# Ralph Luxury Travels Inc



## RussianParasite (May 27, 2022)

Tired of looking after your horse? Will your asshole baby not shut the fuck up for even two seconds while you scream into a microphone? Are the aylawgs wearing on your nerves?

Well do we have the solution for you! Here at Ralph Luxury Travels Inc. we well help you obtain the vacation of your dreams. Five star days only, guaranteed!

Post your dream Ralphamale destination and  itinerary below and one of our representatives will be in touch with you shortly.


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## EyeGuy (May 27, 2022)

As a trad family man and soon-to-be Catholic, I think a visit to Italy is long overdue.

Destinations 
1. The Forum -  As we all know, Jcaesar187 has a deep appreciation for the legacy of Rome. The Ralphamale is a man of learning - he completed three years of a poli sci degree at a community college, after all - so he should be perfectly capable of explaining all those statues to his viewers. 



Spoiler: I hear there's a very nice one of May








2. The Colosseum - Who wouldn't want to see the king of IBS make a pilgrimage to the home of the original bloodsports?

3. The Vatican - gotta get those catboy donos. Christ is Kang! (Remember, no scamming - keep TTS volume on max while you're in St. Peter's.)

4. The Alps - A hike through the scenic mountainous region would be the perfect way to stick it to broke dick pedophile Joshua Conner Moon, an international fugitive who's too scared to step out of his Serbian bunker. I heard summer is the best time to visit.


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## RussianParasite (May 27, 2022)

EyeGuy said:


> 2. The Colosseum - Who wouldn't want to see the king of IBS make a pilgrimage to the home of the original bloodsports?


Today is your lucky day! We do happen to be offering a special at this location where you, dear traveler, can relive the life of an ancient gladiator. Our current choices are battles against several Portuguese pimps (the Gauls/Moors) or a couple of Brit*sh YouTubers (Britannia).


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## Exceptional individualist (May 27, 2022)

EyeGuy said:


> 1. The Forum -  As we all know, Jcaesar187 has a deep appreciation for the legacy of Rome. The Ralphamale is a man of learning - he completed three years of a poli sci degree at a community college, after all - so he should be perfectly capable of explaining all those statues to his viewers.


This has me dying

I’d like to recommend the city of Byzantium;

Lots of street food to sample and show off how good you eat, the spices probably aren’t as good as Taco Bell but will do similar things to your asshole
Plenty of churches to visit and display piety plus all the the false orthodox churches and Islamic shrines where you can loudly debate followers of the false religions to convert them to CATholicism
Plus there are plenty of brothels where you can have sex with under age girls
And when you’re done with all of that it’s a short journey to Jerusalem where you can show all of those shaistar lawyas what for.


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## JustStopDude (May 27, 2022)

He just missed it, but the May Sumo tournament in Japan would have been perfect for Ralph.


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## Blue Miaplacidus (May 27, 2022)

cross posting, but seems like the perfect thread for GUNTQUEST


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## WhimsicalTrolli (May 27, 2022)

I hope he goes to Roppongi and meet up with the yakuza.


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## User names must be unique (May 27, 2022)

I always wanted to go to Machu Pichu do they have burger king and hookers?

Ironically I actually do want to go to Portugal, I have an interest in the peninsular war and would like to go see shit like the Lines of Torres Vedras, Almeida and The convent in Oporto I forgot the name of.


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## RussianParasite (May 27, 2022)

JustStopDude said:


> He just missed it, but the May Sumo tournament in Japan would have been perfect for Ralph.


My good man, you may have missed the Sumo but I assure you that the age of consent remains 13 all year round in Japan. The country also boasts a Dick-Masterson seal of approval, so perhaps you will have a guest traveling with you this time?


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## Mr.Downer (May 27, 2022)

WhimsicalTrolli said:


> I hope he goes to Roppongi and meet up with the yakuza.


Maybe going to a bar to try and pick up Japanese chicks, not realizing he waddled his way into a hostess club, and then starting a scene when they bill him hundreds of dollars, and then the owner calls in some yakuza thugs to kick his ass


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## OldGuy (May 27, 2022)

I want Ralph to have a blowout with CRP,  then go CRP hunting for where he's at Ukraina.. with the idea that he also will report on the war to his AF followers


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## JustStopDude (May 27, 2022)

Mr.Downer said:


> Maybe going to a bar to try and pick up Japanese chicks, not realizing he waddled his way into a hostess club, and then starting a scene when they bill him hundreds of dollars, and then the owner calls in some yakuza thugs to kick his ass


Ralph would end up somehow with serious injuries trying to use a squat toilet.


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## Exceptional individualist (May 27, 2022)

User names must be unique said:


> I always wanted to go to Machu Pichu do they have burger king and hookers?
> 
> Ironically I actually do want to go to Portugal, I have an interest in the peninsular war and would like to go see shit like the Lines of Torres Vedras, Almeida and The convent in Oporto I forgot the name of.


Salemacia?

It’sa shame all those places are fictional because Portugal does not exist outside of Lisbon


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## WhimsicalTrolli (May 27, 2022)

He should go to easter Island and turn into a head statue.


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## REGENDarySumanai (May 27, 2022)

No matter what trip I would make for him, he would get beat up.


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## RussianParasite (May 27, 2022)

REGENDarySumanai said:


> No matter what trip I would make for him, he would get beat up.


Everyone knows that true Ralphamale tourists seek to prove their toughness regardless of country they are in. If the locals are not enticed to beat your ass after you have hollered and paraded around your manpurse, rest assured that an agent will be sent to your location.


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## Butwhythough (May 27, 2022)

I hear the Gambia is great at this time of year, you can see the devil trees and the birds chirping sound like laughter. Ralph might think those birds are laughing at him and try to fight them though.


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## Tsukasa Kayoda (May 27, 2022)

I said this in the Portugal thread but holy fuck I would pay for Ralph to go to Thailand, if only to witness him getting fucked up by teenage thai ladyboy hookers. 
That and catching Ralph in the act of trying to bang one would bring forth gallons of milk for us to harvest.


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## Resident Cheeser (May 27, 2022)

We know that Russia is out of the question now that they've shut down all the McD's and other fast food chains. I can't imagine Ralph would risk an Uncle Bogdan Burger, or the gopnik beatdown that would certainly follow.


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## Tsukasa Kayoda (May 27, 2022)

Resident Cheeser said:


> We know that Russia is out of the question now that they've shut down all the McD's and other fast food chains. I can't imagine Ralph would risk an Uncle Bogdan Burger, or the gopnik beatdown that would certainly follow.


Ralph is more of a Burger King man pig, and lo and behold, they still have them in Russia 
https://fortune.com/2022/03/21/burger-king-russia-alexander-kolobov-subway/


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## Glad I couldn't help (May 28, 2022)

How would the Middle East react to walking ragepig walking among them?

I would really like to find out.


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## RussianParasite (May 28, 2022)

Glad I couldn't help said:


> How would the Middle East react to walking ragepig walking among them?
> 
> I would really like to find out.


Ralphamales are considered swine, which means they are are off limits as food. Our risk assessment for the region is that it is generally safe in terms of not being eaten alive. However, as Ralphas are always performing missionary work  (“Christ is Kang!”) there may be some other risk factors.


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## Weeb Slinger (May 29, 2022)

Assuming Ralph hasn't dropped dead from a coronary in the interim, there is an eleven-day Felt Tour of West Hungary taking place in September, 2023.

It includes a visit to a 120-year old felt factory and the opportunity to craft a hand-stitched felt pouch. Finally Ralph can make his own man purse. From felt. 

Even though registration opens on June 1st, there are somehow only five places available. People want to be on this tour so badly they are travelling a few days forward in time to secure their spot. Ralph better hurry if he wants to join them.  









			https://www.felttours.com/west-hungary-felt-tour


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