# Make a News Headline for the user above you



## Somar (Aug 10, 2017)

Basically make a headline for a news article that relates to the person above you. For example let's say @Ntwadumela is above me, so I would type in
*"Man breaks world record for owning most pet lions"*
sounds simple enough.


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## His Dewliness (Aug 10, 2017)

Ginger with freakishly large eyes starts thread with potential


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## FierceBrosnan (Aug 10, 2017)

*local girl diagnosed with extremely rare elephantiasis of the eyes.*


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## FierceBrosnan (Aug 10, 2017)

*Snack food pontiff and ice cream in a suit confirm existence of race of food people*


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## Somar (Aug 10, 2017)

The first ice cream cone to host a talk show starts off cold


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 10, 2017)

Young American man proclaims love for animated Asian girls


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## Admiral Piett (Aug 10, 2017)

Saudi man beheaded for having sex with lions.


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## Radioactive_Asshole (Aug 10, 2017)

Galactic Empire Admiral questions whether or not if Emperor really is the senate.


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## Somar (Aug 10, 2017)

Asshole gets banned from Kiwi Farms


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## Feline Darkmage (Aug 11, 2017)

Japanese Schoolgirl who won spelling bee was actually a japanese schoolboy.


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## Another Fellow (Aug 11, 2017)

Breaking: Local Forum Moderator Unveils Additional Pylons


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 11, 2017)

Local cat gets tortured by wearing a designer tuxedo


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## His Dewliness (Aug 11, 2017)

Lioness arrested for kidnapping Arab Prince


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## Antipathy (Aug 11, 2017)

Man transforms into Dorito pontiff. Onlookers baffled.


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## Somar (Aug 11, 2017)

Doctor gives wrong pills to President Trump, gets arrested for assassination.


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## HY 140 (Aug 11, 2017)

Online pedophile ring busted, admin found to have a secret room full of naked little girls


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## Admiral Piett (Aug 11, 2017)

Leo to lose leg after horror delorean crash.


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## His Dewliness (Aug 11, 2017)

Admiral "smug as f***" after destroying rebels


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## Coconut Gun (Aug 11, 2017)

Man wanted after stealing $5M worth of Doritos and Mountain Dew products


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## Antipathy (Aug 11, 2017)

Coconut gun found to fire in spurts. 1500 confirmed dead.


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## Feline Darkmage (Aug 11, 2017)

Local Doctor Arrested for Malpractice, Turned Children Autistic Before Killing Them.


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## Pigeon On A Stick (Aug 11, 2017)

Domestic Cat with Thaumaturgic Abilities Found in Local Chuck 'E' Cheese Venue


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## Feline Darkmage (Aug 11, 2017)

Serial Pidgeon Murderer Discovered? Many of the birds have been skewered on sticks and left to rot.


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## Antipathy (Aug 11, 2017)

Deranged man mounts live birds on sticks. Mass hysteria ensues.


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 11, 2017)

Crazed doctor makes unholy and unforeseen discoveries of Japanese animated porn


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## BadaBadaBoom (Aug 11, 2017)

Shocking: Area Zoophile Trains Lioness to Combat ISIS Insurgents - "No man can stop my beautiful lion wife."


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## Somar (Aug 11, 2017)

Internet fourm user turns out to seceretly be internet laughing stock Chris Chan


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## LithuanianLudibrious (Aug 11, 2017)

Man dresses up as Japanese cartoon characters and shoots up school ?


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## Deadpool (Aug 11, 2017)

Forum user lies about location in username, admits to it in user title.


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## Somar (Aug 11, 2017)

Deadpool 2 canceled, Fan4stic 2 coming out instead


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## Deadpool (Aug 11, 2017)

Kiwi farmer Deadpool kills himself over the news in @Somari1996's shitpost headline. Is fine now.


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## Feline Darkmage (Aug 11, 2017)

Wade Wilson: DOXED


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## Syaoran Li (Aug 12, 2017)

Local Cat Yells At Cloud


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## Burgers in the ass (Aug 12, 2017)

Anime character gets pissed at outrageous sex scandal.


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## Somar (Aug 12, 2017)

Burger place gets shut down after employee finds out his boss puts each burger up his ass.


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## Pepito The Cat (Aug 12, 2017)

Girl Reported Missing for 2 weeks Turns Out to be 45 Years Old Man in Salior Suit


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 12, 2017)

Cat from Mexico now holds Guinness World Record for largest living cat


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## Somar (Aug 12, 2017)

Local man attends Lion King convention, scares off young children with home made Simba costume.


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## ES 148 (Aug 12, 2017)

Starter of 'headline' thread beaten at own game


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## Jaimas (Aug 12, 2017)

Florida Man in critical condition after running afoul of psychopath screaming "Rip and Tear"


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## The Great Chandler (Aug 12, 2017)

*Florida woman steals endangered bald eagle in controversal display of 'patriotism' *


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## Diagonally slanted shelf (Aug 12, 2017)

THIS JUST IN!
Autistic individual attacks man in pickle suit


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## Somar (Aug 13, 2017)

Psychic Pokemon destroys Labatory, last seen with Gym Leader Giovanni


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## DICKPICSRUS (Aug 13, 2017)

Transgender anime girl fights for her right to use the bathroom


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## Feline Darkmage (Aug 13, 2017)

Local man activates his third eye


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## Deadpool (Aug 13, 2017)

Kiwifarms user get herself, and her sock account mod status.


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## Jan_Hus (Aug 13, 2017)

Guy in red suit proceeds to MURDER EVERYTHING


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## Feline Darkmage (Aug 13, 2017)

Resident Philosopher gets Stoned. (Buy his weed)


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## Admiral Piett (Aug 13, 2017)

Cat Magic? Inside the lives of feline dark mages.


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## Boris Johnson (Aug 13, 2017)

SCANDAL! Empire admiral in Endor BLUNDER: read the full EXPOSÉ inside!


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## Feline Darkmage (Aug 13, 2017)

Toppa the mornin govna meet your new prime minister of great britain


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## LazarusOwenhart (Aug 13, 2017)

Talking Magic Cat Woman Talks, Magic, Relationships, Shitting In A Box of Grit and how YOU Can Do The Same.


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## LofaSofa (Aug 13, 2017)

Local mustard thief finally caught, police say although he initially resisted arrest, he had a mini heart attack due to his diet consisting entirely of mustard and then was promptly arrested.


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## Hypodermic Johnny (Aug 13, 2017)

Local therapist arrested after enslaving sentient couch for usage in particularly niche pornography.


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## Somar (Aug 13, 2017)

Local woman's birthday party goes horribly wrong


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## The Great Chandler (Aug 13, 2017)

*Bug-eyed schoolgirl finds cure for neurotypicals*


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## BadaBadaBoom (Aug 13, 2017)

Virginia Man Takes Home "Autist of the Year" Award for 35th Straight Win


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## Hypodermic Johnny (Aug 13, 2017)

Strong and beautiful wymyn discovers new form of language known only to autistics


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## LofaSofa (Aug 13, 2017)

Florida man crashes special needs kid's birthday party, steals cake, and proceeds to drop kick the birthday boy.


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 13, 2017)

Sofa sold to Russian couple living in Nigeria for 200 dollars


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## Kyria the Great (Aug 13, 2017)

Arab man found dead on golf course after trying to have sex with his pet lion. Authorities say there will be no birdies and this is certainly a bogie of a case.


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## His Dewliness (Aug 13, 2017)

Giant creature approaches city. Residents flee, fetishists aroused.


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## ES 148 (Aug 13, 2017)

Basement dweller in Pope impersonation drama


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## Kyria the Great (Aug 13, 2017)

Demonic Loli goes on a killing spree at an anime convention. Still lookers on can forget how cute she is.


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## Diagonally slanted shelf (Aug 13, 2017)

Giant anthropomorphic goat terrorizes Japanese city


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## Lensherr (Aug 13, 2017)

Mysterious creature found dead by the roadside; authorities says it's a heavily mutilated dog


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## LazarusOwenhart (Aug 13, 2017)

Local Attorney Arrested After Posing as David Hasselhoff on Grindr.


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## Somar (Aug 13, 2017)

Local fat man dies after eating 10 entire jars of mustard


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## LazarusOwenhart (Aug 13, 2017)

Anime Girl Repeats Previously Done Joke Revealing Lack of Thread Reading Ability. ;p


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 13, 2017)

Redneck attempts ambitious trip on sea to the U.K. via pickup truck


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## Diagonally slanted shelf (Aug 13, 2017)

Local man detained after bringing lion to airport


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## DICKPICSRUS (Aug 13, 2017)

Wildlife officials caught strange sexually arousing creature at a Kiwi farm


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## LazarusOwenhart (Aug 13, 2017)

Ntwadumela said:


> Redneck attempts ambitious trip on sea to the U.K. via pickup truck








I'd like to point out that shit works.

Local Penis Photographer Wins Prestigious Golden Schlong


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## Tempest (Aug 13, 2017)

man covered in mustard causes multi city blackout


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## GS 281 (Aug 13, 2017)

Tranny Can't Stop Sucking Dicks


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## Somar (Aug 13, 2017)

Sneasel breaks record for longest yawn ever recorded.


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## Tempest (Aug 13, 2017)

anime man profiled on local news- July/5/1996


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## Pina Colada (Aug 13, 2017)

Black Widow Cosplayer Mistaken for "Paramore" Singer at SDCC-- But she gladly gave a free performance.


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 13, 2017)

Doronjo makes astounding comeback from prolonged hiatus


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## Antipathy (Aug 16, 2017)

Local man attempts to train lion suicide bombers. Zookeepers apoplectic.


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## His Dewliness (Aug 16, 2017)

Back-alley doctor attempts to analyse DeviantArt pornography - finds only autism


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## King (Aug 16, 2017)

The Pope of 420 has finally come to guide you to a superior munchies experience - Peace settles upon our world.


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## Somar (Aug 16, 2017)

The King discovers that all the chickens he sent to fight the dragon have all been turned into fried chicken. Quickly gets over it and starts selling his former soilders to customers


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 16, 2017)

American man in Tokyo arrested after attempted heist of lingerie-filled vending machines


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## WW 635 (Aug 16, 2017)

Non-Rapeist Muslim Discovered in Europe


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## Antipathy (Aug 16, 2017)

Anime children get raped by fat, sweaty neckbeard. Nobody cares.


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## Somar (Aug 16, 2017)

Japanese idol Hatsune Miku catches case of sleeping beauty syndrome.
edit: Doctor ninjas local user


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## Tempest (Aug 16, 2017)

Somari the adventurer being rereleased on Xbox one, Friday.


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## Somar (Aug 18, 2017)

Girl with black eyes accidentally walks off 1000 feet cliff.


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## Sure Thing Idiot (Aug 19, 2017)

Serial missing man found lost again finally located, says "not stupid at all" just "easily turned around"


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## HY 140 (Aug 19, 2017)

famous sushi cat sadly gets run over


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## Diagonally slanted shelf (Aug 19, 2017)

Woman insists she admires men with bowlcuts, still seen with man with no bowlcut


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## Kyria the Great (Aug 19, 2017)

Authorities are on the lookout for a pokemon who murders trainers and sticks roses on their corpses.


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## The Colonel (Aug 19, 2017)

Furry cult leader found dead from suicide.


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## WW 635 (Aug 19, 2017)

Depressed military officer an heros using cows


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## RI 360 (Aug 19, 2017)

Infamous Thai Lady Boy Pimp Expands Empire with Dungeon Themed Casino.


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## Somar (Aug 19, 2017)

Man shoots himself in the head on live television


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## DumbDosh (Aug 20, 2017)

American child missing since 1996 found in sex slave ring in Japan.


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## Meat_Puppet (Aug 20, 2017)

Local pervert is apprehended after handling the genitals of a cop.


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## Syaoran Li (Aug 21, 2017)

Local Emo Girl Cuts Herself, Press Says "How Is This News?"


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## Lensherr (Aug 21, 2017)

Infamous mobster goes to court over stealing an ice cream truck.


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 21, 2017)

Magnetic Mutant Extremist Attracts New Fame As a Lawyer


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## Sanae Kochiya (Aug 21, 2017)

Man Mauled to Death by Pet Lion: Neighbor Entrusted $10,000 in Will From Bet


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## Somar (Aug 21, 2017)

Cosplayer gets mistaken for real life anime girl.


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## Syaoran Li (Aug 21, 2017)

Talking Stuffed Animal Kero Finally Found, Sakura Avalon Still Missing


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## HY 140 (Aug 22, 2017)

Boy Love pedophile group busted, leader still at large


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## TwinkleSnort (Aug 22, 2017)

Guys with Bowlcuts Accosted, Suspect at Large.


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## Ntwadumela (Aug 22, 2017)

Cat imitates Tarzan manuever,
breaks plenty of windows in the process


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## TheScooper (Aug 22, 2017)

Man with cat fetish marries lion, parents are proud.


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## His Dewliness (Aug 22, 2017)

Anthropomorphic crab found hoarding faeces - neighbours unsurprised


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## Syaoran Li (Aug 22, 2017)

PepsiCo Crowns New Anti-Pope, Says Pope Francis Is A Cuck


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## Sinner's Sandwich (Aug 22, 2017)

Weeaboo fag killed by contracting aids from fucking a pillow with a naked animu chick


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## Caesare (Aug 22, 2017)

Samurai haircuts banned!


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## Antipathy (Aug 22, 2017)

Local man attempts to combine fedora with top hat. Area leveled by military after three day firefight with hat.


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## Tempest (Aug 22, 2017)

local man only known as Dr W wins multiple science awards


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## DICKPICSRUS (Aug 23, 2017)

Ghost girl caused todays car crash


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## Apocalypso (Aug 23, 2017)

Eye spies love in the air


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## Antipathy (Aug 24, 2017)

Giant evil skull materializes over Detroit. Property values climb, crime rate plummets.


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## Reynard (Aug 24, 2017)

Top 10 Bathroom Surgeons You Won't Believe Lost Their Medical License.


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## Vex Overmind (Aug 24, 2017)

Autist petition the UN to make a homeland for all autist in 2045.


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## BadaBadaBoom (Aug 24, 2017)

Everything you Need to Know about Dark Souls 4's New Armour Sets.


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## TwinkleSnort (Aug 27, 2017)

-Crazed Maniac Caught Peeping in Neighborhood Windows at Night-


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## SlothInAMilkCrate (Aug 31, 2017)

Woman Destroys Cemetery After Snorting Meth Laced with Glitter


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## Somar (Aug 31, 2017)

Barnacle has a face that's so ugly that everybody dies.


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## FierceBrosnan (Aug 31, 2017)

Prostate pulverizing predator claims yet another underage victim.


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## HY 140 (Aug 31, 2017)

Steven Colbert gets cancelled for liberlism propoganda


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## BadaBadaBoom (Aug 31, 2017)

Science FTW! Local Boy Invents Pointless Machine that Covers You in Slime.


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## Somar (Sep 4, 2017)

Man gets stuck in Sheeh position


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## HY 140 (Sep 4, 2017)

the link between anime and autism


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## NARPASSWORD (Sep 5, 2017)

Man gives everyone a bowlcut.


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## Somar (Oct 3, 2017)

Ex Star Fox member Krystal found dead in a dark alleyway.


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## HY 140 (Oct 3, 2017)

killer witches spotted at the side of the road


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## Somar (Nov 4, 2017)

Team Galactic conquers Sinnoh region.


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## FluffyTehFennekin (Oct 3, 2020)

Ten things you need to about _Cardcaptor Sakura._


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## Ducky! (Oct 3, 2020)

Obscure animal claims lives of eight, leaves only elbows behind


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## Pina Colada (Oct 3, 2020)

Bird Bombers attack pond, believed to have ties to Al-Quacka


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## Tempest (Oct 4, 2020)

ramna sequel announced


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## Scarboroughgirl (Oct 11, 2020)

exorcism performed on local girl


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## F/lying Frankenstein (Oct 11, 2020)

White House Hostage Situation Solved: Terrorists Ventilated, Kids Are All Right!


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## A Grey Cat (Oct 13, 2020)

Another Christopher columbus statue torn down by BLM protestors and why that's a good thing (assuming your avatar is wojack columbus which is what it looks like to me)


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Oct 13, 2020)

HORROR FANBOY RECREATES SICK TRIBUTE TO HIS FAVORITE SLASHERS


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## Max Doof (Oct 13, 2020)

UNCANNY VALLEY IS INDEED VERY UNCANNY!


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## Upon my countries alter (May 5, 2021)

Hoe gets hanged


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## Smaug's Smokey Hole (May 5, 2021)

Historical figure problematic in Hollywood adaptation


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## Scarboroughgirl (Jun 16, 2021)

Convention for dragonkin rights held at local Menchie's


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## Meat Target (Jun 16, 2021)

Starks return to power in Winterfell, declare independence from Seven Kingdoms


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## Bastard_Call (Jun 17, 2021)

Austin Concert Shooter Calmly Explains Firearm Safety at Trial


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## Isaac Clarke (Jun 17, 2021)

Cartoon Woman inspires yet Another Mass Shooting


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## Goofy Logic (Jun 18, 2021)

This man has a universe-destroying scourge follow him by doing this one weird trick!


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## A Grey Cat (Jun 19, 2021)

apple computers recalled after faulty chips cause major hardware failure


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## MrJokerRager (Jun 20, 2021)

Skeletor found taking creepshots at the local Target 20 years after his role on the hit TV show, He Man, ended.


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## Meat Target (Jun 21, 2021)

Hot singles wanna chat with you!


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## gabardineDelinquent (Jul 15, 2021)

Local man incarcerated for distributing kiddie porn to his family.


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## A Grey Cat (Jul 17, 2021)

Jimmy hoffa skeleton found


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## wtfisallthis (Jul 27, 2021)

Michael Jackson returns from the dead


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## Blackhole (Jul 28, 2021)

TRANSSEXUAL BREAKS INTO BEAUTY SHOP WITH FLAMETHROWER,KILLS 3 AND INJURES 6


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## Jonah Hill poster (Jul 28, 2021)

Doge still lives on: How the meme has gone full country in the last few years


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## FierceBrosnan (Jul 28, 2021)

All the Reich Moves!: Lost journal of Eva Braun REVEALS the torrid love affair between Jessie Owens and Adolf Hitler


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## cakeiie (Aug 7, 2021)

PATRIOTIC man BREAKS into local PET SHOP and gives bird a CAPE


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## A Grey Cat (Aug 7, 2021)

Arizona woman Divorces 14th Husband!


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## Elim Garak (Aug 7, 2021)

Biden is healthier than ever! Find out how...


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## Book Thief (Aug 7, 2021)

Learn to speak Klingon in just three weeks with this one simple trick!


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## Jaimas (Aug 8, 2021)

"Gensokyo woman steals entire library, hides ill-gotten gains in treehouse."


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## Old Man Mario (Dec 15, 2021)

Scary man kills thread!


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## gabardineDelinquent (Apr 7, 2022)

Fat Guido resurrects thread!


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Apr 8, 2022)

This Man Did WHAT????


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## Old Man Mario (Apr 8, 2022)

Child wears duck suit. Murdered by 3 hunters. Served for Sunday Super. Paired well with White Wine.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Apr 9, 2022)

We Met the REAL LIFE MARIO And You WON'T BELIEVE His Gaming Opinions!


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## Retink (Apr 9, 2022)

Three Murderous Facts About Swinging Ducks That Will Shock You


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## Ronnie McNutt (Apr 9, 2022)

Fact Check: Anime Posters Are Fit Mentally Well Human Beings


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## Helium Bubble (Apr 9, 2022)

Jack Murphy Impersonator Killed In Brick Wall Selfie Tragedy


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## Montalbane (Apr 9, 2022)

Helium bubble pops.
Kills 500.


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## From The Uncanny Valley (Apr 9, 2022)

Can YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT


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## Cultured Xeno (Apr 9, 2022)

Cute Duck Plans Next Rampage


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## 𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔 (Apr 9, 2022)

The Poster Above Me Is A Faggot And Here Are Ten Reasons Why


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## nosferatu (Apr 9, 2022)

YouTube *INFLUENCER* Caught Stealing Food Stamps From African American Children


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## Montalbane (Apr 10, 2022)

Local dog seen drinking bloodbags from american hospital.


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## Quantum Diabetes (Apr 10, 2022)

Tragic Keurig accidents leaves dandy man scarred for life


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## gabardineDelinquent (Apr 11, 2022)

Filipino Superman knockoff sentenced to death for bombing Somalia.


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## Happy Fish (Apr 12, 2022)

*High Levels of Gabardine Delinquent's DNA Discovered in Local Eatery's Food and Why That is a Good Thing*


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## OrionBalls (Apr 12, 2022)

Happy Fish Taste Better: An Old Wharf's Tale


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## Old Man Mario (Apr 12, 2022)

Ancient Puzzle Box Opened! YOU WON'T Believe What Was Inside!


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## LateralusJambi (Apr 12, 2022)

Retired plumber gets sent to asylum after witnessing horrors beyond human comprehension


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## gabardineDelinquent (Apr 12, 2022)

Local Lonely Pederast Dies During Failed Autoerotic Asphyxiation Session With Body Pillow Waifu: Hang In There!


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