# The police just raided the house of the Kiwi above you. What contraband did they find?



## DrJonesHat (Jul 14, 2019)

Just like the title says. You know most of us are dangerous outlaws, so when the hammer of authority comes down on us, what illegal/incriminating things will the cops find in your hovel?


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## Colmerry (Jul 14, 2019)

Dragon dildos


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## Sprig of Parsley (Jul 14, 2019)

Bags of feline foreskins


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## Randall Fragg (Jul 14, 2019)

Nazi anime porn.


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## DrJonesHat (Jul 14, 2019)

A goddamn rainforest's worth of weed.


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## Sped Xing (Jul 14, 2019)

Absolutely nothing, chief. The place was clean.  Unsettlingly clean


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## BILLY MAYS (Jul 14, 2019)

Pics of underage anime girls holding hands


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## DrJonesHat (Jul 14, 2019)

Bootleg cans of Oxyclean.


----------



## Sped Xing (Jul 14, 2019)

A beautiful self portrait carved from rock cocaine


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## the real heisenberg (Jul 14, 2019)

An incel manifesto, a gimp suit, a loaded WASR-10 (complete with bump stock), $8000 cash, and a one way plane ticket to São Paulo.


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## Sprig of Parsley (Jul 14, 2019)

Heisenberg's decayed corpse



Randall Fragg said:


> Nazi anime porn.


"Holy shit thanks officer I thought I had lost that"


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## mr.moon1488 (Jul 14, 2019)

A shrine to Kim Jong Un built completely of Parsley flakes glued together.


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## SugarSyrup (Jul 14, 2019)

A mad scientist’s lair full of hybrid monsters


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## 8777BB5 (Jul 14, 2019)

bloody barbwire dildos


----------



## Maltninja (Jul 14, 2019)

Eldritch post-it notes, all stolen.


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## JambledUpWords (Jul 14, 2019)

SugarSyrup said:


> A mad scientist’s lair full of hybrid monsters


Lemon fanfics of Joker and Harley Quinn


----------



## OB 946 (Jul 14, 2019)

A pile of human bones, scraped clean of human flesh.


----------



## The Last Stand (Jul 14, 2019)

Becky's dead nephews, orange chicken and dollar store jewelry.


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## Cosmos (Jul 14, 2019)

500 anime body pillows and snuff films.


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## LazloChalos (Jul 14, 2019)

Over 800 Gatorade bottles filled with urine, source of urine is yet to be determined.


----------



## wateryketchup (Jul 14, 2019)

A video of the New Zealand Mosque Shooting on my browser's history


----------



## DrJonesHat (Jul 14, 2019)

A shrine to Brianna Wu, complete with a lock of her hair.


----------



## Y2K Baby (Jul 14, 2019)

Geronimo's skull.


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## DrJonesHat (Jul 14, 2019)

Y2KKK Baby said:


> Geronimo's skull.


Of course, it belongs in a museum, which my house happens to be one. 

12 crates of Spam, all expired.


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## escapegoat (Jul 14, 2019)

Crates of illegally imported snakes.


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## The Pink Panther (Jul 14, 2019)

They'll find my Shirley Temple stag reel and I'll tell them that it's artistic expression.

_that's a good excuse_


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## Bob Page (Jul 14, 2019)

Tons of hashish, weed, and every kind of drug.


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## kadoink (Jul 14, 2019)

Bob Page said:


> Tons of hashish, weed, and every kind of drug.


Blue Midgit Pornography.


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## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Jul 14, 2019)

A whole lot of Special K...and I don't mean the cereal.


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## Bob Page (Jul 14, 2019)

Involuntary servants of the African variety.


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Jul 14, 2019)

Dirty capped briefs and a teddy bear with a blown-out asshole.


----------



## keyboredsm4shthe2nd (Jul 14, 2019)

A stewed dish of unknown meat which is disturbingly concerningly spongey


----------



## Wendy Carter (Jul 14, 2019)

Multiple copies of the Quran.


----------



## FH 721 (Jul 14, 2019)

Mutant baby clones of Jimmy Hoffa.


----------



## PL 001 (Jul 14, 2019)

Grace Budd's skull


----------



## Some Manajerk (Jul 14, 2019)

a map of the quickest ways in and out of the local maternity ward.


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## keyboredsm4shthe2nd (Jul 14, 2019)

Wendy_Carter said:


> Multiple copies of the Quran.


I use them as toilet paper and heat during the winter time


----------



## DrJonesHat (Jul 14, 2019)

Boxes of Girl Scout cookies, and horrifyingly, boxes of Girl Scouts.


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## Feline Darkmage (Jul 14, 2019)

The Arc of the Covenant.


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## REGENDarySumanai (Jul 14, 2019)

Underage futanari doujinshi.


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## PL 001 (Jul 14, 2019)

A misprinted copy of The Book of Erotic Fantasy that used Gary Gygax as the incubus model


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## Feline Darkmage (Jul 14, 2019)

A fuckload of cocaine hidden in snowglobes.


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## MG 620 (Jul 14, 2019)

A signed copy of 'What Happened' by Hillary Clinton.


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## Feline Darkmage (Jul 14, 2019)

An overweight woman, a lotion basket, and an underground well.


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## the real heisenberg (Jul 14, 2019)

A map with KF users homes circled in red ink.


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## Seregios (Att. at Law) (Jul 14, 2019)

Jimmy Hoffa's penis, along with 7,ooo others, in jars with used condoms taped to them


----------



## Red Hood (Jul 14, 2019)

Many valuable stolen skateboards of mid-1980s vintage. And plutonium.


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## the real heisenberg (Jul 14, 2019)

A blueprint of the federal reserve bank, plastic explosives, a Null mask, a copy of the zapruder film (from the shooter's perspective), signed nude polaroids of Amberlynn Reid,  alien DNA stolen from Area 51, and the book _Fatherhood_ by Bill Cosby.


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## UE 558 (Jul 14, 2019)

An N-Word pass


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## MrTickles (Jul 14, 2019)

A copy of Sonic 06.


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## Classist. (Jul 14, 2019)

hundreds of jars of old nail clippings, colorful suits, and several severed hands.


----------



## YayLasagna (Jul 14, 2019)

CS:GO Knives


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## MarvinTheParanoidAndroid (Jul 14, 2019)

YayLasagna said:


> CS:GO Knives


Xenomorph porno.


----------



## La Luz Extinguido (Jul 14, 2019)

MarvinTheParanoidAndroid said:


> Xenomorph porno.


90034 books, documents and shitposts on the subject of pedophilia.


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## Kenya Jones (Jul 14, 2019)

jugs and jugs of milk


----------



## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Jul 14, 2019)

Crosses for burning the nasty nagger.


----------



## verissimus (Jul 14, 2019)

An autograph copy of the Mario movie.


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## UE 558 (Jul 14, 2019)

Mario’s Yaoi Collection 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Edit: Ninja’d

I guess it’d be Hogan’s sextape instead


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## Nobunaga (Jul 14, 2019)

100 TB of youtube poop


----------



## MemeGray (Jul 14, 2019)

Unregistered Thai prostitues and 12 cases of 4Loko


----------



## YayLasagna (Jul 14, 2019)

10 year old Monster Energy cans.


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## UE 558 (Jul 14, 2019)

A copy of that gross ET Porno from Germany


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## YayLasagna (Jul 14, 2019)

purpleboy said:


> A copy of that gross ET Porno from Germany


Oh god there's an ET porno?


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## I ain't having it (Jul 14, 2019)

A neimoidian sex doll


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## The best and greatest (Jul 14, 2019)

purpleboy said:


> A copy of that gross ET Porno from Germany


A Grimace costume. Like a really really good one.


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## Cedric_Eff (Jul 14, 2019)

A giant yellow rubberband coated with cocaine with the words “Contra” written on it.





The best and greatest said:


> A Grimace costume. Like a really really good one.


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## Feline Darkmage (Jul 14, 2019)

Meant for @The best and greatest, but i got ninja'd
Honey, bees, lots of bees.
Oh my fucking god why are there so many bees abourt mission abo-

And for @Cedric_Eff
A sniper with a dancing F gif painted on it and a note about how we should press F to pay respects to the president, the bears have told you its time to rise up.


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## Buster O'Keefe (Jul 14, 2019)

500 lbs of weapons-grade catnip


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## 2.D. (Jul 14, 2019)

A meth lab


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## La Luz Extinguido (Jul 14, 2019)

Notan Alte said:


> A meth lab


2400 oz of Solidified powdered depression.


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## Feline Darkmage (Jul 14, 2019)

Dozens of missing immigrant children in shackles, fed only with bags of rice and beans.


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## JM 590 (Jul 14, 2019)

A giant dildo modified to have a derringer inside of it


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## cockaine (Jul 14, 2019)

Mild salsa


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## TiggerNits (Jul 14, 2019)

Weapons grade ammonium phosphates


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## Feline Darkmage (Jul 14, 2019)

Tits. NO women, just their tits. 
Highly indicitive of a snuff fetish serial killer.


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## BlueArmedDevil (Jul 14, 2019)

The kiwis above them


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## Cedric_Eff (Jul 15, 2019)

BlueArmedDevil said:


> The kiwis above them


1kg of Weapons grade Uranium.


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## JM 590 (Jul 15, 2019)

Dead campers and hunters at various levels of decomposition, and a trophy wall of half-empty bear mace cans.


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## MemeGray (Jul 15, 2019)

A very wiggly Dildo and a blood stained black v-neck


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## I Love Beef (Jul 15, 2019)

Pre-Comics Code abolished porn of female X Men. Mostly about Jean Gray and Jean Gray pregnancy porn.


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## MAPK phosphatase (Jul 15, 2019)

Illegally imported Wagyo Beef.


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## Cedric_Eff (Jul 15, 2019)

I Love Beef said:


> Pre-Comics Code abolished porn of female X Men. Mostly about Jean Gray and Jean Gray pregnancy porn.


Canisters of weaponized Salmonella and photos and notes about the Rajneesh movement.
Edit: Ninja’d.


MAPK phosphatase said:


> Illegally imported Wagyo Beef.


A massive stockpile of AKM.


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## Clop (Jul 15, 2019)




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## Foltest (Jul 15, 2019)

An illegal modify horse.


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## ZehnBoat (Jul 15, 2019)

nothing, as in an empty vacuum
one cop got sucked in and obliviated
the other cops just put a post it note on the door that says "do not open"


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## MAPK phosphatase (Jul 15, 2019)

A binder full of mattress tags removed from mattresses before they were sold. All the tags are meticulously labeled and organized, and the dates go back to the 1920's.


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## Red Hood (Jul 15, 2019)

Jars of Africanized Killer bees to be used as grenades in your supervillain persona, "The Hive Mind"


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## CivilianOfTheFandomWars (Jul 15, 2019)

Nothing.
All contraband buried in the yard.


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## UE 558 (Jul 15, 2019)

A 200TB flash drive containing moonman’s greatest niggo slaying hits


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## Red Hood (Jul 15, 2019)

One of dem things Sanic has to jump on top of to free the animals.


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## GnomeofDoc (Jul 15, 2019)

10 19th century painting of the gays. 
And one top hat.


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## Ghost of Wesley Willis (Jul 15, 2019)

Minecraft pornography and a lot of cosmoline.


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## war has changed (Jul 15, 2019)

A hard drive of Wesley Willis pornography and a lot of lube.


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## Basil II (Jul 15, 2019)

Hundreds of anime figurines, body pillows, and posters.


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## Cedric_Eff (Jul 15, 2019)

Basil II said:


> Hundreds of anime figurines, body pillows, and posters.


Stolen gold worth 1.2Mil dollars.


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## Absolute Brainlet (Jul 15, 2019)

Their own mother, buried under the floorboards, with her mouth sewn shut. Most disturbingly, she's still alive.


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## UE 558 (Jul 15, 2019)

Porn of big brain wojak fucking brainlet wojak


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## MrTickles (Jul 15, 2019)

A copy of Shadow the Hedgehog

(I will never run out of bad sonic games).


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## RomanesEuntDomus (Jul 15, 2019)

A burlap-sack full of bike saddles stolen from the local preschool.


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## UE 558 (Jul 15, 2019)

A picture of giorno turning a razor blade into a hamster and having it go up mista’s ass 



MrTickles said:


> A copy of Shadow the Hedgehog
> 
> (I will never run out of bad sonic games).


You’re shockingly not wrong with that “game”


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## DrJonesHat (Jul 16, 2019)

Ludicrously complex blueprints for some sort of lethal trap, a catalogue from the Acme Corporation, and the rough draft of a treatise on why coyotes are superior to roadrunners. And a complete, anatomically correct coyote fursuit.


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## PumpkinSpiceBitchMeringue (Jul 16, 2019)

Banned games


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## Keine (Jul 17, 2019)

Actual, living gremlins.


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## The Saltening (Jul 17, 2019)

Huge black dildos and heroin needles


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## MrTickles (Jul 18, 2019)

Small bags of Cocaine next to a plate of Fried chicken.


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## Crocketron (Jul 18, 2019)

Condoms filled with coke, a Filipino slave boy possibly underage.


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## Coldgrip (Jul 18, 2019)

Counterfeit 2 dollar bills, a broken counterfeitting machine, three mescaline cacti growing in a football helmet, a world's-best-mom cup, and the (no longer working) bathroom sink respectivly, and two pugs dressed in leather bondage gear.

While the last one isn't illegal, it certainly is just tasteless.


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## DrJonesHat (Jul 18, 2019)

A completely equipped crematorium in the basement.


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## Niggernerd (Jul 18, 2019)

Badly made 3rd party Chinese knock off anime figures


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## Anonymous For This (Jul 18, 2019)

Degenerate weeb shit.


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## Grotesque Bushes (Jul 18, 2019)

Piles of removed kebab


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## DDBCAE CBAADCBE (Jul 18, 2019)

GrotesqueBushes said:


> Piles of removed kebab


Cases of Titan spinal fluid and syringes.


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## betterbullocks (Jul 18, 2019)

DDBCAE CBAADCBE said:


> Cases of Titan spinal fluid and syringes.


Stolen confidential documents on the successful creation of cat girls


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## pawgchamp (Jul 18, 2019)

50 guns (including a badass colt ar sbr without the required tax stamp)


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## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Jul 18, 2019)

pawgchamp said:


> 50 guns (including a badass colt ar sbr without the required tax stamp)


Magic laser shooting glasses stolen from Area 53.


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## nekrataal (Jul 18, 2019)

A bunch of pipe bombs and crystal meth.


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## The Saltening (Jul 18, 2019)

all remaining kkk members and a king size bag of skittles


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## Stoneheart (Jul 18, 2019)

a whole basement full of north korean knockoff anime


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## A Grey Cat (Jul 18, 2019)

Cocaine, hookers, and a Hal and Oates mixtape


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## FierceBrosnan (Jul 18, 2019)

Enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant.
 7 Thai women in a shipping container.
A small fort made of several thousand copies of "The Anarchist's Cookbook".
A prototype "sexual assault" rifle. Saftey is set to "HAHA NOT TODAY!".
The skeleton of the infamous Richard Gere gerbil.
12 gallons of something labeled "butter".
The Sanic totem ( possibly cursed).
A sarcophagus with a "Cummy Mummy Do Not Open" sign loosely taped to it.
The missing Florida ballots from the 2000 presidential election.
A dildo singularity.
A closet of rainbow wigs, bike horns, and large red shoes. All have tested positive for gunpowder residue, traces of the aforementioned cocaine, and horse semen.
A very tired, yet satisfied looking, Clydesdale stallion smoking a cigarette.
1 freezer full of half eaten hotdogs.
1 very fat and very nervous opossum.
1 9mm handgun loaded with penne pasta.
9 1mm handguns, these shouldn't even exist.
1 manila envelope labeled "Manifesto", contained inside was 1 sheet of paper reading "LOL YOUR MOM".
 Onions. So many onions.


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## Pocket Dragoon (Jul 18, 2019)

7 shopping carts filled with new ivory coathangers.

50 gal. Dominican grain alcohol.


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## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Jul 18, 2019)

Pocket Dragoon said:


> 7 shopping carts filled with new ivory coathangers.
> 
> 50 gal. Dominican grain alcohol.


A huge bathtub full of guns, with Dragoon swimming in them like Scrooge McDuck


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## Pocket Dragoon (Jul 18, 2019)

Well.....  SWAT left in a hurry, and EOD are still huddled up, enthusiastically muttering "big baddaboom!", and exhibiting obvious bulges underneath their vest groin protectors.

My desire to know more intensifies.



Corbin Dallas Multipass said:


> A huge bathtub full of guns, with Dragoon swimming in them like Scrooge McDuck





Spoiler: Overnight guests get freedom blankets!












Spoiler: Disinvited guests get butt-strokes.











Spoiler: Uninvited guests get lead blankets.









Spoiler: Survivors still get one.












Status may be subject to change, without warning.


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## DrJonesHat (Jul 18, 2019)

50 unopened original copies of Maniac Mansion for the PC.
A yellowed wheel mop bucket with a very pissed-off looking igauna in it.
A stolen French tactical nuke, complete with codes. You can bet your ass the neighbors keep the dog off his lawn.
A model of the Eiffel tower built out of used pregnancy tests.
Tomorrow's newspaper.


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## Arctic Fox (Jul 18, 2019)

Doctor Jone's missing hat.


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## The Saltening (Jul 18, 2019)

200 pounds of snowcain


----------



## CivilianOfTheFandomWars (Jul 18, 2019)

A computer running a SaltyBet betting program and bulk sized boxes of shrimp ramen.


----------



## totse (Jul 18, 2019)

- Kill list 
- Ship list 
- A collection of knives that have not been used on other people yet


----------



## Arctic Fox (Jul 18, 2019)

A year of Trump's sex tapes from Trump Tower.


----------



## W00K #17 (Jul 18, 2019)

Zoosadist  torture porn.


----------



## Lensherr (Jul 18, 2019)

Shitty home-brewed inhalants


----------



## Burgers in the ass (Jul 19, 2019)

Professionally brewed alcohol


----------



## DrJonesHat (Jul 19, 2019)

A collection of fine wines, a book of stamps, and CDs of 1930s jazz. Also a rug made out of human hair.


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## PL 001 (Jul 19, 2019)

Undocumented Vietnamese child sweatshop laborers.


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## Bonecollector (Jul 19, 2019)

Lots of bottles of chilled moonshine.


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## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Jul 19, 2019)

Bonecollector said:


> Lots of bottles of chilled moonshine.


The original content of Al Capone's vault, plus, obviously, lots and lots of bones.


----------



## Matthew216 (Jul 19, 2019)

Large mannequins dressed up to resemble Bowsette and Princess Daisy.


----------



## TheBlackVolga (Jul 19, 2019)

The 13 paintings that were stolen from the Isabella Gardner museum 28 years ago.

C'mon, Farmer. Do the right thing and give 'em back.


----------



## Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost (Jul 19, 2019)

A large collection of funerary urns with unmarked ashes inside, a black coffin with red velvet lining, and a copy of all of Barry White's albums.


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## Pocket Dragoon (Jul 19, 2019)

@DrJonesHat 

Unobtanium

Desire to know more massively intensifies.



DrJonesHat said:


> 50 unopened original copies of Maniac Mansion for the PC.



The response I got from PC World was interesting after I sent them proof Steve Jobs was an alien in disguise, along with Zak McKracken & The Alien Mindbenders as evidence.



> A yellowed wheel mop bucket with a very pissed-off looking igauna in it.



There should've been a wombat, too; which may or may not also be on the meth, so.....  



> A stolen French tactical nuke, complete with codes. You can bet your ass the neighbors keep the dog off his lawn.



My neighbors don't have dogs anymore; attrition is a bitch.  That was meant to keep everyone off my lawn.



> A model of the Eiffel tower built out of used pregnancy tests.



All positive.  
Took a nuke, left a nuke.

In their genepool.  

Because fuck the frogs.



> Tomorrow's newspaper.



Funny, I'm never able to find those after the paperboy leaves 'em.

Damnit, now I know my wife is onto me.


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## DrJonesHat (Jul 19, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> Undocumented Vietnamese child sweatshop laborers.


All making hats. All the hats.


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## Jeremy Corbyn (Jul 22, 2019)

Surprisingly, no hats.


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## AmokSweptMeFromMyFeet (Jul 22, 2019)

A basement full of dead fetuses (probably for some kind of ritual), and a concerning amount of crudely-drawn swastikas.


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## Clones of Alex Jones (Jul 22, 2019)

@AmokSweptMeFromMyFeet 
Viewing the illegal incel works of
Elliot Rodgers, Randy Stairs and the incel artist mumkey jones.

You will be shot for your own safety


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## Karen (Jul 22, 2019)

A fucton of roids and LSD.


----------



## Scarboroughgirl (Jul 23, 2019)

bath salts and stolen jewelry and gems


----------



## DogEatDogFood (Jul 23, 2019)

The original edition of Mein Kampf with at least more than 300 other documents related to white supremacy


----------



## Arctic Fox (Jul 23, 2019)

A body pillow of Lily Orchard, and three bottles of Vaseline. Two of which are empty.


----------



## Bessie (Jul 23, 2019)

I'd say "in the fridge" but the entire house is basically an underground fridge, so...


----------



## TaterBot (Jul 23, 2019)

Iklwa spears & instructional books on building Oriens and Musgum huts, also  "How to Make Better Shrunken Heads."


----------



## not william stenchever (Jul 23, 2019)

Many, many bats


----------



## DrJonesHat (Jul 23, 2019)

Snakes. It had to be snakes.
Also 200 cans of Crisco, ping pong balls and a ditch witch.


----------



## Jan_Hus (Jul 23, 2019)

A literal river full of corpses


----------



## DrJonesHat (Jul 23, 2019)

6000 cases of New Coke from 1985.


----------



## Pope of Degeneracy (Jul 23, 2019)

The original Sonichu medallion


----------



## PL 001 (Jul 23, 2019)

Used panties from Japanese transgender midgets.


----------



## Jmz_33 (Jul 23, 2019)

The alien they stole form forever 21.


----------



## IAmNotAlpharius (Jul 23, 2019)

Dozens of cats and pot.


----------



## Info Neutral Agency (Jul 23, 2019)

Stolen unreleased Warhammer 40k figurines.


----------



## Rabidcolombian (Jul 24, 2019)

The left hand of all your victims


----------



## OwO What's This? (Jul 24, 2019)

how should I know

I'm not a police


----------



## Flávia’s Cleaning Service (Jul 24, 2019)

Police Uniforms, duty belt, handcuffs, oc spray, taser, Glock 19, a badge.


----------



## OwO What's This? (Jul 24, 2019)

to be fair I stole those


----------



## Pope of Degeneracy (Jul 24, 2019)

Kero's raggedy semen-encrusted fursuit


----------



## I should be working (Jul 24, 2019)

Assorted collection of legal document printouts and loli porn.


----------



## Kiislova (Jul 24, 2019)

The mummified corpse of your "daddy"


----------



## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Jul 24, 2019)

A hodgepodge collection of what could charitably be called "weapons" welded and glued together, with a small printed label on the side reading "Ultra Sword of Doom". Also five clones of the limburg baby.


----------



## UQ 770 (Jul 24, 2019)

Meth, one syringe, and 700 Capri Sun packages.


----------



## MemeGray (Jul 24, 2019)

2000 elephant penises


----------



## JM 590 (Jul 24, 2019)

A giant pile of crusty dakimakura pillowcovers and a horrible stench of rotting semen, and a few hundred more still in unopened in their mailing envelopes


----------



## MAPK phosphatase (Jul 24, 2019)

10 kg of weapons grade plutonium and several brick of Tungsten Carbide.


----------



## Pocket Dragoon (Jul 24, 2019)

It was mine first.


----------



## Pope of Degeneracy (Jul 24, 2019)

An original copy of Legend of Dragoon with a fossilized splooge stain on Disc 2 near Rose's face


----------



## not william stenchever (Jul 24, 2019)

A vial containing the concentrated essence of pure suffering extracted from the finest superlolyers in the land


----------



## Okami Green (Jul 24, 2019)

probably william stenchever


----------



## I Love Beef (Jul 24, 2019)

Okami Green said:


> probably william stenchever


The confidential and stolen concepts for Okami 2, right out of Hideki Kamiya's vault before Clover was forced to fold; Capcom sold it off on the black market in attempts to make their money back.


----------



## MemeGray (Jul 24, 2019)

Stacks of well done steaks, stolen from the people that ordered them


----------



## Psyduck (Jul 24, 2019)

Hentai


----------



## Shokew (Jul 24, 2019)

Your fake-ass girlfriend pokemans.


----------



## I Love Beef (Jul 24, 2019)

Shokew said:


> Your fake-ass girlfriend pokemans.


The super rare beta of Mega Man Zero where X is really the villain, and Inafune's plans to take the Mega Man series into Legends, also sold off on the black market.


----------



## Crocketron (Jul 24, 2019)

Chris-chan's latest issue of sonichu, child slaves and Project 7.


----------



## Kiislova (Jul 25, 2019)

A boatload of LSD doses, combined with DMT and other stuff that makes you see your Avatar IRL


----------



## Autisimodo (Jul 25, 2019)

A suspicious camera, naked men, and critically endangered exotic animals.


----------



## jewelry investor (Jul 25, 2019)

weed.


----------



## Forever Train Engineer (Jul 25, 2019)

Nixon's Watergate documents


----------



## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Jul 25, 2019)

Forever Train Engineer said:


> Nixon's Watergate documents


A handwritten, 250 page walkthrough/strategy guide/AAR of BattleCruiser 3000 AD with sketches of Derek Smart in various sex positions.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Jul 25, 2019)

The Holy Grail, currently being used as a change bowl.


----------



## Kamov Ka-52 (Jul 25, 2019)

Thousands of boxes filled to the brim with fur felt fedoras.


----------



## saralovesjuicyfruit (Jul 25, 2019)

Hardcore helicopter porn


----------



## Duke Nukem (Jul 25, 2019)

A collection of lewd anime girl posters of questionable age range and a shrine to Sonichu, including the famous Sonic Totem


----------



## Fek (Jul 25, 2019)

A shit load of empty beer cans, automatic weapons and an MGL with the serial number filed off, "Balls of Steel" scrot-care tonic, various articles of women's unmentionables, a few trophy skulls from various unidentified alien creatures, two former Miss America models sleeping off a hangover, a large stash of Cuban cigars, and a mattress stuffed full of cash.


----------



## Shokew (Jul 25, 2019)

Your soul, on paper, corked in a glass bottle.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Jul 25, 2019)

The long-lost Drew Carey sex tape, a broken 8-track player and a portal to hell.


----------



## LazarusOwenhart (Jul 25, 2019)

A multi-penetration sex machine with ass slapping paddles and a scrotum tugger powered by a massive hoard of dognapped neighbourhood dogs in a treadmill.


----------



## Pocket Dragoon (Jul 25, 2019)

All the wasp spray.

Dog treats
10/25/50lb burlap sacks
2lb deadblow hammer.



LazarusOwenhart said:


> A multi-penetration sex machine with ass slapping paddles and a scrotum tugger powered by a massive hoard of dognapped neighbourhood dogs in a treadmill.



A true & honest sub, of the Hanna-Barbera school.


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## PL 001 (Jul 25, 2019)

Randy Quaid's nudes


----------



## Sundae (Jul 25, 2019)

Hundreds of pounds worth of bath salts and Soviet-era Russian pornography.


----------



## Autisimodo (Jul 26, 2019)

A shrine to Satan and a sacrificed goat.


----------



## Scarboroughgirl (Jul 28, 2019)

missing bodies preserved in acid and illegal firearms


----------



## DK 699 (Jul 28, 2019)

Scarboroughgirl said:


> missing bodies preserved in acid and illegal firearms


Probably just some weed. Maybe a some prescription pain meds.


----------



## Offen Ded Tardreee (Jul 28, 2019)

The sticky corpse of the user above them in suggestive positions taken from some degenerate manga


----------



## PL 001 (Jul 28, 2019)

A blow-up sex doll of Bilbo Baggins


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 3, 2019)

Hundreds of severed limbs, neatly sorted by length.


----------



## Pope of Degeneracy (Aug 5, 2019)

Chicken fingers brined in moonshine


----------



## BillyGoat2 (Aug 5, 2019)

The lampshades made from Vietnamese children marinated in Napalm and agent orange


----------



## Battlecruiser3000ad (Aug 5, 2019)

Stolen prototypes of upcoming Bad Dragon products


----------



## A Geezer called T.Greg (Aug 5, 2019)

Three thousand DVDs filled with pictures of Mundane Matt's asshole.


----------



## AnOminous (Aug 5, 2019)

A Geezer called T.Greg said:


> Three thousand DVDs filled with pictures of Mundane Matt's asshole.



Thousands of pages of inkjet printer output of the old lemonparty site, over and over and over, some stuck together.


----------



## Babyspackle (Aug 5, 2019)

Crusty Fursuits


----------



## mr.moon1488 (Aug 5, 2019)

African child soldiers studying Tarrant's manifesto, Mein Kampf, and the Kama Sutra.


----------



## Sargon's wife's son (Aug 5, 2019)

5 chained up pregnant Jewish women c4 and a map of the Israeli Embassy


----------



## From The Uncanny Valley (Aug 5, 2019)

The remnants of the UKIP party


----------



## Begemot (Aug 5, 2019)

The remnants of my broken heart....


----------



## Stephanie Bustcakes (Aug 5, 2019)

Chekovia's heartless body.


----------



## RomanesEuntDomus (Aug 5, 2019)

Copious amounts of erotic smurf-fanfiction and the world's largest collection of Bad Dragon dildoes.


----------



## TiggerNits (Aug 5, 2019)

Stuffed corpse of the Lindberg baby turned in to a fleshlight/bong


----------



## neverendingmidi (Aug 5, 2019)

The body of their last date embalmed by 1600lbs of cocaine.


----------



## farts_meller (Aug 5, 2019)

14000 doses of Sandoz.


----------



## Bonecollector (Aug 5, 2019)

Bottles full of carbon monoxide.


----------



## Elysian (Aug 5, 2019)

A scarecrow made out of their dead girlfriend’s bones


----------



## LyapunovCriterion (Aug 5, 2019)

A bunch of porn magazines from the 80s where all women have amazing curly bushes.


----------



## Begemot (Aug 6, 2019)

A mumified cat that  acts as their 'lover'


----------



## Cryonic Haunted Bullets (Aug 6, 2019)

Five human corpses and five bull corpses. The human and bull testicles have been swapped.


----------



## Scarlett Johansson (Aug 6, 2019)

Nazi porno DVDs


----------



## KittyGremlin (Aug 6, 2019)

jellycar said:


> Nazi porno DVDs



A closet full of cheap wine boxes, some of them expired months ago.


----------



## 2nd_time_user (Aug 6, 2019)

If I'm the kiwileak on the same floor as Jonathan Yaniv, and the search is actually happening now (it is), I'm guessing his iPhone, his MacBook, the drives he has stashed to the bottom of his undie drawer, and a couple spare pepper spray canisters. The tazer he fired live during the Blaire White debate is either shoved up his asshole or he hid them in Mommy's apartment.


----------



## Shokew (Aug 7, 2019)

Your entire crossdressing wardrobe, stored in 5 different locked trunks and 2 old suitcases.


----------



## neverendingmidi (Aug 7, 2019)

A footlocker full of used whippits and babyfur diaper porn.


----------



## Corbin Dallas Multipass (Aug 8, 2019)

neverendingmidi said:


> A footlocker full of used whippits and babyfur diaper porn.


A large, brightly lit, mostly empty room, with the exception of a compaq presario computer and tube monitor, some really shitty speakers, playing a repeating midi rendition of the guitar riff from stairway to heaven.  Initially not even considered contraband until it's discovered the speakers are filled with a mix of cocaine and LSD, with a small nozzle dispensing doses into the air each time the midi repeats.


----------



## Begemot (Aug 9, 2019)

Corbin Dallas Multipass said:


> A large, brightly lit, mostly empty room, with the exception of a compaq presario computer and tube monitor, some really shitty speakers, playing a repeating midi rendition of the guitar riff from stairway to heaven.  Initially not even considered contraband until it's discovered the speakers are filled with a mix of cocaine and LSD, with a small nozzle dispensing doses into the air each time the midi repeats.


The dessicated copse of Sergey nazarov, covered in semen and @CrunkLord420's  elven writhing fay-trafing broken copse


----------



## Large (Aug 10, 2019)

Enriched uranium and nuclear bomb blueprints.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 11, 2019)

A sealed hatch, which when opened leads to a whole underground city filled with people who are all clones and follow the dictates of a deranged AI to the point they shoot each other over pointless differences.


----------



## oldTireWater (Aug 11, 2019)

Johnathan Ke Quan's asshole.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 11, 2019)

A crate of Preperation H.


----------



## Cedric_Eff (Aug 11, 2019)

A freezer full of women, near death.


----------



## Take Your Pills (Aug 13, 2019)

A dozen hollowed out bodies filled with teddy bear stuffing


----------



## Recoil (Aug 13, 2019)

30,000 tablets of knockoff Carisoprodol, likely made in India.


----------



## UW 411 (Aug 13, 2019)

The mutilated body of a female swedish journalist.


----------



## Cast Away (Aug 13, 2019)

Drowned corpses of women locked in an underground cellar


----------



## DatBepisTho (Aug 13, 2019)

Lots and lots of Loli contraband.


----------



## PonelessBizza (Aug 13, 2019)

Swizz chocolate


----------



## Papa Adolfo's Take'n'Bake (Aug 13, 2019)

A large collection of unidentified canned meat.


----------



## Cedric_Eff (Aug 13, 2019)

Canisters of Zyklon B and Sarin.


----------



## Cast Away (Aug 13, 2019)

Furry porn and fursuits and the mangled corpse of Kero The Wolf


----------



## Nick Gars (Aug 13, 2019)

Exactly 657 dragon dildos, a sla--... Pet named Tyrone, and a loaf of moldy bread cooked with vagina yeast.


----------



## Cedric_Eff (Aug 13, 2019)

Weapons grade Uranium and a fully functioning replica of a Davy Crocket Nuclear Rocket Launcher.


----------



## Milk Mage (Aug 13, 2019)

50 kilos of fentanyl-laced cocaine and a lobotomized 47 year old black man


----------



## Cast Away (Aug 13, 2019)

A gross fat creepy tranny sex slave by the name of StarryGreenEyes96


----------



## Extorian (Aug 13, 2019)

32 terabytes of loli pornography.


----------



## From The Uncanny Valley (Aug 13, 2019)

Roblox rule 34


----------



## NZ 144 (Aug 13, 2019)

copy of siege


----------



## nippleonbonerfart (Aug 13, 2019)

Absolutely nothing incriminating, for he was a good, clean Christian boy.


----------



## ManateeHunter (Aug 14, 2019)

Tapes and tapes of nothing other than fart recordings


----------



## Milk Mage (Aug 14, 2019)

Samurai armor, medical tools, and the mutilated corpses of numerous young women


----------



## Capsaicin Addict (Aug 14, 2019)

Unpasteurized raw m.ilk.


----------



## Altera the Hun (Aug 14, 2019)

Jars and jars of cat pee.


----------



## Stoneheart (Aug 14, 2019)

Truckloads of loli bodypillows and extra small fleshlights.


----------



## ConSluttant (Aug 14, 2019)

Alchemy supplies, a cursed atheme, purple robes and a basket of patchouli


----------



## Inflatable Julay (Aug 14, 2019)

cum jar


----------



## CamelCursive (Aug 14, 2019)

A statue of Rainbow Dash, created entirely from the toenail clippings of various local women.


----------



## CeleryBread (Aug 14, 2019)

3 tons of krokodil, a dead CIA agent, and an asbestos mine run by slave labor


----------



## I should be working (Aug 15, 2019)

An indoor "Celery" farm used to make "Celery" Bread.


----------



## ManateeHunter (Aug 15, 2019)

The decapitated (half-eaten) remains of his superiors


----------



## Krokodil Overdose (Aug 15, 2019)

ManateeHunter said:


> The decapitated (half-eaten) remains of his superiors


The stuffed heads of the thousands of manatees she's killed.


----------



## UW 411 (Aug 15, 2019)

You'd think it were a bath full of krokodil but _NOPE!  _
Crocodile full of bath salts.


----------



## Karl der Grosse (Aug 15, 2019)

Dead women.  So so many dead women.


----------



## ManateeHunter (Aug 15, 2019)

Every Aurelio Voltaire album but the covers are replaced with gay goth porn.


----------



## Syaoran Li (Aug 15, 2019)

A jug of corn liquor, a box of hentai DVD's, a brick of cocaine, and a Milwaukee Sawzall as well as a live chicken, a weed whacker, and some Cool Whip.


----------



## Alex Poulos (Aug 15, 2019)

A copy of the game below.


----------



## Cedric_Eff (Aug 15, 2019)

Manifesto for attempting to overthrowing the Venezuelan government and a cache of weapons (Including a long range supersonic cruise missile.)


----------



## MAPK phosphatase (Aug 16, 2019)

A bar of gold from one of those "if you can lift it out of the display you can keep it" museum setups.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 16, 2019)

Bunch of water bottles for hamsters filled with cheap whiskey.


----------



## CxuTkwNGqm (Aug 16, 2019)

microsd cards hidden behind picture frames with folders labeled “CP” “bomb instructions”, but they were just filled with fury porn.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 16, 2019)

A USB drive containing absolute, irrefutable proof of the non-existence of God. The drive next to it contains absolute, irrefutable proof of the existence of God. Also dozens of empty booze bottles.


----------



## ManateeHunter (Aug 16, 2019)

Various stolen artifacts, including a sarcophagus that seems to have been opened from the inside


----------



## Shady Attorney (Aug 16, 2019)

Sharkfin soup, unpixelated porn, and various drives labeled "onii-chan"


----------



## Cast Away (Aug 17, 2019)

Loli sex dolls


----------



## Fucks Capacitor (Aug 17, 2019)

A Lenovo Thinkpad running TempleOS and a crystallized body pillow


----------



## ManateeHunter (Aug 17, 2019)

A shrine dedicated to stuffed animals


----------



## Rat Lord (Aug 17, 2019)

Hundreds of drug stuffed manatees


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 17, 2019)

Jimmy Hoffa's preserved corpse, an ill-tempered parrot and some dude who refuses to speak, but plays the banjo really well.


----------



## Cast Away (Aug 17, 2019)

Props from all of the Indiana Jones movies


----------



## Recoil (Aug 17, 2019)

478 Wilson volleyballs (recently reported missing from a local Dick's Sporting Goods) and 200+ stolen imported japanese video games, dating all the way back to the era of the Sega Saturn.


----------



## ManateeHunter (Aug 17, 2019)

Boxes and boxes of unfinished plastic models of Nazi submarines


----------



## John Q Niggerfaggot (Aug 17, 2019)

Source code for Stuxnet and 1200 discarded smoke detectors with the Americium harvested


----------



## Pina Colada (Aug 18, 2019)

Pirated SoundCloud mixtapes, four dozen capsule dispensers filled with plastic “gangsta” jewelry and “Lil’ Homies” toys, and a boxful of stolen KKKboy magazines.


----------



## ManateeHunter (Aug 19, 2019)

3 terabytes worth of pirated Dragonball doujin


----------



## Providence (Aug 19, 2019)

A life size terra cotta army of hentai monsters and their female victims, Russian armaments,  Skyrim-themed sex toys.


----------



## Begemot (Aug 19, 2019)

A mumified clone of Jessica Yaniv covered in congealed semen.


----------



## Syaoran Li (Aug 19, 2019)

Three dead hookers, a meth lab, and a six pack of Old Milwaukee


----------



## Offen Ded Tardreee (Aug 19, 2019)

Me in a mankini, laying in your queen sized mattress, eating your Cheetos and drinking your Mountain Dew


----------



## Cedric_Eff (Aug 19, 2019)

A corpse of an morbidly obese man and four tons worth of cocaine.


----------



## From The Uncanny Valley (Aug 27, 2019)

Teddy bear with a real human skeleton inside it


----------



## Pocket Dragoon (Aug 27, 2019)

A septic tank with an indeterminate number of dead hookers.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 27, 2019)

Nothing too strange, but the bathtub has a spot to hold a pistol next to it.


----------



## MrDegeneratman (Aug 27, 2019)

Images of furries holding firearms with their cocks.


----------



## Shibaru (Aug 27, 2019)

Kitsune Porn


----------



## PL 001 (Aug 27, 2019)

Robert Stack's corpse with a recording of the Unsolved Mysteries theme playing on a loop.


----------



## ManateeHunter (Aug 27, 2019)

An actually good script for _The Dark Tower_


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 29, 2019)

A copy of the local phone book from 1986 till 2000 with all the pages divisible by 6 defaced with purple crayon. 
Bottles of cleaning fluid for a rug cleaner, but no machine.
20 crates of Skittles.


----------



## Shibaru (Sep 27, 2019)

4 Cases of Cup Noodles, 8 12 Packs of Dr. Pepper and a Gallon of Mayonnaise

But they didn't find the statue because it's hidden in all that junk


----------



## DrJonesHat (Sep 28, 2019)

13 left boots of various sizes, a crate of ball bearings, and a wax statue of Elon Musk.


----------



## Coldgrip (Sep 28, 2019)

Several priceless relics. Fortunately, they didn't find the meth lab.


----------



## thismanlies (Sep 28, 2019)

A bronze bust of Adolf Hitler.


----------



## SPARKLETWAT (Sep 28, 2019)

Pizza boxes, animal skeletons and midget porn.


----------



## MAPK phosphatase (Sep 28, 2019)

23 KB of pirated movies.


----------



## Japanese Jesus (Sep 28, 2019)

A Teddy bear filled with cum, tree copies of Cool Cat Saves the Kids and a extremely long handwritten Harry Potter fanfiction.


----------



## Phosphophyllite (Sep 29, 2019)

Weed and gay porn.


----------



## Japanese Jesus (Sep 29, 2019)

A huge dildo covered in blood and thirty bottles of soylent.


----------



## SPARKLETWAT (Sep 29, 2019)

Katana blades and the intestines of somebody unidentified.


----------



## Pina Colada (Jul 31, 2020)

Yoni eggs, weaves, sparkly fake claw nails, and 500 bottles of cocoa butter.


----------



## CWCissey (Jul 31, 2020)

Bathtub rum and 500 sets of rubber boobs.


----------



## Nurse Ratchet (Jul 31, 2020)

A half roll of chrome duct tape
A full roll of hot pink duct tape
Expired tin of mustard sardines
A VHS copy of _The Doom Generation_ (no VCR was recovered)
A 500mb SATA hard drive with.. ..are those hammer dents??
A rusty, unloaded revolver with lipstick stains on the barrel
A half-empty blister pack of Loestrin birth control
A 500ml bottle of Head&Shoulders 2-in-1
A 60lb bag of lime
One single spoon. Wooden.
326 blank journals
An anime pillow
A BLM yard placard
2,852 empty 2-liter bottles of Code Red
A white Bic lighter
A dot matrix printer
Lawn darts
64-ct box of sidewalk chalk


----------



## Lame Entropy (Jul 31, 2020)

Pony cum jar


----------



## dingobaby (Jul 31, 2020)

Zyklon B


----------



## Pocket Dragoon (Jul 31, 2020)

Jars of fresh teeth, razorblade whirligigs & weighted nailbags.


----------



## Namerlane the 40th (Jul 31, 2020)

Gay shit


----------



## Big Brown Schlub (Jul 31, 2020)

Homemade astrolite G


----------



## MAPK phosphatase (Jul 31, 2020)

14th century katana made by Sengo Muramasa.


----------



## JambledUpWords (Jul 31, 2020)

Test tubes 
DNA samples 
Vials of semen 
My Little Pony figurines 
Cheetos 
Lab papers 
Stale potato chips 
Microscopes 
Lots of rope 
Pictures of women you dated 
Books on horse breeding 
Lab notes on attempts to breed horses with humans


----------



## mellifluous (Jul 31, 2020)

A shitton of amphetamines. How else would you get through all that social media content?


----------



## Pocket Dragoon (Jul 31, 2020)

@MAPK phosphatase 

Tubes of Astroglide, spiked with bromo-benzodifuranyl-isopropylamine.


----------



## LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV] (Jul 31, 2020)

kid sized fleshlights , oldschool pamphlets from Children of God and a bunch of lolicon doujins in original japanese


----------



## Pocket Dragoon (Aug 1, 2020)

Prussian blue fingerpaint.



LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV] said:


> kid sized fleshlights , oldschool pamphlets from Children of God and a bunch of lolicon doujins in original japanese



Close; I do have a shoebox full of Chick Tracts, but last I knew those weren't contraband.

Yet.


----------



## Wraith (Aug 1, 2020)

An inflatable love doll of Null that transforms into Jeb at the touch of a button. Guess where it is.


----------



## tampax pearl (Aug 1, 2020)

Pirated video games, porn, booze, and probably a lot of guns. I don't think animals count as contraband but at least one (1) dog!


----------



## YayLasagna (Aug 1, 2020)

Me


----------



## Big Brown Schlub (Aug 1, 2020)

Multiple dead bodies strapped to chairs.


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 1, 2020)

Old manga from the 90’s


----------



## Damien Thorne (Aug 1, 2020)

MLP cub pornography.


----------



## cjöcker (Aug 2, 2020)

3 vinyl records soaked with cum


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 2, 2020)

Illegal pornographic video games


----------



## Quantum Diabetes (Aug 2, 2020)

Over 30 jizz encrusted "Meeko" plushies from "pocahontas"


----------



## Dilf Department (Aug 2, 2020)

Japanese child sex dolls


----------



## Ralph Barnhardt (Aug 2, 2020)

20,000 unopened contraceptive sponges.


----------



## LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV] (Aug 2, 2020)

what looks like a homemade alchemy laboratory along with 200 bottles of mexican cough syrup


----------



## Kiwifarmsname (Aug 2, 2020)

Alien escapey from area 51


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 2, 2020)

A manual on how to build explosives from common household items, map of the local sex shop, and a chainsaw with mysterious brown stains on the blades.


----------



## wopirish (Aug 2, 2020)

Lots and lots of hentai. and body pillows able to stand on their own after so much use.


----------



## Crankenstein (Aug 2, 2020)

200 stapled together printed copies of The Anarchists Cookbook with Black Flag burned CD for each.

200 flash drives with copies of the aforementioned as well as a host of /pol/ videos/webms, infographics, documentaries, and threads. 

A love pillow of Snake Pliskin and another of Big Boss on two different beds despite the above kiwi living alone. 

A framed photo of null. 

A Toshiba laptop with and alienware sticker covering the Toshiba logo. 

A hardcover of "The Mouse and the Motorcycle". 

A cassette tape recorder with a small piece of white paper taped to it with the handwritten name " Diane". 

Several scrapbooks containing different lolcows and their associated works both printed and on flashdrives. 

And a large pile of pizzaboxes under a bag of home made tannerite with a sigh reading "light in case of V&".


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 2, 2020)

wopirish said:


> Lots and lots of hentai. and body pillows able to stand on their own after so much use.


Suspiciously, nothing illegal, but 20,000 empty Big Mac boxes.


----------



## wopirish (Aug 2, 2020)

DrJonesHat said:


> Suspiciously, nothing illegal, but 20,000 empty Big Mac boxes.


I have the feeling we are both talking about moviebob


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 2, 2020)

wopirish said:


> I have the feeling we are both talking about moviebob


Don't follow his thread, but is he one of those people that eats nothing but fast food and then complains they're obese?


----------



## Spl00gies (Aug 2, 2020)

A curious collection of irradiated glass jars filled with testicles suspended in saline.


----------



## wopirish (Aug 2, 2020)

DrJonesHat said:


> Don't follow his thread, but is he one of those people that eats nothing but fast food and then complains they're obese?


He believes he isn't morbidly obese with the beetus and talks about eugenics. He brags about being able to eat like 10 burgers and fries to go with it in a single sitting.


----------



## s0mbra (Aug 2, 2020)

An entire fucking flamethrower and WWII memorabilia


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 2, 2020)

s0mbra said:


> An entire fucking flamethrower and WWII memorabilia


WWIII memorabilia and a tshirt from the 2026 Super Bowl.


----------



## Francesco Dellamorte (Aug 2, 2020)

Nothing, everything was already donated to a museum.


----------



## pikagutz (Aug 2, 2020)

anal beads of the solar system


----------



## Big Brown Schlub (Aug 2, 2020)

A light howitzer


----------



## Blackhole (Aug 2, 2020)

A enchanted katana infused with fire and a piece of corncrete.


----------



## Penis (Aug 2, 2020)

Gay ass motherfucking hats for a gay ass motherfucking dog


----------



## pikagutz (Aug 2, 2020)

The police find the Kiwi themsleves, dead by a giant plastic carrot in their body like that one scene from Cannibal Holocaust


----------



## Merried Senior Comic (Aug 3, 2020)

1,200 gallons of concentrated horse urine.


----------



## JambledUpWords (Aug 3, 2020)

Balls of yarn 
Two million toothpicks 
A jar of pennies 
A collection of chewed up bubble gum 
A shopping cart 
Fingerless gloves 
Fire starter kits 
Molotov cocktails
Pictures of Null 
A bunch of magazines from 2005


----------



## mr.moon1488 (Aug 3, 2020)

Frozen cheese cakes.  Like a lot of them.


----------



## glass_houses (Aug 3, 2020)

An entire zoo of illegally imported exotic animals, and a mound of raw flesh of suspiciously unknown origins, ready to be fed to them.


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 3, 2020)

A bunch of tapes of the riot that's going on right now


----------



## Ciscoipphone (Aug 3, 2020)

Penis pump


----------



## Doctor Placebo (Aug 3, 2020)

Furry cub porn. Dear god, so much furry cub porn. Covering every surface.


----------



## Big Bad Wart (Aug 3, 2020)

Anatoly Slivko tapes on repeat with the photos hanging on the walls.


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 3, 2020)

Old propaganda films


----------



## Rozzy (Aug 3, 2020)

A hard disk full of loli.


----------



## Blackhole (Aug 3, 2020)

4 TBs of child and zoosadist porn.


----------



## glass_houses (Aug 4, 2020)

A large shrine to Jonathon Yaniv and an even larger one to Tammy Slaton.


----------



## Blackhole (Aug 4, 2020)

A megaphone and a 8 inch dragon dildo with the words "EU" ingraved on it.


----------



## WarJams (Aug 4, 2020)

Nothing. But that only made them more upset, so they wrecked the place even worse.


----------



## LMFAOForgotPw (Aug 4, 2020)

A vial of pcp, a crack pipe with hep c blood, and a slave inbreed family under the place.


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 4, 2020)

A pair of shoes with Trumps name on them.


----------



## The Bovinian Derivative (Aug 4, 2020)

Five million dollars worth of contraband Astolfo bean plushies.


----------



## Niggaplease (Aug 4, 2020)

10 tonnes of cocaine


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 4, 2020)

Old Japanese paintings and smelly kimonos


----------



## Blackhole (Aug 5, 2020)

A Glock-17 equipped with a suppressor and dot sight with the words "N.T.M.A" engraved on the barrel and a flash drive with a bunch of Danganronpa porn.


----------



## glass_houses (Aug 5, 2020)

Dog porn. Oh my god, so much dog porn.


----------



## Carcinology (Aug 5, 2020)

Probably for getting their tits out at some feminist protest


----------



## Wraith (Aug 5, 2020)

Twenty-four busty hot underage mexican illegals and a chicken painted blue named Ryo from Street Fighter II.


----------



## Meat Target (Aug 5, 2020)

Necromancy books and kidnapped virgins for sacrifice.


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 5, 2020)

100 old action figures with the initials “A.M.” inscribed on them.


----------



## The Sauce Boss (Aug 5, 2020)

snuff cheese pizza


----------



## A Grey Cat (Aug 5, 2020)

Hentai mags waifu pillows vynil figurines and a stolen AR-15


----------



## glass_houses (Aug 6, 2020)

One thousand bootleg copies of "Jason the Avon Lady".


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 6, 2020)

A bunch of glass figurines and a megaphone


----------



## Benzo Samurai (Aug 6, 2020)

cp in minecraft


----------



## DungeonMaster (Aug 6, 2020)

Comfort women.


----------



## F/lying Frankenstein (Aug 6, 2020)

A real-life version of a japanese sex dungeon, with kidnapped pregnant women in blackface and props to imitate D&D Orcs


----------



## Meat Target (Aug 6, 2020)

Ancient Greco-Roman artifacts recently stolen from a local museum.


----------



## Duke Nukem (Aug 6, 2020)

An arsenal of dangerous miniature plastic toy weapons owned by...GI Joe.


----------



## A Grey Cat (Aug 6, 2020)

Babes bullets and booze


----------



## Chad Nasty (Aug 6, 2020)

75 dragon dildos and three completes sets of the x-files on DVD


----------



## Meat Target (Aug 6, 2020)

A signed first edition copy of The Turner Diaries


----------



## Dwight Frye (Aug 6, 2020)

A Timothy McVeigh blow up sex doll and five pallets of hoarded hand sanitizer.


----------



## Ivan Shatov (Aug 6, 2020)

A stack of newspapers from his home in Somalia, a map to all the gay nightclubs, his favorite machete and a pair of severed human heads in the freezer.


----------



## Wraith (Aug 6, 2020)

Hand drawn maps to every level in every Wizardry game done in Swahili, with a secret code showing the way out of level 4 to the chocolate lands of level 5 in Wizardry 4. 
And fifty dismembered mexican gang bangers from south of the border with furbys stuffed in their mouths of their severed heads.


----------



## Ciscoipphone (Aug 6, 2020)

Women's underwear


----------



## LazarusOwenhart (Aug 6, 2020)

A VHS piracy setup capable of duplicating fifty tapes an hour, a job lot of 4500 blank tapes and 4000 unsold Shrek bootlegs.


----------



## A Grey Cat (Aug 6, 2020)

50 or so crates of stolen mustard


----------



## Meat Target (Aug 6, 2020)

Severed heads of horny teenage camp counselors


----------



## TFT-A9 (Aug 6, 2020)

A shrine to Paul Harrell, hallowed be his name


----------



## Doctor Placebo (Aug 6, 2020)

Dozens of copies of that one gay Muslim furry comic that journos were praising after Trump got elected to pwn him, and hundreds of Battletech minis.


----------



## TFT-A9 (Aug 6, 2020)

Doctor Placebo said:


> Dozens of copies of that one gay Muslim furry comic that journos were praising after Trump got elected to pwn him



dude we had a serious toilet paper shortage okay, desperate times call for desperate measures



Doctor Placebo said:


> , and hundreds of Battletech minis.



that I'll give you though


----------



## Ciscoipphone (Aug 6, 2020)

A stack of Bara furry yaoi


----------



## Leaf-eon (Aug 6, 2020)

Lots and lots of furry porn


----------



## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 6, 2020)

Nature documentaries


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## Big Bad Wart (Aug 6, 2020)

Laminated copies of two babies one fox


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## Big Brown Schlub (Aug 6, 2020)

3 women being strapped to chairs in the basement and force-fed, and a bike wheel


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## glass_houses (Aug 6, 2020)

Several rooms stacked full of hentai art printouts, a meagre collection of fleshlights, and one very worn sex doll.


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## Mr. Confederate Man (Aug 8, 2020)

Several dead men in the basement, killed to fight the patriarchy


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## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 8, 2020)

Worn out confederate flag


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## Doctor Placebo (Aug 9, 2020)

Hundreds of anatomically correct anime trap figurines, lined up in neat rows on every surface, and a dozen more under the bed covered in suspicious stains.


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## Big Bad Wart (Aug 9, 2020)

JFK sex tapes


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## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 9, 2020)

Old cereal boxes covered in strange bodily fluids


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## Ciscoipphone (Aug 9, 2020)

silicone bicep implants and ephedra


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## Niggaplease (Aug 9, 2020)

500 boxes cocaine covered cornflakes and a c um stained Tony the tiger fursuit


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## Melktert (Aug 9, 2020)

Most likely a copy of mein kampf along with peyote and a japanese sex doll, along with several aborted cat fetuses


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## Orion Balls (Aug 9, 2020)

All the missing hijabs from the neighborhood clotheslines. They're crusty.


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## Wraith (Aug 9, 2020)

32 terabytes of officers from the nine police precincts around you engaging in deplorable sexual activities with a guy dressed as Bridget.
And one ugly blond girl dressed as a cross dressing fox under your bed tied to a stuffed animal of a character from Vegetales.


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## Sexy Potoo (Aug 9, 2020)

"Police raided the suspect's home and found 5 pistols, 3 AR-15's, a sawed off shotgun, 5lbs of shifty weed,, and a homemade sex doll designed to look like Shadow the Hedgehog."


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## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 9, 2020)

A thousand taxidermy birds sitting in an old box


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## Orion Balls (Aug 10, 2020)

A wooden chest filled with neatly labeled Mason jars containing the blood, piss, and shit of your enemies.


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## Pocket Dragoon (Aug 10, 2020)

Bootleg DDR machines loaded with furry-vore AMVs & datura-laced swizzlesticks.


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## Stormy Daniel's Lawyer (Aug 10, 2020)

Nothing really, just your run of the mill assortment of empty rot gut liquor bottles, a fully stocked jerking station, and boat loads of sadness.


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## Wraith (Aug 10, 2020)

151 used Stormy Daniel's used breast implants. We don't talk about #152.
And a stuffed monster girl at the front door filled with 100 pounds of tannerite in case the feds... ya know.


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## Niggaplease (Aug 10, 2020)

the video game hatred at least 5 black trench coats  enough arms and ammo to supply an army 3 anime waifu body pillows with the columbine killers as well Rodger Elliott faces taped on them


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## FluffyTehFennekin (Aug 10, 2020)

Bloodstained katanas


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## Niggaplease (Aug 10, 2020)

100 terabytes of loli porn


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## Crankenstein (Aug 10, 2020)

CD player repeating Numa Numa that skips on every "HEE"


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## Crabbo (Aug 10, 2020)

16 and a half waifu body pillows, stained with various fluids.

The missing half is the lower half of a furry waifu


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## Niggaplease (Aug 10, 2020)

100 smuggled blood crabs


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## glass_houses (Aug 10, 2020)

That Japanese chick ghost who goes down the stairs on all fours from the Grudge, her dismembered corpse, a bloodied sword, and several children of uncertain living status.


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## Wraith (Aug 11, 2020)

A bullhorn-shaped dildo that goes in open-end first with the image of Kamala Harris on it.


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