# The Dude's Guide to Manliness.



## The Dude (Dec 5, 2013)

Remember this is y'know, just like, uh...my opinion, man.

1. Always treat women right. A man doesn't strike, insult, belittle or otherwise mistreat his lady. He supports her, holds her, listens to her, comforts her, and makes her feel like she's the only woman in the world. Never cheat on her or disrespect her.

2. Learn to shave like your Grampa. Get yourself a nice shaving kit. Good shaving soap, not that canned crap you get at Walmart. Get a lather bowl and brush. Most importantly, get a high quality razor, not those crappy multi-blade units. Get a nice safety razor. Yes they cost more than your Schick Mach 3's or Gillette Fusions at first, but you'll actually save money getting double sided blades. A pack of 100 blade refills will set you back $30 or so. They give you a closer shave, last longer, are better for the environment if you're into that kind of thing, and are actually more affordable in the long run. Plus there is something very masculine about grooming yourself with a tool that, if you don't take care and treat it with respect, it WILL draw your blood. Bonus manly points if you learn to use a cut throat razor. That's a whole different level right there because now you're using something that can kill you if you slip your hand wrong. There is something almost zen and meditative shaving with old fashioned razors. You have to slow down, take your time, do things in steps, and pay close attention if your don't want to butcher your face. Hell, at times you have to bring your first aid skills into play if you nick your chin too bad. Using tools that can seriously mangle your rugged good looks if you cock it up is manly.

3. Real men know how to drive a stick shift. This is a skill that I think everyone should learn, but men especially. Men have a special relationship with their vehicles and a stick makes one feel more connected to their machine, like they're an integral part of it. Plus in an emergency a stick shift vehicle may be the only thing that's available to you.

4. Learn how to ride a motorcycle. Motorcycles are very manly machines. They take strength, coordination, finesse, and guts to ride. A motorcycle makes you feel like you are a part of it, even more so than a car or truck. You use your whole body to ride a motorcycle because you have to lean with it to turn it. It requires brains, skill, and cojones to ride a 300-900lb machine that offers no protection if you make a mistake. Plus boots and leather make you look like an alpha male badass. Doesn't matter how ugly you are because with that skid lid on your head every guy looks like Chris Hemsworth.

5. Find an appreciation for artistic things and literature. Music, art, books...all these things expand your mind. Women like an intelligent man who has a sense of class.

6. Expand your vocabulary and learn to use it. Eloquence is an excellent trait of manliness. It shows women that you are a man who is intelligent and have better ways of expressing yourself besides monosyllabic drivel and, worse yet, can only drive your point home with profanity.

7. Men have manners. Pulling a woman's chair out for her, opening the door for her, offering her your arm when you walk, giving her your jacket when it's cold...etiquette shows your woman that you have class and are not some farting, belching, uncouth simpleton.

8. Learn how to dress and groom yourself. You don't have to be a clean shaven stiff, but at least put some thought into your attire. Again, women love a man with class.

9. Facial hair is manly, especially when you are well groomed. A rockin' 'stache, a finely sculpted goatee, a tidy and well trimmed beard, a pair of finely cultivated chops...facial hair is what separates the men from the boys.

10. Learn how to take care of at least some things on your car. At the least learn how to change the oil, spark plugs, and light bulbs on your vehicle. Learn more if you can. You can save money just by learning how to take care of a few simple things like the oil yourself instead of paying someone else to do it, and it will make you feel manly getting some grease under your nails.

11. Pampering isn't just for the ladies. Things like high quality shampoos, high quality shaving soaps instead of that crappy gels, aftershave and oils, massages, even manicures can be manly. High quality shaving soaps instead of that garbage they pedal at your local RXall or Wally World are one of the best investments you can get in to grooming wise. A good quality puck of shaving soap or tub of shaving cream gives you a smoother shave with less irritation and is better for your skin and facial hair. You can even go one step beyond and get a pre-shave lotion that will make your razor glide even smoother than soap/cream alone. It softens your beard, moisturizes your skin, and provides a soothing lubricant for your razor, a MUST if you use a safety razor or cut throat razor. You'll get less razor burn and nicks and virtually eliminate ingrown hairs. Taking care of yourself doesn't make you a sissy.

12. Buy a gun and learn how to use it. A man should have a means of defending his family and loved ones, and himself of course, and be skilled in it's use and maintenance. You're the man of the house, the patriarch. It is your responsibility to provide security and safety for your lady, your children, and your home. Target practice is an excellent way to work out stress and requires work and dedication to build your marksmanship skills. It's not enough to learn to punch holes in paper accurately, you must learn to use the weapon for defense. Defense of yourself and your home, but most importantly defense of your wife and children. Cleaning and maintaining your weapon is equally important. Like shaving, cleaning your weapon can be very relaxing and even zen like. You can clear your mind of all your worries and just focus on the task at hand. Having a simple task for your hands while allowing your mind to relax and just focus on the cleaning can reduce stress. It works with other things like stirring a cup of tea or even twiddling your thumbs while letting everything else leave your mind for five minutes or so has been proven to reduce stress and tension. I like to think of a phrase while cleaning my weapons. "Break the machine, clean the machine. Break the machine, clean the machine." It's something my Dad taught me.

13. Share your skills and passions. Learn to be a teacher. Teaching people, especially your kids, new skills that someone taught you once upon a time is an excellent way to bond and to keep traditions alive. It creates memories and as I said keeps traditions alive. And one day that person will pass those skills and traditions to someone else.

14. Don't worry about going grey or your hair thinning. Grey hair makes a man look distinguished and dignified and there are many sexy, manly men with no hair. Look at Vin Diesel. If your hair is going thin and you don't like it just shave it bald. Don't try to color your grey hair. It makes you seem desperate and insecure, very unmanly.

That's my list. Feel free to comment with anything else you'd like to add and together we can keep the traditions of the masculine alive and well.


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## LM 697 (Dec 5, 2013)

Compy's Guide to Manliness

1. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			




2.


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## exball (Dec 5, 2013)

CompyRex said:
			
		

> Compy's Guide to Manliness
> 
> 1. http://i.imgur.com/ByguxPJ.jpg
> 2.


                                                     3.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 5, 2013)

I've found this a good blog for manly advice

The Dude will like this link


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## Foulmouth (Dec 5, 2013)

I totally approve this list because I score 12/13 on it (No gun   )
You left out beating up guys at the pub though.


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## exball (Dec 5, 2013)

11 of those apply to me. I'm a horrible teacher and motorcycles terrify me. I'm literally the only person I know that doesn't used canned shaving cream.


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## Dollars2010 (Dec 5, 2013)




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## The Dude (Dec 5, 2013)

exball said:
			
		

> 11 of those apply to me. I'm a horrible teacher and motorcycles terrify me. I'm literally the only person I know that doesn't used canned shaving cream.



I love proper shaving soap and a lather brush. It's such a nice feel to have a quality badger bristle brush swirling around some fine sandalwood essential oil shaving lather on your face and that baby smooth feel when you're done is like nothing else. This kind of shaving is coming back in vogue because guys want to feel nice when they shave and, as I said earlier, after the initial investment of a quality safety razor, quality badger hair brush, and lather mug, all you have to pay for is the double bladed razors. I got a 100 count pack of Gillette Silver Blue blades for $35 shipped. That's just over an 8 pack of Gillette Fusion Proglide cartridges and they last longer, provide a better shave, and many other pros over modern cartridges.


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## exball (Dec 5, 2013)

The Dude said:
			
		

> exball said:
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I'm quite a fan of Gillette Silver Blue blades. They have a nice smooth feel.


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## Dark Mirror Hole (Dec 5, 2013)

Stop enforcing your gender binary, you cis scum.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 5, 2013)

I appreciate the post, Dude.

Two notes:

1) I agree a man should be able to defend himself and his loved ones, and for some men that means using a gun. I'm mentally ill, so I don't know if it's such a good idea for me to have a gun for protection. And of course, most countries in the world don't allow you to have a gun for defensive purposes. For men who can't or don't want to have a gun, the martial arts are good.

2) I also think a man should develop his spiritual side, according to the dictates of his conscience. For some it may be as simple as meditation (you don’t have be any particular religion to do that, heck, you can be secular) or it could mean elaborate religious rituals.

3) Men should also play a sport and take care of themselves physically. If you aren't in shape right now, GO WORK ON IT!

I need to work on shaving like a real man, learn to drive stick, learn to ride a motorcycle (but first I need to learn to ride a bike), get some facial hair, learn to defend myself and learn some manual skills.

As long as you are well-mannered, well-groomed, well-read, know how to work with your hands and are self-reliant, I think you are manly.


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## exball (Dec 5, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> I appreciate the post, Dude.
> 1) I agree a man should be able to defend himself and his loved ones, and for some men that means using a gun. I'm mentally ill, so I don't know if it's such a good idea for me to have a gun for protection. And of course, most countries in the world don't allow you to have a gun for defensive purposes. For men who can't or don't want to have a gun, the martial arts are good.


That's why we have knives.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 5, 2013)

Well, there are some legal problems with using knives as weapons in public. It's legal for me to carry a blade of any length as long as I carry it as a tool, but if I carry it as a weapon it's illegal.

Also, you don't want to take a knife to a gunfight or a fistfight. In one you get killed, in the other, you go to jail.


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## exball (Dec 5, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> Well, there are some legal problems with using knives as weapons in public. It's legal for me to carry a blade of any length as long as I carry it as a tool, but if I carry it as a weapon it's illegal.
> 
> Also, you don't want to take a knife to a gunfight or a fistfight. In one you get killed, in the other, you go to jail.


It was a joke.  People who believe knives are good self defense weapons have never heard of a baseball bat.


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## The Dude (Dec 5, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> I appreciate the post, Dude.
> 
> Two notes:
> 
> ...



I didn't want to push the spiritual/religious rigamarole because not everyone is spiritual/religious and I've met some very manly men who were/are agnostics or atheists. I don't personally see it as a prerequisite for being manly, however I personally believe my faith and relationship with the Almighty has made me a better, stronger man.  

As far as the gun thing, you can definitely expand that to include and way to defend your loved ones and yourself. I'm fully aware that most countries have strict gun control laws and that ownership is rare if not unheard of all together. I focused mainly on firearms because of my personal experience with them and the fact that practice and cleaning/maintenance can be therapeutic. Then again so can practicing martial arts moves, or archery, or sharpening a blade. Tasks that allow you to do them with minimal mental load and thus can let you just clear your mind of the stresses that come with life.

Which reminds me, I meant to add an entry to my list for properly learning how to sharpen, hone, and strop a knife. It can be a kitchen or utility knife, a hunting knife, a knife or sword for self defense, or even the blade on a tool like an axe. One reason continues on with the therapeutic or "zen" aspect of it, but the other is that it's a very useful skill and makes a guy feel proud and masculine when he has that blade sharpened to such a fine and keen edge that one could shave with it.


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## exball (Dec 5, 2013)

The Dude said:
			
		

> GrandNumberOfPounds said:
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And shaving with a knife makes you look like a badass.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 5, 2013)

OK, gotcha.

I agree you can be manly and not be religious. My idea of spirituality is a search for meaning in life, so even people who may or may not believe in the Almighty want to find meaning in life. That's why I mentioned meditation, which can be done by anyone regardless of religious beliefs (or it can complement it, whatever you want to do). I actually just got started in meditation not too long ago, and it complements my other religious practices nicely, I've found.



> however I personally believe my faith and relationship with the Almighty has made me a better, stronger man.



Me too, man 



> I'm fully aware that most countries have strict gun control laws and that ownership is rare if not unheard of all together.



I hope I didn't come off as condescending, my apologies if I did. If there's one thing most gun enthusiasts in the US know, it's how good we have it (well, depending on which state you're in).



> Which reminds me, I meant to add an entry to my list for properly learning how to sharpen, hone, and strop a knife. It can be a kitchen or utility knife, a hunting knife, a knife or sword for self defense, or even the blade on a tool like an axe. One reason continues on with the therapeutic or "zen" aspect of it, but the other is that it's a very useful skill and makes a guy feel proud and masculine when he has that blade sharpened to such a fine and keen edge that one could shave with it.



Sounds great 



> And shaving with a knife makes you look like a badass.



LOL, shaving with a knife will skin your face. Use a straight razor, man.


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## Surtur (Dec 5, 2013)

Real men dont shave.


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## CatParty (Dec 5, 2013)

Surtur said:
			
		

> Real men dont shave.


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## The Hunter (Dec 5, 2013)

HUNTER'S (GUY)IDE TO MANLINESS:

1. Accept the fact that no matter how hard you try, nobody's going to think you're a man.

2. Stop giving a shit about what people think.

3. Make yourself a better person rather than obsessing over being a man.

4. Eliminate bacon entirely from your diet.

5. Vote Democratic.


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## brooklynbailiff (Dec 5, 2013)

The Hunter said:
			
		

> HUNTER'S (GUY)IDE TO MANLINESS:
> 
> 1. Accept the fact that no matter how hard you try, nobody's going to think you're a man.
> 
> ...



Go away, ma'am.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 5, 2013)

The Hunter said:
			
		

> HUNTER'S (GUY)IDE TO MANLINESS:
> 
> 1. Accept the fact that no matter how hard you try, nobody's going to think you're a man.
> 
> ...



The first three are OK, but I can't go along with eliminating bacon. And I can't support either the Republicans or Democrats, I think they're both awful.


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## brooklynbailiff (Dec 5, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> The Hunter said:
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I like the cut of your jib.


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## The Hunter (Dec 5, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> The Hunter said:
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Then you're not allowed to be a man. Grow a vagina this instant.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 5, 2013)

Argh, I'm so stupid!

You wanna be manly?

Step #1: Train
Step #2: Eat your vitamins
Step #3: Say your prayers
Step #4: Be true to yourself
Step #5: Be true to your country
Step #6: Be a real American!


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## brooklynbailiff (Dec 5, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> Step #1: Train
> Step #2: Eat your vitamins
> Step #3: Say your prayers
> Step #4: Be true to yourself
> ...


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## The Hunter (Dec 5, 2013)

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
			
		

> Argh, I'm so stupid!
> 
> You wanna be manly?
> 
> ...


Finally, someone who gets it.  

I misjudged you, friend.


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## CatParty (Dec 5, 2013)

Catparty's rules
1. Have fun


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## Kamen Rider Black RX (Dec 5, 2013)

My Guide to Manliness
1. Watch Strike Commando.
Repeat as necessary.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 5, 2013)

I like how this thread went from being serious to being funny, like all threads end up on this forum


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## Fialovy (Dec 5, 2013)

1. Own a reeeeeeeeeeeeally obscure video game console

Would you expect anything less from these forums to take a semi-serious thread and make it funny?

Oh yeah, and listen to this song 8402394823 times

[youtube]oECIKVaz5rc[/youtube]


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## Stuff and Things (Dec 5, 2013)

Dammit, i'll never be as manly as the dude


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 5, 2013)

Fialovy said:
			
		

> Would you expect anything less from these forums to take a semi-serious thread and make it funny?



Good point, I don't know what I was thinking


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## Picklepower (Dec 5, 2013)

Hmm My rules for manliness.
1. Owning a gun doesn't automatically make you a man. (that isn't an anti gun comment, so don't interpret it that way.)

2. Real men cry, now I'm not saying, be whiny and feel sorry for yourself, I mean, don't be ashamed to have emotions. 

3. Prejudice is fucking ignorance, if you think being a real "man" means looking down on minorities, then call me a woman.

4. Always be there for your family, (well if they aren't abusive)

5. Flying into a rage and thinking, Fighting is the right answer to every problem, shows you have no control. (Of course there are situations were you need to fight, but really think first, "Is this a situation were a fight is necessary?"

6. Patriotism is commonly seen as being important for a man (well in the U.S were I live) I say true Patriotism is thankfulness that you live in the country you live in, and that you love the people of it, that's all it needs to be. I think when patriotism turns into nationalism, and bragging,it makes a man look really ignorant.

7. You should value intelligence, and learning. People who don't care about those things, are people I'd rather not be around. 

8. Don't make everything a dick measuring contest.

9. Treat women as equals, don't befriend them just because you want to get something extra out of the deal.

10. Don't take yourself too seriously.


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## brooklynbailiff (Dec 5, 2013)

Fialovy said:
			
		

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oECIKVaz5rc



It plays wherever I go.


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## Stuff and Things (Dec 5, 2013)

Picklepower said:
			
		

> Hmm My rules for manliness.
> 1. Owning a gun doesn't automatically make you a man. (that isn't an anti gun comment, so don't interpret it that way.)
> 
> 2. Real men cry, now I'm not saying, be whiny and feel sorry for yourself, I mean, don't be ashamed to have emotions.
> ...



Damn, i love this, thanks Picklepower   i mean, i already do all of this things (mostly because i don't want to be a douchebag) but it's always nice when somebody reminds it to you...


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## Pikonic (Dec 5, 2013)

*Pikonic's guide to being a woman.*

Equality FTW! I'd make my own thread but it'd probably get merged here. Now I've dropped a few of these in the past so there will be repeats, deal with it.
1) Never hit your man- They always say a man should never hit a woman. Well, the pendulum swings both ways bitch.

2) Man hating is a load of shit- Women will never be considered equal unless we knock off this "Wah, men are evil and have it so easy" bullshit. Feminism is about _equality_, not having our lives made easier because we have a vagina.

3) If you wanna get paid like a man, you gotta work like a man- Too many times I've seen women play the "70 cents to a dollar" card (which is bullshit, it's about 95), but when the trucks need to be unloaded or the spiders need to be killed, they go ask the guys to do it.

4) Accept your consequences- If you wanna be a slutbag, go for it. Just don't ball your eyes out when you get called a slut or can't find a committed relationship.

5) Iron pills are your best friend during that time- I studied the human body, you feel like shit during that time because of iron deficiency. Not a fan of pills? Spinach, beans, red meat, and fish.

6) A man will not fix your life- You gotta do that shit yourself, why does he deserve _your_ baggage?

7) Be a bitch- I remember when I decided to embrace the bitch title. I was 19 and at a party. This guy wouldn't keep his hands off me. Now, first I was nice. I told him to stop touching me. He played the "but you're so beautiful". One ass grab later he got a few fists. I was called a bitch and told to leave. If a man calls you a bitch for being yourself or standing up for yourself, he is not worth your time.

 There will always be a man who wants you- Not to sound all Disney on you, but I've seen too many women stay in shit relationships because "I don't know if I could find someone else" Bull. Shit.

9) Don't be dumb- If a man doesn't like his women smart, fuck him. Dumb girls are not sexy, they are dumb.

10) Don't fish for compliments- When you say "I'm fat" you better mean it. None of this "My man has to say I'm skinny" shit. And if he says something like "well, you could go to a gym/let's try to eat better/you could lose a little" don't get mad. He was being this thing called "honest"


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## hellbound (Dec 5, 2013)

As far as the OP, the only thing I find fault with is your statement that facial hair is manly. Facial hair definitely depends on personal choice and appearance. Though I usually have a beard, I would recommend Keanu Reeves stay shaved:


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## Niachu (Dec 5, 2013)

A real man doesn't poison himself on his own machismo.


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## Foulmouth (Dec 6, 2013)

hellbound said:
			
		

> As far as the OP, the only thing I find fault with is your statement that facial hair is manly. Facial hair definitely depends on personal choice and appearance. Though I usually have a beard, I would recommend Keanu Reeves stay shaved:
> 
> http://i.imgur.com/xGSBJld.jpg



Keanu Reeves is not a man , he is a mannequin.


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## The Dude (Dec 6, 2013)

FemboiBunny said:
			
		

> Dammit, i'll never be as manly as the dude



You're the best damn FemboiBunny I know and I love you to death. I'm not saying manly men are superior to more effeminate men. I see everyone as equal. You're a great person and I value you as one of my online friends. The Dude totally abides his friend Femboi.


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## homerbeoulve (Dec 6, 2013)

The Dude, do you think a nerdy guy like me will ever be as manly as you?


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## The Dude (Dec 6, 2013)

homerbeoulve said:
			
		

> The Dude, do you think a nerdy guy like me will ever be as manly as you?



Hey man, I'm a huge nerd. Just because someone is nerdy doesn't mean they can't be a manly nerd.


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## Zim (Dec 6, 2013)

Aw man. I have no facial hair and I shave with a Mach 3. However I think my chest hair makes up for my lack of beardyness!

Also, I lit a chair on fire using a shotgun this last weekend to celebrate my friend getting married.

Good list!


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## The Dude (Dec 6, 2013)

Zim said:
			
		

> Aw man. I have no facial hair and I shave with a Mach 3. However I think my chest hair makes up for my lack of beardyness!
> 
> Also, I lit a chair on fire using a shotgun this last weekend to celebrate my friend getting married.
> 
> Good list!



Dragon's Breath rounds?


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## Night Terror (Dec 6, 2013)

Manly is a subjective term that everyone has differing opinions on. There's no guide to manliness, other than get shit done. I'd say the most important part of being a man is just getting shit done. Men get on with it and deal with it. Boys whine about it and leave it for others to deal with. (Which is why I'm just a boy.........)
I'm not getting a gun. Gun control is extremely stringent here, and I'm not a fan of weapons in general (apart from the body itself, I'm rather enthusiastic about unarmed combat). I like the comments about razors, though. A straight razor almost certainly gives a better shave.


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## LM 697 (Dec 6, 2013)

Strap this on your sore ass.


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## Hollywood Hulk Hogan (Dec 6, 2013)

Brother, all you need to do is:
1. Train
2. Say your prayers
3. Eat your vitamins
4. Be true to your self
5. Be true to your country
6. Be a Real American

The rest will take care of itself, man.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 6, 2013)

I said that earlier in the thread, brother.

I just want to point back to the links I posted at the beginning of this thread.

The author of the blog I linked to defines manliness not as being the opposite of femininity, but as the opposite of being immature. I hope that helps.


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## exball (Dec 6, 2013)

Guys why are you hijacking Dudes thread? You should all be out training and saying your prayers.


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## LM 697 (Dec 6, 2013)

Are you GQ?


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## Picklepower (Dec 6, 2013)

"Man hating is a load of shit"

Uh someone needs to check their fucking privileges Aight. Men are the WORST! Hitler and Bin Laden were fucking men alright, "bro". Yeah I'm a man, embarrassingly, but I see their evil, RELIGION was invented by Men, to enslave woman dammit!!!!!!!@#%#@$%. Also Xmas is bullshit, why don't we celebrate MRS. CLaus, the poor woman who slaves over the stove for her fat fuck husband, who gives toys to overprivleged Capitalist children??? In a gender equal socialist society, everyday is better then your hetero male dominated, Christmas. Here is how you be a man for real.

1. Think you better then woman, cuz you have a penis
2. stuff your face like a fatass
3. be Chris
4. Pay women almost nothing
5. be abusive
6. cheat on your wife
7. be a shit head
8. be a REal shitty shit head
9. be a protestant white person
10. be Chris

Suck on that Cis Scum!








(note: I really hope you guys know this post is a joke)


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## exball (Dec 6, 2013)

Picklepower said:
			
		

> "Man hating is a load of shit"
> 
> Uh someone needs to check their fucking privileges Aight. Men are the WORST! Hitler and Bin Laden were fucking men alright, "bro". Yeah I'm a man, embarrassingly, but I see their evil, RELIGION was invented by Men, to enslave woman dammit!!!!!!!@#%#@$%. Also Xmas is bullshit, why don't we celebrate MRS. CLaus, the poor woman who slaves over the stove for her fat fuck husband, who gives toys to overprivleged Capitalist children??? In a gender equal socialist society, everyday is better then your hetero male dominated, Christmas. Here is how you be a man for real.
> 
> ...


Hmm, yeah...


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## A-№1 (Dec 6, 2013)

If you need a guide to being a man, you have already failed.

Real men don't read the instructions and they don't ask for directions.  And when they end up lost in the middle of nowhere with a broken down truck where half the parts are put on backwards they don't cry about it.  They take it like a man.


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## Zim (Dec 7, 2013)

The Dude said:
			
		

> Zim said:
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You know it! Lighting fires any other way would be uncivilized.


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## CatParty (Dec 7, 2013)

[youtube]8mFdg6GbY5o[/youtube]


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## Enjoy your spaghetti (Dec 7, 2013)

*Re: Pikonic's guide to being a woman.*



			
				Pikonic said:
			
		

> Equality FTW! I'd make my own thread but it'd probably get merged here. Now I've dropped a few of these in the past so there will be repeats, deal with it.
> 1) Never hit your man- They always say a man should never hit a woman. Well, the pendulum swings both ways bitch.
> 
> 2) Man hating is a load of shit- Women will never be considered equal unless we knock off this "Wah, men are evil and have it so easy" bullshit. Feminism is about _equality_, not having our lives made easier because we have a vagina.
> ...



I'm with you on everything but #4. Slut shaming is no bueno. I did my share of running around ten or so years ago, and if it's socially acceptable for a bro to do it, well, why should his partners be held to a different standard? He couldn't be a slut without them. If you want to go bed hopping and with consenting adults and I don't have to watch, go for it. Judging someone's sexual habits if they aren't hurting anybody just seems like a huge waste of time.*

*DISCLAIMER: This poster is a member of fandom for an obscure Autistic failed cartoonist. Consider the source.


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## Da Pickle Monsta (Dec 7, 2013)

Here's a great guide to being a man.

Real men get in touch with their feminine side.  They wear women's clothing and learn to put on makeup.  Then women will see how sensitive and in-tune with them they are.

Real men love and protect women by developing an irrational hatred of other men and resent their happiness.  

Real men compare themselves to fictional cartoon chatacters.  This proves how diverse their interests are.

Real men fish for pity at every opportunity.  Women are emotional creatures who will relate to their constant pouting, especially if its about things that happened over a decade ago.

Real men dry shave with safety razors.

Real men show off their physical prowess by doing push-ups, curling makeshift weights, running through shopping districts and trying to do pull-ups. If the woman is still not convinced, then you could always show off your tolerance for pain by jamming your dick in a snowbank for fifteen minutes.

Real men eat a healthy and diverse diet, which includes sandwich wraps, meat, more meat, potatoes, and pasta.

Real men take care of their mothers and change their bandages at least once every few days.

Real men recognize that a house has a division of labor.  For example, if your mother has a hoard, you should wait for her to clean it.

Real men aren't afraid of commitment . . . to credit card companies.


----------



## Fialovy (Dec 7, 2013)

^ I see what you did there...


----------



## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 7, 2013)

Chris is an excellent guide to manliness. Do the opposite of what he does, and you're set.

All joking aside, being manly means having strong character. Chris has very little character. Sure, he isn't a serial killer and he doesn't cheat elderly widows of their savings, and what he's done is potatoes to what truly evil men like Hitler have done, but still, that's true of most people, even people you would never want to associate with.


----------



## Kamen Rider Black RX (Dec 8, 2013)

My guide to living:
1) Try new things. A life fully lived is the greatest treasure.
2) Treat people with respect. By spreading positive energy, we make the world a better place.
3) Learn from your mistakes. A mistake without a lesson is a waste of time and effort. Always seek to improve yourself.
4) Give respect to the classics. Don't disregard movies, books and music because they're too old.
5) The most important rule: Be your own legend. It's your life. Live it.


----------



## Foulmouth (Dec 8, 2013)

*Re: Foulmouths Guide to Manliness.*

Drink all the whisky.
Take all the drugs.
Shag all the women.
Beat up all the men.
Pass out. 
Repeat.


----------



## Joan Nyan (Dec 8, 2013)

Darky said:
			
		

> get shit done. I'd say the most important part of being a man is just getting shit done.



Exactly. In the words of a certain lumberjack, GO WORK ON IT.


----------



## Enjoy your spaghetti (Dec 8, 2013)




----------



## exball (Dec 8, 2013)

I try to live by these words.


----------



## TrippinKahlua (Dec 8, 2013)

I sure as hell ain't no "manly man."



> 1. Always treat women right. A man doesn't strike, insult, belittle or otherwise mistreat his lady. He supports her, holds her, listens to her, comforts her, and makes her feel like she's the only woman in the world. Never cheat on her or disrespect her.



I treat women _too_ right. I dunno, its like my brain was simply born without the sense of "aggression."



> 2. Learn to shave like your Grampa. Get yourself a nice shaving kit.



I only shave something like 2 times a month. My facial hair doesn't grow that fast. When I do shave, however, its all meandering around (but rarely cutting, I got naturally thick skin) over and over until its done. I freaking left a patch under my neck tonight for example  :? 



> 3. Real men know how to drive a stick shift. This is a skill that I think everyone should learn, but men especially. Men have a special relationship with their vehicles and a stick makes one feel more connected to their machine, like they're an integral part of it. Plus in an emergency a stick shift vehicle may be the only thing that's available to you.



I know how to drive stick shift, but not with experience. I've only "learned" twice in my life, and that was for prospected jobs, neither of which I got. Modern cars these days have automatic, there was just no need for me to grow up knowing how to drive stick. Like I said though, I do know how to operate it.



> 4. Learn how to ride a motorcycle. Motorcycles are very manly machines. They take strength, coordination, finesse, and guts to ride. A motorcycle makes you feel like you are a part of it, even more so than a car or truck. You use your whole body to ride a motorcycle because you have to lean with it to turn it. It requires brains, skill, and cojones to ride a 300-900lb machine that offers no protection if you make a mistake. Plus boots and leather make you look like an alpha male badass. Doesn't matter how ugly you are because with that skid lid on your head every guy looks like Chris Hemsworth.



Oh, I agree. Motorcycles are awesome. That's an investment for me, though. Someday I may acquire a four-wheeler. Those are even more kickass.



> 5. Find an appreciation for artistic things and literature. Music, art, books...all these things expand your mind. Women like an intelligent man who has a sense of class.



Only in the past 2 years have I begun to expand my mind with music, and it's been great so far. But as for books, I'm gonna sound like an idiot, but I can't stand reading books. I simply have too much attention-deficit-disorder to properly read a book. I'll read words but it won't sink it, causing me to have to reread paragraphs, which gets aggravating for me. I doubt this will ever change, lots of people have attempted to get me to change my mind, but to no avail.



> 6. Expand your vocabulary and learn to use it. Eloquence is an excellent trait of manliness. It shows women that you are a man who is intelligent and have better ways of expressing yourself besides monosyllabic drivel and, worse yet, can only drive your point home with profanity.



This is rather difficult to pull off. I'm kinda a shitty talker in real life. It's really hard to start a conversation with anybody (despite what others think, I do NOT expect them to start it). That being said, when I AM talking, I got perfect eye contact going, smooth speech, I do listen when you confide with me…



> 7. Men have manners. Pulling a woman's chair out for her, opening the door for her, offering her your arm when you walk, giving her your jacket when it's cold...etiquette shows your woman that you have class and are not some farting, belching, uncouth simpleton.



Agree. My dumb thing is, I don't have a jacket myself, cold weather actually doesn't bother me. This winter has been different so far though, for health reasons.



> 8. Learn how to dress and groom yourself. You don't have to be a clean shaven stiff, but at least put some thought into your attire. Again, women love a man with class.



I still have problems with this. In recent years, my wardrobe has become things like fluorescent colors and blue jeans. I just love easter egg colors and such. I often wear long tube socks and I rarely polish my shoes (but I have been doing so from time to time with these new white sneakers I recently picked up since I really like them). My hair is really hard to keep control of though, I have naturally wavy hair and it really gets unkept when its windy. I made a decision to grow it out for the first time in 2011 and I've fallen in love with my new hair. I've never been so happy to look in the mirror to find my stupid big forehead now covered by sexy bangs (and bangs are sexy on girls). Like I said, I'm no manly man. Lol.



> 9. Facial hair is manly, especially when you are well groomed. A rockin' 'stache, a finely sculpted goatee, a tidy and well trimmed beard, a pair of finely cultivated chops...facial hair is what separates the men from the boys.



Like I said, my facial hair doesn't grow too fast. I can have a mustache on my upper lip after about 6 weeks of letting it grow, but its not going to be too thick. It isn't a "Puberty mustache" though, I got those at 16.



> 10. Learn how to take care of at least some things on your car. At the least learn how to change the oil, spark plugs, and light bulbs on your vehicle. Learn more if you can. You can save money just by learning how to take care of a few simple things like the oil yourself instead of paying someone else to do it, and it will make you feel manly getting some grease under your nails.



I own a purple colored Suzuki. Its fan belt squeaks at night. It sings during the day.



> 11. Pampering isn't just for the ladies. Things like high quality shampoos, high quality shaving soaps instead of that crappy gels, aftershave and oils, massages, even manicures can be manly. High quality shaving soaps instead of that garbage they pedal at your local RXall or Wally World are one of the best investments you can get in to grooming wise. A good quality puck of shaving soap or tub of shaving cream gives you a smoother shave with less irritation and is better for your skin and facial hair. You can even go one step beyond and get a pre-shave lotion that will make your razor glide even smoother than soap/cream alone. It softens your beard, moisturizes your skin, and provides a soothing lubricant for your razor, a MUST if you use a safety razor or cut throat razor. You'll get less razor burn and nicks and virtually eliminate ingrown hairs. Taking care of yourself doesn't make you a sissy.



Pssh, I take my personal hygiene way too seriously. I am absolutely offended at my body being all sweaty and I always, always shower directly before going out.



> 12. Buy a gun and learn how to use it. A man should have a means of defending his family and loved ones, and himself of course, and be skilled in it's use and maintenance. You're the man of the house, the patriarch. It is your responsibility to provide security and safety for your lady, your children, and your home. Target practice is an excellent way to work out stress and requires work and dedication to build your marksmanship skills. It's not enough to learn to punch holes in paper accurately, you must learn to use the weapon for defense. Defense of yourself and your home, but most importantly defense of your wife and children. Cleaning and maintaining your weapon is equally important. Like shaving, cleaning your weapon can be very relaxing and even zen like. You can clear your mind of all your worries and just focus on the task at hand. Having a simple task for your MANOS while allowing your mind to relax and just focus on the cleaning can reduce stress. It works with other things like stirring a cup of tea or even twiddling your thumbs while letting everything else leave your mind for five minutes or so has been proven to reduce stress and tension. I like to think of a phrase while cleaning my weapons. "Break the machine, clean the machine. Break the machine, clean the machine." It's something my Dad taught me.



I am pro 2nd Amendment, but to own a gun isn't for me. There aren't any shooting ranges where I live and frankly people would think I'm crazy for having one.



> 13. Share your skills and passions. Learn to be a teacher. Teaching people, especially your kids, new skills that someone taught you once upon a time is an excellent way to bond and to keep traditions alive. It creates memories and as I said keeps traditions alive. And one day that person will pass those skills and traditions to someone else.



This is perhaps my biggest problem in life. I had no role model, and I have no protege. I was a guy born into a big family and all my aunts and uncles only had daughters (except for 2 other guys). Thus, you have a 5 year old me playing Super Mario Bros with 4 of my girl cousins around the ages of 10-13 and their all talking to each other about why "Mario isn't wearing his swimsuit" in the water levels. My life would have turned out to be so much better if I had a brother, preferably a younger one.



> 14. Don't worry about going grey or your hair thinning. Grey hair makes a man look distinguished and dignified and there are many sexy, manly men with no hair. Look at Vin Diesel. If your hair is going thin and you don't like it just shave it bald. Don't try to color your grey hair. It makes you seem desperate and insecure, very unmanly.



Well, I at an age where I don't have to worry about either. My hair probably will go gray by the time I'm 45 though, since I enjoy dying my hair (new things in the mirror to see!) but I will never allow my hair to go bald. Never.


----------



## cypocraphy (Dec 8, 2013)

TrippinKahlua said:
			
		

> I treat women _too_ right.


----------



## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 8, 2013)

Think of The Dude's guide as a sort of guidelines and not hard and fast rules of being a good man. The question "what does it mean to be a good person?" is a hard question to fully answer.

There are some themes. A man should be courteous, principled, well-groomed and independent, and whatever other values you think are important. That one blog I linked to suggests you come up with at least 5 values that are important to you and use them to guide your life.


----------



## TrippinKahlua (Dec 8, 2013)

I love the Art of Manliness. They post some really fascinating things on that site. As I've mentioned though, I was dealt a strange hand to play with. Growing up, all my actual friends were girls. The boys would never allow me to play baseball with them, so I didn't have much choice.


----------



## Grand Number of Pounds (Dec 8, 2013)

I started reading the Art of Manliness last fall when I bought Brett's book. I read a post on being a soda connoisseur yesterday and as long as the weather isn't too bad tomorrow I'm going to go out to this one restaurant/gift store/business complex and see what kind of fine sodas they have.

I love that they have a lot of book reviews and articles based on something from a book. It is a useful site.


----------



## Enjoy your spaghetti (Dec 8, 2013)

exball said:
			
		

> http://i.imgur.com/15Wdteg.jpg
> I try to live by these words.



Pic related:


----------



## Rio (Dec 8, 2013)

Rio's guide to manliness:


Spoiler



I hope you weren't actually expecting masculinity advice from me of all people.



as for replying to the OP: I've considered trying safety razors because Gillette fusion blades are completely overpriced and I hate buying them. So far I haven't taken the leap yet. Part of it is that I'm scared I'll just cut my face up, lol.


----------



## exball (Dec 8, 2013)

Rio said:
			
		

> Rio's guide to manliness:
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...


Their called safety razors for a reason, Just saying.


----------



## Rio (Dec 8, 2013)

I hear it's still possible to give yourself some nicks with them. Not as much as the old straight razors, but still.


----------



## Count groudon (Dec 8, 2013)

My guid to being a man:
1. Have a penis

That's it.


----------



## brooklynbailiff (Dec 8, 2013)

Spoiler






			
				TrippinKahlua said:
			
		

> I sure as hell ain't no "manly man."
> 
> 
> 
> ...






Sweet, sweet sperging.


----------



## LM 697 (Dec 8, 2013)

Rio said:
			
		

> I hear it's still possible to give yourself some nicks with them. Not as much as the old straight razors, but still.


----------



## hellbound (Dec 9, 2013)

Rio said:
			
		

> Rio's guide to manliness:
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...



You sure can if you're not careful. The trick is to slow down and take your time. A safety razor is generally a pretty solid chunk of metal and will cut the hairs with its own weight if you let it glide, so you don't need to press on your skin. That alone will practically entirely get rid of nicks, but if you're used to shaving with modern razors, it's a tough habit to break.

My advice to you would be to go to Badger and Blade shaving forum (yes, shaving forums exist) and look at their suggestions for beginners, but don't buy a razor that costs more than $15 off the bat. Wait until you see it's really for you. Very few people I know of who've tried classic safety razors prefer modern ones, but it does happen.

It's a bit of a learning curve, just like learning to shave in the first place, but after a bit of practice I don't find it much slower than using a modern razor and canned cream.


----------



## Null (Dec 9, 2013)

Count groudon said:
			
		

> My guid to being a man:
> 1. Have a penis
> 
> That's it.


are you implying that gender is a biological phenomena and not a social construct perpetuated by cis scum gender binary white patriarchal males to suppress and oppress women? die


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## LM 697 (Mar 15, 2014)

Conan's Guide to Manliness

1. Crush your enemies.
2. See them driven before you.
3. Hear da lamentations of da women.


----------



## CWCissey (Mar 15, 2014)




----------



## FramerGirl420 (Mar 15, 2014)

Hobo's Womanly Guide to being Manly.

1. Look like Moby.
2. Drink constantly and pass out occasionally.
3. Follow Hulkamania
4. Supply plenty of -pets- to your fellow forum members.
5. Party Harder.
6. Own cats.

Boom. See how well you guys measure up.


----------



## The Dude (Mar 15, 2014)

drunkenhobo said:


> Hobo's Womanly Guide to being Manly.
> 
> 1. Look like Moby.
> 2. Drink constantly and pass out occasionally.
> ...



I look more like John Candy, I rarely drink, and I hate cats.


----------



## FramerGirl420 (Mar 15, 2014)

The Dude said:


> I look more like John Candy, I rarely drink, and I hate cats.



Oh well. You're still a cool dude.


----------



## CWCissey (Mar 15, 2014)

drunkenhobo said:


> Hobo's Womanly Guide to being Manly.
> 
> 1. Look like Moby.
> 2. Drink constantly and pass out occasionally.
> ...



1. I look more like Jarvis Cocker.
2. This I do, but I don't pass out because I'm hardcore.
3. 
4. I don't do this.
5. 
6. No pets allowed by my landlord.


----------



## FramerGirl420 (Mar 15, 2014)

CWCissey said:


> 1. I look more like Jarvis Cocker.
> 2. This I do, but I don't pass out because I'm hardcore.
> 3.
> 4. I don't do this.
> ...


Just shave everything to achieve #1. Quick fix.


----------



## exball (Mar 15, 2014)

Remember folks, nothing says badass like a revolver. (Just pray you don't have to reload the damn thing.)


----------



## CWCissey (Mar 15, 2014)

drunkenhobo said:


> Just shave everything to achieve #1. Quick fix.



Nah I look better hairier, with shorter hair I start to get weird looks. I must have a weird shaped head or something.


----------



## Zim (Mar 15, 2014)

exball said:


> Remember folks, nothing says badass like a revolver. (Just pray you don't have to reload the damn thing.)



That and not looking at explosions as you walk away. That's how I know I'm a man.


----------



## cypocraphy (Mar 15, 2014)

drunkenhobo said:


> Hobo's Womanly Guide to being Manly.
> 
> 1. Look like Moby.
> 2. Drink constantly and pass out occasionally.
> ...



You don't have a thing for bald guys, do you?  Because I'm very much the opposite...


----------



## LM 697 (Mar 15, 2014)

bungholio said:


> You don't have a thing for bald guys, do you?  Because I'm very much the opposite...


----------



## cypocraphy (Mar 15, 2014)

MY TRIGGER.


----------



## FramerGirl420 (Mar 15, 2014)

Oh yew guize...


----------



## Sexual Stallone (Mar 17, 2014)

Bungholio is beatiful like the early morning rain that falls over the meadow.


----------



## Holdek (Mar 17, 2014)

The Dude said:


> ...You're the...patriarch...


Check ur priv.



Jon-Nyan said:


> Exactly. In the words of a certain lumberjack, GO WORK ON IT.


Bob was a man's man.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  A lesser man would have peaced out of 14 B. a _long_ time ago.  I respect him but only wish he had manned up a bit more in the whuppin' department on Chris.


bungholio said:


>





TrippinKahlua said:


> When I do shave....I freaking left a patch under my neck tonight for example....







Rio said:


> I hear it's still possible to give yourself some nicks with them. Not as much as the old straight razors, but still.



It definitely is.  "Safety razors" are called that because they are safe compared to straight razors.  But it's still highly inadvisable to do the following with one:






I wouldn't even recommend doing that with a cartridge razor, but, if it's dull enough...


----------



## CatParty (Jul 1, 2014)

If I follow this, will I attain true #$wag?


----------



## Sexual Stallone (Jul 1, 2014)

CatParty said:


> If I follow this, will I attain true #$wag?


Wrong guide


----------



## HG 400 (Jul 1, 2014)

The Dude said:


> 1. Always treat women right.



False. A Real Man treats his women (plural) as nothing more than breeding stock. Real Men only use unwilling lesser men to satisfy their sexual needs, because coupling with a woman or a willing participant is incredibly gay and weak.



The Dude said:


> 2. Learn to shave like your Grampa.



False. If you've ever shaved, you're not a Real Man. If your Grampa has ever shaved, you're descended from Not-Real-Men and should be treated with scorn and contempt.



The Dude said:


> 3. Real men know how to drive a stick shift.



Semi-True. A Real Man generally should use his charisma and force of will to terrify others into doing all his driving for him, but it's always handy to be able to grab the wheel if you accidentally beat your driver into unconsciousness or death while travelling at high speeds.



The Dude said:


> 4. Learn how to ride a motorcycle.



True. Motorcycles are pretty badass.



The Dude said:


> 5. Find an appreciation for artistic things and literature.



False. The most artistic thing Real Men are permitted to enjoy is pornography (pictures or video only, no gay writing).



The Dude said:


> 6. Expand your vocabulary and learn to use it.



False. A Real Man is silent and rarely speaks. A Real Man should limit himself to indifferent grunts when somebody pleases him, and sudden unexpected acts of violence when somebody displeases him.



The Dude said:


> 7. Men have manners.



True. A Real Man should always familiarise himself with which corner of the room is best to shit in, and remember to keep his shitting to that same corner.



The Dude said:


> 8. Learn how to dress and groom yourself.



False. Dressing and grooming is for bedslaves and perfumed catamites. A Real Man concerns himself with hygiene only during scabies outbreaks.



The Dude said:


> 9. Facial hair is manly, especially when you are well groomed.



False. Facial hair is manly. Well-Groomed is not.



The Dude said:


> 10. Learn how to take care of at least some things on your car.



False. Again, menial labour is for slaves. If you can't terrorise somebody else into fixing your car for you, you are not a Real Man.



The Dude said:


> 11. Pampering isn't just for the ladies.



True. Real Women do not pamper themselves either.



The Dude said:


> 12. Buy a gun and learn how to use it.



False. A Real Man can deal with any and all threats with his bare hands. If he cannot, then he dies and goes to Walhalla, and this is good and right. On the off-chance that a Real Man wishes to own a gun, to improve his efficiency at Real Manliness, then a Real Man simply takes that gun from a lesser man and dares him to do something about it.



The Dude said:


> 13. Share your skills and passions.



False. Teaching others how to do things simply increases their chances of competing against you. If anything, a Real Man jealously hoards his skills and knowledge.



The Dude said:


> 14. Don't worry about going grey or your hair thinning.



False. Once your hair begins to grey and thin, you are too old to remain a Real Man, and the younger Real Men will quickly usurp your position and murder you for your collection of broodwives and catamites.


----------



## Ariel (Jul 2, 2014)

Dynastia said:


> False. A Real Man treats his women (plural) as nothing more than breeding stock. Real Men only use unwilling lesser men to satisfy their sexual needs, because coupling with a woman or a willing participant is incredibly gay and weak.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Clearly the work of an Australian man.


----------



## exball (Jul 2, 2014)

Real men have CURVES!


----------



## CatParty (Jul 2, 2014)




----------



## The Knife's Husbando (Jul 2, 2014)

(reads thread)

Um...hmmm.

I was brought up in a big country family- Two brothers, thirteen sisters- and whatever needed doing, it got done, and the person who did it got props regardless of what in their pants. I've learned most of my life skills from women. Things that are stereotypical "male"- My sister Kat taught me how to drive a bulldozer & work on a bushhog. Donna taught me how to shoot, fight, hunt and dress deer. And all of them taught me to cook. My Mamma would lop the head off a chicken or rabbit in a heartbeat, dress it for the table and not even bat an eye. Old-school down to the bone.

I can field-strip an assault shotgun, I know what colors look good with an autumn skintone, I can give a great pedicure, Fix a wonky tractor, and I love a good bubble-bath after a hard day.

"Manliness" is bullshit.

Don't judge people on how they look, but what's inside them.
Treat people right, don't be an asshole.
Make bank, and be happy.

Those are my life's rules.


----------



## trueandhonestfan (Jul 4, 2014)

The Hunter said:


> HUNTER'S (GUY)IDE TO MANLINESS:
> 
> 1. Accept the fact that no matter how hard you try, nobody's going to think you're a man.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry, I'm not old enough to vote. 80% is still pretty manly isn't it?


----------



## Some JERK (Jul 5, 2014)

trueandhonestfan said:


> I'm sorry, I'm not old enough to vote. 80% is still pretty manly isn't it?


You're either first, or you're last.


----------



## Chelonian (Jul 6, 2014)

Because I just want to dig my hole deeper, let's talk about manly things that are totally not overcompensating for emasculation.

I'll kick off, since my penis belongs to Micheal Bay.


----------



## Fishkill (Jul 6, 2014)

FUCK OFF


----------



## Chelonian (Jul 6, 2014)

Phil Fishsperg said:


> FUCK OFF


Aww, Phil.

Don't you have it in your heart to to not act like a small child?


----------



## cypocraphy (Jul 6, 2014)




----------



## Chelonian (Jul 6, 2014)




----------



## CatParty (Jul 6, 2014)

We have a thread for this.


----------



## KatsuKitty (Jul 6, 2014)

Chelonian was banned for debilitating autism.

I did this from my phone on my day out because he was this bad.

Do me a favour and please don't engage obvious trolls with "Fuck Off" responses.


----------



## LM 697 (Jul 6, 2014)

FUCK OFF


----------



## The Dude (Jul 6, 2014)

CompyRex said:


> FUCK OFF



NO, U!


----------



## Foulmouth (Jul 8, 2014)

CompyRex said:


> FUCK OFF


 
What a cunt. You know, my trial lasted 28 days. And for every single one of those days I had to stare up at that cunt's face while she banged her cunt gavel and instructed the jury to fuck me over. I didn't have a choice. I had to see the cunt. Now I don't have to.


----------



## CatParty (Nov 11, 2014)

Spoiler


----------



## drtoboggan (Nov 11, 2014)

Pikonic said:


> *Pikonic's guide to being a woman.*
> 
> Equality FTW! I'd make my own thread but it'd probably get merged here. Now I've dropped a few of these in the past so there will be repeats, deal with it.
> 1) Never hit your man- They always say a man should never hit a woman. Well, the pendulum swings both ways bitch.
> ...


I will only bang women who adhere to these. 
Anyway, The Dude's list is pretty comprehensive. There's a blog called Art of Manliness if anyone needs further training.
Sadly, I can't grow a nice beard. I tried several times and it's a mess. But I'm a shaving master, can defend myself and mine, can drive a stick shift, et al. 
Also relevant, Robert Heinlein said "specialization is for insects" at the end of a quote on things a man should be able to do. I'll find it and send it to Dude if he's interested. I do recommend AoM since it's how I learned how to tie a half Windsor.


----------



## Male (Nov 13, 2014)

I am glad that this thread is filled with manly people and that NO POSERS are allowed in here.


----------



## The Dude (Nov 14, 2014)

Male said:


> I am glad that this thread is filled with manly people and that NO POSERS are allowed in here.



Except CatParty. He's the right kind of poser.


----------



## exball (Nov 14, 2014)

Male said:


> I am glad that this thread is filled with manly people and that NO POSERS are allowed in here.


New picture of me.



Spoiler: Manly


----------



## Kamen Rider Black RX (Dec 2, 2014)

Okay, here's something. A true man never feels the need to prove himself an Alpha male.


----------



## Karen (Dec 5, 2014)

Kamen Rider Black RX said:


> Okay, here's something. A true man never feels the need to prove himself an Alpha male.



And if you already think of yourself as an Alpha male, make sure you're not a dick about it. Because that usually means that you're not.
Also, manly men come in all shapes and sizes! Whether you're as skinny as a twig or kinda on the heavier side, don't let your body type discourage you!

Man, I'm a lady and I follow most of The Dude's rules


----------



## The Dude (Dec 6, 2014)

Karen said:


> And if you already think of yourself as an Alpha male, make sure you're not a dick about it. Because that usually means that you're not.
> Also, manly men come in all shapes and sizes! Whether you're as skinny as a twig or kinda on the heavier side, don't let your body type discourage you!
> 
> Man, I'm a lady and I follow most of The Dude's rules



Sounds like you're a pretty awesome lady thenm


----------



## CatParty (Jul 15, 2015)

happy birthday @The Dude !!!


----------



## The Dude (Jul 15, 2015)

CatParty said:


> happy birthday @The Dude !!!



Thanks for the thread necromancy birthday wishes!


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## Bogs (Jul 15, 2015)

How to Be a Real Man: by Dr. Bogs Binny Esq., single female lawyer

1.) Have a penis. Manliness comes in all shapes and sizes, but it must come in the form of a penis. Studies have shown that not having a penis actually does not make you a man at all! Anyone who wants to be a man must have a penis; so if you don't have one already, go out and get one today.


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## The Dude (Jul 16, 2015)

Bogs said:


> How to Be a Real Man: by Dr. Bogs Binny Esq., single female lawyer
> 
> 1.) Have a penis. Manliness comes in all shapes and sizes, but it must come in the form of a penis. Studies have shown that not having a penis actually does not make you a man at all! Anyone who wants to be a man must have a penis; so if you don't have one already, go out and get one today.



But what about transgendered people? Y'know, those born with a vagoo that identify as male and those with a pen0r who identify as female?


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## Queen of Tarts (Jul 17, 2015)

There's nothing more manly than sleeping with another man.


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## WireSponge (Nov 15, 2015)

A real man follows the light of Islam and accepts the one true God. Also, he never goes for the nuts.


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## Positron (Nov 15, 2015)

The Dude said:


> 14. Don't worry about going grey or your hair thinning. Grey hair makes a man look distinguished and dignified and there are many sexy, manly men with no hair. Look at Vin Diesel. If your hair is going thin and you don't like it just shave it bald. Don't try to color your grey hair. It makes you seem desperate and insecure, very unmanly.


Very much this.  There is nothing more sissy than complaining about thinning hair.


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## TowinKarz (Nov 15, 2015)

I've actually found myself a bit jealous at times about the guys who go prematurely grey, not salt pepper, actually go grey, in their late 20's, early 30's, that look is just so darn cool. 

Can I squee and fangirl that shit? 

Is it manly to fangirl something?


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## The Dude (Nov 15, 2015)

TowinKarz said:


> I've actually found myself a bit jealous at times about the guys who go prematurely grey, not salt pepper, actually go grey, in their late 20's, early 30's, that look is just so darn cool.
> 
> Can I squee and fangirl that shit?
> 
> Is it manly to fangirl something?



I've got a friend who started going grey in his teens and was full on silver by his mid-twenties.


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## Bogs (Nov 16, 2015)

2.) While it usually conjures up images of lumberjacks and vikings, facial hair isn't always manly. If you are unable to grow facial hair, for the love of God do not try to. Learn how to shave well. Don't spend months trying to attain what can only be described as a very unfortunate encounter with a electric shaver. Either shave immediately or don a trilby and preach the unlimited benefits of atheism and/or My Little Pony.


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## The Knife's Husbando (Nov 16, 2015)

Positron said:


> Very much this.  There is nothing more sissy than complaining about thinning hair.





The Dude said:


> I've got a friend who started going grey in his teens and was full on silver by his mid-twenties.



Preemptive strike that bullshit. Shave your head. It looks cool (and in summer it is), the bad guys don't have anything to get ahold of then, and it's nice to sit in the tub relaxing with a beer with the missus sitting behind you shaving ya.


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## The Dude (Nov 16, 2015)

The Knife's Husbando said:


> Preemptive strike that bullshit. Shave your head. It looks cool (and in summer it is), the bad guys don't have anything to get ahold of then, and it's nice to sit in the tub relaxing with a beer with the missus sitting behind you shaving ya.



I usually  buzz my head when it gets around an inch. My friend on the other hand enjoys having silver hair and a lot of people ask if he dyes it.


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## Ntwadumela (Jun 5, 2016)

1. Grow a nice, thick beard. This is what seperates the men from the boys, and if pulled off successfully, will get you mad respect. Alternatively, for those with patchy genetics, try an alternative style that suits you. Remember to take good care of your beard, I always wash mine with shampoo and it turns out luxuriant.
2. Learn a martial art. A man needs to learn how to kick ass and defend himself in times of trouble (women can too, but you get the point). Being a martial artist really helps, I don't regret my training one bit. It also teaches you discipline.
3. Take risks and be adventurous. You want to go on that scary rollercoaster? Go for it! You want to drive fast? Do it! You want to play the knife game with friends? Go wild! You will have a great time, take it from me!
4. A man doesn't have to be just strong and physical. Supplement that with books. Learn more about the world around you and be informed on what's going on currently.
5. Teamwork is a valuable trait, but it's important to be able to have independence. Learn to pull your own weight and show off your individual skills and don't always rely on others to get your shit done.


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## Rabbit Bones (Jun 5, 2016)

My boyfriend scores 11/14. I think he's a keeper


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## OtterParty (Jun 5, 2016)

Rabbit Bones said:


> My boyfriend scores 11/14. I think he's a keeper


That's a bit too high. Almost definite evidence that he's gay.


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## Rabbit Bones (Jun 5, 2016)

OtterParty said:


> That's a bit too high. Almost definite evidence that he's gay.


 Wouldn't be the first time I've dated a gay dude...


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