# Monogamy vs Polygamy: advantages and disadvantages



## Monika H. (Nov 3, 2018)

Hallo, hallo!!!

So, in your opinion, what are the advantages of a polygamous relationship over a monogamous one? Disadvantages?
Worth it or not?
Useful to repopulate the world after WWIII will have happened?
Good to get a spitroast?

Share your thoughts.


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## Yellow Yam Scam (Nov 3, 2018)

I mean, one is the foundation of humanity and modern society while the other is what happens when I see a girl in yoga pants who isn't my girlfriendand and I literally can't control myself and behave like a stupid fucking ape, so uhhhhhhh


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## Draza (Nov 3, 2018)

They both suck. But monogamy is less worse than polygamy as it gives every male in society a chance to get marriage and have sex with at least one woman. Which in result keep society stable and lower social problems.


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## Monika H. (Nov 3, 2018)

Historical Himmler thought that polygamy would actually sprone the man to be more present and attentive with his family, while the women would have collaborated (instead of seeing each other as a rival) in their tasks regarding the household.
This would also have relieved the man of the "unwillingness" and "boredom" of mating with the same woman.

I myself would be incapable to do that.
I mean, it's hard enough to handle and keep a woman alone happy, figures two...


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## Draza (Nov 3, 2018)

Heinrich Himmler said:


> Historical Himmler thought that polygamy would actually sprone the man to be more present and attentive with his family, while the women would have collaborated (instead of seeing each other as a rival) in their tasks regarding the household.
> This would also have relieved the man of the "unwillingness" and "boredom" of mating with the same woman.
> 
> I myself would be incapable to do that.
> I mean, it's hard enough to handle and keep a woman alone happy, figures two...


Maybe during his time in a society which polygamy did work in a certain extent. But it can't be done today with rise of social media, STD/STIs, and other social issues.


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## QB 290 (Nov 3, 2018)

The advantage of Monogamy is that you're not a pathetic cuck and a massive lolcow automatically for being monogamous


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## RG 448 (Nov 3, 2018)

The ratio of chads to virgins is so unbalanced that soon women are going to have to group up on one chad if they want a shot at landing a suitable mate.


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## IV 445 (Nov 3, 2018)

Polygamy is for warrior societies like Islam in its early centuries who needed to pump out fresh mujahideen for their constant assaults on literally everybody around them.

It’s not just dehumanizing for women, becoming baby factories, but men becoming drones or shock troops as well.


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## Tinytiny (Nov 3, 2018)

Non-exclusive monogamous relationships are fine, polyamory seems like bullshit to me, you'll just end up like Onision


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## ES 148 (Nov 3, 2018)

Polygamy is stupid.


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## OB 946 (Nov 3, 2018)

Fucking isn't a team sport.


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## Sperglord Dante (Nov 3, 2018)

Polygamy is just extra elaborate cuckoldry.


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## Crunchy Leaf (Nov 3, 2018)

open relationships are fine, swinging is fine, but polyamory is bad 
i started a thread on r/polyamory over in community watch, it has a lot of posts that i feel clearly exemplifies why polyamory is bad
literal non stop drama, homewrecking, unwanted pregnancies, people acting like jealousy is unnatural, and just...generally making a complete mess of their life.


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## Bennett Beeny (Nov 3, 2018)

When you commit to cumming in more than one hole, you're cumming all over Jesus's face. You're either getting cucked or contributing to the world's cuckold factor. We don't need more cucks!


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## Tanti-Fanti (Nov 3, 2018)

Crunchy Leaf said:


> open relationships are fine, swinging is fine, but polyamory is bad
> i started a thread on r/polyamory over in community watch, it has a lot of posts that i feel clearly exemplifies why polyamory is bad
> literal non stop drama, homewrecking, unwanted pregnancies, people acting like jealousy is unnatural, and just...generally making a complete mess of their life.



It's also a legal issue as well. I've seen posts about these polyamory people wanting marriage to be a valid option for them, despite the fact that most of the time as you mentioned they're just in messy relationships and don't seem to grasp human nature. People like to feel important--no--_valued_ is the better word for it. When you're in a relationship with 5 people it's going to be hard to share that sense of worth. 

Keep in mind, this isn't the same as familial love or even just being close. They want relationships to cater to THEIR OWN needs while completely disregarding everything else that comes along with it. And then they act confused as to why people get upset when they're in those kinds of relationships. Not to mention many times you see these people act like creepers when it comes to "potential partners".

Really, they should just admit they like the high of being with multiple people and get over themselves.


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## Monika H. (Nov 3, 2018)

I think that everyone here prefers monogamous over polygamous, and with good reasons.
So, I guess the best way is traditional.
An husband and his wife, alongside (maybe) his mistress and her lover, how of has always been.
Or now that they have been mostly legalized in the civilized world, gay monogamous married couples.


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## JustStopDude (Nov 3, 2018)

Multiple mother in laws and "special days" to keep track of? Fuck that. 

I do have a coworker though from Indonesia with multiple wives. He is older and back when he got married, Indonesia was still recovering from WWII occupation. At the time, families only fed their sons and their daughters got the scraps. Because of this, women were traditional malnourished and rarely survived childbirth. 

So poor families, to save money, would typically throw in a two for one or three for one deal, assuming that the oldest daughter would die and then the next one would take the place and so on.  My coworker married and woman and her two sister. They are all still alive. Per him, he has only had relations with his actual wife, but he provides a household for all three women and his kids back home in Indonesia. 

Its no longer popular or socially acceptable to do it now because life expectancy for women has risen in the country. At least this is my understanding.


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## Crunchy Leaf (Nov 3, 2018)

Heinrich Himmler said:


> I think that everyone here prefers monogamous over polygamous, and with good reasons.
> So, I guess the best way is traditional.
> An husband and his wife, alongside (maybe) his mistress and her lover, how of has always been.
> Or now that they have been mostly legalized in the civilized world, gay monogamous married couples.


I'm anti-mistress and anti-boytoy, if the other party is in the dark about it.


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## Sir Auroras (Nov 3, 2018)

Take a trip over to the r/polyamory thread here on the farms and enjoy. Most of these people end up miserable.

The thing you need to keep in mind is that it goes both ways. You can fuck any girl, sure.... But she can fuck any guy she wants. And if you can both live with that, then that's great, but you probably just aren't meant to be together at all.

If one of you can't live with it, it's bitterness and a failed relationship what you're in for.


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## Crunchy Leaf (Nov 3, 2018)

Sir Auroras said:


> Take a trip over to the r/polyamory thread here on the farms and enjoy. Most of these people end up miserable.
> 
> The thing you need to keep in mind is that it goes both ways. You can fuck any girl, sure.... But she can fuck any guy she wants. And if you can both live with that, then that's great, but you probably just aren't meant to be together at all.
> 
> If one of you can't live with it, it's bitterness and a failed relationship what you're in for.


The sex can be doable, but the relationship aspect is where it always goes wrong. A romantic relationship is complicated enough when you only have one, now you have two, three, four partners? And they all each have two, three, four partners?


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## Monika H. (Nov 3, 2018)

Sir Auroras said:


> Most of these people end up miserable.


That's my line of thought as well.
I mean, how can a person share certain type of feelings for/with two or more people?
That kind of love, friendship and complicity can be established and kept between two persons alone; and one day be outweighted only by the love one can have for his/her children.



Crunchy Leaf said:


> A romantic relationship is complicated enough when you only have one


Totally agree.


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## Crunchy Leaf (Nov 3, 2018)

And then they always try to be like, well, but don't you have multiple friends? Well, sure, but friendship is different. And that's okay! Most people know people they only hang out with in groups, or only hang out with occasionally, and that's fine--but that's not what you want with romance.


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## Monika H. (Nov 3, 2018)

Crunchy Leaf said:


> And then they always try to be like, well, but don't you have multiple friends? Well, sure, but friendship is different. And that's okay! Most people know people they only hang out with in groups, or only hang out with occasionally, and that's fine--but that's not what you want with romance.


The comparison they put between multiple friendships and relationships can be turned against them, actually.
I'll explain: you can have multiple friends, but generally no problem comes out of it because they aren't on the same plan, and they (generally) don't pretend you to have an exclusive friendship with them, because every friendship is different, they aren't the same and don't have the same premise.
*Everyone keeps his/her own place.*
Polyamory or polygamous that maybe, they pretend to put romantic partners on the same plan, when it's nearly impossible to do. I mean, it's difficult already to do with the offspring, and that should come natural.
When people enter a relationship, they subconsciously want a thing: to be THE person the partner has feelings for, share worries with, kiss, fucks; not a person among many.

Compared to polyamory/polygamous stuff; mistresses and lovers relationships are more workable because just that: everyone keeps a different place: there's the husband, his wife and his mistress; or the wife, her husband and her lover.


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## ATaxingWoman (Nov 3, 2018)

https://www.economist.com/christmas-specials/2017/12/19/the-link-between-polygamy-and-war


> *The link between polygamy and war*
> 
> IT IS a truth universally acknowledged, or at least widely accepted in South Sudan, that a man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of many wives. Paul Malong, South Sudan’s former army chief of staff, has more than 100—no one knows the exact number. A news website put it at 112 in February, after one of the youngest of them ran off to marry a teacher. The couple were said to be in hiding. To adapt Jane Austen again, we are all fools in love, but especially so if we cuckold a warlord in one of the world’s most violent countries.
> 
> ...


TL;DR It's not a coincidence that countries with high rates of polygamy also are unstable shitholes. That, and as others have already pointed out, it's terrible for women.


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## Eto (Nov 3, 2018)

While finding more information to make an informed opinion, I did find studies that claim that polygamy quadruples your risk for heart disease, at least for men. My concern lies with how it affects the development of children, because I've seen statements range from "it does affect children's development" to "there's simply not enough data," but based off what I have found, it does show that there are issues in regard to the children's mental health and other issues, though that could be due to multiple variables. That said, in cases of polygamy that I've heard, there does seem to be a theme with abuse, primarily sexual abuse. If polygamy is more prone to that, especially if it involves inbreeding, fuck that.

While I'm generally a live and let live guy, it is my opinion that I do not think polygamy is healthy at all. All you have to do is stroll down to r/polyamory, and see what an absolute clusterfuck it is. If anything, they're just sluts in denial, considering how they handle the situation. And if my interaction with a polyamorous person is to go by, they really take it personally when you criticize their life style.


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## Nekromantik (Nov 3, 2018)

I don't have the energy for more then one relationship. Reading all the drama in the /r/polygamy thread makes me feel exhausted.


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Nov 3, 2018)

Monogamy works more than polygamy. The threads on Kiwifarms have proven this to me after seeing so many horror stories. Polygamy causes more loneliness and jealousy. Yes, monogamous partners can feel lonely and jealous as well, but get polygamists involved in all that and it becomes a messier problem with more drama. Mostly because people don't understand how to make it work.

And don't even get me started on the religious polygamists. That's just creepy.


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## Carcinogenesis (Nov 3, 2018)

I believe sex should be more of a thing of love than another thing to get your rocks off.  Masturbation isn't the real deal, real sex is a lot more intimate.  To treat it like it can be thrown about just takes away any of the deeper meaning to sex.


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Nov 3, 2018)

There was a good clip of classic Howard Stern where he talked to a teenage fan with parents who were swingers. The boy knew his parents were swingers because they were open about it and he obviously had issues because of it. I wish I could find it because it was an interesting thing that showed the outcome that kids can have from polygamist parents.
This is the closest one I could find.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkn4TLaMLxI


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## Krokodil Overdose (Nov 4, 2018)

Honestly, I think there should be a line drawn between r/polyamory and the swingers/libertines who do that kind of shit, and actual polygamous societies that have existed IRL. The latter seem to be responses to external pressure: polygyny emerges when a society is rapidly expanding (esp. by conquest) to maximize offspring while offsetting the huge attrition of the male population, while polyandry (in the very few cases that have existed) seems to be response to tightly constrained resources and little room for growth- i.e. institutionalized birth control. Say what you will about polygamous family structures, there have been functional societies that had them, while r/polyamory type stuff is a perpetual shit-show.

If I had to guess, I'd say a big complicating factor for the r/polyamory set is the complexity and uncertainty. In a social institution where everyone has clearly defined roles, everyone knows how things are supposed to go, what the boundaries are, and so on- hell, in most polygamous cases, only one person (the shared husband/wife) is actually maintaining multiple intimate relationships, while the co-husbands/wives are basically in-laws to each other. Contrast that to r/polyamory, where everyone is trying to maintain multiple partners all the time, and is never sure of their status because one or more of the other people can decide to change the rules at any time.


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## drtoboggan (Nov 4, 2018)

Polygamy is gay.


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## Kebaberhelp (Nov 4, 2018)

A relationship is something beautiful, but it is also a lot of stress for somebody. You have to accept your partners good and bad. Easy as that sounds, there are things that are hard to forgive. Imagine that shit, but double or more. It is just impossible to function with so many people on that level without losing your shit.


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## ES 148 (Nov 4, 2018)

I only accept relationships with less than one person in them


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## Yes Man (Nov 4, 2018)

I guess I'll be the vocal minority here and say that :powerlevel: in my experiences, 3 ways have been functional. 
As in, a closed relationship involving three individuals all dating each other. As long as all parties are completely honest and transparent there's no issue. But that's something I think most of the population would struggle with, especially since it's never clear exactly what is important to be honest and transparent about until you find yourself actually being part of something like that. It's absolutely not for everyone and I feel like it would be better for everyone if practicing such a thing stayed in the minority.

That being said, I have absolutely no living clue how 3+ or "polycules" function. You'd have an easier time figuring out rocket science as an outsider looking in than trying to make sense of that.


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## Crunchy Leaf (Nov 4, 2018)

Yes Man said:


> I guess I'll be the vocal minority here and say that :powerlevel: in my experiences, 3 ways have been functional.
> As in, a closed relationship involving three individuals all dating each other. As long as all parties are completely honest and transparent there's no issue. But that's something I think most of the population would struggle with, especially since it's never clear exactly what is important to be honest and transparent about until you find yourself actually being part of something like that. It's absolutely not for everyone and I feel like it would be better for everyone if practicing such a thing stayed in the minority.
> 
> That being said, I have absolutely no living clue how 3+ or "polycules" function. You'd have an easier time figuring out rocket science as an outsider looking in than trying to make sense of that.


They love Google Calendar. Seriously, they talk about how great it is for polyamory all the time.



ATaxingWoman said:


> https://www.economist.com/christmas-specials/2017/12/19/the-link-between-polygamy-and-war
> TL;DR It's not a coincidence that countries with high rates of polygamy also are unstable shitholes. That, and as others have already pointed out, it's terrible for women.


I realize this is mostly off topic, but I'm confused by the '20 year olds are too old to have lots of kids' remarks...Michelle Duggar started popping em out at 22, and she has 19. The average fertility rate in South Sudan is only 4.86 children per women! My grandma had seven and she was 28 when the first one was born, and just like Michelle Duggar, she had the last one at 43, which is historically pretty normal.


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## Krokodil Overdose (Nov 4, 2018)

Crunchy Leaf said:


> I realize this is mostly off topic, but I'm confused by the '20 year olds are too old to have lots of kids' remarks...Michelle Duggar started popping em out at 22, and she has 19. The average fertility rate in South Sudan is only 4.86 children per women! My grandma had seven and she was 28 when the first one was born, and just like Michelle Duggar, she had the last one at 43, which is historically pretty normal.



From what I understand, female fertility is a "use it or lose it" type deal. Women who have several kids in their 20s and 30s can go up to 45 or so, but a woman trying for her first after the age of (say) 40 is gonna have trouble even if she's not technically menopausal yet.

E:


morbidly-obese-steven said:


> Besides of ending up miserable, I wonder how the starting point is like with these people? It is actually interesting how the people I know doing that tend to be all kind of fucking weirdos who A) have some mental or emotional issues B) do it because it is woke progressive to have 3 dads instead of mom and dad or some shit.



A lot of it may just be a local variant of junkie logic: after all, if threesomes are fun and entertaining, why not just link up with the third person and have them all the time? Of course, the novelty wears off and the emotional investment starts to set in, and suddenly the fun adventure has turned into a dysfunctional soap opera that you can't disentangle yourself from without significant consequences. [:powerlevel:]Despite being a card-carrying degenerate myself, all the people I know who've had threesome and aren't complete wrecks are very strict about never getting involved with the third person. "Sex toy with a pulse" is one description I've heard.[/:powerlevel:]


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## Malagor the dank omen (Nov 8, 2018)

Also, dunno if anyone pointed it out yet, but monogamy increases your life expentancy by an average of 10 years. It's usually explained that the stability of marriage and less stress derived from multiple partners puts less strain in your heart, making you live an average of 10 to 7 years longer than someone single.


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## wylfım (Nov 10, 2018)

Humans are naturally somewhat polygamous (I know, I know, wikipedia, but read it and the citations. Last paragraph in intro). Genetically its better for adapting to new environments because higher quality of genes are selected for, more rapidly (since not all the males mate, and males are more variable, this reduces the bottom end of the gene pool quite nicely).
Disadvantages is that men become hyper-competitive and aggressive to try to find a mate, by force if necessary, so it devolves into endless bloodshed. So monogamy is the best we've got _for now_ but it limits potential human evolution in the future.

Tl;dr monogamy good short term, polygamy good long term.


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## queerape (Nov 11, 2018)

Monogamy is better for society because there is less competition for mates, and humans can focus on more productive tasks than stealing women from harems/ trying to sort out paternity testing.


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## Replicant Sasquatch (Nov 11, 2018)

I think we've reached the point in Western society where it doesn't really matter anymore.  Monogamous relationships are better for family stability but we live in an era where children just spend 18 hours a day glued to video games so I think that ship has sailed.  Polygamy is if not widely accepted at least tolerated in all but name, and that's only because multi-person marriages are just a tax scam.

Personally in my love life I prefer long-term single partner relationships.  But that's just because I don't relate to people well.  It's hard enough finding even one person I connect with enough for romance.  Like shit I'm gonna keep track of half a dozen.


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## Y2K Baby (Nov 12, 2018)

Polygamy is better because I like the letter "p" and Pacman always wants to eat the bigger number so polygamy > monogamy


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## Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost (Nov 13, 2018)

The only advantage that Polygamy has over monogamy is in terms of financial and family stability. 

If you think back to traditional examples of Polygamy, as stated in works like the bible, the majority of those who were polygamist could afford to have extra wives and thereby extra children because they were wealthy patriarchs within their communities. In the context of the savage world of those days, it would have made sense for a woman in terms of security to shack up with a powerful man, because it was the closest to long term security and stability that she could guarantee for her offspring. 

Poorer folk back then would have only been able to marry one or two wives at most anyways, and we see this in the modern Muslim world, as most practiced polygamy is usually within a familial context, cousin marriage, etc. The fact that is, is that its exceptionally rare without some form of wealth or advantage for a man to have more than two to three wives in a polygamist marriage.

Where as Monogamy which is far from its own issues, does have the added benefit that in an ideal world the partners should be more committed to each other. There should be stronger emphasis on the raising of that group of offspring, and a closer bond between the parents. Which is something you don't get in a polygamist setting. You ultimately have to choose a favorite wife, a favorite group of children, etc.


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## lowkey (Nov 13, 2018)

Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost said:


> .
> 
> Poorer folk back then would have only been able to marry one or two wives at most anyways, and we see this in the modern Muslim world, as most practiced polygamy is usually within a familial context, cousin marriage, etc. The fact that is, is that its exceptionally rare without some form of wealth or advantage for a man to have more than two to three wives in a polygamist marriage.
> 
> Where as Monogamy which is far from its own issues, does have the added benefit that in an ideal world the partners should be more committed to each other. There should be stronger emphasis on the raising of that group of offspring, and a closer bond between the parents. Which is something you don't get in a polygamist setting. You ultimately have to choose a favorite wife, a favorite group of children, etc.



No, poorer men would generally not be able to marry, because there would be a lack of women to marry.

The question becomes what to do with the surplus men. Islamic countries sent them to war and to do raids to get among other things, female slaves.

Now they'd probably live isolated playing games and watch porn.

In china, they do not have polygamy, but they do have 135 men per 100 women. As a result, crime, traficking and prostitution soar.

Polyamory then is socially a poor choice culturally for a country, unless you have a war to send them to.

Of course the sjws that typically champion polyamory are gender denialists to a degree and would ask why you wouldn't have women in combat roles or why polyamory would only have to be one male - multiple women.

In practise, polyamorists are more likely to have lowered barriers for whom they have sex with or develop ties with. They profess to exchange jealousy for compersion, a supposed joy of seeing their partner sexually fulfilled by another.

And in the polyamory scene you see a lot of women who have frequent sex with a smaller number of higher status men and a group of men who rarely or never have sex.

Of course the lowered barrier for sex means they are likely to get thrown some sex, out of pity, out of convenience.

A considerable amount of these people are on antidepressants or will end up killing themselves. I'm sure it works out well from some people. But having organized events for various polyamory activists, they put on a much brighter facade for the outside world. Even in the short time I saw some of these famous or semi famous activists, particularly how they treated their supposed loved ones, has soured my ability to look at polyamory as anything other than a big dream doomed to fail, an oasis that turns out to be a mirage.


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## averagejane (Nov 14, 2018)

what with how people are so egotistical and in need of validation these days, I don't see polygamy being sustainable.

If you're one man of many, congrats: you're a cuck and no woman will respect you.
if you're one woman of many, enjoy cattiness and the competitiveness of women.
a house ofs many women and men is just an mixture of all of it.

I could maybe see a child benefiting from a stable income of many momma's and dadas, and a life without the fear of witnessing a divorce. but I also see a child growing up to feel entitled to as many relationships as they want, so...


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## Overcast (Nov 16, 2018)

I just can't see myself being in a relationship with more than one woman.

I would imagine it would be miserable knowing that one person tells you he/she loves you only to go off and fuck some other person. It just tells you that you aren't special to them, and you're just something to satisfy them for the moment.

Who would want to live like that?


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