# Gunt Theme Park



## Roman Gunt Guard (Apr 15, 2021)

There would be such rides as :

*-The VR Sex Ride Simulator*

Where you could stick your thumb up a fake booty hole and someone would feed you a choccy surprise while watching Ralphs hacked phone sex tape
.




-*Pillstream Simulator*
You get some random pills and try and re-enact a pillstream episode of TRR





-*The Gunt Zoo*
It would be like a petting zoo you would get to see such fantastic creatures such as "Horseface Pantsu", "Beluga Boober Lee", "PPP and his mighty starfish" (imagine the smell)




-*Andy Warski Shooting Range*
This wouldn't be a normal shooting range where you get to shoot anyone or anything but you encourage others to shoot at people chasing you.





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*-Gunt Wrestling*
You get to wear sumo suits or Fat Suits and Costumed cops try and arrest you while you fight back. With a Hotel Room Backdrop 


Share any other ideas you might have for a Gunt Theme Park


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## SeniorFuckFace (Apr 15, 2021)

Someone needs to go outside.


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## Roman Gunt Guard (Apr 15, 2021)

SeniorFuckFace said:


> Someone needs to go outside.


The theme park would definitely be an outdoor experience, I'm thinking somewhere in Memphis Tennessee or Knoxville. We could try Virginia but idk


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## b0o0pinsn0o0tz (Apr 15, 2021)

I must have a bit of the 'tism, the Warski shooting range sounds kinda fun.


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## SupremeGuntleman (Apr 15, 2021)

Roman Gunt Guard said:


> -*Andy Warski Shooting Range*
> This wouldn't be a normal shooting range where you get to shoot anyone or anything but you encourage others to shoot at people chasing you.


I think you meant to say encourage others to shoot at people that you are chasing, while yelling at them to stay back.


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## b0o0pinsn0o0tz (Apr 15, 2021)

SupremeGuntleman said:


> I think you meant to say encourage others to shoot at people that you are chasing, while yelling at them to stay back.


Don't forget screaming "We will defend ourselves" as shrill as possible. Flailing your arms like spastic isn't necessary, but is recommended to make the shooting range more fun.


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## AMHOLIO (Apr 15, 2021)

If you don't have a rollercoaster in the shape of his profile body outline called the Guntblaster I am not fucking coming


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## Roman Gunt Guard (Apr 15, 2021)

SupremeGuntleman said:


> I think you meant to say encourage others to shoot at people that you are chasing, while yelling at them to stay back.


this ^


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## Bogen (Apr 15, 2021)

@Vetti Is this considered a quality thread?

Also what, No Gaytor ride? Any height restrictions on these rides?


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## Roman Gunt Guard (Apr 15, 2021)

Aaa0aaa0 said:


> If you don't have a rollercoaster in the shape of his profile body outline called the Guntblaster I am not fucking coming


That would be a pretty short coaster .... There would be a max height restriction of being at least 5'1' to enter.


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## Roman Gunt Guard (Apr 15, 2021)

Bogen said:


> @Vetti Is this considered a quality thread?
> 
> Also what, No Gaytor ride? Any height restrictions on these rides?


I was thinking of sticking Gaydur in the petting zoo.


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## SupremeGuntleman (Apr 15, 2021)

Karaoke, but it's all MC Jarbo songs

Gunt tank, where you throw makers mark bottles at a target to knock someone into a tank with a giant(realistically sized) gunt in it

DUI simulator, where you get drunk and can drive cars through a course, if you get pulled over you can assault the cop


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## Roman Gunt Guard (Apr 15, 2021)

SupremeGuntleman said:


> Karaoke, but it's all MC Jarbo songs
> 
> Gunt tank, where you throw makers mark bottles at a target to knock someone into a tank with a giant(realistically sized) gunt in it
> 
> DUI simulator, where you get drunk and can drive cars through a course, if you get pulled over you can assault the cop


Karaoke with MC Jarbo songs 
At random intervals, a costumed Mickey Mouse Ralph comes out and shuts the karaoke machine off. 

Gunt Tank
We could do the gunt , but maybe have ralph's ex girlfriends instead ?  

DUI Simulator 
We can use bumper cars so it's family-friendly.


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## Delicious Diversity (Apr 15, 2021)

This thread is wonderfully autistic. Some ideas for potential attractions:

- A hall of mirrors, where every mirror makes you look like you have a Gunt.   

- A Burger Stand called 'the trashburger' to feed hungry patrons. 

- A collaboration with Gatorworld (real place in Florida) to provide an enclosure for TheGamerGator. 

- A daily drinking tournament, sponsored by Maker's Mark. 

- A ghost ride where apparitions of Corey Barnhill fuck with you constantly. 

- A 'hit the target' style game to win prizes, where the target is just a picture of Josh. 

- A Tunnel of Love which plays 'Oh Nora' on a loop. 

- A maze where every time you hit a dead end a loudspeaker screeches "XANDER ITS NOT TRU!". 

- The main attraction, a massive roller coaster called 'Boulder Mountain'. 

I could probably think of a hundred more, but I'll leave it there, lol.


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## PhoBingas (Apr 15, 2021)

There could be some Takeshi's castle / MXC knock off carnival game where Seethekeepers have to stop you running up a small flight of stairs.


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## Boyfriend Coefficient (Apr 15, 2021)

Tunnel of Jim ride for the romantics in attendance. It's like a tunnel of love ride only dedicated to Saint Jim.


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## RichardRApe (Apr 15, 2021)

Whack-A-Moms where you dress up like a doctor and hit Ralph's mom on the head.


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## WeWuzFinns (Apr 15, 2021)

Gaytor's moat is the name of a rim job specialized gay bar. You are going to need one helluva deworming after visiting that place.


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## Bland Crumbs (Apr 15, 2021)

Naturally the only food provider would be Arby's who would serve the signature: Gunt Groundburger.


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## PhoBingas (Apr 15, 2021)

SupremeGuntleman said:


> DUI simulator, where you get drunk and can drive cars through a course, if you get pulled over you can assault the cop


Another spin on the DUI simulator could be Bumper-Sentra's, some cars would be pre Plate Gang vandalization, some would be post. All would have fast food wrappers, jizz napkins, and empty pill bottles.


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## Spectre_06 (Apr 15, 2021)

Roman Gunt Guard said:


> I was thinking of sticking Gaydur in the petting zoo.


The janitorial squad should be known as The Gator Gamers.

And they should all be required to sweep harder when park goers scream "SWEEP IT UP JAN JAN!"  And they should all be dressed as different Rare Gators and they can ONLY piss in their costumes for the full effect.


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## Roman Gunt Guard (Apr 15, 2021)

PhoBingas said:


> Another spin on the DUI simulator could be Bumper-Sentra's, some cars would be pre Plate Gang vandalization, some would be post. All would have fast food wrappers, jizz napkins, and empty pill bottles.


I like where you are going with this.


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## Shiggy Diggster (Apr 15, 2021)

Ronnie's Rail Riding Reverie: Starts as a slow ride chugging along the most scenic railways in North America. When it reaches California, however, it turns into a terrifying dark ride. Can you escape the rail cops while avoiding the ghosts of the Robin Hood Hills children who will haunt you until the day you lay your neck on your last rail?

Guntitron: The low rent version of the Gravitron. Instead of centrifugal force holding you suspended against the wall as the ride spins, you are held down on the floor by beanbags full of slightly warm Crisco. It also doesn't spin, it's just a gussied up conference room.


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## Crystal Golem (Apr 15, 2021)

The Mark Collette holocoaster experience: It looks like it's going to be a terrifying ride but it goes really slowly and Collette's rants are piped in so by the time it gets to the end of the ride everyone is fast asleep. At this point one of those automated cameras takes a picture and it looks like everyone on the ride succumbed to the real life holocoaster resulting in a lasting keepsake and conversation piece.

Find Zidan: Guests are told that "Zidan" is hiding somewhere on the premises and if they find him he will come back to the killstream(No Zidan or Zidan impersonator will be present at the park).


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## Geoff Peterson (Apr 15, 2021)

Don't forget that you have to be at least 5'1" to get on the rides.


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## David Spadem (Apr 15, 2021)

Another theme park mascot: 
*Randbot the Aussie Drunk*

Watch out though, if you’re Black or Jewish he will Glass you with his bottle whilst shouting racial slurs at you (Such as nigger kike).


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## Cow Poly (Apr 15, 2021)

We can have a tram/trolley/people-mover/train that goes around the park. I’ll be the conductor. Choo-choooo!


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## Lobster Cult High Priest (Apr 15, 2021)

David Spadem said:


> Another theme park mascot:
> *Randbot the Aussie Drunk*
> 
> Watch out though, if you’re Black or Jewish he will Glass you with his bottle whilst shouting racial slurs at you (Such as nigger kike).
> View attachment 2090549


Snoopy the Dog mascot but it’s a Dingo. For the children’s area


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## Sea Hag Henderson (Apr 15, 2021)

Mr. Ralph's Wild Uber Ride: Enjoy the weather as you wait in line, it's not even hot outside! Thrilling twists and turns await you on your way to your dialysis appointment, a perennial favorite ride here in Guntland.


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## Lobster Cult High Priest (Apr 15, 2021)

Squeezit Henderson said:


> Mr. Ralph's Wild Uber Ride: Enjoy the weather as you wait in line, it's not even hot outside! Thrilling twists and turns await you on your way to your dialysis appointment, a perennial favorite ride here in Guntland.


The Uber ride fits more with Warski since he failed at being an Uber driver.


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## thismanlies (Apr 15, 2021)

Delicious Diversity said:


> - The main attraction, a massive roller coaster called 'Boulder Mountain'.


Picture this. You're standing at the back of a line waiting to get on Boulder Mountain. You see a sign that says "Wait time 45 minutes" as you're baking under the blistering sun. But then you remember you bought a Pill Pass which is essentially a photocopied prescription for a bottle of Xanax. So you cut to the front of the line where a guy in a polar bear costume is waiting to strap you in. As he does his job, he says "Hey there kids, it's me! Poley the Polar Bear! And I'm here to tell you a brand new word of the day. This word today is *safety*..."

The ride lurches forward and you find yourself in a dark tunnel. A spotlight illuminates an animatronic Mister Metokur, Zidan, Gator, and Ethan Ralph as they chastise Mundane Matt, who is noticeably shorter than Ralph and has to stand on a boulder to be eye level with everyone else. As they exit the tunnel, you hear Ralph drunkenly slur "Now wait a minute, MATT NO!"

You descend further into the tunnel where you see another animatronic display. This time it's Ralph standing on a giant pile of dead cancer patients from St. Jude's. Behind him is an LED sign that says "Welcome to the Healstream." Standing at the bottom of the pile are Metokur, Fuentes, Dick, and everyone else who attended the Healstream as they sing Ram Ranch. You notice in the background that a very Jewish looking Yoree Koh is hiding in a corner taking notes for the article that will eventually see Ralph banned from Youtube.

Suddenly the ride stops and you hear a familiar clicking noise as you feel your seat tilting backwards at a 55 degree angle. But before you leave the tunnel, you're treated to one last animatronic diorama. This time it shows Ralph and Andy Warski sitting in front of a computer as they edit child porn they found on the Internet. Every few seconds, you hear Ralph slurring "It's nawt troo! Gaydur it's nawt troo!"

Finally you leave the tunnel. As you do, you notice empty bottles of Maker's Mark sitting on the sides of the tracks. You notice that they weren't placed there to be aesthetically pleasing. Rather they look like they were placed there after someone drunk them and couldn't be arsed to find a trash can. Then you notice plants growing on either sides of the tracks. As your car ascends up the incline, you see that these plants are actually stalks of corn. Somewhere among the corn, you see Joshua Connor Moon wearing a straw hat and a t shirt that says "Broke Dick Farms" on it saying "I'm a gigantic pedophile and my dick doesn't work. So that's why we need to sacrifice Ralph to the corn so that the Gods will let me have an erection again."

Then your car reaches the top of the roller coaster. As you crest the peak, you see a giant white ass waiting for you below. Before you can say "I want off this ride," you hear the clicking stop. Then you feel gravity take its course. You plunge downwards as if you're sitting in a metal thumb ready to shoot up that pooper. You close your eyes expecting to be smashed to bits against the giant ass. But instead you glide effortlessly through. Your car suddenly decelerates as it splashes into a pool of Makers Mark. It is here you're treated to one last animatronic diorama of a fit and tall Ethan Ralph towering over Digibro, who has a big enough gunt for two fat asses. Ralph effortlessly kicks the shit out of Digibro as a smoking hot 10/10 Pantsu looks on in admiration. 

As you wonder why you ever paid money to come to this theme park, your car stops in a gift shop where you can buy Makers Mark and Xanax as well as Broke Dick Farms t shirts. As you leave, the clerk grabs your attention buy asking you if you'd like a complementary photo of yourself riding Boulder Mountain. You say "Sure, why the hell not?" and she points you towards a miniature trash can on the counter. You reach in and pull out a cheeseburger wrapper with a picture printed on it. That picture perfectly captures the horror on your face as you felt yourself racing at 60 miles an hour towards Faith's third eye. You quickly stuff it in your pocket and walk away, questioning your faith in God for allowing such a place to exist.


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## Crystal Golem (Apr 15, 2021)

Your browser is not able to display this video.



Visualisation of 'The Mark Collette Holocoaster experience' by request from @Delicious Diversity


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## Niggernerd (Apr 15, 2021)

The gaydor experience. 
You put on a VR headset and get to live shannons life via bench pressing 6 million lbs while your hot Latina gf brings you a glass of milk and she starts sucking you off and saying how based you are.


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## Sea Hag Henderson (Apr 15, 2021)

It's a world of Xanax
A world of booze
It's a world of aylawgs
And teenage cooze
So much gray in our hair
That it's time we're aware
It's a gunt world after all

It's a gunt world after all
It's a gunt world after all
It's a gunt world after all
It's a gunted world

We hate ol' Josh Moon
And his broken wang
Stick a thumb up her bum
Like it ain't no thing
Stream site sent us away
Tucker clips we will play
It's a gunt world after all

It's a gunt world after all
It's a gunt world after all
It's a gunt world after all
It's a gunted world


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## David Spadem (Apr 15, 2021)

Crystal Golem said:


> View attachment 2091353
> Visualisation of 'The Mark Collette Holocoaster experience' by request from @Delicious Diversity


The slowness and the feeling that it’s never ending, that’s exactly what I imagine a Mark Collette Holocoaster experience would feel like.

It’s like I’m already there!


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Apr 15, 2021)

Can the exit be "Mr. Gunt's Wild Ride"? I'm still coming up with the details with the architect but it's either going to end in a drunken car accident or suicide-by-cop. Not sure yet. Depends on budget and if people are okay with "blanks" being fired at them, I suppose.


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## TwoDollarPeePeePooPoo (Apr 15, 2021)

The Arby's Experience. You just get raped and killed.


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Apr 15, 2021)

TwoDollarPeePeePooPoo said:


> The Arby's Experience. You just get raped and killed.


You can't keep them in the park if they're dead, that's why the exit is the murder "simulator". It's like you've never played Rollercoaster Tycoon.


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## Seth MacFartman (Apr 15, 2021)

Someone needs to do this on Rollercoaster Tycoon and create a Gunt Coaster with maybe Wooden Coaster?


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## Thomas Highway (Apr 15, 2021)

Action Park already killed people.


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## Terrorist (Apr 15, 2021)

EpGunt, inside a giant geodesic bottle of Maker's Mark. The Mission: THUMB interactive motion simulator takes you through the sights, sounds, and smells of Xander's conception. After that, you can check out exhibits of oldfag lore and shit-tier alt tech streaming platforms.


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## Mr.Downer (Apr 16, 2021)

will there also be something like the disneyland hats of mickey mouse's ears but instead of ears, it's a gunt with ralph's fleshy texture?


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## Crystal Golem (Apr 16, 2021)

DSM-IV said:


> Action Park already killed people.


We can break that record. Loop slide? How about a Gunt shaped slide/


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## Thomas Highway (Apr 16, 2021)

No blacks allowed.


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## Vetti (Apr 16, 2021)

Crystal Golem said:


> The Mark Collette holocoaster experience: It looks like it's going to be a terrifying ride but it goes really slowly and Collette's rants are piped in so by the time it gets to the end of the ride everyone is fast asleep. At this point one of those automated cameras takes a picture and it looks like everyone on the ride succumbed to the real life holocoaster resulting in a lasting keepsake and conversation piece.
> 
> Find Zidan: Guests are told that "Zidan" is hiding somewhere on the premises and if they find him he will come back to the killstream(No Zidan or Zidan impersonator will be present at the park).


Those brave enough to ride are rewarded with this.


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## AltisticRight (Apr 16, 2021)

RichardRApe said:


> Whack-A-Moms where you dress up like a doctor and hit Ralph's mom on the head.
> View attachment 2090210






Added variety:


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## RichardRApe (Apr 16, 2021)

AltisticRight said:


> View attachment 2091712


I like it! The only thing is it was the doctors that brained his mom, I don't think they were drunk they just have bloodlust and prey on the elderly. Still works and is on brand though.


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Apr 16, 2021)

Captain Hank Murph said:


> Someone needs to do this on Rollercoaster Tycoon and create a Gunt Coaster with maybe Wooden Coaster?


Now if only you could designate a crack smoking spot behind some of the venues, we'd be golden!


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## AltisticRight (Apr 16, 2021)

A food court is needed.
Pho's noodlehouse 
Pho's steakhouse
Gunt's Trashburgers
Candy store, they offer xannies, oxyberries, meth and other edibles
No water or anything healthy, it's all coke and Marker's Mark


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## Seth MacFartman (Apr 16, 2021)

Paddy O' Furniture said:


> Now if only you could designate a crack smoking spot behind some of the venues, we'd be golden!


They'd be around where the Ferris Wheels be at lol.


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## Queen Of The Harpies (Apr 16, 2021)

Mr.Downer said:


> will there also be something like the disneyland hats of mickey mouse's ears but instead of ears, it's a gunt with ralph's fleshy texture?






A carnival game called 'Fight the Fatty' or instead of that Japanese game where you try to bump each other off with your butts, you try to bump the opponent off with your gunt.


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## Spectre_06 (Apr 16, 2021)

Cow Poly said:


> We can have a tram/trolley/people-mover/train that goes around the park. I’ll be the conductor. Choo-choooo!


You have to be drunk when you drive it.


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## Lobster Cult High Priest (Apr 16, 2021)

Niggernerd said:


> The gaydor experience.
> You put on a VR headset and get to live shannons life via bench pressing 6 million lbs while your hot Latina gf brings you a glass of milk and she starts sucking you off and saying how based you are.


Gaydur is the park Jannie


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## Sam Losco (Apr 16, 2021)

AltisticRight said:


> A food court is needed.
> Pho's noodlehouse
> Pho's steakhouse
> Gunt's Trashburgers
> ...


Sam's Hotdog Stand.


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## Cow Poly (Apr 16, 2021)

Captain EO but it’s moonman.


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## Pee Wee Herman (Apr 16, 2021)

There should be a no mask mandate, just like how Ralph goes everywhere without one .


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## Lobster Cult High Priest (Apr 16, 2021)

Mr.Downer said:


> will there also be something like the disneyland hats of mickey mouse's ears but instead of ears, it's a gunt with ralph's fleshy texture?


Gator Time Hats


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## Spectre_06 (Apr 16, 2021)

Lobster Cult High Priest said:


> Gator Time Hats


Well he'd finally do something with them so they're not hanging around in his mother's basement with his crusty waifu body pillows and shit.


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## REGENDarySumanai (Apr 16, 2021)

Where would the ammo crates be?


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## Delicious Diversity (Apr 16, 2021)

REGENDarySumanai said:


> Where would the ammo crates be?


At the Staaaaaay Baaaaack shooting range of course.
----------------------


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## SuperMaleVitality1776 (Apr 16, 2021)

Can not decide if the best part about this thread is the childlike imagination unleashed or the fact that it was established one day after a long ranting post about quality/ethics in shitposting. 

The Pantsu Petting Zoo is an important addition . Feed your Pantsu a sugar cube or a very short and unimpressive carrot , but don't let your kids unsupervised for one second. Failure to do so might lead to your kids starting cutting themselves in puberty , developing a love for animu and an assortment of other 41% behaviour. 

The Gator Gift Shop is conveniently located outside the Gates of Guntleland. Drop your least favourite kid off here to slave away stacking the shelves with off brand Metokur hats , erotic fiction of Gator seducing Nick the Spics hot blonde Puerto Rican mother and many other forgettable items. At the end of your trip pick up the dud of your DNA or don't , who cares.


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## Paddy O' Furniture (Apr 16, 2021)

SuperMaleVitality1776 said:


> Can not decide if the best part about this thread is the childlike imagination unleashed or the fact that it was established one day after a long ranting post about quality/ethics in shitposting.
> 
> The Pantsu Petting Zoo is an important addition . Feed your Pantsu a sugar cube or a very short and unimpressive carrot , but don't let your kids unsupervised for one second. Failure to do so might lead to your kids starting cutting themselves in puberty , developing a love for animu and an assortment of other 41% behaviour.
> 
> The Gator Gift Shop is conveniently located outside the Gates of Guntleland. Drop your least favourite kid off here to slave away stacking the shelves with off brand Metokur hats , erotic fiction of Gator seducing Nick the Spics hot blonde Puerto Rican mother and many other forgettable items. At the end of your trip pick up the dud of your DNA or don't , who cares.


The hats never arrived. Fuckin' USPS fucks our grand opening _again. _A-logs, all of 'em!


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## Weeb Slinger (Apr 16, 2021)

“My cold dead hands muthufucka!”

Ralph World has barely been open five minutes in its new location (the third move in less than a year) and already trouble is brewing.

“Diabetes,” explains the agitated visitor. “Ruined the circulation in my fingers.”

He points towards a sign that reads: 'You must have consumed over 9000 calories and have a blood alcohol concentration level above .30% to enter the park.'

“I bin haffing troubles meetin' the requirements, e'er since my bellybutton piecing went awry,” he says. He raises his faded Air Wolf T-Shirt to reveal two rolls of flab stapled together with what appears to be a link from a pair of police handcuffs. An elongated 'Mama Tried' tattoo, in the process of being engulfed by the fleshy folds, resembles the opening screen crawl to a Star Wars film being drawn down into a black hole.

“I'm real strict 'bout who I let inside,” says the man on the gate (appropriately christened Gater by his parents, who were realistic regarding his future prospects). He loosens the twine holding up his pants and tightens a banjo string that he has coiled around his junk “fo' the purposes of seasoning.”

Most families choose to enter the park through the Tunnel of Dick – a darkened, above-ground wooden passageway, where minors are separated from their parents and placed in the care of low level drug dealers and aspiring child groomers.

Emancipated from the cloying attention of their legal guardians, a feral band of kids and their would-be molesters make straight for the Ralph Bounce – a variation of the traditional bouncy castle, designed to resembled the park mascot, Ethan Ralph, passed-out semi-naked on his back, in a drunken stupor. Today the bounce, which ordinarily dominates the horizon like a rippling pink hill, has deflated into a sticky, rubbery puddle, following what one park employee describes as “your garden variety bottle fight between newly-wed five-year-old cousins.”

I tag along behind a group of men as they amble towards a graveyard of rusted cars, propped-up on bricks in an overgrown dodgems arena, where they spend the next few hours silently knocking back hard liquor from the bottle, while Lynyrd Skynyrd plays over the public address system.

Back in the main park, 'Jinnie' has just come down off the big wheel – a ride intended to give visitors the sensation of what it is like to be as tall as Ethan Ralph.

“It was just like bein' in a real airplane,” she enthuses, beaming through the gaps in her front teeth. “All the people on the ground were as small as coon ants.”

As we are leaving the park, the Mark Collet ghost train rumbles into the station. A woman wearing a fraught expression runs towards the disembarking passengers.

“Have you seen my husband, Ezra?” she asks, franticly. “He was on the last train but he never came back.”

Nearby, a listing wooden noticeboard is covered in layers of missing person flyers relating to other passengers who all vanished under similar circumstances.

We repair to a local diner where bearded man in a dress, sitting in the doorway of a clapped-out RV, offers to suck my cock for 50c, while reciting his script for a live-action Sailor Moon movie.


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## Lobster Cult High Priest (Apr 16, 2021)

Paddy O' Furniture said:


> The hats never arrived. Fuckin' USPS fucks our grand opening _again. _A-logs, all of 'em!


Damn Phobingus as Postmaster General preventing the shipment of Gatortime hats


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## Gensou Hadou (Apr 16, 2021)

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Gunters: Ethan Ralph versus Riley. Featuring Digibro's roommates as background characters! Giant arcade machine version located somewhere in the park, smaller toy version available for purchase at the gift shop.


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## Mr. Manchester (Apr 16, 2021)

For food you have to have corn on the cob, the kind on the stick that they dip in butter.  

Like Disney land they can sell Gunt Bux at the door, which is shady crypto backed by a mysterious Chinese company.

You also need the killstream hall of fame, which just an animatronic Dax.  The Jim robot is coming soon, it'll be ready when Kill All Pedos decides to sell it to the park.  For now its just recordings of Gator and a cardboard cutout.

For souvenirs they have big rubber gunts to wear, demon baby dolls and posters of Ralph-Chan

For fun games there's guess the temperature outside (it's not even hot) , Gatortime where you sweep up mean comments, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? where you are blindfolded and have to guess who is choking you, and CLOSE THAT DOOR! where you scream at Rand's wife until she goes away.

For rides you need the Late and Gay World, which is just a 15 minute boat ride playing the bojack theme.


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## Sam Losco (Apr 17, 2021)

Mr. Manchester said:


> You also need the killstream hall of fame, which just an animatronic Dax.  The Jim robot is coming soon, it'll be ready when Kill All Pedos decides to sell it to the park.  For now its just recordings of Gator and a cardboard cutout.


Wax statue of Rex Jones but with a picture of his dad's face taped on. A monitor next to it will show a looping clip of when Ralph tried to approach Alex in Atlanta and was basically ignored like the nobody he is.

A game where you drop an ammo box on a model of Rand. If you can crack the skull open you get a Rand doll.
A game where you are spun around to simulate being drunk and then you have to try and hit a cop.


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## Mr. Manchester (Apr 17, 2021)

Sam Losco said:


> A game where you drop an ammo box on a model of Rand. If you can crack the skull open you get a Rand doll.


Regular mode is sober Rand, hard mode is drunk Rand.


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## Wyzzerd (Apr 17, 2021)

I am extremely disappointed in all of you.

There only one ride everyone wants to ride on.

The Bouncing Gunt Castle!


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## Sam Losco (Apr 17, 2021)

Sam Losco said:


> A game where you are spun around to simulate being drunk and then you have to try and hit a cop.


Ah shit, I forgot about the existence of drunk goggles. No spinning, people just put drunk goggles on and a strap on gunt, then have to try and jump up and hit a cop.


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## AltisticRight (Apr 17, 2021)

We will need to put Bibble in the petting zoo as well. $20 to feed him bananas and watermelon. The theme park will have no KFC, just in case riots break out.


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## PhoBingas (Apr 17, 2021)

AltisticRight said:


> We will need to put Bibble in the petting zoo as well. $20 to feed him bananas and watermelon. The theme park will have no KFC, just in case riots break out.


I was thinking we could have some sort of basement tabletop shop / gaming area. Call it Bibble's dungeon; then he might finally find someone to play D&D with.


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## Ozul (Apr 17, 2021)

Bumper gunts-- A tasteful version of bumper cars where you sit in a lil' rascal and try to bump your opponent out of the designated 'safe space.'
Also, the control stick is a dilator.


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## Fat Gay Riker (Apr 17, 2021)

"Its a gunt world after all" is the opening ride, recreating the life and times of Ethan Ralph with an MC Jarbo style intro song.


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## Mr.Logistics (Apr 17, 2021)

No theme park is complete without the seedy pool with the gunt wave machine


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## Lobster Cult High Priest (Apr 17, 2021)

Mr.Logistics said:


> No theme park is complete without the seedy pool with the gunt wave machine


Will the wave pool be filled with Noras entire extended family from Pakistan? Pissing in the pool


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## Mr.Logistics (Apr 17, 2021)

Lobster Cult High Priest said:


> Will the wave pool be filled with Noras entire extended family from Pakistan? Pissing in the pool


Of course, it's the only pool in the world to guarantee that you feel dirtier when leaving!


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## Hongourable Madisha (Apr 17, 2021)

Rubber dinghy rapids where the dinghies are in the shape of gunts. Only adolescents are allowed to ride.


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## Drew Pickles 69 (Apr 18, 2021)

Will there be a makers mark lazy river filled beyond capacity with low income families with multiple children all from different biological fathers? Also I can't see the park charging any less than $14 per half eaten cheese burger.


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## thismanlies (Apr 18, 2021)

Mr.Logistics said:


> No theme park is complete without the seedy pool with the gunt wave machine


"Daddy! Daddy, I want to go to the wave pool!"

As your kid drags you by the hand towards the wave pool, you ask yourself why you ever promised to take him to Gunt World. The rides felt like they were held together with duct tape and the food was literally trash. You had to pay fifteen bucks just to reach into a hot trash can and pull a fucking cheeseburger out. But a promise is a promise and you hope the wave pool will tucker him out so you can drag his ass home. As you get closer to the pool, you notice something's gravely wrong. It's filled with people but the water's brown. Did everyone suddenly get the shits and not notice?

You try to pull your kid back. You hope that he's smart enough to not willingly jump into a giant sewer, but your hopes are dashed as he lets go of your hand and makes a mad dash towards the pool. You chase after him. As you run, you notice that the pool doesn't smell like a festering bog of shit, but rather like a crowded bar on steroids. You watch your kid jump in and you take off after him. But right as you get to the edge of the pool, a siren goes off. The swimmers cheer, with some of them slurring "It's wave time!"

At the far edge of the pool is a diving board easily forty feet tall. You notice for some reason it's much wider than your normal diving board and much thicker too. But before you can ask yourself why anyone would design a diving board like that, you see a rather large scissor lift pulling up to its base. It's here that you not only notice that there's no ladder leading up to the board, but there's a rather rotund man operating the controls. The lift carries him higher and higher until he steps off and onto the board. You see this seemingly reinforced diving board sag under his weight as he approaches the edge.

This rather rotund man takes off his t shirt and you're horrified to see his gunt. Years of horrible eating habits and excessive alcohol consumption have clearly taken their toll. His gunt hangs down almost past his knees but seeing how he carries himself, you'd almost think he was proud of the thing. He then shouts to the crowd "Good afternoon everyone! This is Ethan Ralph of the Killstream, how are y'all doing?"

The swimmers cheer in response but you remember you have to get your kid out of... whatever it is they're swimming in. You look for him but you don't find him until you hear him shout "Hurry up Dad! It's almost wave time!"

But before you can tell him to get his ass out of the pool, You hear Ralph shout "Who's ready for some waves, bitches?!"

The swimmers cheer in anticipation right as Ralph readies himself to take the plunge. Thinking quickly, you jump into the pool and swim as quickly as you can towards your kid. It's at this moment you realize what you're swimming in. It's a giant pool filled with Maker's Mark. You don't have time to wonder why someone would go through the time and expense of filling a swimming pool with booze. You just have to keep swimming towards your kid. You can only hope that Ralph grandstands a little. Maybe he can rile up the crowd by asking them to cheer louder or make some speech about how great he is.

But your worst fears come to pass as you hear the sound of a diving board springing upwards as if it'd just dropped a thousand pound weight. You see Ralph careening face first towards the pool with his mouth wide open. What follows is the sound that can only be made by a giant gunt breaking the surface tension of a liquid at terminal velocity. He seemingly disappears as a wall of brown liquid races towards you. The people closer to ground zero are lifted by the booze and their bodies turn into a giant wall of flesh ready to crush everyone in their path. You know that your survival is out of the question. But you hope somehow, some way, you can protect your only child from the humanity he has unwillingly subjected himself to.

The next thing you know, you wake up at the bottom of the pool. It's completely dry save for the sticky residue of liquor baking under the sun. You're alive. Somehow you made it. You see people coming to. Apparently that tsunami of bodies you saw hurdling towards you wasn't as lethal as you initially thought. But where's your son? You get up, finding yourself a little tipsy. But you still call out for him. Eventually you find him, alive and well. He's drunk as shit off the Maker's Mark. But he was able to survive by climbing onto a fat man and riding the wave on a fleshy raft. You breathe a sigh of relief. You're okay. But more importantly, he's okay. You take him and you tell him "We're getting the hell out of here."

As you leave, you turn back and wonder what happened to all the Maker's Mark. You get your answer when you see Ralph, still face down, drinking the entire contents of the pool. As he does, you see his gunt growing even larger. You turn away, shaking your head as you vow to never speak of Gunt World ever again.


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## WhimsicalTrolli (Apr 23, 2021)

Hmm, a universal simulation ride of being the Gunt's thumb during the gunt tapes with smells of chicken salad from exploring zoomers rectum, and once the gunt sniffs you see the inside the dying vessel of the gunt.


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## Rupert Bear (Apr 24, 2021)

Are you smarter than an Ayelawg?​A trivia contest where five foot one participants must correctly answer Gunt lore questions. If they answer incorrectly, they will be punished and kicked out from the contest in different ways.

Hit by a giant rubber thumb
Falling into a "gunt pit"
A Ethan Ralph animatronic rises and spits fake blood in the participant's face


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## thismanlies (Apr 25, 2021)

WhimsicalTrolli said:


> Hmm, a universal simulation ride of being the Gunt's thumb during the gunt tapes with smells of chicken salad from exploring zoomers rectum, and once the gunt sniffs you see the inside the dying vessel of the gunt.


"Why in the name of God did I do this?"

You ask yourself this question as you flash your Pill Pass   to the ride attendant standing in front of The Thumb. You figured you had subjected yourself to enough punishment when you ascended Boulder Mountain and nearly drowned in the Gunt Wave Pool. But you figure this ride won't be so bad because it's just a VR experience. The attendant leads you up a platform to a car sitting on a set of hydraulic pistons not unlike the ones used on lowriders. The attendant hands you a head set and you enter the car, putting it on as you feel several restraints ratcheting you in place.

The headset comes alive and you expect to find yourself riding through West Memphis through a trailer park. Instead you find yourself staring at what you can only describe as a landscape of white. Imagine a blue sky sitting above a green field which both converge to a single horizon. But instead of a sky, you find yourself staring at a dirty white wall and instead of a field, you're looking at a landscape of white flesh that seems to rise and fall. As you feel the ride's hydraulics rhythmically rock you up and down, you look around to see where you are. You look to your right and you see a ceiling splotched with brown spots as if the ceiling had been leaking. You look up and you see the sideways face of an obese man not unlike the one you saw jumping into the wave pool. You look to your left and you see what you can only describe as a waterbed of wrinkled and dried flesh jiggling back and forth. You immediately react by looking down at your feet thinking what you find down there can't possibly be as horrifying as the gunt. But once you see the hard pink surface below your feet, you immediately realize what this ride is simulating.

You are Ethan Ralph's thumb resting on Faith Vickers's ass as it's being filmed during the infamous Corn Harvest.

As if that wasn't bad enough, you can hear them moaning as they fuck. You can also hear a box fan running at full power as well as a slight breeze. You see yourself moving for a brief second and in that second, you get a full view of Faith's backside. You see her ass and you suddenly get a dreadful feeling in the pit of your stomach. You feel yourself rushing forward, which is simulated by the movements of the hydraulic car, right before you hear an audible smack over a set of loud speakers. You feel yourself pull away again and you brace yourself for another smack. But this time you feel yourself gently approach Faith's ass. You sense something's wrong because this approach feels like there's purpose behind it. Your suspicions are quickly proven correct as you find yourself staring down a brown hole.

"NO!" you scream. "Get me off this thing! For the love of God get me the fuck off this thing!"

What you wouldn't give to be one of Joseph Goebbels's six children right about now. No matter how hard you struggle against the ride's restraints, you find yourself descending into the shadow of the valley of death. But unlike Psalm 23, you don't have the Lord's rod and staff to comfort you. All you have is an evil you have every right to fear. Soon the light is gone and in its place you feel fans blowing warm mist on your skin. That mist carries the pungent smell of stale chicken salad which makes you gag and choke. But then light fills your headset and you find a pink ribbed tunnel that seems to pulsate around you. You find that the tunnel of pink you find yourself in is coated with streaks of brown. 

_*BLECH*_

You throw up all over yourself. Although you can't see it, you feel the chunks of trashburger you ate for lunch soaking into your lap.  The car lurches back and you see that you've left the warm and moist confines of Faith's colon. You back further and further away and you find yourself thanking Christ that part of the ride's over. But that's not the worst part of this ride. You find yourself backing further and further away and you turn your head so you don't have to look at her ass anymore. But when you do, you find yourself approaching another orifice. This orifice happens to be Ethan Ralph's nostril.

"Why!" you scream. "Why would you do this?! Why would you do any of this?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Your headset goes dark once again and all you can hear is an audible huff which is accompanied by a blast of air from the fans. The car lurches forward and the headset shows you traveling down Ralph's nose. In that instance, you've transformed from Ralph's thumb to a particle of shit traveling into his lungs. From there you're absorbed into his blood stream where you're treated to a tour of his body. You see his oversized heart struggling to pump blood through all his extremities. You're carried up to his brain where you can see the alcohol soaking into it in real time. From there you're carried down to his fatty liver which looks like a lump of curdling cheese. Finally you're carried down to his penis where you notice it's incredibly small. Imagine for a second you're staring down a hallway and the wall in front of you is no more than three steps away. A microscopic particle of shit with arms and legs could stand at the base and reach out to touch the tip.

But when you think the ride's over, you feel the car tilting backwards as if to mimic the coiling of a spring. The sounds of Ralph and Faith once again moaning come over the speakers. 

"Oh God..."

The car tilts back a little more.

"Why God?"

The moaning gets more intense.

"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!"

The car lurches forward and you feel yourself being shot out the end of Ralph's penis. But before you're subjected to any more horrors, the lights come on and the restraints loosen. The ride attendant hands you several paper towels to clean the vomit off yourself. You're led into a gift shop where you're given a discount on a souvenir t shirt. Unfortunately the only one they sell in this particular shop has a picture of Ralph's gunt screen printed on the front. You take it along with a bottle of Makers Mark to wash the taste of vomit out of your mouth. As you leave, there's only one thing you can ask yourself.

"Why God, why?"


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## WhimsicalTrolli (Apr 25, 2021)

Every amusement park needs a cafe.

1. Null's Corn: a Corntopia with an extension on a cob popcorn of various flavors, bowl of corn, and rainbow corn. 

2. Phos noodle disco hall: a ramen store of various flavors with a laid back atmosphere of an awesome soundtrack from Pho'playlist during every snipe with hot girls wearing goblin costumes. 

3. Trolli's Refinery: A candy store that plays the greatest parodies done in the Shanties thread. 

4. Elderfags: CHICKEN TENDIES?!??! A neet samurai dream with fine arts and crafts of "create your gaydur" you can use a gatir or a fat guy as your base and dress him up however you please with a fine staff of fake Puerto Rican and decorate pinecones.


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## AltisticRight (Apr 26, 2021)

Need to add AR's exotic eatery. We are multicultural, neurodiverse, and hail allegiance to Voosh and his 10/10 beautiful girlfriend.

Here, you'll have a menu of exotic foods from around the world.
- Gators, fried like chicken
- Aboland Roo Nuts, self-explanatory
- Indonesian bat soup, yum yum
- Pangolin Stew, trad Chi medicine style
- Vietnamese worm pho, with handcrafted pho from Pho
- Thai cockroach burger, for the non-bigots
- Japanese whale and dolphin sushi, with a side of Fukushima's luminescence water
- Halal PigClips, yummy halal pork kebabs

You thought I forgot it?
- Ma Po Doggo, stir fried dog meat with 100% GMO soy tofu
- Dazed Civet, cooked bigcats, Guangzhou style 

Drinks:
- Makers Mark
- Woodford Reserve
- Coke Zero
- Aussie Alcohol (fresh petrol from the shell petrol station)
- 100% pure Soy milk (GMO)


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## Cucktry Roads (Apr 26, 2021)

I made the perfect ride:

The Gunter Coaster!

You start in a dark underground tunnel, representing the womb. You immerge from the darkness on an upward slope with constant signs and banner over and around the tracks. They start by showing Ralph's baby picture and other key moments from his life. As you get closer and closer to the top, you start witnessing gamergate and then the fall of Mundane Matt. You've reached the top and there is Andy Warski entering the ring at Knoxville. You're excited as this slow ride has reached its peak and you're ready for the first slope. As the coaster starts going down, you're surprised that the car does not speed up, and you're greeted with the infamous Knoxville picture of Ralph's Gunt. Ralph's downfall is a slow and constant one, so it is only fair that your journey down is also slow. You get to now witness the Pillstream, Warski and Ralph irl streaming, Nora leaving him, The Fai Fai Saga and Sex tape, The Digibro fight, and more! This all ends with you back in the darkness, representing the forgotten grave Ralph will eventually find himself him.

You're left confused and disappointed.


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