# Names You Would Give A Baby



## Y2K Baby (Jan 12, 2019)

If you had a kid, what would you name it. Asking for a friend.


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## The Fool (Jan 12, 2019)

If it's a boy, probably Johnny or Mark. If it's a girl, probably Lisa.


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## SweetDee (Jan 12, 2019)

Girl: Kayla

Boy: Dante


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## Bob Page (Jan 12, 2019)

Boy: Francis

Girl: Marian


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## Girlycard (Jan 12, 2019)

Elena or Willow for a girl.
Diego or Leon for a boy.


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## Y2K Baby (Jan 12, 2019)

Girlycard said:


> Willow for a girl.


Mouthvomit-tier pick.


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## Clop (Jan 12, 2019)

Y2K


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## Love Soze (Jan 12, 2019)

Lily. Or for a boy, Tom. 

I used to love Devina, until Shitrat ruined it.


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## Girlycard (Jan 12, 2019)

Y2K Baby said:


> Mouthvomit-tier pick.



I'm sure she'd be indoctrinated into identity politics and change her name anyway. Gotta name your baby under the assumption they'll hate their name and you someday because someone online told them to.
Goodbye Willow, hello [insert name stolen from anime here]


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## Y2K Baby (Jan 12, 2019)

Girlycard said:


> Goodbye Willow, hello [insert name stolen from anime here]


That's redundant.


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## DNJACK (Jan 12, 2019)

dont you dox my future childs


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## MemeGray (Jan 12, 2019)

Mom for a girl and Dad for a boy to make it easy for my grandkids


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## Batman VS Tony Danza (Jan 12, 2019)

Printer Error

Their entire life is going to be someone looking at their name on a piece of paper and saying "Hold on. We're having issues. I'll be right back."


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## MrTroll (Jan 12, 2019)

Boy: Marion

It was John Wayne's real name and if it's good enough for The Duke it's good enough for some faggot baby who has never starred in The Searchers or Rio Bravo.

Girl: Marion

See above explanation.


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## Guts Gets Some (Jan 12, 2019)

Red would be pretty awesome for a boy. I don't know if I could help myself.


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## Quijibo69 (Jan 12, 2019)

A mistake


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## pomme (Jan 12, 2019)

Joshua. Middle name Connor.


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## eldri (Jan 12, 2019)

I will not dox my future child, Kiwi Farms.


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## Box of Shame (Jan 12, 2019)

Jermajesty

edit: wait, maybe Peaches instead.


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## Red Hood (Jan 12, 2019)

Bey Z

Nah, for real something that won't get them picked on like...Mike or Elizabeth.


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## chunkygoth (Jan 12, 2019)

For  a boy, Kash Money.
For a girl, Princess or maybe Majesti


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## Marco Fucko (Jan 12, 2019)

pomme said:


> Joshua. Middle name Connor.



Sounds like you're trying to set that baby up for failure.


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## AnOminous (Jan 12, 2019)

Harriet.


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## gachacunt (Jan 12, 2019)

Robin, Jay, Sparrow. Mariah is a cute name too.


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## The Cunting Death (Jan 12, 2019)

Male: I have no idea
Female: Hannah, Emily, Jessie, Alex


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## Stephanie Bustcakes (Jan 12, 2019)

Female: Crystal. Had a dream about it so it's basically promised.


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## Scarboroughgirl (Jan 12, 2019)

Male: Gabriel, Aiden, Leonardo
Female: Kennedy Rose, Charity, Sydney


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## Kratos' Beard (Jan 12, 2019)

Y2K Greer because I want it to be a faggot.


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## QU 734 (Jan 12, 2019)

Jamal or LaQwand'a'sha


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## 💗Freddie Freaker💗 (Jan 12, 2019)

gaylord


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## pentylspacer2600 (Jan 12, 2019)

jack, fern, sally, Magdalena, pachako, dewey, jako, ned, burnice.


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## YayLasagna (Jan 12, 2019)

Unwanted


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## Shokaract (Jan 12, 2019)

I'd name the boy Thing 1 and the girl Thing 2


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## Monolith (Jan 12, 2019)

BRFXXCCXXMNPCCCCLLLMMNPRXVCLMNCKSSQLBB11116 (Pronounced like Albin).


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## drain (Jan 12, 2019)

boy: deziraeh rose scarlett
girl: deziraeh rose scarlett


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## lil bitch (Jan 12, 2019)

chris if a boy... christina if a girl... 
i mean, what better way to praise our god


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## Sylvie Paula Paula (Jan 12, 2019)

Crackhead. It's gender neutral.


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## Glad I couldn't help (Jan 12, 2019)

Boy: I would name after a dead male relative. Common, classy with a good history both general and specific.

Girl: Athene/Athena. Unique, pretty and grounded in history.


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## Takodachi (Jan 12, 2019)

Alicia
And I havent thought about naming a boy, probably give him my name.


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## Al Gulud (Jan 12, 2019)

>naming babies
>assuming anyone here getting laid
Lmao why are you guys lying to yourselves.


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## Dangus Bang Boon (Jan 12, 2019)

Boy: Nigga Keith
Girl: Propecia


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## Bunny Tracks (Jan 12, 2019)

Boy: Sebastian, Kenny, Justin
Girl: Alice, Sasha, Alexis


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## Lunete (Jan 12, 2019)

Thaddeus "Tad" Eustace Ghostal


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## GreenJacket (Jan 12, 2019)

Boy: Sammy
Girl: Sammy


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## Sam Losco (Jan 12, 2019)

Spoiler: Seven


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## Kiwi Jeff (Jan 12, 2019)

Spike
Terry
Lucifer
Ash
Magnus
Mark
Gustaf
Ken
Ricky
Michiyamenotehi funana
Go
Billy
Danny
Kazuya
Obama
Andy
Mandy
Randy
Tandy
Landy
Bandy
Gandhi
and Handy

These are all names that people should instinctively know to fear.


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## ennui (Jan 12, 2019)

Bleak, Coal, Echo, Ennui, Mateo


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## ES 148 (Jan 12, 2019)

Y3K.


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## AnOminous (Jan 12, 2019)

Ligma Balzac.

So he can say that whenever asked what his name is.


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## Pozzingmyfilthyneghole (Jan 12, 2019)

I’d call it a fat, stupid baby. Because that’s what it is.


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## Bogs (Jan 12, 2019)

>lol serious
I'm from Ireland, so I have to avoid cliches. (I also have to avoid my family tree, if possible...) Everyone here is named John or Mary, or they're named an Irish variation of a saint (Patrick, Clare, Francis, Christopher, Brid, etc.); so the next generation of people are avoiding religious names altogether. My personal picks are:
Girl: Imogen, Megan, Diana, Laurel, Lucy, Jennifer, Ruth
Boy: Eric, Alex, Joel, Peter, Adam, Rothman (mother's maiden-name. I have a thing about surnames for first names.), Sebastian, Connor (after our dear God Emperor of course)

>lol actually serious
I'll be teaching some distant nephew/cousin named John Paul Francis how to play poker and hold their liquor at age 14.


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## PT 522 (Jan 12, 2019)

For boys:
- Mike, short for Micycle
- Brick
- Fagliarulo
For girls:
- Jen "Jenstruation" Jennifers
- Dishwasher
- Lil Bitch
Unisex:
- Disappointment
- Mistake
- Jamie


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## JambledUpWords (Jan 12, 2019)

Girl: Rarity

Boy: Ajax


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## MadDamon (Jan 12, 2019)

Every name that isn't related to any lolcow.
I want my child to be a functional human being ffs.


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## Coldgrip (Jan 12, 2019)

Girl: Charlotte

Boy: Bruce


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## Teri-Teri (Jan 13, 2019)

Mauser


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## ForgedBlades (Jan 13, 2019)

Dovahkiin


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## Zaragoza (Jan 13, 2019)

Boy, same name as myself.
Girl, same name as myself but feminine.


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## MerriedxReldnahc (Jan 13, 2019)

Horatio Vortivask III, Esquire
Or for ladies, 
Desiree Lafonde von Spankenstein


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## Nobunaga (Jan 13, 2019)

Louis Cyphre


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## A single cheeto (Jan 13, 2019)

Miserable pile of secrets.


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## Rokko (Jan 13, 2019)

I would call my kid DykesDykesChina in memoriam to our fallen brother.


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## YourUnclesDad (Jan 13, 2019)

"Accident"


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## Lioness (Jan 13, 2019)

I had the name Levi in mind for a boy or a girl until a certain zoosadist ruined it. Their full name would have been Leviathan.


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## killmeme (Jan 13, 2019)

I'll name him a "boy" or "girl" to celebrate the latest Netflix hit.


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## Tragi-Chan (Jan 13, 2019)

Boy: None A Your Fuckin Business. My boy’s gonna learn to fight.

Girl: I dunno, Sarah or something.


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## LordofTendons (Jan 13, 2019)

BOY: John Ross
GIRL: Anastasia Kay


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## Count groudon (Jan 14, 2019)

Adolf Osama Manson. 


Or maybe Richter, I like names relating to earth and rocks for some weird reason.


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## Pina Colada (Jan 14, 2019)

Boy: Austin, Michael, Jacob, Phil
Girl: Theresa, Charlotte, April, Lisa, Olivia, Victoria
Unisex: Alex (for short) or Robin


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## Deadwaste (Jan 14, 2019)

john

it is a unisex name now


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## Yellow Shirt Guy (Jan 15, 2019)

Boy: Brady Girl:Hannah


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## tehpope (Jan 15, 2019)

Qwerty


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## Exceptionally Exceptional (Jan 15, 2019)

I was always partial to the name Aiden for boys. It basically means "fierce little fire".


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## Heckler1 (Jan 15, 2019)

Vercingetorix.


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## UnKillShredDur (Jan 15, 2019)

Archibald Peckerwood III (regardless of gender) I like the idea of giving a child such a ridiculous name, and of naming them the "third" when there is no first or second.


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## Tootsie Bear (Jan 15, 2019)

Boy: Theodore Girl: Nymphadora


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## Deus Ex Macarena (Jan 15, 2019)

Definitely a girl would be called Meg. The brilliance would be that it would be seen as a shortening of her full name that can be changed depending on how much you wanna embarrass her in public.

Meghan
Megbert
Megalovania

The possibilities is endless


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## Count groudon (Jan 15, 2019)

Deus Ex Macarena said:


> Definitely a girl would be called Meg. The brilliance would be that it would be seen as a shortening of her full name that can be changed depending on how much you wanna embarrass her in public.
> 
> Meghan
> Megbert
> ...


I started laughing, but then I realized that there’s probably some sperg out there who actually named their child megalovania and I got sad.


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## Exceptionally Exceptional (Jan 16, 2019)

Count groudon said:


> I started laughing, but then I realized that there’s probably some sperg out there who actually named their child megalovania and I got sad.


Could be worse. Some dumb sub-sapient nigger bint named her daughter some unpronounceable nonsensical bullshit with 1,000 letters just to get in the Guinness Book of World Records.
Her legal fucking name name is actually Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenkescianneshaimondrischlyndasaccarnaerenquellenendrasamecashaunettethalemeicoleshiwhalhinive'onchellecaundenesheaalausondrilynnejeanetrimyranaekuesaundrilynnezekeriakenvaunetradevonneyavondalatarneskcaevontaepreonkeinesceellaviavelzadawnefriendsettajessicannelesciajoyvaelloydietteyvettesparklenesceaundrieaquenttaekatilyaevea'shauwneoraliaevaekizzieshiyjuanewandalecciannereneitheliapreciousnesceverroneccaloveliatyronevekacarrionnehenriettaescecleonatrarutheliacharsalynnmeokcamonaeloiesalynnecsiannemerciadellesciaustillaparissalondonveshadenequamonecaalexetiozetiaquaniaenglaundneshiafrancethosharomeshaunnehawaineakowethauandavernellchishankcarlinaaddoneillesciachristondrafawndrealaotrelleoctavionnemiariasarahtashabnequckagailenaxeteshiataharadaponsadeloriakoentescacraigneckadellanierstellavonnemyiatangoneshiadianacorvettinagodtawndrashirlenescekilokoneyasharrontannamyantoniaaquinettesequioadaurilessiaquatandamerceddiamaebellecescajamesauwnneltomecapolotyoajohnyaetheodoradilcyanaKoyaanisqatsiuthawyhaiashieakhauwnne Williams.

No, I'm not making this shit up. She basically fucked over her kid for fame. Can you imagine what this poor girl would have to go through just to fill out the forms for a name change?
This is why I don't think black women should be allowed to raise kids. They view them as mere things.


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## William (Jan 16, 2019)

Boy: Manfred

The Red Baron.

Girl: Elena

Let's leave at just "for reasons" here.


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## Count groudon (Jan 16, 2019)

ExceptionallyExceptional said:


> Could be worse. Some dumb sub-sapient nigger bint named her daughter some unpronounceable nonsensical bullshit with 1,000 letters just to get in the Guinness Book of World Records.
> Her legal fucking name name is actually Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenkescianneshaimondrischlyndasaccarnaerenquellenendrasamecashaunettethalemeicoleshiwhalhinive'onchellecaundenesheaalausondrilynnejeanetrimyranaekuesaundrilynnezekeriakenvaunetradevonneyavondalatarneskcaevontaepreonkeinesceellaviavelzadawnefriendsettajessicannelesciajoyvaelloydietteyvettesparklenesceaundrieaquenttaekatilyaevea'shauwneoraliaevaekizzieshiyjuanewandalecciannereneitheliapreciousnesceverroneccaloveliatyronevekacarrionnehenriettaescecleonatrarutheliacharsalynnmeokcamonaeloiesalynnecsiannemerciadellesciaustillaparissalondonveshadenequamonecaalexetiozetiaquaniaenglaundneshiafrancethosharomeshaunnehawaineakowethauandavernellchishankcarlinaaddoneillesciachristondrafawndrealaotrelleoctavionnemiariasarahtashabnequckagailenaxeteshiataharadaponsadeloriakoentescacraigneckadellanierstellavonnemyiatangoneshiadianacorvettinagodtawndrashirlenescekilokoneyasharrontannamyantoniaaquinettesequioadaurilessiaquatandamerceddiamaebellecescajamesauwnneltomecapolotyoajohnyaetheodoradilcyanaKoyaanisqatsiuthawyhaiashieakhauwnne Williams.
> 
> No, I'm not making this shit up. She basically fucked over her kid for fame. Can you imagine what this poor girl would have to go through just to fill out the forms for a name change?
> This is why I don't think black women should be allowed to raise kids. They view them as mere things.


Well, on the bright side she’ll never be able to get in trouble for anything. The person calling her out would probably pass out from lack of oxygen trying to pronounce her name.

Seriously though, this definitely tops the neck beard who somehow got a woman to procreate with him naming his daughter some jumbled up nonsense from MLP. How was the rest of her family okay with this? Why didn’t the doctor lobotomize her on the spot for even considering this?


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## ToroidalBoat (Jan 16, 2019)

"Max Power"



Spoiler



(but really I dunno)


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## Slap47 (Jan 16, 2019)

ExceptionallyExceptional said:


> Could be worse. Some dumb sub-sapient nigger bint named her daughter some unpronounceable nonsensical bullshit with 1,000 letters just to get in the Guinness Book of World Records.
> Her legal fucking name name is actually Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenkescianneshaimondrischlyndasaccarnaerenquellenendrasamecashaunettethalemeicoleshiwhalhinive'onchellecaundenesheaalausondrilynnejeanetrimyranaekuesaundrilynnezekeriakenvaunetradevonneyavondalatarneskcaevontaepreonkeinesceellaviavelzadawnefriendsettajessicannelesciajoyvaelloydietteyvettesparklenesceaundrieaquenttaekatilyaevea'shauwneoraliaevaekizzieshiyjuanewandalecciannereneitheliapreciousnesceverroneccaloveliatyronevekacarrionnehenriettaescecleonatrarutheliacharsalynnmeokcamonaeloiesalynnecsiannemerciadellesciaustillaparissalondonveshadenequamonecaalexetiozetiaquaniaenglaundneshiafrancethosharomeshaunnehawaineakowethauandavernellchishankcarlinaaddoneillesciachristondrafawndrealaotrelleoctavionnemiariasarahtashabnequckagailenaxeteshiataharadaponsadeloriakoentescacraigneckadellanierstellavonnemyiatangoneshiadianacorvettinagodtawndrashirlenescekilokoneyasharrontannamyantoniaaquinettesequioadaurilessiaquatandamerceddiamaebellecescajamesauwnneltomecapolotyoajohnyaetheodoradilcyanaKoyaanisqatsiuthawyhaiashieakhauwnne Williams.
> 
> No, I'm not making this shit up. She basically fucked over her kid for fame. Can you imagine what this poor girl would have to go through just to fill out the forms for a name change?
> This is why I don't think black women should be allowed to raise kids. They view them as mere things.



You can change names, it isn't that big of a deal.


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## Exceptionally Exceptional (Jan 16, 2019)

Apoth42 said:


> You can change names, it isn't that big of a deal.


Yeah, but imagine having to live with that hassle for the first 18 years of your life. And, of course, fucking up your name on a legal document and having to spend 10 minutes just correcting your first fucking name because your mother was an exceptional fucktard and couldn't be bothered to give you a name that doesn't sound like someone choking on a cock for a solid minute because she wanted some temporary fame.
If I was this girl the first thing I'd do when I turned 18 is carefully file an application for a name change. The second thing I'd do is disown my mother with a promise that the moment she can no longer sustain herself she's going into the most miserable old home I can find.


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## Buster O'Keefe (Jan 16, 2019)

My wife's son: Tyson D'andre
My wife's daughter: Bon’Quisha


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## Ali della Fenice (Jan 16, 2019)

To a girl, Elena, like my beloved granma thats not with me anymore.
To a boy, the same as me, but thats a secret.


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## MG 620 (Jan 16, 2019)

Samuel or Jonathan.


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## hambeerlyingnreed (Jan 16, 2019)

Female: Dana, after Dana Skully, cause I'm a nerd. It's also not out of the ordinary but eleveny kids in the class won't have the same name.

Male: Cohen, after Leonard Cohen. It's also kinda unique but not eewneekee. Though with Michael Cohen being in recent memory, if I had a fetus with a penis, I might reconsider that name.


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Jan 16, 2019)

John Henry Holliday.


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## TiggerNits (Jan 16, 2019)

If we have another boy, he's getting named Charles, if we have a girl, Madeline


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## madethistocomment (Jan 16, 2019)

I've always loved the name Saoirse because Irish blood and all, but I'm afraid my daughter would have her name be severely mispronounced by literally anybody reading her name off a list. Also, the guy I'm seeing has a kind of weird last name, so it'd be a double whammy for the poor kid.

Other, more plausible names that I like are Ian and Canan for a boy, and Emma and Rowan for a girl.


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## Doc Cassidy (Jan 16, 2019)

Superfly would legit be a good name for a boy and I wish I could have used it.


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## Pvt. Shitpost (Jan 17, 2019)

For girls: Leina, Sophia, and or Valentina. I've thought about the order i'd name them depending how many daughters I have and whos born first and I also want their names to end with an a.

For boys: Laine and John.


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## fashion (Jan 18, 2019)

Female: Winter/Autumn Rose (so tacky but I actually like it)

Male: Eridan (i know it’s actually a male character from homestuck but I love this name) or John.


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## morbidly-obese-steven (Jan 18, 2019)

Adolf is always good.


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## The Great Chandler (Jan 18, 2019)

Theyoushouldhavebeenaborted-F.U.C.K-1000


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## UW 411 (Jan 18, 2019)

Girl name: 'Take', so whenever she's addressed in a more formal manner, she'd know exactly what she is. 

"Miss Take, there seems to be a mistake with your homework"

Boy name: 'Window' so when he's addressed in a more formal manner, he knows exactly what his mother did.

"Mr. Window, what do you think it means when your mother tells you that she should have had an abortion?"


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## Blender (Jan 18, 2019)

I'd give it a black name so niggers can't claim it's "their" name anymore.


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