# I Had a Dream I Died and Went to Hell



## AnOminous (Dec 24, 2017)

I usually forget my dreams.  You're supposed to.  I used to do lucid dreaming, but once I did it and god rid of sleep paralysis and other nightmare things, I basically made a peace treaty with my subconscious that if it did its job of getting rid of memories I don't need, I'll leave it alone.

This dream was very elaborate and strange, and hard to forget, though.

I was going down in a freight elevator, with piles of various items and another person.  We had apparently both died and we were going to Hell.  Capital H Hell, too.  There was actually a God and he had looked on both our lives and we deserved Hell.

Apparently, there is a processing when you get admitted to Hell, so we were getting lowered into the admittance office, or whatever, when you go to Hell.  Neither of us knew what happens when you go to Hell, other than that it couldn't be good.  We'd heard rumors.  We were talking about them.  The other guy joked "You'll be a skeleton."

I suspected he was as afraid of what was coming as I was, and this dirty coward immediately fled the moment the freight elevator hit the floor, leaving me alone in a basement where shadowy things I couldn't make out started emptying the elevator of the crates and barrels and other objects in it and I stepped out into what looked like a warehouse, but with a bare incandescent bulb lighting an almost office-like area in the corner of the warehouse.

There was something like an IV pole next to a pair of 55 gallon drums, like the kind Jeffrey Dahmer had in his apartment.  There was a desk with forms on it.  You had to sign, apparently, before they could do to you whatever they wanted to do.

I wasn't sure what happened in Hell, or what your punishment was.  Somehow, though, I knew you had to agree to it somehow.  But if you actually physically resisted, they would immediately overpower you and do whatever it was.

And the Devil came in.  Or, she appeared to be the Devil.  She had red hair, green eyes, and was absolutely adorable.  I knew, also, that you couldn't get away from whatever happened in the blue barrel if you showed any fear.  

So I hit on her, of course.  She explained that it was entirely impossible for "our forms" to consummate any kind of relationship, and that she just looked like whatever I wanted, as "a courtesy."  It's rare to remember exact words from dreams, but she was quite precise.

Somehow, despite being still absolutely terrified at what happened in that blue barrel, and not wanting to go in there, but knowing that admitting my reason for trying to avoid it would immediately result in me being shoved into it, I continued to talk to her.

And somehow, knowing this, they brought in more of these devils.  They all resembled people I knew, or have known, and slowly tried to wear down my resistance.  A couple of them were people I actually do know, but they're dead.

I was afraid it was just an acid bath, and that I would, in fact, simply end up a skeleton, but they explained to me I was actually on a sort of work-release program from Hell.  I'd be entirely fine, and able to go back up "topside" as they said, to do my work there, and would only return to Hell at night.

To "sleep," they said, although sleep is apparently something different in Hell.

I'm glad I woke up before anything else happened.


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## Tranhuviya (Dec 24, 2017)

You've become a demon. Congrats.


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## ICametoLurk (Dec 24, 2017)

Should've stayed there.


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## AnOminous (Dec 24, 2017)

ICametoLurk said:


> Should've stayed there.



Maybe I did.  They were getting pretty convincing at the end.  

"It's just a signature."  

Also they were all cute.


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## Darndirty (Dec 24, 2017)

I think the answer is clear. Accept Jesus as your Lord and savior and send me a one time get to heaven fee of $499.99 plus shipping. Youll be fine.


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## AnOminous (Dec 24, 2017)

Jesus was a faggot.


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## Black Waltz (Dec 24, 2017)

sounds like my kind of place


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## Van Darkholme (Dec 24, 2017)

At least it wasn't Dante's version of the Devil. Or hell.


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## LofaSofa (Dec 24, 2017)

Sounds like you got the bad ending. You needed to collect all the gems to get the good one.


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## AnOminous (Dec 24, 2017)

Dante was a dick and mainly just put people he didn't like in Hell.  

He was seriously just Death Note for the Renaissance.  Also, supposedly a Christian, he wrote an epic poem where the only interesting character is the fucking Devil.


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## Van Darkholme (Dec 24, 2017)

In the end, everybody on here will go to hell.


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## AnOminous (Dec 24, 2017)

Hell is for children.


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## ES 148 (Dec 24, 2017)

have you been watching anime again


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## Schwachkopf (Dec 24, 2017)

Hell doesn't exist nor heaven, stop reading fairy tale books.


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## Gym Leader Elesa (Dec 24, 2017)

Tranhuviya said:


> You've become a demon. Congrats.



"Become"? Wasn't he a lawyer?


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## AnOminous (Dec 24, 2017)

Vrakks said:


> have you been watching anime again



I've never watched anime, though.


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## Gym Leader Elesa (Dec 24, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> I've never watched anime, though.





Spoiler: BUT


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## Darndirty (Dec 24, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> Dante was a dick and mainly just put people he didn't like in Hell.
> 
> He was seriously just Death Note for the Renaissance.  Also, supposedly a Christian, he wrote an epic poem where the only interesting character is the fucking Devil.



He also made Virgil pretty awesome and he was a dirty pagan.


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## Batman VS Tony Danza (Dec 24, 2017)

I die all the time in my dreams. It's why I insist on taking so many naps.


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## UncleFezziesPantsPuppet (Dec 24, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> Jesus was a faggot.


And God likes to watch.


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## m0rnutz (Dec 24, 2017)

In other words Satan is just down there to reluctantly make sure the souls are processed, and you got off easy and only touched the first three circles.

Lucky fucking bastard, I got stuck with the whispering voices and a bigass cave.


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## Positron (Dec 24, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> Hell is for children.


Hell is children.


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## A Welsh Cake (Dec 24, 2017)

Positron said:


> Hell is children.



Hell children.


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## Duke Nukem (Dec 24, 2017)

I've had nightmares like that before, I had one where I was trapped inside my old high school and forced to live as, and surrounded by, incels in that shithole for all eternity.


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## Alec Benson Leary (Dec 27, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> So I hit on her, of course. She explained that it was entirely impossible for "our forms" to consummate any kind of relationship, and that she just looked like whatever I wanted, as "a courtesy."


You got friendzoned by the prince of darkness.


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## AnOminous (Dec 27, 2017)

Alec Benson Leary said:


> You got friendzoned by the prince of darkness.



She was just a clerk.  I got friendzoned by just a clerk of the Princess of Darkness.


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## polonium (Dec 27, 2017)

As a leftist, aren't you committed to trying to recreate Hell here on Earth?


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## Deadwaste (Dec 28, 2017)

i once had a dream where i was in hell fighting demons with some anime womens

the less said about what happened in it the better


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## Zarkov (Dec 28, 2017)

Did you see some Kiwi Farms mods while you were there ?


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## Save Goober (Dec 28, 2017)

Without all the extra details this is basically the framework for a joke. "A lawyer went to hell and..."


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## Alec Benson Leary (Dec 29, 2017)

I actually had a dream with @AnOminous in it last night, I shit you not. I was in a gigantic shopping mall trying to get to work but I got lost. You lived in an apartment in the mall so I knocked on your door to ask directions but you weren't much help. I don't know what you look like in real life so in the dream you sort of looked like John Goodman but not really and you had a funny looking ponytail.

Also you had 6 children and they kept grabbing me and trying to get me to play board games with them or something. I'll stick to legal advice from you because asking you for directions turned out to be a huge waste of my time.


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## AnOminous (Dec 29, 2017)

Most of my dreams just involve me not having shoes and not being able to find them and getting hit by subway trains that somehow swerve off the tracks and go straight at me, but then just go through me instead.

Dreams are dumb!


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