# What are some shitty things you've done? CONFESS.



## Suki (Aug 10, 2017)

Back when I was partying heavily and hanging out with friends, I went to the store a few times and stole shitloads of beer. Just took the drinks and walked out with them. Never got caught. This was all around a bunch of people in broad daylight, too.

When my former boyfriend was dying of cancer (RIP baby), I stole some of his cool-ass painkillers and got high (it was easy because I was his caretaker and knew where his medicine was). Ok I actually didn't have to steal all of them as he gave some to me in exchange for sucking him off and other things lol. 

That's all I can think of right now.

Next...


----------



## Malodorous Merkin (Aug 10, 2017)

At work, I steal K-cups from the doctor's lounge.


----------



## LagoonaBlue (Aug 10, 2017)

Mixed 2 cans of Monster with some vodka in a cocktail bowl and drank it all quickly.  Didn't fucking sleep that night.

Wait that's a fun thing, not a shitty thing.


----------



## Magique (Aug 10, 2017)

Well, I passed the sugar instead of salt to my dad because he pranked me one time by making me believe he done some pudding when it was really some mayonnaise.
His look was priceless when he ate that sugar burger, I will remember it always.


----------



## Windows10 (Aug 10, 2017)

Someone stole my art in high school so I got them expelled and did considerable damage to their academic record. That was pretty mean.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Aug 10, 2017)

I burned down a crackhouse the night before I started my freshman year.


----------



## MrTroll (Aug 10, 2017)

I wear blackface often. In fact I'm wearing some now.


----------



## The Fool (Aug 10, 2017)

I have no soul and I'm incapable of happiness so I always make sure to be as passive-aggressive as I can to everyone I talk to. The only reason I even sustain a conversation with someone is to see how much I can lower their self-esteem.


----------



## Ntwadumela (Aug 10, 2017)

I got loads of speeding tickets in one month.
I've also ran through a few red lights.


----------



## Postal Dude (Aug 10, 2017)

I created an account on this website.


----------



## Audit (Aug 10, 2017)

I furry once came to my college with a wolf tail on her ass and I goaded all of the nearby students into making fun of her. I never saw that girl again.


----------



## The Fool (Aug 10, 2017)

Audit_The_Autist said:


> I furry once came to my college with a wolf tail on her ass and I goaded all of the nearby students into making fun of her. I never saw that girl again.



That's not shitty that's heroic


----------



## AnOminous (Aug 10, 2017)

Once when I was living in a punk flop with a bunch of druggies, we threw a party the night before we left town and completely trashed the place, vandalizing the fuck out of it and kicking in drywall and shit like that, because fuck the guy whose name was on the lease.  He later got arrested for it and had a pound of weed so he went to prison for a long time.

It was pretty much his fault, though, because he'd been selling ounces of weed to some dude we told him was a fucking nark.


----------



## Pepito The Cat (Aug 10, 2017)

I once switched my Genesis cart Ecco the Dolphin for a friend's FIFA 95 without him realizing. Never visited him again.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Aug 10, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> Once when I was living in a punk flop with a bunch of druggies, we threw a party the night before we left town and completely trashed the place, vandalizing the fuck out of it and kicking in drywall and shit like that, because fuck the guy whose name was on the lease.  He later got arrested for it and had a pound of weed so he went to prison for a long time.
> 
> It was pretty much his fault, though, because he'd been selling ounces of weed to some dude we told him was a fucking nark.


I think I was at that party


----------



## MerriedxReldnahc (Aug 10, 2017)

This isn't a shitty thing, but it was a pretty naughty thing to do- I used to be in my college's student government as the publicity director so I made a lot of flyers and ads for the school newspaper. One time I managed to sneak in a tiny pot leaf into a "join student government" ad. It was very, very, subtle  and a very slightly different color than the background but if you knew where to look you could see it.


----------



## AnOminous (Aug 11, 2017)

I used to put bottle rockets under people's doors with cigarette timers, where you'd just leave something like a Lucky Strikes cigarette with a bottle rocket attached to it, with the fuse stuck through it, so when it burned down, it would set off the bottle rocket, which would shoot off under the person's door (someone you usually considered a friend and that's just the way you treated your "friends" in those days).

And if you were really bored, you did this to multiple people at the same time, and if you timed it carefully, bottle rockets would shoot off under everyone's door nearly simultaneously and mass panic would ensue.

Which you could watch from a distance.


----------



## Feline Darkmage (Aug 11, 2017)

Forgive me father for I have sinned.

One time this kid in elementary school was being an annoying shit to me (I was the same age as him) so I socked him directly in the nose.
It was completely uncalled for but I still did it.


----------



## AnOminous (Aug 11, 2017)

Feline Darkmage said:


> Forgive me father for I have sinned.
> 
> One time this kid in elementary school was being an annoying shit to me (I was the same age as him) so I socked him directly in the nose.
> It was completely uncalled for but I still did it.



That's nothing.  I stabbed a kid with a pen for pissing me off.

What's funny is he was a twin and I actually stabbed the wrong twin.


----------



## Broken Pussy (Aug 11, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> That's nothing.  I stabbed a kid with a pen for pissing me off.
> 
> What's funny is he was a twin and I actually stabbed the wrong twin.



My sister stabbed me in the hand with a pencil and the lead broke off and was stuck in my hand.  My dad tried to get it out with a pocket knife after he made me hold an ice cube until my hand was numb.  That didn't work, so later, after I had a gross, infected hole in my hand for a week, I dug it out myself with a pin.  

As for the topic at hand, when I was an asshole teenage girl, I gave other, younger teenage girls advice on how to be more effective at self-mutilation.  Basically, I made them feel like they weren't hurting themselves enough and that they should hurt themselves more.  I feel bad about that now.  I hope they got better.


----------



## Pina Colada (Aug 11, 2017)

Bullied a girl with a speech impediment in middle school before switching districts (but not towns). I was being bullied myself at the same time, so I guess it rubbed off on me as I took out my own frustrations on her. Time passed, and we were on the same bus when I was a junior in high school. She pretty much let it go for the most part (even after a formal apology) and we became buddies (ditto with two of my former bullies).


----------



## Cthulu (Aug 11, 2017)

I cheated on @entropyseekswork with a troon from Detroit. Nothing like sucking tranny dick in the back of a cab in rush hour traffic.


----------



## RI 360 (Aug 11, 2017)

Cthulhu said:


> I cheated on @entropyseekswork with a troon from Detroit. Nothing like sucking tranny dick in the back of a cab in rush hour traffic.


So, with @yawning sneasel?


----------



## GS 281 (Aug 11, 2017)

entropyseekswork said:


> So, with @yawning sneasel?






https://cheeposlist.com.detroit.hoxnif.com/post/22949475/#


----------



## Sylvie Paula Paula (Aug 11, 2017)

When I was in grade school, I was a petty thief who stole people's toys and jewelry. Even though I was a bad liar, I never got in trouble. 

I've actually recently stolen a few "Original" characters from someone who treated my friends and I like absolute garbage. I don't feel bad because they were up for sale anyways, but I'm not giving them my money for stuff I could easily make on my own.


----------



## Johnny Bravo (Aug 11, 2017)

This is an old tale. When I was in the third grade we were all required to keep our work in a special folder. Mine was covered in doodles, had poor hand writing, and I think there was even a spelling error on the cover. One day the kid who sat next to me, whose folder was immaculate, decided to call my folder ugly. I was so mad that the next time he was absent from class I covertly took his folder out of his desk and scribbled all over it, aggressive, wild scribbles with a black pen that cut ravines into the cardboard. I may have written a bad word too, because I remember that he got in trouble for it. Somehow I was never caught or punished. Maybe the teacher hated him just as much as I did.


----------



## Save Goober (Aug 11, 2017)

I caused someone to have an actual mental breakdown over the internet


----------



## Antipathy (Aug 11, 2017)

I read bad fanfiction in order to see exactly how much stupid I can experience before I black out. What's really bad is that I enjoy doing so.


----------



## EH 110 (Aug 11, 2017)

I steal money. If I ever come to your house, you'd better hide your wallet.


----------



## LithuanianLudibrious (Aug 11, 2017)

In first grade, I beat up 2 girls because they kept stealing things from my backpack whenever I fell asleep on the bus. (this happened for about 2months jsyk) They went home with a bruise on their face, a bloody nose, and scratches on their arms. (: Never saw them after that. I guess they moved or something.


----------



## AnOminous (Aug 11, 2017)

melty said:


> I caused someone to have an actual mental breakdown over the internet



I think we've all done that and probably more than once.  I don't regret it, though.  They all had it coming.


----------



## Elhaym (Aug 11, 2017)

I once didn't tell someone to have a nice day despite the fact that nothing was holding me back from doing so.


----------



## DuckSucker (Aug 11, 2017)

I think the most "hardcore edgelord" thing I ever did was stealing a bunch of hard drives from my high school so that this one kid would be my friend. He was selling them and told me he would hang out with me, because I was really fucking retarded and nobody really paid attention to me so I was always able to like slip out of class early and shit, so this dude said he would hang out with me if I could get away with it. We actually became decent friends over time.

Another friend bruteforced into the school district's network, and when this one kid ratted on him (we were stupid 15 year olds and my friend bragged about it before remotely erasing this kids games from the computer he used -- the kid then said we erased his homework), he had me hold all this evidence for him. He would have been convicted of a felony otherwise but he actually managed to not get in trouble at all--Im actually not quite as upset about this cause I was helping my bro and he actually didnt change anything serious, it wasnt like he was changing grades--we just fucked with this one kid because we didnt like him because he acted exactly like @SkylarIttner. We did replace a bunch of shit in powerpoint presentations that were hosted on the server, with links to meatspin and lemon party and shit. But by the time youre in high school youve seen plenty of dicks or probably experienced a few yourself, nobody is getting scarred from that.

I didnt do anything cool in college. Im actually kinda jealous of people who did, like the OP having experiences and shit.

I feel bad about stealing those hard drives because the teacher I stole from was an alcoholic Vietnam vet, he was a ranger so he actually saw combat. He would duck out to go drink whiskey in the bathroom during passing period, so I was able to get in there, pack a bunch of them away, and walk out and make it to class with a backpack full of electronics. It had kids' homework and assignments on it too, we just, fuck it, wiped it all and sold it and used the money to buy weed. Im sure the dude had to pay up to replace them. He had a side gig as a guitarist at the restaurant my sister ended up working at, and she told me the dude used to put away a bottle of Southern Comfort a night and he was only there about 3 hours when he worked there.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Aug 11, 2017)

Feline Darkmage said:


> Forgive me father for I have sinned.
> 
> One time this kid in elementary school was being an annoying shit to me (I was the same age as him) so I socked him directly in the nose.
> It was completely uncalled for but I still did it.


I've lost track of the kids I punched


----------



## Globe (Aug 11, 2017)

DuckSucker said:


> I think the most "hardcore edgelord" thing I ever did was stealing a bunch of hard drives from my high school so that this one kid would be my friend.



tbh this strikes me as more sad than hardcore edgelord, but i can't say i didn't do equally dumb shit in junior high for the sake of acceptance. 

anywho, i gotta story that's sort of a time-bomb early the 2000's

 I was mostly off people's radar in high school but there is one thing that makes me feel kinda bad, though a lot of emphasis has to be put on the word "kinda". The whole emo thing was getting popular around the time i was a sophomore and thanks to the push from youth pastors at a local megachurch there was a big subset of jebus freaks among the scene kids. In this subset was a girl, we'll call her Kacey, who had that really unfortunate "pigeon" type of physique where she's pretty fat but totally flat chested, no ass at all and these really skinny legs. Her proportions were bad, but the whole emo regalia of tight jeans and gaudy colored band tees made it way worse and more noticeable. 

 Kacey's older brother was one of said youth pastors at this church, so she had a bit of clout among the emo click and really took it for everything it was worth. She was really uptight, sort of a bully and a _bad_ gossip. Thanks to the little bit of social leverage that she had via her brother, she could generally turn the school's scene kids on people she didn't like and sometimes even each other, though she usually came down the hardest on effeminate/gay guys and other girls. 

 I got mixed up in all of this when i started dating a girl that Kacey didn't like. The reason Kacey didn't like her was pretty convoluted, but the gist of it was that she'd briefly dated another guy that Kacey liked but had been rejected by. When she ended up dumping him, Kacey almost immediately came onto him again hoping for a rebound, just to get rejected a second time. Now this was all months and months prior, don't even ask why it resulted in an unbridled hatred for the girl I was dating, high school's fuckin weird. 

 As soon as me and this girl are official, Kacey starts cranking up the drama machine again. Now this poor thing had been putting up with Kacey's shit for awhile and had learned to ignore her for the most part, and Kacey generally refrained from saying anything about me. Things took a bit of a turn though, when Kacey tried spreading some rumor that i'd walked in on my girlfriend getting fingered by some other guy in her car out in the school's parking lot. It was a lunch block by the time this particular one had floated back to us. I found it more funny than anything else, girlfriend was obviously furious but i kinda defused it by saying something to the effect of "relax, the sacred cow's just pissy because she can't get any". In hindsight, it wasn't really that funny or witty, but boy did it sure get a laugh out of all the people at the table we were sitting at. 

 Things kinda snowballed from there. Neither I nor my girlfriend had any real involvement in it, but a week or two later somebody had snapped a pretty fucking funny/embarrassing picture of Kacey in the cafeteria before classes sitting at a table with at least three inches of ass-crack showing, just eating fistfuls of those shitty store-brand froot loops straight out of the bag. It was great and I seriously wish I'd saved it but when it started making rounds on myspace, Kacey freaked the fuck out, made everything worse by saying she was going to get it taken down and threatening legal action against people that shared it, started spouting the victim complex shit and once it got bad enough, she doubled down on the religious rhetoric which ended up popularizing the nickname I'd accidentally made for her; "sacred cow". 

 Kacey was a cunt that pretty much brought all the ensuing torment on herself so I wouldn't feel near as bad about any of it if that stupid nickname hadn't become a huge focal point of it. It really seemed to dig deep with her and after the initial freak-out over that picture, it got shouted at her a _lot. _I think the worst of its use was someone scrawling it across her windshield after dumping a slushie on her hood. And it got a lot worse after that. So much so that she ended up having some kinda mental break down and transferred schools, her brother quit his job at the church and the whole family ended up moving out of state and just dropping out of sight afterwards. 

 Wish i could end it on a more positive note, but i have no idea what happened after that. I'd like to think that maybe she was able to get over it and take the whole thing as a learning experience, but shit got too ugly to really be optimistic. Can't feel _too _bad about it circumstances being considered, but I do sometimes wish I'd just never said anything at all.


----------



## DuckSucker (Aug 11, 2017)

Globe said:


> tbh this strikes me as more sad than hardcore edgelord, but i can't say i didn't do equally dumb shit in junior high for the sake of acceptance.


It was a thing where we were kinda friends, before, but not friends enough to where like you would hang out outside of school or whatever; we knew each other and hung out with the same people. But he was like "Oh we could make this work together if youll do this for me".

I never meant to imply I was a hardcore edgelord, I only brought it up to highlight that I most certainly am not.


----------



## BadaBadaBoom (Aug 11, 2017)

I once gutted a broken PlayStation 2, bought a used one from Gamestop, then gutted that one and switched the cases. I returned it with the broken parts saying it didn't work for a full refund.

Moral of the story is Gamestop still sucks.


----------



## Despairagus (Aug 11, 2017)

I'm the coworker who steals food that isn't locked up.


----------



## Tlazolli (Aug 11, 2017)

Being here.


----------



## Bath Salts (Aug 11, 2017)

I lied about a bunch of stuff (and got my friends to lie with me) and got the kid who was bullying my younger sister (he also threw her, face first, into a mailbox when we were waiting for the bus) kicked out of school. I don't feel any guilt regarding him, just his sister, who was bullied relentlessly after his removal. I wish I would have stepped up for her too, but at the time, I only saw her as her brother's sister, and not as an innocent girl who had nothing to do with what her brother did.


----------



## MistressCaridad (Aug 11, 2017)

Once upon a time I was in a chat room and there was this one bitch that was one of the admins that kept starting shit with just about everyone in there. Everyone hated this dumb cunt because she was an attention seeking drama queen whose sad shitty life story kept changing almost by the minute. I really got tired of her shit so I spent a whole sleepless night going through the chat room history and painstakingly screenshotting all her inconsistencies and outright lies, saving them to Imgur and the next time I saw her, posting every last one in the chat. I got banned for it. Fucking worth it, but I guess that was pretty shitty. 
 IRL, I got into quite a few fistfights in school over stupid shit, but that's about it.


----------



## Kyria the Great (Aug 12, 2017)

I was a pretty shitty kid that didn't have exactly the best situation to grow up in with it being rather violent and belittling me, but first in 6th grade I was delivering papers and found I wounded bird that kicked and stomped till it died, still think about my action to this day. Also I would steal money and change from my parents without remorse but didn't feel bad because of the near constant verbal abuse. 

Yeah, not very proud moments in my life and hope to one day make up for them.


----------



## r4ndom (Aug 12, 2017)

i stole a bunch of shit from target and when i eventually got caught they said i set the record for the most successfully stolen at one time,  im not sure if it was only for that store or just in general but it was in a plaza famous for theft so its still kinda big.


----------



## cumrobbery (Aug 12, 2017)

I randomly killed some furries in a TTT game a few times. It was pretty cash money


----------



## drain (Aug 12, 2017)

was watching some videos on youtube and my grandma called me, but i said 'nope' and didn't answered the phone


----------



## Zarkov (Aug 12, 2017)

I've used the Kawaii theme a couple of times, but I'm not gay.


----------



## The Great Chandler (Aug 12, 2017)

I was born.


----------



## AnOminous (Aug 12, 2017)

Back when Team Fortress was a Quake add-on, I used to find servers full of scrubs and if they were bad enough, I'd spawn camp them and spam their revive point with grenades and listen to them fly into rages on voice chat and laugh at them and call them fags.  Pretty sure other people here have done that.


----------



## Derbydollar (Aug 12, 2017)

Beating the best of you kiwis when it comes to nefarious deeds isn't something I can do, that's for sure. I do remember stealing a game from a friend once, though.

It was back in around 5th grade, and I had sold him my copy of Mega Man 64. For me, it was one of the games that you get really attached to. I really regretted selling it... Well, it 'mysteriously' disappeared from his house and he was always confused about where it went. I even helped him look for it while secretly rubbing my hands together in my best impression of a cartoon villain.  The fact that I had a new copy of the game at my house that happened to have my initials marked on it in sharpie was a complete coincidence, obviously. I've definitely done far worse things but I always remember my act of petty theft whenever I take a look at my game collection, so it was the one I thought of first.


----------



## AnOminous (Aug 12, 2017)

The problem with being good is that evil is fun.


----------



## WhoCaresAboutUsernames (Aug 12, 2017)

Once when I was 7 years old I sat on a banana, and of course, that changed my life.


----------



## GloriousScarf (Aug 12, 2017)

At one of my previous jobs, I discovered a tampon vending machine was broken and if you pressed the vend button in a certain way, it would spit out all the money in the machine. I took the money at the end of the week, every week and purchased Jack Daniels.


----------



## hotcheetospuffs (Aug 12, 2017)

In college, I found a bathroom stall with a broken tp holder and I would steal the spare roll every day that I had class in that building.  I did not buy toilet paper for 4 years. Once I gave my daily roll to a homeless woman I saw pissing in the subway tunnel.


----------



## Vex Overmind (Aug 12, 2017)

I choked the shit out of somebody in the second grade.


----------



## Coldgrip (Aug 12, 2017)

I didn't bullycide a tranny when I had the chance too.

I feel so ashamed.


----------



## DailyToastBoat (Aug 13, 2017)

I made a joke about cutting in front of someone who secretly cut themselves.
It was really awkward.


----------



## The Colonel (Aug 13, 2017)

I've shoplifted MTG cards. Used to shoplift Yugioh cards when I was younger.


----------



## WW 635 (Aug 13, 2017)

The Fool said:


> I have no soul and I'm incapable of happiness so I always make sure to be as passive-aggressive as I can to everyone I talk to. The only reason I even sustain a conversation with someone is to see how much I can lower their self-esteem.


But can you take it to French levels of passive-aggressive?


----------



## Lensherr (Aug 13, 2017)

I posted a meme making fun of black people to a Facebook Messenger group chat that my black friend was on.


----------



## Dick In a Drawer (Aug 13, 2017)

when i was 17 my friend and i paid a crackhead off the street to buy us a 40 from a deli we usually buy from because they started carding us. after he bought us it, he started panic ranting about his gf and how he isn't a dealer but he can give us his plug


----------



## Francis E. Dec Esc. (Aug 13, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> Back when Team Fortress was a Quake add-on, I used to find servers full of scrubs and if they were bad enough, I'd spawn camp them and spam their revive point with grenades and listen to them fly into rages on voice chat and laugh at them and call them fags.  Pretty sure other people here have done that.



I used to play engineer and block the door to the respawn zone with a dispenser.


----------



## MalWart (Aug 14, 2017)

While I was having lunch with some friends at high school, this autistic kid came by and kept hitting me so I told him to fuck off. One of the kids in the group (who we all ended up hating by the end) was a bit of an SJW, and snitched on me for telling that kid off.


----------



## Dick In a Drawer (Aug 14, 2017)

one time i was drunk and went to wendys and i ordered a diet sprite with my food. one of my biggest regrets in life


----------



## wargoat (Aug 14, 2017)

>I stole a kids yugioh cards in primary school 
Few regrets

>In secondery school the principal was giving me a hard time for no reason
so i found his phone number and pranked him for months with my friends
calling him names and saying that i will fuck his wife and mother
 to the point that he broke down and started screaming 
"Im gonna find you and fucking kill you".
No regrets.

>I stole a shopping cart in university because i had bought a lot of things
and my house was far away so i needed a way to get the stuff there and 
then i was bored to return the cart.
Few regrets

>A guy was bulling me in hight school but then we kind of became friends
and over the years he changed his character completely and apologised several times,
but I always hold grudges so i posted all his rl info in a neonazi fb group (he was a commie)
and he had to close his facebook and kind of disappeared from the internet for some time.
When he returned he stopped posting anything that could resemble politics.
A neo-nazi classmate we had saved his ass,and also scolded me about
what i did.
Zero fucks given


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Aug 14, 2017)

The Fool said:


> I have no soul and I'm incapable of happiness so I always make sure to be as passive-aggressive as I can to everyone I talk to. The only reason I even sustain a conversation with someone is to see how much I can lower their self-esteem.


Oh man! I had a beer with you recently I think


----------



## Captain Toad (Aug 15, 2017)

I've accidentally stolen a video game before. 

I went to this retro game store and saw this weird game on the shelf. I was morbidly curious about it, so I picked it up and checked out the box. I forgot to put it back, though, so I ended up leaving the store (and the area) with a new game in my hands. 

Once I realized I was holding it, I ended up returning the game since the guilt was too strong. I'm just surprised nobody bothered to stop me.


----------



## millais (Aug 15, 2017)

hotcheetospuffs said:


> In college, I found a bathroom stall with a broken tp holder and I would steal the spare roll every day that I had class in that building.  I did not buy toilet paper for 4 years. Once I gave my daily roll to a homeless woman I saw pissing in the subway tunnel.


lol, I did the same thing every time it was my turn to buy toilet paper. The only problem was that the college's toilet paper was very noticeably thinner ply than the storebought retail kind, so I think some of my flatmates might have noticed it after a while.


----------



## Meat_Puppet (Aug 15, 2017)

Suki said:


> Back when I was partying heavily and hanging out with friends, I went to the store a few times and stole shitloads of beer. Just took the drinks and walked out with them. Never got caught. This was all around a bunch of people in broad daylight, too.
> 
> When my former boyfriend was dying of cancer (RIP baby), I stole some of his cool-ass painkillers and got high (it was easy because I was his caretaker and knew where his medicine was). Ok I actually didn't have to steal all of them as he gave some to me in exchange for sucking him off and other things lol.
> 
> ...


You are my fucking hero lol!

Considering I've done plenty of terrible shit in my life I had to dwell on it and consider one of there worst. I just turned 13 and was constantly stealing shit. We had this teacher who taught science and she was a tride and true cunt nugget. One day she gets called to the office and leaves her purse behind. I snagged $300 out of it and paid a hobo to go buy us booze and smokes. And we partied all weekend. And yeah I feel terrible thinking about it now. At least it went to a good cause.


----------



## Elru (Aug 15, 2017)

When I was a little kid I used to play in the creek behind my grandparent's home in the country. We would swim and make dams and catch crayfish. 

One time I remember my dad showing me a crayfish that was carrying a cluster of eggs under it's tail. He let me hold it, and then said I should toss it up in the deep part under the bridge.

Well, I went to toss it but my aim was so shit it smacked off the side of the bridge and smashed a bunch of it's eggs. I felt like such a fucking monster, especially the way my dad looked at me. It's such a minor memory, but I can't help but still feel bad about it to this day.


----------



## Syaoran Li (Aug 15, 2017)

I enjoy B*Witched unironically.

I also threatened a clerk at the local Wal-Mart with a hammer. I was trying to buy a tap-and-die and some WD40. And that twig boy clerk wouldn't tell me where in the hell I should go.

I think liking B*Witched unironically in 2017 might actually be worse though.






No Regrets!


----------



## Karl der Grosse (Aug 15, 2017)

I broke into a couple of houses with a friend back when I was 19 but we really didn't take anything but booze and loose money.  We were both alcoholics.


----------



## Medici (Aug 15, 2017)

I basically scammed a kid for his gameboy advance SP when I was around 10 or 9. I gave him Pokemon cards he thought were rare or some shit just because they were shiny. (it was just a couple of shitty energy cards and other cheap garbage) IIRC it had a game in it. It's probably somewhere in my closet.


----------



## 300mm (Aug 15, 2017)

In highschool, I put mayonnaise in one of the vending machine's coin returns.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 15, 2017)

When I was in high school, I got the star quarterback suspended for the championship game which we lost. He did the thing he was suspended for, but no one would have known if I hadn't ratted him out. As a result of missing that game, he didn't get a football scholarship and didn't go to college. He's a plumber now. I turned him in for using steroids. Why'd I report him? He was stalking a friend of mine, and no one would do anything about it because he was on the football team. She ended up changing schools to get away from him. He only got in trouble because he made the school look bad. All they cared about was their image. Otherwise, the football team got away with murder (not literally, as far as I know, but DUIs were routinely hushed up for example)


----------



## Ravelord (Aug 15, 2017)

Meh, I don't have too many terrible shit I commited. 

Maybe stop talking with a couple of close familiars because they acted like asshats when I trusted them. No fucking regrets, though.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Aug 15, 2017)

Syaoran Li said:


> I enjoy B*Witched unironically.
> 
> I also threatened a clerk at the local Wal-Mart with a hammer. I was trying to buy a tap-and-die and some WD40. And that twig boy clerk wouldn't tell me where in the hell I should go.
> 
> ...


I regularly want to cold-cock the fucklords at my local Walmart, it's a natural, healthy reaction to their utter incompetence.  Actually I think I might be banned after this previous Saturday, but there's always Aldi.


----------



## Deadpool (Aug 15, 2017)

When I was in highschool a group of my friends and I infested almost all the schools computers with trojan, that let us control them remotely from other computers. I'd wait until people I didn't like were done with an essay or long report, and close the program and delete it. We would lock porn on peoples computers, or make them play random soundclips. A favorite was finding a teacher with a banzai buddy (really dating myself there, fuck I'm old) and make it say ridiculous profanity laden shit. Then if they closed it we'd reopen it. Even if they deleted it we'd just redownload it remotely. 

Only one of us got caught, and they couldn't prove much so he was suspended for two weeks, and wasn't allowed to use the computers for the rest of the semester. He took it like a man, and never ratted anyone else out.


----------



## doubledigitgendergap (Aug 15, 2017)

I took over an African village's water supply and started selling the water back to the villagers at an insane rate.


----------



## Deadpool (Aug 15, 2017)

doubledigitgendergap said:


> I took over an African village's water supply and started selling the water back to the villagers at an insane rate.


Rookie, you should have sold it to rich white people as a miracle cure. They'd pay much better than some shithole african village. You probably lost money.


----------



## I'm Just A Human Bean (Aug 16, 2017)

I pooped on a friend's bed.


----------



## King (Aug 16, 2017)

I jammed my dick into one of my ex's ass the first time we fucked because she wouldn't stop talking about how her last BF's cock was "Sooooo big". The reaction was priceless, I felt terrible about it, but I never heard about any any other dude's dick again.


----------



## Mister Loser (Aug 16, 2017)

In sixth grade, after an argument about video games, I kicked my best friend square in the nuts.


----------



## KerryDixon9 (Aug 16, 2017)

DrJonesHat said:


> When I was in high school, I got the star quarterback suspended for the championship game which we lost. He did the thing he was suspended for, but no one would have known if I hadn't ratted him out. As a result of missing that game, he didn't get a football scholarship and didn't go to college. He's a plumber now. I turned him in for using steroids. Why'd I report him? He was stalking a friend of mine, and no one would do anything about it because he was on the football team. She ended up changing schools to get away from him. He only got in trouble because he made the school look bad. All they cared about was their image. Otherwise, the football team got away with murder (not literally, as far as I know, but DUIs were routinely hushed up for example)



Wrong thread dude. This thread is about confessing something shitty you've done.


----------



## Black Waltz (Aug 16, 2017)

I stole some guy's jacket when I was a freshman in high school


----------



## Virus (Aug 16, 2017)

When I was about 8, I pushed my brother into the neighbours' pond while he was wearing his favourite Anakin Skywalker costume and ran away because I thought I killed him.


----------



## Zarkov (Aug 16, 2017)

When I was bored I would look up road safety adverts on YouTube and laugh when the drunk teenagers would meet their gruesome and yet incredibly satisfying end.

I still do it from time to time, the sight of dead teenagers makes me feel all warm inside.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 16, 2017)

I stole a cable TV decoder from a booth at a flea market when I was in middle school just so I could watch the Playboy channel. This was in the dark ages of the late 80s, before the internet was widely available, and I didn't have a modem until my freshman year of high school, so BBSes were out as a source of undraped bosoms to ogle at.


----------



## LuggerSnake (Aug 16, 2017)

I glued someone's locker back in freshman year of highschool.


----------



## Dougie the puggy (Aug 16, 2017)

one night walking home drunk in my neighbourhood  I was screaming in a manly voice, I passed a house with a woman in a walker with her back turned to me outside a car and she said "sir can you help me" I'm pretty sure she needed help with groceries or something but I kept walking.....


----------



## King Bigdick (Aug 17, 2017)

I was walking around the mall when I was about in my early teens, and unbeknownst to me there was a 3 or 4 year-old-girl walking past me with her dad, and as my arm swayed with my stride I accidentally hit her in the face. It was just a tap but that's all it takes to make a toddler cry hysterically, and her dad didn't notice what happened and was super annoyed and began yelling at her. I never power-walked away from something that quickly before.


----------



## UnicornPiss (Aug 17, 2017)

I've had sex in the missionary position purely for the purpose of procreation.
I'm a monster.


----------



## MalWart (Aug 17, 2017)

There was a tard in my Algebra class who'd spend most of the period fidgeting with his Yu-Gi-Oh cards. While he was arguing with the teacher for not paying attention, I sung under my breath "Yu-Gi-Oh cards roasting on an open fire..." and the other students laughed their asses off.

He overheard it, and threatened to kick my ass. He was ready to attack, so I ended up doing something stupid- I threw a pen at him as he was approaching me.

After an administrator intervened, the kid wanted me to be his friend, but I was not having it. To paraphrase Phil Collins, if he told me he was drowning, I would not lend a hand.


----------



## AN/ALR56 (Aug 17, 2017)

i stole a kitty from a house, never returned, the house looked like shit and i thought it was abandoned, the kitty also had a broken rib that never healed properly, you could feel the bump on her chest.

Sadly my sociopath neighboor kid stole her and tortured her to death, but we couldnt do shit because we had no proof.

Also one time i was feeding my dog (A old ass chow-chow) and he bit me, i was kinda angry already and i kicked him, next day he got bitten by a snake and died and i still feel pretty bad about it.


----------



## BillionBisonBucks (Aug 18, 2017)

Cheated on a bunch of women. 

Stole anything I could lay hands on (at stores) for years to whet my skill.

I frequently apply intimate knowledge of people to hurt them as much as I'm able. 

And lastly, I'm the *biggest* credit risk. I have the lowest credit score I've ever seen.


----------



## OneMillionRPM (Aug 18, 2017)

This girl I liked back in high school had a forum that she and her friends made. Thinking I could break her and her boyfriend up, I linked to the site on a small chan's raid board, posing as her boyfriend in an attempt to frame him. The admin of the forum found out the next day, the girl's boyfriend went in the raid thread and sperged out, and within the week the site was shut down. No actual raiding happened, the admin just shut it down herself before things got worse.

Not only was it shitty, but it was also really stupid because I have no idea what I saw in her. She was just that one girl in school, you know, the one all the losers thought they could get with because she was a weeaboo with half-decent personality and looks. I guess I just fell for the same trap all the others did.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Aug 19, 2017)

Shit, I could be here all night typing.

My mortal enemy has become handicapped, and I pretty much told them they had it coming. #1 on the list of their crimes was murdering one of my pets.


----------



## dougebag (Aug 19, 2017)

I took a dump in a bag and threw it on my neighbors roof, they did not find out until a week later. The birds had pecked open the bag and the shit had reacted with the roof made it corrode. They thought it was some scum teens from across the street who had done it.


----------



## DumbDosh (Aug 20, 2017)

I accidentally left a guy stranded at a 7/11 and didn't go back.

When I was a kid an older kid asked if he could play my game boy and I said he could but only if he slammed his head hard against a wall 10 times, and he did it.

And one time I farted and blamed it on the weird kid nobody liked and everyone believed me and started getting mad at him.


----------



## heymate (Aug 22, 2017)

Okay, this is going to be a bit long, but here goes.

One time (this was back around 2011 or so), my little brother Robby and I saw this prank call video on YouTube where a guy got his local Walmart to go on lockdown because of his fake lost kid. Back then, we were really stupid and also really impressionable. So one night, Mom and Dad were going out for dinner, and told us that me, Robby, and Margaret (my big sister) were staying home alone and that we had to be on our best behavior. Anyway, after they drove off, we had our dinner and I went to my room to watch TV and I was bored as crap. So like after a while, I impulsively grabbed the cordless phone, _dialed 911_, and got Robby in there in my room with me.

Honestly, looking back, we were way too old _not_ to know better than to do this. But we did anyway, thinking we could get away with it if we knew what we were doing. Well... we didn't know what we were doing. I was trying to disguise my voice to sound like a concerned father and it wasn't a very good imitation. We didn't even _try_ to create a convincing store atmosphere in the background either.

Eventually, the dispatcher asked to speak to a Walmart employee for further information or something. Anyway, Robby said he wanted to be the employee, so I gave the phone to him and he tried to sound like a lady. He didn't sound like a lady as much as he did a kid holding his nose and speaking in a high-pitched voice. After the dispatcher asked for the "clerk's" name, she told us that she knew that this was a prank and that she was sending police to our house to arrest us. Well, me and Robby started screaming into the phone that we would never do this again and to not arrest us, but she hung up. We called back and apologized some more to no avail before hanging up and just hiding out in my room.

Soon, we heard the dogs barking outside and then there were cops banging on the door telling us to open up. I ran outside before Margaret could and there were a couple of squad cars outside and some policemen were walking around with flashlights and asking about "the guy who kept prank-calling 911 and hanging up" or something like that. At the same time, I was trying to get all these cops to leave, telling them that they had come to the wrong house, but they knew better. Margaret rushes outside and starts begging the police not to take us to jail, and in all the mess, Mom and Dad come home from their dinner date, and I remember that they looked confused and shocked and stuff. They started talking to one of the cops while Robby and I ran back in to go hide again.

To make a long story short, me and Robby were grounded for several weeks with no TV time, no internet, and no video games. I got an extra week because it was originally my idea, and neither of us were trusted around phones for quite some time afterwards. Some days I look back on this event and just wonder why we even did such a thing.


----------



## Lagombi_fan (Aug 22, 2017)

I told my Ex's dad that she was dating older men when she was 17 as a bit of petty revenge. To be fair though it was all over her Snapchat.


----------



## Sylvie Paula Paula (Aug 22, 2017)

I used to take things from the Lost and Found that nobody would claim. One of them was a Vera Bradley lunchbox with stuff still in it... I just took the stuff in it out (it was old plastic cutlery and sandwich containers) and put it at the lost and found.


----------



## Ntwadumela (Aug 22, 2017)




----------



## Morose_Obesity (Aug 22, 2017)

UnicornPiss said:


> I've had sex in the missionary position purely for the purpose of procreation.
> I'm a monster.


Normie reeeeeeeeeeeee


----------



## UnicornPiss (Aug 22, 2017)

Sylvie Paula Paula said:


> I used to take things from the Lost and Found that nobody would claim. One of them was a Vera Bradley lunchbox with stuff still in it... I just took the stuff in it out (it was old plastic cutlery and sandwich containers) and put it at the lost and found.


I've stolen money from a kid's purse at the lost and found at the movie theater where I worked. The vests and L&F were in the same closet so it was damned easy. Took plenty of other smaller things, but that money slightly haunted me for about a week.


----------



## D. Sweatshirt (Aug 23, 2017)

I kicked someone in the nuts while wearing steel-toed boots. Never again.


----------



## Terrorist (Aug 23, 2017)

I ran a scam on the ghetto black kids back in 4th grade. I figured out they loved yugioh but didn't know how much the cards actually costed (since they just took them from other kids), so I sold them these really cheap, shitty ones for like $10 apiece. Teachers found out and I was put on some kind of probation for it (idk what exactly).

But the best part is that dad acted super pissed when he found out, but I later overheard him talking about it with grandpa, laughing about how easily blacks are separated from their money. I love the Polish, they're such shitlords.


----------



## oasys (Aug 23, 2017)

Me and some mates came across a small church of mostly elderly folks on Karaoke Night. They were very friendly and made us cheese toasties.  
We snatched their money while I distracted them with an emotional rendition of "Imagine." 

I forgot about this until recently when I watched Trainspotting 2 and they had a nearly identical scene.


----------



## Rupin (Aug 23, 2017)

I went on Pof as my favorite youtuber and catfished the shit out of some 50 year old dude. I felt really sorry for him afterwards because he was really into her and it didn't turn out as funny as I thought it would be.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 23, 2017)

Some of you make me wonder if you're persons of interest in unsolved crimes.


----------



## Francis E. Dec Esc. (Aug 23, 2017)

Back in the early 2000s I used to buy an external modem at CompUSA or Fry's, take the modem apart and remove the PCB, put a couple of flattened beer cans in the case so it wouldn't be too light, and then take it back to the store and get my money back because the modem didn't work. Then I'd either use the modem myself, give it to a friend, or sell it at a hamfest.


----------



## Haltmann (Aug 24, 2017)

When I was a little kid, I put empty cups back in the fridge.


----------



## BatNapalm (Aug 24, 2017)

2011, I was living in Stinktown a.k.a. Cleveland and I was on sick leave at work due to a terrible and highly contagious eye infection, which had landed me in the ER the night before.

I had to see a specialist at the clinic the next morning and I was forced to take public transportation  (for which Cleveand deserves  a "Worst In the First World" trophy). I was approached by a young black gentleman while waiting for the bus, which had broken down because OH NOE we were having a slightly worse than average snowstorm and Cleveland's dogshit infrastructure only had 200 years to adapt to the lake effect.

So this black fellow asks to use my cellphone as he needs to call his work and tell them he'll be late due to the bus. So me, with my still-contagious  conjectivitis...lets him.

Hope you didn't touch your face, dawg.


----------



## Meat_Puppet (Aug 24, 2017)

I remember back when we spent a summer with family in Georgia. One terrible thing I did was I hooked up with a guy, broke into a church, had sex in said church, took money from the donation box and lifted a few bottles of wine. The ironic part being we both had to goto that same church in the morning and try so hard not to laugh when the pastor went on about the break in.


----------



## Burgers in the ass (Aug 24, 2017)

WhatNemesisMeans said:


> When I was bored I would look up road safety adverts on YouTube and laugh when the drunk teenagers would meet their gruesome and yet incredibly satisfying end.
> 
> I still do it from time to time, the sight of dead teenagers makes me feel all warm inside.


Reminds me of the two times where I burst out laughing in a cinema when kids in an advert about car safety were describing how their family members were killed in car accidents.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 25, 2017)

Francis E. Dec Esc. said:


> Back in the early 2000s I used to buy an external modem at CompUSA or Fry's, take the modem apart and remove the PCB, put a couple of flattened beer cans in the case so it wouldn't be too light, and then take it back to the store and get my money back because the modem didn't work. Then I'd either use the modem myself, give it to a friend, or sell it at a hamfest.


Consider how horrible CompUSA was, I don't blame you for doing that. What'd you put the PCB in so it wouldn't get damaged?


----------



## Francis E. Dec Esc. (Aug 25, 2017)

DrJonesHat said:


> Consider how horrible CompUSA was, I don't blame you for doing that. What'd you put the PCB in so it wouldn't get damaged?



I usually just kept it propped on a piece of cardboard on a shelf.


----------



## Antipathy (Aug 25, 2017)

I once wrote erotic fanfiction.

I was given 20$. It was totally worth it.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Aug 25, 2017)

I once wrote copy for websites. Most were pretty normal, "write articles for this dentist's office, write something for this plumbing company" etc. It wasn't particularly hard. But I also wrote stuff for obvious scams, like MLM companies, supplement companies, real estate crap, you know the type. I was desperate for money at that point, and short of turning to a life of armed robbery, that was the only thing I could find then.


----------



## Magique (Sep 1, 2017)

There was a lan party of halo2 and each person had to bring something to everyone in the party. My boyfriend, I don't remember why, decided that we should bring cube of cheese and cube of butter mixed so nobody could see the difference. I wanted to please my boyfriend since we just got together and I done it with him. 

But later, at the party, someone was very drunk so while he was in the restroom, I took his bottle of vodka and switch it for water. He never noticed the diffenrence and kept saying, THIS IS SO GOOD VODKA MATE! Look at this, i'm good at halo while drunk! 

Good times!


----------



## Hui (Sep 1, 2017)

I like to trigger autism on every website I visit.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Sep 1, 2017)

I skipped out on a family reunion to go to a strip club.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Sep 1, 2017)

My worst enemy almost died from a strep infection and I trolled the shit out of their Facebook while they were in the hospital. 
Cost them more friends telling them the truth about this festering ass wart.


----------



## Bandit Keith (Sep 2, 2017)

You guys are a bunch of meanie butts


----------



## Muttnik (Sep 2, 2017)

In junior high, I made one of my bullies delete their entire english paper by telling them that DEL stood for 'deliver'. I'd seen someone do it on a show once and wanted to try it out for myself for some sweet revenge. Never got caught. Hope she enjoyed getting points off for that late grade.


----------



## MW 002 (Sep 3, 2017)

In high school, I was contemplating stealing my neighbour's gun for the purpose of scaring some kids in my class- I ended up chickening out because I didn't want to go to juvie for being a wannabe school shooter.


----------



## MirnaMinkoff (Sep 3, 2017)

When I was in college I lived on a street that was mostly students, save for one bitter old man who hated students.  Old man would walk the street three times a day and call to report any car that didn't have a street parking permit to be towed.  The cops hated his constant bullshit and his insisting they come by x3 per day to ticket/tow. Nothing like doing bong hits in your living room and hearing the crackling of a cop's CB radio thanks to grandpa calling the cops once again to check every car on the street at 10 pm.

Anyway I had a parking permit, I had been using it for at least six months.  The old man saw my car with it on the rearview mirror everyday and knew I was a legal permit parker.  One day the permit happened to fall off my rearview mirror and the asshole had my car ticketed and towed when he damn well knew I was a legal parker and resident of the street.

I went to the hunting goods store and bought a bottle of skunk piss that deer hunters use.  I got my friend in a vet school to get me a big ass gauge syringe used on large animals.  I filled the syringe full of skunk piss and in the middle of the night went to the old man's car and punctured the rubber seal around his car windows and tanked his car full of skunk piss. I left a note, "This is your final warning parking nazi"  Skunk piss is permanent, there is no cleaning that shit out or removing the smell.  I didn't get to see the beauty of him opening his car door and getting hit like a freight train by the smell the next morning but I did get to see the car disappearing forever afterwards and suddenly so did the x3 a day parking patrol. I heard months later that the local cops thought it was fucking hilarious what happened to the old man.


----------



## Zarkov (Sep 5, 2017)

I never thank people for following me.


----------



## WorldsSmartestManRonOTool (Sep 5, 2017)

I had an ongoing dispute with a guy, and threw a cow's head through his front window around 3am.  Didn't have any more problems with him after that though.


----------



## Paige Matheson (Sep 5, 2017)

I found a black bag outside a mall once, it contained $748 and an ID. I kept the money and tossed the bag and ID card.


----------



## Weenus Salesman (Sep 6, 2017)

One time my brother tickled me until I puked

I aimed my puke at him


----------



## LazarusOwenhart (Sep 6, 2017)

I got a dude sacked and arrested even though I knew he had a new baby and a disabled wife. He was a cunt, feels good man.


----------



## AlephOne2Many (Sep 6, 2017)

Spoiler



I'm sharing with you all that I've just had a bout of severe diarrhea, just a few minutes ago!

Is that a "shitty" thing for me to do? To share that?


----------



## SwanDive (Sep 6, 2017)

I jerked off over a girl in a coma because i have daddy issues and ptsd from fighting aliens in a giant robot

_I'm so fucked up_


----------



## SwanDive (Sep 6, 2017)

Eva memes aside, here's a fun story

So during the winter when I was in 7th grade, was over at a friend's place. We were snowboarding and sledding on the hill in front of his house. 

At one point, I thought it would be cool to see if the snowboard would flip when it hit the ditch next to the road. So I dropped my snowboard and let it fall down the hill. Except it didn't flip when it hit the ditch, it slid onto the road. Before I could run down and retrieve it, a car drove by and hit the snowboard. I guest that caused the driver to lose control and he crashed his car maybe 100 feet down the road.

Funny thing is, I guess because I was over at my friend's house, the cops pegged the responsibility on them. I was at home, worried about being arrested. Long story short, my friend's parents ended up fronting the insuranse bill and I got of scot free

We're no longer friends.


----------



## Nazi vegeta (Sep 7, 2017)

Killed a whole lot of ducks and chicks, when I was really young, like 4 or 5 I guess, and my parents kept buying them, just because I wanted more.
Stole a couple of toys from some classmates in elementary school.
But the thing Im most ashamed of, is ignoring a childhood friend when she needed help the most, just because my mother told me so.
I even had some feelings for the girl, event though she was a bitch sometimes. the story is a bit complicated and I dont know all the details, but Im pretty sure my father and the girl's father, were doing some shady shit together.
One day the girls father dies and her mother has mental breakdown, so she goes to live with her grandma. after sometimes, her grandma comes to my house asking for financial help, bringing the girl along.
my mother refuses  because my father was in jail, so we could not afford it.
That was the last time I saw or heard about her and I didnt even speak to her, because my mother said we had to cut ties, even though she was sorry about it.
I still feel like shit to this day about it. I wish I had the balls
To disobey my mother and keep contact with her.

Ps im not black nor was the girl.


----------



## Deadwaste (Sep 7, 2017)

i'm a member of this website. that is a good enough answer to explain a lot


----------



## CabbageMan (Sep 7, 2017)

After I found my now-ex though at the time boyfriend of 9 years sexting a bitch he met on twitch, I posted all their nudes to imgur with his online handle. I now sit and wait for the crawlers to start turning it up in Google searches. She had the gall to act nice to me in streams, on twitter, and Facebook while knowingly fucking around with my boyfriend.

Her vagina looked like rancid roast beef.

Also, she typed like a 12 year old. One if the best texts: "*drinks (name)-kun's cum* ^^"

Yeah I'm still bitter.


----------



## CumStainedFloorTiles (Sep 7, 2017)

I went to a birthday party in like third or fourth grade and got the birthday girl a stuffed animal. (Specifically a black lab.) Another annoying rich girl at the party was like "omg thats a cute toy what should we name it". I stared blankly at her and jokingly said "Negro. Because it's spanish for black". This girl unironically agreed and said out loud "Why don't we name the dog Negro?" Almost immediately all the other girls flipped shit at her and she tried to blame it on me but they didn't believe her because everyone thought I was too nice to say something like that. I somewhat regret it but then again it was really funny. 

Another story is when some mildly autistic midget tried to take my wallet and I just punched him in the face. He ran off to the bathroom to cry. I didn't and still don't care because he tried to take my wallet and he was a fucking nerd.


----------



## MerriedxReldnahc (Sep 10, 2017)

I run a little side-business off of Craigslist writing college papers for people. I guess that's not terribly shitty as they'd probably hire someone else even if I wasn't doing it. Some of these people are kinda stupid too. I should expect that from people who would rather give their money to a stranger on the internet than write a two-page paper, but some of them can barely write a coherent email. You're in college, you fuck. You should understand how punctuation works.

so if any of yall want a paper written I'm your Huckleberry

*edit* Also my pen name for paper writing was borrowed from a certain John Waters movie character.


----------



## polonium (Sep 13, 2017)

One of my friends was hoping to become a police officer. The night before he went to do his initial interview I convinced him to get drunk and high with me. He didn't want to because of having his important interview and tests the next  a day, but I bullied him into it. He got drug tested and they dropped him straight away.
I feel bad because he _really _wanted to be in the police force


----------



## SomethingWittyandBadass (Sep 13, 2017)

Stole my girlfriend from some guy who was asexual, except it was a bit more fucked up because he did not feel anything. He didn't say I love you to her. He didn't just say anything which was fucked up even more because Asexuality is more than just not feeling according to tumblr and society who are stupid enough to make people like this feel good. So a bit more digging into the guy, he's basically been abused by his own ex girlfriend. I felt sorry for him but at the same time, I wanted my best friend for 2 years to be my girlfriend.  And she finally picked me and basically still keeps in contact with ex boyfriend sometimes but I think he hates her for not staying with him and basically being used as a crutch. That or he's just a douchebag who's ignoring her.


----------



## NQ 952 (Sep 13, 2017)

I told a suicidal, bi-polar, depressed person to kill themselves. That was kinda shitty.


----------



## AlephOne2Many (Sep 13, 2017)

I used my moms card without permission


----------



## Mysterious Capitalist (Sep 13, 2017)

LordKaT said:


> I told a suicidal, bi-polar, depressed person to kill themselves. That was kinda shitty.



You told Spoony to kill himself? That's mean


----------



## NQ 952 (Sep 13, 2017)

Mysterious Capitalist said:


> You told Spoony to kill himself? That's mean



I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. I'm so tired. I've been up since 4am.


----------



## Mysterious Capitalist (Sep 13, 2017)

LordKaT said:


> I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. I'm so tired. I've been up since 4am.



How many suicidal, bi-polar, depressed people do you know? You should hang out with more adjusted people.



Spoiler



The fact that we're both users of this website shouldn't add too much irony to that last statement.


----------



## Overcast (Sep 13, 2017)

Back when Hollywood Video was still a thing, I stole an instruction manual from one of the games boxes.

Someone needs to chop off my hands.


----------



## Meat_Puppet (Sep 14, 2017)

I dodged having to goto my dad's prision sentencing so I could sneak into a Kittie concert.


----------



## MW 002 (Sep 15, 2017)

So it happened when I was in kindergarten. There was this boy named James who took a liking to pulling my hair and calling me his "future wife" even though we were just five years old. For some reason I got really defensive when other kids would join in on calling me his future wife, so much that I would have near meltdowns about it (much to the entertainment of the other kids). 

Then I learned from James' twin brother that he's allergic to peanut butter. My mom had packed me a peanut butter sandwich. On that same day, when he decided to rip out a strand of my hair (the teacher had stepped out of the class for a minute or two) and ran I decided I had enough of this bullshit and screamed "EAT PEANUT BUTTER!" while proceeding to throw my sandwich across the room and having it smack James in the face. The teacher came back and started freaking out because James was having an allergic reaction. I was then suspended for a week. 

That's literally the only thing from Kindergarten I can remember.


----------



## CWCchange (Sep 15, 2017)

On the school bus after a day of teenage angst in middle school, I flipped off some kids who were waving to us in an adjacent car at a traffic light. The mother noticed and her reaction seemed quite furious, as I quickly turned my head and pretended nothing happened.


----------



## LittleShrigtrap (Sep 15, 2017)

I told a retarded guy in my class during sports in 6th grade to sing and i shoved a mushroom in his mouth.


----------



## Caesare (Sep 15, 2017)

Elru said:


> When I was a little kid I used to play in the creek behind my grandparent's home in the country. We would swim and make dams and catch crayfish.
> 
> One time I remember my dad showing me a crayfish that was carrying a cluster of eggs under it's tail. He let me hold it, and then said I should toss it up in the deep part under the bridge.
> 
> Well, I went to toss it but my aim was so shit it smacked off the side of the bridge and smashed a bunch of it's eggs. I felt like such a fucking monster, especially the way my dad looked at me. It's such a minor memory, but I can't help but still feel bad about it to this day.



This is sooooo good. I can imagine your father looking looking at you in bitter disappointment for being such a failure.


----------



## SweetTeaMcgee (Sep 15, 2017)

So one time I thought this kid I was talking to on the Internet, that said he had Autism, had some mild form of it. So whenever he did some stupid shit I'd make fun of him (as much as I would anyone else) for it, as did everyone else in our tight-knit little group. This escalated for a while until I was constantly berating him with everyone else, figuratively, standing on the sidelines just watching. For some reason I didn't think at the time I was taking it too far. It came out later that he had borderline low functioning Autism, had to go to a special school for it, along with some sort of down syndrome. Nobody had noticed up until that point.


----------



## DatBepisTho (Sep 15, 2017)

When I was 12, and while we were camping with my parents, I convinced my niece that skunks were just ugly cats.


----------



## exhausted (Sep 15, 2017)

payed a dude a dollar to snort powdered hot sauce


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Sep 15, 2017)

I called my ex-girlfriend's Mom and left a hilarious message doing a perfect impression of her(they had never heard it), I mean shit was fucked up. She posted about some "sick individual" on Facebook.
 Oh, she also had a stroke and became a 400 lb tärd since we broke up. But I was drunk.


----------



## Faint taste of butter (Sep 16, 2017)

I once worked at a service that brought old or ill people warm food to their house, and many of them just had a safe for the keys to their house standing outside. When my supervisor wasn' t looking I wrote down all the codes in case I ever wanted to break in at any of their houses. So far I was too much of a chicken since all of them live in pretty lively areas.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Sep 16, 2017)

I had someone convinced we were at war with Canada over maple syrup smuggling. They actually went to CNN to check. I weep for the future.


----------



## Gym Leader Elesa (Sep 16, 2017)

I've never done anything wrong.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Sep 16, 2017)

Gym Leader Elesa said:


> I've never done anything wrong.


Never done anything wrong, or never gotten caught?


----------



## Caesare (Sep 16, 2017)

DrJonesHat said:


> Never done anything wrong, or never gotten caught?



What's the difference?



Despairagus said:


> I'm the coworker who steals food that isn't locked up.



Ppl get murdered over this.


----------



## H4nzn1 (Sep 16, 2017)

I used a temp email instead of actual email on this website, which was possibly a dumb mistake I'm going to regret later.


----------



## Dymentia (Sep 16, 2017)

about a year ago I faked having a crush on a guy for attention.


----------



## DICKPICSRUS (Sep 16, 2017)

during elementary school I got picked on by a couple of black kids they kept stealing my stuff. 

So one day I got up to sharpen my pencil and came back and stabbed one of them in the arm , but it was more of a poke. He cried like a little bitch 
And they didn't mess with me ever again.  
The End


----------



## Picklepower (Sep 16, 2017)

When I was kid once in like 5th grade at a summer program, I accidently sharted in my pants, so I went to the bathroom and threw my underwear away and went commando for the rest of the day.


----------



## MW 002 (Sep 20, 2017)

I kicked a mini donkey once in rage when it refused to move forward when I was leading it out to pasture.

Even though it was a long time ago, I still feel guilty about it.


----------



## Clownfish (Sep 20, 2017)

I give free beers to people who graduate alcoholic anonymous


----------



## DuckSucker (Oct 23, 2017)

When I was a kid my friends were into phone phreaking and we used to hang out behind movie theaters and blue box and call up blockbuster or any other old ass teen-run business, and my one friend was really good at being charming, so he would get them to tell us their credit card numbers under the guise that he was a victim of identity theft and wanted to verify and update his credit card data, so he needed the old data and CVV code in order to update it or whatever. We bought some shit that way. Honestly Dynastia reminds me of the one dude.

They nearly got arrested a few times but I was the fall dude because Im an idiot, and I held their shit so when they got in trouble they didnt have any evidence on them and we were able to weasel out.

It's real fun to be holding a class b felony's worth of telecommunication devices but worm your way out because youre 15 and white and you just happened to lose your quarter and were ironically trying to dismantle the phone booth further than it already had been.



Clownfish said:


> I give free beers to people who graduate alcoholic anonymous


Give me one pls.


----------



## Pina Colada (Oct 23, 2017)

11-year-old me killed one of my pet goldfish by squeezing it because I thought it was getting too fat from the fish flakes (which it wasn't, but I was dumb). My mom didn't get any more afterwards.


----------



## The Great Chandler (Oct 23, 2017)

Reward me for my sins!


----------



## NailsOnAChalkboard (Oct 23, 2017)

This happened all the way back in high school but I still remember and feel terribly guilty about it.

My closest friend at the time and I had a class together that I constantly forgot to do the homework for, but that he always had ready. You were supposed to hand it in at the beginning of class and you were not able to hand it in late, leaving you with a zero in the grade book if you didn't turn anything in.

One day (the day after an assignment had been handed in) the teacher pulls me aside and shows me a piece of paper. He asks if it is my homework because there was no name on it. It was my friends. We had almost identical handwriting and were prone to doodling the same weird shapes in the margins, so there was no way for him to tell if I was lying unless my friend came forward and claimed it.

I said it was mine.

Teacher never bothered to ask him.

He took the zero and later complained to me that he had sworn he turned it in. All I could do was avoid eye contact and go "huh. Weird."


----------



## Whatdidyousay? (Oct 23, 2017)

Used to dabble in illegal activities. Word got around that someone I knew was slagging my product off. Unlucky for him he didnt know it was my product. And I didn't like him anyway.

So I got buddy buddy with him over a few weeks. Few beers here and there. I then spiked the beer with raw sewerage from a treatment plant. Not just any sewerage tho. Concentrated sludge. 

He was hospitalised. Throwing up black stuff. Feel bad about it now days. I could have given him anything.


----------



## Doug_Hitzel (Oct 23, 2017)

I come here to feel good about myself. Also, I knowingly infect negative nellies with HIV.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Oct 23, 2017)

I get incredibly verbally abusive to bill collectors, shit that would give Gordon Ramsay pause


----------



## AtrocityVoyeur (Oct 23, 2017)

I was nice to the special ed kids in elementary school (gee, I wonder why) but one of them followed me like a puppy, dashing my hopes of hanging out with anyone halfway neurotypical. 

When he tried pulling this shit in front of a girl I liked, I kicked the crap out of him. I can still hear his blubbery moans all these decades later.


----------



## doubledigitgendergap (Oct 23, 2017)

I volunteered at a marathon event and was responsible for distributing beverages to the runners.
Instead of handing the paper cups to them however, I threw them at them. They couldn't stop and complain or else they'd sacrifice their pacing/place in the race, and they went a few extra miles without a drink.


----------



## tehpope (Oct 23, 2017)

I don't hold doors open for people.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Oct 24, 2017)

Clownfish said:


> I give free beers to people who graduate alcoholic anonymous


I haven’t graduated aa but I’ll take anything but Pete’s wicked ale. That is pretty much skunk piss.


----------



## DrJonesHat (Oct 25, 2017)

When I was 17, I was a goddamn menace on the road. One night, my friend was following me in his car as we drove to my house. He kept honking his horn so I turned around to see why, but kept my foot on the gas. I jumped the curb into someone's yard and took out their mailbox. I gunned it and disappeared into the night, followed by my friend. Nothing ever happened to me, and I passed off the damage on my car as someone hitting me while I was parked. The mailbox was replaced with one of those solid brick varieties so I never did that again. However, karma eventually got around to crossing me off her list, as years later, someone drove across my lawn and took out my mailbox, along with the tree next to it (small tree).


----------



## cunt bucket (Oct 25, 2017)

I have a cunty transtrender friend who thinks she's male. She was stupid enough to give me her password once, so a month ago I hacked into her accounts and changed her gender to female, and put her full name everywhere. When she found out, she posted statuses about how she was hacked and that she was "literally shaking."

I don't regret it lmfao

EDIT: Btw, the only reason I'm friends with her is so I can take screenshots of the stupid shit she says and show it to my friend so we can laugh and make fun of her.


----------



## The Un-Clit (Oct 27, 2017)

I dropped a nearly full Double Gulp onto the head of an old East Indian turban-wearing dude from the 3rd floor of our local mall when in grade 4.  Luckily I missed cos I heard the KA-BANG!! as it hit the ground and detonated, I probably would have caved his fuckin' skull in with that depth charge.  He got a monster soaker however, as my buds and I saw from a further away ledge.

Actually me and my friends used to make an art form of dropping wood-chips or pennies into the coffees or soft drinks of people stupid enough to sit below the railing over the 2nd floor in the bottom floor food court.  Somehow or other we never got busted.   

I really was a complete little asshole as a kid and I would have kicked the shit out of myself if I met myself now as I was then.


----------



## DrunkJoe (Oct 27, 2017)

I bought this to torture my friends and basically wanting to watch the world burn


----------



## Pepito The Cat (Oct 27, 2017)

I had a very shitty job with a very shitty boss, once. I hated the guy so systematically introduced 200 cc of black HP printer ink into his black coffee for a span of 2 years.

I hope he dead by now.


----------



## Star Stuff (Oct 27, 2017)

I generally try to be nice to most people and help them through things, but someone was lamenting themselves so much and said life sucked hard constantly, so I just told them they should probably just kill themselves.

I'm a madlad, I know.


----------



## Paralethal (Oct 27, 2017)

I broke into a church to steal their alcohol.


----------



## Jan_Hus (Oct 27, 2017)

Paralethal said:


> I broke into a church to steal their alcohol.


God will punish you. Unless they were Catholics you stole from, in which case, He'll give you a medal.


----------



## The Un-Clit (Oct 27, 2017)

Paralethal said:


> I broke into a church to steal their alcohol.



Funny true story here: My father was sent to a Catholic 'boy's school' (and of course grew up to HATE religion after that) and he and his buddies would constantly get in shit for fucking with the head boy or proctor or whatever the name is for the student who is the 'boss' of the dorm.  This boy was also trusted with the keys to the room where the communal wine and hosts were stored....I bet you can see where this is going.

So late one night, Dad and his friends crept up to the guy while he was asleep, and started whispering questions to him, not enough to totally wake him up, but enough to get a garbled response. Eventually they got the location of the keys out of him somehow, unlocked the room and went in.

Come the next morning, the head priest hears loud laughter coming from outside of the dorm area, and opens the store room to see Dad and his friends pissed out of their skulls on communion wine, and throwing the holy hosts around the room and at each other like frizbees.    The day after that, they were on the choo-choo train headed back home. Dad went to a regular school after that.


----------



## ES 148 (Oct 27, 2017)

A girl hanged herself in the local woods on my favourite rope swing back when I was in secondary school, and it was taken down out of respect. 
I somehow didn't get the reasoning behind it being taken down so I spent about half a day trying to get a new one up in the same spot, only for someone to take it down again the next day. I didn't put one up again after that, but young me certainly made sure to bring it up whenever people talked about her suicide.


it was a damn good rope swing okay


----------



## Yeeb-Renzo (Oct 27, 2017)

>Be me
>5th grader
>In math class
>see new kid come in class and the teacher announces him as a new student.
>Kid was pretty fat as fuck for a 5th grader, like, he had the buddha belly of Chris Chan and the head of a Slaton Sister with his eye sockets quite deep in his head from the all of the protruding fat.
>Get to know him for a couple of months.
>Realize that he’s a pretty weird-ass, annoying kid.
>He talks and acts likes a kiddish 2nd grader, brings in food in Walmart plastic bags with canned food and shit, likes wrestling and John Cena for some reason, likes to make loud, random noises and phrases when we’re trying to work and learn in class, and likes to steal other people’s shit when nobody’s using them; like leftover food and school stuff.
>He becomes a pet-peeve of mine.
>Nobody really likes him.
>one day sits right next to me and my friends while we were eating at lunch.
>we all groaned silently.
>“idea.mp3”
>ask my friend if he has any money, tells me he has a five on him, tell him my idea, he complies and gives it to me.
>Tell the fat kid if he wants a bet.
>Tell him if he can take some mashed potatoes and put it on “that” girl’s hair overthere for 5 bucks.
>“Me pointing to this obviously abused, edgy, hair-died girl over by the corner table.”
>He complies like the ignorant, weird kid he is.
>Takes a handful of his mashed taters, walks over to the girl, and rubs it on her hair nice and slowly, like trying to get shit off of your hand by rubbing it against a wall.
>We were all laughing, snorting and sitting there in disbelief that he actually did that for 5 dollars.
>He was about to return only to be stopped and beated batshit crazy by this angered  edge girl.
>She was throwing punches left and right at this kid’s face, and at the same time, the kid was blocking the punches with his big flabby arms against his face.
>Everyone was watching this fight now...
>At this point, we all booked it out of the lunch room because we knew we were gonna get in trouble if stayed any longer. 
>we hid in the hallways until the bell rang for the next class, and continued to go through the rest of the day normally.
>The next day comes,
>See that the fat kid isn’t in my math class.
>Assumed that he must’ve gotten into detention or had to sit in a special desk by the school office workers.
>Work through the rest of the day with an ever growing anxiety that the fat kid might snitch on us.
>day ends, never got approached by any councilor in class or out.
>ask the rest of my friends if they ever got approached by a teacher, they also said no.
>Sitting there being confused about why any of us hasn’t gotten in trouble yet, when it finally hit me...
>This kid wasn’t just weird and annoying, he was anti-social too. 
>He doesn’t know anybody’s name but the teachers’ because he never interacted with other people his age and was afraid to do so.
>He wasn’t able tell the principle we made the bet on him, because he didn’t know our names at all, so he just got in trouble by himself...
>Theory was proven correct, as weeks have passed, and we have yet to have ever gotten approached by a councilor.
>mfw I bribed a kid to put mashed potatoes in a abused girl’s hair.
>mfw I got that fat kid in trouble.
>mfw I never got in trouble.
>mfw we never gave him his $5...

Also I don’t know whatever happened to that abused girl since she doesn’t go to any of the classes I do, I guess she got in trouble with the fat kid too and never knew who told him the bet, since she never approached us days after that incident.


----------



## Islamic Creampie (Oct 28, 2017)

Back in school I wrote "Go back to Russia" on the locker belonging to a Serbian exchange chick while skipping class. She burst into tears when she saw it.


----------



## HY 140 (Oct 28, 2017)

one time I told a crippled kid I was going to shove his walking cane up his ass if he didn't shut the fuck up


----------



## ZeCommissar (Oct 28, 2017)

When me and my friend were edgy faggot teens we walked down a narrow road with thick woods on both sides frequently to get from A to B in our town.
We got the idea to put a bunch of trash into the road for cars to hit. We found long boards with nails, pointed hem upward, and made it unavoidable across the road. We put tires, lamps, heavy rocks, etc found on the side to fill in gaps.

We ran into the woods and found a spot to lie down where we could see most of the road, and waited with binoculars. One truck with a confederate flag painted on the hood hit it, but suffered no real damage, and then a SUV hit it and popped a tire.

Most people stopped in time to turn around, and a few even got out to dismantle our hard work, so we quickly came out of the woods to put it back up. We even "improved" it the last time by shitting and pissing on it incase someone tried to touch it.

 The last time we did it the police were called, so we ran through the woods in pitch blackness back to a road towards my house.

Good times

TL;DR me and my friend made a makeshift spike trap


----------



## kitty shit (Oct 28, 2017)

I once went stoned to work. I worked in retail so it probably wasn't that big of a deal, but I still did it so yeah probably one of the worse things I've done? Another time back when I was in my early teens I had a family member who was chronically ill and got strong meds for it. I stole about half of them and took a couple each day before school for a while cos being a bratty little twat I thought school sucked so hard you could just not give a fuck about giving a fuck.


----------



## Clown Baby (Oct 28, 2017)

When I was in middle school my best friend and I broke into another kids house and threw a bowl of jello out of the fridge onto the floor because we hated him. The family was at church when we did it.


----------



## Morose_Obesity (Oct 28, 2017)

The Un-Clit said:


> I dropped a nearly full Double Gulp onto the head of an old East Indian turban-wearing dude from the 3rd floor of our local mall when in grade 4.  Luckily I missed cos I heard the KA-BANG!! as it hit the ground and detonated, I probably would have caved his fuckin' skull in with that depth charge.  He got a monster soaker however, as my buds and I saw from a further away ledge.
> 
> Actually me and my friends used to make an art form of dropping wood-chips or pennies into the coffees or soft drinks of people stupid enough to sit below the railing over the 2nd floor in the bottom floor food court.  Somehow or other we never got busted.
> 
> I really was a complete little asshole as a kid and I would have kicked the shit out of myself if I met myself now as I was then.


You wasted perfectly good soda you fuck. 
Next time, drink it, fill it with piss and then assault curry farting bastards.


----------



## DatBepisTho (Oct 28, 2017)

Vex Overmind said:


> I choked the shit out of somebody in the second grade.


 What is it about second graders and strangling?

That's one of my other shitty actions, too.


----------



## Whatdidyousay? (Oct 29, 2017)

Pepito said:


> I had a very shitty job with a very shitty boss, once. I hated the guy so systematically introduced 200 cc of black HP printer ink into his black coffee for a span of 2 years.
> 
> I hope he dead by now.



Sorry buddy
"The primary ingredients in most printer inks are water, ethylene glycol and alcohol. Printer ink is about as safe as dish washing soap. Drinking it can make you sick, but it is not life threatening. If you have questions about the toxicity of a particular brand of ink, all companies publish Material Safety Data Sheets for their products. These are usually available on their websites and they will tell you what the ink contains. Inks used in commercial printing processes however, may contain toxic metals."


----------



## POWER IN MISERY (Oct 29, 2017)

kitty shit said:


> I once went stoned to work. I worked in retail so it probably wasn't that big of a deal, but I still did it so yeah probably one of the worse things I've done?


let's be honest here, being stoned at work is much better than plain ol' being at work.


----------



## kitty shit (Oct 30, 2017)

timecop said:


> let's be honest here, being stoned at work is much better than plain ol' being at work.


Definitely.


----------



## Manah (Oct 31, 2017)

When I was in middle school I told two guys who asked me out to fight each other and I'd date the winner.

Afterwards I said they did equally badly and dated some other guy.


----------



## RI 360 (Oct 31, 2017)

I've done a lot of fucked up things but since it's Halloween, I'm reminded of the time I spiked a particularly nervous and fretful male friends beer with another friends UTI pill (it turns your pee orange) and half way through the Halloween party he became hysterical thinking he had somehow contracted an STD lol


----------



## polonium (Nov 1, 2017)

When I was about 14 we bullied our English Literature teacher so badly that she had a nervous breakdown and left the profession. We would do all the usual shit kids do, everyone in the class humming except for whoever she was standing next to, so she couldn't pinpoint who it was, all claiming we couldn't hear anything. We changed the clocks when she wasn't looking, wrote heinous shit on the whiteboard for her to find, stole her whiteboard markers out of her bag, when she went to get more we bent down the door-closing arm on the doors so she couldn't get back into the classroom, another time we hid the markers again and after she went to get more we put the original ones back just to fuck with her.. escaped from the classroom and claimed she'd let us go early, stole a remote for the TV & video unit (this was in the days when VCRs and TVs for video presentation in class were in a kind of cabinet that got wheeled around from classroom to classroom) then when she tried to put a video on we'd stop it, rewind it, just generally disrupt the class.

On reflection I feel bad because she wasn't even that bad a teacher. It's not like she did anything to _provoke_ the level of abuse she got, we just somehow mutually decided to run this woman's life. On top of all that I passed the class.


----------



## Clownfish (Nov 1, 2017)

I've tricked people into eating crickets. I've been responsible for helping addicts relapse. Alcoholic, druggies, smokers. I was their devil. I've paid folks to beat people I didn't like up. Ive done some urban exploring. 



MerriedxReldnahc said:


> I run a little side-business off of Craigslist writing college papers for people. I guess that's not terribly shitty as they'd probably hire someone else even if I wasn't doing it. Some of these people are kinda stupid too. I should expect that from people who would rather give their money to a stranger on the internet than write a two-page paper, but some of them can barely write a coherent email. You're in college, you fuck. You should understand how punctuation works.
> 
> so if any of yall want a paper written I'm your Huckleberry
> 
> *edit* Also my pen name for paper writing was borrowed from a certain John Waters movie character.



I need help with a non school project. How's your research skills?


----------



## soft breathing (Apr 16, 2022)

Yes, I am reviving a dead thread because I have to get something off of my chest. It's nothing too bad, but I still feel a little bad because of it. 

A girl at my uni once forgot her book calendar/diary in the classroom and I was the last one in there. I texted her but she was already on her way home so I took the book home with me for safekeeping and handing it to her next time we see each other (which was fine by her!). 

She mentioned in her text that she appreciates me keeping the book safe because it's super important to her. 

Until she said that, I didn't give a single fuck about the contents of the book, but after that text I got curious. 

And like the idiot I am, I looked into it and read a few of her entires. It was nothing extremely personal or anything, but I was still so terribly disappointed in myself for looking.

... you can guess that my life is pretty fucking uneventful if that's a thing that's still bothering me to this day.


----------



## Flavius Claudius Julianus (Apr 16, 2022)

Broken multiple girls hearts, pretending I'm monogamous with them, only to ghost at the last moment in favour of another girl.

I'm actually dating three different women right now who believe I'm monogamous to them. They have no idea about one another.

I don't know why I do this, but I can't stop. Been at this for about 8 years now (with different girls.)


----------



## GuitarRevi (Apr 16, 2022)

The shittiest thing I think I've done is cheating on my ex wife while she was pregnant.


----------



## From The Uncanny Valley (Apr 16, 2022)

I called my friend a bitch once.


----------



## HOMO FOR LIFE (Apr 16, 2022)

I fucked around with a girl at work and she is in a relationship.

I fucked around with her for three years.

Now she wants me to move in with her and help her abandon her boyfriend because he can't help her get to the next stage in life.

And this is after flexing her shit with her boyfriend after I abandoned her shenanigans and told her to fuck off I ain't playing you for keeps.

Naturally, I am like "no bitch. That's fucked." I ain't interested in gold diggers.


----------



## Sergeant Major Buzzkill (Apr 16, 2022)

I fucking crippled a family pet.


----------



## Rupin (Apr 16, 2022)

In the past, I went out to get my parents some pizza that they gave me money for because when I called the place, no one answered the phone. When I got in the car, I couldn’t be arsed to actually go to the pizza place because truthfully I didn’t want to go there in the first place. So I just stopped  by a burger king and got myself a number 1. When I got home, my parents were home and my dad was like, “All right!” And looked happy.  But I just told them the pizza place was closed and put the money they gave me on the counter and went to my room with my food.

I immediately knew it was an asshole move and I still feel bad about it to this day Because it would not have been too much trouble for me to go to another place and get them pizza.


----------



## troon patrol (Apr 16, 2022)

Literally hot-wired/ stole a car in minecraft, smoked Fentanyl for years, I've other done shit the ATF/DEA might ask Null for my IP address over so I'll just leave it at that at.

Back when I had an anger problem I choked out a fellow employee who was getting on my nerves.


----------



## Smaug's Smokey Hole (Apr 16, 2022)

Lil Commie said:


> I fucking crippled a family pet.


Small animal or a dog/cat? If it was a rodent or rodent adjacent just neck it.

Of all the shitty things I've done in life the one that haunts me is that I was mean to my mother once and she cried.


----------



## HOMO FOR LIFE (Apr 16, 2022)

Utilitarian Clit Dick said:


> Broken multiple girls hearts, pretending I'm monogamous with them, only to ghost at the last moment in favour of another girl.
> 
> I'm actually dating three different women right now who believe I'm monogamous to them. They have no idea about one another.
> 
> I don't know why I do this, but I can't stop. Been at this for about 8 years now (with different girls.)


You like the attention, control, and admiration from so many sources. Simple as that.


----------



## HOMO FOR LIFE (Apr 16, 2022)

soft breathing said:


> Yes, I am reviving a dead thread because I have to get something off of my chest. It's nothing too bad, but I still feel a little bad because of it.
> 
> A girl at my uni once forgot her book calendar/diary in the classroom and I was the last one in there. I texted her but she was already on her way home so I took the book home with me for safekeeping and handing it to her next time we see each other (which was fine by her!).
> 
> ...


What's in the diary. You cant leave us hanging.


----------



## Flavius Claudius Julianus (Apr 16, 2022)

HOMO FOR LIFE said:


> You like the attention, control, and admiration from so many sources. Simple as that.


Thank you doctor. What do I owe you?


----------



## Sergeant Major Buzzkill (Apr 16, 2022)

Smaug's Smokey Hole said:


> Small animal or a dog/cat? If it was a rodent or rodent adjacent just neck it.


Dog. Poor thing got her leg trapped in the doorway when I (unknowingly) shut it on her. Not the biggest fans of animals, but I still feel like shit for fucking her leg up at the time.


----------



## snailslime (Apr 16, 2022)

friend stayed logged into facebook on my phone, then betrayed me so i deleted her profile lol


----------



## The Un-Clit (Apr 16, 2022)

Lil Commie said:


> Dog. Poor thing got her leg trapped in the doorway when I (unknowingly) shut it on her. Not the biggest fans of animals, but I still feel like shit for fucking her leg up at the time.


I don't believe that counts as a shitty thing you've done, since it wasn't on purpose.  Don't sweat it.


----------



## cumrobbery (Apr 16, 2022)

I was a backstabbing cunt at one point in the past, the person who I did it to has since forgiven me and we're friends again but that still doesn't make me feel any better about having done it. I would definitely beat up the past version of me who did it.


----------



## HOMO FOR LIFE (Apr 16, 2022)

Utilitarian Clit Dick said:


> Thank you doctor. What do I owe you?


Give me your money thx


----------



## Damien Thorne (Apr 16, 2022)

I put pineapple on pizza.


----------



## Neurotypical Mantis (Apr 16, 2022)

i yelled at a small kid a little louder than i bargained for because she was harassing chickens (deplorable)


----------



## Cabelaz (Apr 16, 2022)

When I was 14 I got really sick and we couldn't figure out why. My mom told me it couldn't have been cancer because my white blood cell counts were good and for some reason I believed her. I thought to myself "wouldn't it be cool if it was cancer. I'd get all this free shit and asspats from everyone! I could like meet Michael Jordan!"

And then two months later God made me eat my words and shit em out my fuckin ass.
The source of my illness was a malignant tumor at the back of my skull.


I still don't know why I thought cancer was cool, and I never told my parents about this. I think about that retarded thought every day.


----------



## Neurotypical Mantis (Apr 17, 2022)

Cabelaz said:


> When I was 14 I got really sick and we couldn't figure out why. My mom told me it couldn't have been cancer because my white blood cell counts were good and for some reason I believed her. I thought to myself "wouldn't it be cool if it was cancer. I'd get all this free shit and asspats from everyone! I could like meet Michael Jordan!"
> 
> And then two months later God made me eat my words and shit em out my fuckin ass.
> The source of my illness was a malignant tumor at the back of my skull.
> ...


i feel like a lot of people get munchie-like symptoms in their mid teens


----------



## Samir (Apr 17, 2022)

I bullied an autistic kid in 7th and 8th grade. I'm absolutely disgusted by what I've done and when time travel is invented, I plan on beating 12 year old me with a claw hammer.


----------



## mr.moon1488 (Apr 17, 2022)

Ava gave the best blowjobs but she didn’t shave her underarms so it was never going to last. I used to call her bird. Strange how oral sex makes a woman suddenly more attractive than she could have been otherwise. You learn a lot about a woman by how she sucks your dick. Ava basically inhaled it and held it in her throat while she made wishes. She called me a god and that was appreciated. She could have done better though which is probably why I took a shit in her bed before I bounced


----------



## Lunar Eclipse Paradox (Apr 17, 2022)

Getting the COVID Vaccine. Twice.


----------



## The Crow (Apr 17, 2022)

I fooled a crazy retard into falling for a fake dox and an ancient meme. I'm so going to hell for this, but it was funny so it was worth it


----------



## JektheDumbass (Apr 17, 2022)

I post here.


----------



## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Apr 26, 2022)

Cabelaz said:


> When I was 14 I got really sick and we couldn't figure out why. My mom told me it couldn't have been cancer because my white blood cell counts were good and for some reason I believed her. I thought to myself "wouldn't it be cool if it was cancer. I'd get all this free shit and asspats from everyone! I could like meet Michael Jordan!"
> 
> And then two months later God made me eat my words and shit em out my fuckin ass.
> The source of my illness was a malignant tumor at the back of my skull.
> ...


I don't know, you (presumably?) beat cancer after wishing for it, that's pretty badass.


----------



## greenthrowaway (Apr 26, 2022)

Cabelaz said:


> When I was 14 I got really sick and we couldn't figure out why. My mom told me it couldn't have been cancer because my white blood cell counts were good and for some reason I believed her. I thought to myself "wouldn't it be cool if it was cancer. I'd get all this free shit and asspats from everyone! I could like meet Michael Jordan!"
> 
> And then two months later God made me eat my words and shit em out my fuckin ass.
> The source of my illness was a malignant tumor at the back of my skull.
> ...


You were a teen, and had a stupid thought.  But it's not like you wished cancer upon someone else, or did anything outright terrible.  You may want to tell them or someone else about this.  We all have stupid thoughts each day, and sometimes they just happen to align with when something terrible happens.  We then blame ourselves for it, and that guilt can last for years, decades, or a lifetime when we didn't cause any of it.


----------



## IDanceonTrannyGraves (Apr 26, 2022)

Slept with my boss' wife and fucked her on the carpet I used to teach the kindergarten class.


----------



## Bass (Apr 30, 2022)

1.  Second Mrs Bass was engaged when I met her.  I have zero regrets or reservations about this, or anything I did back then.

2. The first Mrs Bass had a child with her second husband that looks suspiciously like my sisters and less like ex Mrs Bass or anyone in the husband's family.  The only people who haven't noticed this is the husband and the girl herself, or if they have nobody brings it up.  I go out of my way to treat her nice.  Its almost like I "treat her as of she were one of mine", after all, it wouldn't be fair if I left her out when I do things with my girls, she is their"half" sister after all, right?

Now that I think about it I did both of these at around the same time.  I guess I was in a play rough mood back then.


----------



## Agent Abe Caprine (Apr 30, 2022)

I threw a bunch of rubber snakes at a hotel's cleaning lady when I was a kid. Snuck up behind her and tossed a handful at her head.


----------



## DoomsdayElite (May 1, 2022)

In 2012 I let this guy I knew from my sophomore year of HS crash on my couch for about a month. He had a job, and bought stuff for me. laundry soap, threw in for TP and trash bags. But he began to come back from work shitfaced-worked in a bar/tavern-and it started to royally piss me off. I was letting him stay there for free ffs. so I clipped a little ground up nug from his grinder one night after he passed out on my enclosed porch. It was a scumbag tax.


----------



## SSj_Ness (May 1, 2022)

When I was a teenager I sometimes exchanged non-functioning DVDs and games with the ones that worked, then returned them to wherever I bought them for a refund (like Blockbuster, Hollywood Video, etc).

I avoid my nephew because kids are annoying, but I feel bad because he likes to hang out.

Stole candy as a wee lad. Send me right to prison with the niggers already, look at this rap sheet.


----------



## Ughubughughughughughghlug (May 1, 2022)

I was riding my bicycle by an intersection where there was a car crash, fender bender level. Two women were standing on the corner. I said something to one of them as I rode by about that being the advantage of a bicycle, avoid the crashes.

Only as I was riding away, not even out of sight, did I realize that those two ladies were very likely (just given the location of the accident) not pedestrians, like I assumed, but the people involved in the wreck, and my friendliness would have very easily looked like mockery.



Spoiler: Especially cursed second story



Jerking it while on the phone with a woman (not gf)
Was still a virgin with rage and thought it would feel sort of like sex. Did not. I doubt the lass would have been pleased if she'd known.


----------



## Sealbaby (May 3, 2022)

When I was in high school I once followed around a random Korean kid and said "TWO DORRAH CUP NOODLE" over and over. I still feel bad about it on a semi-regular basis


----------



## Grundlejungle (May 3, 2022)

I piss in peoples sinks.
I feel no guilt and I WILL do it again.


----------



## Mountain Gorilla (May 3, 2022)

i asked teacher not to sit with the retarded kid and she moved me


----------



## Wormy (May 3, 2022)

Killed my brother. Specifically, I was responsible for his suicide.


----------



## Santa Fe Swag (May 3, 2022)

I smoke everywhere I shouldn't, the slight thrill of getting away with it overrides my consideration for everything else and the only time I'll stop is when I don't smoke anymore.


----------



## Professor G. Raff (May 3, 2022)

I have one that really bugs me because it was the last really shitty, absolutely selfish thing I did at a time I should have been past that sort of thing. Shit like this always sticks in my brain forever and randomly torments me, so at least I get somewhat punished.

My friend and I used to hit up thrift stores/garage sales every Friday to collect video games (back when it was financially possible...). So, we get to a pawn shop that has a couple of Dreamcasts for a good price. One comes with two controllers and the other has only one. My friends wants to buy the two controller one, and so do I. I was living with my brother at the time and reasoned that it made more sense to let me get that one since he didn't have anyone to play it with. To make matters worse, he actually didn't have the money to buy it so I was lending to him for his purchase. Despite this, he was uncharacteristically insistent I was being a jerk for wanting it and even the guy at the pawn shop was like "dude, just let him have it" so I eventually gave in and did so, buying the 1 controller one.

So, we get back to my place and start testing them. The one he bought with my lended money works fine, but mine has a busted reader and cannot play discs. At the time I am like somewhere between 18-20, and don't have a ton of cash so it really bothers me that my altruism punished me and he doesn't care that much I got screwed, nor is he that grateful I let him get first pick with _my _money. It really starts to get to me over a week or two. Eventually, I form a plan to swap my broken one with his since it's just in a drawer and he's not going to actually use it anytime soon. So, feeling justified in my reasons I take a duffel bag with my Wii (it had just released) over to his place in case we want to play, but also to conceal the swapping Dreamcast. Satan must have been on my side because coincidentally some issue occurred with his door lock while I was there leaving me inside his room and him outside it. While he got the tools to fix it, I made the switch.

I felt nice and justified, but some months later it started dawning on me just how crappy a thing it was to do even if I felt slighted in the beginning. I just held onto it feeling guilty as crap for a few years. Eventually he ended up selling it in a lot with some other stuff on eBay riding me of the evidence, but not the guilt. It's probably the most malicious thing I've done as an adult, the worst since has just been minor pettiness and some manipulative behavior.


----------



## SITHRAK! (May 3, 2022)

snailslime said:


> friend stayed logged into facebook on my phone, then betrayed me so i deleted her profile lol


Sounds like the bitch deserved it. That‘s a dominance move if ever I saw one.

You should fuck her crush too, that’d show her.


----------



## PerfPaz (May 4, 2022)

I stood a guy up for a movie date once. I went  but I didn't approach him. He was starting to give me bad vibes so I decided to watch him for a bit and in the end choose not to meet with him officially.

I was maybe 14-15 but I still feel bad about it. Wish I would have had the sense not to invite him out and instead just told him I wasn't interested anymore.

I hope he's doing okay


----------



## Devout Muslim (May 4, 2022)

When I was still a kid myself I once made a racially charged joke to a younger Western-born Chinese boy. His friends laughed but I felt bad.


----------



## Karakhalkin-Gol (May 4, 2022)

This thread only exists to see if people know not to reveal their power level.


----------



## TheSockiestSock (May 4, 2022)

I stole church money to buy alcohol.


----------



## Neurotypical Mantis (May 4, 2022)

when i was a kid i scooped up a tadpole in a cup, not realizing there was a slug on said cup. when i did i threw it out of fear and the cup spilled on the ground and to this day i carry this guilt with me


----------



## Tinfoil (May 4, 2022)

When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I ate candy in the shopping aisles.  I would also open toys and play with them in the aisles.


----------



## Therapy Dog (May 4, 2022)

I was briefly in a mental asylum for reasons (which I won't go into here because it isn't relevant to the thread) when I was 14 or so and there was an extremely delusional religious kid staying in the same dorm... er... I mean to say that he was delusional in the sense of seeing/hearing things that weren't there in a general, nutty sense, not in the way that all religious people are delusional for being religious in the first place and believing in... things that aren't there...

Er...

Well anyway...

So from my point of view, my parents had enough of me being a fucking weirdo and abandoned me in a place I felt I didn't belong, so, being a kid and feeling helpless, the only thing I could think of to do was to 'act out', as it were. I did a bunch of cringey/'edgy' shit, like drawing on the walls/furniture, throwing the ceramic mugs we got served our drinks in out the window (from the second floor room which served as our dining area) whenever I was done with them... stuff like that. 

I suppose at this point it's as good a time as any to point out that this was way out of character for me, I'm generally a pretty chill guy, which only serves to make the next part worse:

The one thing I actually felt really bad about and which still bugs me to this day involves the religious kid. He'd mumble about how saints or demons or angels or whatever were telling him things, but he was an otherwise pretty sweet kid (from what I could gather). Still, one day, while playing Uno, I decided to fuck with him. I don't remember the details, but I'd try to scare him by saying something like "_if the following card is an even number, you're going to hell, one of your saints/angels/demons told me_", and then I would place down an even numbered-card. The look of sheer terror on this kid's face at once delighted and horrified me. There was a feeling of complete power and control over this poor dude, and it was exactly what I felt had been taken from me, and so I abused it. This guy unreservedly believed what I was saying, and it's only when you take into consideration what people like him actually _believe _hell is like, that you realize how awful it is. I was also at the age where I was smug about my atheism, so I probably held his belief in contempt, and it wouldn't surprise me if a part of me felt like I was 'owning' the 'religious guy'.

I don't really remember how it played out after that (likely because I subconsciously try to reject the memory as much as possible because I hate that I did it), but he didn't stay for much longer, as far as I can recall. No idea what happened to him, or if I even apologized.

There's a ton of other whacky shit that happened to me in that place, but yeah, that is one of the shittiest things I've ever done. Thanks for reminding me, you jerks.


----------



## SITHRAK! (May 4, 2022)

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.


----------



## Ronnie Merle Mcnutt (May 5, 2022)

i killed myself on facebook live while my family and friends watched.


----------



## L50LasPak (May 5, 2022)




----------



## troon patrol (Jun 21, 2022)

I stole from work, what was more interesting is the method, which they never figured out.

Step 1 was to pick the lock on the roof access door, take the padlock home and make a key for it. After that I just gathered up all the merch I wanted in a big ass duffle bag and snuck it onto the roof's edge. Then I throw a fishing line down the side of the roof, step 2 was to come back around 2-3 am and pull on the fishing line dropping the big ass bag full of expensive shit right off the roof. Wrist watches, $90 pairs of shoes, ammo. Anything that would fit in a duffle bag. I sold most of it to buy coke some of the profits I saved some of the shit I still wear to this day. Like I said they never figured out how it all went down.


----------



## Shitted Scaredless (Jun 21, 2022)

When I was a baby shitted I danced on some woman's grave. 
Her headstone said she liked dancing and my dumb ass baby brain thought she'd like it.


----------



## PipTheAlchemist (Jun 21, 2022)

L50LasPak said:


> View attachment 3249828


OP's baby sister was probably a huge faggot


----------



## Meat Target (Jun 21, 2022)

I worked at a restaurant as a teenager and spit in someone's food.


----------



## ChaosReignsOnSomeSaturday (Jun 21, 2022)

I'd skip out on my last period in HS and drive an hour to sleep with what were essentially whores for cash. Honestly I regret a lot of my choices in HS.


----------



## murph (Jun 21, 2022)

SITHRAK! said:


> I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.


Then I got distracted, and missed it.


----------



## LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV] (Jun 22, 2022)

i was friends with a guy i didn't really like just because i didn't have anyone else to call during a time in my life when i was doing pretty badly and often needed favors. ( like getting a ride somewhere or lending me a little money for a while). He was so well off and had so much free time that stuff meant nothing to him but if i was doing well myself i probably wouldn't have hung out with him.


----------



## PipTheAlchemist (Jun 22, 2022)

Meat Target said:


> I worked at a restaurant as a teenager and spit in someone's food.


That's nothing. When I used to work in fast-food, I used to sometimes add a flat speck of my shit the size of my thumb inside of the burgers of any person I hated who I was forced to serve. Whether it be some dickhead teacher/kid in school, or some shithead customer. Eventually, I got caught, and I'm now banned from working in food service
I can only see this as a blessing, though. Food service was worse than hell. I'd rather be forced to suck my dad's sweaty unwashed dick for money, than work even another minute in McDonald's. The cunts I had to serve were lucky I didn't fucking grab them by the throat and chokeslam their shit-eating mugs into the deep-fryer until they looked like a Scottish dessert


----------

