# New Years Resolutions



## WW 635 (Dec 31, 2018)

What hope do you have for the New Year? Lose weight? Stop drunk dialing your crush who will never love you? You know you'll never accomplish any of these things but still you've made a resolution anyway.

Tell us how you plan to fail in 2019.


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## BarberFerdinand (Dec 31, 2018)

Buy a house and stop being a rentslave.


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## UtopiaGuy (Dec 31, 2018)

I'm telling myself that this year I'll make more art. Painting, sketching, working more on my comic. Might try homebrewing my own beer. And maybe this is the year I finally figure out how to meet that special lady, Miss Right.

Of course, none of that will probably wind up happening, so what I really ought to do is just make failing at those things my resolution this year, and then maybe I'll finally manage to keep a New Years resolution for once.


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## RG 448 (Dec 31, 2018)

Get in good enough shape to piledrive.


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## User names must be unique (Dec 31, 2018)

fulfil my love quest.


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## W00K #17 (Dec 31, 2018)

My deer season ends on the 10th. Since I didn't get one in the first half of this season, I'd like to start out next year with a big buck sometime in the next 10 days.


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## pwincess fwuffypants (Dec 31, 2018)

I like how scales go on sale every year in January and by the end of the month most of them are in the trash.


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## Clorox Cowboy (Dec 31, 2018)

I currently have a BMI that falls into the overweight category, I'm not yet a landwhale and I haven't yet hit the obese category but I do fear one day hitting it.
My New Year's Resolution is to get back down into the healthy BMI I've already lost 17 pounds since I started making an attempt in November.
Here's hoping by this time next year I'll be healthy


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## YourMommasBackstory (Dec 31, 2018)

make a portfolio and get a job, finally.
Or
Start a patreon with anime tiddies.

(Also i wish to all kiwis a happy new year! Have a good time, you are the only people with whom i can joke about autism )


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## DuckSucker (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop drinking as much and only drink on weekends, ideally only socially. Ive kind of started already, since the beginning of the month. But it had been kind of out of hand for a while before that. Probably going to forego New Years champagne just to commit to it.



Spoiler



Also probably just stop being a general all-around fuckup. Maybe get a life instead of wasting it all away. Find something to live for. Life is weird.


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## obliviousbeard (Dec 31, 2018)

Start approaching companies. Start and finish my thesis. Funpost on disco. Laugh at retards. Get drunk. That's about it.


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## Red Hood (Dec 31, 2018)

Get a  rating from @Y2K Baby 

But that's


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## Kratos' Beard (Dec 31, 2018)

Finish my book and start selling my ass to publishers.


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## Kiislova (Dec 31, 2018)

Try to keep my dox private
Stop being a degenerate
Go on a shooting spree and say KF was my motivation.


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## rocknrollmartian (Dec 31, 2018)

Pay off an astoundingly embarrassing amount of debt (and never accrue any significant debt again), lose 25 lbs., review and learn more Spanish


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## Oxidative Phosphorylation (Dec 31, 2018)

Best of luck, you guys!

I'd like to stop procrastinating on absolutely everything ever, and also maintain a tidy living space


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## BE 911 (Dec 31, 2018)

Kiislova said:


> Try to keep my dox private


Foolish.


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## rocknrollmartian (Dec 31, 2018)

Oxidative Phosphorylation said:


> Best of luck, you guys!
> 
> I'd like to stop procrastinating on absolutely everything ever, and also maintain a tidy living space



Unfuck Your Habitat has some pretty good tips that are relevant for both of your goals.


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## WW 635 (Dec 31, 2018)

Kiislova said:


> Go on a shooting spree and say KF was my motivation.


Way to not even try to think of something new


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## anephric (Dec 31, 2018)

Find a better job, stop banging married women and actually start a savings account 

By February, I’ll be destitute and banging some loose gold-digger, I’m sure.


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## mildly_miffed_69 (Dec 31, 2018)

have my art featured in the Furry Art Freak Show thread


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## Schauma mal (Dec 31, 2018)

Keep my Spanish streak on Duolingo


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## Absolutego (Dec 31, 2018)

Get swole and laugh when moviebob is inevitably banned off twitter.


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## RG 448 (Dec 31, 2018)

The Shadow said:


> Get a  rating from @Y2K Baby


Now that you have achieved your goal, what’s left for you in this world?


anephric said:


> stop banging married women and actually start a savings account


You can bang married women and still have a savings account.


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## Zarkov (Dec 31, 2018)

No more of these. I'm just going to drink myself into a stupor, waiting for the year that will bring me nothing, like all others.


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## Russtard (Dec 31, 2018)

God would I love to drink less.


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## The Cunting Death (Dec 31, 2018)

To not die.

Or to get a better social life

whatever comes first

And to drink more


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## Second Missing Primarch (Dec 31, 2018)

Buckle down and finish my second book, which I've neglected for too long,  then start talking to real publishers instead of self-publishing. Get my bench press above 200. Go see more concerts than I did this year, because I only went to like two shows and that made me sad. Do more cooking at home. Basically just be a healthier and more productive person than I was this year.

EDIT: I should also say "finish painting all my Warhammer minis" but I'm trying to be at least sort of realistic here.


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## Jerry_ smith56 (Dec 31, 2018)

My resolution is to make sure the kiwi farms awards are a success. 
https://kiwifarms.net/threads/kiwi-farms-awards-2018.51642/
Still receiving nominations BTW.


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## BX 752 (Dec 31, 2018)

Keep losing weight. Get back into skating. Get a Heartagram tattooed on my pubes. Replace Bam Margera.


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## Lesbian Sleepover (Dec 31, 2018)

John Lennon said:


> Keep losing weight. Get back into skating. Get a Heartagram tattooed on my pubes. Replace Bam Margera.


 This is the noblest of all causes. Semper Fi , friend


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## HG 400 (Dec 31, 2018)

I just hope I go the whole year without getting raped again.


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## pwincess fwuffypants (Dec 31, 2018)

Kratos' Beard said:


> Finish my book and start selling my ass to publishers.


You could take baby steps and just start selling your ass.


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## Kratos' Beard (Dec 31, 2018)

I hope I can rape Dynastia again.


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## An Sionnach Seang (Dec 31, 2018)

to take over the world with the power of dance


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## Juan But Not Forgotten (Dec 31, 2018)

Take my life back on tracks. Find out if I have abs. Find a better hobby. Wish you all a good luck in 2019.


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## Looney Troons (Dec 31, 2018)

Stay alive long enough to witness the Dimensional Merge.


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## Pina Colada (Dec 31, 2018)

Lose the holiday weight, try to complete papers and projects early (especially now that I’m a senior in uni), think about my internship, draw more often, start cooking actual food, and make an effort to go out more and meet other people.


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## John McAfee (Dec 31, 2018)

Start a cult, or arms trafficking.


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## jupiter dune (Dec 31, 2018)

I bought a violin with the intention of learning it, so hopefully this next year I will actually _learn it_


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## The Reaper (Dec 31, 2018)

I just want to schedule my time better.  The last year I struggled to accomplish things just because I was being bad with my time.  I want to set myself up to complete tasks I'm given in a  more efficient manner.


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## atari (Dec 31, 2018)

Completing my love quest and finally actually dating someone (), learning Japanese like I’ve been meaning/wanting to do for ages, and improving my art are my main goals. I’d like to get out of my comfort zone more next year as well.


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## c-no (Dec 31, 2018)

After having a conversation with a guy that does computers and him telling me it's never too late, I've been thinking of getting back into the computer major I was doing before I added Philosophy as a double major. By the time summer rolls around, I'll be back at square one in a community college where I'll likely be stuck in college for 2 years or more because they don't have as many classes and only offer them on one semester.

Another resolution is to lose weight and by the time I start school again, I'll likely still keep myself at the same weight range.


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## Kiwi Jeff (Dec 31, 2018)

I'm going to try get out of a rut that I've been in since the beginning of this year.


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## Piga Dgrifm (Dec 31, 2018)

My resolution is to shitpost.


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## Cosmos (Dec 31, 2018)

The Old Lurker said:


> I currently have a BMI that falls into the overweight category, I'm not yet a landwhale and I haven't yet hit the obese category but I do fear one day hitting it.
> My New Year's Resolution is to get back down into the healthy BMI I've already lost 17 pounds since I started making an attempt in November.
> Here's hoping by this time next year I'll be healthy



I’m in the same boat (although I haven’t lost that much weight yet). I really need to learn how to eat properly instead of skipping meals and then binging on unhealthy food when I’m too hungry to consider healthier options. 2019 will be the year I finally learn how to care for my body.


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## oldTireWater (Dec 31, 2018)

I have GOT to start fixing shit around my house. Realistically though, the best I can hope to do is be a little more focused when I practice the guitar.


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## DoctorJimmyRay (Dec 31, 2018)

I got real lazy a while back and stopped brushing my teeth entirely. Since it's been about eleven months now, I've resolved to finally start brushing my teeth again (the ones that are left anyway).

For next year's resolution, I think I'll try bathing again and see how that goes. I'll miss my stink lines though.


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## Mao Hao Hao (Dec 31, 2018)

Lose weight and get back to how I was a few years ago. 
Get more focused on my art skills, finish some ideas and pieces that I've let sit there for far too long. 
Possibly start my lifelong goal of wanting to work in a science field, since I managed to get a pass grade for an adult maths course this year (I sucked at maths in school so couldn't do biology at college).


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## useless lurker (Dec 31, 2018)

Gonna finish my nursing degree and buy myself a new car.


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## Dr. Henry Armitage (Dec 31, 2018)

Lesbian Sleepover said:


> This is the noblest of all causes. Semper Fi , friend


Eventually Bam Margera is no longer a person but a title that one person wears.

I’d like to quit procrastinating and break some of my bad habits I’ve had since I was 16 while developing good habits.


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## FierceBrosnan (Dec 31, 2018)

Errybody losing weight but I've resolved to leave humanity behind and go full bara mode and give every twink and THOT I come across daddy issues. Get my lifts up and finally join the 1,000 club ( looking at you overhead press we hitting 200 this year). Get my truck a new paint job ( she's going through a goth phase... fukken teenagers).  Teach my cockatiel the Final Fantasy victory theme, she dances when I whistle it now to train her to whistle it back. Get to 9,001 on my shit posts here. And finally I resolve to take a real fucking vacation for the first time in 11 years.


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## JB 236 (Dec 31, 2018)

To stop using kiwi farms


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## Fliddaroonie (Dec 31, 2018)

The Old Lurker said:


> I currently have a BMI that falls into the overweight category, I'm not yet a landwhale and I haven't yet hit the obese category but I do fear one day hitting it.
> My New Year's Resolution is to get back down into the healthy BMI I've already lost 17 pounds since I started making an attempt in November.
> Here's hoping by this time next year I'll be healthy




Good for you!  That's a great start and I wish you contoncon success


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## Tealeaf (Dec 31, 2018)

lose weight
get married
found a sex dungeon


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## MrTroll (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop wiping my ass with TP. The blood-sucking corporate parasites of Big Toilet Paper have gotten enough of my money over the years; it's time to take a stand. From now on it's old newspapers or nothing.


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## Black Waltz (Dec 31, 2018)

Make new friends, get a job that lasts longer than a couple months, spend more time with my crush, maybe go back to school
Or just drink myself to death, idk


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## DavidFerrie (Dec 31, 2018)

Lose some weight, and get back in shape. I know, *everyone *makes that pledge on 1/1, but I need to regain the lean, energetic build and life I had at this time last year, when I was doing eleven-hour days of hard physical labor, rather than sedentary office work, to pay the bills.


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## Banh Xeo (Dec 31, 2018)

Quit smoking

Move to a new country


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## ricecake (Dec 31, 2018)

I did my 2018, to stop dressing like a slob. 2019 is to turn my apartment from a filthy hovel to a place where married adults live. Not optimistic.


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## mindlessobserver (Dec 31, 2018)

Lose weight, buy natty ass clothes, and lose my virginity


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## kenshirhoe (Dec 31, 2018)

get to my weight goal, maybe adopt a pet, save money, hopefully find a bf
who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i'm happy with any of those


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## Gordon Cole (Dec 31, 2018)

Go to more concerts, find a new S.O., submit some writing, learn how to play bass and stay financially afloat.


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## Phalanx (Dec 31, 2018)

Lose about 60lbs and just get better at work really I have a great job but next year I want to apply to further fields.


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## Sexy Potoo (Dec 31, 2018)

Get senpai @Null to notice me.


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## Cato (Dec 31, 2018)

Finish that damn novel. I don't care if nobody reads it; I just want to have followed through with and completed something creative.

Cut back on energy drinks to the point where I only consume them when I have particularly busy periods, rather than drinking them daily (not going to try to give them up entirely because sometimes one deserves a treat).

Keep studying and playing chess and improve my ELO by at least 100 points.

Try to learn enough French to at least be able to claim to be conversational on a resume.


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## Haramburger (Dec 31, 2018)

My normal lay is on the rag tonight, a fifth of Patron Silver may open other doors but I'm not optimistic. Planning for the year is too much, one day at a time.


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## Burn Book (Dec 31, 2018)

Keep working out, keep saving money, get a raise, buy less unnecessary shit.


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## Commander Keen (Dec 31, 2018)

Start being a “content creator for the internet” again, since I need a hobby outside of booze and work. Try not to send random bitches on tinder dick pics so much unless their profile just screams they’re asking for it. Try to be less aloof. Reconnect with old acquaintances.


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## NotreallyPutin (Dec 31, 2018)

Increase my sales numbers and get a qt mulatto wife like pic related


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## SJ 485 (Dec 31, 2018)

Like everybody, lose weight, for real tho. Lost a lot earlier this year, wanna get back into my old regime.


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## Pervious (Dec 31, 2018)

GET 

FUCKING

BIGGER


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## Uncalmed Tits (Dec 31, 2018)

I hope to learn what failure is like.


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## lazerbot (Dec 31, 2018)

Getting off this godawful website (srs)


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## Piga Dgrifm (Dec 31, 2018)

Gain 300 pounds so in 2020 I can try to lose weight.


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## Vlinny-kun (Dec 31, 2018)

Draw more and eventually get better, pick up more around the house, cook more, finally get my drivers licence, get celebratory shitfaced when ginsberg finally dies (hopefully soros joins her soon after), get off my ass and get into college and do something worthwhile with my life, get over my anxiety and self doubt, get out and meet more people,





...and get my dream body!


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## UE 558 (Dec 31, 2018)

I wanna gain so much weight that I become Chance Charmichael 2.0

Edit: Fuck Chance, I wanna be Fatman instead


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## Kamiii (Dec 31, 2018)

To not miss anymore of Null's streams


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## WW 635 (Dec 31, 2018)

Kratos' Beard said:


> I hope I can rape Dynastia again.


Don't plagarize my resolutions


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## Derped223 (Dec 31, 2018)

Try to get around 200 lbs so I don't die of a heart attack before I'm 30.

But I'll probably fail.


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## HG 400 (Dec 31, 2018)

Cricket said:


> Don't plagarize my resolutions



 You know you'll never accomplish any of these things but still you've made a resolution anyway.


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## WW 635 (Dec 31, 2018)

Dynastia said:


> You know you'll never accomplish any of these things but still you've made a resolution anyway.


Just like your resolution to not get raped again. 

I'll see you in Maccas carpark


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## Tiny Clanger (Dec 31, 2018)

I'm going to stop wasting immense amounts of time being an utter spastic on here.

It's going to go marvellously.


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## Dr. Tremolo (Dec 31, 2018)

I need to _start _drunk dialing my crush who will never love me.


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## guccigash (Dec 31, 2018)

I have no need for resolutions. I self actualised in 2018.


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## fat (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop being like my username and lose some weight. I already dropped the first 80 pounds so hopefully the last 30 comes off painlessly. Start strength training once I'm done losing weight and gain some back in muscle. Go on hikes with my family. Be kinder to my body in general.


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## Jewish Hitler (Dec 31, 2018)

Want to pass my exams, be less depressive and stop caring too much about others. Oh and I'd also like to somehow lose my virginity.


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## Admiral Rice (Dec 31, 2018)

Finally pay off my car, maybe find a better job and strive not to kill myself


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## Spicy Hog (Dec 31, 2018)

I'm going to become a lot more socially active, I have passive friendships at work but I think I'm going to try and put myself out there more. The more social and active I am the higher chance of me being run over by a bus or killed in a mass shooting at a hard gay rape themed strip club.


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## Bernard Buttfart (Dec 31, 2018)

Finally finish making a game


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## guccigash (Dec 31, 2018)

guccigash said:


> I have no need for resolutions. I self actualised in 2018.


I realise that this may sound optimistic, hence the optimistic ranking already. And I can't explain why I have self actualised because that is power levelling (someone kindly explained power levelling to me in chat today). But I have genuinely self actualised this year. It's great. This is like the KF version of Scrooged. It could happen to you.......

EDIT - BRING FORTH MY AUTISTIC RATINGS


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## Changeofheart (Dec 31, 2018)

Hit the local gym and try to gain some muscle mass. I'm not fat but i would like to become more active. All of my hobbies and my job as well are too sedentary.


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Learn what a jpeg is


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## lolwut (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop sending bees to other tenants through the ventilation system.


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## DT 211 (Dec 31, 2018)

Take over the Internet then get gunned by the swat in fear of me overthrowing the government.


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## Yutyrannus (Dec 31, 2018)

get fucking swole


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Execute order 66


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## pozilei (Dec 31, 2018)

Start a collection of garden gnomes to commemorate my favorite cow Jake Gnome Alley.

But for real: get a promotion. I managed to go from being a temp whore to permanent employment this year so I'm hoping by this time next year I'll have some further training and/or different position based on my previous qualifications.


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## Equinox_ (Dec 31, 2018)

Get a car so I can stop using public transportation.


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Escape the other farm I am in


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## Angry New Ager (Dec 31, 2018)

I've already made good on part of it--clear clutter out of my house. I just made a second trip to the dump this morning with a couple of old mattresses and some busted furniture that was taking up space in the garage, and two weeks ago I packed a Sprinter van to the roof with trash, recycling, and stuff fit to donate to Goodwill. I still need to take electronics recycling in, and dispose of a dead fridge, but I've made huge progress. It feels really fucking good, having all of that shit out of my life, as if a massive weight has been lifted off me. Plus, it's easier to clean my house, and that will help when I finally get around to re-painting this spring. 

The next step: get the shit I decided to keep better organized, because my half-assed, ADHD-addled "system" doesn't fucking work, or at least not very well. It's what allowed me to end up with a house full of crap and the necessity for such a massive cleanout in the first place. I have everything I need to do all the creative stuff I love to do, but the constant struggle with disorganization keeps me from doing it.

This year, I bought my first acoustic guitar, and started to learn to play it. After lots of struggling and frustration, I bought an electric guitar, and holy shit, it is _so_ much easier to play. I was practicing pretty consistently through the summer, but life happened and I haven't picked up either instrument since October. So in 2019 I want to get back in the habit of practicing every day. Also, my passive-aggressive neighbor has been annoying the shit out of me these past six months, so once the weather warms up and I open the windows again, I'd like to spend as much time annoying her with the sounds of my repeated, fumbling attempts at Nirvana songs as I possibly can. 

I also want to learn to play bass, but I think that's going to have to wait until 2020.


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## Kamov Ka-52 (Dec 31, 2018)

Eat a 9mm JHP


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Get silicone injections in my balls


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## SakuraRose (Dec 31, 2018)

To attain all the milestones expected of a woman my age, e.g., further my career, have another midlife crisis, buy a fancy BMW, own a fake-fur leopard-print coat, and shag the hot hipster boy that works at the local organic coffee shop and is half my age.

Standard, really.


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## Florence (Dec 31, 2018)

Manage my finances properly so I have enough for the things I want instead of wasting it on nights out.


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Become a sperm


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## Quijibo69 (Dec 31, 2018)

Get a job here for a month or so and move away from this shitty ass state.


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## Vivec (Dec 31, 2018)

Nuke my internet history and run for office. AOC inspired me, in the sense that if she can win national office, I can certainly win local office.


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Burn all the evidence fursuit and all.


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## NOT Sword Fighter Super (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop being lazy and get more done.  Also wake up earlier, even though it's basically the same thing.


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## OJ 473 (Dec 31, 2018)

Use 4chin, KiwiFarms and Twitter less. Improve my 日本語 and put the art tools I wasted money on to use.


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Tell my internet fursuit boyfriend and 2 dogs I have sexual relations with I love them


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## BerriesArnold (Dec 31, 2018)

Change career paths, start on a more skill-intensive hobby (giving up an old one that's been holding me back) and hopefully move out of state.

All I want is to move away from the (((toxic))) boomer relatives I'm forced to show face to in the family. They're nothing but cancer.


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## sadpope (Dec 31, 2018)

In 2019 I'm going to say the n word a lot more


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Realise my final moments were roleplaying solo with KiwiFarms and smile as I clearly state

7 6 2 millimeter full metal jacket


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## Marchesa of the Vast (Dec 31, 2018)

Consistently cook for myself, cut out take out, and consistently lift.

Also, finish home remodeling.


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## _blank_ (Dec 31, 2018)

I've had some successes this year paying off my school debts and hooking up with a new awesome gal pal, but I still got a lot of shit left to do.

First is that I need to regain some semblance of humanity left. That sounds very pretentious I know, but the fact that the job I'm at is killing me emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, and, while I'm okay financially, I think I can do better. However, I'm usually so fried, exhausted, and apathetic that it is difficult for me to even figure out I can ever get out of this hole.

I'd like to have at least a day where I'm not angry or depressed or blacking out due to exhaustion. 

I'd like to actually get good at something. I think what I'm skilled at is adequate, but nothing stand outs, and everyday it gets increasingly harder to focus on what I am capable of doing. 

Also, I'd like to eat at a White Castle again. That would be nice.


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## NG 070 (Dec 31, 2018)

Die.


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## Shokaract (Dec 31, 2018)

Spend less time online and maybe try to go out and socialize more. Or a more realistic one, get S rank in all missions in the upcoming DMC5 on Son of Sparda.


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## Sissy (Dec 31, 2018)

I resolve to be a better poster


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## Hellbound Hellhound (Dec 31, 2018)

Start planning my life better. I struggle with setting long-term goals because my interests change too often, but I'm slowly coming around to the view that I need to eventually commit to something.


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## Coelacanth (Dec 31, 2018)

Perhaps try to start taking commissions for my pixel art considering how much people on the different sites I go to seem to like what I create (though I think it would be best to stay away from deviantart considering the only way to get noticed there is to draw inflation porn). It's worth a try at least.


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## MysteriousStranger (Dec 31, 2018)

Hit F5 50% less. Not die (at least not painfully).


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## Near (Dec 31, 2018)

Make sure DSP can afford his 2nd mansion


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## Owlflaps (Dec 31, 2018)

As a parent, I want to cut back on my hours at work so I can spend more time with the kiddos. But, I also want to get a promotion and get trashed in different countries. 

Fuckin’ priorities, man


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## anephric (Dec 31, 2018)

_blank_ said:


> Also, I'd like to eat at a White Castle again. That would be nice.



A man who sets obtainable goals. I like that.


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## dookerbewitt (Dec 31, 2018)

Moving on from slave internship to paid position early in the new year, I miss money.


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## 419 (Dec 31, 2018)

find the motivation to draw and learn music more regularly, go gym and get swole


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## WEEDle (Dec 31, 2018)

Save money, build muscle.


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## BillyGoat2 (Dec 31, 2018)

one up Greece and pay my debts.


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## PorcupineTree (Dec 31, 2018)

Start waking up earlier so I can run outside in the morning instead of on a treadmill at night.


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## captkrisma (Dec 31, 2018)

Get back into ring shape and have another go at pro wrestling.


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## Keystone (Dec 31, 2018)

Various Kiwis ITT said:
			
		

> Stop posting here so much/entirely


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## ⋖ cørdion ⋗ (Dec 31, 2018)

Replace drinking with biking
Get a job ahead of my mandatory internship
Cycle out graphic tee's with at least business casual


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## Syaoran Li (Dec 31, 2018)

I'm going to keep on avoiding alcohol, I haven't had a drink since November and things are going fairly well.

I mainly decided to quit so I can save money and I admit, I am noticing a difference. I have more money to spend on other things and I even lost a little bit of weight since I quit drinking.


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## Pozz Williams (Dec 31, 2018)

Find a job with vacation days and benefits. A reasonably middle class salary would also be nice.


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## Okkervils (Dec 31, 2018)

I want to lose the baby weight and to be a better person in general.

Both  goals.


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## roxitp0w3rwuzdabest420 (Dec 31, 2018)

My new year resolution is to finally find the courage to pull the trigger.

and quit smoking.


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## soryu (Dec 31, 2018)

Save up enough money to move out and find a new place in another state. Everything is getting so expensive, the weather sucks, and my commute to work is too far to enjoy my free time.
I also plan to be more active next year and overcome this mental health slump that creeped up on me.


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## Big Nasty (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop going to McDonalds


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## RG 448 (Dec 31, 2018)

Testaclese Maximus said:


> Get in good enough shape to piledrive.


So quick update one of my regulars got her social security check early for new years and called me up to celebrate.  Turns out I already accomplished my resolution.


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## Buster O'Keefe (Dec 31, 2018)

Adopt kittens


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## kitty shit (Dec 31, 2018)

Either make myself skinnier or my cat fatter. The latter one sounds like the easiest choice, so I'll probably go with that. She loves ham, cheese and whipped cream, so...


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## Connectingdotsanddogs (Dec 31, 2018)

Take my first shit of the year


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## Feathers and Stones (Dec 31, 2018)

be less autistic


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## tehpope (Dec 31, 2018)

I said this year would be the year I move out and get my own place. Didn't happen for a number of reasons. But I think this year will be it.

Idk. Keep up with current going-ons in Music. I haven't listened to an  album produced in the last few years in a long time.


----------



## ZeCommissar (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop procrastinating on literally every action I do in life.

Got to walk the dog? It can wait a few more minutes

Got to get ready for work? Who cares if i'm a couple minutes late...

Want to get more involved with a woman after my previous breakup? Nah I need to make sure my life is more in order. I can wait some more

Yeah I need to stop that.


----------



## RG 448 (Dec 31, 2018)

kitty shit said:


> Either make myself skinnier or my cat fatter


An innovator would find away to do both at once with a single procedure.  Food for thought.


----------



## Alex Krycek (Dec 31, 2018)

I need to visit some friends in the Northeast so I’ll do that. Probably less expensive than going to Viet Nam.

I might get engaged. We’ll see.


----------



## Okkervils (Dec 31, 2018)

Alex Krycek said:


> I might get engaged. We’ll see.



Life is short, go for it dude.


----------



## Ava_Merlot (Dec 31, 2018)

Hopefully move out into an apartment or something that doesnt involve living with parents, getting that frame shop job in February (god I'm praying for this), lose weight, have a kid.


----------



## Stanley_Buttkiss (Dec 31, 2018)

To lose the 15lbs I oinked back on over the last two years. Still not a Snorlax, yet. So there's that?


----------



## Alex Krycek (Dec 31, 2018)

Okkervils said:


> Life is short, go for it dude.


I mean we’ve been together on and off for a long time and I’ve met all of her family both here and in Viet Nam. I speak pretty good Vietnamese for a white guy, and I observe at least as many of her holidays as I do my own. I want kids eventually, might as well right?


----------



## Guts Gets Some (Dec 31, 2018)

Hopefully get more self-sufficient and meet up with someone very special to me.


----------



## cunt bucket (Dec 31, 2018)

I've been sober since October 23rd and I intend to stay sober.


----------



## AldousHuxleysGhost (Dec 31, 2018)

Lose 30 lbs through exercise and self-control. 

This will last for a two weeks if I'm lucky.


----------



## Nekromantik (Dec 31, 2018)

Keep learning crochet and knitting. I'm going to make so many scarfs and sweaters.


----------



## Alex Krycek (Dec 31, 2018)

AldousHuxleysGhost said:


> Lose 30 lbs through exercise and self-control.
> 
> This will last for a two weeks if I'm lucky.


Never had weight problems myself, but try drinking Almond m.ilk or unsweetened tea as opposed to soft drinks and being vegetarian at least twice a week. I got a buddy of mine on that kick and he lost quite a bit of weight with exercise and has kept it off.


----------



## Gutes Zeug (Dec 31, 2018)

Get a qt pure gf, read more and move to some other city.


----------



## exhausted (Dec 31, 2018)

drink less, lose weight


----------



## Dynamite Ninja (Dec 31, 2018)

My New Years Resolution (that I'll probably end up failing), is try to either reconnect with my ex, or find a new girlfriend (preferably an Asian of Japanese descent).


----------



## Duncan Hills Coffee (Dec 31, 2018)

I want to gain at least 10 pounds of muscle. I've been trying to get swole for a while, but now I think I know what I have to do to achieve that.

I also want to better my social life.


----------



## Sylvie Paula Paula (Dec 31, 2018)

Get out of the basement and go outside more. Hopefully my skin won't start melting in the sunlight.


----------



## SweetDefeat01 (Dec 31, 2018)

Actually start studying for school and luckily find my first job during summer so I can finally buy a proper computer. Also start reading books, because I feel awful for not reading a single book this year ;;


----------



## TaterBot (Dec 31, 2018)

Not to make love to any Victoria Secret's models.

feeling pretty safe with that one...


----------



## HeraldofNurgle (Dec 31, 2018)

My goals are to get out of medical debt (good luck there lol) and to start a potted herb garden. You can't say no to fresh herbs. 

I also want to get some pet spiders.


----------



## Monolith (Dec 31, 2018)

Gain weight less quickly.


----------



## chunky glerm (Dec 31, 2018)

Read more, eat more fresh veg, start doing more stuff alone. Would also like to start my next year of school with no outstanding loans.


----------



## The Fatheads (Dec 31, 2018)

Piga Dgrifm said:


> My resolution is to shitpost.



Now there's one none of us can fail!


----------



## XanJoy (Dec 31, 2018)

I want to finally get off my ass and do something with my life.


----------



## Pistachio (Dec 31, 2018)

i wanna git gud at french


----------



## queerape (Dec 31, 2018)

1. Continue to save and invest money, start trading stocks.

2. 2019 will be the year I find my next boyfriend

3. Keep on working in advancing my career

I know, the most normie goals imaginable.


----------



## Nappy (Dec 31, 2018)

I hope to take at least one walk a day so I don't feel like total shit


----------



## NimertiS (Dec 31, 2018)

I hope to have someone to love me and a steady job


----------



## repentance (Dec 31, 2018)

Grow more of my own food.  This one will definitely happen.

Somehow co-ordinate wildly conflicting schedules to spend more time together as a family.  This one will probably happen to some extent.

Do major landscaping.  I always remember this as being easier than it really is, so it's the one on which I'm least likely to make significant progress.


----------



## BubbleButt (Dec 31, 2018)

Finally get enough brave boy points to an hero


----------



## Calling (Dec 31, 2018)

My goal this year is to find the time to sit down and learn to use Zbrush more effectively.  I'm sure it's easy, I just have found it hard to come home from work and throw myself into tutorials, but no more excuses.

Good luck to everyone else on your goals!!  Hopefully putting it down into writing will help you commit.


----------



## TiggerNits (Dec 31, 2018)

Finally start saving for retirement and stop planning on working until it kills me


----------



## alphalumerio (Dec 31, 2018)

Lose some weight and try to avoid relationships where i'm not fucked in 5000 ways and also not with a crazy guilt tripping psycho


----------



## ObeseScreamingBlackMan (Dec 31, 2018)

Get my yard under control.  Looks like Biff Tannen’s grandma lives here.


----------



## Red Hood (Dec 31, 2018)

Take my single action to the range and dramatically announce to everyone while reloading: "This method of reloading is a new year's revolution!"


----------



## uncleShitHeel (Dec 31, 2018)

Lose another 10 kgs.
Look at buying a house.
Get engaged. 

I mean I could fuck all these up with one single trick. Doctors hate me.


----------



## HickoryDickory (Dec 31, 2018)

Work on my career goals instead of the stagnation that is retail hell.

Culling my toy collection.

Reorganizing my studio space.

Get ratties or more guinea pigs. Or a dog. Whatever fate plops on my lap first.


----------



## MeLikeyLurkey (Dec 31, 2018)

Hoping to curb my I HAVE AUTISM PLEASE LAUGH AT ME even further this year!
But its inevitable that I will still inadvertently bring the normies i associate with their desired lulz


----------



## Kataomoi00 (Dec 31, 2018)

Never hurts to exercise more.


----------



## ProgKing of the North (Dec 31, 2018)

Become financially stable enough to get a dog, and then get said dog
Advance from dog washer to dog groomer 
Actually write
Lose some goddamn weight


----------



## ON 190 (Dec 31, 2018)

Punch a zebra.


----------



## AssRapistDude1488 (Dec 31, 2018)

surf more and work less


----------



## tfw Sid (Dec 31, 2018)

I want to move out of my parent's home, buy a cheap house in a rural area and marry. It'll be hard but I really hope I can do it.


----------



## FuckedUp (Dec 31, 2018)

Maintain a high enough GPA to keep my scholarships, and at least get fucking _started_ on the 200+ games I've been buying since like 2014 but not even touching


----------



## Xenomorph (Dec 31, 2018)

To stop letting people affect my moods but I'm full of shit, I wont change.


----------



## Fandom Trash (Dec 31, 2018)

Reach out to people and make new friends. 

Be more kinder to myself and not get frustrated by setbacks.


----------



## Dr. Samuel Hayden (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop telling myself "it'll get better next year" and actually MAKE it a better year.


----------



## UnsufficentBoobage (Dec 31, 2018)

Run a scheme to get rich off furries


----------



## verissimus (Dec 31, 2018)

Read and exercise more.


----------



## Marco Fucko (Dec 31, 2018)

I would like to learn how to draw. Not necessarily for money or e fame, just like decentish fan art I can appreciate.


----------



## AllCISPeople (Dec 31, 2018)

Put a down payment down on a house and get better at drawing


----------



## Zebedee (Dec 31, 2018)

Cut down on energy drinks, it's giving me heart palpitations and scaring the hell out of me. Not something I want this year, that's for sure.


----------



## dopy (Dec 31, 2018)

i'm not going to realpost whatsoever
on that note i'm both heartsick and physically sick today


----------



## Crocophile (Dec 31, 2018)

Make an effort to learn a new skill. Speaking Irish, playing the harp, dog washing, doesn't really matter what. New projects keep the brain happy.


----------



## MerriedxReldnahc (Dec 31, 2018)

Realistic Goals:
-Trim off them holiday pounds
-Get a jeeerb and stop being a NEET
-Promote my art more and sell some fuckin paintings
-get better at skating/ buy a board that isnt ancient like that one I've got
-play instruments regularly again? I don't know, I've got too many hobbies already. 
Unrealistic Goals:
-get back into weightlifting and not give up two months in like all the other times I've "gotten back into weightlifting".
- Score me some dick
-learn to yodel


----------



## HickoryDickory (Dec 31, 2018)

UnsufficentBoobage said:


> Run a scheme to get rich off furries





Bojack Horsekin said:


> Work more, brood less about being forever alone.
> 
> I would also like to run a scheme to get rich off furries. Been saying that for years. I used to be able to draw decently, wouldn't be hard.


I used to do that and make around 1k a month. The :autism: and :deviant: isn't worth the burnout, tbh.


----------



## Ozul (Dec 31, 2018)

Pass my surgical technician certification test.


----------



## Nut-Roaster the 2nd (Dec 31, 2018)

Make more art and make more friends outside of the Internet.


----------



## JimmyMcGill667 (Dec 31, 2018)

Start lifting again.
Lose 30 pounds.
Quit smoking.
Stop messing around and get an actual girlfriend.
Make new friends for the first time since high school.


----------



## Stock Image Photographer (Dec 31, 2018)

I'd like to make the most of my change in major and make more IRL friends so living in this boring wasteland isn't quite so mind-numbing.


----------



## Francis E. Dec Esc. (Dec 31, 2018)

- Quit drinking
- Pay off my Amex card.
- Get back on keto + intermittent fasting.


----------



## Diana Moon Glampers (Dec 31, 2018)

Last year, I resolved to gain <5 lbs in my last trimester, lose 50 lbs after having the baby, start working a fully-remote job so I don't have to miss seeing my kids grow up, get my credit score up to prepare for mortgage life, start contributing my full 401k match, go on a real vacation, double my student loan repayment, and get a new car.

Did all of that, and life is good, so this year, I want to lose another 60 pounds, use that credit score to get a good interest rate on a house somewhere that I can raise my kids until they're old enough to move out, go on two more vacations (maybe one international, this time - Europe or China?), write another novel (plus get some publishing interest in it), and get a promotion or a new job with a better title/better pay that still doesn't make me go into an office very often.

If everything could just go as planned for this year and maybe one more, the level of financial security and independence I'll have earned for my family is beyond anything my parents ever did in their careers. But being so close to so many long-term dreams means that my level of anxiety about getting this year _perfect_ is through the roof.


----------



## repentance (Dec 31, 2018)

Abortions4All said:


> If everything could just go as planned for this year and maybe one more, the level of financial security and independence I'll have earned for my family is beyond anything my parents ever did in their careers. But being so close to so many long-term dreams means that my level of anxiety about getting this year _perfect_ is through the roof.



Just keep in mind that it doesn't have to be perfect to be great.  Make sure you take some time to enjoy your achievements, so you're not constantly chasing the next goal.


----------



## Daughter of Cernunnos (Dec 31, 2018)

swim and meditate more.


----------



## Haesindang Park (Dec 31, 2018)

Go vegetarian every Sunday and buy new car later.


----------



## Takodachi (Dec 31, 2018)

stop shitposting


----------



## sysctl --system (Dec 31, 2018)

*slams my fat cock onto the table, making an audible noise not unlike a thud*

get this bad boy wet heheh


----------



## Picklechu (Dec 31, 2018)

Kick ass at my new job, start looking to buy a house by the end of the year, pray that  my stock portfolio stops getting murdered, and continue to get prettier via the gym, all to become that attractive rich guy who stays holed up in his house all day working and posting on Kiwi Farms.

EDIT: Also, drinking. As in more, because I can afford the nice stuff. Same with fuckin'.


----------



## Pigeonhole (Dec 31, 2018)

Stop eating out as much and cook more dammit. Last year was no soda and I did that pretty well so I'm hoping this year will be no exception.

Bonus points to improve my art skills more.


----------



## Orkeosaurus (Dec 31, 2018)

Get more hours at work/promotion
Start volunteering again
get a gf


----------



## A Witty Name (Dec 31, 2018)

Follow a new lolcow thread


----------



## Gene's Secret Cat (Jan 1, 2019)

File for divorce and sell the house at a profit.  Fucking hate adulting.


----------



## Guardsman42 (Jan 1, 2019)

Keep losing weight and try to get my A1C level to some thing that is close to normal.


----------



## Diet Coke 4 Life (Jan 1, 2019)

Cut down on the Diet Coke

Let's keep it real.
I just hope to ride my bike at least 50 miles every week this year.


----------



## rabbitgay (Jan 1, 2019)

i wanna quit effexor, the withdrawal is a bitch and near impossible to cope with while attempting to be a functioning adult


----------



## WeeblesWobble (Jan 1, 2019)

Stop being so damn lazy.


----------



## spikespiegel (Jan 1, 2019)

Think of a goal to have this year.


----------



## Bugaboo (Jan 1, 2019)

Find a balance between work and other shit


----------



## Dane (Jan 1, 2019)

goal for 2018 was lose weight, I actually fuckin did it

goal for 2019: get S T R O N K G


----------



## PoisonedBun (Jan 1, 2019)

Been trying to get ahold of my crippling internet addiction for the past couple of years now. I doubt much’ll change this year either but it’s nice to hope. 

I’ve applied for my first real ass job and I’ll hear back from the first applicant round this month. It’d give me something to do with my time. Fingers crossed.


----------



## PeckingOrder (Jan 1, 2019)

I mostly want to survive 2019.

More seriously, I want to find another job that’s less draining and pays a little more.


----------



## Raptor-chan (Jan 1, 2019)

I want to do enough squats to maybe have some semblance of an ass.


----------



## underscoredash (Jan 1, 2019)

for everyone planning to lose weight
take kratom and then bronkaid
then hop on a treadmill for hours every night
I lost 100lbs in one year this way. Only had a few major health scares that hospitalized me but that was because of the smoking while wearing nicotine patches combined with being up several days up at a time.
also intermittent fasting


----------



## Birthday Dickpunch (Jan 1, 2019)

Exercise regularly. I've lost about 100lbs so far (over halfway to my goal!) but still have a ways to go and I suck at sticking to exercise routines. Yesterday was day 1, so we'll see how this shit goes.

Also stop sucking at money and actually finish getting out of debt. I have lower hopes for this one, but eh. I can only do my best and changing habits is goddamn hard. I've been making progress, at least. 

There are some other little things, but those two are the priority changes.

Good luck, bitches, and happy New Year!


----------



## grumbleBum (Jan 1, 2019)

I’m going to stop stealing much younger boys from munchie bitches I don’t like and smoke less weed.


----------



## zrowsdower (Jan 1, 2019)

I plan to get my heart broken harder than ever before.


----------



## Belmont (Jan 1, 2019)

I resolve to do a lot more reading than I did last year. Old or New. Rereading included.  Top of the list right now is the Ian Fleming Bond books.


----------



## The I Scream Man (Jan 1, 2019)

Make more goddamn money fam

Be an elderly faggot on this board

Give dear leader some more money when I make it

Spread love and kindness as best I can while screaming at people in my car on the way to work


----------



## The I Scream Man (Jan 1, 2019)

Also probably actually lose some weight and stop being a fat fucker


----------



## The I Scream Man (Jan 1, 2019)

Master the art of triple posting


----------



## Kate Farms Shill (Jan 1, 2019)

2017: quit drinking until I blacked out every night
2018: went back to school to finish my masters
2019: recover (again) from the eating disorder that came back as soon as I was in school again. Because I'm an idiot who can't handle stress without self-destructing


----------



## Brother Rabbit (Jan 1, 2019)

-Keep a daily journal
-Write more
-Start learning a language (Japanese)
-Get a job
-Read at least 20 books
-Start exercising, get into better shape

I want to keep my resolutions so I can look back at the end of the day and tell myself that I'm not pathetic


----------



## Bee Scout (Jan 1, 2019)

i think i'm gonna go back to my ex cuz i hate myself


----------



## Botched Tit Job (Jan 1, 2019)

Learn how to make a really good pizza at home.


----------



## Feline Darkmage (Jan 1, 2019)

-do physical activity and eat better, get back into shape
-manage my time better
-keep pounding away at college
-brush back up on japanese, and learn more french to call @Big Bad Brat a faggot but more fluently


----------



## KE 521 (Jan 1, 2019)

Smoke less weed. Make more money. LOTS more. Continue losing weight with diet and exercise until I reach my goal weight. Get a boob job once I reach my goal weight and wear a bikini on the beach for the first time. Also waste less time in general. I feel good about 2019, it’s gonna be a good year for cows leading up to the 2020 election cycle.


----------



## Varis (Jan 1, 2019)

Get cancer.


----------



## Requiem for a Shark (Jan 1, 2019)

I would say continue to lose weight like I did in 2018, but since I'm now growing a tiny human, I think that's out the window for a while. So eat healthier/cook more often, write more, DM a DnD campaign, and learn to drive manual so I can drive my husband's car.


----------



## spicy cheesy ramen (Jan 1, 2019)

- Get to goal weight
- Cook more than I go out
- Don't rip out pages in diary
- Be more social, possibly find a new hobby
- Enroll into a nursing program


----------



## cunt bucket (Jan 1, 2019)

Oh, another resolution I just thought of: _Don't get back together with my ex._


----------



## NeoGAF Lurker (Jan 1, 2019)

- Stop procrastinating
- No new non-emergency debt
- Take full advantage of the bear market
- Spend less time on the internet


----------



## FitBitch (Jan 1, 2019)

Keep increasing my gpa, get out of the insurance recovery unit at work and get into patient care since it's more in line with my degree, study Spanish and sign language to be more effective in an E.R. setting or as a nurse in general, find time to work out again, play my piano, and fuck my husband.


----------



## Slutpuppies (Jan 1, 2019)

I'm gonna reuse an old resolution, going to the gym two times a week. I have other goals beside that, but low pressure is the way to go for stuff like this.

Maybe I'll be a twitch thot and get a thread here, who knows?


----------



## Bussy Catalog (Jan 1, 2019)

Spend more time with friends and family, keep moving up the ladder at my job, and get in a relationship cause I've been single for too damn long.


----------



## vhstape (Jan 1, 2019)

Get my steam backlog under control


----------



## MW 002 (Jan 1, 2019)

To be more frugal with my limited funds so I can buy a house in January 2020 by putting away $200 aside from every paycheck sans the week I have to pay rent. And to also put $25 aside per week for additional furniture that I’ll need.

I’m also partially doing this because I’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck as a result of not budgeting properly.


----------



## Lisette (Jan 1, 2019)

Continue never posting because I know I have nothing of value to add to any conversation.

...Wait. DAMN IT.


----------



## ChurchOfGodBear (Jan 1, 2019)

Revenge.


----------



## AbraCadaver (Jan 1, 2019)

Continue to be amazing, as that’s worked well for me in past years and I see no reason to stop.

Also shitpost more. 

E: all right well actually, maybe I’ll do this too. It’s the best one on here:



Botched Tit Job said:


> Learn how to make a really good pizza at home.


----------



## Pargon (Jan 1, 2019)

I just want to get the stories in my head written. There's other things I want to do that I always tell myself I will - get in better shape, get a bit better with my hands so I'm not so useless around the house with fixing shit, but if I can just do that I might actually be able to sleep at night.


----------



## VooDew (Jan 1, 2019)

More than anything, this year I'm really going to work on my weight. No more late night snacking on candy and soda, gonna buy more food to make for myself at home. I've gone from 158 to 143 in the last 4 months, but by Feburary, I hope to be in the 120's range. 

To any other anons hoping to lose weight, what are your strats to lose weight?


----------



## UtopiaGuy (Jan 1, 2019)

Turn Me Up Fam said:


> More than anything, this year I'm really going to work on my weight. No more late night snacking on candy and soda, gonna buy more food to make for myself at home. I've gone from 158 to 143 in the last 4 months, but by Feburary, I hope to be in the 120's range.
> 
> To any other anons hoping to lose weight, what are your strats to lose weight?


Looks like losing weight/dieting, cooking at home, saving more money/getting out of debt are the top items on the list so far. Man, I'd kill to be back down to 165 (235 these days). Probably not gonna happen though. Did cut back on sugar last year, at least.


----------



## TheUltimatePickle (Jan 1, 2019)

This year I'd like to pay off the debt from last year, buy a cool condo and stop wasting money on rent, sell the three cars I'm bored with, do at least one great build and take it to a few shows, and most importantly give back by helping a few of my friends who have promising ideas start and grow their businesses.

I also wanna take a trip to Los Angeles with Mrs. UltimatePickle and hopefully bring our new girlfriend since she's always wanted to go to California.


----------



## VooDew (Jan 1, 2019)

UtopiaGuy said:


> Looks like losing weight/dieting, cooking at home, saving more money/getting out of debt are the top items on the list so far. Man, I'd kill to be back down to 165 (235 these days). Probably not gonna happen though. Did cut back on sugar last year, at least.


What kind of food types do you normall stick to for losing weight? The biggest thing to avoid is sugar, but cutting out a lot of cheese has helped quite a lot, but being poor as well, I'm limited in what I can buy.


----------



## TheUltimatePickle (Jan 1, 2019)

Turn Me Up Fam said:


> What kind of food types do you normall stick to for losing weight? The biggest thing to avoid is sugar, but cutting out a lot of cheese has helped quite a lot, but being poor as well, I'm limited in what I can buy.



Being aware of how many refined carbs I was eating (not cutting them out, just being aware and eating less of them) and also drinking more water and coffee and less soda (even diet soda) helped me a lot.  Beans, rice, vegetables and chicken are cheap and pretty easy and actually delicious if you google a few recipes.

I also cut out almost all alcohol because that shit is basically like eating pure sugar.


----------



## Cake Farts (Jan 1, 2019)

Cake Farts in 2018 said:
			
		

> I want some really nice thighs


Still waiting for those really nice thighs


----------



## Barrister (Jan 1, 2019)

Lose weight. I lost 50 pounds a few years back and I never bothered to weigh myself for a while but I apparently managed to gain 35 of them back, so it's diet time once again.


----------



## Oglooger (Jan 1, 2019)

Already making progress in my resolution to get better at drawing and advancing in life.
Just got a job where 3/4th of the time I can just lounge around at work, so that gives me more time for drawing.


----------



## whitepumpkin (Jan 1, 2019)

I'm going to try and read at least 5 books this year. I have a lot of fantasy books in my collection, but I find myself getting distracted when attempting to get into them, so I'm going to make an attempt this year to focus and at least read a few. And maybe finish the third book of the Magicians... though the second fucked me up a bit.


----------



## bigoogabaloogas (Jan 1, 2019)

Don't be tempted to pay for Saint Quartz in F/GO.

Robin fucking spooked me THREE times


----------



## Captain Toad (Jan 1, 2019)

Be more active on Kiwi Farms (), fill up all 2,000,000+ of my sketchbooks and learn to cook more stuff.


----------



## Pozzingmyfilthyneghole (Jan 1, 2019)

Figure out how to kill myself in a painless and simple way.


----------



## Cure Milquetoast (Jan 1, 2019)

My most realistic resolution is to stop purchasing products from Amazon - obviously I can't really avoid interacting with Amazon as a whole, but I want to support more small online businesses and go outside more for my shopping needs. I already cancelled my Prime sub near the end of last year.


----------



## Torad (Jan 1, 2019)

Get a job and get an apartment


----------



## Dangus Bang Boon (Jan 1, 2019)

Torad said:


> Get a job and get an apartment



Cut your hair and take a shower faggot. Also, call your mother, she deserves better.


----------



## Tampon Head (Jan 1, 2019)

Learn more languages. It's a toss-up between Japanese and Korean, but learning languages is something I've always wanted to continue after my Chinese studies.


----------



## DoctorJimmyRay (Jan 1, 2019)

After reading these posts, I'm changing my resolution. I'm going to spend far less time on here around you bunch of unemployed, overweight, unhygienic, nutritionally-challenged closet cases.


----------



## mrdk_04 (Jan 1, 2019)

My definitive list of resolutions:
- get back into shape; my BMI is fine but my beer gut, cardio and underwhelming muscle strength (shoulders look like I work out regularly, all of that mass is genetic) have dissapointed me for long enough
- finally learn to play the harmonica, will be realised once Trigun and Cowboy Bebop OSTs are recognisably played
-raise my French from virgin A2 to chad B2 (courtesy of Jules Verne, Madame Lafayette, and my half-french once and future soulmate)

 resolutions:
- maintain my relationships
- stop procastrinating

Impossible resolutions:
- finally stop worrying about being a good enough partner and improving myself. Just allow myself to be loved.
(not that I'd know how to, at this point)


----------



## CausticMinory (Jan 1, 2019)

Since I consistently lose weight I think I just wanna get either new glasses, a new car, or a new laptop before summer. But to accomplish those goals I have to pretend to like my job soo eehhhhhh. Might be too  this year. I'll stick with weight loss and muscle gain.


And fuck a Pawg


----------



## Gustav Schuchardt (Jan 1, 2019)

Secure the existence of our people and a future for our children.


----------



## UE 558 (Jan 1, 2019)

My resolution is to convince Loomer to shoot up Twitter HQ in order to take down the internet aspergers equivalent of Ganon's castle


----------



## Stoneheart (Jan 1, 2019)

learn how to make spanish food.


----------



## General_Butt_Naked (Jan 1, 2019)

Post more so I can see top sekrit threads.


----------



## chaddis (Jan 1, 2019)

-Track calories on myfitnesspal and stop eating addictive sugary junk
-Save enough money to move out of my parents' house
-Remember to prioritize my needs and not over-idealize my girlfriend
-Build a PC and replace my 7 year old macbook


----------



## frozenrunner (Jan 1, 2019)

More general self-improvement. Did a lot last year. Want to do more this year.



Turn Me Up Fam said:


> To any other anons hoping to lose weight, what are your strats to lose weight?



I lost a bunch of weight recently because I dropped down to two meals a day, started walking more, and I started treating food like fuel, asking myself every time I felt the impulse to eat if I was really hungry or if I was just bored.

But that all is easier said than done. Most of those are habits I fell into more or less naturally. I want to start properly tracking calories.


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## Gangster Talk (Jan 1, 2019)

Stop drinking, pretty much everything improves when I do and if I continue drinking at the rate I do I'll look like my avatar, only problem is being sober is boring and gay.


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## zyclonPD (Jan 1, 2019)

Make more money. Only thing I really have planned.


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## Lord of the Large Pants (Jan 1, 2019)

I'm going to be more diligent in working on my erotic friendfiction exercise program.


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## courteouslemur (Jan 1, 2019)

Lose weight (tracking calories and increasing exercise worked in the past, so getting back to it)
Figure out why I picked a profile pic of an ocelot when my username refers to a lemur.


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## EmperorJustinianl (Jan 1, 2019)

I'm going to get as much autistic ratings as possible.


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## Vorhtbame (Jan 1, 2019)

EmperorJustinianl said:


> I'm going to get as much autistic ratings as possible.



I resolve to help you with that as much as I can.


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## sparklemilhouse (Jan 1, 2019)

Be an adult and pay my student loan payment every month.

Stop it with the binging so I don’t become Amber Lynn

Oh, , but to leave the fucking boonies.


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## YourUnclesDad (Jan 1, 2019)

my goal is to stop posting here


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## Elpizo (Jan 2, 2019)

Just be doing what I'll be doing usually.


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## Candidae (Jan 2, 2019)

I'm trying to get healthy so:

Continue eating all three meals a day
Try and put my nutrition classes to good use and get all my nutrients
Fucking eat my BMR in calories at least!
Get to 110lbs, (I'm almost at 100 finally!)
Drink more water
Once I consistently eat enough to sustain it I want to start exercising
I know this sounds like I'm ana but I'm actually just really, really bad at taking care of myself (and my stomach doesn't really let me eat too much at once so I get full too fast). I've been really working on it this year and I just need to keep it up through next year so I can finally feel healthier and energetic!


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## Gangster Talk (Jan 2, 2019)

Lmao I broke my resolution already, last night fucked me up so much that I'm not going to get to sleep unless I have some beer and I have shit to do tomorrow


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## grumbleBum (Jan 2, 2019)

grumbleBum said:


> I’m going to stop stealing much younger boys from munchie bitches I don’t like and smoke less weed.


Well, so much for both resolutions already


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## The Janitor (Jan 2, 2019)

Save money for a video editing program, begin writing and working on my dystopian fiction novel.


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## 2_blank_spaces (Jan 2, 2019)

Move closer to school and get a job there.  

Work on more productive hobbies and try to hang out with friends more.


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## RowboatGirlyman (Jan 2, 2019)

Get into a better shape and join a local HEMA club.


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## glass_houses (Jan 2, 2019)

To get myself to the point where I no longer need community care or social workers, and be healthy and independent again.


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## Distant Stare (Jan 2, 2019)

W00K #17 said:


> My deer season ends on the 10th. Since I didn't get one in the first half of this season, I'd like to start out next year with a big buck sometime in the next 10 days.



Same. I almost harvested a racoon the other day.


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## The Fool (Jan 2, 2019)

Most people's resolution is to get fit and get a girlfriend

I already have those, so instead I'm going to get fat and become single. That'll show me.


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## Stranger Neighbors (Jan 2, 2019)

Getting back into good shape. Not for significant others sake but for me.


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## BlueArmedDevil (Jan 2, 2019)

Get my credit, house and body back in shape. Also get going on that cooking thing for the youtubes


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## Chocolat Blanc (Jan 2, 2019)

My resolution is to be more efficient with worldly responsibilities, so my cats can get longer playtime.


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## problemly (Jan 2, 2019)

Resist yelling at my neighbour in response to their batshit crazy yelling whenever I go out of the house. I plan to either wear obvious white earphones (connected to nothing) just leading into my pocket whenever I go to hang my washing out. Less obvious than the council approved huge noise cancelling headphones (with earplugs underneath), which is my first idea. And figure out an unflattering, covering outfit- maybe a burka? I can wear to mow the lawn without him standing there obviously perving and laughing about how a woman can't mow a lawn *shudder*


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## rocknrollmartian (Jan 2, 2019)

problemly said:


> Resist yelling at my neighbour in response to their batshit crazy yelling whenever I go out of the house. I plan to either wear obvious white earphones (connected to nothing) just leading into my pocket whenever I go to hang my washing out. Less obvious than the council approved huge noise cancelling headphones (with earplugs underneath), which is my first idea. And figure out an unflattering, covering outfit- maybe a burka? I can wear to mow the lawn without him standing there obviously perving and laughing about how a woman can't mow a lawn *shudder*



Wtf. Can't you complain to the council about his behavior?


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## DiabeticSP (Jan 2, 2019)

I need to lose 30 pounds because every since I got a real 8-5 I've been lazy as all fuck and I'm getting cubicle body.

Also to budget my finances better to get a real house.


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## GloryHole Stalker (Jan 2, 2019)

Become King of Wakanda. I'm white though so that may prove to be a stumbling block.


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## Teri-Teri (Jan 2, 2019)

Spam everyone's alert message.


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## shartshooter (Jan 2, 2019)




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## Dysnomia (Jan 2, 2019)

I have to move soon and my only option may be an area that I at least consider the middle of nowhere. I don't want to leave the city and be isolated. So I'm hoping to find affordable housing as my situation isn't so good right now. The freeloading sister has to go. Get a fucking job. It's your fault we can't stay here. I'm cutting her out of my life until she shapes up. No more second, third or twelfth chances. I wasted enough time with her shenanigans.

I want to start replacing my stolen vidya. But I need a safe place to stay before I can do that.

I need to find real answers as to why I am losing weight so rapidly. It's really weird.

I want this year to be the year I hit the reset button.



CausticMinory said:


> Since I consistently lose weight I think I just wanna get either new glasses, a new car, or a new laptop before summer. But to accomplish those goals I have to pretend to like my job soo eehhhhhh. Might be too  this year. I'll stick with weight loss and muscle gain.
> 
> 
> And fuck a Pawg



Ah yes. New glasses. I can't see a fucking thing.


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## Valstrax (Jan 2, 2019)

Not being a disappointment to my parents


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## LazarusOwenhart (Jan 2, 2019)

I'm gonna buy more music on physical media because I've amassed a nice collection of CDs this year and expanded my vinyl library quite substantially and I've realized that it makes me happy to have these things.


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## Thewateriswide (Jan 2, 2019)

Work on a graphic novel, and draw everyday to get better.


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## Joan Nyan (Jan 2, 2019)

Stop worrying about things and just embrace being a lazy fuck.


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## Most Epic Newfag (Jan 2, 2019)

Put more effort into everything I do and to stop being a lazy, apathetic fuck.


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## Bully_Hunter_69 (Jan 2, 2019)

Probably move out of my parents' proper, get a certificate and maybe lose my gut. Would like to have abs at some point in my life, plus a Planet Fitness just opened up 5 minutes from work. $305~ a year for gym membership, that's not bad.

Oh yeah. A good hard mode objective would be to write and publish a book. Time to take all those bullshit SEO articles to the next level.


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## Dovahshit (Jan 2, 2019)

not having any fucking pain

and stop being a cunt to the people i like


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## Kugelsak Kastengrus 6th (Jan 2, 2019)

Lose those last 10 to 15lbs, work on my core and thighs to prevent any more back issues, and make an effort to work on my inner asshole.


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## Archeops (Jan 2, 2019)

To stop buying China-made collectable crapola and to invest in China-made crapola I can sell for a profit.

It's a vicious cycle.


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## Scarboroughgirl (Jan 2, 2019)

lose weight and graduate


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## Lysol (Jan 2, 2019)

I just want to do everything to make this year better than the last one. The last one was a bit rough.


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## Caesare (Jan 2, 2019)

To stop doing petty crimes.


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## Jimboree (Jan 2, 2019)

My new year's resolution is to create _content_. Any kind will do, so long as it's good and I'm proud of it


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## UptownRuckus (Jan 2, 2019)

My resolution?

Make monies


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## Schauma mal (Jan 2, 2019)

Schauma mal said:


> Keep my Spanish streak on Duolingo


I already fucked up


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## Jack Haywood (Jan 2, 2019)

Resolutions are for people too stupid/lazy to use the entire year to make resolutions instead of only on a specific day


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## GV 002 (Jan 2, 2019)

I resolve to - 

- Continue to lose weight (on keto, so far I've lost 1.5 stone in 3 months)

- Cook more naked

- Get into uni

- Obtain a motorbike and trade in my buswanker status


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## Lucifer's Rectum (Jan 2, 2019)

Improve my mental state (like that's gonna happen)


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## DireCorby (Jan 2, 2019)

I resolve to gain at least fifty pounds.


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## Haywire (Jan 2, 2019)

I'm happy with my weight, got a great job. I want to help make something that'll better society this year, or at least support one. 

Or a girlfriend. I could settle for that.


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## ThunderPlunder (Jan 2, 2019)

I plan to no longer purchase or consume cocaine after I’ve seen what it’s done to DSP


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## Kylie Raina (Jan 2, 2019)

My goal is to release an album in 2019


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## Sexy Potoo (Jan 2, 2019)

Coleman Francis said:


> To stop doing petty crimes.



Sticking to serious crimes only this year I take it.


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## Jaimas (Jan 2, 2019)

Suppress my desire to shitpost.


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## Will you be my fwiend? (Jan 2, 2019)

Finish obtaining license and a car (to hell with busnigger status)
Lose some lard weight, or at  least trade it in for muscle
To have gotten gud enough at metalworking to have actually sold a knife by year's end.
Also, I will assassinate Metokur in Minecraft, thus usurping him as the new Cool Kid so I can have those sweet jew shekels.


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## Daughter of Cernunnos (Jan 2, 2019)

I forgot to include my ultimate goal which is to create a sentient waifu tulpa.


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## Zaryiu (Jan 3, 2019)

Does it count if it's to continue doing the changes I have been doing last year?


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## Fencepost Bitte (Jan 3, 2019)

My resolution is to use this new kf account, no more lurking. Time to start a new, dark chapter in my life.


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## Old Wizard (Jan 3, 2019)

Take better care of my pets (take them out more, give them All The Pats because they deserve them, goddammit)
Read more books
Learn more languages so I can flex on the Europeans
Improve cooking skills because girls like that and I like that also.  Also way cheaper than eating out.


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## AltisticRight (Jan 3, 2019)

I want a final resolution.


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## mrdk_04 (Jan 3, 2019)

Old Wizard said:


> Learn more languages so I can flex on the Europeans.



Good luck with that fam, I'd suggest flexing on the French, they only know one language after all.
Get back to me when you can do more than 3.


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## BBonk (Jan 3, 2019)

learn new languages
get a job

and ask my crush out


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## agptroon (Jan 3, 2019)

Troon out.
Get funding for my PhD.
Properly learn French.


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## Anonymus Fluhre (Jan 3, 2019)

Start a new job, move into a larger place. Try and get some role-playing in and do some art. Hopefully, get back into making music with any free time I can get. Continue to have good grades. Maybe even finish some of my games on my Steam library.


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Jan 3, 2019)

Managed to drop 21 lbs. on the follow Amberlynn / get-hospitalized-for-severe-med-side-effects-then-break-your-shoulder-a-month-later diet, so gonna keep riding that train into 2019.

So many people trying to fulfill their Love Quests on here. We need a KF dating site.


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## Fareal (Jan 3, 2019)

Quit mobile games, spend less time on internet. In aid of both of these goals, my iPad is now living in a box in the attic.

I have other goals but wasting my fucking time and attention gawping mindlessly at a screen isn't going to help me achieve those, so I'm starting there.


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## Dropped Burner (Jan 3, 2019)

Fareal said:


> Quit mobile games, spend less time on internet. In aid of both of these goals, my iPad is now living in a box in the attic.


I recently discovered that my local library will let me download books (fa fwee, daddy!) through an iPad app. Why don't you replace your shitty games with some shitty books? I'm working my way through US history! You can convince chicks you're smart when you casually rattle off some facts about Calvin Coolidge. "Wow, he was a PRESIDENT? How do you KNOW that?"


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## wrangled tard (Jan 3, 2019)

Drink more soy and buy more soylent products.


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## Cat Menagerie (Jan 3, 2019)

Take in more rescue animals to foster, which I have already done so I'm off to a good start.


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## Stock Image Photographer (Jan 3, 2019)

BOLDYSPICY! said:


> So many people trying to fulfill their Love Quests on here. *We need a KF dating site.*


I'm convinced this would only end in tears and pain.


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Jan 3, 2019)

Stock Image Photographer said:


> I'm convinced this would only end in tears and pain.


Oh, without a doubt.


But a girl can dream. After almost five years on Kiwi Farms, I don't think I can date normie girls anymore.


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## WW 635 (Jan 3, 2019)

Stock Image Photographer said:


> I'm convinced this would only end in tears and pain.





BOLDYSPICY! said:


> Oh, without a doubt.
> But a girl can dream. After almost five years on Kiwi Farms, I don't think I can date normie girls anymore.


We see Kiwilationships frequently

Usually ends in dox and nudes release... if you're lucky


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Jan 3, 2019)

Cricket said:


> We see Kiwilationships frequently
> 
> Usually ends in dox and nudes release... if you're lucky


Well, I think there's a difference between a @Waifu catfish & a TRUE & HONEST relationship like @CatParty / @FramerGirl420 or @Dunsparce / Fiavoly .


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## WW 635 (Jan 3, 2019)

BOLDYSPICY! said:


> Well, I think there's a difference between a @Waifu catfish & a TRUE & HONEST relationship like @CatParty / @FramerGirl420 or @Dunsparce / Fiavoly .


@Bitch I Might Be and @Cuck Norris were in a true and honest relationship

Edit: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/how-to-avoid-causing-being-the-subject-of-forum-drama.14120/



> THIS IS NOT OKCUPID. For every @FramerGirl420 and @cat there are dozens of [some random person] and Waifus out there that just result in drama, hard feelings, and general shitting up of the forums. This is not a matchmaking site. There are a lot of attractive women and some attractive men here. There are also probably some unattractive men posing at attractive women in order to bait and find the next halal cow. Either way, that attractive person you want to  all over probably does not live anywhere near your zipcode or even country. Unless you live in a research station in Antarctica, I'm almost certain there are plenty of hot singles in your area who are looking for some. Get a tinder/okcupid/grindr whatever and find them instead of here. Even if things work out and they're not @DNJACK , it is very possible that you'll break up with them and then have to see their shitposts all over your favorite threads and the forums will be a less enjoyable place for you. Also, your mutual friends may be forced to pick sides in this situation and you might lose friends over this.


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## BOLDYSPICY! (Jan 3, 2019)

Cricket said:


> @Bitch I Might Be and @Cuck Norris were in a true and honest relationship
> 
> Edit: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/how-to-avoid-causing-being-the-subject-of-forum-drama.14120/


Oh God I forgot about that.

Good times.


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## WW 635 (Jan 4, 2019)

BOLDYSPICY! said:


> Oh God I forgot about that.
> 
> Good times.


Tbf I did earn my Lovequest trophy here

But think about the poor kiwi who cries himself to sleep next to me every night


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## Pargon (Jan 4, 2019)

I'm exercising my five-day refund and taking mine back.

I want to see Jonathan Yaniv bleeding out on a sidewalk.


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## Pai (Jan 5, 2019)

Lose 10 lbs, go back to school, go back to the gym, draw more, and stop being fucking sad all the fucking time.


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## Guts Gets Some (Jan 5, 2019)

Dysnomia said:


> I need to find real answers as to why I am losing weight so rapidly. It's really weird.



I'm sure most people in this topic would be jealous!

Hopefully it's not... The Consumption.


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