# The Ralphapasta / RalphaTranscripts thread



## Monkey Type-I.N.G (May 4, 2022)

Since Ralph is an irascible man of many speeches, I had an idea to make a thread to post transcripts/copypastas (along with their matching clip if possible) to preserve these masterpieces of furious impromptu spoken word.

A classic example would be the Xander hollering:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odWwbooo5oA


> Xander, I didn’t dox him. That’s not true. That’s not true and a matter of fact, no it’s not true, no it’s not true, *FUCK YOURSELF YOU PIECE OF SHIT FAGGOT MOTHERFUCKER, NO IT’S NOT TRUE! PIECE OF SHIT, AND IF I HAD TO GUESS IT WAS PROBABLY YOU THAT FUCKING DOXXED HIM, MOTHERFUCKING LYING COCKSUCKING FAGGOT MOTHERFUCKER!
> 
> YOU WANNA HOLLER ALL OVER ME EVERY FUCKING SECOND, I CAN JUST SCREAM OVER YOU TOO YOU PIECE OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKER, KEEP FUCKING RUNNING YOUR MOUTH, I’LL JUST KEEP HOLLERING YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, EAT A FUCKING COCK, GO KILL YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, I FUCKING GOD DAMN, OH WE CAN JUST HOLLER OVER EACH OTHER ALL FUCKING DAY, WUAGHAUAHUAGH, WUAGHUAUAGH, WUAGH!*
> 
> FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER I AIN’T LEAVING BITCH YOU LEAVE, WHAT THE, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GOTTA LEAVE FOR, FUCK OFF! OH WOW, WITH YOUR LITTLE THIRTY PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE, OH MY GOD PLEASE. Okay.



Hollering at Null:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALCjYR87NlQ


> YOU'RE JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THE CHARISMA, YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BUT A VOCAL FRY AND A FUCKIN MOLESTATION HISTORY. YOU GOT FUCKIN' DIDDLED BY YOUR FUCKIN' FAMILY, YOU'RE A FUCKING GODDAMN BROKEN FAGGOT, THAT'S WHAT YOUR LIFE IS. YOU WILL BE A TRANNY BY THE END OF THE DECADE. YOUR MOM FUCKIN' DISOWNS YOU, YOUR WHOLE FAMILY DISOWNS YOU. EVERYBODY FUCKIN HATES YOU. BIG CREATORS EMAIL ALL THE TIME, CARTOONISTS, I GUESS YOU MAY SAY, TALK ABOUT WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT YOU ARE. MOTHERFUCKERS WHO COULD BUY AND SELL YOUR ASS TALK ABOUT WHAT A LOSER YOU ARE. YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED AND IM GONNA BE THERE TO PISS ON YOUR FUCKING GRAVE, BITCH.. WHY DON'T YOU TELL THAT TO YOUR FUCKING MOM WHO FUCKING HATES YOU BITCH WHAT DOES MOMMA MOON GOTTA SAY ABOUT YA JAASH?? WHAT DOES SHE SAY?? SHE'D SUCK MY DICK BEFORE SHE EVEN LOOKED AT YOU IN THE FACE YOU FUCKING COWARD.. AND YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE I WOULD HAVE HER SWALLOWING UP EVERY FUCKING SEED BEFORE SHE WOULD EVEN LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF YOUR FUCKIN VOICE YOUR WHOLE FAMILY HAS DISOWNED YOU, YOU'RE MUD, YOU'RE NOTHING, YOU'RE NOTHING EXCEPT TO THOSE *points at camera* FAGGOTS ON KIWI FARMS WITHOUT THAT YOU'RE BROKE, YOU'RE FUCKIN *DEAD INSIDE *BITCH AND YOU KNOW IT'S TRUUU YOU CAN'T FUCKIN DENY IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT'S TRUU, YOU'RE NOTHING YOU'RE *NOTHING*, YOUR WHOLE FAMILY FUCKING HATES AND THEY WANT YOU DEAD AND SO DO III... *DIIIEEEE BITCH DIIEEEE AND I WILLL PISS ON YOUR FUCKING GRAAAVE*



Hollering at Rand, theatening to kill him:


> Yeah, well it's very interesting that you would lie about me and attack my family and do all that, that was pretty interesting too, it was pretty interesting to mee, when you attack my son and you attack my daughter and you attack my family bitch, nuthin' is off the table now, ZEEROOO, RAAAND is off the table when it comes to you, nothing is off the table when it comes to fucking with you, nuthin', after you said what you said tonight NUTHIN' MOTHERFUCKER AND IT NEVER WILL BE DO YOU UNDERSTAND *piggy points at camera* IT WILL NEVER BE OFF THE TABLE BITCH AIN'T NUTHIN' OFF THE TABLE WITH YOOO MOTHERFUCKER... Yeah, that's how I felt, back in a day, and I was a idiot, I was a dumb motherfucker WELL BY GAAHD I'M FUCKING WOKE AS CAN BE RIGHT NOW... IIIII AM the wokest motherfucker.. that ever lived now, and I wanna see you in the GROUNDD bitch, that's where I wanna see you... SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DOO? do you need anything else?.. What else? What else.. what else Rand nonono don't don't just just just just.. whaddya need? plane ticket? I'm writtin' it down, plane ticket? what else? what else? what else do you need faggot don't don't don't do anything else, just tell me what you need to show up in the in the united states TO HAVE ME FUCKING KILL YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCTAGON.. No just tell me.. just tell me, Rand- Just tell me what you need- Rand do you wanna come or no? you wanna come here to the united states or not? ok whaddya need? ok OOOH YEAH I'M SUURE OOH I'M SURE YOU'LL COMEE OH I'M SURE... Rand what the.. the thing is.. me and you. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I CAN DIE IN THAT FUCKING RING AND I WILL... HAVE LIVED, Do you understand? I'm not a bitch like yoo,* I WOULD DAMN SURE LOOVE TO FUCKING DIE ON MY FEET YOU FUCKING COWARD, YOU FUCKING IDIOT, I. WOULD FUCKING. TAKE PRIDE IN YOU KILLING ME IN THAT RING THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND YOU YOU MOTHER --FUCKER-- YOU FUCKING COWARD I'M GONNA CHOKE THE LIFE OUTTA YOUR FUCKING GODDAMN THROAT YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, TELL ME WHAT YOU FUCKING NEED TO GET TO THE UNITED STATES, OR SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH*



Telling Rand he'd kill the people making fun of him:


> As fuckin honest as I can ever be I don't regret it at alll, if I could get away with I'd put.. RAND- IF I COULD KILL HIM WITHOUT PENALTY I'D KILL HIM.. . I'M DEAD SERIOUS.. probably not but you're.. yeah.. yeah I think so.. *how many people would you kill?* QUITE A FEEEWWW, but thankfully there's laws out there... you know stoppin' folks like me.. but if they- if they said "Ralph here's the gun", IF THEY SAID- IF THEY SAID- IF THEY SAID.. if they said "Ralph here's the gun.. there's no penalty.. there's nooo.. nuthin'... *do what you need to do*" uuh yeah I would.. if I could smoke that fuckin' rat- if I could smoke that rat for what he did? and get away with it? and I would have no penalty and THEY TOLD ME there would be no penalty, and ther would be no impact on muh life, my daughter's life my son's life all that, I absolutely would pull that trigger, I would pull that trigger- I would pull that trigger- I would pull that trigger with zero remorse



Wishing death on Rand and his wife:


> I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR ANY- YOU UNDERSTAND?? I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SEE I DON'T CARE BOUT THOSE PEOPLE.. *I WANT THEM TO DIEEE*.. That's right, I want people who don't like me dead, that's what I want 'em DEAD, and I don't give a fuck, if you don't like me I don't like you, if you don't like meee I don't like youu.. I want em dead raaand I don't give a fuck, I'm not lying I want these fuckers to DIE.. I'm not gonna do it! I don't advocate for any violence against them, but a motherfucker who uh sits there and talks shit, lies about me daily as a part of that crew I want em dead, I hope they *DIE*.. I hope they die Rand, and I hope you die, and I hope your fat hog of a wife dies.. _I won't include the children I think... I think that children is even too far for me_



Pretty boy Ralph vs the two miles:


> The new generation of HATRED.. I want you to feel it it's already been years _ooh how can we lock ralph up? how can we lock him up oooh goood.. can we put the bad man in jaaaiiil??? can he stop streaming?? pleeease we don't like iiit he's saying things about people we don't like!!! he can't say those thingsSs!!! please stop it pleeease!!.. _I want that.. five years from now, ten years from now I'm gonna fucking have it.... motherfucker... and I'm getting healthy just for that reason! look at this *caresses face* it's skinnier comparing- compare just a couple months back.. 255 look at- god DAMN I'm pretty..* FUUCK,* PANTIES JUST DROP- JUST ALL AROUND THE FUCKIN WORLD JUST COMING DOWN, JUST COMING DOWN, DRIPPING, *SOAKED!, THEY THROW 'EM IN THE TRAAAASHH! THEY CAN'T USE THOSE ANYMOOORE DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAAAND  *OOH IM GETTING HEALTHY! HOHOHOHOOO.. HOHOHO OH YEAH *I'M GETTING HEALTHY JUST TO SPITE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! DO YOU UNDERSTAAAANDd?? IS IT MAKING SENSE NOW?? *GOD DAMN I SWEAR TO GAWD I'M GONNA GO WALK TWO MILES AFTER THIS SHOW I'M NOT KIDDING YOU.. I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING.. GIMME MY FUCKIN APPLE WATCH, I'M GONNA POST IT ON TWITTER!! 20 POUNDS DOWN AND I GOT ABOUT 70 POUNDS TO GO BITCH


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## EyeGuy (May 4, 2022)

The classic it's not truu hotmic:


> Wut? Ok I’m getting up. What time is it? IN THE MORNIN’?? Ok I’m getting up, I swear. Ok. I’m not going back to sleep. Yes. WUT? Yup. WUT? _unintelligible_ ten minutes ago. Dialysis. _unintelligible_ Yeah. _unintelligible_ Wut? _unintelligible_ _hiccup_ Wut? WUT? YOU WEAR YOUR BAND? Well _unintelligible_ I had about ten minutes more to sleep _unintelligible_ _hiccup_ Yeah I did. _unintelligible_ HRNNNNNNNNNNNNRGH! IT’S NOT TRUUUUUU! Yeah. Are you ready right now? Ok don’t start getting _unintelligible_ It’s not even hot outside. I SAID IT’S NAWT EVEN HAWT OUTSIDE. Ok _unintelligible_ Yeah. Yes I’m going to come. IN A MINUTE! Yeah. YEAH. I’M ON THE WAY! Oh god damn eat a FUCKING, CALL YOU AN UBER, how about that? Ok well cry me a river, you either get a ride from me or you go hitch hike. Where were you even? I SAID WHERE WERE YOU EVEN? At the wut? You sitting in the gate? How long? How long? Is it hot?


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## AltisticRight (May 4, 2022)

Don't post this in any of Ralph's livestream chats, please don't do it.



> Pillstream 毒品直播 Trash Burger 垃圾桶汉堡 Killstream.tv 印度肥豬电视 Adrienne Blair 阿德里安娜·布莱尔 Five Foot One 五英尺一 JCaesar187 J凯撒187 Kyle Rittenhouse Sixteen Year Old Sister 凯尔·里滕豪斯十六岁的妹妹 Convicted Sex Offender Ethan Oliver Ralph 被定罪的性犯罪者伊桑·奥利弗·拉尔夫 Puppy Oven Massacre 小狗烤箱大屠杀 Corn Harvest Tape 玉米大豐收 Grooming of High Schooler Faith Vickers 高中生菲丝·维克斯被猥褻 Declaration of Paternity 父子关系声明 Soph Stream 索夫直播 Rad Roberts 拉德·罗伯茨 Drunken Peasants Debate 醉酒农民辩论 Digibro Fight 数码宝贝战斗 Sandra Ralph Dialysis 桑德拉·拉尔夫透析 Streamlabs Shutdown 流实验室关闭 I'll Holler Over You All Day 我会整天为你大喊大叫 Gunt Photo 冈特照片 Recording Of Randbot 兰德博特的录音 Domestic Violence Restraining Order 家庭暴力限制令 Portuguese Child Prostitutes 葡萄牙童妓 Stolen Man Purse 被盗的男人钱包 Pill Bottle Shaking 药瓶摇晃 James Augustine 詹姆斯·奥古斯丁 Rape of Holland Proudfoot 强奸荷兰骄傲足 Shit Eating 吃屎 Rage Pig Hollering 愤怒的猪叫 Jesse Powell-Stroud Brother 杰西鲍威尔-斯特劳德兄弟 Dallas Stomping Assault 达拉斯跺脚突击 Fourfold Breasts 四重男乳房


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## I'm Just A Worm (May 5, 2022)

The Aydin Paladin rant, triggered when she defended Kiwi Farms:

Oh, such a *brave statement…*such a *brave stance *you took, Aydin.  Oh you’re so *FUCKIN’ BRAVE!  FUCK YOU!  WHAT A BRAVE STANCE YOU TOOK!  GIVE HER A SLAP ON THE ASS!   *Fuck off.  FUCKIN’ SHIT!   HOW BRAVE YOU ARE!   OH MY GOD.   *YOUR TORCH LIGHTS THE WAY, AYDIN!  YOU’RE SO FUCKIN’ BRAVE!………FUCK THAT SHIT!   IT’S OVER!  FUCK.  BEING.  NICE.  FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!…………….*now let’s watch some more FUCKIN’ TRANNIES


The Nick Rekieta rant, where Ralph responds to allegations of sharting live:

If I shit myself, I would tell you motherfuckers.  I’d probably make MORE money off shitting myself.  I might pull down my fuckin’ pants and SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE TODAY!   DO THEY REALLY KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT IS I’M DOIN’?   I DON’T GIVE A *FUCK *ABOUT BEING HATED.  I DON’T GIVE A *FUCK*, ABOUT YOU TALKING YOUR *SHIT, *I GET PAID EITHER WAY.   DO YOU THINK I WOULD GIVE A FUCK?  I WOULDN’T.  That’s the difference between me and a fraud like NICK REKEITA.  AND AUGIE.   AND ALL THESE COCKSUCKING *FAGGOTS.  *I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!  THE MONEY COMES IN REGARDLESS!*   I COULD SHIT ALL OVER MYSELF **AND I’D STILL GET PAID!   THAT’S CAUSE I’M TALENTED.  THAT’S CAUSE I’M CHARISMATIC.   THAT’S CAUSE I PUT ON SHOWS, THAT NOBODY ELSE IS PUTTIN’ ON**.   **THAT’S WHY I GET PAID REGARDLESS!  THAT’S WHY IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY CASES THEY PUT ON ME, IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY LAWSUITS PEOPLE FILE,  IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE FUCK THEY DO!   PEOPLE TUNE INTO ME, BECAUSE I’M AN ENTERTAINER.   AND I’M BETTER AT IT THEN ANYBODY IN THIS **WHOLE FUCKIN’ SECTOR**.   **FROM THE TOP ON DOWN!   AND THAT INCLUDES EVERYBODY.*


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## Glad I couldn't help (May 5, 2022)

The Little Gunt Book: Quotations from Ragepig Ethan Ralph

A classic example would be the Xander hollering:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odWwbooo5oA


> Xander, I didn’t dox him. That’s not true. That’s not true and a matter of fact, no it’s not true, no it’s not true, *FUCK YOURSELF YOU PIECE OF SHIT FAGGOT MOTHERFUCKER, NO IT’S NOT TRUE! PIECE OF SHIT, AND IF I HAD TO GUESS IT WAS PROBABLY YOU THAT FUCKING DOXXED HIM, MOTHERFUCKING LYING COCKSUCKING FAGGOT MOTHERFUCKER!
> 
> YOU WANNA HOLLER ALL OVER ME EVERY FUCKING SECOND, I CAN JUST SCREAM OVER YOU TOO YOU PIECE OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKER, KEEP FUCKING RUNNING YOUR MOUTH, I’LL JUST KEEP HOLLERING YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, EAT A FUCKING COCK, GO KILL YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, I FUCKING GOD DAMN, OH WE CAN JUST HOLLER OVER EACH OTHER ALL FUCKING DAY, WUAGHAUAHUAGH, WUAGHUAUAGH, WUAGH!*
> 
> FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER I AIN’T LEAVING BITCH YOU LEAVE, WHAT THE, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GOTTA LEAVE FOR, FUCK OFF! OH WOW, WITH YOUR LITTLE THIRTY PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE, OH MY GOD PLEASE. Okay.


It misses the other guy's yelling, which make the whole rant even more amusing and memorable.


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## Expendable Zaku (May 5, 2022)

All that hollerin’!


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## Fannyscum (May 5, 2022)

I really like Ralph's hollerin from when he got kicked out of blaze studios:

FUCK the Blaze, PATHETIC!
_<Ralph waddles into frame>_
NO FUCKIN' HONOUR!
They tried to ambush me...They tried to set me up...
SET ME UP LIKE A MOTHERFUCKIN' BOWLING PIN THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE TRYING TO DO!
AND THEY GOT FOUND OUT! HIS HOMOSEXUAL LAUNDRY GOT AIRED TO THE WORLD AND NOW HE'S AFRAID TO LET ME ON HIS FUCKIN' SHOW!
What a fuckin' pussy
_<Waddles off camera>_


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## Table Country (May 6, 2022)

Fannyscum said:


> SET ME UP LIKE A MOTHERFUCKIN' BOWLING PIN


Clearly a reference to the disastrous kingpin bowling party. It's like poetry, it rhymes.


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## JAKL II (May 6, 2022)

I used to do transcriptions for shits and giggles and this thread would have been something I would have A] Probably started and B] Heavily contributed to, well I would have if I could stand the sound of Ralph's voice without wanting to see what the inside of my skull looks like, his voice like his heartbeat offends the shit out of me.


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## EyeGuy (May 9, 2022)

A more somber addition, courtesy of the Skype leaks (it's several messages lightly edited together into a poetic format, and not a transcript per se). Ralph reflects, like an Ecclesiastes or Buddha, on the futility and suffering that is life:


> I'm really sick, Faith.
> I'm throwing up some kind of black shit, idk what it is.
> I'm probably dying.
> 
> ...





Spoiler: unedited



I'm really sick, Faith. I'm throwing up some kind of black shit, idk what it is. I'm probably dying. I have to go to the doctor or something if it doesn't stop. I have to go pick up the keys to the house your father doxed last night. I have to go set up the water in person and I have to go get money orders and order a new bed. I'm sorry it's like this. I'm actually disgusted as well. But is it IS like this. For my part in it, I'm sorry. I wish it would get better, but I'd be lying if I said I thought it would. I'm not gonna say anything negative about you or negative about this at all.

I understand. I don't want to make you feel bad. All I do is make people feel bad. I also genuinely don't think I have that much time left and I don't want to fight with you.

I knew it would end like this if I didn't get you to stay. I should have, but I thought I was doing the "right thing". Everytime I do the "right thing", I get kicked in the face, hard. Tired of the "right thing". Just want to live my life and die out in a few years like I'm supposed to.


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## EyeGuy (May 17, 2022)

Random snippet of Ralph raging after he discovered Meigh made off with the credit card he was planning on using to buy weed with in DC, and then had to cancel after reading out the number on stream:


> I am in just an absolute foul mood now. She has mah, mah debit card, I was about to use it right then. Which is I guess how she remembered she had it. So I couldn't fuckin use it. I HAVE another credit card. I have TWO other credit cards. But... then I had ta call and cancel mah credit card. The first bitch I talked to wouldn't even cancel it. Cause I couldn't open tha app. That's the card where I get 3% off everywhere I dine, so it's like mah BEST card.


h/t @Sevenatenine


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## Blue Miaplacidus (May 17, 2022)

GO TALK ABOUT AUSCHWITZ YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU MOTHERFUCKING JEW HATING PIECE OF SHIT
DO YOU THINK MLK WORKED FOR FREE?




Your browser is not able to display this video.


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## Monkey Type-I.N.G (May 18, 2022)

Ralph hollers at mulatto woman:


> These whooores are SCARED, bah gahd don't ever call them to their face, oh, you're unfunny, oh you're a bitch? oh you're talking shit, shut up bitch, shut up bitch, fuck you whore, oh you don't like that huh? oh when you get called out to your face, that's why venti didn't like it oh, oh, YOU DIDN'T LIKE A MAAAN TELLING YOU TO YOUR *FUCKING FACE THAT YOU'RE A WHORE? THAT YOU'RE **FUCKING WHOOOREE?? BITCH I WILL TELL YEW TO YOUR **FUCKING FACE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME BITCH**, I'M TELLING YOU TO YOUR FUCKING FACE, RIGHT FUCKING NOW BITCH, YOU'RE A FUCKING WHORE, YOU'RE A NO GOOD, SCUMBAG, FUCKING WHORE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND MEE? BRITTANI FUCKING VENTI, BITCH, DO YOU GET IT NOOOWW??? WHOORE?? I'M NOT STUTTERING* (???) * AM I FUCKING STUTTERING YOU NO GOOD TOO-BIT *(???) *BITCH??? FUCK YOU* *throws mic* *MOTHERFUCKER.. FUCK OUTTA HERE YOU BITCH* *smacks chair* *FUCK THIS SHIT, FUCK THIS SHIT, FUCK YOU BITCH.. MOTHER-FUCKER.. THINK I GIVE A FUUCKK???.. LET'S GOOO.*... *looks around* *has portugal flashback* *LET'S GOOOOOO*



Not 100% on the context of this recent spergout but I'll provide a transcript; taken straight from https://vimeo.com/711110235 , link provided by @cheese burger69


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## Lorne Armstrong (May 18, 2022)

Pink shirts only really work when on the golf course.


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## ScamL Likely (May 19, 2022)

Puppies in the oven



> Null says they said you gassed your puppies...
> 
> How much sense does that even make and how would you gas puppies? Just think about what you're saying here Null. Is that really the claim you're making, and is that really the claim Roth Azlan made? And would he put his name to that here today? Because I would 100% sue the fuck out of anybody making a ridiculous claim like that. That is the dumbest thing... How would you even... first off, how would you even gas the dog, where would I get the materials to gas a dog, where would... I don't even... hahahahaha! Well, Roth Azlan, I do believe is jewish. I'm not 100% sure but I'm pretty sure and so maybe the holocaust fantasies have overtaken his brain, or what have you, but think about what you're saying and how would a third grader... gas... dogs... I don't... I don't even see how that comports with any type of reality whatsoever. Umm... but it's a shame that, that you didn't get that treatment honestly, Null, cuz that would've saved the world a lot of trouble and saved your mom a lot of pain from birthing such a malformed, maladjusted loser such as yourself.
> 
> ...


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## Cherenkovblue (May 19, 2022)

All very good, but if possible could people please link to the audio (if in a stream archive then provide timestamp)? Ayyylawgin' is hard work.


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## EyeGuy (May 28, 2022)

Crossposting @cheese burger69 's transcriptions of Ralph's Portugal IRL streams:


Spoiler: Day 1



Lisbon day one
"Damn those hot chix, better than america!"
Pig grunting trying to run down the hills of lisbon with his hooves, smoking cigars.
Pig claiming he has dirt on Alice, cannot deny rape accusations
Ralph: "PEOPLE WANT TO SEE ME PUT AWAY. IT'S NOT A GAME." => Ralph against the world.
Ralph: Spouting some bullshit about how if he revealed it, he would benefit, but he doesn't because...
it plays into a game of escalation.
Ralph: "I have copious records... and have never been fearful for one second... for that reason."
Ralph - pointing camera at landmark - "It's called we do a little collecting."
Ralph: responding to 3$ dono saying nobody talked about alice: "Shut up idiot!"
Ralph: "I don't give people I don't like money... the concept if foreign to me. Not even one dollar!"
Ralph: "Although I did send gator that one dollar... and I didn't like that!"
Ralph: at landmark of man on horse in lisbon, "Man's dripping up on that horse!" lol it's ralph riding  Meigh
Ralph: "...plus I don't really want to drink beer... I dunno."
Ralph: "This is europe, definitely europe. *COUGH COUGH* definitely Portugal."
Ralph: "I have my mobile setup, brought the mobile mic. Lot more people here than there were in january, for sure."
R: in response to superchat "I don' giv a fuck. Keep giving me money and I will buy a hermes bag. HEHEHEHEHE. Keep giving me money. HEHEHEHEHE."
R: in response "You'd be the king a-lawg if you paid me to buy a purse. I made ra-ra-ralph buy a purse!"
R: "Naw, I'm not renting a scooter, crazy azz... Feels great out here. Err-mees [hermes], err-mees, right. err-mees. I've heard 4 different pronunciations. I've never seen their men's bags. "
R: "I've ridden the metro, but fuck the bus."
>Ralph tosses cigar in trash can without putting it out
Ralph: "That small beer... that's not too bad" - as ralph heads to a cafe.
Ralph: "Oh, Gelata?" "I guess I'm gonna sit down."
Ralph: "I'm gonna sit back here so I don't disturb anybody... thank you so much [to the waitress]"
R: in response: to 'buy a belt fat boy - Josh conner moon' "**SILENCE**" - he is afraid.
>Ralph silently stares at the menu, mumbling off selections
R: "Yes, I'm in portugal."
> 38:00 Ralph claims to have lost a lot of weight.
> 39:00 Ralph coping about igar fund: for a 25 cigar box in case he doesn't buy it today.
40:00 Ralph just realizes that it's a pizza place.
R: I've eaten really good seafood in the airport of Iceland.
R: *mumbling* *Sips drink* That's so good. That's so good.
R: "The britatny Venti tweet? Aw man. Aw man. It's hilarious. These hoes can say anything, they can say whatever they want, no big deal... I got something for you... *shakes head with a smirk.* Oh mah gawd, *unintelligible* Oh mah gawd."
R: "I'll do a regular show, don't know if I'll do one tonight or not. Maybe I'll go to the hotel. I didn't really know the square was this close... close to the square here."
R: "These people in cali man... sick people... very sick people. SICK. SICK."
R: "Go to the beach? I could walk down here, show you where it's at."
R: "I walked out of the metro, and the cigar place is right there."
R: "Imagine having a daughter... disgusting."
R: in response to super chat: "No I'm not [trying to find my stolen purse.]"

=fuckup 1=

R: [justifying stream fuckup] I think the selfie stick hit the router.
R: "There's still *unintelligible* pizza"
R: I could get Gelato. It's cheaper. I wish I could get like, half a meat tray.
R: "I'm just here for fun, I'm not here for a particular reason."
R: "Warski's still in the couch, as far as I know, unless that changed in the last 24 hours."
R: "My friend here said don't go to the burbary in lisbon, go south of lisbon. It's cheaper, and everything's there too. I could check it out. I mean, I have a nike BAG [covering up that he called it a purse on-stream and in-tweet.]"
R: "Oh yeah the kiwi farms stuff. I talked about it on twitter. A politician literally says it was a great resource on right-wing people."
R: "I have to figure out where I'm at..."
R: "Oh I didn't get to see the [nick] debate. Tried to charge 1800 dollar for wifi n shit."
R: *COUGH* "Oh yeah lemme look... don't wanna say where I'm at... not right now, but where I'm staying at. It doesn't really matter, it's a nice place, I'll show where it is when I leave the country *wheezing laugh.*"
R: "Oh yeah... okay... yep... that's what I thought. It's the opposite direction. I could walk that way and catch the metro back. I'm in portugal right now, yeah, lisbon, I'll see if I can show this... *points camera at shitty outdoor restaurant.*"
R: Not right now, there was a ton [hot women {responding to normal cozy chat}] earlier.
R: in response to gambian groyper scamming Ralph: I couldn't find time [to pay him money] (while on vacation in portugal).

THOT - That Hog Over There.
R: [Admits to somewhat?? superchat fraud?? of muting superchat while TTS plays, not delivering on an advertised service.]
^^ Not charitable income, ralph owns it as an LLC, he committed fraud.
R: *Being a pussy and turning the audio down from superchats* "I enjoy doing that. I'll turn it down again."
R: "I'll just take your money and give you nothing. Especially [Kiwi] farm language, I'm not gonna let that go period."
R: "Camera is shaking... I'm always bouncing my leg up and down, it's an old habit."

R: "Couldn't sleep on the flight... dunno why I couldn't. It was just something, I was on an aisle seat, maybe it was the angle." (Probably because of his shit health.)
R:"how did the debate go?"



R: "I love lisbon besides that [stolen purse and being beaten by a pimp]"
R: "Everything else is pretty awesome so... man I don't know if I can get into spain or not. I could drive into spain... "
R: "I want to see the prada museaum, like bad, I could drive, but it's a long drive."
R: "There is no border check, it's just the EU, you just drive across. There is no border check by vehicle. There is not supposed to be one, if you're flow-walking in."
R: "I heard from the grape vine that Medicare had to cancel his Chemo... He was walking down the block to get his early bird special, told Jade, with dog grease dripping down her chin of course, told Jade to turn it around, because ralph was in portugal."

R: "[superchat are you in another country] yes, I am, I'm in portugal, again."


R: "I'm trying to think- I want to go to that store.. but maaan, it's right over there. Those hills are like SUUPER steep. It's not steep for just fat fucks like me, but steep for everyone... it's crazy."
R: "It's not that far to walk really, its just that it's uphill."

Ralph, in response to super chat: "Yeah, these are gucci shades..."
R: "There's a way to flip it... I forgot how to do that. Oh yeah, flip front facing?"
R: "I'm gonna fall asleep, I'm getting tired (in an outside cafe.)"

R: *Jiggling to Gucci Gang*
R: *unintelligible* "Fag farms"
R: [Admitting to more fraud/scamming farms superchatters under his LLC]
R: I'm gonna fuck with them.
R: "I aint scared. I'm gonna go where I want on this planet... where I'm allowed to anyways."
R: *Points cameras at his quad tits* "What's causin all this? Wheoowf. *smirk*"


R: "Warski's could call in some bomb threats."
R: "*seething about warski* I've heard warski speak portuguese... I've heard him do it."
"He's a retard but that's something he has to his name."
R: "Warski is suspect number 1."
R: "[unbanning superchatter over mis-understanding] I'm too nice."
R: "I aint in LA, I'm in Lisbon, Nigger."
R: "I mean it's just like mental. There's nothing on earth that could possibly shame me. What do they think exactly. If you give me money every day and tell lies about my family, I'm going to stop? It's crazy, it's nuts to me. It's not even a good reaction, I don't know."
[Ralph admitting he's shameless.]
R: "I can't think of any other reason to do it, I'm going to keep going on. I'm going to add to my money, it's so these chucklefucks laugh to themselves. Giving money to other people is cuck behavior, I would consider myself a cuck if I did that." [STREAM 2: ~30:30].
R: "There's no scenario I'd give those whores money... MAybe one or two, HA HA! (talking about prostitution.)"
*Dog barking in distance* It can sense the dog holocauster, the puppy gasser, the pupper hanger, Ethan Ralph.
R: [Nigger man approaches ralph to sell him bracelet] "He might try to sell me something..." *Walks away*
R: [Almost slips on mossy ramp] "That would've given the haterz too much, would be too generous."
R: [looking at random bridge] "That looks like a junior golden gate bridge."

R: STREAM 2 - - 35:40 "Fix the stream title? Yeah, I'll do it. Your autism must be getting to you- there we go."

R: "Think there's a metro right here" *Walks past local womens as they look away in disgust*

R: "Errrright... " *More waddling* "Let's see... I don't know where I'm going to go, though. Gonna sit down here, there's a bunch of taxis n shit."

R: "I'm afraid of those... [scooters], I can ride a bike though, I can definitely ride a bike." *Wind fucks up the mic*

R: "Yah I'm on holiday, though I'll still be working thoguh... tomorrow will be a normal day though, I'll still do some normal IRL."

R: "Alright, let's see... " *Baby crying at a 5'1 pigman nearby*

R: "Think I should ride a scooter? Nah."

R: Showing monastery on phone, "That's an all time classic. It's from the 1300s I think."
R: "And the one here [nearby] is also legendary"
R: "I wanna be here till the 1st."


R: "I could go to the hotel, take a nap, and do a regular show." "I didn't get any sleep"
R: "The fun[d] is just for cigars anyways. I just put that up after looking cigars, thought it needed a fun[d]."
R: "If I go back, I could maybe come back at 8:30."

R: "I'm gonna walk back to the metro station, go back to the hotel. I'm just too sleepy. I'll go back and get some rest. Yeah, I really went to Europe, for sure."

R: *in response to chatter* "Watch yo back? BAN THAT IDIOT! Ban him. Get him outta here. That's the 30th time I've seen him say some crazy shit. Get out. Arrest him. Keeps talking crazy shit. Don't come in here, perpetrating Kiwifarms rumours, and acting like I give a fuck about that.. so..."
R: "Warski aint doin shit, neither are you, bitch!"
R: "I'll see you guys later tonight, then we have a lot of stuff to talk about when we get in a studio. oop where's the button? *salutes camera.*"





Spoiler: Day 3 



Gunt live, at a monastary?
Gunt bought a new seflie stick after he forgot it at his 5 star hotel.

Gunt: [regarding the new selfie stick he bought] "It's a piece of shit but works as a tripod"
Gunt: [Phone flips over]: "Oh no!"

R: "Lemme tweet it out."

R: "I think it should be live on odysee too, because *unintelligible drunk speech*"
R: "This is the Jeronimo's[?] monastery."

R: "uhh okay"

R: "I make being bad look so good, huum."

:: NEW FUND: "Christ is Kang fund, Goal 100$"

R: "Didn't think it'd be too outrageous to name my fund the Christ is Kang fund."
R: "So hungry, haven't eaten anything today [4pm.]"
R: "Gonna eat octopus, not the only puss I've eaten." - ew...
R: [Doing generic amen that he googled minutes ago because he is a fake christian]

[Ralph waddling to the entrance of the monastery]

R: "Whatever, close enough, maybe I missed one werr [word]." - He is already slurring

R: "That's pretty good for a non-catholic."

R: "I've repeated it like 10,000 times."

R: "Hol up hol up I was in front of you guys, I don't think so..." [Ralph, cutting into a line into a monastery.]

[Ralph gets apprehended for not having a ticket.]

R: "Those dumbass germans, 90% cucks anyways, didn't know I had to buy a ticket, what the fug?"

R: "These mo'fuckers jumped line, of course they had a ticket... these germans, boutta have to learn again, have to be taught another lesson." [Ralph makes a gross laugh.] 
"Get outta my way, the fuck are these people doin? Blockin the whole sidewalk, they can get out of my way, that's what I think. The fuck is that? They weren't even tightly together- They were holding hands across the way."

[Ralph is in a line, buying a ticket]

R: "Yeah, it's on speaker, tts should work."

R: "When I go in the church I'll turn it down, it'll still play though." [Ralph disrespecting an ancient holy site with his Text-To-Speech.]

[Ralph grapples at a portuguese touch-screen machine with his hooves, attempting to buy a ticket]
[The ticket is 10 Euros]


Ralph, while trotting out of the ticket-purchasing place: "*Unintelligible.*"

R: "Not the first time I've seen it in person. *He repeats this many times*"

R: "Euros are 1:1 with the USD, it's pretty sick."

[Ralph false equivocates Pounds with Euros.] => 11:00

R: "I might go to Madrid."

R: "[At superchat calling Lisbon white (it's not really based on livestream footage)] HEH!"

R: [At monastery] "There's nothing in america like this, because they weren't building anything like this in America in the 1300s."

R: "Lagos I've heard is sick, you're right about that."

[Ralph clicks the volume down for his TTS]

[Ralph snorts and laughs at having to turn off his TTS]

[Attendant laughs at Ralph as he yells obnoxiously]

R: "She was doin her job [checking his ticket], thought I was trying to be slick."

14:00 -- Connection fucking up as he waddles and trots into of the monastery.

Stream cut back in, looks like the recording was lost on the backend of cozy,
thus new stream and timestamps:

STREAM 2 ::

R: [At the plaza of the monastery] "Holey smokes. Gonna go to another monastery probably tommorrow, gonna see if Cog can go there as well." 

R: "Do you like that Pantsu? I wanna bring you over here. [Gunt lies]"
R: "My voice sounds different because I'm skinnier." - Doubtful.
R: "That's why I sound so different in 2018. cuz I was skinnier."
R: "Sorry if it cuts out, cuz of the ankschient bulding."
R: "I didn't think about it cutting out in the monastery, but considering the ceiling height, it's not a surprise." - If it's not a surprise, don't act surprised Pig.

R: "If it cuts out, I'll record it. They might have wifi here. My phone worked last time I was inside here though."

[Ralph waddles down a hallway.]

R: "Look at the room, the confessional, holey smokes. We'll go in here after this guy. Woah, that's wild. Look a the old confessional... ... that's crazy. I am havin a blast, Adolwulf [Superchatter]."

[Ralph starts talking louder.]

[Ralph rambles about the wonders of digital currency conversion prior to visiting after the stream cuts in and out]

R: "This place is so pretty, hate to leave this spot. We've only got to 5 o'clock. This place is one of the prettiest things I've seen in my life. Stunning. Oh at night? This is a beautiful day too, it's hard to- hard to explain how pretty it is in lisbon today."

[Ralph mutes TTS again, as he treads deeper into the church.]

[Ralph seems to be in a resting place, with a tomb on a pedestal- At the foot of the elevated tomb, there are sculptures of lions, and it seems to be crowned by the symbol of the lis. The floor is checkered. The tall ceilings are vaulted, and the room is adorned with Portuguese, Roman Catholic, and Gothic symbology.]

R: "You've got to [visit portugal], it's so pretty, I hope I'm doin it justice, but man, it's great."

[Stream cutting out]

R: [screaming at attendants]: "Uhh how do I get to the main church part?"

[Ralph enters a massive chamber of prayer]

[Pointing camera at a different tomb seemingly plated with gold] R: "That there's a grave of their great king or something? A friend told me last time."

[Ralph points the camera at what seems to be the tomb of a knighted man]

[Ralph points his camera at patterned vaulted ceilings and pillars of stone]

[Ralph pans his camera to Spanish iconography and stained glass windows]

[Ralph being blinded by Catholic iconography on stained glass windows] "Oh , oh , that looks sick."

[Ralph points his camera at an organ] R: "I think they still hold church *unintelligible* [services] here?"

R: "I'm gonna go to the other place, that's 800 years old."

R: "Gotta stop looking at this with my phone, looking at it with you eyes is better."

[Ralph swears inside of a holy site]

R: "I have so many [emphasis on so many] euros in the hotel, didn't bring any of them."

[Ralph steals from god by lighting a candle in a church without paying for it]

[Infant's cries echoing in the background, likely bawling at the sight of the gunt.]

[Ralph joking about lighting a prayer candle for Warski's aborted child, in a holy site.]

The echos of a child reverberate within the cathedral. The spirits are warning the innocent to stay away from the miasmic presence of the gunt.

[Ralph, in awe of the masonry (stoneworking)] R: "Wow, based."


[Ralph, talking about a church he learnt in catholic school]: "It's one of the bigger catholic pilgrimage sites in the world." 

[Ralph gets lost in the lower church floor, starts hollering at elderly attendants]

[Ralph waddles his way to a place he missed after he got lost]: "Don't know how I missed it."

[Ralph is audibly exhausted after walking down a hallway, to a staircase to the second floor of the Monastery.]

*Stream cuts out again, he is now on the second floor.*

R: "Wow... ... ... [panning camera across the same place, wind is raping the microphone] let's walk around."

R: "*unintelligible* [Going to try to] stay in the sunlight."

R: "Ah"

[He is huffing and puffing at this point]

R: "Less go! [Translation: 'Let's go.']"

[Ralph is sniffling now]

R: "Hopefully the signal doesn't cut out when I walk under here [the vaulted ceiling hallways]."

*There is a new cozy.tv timer, probably due to the second interrupt.*

R: "This [place] looks crazy."

[He is on the second floor, looking at paintings]

R: "."

[Ralph points camera at the large circular elevated window, and paintings made by men infinitely more talented than him]

R: "My right arm's tired. [from holding the selfie stick]"

R: "It's cuz I've been holding it up for like an hour."

[Ralph descends a staircase]

*Stream cuts out once more.*

-New stream timer, gunty is now down the stairs. Connection still shitty.-

R: "Thank you so much [hollering at attendant], I finally found the stairs."

[Ralph is finished gawking at portuguese masonry]

R: "Let's take a last look at the outside. Man, it's so pretty here."

R: "Wow. I wonder where the taxis are. I don't see any. How do they not have a whole row of taxis over here?"

[Ralph does a selfie pose in front of the monastery]

R: "Another banger..."

R: "Trying to get the whole thing in the shot, but *unintelligible.*"

[Ralph is now waddling down the street]

[The wind is raping the microhpone]

R: "I told you we'd visit monestaries... don't know how to cross these [in regards to a crosswalk.]"

R: "This might be the last time you see me alive [he says, crossing]"

R: "Europe's so cool, HAHAHAHAHAHA! Just walk out in front of cars. There's no lights, just walk, people will stop for you. I can get used to that. Memphis style. Hahehehehaha!"

R: "Lisbon cafe, what do they got?"

R: "I'm gonna call an uber up here. Wonder if they have espresso [Ralph hollers at cafe attendants from the street], I'll take a small beer and an espresso."

[Ralph sits down outside of a cafe after ordering two drinks from the street.]

R: "Lil' toasty out here, did you guys enjoy that?"

R: "I hope you guys enjoyed that, might not be as exciting as me talking shit inside the house, I enjoy doing that too."

R: "I don't want to drink that much beer, but It's kind of a beer day."

[Ralph mumbles about something trivial]

R: "Cool, I'm glad you guys liked it."

R: "We're good [in regards to phone charge.]"

[Ralph does the iconic double-thumbs-up after an attendant brings him a glass of beer]

[Wind almost blows away Ralph's phone]

R: "Barely a little sugar, not much. Haven't eaten anything today... what will we eat tonight?"

R: "They have an *unintelligible* next door."

R: "By the way uhmm... can you get into germany now too? Don't need a vaxx to get into madrid now, can fly in with a negative test."

[Ralph grifts off of the talking points Covid] - Not a statement, but he isn't doing shit about it, so he's objectively grifting off of Covid restriction talking points.


R: "Where is Cog by the way?"

R: "This is like the perfect sized beer by the way."

R: "They got sandwiches here."

R: "Nah, gotta have something a little bit better, I'm afraid."

R: "Yeah, Saugers' is portuguese."

[More children are crying in the background, likely at the gunt.]

R: "This is picturesque." - Ralph, in a random alley-way outdoor cafe.

R: "It's a little toasty but the wind is blowing so it's not bad at all. Cheers. [The beer leaps into Pig's gullet]"

R: "I have to get cog to get his map out, gonna walk around a bit. I've been here a bit, I know my way around. Get yer map out boi!"

[Ralph insults Cog some more]

R: "I love portugal, it's my vibe."

R: "They have espresso here everywhere... they all [portuguese?] drink it after beer."

R: "If I had citizenship I'd live here. I dunno, it's hard to immigrate to the EU, I'd have to buy property. People thought I was joking, I fuckin love lisbon dude."

R: "It's better here than anywhere in the US, in Lisbon at least, for me. I still love the USA, don't get me wrong, but I'm over it a little bit."

R: "Yeah the taxes are probably higher but... The free speech aspect of linging in the US is a big [benefit] *unintelligible*."

R: "Places like this don't exist in the US, with the history, it's not possible for it to exist."

R: "We're gonna take a taxi in a minute, maybe will have to call an uber."

R: "They didn't give me a bill [for the surgery fixing Ralph's ugly ass face.]"

R: "Gets no better than this, I have to say. Picturesque day, best day I've ever seen in Portugal, while I've been here. It just don't stop."

[Ralph talking about going to another place]

R: "[Portugal] makes America look like trash, honestly."

R: "Jim is a bum, wasting his days away, he's a sad dude."

[Ralph hollers at an attendant for a cheque]

[Ralph drinks espresso instantly out of a tiny cup]

[Ralph rambles on and on about Daddy Gym]

R: "That wuz 2 Euros and 80 cents, or whatever they call cents over here."

R: "I just had an espresso and a beer for 3 DOLLAWRZ!"

[Ralph rambles about calling an uber for a fourth time]

R: "Ah, yeah, there's *unintelligible* up there, can I do that I wonder?"

R: "Yeeah I got a mask, mu'erfuggas..."

R: "Eight minutes? [Uber time to his location] Mo'er Fuggers."

[Ralph is being autistic with his new selfie stick]

[Ralph is orders and drinks another beer]

[Ralph is hollering at the chat because he was rude to a barista] R: "Must've been YANKEES, YANKEES TELLIN ME... I can't think of any southern boys tellin' me that was rude."

[Wind knocks down Ralph's phone off the table]

R: "I wanna go smoke a cigar." - It seems Ralph is looking to run from Cog.

R: "Sorry, the wind was so crazy. I'm just glad they had this, bad as it sucks, selfie stick."

R: [Hollering at barista from sidewalk], "THANK YEW SO MUCH!"

[Ralph is waddling down the street once more]

[Women look away at Ralph in disgust]

[Ralph is now waddling on a crosswalk island]

[Ralph is now waddling down the rest of the crosswalk, in between cars]

[Ralph is waddling towards an uber pickup spot?]

R: "Is it over here? I don't even know what a black- yeah, it's over here."

R: [Waddling down a tramway] "FUCKING SHIT."

R: "Is that him? [Is that cog?]"

R: "UBER? ETHAN RALPH, THAT'S ME."

[Ralph hops into the uber after fast-trotting to get away from Cog]

R: "Nah, they don't have any crossing lights there, you just have to walk."

[Ralph smugly points at camera]

[Wind is raping the stream audio as Ralph holds it out the window.]

[Ralph pulls the phone into the taxi again, barely audible portuguese pop music is playing.]

[Ralph continues to ride his metal chariot down the hills of Portugal, in silence. It was a close call for the Ralphamale, should be have stayed a moment longer, he would be confronted by a man who flew to portugal to hunt him down.]

[Ralph talks to the uber driver]: "Ahm from America, Memphis Tenesse, like Elvis! [Pig is lying, he is from bumfuck nowhere West Memphis Arkansas]. Mostly on a vacation, but on a 'working vacation.'" - LMAO

[Dead silence after Portuguese uber driver does not want to talk to this gunted american]

[Ralph comments on a random Portuguese bridge that, to him, looks like the Golden Gate bridge]

R: "It's smaller, but the same basically."

R: "It's the same bridge, that's what I'm saying. I want to go to madrid, to see the museaum de prado [?], don't know if I'll get to see it this time. I heard Madrid is awesome, I might not get another chance to go, I might just go. I'm in Europe, I might just go."

R: "Yeh, I might just go. Such a nice day today."

[Ralph Mumbling about his phone "not being all the way there"]

[Ralph cuts to view of himself, moving around his face's fat folds. He does the "OK" hand gesture with his right hoof.]

[Ralph is still, at 42:00 current stream time (stream 3 due to cutouts), pointing the camera out the window to show off Lisbon to the world.]

[Ralph points the Camera at what seems to be a slum]

[Portuguese pop music serves as ambience as Ralph quietly awaits his arrival.]

R: "That's a huge bus, stuck together actually" - Ralph, at a common double-segmented bus.

R: "Stuck together, you like that? What else would you call it, it is-"

R: "Accordian bus, okay, whatever. You knew what I meant though. [Hollering at the Uber Driver] Which trolley is it, that's famous? 28- 28 train?"

Uber driver: 28, yes.

R: "28? Okay. There are shirts with that trolley on it."

R: "I rode one that went uphill, that's super steep- don't know if that's the same one or nawt."

[Ralph does an iconic thumbs up at camera] R: "If cog was fun, we could enjoy Lisbon together. We could have fun... but nobody has as much fun as the Ralphamale. He's a bum. It's sad, sad."

[Ralph talking shit at Cog after he ran away at the thought of being confronted]

R: "I thought it was fun, fucking with cog." - More lies, we have a replay of him speed-trotting to an Uber.

R: "Sardines are probably the best portuguese dish. If we reach the goal, I'll eat octopus."

[Ralph fiddles with his phone. 49:00 stream-#3 time.]


R: "If we hit it [the hundred dollar 'christ is king' goal, I'll eat octopus.]"

[Ralph exits the Uber]

R: "Bout to get out my other phone, cuz I don't know [where I am]. There's the monastery."

R: "Is that the 28 there? Looks full as fuck. Is that the famous one there or not? Doens't look like it."

R: "I'll put the camera down, make it harder for [unintelligible]."

R: "It might be full. [place he is going to]"

[Ralph is pointing the camera at the ground, he must be reading KF-AS chat, since people there are updating his location every few seconds].

R: "Care if I sit over there? Oh, they didn't answer."

[Ralph points at a dude reading a Francis Fukuyama book]

R: "Big brained shit over there."

[Slavic Tourist Women kindly point out there is a free spot after Ralph hollers at them ad nauseum.]

[Ralph takes a seat, grunts several times.]

[Ralph does OK symbol with his hoof as he digs in his man-purse for something.]

[Pig feigns a smile at the camera. He looks around him in concern, paranoid of Cog.]

[Ralph orders Red Wine outside of a restaurant]

R: "Could I get an ashtray too?"

R: "Nah they didn't have *[unintelligible accented word]*"

R: "I didn't want another beer, but it was perfect beer weather. They didn't have any other [something] either." - Reasoning for why he ordered red wine.

[Ralph lights his cigar and tries to posture with his classic 'internet villain' look.]

R: "I had an [unintelligible] here yesterday too..."

[Man to the right of Ralph looks at him in disgust]

[Ralph tries to look like a badass, oustretches his right, then left, then both hooves.]

R: "I have to get a [Rapid Sars-Cov-2 Antigen] test before I fly back."

[Ralph looks paranoid, his eyes dart around, looking for any sign of Cog. He turns his head, but there is no cog.]

[Ralph stares at his chat]

[Ralph's TTS blares]

[Ralph slurs about going somewhere else.]

R: "I'm losing weight, for suure. Thank you."

R: "Thank yew [at the server who brought his red wine]."

[Ralph does the bald-man holding up wine pose]

[Ralph takes another puff of his cigar]

R: "It's alled we drink a little wine [toasts]. True."

[Ralph is holding his wine glass the wrong way.]

[Ralph struggles with his phone camera, changing it back and forth]

[Ralph silently tries to look intimidating, puffing his cigar.]

R: "Boom. Yeah, it is pretty cozy- cozy Lisbon, I think that's accurate, that's accurate."

R: "Damn that... Ah... You didn't see that, you didn't see that [Ralph, gawking at women.]"

R: "What I mentioned yesterday? [creeping on attractive young women], they're out in full force"

R: "It's 1 pm eastern... so we'll see, I may or may not do another show tonight."

R: "I don't really like white wine, I drink red wine."

[Ralph takes more puffs of his cigar]

R: "There's this place, that does octopus. I ate sardines last time, didn't know about octopus."

[Ralph is very vigilant at this moment, his head swiveling and eyes scouting for any sign of Cog.]
[Ralph's paranoia is setting in.]

R: "I see my speaker's getting low, need to charge this bad boy- luckily I have a charger, and a mask, just in case."

R: "Yew still have to buy a mask and wear it on your way to portugal. They don't enforce it on the plane, though" - Ralph, lying about not wearing the cuck muzzle on the plane.

R: "If I don't hit the octopus goal, I'll have sardines maybe."

[Ralph mumbles something about his cigar]

[Ralph trying to sound knowledgable and acts hood-rich]

[Ralph does the thumbs-up at a troll superchat stroking his ego on purpose]

[Ralph puffs his cigar some more, it is half-way finished]

[Ralph takes another sip of his red wine]

R: "I spit on the octopussy, she'll remember that one [points at camera]."

R: "Hehehehehehe [throws back head], wasn't that long ago, was a few months ago. That's right, that was a callback. It seems like 5 years ago, wasn't. Might not be 5 months ago [ralph admitting to being in a constant drug-haze]."

[Ralph puffs a cigar]

R: "I love cigars. I really do."

R: "Octopus is a national dish here in portugal, it's one of their specialties around here, I don't know."

[Ralph zooms camera on tourists.]

[Church bell bongs 3 times]

R: "Oh look, it's the Church. The Church did its dong-ing. I know you don't inhale cigars, who said you did? You don't inhale cigars."

R: "Sorry, this tripod is kinda shitty."

R: "Nah you are supposed to puff on a cigar, not inhale it."

R: "The nicotine gets through your system through the membranes in your mouth- you don't inhale it. Inhaling cigars will kill you. It's bad enough to *unintelligible* them up here."

[Ralph shit-talking cog again, as he puffs his cigars]

R: "Cog was talking so much shit that I started streaming live today. Did he think I was gonna hide? What a bum. Who? Exactly."

R: "Where you at cog? Sad. [Does a thumbs down as a tourist behind him grimaces at the pig] Sad."

R: "Now he's saying that I ran away? What a sad figure. Why did he even come to portual? *fake smirk, fake laugh with his teeth out, he looks like a Titan from AOT*"

R: "It's unbelievable. I'm not hiding, I'm in the middle of lisbon... if he knows where I was... edunnuh [I don't know]. What a sad guy."

[Ralph puffs his cigar]

[Donation intentionally strokes Ralph's ego]

R: "Yeah it's basically his like. Idunno, gives him a will to live feels like [Metokur]."

[Ralph is making many funny faces as tourists scowl at piggy with disdain]

R: "Better hurry cog, better hurreh BOI, BOI!"

[Ralph sloppily chugs down the last of his Red wine, continues to puff his cigar.]

[Ralph puts out his cigar.]

[Ralph makes faces and pretends to fix his collared overcoat like a villain]

R: "Sad! [Probably talking about Cog and Metokur]"

[Ralph frantically looks for any hint that Cog is nearby]

[Ralph knocks his streaming phone off the table in a flustered fear of Cog, stream cuts out for a milisecond]

- gay movie reference but his is like a scene out of, "It Follows"

[Ralph is speed trotting away once more! He is on the run!]

[Ralph, hollers at a street worker to give him directions to somewhere]

[Ralph is enamoured at a woman with a dog for all of two seconds, he mistakes her talking to him]

[Ralph is waddling very quickly now, he is at full gear]

[Ralph turns right downhill, he has calmed down it seems]

R: "Gettin' my steps in. If I get the octopus- I would've burned enough calories [prior] I think."

R: "A little stroll, a little stroll through lisbon."

[An old woman scowls at Ralph]

[Ralph is gasping for air]


=COG ENTERS=



[Ralph punches Cog, stream goes offline.]

Cog is hollering at Ralph

R: [Hollering] "CALL THE POLICE ON THIS GUY"

[Portuguese people are shouting, cars are blaring]

[People are screaming up and down the stream, Ralph can be heard hollering in the distance]

[Women are screaming, Tourists are screaming]

[Police sirens start, somebody picks up the phone]

[Woman picks up phone] "We need an ambulance!"

1:32:30 [Ralph finds and takes his phone back]

[Stream ends with clown music]


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## MirnaMinkoff (May 28, 2022)

On day one he says he’s “not there for any particular reason.” Lol wut? You left your crazy new mom girlfriend at home with two month old newborn for “no particular reason”? 

So it’s confirmed Ralph ran away from being a father and abandoned his daughter and GF. He couldn’t even manage 12 weeks of fatherhood.


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## Punished Brent (May 28, 2022)

> "If I shit myself I would tell you motherfuckers"


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## H. H. Lovecraft (May 28, 2022)

Fannyscum said:


> I really like Ralph's hollerin from when he got kicked out of blaze studios:
> 
> FUCK the Blaze, PATHETIC!
> _<Ralph waddles into frame>_
> ...


The signature tuba goes really well with The Dallas Pigwiggle (at 14:30).


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## A Rastafarian Skeleton (May 28, 2022)

Xander. fuck yourself you piece of shit faggot motherfucker. No it's not true piece of shit. and if I had to guess, it was probably you that fucking doxed them. motherfucking lying cock sucking faggot motherfucker. you wanna holler over me every fucking second? I can just scream over you too.

keep fucking running your mouth, I'll just keep hollering. You motherfucking piece of shit. Eat a fucking cock go kill yourself you fucking piece of motherfucker. Oh we can just holler over each other all fucking day. AAAHH WOOO YEAAAHHH AAAAAHAAAHAAAAAAH WOOO AAAHHHH YAAAAA, AAAAAAAAH. fuck you motherfucker i ain't leavin bitch.


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## AltisticRight (May 28, 2022)

Since Ralph is now the junkyard attack hog of AF, these three are relevant.



> America First is centered around trannies. They have grift events for trannies They alienated millions of right wingers to embrace trannies. They listen to tranny music. They elect a tranny lover as their president. They dress and act like trannies. They draw the entirety of their identity from trannies. They post sassy gifs about trannies. They watch HBO Films in worship of trannies. Their biggest event of the year involves throwing catboy orgies in honor of trannies. They use tranny slang like "Tgirl" and "bussy". When you say "Mein Kampf" they're not thinking of the book of National Socialism. They're thinking of The Pesudohermaephrodite. Their cities are completely overrun with trannies. They worship their content creators disproportionately filled with trannies and their global patrol force of soldiers filled with trannies. Their men sit around watching tranny music videos while their "women" sit around sucking trannies. They worship trannies while attacking the working class whites who actually built their country before trannies took over. Their movies are filled with trannies and their music charts are topped by trannies and their porn collection is full of trannies. They send trannies to TPUSA and celebrate when the trannies "pwn" Charlie Kirk because those trannies are women and American First catboy trannies. They binge watch trannies bestiality porn to a point where "BTC" does not make them think of an international cryptocurrency but about big tranny cocks instead. They will tell you how much they hate trannies and how the catboy meme is a stale joke and they are just pretending to love trannies but the evidence speaks for itself in that America First has always been and will be a movement of trannies loving trannies.





> What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little suckler? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at Boston University, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on e-girls, and I have over 300 confirmed hours of tranny porn watch time*, with every single PornHub TGirl achievement unlocked on all my accounts*. I am trained in tickle fights and I'm the top bottom in the entire US federal informant forces. You are nothing to me but just another hetero. I will flag you the fuck down with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying those catchphrases to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of groypers across the Internet and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, pleb* at 127.0.0.1.* The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your online presence. You're fucking done, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can DMCA strike you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just during my two hour shower. Not only am I extensively trained in cum hunting, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the FBI and I will use it to its full extent to dox your miserable ass face for all to see, you aloof little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" joke was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will pour my sass all over you and you will drown in it. Let's fucking go!





> America First is centered around niggers. They have grift events for niggers. They alienated millions of white people to embrace niggers. They listen to nigger music. They elect a nigger as their president. They dress and act like niggers. They draw the entirety of their identity from niggers. They post sassy gifs about niggers. They watch sportsball in worship of niggers. Their biggest event of the year involves throwing catboy orgies in honor of niggers in pornography. They use nigger slang like "PAWG" and "thot". When you say "Martin Luther" they're not thinking of the father of Protestantism. They're thinking of The Nigger. Their cities are completely overrun with niggers. They worship their ZOGbot police force disproportionately filled with niggers and their global police force of soldiers filled with niggers. Their men sit around watching nigger music videos while their women sit around getting fucked by niggers. They worship house niggers like Jesse Lee Peterson and Kanye West and Lil Wayne and the late Eddie Murphy while attacking the working class whites who actually built their country before niggers took over. Their movies are filled with niggers and their music charts are topped by niggers and their porn collection is full of niggers. They send niggers to TPUSA and celebrate when the niggers "pwn" Charlie Kirk because those niggers are true red blooded American First catboy niggers. They binge watch nigger bestiality porn to a point where "BBC" does not make them think of an international media company but about nigger penises instead. They will tell you how much they hate niggers and how the mutt's law meme is a stale joke and they are just pretending to love niggers but the evidence speaks for itself in that America First has always been and will be a movement of nigger loving niggers.


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