play baseball with, back with his friends and back in college. He goes downstairs with the bat in his hands. His wife sees him. He stands there, looking at her, with the bat in his hand. "Why do you have that bat in your hands? Are you going to the batting cages or something?" She says. "You know, I really wanted to be a professional baseball player. So badly. I used to play baseball all the time when I was a young child. And I would play with my friends. Me and Marcus? We would always play. In college I was really getting serious about playing Baseball. I was going to go pro. I really was. But then I had my accident. I almost died. I was in the hospital for weeks. Eventually, I recovered. I made a recovery, but I never made a FULL recovery. I mean yeah I was eventually able to play again, but not like I used too. Because of the injury. I was never 100% again. I was never able to go pro after that, because of the injury. My dream was ruined." George says. "Oh?" George's wife says. George walks closer to her, right in front of her. He takes a big swing, smashing the baseball bat right into her face. Blood splatters onto Georges face and shirt and she falls to the floor. He keeps hitting her over the head with the bat. Once, twice, three times. Blood going everywhere. He just keeps swinging. He starts screaming and starts swinging harder, hitting her in the head. She is clearly dead but he keeps swinging.

"You are really stupid." Marcus says to Anusenjoy. He pulls the trigger, but his machiene gun is out of bullets. The gun just goes click. "Oh thank God you are out of bullets." Anusejoy says. Marcus quickly pulls his pistol out of his waist band and shoots Anusenjoy once in the forehead killing him instantly. "Thank God thats over." Marcus says.

George finally tires himself out. He is exhausted and blood is everywhere. He breaks down and starts crying. He goes upstairs. He looks through old photos. He then goes into his garage and grabs some rope. He ties the rope up above, and he puts the rope around this neck. George gets a chair, and stands on the chair. He closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath. He is going to hang himself. Suddenly his cellphone starts ringing. He pulls out his cellphone. Its Marcus. A voice had suddenly told Marcus that he needed to call the guys and tell them. George answers the phone. "Hello?" George says. "George listen! 9 out of 10 men in the USA are NOT homosexual! That news report was fake!" Marcus says. "What are you talking about?" George says. "I went to that Anusenjoys guys house. He is not a real doctor. He confessed everything. He made it all up. I just shot him in the forehead. He is dead now. He can't hurt anyone anymore." Marcus says. George lets out a long breath. "Oh thank God Oh thank God OH THANK GOD!" George says and takes the rope off his neck.

"FUCK THIS!" Todd screams and walks into the room his wife is in. "Huh?' Todd's wife says in a confused manner. Todd quickly pulls out his pistol and points it at her. "Whats going on?" She says. "9 out of 10 men in the USA are homosexual! I have to do this! No more wasting time!" Todd screams. His wife gasps. Todd walks right up to her and presses the gun directly against her forehead. "Goodbye." He says. Suddenly his cell phone rings. He looks at it. Its Marcus. "Hold that thought." Todd says and answers the phone. "hello?" Todd says. "TODD LISTEN! The news story was fake, 9 out of 10 men in the USA are NOT homosexual." Marcus says. "Oh thank God." Todd says, and then puts the pistol back into his waist band and hugs his wife.

Jimmy walks into the room his wife is in. "TIME TO DO IT!" Jimmy screams. "What are you talking about?" Jimmy's wife says in a confused manner. "9 out of 10 men in the USA are homosexual!" Jimmy screams. He quickly punches her in the face knocking her off her feet to the ground. He is punching her in the face numerous times while screaming. "TIME TO DIE!" He says and then starts to strangle her. He is choking her. Her face starts to turn blue. Suddenly Jimmy's phone starts to ring. He lets go of her neck and looks at his phone. Its Marcus. His wife takes a big breath and starts coughing. "Hello?" Jimmy says. "Jimmy listen to me! The news story was fake! 9 out of 10 men in the USA are NOT homosexual!" Marcus says. "Oh thank God." Jimmy says and then gives his wife a hug.

George takes off his bloody clothes and takes a shower getting the blood off himself and puts on some clean clothes.

Lorenzo is sitting on his bed, looking at his dead wifes body on the floor. Suddenly his cell phone rings. Its Marcus. He answers. "Hello?" He says. "Lorenzo listen, 9 out of 10 men in the USA are not homosexual." Marcus explains. "Oh shit? For real? Thank God." Lorenzo says.

Marcus calls Richard. The cell phone rings. Richard and his wife are both laying on the ground dead. No one answers. Marcus calls Dominic. No answer either.

Marcus arrives at home and goes inside. "Babe you are not going to believe the day I had." Marcus says to Laura.
Lorenzo runs outside and gets into his car and speeds towards Marcus house.
Todd runs outside and gets into his car and slams on the gas pedal and speeds towards Marcus house.
Jimmy runs outside and gets into his car and races towards Marcus house.
George runs outside gets into his car off he goes to Marcus house.

All four arrive at Marcus house at the same time and they all run inside.

"Yo whats up." George says. Marcus and Laura come into the front room and greet the four men.

"Listen guys, everything is okay now. Anusenjoy is dead now. And he was a liar. 9 out of 10 men in the USA are not homosexual. Marcus explains to the men.

"Yeah but one small problem!" Lorenzo says. "What?" Marcus says in a confused manner. "I already shot my wife in the back of the head with a sawed off shotgun earlier today! She is dead." Lorenzo explains. "Oh..." Marcus says. Lorenzo pulls out a knife. Marcus, Laura, and Todd all pull out their pistols on Lorenzo. George and Jimmy do not have guns. "Listen Lorenzo, I know that you are not going to stab me." Marcus says. "No? Maybe not. But my wife is dead and yours is not! Maybe I will just stab ur wife to death!" Lorenzo screams. Todd puts his pistol back into his waistband. "Listen Lorenzo, 9 out of 10 men in the USA are not homosexual. But maybe YOU are." Todd says. "FUCK YOU!" Lorenzo screams. "Hey Lorenzo, maybe you will drop the knife if I pull down my trousers and expose my anus to you and let you slam your penis into my anus!" Todd screams. Lorenzo drops the knife, and then pulls out a pistol. Lorenzo, Marcus, and Laura all begin opening fire shooting Todd in the chest, he falls backwards and dies. "I am not Homosexual." Lorenzo says. "No you are not." Marcus says. George quickly grabs the pistol out of Lauras hand and shoots Lorenzo in the head killing him. "What the fuck! He was about to put the gun down!" Marcus screams. "The mother fucker had a gun and he just threatened to kill you and your wife! I didn't have time to second guess. I did what I had to do." George says. Marcus rolls his eyes. George drops the gun to the ground. "Oh my God, thats the first time I ever fired a gun." George says.

"Awww, thats the first time you ever killed someone?" Laura says and picks the gun back up and puts it into her waistband. "No, I said thats the first time I ever shot someone. This is the second time I ever killed someone.  I...I killed my wife earlier today." George says. "Oh..." Marcus says. "Peace out guys." Jimmy says and leaves.

A few months later. Marcus drives over to Georges house. He lets himself inside. He looks around and does not see George. He goes upstairs. Checks the bedroom. He goes downstaires and into the garage. He sees George. "Hey George." Marcus says. "Hey." George says. "Hey man, are you doing all right? After everything that happened?" Marcus asks. "I been doing okay. I been doing better. I have been seeing a psychiatrist lately." George says. "Oh really? Has it been helping?" Marcus asks. "Honestly? It has. We have been talking a lot in our sessions, about what happened. About how I killed my wife, and how I saw Todd killed right in front of me and I killed Lorenzo. We have been working on, how I have been feeling so guilty. I have really been working on, trying to let go of the guilt and forgive myself, and try to move on with my life." George says. "Thats cool man. I'm glad you have been seeing the psychiatrist and working on yourself, honestly. I am glad you are starting to feel better." Marcus says. Marcus is about to give George a hug, but then he stops himself. "Oh, no no no. We don't want people to think we are gay, hahahah." Marcus says. "Right." George says. "9 out of 10 men are not homosexual remember?" Marcus says, with a nervous chuckle. "Exactly." George says and lets out a little laugh. They both look at each other for a moment. The George grabs Marcus and the start to make out. "No No." Marcus says and starts to pull away. "Its okay, its okay." George says. And they start making out more. George takes off his shirt, Marcus takes off his shirt, Marcus takes off George's trousers, and then pulls down his pants. Marcus slams his penis into the anus of George. "THIS IS PLEASURE!" Marcus screams. He is just thrusting and thrusting. He ejaculates semen into George's anus. They then get dressed.

"Listen, that was a mistake." Marcus says. "I know." George says. "This can never happen again." Marcus says. "I was thinking the same thing." George says. "Listen man, I am not homosexual. And I have a wife." Marcus explains. "I completly understand." George says. "Lets never talk about this again." Marcus says. "Understood." George says. Marcus leaves and goes home.


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## Yellow Yam Scam (Dec 24, 2020)

that's some real wisdom man.


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## Dom Cruise (Dec 24, 2020)

They all live at Ram Ranch, sucking big, hard cowboys cocks, Ram Ranch really rocks!


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## Juan But Not Forgotten (Dec 24, 2020)




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## Prince Lotor (Dec 24, 2020)

@Shiversblood Can I get an artists rendition of what Jimmy looks like?

I feel like I need a T-shirt of Jimmy saying "I could go for some anus."

Thanks


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## Curt Sibling (Dec 24, 2020)

The News Story - 10 out of 10 journalists are corporate-cum-sucking liars.


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## Queen Elizabeth II (Dec 24, 2020)

I am awoke. The message this this new gospel is too potent.


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## Karl der Grosse (Dec 24, 2020)

Nobody wound-fucked any of the dead bodies.  For some reason this surprises me.

Also Marcus is the only real hetero in the whole story.


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## Hoff Man (Dec 24, 2020)

its true


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## Canoodler (Dec 24, 2020)

I knew it!


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## In Memoriam (Dec 24, 2020)

The Aristocrats!


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## KingCoelacanth (Dec 24, 2020)

not it


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## formershroomeryuser (Dec 24, 2020)

A lot of gay stuff happens in this thread. And violence. Lots of wives are killed. I am glad at least one woman lived through this. Laura. Strong female character. May I ask something? Is she hot?


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## tehpope (Dec 24, 2020)

good think in the 1 outta 10 that isn't gay.


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## Cyclonus (Dec 24, 2020)

Well I guess I have spent the last few years jacking off over Elliot Page.


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## Jimmy Durante's Ballsack (Dec 24, 2020)

More women for me.


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## Karl der Grosse (Dec 24, 2020)

Marcus snatching that booty


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## formershroomeryuser (Dec 24, 2020)

Its almost like Shivers is trying to tell us something. Like he is saying that weather it's 9 out of 10 men that are homosexual males or simply 1 out of 10 men that are homosexual males that there are some major benefit to being a homosexual male. I myself like women and prefer vagina Etc I'll look at how all these stories and up with shivers the homosexual males and shiver stories end up at jaculating in each other dangerous and experiencing pleasure all night well everyone that isn't gay seems to get shot in the face and die some horrible gruesome death. It would seem that what is the percentage of males that are homosexual and shiver stories is 1 out of 10 or 9 out of 10 it seems that in shiver stories 10 out of 10 homosexual males experience pleasure and 10 out of 10 heterosexuals experience gruesome death. but of course I myself would have the hardest time ejaculating in another man's anus when I could always imagine some hot female body that I can ejaculate into. But statistics are statistics indeed

Well except the story where the Braves Catholic priest shot the homosexual male who was pretending to be a homosexual male expert in the face. But of all the stories that was the only one where there was a bad ending for the homosexual males and a really good ending for the heterosexuals.


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## Pissmaster (Dec 24, 2020)

> "It would be really funny if the six of us started having anal sex together hahaha." Lorenzo says. 'What?" Dominic says in a confused manner. "I could go for some anus." Jimmy says.


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## Battlecruiser3000ad (Dec 24, 2020)

That would be fucked up. It would mean that a large part of the men whose dicks I sucked were faggots.


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## draggs (Dec 24, 2020)

That's a lot of beards.


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## JosephStalin (Dec 31, 2020)

I'm a committed lesbian.  I only have sex with women.


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## Bogs (Jan 4, 2021)

Everybody knows:

Man on Man sex = 100% gay
Woman on Woman sex = 100% gay

Man = 50% of man on man sex
Woman = 50% of woman on woman sex

Man + Woman sex = 100% gay


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## Stoneheart (Jan 4, 2021)

You guys masturbating to my posts doesnt makes you gay...


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## Gravityqueen4life (Jan 5, 2021)

not suprising considering how awful women are.


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## Thebag$$$ (Jan 5, 2021)

homosexuality is disgusting.


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## Crass_and_Champ (Jan 5, 2021)

Was Dr. Anusenjoy just Mr. Magenta playing a hilarious prank? How does Trent feel about this new statistical research?


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## Spicboyskafan (Mar 17, 2021)

ha nigga u gay
But seriously, They're at the end of the day broken people who need Christ and treatment for their illness


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## Spicboyskafan (Mar 30, 2021)

JosephStalin said:


> I'm a committed lesbian.  I only have sex with women.


Holy shit dude, I use to say that constantly when I was in 5thh grade lol


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## Nerfer (Apr 24, 2021)

9 players, 1 spectator.


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## Hellbound Hellhound (Apr 24, 2021)

I'm starting to suspect that Shiversblood is some sort of broken AI text generator.


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## Toolbox (Apr 24, 2021)

9 out of 10 homosex are faggot


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## Neurotypical Mantis (May 19, 2021)

let's turn that to a 10 out of 10


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## FunPosting101 (May 19, 2021)

I'm honestly surprised that anyone in this thread actually bothered reading the wall of text in the OP.


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## Dwight Frye (May 19, 2021)

And that last one just hasn’t met me yet


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