# Who was the creepiest person you've ever met IRL.



## Jerry_ smith56 (Sep 8, 2018)

Lots of threads like this exist on Reddit and I was wondering what stories would come from us kiwi farmers. They could be creepy exs or overprotective parents. 

You cannot use lolcows you've met IRL in this thread because that would be boring. I might make a thread for that in the near future if the response to this is positive.


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## UncleFezziesPantsPuppet (Sep 8, 2018)

I had a boss who didn’t believe in bathing and would say creepy shit about the teenage females that came through my job. One thing that still makes me cringe was something he once said, “If they’re old enough to bleed, they’re old enough for me.” 

Thankfully he took his own life years ago when he got cancer.


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## MG 620 (Sep 8, 2018)

Cancer is not always a bitch.


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## Nekromantik (Sep 8, 2018)

I saw two different people that walked around reciting the bible. Not just phrases from the bible, it was more like they were reading off pages and pages of it. It was like listening to an audio book of the bible, but it was coming from two nicely dressed young guys. They both had dress shirts and slacks on. One of them even stopped what he was saying long enough to order a burger, than picked up right where he left off after he was done.

These two weren't together. I saw them at different times in the span of two weeks.


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## Jerry_ smith56 (Sep 8, 2018)

Nekromantik said:


> I saw two different people that walked around reciting the bible. Not just phrases from the bible, it was more like they were reading off pages and pages of it. It was like listening to an audio book of the bible, but it was coming from two nicely dressed young guys. They both had dress shirts and slacks on. One of them even stopped what he was saying long enough to order a burger, than picked up right where he left off after he was done.
> 
> These two weren't together. I saw them at different times in the span of two weeks.


Their parents must be proud.


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## Nekromantik (Sep 8, 2018)

Jerry_ smith56 said:


> Their parents must be proud.


They looked Mormon, but I don't know if Mormons do that. I've only met two types of Mormons, really nice, or really weird.


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## drain (Sep 8, 2018)

My physics professor from high school always seemed drunk early in the morning, his clothes were always dirty, as his hair, and he smelled like one month-old sweat.
He made strange remarks about both genders, and one time, he compared the way a girl moved her ass when walking to some sort of pendulum mechanics shit, in the middle of lecture. He literally said that the asshole of the girl was equal to the 'center of mass' of the pendulum, in that comparision.
He was a mess, and one day he simply didn't show up. We never saw him after that, and teachers apparently didn't want to tell us what happened, but we guessed he was fired.


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## Clop (Sep 8, 2018)

Alrighty, where to start.

When I was living in a student apartment with my two buddies and one of them moved out, a Chinese guy moved it in his place. To put his demeanor short, he was the only Chinese guy who never learned the local language, every other Chinese guy thought he was a complete jerk. Not a big deal since English is widely known by everyone anyway, but here's the little things for starters:

He always crammed the fridge full of vegetables despite being told numerous times that there's a cold storage under the fridge that isn't as cold, so every time his veggies started freezing he complained that the fridge needs to be turned up in temp a few degrees (which would mean spoiled milk, lovely times). The kitchen was always filled with fresh produce like he was cooking for an entire family, the dishes piled up fast and the smell was overwhelming. He insisted on wearing hard slippers which made a loud SCHLOP noise as he walked around because he thought the indoors floor was too dirty to talk in socks.

One night I hear him come home piss-ass drunk and shouting and banging shit in his room, so I pop my head out of my room and tell him to be quiet cus it's the middle of the night. In response, he storms out of his room, butt-naked, and starts jumping around with his dick almost slapping me in the face while screaming "FUUUCK YOUUUU" and then turning around and going back into his room. From which he still yells some curse words in my language (the only words he ever learned.)

The next morning I notice the bathroom door handle is broken because while he was jumping around he grabbed it and twisted it, breaking the clasp in place. I have to screw the damn thing open to get a shower. This is the point where I am reminded that he always responds to negativity and serious "You need to fucking stop this shit"-talks with smiling and laughing (he says he always does that, and in my culture such an attitude would get your ass kicked pretty hard when you start laughing at someone telling you you're an utter ass.)

I am slightly shaken that he's so unhinged so I just move out to a new apartment. After a year, he knocks on the door and informs he's moving into THAT apartment now. Apparently he used to be in a single room flat for a while before that but "it's being renovated so they had to get me another place to live" - I do not want to know what transpired there. It was utter pure bad luck that he was given a room in that apartment I had moved in. I'd rather be hit by lightning, really.

So as I am making preparations to get my own flat to get permanently away from this insanity, he knocks on my door, smiling, and asks if I wanna go outside to wrestle. The guy is much more muscled than me, taller than me, and he is fucking insane, so naturally I say no. After that I made sure I never again have to live with complete strangers. For all I know he could've tried clocking me out for the fun of it any day, and I wouldn't even be surprised.

To this day I hate the sound of slippers schlopping across the floor.


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Sep 8, 2018)

1. A man who tried to date my mom when I was a teenager. He was talking to me in our house and he told me that he thought I was cute and touched my arm. The whole encounter made me uncomfortable and I told my mom about it right after it happened.

2. An old man who was a customer where my mom was a bartender. I liked him for a while and I used to have conversations with him when I'd visit the restaurant and he seemed like a nice friendly older man. Until I got a phone call on my mom's phone and I heard this old man who was married, by the way- trying to talk my mom into having sex with him in his car. (She didn't do it though.)
After that I couldn't look at him the same and I refused to chat with him. I ended up befriending a local customer instead.


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## An Sionnach Seang (Sep 8, 2018)

years ago I was out at the pub with a few mates and this lad who was a friend of a friend joined our group 
the first thing we noticed was that he was socially stunted - after he arrived, it was fully half an hour before he spoke to anyone
he was a few years younger than me, very scrawny, spoke in a near-whisper, always stared and never smiled or blinked
he was unbelievably creepy and shifty, the kind of person you don't want to turn your back on in case they try to stab you in the neck
having said that, he wasn't there for long; he got thrown out of the pub for starting a fire in an ashtray, lol

the other one I remember was this guy who sometimes drank at my pub and who worked as a teacher
he was outwardly friendly and sociable, but he set off my internal dodgy-fucker alarm something terrible
it was partly his unfortunate appearance (tiny eyes, greasy skin, dodgy glasses and going very bald) but mainly something about his mannerisms, something I just couldn't put my finger on


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## Tragi-Chan (Sep 8, 2018)

When I was a student, I had a landlord who was basically the IRL version of Pop from the League of Gentlemen. Looked like him, sounded like him, acted like him. To the point where I actually wondered if he was the basis of the character.




He used to creep on my female housemate and any female friends we had over. He’d show up at random times - like, 10 at night. He had a number of equally gross friends who also tried to creep on anyone female in the vicinity.

He had been married four times. His oldest child was 59 and the youngest was 3. His last wife, he told us proudly, was his stepdaughter, but he dumped her shortly after getting her pregnant.

He didn’t like me because I clashed with him over the time he tried to put an extra level on the house without telling us right in the middle of exams.


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## Lord of the Large Pants (Sep 8, 2018)

If you've never met a super creep in your life, then the super creep is you.

Wait...

Fuck.


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## Lez (Sep 8, 2018)

I went to a wedding reception and some old guy sat really close to me and began asking my uncomfortable questions. I was kicking my dad under the table for five minutes, he didn't help, and I only got away because I said a sibling was beckoning me over to the dance floor.


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## Tranhuviya (Sep 8, 2018)

Kevin Spencer said:


> I had a boss who didn’t believe in bathing and would say creepy shit about the teenage females that came through my job. One thing that still makes me cringe was something he once said, “If they’re old enough to bleed, they’re old enough for me.”


Did he reincarnate as Dan Schneider?


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## UncleFezziesPantsPuppet (Sep 8, 2018)

Tranhuviya said:


> Did he reincarnate as Dan Schneider?


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## LazarusOwenhart (Sep 8, 2018)

A dude my wife used to know who ran a church youth group once very generously donated a full Acorn RISC PC to my collection complete with a ton of mint games, a shit load of spare parts and all the manuals and accessories I could ever want. Naturally my first step was to format the drives. Three weeks after giving me the machine (but not linked to it) he was busted as a huge peado. Now I know he was tech savvy enough to have scrubbed those drives clean before giving the machine away assuming his porn was ever on it (they found it on DVDRWs in his attic) but I nuked them all the same. I know he didn't give the machine away to cover his tracks as he was busted purely by accident when he left a DVD in his laptop and his wife thought it was old family photos and thought she's reminice.


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## Red Hood (Sep 8, 2018)

My High School had at least two that creeped me out.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my Computer Science teacher in High School used to skeeve the hell out of me. It wasn't too bad when we were in the BASIC programming course with lots of people, but once we got into learning J# and the class was down to like, 8 people...Basically, he was an older dude, I believe a Vietnam vet. If we asked a question, he'd come up behind our chairs, put his hands on our shoulders and rub, all the while asking questions while calling us things like "Sport" or "Champ". I was so uncomfortable from that that I literally stopped asking questions and never understood the J# language. I passed the class by copy-pasting code from a website. And that's pretty much why I quit programming.

I was kind of into this girl that was big into Drama and Theater, and hung around with the theater clique that I otherwise couldn't stand just to hang around her. The drama teacher, who was _always _there until about 7pm, was a morbidly obese middle-aged guy that I'd describe as Bush League Dan Schneider. I remember this vividly because he was paying a lot of attention to the girl I was into and she always looked really distressed when he was around. I never found out anything else but I got some seriously fucking weird vibes out of that. Could have just been my hormones and territoriality overreacting, but still...


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## MemeGray (Sep 8, 2018)

A small time "promoter" for my towns rock music scene used to have house parties, I only went to 2 of them but both times he invited like 16 year old girls and tried to hook up with them, neither were interested cause he was like 25 fat and ugly but it weirded me out how much he'd push them to drink more and try to get them alone.


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## wateryketchup (Sep 8, 2018)

One of my high school gym teachers got arrested for putting cameras in the boy's locker room.

Edit: After reading all the posts it seems like high school is the common thread here. absolutely_disgusting.png


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## Pickle Inspector (Sep 8, 2018)

Probably a paedophile who tried to get me to go in his car when I was in primary school but drove away quickly after I told him I was in primary school and not in high school.


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## Chopinpiano (Sep 8, 2018)

There was a girl I knew in HS that told me that she has had a hit put on her in the mafia. She was really clingy and I hated her, she was also an extreme feminist and got political a lot. She had depression too, always wanted to kill herself. A shame the mafia never went through with the hit.


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## Doc Cassidy (Sep 8, 2018)

Probably my buddy's roommate Skins. I don't even know his real name, everyone just called him Skinny or Skins because he was super lanky to the point of being almost skeletal. I always liked smoking weed with him because the stories he told were trippy as hell.

The creepiest thing about him was that he collected animal skulls. He didn't buy them off the internet or anything, he carried a machete in his car and if he saw a dead raccoon or cat he'd cut its head off and leave it on the front porch until it rotted away then bring the skull in his room.

One day he came home with a fresh goat head and the first thing we asked is where the fuck he found a goat head. I wish you could understand what Skins's voice sounds like, it's low and slow and he enunciates every word. He said "I was driving and I saw some goats in a field and thought about how I really wanted a goat skull. So I parked my car and got my machete and I cut one of their heads off. I felt bad because he was still alive but I really wanted a goat skull."

Skins was a pretty crazy dude. I haven't talked to him in years so I don't know if he's upgraded to children's skulls yet.


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## Sperglord Dante (Sep 8, 2018)

I am acquainted with a convicted murderer, though I met him when he was still a normal person.

"Murderer" kinda sells him short. He raped and then killed his niece and grandmother with a copper elephant statue in a fit of cocaine-fueled rage.


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## chunkygoth (Sep 8, 2018)

I haven't met any notably creepy people that I can recall, but someone my bf met has always scared me. 
There was a teacher at my bf's high school who was notably weird. He taught German, but he had a PhD in Art History, and for his thesis he followed around an avant-garde European artist whose schtick was to cut the penises off of rats, spray paint the penises different colors, and then nail them to boards. He did this for several years so that's a little insight into his interests. He didn't believe in gravity but he did believe in weight (???) and would argue with students in class about it. After my bf graduated, he tried to kill his wife. He did not succeed but he beat her so hard one of her eyes popped out*. Now that guy is in jail. It always seemed bizarre to me that a school would hire someone whose thesis is such a red flag.

*She popped it back in.


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## Red Hood (Sep 8, 2018)

chunkygoth said:


> I haven't met any notably creepy people that I can recall, but someone my bf met has always scared me.
> There was a teacher at my bf's high school who was notably weird. He taught German, but he had a PhD in Art History, and for his thesis he followed around an avant-garde European artist whose schtick was to cut the penises off of rats, spray paint the penises different colors, and then nail them to boards. He did this for several years so that's a little insight into his interests. He didn't believe in gravity but he did believe in weight (???) and would argue with students in class about it. After my bf graduated, he tried to kill his wife. He did not succeed but he beat her so hard one of her eyes popped out*. Now that guy is in jail. It always seemed bizarre to me that a school would hire someone whose thesis is such a red flag.
> 
> *She popped it back in.


You'd think so, but I mean Nintendo hired Ali Rapp so...oversights like that seem to be a blindspot for HR.


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## MerriedxReldnahc (Sep 8, 2018)

I attract weirdos like shit atracts flies, so I'd be hard-pressed to come up with a person I haven't written about on the forum already. Here's a summery of some I've mentioned before:
-Dumpy Harry Potter look-a-like who is super quiet and unassuming, yet goes full-force creeper if a girl talkes to him. Used to jerk off in the library A LOT and has been suspended many times for it. Allegedly printed out porn pics on the library computers. Asked to see my titties. Offered to fuck a teacher. Got removed from the school after that. 
-Schizophrenic guy who had a meltdown over a club fundraiser online post which featured the address of the local pizza place. Apparently that's HIS address. Also something about Satan. Thought George Bush ate babies. Probably thinks the same about Trump. Stalks multiple women and wrote a murder mystery love story about one in which he kills her. Thinks that's romantic. Also he fucks cheap (and presumably, desperate) prostitutes in staggering numbers, leading to a recent AIDS scare. Scared half my college tutoring center to the point that they wouldn't work with him, the Cultural Center Club is terrified of him. I've got six people all offering to beat him within inches of his life if he so much as looks at me funny. Looks like the guy from Eraserhead but with a perpetually condecending expression.
-Middle aged dude that looks like Baron Harkonnen after major bariatric surgery. Used to go around campus photographing young women and posting them online. Fapping was probably involved. The cops definitly were. Allegedly is legally barred from having a Facebook. Has a massive stack of harrasment reports against him and the entire faculty knows about his creepiness but my college is too retar.ded to do anything about him. The local bus system has banned him on occasion and nearly every routine bus rider (and driver) knows to avoid his creepy ass.


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## Cosmos (Sep 8, 2018)

I've been blessed with a lack of creepy people in my life, but one incident still stands out.

When I was about 15 or 16 I was at a bookstore with my mom to get my required reading books for the upcoming school year. After I got them I wandered off by myself to find books to read for fun. After a while I noticed that this guy (I'm bad at guessing ages but he was probably in his thirties) was staring at me. I got creeped out and moved to a different section of bookshelves. Sure enough, he followed me, although this time he tried to make it less obvious; he was still peeking at me from around the shelf. I moved to a new shelf and yep, there he was. When I was about to leave again he tried to strike up a conversation with me (I forget what it was about) and it was really awkward. 

I quickly excused myself and left, but _yet again _he started following me. I got freaked out and quickly bolted for the restroom, texting my mom to meet me there. When I left to meet her, the guy thankfully wasn't there. But when we left the building, I turned around and saw him watching me from the window. I was so creeped out I didn't even mention the incident to my mom.

Also, you should know that I've always had a baby face and look younger than I actually am, so there's no way this guy thought I was older than I was. I was very clearly a young teenager and he was much older.


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## The Last Stand (Sep 8, 2018)

This one teacher at my school would always get up close and personal with some students. Imitating voices, acting childish, wearing revealing clothing. And it was high school.


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## An Sionnach Seang (Sep 8, 2018)

The Shadow said:


> You'd think so, but I mean Nintendo hired Ali Rapp so...oversights like that seem to be a blindspot for HR.



and because massive fuckups in the workplace are only acceptable if you work in an office


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Sep 9, 2018)

I've got an interesting one that I blocked from my memory until a post on here brought it all back.

Many years ago I made the mistake of stopping and talking to some random stranger who was standing outside of a coffee shop and asking people for change. These days I would keep walking but I ended up stuck in a conversation with the guy for way too long. First it was innocent topics like music and bands. Then he noticed that I had black nail polish on and he asked about it. He ended up telling me about how two women he loved killed themselves. In great detail. It was awkward and I just wanted to leave. At one point point the guy asked me if I wanted to go in his van and that he wouldn't fuck me because he "wasn't on."
I told him I had a girlfriend at the time and wasn't interested.

He started asking me if I was going to kill myself. I kept saying no.

_Weird guy: Promise me you won't do one thing... I don't want you to kill yourself.
Me- I won't. I don't want to kill myself.
Weird guy- Don't do it, I don't want you to kill yourself.
Me- Don't worry, I won't.
Weird Guy- You can't kill yourself.
Me- I won't. 
Weird Guy- ARE YOU GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!!???
Me- No.
Weird Guy- DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE!!!
Me- I won't commit suicide.
Weird Guy- YOU PROMISE?
Me- I promise I won't commit suicide._

A woman happened to pass me while this was going on and I said she was my friend and I went with her to get away from that creepy person. I'm glad that stranger walked by me because I would have stayed there since I didn't know how to get out of it.


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## Commander X (Sep 9, 2018)

I've encountered a few creepy people in my time and I have heard or witnessed stories about them from people I know, I could fill a whole thread with these anecdotes and keep at it for a week.

In college, a couple of my friends were people who were members of a club for RPGs, the tabletop variety.  I wasn't a member but I did hang about a couple of times and one of their regulars was not a student, but a guy of about thirty who was still dressing and acting like a typical high school devil worshipping edgy person. Giant pentacle on a chain, black trenchcoat, all of that and a pair of giant square-lensed amber-tinted glasses and a haircut that was like he couldn't decide between a flattop crewcut and a mullet and split the difference. For awhile he was part of a DnD game along with one of the freshman girls in the club and insisted on walking her home from the place the game was held back to her dorm even though it was only a few blocks and regaled her with his status as a Satanist, black magician and psychic vampire and bragged about all of the spells he could perform. Shortly before he left the club due to a new job elsewhere he managed to follow another girl into her dorm and rather pressingly attempted to invite her to partake in an orgy with him and his many girlfriends, though as far as anyone knew his only gf was some generic surly fat gothy chick ten years younger than him.

from that same locale, another girl I knew was approached by this guy that she passed on his way to class. From the description, I was sure I'd seen this guy around somewhere. He couldn't have been more than 5'2", weighed probably 100 pounds, and dressed like a slightly more subdued version of an over the top nerd from a 1980s sitcom. He always had on a white button up shirt tucked into black slacks that were pulled up a bit too high but not up to his armpits or anything, and wore these glasses with plain black plastic frames. He was a tiny, awkward, dorky guy but he seemed nice enough (to her), and he always made a point of greeting her and waving when they passed each other on her way to an early morning class. She didn't think much of it, just another one of the people she encountered on a daily basis, he became just one more of those familiar faces.

So one day, he decided to make his move, instead of simply saying "hello" he started quizzing her if she knew a "Claudette" and when she said she wasn't familiar with any Claudettes he went from mild to enraged:
"You definitely know Claudette, you were in her dorm room when I walked by, I saw you!" She attempted to disentangle herself from the "conversation" but he just got angrier and demanded to know why she was lying - she was immediately fed up and told him to chill out and leave her be. His response was to suddenly become contrite, apologize for getting loud and then ask her, now that "I got your attention", out for a coffee or a bite to eat off campus or visit this teashop or-  she declined and walked off leaving him standing there fuming and jabbering about how women were all liars or a similar vein of thought. Through asking a few people in her classes, she learned that he wasn't even taking any classes in that particular building and so had no business being in that building. He had passed her every day for much of that semester, so apparently, he was hanging out in that building just to say hello to her every day. Apparently he was in his mid twenties but looked like he was twelve and from what she gathered from conversations with other people, he had a reputation for latching onto random girls about the campus, effectively stalking them until they freaked out and told him to piss off. No one had ever seen him in any classes, and no one was really even sure if he was even a student.


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## ️ronic (Sep 9, 2018)

Sperglord Dante said:


> He raped and then killed his niece and grandmother with a copper elephant statue in a fit of cocaine-fueled rage.


Don't you just hate family reunions?


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## Commander X (Sep 9, 2018)

Samples of some of my own personal cavalcade of weirdos I've encountered

- roommate at a rental house I stayed at in my immediate post-college housing situation, where a group of people were sharing the rent and bedrooms. Lucky me, I got a room with a black dude who stared in the mirror and quoted movies. He also had vivid out-loud fantasies where he was a maverick cop who did what it takes, and he constantly had arguments with his superiors over his tactics. When the arguments got especially nasty, or when he was employing his tactics on perps in the interrogation room, he would be laying on his single-size bed on his side of the room facing the wall as close as he could possibly get, and then he would whisper FURIOUSLY into the wall, which did nothing to buffer or muffle the madness coming out of his mouth. I would lay on my bed on the other side of the not very big room as he would be tearing a perp to shreds with his words or expressing anguish over having his hands tied by the chief. He more or less lived through every possible scenario wherein a hot-headed young black idealist cop couldn't achieve justice on his community.

-  Gary, a one-time next door neighbor of mine who used to spend his entire paycheck on crank and stay up for a week at a time, playing music late into the night, covering his face with "war paint" and wearing an army helmet he had hand-painted sloppy psychedelic colors. Gary was *obsessed *with the Doors and used to introduce himself to people as ''Gary Morrison'' and gave off a very odd vibe. I mean, yeah of course he did.

- Lived near a "boarding house" run by a landlady , a 50ish woman from Austria with an on-again off-again boyfriend named (I swear) Michael Jackson, who took a bit too much acid once upon a time and thought he was the second coming of Christ. Her home was a nest of insanity, with an incredible succession of weirdos, crooks and dope fiends cycling through it during the time I was living nearby, which included her son and tenant Eric, who was a drunk, a meth fiend, frantically paranoid and a certified loon who got a crazy check from the government. He actually attacked me once due to some delusion of his, resulting in a clumsy fistfight between him with his crazy eyes staring at me, me and another neighbor. The cops used to show up to get him on a regular basis (drunk/high and disorderly or beating up his mom or her boyfriend). The cops showed up one night for him and it took them about an hour  for them to finally drag him out  the crawlspace he'd been hiding in.


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## BeanBidan (Sep 9, 2018)

A former coworker from my last job. Dude would talk about Loli hentai at work


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## ASU (Sep 9, 2018)

This weird kid in the 4th grade asked me to nut in a cup so he could drink it, and when I said no he told me someone peed on his shoes earlier that day. I closed the door in his face at that point.

A girl I dated in 8th grade freaked out because she thought I wanted her to suck my dick. Which, I mean, I did but she thought I was obsessed about it, which I wasn't. Later she had a panic attack in school and it turned out her dad was abusing her and obsessed with getting head from her.

In the 12th grade I stumbled upon my best friend's father's hurtcore CP collection. Turned out she (my friend) was one of his victims. I found it by innocently searching for "games" on his PC. "Games.jpg" was one of the CP filenames, the picture involved broomsticks and a toddler.

Then there was the 12 year old nympho who fucked my friend while insisting that his face be covered with pictures of Gloria Estefan and Madonna.

Really now that I think about it I could type all night about the freaky-ass people I've met. I met a crack dealer with a personal slave crackhead once.


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## Cosmos (Sep 9, 2018)

ASU said:


> A girl I dated in 8th grade freaked out because she thought I wanted her to suck my dick. Which, I mean, I did but she thought I was obsessed about it, which I wasn't. Later she had a panic attack in school and it turned out her dad was abusing her and obsessed with getting head from her.
> 
> In the 12th grade I stumbled upon my best friend's father's hurtcore CP collection. Turned out she (my friend) was one of his victims. I found it by innocently searching for "games" on his PC. "Games.jpg" was one of the CP filenames, the picture involved broomsticks and a toddler.



That’s really, really disgusting and sad. I hope those two girls are in a better state now.


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## Cable 7 (Sep 9, 2018)

This one dude tried to bro-hoof me at a convention once.
The wounds from then are still healing...


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## Chopinpiano (Sep 9, 2018)

Doc Cassidy said:


> Probably my buddy's roommate Skins. I don't even know his real name, everyone just called him Skinny or Skins because he was super lanky to the point of being almost skeletal. I always liked smoking weed with him because the stories he told were trippy as hell.
> 
> The creepiest thing about him was that he collected animal skulls. He didn't buy them off the internet or anything, he carried a machete in his car and if he saw a dead raccoon or cat he'd cut its head off and leave it on the front porch until it rotted away then bring the skull in his room.
> 
> ...




sounds like a serial killer


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## Doc Cassidy (Sep 9, 2018)

Chopinpiano said:


> sounds like a serial killer


Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on the news for the inevitable day that he's arrested so I can brag to everyone that I used to smoke dope with a serial killer, that will get me so much pussy. I'm going to go on the news and talk about how he seemed so normal and how surprised I am which is a lie but the news is all lies anyway. I'll say he loved animals which is technically true in a way.


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## MerriedxReldnahc (Sep 9, 2018)

Doc Cassidy said:


> Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on the news for the inevitable day that he's arrested so I can brag to everyone that I used to smoke dope with a serial killer, that will get me so much pussy. I'm going to go on the news and talk about how he seemed so normal and how surprised I am which is a lie but the news is all lies anyway. I'll say he loved animals which is technically true in a way.


Shiiit, that reminds me of a story my parents have told me about their high school days. They were DnD playing metalheads and hung out in similar company of metalheads and stoners. After school they'd chill and this one really creepy dude would hang out in their group. Not super older tham them, but still too old to be hanging out with high schoolers. Had longish black hair, hispanic looking, creepy as hell. Turns out that this wasn't just any creepy guy, when Richard Ramirez was finally arrested my parents and their friend group all swore that _this was the creepy guy who hung out with them after school._
So my parents might have smoked pot with the Night Stalker at some point.


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## UnsufficentBoobage (Sep 9, 2018)

Do people I saw in a literal psychiatric hospital count? I ended there due to adverse reaction to some prescribed stuff, and, well, they kept whoever was female and non-dangerous on a single floor (and no-one was allowed into the rooms outside of nighttime and 1 hour after dinner), so I saw some shit.


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## Ido (Sep 9, 2018)

Well, I think I found the creepiest person an entire 30 person class met.

We had a class lolcow a few semesters ago, dude was off his nut. Imagine Tommy Wiseau except all the eccentricities and none of the charm. He wrote some really weird fucking homework questions, some of us dug up some social media posts as well, that ended up circulating through the entire class, and even spread to a few other classes the guy wasn't in because it was just hilarious. Think irl kiwi farms. One of his assignments legit started with *Readies Soapbox* before he launched into a giant rant.

Anyways I had to sit next to him and was immensely uncomfortable the entire semester. I usually try to be as polite and don't really ignore people but I actually was so unnerved by him that I would refuse to talk to him when the teacher told us to talk to the people next to us, all I would do is look ahead and stare. One time my teacher got pissed at me for always being so silent but i said i was tired and pretended to sleep for the rest of class to avoid talking to him. He never did quite get it into his head and would always talk, he also never figured to turn to the other two people on his other side, granted they were also terrified of him. I did end up taking the girl on the other side of him's spot a few times to be with a friend (and get away) she started to legit hate me for it even though I only did it a like 5 times... It was always then that he learned to turn the other way for partner chat.

Anyways, halfway through spreading the good word of his wacky posts, he walks in not 30 seconds after me and two girls had talked about it. My friend and I both silently freaked the fuck out the entire class and on the way out she said something to the effect of "I hate having to tiptoe around people on the off chance they decide to shoot up the school", apparently we had both gotten school shorter vibes from him. He didn't do it obviously, but when we brought it up to more people they also agreed they got those vibes from him, namely the entire row behind us. He was away the last few days of the semester and everyone in class openly talked about how fucking off he was and had a genuinely good time in class, unlike whenever he walked in and the classroom would go silent unless prompted by the teacher.

Tl;dr: some guy was such a weirdo that everyone in the class got school shooter vibes from him. They also turned irl kiwi farms and laughed at all his shit, I have never felt so connected to a class.


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## Kiwi Lime Pie (Sep 10, 2018)

Spoiler: CW: Underage sex



Several years ago at a tournament, I found myself unofficially babysitting the tournament director's five-year old kid when the former had to make rounds at other the fields in the park hosting the tournament. Upon seeing her mother returning to our field later on, the kid ran off to rejoin her and ran past an umpire who was waiting to umpire the next games on the field I was at.

Fast forward a few months, and the local newspaper had an article that the aforementioned umpire was arrested when his girl friend found a video, played it, and looked on in horror to see he had videotaped himself fooling around with her teen/tween daughter :horrifying::islamic:. The guy seemed to be a prominent umpire in the area, so his arrest generated quite the buzz. My colleagues that were familiar with the guy felt just as shocked and repulsed as I was when they heard the news.

Worse, I couldn't help wondering if he had taken any creepy interest in my colleague's five year-old when she ran past him to rejoin her mother. The mere thought left me so shaken and disgusted that I promised myself that any future kids entrusted in my care would be personally escorted from one spot to the next to ensure their well-being and safety.
Just thinking about the guy to share this story here leaves me feeling creeped out.


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## BatNapalm (Sep 10, 2018)

When I was just out of college I lived in Cleveland (aka StinkTown, OH) and took public transit to and from my job for a little while. One afternoon, this mentally ill homeless guy got on the bus and I swear to god, he looked like quasi-famous midget entertainer Beetlejuice, except blown up to normal-person height.

The bus is dead quiet and he immediately starts babbling to himself (or possibly addressing everyone, it's really hard to say with people who are that far gone) about how he's "the neighborhood storyteller" and "friendly grocery stores" before sitting down in the back in a seat that the previous occupants vacated after seeing him waddling towards them. Seriously, they got up from that seat like they just discovered a fucking bomb. So as we ride to the next stop, Giant Beetlejuice continues to mumble to himself and intermittently bury his head in his hands and scream, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

The worst part was when he stood up a couple stops later, he started randomly talking to people about other people on the bus (I'm not proud to admit, but yeah, I fucking hid). Like one guy had a lunchbox and the dude repeatedly screamed in his ear "WHERE ARE YOU TAKING THAT LUNCHBOX?" and when that person escaped, he turned to the next immediate person and yelled, "WHERE DID THAT PERSON TAKE THAT LUNCHBOX?"

Not sure about the rest of the passengers, but I know I let out a sigh of relief when that fucker eventually got off. You read these stories about how people in less-enlightened eras of human history were convinced that crazy people like Giant Beetlejuice were actually possessed by demons and I can almost see their point.


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## Curt Sibling (Sep 11, 2018)

A few years back, at my table in a comic con - This balloon-shaped young man in Matt Smith Dr Who cosplay
comes up and browses my books. He has those tell-tale dead eyes and potato face of autism, but I don't judge.

Picking out a comic with a lot of babes, he asks if I have anything with very erotic content, I politely say that
I draw fun adult cartoons, not porn. He blinks spergishly and then proceeds to tell me that he is a writer.
He tells me about his fan fiction blog. A fan fiction blog  of rule-34 Harry Potter, and his pals.

I promptly tell him to get the hell away from my table. He wanders over to the next table and starts
exactly the same robotic conversation with my friend...What a big mutant lump of sick.


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## John Titor (Sep 11, 2018)

There are these two weirdos that have the same behavior despite being obviously different people who come into my store listening to music on their phone but with them pressed against their head and singing along loudly. I'd describe them as wiggers but one of them was Asian. They go around asking random strangers for fist bumps and occasionally strike a threatening pose yelling "Yeah what? What? What? Want to start some shit?" They keep coming back despite being kicked out numerous times for being nuissances that sometimes the cops had to come in and they don't stop coming after that. I think the worst part of this encounter is that they don't fucking buy anything.


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## Nekromantik (Sep 11, 2018)

I don't know if it's creepy, but one of my old high school science teacher joined the Scientology cult over Christmas break. He came back and told everyone about how we all had alien souls in us and how we can fix them. I didn't know what Scientology was at the time, so I just thought it was funny. He even gave us Scientology related school work. I later heard that he quit teaching and ran off to California to become an American Gladiator.


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## neverendingmidi (Sep 11, 2018)

There was one guy I met in the military who the second I met him I felt cold chills and wanted him far, far away from me. No idea why. My friends got along fine with him, and kept trying to get me to hang out with them and the guy, but I always begged off. Just loathing at first sight, and there was nothing visible in his behavior or dress that I could point to to say “this, this is why I’m creeped the fuck out by him”.

He wound up screwing my friends over later, but up to that point they never understood my dislike.

I don’t remember his name or anything, I vaguely wonder what happened to him.


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## Nick Gars (Sep 11, 2018)

Some weed dealer who was a convicted fellon.  After he got out of prison, he sent my homie who was pretty much his protege a golden knife and 9mm to let him know he got out. He's still out there somewhere, not looking forward to the day I have to face this crazy fucker.


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## PT 522 (May 11, 2019)

One time I was walking down a forested path right next to a quiet neighborhood in the summer. A guy who was walking the opposite direction of me (so towards me due west while I was walking towards him due east) stopped when we crossed paths and asked me where the pool is. He definitely was not dressed for the pool though, in dress pants and a button up shirt carrying either a messenger bag or a laptop (which one escapes me). 

I told him the pool was about a mile in the direction to the left of where he was walking, around quite a few corners. Also, the pool is members only, but he said he wasn't a member, which struck me as odd because there was a non-exclusive pool nearby, too, but he wasn't looking for the one he could actually get in. His story didn't quite line up, but maybe he was just new to the area and was just going to the pool that was the top result on google? Idk.

I asked if he didn't have google maps on his phone but he just said "ok" and kept walking so I did too. But maybe five paces later, he flips a u turn and starts following me. I noticed because I'm not a dope and was looking over my shoulder while pretending to check my phone. 
So I dialed a 9 and a 1 and hustled over to sit on the hood of a nearby empty cop car. He sped up to keep pace with me until maybe the last 5 meters but never called out or anything, which to me says he wasn't quite looking for clarification on my directions.

I saw him hanging out on the edge of the forest staring at me before going back in and walking off, not towards the pool.
I'm sure there's an explanation for all this where he may have been a normal dude that just happened to act like a serial killer, but whatever better safe than sorry.


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## Sprig of Parsley (May 11, 2019)

Back when I worked as a haybuck/generic yardmonkey for a seed-and-feed a customer struck up a conversation with me about the amazing health benefits of algae.  As I finish loading his order he hands me a small dark-greenish capsule and as I'm puzzling over it he explains that taking these cured his herpes.  After he went on his way I dropped the capsule, sprinted to the restroom and washed my hands with soap and water so hot I could barely stand it.  For minutes straight.


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## PT 522 (May 11, 2019)

Oh wait I also forgot but I knew this weirdo in high school --
She was a girl but called herself a male name, let's say Carl. She wasn't a transsexual, but just thought the name Carl was randem ecks dee.
She literally smelled like an open dumpster. It was so bad that you could smell it from two desks away. I can't describe it, just combine rotting food with moldy socks and a leaking garbage bag with BO in your head and you'll come close.
Carl's hair was always so greasy that it looked like she just stepped out of the shower, too.

Personal grooming oddities wouldn't be so bad if she didn't insist on touching people all the time. She would insist on hugs even if you weren't friends, and if you tried to pull away, then Carl would grab your arm in a vice-like grip and literally twist it until you obeyed. She would also sit in people's laps uninvited. I think one time she hugged me and the grease from her hair left a stain on my shirt. She did the same thing with hand holding, too...

She had a habit of picking one person to latch really damn hard on to, so her friendships were short lived. One time she got an unfortunate girl to hang out with her and wouldn't shut up about "remember, you're my bitch ... you'll do anything I say".
In junior year she would wear a pair of cat ears everywhere and offer a matching set to everyone, and if you accepted you were the new "friend" and also her "pet" and she'd demand that you miau and let her pet you.

One time Carl decided to cling on to me for like a week because we were in the same class. The very first night after I gave her my phone number, she was begging me to play Disney's Toon Town with her. When I politely declined, she started going off on a tangent about how she was about to kill herself and already took some pills and blah blah, so I asked her address (for the 911 operator) and her response was "it's x, why, arw you coming to visit me? :3" lel.


----------



## tasty humane burger (May 11, 2019)

From the ages of 12 until 14 I hung around with a big emo posse. I got to know a lot of people from my area through this time and made some firm friends but there was always older kids who would be kicking about so the age range of this group, even though I was hanging out mostly with people no older than 15 when I was 12 went from around 12 to 18. The older ones had the backs of the younger kids and we didn't really interact because what sane 18 year old would want to headbang to Avenged Sevenfold in the middle of a shopping centre with a group of 12 and 13 year olds, right? 

This guy started hanging out with us who was 21, I assumed at the time that he was a friend of one of the older kids because when I first started to see him was during the summer in the park where literally everyone hung about. It became apparently very early on that he just...appeared...and was very interested in talking to the younger kids, including myself. He wore the exact same outfit every time I saw him - camo pants styled with a chain, a black t-shirt with a wolf on it, a smelly old leather jacket, big heavy boots. He also carried around a pen knife and a packet of hot sauce - don't ask me why. I recall one day being at the cinema with two of three others, all of us were under the age of 14 at the time and when we were walking out he was walking across the road and darted over to speak to us. Another time I was walking to get my bus alone and he followed me all the way to the stop, I had to run away from him in fear that he was gonna kidnap me. 

Eventually he stopped appearing but a few years later I saw him kicking about AGAIN, in his signature style with a new group of very young looking emo kids. I only ever learned his first name and to this day I don't know his last day because he doesn't have Facebook but he earned the nickname 'Pedo [name]' because of his creepy antics.


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## Sprig of Parsley (May 11, 2019)

I vaguely remember some downright horrifying shit happening in Scouts but there are big enough holes in my memories from around that time that I can't really recount anything coherent.  The fuck is it with youth groups and being hotbeds of insane shit, anyway?


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## TungstenCarbide (May 11, 2019)

Some middle-aged guy who wished I'd give him a handjob, after he saw me working my summer job as a repairer for my hometown, a lot of years ago. I was scraping rust from a streetlight pole in an up-and-down motion that probably gave him the inspiration. I had a very childlike face then, and I had to show my ID to convince people that I was old enough to vote, but that fucker didn't give a shit that I could have been a minor and besides, he lived in a house in that street, so I suppose that he couldn't just ogle me like the usual pervert, he had to voice his fantasy. Then, five minutes later, he tried to make me drink a glass of juice, with the excuse that it was a very hot day. No, thanks, fucker. Ugh.


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## cuddle striker (May 11, 2019)

A lot of people get fired in the death industry. That's all I want to say about them, but I've seen a few come through.

If I could find their online hijinks I'd make threads on them, but they're usually trying to hide what they are so they can keep trying to get jobs at funeral home, etc.


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## tampon_tornado (May 11, 2019)

Probably Laurelai Bailey. We accidentally met in a grocery store. Or maybe it was on purpose, he drives by my house a lot. I just said "ew" and he turned around and waddled away.


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## Anonymous For This (May 11, 2019)

Had a dude I worked with a long time ago that would talk to himself in the office I worked at.  Full blown conversations with himself.  Didn't care if other people were present or not.  Would go to the bathroom and tell himself jokes and laugh at them.  Would wipe bloody boogers on the walls in the bathroom. 

Got fired because he took a shit on the bathroom floor.


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## Sprig of Parsley (May 11, 2019)

Anonymous For This said:


> Had a dude I worked with a long time ago that would talk to himself in the office I worked at.  Full blown conversations with himself.  Didn't care if other people were present or not.  Would go to the bathroom and tell himself jokes and laugh at them.  Would wipe bloody boogers on the walls in the bathroom.
> 
> Got fired because he took a shit on the bathroom floor.



I actually talk to myself a bit at times.  Not really conversations, just kind of working through chains of reasoning aloud, helps kind of keep me centered on whatever I'm working through when I'm at the point where my thoughts are starting to race (I'm terrible about trying to juggle a bunch of shit in a short period of time).  Or chiding myself.  I do that a lot, usually kind of under my breath.  I do occasionally read my posts on the Internet aloud to myself to help me decide whether it's coming across in the fashion I want it to (or to make sure my diction is correct).

Thing is, moment someone notices I'm doing this and mentions as much I pretty much clam right the fuck up.  This tends to result in more exceptional shit happening.


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## Anonymous For This (May 11, 2019)

Sprig of Parsley said:


> I actually talk to myself a bit at times.  Not really conversations, just kind of working through chains of reasoning aloud, helps kind of keep me centered on whatever I'm working through when I'm at the point where my thoughts are starting to race (I'm terrible about trying to juggle a bunch of shit in a short period of time).  Or chiding myself.  I do that a lot, usually kind of under my breath.  I do occasionally read my posts on the Internet aloud to myself to help me decide whether it's coming across in the fashion I want it to (or to make sure my diction is correct).
> 
> Thing is, moment someone notices I'm doing this and mentions as much I pretty much clam right the fuck up.  This tends to result in more exceptional shit happening.



Just don't shit on the floor and we're all good my dude.


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## Sprig of Parsley (May 11, 2019)

Anonymous For This said:


> Just don't shit on the floor and we're all good my dude.


Yeah that's pretty much anathema for me.  Horrible neat freak/hygiene freak.  Actually had a situation once at a job where someone had decided to leave a present on the seat of a men's room toilet and I kind of flipped out.  Like, openly muttering about what kind of stupid sick fuck would leave that and walk away, getting that tic in my eye, that sort of shit.


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## *extremely mom voice* (May 11, 2019)

cuddle striker said:


> A lot of people get fired in the death industry. That's all I want to say about them, but I've seen a few come through.
> 
> If I could find their online hijinks I'd make threads on them, but they're usually trying to hide what they are so they can keep trying to get jobs at funeral home, etc.


Oh my god. I understand the death industry has this weird culture of silence going on, but if you have stories about someone trying to find their formadehyde waifu, then you should definitely share with the class. Please don't deprive us of this


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## Rudol von Stroheim (May 11, 2019)

Had a dude follow me to work in the early hours of the morning; attempted several different things to see if he was actually following me and it turned out he definitely was. (Changed up routes / speeds etc). Anyway, by the time I got to work and began waiting for my coworkers - he came and stood next to me. Began talking to me about random shit while getting closer and closer to me the entire time - dude's eyes were locked onto my boobs. There was nobody around and it was the first time ever that I've genuinely thought 'holy shit this guy's gonna attack me.' Luckily, my coworkers showed up. We watched back the camera footage and you can see him backing me into a corner while leering at me, every time I look away - he moves closer. Reaaaaaaaaaally weird. 
Also an ex-cleaner who used to work at my work place. He'd make 'casual conversation' with me but it'd usually consist of him being a gross perv. Once he told me how he was a 'photographer' in his spare time and liked to take photos of naked goth girls. (I always get called gothic or punky _despite not making an effort to look either_). He backed me into one of our smaller rooms and told me how I'd 'be the perfect model' for a 'naked calendar shoot' and all of this other shit. Luckily my 6ft 5 odd boss came storming in asking him wtf he was doing. 
I have so many more stories of creeps and it makes me pretty sad to think about - p sure I just attract weirdos ngl


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## PT 940 (May 11, 2019)

My high school best friend's stepdad was a real creeper.  I'm 99% sure he was a pedophile not only based on what I'd seen but what a friend years later told me about him as well.  She told me she cried when her mom married him because she disliked him so much.  After the wedding there were five kids from all the different marriages living in the house and they were "poor" but somehow her mom and stepdad always had money for cigarettes, beer and cable.  Her mom wasn't religious but her stepdad claimed to be, and despite drinking and watching porn in the family living room all the time (anytime he thought everyone else was in bed) he also never attended church but had yellowed, tattered notebook paper filled with Bible verses tacked all over the walls of the room where the family desktop computer was kept.  He was the kind of person who was weird but then drank and was even weirder.  He always tried to be nice but something was never right about him and my friend was fairly tight-lipped concerning the guy.  He couldn't keep a job despite claiming to be a carpenter.  

My best friend's younger sister was friends with a girl I worked with a few years after I graduated and told me he always insisted on hugging her a lot (she had giant breasts and a developed body.)  The guy never asked me for a hug (thankfully.)  I told the girl she should have refused since he made her uncomfortable but she said she didn't realize how weird it was until she was older and agreed with me that something about this guy was way off.


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## Red Hood (May 11, 2019)

purpleboy said:


> There was one time I met a guy on my first week of Community College, let’s call him “Sonicman”. Sonicman was a lanky, tall, Bengali-American majoring in acting. He was confirmed autistic by both himself and his mom and he LOOOOOVED Sonic. As in, the first time I met him and pointed out that Live and Learn was playing on his ipod, he gave me a cringy spiel about how Yuji Naka was a genius and how Sonic was amazing. Man himself was a nice guy, he was just a big autist who REEEEEALLY loved Sanic.


What's his KF account


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## UE 558 (May 11, 2019)

The Shadow said:


> What's his KF account


Deleted the original post, because I wasn’t sure if creepy specifically meant disturbed or perverted in this context, I put it in school stories instead


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## Red Hood (May 11, 2019)

purpleboy said:


> Deleted the original post, because I wasn’t sure if creepy specifically meant disturbed or perverted in this context, I put it in school stories instead


Fair enough. But I had to make the joke


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## Iceland Heavy (May 11, 2019)

When I had a security job at a campus police department there were a fair amount of tryhards but one guy stood out as a bit of an autistic weirdo that nobody liked. He had a CWC-esque autist speech impediment and was borderline incomprehensible in person let alone over the radio, sperged about comics, made weird attempts at humor and was also a petty dick lording over what little authority he had. The kind who'd kick students out of study rooms the second closing time came, and refuse to let people use the restrooms sometimes. He was also a bit too eager to volunteer personal information about himself and would often bring up his 'lady friend' who after some interrogation was really just a friend of his sister's he vaguely stalked. Most of the student employees went on to become cops or just moved on with their lives but he stayed on with the burnouts collecting employee benefits for years because he couldn't pass a hiring process at even the TSA until he tried enough times and did exhaustive research into their interview formats. Before that he kept getting put into increasingly more obscure positions and one of my coworkers would say he would never get outright fired because his mom was a lawsuit happy psycho but I don't know how true that was.


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## Hikikomori-Yume (May 11, 2019)

I was @ Taco Bell, just walked in, got in line ... then this disgusting hambeast crawls out from the women's restroom ... literally tries to cut in front of me, I refuse, it mumbles to itself "prick".
Ahaha, just think, there are millions of these creatures out there, getting triggered every day.


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## Sprig of Parsley (May 11, 2019)

Hikikomori-Yume said:


> I was @ Taco Bell, just walked in, got in line ... then this disgusting hambeast crawls out from the women's restroom ... literally tries to cut in front of me, I refuse, it mumbles to itself "prick".
> Ahaha, just think, there are millions of these creatures out there, getting triggered every day.



Yeah, you triggered that stupid sack of suet, but you're still eating at Taco Bell.  Is it really a win?


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## Red Hood (May 11, 2019)

Sprig of Parsley said:


> Yeah, you triggered that stupid sack of suet, but you're still eating at Taco Bell.  Is it really a win?


The flood of diahrrea indicates no.


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## Y2K Baby (May 11, 2019)

Obama


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## Y2K Baby (May 11, 2019)

The Shadow said:


> The flood of diahrrea indicates no.


DURR HURR FAST FOOD GIVE MAN POOPIES BECAYSE HE IS ASHKENAZI


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## Hikikomori-Yume (May 11, 2019)

Sprig of Parsley said:


> Yeah, you triggered that stupid sack of suet, but you're still eating at Taco Bell.  Is it really a win?



That happened back in 2013.
I don't eat there anymore.
For what it's worth I would rather have Del Taco.


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## Y2K Baby (May 11, 2019)

Hikikomori-Yume said:


> That happened back in 2013.
> I don't eat there anymore.
> For what it's worth I would rather have Del Taco.


Where are you


----------



## PT 522 (May 11, 2019)

Sprig of Parsley said:


> Yeah, you triggered that stupid sack of suet, but you're still eating at Taco Bell.  Is it really a win?


Hey man, those nacho tacos look pretty appetizing to me


----------



## tasty humane burger (May 11, 2019)

Iceland Heavy said:


> When I had a security job at a campus police department there were a fair amount of tryhards but one guy stood out as a bit of an autistic weirdo that nobody liked. He had a CWC-esque autist speech impediment and was borderline incomprehensible in person let alone over the radio, sperged about comics, made weird attempts at humor and was also a petty dick lording over what little authority he had. The kind who'd kick students out of study rooms the second closing time came, and refuse to let people use the restrooms sometimes. He was also a bit too eager to volunteer personal information about himself and would often bring up his 'lady friend' who after some interrogation was really just a friend of his sister's he vaguely stalked. Most of the student employees went on to become cops or just moved on with their lives but he stayed on with the burnouts collecting employee benefits for years because he couldn't pass a hiring process at even the TSA until he tried enough times and did exhaustive research into their interview formats. Before that he kept getting put into increasingly more obscure positions and one of my coworkers would say he would never get outright fired because his mom was a lawsuit happy psycho but I don't know how true that was.



This reminded me of two creepy security guards, not the 'creepiest' people ever but still creepy:

1) first one appeared in my life at the same time as my above story in my pre-teen/early teen emo kid days. The mall security would either go hard on us for lurking about and spooking old people or give us some leeway because the group I hung with wasn't really troublesome. Nobody did anything reckless or illegal so they usually made sure we were okay. There was one guard who had an iPhone (back when iPhone's were rare creatures) and would show us his music collection on iTunes, he was cool if a bit weird. There was a legit *creepy* guard, this guy who would stand and talk to us for hours. At the time, we thought because he was youngish that he wasn't creepy and also because the iPhone guard was so nice that he was, too. He'd give us hugs and high fives and even, and I'm shuddering just thinking about this, gave us sweets. He got sacked, no idea why to this day but rumours are that it was because he was on the Sex Offenders Register. I met him again when I was sixteen when he started working at my local supermarket and he'd always talk to me when I entered the store and spoke to me about how 'cute' I was when I was 12. So fucking weird.

2) next one is a guy who was a security guard at the first mall I worked in. He was this older guy - baldy, tattoos, built like a fucking house. Typical security guard. In this mall, the guards would come to look around 2-3 a day, which annoyed my crazy boss like nothing else as it messed up the headcount. He'd always end up staying in for a bit and talking to everyone. Turns out his lady knew my work besties aunt thus he took a liking to her anytime he was in he started flirting with my work bestie and started talking about how he went with prostitutes, etc. He invited her to his 'secret flat' one day and when she refused he said it was a joke. She was 17 at the time and he was at least 50.



Spoiler: bonus autism/kinda derailing



Me and a friend had to work on a group writing project in English about a year after said creepy security guard got sacked. We inserted him and iPhone guard into our English story and made them a gay couple who were unable to be together because of a dictator who banned gay relationships. I have no idea what happened in this story beyond the fact someone in it cut their thoat because they couldn't be gay and someone else stole a bulldozer - but it's probably better than most fan fiction around today. Our English teacher loved it surprisingly and raved to my mother about how clever it was at parents evening, despite the fact I think we were just trying to be edgy.


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## Y2K Baby (May 11, 2019)

tasty murder burger said:


> This reminded me of two creepy security guards, not the 'creepiest' people ever but still creepy:
> 
> 1) first one appeared in my life at the same time as my above story in my pre-teen/early teen emo kid days. The mall security would either go hard on us for lurking about and spooking old people or give us some leeway because the group I hung with wasn't really troublesome. Nobody did anything reckless or illegal so they usually made sure we were okay. There was one guard who had an iPhone (back when iPhone's were rare creatures) and would show us his music collection on iTunes, he was cool if a bit weird. There was a legit *creepy* guard, this guy who would stand and talk to us for hours. At the time, we thought because he was youngish that he wasn't creepy and also because the iPhone guard was so nice that he was, too. He'd give us hugs and high fives and even, and I'm shuddering just thinking about this, gave us sweets. He got sacked, no idea why to this day but rumours are that it was because he was on the Sex Offenders Register. I met him again when I was sixteen when he started working at my local supermarket and he'd always talk to me when I entered the store and spoke to me about how 'cute' I was when I was 12. So fucking weird.
> 
> ...


You are officially one of the boys.


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## Sīn the Moon Daddy (May 11, 2019)

Tard Baby said:


> DURR HURR FAST FOOD GIVE MAN POOPIES BECAYSE HE IS ASHKENAZI


This is less a shitpost and more of a shitty post


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## Y2K Baby (May 11, 2019)

Sīn the Moon Daddy said:


> This is less a shitpost and more of a shitty post


You are not the judge of this. @keksz is.


----------



## Remove Goat (May 11, 2019)

There was this one dude who tried to diddle me once at a Walmart then holed up in the bathroom when the cops came.

Think he was developmentally challenged.


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## Iceland Heavy (May 11, 2019)

tasty murder burger said:


> This reminded me of two creepy security guards, not the 'creepiest' people ever but still creepy:
> 
> 1) first one appeared in my life at the same time as my above story in my pre-teen/early teen emo kid days. The mall security would either go hard on us for lurking about and spooking old people or give us some leeway because the group I hung with wasn't really troublesome. Nobody did anything reckless or illegal so they usually made sure we were okay. There was one guard who had an iPhone (back when iPhone's were rare creatures) and would show us his music collection on iTunes, he was cool if a bit weird. There was a legit *creepy* guard, this guy who would stand and talk to us for hours. At the time, we thought because he was youngish that he wasn't creepy and also because the iPhone guard was so nice that he was, too. He'd give us hugs and high fives and even, and I'm shuddering just thinking about this, gave us sweets. He got sacked, no idea why to this day but rumours are that it was because he was on the Sex Offenders Register. I met him again when I was sixteen when he started working at my local supermarket and he'd always talk to me when I entered the store and spoke to me about how 'cute' I was when I was 12. So fucking weird.
> 
> ...


This guy was thankfully mostly just more of a weird asshole than a borderline pedophile. Who knows though, his 'lady friend' probably has some creepy stories.


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## UY 690 (May 11, 2019)

Knew some fat guy who got caught watching gay porn on his PC in the school for retarded children. lol

Then he fell in love with me and I just nearly try to stab him to death. Almost. He, later on, move on from school after he turns 21. I think I may hug him a bit but only to petty him. To this day? I don't know if he still loves gay porn. But he's probably watching me in his dreams rubbing his smol pee pee. OUCH! I got more shit about my old schools but I won't use real names or what parts they live in as they probably don't wanna be known as that guy who is trying (and failing) to become a YouTube star. Also, another reason why using your real name even on sites outside Facebook is a bad idea if you wanna be the government's next hitman list. Shameful! 

I know this story is short? But yes, there was a gay guy in my school and he was just too nice and dumb. Hope he finds some lucky guy to fuck. But given he is Indian. (Not Merica but India guy) They probably tell him to marry a woman so he doesn't get cucked by Clown World. 

I have another story on a guy who is an anime fan. But unlike morons like Chris Chan and the others. He doesn't use social media to fuck himself over. (Thankfully) and was raised smart not to be an ass or an idiot. But he's like a chicken with autism so I can't feel sorry for him given he is an adult now. But? At least he's going to have lots of free time getting into more anime and probably going into anime cons. Yeah, my school was an ED school but for some reason? Had a few anime fans there. (Back in my later years of high school? I was in the phase of being a big chicken and cuck.) But just like emos moving on from their BS. I change too. For the better or worse? Meh!


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## tasty humane burger (May 11, 2019)

Iceland Heavy said:


> This guy was thankfully mostly just more of a weird asshole than a borderline pedophile. Who knows though, his 'lady friend' probably has some creepy stories.



Oh yeah defo, the age of consent here is 16 and I'm assuming he thought she was 18+ and not a Saturday girl in a shop but it is still mega creepy. Pretty sure there was tales of other girls in the mall being hit on by him as well - so freaky.


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## Monika H. (May 11, 2019)

For how much I love and cherish her, my wife sometimes can be a really gloomy and creepy bitch.


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## PT 940 (May 12, 2019)

I worked with a guy in a small office who was okay most of the time but I caught him looking at porn on his work computer three times.  The manager really liked him and the company was in a bit of trouble financially at one point so I decided not to say anything, figuring the manager would fire me and keep him and I really needed the job at the time.  Aside from that he never really did anything to bother me personally (aside from the time I was on the phone and he put a paper in front of me and whispered "Make me a copy of this.  Now." and kept tapping the paper.  He wasn't allowed to talk to me like that so I just laughed quietly and he walked away and I made it at my own convenience later.)

He told me about the time he did heroin in New York and almost fell out of a window, and talked about how 'awesome' it was.  Sometimes when I was on calls he would put a cigarette in his nose and try to make me laugh (which usually worked.)

One day I'd just gone through a breakup and he asked me what was wrong and really listened to me talk about the whole thing and was surprisingly nice to me.  After I finished telling the story he said, "You know what would make that guy really mad?  Seeing you out on a date with me."  The guy was around 30 years older than me and I'm still not sure if he really meant it or was just trying to make me feel better.  We kept in touch shortly after I was fired and he offered to help me improve my photography (that was his job and my hobby) but much like asking me on the date it only happened once and was kind of ambiguous.  We lost touch after that.  A little creepy but he was just odd more than anything.


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## Sprig of Parsley (May 12, 2019)

Yolandi said:


> I worked with a guy in a small office who was okay most of the time but I caught him looking at porn on his work computer three times.  The manager really liked him and the company was in a bit of trouble financially at one point so I decided not to say anything, figuring the manager would fire me and keep him and I really needed the job at the time.  Aside from that he never really did anything to bother me personally (aside from the time I was on the phone and he put a paper in front of me and whispered "Make me a copy of this.  Now." and kept tapping the paper.  He wasn't allowed to talk to me like that so I just laughed quietly and he walked away and I made it at my own convenience later.)
> 
> He told me about the time he did heroin in New York and almost fell out of a window, and talked about how 'awesome' it was.  Sometimes when I was on calls he would put a cigarette in his nose and try to make me laugh (which usually worked.)
> 
> One day I'd just gone through a breakup and he asked me what was wrong and really listened to me talk about the whole thing and was surprisingly nice to me.  After I finished telling the story he said, "You know what would make that guy really mad?  Seeing you out on a date with me."  The guy was around 30 years older than me and I'm still not sure if he really meant it or was just trying to make me feel better.  We kept in touch shortly after I was fired and he offered to help me improve my photography (that was his job and my hobby) but much like asking me on the date it only happened once and was kind of ambiguous.  We lost touch after that.  A little creepy but he was just odd more than anything.



Looking at porn on company time and equipment is a bit exceptional.  Beyond that he comes across as a guy who doesn't know how to appear confident, assertive etc. without being bossy, creepy and so on.  Probably kind of an awkward fucktard without much talent for what helps you move through and take charge of social situations.  Not really malevolent maybe, but doesn't have the right tools in his toolbox.


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## cuddle striker (May 12, 2019)

*extremely mom voice* said:


> Oh my god. I understand the death industry has this weird culture of silence going on, but if you have stories about someone trying to find their formadehyde waifu, then you should definitely share with the class. Please don't deprive us of this


we had a guy come through (teaching hospital) who was aiming to work in funeral home industry. you can come to learn autopsy procedures at (this place) and I was involved in those classes. he was...off. (only about half of the people coming through are med students; the rest are looking to go into private industry/a family business being handed down/elected coroner positions etc)

unwashed, overtired, and a little weird, those are really common in students who do this particular course, since it is an overnight on-call thing, and often we are working in the wee hours. so those traits didn't set him apart from other people there. it was the look in his eyes when he asked questions. is purge acidic? will it burn your skin if you rubbed it on?

(purge is the mix of fluids that leak from a corpse. it's slang really- each orifice produces a different slurry of horror, but we often just say "purge" to refer to any. he asked about both oral and vaginal purge.)

then we are missing tools. all tools are counted and accounted for at the end of working- if he is there, something's missing. just a coincidence, right?

he finished our short course and I lost track of him. I know he is probably working in a funeral home by now- those places are extremely sensitive to this stuff, though. if someone "interferes with" a corpse, and word gets out, they're going to lose money. there's a LOT of money to be made in funerals. so they watch people closely.

he's probably on pickup duty. on call, picking up dead people to bring up the home, never by himself with a corpse. this is a starting position, guys like this usually can't fake their way past it.

women on the other hand are more likely to actually get into a position where they're able to disturb the dead. and they do. there was a small interdepartmental scandal in (nearby big city) recently when a pathologist was fired, sorry, "laid off", because she was found in a very compromising position with a corpse. this was kept within the department, of course, except for administration, and the only people who will ever know it happened are potential employers who call for a reference for a job that would put her in contact with bodies without direct supervision.

it's almost like a blacklist. yeah the entire industry won't talk about it to media or outsiders (with a few remarkable exceptions) but basically they'll never work in the field again, even though it's not legal to talk shit on someone if you're used as a reference, what are they gonna do? complain that you told people they're a necrophile? doubt it. they hide it and hope word won't get around, or that they can move and it went catch up to them.

the weirdest guy that came through where I work was really fixated on eye decomp. usually something like that is a research interest, someone working on a paper or simply keeping notes for future reference in work. but this guy was pleased to the point of opening the eyes/checking on the eyes of any body he was in a room with- in a dissection lab, walking up to other people's specimens and poking and prodding at the eyes (_occasionally without gloves_). he was dropped from whatever program he was in. again, he is probably now working on the periphery of the industry.

I've been doing this as a secondary career a long time and as the Day Job not quite as long, and I'd say I meet someone who should not be working in this field at least once or twice a year, if not more. I do travel a bit, working, too so I suppose I'm meeting a few more people than someone working in a local funeral home, but still. Even one is too many.


eta: we've also had a really sketchy security guard who was alone in the storage area for hours at a time, but I later realized he was just a tweaker, because it was graveyard shift work. no pun intended.


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## *extremely mom voice* (May 12, 2019)

cuddle striker said:


> disturb the dead




That's a hell of a euphemism there my dude

If anyone can come up with something creepier than "necrophile obsessed with eye decomposition" then let's hear it, because otherwise this guy wins. 

With regards to the pathologist, I have a theory that female sex creeps are more common than a lot of people realize, but they're just more cautious and better at hiding their obsessions, and are less likely to get caught. Sounds like corpsefucker lady just got unlucky. You have to admire the dedication, though--doesn't it take like eight years of school to become a pathologist?


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## Sprig of Parsley (May 12, 2019)

*extremely mom voice* said:


> That's a hell of a euphemism there my dude
> 
> If anyone can come up with something creepier than "necrophile obsessed with eye decomposition" then let's hear it, because otherwise this guy wins.
> 
> With regards to the pathologist, I have a theory that female sex creeps are more common than a lot of people realize, but they're just more cautious and better at hiding their obsessions, and are less likely to get caught. Sounds like corpsefucker lady just got unlucky. You have to admire the dedication, though--doesn't it take like eight years of school to become a pathologist?



She-pervs get handwaved and excused a lot in general.

I'll be honest I really, really don't get necrophilia.  I can kind of grok a lot of weird crap but necrophilia is an express trip into Wutdafukistan.


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## PT 940 (May 12, 2019)

Speaking of she-pervs - there was a woman that called when I was working retail and asked if we sold wide wooden hair brushes because she wanted to spank her girlfriend for wearing short shorts out of the house.  She went into a great deal of detail and I finally had to stop her and tell her she was making me uncomfortable, very creepy.  

And I didn't talk to this person but there was a woman who notoriously called one of my other jobs multiple times and asked if they sold little girls dresses that were low enough to show their nipples and a manager talked to her and chewed her out.  I was told about this because she said I needed to know in case the woman called again (but she never did.)


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## Guts Gets Some (May 12, 2019)

Keep in mind, at the time, I had no idea what these places actually were.

I was walking close to my house in an alleyway behind some shops. I love finding cool stuff to resell that people throw out. Don't remember what I found that day, but I tried to gauge which shop exactly it was behind. It was an Asian massage place.

I walk in, and of course the older woman who barely speaks English comes right out, grabbing me instantly. The only words she knows are "Want massage?" And I have to all but push her back and try just to calmly ask if that thing I found in the alley was hers. (Good luck).

At the time, I was wondering what the hell was up with her odd behavior; she was desperate to give me a massage. I had to just leave and assume the object belonged to no one.

And after finding out what those places really are..... yeah, it made a lot more sense.


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## Monika H. (May 12, 2019)

If we have talk about she pervs, I had a female schoolmate who was like me, an history sperg, especially for WWII.
We clicked on a lot of stuff, especially our interest in the secret polices.
The difference was that mine was standard the sperging, but she obviously had a wet on for the soviet polices, from the Cêka to the NKVD, to the KGB.
She bragged how her grandfather was an NKVD agent who after WWII purged and tortured lots of his fellow citizens (note - here the Soviets are seen pretty much like the Nazis, if not worse. Communist apology is illegal here.).
One day she turned up with photocopies of official documents of tortures/interrogatories a joint Gestapo/NKVD talk force made, with graphical details about the "physical persuasions".
By the way she was over them, I believe she even masturbated while reading them.
After the school, she wanted to become a policewoman.....


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## Y2K Baby (May 12, 2019)

Heinrich Himmler said:


> If we have talk about she pervs, I had a female schoolmate who was like me, an history sperg, especially for WWII.
> We clicked on a lot of stuff, especially our interest in the secret polices.
> The difference was that mine was standard the sperging, but she obviously had a wet on for the soviet polices, from the Cêka to the NKVD, to the KGB.
> She bragged how her grandfather was an NKVD agent who after WWII purged and tortured lots of his fellow citizens (note - here the Soviets are seen pretty much like the Nazis, if not worse. Communist apology is illegal here.).
> ...


That's my girlfriend.


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## Monika H. (May 12, 2019)

Tard Baby said:


> That's my girlfriend.


Has she become a policewoman in the end?


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## Sprig of Parsley (May 12, 2019)

Tard Baby said:


> That's my girlfriend.


The sex must be either the stuff of nightmares or seventh heaven.  Or both, if that's your thing.


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## Monika H. (May 12, 2019)

Sprig of Parsley said:


> The sex must be either the stuff of nightmares or seventh heaven.  Or both, if that's your thing.


I can imagine.
Fräu Himmler is already pretty freaky, but she would be a kitten compared to that other one.


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## Y2K Baby (May 12, 2019)

Heinrich Himmler said:


> Has she become a policewoman in the end?


Yes. Many a black have been shot


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## Monika H. (May 12, 2019)

Tard Baby said:


> Yes. Many a black have been shot


Just shot? No rape or torture?


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## UN 474 (May 13, 2019)

My dad. He fondled me when I was young. Very young...


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## Chichan (May 13, 2019)

Old Chinese, Japanese dirty knees lookin motherfucker lived across from my old place. He would take a door and sunbathe on it.Dump his piss into the alleyway. He came over one time and asked me and my cousin to work for him. I took off like a bat outta hell like fuck no get the fuck outta here.


Guts Gets Some said:


> This whole story just creates nothing but questions.....


I was a kid at that time so my stranger danger flags were up and he fit the bill.


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## Guts Gets Some (May 13, 2019)

Chichan said:


> Old Chinese, Japanese dirty knees lookin motherfucker lived across from my old place. He would take a door and sunbathe on it.Dump his piss into the alleyway. He came over one time and asked me and my cousin to work for him. I took off like a bat outta hell like fuck no get the fuck outta here.



This whole story just creates nothing but questions.....


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## cuddle striker (May 13, 2019)

*extremely mom voice* said:


> That's a hell of a euphemism there my dude
> 
> If anyone can come up with something creepier than "necrophile obsessed with eye decomposition" then let's hear it, because otherwise this guy wins.
> 
> With regards to the pathologist, I have a theory that female sex creeps are more common than a lot of people realize, but they're just more cautious and better at hiding their obsessions, and are less likely to get caught. Sounds like corpsefucker lady just got unlucky. You have to admire the dedication, though--doesn't it take like eight years of school to become a pathologist?


We call it that because they do a variety of weird-ass shit and it's not all just sexual. Legally it's usually called "interfering with the dead" or "interference with a corpse" or "desecration". 

It takes about fifteen years to get where she was in the job, yeah. But you have to realize that if you're trusted and work hard, you get access within a few years, even during training. So she had a very long time to indulge herself before this. I'm sure she was at it from the very start and got very lucky. For someone like that, spending fifteen years with access to... their preferred type, is a good thing I suppose.

Revolting at any rate.
The eye guy was the worst thing I've seen firsthand. I've seen a lot, A LOT of memos and heard a ton of stories when I call former references if someone's getting hired, though. 
Eye guy though, he was not really able to control his behavior in front of other people. If I can find his name in my mind I'll try to see if he exists online at all. Might be interesting.



Sprig of Parsley said:


> She-pervs get handwaved and excused a lot in general.
> 
> I'll be honest I really, really don't get necrophilia.  I can kind of grok a lot of weird crap but necrophilia is an express trip into Wutdafukistan.



I actually think there are more women necros than male. Which in itself is really odd. 

I think the control is why they like it maybe? Although I do know that plenty of people in my field get hungry from smells at work, that would put normal people's faces into a puke bucket. So maybe some of them like the smells and sounds.

I watched that movie "Kissed", and I do think some of them are like that- there's a physical attraction to decomp. I can't imagine that but at the same time I'm one of the people who gets hungry when there's a burnt decedent in the drawers. 

There was also an interview with a female necrophile in the first Apocalypse Culture book. That was pretty interesting, I read it before I was in this job. She worked in funeral homes, and eventually was arrested after stealing a (her words) particularly attractive corpse when she was meant to be driving it to the actual funeral.

The law can be really iffy about this stuff. I'm not even sure if some states recognize it as anything but some kind of vandalism. It really varies.


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## Underestimated Nutria (May 13, 2019)

cuddle striker said:


> We call it that because they do a variety of weird-ass shit and it's not all just sexual. Legally it's usually called "interfering with the dead" or "interference with a corpse" or "desecration".
> 
> It takes about fifteen years to get where she was in the job, yeah. But you have to realize that if you're trusted and work hard, you get access within a few years, even during training. So she had a very long time to indulge herself before this. I'm sure she was at it from the very start and got very lucky. For someone like that, spending fifteen years with access to... their preferred type, is a good thing I suppose.



That's crazy.  I am having trouble wrapping my mind around that, and the logistics of not getting caught.

P.S. somewhat related, remember the gore pics Dissectedchan?  I can't bring myself to look at it -- nothing to do with gore per se, more the incredible disrespectfulness of it, from the description I read -- so curious if it is real?

Edited to add: I looked up the Goodreads for Apocalypse Culture; it looks great.  I'll download it to read today.  Any other book recommendations for the sort of person who is interested enough in oddity to visit Kiwifarms?

Second Edit: reading the book, the funniest phrase ever on page 47, " ...  I have stumbled upon historical evidence supporting my thesis that obesity can be used to induce powerfully altered states of awareness."


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## cuddle striker (May 13, 2019)

Underestimated Nutria said:


> That's crazy.  I am having trouble wrapping my mind around that, and the logistics of not getting caught.
> 
> P.S. somewhat related, remember the gore pics Dissectedchan?  I can't bring myself to look at it -- nothing to do with gore per se, more the incredible disrespectfulness of it, from the description I read -- so curious if it is real?
> 
> ...


anything that was originally published by loompanics is going to float your boat. there's the sequels to AC too.


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## maalikthefakemuzzie (May 13, 2019)

I am too stronk to find anyone creepy.


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## PL 001 (May 13, 2019)

Not disgusting or threatening, just very creepy.

At an old job I had in my early 20s, I was required to be there around 4:00 in the morning. The job was in walking distance (about twenty minutes walk) so I never drove, preferring to just walk, get myself woken up and stretch my muscles a bit. The road was pretty dark and not a main road, which never bothered me. I could have my early morning time and not have to deal with people that early.

One morning, I was walking along and I get that feeling that I'm not alone. I glance behind me, and see this really disheveled old woman shambling along. She looked creepy, she kind of looked like a cross between the old witch in Snow White and the room 237 woman in The Shining. Her way of walking was this strange half shuffle, half hop. I told myself to stop being a puss, but there was something about her that just seemed off and was making my hackles rise.

I picked up my pace a little, and that's when she called out to me "wait!" in this screechy, quavery voice. I waited. She shuffle-hops to me, looks at me for a moment and asked me if I knew how to get to another street.

Relieved, she was just an old woman who got lost. I told her how to get where she wanted to go, wished her a good morning and started off again.

I glanced back after a bit, and she was still there, in the middle of the street now, just staring at me. No movement, just stock still giving me a thousand yard stare. I started to get creeped out again. I called out something like "it's down that way" she just kept staring. I quickened my pace and started again, and that's when she yelled out, asking me the same directions I had just given her.

I called out how to go there once again, and she was back to just staring at me. I said "fuck this" to myself and left. I hear her starting to shuffle-hop at me, but her pace had gotten a lot quicker. She starts screeching at me "why are you following me! Are you with them!? I still love you, Adam!"

I started sprinting. Got about 300 yards or so before I looked back. There she was, standing in the middle of the street again, just staring at me.

I booked it to work. I have no idea who "them" or "Adam" was. I realize she was just probably a crazy homeless woman and harmless. But Jesus she creeped me out on a dark road at 3:30 in the morning with no one else around.


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## Midlife Sperglord (May 13, 2019)

A legitimate serial child rapist who is now serving life in prison.  Seemed like a nice person when I met him.  My opinion of him took a massive nosedive once all of what he was doing in the shadows became public, however.


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## Feline Supremacist (May 13, 2019)

Glow in the dark CIA nigger.


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## Shibaru (May 13, 2019)

There’s this guy who keeps Staring at me the entire time I’m in the same room as him and whenever he sees me he tries to talk to me, I’m not his friend but he’s under some delusion that apparently I still am.


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## Botched Tit Job (May 15, 2019)

Growing up, my dad had a friend we referred to as "Creepy Bill". None of the women in our family could point out what about him was creepy, but him looking at you could make your hair stand on end. He never did anything really wrong or malicious. But even our exceedingly friendly family dog (also a female) would treat him as a threat to us regardless of how long she was around him.

He's now married with kids so... I guess it's not universal. But definitely the creepiest person I've met.


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## Pina Colada (May 21, 2019)

Some months ago, an unkempt weirdo tried to lure me in his car so he could “show” me some clothes, and I was just walking out of a shopping center atm. Luckily, this happened in a public parking lot and I quickly noped out of there so I wouldn’t be featured on the evening news.


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## Shiawase (May 21, 2019)

Not a patch on many of these, but mine came to me while I was out on a walk. This guy pulled up in his car and popped open his passenger-side door and commented that I looked like I needed a ride. His car was totally filled with clutter.

He cleared a bunch of garbage like food wrappers and empty beer cases from the seat and patted it invitingly, but I kept my distance. I brushed it off as a friendly gesture and told him I was intentionally taking a walk, so no thanks.

He rolled alongside me for a bit with the door hanging open, saying "come on, it's not an inconvenience to me!" "where do you live? I won't mind giving you a ride!" "come on, don't be shy, I can tell you need a ride" "you don't need to be afraid of me, just get in."

When he finally grasped that I wasn't interested, he closed the door and pulled ahead to the next light, then turned off the main road. When I reached that intersection and started crossing, his car reappeared and he waited on the red while I crossed in front of him. I avoided eye contact and got ready to bolt, but after the light changed he was gone.

He really wanted to give me that ride. Who knows, maybe he was just a well-meaning guy with poor social skills. Maybe?


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## tantric_depressive (May 21, 2019)

^^^My guess is he was a desperately thirsty, probably drunk or high, creep with no social skills. If it was night time, and an area known for it, he could've thought you were a working girl. 

As far as weirdos, I remember there was this older cougar type lady who used to frequent the neighborhood bar my friends and I went to when we first turned 21. One of my best friends at the time said that she walked up to him, started feeling him up, and gave him her phone #, and he started going by her place when her kid wasn't home to get sloppy. I didn't believe him at first until she followed me into the bathroom one night to come up behind me, assault & battery me below the belt, stick her tongue down my throat, and give me her phone # along with an invitation to visit when her kid wasn't home. When I called her though, instead of telling me to go by, she'd just hurl abuse, obscenities and threats at me until I hung up. I don't know what the deal was with that, except for it being a huge letdown


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## Dave Meltzer (May 22, 2019)

As a teenager a friend and I encountered a disheveled looking man that looked like he was in his 30s. He offered us 20 dollars each if we would throw golf balls at him while he masturbated. My friend tried to talk me into doing it. That is the kind of thing I would expect a kid that says yes to never be seen again. If he was on the level and that was just his fetish I can't even imagine how that fetish got started.


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## PT 940 (May 24, 2019)

S4D4K0 said:


> Not a patch on many of these, but mine came to me while I was out on a walk. This guy pulled up in his car and popped open his passenger-side door and commented that I looked like I needed a ride. His car was totally filled with clutter.
> 
> He cleared a bunch of garbage like food wrappers and empty beer cases from the seat and patted it invitingly, but I kept my distance. I brushed it off as a friendly gesture and told him I was intentionally taking a walk, so no thanks.
> 
> ...



I bet under all the junk in his car was the body of the last person he gave a ride to...


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## Shiawase (May 24, 2019)

Yolandi said:


> I bet under all the junk in his car was the body of the last person he gave a ride to...


One under the garbage and two in the trunk.


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## polonium (May 24, 2019)

S4D4K0 said:


> One under the garbage and two in the trunk.


The best version of the Shocker


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## JM 590 (May 24, 2019)

FixinShibe said:


> There’s this guy who keeps Staring at me the entire time I’m in the same room as him and whenever he sees me he tries to talk to me, I’m not his friend but he’s under some delusion that apparently I still am.


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## The Great Chandler (May 24, 2019)

Dave Meltzer said:


> As a teenager a friend and I encountered a disheveled looking man that looked like he was in his 30s. He offered us 20 dollars each if we would throw golf balls at him while he masturbated. My friend tried to talk me into doing it. That is the kind of thing I would expect a kid that says yes to never be seen again. If he was on the level and that was just his fetish I can't even imagine how that fetish got started.


Sounds like a fetish a JoJo character woyld have.


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## Furina (May 25, 2019)

Well damn, reading this thread made me realise what a banal and sheltered life I've lived so far. Not sure whether to be annoyed or relieved. I do have some stories though.

I started working as a door girl at a nightclub when I was 18. Really convenient and paid well for me at the time, so I was glad to have it and it really helped me get out of my very introverted teenager stage. The manager was a bit of a creep, one of those guys who really wants to ingratiate himself with his female employees, but it is a total dick to his male staff. But he kept his hands to himself and never gave me any trouble, but there was this one guy... One of our regulars was a fairly wealthy Egyptian guy who showed up pretty much every Saturday night. He was friends with the manager and supervisor and would always spend hundreds of dollars buying drinks for girls. Whenever I got put on coat-check he'd come up and chat with me. It started off pretty casual, but it was obvious he was trying to suss out if I would be an easy lay or not. Lots of random questions like "Do you have a brother? Have you ever slept with the bouncers? Do you know which girls here are prostitutes?" I didn't complain or anything because I knew he was friends with the manager and honestly, I kind of expected to meet pervs when I started working. I knew he couldn't actually do anything to me without getting his ass beaten by all the bouncers I was personal friends with and had a panic button right next to me. After a few months of talking to this guy, I get the hell in and just tell him I'm not into guys. He gets the hint and leaves. Then he comes back and he's like a whole new person. Waaaay worse. Starts telling me about how easy it is for him to pick up girls there. How he takes them to his car, fuck them, then comes back and looks for more. Buys hookers when he travels. Shows me photos on his phone of his new car,t his house, suddenly pictures of him in the bath with his dick in his hands, more of the car... What in the fuck?? Coat check was definitely most... interesting place to work. 

Another time, taking the train to work because no car yet. To get to the nightclub you had to take a train line that just seemed to attract weirdos and I had to take it during weirdo rush-hour. Meth-addicts loudly announcing their evenings plan. Drunk people just out of a fight staggering onto the train, reeking of booze and still carrying their half-empty bags of ultra-cheap wine. A junkie couple having an argument on the station, then the woman jumping onto the train and clinging onto me, telling me her life's story and how she's a screw up. The police then come on, address her by name, and try pull her away but she doesn't want to let go of me... That was the night I put buying a car at the top of my priorities.


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## mortyposter (Oct 22, 2021)

Myself.


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