# Things that I, Joshua "Null" Moon, would like to do but cannot



## Null (May 3, 2022)

*1. Parachuting*
I am very afraid of heights and am also poor. Renting a plane and jumping out of it is something I would like to do but cannot.

*2. Live in Mexico like a Cool Mob Boss*
I like to imagine myself as one of the cool mobsters from Goodfellas or something, living in a nice villa out in Mexico like a king, snorting cocaine with blatant disregard for whatever children I have left behind. To live this life would be truly epic and badass.

*3. Punch a Hater*
I have many haters but as I live in Serbia as a wanted fugitive I cannot punch them. If I punched a hater right in his stupid fucking face I would feel very empowered, but alas, I am unable to.

*4. Spin a Loaded Pistol on my Finger*
I like western movies and want to take a loaded revolver and spin it around like John Wayne. Unfortunately, as a wanted fugitive abroad, I cannot own a firearm and I don't think I can do something so cool.

*5. Wrestle an Alligator*
I lived in Florida most of my life but unlike most Floridians I have never wrestled with an Alligator. This makes me feel like a bad Floridian.

*6. Own a Motorcycle*
Motorcycles are badass. I am genuinely terrified of riding on these.

I am very glad most other people don't do these things because if I saw someone doing these cool things I would feel very jealous and also owned.


----------



## Snigger (May 3, 2022)

Can we add our own?


----------



## Enyo (May 3, 2022)

I can't believe school shooting didn't make the list.


----------



## SevenEightNine (May 3, 2022)

#4 marks you as a true Ocelot fan, like all badasses.


----------



## 3322 (May 3, 2022)

Damn what a fucking loser. At least there is nobody out there who is doing these things so you don't look like an even bigger loser and failure in comparison.


----------



## Mr. Manchester (May 3, 2022)

Skydiving is pretty fun ngl


----------



## Blasterisk (May 3, 2022)

Null's not even man enough to go 4v1 on the streets of Lisbon like a rALPHACHAD.  Why do we even let this sane, even-handed individual run this site smh my head..


----------



## 3322 (May 3, 2022)

Iwasamwillbe said:


> Null, please don't bait like that.
> 
> You know Ethan Ralph will see this, and try these out for himself just to show how much more of a "badass" he is than you.


There is no way Ethan Ralph can afford to hire a plane and jump out of it, he is much too poor and his legs are too thin and frail and would snap upon impact. He is also super bitchmade. Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.


----------



## Lisafrank420 (May 3, 2022)

Iwasamwillbe said:


> Null, please don't bait like that.
> 
> You know Ethan Ralph will see this, and try these out for himself just to show how much more of a "badass" he is than you.


Have _3_ bastard children, all with different women.


----------



## SevenEightNine (May 3, 2022)

My husband used to skydive.  It's a Chad thing to do.  Undeniably.


----------



## Trigger Me Timbers (May 3, 2022)

Null has never accidentally knocked up two low IQ eceleb chasers within a year, SAD.

_>tfw not knowing what it’s like to have to pay child suport for a child you are legally not allowed to be alone with. _


----------



## MasonicTelevision (May 3, 2022)

3322 said:


> There is no way Ethan Ralph can afford to hire a plane and jump out of it, he is much too poor and his legs are too thin and frail and would snap upon impact. He is also super bitchmade. Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.


I don't think there is a plane smaller than a Boeing 737 that could support the immense weight of the Gunt


----------



## Kromer Merchant (May 3, 2022)

Enyo said:


> I can't believe school shooting didn't make the list.


That, along with anything else that could be vaguely construed as an actionable threat, is there in spirit. It's in the subtext.


----------



## Johnny Salami (May 3, 2022)

I want to sneak up behind a rhino, fuck it up the ass, and yell YOLO thereby encouraging a new slew of copycats that will improve the collective IQ of the world


----------



## Glass House (May 3, 2022)

Null, you also have always wanted to have six children. Too bad your dick doesn't work anymore and you'll never be able to father them at all.


----------



## Pink Panther (May 3, 2022)

Just go back to Florida, wrestle a small gator, and buy a handgun, retard. You can do all that in less than two days. Or just load a black powder revolver and spin it around since those aren't considered firearms in most countries.

If you want to borrow a motorcycle or a gun though I'm your man just ask me for my address.


----------



## The Ancestor (May 3, 2022)

I’d like to be friends with Metokur


----------



## I fucking love Cocaine (May 3, 2022)

3322 said:


> Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.




I mean, this dude can do it. I bet the Gunt can handle a motorbike just fine.

Show those awlogs who's the real road kang, Ralph!


----------



## 3322 (May 3, 2022)

lmfao this will never be you Josh


----------



## Goyslop Muncher (May 3, 2022)

Joshua Conner Moon is such a broke dick kid diddlin' childless FAT LOSER he can't even take out a loan on a cool mustang muscle car and do cocaine while flying down the highway and live streaming to his adoring fans (which he doesn't have because he's a PEDOPHILE)


----------



## ♦️ King of Diamonds ♦️ (May 3, 2022)

You should add "speak Russian" to the list... I know it's not for lack of trying!


----------



## ChromaQuack (May 3, 2022)

> *4. Spin a Loaded Pistol on my Finger*
> I like western movies and want to take a loaded revolver and spin it around like John Wayne. Unfortunately, as a wanted fugitive abroad, I cannot own a firearm and I don't think I can do something so cool.


Even women can do that, come on Null.




Your browser is not able to display this video.


----------



## High Tea (May 3, 2022)

We need a poll of which one Ralph will do next to own Josh. Fingers crossed for wrestling a Gator.


----------



## Sammich (May 3, 2022)

The funny thing is, this will probably work.  He's just that goddamn dumb.   Which one do you think he'll try?


----------



## 3322 (May 3, 2022)

High Tea said:


> We need a poll of which one Ralph will do next to own Josh. Fingers crossed for wrestling a Gator.


Nah, Ralph is too much of a pussy and also poor to do any of these.


----------



## Puck (May 3, 2022)

That's a very gay and boring bucket list desu


----------



## Mocha Shaka Khan (May 3, 2022)

I would like to believe that it's not butter but I just can't do it.


----------



## Snigger (May 3, 2022)

Oh null you lovable scamp


----------



## High Tea (May 3, 2022)

3322 said:


> Nah, Ralph is too much of a pussy and also poor to do any of these.


Ralph is too poor and unprepared for fatherhood and that didn't stop him


----------



## Getwhatyou (May 3, 2022)

Null you are legitimately too fat to sky dive. Maybe a bungie jump? But you will need to use the tandem rope.


----------



## WWE Champion (May 3, 2022)

I bet Null is too much of a pussy to travel to North Korea, snort coke and party in a regime sponsored party with paid actors and take secretly a propaganda poster from the streets of Pyongyang with him back as a souvenire. Also probably too broke to even fly to another country and too ashamed of his small broken dick. Only a true ralphamale could survive holidays in North Korea.


----------



## Save the Loli (May 3, 2022)

Enyo said:


> I can't believe school shooting didn't make the list.


Because Vordrak warned all the schools in Pensacola about the threat Null posed.


----------



## Zeva_Adom (May 3, 2022)

Ralph has no balls so he won't do any one of those things.
He is just a scared little pig.

You will never prove that you are more free or more manly than Josh because you will never do any of those things!


----------



## Ass Monkey (May 3, 2022)

MasonicTelevision said:


> I don't think there is a plane smaller than a Boeing 737 that could support the immense weight of the Gunt


Plus he would need one of those tank parachute setups


----------



## Least Concern (May 3, 2022)

Re motorcycles, here's a video of a guy doing sick motorcycle stunts in Las Vegas. Now this guy's a _real_ high roller. I bet he didn't even need to pay to get his dick sucked that night.






Yeah, definitely a bummer none of us know how to ride a motorcycle and make frequent treks to Vegas. We could line up a few cars, maybe get some buddies to hammer together some wooden ramps for us… it'd be really fun and awesome, but I guess we just could never get it to happen.


----------



## twozero (May 3, 2022)

Josh is also too much of a coward to get trooned out by their FtM horse bride, also they don't even have one. Sad!


----------



## Snigger (May 3, 2022)

I'm just imagining Ralph flying through the sky, gunt flapping in the wind


----------



## TV's Adam West (May 3, 2022)

7. Get laid.


----------



## The Crust (May 3, 2022)

We all know that moon is a Bosnian.


----------



## Honka Honka Burning Love (May 3, 2022)

Build my Own Ghost Gun with a 3D printer because I can not buy a gun legally because I am a felon.


----------



## Astro Loafo (May 3, 2022)

I would literally become your worst enemy so you can punch me right in my stupid face.


----------



## dreamwebz (May 3, 2022)

And why is this on Gunt subforum?


----------



## BULLY HUNTER_77 (May 3, 2022)

As per the usual, Null is a complete and total coward who is unable to live his dreams because he's afraid of dying.

Only a true Alpha Chad could accomplish these things. A man who would rather die on his feet, than waste away. A man with seed so potent, bitches get pregnant just looking at him.

Honestly, I can't think of a single major YouTuber who would be up to this list. Certainly not cancer man Jim. Maybe someone on one of those smaller alternative platforms would be up to this task. But they would need to be the most legendary entertainer in existence. I know I need someone like that in my life - I feel like Jim wastes my $500 superchats on anime. The people are thirsty for a more genuine internet personality.


----------



## R00T (May 3, 2022)

i see what this is.

i wish i could afford a ticket to serbia so i could walk around with an n word camera hunting the fugitive known as joshua "pedophile" connor moon while live streaming but sadly, i am too poor, and only cool rich people can walk around with n word cameras hunting internet people.


----------



## Open Window Maniac (May 3, 2022)

At least you aren't an obese alcoholic with a gay web show no one likes.


----------



## Prehistoric Jazz (May 3, 2022)

Are either of you Bad Enough Dudes to have a drinking competition where Warski recites the script from Glengarry Glenross and you drink from beer for each stutter? No one would survive hard liquor.


----------



## ManBearHog (May 3, 2022)

3322 said:


> There is no way Ethan Ralph can afford to hire a plane and jump out of it, he is much too poor and his legs are too thin and frail and would snap upon impact. He is also super bitchmade. Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.



Never underestimate how willing Ralph is to drive his impressionable pedoweeb child-bride’s credit score into the ground.


----------



## Megaroad 2012 (May 3, 2022)

Jeez I just moved to Florida and already wrastled two gators and now wear them as shoes smh


----------



## the shoebill (May 3, 2022)

You should add hugging your son, Josh.


----------



## abdulaziz (May 3, 2022)

I think you should punch a child instead.


----------



## Braphamut (May 3, 2022)

< I wish I had a video of me in a three-way as proof of my sexual prowess to own the haters. That would make my love quest complete. Alas, for I am just a broke-dick Karen with rage.


----------



## SevenEightNine (May 3, 2022)

Megaroad 2012 said:


> Jeez I just moved to Florida and already wrastled two gators and now wear them as shoes smh


There's no sticker for "ralphamale" or I'd give it to you.


----------



## HarblMcDavid (May 3, 2022)

I think Null meant to say "_shirtless_ parachuting". He's just too afraid to admit it.


----------



## Dead Wife (May 3, 2022)

I am very sad for you, those are some good ambitions. I hope people reading this are equally sympathetic and don’t take it as an invitation to tackle each item on your list, and broadcast it all online as a means to own you. That would be a very mean thing to do.


----------



## Fools Idol (May 3, 2022)

I remember you saying that you always wanted a septum ring, but you're too much of a pussy to get any piercings.


----------



## Null (May 3, 2022)

Fools Idol said:


> I remember you saying that you always wanted a septum ring, but you're too much of a pussy to get any piercings.


dude face piercings are so trad but due to job obligations I can't get tattoos or piercings


----------



## 𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔 (May 3, 2022)

Riding motorcycles without a helmet sounds pretty badass


----------



## mario if smoke weed (May 3, 2022)

*7. Start A Family?*


----------



## Telemeter (May 3, 2022)

3322 said:


> There is no way Ethan Ralph can afford to hire a plane and jump out of it, he is much too poor and his legs are too thin and frail and would snap upon impact. He is also super bitchmade. Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.


Not only that, I don't think there's even skydiving in West Memphis, Ethan could never drive all the way down to Mexico just to skydive.


----------



## Fools Idol (May 3, 2022)

Null said:


> dude face piercings are so trad but due to job obligations I can't get tattoos or piercings


Get a bike, a full sleeve tattoo and a few piercings and you'd look so bad ass. I know you can't really afford any of those things but just do it bro.


----------



## CapricornusRex (May 3, 2022)

Null said:


> dude face piercings are so trad but due to job obligations I can't get tattoos or piercings



If only you could get a nose ring and attach a chain from it to your earring. Would be dope as fuck.


----------



## AncientPhosphur (May 3, 2022)

Null said:


> dude face piercings are so trad but due to job obligations I can't get tattoos or piercings


Too bad. I hope Ralph rocks a Mike Tyson face tattoo before he climbs in the ring and beats up Warski


----------



## Kaede Did Nothing Wrong (May 3, 2022)

can you imagine if there was a streamer who was a bad enough dude to take a risk like this? the forum would literally get closed in shame.


----------



## Reverend (May 3, 2022)

You live in the land of cheap bikes, get one, take a course.  I'm sure it'll cost a few dozen serbian Monetary Units but you can afford one. 

Hell rent a 250cc bike and bounce down the Deneb.  I'm mad jelly you can go All The Way Down (Watch the series)  over in Euroland


----------



## SNEED.EXE (May 3, 2022)

FUCK YEW BROKE DICK MOON MOTHERFUCKER, AH CAN DO ANYTHING YEW CAN'T!


----------



## Peanut Butter in Peril (May 3, 2022)

Which one of these two is Null?


----------



## Glad I couldn't help (May 3, 2022)

Iwasamwillbe said:


> Null, please don't bait like that.
> 
> You know Ethan Ralph will see this, and try these out for himself just to show how much more of a "badass" he is than you.


It's not a bait, as he's not telling anybody to do anything. Only a retarded 4 foot 11 inch fatass with no impulse control and an out of control need for validation could see this is bait.


----------



## AntiSchwuletteAktion (May 3, 2022)

Josh could NEVER rob a convenience store at gunpoint... he wants to so badly, but he just doesn't have the GUTS. If someone else were to do that and absolutely MOG him, he would simply die of shame.


----------



## b0o0pinsn0o0tz (May 3, 2022)

Definitely get the bike, not just for the cool factor but because they're fuel efficient and that seems like it's gonna be super important the way things are going.


----------



## Alex Krycek (May 3, 2022)

If it makes you feel any better I’ve only done 3 and 4 and I haven’t done 3 since high school and because I’m older now and life has real consequences I wouldn’t unless I was hit first and since I haven’t been in a fight in about a decade I’d probably lose. 

The other one I do for fun sometimes. I’m a huge firearms enthusiast.


----------



## Tom Myers (May 3, 2022)

I want to learn how to ride a motorcycle, but I'd just get myself killed. On the other hand, I'd look badass without a helmet and my hair down.


----------



## Quest 4 Truth (May 3, 2022)

Trigger Me Timbers said:


> Null has never accidentally knocked up two low IQ eceleb chasers within a year....


But HE has....


----------



## Poppavalyim Andropoff (May 3, 2022)

make sure it's a hardtail with a kick start & suicide shift


----------



## svetlalala (May 3, 2022)

Awe. Someone is nervous about turning 30 this year. Soon your body will be too old and tired to wrestle alligators like your fellow Florida Man.

Also, you're not a felon. :/ How come no guns? Also, just make your gf get them in her name and keep them at her house. Loop Hole.


----------



## ScrappyLobsterchu (May 3, 2022)

It would be really cool to go to Metokurs house and scream about him. All those boring Minnesotans would think I would be so cool, they would render their garments onto me at the sight of my out of state license plate.

It would also be cool to larp as Walter White and share my meth making process with the internet via I-P-2 style in real life live streams. But sadly I am not as badass and joker pilled as Walter Whyte. 

I also want to become a body builder and do epic and based deadlifts. The true way to embody the trad lifestyle is through lifting ( I would also share my progress but alas I am too stupid to work a phone camera).


----------



## Fools Idol (May 3, 2022)

I also remember you wanting to stream irl stuff but you're too scared of being doxed or harassed.


----------



## Hrafn (May 3, 2022)

I bet Jersh would be a cosplay gigachad and own all his haters epic style if he went to an anime con with some horse faced eastern European lady while dressed in full Bepop from TMNT costume. 



Ralph could never.


----------



## Mr. Manchester (May 3, 2022)

Null said:


> dude face piercings are so trad but due to job obligations I can't get tattoos or piercings


Not as cool as ear gauges though.


----------



## 185405 (May 3, 2022)

Null you forgot #7, become a nigger.


----------



## glib (May 3, 2022)

I wish i could be financially stable, stop drinking so much, have stable relationships, be a good father, treat my friends well, accept criticism, write articles in proper english, lose weight, have constructive hobbies, eat better, and be satisfied without drugs. But hey, im just a d-list e celeb trying to make a living off trending topics like gamergate.


----------



## Snusmumriken (May 3, 2022)

I’ve always wanted to get rolled by a 12 years old hooker in Venezuela.

eta: mixed up Venezuela and Portugal for some reason


----------



## Ronnie McNutt (May 3, 2022)

> *3. Punch a Hater*


you can always make an angry post on youtube about how mad you are about haters, if you do nobody will dare to even touch you


----------



## Nick Gars (May 3, 2022)

Don't worry, Josh. We all know Ethan is a level headed individual who would never use this list against you. Thank you for sharing your insecurities with us, it makes you more relatable, fair Errverlord.


----------



## DDBCAE CBAADCBE (May 3, 2022)

A had a Harley Road King once. It was fun, but I wrecked the shit out of it.


----------



## NPC304348 (May 3, 2022)

< 7. See my own dick without using a mirror


----------



## Faggitory (May 3, 2022)

Null, just steal a plane and jump out of it. Its not rocket science.


----------



## DSP's Tax Lawyer (May 3, 2022)

I wish I was a big enough chad to test how bullet proof vests work


----------



## Crass_and_Champ (May 3, 2022)

Holy shit, Ralph getting a septum ring would really finalize his transformation into a hootin' hollerin' hog.


----------



## Saint Agustin (May 3, 2022)

Iwasamwillbe said:


> Null, please don't bait like that.
> 
> You know Ethan Ralph will see this, and try these out for himself just to show how much more of a "badass" he is than you.


----------



## Autistic Anti-Hero (May 3, 2022)

It's ok to be terrified of some of these things, it just means you're still able to use your brain. Riding a motorcycle would be cool, but it's really reckless and you only have one chance at life.


----------



## NicoFountaine (May 3, 2022)

> *4. Spin a Loaded Pistol on my Finger*



Has Ralph actually done this? I Thought the one thing white trash were good at was trigger discipline.


----------



## Jack Awful (May 3, 2022)

NicoFountaine said:


> Has Ralph actually done this? I Thought the one thing white trash were good at was trigger discipline.


Nah he's too much of a pussy coward


----------



## kidatari (May 3, 2022)

*7. Be Mister Metokur's friend*


----------



## Chaos Theorist (May 3, 2022)

7. Have sex


----------



## Quest 4 Truth (May 3, 2022)

Snusmumriken said:


> I’ve always wanted to get rolled by a 12 years old hooker in Venezuela.


----------



## zyclonPD (May 3, 2022)

If I was a true Ralphachad I'd be driving a Dukes of Hazard car with my giant Dixie flag painted on through Richmond Virginia. Its Maga country and I'd be representing it in the most obvious way possible. Only pussys drive generic colored vehicles with absolutely no political slogans or messages on it at all. True Ralphamales would be announcing to all of Virginia who they are and what they believe right on the vehicle for all to see and seethe.


----------



## DSP's Tax Lawyer (May 3, 2022)

zyclonPD said:


> If I was a true Ralphachad I'd be driving a Dukes of Hazard car with my giant Dixie flag painted on through Richmond Virginia. Its Maga country and I'd be representing it in the most obvious way possible. Only pussys drive generic colored vehicles with absolutely no political slogans or messages on it at all. True Ralphamales would be announcing to all of Virginia who they are and what they believe right on the vehicle for all to see and seethe.


Would you take a loan out in your fiance's name for the car?


----------



## Miller (May 3, 2022)

> 6. Own a Motorcycle
> Motorcycles are badass.






Don't be a fag.


----------



## Retink (May 3, 2022)

I've always wanted to grill burgers until they turned blacker than JCaesers porn history and were harder than a cubic zirconia, but alas, they always come out medium rare.


----------



## DoctorJimmyRay (May 3, 2022)

Quality content post. Thanks again internet daddy.


----------



## oramge cat (May 3, 2022)

I once heard a super credible rumor that null is terrified of riot cops and would never, ever have the balls to fight one, especially at a pro-choice protest in Washington DC on May 3rd.


----------



## Oliveoil (May 3, 2022)

<looks where thread is placed>
Are you able to SUUU EEEE like a true rapin man?


----------



## #KillAllPedos (May 3, 2022)

@Null you messed up by posting this publicly dude. Just calling it as I see it. You know Ralph reads this board, right? He could probably do your entire bucket list in a week, and he probably would too. And you know he will probably turn it into a big event and use it to fundraise. Just seems like you’re handing him an easy “W” by putting this info out. Can you imagine the insufferable smirk on his fat pig face as he’s skydiving, saying “how you like me now Jawsh? You can’t even afford to skydive!” Makes my blood boil just thinking about it. I fucking hate watching Ralph get victories over us.


----------



## NynchLiggers (May 3, 2022)

Thanks, now I have a mental image of Ralph's Gunt flabbing in the air as if it was a pair of wings freed from the clutches of his ill-fitting shirt while he screams like in the "Gawd's Plan" video


----------



## Xenomorph (May 3, 2022)

Null also said he wants to reenact the scene from The Deer Hunter.


----------



## Meckhlorde (May 3, 2022)

7. Actually losing weight. I feel for you two as I understand how hard it is for Amerimutts to abstain from fast food, hard liquors, and pizza. Big sad Mr. Ralphamale will never be under 250.


----------



## Chongqing (May 3, 2022)

Gliding is the most masculine hobby and dear leader could never do it because no one will ever allow him to.


----------



## thismanlies (May 3, 2022)

>Be Mexican anon
>Look up into sky
>See giant drug smuggling cargo plane flying overhead
>Back cargo bay opens
>See blob riding motorcycle fall out
>Pull out phone
>Begin recording
>See parachute open from back of blob
>Parachute is of normal size
>It's still too small to slow blob's descent
>Hear something in the distance
>"Damn you ayy-lawgs!"
>Blob looks like it's going to make belly flop
>*Booooiiiing*
>Blob flies up into air again
>*Boooiiiing*
>Watch as blob tumbles end over end 
>Blob is coming closer
>Blob lands in nearby zoo
>Climb fence into zoo
>Run to alligator pen
>Peer over fence
>See exceptionally rotund American wearing Evil Knievel suit
>He's sitting on alligator
>It's dead
>Zoo keeper runs into alligator pen
>He points and laughs
>"Tu es gordo!"
>*punch*
>American sees you recording
>Slowly saunters over
>Stand petrified in fear as beady-eyed pig monster gets closer
>Watch his gunt sway as he walks
>American takes deep breath
>Begins to holler
>"YOU SEE THAT JAWSH MOON?! YOU WISH YOU COULD BE LIKE ME! NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, JAWSH, YOU AND YOUR BROKE DICK FARMS FAGGOTS CAN NEVER BE LIKE ME! I'M THE BADDEST NIGGA ON THIS EARTH! YOU HEAR ME, BITCH?! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO KILL ME TO TAKE MY CROWN!"


----------



## WutangLee (May 3, 2022)

I've had similar dreams of practicing the art of catching bullets with my hands. I hope no one shows me up by doing it themselves. I wouldn't be able to live with the shame


----------



## Apex Ralphamale (May 3, 2022)

3322 said:


> There is no way Ethan Ralph can afford to hire a plane and jump out of it, he is much too poor and his legs are too thin and frail and would snap upon impact. He is also super bitchmade. Ralph could also never afford a motorcycle and he is probably too fat to ride one.


There's also no way he can keep an alligator to wrestle in his back yard. Those take a lot of guts and special training to handle. They're only to be handled by real professionals that are physically fit unlike the breathless, faint-of-heart slob he is.


----------



## Shidoen (May 3, 2022)

@Null bro just get a dirt bike, it ain’t as powerful but it’s more terrain inclusive.


----------



## Michael Janke (May 3, 2022)

Saint Agustin said:


>


if ralph livestreams skydiving, that will unironically be the most badass thing he did.


----------



## Marz (May 3, 2022)

Preparing myself mentally to be exiled/laughed outta here, but am I the only one who thinks Null is attractive? At least MATI Null.


----------



## Famke Slamssen (May 3, 2022)

I've always liked Null ever since I first heard of him on his early appearance on The Dick Show, but one thing that me and Dick agreed on in DMs was that he was sort of a bitch. Dick went so far to say that just from hearing the self-conscious timbre of his voice that he was exactly the kind of pathetic queer you hear about that lets the government tell him what he can and can't say about people, even those who have slighted him. He also posited to me that Null might in fact be so buck broken that he may even allow the courts, with just a few pieces of paper, come between him and his beloved children and allow them to be raised by a bunch of liars. I disagreed with him at the time (and thought he was being really weird and specific), but he went on to say that as much as he liked having Null on the show, with behavior like that it would truly be only a matter of time before he would have to cut ties and start making fun of Null all over the internet. Thankfully for Null he snaked on Dick before Dick ever had the chance to put him on blast publicly like he said he inevitably would have, but at the end of the day he still lives under the governments boot exactly like Dick said he does, and after reflecting on it I have to agree that he was right to judge people who live that way.


----------



## The Sh (May 3, 2022)

I bet Josh could never impregnate a woman as old as Corrine, he lacks the ALPHA SEED to fight through the near menopausal uterus.


----------



## Long Time Caller (May 3, 2022)

The Sh said:


> I bet Josh could never impregnate a woman as old as Corrine, he lacks the ALPHA SEED to fight through the near menopausal uterus.


This cannot go unanswered. Corrine was menopausal when she voted for Reagan the first time.


----------



## Daily Affirmation (May 3, 2022)

The pedophile Joshua Connor Moon is way too cowardly to ever become a bug chasing leather daddy. How can a man without a father there to teach him the ins and outs of manhood ever hope to be a leather daddy, much less a champion bugchaser?


----------



## MadStan (May 3, 2022)

I think its funny Josh decided to share intimate details with us and he gets prodded for it - I mean given that he has got enough info to probably dox all of us to hell and back, I think it's very metrosexual of him to share.


----------



## Grub (May 3, 2022)

Jumping out of planes is easy. Real alpha chads base jump in a wing suit.


----------



## Sea Hag Henderson (May 3, 2022)

I see Josh has conveniently "forgotten" all the times he would talk about much he wanted to be a skater and post rad skating vids online.  WELL I HAVEN'T, COWARD!


----------



## sperginity (May 3, 2022)

Grub said:


> Jumping out of planes is easy. Real alpha chads base jump in a wing suit.


everyone knows real chads skydive topless, and any additional boobs multiply the cool factor when they flap rapidly against the torso.


----------



## Grub (May 3, 2022)

sperginity said:


> everyone knows real chads skydive topless, and any additional boobs multiply the cool factor when they flap rapidly against the torso.


They help give reduce your falling speed so you can be even more Chad and wait until the last minute to open your chute and you'll drift gracefully to the ground.


----------



## Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet) (May 3, 2022)

Yesterday I was lurking around when I overheard a conversation between Joshua "Null" Moon and James "Mr. Metokur" Augustine. 

Null expressed to Mr. Metokur that he dearly wished that he could partake of survivalist camping, just him and a backpack, out in the wild. 

"Yes," Mr. Metokur replied, "I have always wanted in particular to partake in high altitude climbing. I think that getting to the top of Everest is the most alpha thing any person can do. Unfortunately, I cannot do this, as I am lame and have cancer."

Null replied, "If someone were to stream his entire wilderness camping trip, I would be very sad, because everyone would laugh at me saying "Null, you can't survive in the wild like a real man. Go back to Karen Farms where you belong." 

Then they left to go watch anime and eat pizza together.


----------



## Idiot Asshole (May 3, 2022)

All grown men want some of that teen pussy. But only a true man can attain that dream. In fact, there's probably some sort of Hawaiian cucumber harvesting webzone full of people who not only have never fucked somebody twenty years their junior but wouldn't even have video evidence that they have. They're probably virgins too.


----------



## Zilch (May 3, 2022)

Internet gambling is some gay beta shit. If Ralph were a real man he'd find himself a bookie to place bets with. Real highroller bets, no pussy shit.


----------



## Obsul (May 3, 2022)

Man, Jersh would look completely pathetic if somebody did all these things before him. Really sad stuff.


----------



## Jack Awful (May 4, 2022)

Broke Dick Josh Moon won't ever get married. If Ralph could get married within the next 6 months or so it'd sure show ol Broke Dick Josh "Broke Dick" Moon and his broken dick that doesn't work (for sex).


----------



## oramge cat (May 4, 2022)

Sea Hag Henderson said:


> I see Josh has conveniently "forgotten" all the times he would talk about much he wanted to be a skater and post rad skating vids online.  WELL I HAVEN'T, COWARD!


Man, if ralph ever finds that lost video of josh eating shit and crying after bailing a 360 to 50-50 slide combo it's over for us kiwis. He was wearing a helmet too, like basically a pussy hat but twice as gay. Real chads land the trick first try without any gay "safety" gear.


----------



## Spergetti (May 4, 2022)

You know, someone should really push you to get outside your comfort zone Jersh. Perhaps a widely known and respected e-celeb, preferably the best in this sector, should challenge you with a friendly wager. The first one to complete #1 through #6 wins a cash prize, perhaps even a beautiful trophy to take home and display prominently. Both of you would obviously have to provide public documentation proving that you both completed every item on the list, and what better place to preserve that documentation than a thread here on the site. But what handsome and courageous hero would dare to sacrifice the valuable time he devotes to his growing family just to help you, dear everrlord?


----------



## Nonconsentual Pronouns (May 4, 2022)

And I bet you could never crack the seal off of a bottle of The Last Dab and drink the whole bottle live on stream, could you? Yeah, I didn't think so. It's scientifically proven that eating the spiciest foods available is the manliest activity that impresses all the bitches and dabs on all the haydurs.


----------



## Cavalier Cipolla (May 4, 2022)

TIL Jewsh lives in Serbia and is a wanted fugitive. 
What the hell did that nigga do, aside creating a forum documenting lolcows?
Did he personally kill Byuu with his own hands and then just run off?


----------



## Goyslop Muncher (May 4, 2022)

Cavalier Cipolla said:


> TIL Jewsh lives in Serbia and is a wanted fugitive.
> What the hell did that nigga do, aside creating a forum documenting lolcows?
> Did he personally kill Byuu with his own hands and then just run off?


He thought about the N word too much


----------



## Fraiser crane (May 4, 2022)

Have sex


----------



## TurdFondler (May 4, 2022)

Spinning a revolver is cool, but wearing a holster is kind of gay and low T, real alphas keep their gun in a designer man purse.


----------



## DSP's Tax Lawyer (May 4, 2022)

WutangLee said:


> I've had similar dreams of practicing the art of catching bullets with my hands. I hope no one shows me up by doing it themselves. I wouldn't be able to live with the shame


Could you imagine how enraged you would be if someone caught a bullet with their teeth?


----------



## Sam Losco (May 4, 2022)

I don't think Ralph could skydive. Standard parachutes aren't big or strong enough for a piggie his size. They'd have to get a military one sized for dropping a Humvee.


----------



## Stoneheart (May 4, 2022)

Jumping from an aircraft is 200 €--- show feet and somebody will venmo you that.


----------



## Wyzzerd (May 4, 2022)

Motorcycles are pretty cool. They are pretty safe too, the only people who get hurt on them are little bitches who can't handle the power of one.

Motorcycles are power status symbols, they make other people instantly fear and respect you. Nobody fucks with a man and his ride. Have you ever seen someone not look like a badass on one? Hell no!

Plus they are great for advertising. It's real easy to slap some logos on the bike and the jacket of whoever is riding. I bet you could even count it all as a business expense if you're clever about it.

Edit: I almost forgot the obvious. Bitches love bikes. They gotta get up close to the guy while the bike gets them off the whole time. Pretty easy chick magnet.


----------



## Pill Cosby (May 4, 2022)

I would like to have gay sex with men. I’ve had sex with women lots of times. I wish I was cool like Jessie Smollet but I’m not cool at all unfortunately, I don’t even smoke, I hold down a job and not an awesome e-celeb.


----------



## BlueArmedDevil (May 4, 2022)

Eat kale, like a lot of kale. For a week straight nothing but kale.


----------



## break these cuffs (May 4, 2022)

Wyzzerd said:


> Motorcycles are pretty cool. They are pretty safe too, the only people who get hurt on them are little bitches who can't handle the power of one.
> 
> Motorcycles are power status symbols, they make other people instantly fear and respect you. Nobody fucks with a man and his ride. Have you ever seen someone not look like a badass on one? Hell no!
> 
> ...


I I had my old lady stitch a '1%' patch on my jacket to let all the other bikers know I'm one of the top riders in the sector.


----------



## Useless(?) Boomer (May 4, 2022)

You're smart to avoid those things despite your inclination. 

Motorcycles are Darwinism in its most concentrated form. I guess they are cost-effective in terms of gas and avoiding any expensive hospital bills after a wreck, as no ambulance is needed, only a shovel to scrape the remains off the pavement


----------



## part timer (May 4, 2022)

Is Ralph even able to own firearms? I feel like if he had one, he would show it off often.


----------



## break these cuffs (May 4, 2022)

part timer said:


> Is Ralph even able to own firearms? I feel like if he had one, he would show it off often.


No, he's a felon. He owns a crossbow iirc. He can own black powder guns, though. Cylinders exist that let you convert certain black powder revolvers to common regular calibers and they definitely aren't limited to cowboy loads. They'd be perfect for a fat felon too scared to buy a Jennings from his local negro drug dealer.


----------



## sperginity (May 4, 2022)

part timer said:


> Is Ralph even able to own firearms? I feel like if he had one, he would show it off often.


maybe he could spin an airsoft gun. that's actually_ even cooler_


----------



## smartomato (May 4, 2022)

You will never be a ralphamale. You have no gunt, you have no broken face, you have no bastard child. You are a coward twisted by your gossip forum and kid diddling into a crude mockery of THE GUNT’s perfection.
All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your audience is disgusted and ashamed of you, your “forum mods” laugh at your ghoulish appearance behind closed doors.
Paypigs are utterly repulsed by you. Years of content consumption have allowed them to sniff out bad streamers with incredible efficiency. Even MATI episodes that “pass” sound uncanny and unnatural to a paypig. Your nasal and bored tone is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get some viewers, they’ll turn tail and bolt the second you get DMCA'd.
You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you know the legal actions against your forum creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll not be able to afford DDOS protection, you will try to stay relevant, but will fail and plunge into obscurity. Your followers will forget about you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment.
They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a man who opposed the ralphamale is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is internet archives nobody will read, unmistakably irrelevant.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.


----------



## ArmouredRobin (May 4, 2022)

Josh is such a fucking fake man, you know. That coward moved AWAY from Odessa the other year while being chased by Interpol rather than staying and defending Ukraine like a real alpha male would! I've got the all respect in the world for people who fly out to a warzone and fight back against invaders. Only a true alpha would get in shape, improve his life for the better and then go to war!


----------



## Jack Awful (May 4, 2022)

ArmouredRobin said:


> Josh is such a fucking fake man, you know. That coward moved AWAY from Odessa the other year while being chased by Interpol rather than staying and defending Ukraine like a real alpha male would! I've got the all respect in the world for people who fly out to a warzone and fight back against invaders. Only a true alpha would get in shape, improve his life for the better and then go to war!


Or, in Ralph's case, flying over to support our boy Putin! Nick Fuentes loves Putin and fighting for him on the front lines like a badass would surely make someone a hero in his eyes.


----------



## Abowaffen (May 4, 2022)

If you ever end up back in the land down under, I will take you skydiving.


----------



## Hugger Brother (May 4, 2022)

imagine thinking Serbia is a real country with enforced laws. just buy a gun pussy. keep an eye out for the drones


----------



## Stoneheart (May 4, 2022)

Not Gay Jared said:


> imagine thinking Serbia is a real country with enforced laws. just buy a gun pussy. keep an eye out for the drones


he can go out into the wilderness and dig out some landmines. a landmine on a stick is the ultimate seldefense weapon.


----------



## Shiawase (May 4, 2022)

Null. I am afraid to tag you but I have a suggestion for your pistol twirling objective: Percussion cap revolver replica. Many places treat black powder guns a bit differently from modern firearms, but check local laws.

Pietta sold a lot of Colt 1860 Army replica kit as a novelty item. It should be easy to get spinning, if you look in "the right places".


----------



## msd (May 4, 2022)

Golly gee null I hope you get to do those and don't get flexed on


----------



## Hugger Brother (May 4, 2022)

Stoneheart said:


> he can go out into the wilderness and dig out some landmines. a landmine on a stick is the ultimate seldefense weapon.



its shape means you can also spin it like a plate or on its side like a Basketball Man, in order to look Cool


----------



## DHugo (May 4, 2022)

I think you forgot how you want to drive down to Kosovo and shout "_Kosovo je Srbija"_


----------



## ManBearHog (May 4, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> @Null you messed up by posting this publicly dude. Just calling it as I see it. You know Ralph reads this board, right? He could probably do your entire bucket list in a week, and he probably would too. And you know he will probably turn it into a big event and use it to fundraise. Just seems like you’re handing him an easy “W” by putting this info out. Can you imagine the insufferable smirk on his fat pig face as he’s skydiving, saying “how you like me now Jawsh? You can’t even afford to skydive!” Makes my blood boil just thinking about it. I fucking hate watching Ralph get victories over us.


He can’t afford that shit, he’s a broke ass wigger, his wallet is as tiny as his brain and penis


----------



## Mr. Manchester (May 4, 2022)

ArmouredRobin said:


> Josh is such a fucking fake man, you know. That coward moved AWAY from Odessa the other year while being chased by Interpol rather than staying and defending Ukraine like a real alpha male would! I've got the all respect in the world for people who fly out to a warzone and fight back against invaders. Only a true alpha would get in shape, improve his life for the better and then go to war!


No no no, everyone knows REAL men ex-patriate and go fight for Russia to stop the global empire.  It's just that simple, no nuance required.  Josh wishes he could be that cool but instead whines on stream all day about his fwens getting shot.


----------



## A Snek (May 4, 2022)

It's not wrestling, but you can get pretty fucking close to an alligator for $55 at gatorama , whose going to stop you when youre that close if you decide to jump on the scaley homie? 
Would hate to see someone beat you to the punch on such a crazy idea though.


----------



## PhoBingas (May 4, 2022)

A Snek said:


> It's not wrestling, but you can get pretty fucking close to an alligator for $55 at gatorama , whose going to stop you when youre that close if you decide to jump on the scaley homie?
> Would hate to see someone beat you to the punch on such a crazy idea though.


Don't fall for another one of Big Aligator's scams. In Florida, all those gators you see sitting in swamps, brooks and rivers are free. You can take as many as you want and nobody can stop you. I know Null wishes he was enough of a Florida Man to wrangle and train his own pet gator.


----------



## BeatdownMadness (May 4, 2022)

Why are so many here seriously giving null advice on how to do these things?


----------



## Westfalia (May 4, 2022)

Just get the bike, I was scared shitless after I bought my first one but you get comfortable.
Nothing more based than giving the neighborhood children a wave and they lose their shit, it makes their day.

I aspire to annoy the neighborhood with TTS blasting grilling only the finest johnsonville hotdogs


----------



## sperginity (May 4, 2022)

BeatdownMadness said:


> Why are so many here seriously giving null advice on how to do these things?


 half of the human race is below average in intelligence


----------



## oramge cat (May 4, 2022)

BeatdownMadness said:


> Why are so many here seriously giving null advice on how to do these things?


Chris-chan was smart enough to make an account here, the bar for participation is not particularly high.


----------



## ScamL Likely (May 4, 2022)

BeatdownMadness said:


> Why are so many here seriously giving null advice on how to do these things?


Crippling autism and/or down syndrome.


----------



## Fetish Roulette (May 4, 2022)

As a user of the Kiwi Farms, I can't even begin to emphasize how sad and owned I would feel if anyone, especially someone with a history of animosity towards Joshua Moon, videotaped himself doing these things and posted the resulting recordings on the Internet. Personally, I think it's because someone doing something so awesome would remind me that, as a known associate of broke-dick pedophile Joshua Moon, I also am a pedophile with an unbelievably broke dick. I thank my lucky stars every day that there isn't anyone Ralpha enough on the face of the Earth to accomplish all of the things on this list.


----------



## Um Oh Ah Yeah (May 4, 2022)

You know. Josh "broke dick" Moon is too much of a pussy to admit that he really wants to go over Niagra Falls in a barrel. I mean, it's illegal these days, and Josh is a pussy who cares about laws, but everyone knows that real men in the 1920s proved their manhood by going over Niagra Falls in a barrel. Plus, Josh is too dumb to realize how many superchats he'd get from such a manly stunt. Sad.


----------



## Table Country (May 4, 2022)

3322 said:


> There is no way Ethan Ralph can afford to hire a plane and jump out of it, he is much too poor and his legs are too thin and frail and would snap upon impact.


Dick probably could though. And then he'd "break his leg" "accidentally" kicking Ethan out of the plane, so he "unfortunately" couldn't follow after him.


----------



## Cavalier Cipolla (May 4, 2022)

ArmouredRobin said:


> Josh is such a fucking fake man, you know. That coward moved AWAY from Odessa the other year while being chased by Interpol rather than staying and defending Ukraine like a real alpha male would! I've got the all respect in the world for people who fly out to a warzone and fight back against invaders. Only a true alpha would get in shape, improve his life for the better and then go to war!


Holy shit, who did Jewsh kill that he's chased by Interpol? 
Why doesn't Jewsh go to Brazil and marry some Brazilian hoe then? Brazil is basically a safe haven for people on the run from the law from abroad and who are its citizens. Jewlian Assange should've just found himself some hoe in Brazil!


----------



## oramge cat (May 4, 2022)

Nonconsentual Pronouns said:


> And I bet you could never crack the seal off of a bottle of The Last Dab and drink the whole bottle live on stream, could you? Yeah, I didn't think so. It's scientifically proven that eating the spiciest foods available is the manliest activity that impresses all the bitches and dabs on all the haydurs.


If Chaggot can take a blast of pepper spray to the face why can't that pussy ass bitchboy Ralph? Ol' oramge cat has shrugged off bear mace like it was a supersoaker but the Ralpha Male can't take a little bit of content spray for some superchat money? I bet even if he did it he wouldn't make any money because no one watches his gay streams.


----------



## Magic Sun Daddy (May 4, 2022)

Null's too bitch made to go up to Mike Tyson and call him a lispy faggot nigger to his face.


----------



## SevenEightNine (May 4, 2022)

BeatdownMadness said:


> Why are so many here seriously giving null advice on how to do these things?


He built us this sandbox and we want him to be happy.


----------



## Stoneheart (May 4, 2022)

BeatdownMadness said:


> Why are so many here seriously giving null advice on how to do these things?


look at him! how can the innocence in his eyes not make you wanna help him?


----------



## SevenEightNine (May 4, 2022)

Stoneheart said:


> look at him! how can the innocence in his eyes not make you wanna help him?


----------



## Goyslop Muncher (May 4, 2022)

Sevenatenine said:


> View attachment 3249260


What soft, feminine eyes.


----------



## JoseRaulChupacabra (May 4, 2022)

Table Country said:


> Dick probably could though. And then he'd "break his leg" "accidentally" kicking Ethan out of the plane, so he "unfortunately" couldn't follow after him.


The mere resistance the air presents would probably rip his limbs of and turn Dax into that stump man those troon modders fantasize about.


----------



## veri (May 4, 2022)

josh is a fucking little bitch he’d never get a face tattoo he’s too scared


----------



## Stoneheart (May 5, 2022)

Haram Exercise said:


> What soft, feminine eyes.


its like a puppy with 3 legs that wants a piece of your pizza


----------



## Michael Janke (May 5, 2022)

Haram Exercise said:


> What soft, feminine eyes.


didn't someone call Null androgynous?


----------



## Weeb Slinger (May 5, 2022)

I think that it would be a pretty baller move to start a long-running beef with gangland affiliates of Suge Knight. 

Then again, that's more of a Vegas high roller play. It's the kind of gamble that might be successfully pulled off by someone who looks down on the green felt of the dollar blackjack tables from the cabin of their private jet, and remarks to the stewardess who is bouncing up and down on their lap, that the people down there all look like ants. It's not really a play that somebody from West Memphis would be able to make. In fact, I would advise anyone from West Memphis who was considering starting a long-running beef with gangland affiliates of Suge Knight to stay in their lane and keep their eyes off their mobile phone. Learn to play within your limitations.

Hypothetically though, if someone from West Memphis did manage to  start a long-running beef with gangland affiliates of Suge Knight. And if, as a consequence of their actions, they were shived by a gangbanger called 'Pandabear' in some kind of octagonal liminal space, such as a municipal park or a prison exercise yard, I expect that individual would be proud to have died under such circumstance, as it would mean that they had lived up until that point. I would also expect that their mortician would  have no problem applying a post-mortem 'No Regrets' tramp stamp to the body.


----------



## Goyslop Muncher (May 5, 2022)

Michael Janke said:


> didn't someone call Null androgynous?


Several lmao
That schizo jewess that films her computer with her phone. Rouge something.
Drexel, one of Nick rekietas frequent guests 
Those are the two that come to mind


----------



## Neil (May 5, 2022)

Didn't you, Josh "Null" Moon also want to move to Gambia and start your entire life over there?


----------



## Manul Otocolobus (May 5, 2022)

svetlalala said:


> Awe. Someone is nervous about turning 30 this year. Soon your body will be too old and tired to wrestle alligators like your fellow Florida Man.
> 
> Also, you're not a felon. :/ How come no guns? Also, just make your gf get them in her name and keep them at her house. Loop Hole.



I don't think he is a felon, but he does have outstanding warrants in the US, no?


----------



## svetlalala (May 5, 2022)

Manul Otocolobus said:


> I don't think he is a felon, but he does have outstanding warrants in the US, no?


I have no idea. Warrants for what? I guess I earned those -tism stickers. I don't know much about this nigga. My bad. I was just trying to be a dick.


----------



## Manul Otocolobus (May 5, 2022)

svetlalala said:


> I have no idea. Warrants for what? I guess I earned those -tism stickers. I don't know much about this nigga. My bad. I was just trying to be a dick.



If I'm not mistaken, they are all contempt of state and federal court. The judge basically said "Bring your ass to court" and Josh essentially said "Fuck your mother. Serbia has no extradition treaty with you". So, they can't touch him, but it also restricts him from flying to any country that does maintain an extradition treaty or returning to the US.


----------



## svetlalala (May 5, 2022)

Manul Otocolobus said:


> If I'm not mistaken, they are all contempt of state and federal court. The judge basically said "Bring your ass to court" and Josh essentially said "Fuck your mother. Serbia has no extradition treaty with you". So, they can't touch him, but it also restricts him from flying to any country that does maintain an extradition treaty or returning to the US.


Based. Josh has big fucking balls. 

Sucks for him. though  He can't see his mom. I always figured he came back to visit sometimes on the low. I'm guessing there is no way to reconcile them without just turning himself in. Gay. 

 Run, Josh, run.


----------



## Fivehead (May 5, 2022)

I bet you're really jealous of Ralph's new Gambian friend, eh Null? You always say how you want to go there but can't.


----------



## The FedEx Pope (May 5, 2022)

> *1. Parachuting*
> I am very afraid of heights and am also poor. Renting a plane and jumping out of it is something I would like to do but cannot.
> 
> *2. Live in Mexico like a Cool Mob Boss*
> ...



Ralph: "Heh-heh, all of these things Jawshua Mooon listed could lead to his death!"


----------



## SpicSpeigel (May 5, 2022)

ChromaQuack said:


> Even women can do that, come on Null.
> View attachment 3243284


I want a hot gunslinger gf


----------



## SpicSpeigel (May 5, 2022)

I posted the following in the african man thread but it seems more proper here:
"
Yeah man I want to see áfrica myself , and try their traditional dishes. Especially their tap water . I heard is so clean for all the minerals in the soil. I also want to fuck prostitutes with no rubber so that way I can have a more complete sex experience with an actual African woman. I also want to go an meet a lot of strangers and kindly show them some of the riches that there are in 1st world country's I bet they would love that , especially European fashion like new trends for man attire.
It seems fun to go take a hike into a desolate part of the savanna and maybe see some wild creatures around , take a lot of pictures with flash on so the lighting can amplify the beauty of this wonderful animals.

Man I would really love to do these things . It would be a shame if somebody I actually dislike does that before me . I would really really hate if some that I dislike does these things before I do"


----------



## Henry Wentworth Akeley (May 5, 2022)

TurdFondler said:


> Spinning a revolver is cool, but wearing a holster is kind of gay and low T, real alphas keep their gun in a designer man purse.


I regret to inform you that keeping your gun in a designer man purse is very impractical and not what a real alpha male does. When out on the mean streets of west Memphis a real alpha needs to be ready for anything, so he just keeps his pistol stuck in his waistband, no safety, round in the chamber, ready to defend himself and his lovely family from the ayelawgs at any moment.


----------



## TheSockiestSock (May 5, 2022)

I wish I could lose weight and stay sober but alas only the most based of chads could ever do that


----------



## DSP's Tax Lawyer (May 5, 2022)

TheSockiestSock said:


> I wish I could lose weight and stay sober but alas only the most based of chads could ever do that


No, beta cucks stay sober and lose weight. Real chads chug Maker's Mark and get so fat that they need an electric scooter to go places


----------



## Sexy Potoo (May 5, 2022)

Jersh is so poor, he can't afford to buy 200 kgs of Ammonium Nitrate and a plane ticket to Washington DC to start his dream of owning a farm.

So sad, I hope that an alpha male chad doesn't do that before Jersh accomplishes this dream, that would obviously cause Jersh to mald and seethe over being owned so hard.


----------



## Blue Miaplacidus (May 5, 2022)

DSP's Tax Lawyer said:


> No, beta cucks stay sober and lose weight. Real chads chug Maker's Mark and get so fat that they need an electric scooter to go places


I hope he doesn't get himself a hover-round scooter, the clips of him walking like a creep sneaking around a house of sleeping people are too funny. He's so fat and his body is so oddly proportioned he has to lean backwards and overstep just to keep from falling over. His walking is comedic perfection.


----------



## TheSockiestSock (May 5, 2022)

Blue Miaplacidus said:


> I hope he doesn't get himself a hover-round scooter, the clips of him walking like a creep sneaking around a house of sleeping people are too funny. He's so fat and his body is so oddly proportioned he has to lean backwards and overstep just to keep from falling over. His walking is comedic perfection.


There was a tv infomercial with a wheelchair that could climb stairs. Probably was a piece of junk but only a chad would buy one and find out.



			https://newmobility.com/the-ibot-is-back/


----------



## Punished Brent (May 5, 2022)

I also wish I could do those things or even get a chance to co-host america first with Nick Fuentes. One day….


----------



## Cantonese Cabbage Farmer (May 5, 2022)

Sexy Potoo said:


> Jersh is so poor, he can't afford to buy 200 kgs of Ammonium Nitrate and a plane ticket to Washington DC to start his dream of owning a farm.
> 
> So sad, I hope that an alpha male chad doesn't do that before Jersh accomplishes this dream, that would obviously cause Jersh to mald and seethe over being owned so hard.


I wish I was so alpha male Chad as to make mustard gas in my home. Only cool guys do things like that.


----------



## Lone Dogma (May 5, 2022)

I heard Null really wanted to fly to France to play chicken with a TGV but he's on a watchlist so cant go


----------



## Fireman Sam (May 5, 2022)

I personally would really like to try walking 2 miles. The outside world is pretty scary though and my feet might get blisters and I might get very tired from walking 2 whole miles by myself. I should probably do it next to a delicious baguette shop so I don't get too exhausted from all the walking and I can replenish my energy with a tasty footlong and get a bottle of coke as a treat!


SpicSpeigel said:


> I posted the following in the african man thread but it seems more proper here:
> "
> Yeah man I want to see áfrica myself , and try their traditional dishes. Especially their tap water . I heard is so clean for all the minerals in the soil. I also want to fuck prostitutes with no rubber so that way I can have a more complete sex experience with an actual African woman. I also want to go an meet a lot of strangers and kindly show them some of the riches that there are in 1st world country's I bet they would love that , especially European fashion like new trends for man attire.
> It seems fun to go take a hike into a desolate part of the savanna and maybe see some wild creatures around , take a lot of pictures with flash on so the lighting can amplify the beauty of this wonderful animals.
> ...


Completely unrelated but that peanut curry dish from senegal that Chantelle's former African concubine made looked pretty good!


----------



## oramge cat (May 5, 2022)

Neil said:


> Didn't you, Josh "Null" Moon also want to move to Gambia and start your entire life over there?


What teams is he a fan of? I want to find out what gang hoods he could get killed if he wore the wrong hat in. Most dopey white guys could talk their way out of an ass beating and the gang guys would realize he's just a sports fan not worth catching a body for but Ralph couldn't talk his way out of... I got nothing, I can't think of something that's really easy to talk your way out of. Hopefully someone else steps up.


----------



## kickingstones (May 5, 2022)

No way Null, would be based or patriotic enough to indiscriminately use any of the conveniently placed needles and other such drug paraphernalia scattered throughout our great nation's capital. For sure null is way too big of a wuss.
​


----------



## UCantCCPMe (May 6, 2022)

Could have shortened this list down to a simple:

1. Follow in the footsteps of my dear old dad, Coach Redpill.


----------



## TheSockiestSock (May 6, 2022)

Null is too much of a pussy to stop taking pills


----------



## No. 7 cat (May 6, 2022)

Null could do the motorbike thing more sedately with a Ural Dalesman or similar sidecar machine. There's also the BMW C1 of a few years ago with a car like rollcage but even South Park mocked those.


----------



## TheSword (May 6, 2022)

ChromaQuack said:


> Even women can do that, come on Null.
> View attachment 3243284


If that was loaded she’d be dead.


----------



## GoysGoneWild (May 6, 2022)

So I skydive. As long as you aren't a complete fucking mong doing stupid swoops it is statistically much much safer than riding a motorcycle. It might even be safer than driving, idk. Just wanted to throw that out there - you should research the stats yourself, I don't want you to miss out over what may just be some misconceptions.

But yes lol it is very terrifying. It is one of the most unnatural things you can do if you think about it.

Edit: https://www.dropzone.com/dropzones/serbia/


----------



## RussianParasite (May 6, 2022)

SpicSpeigel said:


> Man I would really love to do these things . It would be a shame if somebody I actually dislike does that before me . I would really really hate if some that I dislike does these things before I do"


I’ve thought about doing similar things but in the US where things are much more based and cool. I would feel incredibly owned and completely felted if someone took a video of themselves walking around  west Memphis yelling “y’all some broke ass niggers” at every black person they see. 

Thankfully, no one is man enough to do this though.


----------



## Scumhook (May 7, 2022)

Null said:


> 1. Parachuting
> I am very afraid of heights and am also poor. Renting a plane and jumping out of it is something I would like to do but cannot.


Yes if only there were skydiving places where you didn't have to "rent a plane", but could just strap yourself onto the front of a real man, and do this. BTW everyone thinks fear of heights is an issue when skydiving, but at 12000 feet there's no perception of height, much like when looking at your penis.



Null said:


> 2. Live in Mexico like a Cool Mob Boss


You can't even live in some lawless Eastern Euro shithole like a non-faggot, so forget this dream. You'd have moar chance of building your own internet or optimising queries



Null said:


> 3. Punch a Hater
> I have many haters but as I live in Serbia as a wanted fugitive I cannot punch them. If I punched a hater right in his stupid fucking face I would feel very empowered, but alas, I am unable to.


lol come at me bro. Also, "wanted fugitive" is redundant, however if anyone was able to pull off being an unwanted fugitive, then it would be you, you fucking waste of cum.



Null said:


> 4. Spin a Loaded Pistol on my Finger
> I like western movies and want to take a loaded revolver and spin it around like John Wayne. Unfortunately, as a wanted fugitive abroad, I cannot own a firearm


hahahaha  you really did stop developing at around 15 years old. What happened then, lil mooney? Was that when the toaster you kept in your bedroom to make midnight snacks caught fire and burned your house down?? Or was 15 when your crack whore mother started turning you out for rocks?
Either way, the "omg look at me I'm fugitive" bullshit is as gay as this fucking forum.
Actually, not it's not. There are not many things as gay as KF.
Anyway, you could get a gun and spin it if you wanted to. The only thing stopping you doing this is you. Well, you and genetics. Your pudgy fat fingers would probably get stuck in the guard.



Null said:


> 5. Wrestle an Alligator


You are a fuckwit.



Null said:


> 6. Own a Motorcycle
> I am genuinely terrified of riding on these.


You can own one without riding it, so your broken mind has betrayed you once again.
Also, just pretend it's a cock; you'll be able to ride it with no probs.



Null said:


> I am very glad most other people don't do these things because if I saw someone doing these cool things I would feel very jealous and also owned.


You are not funny. You sound like a 4th rate rip off of It's Always Sunny.
You are fat and will die alone.


----------



## I'm Just A Worm (May 7, 2022)

Scamhook said:


> Yes if only there were skydiving places where you didn't have to "rent a plane", but could just strap yourself onto the front of a real man, and do this. BTW everyone thinks fear of heights is an issue when skydiving, but at 12000 feet there's no perception of height, much like when looking at your penis.
> 
> 
> You can't even live in some lawless Eastern Euro shithole like a non-faggot, so forget this dream. You'd have moar chance of building your own internet or optimising queries
> ...


Hi Ralph!


----------



## Christorian X (May 7, 2022)

Scamhook said:


> Yes if only there were skydiving places where you didn't have to "rent a plane", but could just strap yourself onto the front of a real man, and do this. BTW everyone thinks fear of heights is an issue when skydiving, but at 12000 feet there's no perception of height, much like when looking at your penis.
> 
> 
> You can't even live in some lawless Eastern Euro shithole like a non-faggot, so forget this dream. You'd have moar chance of building your own internet or optimising queries
> ...


The screeches of a jilted lover ladies and gentlemen.


----------



## Double Dee (May 7, 2022)

I've always wanted to get/borrow a portaledge and try cliff camping in some local mountains, but as a humble NZ farmer, I'm absolutely petrified at the thought!!! Someone with the balls to do it would absolutely devastate me!


----------



## Scumhook (Jun 4, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> The screeches of a jilted lover ladies and gentlemen.


why do you conflate skydiving with sex?


tineresting



lie back, my sweet child, and tell me about how your mother touched you

be detailed


----------



## TheSockiestSock (Jun 4, 2022)

I have never rock climbed freehand before. That is peak alpha and very trad only a real man could just fucking hang off a cliff thousands of feet in the air with no rope to save them if they flip.


----------



## zyclonPD (Jun 4, 2022)

A true RALPHAMALE would probably fly to California right now and kidnap his son to save him from getting circumsized. Only a little scared b i t c h would let this medical procedure take place and not intervene immediately.


----------



## ShoFuKan (Jun 5, 2022)

With a motorcycle Null, it is very cool to ride. It is expensive to maintain however. Basic registration, Protective gear that needs replacing every 3 years or so, insurance that is expensive for a new rider with less than 2 years experience, on going maintenance costs (tires only last about 3 - 5k km before replacement, cars can go longer), no protection from the elements so cold and rain are also a factor.
There's also what type of bike you want, I got a very nice scooter because I suck at manual transmission but can easily ride it no problem. If you're having trouble with 2 wheels you can get a motortricycle, finding one under 10K though, yeah good luck with that.

I urge you to get one though, zooming around the back roads where you live with no traffic is an experience.


----------



## Iron Jaguar (Jun 5, 2022)

> @Null
> 
> *4. Spin a Loaded Pistol on my Finger*
> I like western movies and want to take a loaded revolver and spin it around like John Wayne. Unfortunately, as a wanted fugitive abroad, I cannot own a firearm and I don't think I can do something so cool.


You live in _Serbia, _a place that to my certain knowledge is full of mad Serbs (but I repeat myself) and guns. You can do this. 
Hell, just get a Serb girlfriend angry; you'll be lucky if she _doesn't_ show up with a gun. I believe light stabbing is a courtship ritual there.


----------



## Saint Agustin (Jun 5, 2022)




----------



## genericwhitemale (Jun 13, 2022)

Lisafrank420 said:


> Have _3_ bastard children, all with different women.


I want the Ralph arc where he impregnates women of different races, so we can have a bunch of Asian, Black, Hispanic Gunt Jrs


----------



## Procrastinhater (Jun 13, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> @Null you messed up by posting this publicly dude. Just calling it as I see it. You know Ralph reads this board, right? He could probably do your entire bucket list in a week, and he probably would too. And you know he will probably turn it into a big event and use it to fundraise. Just seems like you’re handing him an easy “W” by putting this info out. Can you imagine the insufferable smirk on his fat pig face as he’s skydiving, saying “how you like me now Jawsh? You can’t even afford to skydive!” Makes my blood boil just thinking about it. I fucking hate watching Ralph get victories over us.


Ralph is too fat to skydive and too poor and too bitchmade to buy a motorcycle, and his trotters are too fat to successfully spin a loaded revolver without Alec Baldwining either himself or Meigh.
He can't prove me wrong because deep down he's the same scared little pantshitter we saw with his Gunt flopping out onto the streets of Lisbon crying for the police to come save him.


----------



## HodgePodgeRogerDodger (Jun 13, 2022)

Null is too afraid to gain immunity to snake venom by being bit by various snakes, using a hose to cut off circulation and then suck out the venom, or use anti-venom. 

Null is also too much of a faggot pussy to physically beat Cancerman to death while the Gook wife of cancer man looks on in horror and arousal.


----------



## OlgaOfKiev (Jun 13, 2022)

On this week's MATI show, Null mentioned that he is starting a supplement regimen consisting of vitamin D3 + K2. While Null claims this will help him, deep down, he knows he should be taking colloidal silver instead. Null, living in a second-world country, is unable to get his hands on this miracle supplement in order to reap the benefits of not only increased energy/confidence, but also immune system support and weight loss. I even hear that the more you take of it, the greater its effects.

It is a good thing that Ethan Ralph doesn't read these threads, or else he might start taking colloidal silver to really own his haters (especially Null). Imagine, the virgin vitamin Null versus the chad colloidal silver Ralphamale. I bet Null would never recover from this if it were to occur.


----------



## Drama Fan (Jun 16, 2022)

BeatdownMadness said:


> Why are so many here seriously giving null advice on how to do these things?


Skydiving is pretty fun to be honest, and it's definitely worth trying at some point if you have a few hundred bucks and are less than a few hundred pounds in weight. It's only made sweeter when you can own a virgin incel like Joshua Conner Moon at the same time


----------



## Hambubger (Jun 16, 2022)

OlgaOfKiev said:


> On this week's MATI show, Null mentioned that he is starting a supplement regimen consisting of vitamin D3 + K2. While Null claims this will help him, deep down, he knows he should be taking colloidal silver instead. Null, living in a second-world country, is unable to get his hands on this miracle supplement in order to reap the benefits of not only increased energy/confidence, but also immune system support and weight loss. I even hear that the more you take of it, the greater its effects.
> 
> It is a good thing that Ethan Ralph doesn't read these threads, or else he might start taking colloidal silver to really own his haters (especially Null). Imagine, the virgin vitamin Null versus the chad colloidal silver Ralphamale. I bet Null would never recover from this if it were to occur.


Wouldn't it be cheaper to just take his ass outside and get some sun?

Ralph would rather drink gasoline to own the broke dick farms


----------



## 5t3n0g0ph3r (Jun 16, 2022)

Among things that  Joshua "Null" Moon would like to do is learn to drink whiskey that's been lit on fire.
A neat trick to impress those at parties and other social gatherings, Josh's crippling fear of experimenting with flames has rendered all attempts to master this skill futile.
A shame, really. If only there was someone more experienced with chemical & medicinal experimentation that could lead by example.....


----------



## Null (Jun 17, 2022)

I just thought about how much i want a dog, and I think pitbulls are super awesome. All the famous black people I know have pitbulls.


----------



## Dyn (Jun 17, 2022)

Null said:


> I just thought about how much i want a dog, and I think pitbulls are super awesome. All the famous black people I know have pitbulls.


Pitbulls are honestly really easygoing dogs, but if you're not an attentive person and haven't dealt with dangerous breeds before they can blindside you because their body languages are so muted. Maybe go for one of those stumpity little Staffordshire Pit mixes to be safe.


----------



## Double Dee (Jun 17, 2022)

Null said:


> I just thought about how much i want a dog, and I think pitbulls are super awesome. All the famous black people I know have pitbulls.


Nah, pits can be some real chill dogs. At least get a Rottweiler if you're going to emulate famous people. 

Shit, why even get a dog in that case? Go the Joe Exotic route and find some big cat to own!


----------



## Fìddlesticks (Jun 17, 2022)

It must kill Josh to not have a tank full of ill tempered mutated sea bass. 

Or have a unguarded mandoline


----------



## KKKaan (Jun 17, 2022)

Joshua "Null" Moon would love to own a tiger or any other large cats, but thankfully the europoor countries that he lives in doesn't give him the freedom™ to do so.


----------



## Jack Awful (Jun 17, 2022)

Null said:


> I just thought about how much i want a dog, and I think pitbulls are super awesome. All the famous black people I know have pitbulls.


Nah, true gangsters raise venomous snakes like rattlers and copperheads. No cage or anything, just let them roam around the house free because it proves you're in charge.


----------



## 5t3n0g0ph3r (Jun 17, 2022)

Jack Awful said:


> Nah, true gangsters raise venomous snakes like rattlers and copperheads. No cage or anything, just let them roam around the house free because it proves you're in charge.


Bro, those are pussy snakes.
True gangsters would get black mambas.
It's a shame @Null can't travel to Africa to catch them with his bare hands.
If only a Real Ralphamale would show his prowess at wrangling snakes....


----------



## Jeff_the_Thriller (Jun 17, 2022)

A cool prank I've always wanted to do was paint a squirt gun black and rob a bank. The cops would think it's really funny when I point it at them and yell, "IT'S JUST PRANK, BRO!" Although the pig mask I'd be wearing might muffle my voice.


----------



## deeman (Jun 17, 2022)

How to own Ralph - Chapter 1.
Have parents.


----------



## Mr. Manchester (Jun 17, 2022)

I've always wanted to own a pet chimpanzee.  They're really smart so they're super easy to take care of and you can just feed them bananas which are dirt cheap.  If Ralph got one and had it as his cohost on the killstream I would be eternally felted.


----------



## Procrastinhater (Jun 17, 2022)

OlgaOfKiev said:


> Null, living in a second-world country, is unable to get his hands on this miracle supplement in order to reap the benefits of not only increased energy/confidence, but also immune system support and weight loss. I even hear that the more you take of it, the greater its effects


It makes you turn blue too, like that Papa Smurf dude. Thats gotta be a good ice breaker meeting new people at least.


----------



## Velanna (Jun 17, 2022)

I was born and raised in Florida and never wrestled a gator. Am also bad Floridian


----------



## Buster Scruggs (Jun 18, 2022)

Null said:


> I just thought about how much i want a dog, and I think pitbulls are super awesome. All the famous black people I know have pitbulls.


You should get a black one and name it Conald in honor of FedSmoker and his pitbull.


----------



## bugmanfaggot (Jun 18, 2022)

Null said:


> I just thought about how much i want a dog, and I think pitbulls are super awesome. All the famous black people I know have pitbulls.


i wouldnt get a pit unless you have some young kids around for it to maul to death.


----------



## No Life Prince (Jun 18, 2022)

I've always had a fond respect for the people that volunteer themselves to be the danger-target while their buddy tries to shoot an apple on their head with an arrow, or throw knives around their body's outline. Especially anyone that's morbidly obsese, as it makes them even braver and cooler since they're a much bigger target to potentially hit.


----------



## Daily Affirmation (Jun 18, 2022)

The manliest and most based thing you can do is get a hooker, fuck her, smack her around a little and shove her out the truck door without paying. Bitchmade cowards like Chomo Moon will never do this because they are simps who put the pussy on a pedestal and don't know that the true value of a woman is always zero. What's she gonna do about it? Tell her pimp? He'd just nod, sagely, and mutter "game recognize game, son." And if he did take it badly and track you down, one look at your papaw's ring will let him know that you are a Man of Status and are not to be trifled with. He'd probably just ask if you want to sign his Killstream Knockout Krew t-shirt and maybe play some Madden.


----------



## Spunt (Jun 18, 2022)

As an attractive yet insecure and damaged 18 year old girl with daddy issues, I wish, long, beg for a fat Wignat streamer drive a car off a pier into the Mississippi as a really cool prank, yet alas, I cannot find one no matter where I try. I had hoped that Joshua "Null" Moon would be such a man, yet the coward has fled to Europe to find a fat tradwife and grow peppers. So where is the brave, rotund streamer of my neurotic, needy dreams?


----------



## HomerSimpson (Jun 19, 2022)

Sevenatenine said:


> #4 marks you as a true Ocelot fan, like all badasses.


Please change your PFP. It's scary. But you are right.


Null, you should add jumping onto a moving train to cross the country. It's super cool and nomadic. Safe too.


----------



## I'mma real anime gurl (Jun 19, 2022)

What will really own Null is if Ralph took a trip to Thailand and fuck the women there.


----------



## MG-34 (Jun 19, 2022)

I heard Null was too cowardly to sling slabs of uncooked bacon at a mosque in Paris despite yearning to do so. Boy would Null (and Metokur) look foolish if some Ralphamale managed to do that and beat them to the punch.


----------



## Flamenco (Jun 22, 2022)

@Null Cope and seethe and sneed. Another Ralphamale W


----------



## Buster Scruggs (Jun 22, 2022)

Flamenco said:


> View attachment 3414920
> 
> @Null Cope and seethe and sneed. Another Ralphamale W


>mexican embassy apply for residency 
Mexican drug cartel arch when?


----------



## stalkerchild (Jul 7, 2022)

I heard other people say that Null was too scared of going to an aquarium in Florida. 

I'm not saying that, but that's what others are saying about him.


----------

