# What's your favorite random.txt quote?



## Raging Capybara (May 15, 2018)

Mine:


"[Encyclopedia Dramatica] was my job for almost a decade."


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## REGENDarySumanai (May 15, 2018)

"ITS OK, GO TO BED MY DARLING!!! AHAHAHAHHA DANCE FAGGOT DANCE!!!!"


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## OhGoy (May 15, 2018)

Prussian Blue said:


> I'll only give up my ass during my inevitable stint in prison, and I wasn't going to give it up here.


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## NOT Sword Fighter Super (May 15, 2018)

"lol calm down"
This should be a permanent banner on every browser.


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## Army Burger (May 15, 2018)

"Do not say that <em>SpongeBob SquarePants</em> is dead or you will be yelled at, on the internet and in real life."


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## Yeeb-Renzo (May 15, 2018)

"FUCK YOU NULL IM NEVER GONNA STOP BEING A FURRY UR JUST A FUCKING HATER U NIGGER"


and


"Here's uh, the first person shooter. It's got graphics in source code. God said they're dancing. Anyways, so uh, there's a potted plant."


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## H4nzn0 (May 15, 2018)

[in response to Bryan Dunn's Cease and Desist letter that got sent from Null]

"I'll never forget when Null forged a weapon to surpass the permban."


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## Figuratively Stalin (May 15, 2018)

Yeeb-Renzo said:


> "FUCK YOU NULL IM NEVER GONNA STOP BEING A FURRY UR JUST A FUCKING HATER U NIGGER"



It was funnier with the nigger>Google filter imo.

Personally, I like this quote:

"I once spell-checked my friend's scat fanfiction."


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## DatBepisTho (May 15, 2018)

"Shaped like a girl" is a good one.
That or gangster high law.


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## toilet_rainbow (May 16, 2018)

"Very quickly my Pokemon catching dreams were obliterated by the unfortunate reality that exist for a Black Man in America. I realized that if I keep playing this game, it could literally kill me." I remember seeing this post in the wild on Tumblr. (Actually, it was something very similar, whoops)

Also, "At my local comic book store there's a sign on it reminding its visitors to take showers."


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## NARPASSWORD (May 16, 2018)

"YIFF! YIFF!" he cried. "That's what foxes say" he exclaimed.


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## Scratch This Nut (May 16, 2018)

"Lost my virginity at 22 to a tranny like a normal person."


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## Useless Mont-d'Or (May 16, 2018)

"God can go anywhere! Even Canada!"


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## CHEEEEEN (May 16, 2018)

"i imagine they could be looking at this very thread right now and snickering, what with all the attention we're giving them. hello kiwis!" "you are braver than I am."


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## NARPASSWORD (May 17, 2018)

"Hi Chris!"


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## Ass eating cunt (May 17, 2018)

"I went to Kiwi Homepage and got a popup saying animalpornfetish.us wanted my name and password for ym facebook."


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## Duncan Hills Coffee (May 17, 2018)

"It was an awkward ride home that day."

I have no idea what the context is, and that's why I love that one.


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## W00K #17 (Jan 16, 2019)

”@Mods here are fags is our newest member. Welcome!”


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## EmpireOfTheClouds (Mar 1, 2019)

"I am going to preface this by saying that I like the idea of fucking dogs."

Never gets old and sounds even funnier spoken aloud, so much that it's become an inside joke netween my boss and I.


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## Red Hood (Mar 1, 2019)

I forget the exact wording but I think it's "They said I look like a melted garbage bag."


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## Tahoma (Mar 1, 2019)

Baldur's Gait said:


> "It was an awkward ride home that day."
> 
> I have no idea what the context is, and that's why I love that one.


It was after Chris shat his pants at the mall IIRC.





> I have _doxxed_ people though, including an autistic _8_-_year_-_old_ who really fucking _deserved_ it


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## Burgers in the ass (Mar 2, 2019)

”if i had an autistic son itd be dead p quickly”


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## Next Task (Mar 2, 2019)

Every time I see the one about the guy asking his mother to have sex with him I am horrified anew.


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## glasscannon (Mar 2, 2019)

> ”Everyone MASS report to the FBI all the Cyber Bullying that Kiwi Farm”



and the other quote about the farms being investigated by the police


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## PoisonedBun (Mar 2, 2019)

The one that goes like ‘at first, my parents refused to see my transition as anything more than a manifestation of my autism’. It makes me laugh every time I see it.


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## Raging Capybara (Mar 2, 2019)

”Supper will be popcorn.”

I still wonder what was the context of this quote.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Mar 2, 2019)

"bane pls not me, dun play minecrap".


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## Tragi-Chan (Mar 2, 2019)

“How do you do a triangle fill? It’s algebra little nigger!”


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## World's Smallest Violin (Mar 28, 2020)

"The words "Bionicle community" sent a chill up my spine."


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## Return of the Freaker (Mar 28, 2020)

"awesome jerking off love your butt, BUT it didn't look clean enough and may not be smoothe enough but sexy none the less loved the vid of yu flabby bely and th brest like packs mm. soo god that cok i'd love o suck"


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## Witthel (Mar 29, 2020)

_"So I showed Dynastia's penis to police officers"_

I have no idea who the hell Dynastia is, but I find this one hilarious.


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## FluffyTehFennekin (Mar 29, 2020)

Why is he on a toilet?


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## Troonologist PhD (Mar 29, 2020)

”The stupid bitch can't even set the house on fire. She cant even do that right.” I always wanted to know the context for that.


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## Twitter Hate Mob (Mar 29, 2020)

"Dynastia was last seen: Viewing thread Which LOLCow would make the best sex slave?, A moment ago"


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## Ligoskj (Jun 20, 2020)

"So he's into weird, depraved shit. That's pretty much half our userbase. Where is the funny stuff?"


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## JoJo's Bizarre Abortion (Jun 20, 2020)

”If you have been BUTT-FUCKED By MALES since age 13”


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## Nurse Ratchet (Jun 20, 2020)

Something I saw last night & should've capped it, it was something like "lol yeah & maybe Chris will own TWO pairs of pants someday."

Won't lie, made me laugh hard enough to do an inverse DSP snort.  Wish I could remember exact wording.


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## A Grey Cat (Jun 20, 2020)

The cool dude Clem one about being 12 forever on mobius. What is it with sonic manchildren and wanting to be underaged tweens forever


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## Not a local (Jun 21, 2020)

I always smile when I see something involving Dynastia. It always seems to be some crazy shit.

”Dynastia has been organising the sending of penis photos to women for harassment purposes on a near industrial scale.”


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## Agent Abe Caprine (Jun 21, 2020)

"I googled it and found hentai"


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## Homo Demens (Jun 22, 2020)

”Move over 4chan, Kiwi Farms is the new asshole of the web.”


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## tehpope (Jun 22, 2020)

>tfw mom is bribing me with money to leave the house and take the black construction paper off of my windows


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## Mesh Gear Fox (Jun 22, 2020)

"Every time The Kiwi Farms gets caught trying to condemn children to a life of drugs, gangs, drinking, rape, incest, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and a number of other horrors, it promises it'll never do so again"


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## Doctor Placebo (Jun 22, 2020)

Return of the Freaker said:


> "awesome jerking off love your butt, BUT it didn't look clean enough and may not be smoothe enough but sexy none the less loved the vid of yu flabby bely and th brest like packs mm. soo god that cok i'd love o suck"


There's another one that has to be related to this that's shorter and sweeter. Something along the lines of "I'm just here to look at boy tits."

This one is an excellent summary of Kiwi Farms' unique Kiwi Farmsness:
“kiwifarms is better than any television intertainment. where else will i see komaeda/tate langdon kins fake being intersex and threaten to kill their girlfriend in her sleep?“


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## Bravefart (Jun 22, 2020)

”*Autigender*- A gender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic.” 

It just sums all this shit up perfectly.


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## DrunkenDozing (Jun 22, 2020)

" fucking k*wi farms is harassing you too god damnnn"

Why they only asterisked one letter is I have to assume this was a tweet or something and didn't want to directly prop up the name or having able to be googled.


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## World's Smallest Violin (Aug 31, 2020)

Nothing will top this one:
*”I asked my mother to have sex with me during that horrible year of 2011 out of pure desperation, twice, and once in 2012...Which she should have done. The fact that she didn't shows just how much she cares about me and my frustration. In any normal country she'd be killed for that alone.”*


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## TFT-A9 (Aug 31, 2020)

Papadopoulos said:


> Nothing will top this one:
> *”I asked my mother to have sex with me during that horrible year of 2011 out of pure desperation, twice, and once in 2012...Which she should have done. The fact that she didn't shows just how much she cares about me and my frustration. In any normal country she'd be killed for that alone.”*


Yeah Marjan was a peach

He apparently still logs in periodically


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## Stilgar of Troon (Aug 31, 2020)

These are some great examples of why I blocked that element of the page...


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## Childe (Aug 31, 2020)

"Oooh I know who some of the Kiwi trolls are now. Rofl. Glad you decided to out yourselves so easily. Keep trawling for your laughs while you are doing exactly what I want."


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## Jill Kews (Aug 31, 2020)

"ITS A ZEBRA NOT A ZEDBRA JUST LIKE ITS A ZOO NOT A ZEDOO YOU DUMB UK MORON FAGGOT"

This rendered me downright hysterical with laughter, and context induced a smaller second round.


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## World's Smallest Violin (Sep 1, 2020)

Homoerotic Cougar-kun said:


> Yeah Marjan was a peach
> 
> He apparently still logs in periodically


And if he logs in again he's probably watching this thread.


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## Meat Target (Sep 1, 2020)

"Down Syndrome is not a gender".


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## MistressCaridad (Sep 23, 2020)

“I bet he’s smashing up his kitchen right now like a demented autistic ape”


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## Troonologist PhD (Nov 3, 2020)

“Plant your seed inside my greasy pussy.”


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## Brahma (Nov 3, 2020)

> ”Being a kiwifarmer should be an instant death sentence”



Theyre not wrong


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## Crustyguy (Nov 3, 2020)

"I cried at Disneyland. I can't even masturbate anymore."


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## Troonologist PhD (Nov 11, 2020)

”They gave me a dose for schizophrenia, but I'm not schizo.”

This is a new one for me.


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## kiwi-identified cow (Nov 11, 2020)

"Are you that desperate for people to agree with you that you took it to a stalker forum" 

I have a screenshot folder on my phone for these. It's hard to pick a favorite.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Nov 12, 2020)

"Kiwisawa...they came back"


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## Chan Buddhism (Nov 13, 2020)

"Today, I brought a couple of teenage boys to my home and invited them to drink a shitting potion."


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## PhoneHexOperator (Jan 29, 2021)

“they doxed my grandma”


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## The Empirical Bogey (Jan 29, 2021)

"DO NOT ENGAGE IN COMBAT WITH THE RACE WAR VAN"


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## Devyn (Jan 29, 2021)

This makes me laugh every time I see it


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## Ted_Breakfast (Feb 4, 2021)

The one with some guy threatening his mom for not having sex with him. I haven't seen it in the rotation in a while, but it's the absolute zero of human dignity.


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## Troonologist PhD (Feb 9, 2021)

“I am literally bending paper with my mind waves.”

Never change, Chris.


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## NynchLiggers (Feb 11, 2021)

”Why does Carson have 107 hours in a text-based game about a Hungarian 14-year-old girl being raped and impregnated?”


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## Kiwi Nuggets (Mar 25, 2021)

”Why is he on a toilet!?”


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## jell0 (Mar 25, 2021)

”Autists are improving. It used to be you'd have to hold them down to record their screams.”


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## World's Smallest Violin (Mar 29, 2021)

*”i fear for my life every day because trump won't give me money for me to waste on striped socks, used panties and a webcam to show the world how girly i am”*


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## Scratch This Nut (Mar 30, 2021)

”I have doxxed people though, including an autistic 8-year-old who really fucking deserved it.”


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## Troonologist PhD (Mar 31, 2021)

“Listen Hitler, I’m tired of your white knighting!”


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## Neurotypical Mantis (Jun 5, 2021)

slight necroing because these two describe me as an entire person to a T


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## Spicboyskafan (Jul 25, 2021)

Who is this cute little lesbian and how tight is her pussy?!


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## Hawking's TTS (Aug 3, 2021)

It's not a quote per-se, but I love it because it sums up the neckbeard's _euphoria _in a just single gif.


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## Yamamura Video Rental (Aug 5, 2021)

”ITS A ZEBRA NOT A ZEDBRA JUST LIKE ITS A ZOO NOT A ZEDOO YOU DUMB UK MORON FAGGOT”


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## TheOtherOne (Aug 5, 2021)

Tie between “read my manifesto” and ”Is it a New Zealand forum?”


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## Troonologist PhD (Aug 5, 2021)

”Wizards might recollect how the normods not only suggested granting him amnesty, from a rightful exile, but donning him with the attire of the archmage.”

I still wonder what the context for this is.


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## OvercookedBacon (Aug 5, 2021)

The one about the sticky, death-smelling lint things in someone's taint and how they refuse to go away after showers and Lotrimin.


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## Troonologist PhD (Aug 6, 2021)

OvercookedBacon said:


> The one about the sticky, death-smelling lint things in someone's taint and how they refuse to go away after showers and Lotrimin.


That one comes from Halal cow Connor Bible. His thread.


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## Cilleystring (Aug 6, 2021)

"the state is controlling my destiny and my penis. It's so ridiculous"

Always been one of my favs

And these ones. No idea of the context

“You sent me a Facebook message back in early December screaming in my face that I was part of a Kiwifarms conspiracy that outed you to your mother.”

“I must look very silly.”
“Do not feel bad about it. We are alive, after all. And being alive is pretty much a constant stream of embarrassment.”


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## OvercookedBacon (Aug 6, 2021)

Cilleystring said:


> ““Do not feel bad about it. We are alive, after all. And being alive is pretty much a constant stream of embarrassment.”


Kinda deep actually. Who said that one?


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## Troonologist PhD (Oct 19, 2021)

Connor Bible said:


> Is it not true he's trying to monopolize on the lolcow scene?


This one always makes me laugh. The context and replies make it so much better.


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## A Grey Cat (Oct 22, 2021)

That diaper looks full

It is


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## Doctor Placebo (Jan 4, 2022)

”I believe we can reduce the impact of the harrowing political realities of everyday life by bullying people more.”

Mission statement of Kiwi Farms right there.


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## Ass Sniffer (Jan 20, 2022)

“you sound resentful that im in a diaper and you are not."


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## Bogs (Jan 21, 2022)

“His lust for young ass has been well documented”

“I DONT WANT TO WIND UP AS A 3D DICK ON THE WHITE HOUSE.”

“FUCK YOU NULL IM JILLING MYSELF RIGHT NOW”


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## Ophelia (Feb 22, 2022)

> "ITS OK, GO TO BED MY DARLING!!! AHAHAHAHHA DANCE FAGGOT DANCE!!!!"





> "Here's uh, the first person shooter. It's got graphics in source code. God said they're dancing. Anyways, so uh, there's a potted plant."





> ”Listen Hitler, I'm tired of your white-knighting!”



I desire context for these. 

And the one about this being the only place where you can get prank called by a mod and then banned for getting mad.


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## Santa Fe Swag (Feb 22, 2022)

"I once gave a blowjob in a mall bathroom so I could buy Yu-Gi-Oh cards"


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## Doctor Placebo (Mar 6, 2022)

Ophelia said:


> I desire context for these.
> 
> And the one about this being the only place where you can get prank called by a mod and then banned for getting mad.


Second one sounds like a Terry Davis quote. Schizo computer programmer. Genuinely brilliant, made his own OS, but pretty wacked in the head. He has a thread on here. Look him up and watch one of his videos. That's how he talked. RIP.

I've long suspected that the third one is related to a Farms member called Stupid Sexy Hitler or something like that, who used to post quite regularly, but I've never gotten confirmation of that.


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## Troonologist PhD (Mar 9, 2022)

Doctor Placebo said:


> Second one sounds like a Terry Davis quote. Schizo computer programmer. Genuinely brilliant, made his own OS, but pretty wacked in the head. He has a thread on here. Look him up and watch one of his videos. That's how he talked. RIP.
> 
> I've long suspected that the third one is related to a Farms member called Stupid Sexy Hitler or something like that, who used to post quite regularly, but I've never gotten confirmation of that.


The third one is actually from an old Chris thread. I believe it was shortly after Bob died and Chris and Barb's lives were spiraling downwards. The user Adolf Hitler posted a thread on whether the farms should try to contact them before something truly horrible happened to them, and somebody replied with that random.txt quote.


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## Cats (Mar 9, 2022)

”Also, there is no 'elephant in the room', because elephants are said to never forget.”


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## Doctor Placebo (Mar 9, 2022)

Troonologist PhD said:


> The third one is actually from an old Chris thread. I believe it was shortly after Bob died and Chris and Barb's lives were spiraling downwards. The user Adolf Hitler posted a thread on whether the farms should try to contact them before something truly horrible happened to them, and somebody replied with that random.txt quote.


So I was right in my hunch that it was related to a user named Hitler, just didn't know the full specifics.


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## The Cunting Death (Mar 17, 2022)

>tfw finding your bfs _smegma_ in the folds _and_ _eat_ _it_

because its so goddamn disgusting


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## Yuri_ (Mar 17, 2022)

the HISSSSS *bang* huehhuehe one. 

I have no idea where it comes from or what it means, but it still makes me laugh


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## silverstacks (Mar 26, 2022)

Here's one of my favorites.  Anyone know the context?

GIVE ME THE ASSPATS I DESIRE OR ELSE YOU'LL FACE MY FUNGAL IRE


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## Ophelia (Mar 26, 2022)

silverstacks said:


> Here's one of my favorites.  Anyone know the context?
> 
> GIVE ME THE ASSPATS I DESIRE OR ELSE YOU'LL FACE MY FUNGAL IRE


I’m think it was a kiwi commenting on an ADF thread? It was years ago when he had a board.

Edit: it might have come from here. I see the poster getting credit for the phrase, and the post recommending it for random.txt is from the same day.


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## Sithis (Mar 26, 2022)

Its been a while since I got it but my favorite is the one about the mom rejecting sex from the son and how that wouldn't be allowed in a better country or some shit and the reason that is my favorite is because its the one that popped up for me when I first read the climax of Chris' saga last year


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## Brolon (May 25, 2022)




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## Doppelmonger (May 25, 2022)

"condensating bitches"

I do not know why but that cracks me up when it comes on screen.


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## mickey339 (May 25, 2022)

The one's about Kirby (not) being a pedo.


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## Raging Capybara (May 25, 2022)




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