# The Ralpharing



## Delicious Diversity (Apr 25, 2022)

Ralph was given his Papaw's ring by his Uncle Clyde. It's apparently worth tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars. He has been flexing this ring to prove he is hood rich:








However, it seems likely to be fake. So now Ralph is coping hard to prove the haterz wrong:





So, real or fake? 

Edit: Moar Ralpharang:





Your browser is not able to display this video.


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## Blasterisk (Apr 25, 2022)

He's gonna get mugged for it either way lol


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## REGENDarySumanai (Apr 25, 2022)

Blasterisk said:


> He's gonna get mugged for it either way lol


How do I bring the Portuguese pimp to the states?


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## BigFatSweatyMan (Apr 25, 2022)

This whole ring situation made me think about this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5AkIfgioA4


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## Lincoln A-log (Apr 25, 2022)

Every picture he takes just makes it worse and worse


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## Lomax (Apr 25, 2022)

Are we going to see kiwifarms branded, masonic gunt rings for sale soon?


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## Beavis (Apr 25, 2022)

Ralph take that shit off your finger is going to fall off


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## Sam Losco (Apr 25, 2022)

I don't really care if it's worth $30 or $30k, nothing will change that it's ugly, gaudy, white trash jewelry.


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## FujiWuji (Apr 25, 2022)

The ring conspiracy is the greatest mystery of our generation.


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## Bunny Tracks (Apr 25, 2022)

Let's see, according to this site, the average nickel coin uses 12.5 cents worth of actual nickel metal.

If the average nickel coin weighs five grams, the average man's wedding ring weighs between three-nine grams, and if Ralph was telling the truth about it being made out of nickel, then even under the best circumstances, if you disregard the gemstones (which let's face it; are probably fake) his ring (what metal it's made of, at least) is worth less than *25 cents. 

Edit:* If its gold plated that jacks up the price significantly, but still. He might as well have gotten a ring from a gacha machine. It certainly looks like it came from one.


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## BlueArmedDevil (Apr 25, 2022)

Goldsmiths wasn't really that great, it was the Walmart of its time and eventually it was bought up by Macy's.


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## Telemeter (Apr 25, 2022)

Lomax said:


> View attachment 3217746


How can his arms be so thin but his fingers so fat? Everything about his body is wrong.


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## Dumpster dived waifu (Apr 25, 2022)

Ah cool, my grand dad left me a ring too when he died, but I'm not a faggot that goes around bragging about it, it's safely in storage where it won't cause the locals to beat my ass and steal it thinking it's of actual value.

I'm sure Ralph will fight those 10 muggers off bravely, single handedly knocking all 11 of the out, but graciously let the 12 of them take the ring instead of his life.


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## AltisticRight (Apr 25, 2022)

Good job OP. I can finally sperg about Ralphajewellery in peace, thanks to my aunt. 

Mind if an "s" is added? We can sperg about Amanda's putrid Mumbai QVC ring as well.


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## Lorne Armstrong (Apr 25, 2022)

The ring is worth probably $3-$400 tops and that’s assuming it’s got some real gold in it and isn’t just plated.  Ethan’s Uncle is a Ralph, same as Ethan.  He’s Ronnie’s brother for fucks sake.  You think he’s going to give Gunt anything of real value?


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## Gr1nch2022 (Apr 25, 2022)

His fingers look necrotic . Its like a diabetics foot .


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## WutangLee (Apr 25, 2022)

Ralph already sunk in too much reputation to go back on the ring being worth less than how much we make in a month. You think he's gonna ghost it with a similar ring of superior quality?


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## GuntPunt (Apr 25, 2022)

"You must throw the Ralpharing into the fires of Mt. Gunt, so the evil can be vanquished."


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## Piranha Pleb (Apr 25, 2022)

Is there any way to peruse previous listings in Ralph’s area?


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## Expendable Zaku (Apr 25, 2022)

Ralph is about to Over-G: Over Gold.


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## WutangLee (Apr 25, 2022)

Lorne Armstrong said:


> The ring is worth probably $3-$400 tops.  Ethan’s Uncle is a Ralph, same as Ethan.  He’s Ronnie’s brother for fucks sake.  You think he’s going to give Gunt anything of real value?


No. Brand new one is worth a couple hundred. Ralphs look's degraded, and damaged.


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## Image Reactions (Apr 25, 2022)

The Gunt Lantern


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## Lincoln A-log (Apr 25, 2022)

He could have let it go ignoring it but his ego wouldn't let him, He responded so quickly which instantly gives away the fact its a fake


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## Chuck Gruden (Apr 25, 2022)

Those diamonds are looking faker than silicon tits


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## Lorne Armstrong (Apr 25, 2022)

Lincoln A-log said:


> He could have let it go ignoring it but his ego wouldn't let him, He responded so quickly which instantly gives away the fact its a fake


If that ring was solid gold and if those diamonds were real, Ralph would have stopped at the first jewelry store on his way home from his uncle’s house to have it appraised and he’d be waving that appraisal around to own the haterz.  Hell, he probably had it appraised thinking that it WAS real and now knows damn well that ring is just costume jewelry.  That’s why he’s so defensive about it.


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## Delicious Diversity (Apr 25, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> Good job OP. I can finally sperg about Ralphajewellery in peace, thanks to my aunt.
> 
> Mind if an "s" is added? We can sperg about Amanda's putrid Mumbai QVC ring as well.


By all means, if you want to change it to include Meigh's ring, I shall yield to your Jannie authority. I would be legit interested to know which ring is actually worth more.   

In fact I'll add Meigh's ring to the poll for the hell of it. xD


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## WutangLee (Apr 25, 2022)

So I'm trying to distinguish the gold quality with keeping Ralphs shitty photo work messing with the lighting a bit. Obviously we're gonna have to throw 24-10karat  range out the window, so finding a picture of a 9karat cold ring I can see how maybe it could be Gold, not just gold plated nickel


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## Lincoln A-log (Apr 25, 2022)

Lorne Armstrong said:


> If that ring was solid gold and if those diamonds were real, Ralph would have stopped at the first jewelry store on his way home from his uncle’s house to have it appraised and he’d be waving that appraisal around to own the haterz.  Hell, he probably had it appraised thinking that it WAS real and now knows damn well that ring is just costume jewelry.  That’s why he’s so defensive about it.


Absolutely true

he would have himself a free flex on everyone


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## GuntN7 (Apr 25, 2022)

It's worth +100K, Ralph deemed it 5 STARS and we the alogs will turn it into the Chris Chan medallion.


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## WutangLee (Apr 25, 2022)

Lincoln A-log said:


> Absolutely true
> 
> he would have himself a free flex on everyone


I would think he'd at least post a picture of the karat quality. I sometimes I see it on rings.


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## Blasterisk (Apr 25, 2022)

RickestRickCriminal said:


> It's worth +100K, Ralph deemed it 5 STARS and we the alogs will turn it into the Chris Chan medallion.


Only the best Nickel-plated Crayola _FUCKIN'_ Model Magic for a Ralphamale.


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## Lorne Armstrong (Apr 25, 2022)

WutangLee said:


> Ralph already sunk in too much reputation to go back on the ring being worth less than how much we make in a month. You think he's gonna ghost it with a similar ring of superior quality?


He doesn’t have the cash to buy a better ring.  He had to use Meigh’s credit card just to buy his Cowboy Hat.


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## Dumpster dived waifu (Apr 25, 2022)

WutangLee said:


> So I'm trying to distinguish the gold quality with keeping Ralphs shitty photo work messing with the lighting a bit. Obviously we're gonna have to throw 24-10karat  range out the window, so finding a picture of a 9karat cold ring I can see how maybe it could be Gold, not just gold plated nickel


It's genuinely hard to tell from the lighting, but I know for sure that 24K gold doesn't look that fucking dull. If it is actual high karat gold, you'd think he'd spend the 5$ at a jeweller to have the fucking thing polished/cleaned properly. Guess he can't afford it with his gambling addiction.


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## Nate Scully 025 (Apr 25, 2022)

Notice that after all of the silver coins and jokes with Null, Ralph has to show off his _gold_ ring? Might someone be jealous of our favorite silver merchant doggo?

(Likely coincidence, but would be funny if it was true.)


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## bornuglyaf (Apr 25, 2022)

That ring is cheap as hell. His uncle bought that piece of crap like 10 years ago on etsy and told rape-it ralph the gullible it was some heirloom. His finger is literal dying too. Why would you post your swollen purple finger with the copper ring?


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## Matt Damon (Apr 25, 2022)

Even his fingers are grotesque.  He's got the hands of an elderly fat woman.


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## Phimosis Jonisis (Apr 25, 2022)

Lomax said:


> View attachment 3217746
> 
> Are we going to see kiwifarms branded, masonic gunt rings for sale soon?


Is that the Kenosha Kid in your profile pic? Its really throwing me for a loop because of the five o'clock shadow and laugh lines

Why does PPP want to buy the ring? If its choking Ralphs piggy fingers what makes PPP think it will fit on his?


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## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 25, 2022)

WutangLee said:


> I would think he'd at least post a picture of the karat quality. I sometimes I see it on rings.


He did post a photo showing the interior was marked 14k. 

The ring is hilariously tacky. If it’s 100% real he’d be lucky to get $250 at a pawn store. Some shady jewelry store would give him an inflated “replacement value” appraisal of $1,000 at best.


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## AltisticRight (Apr 25, 2022)

Phimosis Jonisis said:


> Why does PPP want to buy the ring? If its choking Ralphs piggy fingers what makes PPP think it will fit on his?


Maybe he doesn't plan to wear it on his finger.


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## Nonconsentual Pronouns (Apr 25, 2022)

That thing looks like a weird cyclopean set of headlights.
The center setting is loose and about to fall out.
LOL he's going to lose one of his piggy hooves the way that thing is squeezing him. Get the pickle brine ready.
Get some more convincing fake diamonds next time.
I've seen costume jewelry at garage sales that looked more convincing.
All of the angular shapes trying to reaffirm masculinity in spite of that giant hooker bling is an absolute eyesore.


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## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 25, 2022)

Here’s more, apparently Ralph even did a video of his used car dealer pimp ring. 


Retink said:


> Looking at the video it appears to be 14k gold, not sure if CRI means anything but I've seen it on other rings:
> View attachment 3213553
> 
> That being said, these days rings like this really aren't particularly expensive considering how much a phone or graphics card costs, the 600$ one is a 10k gold ring:
> ...


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## Fake Steve Franssen (Apr 25, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> Maybe he doesn't plan to wear it on his finger.


I don't want to see it around his cock though.


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## Lorne Armstrong (Apr 25, 2022)

MirnaMinkoff said:


> He did post a photo showing the interior was marked 14k.
> 
> The ring is hilariously tacky. If it’s 100% real he’d be lucky to get $250 at a pawn store. Some shady jewelry store would give him an inflated “replacement value” appraisal of $1,000 at best.


Maybe 14k plate.

All Gunt has to do is go get it appraised and post the appraisal.  I’m willing to bet he’s already had it appraised and the only reason he hasn’t posted said appraisal is because of what the results were.


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## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 25, 2022)

Lorne Armstrong said:


> Maybe 14k plate.
> 
> All Gunt has to do is go get it appraised and post the appraisal.  I’m willing to bet he’s already had it appraised and the only reason he hasn’t posted said appraisal is because of what the results were.


You have to pay for an appraisal so at most Gunt would just take to a pawn store where’d they’d tel him they could loan him $120 on it. Maybe not even that. They’d mostly care about the gold weight, the diamonds (if even real) look like low quality garbage. Good old drill bit ring.


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## Chiridion (Apr 26, 2022)

It's not worth anything because any pawn shop would just melt it for scrap, and Wigger Ralph is going to wear it until it rusts away, leaving a stain on his finger.


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## Edilg (Apr 26, 2022)

This ring is perfect for Ralph. Cheap and fake as fuck.


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## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 26, 2022)

I’m not sure why this ring is getting so much hate. I personally think Paw-paw’s pimp ring perfectly encapsulates Ralphamale style. The idea of Ralph walking around in public wearing that gaudy shit is hilarious.


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## WutangLee (Apr 26, 2022)

MirnaMinkoff said:


> I’m not sure why this ring is getting so much hate.


Because it pisses Ralph off.


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## Christorian X (Apr 26, 2022)

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who holler are lost;

The pig that sniffs shit is not a father,
He'll lie about five star days at any cost.

From Ponchos doth arrive a cheap token
A horse shall give birth in the spring;

Renewed poop eating jokes are now spoken
Proving again Christ is not Kang"


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## Bland Crumbs (Apr 26, 2022)

Who would have thought Ralph and his grandfather had the same sized hoof.


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## WutangLee (Apr 26, 2022)

Bland Crumbs said:


> Who would have thought Ralph and his grandfather had the same sized hoof.


At least paw paw married his. Ralph's still baiting the horse with a carrot. Maybe if Pantsu does her masters bidding well enough with refrigerated salads the ralphamale will consider putting a ring on it at killstream wet t shirt contest invitational


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## Matt Damon (Apr 26, 2022)

MirnaMinkoff said:


> I’m not sure why this ring is getting so much hate. I personally think Paw-paw’s pimp ring perfectly encapsulates Ralphamale style. The idea of Ralph walking around in public wearing that gaudy shit is hilarious.


Maybe some bling rapper could make these accessories work, but it's all so gay and effeminate on Ralph.  

I wonder he'd buy a pair of high heels and tights if someone convinces him it makes him look like Louis XIV.

"I am the state, from the top on down - and that includes everybody!"


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## Bland Crumbs (Apr 26, 2022)

WutangLee said:


> At least paw paw married his. Ralph's still baiting the horse with a carrot. Maybe if Pantsu does her masters bidding well enough with refrigerated salads the ralphamale will consider putting a ring on it at killstream wet t shirt contest invitational


I was being a bit tongue in cheek. I find it very hard to believe that Ralph's grandfather had fingers fat enough that his ring would fit Ralph without at least refitting but your reply was funny.


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## BlancoMailo (Apr 26, 2022)

Telemeter said:


> How can his arms be so thin but his fingers so fat? Everything about his body is wrong.


Because Ralph's a White Trash Homunculus.


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## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 26, 2022)

Bland Crumbs said:


> I was being a bit tongue in cheek. I find it very hard to believe that Ralph's grandfather had fingers fat enough that his ring would fit Ralph without at least refitting but your reply was funny.


Clyde was a working man so he would have had rough hands with big knuckles that necessitated a larger ring size to get over the knuckle. Ralph just has big soft fat hands. The soft fat doughy hands make paw-paw’s pimp ring look even funnier. 

At least on calloused, manly, rough hands the gaudy ring wouldn’t make paw paw look like a faggot like it does Ralph. Ralph hand’s just make it look like Tammy Slaton showing off her new bling.


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## FFinfo (Apr 26, 2022)

Goldsmith's isn't (wasn't) a bad place but I doubt Ralph's family mysteriously lacked any sort of real estate property for him to inherit (the land isn't exactly a vineyard) but would have a $30k ring.
Speaking of that ring, it's a shame I found what appears to be another one for sale as a vintage item online.




unfortunately, the website just had the file that this was once for sale still in cache; the actual storefront has been removed.
Edit: This one lacks the outer box, actually, but I'll see if anything more similar pops up among vintage stuff at some point.


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## Mr. Manchester (Apr 26, 2022)

You're all fools.  Ralph's ring obviously has magic powers.  It smells like every asshole his thumb has been in so it's pretty powerful by now.  You alogs are just jealous.


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## FFinfo (Apr 26, 2022)

Mr. Manchester said:


> You're all fools.  Ralph's ring obviously has magic powers.  It smells like every asshole his thumb has been in so it's pretty powerful by now.  You alogs are just jealous.


Given his bathing habits, his fingers do that without jewelry.


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## Matt Damon (Apr 26, 2022)

Mr. Manchester said:


> It smells like every asshole his thumb has been in


What about the assholes his grandpa's thumb has been in?


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## Mr. Manchester (Apr 26, 2022)

Matt Damon said:


> What about the assholes his grandpa's thumb has been in?


Didn't even think of that, it's even more powerful than I have ever imagined.  Ralph can smell his own grandmother every time he wears this accursed artifact.


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## FFinfo (Apr 26, 2022)

I'm not going to try to exactly locate a sister ring for one bought 60 years ago at a department store that stopped existing 20 years go, but this is the closest "legitimate jewelry" example of Ralph's ring, from the style, gold content, and coloration.



The sale price for this ring where I found it is $3300. I'd put this as the upper bound for the value of Ralph's ring assuming his diamonds are real, etc etc. Maybe one of the resident jeweler kiwis will be more insightful.
FWIW it's not a bad ring. It might be tacky, but that's not a Walmart special. Besides, I doubt in 1968 Ralph's meemaw was considering "What will my perpetually jobless loser grandson more than half a century from now think about this ring when bragging about how he inherited it?" So as a gift, it's perfectly inoffensive. Ralph will get mad not because the ring is just a typical ring but because he can't take the perceived L of the ring not being on par with some imperial regalia in value.


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## FundusOHoolihan (Apr 26, 2022)

Nate Scully 025 said:


> Notice that after all of the silver coins and jokes with Null, Ralph has to show off his _gold_ ring? Might someone be jealous of our favorite silver merchant doggo?
> 
> (Likely coincidence, but would be funny if it was true.)


People who own precious metals of any capacity usually keep cards like that close to their chests for obvious reasons. But Ralph is formerly nigger rich, so we gotta hear about his drip, of course.


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## Luke gama (Apr 26, 2022)

What kind of man was Ralph's granddad. Was he some kind of pimp. My granddad service in the army in world war 2 what kind of fucking breeding does ralph have.

Love him throwing his mother under the bus, the fucking disrespect.. oh mother was trash but daddy family where the type of men to wear gold diamond rings in the 50/60s


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## He Who Points And Laughs (Apr 26, 2022)

Only a wigger would be bragging about his grandmother's drip


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## Mr Clark (Apr 26, 2022)

Men's jewellery, specifically wedding bands, look nothing like this.

Simple bands in platinum, gold, silver or other silver metals (titanitum etc) are the go to for up to a few k. Men get simple because they on average, are more likely to work with their hands (dont want to damage the ring too much) and don't care about bling. Band size is relative to the hand. 

- This piece of shit looks like something from a $2 store.
- Ralph hasnt worked a day in his life, let alone a day with his hands
- Ralph is a wigger.
- Band size is still too big, even considering Ralph's hoof
- Ralph isnt even married

Everything about this ring is an L and Ralph's ego is at the forefront of the L (like always)


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## Mr. Manchester (Apr 26, 2022)

I have a question.  Which is worth more, the gunten ring or the single Chris Chan coin that I own?  @MWV tell me you giant faggot.  Tell me damn it!


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## sweetstone (Apr 26, 2022)

Ralph has the hands of an obese female walmart cashier.


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## Aspy (Apr 26, 2022)

Lomax said:


> View attachment 3217746
> 
> Are we going to see kiwifarms branded, masonic gunt rings for sale soon?


Do you mean rings that go into a person's gunt?
Rings that look like a miniature gunt is trying to assimilate your fingers?
Or Alternatively, a combination of both?


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## AltisticRight (Apr 26, 2022)

sweetstone said:


> Ralph has the hands of an obese female walmart cashier.


The Walmart cashier has a respectable job.
Ralph, does not. He has no job. 
Walmart fat woman > Ralphamale


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## Fìddlesticks (Apr 26, 2022)

Bowl of Ramen said:


> FWIW, here’s another ring of the same manufacture, I’m pretty sure:
> 
> Ugly ring


Cross posting this post and screen shooting.

Ralph ring 


Kiwi finders ring


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## Lomax (Apr 26, 2022)

I would like to know the deep lore behind the ring before it landed into the poop covered pig hooves of Ethan Ralph.

_"One Gunt to rule them all,
One Porn Tape to find them,
One Purse to bring them all
and in the Makers Mark bind them."_
- J.R.R. Tolkien. The Lard of the Gunt


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## NynchLiggers (Apr 26, 2022)

As if the Gunt's finger would not fall off anyway since he won't care about his likely diabeetus until it causes him physical pain.
If we see him hollerin even more than usual, it will be clear.


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## bonusmp3 (Apr 26, 2022)

@Delicious Diversity Here are the other two original 12.5 Megapixel pictures (4K+ UHD+): http://kiwifarms.net/threads/4-15-2022-metokur-in-the-casino.110845/post-11747636 , please attach them to your post as well.


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## Tiger Jack (Apr 26, 2022)

“There are markings. It’s some kind of elvish, I can’t read it.”

”There are few who can. It is the language of ay-logs, which I will not utter here.”

”What does it say?”

”Made in Taiwan.”


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## Easterling (Apr 26, 2022)

Image Reactions said:


> The Gunt Lantern


_By blackest cock and shartist night
No A-log will escape my sight
Let those who worship josh's might,
beware my power... Gunt lanterns light!_


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## Weeb Slinger (Apr 26, 2022)

The worth of the ring will likely be negligible when measured against what it will cost Ralph in terms of jail, the next time he punches someone and either forgets to turn it around on his finger, or keeps it facing outward to leave his mark. (The latter would be in keeping with the brutish sadism of the Gunt).


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## Mr E. Grifter (Apr 26, 2022)

Yet again Ralph's ego makes him look like a complete fool.

If Ralph didn't start gloating about how it's a billion dollar ring, noone would begrudge him for appreciating the sentimental value he holds for the ring because it belonged to his grandad.


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## Slimy Time (Apr 26, 2022)

Not really interested in whether it's real or fake, but I am interested in the slight dark shade his fat sausage finger seems to be turning. It comically looks like his finger might be stuck in it.


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## Lorne Armstrong (Apr 26, 2022)

Ralph’s PawPaw’s Findagrave memorial.  Looks like Gunt cared enough to leave “virtual flowers” for PawPaw



			https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/23906926/clyde-l.-ralph
		


Also,
The entry was made by someone named “Sandra”?  MAYBE Mama Ralph?


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## Mr E. Grifter (Apr 26, 2022)

Lorne Armstrong said:


> Ralph’s PawPaw’s Findagrave memorial.  Looks like Gunt cared enough to leave “virtual flowers” for PawPaw
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Good sleuthing Lorne, followed a few links and there we have it: Ralph's uncle is "Louis Ralph".


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## Wine em Dine em 69 em (Apr 26, 2022)

Mr E. Grifter said:


> Good sleuthing Lorne, followed a few links and there we have it: Ralph's uncle is "Louis Ralph".
> View attachment 3218858


Credit where it’s due, memorials to United Cerebral Palsy shows that at least some of the Ralph’s were good people.


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## Lorne Armstrong (Apr 26, 2022)

Wine em Dine em 69 em said:


> Credit where it’s due, memorials to United Cerebral Palsy shows that at least some of the Ralph’s were good people.


Ronnie was the “bad seed”

Agreed about those donations to Cerebral Palsy charities.  A good buddy of mine, back when I did time in KY, had cerebral palsy.  I’d like to think he benefitted in some small way from the Ralph family’s donations.  He has a lot in common with Gunt, actually.  Both are wrasslin’ fans, both are scat fetishists.  They’d probably get along pretty well.  He could even run Gunt’s website for him like he used to run Ricky Morton’s.  Match made in Heaven.









						To Catch a Predator: Dustin McPhetridge (wrestlingdudeeasttn)
					






					youtu.be


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## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 26, 2022)

Wine em Dine em 69 em said:


> Credit where it’s due, memorials to United Cerebral Palsy shows that at least some of the Ralph’s were good people.


This is because Evan, the brother Ralph never sees, has cerebral palsy.


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## Wine em Dine em 69 em (Apr 26, 2022)

MirnaMinkoff said:


> This is because Evan, the brother Ralph never sees, has cerebral palsy.


Right, and you can bet Ronnie was left out of the decision for the memorial gifts. 
Maybe the Ralph family tree has a good branch and a bad branch, as shown by the brothers Louis and Ronnie. 
One can’t help but be curious when ralph brings his daddy’s family into play.


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## Wash away the rain (Apr 26, 2022)

Would this mean the gunt is truly a pig orc seeing as he is from a line of corrupt individuals.


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## Janny Jewsh (Apr 26, 2022)

How did Ralph's grandfather get a hold of George Floyd's elden ring?


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## Hüftpriester (Apr 26, 2022)

The funniest possibility is that the ring is real but Ralph can't prove it by getting it appraised or even showing the inside of the band because it's stuck on his sausage finger.


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## MeltyTW (Apr 26, 2022)

Wine em Dine em 69 em said:


> Right, and you can bet Ronnie was left out of the decision for the memorial gifts.
> Maybe the Ralph family tree has a good branch and a bad branch, as shown by the brothers Louis and Ronnie.
> One can’t help but be curious when ralph brings his daddy’s family into play.


do you think the good ralph branch has like a Nathan Ralph running a Healstream that actually is all the things ralph copes about and has a cool af expensive ring that actually fits his chiseled fingers


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## Janny Jewsh (Apr 26, 2022)

131.57 Canadian Dollars = 103 US Dollars




			https://www.etsy.com/listing/1120725864/vintage-solid-14k-yellow-gold-finish-86g


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## ♦️ King of Diamonds ♦️ (Apr 26, 2022)

Even if we never pinpoint the exact Etsy listing of the specific ring Ralph was showing off- in a matter of a few hours we more or less proved you can get a near identical ring of the exact same design and quality for less than Gator's old monthly pittance... and given Gator's testimony that Ralph only makes $2000 a month from supposedly "working 19 hour days" the probability of it being a "genuine diamond ring to rival Putin's super-bowl trophy" has dropped down to an inverse logarithmic curve.


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## hawkisnight (Apr 26, 2022)

KikeKiller1488 said:


> 103 US Dollars
> View attachment 3219152


Those prices are what jewelers sell them for. When the ring is bought and walks out of the store it value plummets. I wouldn't even give a pack of cigarettes for it and I don't smoke.


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## 3322 (Apr 26, 2022)

The ring is one of Ralph's horcruxes now. The blue checkmark on twitter, the Killstream, the Kid Diddler hat, the ring, the manpurse (destroyed) and lastly... the gunt. If you destroy them all, Ralph dies.


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## AncientPhosphur (Apr 26, 2022)

I just can’t believe the loathsome Dungeater has the eldenring


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## MeltyTW (Apr 26, 2022)

AncientPhosphur said:


> I just can’t believe the loathsome Dungeater has the eldenring


More like the feltenring,, also how classless is it to use a dead family members heirloom as an own in troll slapfights? Imagine your gammy or pappy  dying and your first thought is FUCK YOU TWITTA BITCH AH GOT MAH DEAD PAPPYS RING THANK CHRIS HE DIED SO AH CUN FUCK YER ESS AWN TWITTA


----------



## ZeDarkKnight (Apr 26, 2022)

3322 said:


> The ring is one of Ralph's horcruxes now. The blue checkmark on twitter, the Killstream, the Kid Diddler hat, the ring, the manpurse (destroyed) and lastly... the gunt. If you destroy them all, Ralph dies.



I wouldn't count him to stop with only one gaudy ring.  Expect his hands and feet to be covered with ugly tacky fake rings so he can call himself rich soon


----------



## MasonicTelevision (Apr 26, 2022)

That ring makes him a member of the Seethemasons


----------



## Blue Miaplacidus (Apr 26, 2022)

Can't wait for The Captain to buy the ring and use it to get control of ralph back from the idea guys


----------



## Wine em Dine em 69 em (Apr 26, 2022)

Gods sake at least take it for a proper cleaning Ralph. Then take your teeth for same. 
I don’t understand that ring. Is the middle ‘diamond’ set differently?  Is it sticking out like a ladies engagement ring?  I don’t know the terms, @MirnaMinkoff help!  I’ve looked at too many ugly rings today and none are set like Ralph’s. They’re close, but the diamonds are all uniform. 
I bet that ring smells like dirty old coins. Get it professionally cleaned and appraised if it means so much to you sir.


----------



## Mr E. Grifter (Apr 26, 2022)

Blue Miaplacidus said:


> Can't wait for The Captain to buy the ring and use it to get control of ralph back from the idea guys
> View attachment 3219764View attachment 3219780


The ring really is gawdy and ridiculous. He should just get a sovereign ring and be done


----------



## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 26, 2022)

Wine em Dine em 69 em said:


> Gods sake at least take it for a proper cleaning Ralph. Then take your teeth for same.
> I don’t understand that ring. Is the middle ‘diamond’ set differently?  Is it sticking out like a ladies engagement ring?  I don’t know the terms, @MirnaMinkoff help!  I’ve looked at too many ugly rings today and none are set like Ralph’s. They’re close, but the diamonds are all uniform.
> I bet that ring smells like dirty old coins. Get it professionally cleaned and appraised if it means so much to you sir.


The ring has a full bezel setting done in a white metal to make the stones look bigger and more uniform. Good for hiding flaws and bad quality of stones. This particular type of full bezel is clunky and ugly looking and only seen in lower quality vintage jewelry.

 If the stones are  real they are old mine cut diamonds. Once modern tools allowed for brilliant cut and other better facet cutting there was a lot of old unfashionable jewelry floating around with old mine cut diamonds. Pawn stores ended up with a lot of these stones so tried to find ways to repurpose them for use in new jewelry. Using them in men’s rings was popular for the tacky trends in 1970’s men fashion. These stones were usually too flawed and low quality for engagement rings or prong jewelry, but perfect to be embedded in a clunky men’s ring.

The stones seem like Ralph’s eyes because they were probably taken out of random old jewelry and three were “close enough” to get in a row of three. They were obviously not customs cut for this ring, just a mix and match assortment of stones taking out of some old necklace or rings. The one in the center was bigger, with more depth, than the other two so did some weird asymmetrical setting to make it all “fit” into one ring. 

It was also common for ppl to take old pieces of family diamond jewelry to a jeweler or goldsmith and have them remove the stones to make a new piece of jewelry. This isn’t the case with Gunt or else I’m sure he’d have mentioned how PawPaw’s ring came from dear Grandma Pink’s old rings.


----------



## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Apr 26, 2022)

3322 said:


> The ring is one of Ralph's horcruxes now. The blue checkmark on twitter, the Killstream, the Kid Diddler hat, the ring, the manpurse (destroyed) and lastly... the gunt. If you destroy them all, Ralph dies.


This is a good comparison because Ralph quite literally has a She Who Must Not be Named


----------



## FinnSven (Apr 26, 2022)

3322 said:


> The ring is one of Ralph's horcruxes now. The blue checkmark on twitter, the Killstream, the Kid Diddler hat, the ring, the manpurse (destroyed) and lastly... the gunt. If you destroy them all, Ralph dies.


Well he has lost fights to teenagers, despite being a grown man who claims to be powerful.


----------



## UCantCCPMe (Apr 26, 2022)

Maybe the Red Lantern core recruited Ralph for being such a ragepig.


----------



## MeltyTW (Apr 26, 2022)

I just realized ralph was tricked into flaunting a relic of fail by Clyde just like a certain other virginian with rage

CHRIS ES KANG AHLL STRANGLE THA CLYDE


----------



## Mr. Manchester (Apr 26, 2022)

MeltyTW said:


> I just realized ralph was tricked into flaunting a relic of fail by Clyde just like a certain other virginian with rage
> 
> CHRIS ES KANG AHLL STRANGLE THA CLYDE


The transformation is coming in nicely toobs stream.me dlive odysee cozy.tv TMDWU


----------



## New & Improved Username (Apr 26, 2022)




----------



## Takayuki Yagami (Apr 26, 2022)

UCantCCPMe said:


> Maybe the Red Lantern core recruited Ralph for being such a ragepig.


They can fuck shit up though. Ralph can barely move on his own on account of having muscles almost as atrophied as his crippled brother’s, whom he never seems to visit.


----------



## Wyzzerd (Apr 26, 2022)

I can't get over how ralph keeps morphing into chris chan. First the killstream being like his sonichu, then the striped shirt, and now the ring.

I'm sure there are even more similarities but they keep being so on the nose that one would think he has chris as his idol or something, but no. He's just that same level of retarded as chris is.


----------



## Cryptojew (Apr 26, 2022)

Oftentimes mens rings like this have a hollow back. If it's not cleaned regularly, it will accumulate dead skin cells and bacteria which then can congeal into a solid mass. Back when I worked in jewelry repair, my coworkers and I called it "ring meatloaf".


Spoiler: Gross





Ralph's ring may also have human shit trapped underneath, so _imagine the smell_



As far as valuing the ring, I've seen similar styles sold at upwards of $4000. Those were solid 18k with nice quality diamonds though, so it's unlikely the Gunt's ring is worth nearly that much. Assuming it's not costume jewelry, I'd wager it's probably in the $1000-1500 price range. Wholesale price would maybe be $500.


----------



## I am vomit (Apr 26, 2022)

This is going to go the way of the portugal man purse.


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 26, 2022)

I am vomit said:


> This is going to go the way of the portugal man purse.


They'll have to chop his piggy fingers off to retrieve his dead grandpa's KKK grand wizard ring.


----------



## REGENDarySumanai (Apr 26, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> They'll have to chop his piggy fingers off to retrieve his dead grandpa's KKK grand wizard ring.


I wouldn't be surprised if any of the Ralph's were part of the KKK.


----------



## Takayuki Yagami (Apr 26, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> They'll have to chop his piggy fingers off to retrieve his dead grandpa's KKK grand wizard ring.


That’s assuming it doesn’t just fall off from the finger turning gangrenous. Aren’t there already photos where his ring finger is already fucking purple from the thing?


----------



## UCantCCPMe (Apr 26, 2022)

Takayuki Yagami said:


> They can fuck shit up though. Ralph can barely move on his own on account of having muscles almost as atrophied as his crippled brother’s, whom he never seems to visit.


What are you talking about? Look at his life. He did a pretty good job of fucking that up.


----------



## Expendable Zaku (Apr 26, 2022)

"Earth!" "Water!" "Wind!" "Fire!" "Heart!"

<Ralph pauses> <presents his hood-rich ring>

"Fat!"


----------



## Chiridion (Apr 26, 2022)

Cryptojew said:


> Oftentimes mens rings like this have a hollow back. If it's not cleaned regularly, it will accumulate dead skin cells and bacteria which then can congeal into a solid mass.


Gross. Is it just to create the illusion of volume without costing more?


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 26, 2022)

Chiridion said:


> Gross. Is it just to create the illusion of volume without costing more?


Short answer, yes. 

Longer answer, when was the first time you remember you're old enough to munch on an Easter egg just to find out it's hallow?


----------



## GunnlaugurSassoon (Apr 26, 2022)

I need an Amberlynn-Ralph merge where trolls pointing out his fat fingers leads to Ralph buying ring sizing kits off of Amazon to fake prove his sausage finger isn't a size 10


----------



## GaryGrey (Apr 26, 2022)

God dammit Ralph get that thing resized before you loose the hoof.  Even when taking picture to own the haters those fat fingers are so big the phone focuses on that rather than the ring.  @theralph touch the ring in frame to set it as the focus, better yet have May take a picture since she doesn't have the shakes from alcohol abuse.  Until you post solid in focus pictures of the ring it will remain KiwiFarms certified appraisal of under $100.
EDIT:
Ralph there is one really easy way to prove the value of that ring.  Get an insurance policy on it.  The insurance company will get it appraised and then you can post the appraisal to really show us all up.




Your browser is not able to display this video.


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## ManBearHog (Apr 26, 2022)

3322 said:


> The ring is one of Ralph's horcruxes now. The blue checkmark on twitter, the Killstream, the Kid Diddler hat, the ring, the manpurse (destroyed) and lastly... the gunt. If you destroy them all, Ralph dies.


Metokur confirmed horcrux


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 26, 2022)

GaryGrey said:


> View attachment 3220722
> God dammit Ralph get that thing resized before you loose the hoof.  Even when taking picture to own the haters those fat fingers are so big the phone focuses on that rather than the ring.  @theralph touch the ring in frame to set it as the focus, better yet have May take a picture since she doesn't have the shakes from alcohol abuse.  Until you post solid in focus pictures of the ring it will remain KiwiFarms certified appraisal of under $100.


With Ralph's disgusting goop caught underneath, I wouldn't take this gaudy gross ring for free.


----------



## Wine em Dine em 69 em (Apr 26, 2022)

Cryptojew said:


> Oftentimes mens rings like this have a hollow back. If it's not cleaned regularly, it will accumulate dead skin cells and bacteria which then can congeal into a solid mass. Back when I worked in jewelry repair, my coworkers and I called it "ring meatloaf".
> 
> 
> Spoiler: Gross
> ...


The great thing about it being worth 1k or more?  He can justify any stupid begas trip or murse purchase by saying he can cover it, which he can’t, and he won’t. 
That’s why you never let spendthrifts have money. 
But yeah Ralph get it cleaned and appraised. It’s smelly. And your teeth too. I’m not letting that drop.


----------



## Disheveled Human (Apr 26, 2022)

One of the most ugly rings I ever seen in my life, but hey it is dual purpose for Ralph since it doubles as a cock ring perfect fit on the Memphis 10.


----------



## MeltyTW (Apr 26, 2022)

Disheveled Human said:


> One of the most ugly rings I ever seen in my life, but hey it is dual purpose for Ralph since it doubles as a cock ring perfect fit on the Memphis 10.


i actually thought people edited out the real ring to put that gaudy gumball machine piece of shit up to mock ralph. its almost objectively tasteless trash. I mean i think weve all been in the extreme minority of something but were usually painfully aware of it i dunno how gunt could lift that abomination up onto his pig hoof and think "oh yeah thisll make em seethe with jealousy". Be like if youre the one person who thinks a gunt looks good, might be a masterpiece to you youre not going to be bragging about it because you know it wont bring you social cred


----------



## Tackleberry (Apr 26, 2022)

How wigger can you get?


----------



## Glad I couldn't help (Apr 26, 2022)

> See Ralph's fat hand and finger.

Is there any part of Ralph that isn't gross and malformed?


----------



## Fetish Roulette (Apr 26, 2022)

I've made this joke regarding Ralph's dumb wigger jewelry before, but it just keeps fitting.


----------



## Some dude (Apr 26, 2022)

Tackleberry said:


> How wigger can you get?


One of his Vegas trips he'll come back without it, claiming to have been robbed at gunpoint. In reality, he'll have pawned it for just one more bet.


----------



## Tom Myers (Apr 26, 2022)

I can't decide if he bought the ring off Etsy or if those listings are recreations of "classic" ring designs.


----------



## Crack Pipe Nationalist (Apr 26, 2022)

Maybe he's thinking if he keeps it on long enough and isn't able to take it off then it won't end up on eBay. My guess is the whole finger is just going to come off with it.


----------



## Big Fat Frog (Apr 27, 2022)

Glad I couldn't help said:


> Is there any part of Ralph that isn't gross and malformed?


His legs. They’re literal toothpicks.


----------



## Paddy O' Furniture (Apr 27, 2022)

Some dude said:


> One of his Vegas trips he'll come back without it, claiming to have been robbed at gunpoint. In reality, he'll have pawned it for just one more bet.


Just like the camera!


----------



## Exceptional individualist (Apr 27, 2022)

KikeKiller1488 said:


> How did Ralph's grandfather get a hold of George Floyd's elden ring?
> View attachment 3219065


Jesus Christ Ralph, you are going to get sepsis. Please take it off you aren't supposed to die yet.


----------



## bucketOjibblies (Apr 27, 2022)

MirnaMinkoff said:


> The ring has a full bezel setting done in a white metal to make the stones look bigger and more uniform. Good for hiding flaws and bad quality of stones. This particular type of full bezel is clunky and ugly looking and only seen in lower quality vintage jewelry.
> 
> If the stones are  real they are old mine cut diamonds. Once modern tools allowed for brilliant cut and other better facet cutting there was a lot of old unfashionable jewelry floating around with old mine cut diamonds. Pawn stores ended up with a lot of these stones so tried to find ways to repurpose them for use in new jewelry. Using them in men’s rings was popular for the tacky trends in 1970’s men fashion. These stones were usually too flawed and low quality for engagement rings or prong jewelry, but perfect to be embedded in a clunky men’s ring.
> 
> ...


Gemologist fag here, and thats a pretty great explanation.  Unless the diamonds are highly graded and have an official appraisal, this is the kind of ring thats literally only worth its weight in whatever spec price 14k gold is selling for on that particular day. 
Poor quality rings like his would be melted down for the gold, and the diamonds would either be cut down for melee (tiny stones used in pave settings and eternity bands where color and clarity isn't really a big deal) or ground down for industrial use.


----------



## NicoFountaine (Apr 27, 2022)

That fucking finger is suffocating. It's literally too small for his fat finger.  

Somebody needs to add "Stroke due to blood clots after several untreated acute episodes of palmar vein thrombosis due to Ralpharang" to the deadpool.


----------



## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 27, 2022)

bucketOjibblies said:


> Gemologist fag here, and thats a pretty great explanation.  Unless the diamonds are highly graded and have an official appraisal, this is the kind of ring thats literally only worth its weight in whatever spec price 14k gold is selling for on that particular day.
> Poor quality rings like his would be melted down for the gold, and the diamonds would either be cut down for melee (tiny stones used in pave settings and eternity bands where color and clarity isn't really a big deal) or ground down for industrial use.


Yes, a lot of people make the mistake that all diamonds are valuable. Ralph is walking around with a drill bit ring. Much like the ring he bought Pantsu, the main value is in the gold weight, unless he wants to see if he can get someone to pay more on eBay to avoid retail jewelry prices. 

In diamond district terms. Ralph’s ring is a bunch of strops, some worthless fisheye matzos you sell to the schmucks and rubes.


----------



## Fareal (Apr 27, 2022)

I comfidently armchair appraise this ring as essentially worthless aside from sentimental value.

Gunt was kind enough to show us the makers mark (lol) inside the shank, so we know it was sold as 14k gold. Not valuable except by weight.

Diamonds of that size, more or less regardless of their cut, clarity and colour, would have been set in 18k gold minimum. More likely platinum. The stones also have good clarity and colour. I confidently diagnose them as zircon. Zircon despite being dirt cheap has significantly less variation in clarity and colour than diamond, so a standard zircon looks to a casual glance far more like a “good” diamond than it resembles a “shit” diamond. Zircon is also hard wearing, so I’m confident these are zircon rather than glass. They look undamaged.

The thing is worth the value of the gold, nothing more. Zircon remains cheap and plentiful and therefore has no resale value. If the design was pretty - think vintage brooches, which remain very popular - it might be worth a bottle or two of the favoured Gunt pickling liquid, but this has a value somewhere below 100 dollars depending on the gold value that day since it was designed by a blind man having a seizure.

It has whatever sentimental value its owner attaches to it, but since he can’t even love his children, I doubt that’s much.


----------



## AntiSchwuletteAktion (Apr 27, 2022)

Easterling said:


> _By blackest cock and shartist night
> No A-log will escape my sight
> Let those who worship josh's might,
> beware my power... Gunt lanterns light!_


PLEASE meme this. Instead of powering the ring with will, fear, or rage, the Gunt Lantern wields pride! He may be obese, retarded, abusive, and a criminal, but he's PROUD


----------



## BlackDragoons (Apr 27, 2022)

I've always held the sentiment that jewelry is worthless and not worth the money unless it provides powers or magical abilities. Beyond that if your showing off your jewelry your just wasting my time and yours.


----------



## Easterling (Apr 27, 2022)

AntiSchwuletteAktion said:


> PLEASE meme this. Instead of powering the ring with will, fear, or rage, the Gunt Lantern wields pride! He may be obese, retarded, abusive, and a criminal, but he's PROUD


Could shop jersh as sinestro, gimmie a moment and i might make it
Edit: 



Spoiler: Ask and ye shall receive


----------



## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 27, 2022)

Gezkill said:


> I've always held the sentiment that jewelry is worthless and not worth the money unless it provides powers or magical abilities. Beyond that if your showing off your jewelry your just wasting my time and yours.


You are right as far as the mass manufactured junk sold at most jewelry stores. Those places are palaces of marketing, they sell $50 worth of gold and $30 worth of stones for $2,500. The cost of stones is mostly in paying ppl to cut them.

Pawn stores will give you $20 for a ring you paid $800 retail for, because they are nearly worthless on the secondary market. Jewelry stores tend to make much of their bank by financing purchases. Finance $8k for a ring that cost them $600. Good grift.

OTOH



Spoiler



But Google names like John Paul Miller, Radakovich or Margaret DePatta plus the word jewelry and you will find jewelry valued for its artistry and craftsmanship, the precious metals and gems are very secondary. Alexander Calder jewelry sells for six figures and it’s made of plain old brass, copper or sterling - the value is entirely the design.

It’s like Faberge. The actual value of the precious metals and gems used in their eggs is maybe a few thousand, but the craftsmanship makes them worth millions.

It’s something to keep in mind when buying jewelry. Quality, design and craftsmanship will ensure a piece retains value beyond smelting. It’s why jewelry from Cartier or Van Cleef Arpels will fetch prices far, far above the value of its gold or gems - craftsmanship and design. (There are exceptions when dealing with truly exception gem stones and fancy colored diamonds - but generally you don’t ever see those type of quality stones used in anything but fine crafted jewelry.)



If you ever want to spend money on jewelry -Do research, learn about it, check auction results and then go to an auction like Skinner to buy quality jewelry and good prices. Don’t go to the mall and get ripped off.


----------



## H. H. Lovecraft (Apr 27, 2022)

Gezkill said:


> I've always held the sentiment that jewelry is worthless and not worth the money unless it provides powers or magical abilities.


It's not often that I feel the need to write a post out longhand into my notebook but this is one of those times. Godspeed.


----------



## Nate Scully 025 (Apr 27, 2022)

Something I’ve been thinking about is how in various shows like Pawn Stars, where people overvalue particular items because they have some sort of sentimental value behind them, either from themselves or a family member. And, you see, normally I’d assume that’s what was going on, just on another level, because The Ralphamale can’t do anything normal.

Except… I don’t really remember hearing much about this grandfather of his before now. No offhanded mentions of him, or the land that Ralph got, or… anything really, to suggest Ralph has this deep emotional attachment to this ring that’s warping his assessment of its value.

I don’t have any particular theory about that, just couldn’t help but wonder.


----------



## MirnaMinkoff (Apr 27, 2022)

Nate Scully 025 said:


> Something I’ve been thinking about is how in various shows like Pawn Stars, where people overvalue particular items because they have some sort of sentimental value behind them, either from themselves or a family member. And, you see, normally I’d assume that’s what was going on, just on another level, because The Ralphamale can’t do anything normal.
> 
> Except… I don’t really remember hearing much about this grandfather of his before now. No offhanded mentions of him, or the land that Ralph got, or… anything really, to suggest Ralph has this deep emotional attachment to this ring that’s warping his assessment of its value.
> 
> I don’t have any particular theory about that, just couldn’t help but wonder.


No Ralph has never said jack shit about his precious Daddy’s family. Did he even go to Ronnie’s funeral? 

Pretty sure he never bothered to see Ronnie in the years leading up to his death. I get that Ronnie abandoned him but he did the same thing to his mom who did everything for him almost until the day she died. Momma’s welfare checks bought Ethan his weed and Sandra shared her precious xanxieberries, yet he let her die alone like the coward he is. 

The only reason his paternal side family members have ever come up is sad flexes on the swamp land and boarded up crack shack Ralph got a percentage of thanks to Ronnie’s death. Ralph might have ended up with something more than a pimp ring from Clyde, by way of Louis, if he wasn’t estranged. 

Remember Grandpa Clyde didn’t even leave that ring to Gunt, he left it to his son Louis. Louis obviously figured the tacky ring had set in a drawer long enough and gave it to Gunt. If Gunt had known someone would give him pimp jewelry he would have visited sooner!


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 27, 2022)

bucketOjibblies said:


> Gemologist fag here, and thats a pretty great explanation.  Unless the diamonds are highly graded and have an official appraisal, this is the kind of ring thats literally only worth its weight in whatever spec price 14k gold is selling for on that particular day.
> Poor quality rings like his would be melted down for the gold, and the diamonds would either be cut down for melee (tiny stones used in pave settings and eternity bands where color and clarity isn't really a big deal) or ground down for industrial use.


Basically drillbits then. My aunt was even less forgiving, she said it's worth the gold's mass of the day or infinity if there's sentimental value. The rocks are zirconia. 

The average nicely cut zirconia looks better than most diamonds on the market, would that be the higher dispersion? They do look nicer under the sun. 

Ralph's zirconia rocks look like shit, probably salvaged from old jewellery. 



Fareal said:


> I comfidently armchair appraise this ring as essentially worthless aside from sentimental value.


My $350-$500 street value was being too generous.


----------



## Christorian X (Apr 27, 2022)

FFinfo said:


> I'm not going to try to exactly locate a sister ring for one bought 60 years ago at a department store that stopped existing 20 years go, but this is the closest "legitimate jewelry" example of Ralph's ring, from the style, gold content, and coloration.View attachment 3218233
> The sale price for this ring where I found it is $3300. I'd put this as the upper bound for the value of Ralph's ring assuming his diamonds are real, etc etc. Maybe one of the resident jeweler kiwis will be more insightful.
> FWIW it's not a bad ring. It might be tacky, but that's not a Walmart special. Besides, I doubt in 1968 Ralph's meemaw was considering "What will my perpetually jobless loser grandson more than half a century from now think about this ring when bragging about how he inherited it?" So as a gift, it's perfectly inoffensive. Ralph will get mad not because the ring is just a typical ring but because he can't take the perceived L of the ring not being on par with some imperial regalia in value.



So what you're saying is, at the very best, it's worth 26 acres of Louisiana swampland...


----------



## Your Favorite New Friend (Apr 27, 2022)

Tackleberry said:


> How wigger can you get?


wig
wigger
wiggest ⬅ Ralph is here


----------



## bucketOjibblies (Apr 27, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> Basically drillbits then. My aunt was even less forgiving, she said it's worth the gold's mass of the day or infinity if there's sentimental value. The rocks are zirconia.
> 
> The average nicely cut zirconia looks better than most diamonds on the market, would that be the higher dispersion? They do look nicer under the sun.
> 
> ...


You definitely can't put a price on sentiment, unless you're Ralph and don't know the definition of the word.

You're right about the zircon, when it's cut well it's light refraction can be more brilliant than a diamond.  That was the standard diamond simulant until moissanite came around in the 80's or 90's.  I don't doubt the diamonds in the gunt ring are real, but there is only so much info you could glean from a short video and a few pictures about their quality.  It doesnt really matter how big or sparkly the stones are, under a microscope they could be riddled with inclusions and basically drill bits. 

Until he shows us an official appraisal of the ring or a grading report on the diamonds from an accredited gem lab, we can all just assume it's aluminum set with super glue and plastic rhinestones.


----------



## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Apr 27, 2022)

Nate Scully 025 said:


> Something I’ve been thinking about is how in various shows like Pawn Stars, where people overvalue particular items because they have some sort of sentimental value behind them, either from themselves or a family member. And, you see, normally I’d assume that’s what was going on, just on another level, because The Ralphamale can’t do anything normal.
> 
> Except… I don’t really remember hearing much about this grandfather of his before now. No offhanded mentions of him, or the land that Ralph got, or… anything really, to suggest Ralph has this deep emotional attachment to this ring that’s warping his assessment of its value.
> 
> I don’t have any particular theory about that, just couldn’t help but wonder.


the ring doesn’t have sentimental value to Ralph. His assessment of its value is warped because he’s a nigger with a walnut brain and has no concept of a how the actual world works, and he’s convinced himself it’s valuable because that’s the only way he can flex on the haters.


----------



## TherapyMan (Apr 27, 2022)

Capt. Jean Luc Ritard said:


> the ring doesn’t have sentimental value to Ralph.


I disagree. I think Ralph's attachment to the ring is in large part due to his latent daddy issues that have transformed him into the Ralphamale he is today. From a lot of Ralph's various outings, you can tell he a very sad, pathetic attachment to his father from whom he was estranged (examples: "You changed the name your daddy gave you", "Nobody has hurt me more than my father", etc.) In a way, he's still a little boy who doesn't understand why his dad left for cigarettes and never came back. 

Ralph tries to flex on the haters with everything he does. But I think in this specific instance, him trying to insist it's valuable is a giga cope. That ring is one of the few things Ralph has from his father. It has to be valuable. Otherwise, what does Ralph have of his father?


----------



## Christorian X (Apr 27, 2022)

TherapyMan said:


> I disagree. I think Ralph's attachment to the ring is in large part due to his latent daddy issues that have transformed him into the Ralphamale he is today. From a lot of Ralph's various outings, you can tell he a very sad, pathetic attachment to his father from whom he was estranged (examples: "You changed the name your daddy gave you", "Nobody has hurt me more than my father", etc.) In a way, he's still a little boy who doesn't understand why his dad left for cigarettes and never came back.
> 
> Ralph tries to flex on the haters with everything he does. But I think in this specific instance, him trying to insist it's valuable is a giga cope. That ring is one of the few things Ralph has from his father. It has to be valuable. Otherwise, what does Ralph have of his father?


Ralph certainly has issues with Ronnie and his family. In his Hollarin' Stream with Metokur, he kept screaming about "the name you were born with, the name your family gave you". Ralph came off as caring about Jim's name change as a very deep and personal offense. I think there is a lot of shame based around his family as well as many unresolved issues with Ronnie himself.


----------



## Mr. Manchester (Apr 27, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> Ralph certainly has issues with Ronnie and his family. In his Hollarin' Stream with Metokur, he kept screaming about "the name you were born with, the name your family gave you". Ralph came off as caring about Jim's name change as a very deep and personal offense. I think there is a lot of shame based around his family as well as many unresolved issues with Ronnie himself.


Ralph is such a stupid last name, I've never met or heard of anyone outside of Ethan with the last name Ralph.  I imagine long long ago when people were picking up last names Ralph's distant ancestor told the duke something like, "Mah name is Ralph motherfucker!  Ahm the best dang gong farmer in the entire fuckin' town!  You want me to pick muh LAST NAME too bitch?  Guess what, it's Ralph motherfucker, you unnerstand?  Ahm Ralph Ralph. Does that make sense to you FUCKERS?  SUCK MUH DICK BITCH!"


----------



## Christorian X (Apr 27, 2022)

While hunting down Ralph's ancestry here:



			https://www.houseofnames.com/ralph-family-crest
		


I came across this gem:

The surname Ralph was first found in Herefordshire where Ralph the Timid, the Earl of Hereford (died 1057) held lands and estates. Apparently, "he was in command there in July 1049, when a force of pirates from Ireland and Welsh under Gruffydd ab Rhydderch invaded the shire. He fled before them, leaving Worcester to be burnt by the invaders, and gaining for himself the appellation of 'the timid earl.' [1

That's right friends, the founder of the Ralph family line was known as Ralph The Timid.


----------



## Lincoln A-log (Apr 27, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> While hunting down Ralph's ancestry here:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


you do some fine work Christorian!


----------



## Retink (Apr 27, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> While hunting down Ralph's ancestry here:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No wonder the rage pig face tanks every punch, he's trying to make up for the cowardice of his ancestors, but he just can't help himself and starts yelling for others the second that first hit occurs. Do you think Ralph the Timid screamed "Arrest him! Arrest him!" as he squealed and fled?


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 27, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> While hunting down Ralph's ancestry here:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This Timid Ralphamale likely has a proclivity for unwashed teenager buttholes.


----------



## MeltyTW (Apr 27, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> Gruffydd ab Rhydderch


i was actually expecting the name to be exactly or close to idk joshua connor moon like flams was or something. well fuck guess the fucker deserves his own original entry into the lore for being the first man to punt the gunt


----------



## Christorian X (Apr 27, 2022)

MeltyTW said:


> i was actually expecting the name to be exactly or close to idk joshua connor moon like flams was or something. well fuck guess the fucker deserves his own original entry into the lore for being the first man to punt the gunt


If it helps a number of Ralph's migrated to New Zealand and are literal Kiwis as well as the fact that the Ralphs settled in the NORTH when they came to America, lol.


----------



## MeltyTW (Apr 28, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> If it helps a number of Ralph's migrated to New Zealand and are literal Kiwis as well as the fact that the Ralphs settled in the NORTH when they came to America, lol.


figures a man this felted would be a carpet bagging yankee


----------



## Retink (Apr 28, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> If it helps a number of Ralph's migrated to New Zealand and are literal Kiwis as well as the fact that the Ralphs settled in the NORTH when they came to America, lol.


You think Chris the Kiwi and Randbot are long lost Ralph's? Null did describe Rand as the proto-Ralph.


----------



## Expendable Zaku (Apr 28, 2022)

Does Ralph translate to “village drunk” in old English?


----------



## There Is Light At The End (Apr 28, 2022)

A bit late for the party
Ash nazg durbatulûk,
Ash nazg guntbatul,
Ash nazg thrakatulûk,
Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul

One ring to rule them all
One ring to gunt them
One ring to bring them all
And in the darkness bind them

It even doesn't require extensive edit. It perfectly fits


----------



## Pill Cosby (Apr 28, 2022)

I think this Captain Planet reboot has gone a bit too far.


----------



## Fareal (Apr 28, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> Ralph certainly has issues with Ronnie and his family. In his Hollarin' Stream with Metokur, he kept screaming about "the name you were born with, the name your family gave you". Ralph came off as caring about Jim's name change as a very deep and personal offense. I think there is a lot of shame based around his family as well as many unresolved issues with Ronnie himself.



Luckily for his only son, he was born a Vickers and will never be a Ralph


----------



## There Is Light At The End (Apr 28, 2022)

Expendable Zaku said:


> Does Ralph translate to “village drunk” in old English?


The word you looking for is probably a village malt-worm.


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 28, 2022)

There's light at the end said:


> The word you looking for is probably a village malt-worm.


Or "Ethan Oliver Ralph".


----------



## Penrowe (Apr 28, 2022)

I happen to know a thing or two about jewellery.
Whenever you see this scalloped or hollowed out design on rings it's a dead giveaway that whoever bought it is a cheapskate. This is only done to save money on materials in order to appeal to penny pinchers and the poor.
If the stones were real the gold band itself (assuming it's solid gold) would represent a tiny fraction of the value of this piece — why then would you cheap out on what is at most a couple Jacksons worth of gold?
Like another person said in this thread, hollowed out rings collect a lot of dead skin and dirt but they're also a lot less comfortable than a regular solid band.

I'm quite baffled this fat idiot would be bragging about this _ice_ then show it off in a way that makes it obvious it's just a cheap piece of shit.

For those curious, a plain 18k band of this approximate size and thickness might sell for $400-600 to someone like you — a regular schlub who walks in the door — the actual metal itself retails for much lower. If you're shopping for an engagement ring but you don't want to be a sad sap who buys a hollowed out ring, buy the band seperately and find a nice stone, then take it to a goldsmith and have them set the stone for you. It might not be cheaper in the end but you'll avoid getting ripped off.


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 28, 2022)

Ralph is too much of a pussy to prove the a-logs wrong. Ralph, I know your ring features 3 top FL grade D colour MASSIVE Ralphadiamonds. Get it tested so you can a holler over the pesky a-logs in this thread.


----------



## MagmaStalker (Apr 28, 2022)

his finger sausages are disgusting to look at, but im sure meigh prefers them over his micro penis.


----------



## There Is Light At The End (Apr 28, 2022)

Dear kiwis, I found perfect tune to read this thread


----------



## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Apr 28, 2022)

MagmaStalker said:


> his finger sausages are disgusting to look at, but im sure meigh prefers them over his micro penis.


Yeah they’re larger and get cleaned more often


----------



## #KillAllPedos (Apr 28, 2022)

Mr E. Grifter said:


> Good sleuthing Lorne, followed a few links and there we have it: Ralph's uncle is "Louis Ralph".
> View attachment 3218858


For reference, his name is _Howard_ Louis Ralph. He’s one of those people that goes by the middle name.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/roralph

Fun fact: Uncle Louie dropped out of High School, but later went on to become a Registered Nurse. He remains the most accomplished Ralphamale in the Ralph family tree.

EDIT: Regarding the stricken language above, the source of this info was Louis’s Facebook posts. However, reviewing them more closely, it appears that the profile used to belong to Rachel Ralph, who appears to be Louie’s wife/ex-wife. It appears Rachel gave the profile to Uncle Louie some time after 2011. But I can confirm that this is Ralph’s uncle, and the source of the ring.


----------



## Mr E. Grifter (Apr 28, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> For reference, his name is _Howard_ Louis Ralph. He’s one of those people that goes by the middle name.
> View attachment 3226253
> Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/roralph
> 
> Fun fact: Uncle Louie dropped out of High School, but later went on to become a Registered Nurse. He remains the most accomplished Ralphamale in the Ralph family tree.


I looked for Louis Ralph on Facebook and couldn't find him...

Great job!

He's like Broken Mirror Ralph, he looks his age and is gainfully employed. Shit, he even looks happy!


----------



## Glad I couldn't help (Apr 28, 2022)

Gezkill said:


> I've always held the sentiment that jewelry is worthless and not worth the money unless it provides powers or magical abilities. Beyond that if your showing off your jewelry your just wasting my time and yours.


The only jewellery that I like is watches, and that's only because it have practical uses and many more function to get very autistic over.


----------



## FundusOHoolihan (Apr 28, 2022)

Well. At this point, I think we can safely conclude the Ralpharing is a shitty Etsy ring. If anything else were troo, we would've heard about it by now.


----------



## #KillAllPedos (Apr 28, 2022)

Mr E. Grifter said:


> I looked for Louis Ralph on Facebook and couldn't find him...
> 
> Great job!
> 
> He's like Broken Mirror Ralph, he looks his age and is gainfully employed. Shit, he even looks happy!


He seems like a _relatively_ wholesome guy, compared to Ethan anyway. I don’t know all that much about him. He said he dropped out of HS in his Junior year and got married. But his first wife of 36 years (Marijohn Turner) would have been 14-15 years old at the time. So he married her when she was 14-15? IDK, I need to look into this more. It’s a weird timeline and situation TBH. Then again, this is West Memphis, so maybe that’s normal over there. 

Anyway, Howard Louis Ralph got rid of Marijohn (not sure what he did with her), and I believe he remarried a lady named Rachel Crossett (now Rachel Ralph). Here they are:



By the way, Rachel Ralph is the older lady in the first photo. Not sure why he’s got his hands all over the younger girl (I believe that’s “LaTasha Woodell,” who is I think his niece by marriage).

In a related development, Evan Ralph has made an appearance:

I have been informed that this is Evan:


Spoiler: Evan Ralph







Sorry if this is derailing. I had looked into Uncle Louie a while back, but his name didn’t really come up until this ring thing.


----------



## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Apr 28, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> He seems like a _relatively_ wholesome guy, compared to Ethan anyway. I don’t know all that much about him. He said he dropped out of HS in his Junior year and got married. But his first wife of 36 years (Marijohn Turner) would have been 14-15 years old at the time. So he married her when she was 14-15? IDK, I need to look into this more. It’s a weird timeline and situation TBH. Then again, this is West Memphis, so maybe that’s normal over there.
> 
> Anyway, Howard Louis Ralph got rid of Marijohn (not sure what he did with her), and I believe he remarried a lady named Rachel Crossett (now Rachel Ralph). Here they are:
> View attachment 3226841
> ...


Always nice to get more info on the retard, and cool to see you found a pic of his brother Evan.


----------



## Christorian X (Apr 28, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> He seems like a _relatively_ wholesome guy, compared to Ethan anyway. I don’t know all that much about him. He said he dropped out of HS in his Junior year and got married. But his first wife of 36 years (Marijohn Turner) would have been 14-15 years old at the time. So he married her when she was 14-15? IDK, I need to look into this more. It’s a weird timeline and situation TBH. Then again, this is West Memphis, so maybe that’s normal over there.
> 
> Anyway, Howard Louis Ralph got rid of Marijohn (not sure what he did with her), and I believe he remarried a lady named Rachel Crossett (now Rachel Ralph). Here they are:
> View attachment 3226841
> ...


Evan looks more like what everyone thought Flamenco would look like than Flamenco.


----------



## Wine em Dine em 69 em (Apr 28, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> He seems like a _relatively_ wholesome guy, compared to Ethan anyway. I don’t know all that much about him. He said he dropped out of HS in his Junior year and got married. But his first wife of 36 years (Marijohn Turner) would have been 14-15 years old at the time. So he married her when she was 14-15? IDK, I need to look into this more. It’s a weird timeline and situation TBH. Then again, this is West Memphis, so maybe that’s normal over there.
> 
> Anyway, Howard Louis Ralph got rid of Marijohn (not sure what he did with her), and I believe he remarried a lady named Rachel Crossett (now Rachel Ralph). Here they are:
> View attachment 3226841
> ...


Really?  Which one of you units left that message?  I mean it’s funny, but come on now. 
Also isn’t there an Evan thread  somewhere?


----------



## There Is Light At The End (Apr 28, 2022)

Wine em Dine em 69 em said:


> Really?  Which one of you units left that message?  I mean it’s funny, but come on now.
> Also isn’t there an Evan thread  somewhere?


It was removed due to poor taste and irrelevance. With which I agree, there's no need to hound invalids. Well, unless we talking about black dragon Tony. But it's another story


----------



## Berb (Apr 28, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> In a related development, Evan Ralph has made an appearance:
> View attachment 3226866


Whoever made this post, please touch grass. Not to concern troll, but if you're obituary trolling as a lolcow's retarded brother then you're too far gone. It's morbidly hilarious though.


----------



## Daily Affirmation (Apr 28, 2022)

There's light at the end said:


> It was removed due to poor taste and irrelevance. With which I agree, there's no need to hound invalids. Well, unless we talking about black dragon Tony. But it's another story


Evan is a potato without internet access. How would you begin to "hound" him?


----------



## #KillAllPedos (Apr 28, 2022)

Berb said:


> Whoever made this post, please touch grass. Not to concern troll, but if you're obituary trolling as a lolcow's retarded brother then you're too far gone. It's morbidly hilarious though.


Ordinarily I’d agree, but Ethan Ralph does stuff like this to other people’s families all the time, and this is the predictable result of that. Any concerns about collateral damage can be directed him.

Besides, it’s not “going after” Evan. It’s really just another shitpost on another website.

(For the record, I didn't make that post)


----------



## Christorian X (Apr 28, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> Ordinarily I’d agree, but Ethan Ralph does stuff like this to other people’s families all the time, and this is the predictable result of that. Any concerns about collateral damage can be directed him.
> 
> Besides, it’s not “going after” Evan. It’s really just another shitpost on another website.


To piggyback on this; Ralph has proudly made it a prominent character trait going after peoples children and significant others. He actively and aggressively says terrible and disgusting things about them and actively doxes them on his show with photos, audio, etc. In fact he's celebrated the supposed death of peoples family members and mocked people for having their children die untimely deaths. Ralph is a special exception.


----------



## Wine em Dine em 69 em (Apr 28, 2022)

I thought it was an unwritten rule not to go after obituary or memorial pages?
If people want to pursue the ‘if Ralph goes low we go lower’ playbook by all means have at it, I just thought there was a line there not to be crossed.


----------



## Daily Affirmation (Apr 28, 2022)

Wine em Dine em 69 em said:


> I thought it was an unwritten rule not to go after obituary or memorial pages?


No, that would be a gay rule. It's just another website.


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 28, 2022)

Ronnie was the retard child and where it all went wrong, the rest of the Ralphs look pretty normal.


----------



## #KillAllPedos (Apr 28, 2022)

There's light at the end said:


> It was removed due to poor taste and irrelevance. With which I agree, there's no need to hound invalids. Well, unless we talking about black dragon Tony. But it's another story


It was "removed?" Maybe you're thinking of another post, because this one is still live: https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/23906926/clyde-l.-ralph

Or maybe it's actually the real Evan Ralph. You know, I had always heard that Evan was mentally retarded. But from what people are saying ITT, I guess he's got cerebral palsy. People with cerebral palsy are physically disabled, but they aren't necessarily retarded. Some are very smart. I actually met a dude who had it. He was mentally normal, and he was able to type with his one finger. So it's not impossible that it's the real Evan Ralph leaving that comment. If so, it would be pretty messed up to doubt its authenticity just because Evan happens to have a disability.


----------



## Mr E. Grifter (Apr 28, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> It was "removed?" Maybe you're thinking of another post, because this one is still live: https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/23906926/clyde-l.-ralph
> 
> Or maybe it's actually the real Evan Ralph. You know, I had always heard that Evan was mentally retarded. But from what people are saying ITT, I guess he's got cerebral palsy. People with cerebral palsy are physically disabled, but they aren't necessarily retarded. Some are very smart. I actually met a dude who had it. He was mentally normal, and he was able to type with his one finger. So it's not impossible that it's the real Evan Ralph leaving that comment. If so, it would be pretty messed up to doubt its authenticity just because Evan happens to have a disability.


A high percentage of people with cerebral palsy are mentally retarded compared to the general population.

The Facebook group for the nursing home he stays in has lots of people on, and they actively post social events and activities. Evan appears on it very seldom, and doesn't ever appear in their videos talking etc.

The pictures he does appear in he does not really look like he is fully aware of his surroundings.


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 28, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> It was "removed?" Maybe you're thinking of another post, because this one is still live: https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/23906926/clyde-l.-ralph
> 
> Or maybe it's actually the real Evan Ralph. You know, I had always heard that Evan was mentally retarded. But from what people are saying ITT, I guess he's got cerebral palsy. People with cerebral palsy are physically disabled, but they aren't necessarily retarded. Some are very smart. I actually met a dude who had it. He was mentally normal, and he was able to type with his one finger. So it's not impossible that it's the real Evan Ralph leaving that comment. If so, it would be pretty messed up to doubt its authenticity just because Evan happens to have a disability.


Who is Zadie Ralph anyway? I think it's authentic unless the a-logs have became so crafty, they found the information of Ralphs not many know of. 
What's clear to me, Evan's brother doesn't provide him with anything, no warmth, no family, no security. Evan's existence is to be Ralph's vessel for social security checks, and for Ralph to annex his righteous share of Ronnie's shack and the family's natural habitat, I mean mud swamp.


----------



## There Is Light At The End (Apr 29, 2022)

#KillAllPedos said:


> It was "removed?" Maybe you're thinking of another post, because this one is still live:


Probably. I was thinking about thread of his brother here. I still think it is in poor taste to seek out info about Evan. Still impersonation is fine. He will have a well deserved rage pig moment


----------



## DSP's Tax Lawyer (Apr 29, 2022)

Might be late and gay but his ring reminds me of this


----------



## MeganDodgedABullet (Apr 29, 2022)

Christorian X said:


> While hunting down Ralph's ancestry here:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Herefordshire - cousin fucker central. Britbong version of Arkansas.


----------



## SNEED.EXE (Apr 29, 2022)

Once it goes black, it'll never grow back.


----------



## Punished Brent (Apr 29, 2022)

The gold may be real but those stones aren't
I personally value it at around 230$


----------



## IamnottheNSA (Apr 30, 2022)

Mr. Manchester said:


> I have a question.  Which is worth more, the gunten ring or the single Chris Chan coin that I own?  @MWV tell me you giant faggot.  Tell me damn it!





KikeKiller1488 said:


> 131.57 Canadian Dollars = 103 US Dollars
> View attachment 3219152
> 
> 
> ...


Chris Chan coins go for $400 on eBay (or at least they were going for that much money last time I checked). You can buy 3 (or 4, if you're willing to lay down extra $12) of Ralph's rings with that.


----------



## AltisticRight (Apr 30, 2022)

SNEED.EXE said:


> View attachment 3231523
> Once it goes black, it'll never grow back.





This is so vile.


----------



## MeltyTW (Apr 30, 2022)

Daily Affirmation said:


> Evan is a potato without internet access. How would you begin to "hound" him?


You could go irl with an airhorn and blow it whenever he tries to do any task woth his cerebral palsey



AltisticRight said:


> View attachment 3232525
> This is so vile.


See this is why Ralph's family needs to be harassed they could have aborted this grotesque mockery but chose not to, as far as I'm concerned they're responsible for every rape and misery the rage pig spreads


----------



## There Is Light At The End (Apr 30, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> View attachment 3232525
> This is so vile.


Have you seen his feet. There's plenty of wrong with him


----------



## Angry Shoes (May 2, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> View attachment 3232525
> This is so vile.


Even his fingers are growing gunts


----------



## Punished Brent (May 2, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> View attachment 3232525
> This is so vile.


What the fuck even is that?


----------



## SevenEightNine (May 3, 2022)

The ralpharing got a cameo on the abortion protest road trip!




Your browser is not able to display this video.


----------



## AltisticRight (May 3, 2022)

Sevenatenine said:


> The ralpharing got a cameo on the abortion protest road trip!
> View attachment 3245224


I don't know what's more ghastly. 
The putrid venue that should be on an episode of Kitchen Nightmares, or his zirconia dead grandpa's ring.




He would need a guillotine to take that ring off his claw.


----------



## MirnaMinkoff (May 3, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> I don't know what's more ghastly.
> The putrid venue that should be on an episode of Kitchen Nightmares, or his zirconia dead grandpa's ring.
> View attachment 3245233
> He would need a guillotine to take that ring off his claw.


He’s wearing it 24/7 because he can’t get pawpaw’s pimp ring off.

 Someone needs to ask him a question about it that requires he remove it to showcase its hallmarks.


----------



## GaryGrey (May 3, 2022)

MirnaMinkoff said:


> He’s wearing it 24/7 because he can’t get pawpaw’s pimp ring off.
> 
> Someone needs to ask him a question about it that requires he remove it to showcase its hallmarks.


He was worried that it would get stolen if he left it in his glove box while at the protest.  Instincts were spot on because I trust the cops about as much as windows smashers not to steal shit when searching a vehicle.


----------



## エボラちゃん (Jul 6, 2022)

Ralph is allergic to metal but the "finest one".


----------



## Rinascere (Jul 6, 2022)

エボラちゃん said:


> Ralph is allergic to metal but the "finest one".


Not to mention he's now claiming that his ring, which we have visual evidence is made of 14K gold, is 18K gold_. _He's either trying to inflate the value of it retroactively since people have called that it's some gaudy strip mall special or he's so mentally off the goop that he legitimately can't remember or read.


----------



## Puck (Jul 6, 2022)

Since Ralph has taken Chris' throne he needs his own amnyfest ring


----------



## Obscura539 (Jul 6, 2022)

Ralph,  if you don’t resize that ring you’re going to legitimately have a hoof when you lose that finger to necrosis.  Certainly a man of your station could afford the finest of jewelers for a routine resizing.  The thing looks like a corset on your sausage fingers.


----------



## Null (Jul 6, 2022)

Ralph exposing his ring was nickel and glass by having an allergic reaction to it is the funniest shit possible. It's like a movie. You have to really sit down and think to come up with some twists like this to serve as a punchline in a script.

Silver, Gold, Platinum are precious metals. They're hypoallergenic. *Sometimes* silver is hardened with nickel, but any good ring will be sterling and fortified with copper - also hypoallergenic.

There's a 100% chance he pulled out that pawn shop piece of shit just because both me and vickers both like precious metals, but of course he fucks that up somehow. Ralph is God's biggest clown and he is given the funniest battles.


----------



## ♦️ King of Diamonds ♦️ (Jul 6, 2022)

Null said:


> Ralph exposing his ring was nickel and glass by having an allergic reaction to it is the funniest shit possible. It's like a movie. You have to really sit down and think to come up with some twists like this to serve as a punchline in a script.
> 
> Silver, Gold, Platinum are precious metals. They're hypoallergenic. *Sometimes* silver is hardened with nickel, but any good ring will be sterling and fortified with copper - also hypoallergenic.
> 
> There's a 100% chance he pulled out that pawn shop piece of shit just because both me and vickers both like precious metals, but of course he fucks that up somehow. Ralph is God's biggest clown and he is given the funniest battles.


It could be worse... it could be the "wedding ring" Ralph bought Pantsu- now THAT shit is some crackerjack-box prize lmao


----------



## Kinochet (Jul 6, 2022)

Ralph, prove Broke Dick Farms wrong and have the ring appraised live on air! Show those alogs who’s boss!


----------



## ChromaQuack (Jul 6, 2022)

Null said:


> They're hypoallergenic.


Gold in jewelry isn't as hypoallergenic as you'd think. Particularly when used in 14-18k alloys, since they are mixed with metals that are allergens. 14k in particular has about 40% of mixed "other" metals in, which is iirc what ethan's ring is made out of.

However, I would like to add something that, even should the ring be true and honest gold, would still make this funny.



> Hypersensitivity to gold is *statistically linked to female gender* and to allergic reactions to nickel and cobalt.


Even when it comes to allergies, Ethan can't help but being a bitch.


----------



## HotdogWater (Jul 6, 2022)

_Chuckles_

"You mean the chaos truffles, bitch?!"


----------



## ChromaQuack (Jul 6, 2022)

HotdogWater said:


> _Chuckles_
> 
> "You mean the chaos truffles, bitch?!"View attachment 3463240


Accurate, but that picture gives me a different vibe.


----------



## Procrastinhater (Jul 6, 2022)

HotdogWater said:


> _Chuckles_
> 
> "You mean the chaos truffles, bitch?!"View attachment 3463240


Nice fuckin Claw of Fail you got going there fat man.
This greasy bastard gets more like Chris every day.


----------



## Tonberry (Jul 6, 2022)

Procrastinhater said:


> Nice fuckin Claw of Fail you got going there fat man.
> This greasy bastard gets more like Chris every day.







The transformation is nearly complete. I give it a week or two before Ralph starts claiming the ring is the source of all his powers. 
The sad part is that since The Captain bought it for $200, the Amnyfest Ring is unironically more valuable than Ralph's will ever be.


----------



## Duke-Diggler (Jul 6, 2022)

I really don't understand people who splurge so much money on useless things like rings or jewelry. It's almost like they're really trying to be like the former kings/queens of old who dress themselves like "gods" only to break the bank and live in squalor because of it.

The actual rich people literally buy discount shit because they know they can look good without wasting money on something so trivial as brands or jewelry.

What use do people really have for Jewelry?


----------



## 3322 (Jul 6, 2022)

Duke-Diggler said:


> I really don't understand people who splurge so much money on useless things like rings or jewelry. It's almost like they're really trying to be like the former kings/queens of old who dress themselves like "gods" only to break the bank and live in squalor because of it.
> 
> The actual rich people literally buy discount shit because they know they can look good without wasting money on something so trivial as brands or jewelry.
> 
> What use do people really have for Jewelry?


The ring is barely worth three-fiddy and it was also given to him as a "family heirloom". It's probably something that his grandpa drunkenly bought on QVC, not knowing he was getting completely scammed.


----------



## Procrastinhater (Jul 6, 2022)

3322 said:


> The ring is barely worth three-fiddy and it was also given to him as a "family heirloom". It's probably something that his grandpa drunkenly bought on QVC, not knowing he was getting completely scammed.
> 
> View attachment 3463507


It actually (particularly the stones) looks like the shit they used to hawk on QVC in the 80's or 90's, I remember my Mom buying all kinds of shit off there, needless to say my Dad was never amused. It would be just like a Ralph to make some mass market telesales dogshit a prided family heirloom.


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## Automaton Type 2B (Jul 6, 2022)

His brain is so melted, he slurs every word.


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## Duke-Diggler (Jul 6, 2022)

3322 said:


> The ring is barely worth three-fiddy and it was also given to him as a "family heirloom". It's probably something that his grandpa drunkenly bought on QVC, not knowing he was getting completely scammed.
> 
> View attachment 3463507


If it's a family heirloom, I don't see the reason to flaunt it, since it is not worth to anyone but the person wearing the heirloom. Family heirlooms has less to do with the value of the object and more to do with the object attributing to the memory of family.

Though, since Ethan Ralph has no concept of family, it's safe to say that he just goes all "SHINY ROCK! ME RICH!"


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## Hypervitaminosis (Jul 6, 2022)

Duke-Diggler said:


> If it's a family heirloom, I don't see the reason to flaunt it, since it is not worth to anyone but the person wearing the heirloom.


It's his Wigger mindset, he has to flaunt all his """wealth""", whether he created/earned it. Perceived or real doesn't matter.
Same thing with his loan shark car, his shitty rental shack, the multiple purses and even Meigh, who most people would see as low class leftovers.

Ralph's absolute inability to create anything worthwhile or lasting is amazing. Even his kids are just an object to be flaunted, to be shown around.
No actual work involved for him besides having an erection that lasts longer than a minute so whatever BPD chick he finds can impregnate herself with the Ralphaseed™.


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## Procrastinhater (Jul 6, 2022)

Duke-Diggler said:


> If it's a family heirloom, I don't see the reason to flaunt it, since it is not worth to anyone but the person wearing the heirloom. Family heirlooms has less to do with the value of the object and more to do with the object attributing to the memory of family.
> 
> Though, since Ethan Ralph has no concept of family, it's safe to say that he just goes all "SHINY ROCK! ME RICH!"






Your browser is not able to display this video.


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## Kinochet (Jul 6, 2022)

Why would Ralph wear a cheap chain necklace if he was allergic to cheap metal? Hmmmmm.


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Jul 6, 2022)

https://www.afashionblog.com/can-you-be-allergic-to-gold/
		


"Yes you can be allergic to gold, but the chances are slim." Nothing slim about Ralph. What a stupid fucking lie that's so easy to verify. Props to the actual concerned guntguard for inadvertently exposing him.


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## MeltyTW (Jul 6, 2022)

Duke-Diggler said:


> If it's a family heirloom, I don't see the reason to flaunt it, since it is not worth to anyone but the person wearing the heirloom. Family heirlooms has less to do with the value of the object and more to do with the object attributing to the memory of family.
> 
> Though, since Ethan Ralph has no concept of family, it's safe to say that he just goes all "SHINY ROCK! ME RICH!"


dont fucking flaunt sentimental dead person jewelry. its trashy af and denigrates your entire bloodline. from tha top awn doawn. 


Procrastinhater said:


> View attachment 3463782


xannyberries for tha gunt tribe, gunt tribe do da gunt shuffle make many (joshua) moon demons flee from trailer camp


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## Beef Elemental (Jul 6, 2022)

I bet he pawned it. Fake dono to inject false lore about being "alergic." Next time someone challenges him about it he can say he stopped wearing it because of that. The ring was too small when he bought it and like an idiot he thought he'd just lose some weight and it will fit. He probably kept wearing it to keep up appearances long past the point of reason.


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## Fannyscum (Jul 6, 2022)

Credit to @cheese burger69 for the stills from Ralph's stream. That cheap ring really left a mark, looks painful:


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## AltisticRight (Jul 6, 2022)

Fannyscum said:


> Credit to @cheese burger69 for the stills from Ralph's stream. That cheap ring really left a mark, looks painful:
> View attachment 3464679View attachment 3464680View attachment 3464681View attachment 3464682


He really is a dysgenic abomination. Imagine this creature coming up to you making obscene comments about your wife, daughter, mother, aunt, sister... any women in your life because he's a fat misogynist pig. How would you resist the urges to turn him into a pulp of pink slime?


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## make_it_so (Jul 7, 2022)

Fannyscum said:


> Credit to @cheese burger69 for the stills from Ralph's stream. That cheap ring really left a mark, looks painful:
> View attachment 3464679View attachment 3464680View attachment 3464681View attachment 3464682


Are we sure that mark is because he's allergic, or is it because it was too tight for his fat fingers?


AltisticRight said:


> He really is a dysgenic abomination. Imagine this creature coming up to you making obscene comments about your wife, daughter, mother, aunt, sister... any women in your life because he's a fat misogynist pig. How would you resist the urges to turn him into a pulp of pink slime?


It the same case with MovieBob - a repulsive, pig-eyed, inbred-looking degenerate that constantly attacks people (particularly women) for their looks because they have the wrong politics and writes genocidal screeds about entire sections of the population.  The only reason Bob hasn't gotten his ass kicked like Ralph is because he never travels.


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Jul 7, 2022)

Fannyscum said:


> Credit to @cheese burger69 for the stills from Ralph's stream. That cheap ring really left a mark, looks painful:
> View attachment 3464679View attachment 3464680View attachment 3464681View attachment 3464682


Post weigh in, faggot. You swore you’d be 225 or you’d quit your show.


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## AltisticRight (Jul 7, 2022)

Didn't he say he'll kill himself if he weren't 225? He'll need some strong rope and a tree made out of titanium for that fat neck and gut.


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## Obscura539 (Jul 7, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> Didn't he say he'll kill himself if he weren't 225? He'll need some strong rope and a tree made out of titanium for that fat neck and gut.



He swore on his mother’s grave.

I’m on mobile so I can’t embed.



			https://youtube.com/shorts/6hRy6-odgdE?feature=share


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Jul 7, 2022)

Procrastinhater said:


> View attachment 3463782


Chris Chan's energy ghoul is really starting to steer the ship huh


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Jul 7, 2022)

Obscura539 said:


> He swore on his mother’s grave.
> 
> I’m on mobile so I can’t embed.
> 
> ...


His mother doesn't even have a grave because he was too broke for one and let them dump her ass in a big oven with the dead drifters and state criminals so I guess he gets off on a technicality. Big win for the Ralphamale!


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## Telemeter (Jul 7, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> He really is a dysgenic abomination. Imagine this creature coming up to you making obscene comments about your wife, daughter, mother, aunt, sister... any women in your life because he's a fat misogynist pig. How would you resist the urges to turn him into a pulp of pink slime?


He's not even a misogynist, he's just afraid of men and thinks attacking their women is the internet equivalent of a kick in the nuts.


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## Pill Cosby (Jul 7, 2022)

Fannyscum said:


> Credit to @cheese burger69 for the stills from Ralph's stream. That cheap ring really left a mark, looks painful:
> View attachment 3464679View attachment 3464680View attachment 3464681View attachment 3464682


One of my ex's bought me a Silver ring; my finger went red like his. So his ring is either "not gold" or he's had his fingers in Corrine.


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## FamicomGorby (Jul 7, 2022)

Fannyscum said:


> Credit to @cheese burger69 for the stills from Ralph's stream. That cheap ring really left a mark, looks painful:
> View attachment 3464679View attachment 3464680View attachment 3464681View attachment 3464682


Cheap ring that probably isn't even sized correctly for the Ralphamale's girthy sausage fingers. 

This is another parallel the gunt has with Chris Chan, the "Amnyfest Ring" as we all know is the true source of Chris Chan's power. Does this cheap piece of shit gunt ring hold the true source of the Ralphamale energy?


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## Telemeter (Jul 7, 2022)

FamicomGorby said:


> Cheap ring that probably isn't even sized correctly for the Ralphamale's girthy sausage fingers.
> 
> This is another parallel the gunt has with Chris Chan, the "Amnyfest Ring" as we all know is the true source of Chris Chan's power. Does this cheap piece of shit gunt ring hold the true source of the Ralphamale energy?


I find it funny how he has stick arms but his hands are gunted.


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## LanternsNSongs (Jul 7, 2022)

I thought that this was a few hundred dollar ring that old men like but the more I see about it the more likely it looks to be a toy ring Ralph got from a dollar store. Next thing people will learn about it is probably how the diamonds were actually sugar and the reason Ralph stopped wearing the ring is because he ate it.


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## AltisticRight (Jul 10, 2022)

I legitimately think the entire family gunted heirloom thing is a massive cope and he plucked this ring from a smelly pawn shop in a feeble attempt to appear wealthy. If anyone can find more information about the jeweller who made the abomination, we may have a definitive answer.


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## dreamwebz (Jul 12, 2022)

Null was dishonest about nickel allergies.
You can also be allergic to gold, and if you are, the same kind of impression is left from the golden ring, just search the web, therefore he proved nothing about Ralph's ring not being gold.
Seems Null is as manipulative as the rest of them
dissapoinginng
and no, im not spamming, im posting on threads this infomation concerns


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## AltisticRight (Jul 12, 2022)

dreamwebz said:


> Null was dishonest about nickel allergies.
> You can also be allergic to gold, and if you are, the same kind of impression is left from the golden ring, just search the web, therefore he proved nothing about Ralph's ring not being gold.
> Seems Null is as manipulative as the rest of them
> dissapoinginng
> and no, im not spamming, im posting on threads this infomation concerns


Pure gold cannot be an allergen, cope and seethe.


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## Usb2200a (Jul 12, 2022)

dreamwebz said:


> Null was dishonest about nickel allergies.
> You can also be allergic to gold, and if you are, the same kind of impression is left from the golden ring, just search the web, therefore he proved nothing about Ralph's ring not being gold.
> Seems Null is as manipulative as the rest of them
> dissapoinginng
> and no, im not spamming, im posting on threads this infomation concerns


There is a stark difference between being dishonest and being misinformed. 
It is wiser to give someone the benefit of the doubt than to attack their character.


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## AltisticRight (Jul 12, 2022)

Usb2200a said:


> There is a stark difference between being dishonest and being misinformed.
> It is wiser to give someone the benefit of the doubt than to attack their character.


No he's just wrong, he's conflating gold and gold. I can have a 20% shitty gold alloy and call it gold too.


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## FFinfo (Jul 12, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> No he's just wrong, he's conflating gold and gold. I can have a 20% shitty gold alloy and call it gold too.


Gold allergies apparently do exist, but they're rare and _9 times more common in women than men_.  According to the NIH:


> Hypersensitivity to gold is statistically linked to female gender and to allergic reactions to nickel and cobalt.


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## dreamwebz (Jul 12, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> Pure gold cannot be an allergen, cope and seethe.


yes it can, just google it



Usb2200a said:


> There is a stark difference between being dishonest and being misinformed.
> It is wiser to give someone the benefit of the doubt than to attack their character.


ok.
im just dissapointed. bc i trusted him . he came off like he always researched stuff to me
It’s unknown how many people experience a reaction to gold. But out of 4,101 people tested for a gold allergy in a 2001 studyTrusted Source, about 9.5 percent tested positive, with more women testing positive than men.

To be clear, though, a reaction to gold isn’t necessarily due to the gold itself, but rather metals in the gold, such as nickel. Some gold contains trace amounts of nickel. So if you have a metal or nickel allergy, contact with certain types of gold may cause a skin reaction.


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## Blue Miaplacidus (Jul 12, 2022)

dreamwebz said:


> yes it can, just google it





dreamwebz said:


> though, a reaction to gold isn’t necessarily due to the gold itself, but rather metals in the gold, such as nickel.


?????????????  Pure gold (24k) is hypoallergenic. 14k and 18k is an alloy, which is not pure gold. You contradicted your own argument.


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## dreamwebz (Jul 12, 2022)

Blue Miaplacidus said:


> ?????????????  Pure gold (24k) is hypoallergenic. 14k and 18k is an alloy, which is not pure gold. You contradicted your own argument.


it isn't, article said not neccessarily allergic to gold, but stil can be.
link it where it says gold is hypoallergenic or stfu


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## Tiger Jack (Jul 12, 2022)

Being allergic to gold is kind of funny in of itself. Ralph will never be able to wear any nice jewellery and show off like all the cool rappers on TV without getting a nasty rash.
It’s like he’s being ay-logged by his own DNA.


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## Capt. Jean Luc Ritard (Jul 12, 2022)

dreamwebz said:


> it isn't, article said not neccessarily allergic to gold, but stil can be.
> link it where it says gold is hypoallergenic or stfu


It’s extremely rare. That said he wore it for months straight and was fine and only now are we hearing about this new allergy.

He still hasn’t put the ring back on btw.


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## dreamwebz (Jul 12, 2022)

Capt. Jean Luc Ritard said:


> It’s extremely rare. That said he wore it for months straight and was fine and only now are we hearing about this new allergy.
> 
> He still hasn’t put the ring back on btw.


Yea, you probably right


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## AltisticRight (Jul 12, 2022)

dreamwebz said:


> Yea, you probably right


God some of you are denser than pure gold.
1. Hypersensitive isn't an allergy.
2. Many of these studies fail to account for the gold type, which is fine because people sensitive to 24k gold is beyond rare.
3. That 24k gold ring you're allergic to? Maybe it's a 14k ring forged in Mumbai, sucker. Or you're just blessed or cursed with an allergy, NOT to gold. Why, see below, you got scammed.
4. Pure gold is like 2.5 on the Mohs scale, they are NOT crafted into jewellery, I don't know what you fuckers are trying to argue.
5. 24k gold believe it or not, isn't pure gold, it's 99.99% gold, the 0.01% might be nickel and other stuff. Even the raw gold found by Black children in Jewish ran mines could contain small amounts of impurities. Guess which component the "ultra-blessed" is allergic to? Yeah, the 0.01% was enough to cause discomfort.

Edit: think about it this way, if you walk near a lake once, you're likely not gonna get wet. How about every day for 3 years? If you wear a 24k gold ring for a week, you won't see a rash. Now wear it for 3 years, oh here comes the annoying rash, guess you're allergic to the 99.99% gold instead of God having humour. 
This is what happens when you rely on google for your "answers". I don't care what studies that suit your confirmation bias you've linked.

So what is more likely, a 5'1 man (<3% American males) is also allergic to 24k gold, or his paw paw's pimp ring is 12k garbage with more nickel than the amount of White European genes in his Mexican daddy?


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## MirnaMinkoff (Jul 12, 2022)

AltisticRight said:


> God some of you are denser than pure gold.
> 1. Hypersensitive isn't an allergy.
> 2. Many of these studies fail to account for the gold type, which is fine because people sensitive to 24k gold is beyond rare.
> 3. That 24k gold ring you're allergic to? Maybe it's a 14k ring forged in Mumbai, sucker. Or you're just blessed or cursed with an allergy, NOT to gold. Why, see below, you got scammed.
> ...


The nickel content in Ralph's ring is what made his skin turn red and crusty.  I have no problem believing the ring is 14k gold. Given the size and hollow back of the ring we are dealing with under $100 in gold  weight total.  A typical cigar band solid gold wedding band would have twice the gold weight of pawpaw's ring.  

I know people argue about the diamonds being CZ or not, they might very well be real but tif so they are low quality diamonds.  People wrongly assume all diamonds are valuable and the bigger they are the more valuable, but it's really all dependent on the three C's (carat, clarity, color). Rings like pawpaw's basically use drill bit quality old mine cut diamonds.  If Ralph pawned the ring the only value in the diamonds would be selling them for industrial use, like drill bits.  

If we take the ring at face value, that it's 14K gold as stamped and the stones are diamonds, it's still a ring worth $300 or under.  This is being generous and only what he might be able to get for it if sold on the secondhand retail market, like eBay or FB marketplace.  A pawn store would maybe give him $80 for it.  

Ralph's pimp ring is still more valuable than Pantus's cheap ass QVC lap sapphire ring which I find funny af. 

There's a pretty simple trick you can use on rings to prevent an allergic reaction to most alloys. Maybe I'll share it so Gunt can proudly wear pawpaw's ring again.


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## Triple Flutz (Jul 12, 2022)

MirnaMinkoff said:


> There's a pretty simple trick you can use on rings to prevent an allergic reaction to most alloys. Maybe I'll share it so Gunt can proudly wear pawpaw's ring again.


Considering his propensity for women's accessories, I have a feeling he'd jump on the DIY version of said trick.


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## Sarvon (Jul 12, 2022)

Occlusion dermatitis is probably the main culprit as opposed to an allergic reaction. It's mostly caused by never removing your ring while bathing or washing your hands. Ralph is a gross fat fuck, so that seems the most likely reason.

I in no way think the ring is actually genuine 24k gold, so don't confuse my explanation as gunt guarding the hog.


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## Laquisha Guntermensch (Jul 13, 2022)

Sarvon said:


> Occlusion dermatitis is probably the main culprit as opposed to an allergic reaction. It's mostly caused by never removing your ring while bathing or washing your hands. Ralph is a gross fat fuck, so that seems the most likely reason.
> 
> I in no way think the ring is actually genuine 24k gold, so don't confuse my explanation as gunt guarding the hog.


Shoving fingers and thumbs into buttholes and letting excrement ferment under a ring of any quality while rocking an all time banger of a Killstream Xanax/Maker's coma is the most likely culprit, so I concur with your notion, @Sarvon


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## RollingRock2 (Dec 12, 2022)

I don't have the original source so take this pic with a grain of salt. But if it isn't shopped the gunt's ammyfest ring is rotting his trotter


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## Some dude (Dec 13, 2022)

RollingRock2 said:


> I don't have the original source so take this pic with a grain of salt. But if it isn't shopped the gunt's ammyfest ring is rotting his trotter
> View attachment 4059252


The original is on his Twitter.



			https://twitter.com/TheRalphRetort/status/1602382638148370432


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## Fortyone (Dec 13, 2022)

RollingRock2 said:


> I don't have the original source so take this pic with a grain of salt. But if it isn't shopped the gunt's ammyfest ring is rotting his trotter
> View attachment 4059252


This is some real my 600 lb life shit, you can tell that cheap gold-plated cubic zirconia piece of crap would barely fit a chinese child's finger, let alone a fat tub of pig lard's hoof. I wonder what the chances are that the finger becomes gangrenous from lack of circulation?


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## There Is Light At The End (Dec 14, 2022)

Ralph just ditch the ring or give it to apply new coating. Unless you want to lose your finger


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## disavow (Dec 14, 2022)

Three rings for the tranny-kings, on Twitter they stay,
Seven for the Kiwis with their list of dox,
Nine for Groypers so cringey and gay.
One for the Gunted One and his tiny cock;
In the Land of Killstream where Ethan lay.
One ring to rule them all, one ring to hunt them,
One ring to thumb them all, and in the darkness gunt them;
In the Land of Killstream where Ethan lay.


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