# What number of sexual partners is too much, in your opinion?



## JudgementKazzy (Jan 6, 2021)

Personally, it is best for her to have 0-1 partners prior to our relationship, but my absolute maximum is three. Three strikes and you're pretty much out. 

Also here are some studies about sex partners:
More sexual partners correlate strongly with higher rates of divorce
Among women, higher amounts of sex partners negatively correlate with level of educational attainment
Article listing a compilation of studies on sexual partners.


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## NerdShamer (Jan 6, 2021)

Basically, polygamy doesn't really pan out, in the long run.


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## Queen Elizabeth II (Jan 6, 2021)

I said 2-4, but that's more of a proviso for "It depends on what those previous relationships were like".

There are some folks out there who do just have rotten luck and pick the worst people; I know men and women who've has every partner theyve ever been with cheat on them. Conversely, there are people who have been in toxic marriages for 15+ years with their childhood sweethearts who are nothing short of warped in their expectations.

I would also add that how many women the man has been with is also neglected as a factor in relationship breakdowns. A man who sees women as disposable and sex as recreation alone isnt likely going to be able to sustain a relationship of any kind for long.


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## Fanatical Pragmatist (Jan 6, 2021)

It depends, it really fucking depends. What are we defining as "sexual"?
I really could care less who a potential partner rubbed off in highschool or what she did with her LTR in college. However, if she routinely gets spit-roasted and lets randos run train on her, not only is it not gonna work out but she's also health risk to myself and our potential future children.
Alternatively, I'd rather my hypothetical wife have rubbed off/got fingered by 20 normal dudes in college than have been fucked in the ass by 1 rando from POF/Tinder

If I were a woman, I would take a guy who banged 10 straight girls in the pussy over a guy who had gay poopy disease sex with 1 one other man.
(Its also weird, because considering females are the sex to be penetrated/have foreign fluids put in them, you think they would be pickier about how many former sex partners their potential mates would have?)

While I think there is something to the "more sexual partners = less effective pair bonding", there are two issues to that theory 1) implying that more sexual partners is the cause, and not vice-versa (e.g. if you suck at forming meaningful relationships, you are more likely to sleep around and bounce into and out of relationships), and 2) its proponents rarely apply the same standard to men (who are arguably just as, if not more affected by it).


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## Kosher Dill (Jan 6, 2021)

I expect my partner to be a virgin before, during, and after sex with me.


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## JudgementKazzy (Jan 6, 2021)

Fanatical Pragmatist said:


> It depends, it really fucking depends. What are we defining as "sexual"?
> I really could care less who a potential partner rubbed off in highschool or what she did with her LTR in college. However, if she routinely gets spit-roasted and lets randos run train on her, not only is it not gonna work out but she's also health risk to myself and our potential future children.
> Alternatively, I'd rather my hypothetical wife have rubbed off/got fingered by 20 normal dudes in college than have been fucked in the ass by 1 rando from POF/Tinder
> 
> ...


I think the general preconception of "sexual partner" means  penetration. At least that is what my definition is. Fingerbanging doesn't count as having a sexual partner in my opinion.

And yeah, I do agree with the fact that there are just as important, if not more important factors, with choosing partner besides their body count.

And to your issues with that theory, I think to a certain extent that a high body count indicates a really liberal choosing of what partners you have. Some people, like myself, find that really undesirable, but it all boils down to personal preference. I don't put generally judge people just purely because of how many sexual partners they have, it's not a factor when I decide who I pick as friends or not. However when it comes to choosing who I want to be with for at least a very significant amount of my life and to have children with, that's a very different ball game. I am not very interested in the risk of having a divorce, not only it would be a really bad struggle that I have to face with, but potentially my future children I would have to face as well.

Yeah and I also agree that it is a bit worrying that this standard is not applied to men as well.


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## Just A Butt (Jan 6, 2021)

premarital sex is a sin.
adultery is a sin.
divorce is a sin.

two or more makes you a dirty sinning slut.


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## Dysnomia (Jan 6, 2021)

GOONCH said:


> For which gender?
> 
> For Men: unlimited
> 
> For Women: 5



What about anal? Can women have unlimited anal as long as the vag is limited to five different dicks max


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## Slappy McGherkin (Jan 6, 2021)

GOONCH said:


> For which gender?
> 
> For Men: unlimited
> 
> For Women: 5


Interesting take, but I tend to agree because it parallels my own life experience. There are lots of women I had sex with that didn't want a "relationship," they just wanted sex and I obliged. Felt no moral underpinnings about it whatsoever. Along the old line -- everyone wants a lady in the streets but a freak in the bedroom. 

"How many people have you slept with?" is not a question that should be asked by either party in the relationship to determine the merit of said relationship. Age also plays a role here -- it's one thing to be in your early 20's and both partner's sexual lives are young. It's another thing when you're my age and/or dating women of my age -- if you haven't had a few serious or just sexual relationships, it's likely you're damaged goods. 

Some questions are better left unasked.


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## JudgementKazzy (Jan 6, 2021)

Added the option of "No Number is Too Much"


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## Ruin (Jan 6, 2021)

Americsn promiscuity is greatly exaggerated by the internet. According to the PEW global attitudes survey the average number of sexual partners over a lifetime is five for men and seven for women.


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## Cope or Rope (Jan 6, 2021)

i hate promiscous women. If she can ditch them then you know damn well she's capable of ditching you.


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## Slappy McGherkin (Jan 6, 2021)

Ruin said:


> the average number of sexual partners over a lifetime is five for men


I would certainly skew their statistics! Hahahahaha!!!! 

Still, I find those numbers generally believable, based on what I've seen of family and friends overall. Even less in most cases.


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## JudgementKazzy (Jan 6, 2021)

Slappy McGherkin said:


> I would certainly skew their statistics! Hahahahaha!!!!
> 
> Still, I find those numbers generally believable, based on what I've seen of family and friends overall. Even less in most cases.


Although it could be argued that since these are self-reported studies, men could lie usually to be higher and women lie to be lower.

But yeah I think that stat is closest to the truth.


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## OrionBalls (Jan 6, 2021)

For a dude, I would prefer no more than five. Same as for a woman. That allows for several long term relationships (E- Three years or longer is what I consider a long term relationship.) and also an occasional hook-up. But I'm a fucking prude cis woman.


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## A Cardboard Box (Jan 6, 2021)

It literally does not matter lmao.


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## NerdShamer (Jan 6, 2021)

Just A Butt said:


> premarital sex is a sin.
> adultery is a sin.
> divorce is a sin.
> 
> two or more makes you a dirty sinning slut.


You left out the part on using contraceptives is the biggest sin of all.


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## Lady Adjani (Jan 6, 2021)

Hard to say, it's the type of question you never want to ask your partner, or have one of your friends bring up during your weekly D&D campaign. What you want to watch out for is how long each relationship lasted, assuming it wasn't just casual sex, and if he / she has ever cheated.


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## Local Fed (Jan 6, 2021)

Went with 2-4, but to be clear 4 would have been my max number. I can understand having a high school boyfriend or something, maybe even a little fling. Maybe a couple of serious relationships too. Context matters a lot. If the 4 were all just drunken fucks in some bathroom of a bar then it's a whole other story. An ideal number while staying realistic would be 3, but in the age of birth control, social media and far looser standards regarding sex even that seems borderline unrealistic unless you're looking for a swamp creature. The few who may be out there that are decent enough looking, well adjusted and haven't been with a bunch of guys are probably well above considering me anyway.


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## Reverend (Jan 6, 2021)

Practice makes Perfect.  Virgins are terrible and I'm tired of teaching.  

Doesn't matter how many people they've banged as long as they know what they want and doing good to go.


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## Gloomy guest (Jan 6, 2021)

Love sexual partners. Couldn't eat a whole one though!


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## Massa's Little Buckie (Jan 6, 2021)

Having more than one is a sin.


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## LargeChoonger (Jan 6, 2021)

My hard limit is 2. If you're an adult and only fucked one person then it's not a big deal and was probably either a serious relationship or horny teen thing. But by the second partner it's too much


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## Zero Day Defense (Jan 6, 2021)

What's the point in asking? She'll tell me she's a virgin, but if she wants she'll just omit the five guys and one girl before me because she didn't "love" them or something, or it wasn't PIV so it doesn't count.

The number of sexual partners is only a symptom of the kind of people they are. It can be very telling if they're in their early 20s and they have the body count of a pro football team, alternates and all, but that's the best hint you'd ever get. Really, you have to pay attention to the kind of person they are overall-- in part because you shouldn't _expect_ truth from them regarding their counts, but also because you can be dysfunctional or unfitting regardless of how many people they've slept with.

Shouldn't expect honesty from a guy, either, but they're far more inclined to lie _upwards, _not down.

If she had sex with another girl, strongly consider taking your escape route. If she downplays it, defenestrate her.


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## LoDad (Jan 6, 2021)

Lady Adjani said:


> Hard to say, it's the type of question you never want to ask your partner, or have one of your friends bring up during your weekly D&D campaign. What you want to watch out for is how long each relationship lasted, assuming it wasn't just casual sex, and if he / she has ever cheated.


It shouldn't be an uncomfortable question, but I get why it is and I find that unfortunate. You should be comfortable enough with your partner/prospect that you can talk freely about anything. Especially their previous sexual encounters. Kind of like a form of intimacy on its own. 

Finding out about the details of their relationships and encounters is definitely the best way to get a sense of the vulnerability you can give to them. But from my own experience with sex and especially cheating, there's more grey than there is just black or white.  I cheated once and immediately realized it wasn't for me. But it ended up being the best for everyone


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## dirtydeanna96 (Jan 6, 2021)

I believe sex outside of marriage is degenerate, so anything more than 2 partners (that you were of course married to) is too much.

It's possible to make a mistake in one marriage, but if you have 2 failed marriages, don't try for a third.


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## Sinner's Sandwich (Jan 6, 2021)

Over 9000


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## IAmNotAlpharius (Jan 6, 2021)

Zero Day Defense said:


> What's the point in asking? She'll tell me she's a virgin, but if she wants she'll just omit the five guys and one girl before me because she didn't "love" them or something, or it wasn't PIV so it doesn't count.
> 
> The number of sexual partners is only a symptom of the kind of people they are. It can be very telling if they're in their early 20s and they have the body count of a pro football team, alternates and all, but that's the best hint you'd ever get. Really, you have to pay attention to the kind of person they are overall-- in part because you shouldn't _expect_ truth from them regarding their counts, but also because you can be dysfunctional or unfitting regardless of how many people they've slept with.
> 
> ...


My guess is that gay men would have the most partners followed by either bi-men or hetero women. I’d expect trans individuals to have less sexual partners on average, especially lesbian trans women.


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## ToroidalBoat (Jan 6, 2021)

It may be seen as "outdated" in Current Year Clown World, but I think sex is best in monogamous marriage.


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## Weeb Slinger (Jan 6, 2021)

Dysnomia said:


> What about anal? Can women have unlimited anal as long as the vag is limited to five different dicks max


In the US, the unlimited anal clause was rescinded during the Carter administration in an attempt to raise the birthrate. It was briefly reinstated (for six months) in 2005 when it was included as a rider on the Presidential $1 Coin Act.


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## Bloitzhole (Jan 6, 2021)

The total amount of minutes you've lived after attaining the age of seventeen divided by 18. 
Because you know, 5 minutes of foreplay, gotta at least make time for that.


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## Duke Nukem (Jan 6, 2021)

Honestly, it doesn't matter because I won't be banging them.


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## Inflatable Julay (Jan 6, 2021)

My count plus one


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## Saint Alphonsus (Jan 6, 2021)

Didn't read OP so I answered "What number of sexual partners is too much *for yourself.*"

And no, I'm not telling. But you could probably figure it out.


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## Idiotron (Jan 7, 2021)

We should judge this on an individual basis.
For example, if a short dude with no money manages to have sex with multiple willing women, that takes skill and hard work, he deserves credit.
An average woman can always have sex with somebody, might not be the best specimen but she will get laid as long as she's willing and others know about it, it's not impressive, you don't generally applaud that.

Quality matters more than quantity.
The LGBT have a ton of STDs that are almost non existent among straight people because the quality of LGBT sex partners is very low and they're very willing.
I'm sure there are some great catches but the average sexually active LGBT person (especially a gay dude) seems to be fucking anything with a hole and not caring about the consequences.
Based on that, looking down on them for the amount of sex they have is at the very least somewhat understandable.

Did that answer the question?


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## Drifting Panzer (Jan 7, 2021)

Whats more imortant to me than the number itself is the reason behind the number.
If I had to choose between one with a higher bodycount but believed it would last and worked hard for every relationship, or someone with a smaller number but was more casual about, did the whole "friends with benefits", "it's only an onlyfans" bit, the choice would be clear.

Having said that, once she can field a soccer team I get a bit nervous. If she can fill the opposing team aswell, then she probably have issues that is clearly above my paygrade.

Edit: spelling is hard.


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## Lady Adjani (Jan 7, 2021)

LoDad said:


> It shouldn't be an uncomfortable question, but I get why it is and I find that unfortunate. You should be comfortable enough with your partner/prospect that you can talk freely about anything. Especially their previous sexual encounters. Kind of like a form of intimacy on its own.


Speaking from experience, it's better not knowing. It's a nice mentality to have but it doesn't work so well when you find out that the love of your life used to be the town bike. That information is only going to make you think less of the other person.


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## longjohn (Jan 7, 2021)

I think sex overall is healthy if you're being responsible about it. I said 10+, give or take some. In this day and age it's very easy to keep yourself safe. I'm more concerned with cheating history, length of time between partners, and whether my partner used protection properly and keeps up on their sexual health. 

Assuming we're talking about high risk sex (can't get AIDs from a handjob lol), as long as my partner wasn't smashing randies in clubs or off craigslist or something and was choosing partners pretty discriminately, I don't mind them having had a few other sexual partners serious or otherwise. My thought process too is that if you had a new partner every so many years, I think it's pretty normal to have had 5-10 partners for most people.


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## Snuckening (Jan 7, 2021)

She needs to be a virgin BEFORE I hook up with her, but by the time it's over, she should have a bodycount of at least 50. Preferably 100+. Who wants some frigid ice-queen, who won't let you pass her 'round the party, and let everyone take a turn?

Also, she has to be super-fat. You want a big fat slut- and the fatter, and sluttier, the better.


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## Demonslayer1776 (Jan 7, 2021)

Zero is too many. All women are whores


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## Never Scored (Jan 8, 2021)

I think how it happens is more important than the number. Like, if I'm considering dating a girl and I'm thinking of her history, and in current year everyone has _some_ history, going out and getting drunk at the bar and getting slammed by a rando you never talk to again is worse than having previous boyfriends or even the odd friend with benefits.


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## Frostnipped Todger (Jan 11, 2021)

It depends on age as well... I'm a crusty old fucker now, but when I was 30 I'd only had sex with 4 people. That number has multiplied since then, because I went through a rough break up and cut loose for a while. I now sit at about 20 (I don't know the exact number, and I'm too lazy to add it up), but every one of them was someone who I knew and liked. I could never go out and pick up randoms, it just doesn't appeal to me. 
I hold the same standard for the women in my life, the number doesn't matter, but whether they were friends or strangers does (although I'd draw the line at 10).


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## AMHOLIO (Jan 11, 2021)

Agreed with never scored.  Croan has a very good point as well.

I'm fine as long as a partner is willing to settle down (if you can't stay with one don't bother with me) and doesn't bring STDs into the picture.  Usually people like those don't cross paths with me, so I don't worry.  
I know I'll suck sexually because I'm not a ho and you gotta be patient but if you like me for more than that I think we can get somewhere long term. 

Lastly I never do polyamory.  I am a monogamous autist who hates change and will screeeee and leave if you ever try to change it.


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## JosephStalin (Jan 12, 2021)

Simply put, it doesn't matter and is none of your business.  What matters is if you love this person and they love you.  A person can have X number of previous sexual partners, yet stay faithful to you, once in a committed relationship.  You can have X number of previous sexual partners, yet stay faithful to the other person, once in a committed relationship.   

Those who bandy about numbers, frankly, have little or no sexual/life experience.  We all bring baggage to every relationship.  But we can be happy with someone else, even with the mutual baggage.   Just part of being an adult.


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## Fools Idol (Jan 13, 2021)

You and your partner are both going to be disappointed with the number you both have. She'll probably be disappointed for different reasons though.


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## Lemmingwise (Jan 13, 2021)

Does anyone care about what type of previous partners, beyond just the number?


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## KateHikes14 (Jan 13, 2021)

JosephStalin said:


> Simply put, it doesn't matter and is none of your business.  What matters is if you love this person and they love you.  A person can have X number of previous sexual partners, yet stay faithful to you, once in a committed relationship.  You can have X number of previous sexual partners, yet stay faithful to the other person, once in a committed relationship.
> 
> Those who bandy about numbers, frankly, have little or no sexual/life experience.  We all bring baggage to every relationship.  But we can be happy with someone else, even with the mutual baggage.   Just part of being an adult.


Time is limited, I think it's possible for even a former pornstar to form a committed healthy relationship, but the odds are overwhelmingly against it. Given that, I'd say I think that it's not about the number as much as it is the type of person they are and each sexual partner carries some degree of any number of risks. People can want to change with all their soul, maintain it for a while, and then fall into old habits again. Then you may be out a couple of years and have had quite a painful experience or a 18+ year nightmare where you are reminded everyday of their infidelity or abuse as you see part of their face in your child. In my mind its not worth it but life can be rather messy and can put your hearts desire on the wrong side of steep odds.


Lemmingwise said:


> Does anyone care about what type of previous partners, beyond just the number?


I'd say equally important, it's a judgement of their ability to make decisions essentially, because all sexual experiences carry at least some risk, so quality of previous commited relationships matters. One night stands are like doing drugs or any other risky behaviour, a serious warning sign, but again life is messy, you have to deal with some issues with any partner.


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## furūtsu (Jan 13, 2021)

Number doesn't matter to me, the nature of encounters does. 

Having 5 romantic partners in the span of a decade isn't that big a deal. Having fucked 5 strangers in sleazy hotels within that timespan makes me question your decision making skills.

Past a certain number (say, 20 lifetime), though, I can't help but feel worried about one's proclivities. It's like weight, I'm fine dating someone with a little extra poundage but when you get to an obese BMI then I just assume you're likely a very hedonistic, self destructive person who's best avoided.

It isn't always true, and nuance exists, but my time on Gaia is limited and one of my biggest long-term goals is a stable marriage and family. Can't be making bad investments.


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## Rich Evans Apologist (Jan 13, 2021)

Fellas, if it's an integer, don't get with her. Only sleep with women who deal in doubles and floats that aren't .00 -- those are the keepers, no matter what comes before the decimal.


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## A Stupid Human (Jan 14, 2021)

Have as many as you want imo, but if you get an STD, or some type of other infection, who's fault is that going to be? Yours or your 10+ partners? Let that sink in.


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## RMQualtrough (Jan 15, 2021)

Lmao I've had at least 50+ because I've never been in a relationship... I've not been satisfied by really any of them. It's sad really...


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## PaleTay (Jan 15, 2021)

I feel like the pair bonding is different for guys. More women will fuck up their ability to pair bond because of sexual liberation, whereas more men who have 30+ or 50+ partners will have the issue with pair bonding going into it.


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## Zero Day Defense (Jan 15, 2021)

If you have sex with a person, you're having sex with everyone they've had sex with by extension.

This is a necessarily recursive principle, meaning you're automatically gay several times over if you don't snag, marry, and stay faithful to a virgin.



Spoiler



Which means that you're automatically gay if you have sex in Current Year + 6.

I don't make the rules.


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## Gaussiana (Feb 6, 2021)

Fools Idol said:


> You and your partner are both going to be disappointed with the number you both have. She'll probably be disappointed for different reasons though.


Is women finding a man with a high body count attractive real or just something random dating coach types say?

I'm a fucking retard so I was a virgin when I met my current long term boyfriend and so was he. But if he had told me he used to bang like crazy at parties or that he had 4+ sexual partners (at age 19) I'd be from 'eh whatever' to negatively surprised. I had a guy brag to me once about how he used to fuck rich blonde German girls in an attempt to flirt with me but to be honest I just felt disgusted.

So, it depends on age, your standards, and the person. Voted 2-4 partners, cheating history/opinions on cheating matter a lot too.


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## TFT-A9 (Feb 6, 2021)

More than you're willing to commit to as a partner in full


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## Bass (Feb 6, 2021)

Doesn't matter much to me.  I'm not a saint either so there's that.


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## Pocket Dragoon (Feb 6, 2021)

I don't get the thing with how many & when; all that matters is who you're fucking now.

People who obsess over quantity, one way or another, are always a shit lay.  And nobody either likes or believes the answers given, so why even ask, other than for personal edification?


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## Some JERK (Feb 6, 2021)

As long as I don't have any STDs the number of people I've fucked isn't anyone's business. I don't ask that question and I sure as hell won't answer it.


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## Fools Idol (Feb 6, 2021)

sad_houseplant said:


> Is women finding a man with a high body count attractive real or just something random dating coach types say?


It depends, are you attractive? In all seriousness a high or low number can be a turn off, most people would find it off-putting or strange to find out you've fucked half your home town or haven't even held hands with another person by a certain age.


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## sleepy-jezza (Feb 8, 2021)

I had so many (mostly half-drunk) conversations with both my female and male friends about this subject IRL.
So:
girls age 18 and under - expected/(ideal) number of partners 0-2
girls age 18 - 23 - expected/(ideal) number of partners 1-4
girls age 24 -28 - expected/(ideal) number of partners 2-6
girls/women age 29-35 - anything below 10 is still fine
women over 35 - don't date them no matter what. Normal, healthy emotionally mature woman is perfectly capable finding long-term partner/husband before she turns 30, no matter whether she has career or not.

If you are a guy, if you had 2 or more sexual partners by the age of 24, you are still OK. If you don't get married by 25 you will be able to "work those numbers" later in your late 20s and 30s.
There realy isn't to such thing as "too much sexual partners" for men. Women/girls can have sex whenever they want, with whoever they want, men have sex when they earn it, or when they get lucky.


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## AcidityLiquidity (Feb 9, 2021)

Ideally anymore than 1 is too much with how pair bonding works, and everytime you bone someone else it messes with your noggin]

But realistically, the majority of women will have boned someone in HS- so anything above 2-3 is too much

For guys, I'd say anyone with a notch count pushing something crazy like 50 plus doesn't seem husbando material


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## sleepy-jezza (Feb 9, 2021)

AcidityLiquidity said:


> For guys, I'd say anyone with a notch count pushing something crazy like 50 plus doesn't seem husbando material


Agree. However, most guys find life-long partner (long) before they get to sleep with 50 women.
Men who have notch count 50 or more, and are only looking for girls to have sex with, are basically just sex pests, but they are quite rare and people don't like them, especially if they brag about it.
Also, single guys age 40-45 (depending on their social status) are on the same boat as single 35 yo women.


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## Daughter of Cernunnos (Feb 9, 2021)

Fanatical Pragmatist said:


> gay poopy disease sex


More than 20 is too much.


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## Dread First (Feb 9, 2021)

For me, it's not so much the number of partners you've had over the course of your life that matters to me but rather the frequency at which you've gone through partners that bugs me. I don't care if you had 10 sexual partners in your life if you're my age. That more or less amounts to 1 person a year on average. If you had 10 sexual partners within a narrow stretch of time like some women who end up on Maury, that's a fucking problem. Do you guys see where I'm coming from with that?


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## Hollywood Hulk Hogan (Feb 9, 2021)

I've been with a lot of women so I don't care if the woman I am banging has been with a lot of men. Seems like it'd be hypocritical. If they're clean, who cares?


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## stares at error messages (Feb 9, 2021)

If I were asked I would lie.

I would assume if I asked I would be lied to.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Feb 12, 2021)

More than me.


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## Crazedking (Feb 12, 2021)

Their age divided by 7. (21yo = 3, 28yo = 4 and so on). The fewer the better and preferably fewer than me.


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## Sriracha (Feb 12, 2021)

I like men that are virgins/low count because I find that it's easier to communicate exactly what I want and how I want it because they are eager to learn.


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## Andy Bandy Man (Feb 12, 2021)

As many as it takes to find love.


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## Mnutu (Feb 12, 2021)

Crazedking said:


> Their age divided by 7. (21yo = 3, 28yo = 4 and so on). The fewer the better and preferably fewer than me.


Damn, getting laid at 7? Kids are getting started earlier and earlier.


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## LonesomeDud (Feb 12, 2021)

I've disappointed myself by having pre-marital sex with more than one person, so it's not really fair for me to demand that of someone else.  That said, it needs to be fewer than you can count on a hand.   I want my life partner, regardless of her age, to cherish intimacy and have learned from past mistakes, and ideally be better than me in that area.


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## Sage In All Fields (Feb 12, 2021)

So long as you were married to each, there's no upper limit, although 0 partners is preferable for your first partner it's not a deal breaker by any stretch


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## LonesomeDud (Feb 12, 2021)

Sage In All Fields said:


> So long as you were married to each, there's no upper limit, although 0 partners is preferable for your first partner it's not a deal breaker by any stretch


A much bigger deal for me, although admittedly easier to find in a female partner, is someone who doesn't view porn.  (I don't care if someone engages in erotica; I'm talking about actual fucking on camera for money.)  Modern porn is terrible and the femi nazis are right: You have to hate women in some capacity to spit on them and hurt them, and it's unfortunately common.   I don't want to be with someone who wants me to hurt them or thinks that's sexually ideal.

It's not my job to police what other people like and do, but sexual degeneracy isn't something I want in a relationship.  I don't want to be with someone who wants to be a baby or an animal.  I do think the more partners someone has had or the more pornography they've viewed, the more debauched and debased things are going to appeal to them.  I'm just not interested in compromising my values for a cheap thrill.


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## lemme ASS you a question (Feb 12, 2021)

i was with a girl who said she legitimately slept with 8 different guys, half of them from pubs and twice her age. She was 19 and i was 21 at the time. She slept with more people than i even knew personally, truely and canonically a  b r u h  moment imo


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## Enoby Way (Feb 12, 2021)

Doesn't matter how many are on the list before you, as long as you're the last one on the list.


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## Just_A_guy (Feb 12, 2021)

I don't think there's an upper limit on how many people you could sleep with in the totality of your life. The only issue comes when you decide you wanna try to fuck around with multiple people at the same time.

Polyamory only works in very very few cases and usually just means the dude is a cuck.


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## sleepy-jezza (Feb 12, 2021)

Hollywood Hulk Hogan said:


> I don't care if the woman I am banging has been with a lot of men. Seems like it'd be hypocritical. If they're clean, who cares?


The more sexual partners girl had the more likely she is to cheat. Promiscuous girls usually have some personal issues, either they've been molested, or they have daddy issues... No matter what, it's always a red flag.
As people say "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife".
Guys are a bit different... As long as they don't turn into sex addicts.
Also it's not a bad thing to make your girlfriend/wife jealous from time to time, just to remind her that you still have value and that there are other women interested in you, so she doesn't get too cozy.


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## Whatsup bud? (Feb 13, 2021)

sleepy-jezza said:


> I had so many (mostly half-drunk) conversations with both my female and male friends about this subject IRL.
> So:
> girls age 18 and under - expected/(ideal) number of partners 0-2
> girls age 18 - 23 - expected/(ideal) number of partners 1-4
> ...


Straight men, maybe. Finding sex as a gay dude is easy as hell. Does that change the appropriate number in your mind?


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## sleepy-jezza (Feb 14, 2021)

Whatsup bud? said:


> Finding sex as a gay dude is easy as hell.


It probably is, especially today with dating apps.


Whatsup bud? said:


> Does that change the appropriate number in your mind?


I suppose it's ok to sleep around if you are young dude as long you don't become a pest. I don't know the numbers. Ultimate goal is the same, find long-term partner to grow old with.
Gay men make up for relatively small population, especially outside big cities and metropolitan areas. I only know few openly gay guys, but we never talked about sex and dating and what it's like for them.


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## Lemmingwise (Feb 14, 2021)

sleepy-jezza said:


> It probably is, especially today with dating apps


Wasn't hard for them with gay bars either. Even before grindr the average number of sexual partners for a gay dude was somewhere between 500 and a thousand.


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## Whatsup bud? (Feb 14, 2021)

Lemmingwise said:


> Wasn't hard for them with gay bars either. Even before grindr the average number of sexual partners for a gay dude was somewhere between 500 and a thousand.


Easier for small town gays now though. And closeted dudes.


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## Enoby Way (Feb 15, 2021)

sleepy-jezza said:


> Also it's not a bad thing to make your girlfriend/wife jealous from time to time, just to remind her that you still have value and that there are other women interested in you, so she doesn't get too cozy.



Also it's not a bad thing to make your boyfriend/husband jealous from time to time, just to remind him that you still have value and that there are other men interested in you, so he doesn't get too cozy.


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## sleepy-jezza (Feb 15, 2021)

Whatsup bud? said:


> Easier for small town gays now though. And closeted dudes.


Some 10-15 years ago police officers were arresting gays for having sex in public restrooms, in parks, gas stations... police had sting operations, undercover officers... It's really hard to imagine shit-show like that today.
Turns out dating apps were perfect solution for homosexuals but unfortunetly, not so much for most straight people.


Enoby Way said:


> Also it's not a bad thing to make your boyfriend/husband jealous from time to time, just to remind him that you still have value and that there are other men interested in you, so he doesn't get too cozy.


It was a bit off-topic.
Point was, girls can have sex anytime they want, there is always some thirsty guy who wants to have sex with you, even if you are below avereage looking, overweight, jobless single mother in your 30s or even 40s. Doesn't mean you actually have a high value. It's just wham-bham thank you ma'am.


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## LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV] (Feb 15, 2021)

hard to judge, depends the age of the person.  Someone in their mid 20s who has had say 5 sexual partners but most of them have been on commited relationships over time is not exactly a hussy but someone who only had one night stands and meaningless sex for its own sake 5 times  is. 

There's a lot more pressure in this on the ladies but i met some dudes who have had X number of sexual partners and never had a relationship that lasted even a month and even were degenerate enough to pay hookers meanwhile ladies who had the same X number of partners had had all their sex within the context of dating someone officially and staying with them at least for a few months yet the women would be judged harsher for being "damaged goods" 

Going out to bars to hook up and fuck different people every weekend is not healthy behavior, that much is true, i honestly can't say most people i've been acquainted with have been like that. Most would see sex as part of dating someone and being in some form of compromise even when its not super serious.


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## Terrorist (Feb 15, 2021)

Fewer is better. Women with more sex partners tend to have a harder time pair bonding (diminishing returns and all that). A more sexually experienced woman will know more about sex, but what about the other 99% of the time? While it's hypocritical to seek out a virgin (or as close as possible) if you're damaged goods yourself, avoiding hypocrisy isn't worth exposing yourself to long-term intimacy issues.

Also: Don't think men with a lot of partners magically won't have issues. Promiscuity is bad for both sexes. Manosphere guru fags will tell you being a complete man-whore has no consequences because their grift depends on you believing that, not because it's true.


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## Enoby Way (Feb 15, 2021)

sleepy-jezza said:


> It was a bit off-topic.
> Point was, girls can have sex anytime they want, there is always some thirsty guy who wants to have sex with you, even if you are below avereage looking, overweight, jobless single mother in your 30s or even 40s. Doesn't mean you actually have a high value. It's just wham-bham thank you ma'am.



I get that there is a double standard when it comes to how some men will fuck anything and women are choosier, and women who choose to exploit that or misinterpret that are pretty fucked up... but I dunno, my point i was trying to make is that a relationship where at least one of you actually deeply cares that a given random of dubious quality would fuck you; and where at least one of you is trying to prove your attractiveness to the other, is based on competitiveness and means you're not functioning as a cohesive unit.

In any relationship you should be consistently trying to prove your worth as a partner, but it's about proving how much you love and value them, proving that you want to improve yourself, both for your own sake and for theirs. Proving your bangability is a pretty poor substitute.

After nearly a decade my partner and I still care about sex and about trying to look attractive, but neither he nor I are focused on trying to prove our SMV even exists. That sounds exhausting. We've got more important things to worry about. It's like replaying level one of a video game over and over again rather than moving to level 2 and onwards.

Yes, at the moment, I could probably have sex any time I wanted. Do I *want* to have sex with any one of those people who would take me up on it? People who just want to be able to say "yeah I tapped that" if they found me attractive, or "any hole's a goal, right?" if they didn't? The idea genuinely grosses me out, i can't fathom being proud of being a living dick-wetting device, and once you get old enough nobody is going to want to hit that anyway. So I don't see the sense of putting much value in it.

Nor do I see the sense of wanting a relationship with someone who does.


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## whogoesthere (Feb 16, 2021)

This is one of those questions that seems to matter in shitty romcoms, but in reality it's a poor way to judge if a person is worth dating. If they only dated 3 people, but cheated on each of them, would that still be ok? Or someone who had 2 serious relationships, but a little of a "fuck about" during uni, but otherwise was normal, would that be unacceptable? It's too complex a situation to really boil down to a number.


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## LatinasAreTheFuture (Feb 16, 2021)

Women literally don’t understand actions and consequences


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## Johan Schmidt (Feb 16, 2021)

If she's been with enough men before that it makes me insecure then that's too many. 

The reality is that - all memes aside here - I'm not looking for a woman because I want sex out of it. Sex is an important and integral part of it yes, but I'm looking for a good woman to have a relationship with, build a home and build a family with. Someone that isn't going to shit the bed and run for the hills because I have to work late on weekdays, and sometimes go in on weekends; and at the same time, someone who isn't going to let me get complacent and woolly. A woman worth being with, with a good character, who's there for the fun and the frustrating bits. A woman that will teach my sons what sort of women he should be associating with; and my daughters what sort of women they should grow into. If I find that in a 30 year old divorced woman, or an 18 year old college student, or a 25 year old call centre worker then that's where I find it. I want a partner, not a project. 

Some women can be that after ten guys, some women can' event be that even if they're the most 'pure-as-the-driven-snow' virgin. I trust in my own judgement as a man to eventually find a good one to be with; and I'm not so insanely paranoid that I'll pester her with a million and one questions about her sexual history. If she's taken a mile of cock and it's driven her insane, then the issue is she's insane; no different to a fresh faced 19 year old who thinks kissing can get her pregnant being bug fuck insane as well. The cause of the insanity is largely not relevant in my mind; I'm not meeting a woman with the intent to fix all her problems, baby all her issues and be her father. I'm sure the woman I eventually marry has no intention of massaging my insecurities, assuaging whatever weird ego issues I could have or being my mother either. I won't care why she's crazy because I don't want to try and fix her crazy. 

Sure I'd prefer the 'unicorn' (Dumb MRA term aside) that's 18, no debts, virginal, who wants five kids, and nothing more than to be my loving partner; while also having supermodel good looks, perfect genetics and the ability to speak eight languages, play six instruments and bake brownies just right so they're chewy enough to be good, but not so chewy they're gross. But I also want to be a trillionaire.


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## Flavius Claudius Julianus (Feb 16, 2021)

I'm well into double digits, and I've found it's made me much more likely to suddenly ghost a girl if she presents even the slightest bit of trouble for me. Why stay with a girl who gives you a headache when you know you can get another in a matter of days? It's also unfortunate in that I'm less willing to work through small issues, or take the time to grow into a relationship. New and exciting becomes the order of the day, and it's a mindset that's very hard to shake.

For girls, I've noticed a sizeable uptick in relationship issues if she's been with more than a handful of guys - maybe 4 or 5. Could be a sampling problem, but I'm wary of starting anything with women who have been around, even if by western standards 4 or 5 partners is basically nothing these days. 

I've done my fair share of deflowering, and the odds of her being willing (and able) to be shaped into a mould for you seem to be about 50/50. In short, it's no litmus test for relationship satisfaction or stability. Without question however, the girls who had little or no experience were generally better relationship prospects. 

I'm at the age now where finding women with an n-count of less than 3 is becoming increasingly scarce. So we'll see how that plays out in the next few years.


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## Tapeduck76 (Feb 16, 2021)

Both men and women should save their virginity for someone they actually love and cherish. Sleeping around never ends well. Besides, your first partner is always the one you remember, if they're good, why not make it last?
The most annoying logical fallacy I see associated with this is that people should be "liberated" and try out different partners.
For what? If you have something good, don't fuck it up. If someone better comes along, then you made a mistake with shacking up with that first person in the first place.


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## Flavius Claudius Julianus (Feb 16, 2021)

Tapeduck76 said:


> Both men and women should save their virginity for someone they actually love and cherish. Sleeping around never ends well. Besides, your first partner is always the one you remember, if they're good, why not make it last?
> The most annoying logical fallacy I see associated with this is that people should be "liberated" and try out different partners.
> For what? If you have something good, don't fuck it up. If someone better comes along, then you made a mistake with shacking up with that first person in the first place.


Retarded. Sexual compatibility is a big thing, and is completely unknowable unless you sleep with that person before making a massive commitment. You should most definitely never LTR, let alone marry, a woman with whom you have bad sexual chemistry. 

To an extent you can learn to jive with one another, but sexual behaviour in bed is intrinsically linked with one's general demeanour out of the bedroom. A selfish person in general will be selfish in bed. A woman may have absurd ideas about how sucling dick is bad, or anything besides missionary in the dark is corrupt, immoral, deviant, etc. Of course, this may be impossible to know until you sleep with her - which, if you're waiting until marriage to do that, you're about to make a very expensive mistake, or doom yourself with bad sex forever. 

I can't tell whether you're a virgin idealist or just a tradcuck. You're wrong, regardless.


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## Str8Bustah (Feb 16, 2021)

english_nigger said:


> A woman may have absurd ideas about how sucling dick is bad, or anything besides missionary in the dark is corrupt, immoral, deviant, etc.


get ye gone, satan. enough of your degeneracy peddling, face up missionary sex with lots of cuddling and kissing is both kino and the best position of all.


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## Flavius Claudius Julianus (Feb 16, 2021)

Str8Bustah said:


> get ye gone, satan. enough of your degeneracy peddling, face up missionary sex with lots of cuddling and kissing is both kino and the best position of all.


Ngl I love me some missionary. Leave her fanny like an overflowing laundry basket. Her queefs will sound like yawns.


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## queerape (Feb 17, 2021)

No one number is too much, after 10 I would consider why they may have that many partners, but I would if they were a virgin too at my age (close to 30).  It also depends, do they have a cheating history, have they been able to maintain stable, long term relationships (ie someone who went hogwild in freshman year, learned the hard way and then has stuck to long term monogamous relationships since), do I like them. I wouldn't say there is a specific number per say where it becomes "too much", but after about 10 I would exercise more judgement. N count alone also doesn't say everything about level of sexual experience- someone like me who has had 4 partners who were very different from one another would have developed a wider repertoire of skills than someone with 8 very similar ones.


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