# Kiwi Spotting



## betterbullocks (Sep 1, 2019)

What do you do if you encounter a suspected fellow kiwi irl? Do you wait for them to slip up? Do you say some inucuous terminology that only someone on this forum would understand? Do you just let it go for fear of accidentally powerleveling to the wrong person?

Also general irl meetup/encounter story thread


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## Rand /pol/ (Sep 1, 2019)

Not sure about forum users but I met your mom IRL.


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## Vampirella (Sep 1, 2019)

A smart Kiwi isn't spotted outside of the Farms.


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## Vecr (Sep 1, 2019)

How would you meet anyone if you don't go outside?


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## Red Hood (Sep 1, 2019)

Dox them immediately.


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## UW 411 (Sep 1, 2019)

You slice off their left ear and add it to the necklace. I thought this was a well established practice here to make future identification more efficient.

Do you mean to tell me I can't trade my lobestring in for tendies and internet points? I feel cheated.

May I speak with the manager?


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## Jeffrey Epstein (Sep 1, 2019)

I don't meet kiwis but I have been to parties with kookaburras.


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## LateNightComics (Sep 1, 2019)

I'd have to say a kiwi casual encounters thread sounds like a super bad idea there, chief.


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## User name: Required (Sep 1, 2019)

Establish Dominance Immediately


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## ES 195 (Sep 1, 2019)

Who cares? KF is just a forum, is it weird to ask someone if they go on a specific forum you do? Even if you powerlevel irl, if you get doxed you know who that person is. It's not like most people here actually care about some joe schmoe who isn't a cow in any way.


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## ScamL Likely (Sep 1, 2019)

If you go somewhere where you'd expect other farmers to be like a lolsuit hearing or something similar they'll probably admit to it without that much prodding.


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## Violence Jack (Sep 1, 2019)

I hear they dress down in plainclothes usually they'll be wearing a hat. maybe khakis.


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## QU 734 (Sep 1, 2019)

I saw a guy in a coffee shop/bookstore who was browsing KF on a netbook. He didn't notice me taking a picture of his screen, but caught me when I took a face pic. 

I just kept walking to the exit. I didn't even get my coffee and I'd already paid.


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## User name: Required (Sep 1, 2019)

Feels Over Reals said:


> I saw a guy in a coffee shop/bookstore who was browsing KF on a netbook. He didn't notice me taking a picture of his screen, but caught me when I took a face pic.
> 
> I just kept walking to the exit. I didn't even get my coffee and I'd already paid.



Show pics or it didn’t happen


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## VV 422 (Sep 1, 2019)

I've gotten caught calling someone an "exceptional individual" before, but I told the guy who confronted me that I was just a fan of red letter media


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## GavinBranson (Sep 1, 2019)

I ask them “Do you have stairs in your house.” And if they respond “I’m protected.” I kill them.


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## YourMommasBackstory (Sep 1, 2019)

i saw @Ron /pol/ last time i visited my parents. 

Came back, faggot, my mom is pregnant now


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## QU 734 (Sep 1, 2019)

User name: Required said:


> Show pics or it didn’t happen


I think doxing a member outside of halal is bannable, though.


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## sparklemilhouse (Sep 1, 2019)

Do you mean if you were at Starbucks and you saw someone reading the farms on their laptop? I wouldn't say anything, just smile and move on.


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## MrTroll (Sep 1, 2019)

Secret handshake obv.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Sep 1, 2019)

"Well you look like dogshit too."


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## Iron Hamster (Sep 1, 2019)

The first rule of Farms Club is: You do not talk about Farms Club.


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## QU 734 (Sep 1, 2019)

I suppose it doesn't count as doxing if I don't reveal the account name.



Spoiler


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## Sped Xing (Sep 1, 2019)

Feels Over Reals said:


> I suppose it doesn't count as doxing if I don't reveal the account name.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



That looks like a real nice place.  I'm sorry you didn't get your coffee.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Sep 1, 2019)

Feels Over Reals said:


> I suppose it doesn't count as doxing if I don't reveal the account name.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



M'lady


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## An Ghost (Sep 1, 2019)

First official meet up is Barb’s funeral


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## JoshPlz (Sep 1, 2019)

Thats easy. Just dress up as the most repulsive tranny in front of the suspected Kiwi and observe the reaction.

If the person tries to m.ilk you, theres your confirmation.


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## オウム (Sep 1, 2019)

JoshPlz said:


> Thats easy. Just dress up as the most repulsive tranny in front of the suspected Kiwi and observe the reaction.
> 
> If the person tries to m.ilk you, theres your confirmation.


Implying I have to dress up.


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## An Ghost (Sep 1, 2019)

I know a K-farmer irl, they introduced me to CWC, but they don’t know my account name. And I’m pretty sure they’re just a lurker. My only regret is not getting into eagle nation when they suggested it.


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## The Pink Panther (Sep 1, 2019)

I'm pretty sure that if I met a fellow KF'er, I wouldnt tell them I go on this site.



Spoiler: However...



That doesnt mean I cant use this site as blackmail to manipulate them into doing whatever I want to them to do so that nobody knows their dirty secret.


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## Sylvie Paula Paula (Sep 1, 2019)

If I am somehow spotted by one of you, you must murder me on the spot. I will know and understand why if you go after me. I accept my fate.


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## Maltninja (Sep 1, 2019)

Feels Over Reals said:


> I suppose it doesn't count as doxing if I don't reveal the account name.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This is the guy from the store?


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## Haramburger (Sep 1, 2019)

I still think about the ResetEra post where they did a meet-up IRL at some wisconsin brewery in 2017/2018, and a kiwi that frequented the thread was there and overheard their sad meet-and-greet and posted about it here.


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## The Pink Panther (Sep 1, 2019)

Haramburger said:


> I still think about the ResetEra post where they did a meet-up IRL at some wisconsin brewery in 2017/2018, and a kiwi that frequented the thread was there and overheard their sad meet-and-greet and posted about it here.



Link to that?


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## User name: Required (Sep 1, 2019)

BigRuler said:


> >tfw no qt irl kiwi gf
> 
> for real though, if i saw someone browsing kf in public i'd either ignore them, or remind them to hide their powerlevel better because being associated with a site like this could have serious negative consequences for them if the wrong person finds out about it



There are no girls or women on kiwifarms™, or the internet for that matter.

And if there was, none of them would be a “qt”.


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## takemetoyourgrave (Sep 1, 2019)

The days I meet any of you irl is how I know I’ve finally made it into hell


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## Maltninja (Sep 1, 2019)

takemetoyourgrave said:


> The days I meet any of you irl is how I know I’ve finally made it into hell



Turn the Bentley around Carruthers, we'll take this obscene amount of money to a more deserving Kiwi.


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## YourMommasBackstory (Sep 1, 2019)

Feels Over Reals said:


> I suppose it doesn't count as doxing if I don't reveal the account name.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


can we doxxXXxxXx him now???


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## cypocraphy (Sep 1, 2019)

I was molested by a kiwi.


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## Vecr (Sep 1, 2019)

big baby jesus said:


> I was molested by a kiwi.



Sure you did...

Can I see the pics though?


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## User name: Required (Sep 1, 2019)

Vecr said:


> Can I see the pics though?



This man gets it


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## QU 734 (Sep 1, 2019)

Maltninja said:


> This is the guy from the store?





YourMommasBackstory said:


> can we doxxXXxxXx him now???



Accidentally uploaded my own pic instead, sorry.


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## AF 802 (Sep 1, 2019)

OP is gay and smells of feet.


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## Maltninja (Sep 1, 2019)

Feels Over Reals said:


> Accidentally uploaded my own pic instead, sorry.


Nice to meet you, Mr. Sudano.


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## Vampirella (Sep 1, 2019)

If I saw a kiwi IRL I'd give them a hug.



Spoiler


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## Ebonic Tutor (Sep 1, 2019)

I got a coworker that was giving people codenames as a joke and one of them ended up being Green (might have been Emerald) Kiwi.

I looked at him pretty hard for a second. Not sure if it was a fluke and he almost seems like the antithesis of KF'er (he's pretty firmly in the SJW camp almost from what I can tell), but at the same time I could see him being here.

If it was the case and you see this post, don't worry I ain't judging you for coming here.


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## TaterBot (Sep 1, 2019)

User name: Required said:


> There are no girls or women on kiwifarms™...
> And if there was, none of them would be a “qt”.


That is definitely not true. Melchett is a qt..


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Sep 1, 2019)

I'd "pretend" I was @Corbin Dallas Multipass.


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## An Ghost (Sep 1, 2019)

TaterBot said:


> That is definitely not true. Melchett is a qt..


Oh yeah, the mod whose name is replaced with a toilet emoji is a “qt”


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## Zero Day Defense (Sep 1, 2019)

BigRuler said:


> >tfw no qt irl kiwi gf



>qt irl kiwi gf
>qt
>kiwi
>gf

I can't respire if you keep air out of my lungs via laughter.


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## REGENDarySumanai (Sep 1, 2019)

That's impossible. It's the classic needle in the haystack situation.


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## Diabeetus (Sep 1, 2019)

big baby jesus said:


> I was molested by a kiwi.


You were begging for my Quaker Oats oatmeal, don't lie to the forum like that. You were asking for it.


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## An Ghost (Sep 1, 2019)

I never understood why people who post on “Collaborative Data Services” forum are called Kiwis


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## MG 620 (Sep 1, 2019)

Vecr said:


> How would you meet anyone if you don't go outside?



The curse of full-length mirrors!


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## Mediocre (Sep 1, 2019)

>"I see you're b-browsing the same forum I d-do"
>"y-you too"
*speed walks out of coffee shop*


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## ColtWalker1847 (Sep 1, 2019)

Spl00gies said:


> You slice off their left ear and add it to the necklace. I thought this was a well established practice here to make future identification more efficient.
> 
> Do you mean to tell me I can't trade my lobestring in for tendies and internet points? I feel cheated.
> 
> May I speak with the manager?


Make sure to get the tail and paws to turn in for the bounty.


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## ES 195 (Sep 1, 2019)

Exigent Circumcisions said:


> I'd "pretend" I was @Corbin Dallas Multipass.


I'd proudly admit I was @Corbin Dallas Multipass. It takes a special kind of retardation to be him.  And while he was never that funny or poignant, we all know his screen name. And at the end of the day, isn't that all that really matters?

Edit: I shouldn't drink and post.


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## MerriedxReldnahc (Sep 1, 2019)

I do know a Kiwi lurker IRL! It basically was a situation of "seeing something on another person's phone" that lead to me finding out. As much as it is really a good idea to not tell people you laugh at tards in your spare time, I'd be really excited to meet another member. 
I know some great dark alleyways for a Kiwi Meetup/ Ketamine Party, RSVP first though. I need to know how many bags of Cool Ranch Doritos to bring.


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## The Pink Panther (Sep 1, 2019)

Actually fuck it. I just remembered.


A friend of mine has an account on here, but he just did it for the lulz. He knows that I go on this site, but he doesnt care and I'm okay with that.


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## Syaoran Li (Sep 1, 2019)

It's a bad idea to arrange an IRL Kiwi Farms meet up, but if you do think someone you know is a Kiwi, say the secret code word...

AYAK (Are You A Kiwi?)

If they respond with AKIA (A Kiwi I Am) then you know...


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## La Luz Extinguido (Sep 1, 2019)

I actually saw Null at a grocery store yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.


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## PL 001 (Sep 1, 2019)

Awhile back I was waiting in line at a corner store, and the guy in front of me was on his phone looking at the farms for a moment. Obviously no idea if he's a member or a lurker, but I didn't call attention to it, and I wouldn't even if I knew the person. Revealing your identity is probably the most exceptional thing you can do here. We're not Reddit.


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## The Crow (Sep 1, 2019)

Anyone who's a regular on this site would be the last person I would want to associate with, more to less, be friends with, irl.


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## Snes9x (Sep 2, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> Awhile back I was waiting in line at a corner store, and the guy in front of me was on his phone looking at the farms for a moment. Obviously no idea if he's a member or a lurker, but I didn't call attention to it, and I wouldn't even if I knew the person. Revealing your identity is probably the most exceptional thing you can do here. We're not Reddit.


Same thing happened to me. I saw this guy at some coffee shop looking at KF for a few seconds. To be honest, it's weird to see people browse KF in public.


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## The Pink Panther (Sep 2, 2019)

Voltar's #1 Fan said:


> Same thing happened to me. I saw this guy at some coffee shop looking at KF for a few seconds. To be honest, it's weird to see people browse KF in public.



I was foolish enough to do it in a public library once.


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## XE 600 (Sep 2, 2019)

I'm like 90% sure that a manager where I work uses KiwiFarms. I don't have any solid evidence but everything he says sounds like something that would be posted here and he looks like how I'd imagine most of the people on here to look.

EDIT: I just completely remembered something that I forgot until shortly after I posted this reply. Now I haven't met this person irl yet but I have someone on facebook who is completely obsessed with the whole Jonathan Yaniv shit (well actually I have two people on my facebook who are obsessed with that but as far as I'm aware, the other person doesn't use KiwiFarms). I remember them talking to me about Jonathan Yaniv and mentioning that they lurk KiwiFarms. I didn't mention that I use KiwiFarms to them but I was shocked that someone I have normal conversations with actually uses a website like this, even if it is just to lurk. She's not the type of person who I would expect to even lurk on a website like this but of course many people who use the Jonathan Yaniv section of kiwifarms don't really tread far outside of there.


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## edboy (Sep 2, 2019)

Yikes... remember the last time we had a meetup?


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## PL 001 (Sep 2, 2019)

Holy shit. I feel bad not having paid my two bits to have a gander. You guys still get royalties from being in Tod Browning's movies?


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## JambledUpWords (Sep 2, 2019)

One time I knew this Kiwi that had like 15 accounts on the Farms. Null found out and the Kiwi got beat up so badly it ended up in a hospital on Guerrero Street


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## AF 802 (Sep 2, 2019)

I actually know a guy from another Internet community that has an account here. Won't say who, but the community has a thread (despite being a dead community).

We're both banned from the site, but it's turned into gay Antifa shit in recent years (instead of just being faggy).


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## Bessie (Sep 2, 2019)

I know lurkers, but they could have accounts here. They know better than to share that information if so.



Jeffrey Epstein said:


> I don't meet kiwis but I have been to parties with kookaburras.






Is this the real reason you offed yourself?


big baby jesus said:


> I was molested by a kiwi.





big baby jesus said:


> I'm the forced husband/basement sex slave of @Pina Colada





big baby jesus said:


> Deadpool said:
> 
> 
> > @entropyseekswork got into my garbage cans and made a big mess...oh and then raped me. #metoo #neveragain
> ...


Sweet big baby jesus, is this abuse still going on? We need to get you out of there and into my dungeon. 

Remember, if you or somebody you've doxed has been touched by an autist, don't be afraid. Share it here:


			https://kiwifarms.net/threads/metoo-on-the-farms.50547/


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## adorable bitch (Sep 2, 2019)

I walk up to them and ask them where my child support is.


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## cypocraphy (Sep 2, 2019)

Bessie said:


> Sweet big baby jesus, is this abuse still going on? We need to get you out of there and into my dungeon.
> 
> Remember, if you or somebody you've doxed has been touched by an autist, don't be afraid. Share it here:
> 
> ...


I'm really stupid so it's easy to take advantage of me.


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## Vampirella (Sep 2, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> We're not Reddit.


Didn't Reddit users have some sort of code word about narwhals or something to identify each other with, before the site became super mainstream?


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## Krimjob (Sep 2, 2019)

I use the word exceptional in place of retarded socially, tends to be pretty easy to see who the Kiwi is. They start laughing, other people think I'm complimenting stupid behavior.


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## Get_your_kicks_with_30-06 (Sep 2, 2019)

Wait we dont already all know each other? Dont we all work in the J. Edgar Hoover Building?


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## PL 001 (Sep 2, 2019)

Nekromantik2 said:


> Didn't Reddit users have some sort of code word about narwhals or something to identify each other with, before the site became super mainstream?



Yeah, something like "the narwhal bacons at midnight"


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## Jeffrey Epstein (Sep 2, 2019)

User name: Required said:


> Establish Dominance Immediately



Meaning butt sex.


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## TaterBot (Sep 2, 2019)

MerriedxReldnahc said:


> I need to know how many bags of Cool Ranch Doritos to bring.


enough bags to cover the heads of everyone there, im guessing.


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## The Final Troondown (Sep 2, 2019)

I give the ceremonial handshake where you grab each others girlcocks and shout JUUULLLAAAYYYYY


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## Buster O'Keefe (Sep 3, 2019)

Last time I met a fellow farmer, we high fived, complimented each other's supermodel girlfriend and sped off in our Ferraris. I believe his IRL name was Chad.


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## DatBepisTho (Sep 3, 2019)

I still haven't met a kiwi IRL, but I found out I work with a channer.
He verbally shitposts for the sake of it and it explains so SO much now that I know.

Edit- we fought over the best tendies source once.


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## Vampirella (Sep 3, 2019)

Why hasn't OP come back? Is he gathering tales of meeting Kiwis IRL?


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## Stranger Neighbors (Sep 3, 2019)

I've told several people I know about this site. I know for sure my brother and sister have accounts, i just dont know what their account names are


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## La Luz Extinguido (Sep 3, 2019)

Even Odder said:


> I've told several people I know about this site. I know for sure my brother and sister have accounts, i just dont know what their account names are


I just might be your sister.


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## Frozen Fishsticks (Sep 3, 2019)

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I walk outside and enjoy the fresh air and how quiet it is on my street. I inhale deeply, letting the cool night air fill my lungs, and yell "JULAY!"

The neighborhood dogs start barking, front porch light come alive and the customary groggy stare from behind a screen door are all expected. And then I wait. I wait to hear an answer. The answer to the call of our people. A companion "JULAY!"

I haven't heard it yet, but I know you're out there, my fellow kiwis. We will never met, but the existential loneliness of the Universe isn't as threatening or overwhelming knowing that one night I will get that answer. Live in hope, my brothers and sisters. Live in hope.


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## Kamov Ka-52 (Sep 3, 2019)

If I saw someone browsing in public I'd probably ask them if they enjoy the working at Collaborative Data Services LLC. and then dox them when I got home.


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## Shaved Kiwis (Sep 3, 2019)

Mediocre said:


> >"I see you're b-browsing the same forum I d-do"
> >"y-you too"
> *speed walks out of coffee shop*



Coffee shop? What kind of jet setting, playboy fantasy dreamland do you think we are living in?

I can brew a bathtub full of coffee for the price those chislers are demanding and that money would be better spent on cheap liquor anyway.


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## Stranger Neighbors (Sep 3, 2019)

La Luz Extinguido said:


> I just might be your sister.


I don't believe you but pm me


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Sep 3, 2019)

A friend of mine has an account here and recognized me because of my avatars.


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## Neets"R"Us (Dec 30, 2020)

Mediocre said:


> >"I see you're b-browsing the same forum I d-do"
> >"y-you too"
> *speed walks out of coffee shop*


what are you? a 4chin user?


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## Wraith (Dec 30, 2020)

I have figured some of you knew who I was already, so it's not a problem, but if you met me you'd probably just ignore me like you do anyhow. No probs.


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## BluntyBitch (Feb 2, 2022)

Both my online persona and IRL persona have cute feet so that is really the only identifying thing about me , except I don't post pics of my feet on the internet

If u spot me with a blunt come say hello , I'd likely share with a fellow agriculturist or harvester. (The codeword is, beauty parlor)


Shaved Kiwis said:


> Coffee shop?





Shaved Kiwis said:


> that money would be better spent on cheap liquor anyway.


We can all make fun of dangerhairs together and then not tip them . And also use their wifi to shitpost on the farms


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