# What do people look for in a partner?



## silentprincess (Apr 22, 2014)

I was wondering this question, as I am going to admit I have never had a boyfriend and I'm not very good at attracting them. You see I have this worry that because of all my baggage, men aren't going to be willing to give the relationship a try. Also I'm not a supermodel stunner, I'm not pretty, I'm ugh. 

So do people just go for looks? Do people go for personality? 

What do people look for in a partner?

*Admins you can lock this thread if you feel this is inappropriate for the forum, or if you think I am trolling.*


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## Oglooger (Apr 22, 2014)

What's a Boyfriend?


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## Judge Holden (Apr 22, 2014)

Easily flayable skin


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## Null (Apr 22, 2014)

21 and Single White Male...
-Shy
-Smart
-Young at Heart
-Computer skilled
-Humorous
-A great thinker and go-getter
-"Natural salesperson"
-Enjoys good parts of life
-Diplomatic
-Friendly
-Loves his family
-Peaceful
-Very creative
-He's lonely

...Seeking a CUTE ♀18-21 SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION
*18-21 years of age
*does not already have a boyfriend
*Single
-Average to Slender Weight/Body Type
-White
-Lives in Charolettesville or Ruckersville area
*Does NOT Smoke or Drink Alcohol
-Happy, Positive Personality
*Average/High Income
-Drives a vehicle


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## Judge Holden (Apr 22, 2014)

a willingness to help me sodomize their younger, hotter sibling to death


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## CatParty (Apr 22, 2014)

boobs


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## littlebiscuits (Apr 22, 2014)

I like a man with some serious meat on his bones.

But really, I think finding a partner who treats you with love and respect is the most important thing. I also think men find confidence really attractive? In my experience at least. I have always made the first move in every single relationship I have ever been in, and men have told me that they like that, they like a woman who can take charge. Not in like a dominatrixy way, just in a casual way. 
      I first met my fiance because when I was making fun of fanfics with some friends at a restaurant. We were actually joking about Sonichu and Rose Potter, and the guy at the next table let out this gasp of surprise and recognition. I immediately invited him to join us and well... 

Hang in there girly, you'll find someone.


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## BT 075 (Apr 22, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> So do people just go for looks?



Looks are typically what attracts people at first. You don't "see" someone's personality right away. What you see is what they look like. So what you look like certainly plays a part. How big a part it plays depends on the personal taste of whoever it is you meet, and how much it matters depends on how shallow they are. Attraction cannot be forced (unlike what Chris, Pick Up Autists and wizards seem to think) but it may grow over time.



silentprincess said:


> Do people go for personality?



Of course they do! If a long lasting relationship is the goal, you are going to have to like each other's personalities. If you can barely stand being in the same room for an hour, how on earth can a relationshop be expected to last long? Besides, looks fade. People get wrinkly, saggy and ugly. Dudes lose their hair and get fat, women lose their curves (or gain an abundance of them) and teeths go yellow and fall out. What remains, before senility kicks in, is personality. Few people outside Hollywood remain much to look at past the age of forty so you better like each other's insides as much as their outsides. 

Either way don't worry. You're a swell person and you'll find someone I'm sure. I think you're just not very confident in your own skin and you may think a bit lowly of yourself. Rock what you got, stand up straight and own that shit. Don't ever describe yourself as ugly. A lack of confidence isn't attractive. Be a diva.


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## FramerGirl420 (Apr 22, 2014)

I look for high levels of alcoholism and Mobyness


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## BT 075 (Apr 22, 2014)

On a more practical note: squat all day, every day. Drink a lot. Go out. Success guaranteed.


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## littlebiscuits (Apr 22, 2014)

Satan said:


> On a more practical note: squat all day, every day. Drink a lot. Go out. Success guaranteed.



He means squart. Squart on all the men to show dominance.


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## Surtur (Apr 22, 2014)

Me? My most recent ex tried to change everything about me. The way I dress is wrong, the way I talk is wrong, my choice of entertainment is wrong and my religion is wrong. Someone who is cool with me and maybe likes to play D&D would be nice.


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## EI 903 (Apr 22, 2014)

Sense of humor, lack of drama, and a big enough dork to put up with how big of a dork I am. Also a minimum of squarting would be nice.


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## The Hunter (Apr 22, 2014)

I usually go solely for personality. It's just a coincidence that every girl that has ever been attracted to me or that I've been attracted to has been, you know, fucking hot.


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## The Fair Lady (Apr 22, 2014)

A good sense of humor, accepting me for who I am. That's pretty much it.


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## A-№1 (Apr 22, 2014)

Patience.


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## Venusaur (Apr 22, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I was wondering this question, as I am going to admit I have never had a boyfriend and I'm not very good at attracting them. You see I have this worry that because of all my baggage, men aren't going to be willing to give the relationship a try. Also I'm not a supermodel stunner, I'm not pretty, I'm ugh.
> 
> So do people just go for looks? Do people go for personality?
> 
> ...



Hi silentrincess.  I'm an awkward person with confidence issues, I also had your worry that my baggage would drive any potential guy away and unlike most of my friends who had at least gone through 3 different boyfriends by the time they were 21, I had none. But life is odd, and you can never really predict what will happen... So some years ago, I randomly met this guy at a pub. Our personalities just  clicked and it's going good so far. We might last a long time, we might not.  So, don't worry about it, as long as you continue to meet people you have a higher chance of finding somebody you really get along with. Don't stress to much about what the guy might be thinking, just see if you get along as people first. A good partner will be a patient friend.

As for what I look in a partner...
I've always been attracted to personalities first (no matter what the Wizards and Loveshies say!), a smart guy with a sharp wit and a dark sense of humour immediately catches my eye. Having similar interests is also important so you can do activities and the like together, but it doesn't mean that the person has to be a clone of you. Example, I love video games, but the guy I'm with doesn't really get them. The most I've managed to make him do is play a Mario game. But it's cool, there's other things we enjoy like hiking, going to gigs and drinking ale/beer/rum/whiskey...

Edited: The internet where I am at the moment is pretty wierd. Apologies for the TRIPLE post.


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## BT 075 (Apr 22, 2014)

After a quick internet search I discovered what all women look for in a man. They all look for one specific man to be precise. His name? Chad. Chad Thundercock. Not a woman on earth who does not secretly desire riding his thunderbolt.


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## Gorogoroth (Apr 22, 2014)

Why don't you check out the dude's guide to manliness? It can tell you everything you need to know about what you, and every other woman, wants in a man.


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## BT 075 (Apr 22, 2014)

Gorogoroth said:


> Why don't you check out the dude's guide to manliness? It can tell you everything you need to know about what you, and every other woman, wants in a man.



Because the Dude's Guide To Manliness will only get you a Southern Belle in 1950s rural Georgia to go on a chaperoned date with you, whereas The Way Of The Chad will get you the sex appeal of a million James Bonds' rolled into a single beefy James Dean.


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## Chikinballs (Apr 22, 2014)

China


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## Dollars2010 (Apr 22, 2014)




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## Male (Apr 22, 2014)

CatParty said:


> boobs


mmmm...gorgeous


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## Surtur (Apr 22, 2014)

Beards attract all the women.


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## Mauvman Shuffleboard (Apr 22, 2014)

You


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## Fialovy (Apr 22, 2014)

Gee... Well, I guess I'm attracted most to intelligence. I also like someone who I can share my interests with and shares similar views and personality. Obviously you don't want it too similar or else it would be very uncanny, but you don't want to be too different either, like there needs to be some common ground to some extent and someone who can respect you and all your quirks.

Looks aren't a total dealbreaker to me, what I have found kind of weird about myself is that depending on how someone behaves his physical attractiveness can either increase or decrease. It's weird.


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## Oglooger (Apr 22, 2014)

Satan said:


> Because the Dude's Guide To Manliness will only get you a Southern Belle in 1950s rural Georgia to go on a chaperoned date with you, whereas The Way Of The Chad will get you the sex appeal of a million James Bonds' rolled into a single beefy James Dean.


Aticus from "To Kill A Mocking Bird" ?


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## silentprincess (Apr 22, 2014)

Fialovy said:


> Gee... Well, I guess I'm attracted most to intelligence. I also like someone who I can share my interests with and shares similar views and personality. Obviously you don't want it too similar or else it would be very uncanny, but you don't want to be too different either, like there needs to be some common ground to some extent and someone who can respect you and all your quirks.
> 
> Looks aren't a total dealbreaker to me, what I have found kind of weird about myself is that depending on how someone behaves his physical attractiveness can either increase or decrease. It's weird.



No it sound good, wish more people were like that.


Mauvman Shuffleboard said:


> You



Thank you.


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## Surtur (Apr 22, 2014)

Fialovy said:


> Gee... Well, I guess I'm attracted most to intelligence. I also like someone who I can share my interests with and shares similar views and personality. Obviously you don't want it too similar or else it would be very uncanny, but you don't want to be too different either, like there needs to be some common ground to some extent and someone who can respect you and all your quirks.
> 
> Looks aren't a total dealbreaker to me, what I have found kind of weird about myself is that depending on how someone behaves his physical attractiveness can either increase or decrease. It's weird.



As I get older, I am finding that how someone acts is more important to me than what they look like. What I really want is a partner in crime so to speak, so the more I like a person as an individual, the more attractive the become.


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## EI 903 (Apr 22, 2014)

Oglooger said:


> Aticus from "To Kill A Mocking Bird" ?



"Now I'm no fancy big city lawyer, but I do believe that you tricks and hoes should count yourselves lucky I'm even talking to you, looking as rough as you do. Now which one of you bitches wants to buy me a mint julep?"


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## The Knife (Apr 22, 2014)

Find someone who's already pretty well got their shit together before you get to them.  Fixer-uppers never work.

Similarly, don't go into a relationship expecting someone to fix _you_.  Get yourself all self-actualized and shit, then find someone who enjoys you as you are.


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## exball (Apr 22, 2014)

Tits.


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## A-Stump (Apr 22, 2014)

exball said:


> Tits.



Nice tits


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## cypocraphy (Apr 22, 2014)

stank-ass cootchie


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## Trombonista (Apr 22, 2014)

A nice Jewish guy.


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## Pikonic (Apr 22, 2014)

I need my men to be kinda nerdy (since I am), 
and motivated
And smart
And blunt
And mature 
And rich


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## Foulmouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Well, I'm going out with a woman I've named AmazingArseGirl , need I say more ?
(Actually shes also really cool,funny and I love making her laugh)


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## maninthepicklesuit (Apr 22, 2014)

I think there's someone out there for everyone, provided that each party sufficiently lowers their standards.  Case in point: Bob and Barb.  I doubt that Bob intended to shack up with a thrice-used Maury Povich munchlax, and I doubt that Barb set out to shack up with the Crypt Keeper's redneck cousin.  And yet, it all fell into place that magical night due to some mixture of booze, desperation, lowered expectations, and possibly crippling loneliness. 

The addendum to this though, is that it's probably a horrible idea to settle for less, since there's a huge downside to ill-conceived relationships.  Case in point: Bob and Barb.  It's probably better to be single and lonely than attached and miserable.


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## Some JERK (Apr 22, 2014)

Nothing is as attractive as a person with a genuine sense of personal accountability. Everything else (trustworthiness, empathy, compassion, honesty, reliability, confidence etc...) usually falls in line behind that.

You can only listen to someone (even a really attractive person) talk shit on or blame everyone they know for all of their problems for so long before you start hating their face.


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## TrippinKahlua (Apr 22, 2014)

I want a girl who'd be willing to explore in crazy and sheer depth as I do with everything around me.


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## The Hunter (Apr 23, 2014)

One thing I realized is that I want a girl who's as into wearing bandannas as I am. I swear, I walk out of the house with like, five of these god damn things on. One around the head, one around the neck, one on each arm, one on the ankle just for good measure...

... still not sure how I manage to attract women sufficiently. I guess I just wanna settle with someone who can be as weird as I am sometimes.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Apr 23, 2014)

I want a girl who is upbeat and optimistic. I don't like violent movies and TV shows generally because there's too much violence IRL, and I feel the same way about people. Life sucks enough as it is, I want someone who can stay positive even when things do get rough. That's what I find attractive, anyway. There are a lot of other things, but that's what I want to write about.


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## Chikinballs (Apr 23, 2014)

Free bags of coke tend to attract people.


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## TrippinKahlua (Apr 23, 2014)

Since I'm finally putting muscle on my chest and torso, all the girls will want to ask for me now.

I want a girl who'd do what I do in the dark, watch a certain television show and immerse myself in it. Its also really important that the girl I lose my virginity to does NOT know that I'm a virgin, but this isn't for this discussion so…


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## Chikinballs (Apr 23, 2014)

TrippinKahlua said:


> Since I'm finally putting muscle on my chest and torso, all the girls will want to ask for me now.


No shit. Since i started going to the gym, women seem soooooo attracted to my




Voice.

Women make no sense.


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## The Hunter (Apr 23, 2014)

As someone who's always been kinda chubby, I've never had problems garnering attention from women. It's not so much about looking muscly as much as it is about looking like you can handle yourself. Or something. I dunno. It just sort of happens.

Not being completely socially inept is another thing too. I noticed that when I, y'know, stay inside all day and don't go out with my friends, I tend to not get many looks or compliments from other women. Apparently I'm a good conversation piece, as fucking hard as that is to believe...


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## introman (Apr 23, 2014)

Long hair. Good attitude. Good genetic aka looks with stable family and personal mental history.


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## Luna (Apr 25, 2014)

Someone to goof off and eat candy with.  In terms of looks I prefer like feminine looking guys and girls, but like as long as we have fun and we're comfortable around each-other I'm not too picky about anything else.


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## Pikimon (Apr 30, 2014)

A big dick.


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## silentprincess (Apr 30, 2014)

Pikimon said:


> A big dick.


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## Duke Nukem (Apr 30, 2014)

I want someone who will teach my children to worship Satan.


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## Ariel (Apr 30, 2014)

Normal on the outside eccentric weirdo on the inside, not clingy, average or above average looks, taller than I am, thin (privilege) and athletic (privilege).


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## Lefty's Revenge (May 1, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I was wondering this question, as I am going to admit I have never had a boyfriend and I'm not very good at attracting them. You see I have this worry that because of all my baggage, men aren't going to be willing to give the relationship a try. Also I'm not a supermodel stunner, I'm not pretty, I'm ugh.
> 
> So do people just go for looks? Do people go for personality?
> 
> ...




If I may, I'll give you two pieces of advice that may help you alot. You sound a lot like a girl I was talking to earlier this year and theres at least two reasons why we never went any where. 

1) Confidence - Someone mentioned this earlier but confidence isn't a just a requirement for men in a relationship. One of the sexiest women I know isn't  the prettiest or "hottest" but her confidence makes her absolutely intoxicating. Its also important to note that confidence =/= ego. This woman is 100% aware of her worth and its not just physical, professional, emotional all that. She doesn't think shes better than anyone. She just knows what shes worth and thats sexy as fuck. 

Don't have confidence? Pretend. Act like you believe you are a desirable romantic partner until you realize that it is in fact the truth. You're not better than everyone else, but you're worth whatever trouble someone would have to go through for you. 

2) Don't make decisions for your potential partner - This is gonna take some explanation but I'm referencing what you mentioned about your baggage. 

*"You see I have this worry that because of all my baggage, men aren't going to be willing to give the relationship a try"* 

I'm very familiar with this sort of thinking. The reasons vary. But the thinking usually goes "This person probably won't like me so I won't even bother texting them/hitting them up." Or in the case of females you might deny an invitation to a date or something. And it all stems from the same concept. You're so afraid of rejection that you'd rather do the rejection yourself. So you disqualify yourself from the race before it even starts to keep from losing. And you cite reasons like "guys probably won't deal with my baggage" or "I'm probably not attractive enough." I've done it in the past, I've stopped hitting up girls who were interested because I had convinced myself "she'd just think I'm lame once we got together" and the fact of the matter was *nobody fucking asked me to make that decision for her. *

If shes interested in me and I'm interested in her, its kind of a cunty move for me to decide for her that she'd be better off elsewhere.  Shes a grown woman, she knows what the fuck she wants. And if its not me, she'll dip. 

This was one of the other main problems I had with this girl. In her case it was "awkwardness" everytime she'd have some sort of social faux pax she'd start really beating herself up and thinking that I was mad at her for some awkward shit she did as if I didn't realize she was fucking awkward when we met. I'm a grown man and kind of a dick at that. I have no problems cutting some off if its not worth it. And I found it annoying that I'd constantly have to remind her that dropping a pen or some shit wasn't a deal breaker. 

Likewise, I'm assuming your potential partners will be grown men. It can be scary if you truly have baggage because it feels like you're putting yourself out there with no clue as to whether or not the person is going to accept you. But in reality, thats all dating is. Its putting yourself out there and hoping someone catches you. And usually you have a pretty good idea whether or not they will before you put ALL your business out there but there is always an element of risk that the person won't catch you. But someone out there will. You might not get it right the first couple of times. Maybe even the first lot of times. But someone out there will decide you're worth the trouble. And that will be a good day. 

Hope this made sense, sorry for the length.

As for me, I prefer attraction over looks if that makes any sense. Theres some 6s I'd give my left arm for over some 9s I wouldn't bother with. 

Physical attraction and mental attraction are important. Same religious views are probably most important. And overall an interesting girl I can crack jokes with.


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## silentprincess (May 5, 2014)

I've been told that there are three levels of people, and that within those levels you should be aiming at attracting the people in your level. So Level one would be the super hot good looking people, the second are middle of the road, and the third are ugly people. People in the third level should not aim for level one, and level one people can only aim for their own level, whereas Level two can go for their own level and Level one, but shouldn't try their luck. 

I don't know if this person was just being a prat or they were being serious?


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## Surtur (May 5, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I've been told that there are three levels of people, and that within those levels you should be aiming at attracting the people in your level. So Level one would be the super hot good looking people, the second are middle of the road, and the third are ugly people. People in the third level should not aim for level one, and level one people can only aim for their own level, whereas Level two can go for their own level and Level one, but shouldn't try their luck.
> 
> I don't know if this person was just being a prat or they were being serious?



I have never heard of such a thing. The closest I have heard of is the arbitrary 1-10 scale.


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## Lefty's Revenge (May 5, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I've been told that there are three levels of people, and that within those levels you should be aiming at attracting the people in your level. So Level one would be the super hot good looking people, the second are middle of the road, and the third are ugly people. People in the third level should not aim for level one, and level one people can only aim for their own level, whereas Level two can go for their own level and Level one, but shouldn't try their luck.
> 
> I don't know if this person was just being a prat or they were being serious?



Horse shit, imo. 

   Like surtur said I go by the 1-10 scale model. Everyone somewhere on that scale physically and its highly subjective. But I don't think youre confined because of your rank. I just think of it in terms of ease of acquisition. I'm a male so take all of this with a grain of salt as attraction is kind of different for females. For example, I'm probably about a 6 (most common ranking for me, I'm cool with it.) Getting a girl 5 or lower probably would be easier for me than getting a 6 or higher. Theres nothing keeping me from getting a 10 if I set my mind to it. I just have to have the game for it and be prepared to put in some serious work. Likewise theres nothing that says a 2 couldn't get me if she had the confidence and was a dope enough person. 

   Same thing for you even if the game is a little different for you as a females. Scientifically speaking most people try to match their ranking. I'd argue most people try to keep within a 1 or two point window because its easier. (5s dating 4-6. or 3-7.)


My main point is this, don't buy into that "out of my league" shit. Alot of 9s amd 10s usually wind up dating down anyways.


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## Foulmouth (May 6, 2014)

Lefty's Revenge said:


> My main point is this, don't buy into that "out of my league" shit. Alot of 9s amd 10s usually wind up dating down anyways.


 
Not to mention a lot of 9s and 10s tend to be self absorbed fuckwits.


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## The Knife (May 6, 2014)

This is going to sound like sappy bullshit but loving someone tends to make them beautiful.  If you're in love with a 5 or 6, you reach the point where that 5 or 6 is the most beautiful creature in the world and you can't imagine them looking any other way.  What they look like has become part of what you love, no matter if it's a 2 or a 10.  In that way, it honestly doesn't matter where they started out, because they're going to turn into your 10 anyway.


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## Lefty's Revenge (May 6, 2014)

The Knife said:


> This is going to sound like sappy bullshit but loving someone tends to make them beautiful.  If you're in love with a 5 or 6, you reach the point where that 5 or 6 is the most beautiful creature in the world and you can't imagine them looking any other way.  What they look like has become part of what you love, no matter if it's a 2 or a 10.  In that way, it honestly doesn't matter where they started out, because they're going to turn into your 10 anyway.




I wouldn't call that sappy. Im pretty sure theres even biological reasons for this.


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## Some JERK (May 6, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I've been told that there are three levels of people, and that within those levels you should be aiming at attracting the people in your level. So Level one would be the super hot good looking people, the second are middle of the road, and the third are ugly people. People in the third level should not aim for level one, and level one people can only aim for their own level, whereas Level two can go for their own level and Level one, but shouldn't try their luck.
> 
> I don't know if this person was just being a prat or they were being serious?


what concerns me about that set of "rules" is that it's sorta' arbitrary as far as the levels. Who decides what level you're in? You? Your friends? Your mom? Also, it makes absolutely no attempt at laying down guidelines for personalities you should or shouldn't be going after. If you like nothing more than sitting at home watching netflix with someone, then you probably shouldn't be going after say, an adrenaline junkie-type who hates sitting still for more than 10 minutes.


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## cypocraphy (May 6, 2014)

College girls with huge tits.


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## Lefty's Revenge (May 7, 2014)

bungholio said:


> College girls with huge tits.



So you can bang their breasts until they get a DOSAGE of your comeUPPANCE?


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## Chikinballs (May 7, 2014)

The Knife said:


> This is going to sound like sappy bullshit but loving someone tends to make them beautiful.  If you're in love with a 5 or 6, you reach the point where that 5 or 6 is the most beautiful creature in the world and you can't imagine them looking any other way.  What they look like has become part of what you love, no matter if it's a 2 or a 10.  In that way, it honestly doesn't matter where they started out, because they're going to turn into your 10 anyway.


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## The Knife (May 7, 2014)

Chikinballs said:


> View attachment 1668


Case in point.  Chris is Barb's 10.


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## Chikinballs (May 7, 2014)

The Knife said:


> Case in point.  Chris is Barb's 10.


Ew.


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## silentprincess (May 8, 2014)

Chikinballs said:


> View attachment 1668





The Knife said:


> Case in point.  Chris is Barb's 10.





Chikinballs said:


> Ew.



Double ew


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## Foulmouth (May 9, 2014)

Nope , barb is no-ones 10 , I have it on good authority bob rated her a 3.
(Note- Good authority may be made up)


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## silentprincess (May 9, 2014)

There was this guy I liked in my old workplace, he was pretty cute, kinda nerdy looking to me. But then all the girls in the place liked him too. He was the kind of guy who loved himself way too much, and boasted about all the great things he has done, and how girls would follow him around when he went traveling. That should of been a sign that he wouldn't like someone like me, but I still liked him and wished he would notice me. Anyway a colleague/friend knew I liked him, and what has happened to me in the past, and I thought she would keep it a secret. But instead one day as I was working in one of the aisles behind one he was working in, I heard her tell him all the things I told her about my me liking him, and also what happened to me. 

It ended up that he would give me this face as if he was disgusted every time I saw him, and was dirty. I've seen those looks a lot from friends I trusted, and all the other crap they say without even needing to say it. And now I have those thoughts in my head all the time that the same will happen again, and I will end up dying alone with nobody, but cats and a couple of dogs. Not that I am being rude about pet owners, but I just want someone to share my life with, and love.


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## Sexual Stallone (May 9, 2014)

bungholio said:


> College girls with huge tits.


Asses are nice too


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## Venusaur (May 9, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> There was this guy I liked in my old workplace, he was pretty cute, kinda nerdy looking to me. But then all the girls in the place liked him too. He was the kind of guy who loved himself way too much, and boasted about all the great things he has done, and how girls would follow him around when he went traveling. That should of been a sign that he wouldn't like someone like me, but I still liked him and wished he would notice me. Anyway a colleague/friend knew I liked him, and what has happened to me in the past, and I thought she would keep it a secret. But instead one day as I was working in one of the aisles behind one he was working in, I heard her tell him all the things I told her about my me liking him, and also what happened to me.
> 
> It ended up that he would give me this face as if he was disgusted every time I saw him, and was dirty. I've seen those looks a lot from friends I trusted, and all the other crap they say without even needing to say it. And now I have those thoughts in my head all the time that the same will happen again, and I will end up dying alone with nobody, but cats and a couple of dogs. Not that I am being rude about pet owners, but I just want someone to share my life with, and love.



Silent, that guy is an asshole with no empathy.  The way he handled that situation is all the proof you need. Don't let one run in with an asshole scare you from trying again. It really sucks when stuff like that happens (I understand, trust me). And that colleage is an untrustwothy person. She probably did what she did to try to "get him", which is disgusting. It's not your fault, those two are just really shitty people. 

Again, don't let it scare you from trying again. It's really easy to get flooded with negative thoughts and let the self doubt eat you alive. You're a lovely person! Just ask in chat!


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## Have a Pepsi (May 9, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> There was this guy I liked in my old workplace, he was pretty cute, kinda nerdy looking to me. But then all the girls in the place liked him too. He was the kind of guy who loved himself way too much, and boasted about all the great things he has done, and how girls would follow him around when he went traveling. That should of been a sign that he wouldn't like someone like me, but I still liked him and wished he would notice me. Anyway a colleague/friend knew I liked him, and what has happened to me in the past, and I thought she would keep it a secret. But instead one day as I was working in one of the aisles behind one he was working in, I heard her tell him all the things I told her about my me liking him, and also what happened to me.
> 
> It ended up that he would give me this face as if he was disgusted every time I saw him, and was dirty. I've seen those looks a lot from friends I trusted, and all the other crap they say without even needing to say it. And now I have those thoughts in my head all the time that the same will happen again, and I will end up dying alone with nobody, but cats and a couple of dogs. Not that I am being rude about pet owners, but I just want someone to share my life with, and love.


There, there. You don't have to face such an experience alone. I've been victim to that scenario about seven-fold. I don't know if that's any consolation to you, but... You aren't alone.


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## silentprincess (May 9, 2014)

I was wondering if because everyone thinks I'm super sweet and kind, if that would turn a man off?


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## Chikinballs (May 9, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I was wondering if because everyone thinks I'm super sweet and kind, if that would turn a man off?


depends. almost always, no. ALWAYS, yes.


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## Have a Pepsi (May 9, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I was wondering if because everyone thinks I'm super sweet and kind, if that would turn a man off?


You sound just like my mirror, you know that? lol Anyway, that's one of the biggest reasons I like my waifu, so... I'd say not.


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## Chikinballs (May 9, 2014)

that chick aint special. go get that man.

i suck at relationships, but im good at getting the people im interested in's attention. it CAN be fun, win or lose.

sweet and nice is best most of he time, but in certain situations not so much.


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## Lefty's Revenge (May 10, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I was wondering if because everyone thinks I'm super sweet and kind, if that would turn a man off?



No. Those are wifey qualities. Besides being nice is underrated. 

And don't let those cunts mess with you or your self esteem. Part of confidence is how you handle rejection. I actually prefer this type of rejection because it leaves no reasonable room for you to question yourself. Obviously, this guys an asshole and so is that colleague. Don't let his insecurities give you new ones.


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## Chikinballs (May 10, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> There was this guy I liked in my old workplace, he was pretty cute, kinda nerdy looking to me. But then all the girls in the place liked him too. He was the kind of guy who loved himself way too much, and boasted about all the great things he has done, and how girls would follow him around when he went traveling. That should of been a sign that he wouldn't like someone like me, but I still liked him and wished he would notice me. Anyway a colleague/friend knew I liked him, and what has happened to me in the past, and I thought she would keep it a secret. But instead one day as I was working in one of the aisles behind one he was working in, I heard her tell him all the things I told her about my me liking him, and also what happened to me.
> 
> It ended up that he would give me this face as if he was disgusted every time I saw him, and was dirty. I've seen those looks a lot from friends I trusted, and all the other crap they say without even needing to say it. And now I have those thoughts in my head all the time that the same will happen again, and I will end up dying alone with nobody, but cats and a couple of dogs. Not that I am being rude about pet owners, but I just want someone to share my life with, and love.


Reading it again, i think you might be seeing something in it that isnt like that. Very few people i know will act grossed out at a crush, even if uninterested. Unless you did something like a cwc red string or he is like ten years old, it might just be in your head. Say hi to him one day, it cant hurt. Either he will be nice because he likes you just fine, or he will already find you disgusting so you cant make it any worse. Either way you look better for having done it.


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## Strewth (May 10, 2014)

I don't really know what I look for. I've never made the first approach, an never ended a relationship either, so I've really been a mere passenger in the relationship game!
The ladies it tends to go best with for me tend to be independent, with a great sense of humour, and strong opinions. 
I went out with a girl once who was actually great in every aspect except for the fact that she never laughed. It didn't last long, because we just couldn't connect over humour, although I wasn't the one that ended it. Those are the moments that cement relationships I think, those moments where you're both helpless with laughter.


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## silentprincess (May 10, 2014)

When I was told that men do not like women who worry, or women who have have mental health issues from people I know. These are the same people who told me about the levels, and being too nice is a turn off for men. All these were told to me by both my sisters boyfriend who raped me, the bullies in school, the colleagues, and my step brother who sexually abused me.

Why do people say things like that, don't they know how damaging it is to people? I thought I would let you all know this, and I hope I haven't upset anybody, made anybody uncomfortable, or given you all the wrong impression. If I have I am so very sorry for doing so, that is not a nice person for doing that.


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## Observers (May 10, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> When I was told that men do not like women who worry, or women who have have mental health issues from people I know. These are the same people who told me about the levels, and being too nice is a turn off for men. All these were told to me by both my sisters boyfriend who raped me, the bullies in school, the colleagues, and my step brother who sexually abused me.
> 
> Why do people say things like that, don't they know how damaging it is to people? I thought I would let you all know this, and I hope I haven't upset anybody, made anybody uncomfortable, or given you all the wrong impression. If I have I am so very sorry for doing so, that is not a nice person for doing that.




People are odd to say the least. What one man finds attractive another man finds repulsive. Men woman we are all the same in that regard. People usually give advice based on there perception of the world. My taste in woman is different then another mans. I tend not to give advice in such matters due to the fact that what is good for me is not what is good for you.

I can tell you that people are willing to over look things in relationships that they normally would not like if there are other qualities that make up for it. For example i can not stand my wifes profession but her creative mind and loving personality make up for it. (and the fact she puts up with me 

Some people are honestly trying to help others are just destructive people who want to pull you down with them.

You (and i have said this before and will say it again) are one of the single nicest people i have ever known. I am a very cold and jaded person who has little faith in people but you are one of those rare people who i really believe has a good heart,

Your "mental health issues" and "worrying" pale in comparison to your kind empathetic nature. More often then not Men (like woman) want to feel loved, respected, and important to the other person they are with. I have no doubt in my mind that you can not offer someone those wonderful gifts, the hard part is going to be finding somone that is worthy of you and someone that will not try to take advantage of your kindness. 

I am terribly sorry you were abused, my wife was also betrayed by a loved one and i have seen how deep those scars can go. I wish there was something i could say or do to help but i fear my skill set is to limited 

Keep your chin up my friend you are a very unique/special (not in a chris way  ) person. who i have very high respects for. You just need to start seeing yourself for how wonderful you really are.


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## Lefty's Revenge (May 10, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> When I was told that men do not like women who worry, or women who have have mental health issues from people I know. These are the same people who told me about the levels, and being too nice is a turn off for men. All these were told to me by both my sisters boyfriend who raped me, the bullies in school, the colleagues, and my step brother who sexually abused me.
> 
> Why do people say things like that, don't they know how damaging it is to people? I thought I would let you all know this, and I hope I haven't upset anybody, made anybody uncomfortable, or given you all the wrong impression. If I have I am so very sorry for doing so, that is not a nice person for doing that.




Generally, they say these things because people can be awful. I have an idea as to why those people did what they did but I've decided not to dignify what they did with a thought process. Lets cut to the chase. 

 I can only say this in response: You sound like an amazing person and more than likely your past trauma is mostly to blame for your current relationship issues. I'm going to lay down a tall order here so forgive me as I don't mean to come across as insensitive. 

What happened to you was terrible. Those people took away alot from you in the past. Peace, privacy, happiness, maybe some trust. But for your own sake you must not let them _continue_ to take away from you. Don't let yesterdays devil steal today's joy. We cannot erase the past. But the ultimate revenge for you is to find happiness right now. Your ultimate revenge is to take back that same joy, peace, privacy, and love for your self that they sought to take away. Your ultimate revenge will be to show them, the world, and most importantly yourself that you're stronger than what they said about you, stronger than what they did to you and that they ultimately failed at keeping you down.

In a word: Love yourself and men will be attracted to you. Thats a tall order, but I know you'll do it. Because you won't let those people in your past rob you of your future. You're gonna see yourself for who you really are and love that person. And then a man is gonna come and love you. 

I ain't worried about how you're gonna turn out. And you shouldn't either. Because we both know it'll all work out in the end.

I'm off my soapbox. I'm sorry for what happened to you. 


God Bless.


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## Some JERK (May 10, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I was wondering if because everyone thinks I'm super sweet and kind, if that would turn a man off?


No.


silentprincess said:


> Why do people say things like that, don't they know how damaging it is to people?


Depends on the person. Some people are genuinely trying to give solid advice but are ignorant of reality. Some people are just assholes.

Also consider this... maybe what you're being told is true of _most _guys. I don't know... but then think really hard about _most _people and ask yourself if that's really what you'd be interested in anyway.

The bottom line here is this... be who you are. I know that sounds hackneyed, but it's the truth. If who you are is a nice, sweet, (maybe slightly quirky/neurotic) person, then be that*. There are absolutely people out there who find that attractive, so what you've been told is incorrect. But also, what happens when you put on a facade to someone and they fall for that facade? You can't keep that act up forever. The 'real you' will break through over time, so why try to be with someone who isn't attracted to what you really are?

Again, I know this sounds like hallmark advice... but cliches are cliches for a reason sometimes. 


*(unless it causes you unhappiness outside of not having a relationship... then do what you need to do to make _yourself_ happier.)


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## Marvin (May 13, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I was wondering if because everyone thinks I'm super sweet and kind, if that would turn a man off?


Possibly. It'll depend a little bit on local culture, and a lot on personal tastes. Either way, it's probably something you can't change (or can't change very easily), so worrying about it is probably unproductive.

Personally, I can't seem to distinguish the difference between a girlfriend and merely a friend you can fuck. Is there a difference? I don't know. If there is one, I'm not seeing it.



Some JERK said:


> No.


Heh, no offense, but that's _absolutely_ not a correct answer. Some guys might be into passive women sure, but other guys might find it childish or naive. Every time they'd have sex, they'd feel guilty, like they're taking advantage of some childlike girl.

I don't know, I don't think you can really generalize that much about what attracts men worldwide. Or, hell, not even across the US. So much depends on local tastes. Attraction is very physical to men, so the most you can generalize is that men are interested in chests, butts, feet and penises. (And fascinatingly enough, gay men function in _exactly_ the same way, just, they're focusing on the chests, butts, feet and penises associated with men)

When men are thinking about sex, their minds break down to... like spider monkey level of functioning. And they're constantly thinking about sex. A woman is attractive (for a girlfriend position, anyway) first, and foremost, because she's attractive sexually.

Personally, I have two categories of people in my life, "friends" and "people I want to fuck." Sometimes there's overlap, and that'd be ideal, but it doesn't happen often. Heh, really, finding someone in that overlap is my goal.


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## Some JERK (May 13, 2014)

Marvin said:


> Heh, no offense, but that's _absolutely_ not a correct answer. Some guys might be into passive women sure, but other guys might find it childish or naive. Every time they'd have sex, they'd feel guilty, like they're taking advantage of some childlike girl.



None taken. I don't personally equate "nice" or "sweet" with "passive", "naive" or "timid" though. But I guess that comes back to the confidence thing. Some people are nice and sweet because they lack the confidence to be otherwise. Some are that way because they genuinely are positive, considerate people who will also just happen to kill you stone dead if you threaten them or rock your world if they ever get you alone.

But you're right. You can't offhandedly generalize. It really depends on the situation and the person at hand.


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## Marvin (May 13, 2014)

Some JERK said:


> None taken. I don't personally equate "nice" or "sweet" with "passive", "naive" or "timid" though. But I guess that comes back to the confidence thing. Some people are nice and sweet because they lack the confidence to be otherwise. Some are that way because they genuinely are positive, considerate people who will also just happen to kill you stone dead if you threaten them or rock your world if they ever get you alone.
> 
> But you're right. You can't offhandedly generalize. It really depends on the situation and the person at hand.


Well, to me, genuinely nice people do exist, but that they exist amazes me. They just have great social skills, I guess. Personally, I'm not a dick to people or anything, but still I'm just constantly thinking about how I appear to people. I have no brain power left to worry about going over the limit and being _extra_ nice to people. I'm just doing my best to not seem weird.

Genuinely nice people are like a rare thing to encounter, for me. I'm amazed when I encounter them. Like a black swan. More often than not, when people are extra nice, I usually assume there's a reason or something behind it. I mean, not that that's bad, everybody has their reasons, but the thought is definitely on my mind.

Heh, but of course, that could just be my luck.


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## KatsuKitty (May 13, 2014)

Um, I look for male gender, baseline health,  and intelligence.  Everything else I could kind of negotiate.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (May 13, 2014)

What Katsu said, but female gender for me.


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## silentprincess (May 13, 2014)

I'm not being nice for the sake of being, it might be  confidence, but my mum and my friend has always told me I've got a big heart. Maybe people think this is all fake, but I know it isn't.


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## silentprincess (May 13, 2014)

I guess a women worrier is the same? Men don't like women worriers?


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## Observers (May 13, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I guess a women worrier is the same? Men don't like women worriers?




It depends on the man, some will not some will like it, Most will be neutral on it. There are so many bigger deal breakers then a worrier. I cant speak for all men, but for me a women worrier is not a deal breaker. 

You do seem to have a very big heart and a lovely personality You just need to give yourself more credit.

Just make sure when you find someone he deserves you. Never settle


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## Surtur (May 14, 2014)

Observers said:


> It depends on the man, some will not some will like it, Most will be neutral on it. There are so many bigger deal breakers then a worrier. I cant speak for all men, but for me a women worrier is not a deal breaker.
> 
> You do seem to have a very big heart and a lovely personality You just need to give yourself more credit.
> 
> Just make sure when you find someone he deserves you. Never settle



This. You are way past cool SP.


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## Holdek (May 14, 2014)

Holdek said:


> gay


Sorry, even though I was rusing, this was kind of rude.


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## exball (May 14, 2014)

Holdek said:


> Sorry, even though I was rusing, this was kind of rude.


gay


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## BT 075 (May 14, 2014)

People want a huge, thick, throbbing IQ. That's what bitches look for in a partner.


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## silentprincess (May 18, 2014)

I've been thinking that maybe I have been putting too much pressure on myself, seeing other people have partners and feeling inadequate because it hasn't happened for me. People around me getting engaged and married, and I'm just here in a sense. I keep wondering why it has happened for me, and that I'm 30 and I should be at least engaged, married and having children by now. I feel like my time for this is running away fast, and the deep pressure of needing to do it now because otherwise it will never happen. I don't want to go for the first guy who is nice to me, and end up unhappy and alone with no support. I just want to be happy, and find someone who is right for me.


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## BatNapalm (May 18, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I've been thinking that maybe I have been putting too much pressure on myself, seeing other people have partners and feeling inadequate because it hasn't happened for me. People around me getting engaged and married, and I'm just here in a sense. I keep wondering why it has happened for me, and that I'm 30 and I should be at least engaged, married and having children by now. I feel like my time for this is running away fast, and the deep pressure of needing to do it now because otherwise it will never happen. I don't want to go for the first guy who is nice to me, and end up unhappy and alone with no support. I just want to be happy, and find someone who is right for me.



You get married and have kids because you want to, not because someone tells you that you should or you feel pressured into it. You really have to look at the problems that people who have started families have (i.e. the "what comes next" after you do get married and have kids) and ask yourself if this is really what will make you happy.


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## BT 075 (May 18, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I've been thinking that maybe I have been putting too much pressure on myself, seeing other people have partners and feeling inadequate because it hasn't happened for me.



Don't feel inadequate over things you have so little control over. It's a combination of luck, chance, being in the right place at the right time. Feeling inadequate over not finding a partner is like feeling inadequate over not winning the lottery; you may have more control on the whole partner situation, sure, but forcing things is never a good idea.



silentprincess said:


> People around me getting engaged and married, and I'm just here in a sense. I keep wondering why it has happened for me, and that I'm 30 and I should be at least engaged, married and having children by now.



Some people are, some people aren't. There are women who have their first kid at twenty, others don't have one until they're in their late thirties or even early forties. Some people marry yet never have children because they either don't want to, or are somehow unable to. And others live together for decades as boyfriend and girlfriend, never to actually tie the knot and get married. My parents, aunts and uncles all are in long, lasting and stable relationships and have children but none of them are married.

The notion that the perfect picture means: engagement, marriage, children, is kind of old-fashioned. In the year 2014 one can have one or two of these without one of the others. You don't have to be married in order to have kids, and you don't have to have kids as soon as you're married. There is also a growing number of women who seek out a sperm donor or enter the process of adoption to become a single mother and live a full life with a career and a family without any man being in the picture. Because why not? If you have the financial stability and the time for it, there are ways to be found that do not involve marriage or a relationship.



silentprincess said:


> I feel like my time for this is running away fast, and the deep pressure of needing to do it now because otherwise it will never happen. I don't want to go for the first guy who is nice to me, and end up unhappy and alone with no support. I just want to be happy, and find someone who is right for me.



If it's love that you're after, try dating sites. You seem like a very shy person and chatting extensively with someone over the internet without having to meet face-to-face right away can be very comforting. Once you get to know one another better, set up a physical date and see where it takes you. Desperation is never a good compass, so don't throw yourself out there with this stressful now-or-never mentality. That will only get you all riled up and nervous! Just, relax, keep a cool head, stay calm. You seem like an awesome person and I am sure you will find someone who's perfect for you.

Work on your insecurities. Learn to love yourself for who you are. Breathe in. Breathe out. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful. And don't walk away from your reflection until you mean it. Then go out there, and have yourself some fun. Good things will come to you. For every woman like you, alone by herself, there's a lonesome guy waiting and vice versa. 

Good luck!


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## silentprincess (May 18, 2014)

The pressure mostly comes from my parents, especially my mum. She keeps going on about how I should be giving her grandchildren now, and I should be married now too. It's like she thinks I have disappointed her by being depressed, not that she blames me for it. But she keeps telling me about how she envisioned me doing all those things by now, and how I am too picky when it comes to finding men.


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## BT 075 (May 18, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> The pressure mostly comes from my parents, especially my mum. She keeps going on about how I should be giving her grandchildren now, and I should be married now too.



Parents can be that. Especially if you don't have any siblings that have given her grandchildren already, I can imagine it would be a painful thing for her. Either way, it's your life and not hers and you live it for yourself. It is YOU that should be happy by the decisions you make, first and foremost. You seem like a person who puts the needs of others before your own, but you shouldn't forget your own wishes in all of this.

If you want a partner, love, children, then that's perfectly fine and they are goals you share with many others. And if it is your wish, then that is what you should be doing it for. Not your mother, however fond you may be of her and however close your bond may be. It's your life after all. Not hers. 



silentprincess said:


> It's like she thinks I have disappointed her by being depressed, not that she blames me for it.



She probably hates to see her daughter unhappy. I would hate to see my daughter being unhappy, depressed and unfulfilled in life. No parent in their right mind would want their child being miserable. You may be wrongly interpreting her sadness at seeing you down as disappointment, but then again I do not know your mother and the bond you have with her so it's hard to tell.



silentprincess said:


> But she keeps telling me about how she envisioned me doing all those things by now, and how I am too picky when it comes to finding men.



A lot of people are picky, there's no shame in that. Too many broken homes and unhappy marriages are the result of people jumping into the marital ship too hastily. Chances are you are a lot more equipped to make certain life decisions now then you were ten years ago at twenty. Had you made your mum a grandmother a decade ago chances are she would have complained about how much help you would still need from her. Or perhaps about your choice of partner. There's always something to complain about and some people are difficult to please. In the end, your goal should be to please yourself. The rest will come along just fine once you yourself are in a good place.

Determine for yourself what you want to do with your life, and why. Then work towards achieving it. For what it's worth, I believe in you!


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## silentprincess (May 18, 2014)

I think my mum wants me to have a baby because my step sister has a child, but she wants me to have one because then it will feel more like her own grandchild. If that makes sense?

Also I've tried internet dating, but the men on there talk about rude things and then ask me to send naked pictures of myself, after sening naked pictures of themselves which makes me very uncomfortable.


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## BT 075 (May 18, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I think my mum wants me to have a baby because my step sister has a child, but she wants me to have one because then it will feel more like her own grandchild. If that makes sense?



That makes sense. Her stepdaughter is not her flesh and blood, you are. So if you have a child it's her biological grandchild and she may feel a closer connection to it. I can see where she is coming from, but she should not be putting pressure on you because pressure is not going to help you. Staying calm is.



silentprincess said:


> Also I've tried internet dating, but the men on there talk about rude things and then ask me to send naked pictures of myself, after sening naked pictures of themselves which makes me very uncomfortable.



Those people are very common on the internet, sadly enough. Many people are perverts in real life, and on the internet they don't feel the same bounderies holding them back as they feel in the outside, offline world. The type of guy who sends you a pic of his junk right away isn't boyfriend material, let alone father material. At most a guy like that would be looking for a one night stand.

Try a chat site. Befriend people. Then see what can grow from there on out. The best and most stable of relationships start off as a friendship first.


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## Some JERK (May 18, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> The pressure mostly comes from my parents, especially my mum. She keeps going on about how I should be giving her grandchildren now, and I should be married now too. It's like she thinks I have disappointed her by being depressed, not that she blames me for it. But she keeps telling me about how she envisioned me doing all those things by now, and how I am too picky when it comes to finding men.


I know you love your mother but your life belongs to you, and should only be beholden to or measured against your own hopes and dreams for it.


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## Ariel (May 19, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> The pressure mostly comes from my parents, especially my mum. She keeps going on about how I should be giving her grandchildren now, and I should be married now too. It's like she thinks I have disappointed her by being depressed, not that she blames me for it. But she keeps telling me about how she envisioned me doing all those things by now, and how I am too picky when it comes to finding men.



I know the feeling, my mum has made it very clear that she wants grandchildren. Things suddenly went from 'don't settle down too young' to 'GRANDCHILDREN NOW!'


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## A-№1 (May 19, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I was wondering if because everyone thinks I'm super sweet and kind, if that would turn a man off?


Depends on the man.  Everyone has different tastes.

The only issue I can see with it is the sort of men who are into quiet, retiring, sweet girls who don't stand up for themselves are often also creepy, domineering, control freak men.

However there are also those who will be quite happy to take you gently by the hand and teach you the Ways of Evil.  Or, you know, just grow old quietly together.  It takes all sorts.


silentprincess said:


> The pressure mostly comes from my parents, especially my mum. She keeps going on about how I should be giving her grandchildren now, and I should be married now too.


RESIST THAT PRESSURE.​
Seriously.  Living your life on someone else's schedule is a sure fire way to fuck it up hard core.


silentprincess said:


> I think my mum wants me to have a baby because my step sister has a child, but she wants me to have one because then it will feel more like her own grandchild. If that makes sense?


It makes sense.  Genetic imperatives run pretty deep.


> Also I've tried internet dating, but the men on there talk about rude things and then ask me to send naked pictures of myself, after sening naked pictures of themselves which makes me very uncomfortable.


Yeah, you're not unique in that experience.  It helps if you can laugh at those twits, preferably while pointing.


Spoiler










But seriously, internet dating is a hit or miss thing with a lot more miss than hit.  It's better to meet people in real life through common interests and see what happens from there.  Even if you don't make any romantic attachments, you'll still have fun doing something you enjoy with other people who also enjoy it.


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## silentprincess (May 19, 2014)

You guys are helping me chatting to people and guys, and I want to thank you for that. I'm starting to feel more and more confident with talking to people, and slowly coming out of my shyness, though I know I will always be shy it's my personality trait. 

I don't want to be one of those girls who lets a man hurt her, and be all docile and forgive him for doing it. Or one of those girls who lets her man cheat on her over and over again, because she's scared of not finding someone else. I don't want to be creepy, domineering, and control freak men, it scares the hell out of me to be that way to man.


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## Foulmouth (May 19, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> You guys are helping me chatting to people and guys, and I want to thank you for that. I'm starting to feel more and more confident with talking to people, and slowly coming out of my shyness, though I know I will always be shy it's my personality trait.
> 
> I don't want to be one of those girls who lets a man hurt her, and be all docile and forgive him for doing it. Or one of those girls who lets her man cheat on her over and over again, because she's scared of not finding someone else. I don't want to be creepy, domineering, and control freak men, it scares the hell out of me to be that way to man.


 
Good on you !
Settling for someone just to have someone is often a bad idea,It may take time but finding someone good is worth it.


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## Some JERK (May 19, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I don't want to be one of those girls who lets a man hurt her, and be all docile and forgive him for doing it. Or one of those girls who lets her man cheat on her over and over again, because she's scared of not finding someone else. I don't want to be creepy, domineering, and control freak men, it scares the hell out of me to be that way to man.


then you won't be.


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## Fialovy (May 19, 2014)

Yeah, it's a pretty common experience with internet dating, usually you're just supposed to delete those messages and block whoever creep sent them. There is a reason why there are so many blogs and tumblrs and whatnot involving creepy MRA/"nice guy"/loveshy types and their profiles. OkCupid, because its free tends to be notorious for that, but even on paid sites to some extent. There plenty of people out there on those sites who just want to get laid and are not looking for anything serious or long-term. 

Also, I think that if you don't want to be like any one of those really passive girls and just the fact you say that shows that you are motivated to not do that and be assertive, that says a lot right there. Assertiveness is a good quality to have, but it can be difficult to master since it is easy to fall into the trap of being too aggressive or too passive, but once you finally figure out how to be assertive, it's an excellent quality for every aspect of your life, not just relationships, but also your occupation and well, a lot of things really.


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## A-№1 (May 19, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I'm starting to feel more and more confident with talking to people, and slowly coming out of my shyness, though I know I will always be shy it's my personality trait.


Personally I look forward to the day when you finally hulk out at some asshat sperg on the forums and rip him several new ones.  Because when it's you finally doing that, I know the sperg will have seriously deserved it, and it will be glorious to see.

And I don't think I'm alone in this.


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## Marvin (May 19, 2014)

BatNapalm said:


> You get married and have kids because you want to, not because someone tells you that you should or you feel pressured into it. You really have to look at the problems that people who have started families have (i.e. the "what comes next" after you do get married and have kids) and ask yourself if this is really what will make you happy.


Pfft, definitely this. Hell, I'm looking into getting a vasectomy and I'm in my early twenties. Why the hell would I want kids? Little shits with chocolate smeared all over their faces, running around ruining everything? Forget that.

I mean, sure there are real parental people out there, and good for them. But it sure as hell ain't for me.


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## A-№1 (May 19, 2014)

Marvin said:


> Pfft, definitely this. Hell, I'm looking into getting a vasectomy and I'm in my early twenties. Why the hell would I want kids? Little shits with chocolate smeared all over their faces, running around ruining everything? Forget that.


Absolutely.  I cannot agree with this more.  If someone doesn't want kids, _they shouldn't have them_.  And vasectomies are a good way of making certain you don't unintentionally get roped into having kids against your will.

If someone is really concerned they might change their mind later, well it's reversible, or they could store some sperm in a sperm bank, or even adopt.  There are a lot of really good kids out there wanting adoption, and with the older ones you get to bypass the horrible, sticky, smelly, stuff wrecking phase.

Edit: If only Bob had gotten a vasectomy after his first marriage, he would have been much happier later in life.


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## Grand Number of Pounds (May 19, 2014)

I'm thinking I'd like to be a foster parent once I get settled down.

If parenting isn't for you but you want to be involved in a kid's life, there are a lot of organizations that will let you mentor or coach at risk kids. I'm sure they're always looking for good people to help out. 

Or you can help with a friend who has kids, because I'm sure they need a break every once in awhile too.

And all that stuff lets you practice if you ever decide to have kids of your own.


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## Mogambo (May 20, 2014)

I just got out of a long term relationship and yes, I do get pressure from my parents and my grandfather to start having kids. As you might imagine, that's rather difficult without a woman. And as I've found it, its rather hard to meet new people at my age, and most of my female friends and colleagues are in long term relationships themselves. I'll admit that I miss my ex and it gets lonely sometimes, but I'm not entirely sure I want a relationship. I certainly don't want to be pushed into it simply because my family expects it. I feel like that's just a bad path to go down. One that will inevitably lead to divorce, legal battles and less money than I started out with...

Anyway, one huge thing is that I believe you need to have some level of sexual attraction in a partner. Now I don't necessarily mean she has to be a supermodel or something, but I don't think its fair to get into a relationship with someone if you don't intend to consummate it. Otherwise, I'd just stay friends. Beyond that one basic requirement? Well, intelligence and a sense of humor are pretty important. I suppose I like women who are more open for doing things, not the type who want to stay home all day. I like travelling, I like going to concerts, I like visiting museums and seeing movies... if a woman doesn't like that, I'm not sure I could have a long term relationship.

Oh, and snakes. Before I'll hook up with anyone, I'm going to make sure she's cool with snakes. I'm not giving up my boas for anyone.


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## BOLDYSPICY! (May 20, 2014)

The best therapist I ever had summed up my ideal romantic partner better than I ever could:
"You want a girl who's smart, relaxed, quiet, perhaps a little introverted. Someone that can balance out your strong personality. She has to be submissive, but not too much, because that's weakness & you hate that."
Congratulations, princess, you're my perfect woman. I hope you like fat, hairy, aggressive lesbians. :p 

In all seriousness, though, one thing I've found is that you really can't love someone until you learn to love yourself. You've been through a lot of shit, & you are much, _much _stronger than you give yourself credit for. You seem to radiate boundless kindness, sweetness, & gentleness through every one of your posts. People like you are so very rare & precious, & I wish I could round up everyone who's ever so much as looked at you the wrong way & punch them in the dick(s). TL;DR, you're really something special, dammit. & while it's hard to believe that about yourself, once you do, everything else will fall into place. Hang in there, babe. <3


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## caffeinated_wench (May 20, 2014)

Hi there! I remember being a lot like you. Being used by the first guy I felt something for didn't help either. I didn't think anyone would love me, though part of that was projecting my own self-loathing. I admit, parts of it remain; there are days where I look in the mirror and think "I'm okay with myself" then there are days where I think "Holy fuck, I'm hideous and there's nothing to like about me." 

Now, though, I'm in a relationship with a wonderful person who's funny, dorky, confident, patient, creative, smart, caring... He enjoys vidya and absolutely adores kitties. He wants me to be my best and express myself, as well as communicate. I've been to therapy and have slowly built up some self-confidence. My boyfriend has also helped by encouraging me, and sometimes it makes me want to cry because it feels so wonderful to have someone who doesn't treat me like I'm a mindless drone.

I know it's hard to believe, but there are plenty out there who will love you past your looks. There are some people out there who don't base it on looks at all and are attracted solely to personalities.

It's true as BOLDY said, that you must first begin to love yourself. The journey won't be an easy one; there will be times where you'll find yourself falling into that old line of thinking. It's okay. It'll get better with time and you'll find yourself becoming more confident. Just keep at it, and many of us here will help dust you off and set you back on that path should you need us.


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## Pine Tar (May 20, 2014)

I hope the best for you, silentprincess. You seem like the kind of woman who will make a good man really, really happy someday. Just don't feel like you have to go on your Love Quest now. That will never end well.


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## Holdek (May 20, 2014)

Marvin said:


> Pfft, definitely this. Hell, I'm looking into getting a vasectomy and I'm in my early twenties. Why the hell would I want kids? Little shits with chocolate smeared all over their faces, running around ruining everything? Forget that.
> 
> I mean, sure there are real parental people out there, and good for them. But it sure as hell ain't for me.


I might do it if I was rich and had a full time au pair that my wife and I could hand them off to for the unpleasentries.

It reminds me of this Louis CK bit, where he says being a divorced father with shared custody is great because there's a point where he gets to say goodbye to his kids and he's not going to have to see them for a full week .


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## The Dude (May 21, 2014)

A pulse, but it isn't always a prerequisite.


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## Mogambo (May 21, 2014)

The Dude said:


> A pulse, but it isn't always a prerequisite.



Hey, why not. There are plenty of hot vampire chicks in movies, and I contend there are some hot zombies too. Ever seen Zombie Strippers?


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## silentprincess (May 24, 2014)

I heard from someone a long time ago, that men don't like making love to women who were abused, raped, or are a virgin. They said it was very off putting, and that men don't want a women who is going to have flashbacks of the events, or have to be really careful with the women because of her needs. And that I am going to find it very hard to find someone who is willing to be patient enough to put up with these things, which made me really angry because now it reinforces my belief that I am worthless and dirty.


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## Strewth (May 24, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I heard from someone a long time ago, that men don't like making love to women who were abused, raped, or are a virgin. They said it was very off putting, and that men don't want a women who is going to have flashbacks of the events, or have to be really careful with the women because of her needs. And that I am going to find it very hard to find someone who is willing to be patient enough to put up with these things, which made me really angry because now it reinforces my belief that I am worthless and dirty.



As someone who was in a two year relationship with a rape survivor I can tell you that it doesn't matter to me. Of course, I can't speak for all men, but I'm sure it wouldn't to anyone who cared about you.


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## Surtur (May 24, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I heard from someone a long time ago, that men don't like making love to women who were abused, raped, or are a virgin. They said it was very off putting, and that men don't want a women who is going to have flashbacks of the events, or have to be really careful with the women because of her needs. And that I am going to find it very hard to find someone who is willing to be patient enough to put up with these things, which made me really angry because now it reinforces my belief that I am worthless and dirty.



You are way cool SP, not worthless at all.


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## BT 075 (May 24, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I heard from someone a long time ago, that men don't like making love to women who were abused, raped, or are a virgin. They said it was very off putting, and that men don't want a women who is going to have flashbacks of the events, or have to be really careful with the women because of her needs. And that I am going to find it very hard to find someone who is willing to be patient enough to put up with these things, which made me really angry because now it reinforces my belief that I am worthless and dirty.



I can only speak for myself here, but to me to sleep with a virgin is extremely flattering. It's one of the most precious things you can give your partner in a relationship: your first time. You don't just give it to anyone. Some people do. In fact many. My own first time wasn't all that special, no love involved. It was simply a milestone on a personal level but it was not anywhere near as sweet as it would've been with the person I love most in this world.

If you find a nice man, someone caring and kind, he will not dislike you for being a virgin. He will be flattered, touched, moved by the amount of trust you put into him. Especially with your past as a survivor of abuse. That only makes it more meaningful that you trust him, of all people.

You are not dirty and you are not worthless. You are a kind and a caring person and this community has embraced you and accepted you fully. If we can all grow fond of you, like and accept you, why couldn't there be a man out there for you who accepts, embraces and grows fond of you in the same way? I don't know you too well but from all I've heard of you I am sure you are the type of person who would make a partner very happy to have you.

Don't be so negative of yourself. You're fine. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You yourself the least of all!


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## Alec Benson Leary (May 25, 2014)

Every girl I've ever pursued - successfully or not - was a girl that I knew for a while, and didn't even give much thought to when I first met them. Hell, sometimes it takes months before I start to feel an attraction. So I guess personality is really the biggest motivator for me.


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## SmugTomato (May 25, 2014)

didn't read thread, just saw the title and thought to post this.


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## Mogambo (May 25, 2014)

Alec Benson Leary said:


> Every girl I've ever pursued - successfully or not - was a girl that I knew for a while, and didn't even give much thought to when I first met them. Hell, sometimes it takes months before I start to feel an attraction. So I guess personality is really the biggest motivator for me.



You know, its funny you say that, but it's true for me too. Only very rarely have I fallen for a girl immediately upon meeting her. Most recently, I've developed feelings for a coworker. I mean, when we first met I thought she was cute (and she is), but it took me time to develop a full on crush. And its rather unfortunate since she's going to be moving to Lancashire.


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## Niachu (May 25, 2014)

I go for smarts. Generally I don't look twice at a guy unless he seems intellectually driven.

My biggest crush in high school was this guy who was kinda short, walked with a slouch, had acne and dressed pretty lazily. But he was SUPER smart, outgoing, and had this genuine maturity about him that made him endearing. I've found someone else like that in college. He's smart, outgoing and driven with his pet passion and someone I'd just want to talk to for hours.

Oh and glasses.


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## silentprincess (May 25, 2014)

This is not for sensitive people, it goes into a little bit of detail of things that have happened. 



Spoiler



The reason I consider myself a virgin, is that when my stepbrother sexually abused me, he did anally, which the police and court said was very unusual and other things. In addition, when my sister’s ex-boyfriend raped me, he tried to force himself inside, but I fought him and then he held me down and started to put his mouth inside me instead. I was told by my therapist, that, that is still considered rape.



If the mods wish to delete this post, I am sorry for being rude and nasty and horrible.


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## exball (May 25, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> This is not for sensitive people, it goes into a little bit of detail of things that have happened.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You're not rude nasty or horrible to anybody.


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## Pine Tar (May 25, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> This is not for sensitive people, it goes into a little bit of detail of things that have happened.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You're fine. Don't worry. Honestly, I think it's very brave of you to tell a forum full of strangers what happened to you.


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## Have a Pepsi (May 25, 2014)

I'm just going to take a leap of faith and ask... Would it be attention-whoring or bastardly of me to ask you guys for support, too?

I'm sorry, silentprincess, I'm not trying to take attention away from you, I hope it doesn't seem that way. And I'm not ignoring you by not giving you advice either; I feel like a forever aloner, too, and my advice would be... well... to put it bluntly: god-awful. :/


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## silentprincess (May 25, 2014)

Have a Pepsi said:


> I'm just going to take a leap of faith and ask... Would it be attention-whoring or bastardly of me to ask you guys for support, too?
> 
> I'm sorry, silentprincess, I'm not trying to take attention away from you, I hope it doesn't seem that way. And I'm not ignoring you by not giving you advice either; I feel like a forever aloner, too, and my advice would be... well... to put it bluntly: god-awful. :/



It's okay, sorry I haven't messaged back. 

I would make a thread of your own, and ask. People here are pretty good. I'm sorry I'm not very helpful, I hope you get the help you need.


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## Lefty's Revenge (May 26, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> This is not for sensitive people, it goes into a little bit of detail of things that have happened.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Victim shaming is real. You get abused and somehow you think you're the nasty one. 

You're a virgin and thats not a turn off to most men. If a guy cares about you none of those other things will matter really. That not even me trying to make you feel better. If I met a girl who was a really good match and found out while dating she had been abused and/or raped in the past I'm not gonna suddenly dip.


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## silentprincess (May 27, 2014)

Do I sound desperate and creepy? 

Also let me know if I am tell you all too much information, I don't want to upset people and make the disgusted with me, and if I am I am very very sorry I don't mean to.


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## BT 075 (May 27, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> Do I sound desperate and creepy?



You don't. If anything, you sound like the type of person who is so shy and has such low and fragile self esteem that at times, you probably even wonder if you deserve to be happy with someone, or happy in general. And you shouldn't because here's the thing... you're a genuinely nice person and you deserve to be happy.



silentprincess said:


> Also let me know if I am tell you all too much information, I don't want to upset people and make the disgusted with me, and if I am I am very very sorry I don't mean to.



You don't upset anyone and no one is disgusted with you. You are a good person, you came here and asked for advice and plenty of equally nice people gave you heaps of good advice across many pages. They wouldn't have done that if you disgusted or annoyed people.


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## Foulmouth (May 27, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> Do I sound desperate and creepy?
> 
> Also let me know if I am tell you all too much information, I don't want to upset people and make the disgusted with me, and if I am I am very very sorry I don't mean to.


 
Silentprincess, I think you are the opposite of creepy, Desperate- No, not at all, your just trying to find out where you are in life.
All I can say is you are honestly one of the nicest people I've met here, don't beat yourself up if you are feeling down.


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## Pine Tar (May 27, 2014)

You don't need to reassure yourself that you're not desperate or creepy. If you question whether or not you are, that tells me that you have enough self-awareness that you wouldn't allow yourself to be desperate or creepy.


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## silentprincess (May 28, 2014)

I've been thinking that maybe I have been coming across as a victim, instead of a normal person. And I'm scared that I am making you feel sorry for me, for what has happened. Like I am attention seeking, and using you guys, and if it does come across like that I am so, so, so, so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, annoy you, or cause you any trouble.


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## Niachu (May 29, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> I've been thinking that maybe I have been coming across as a victim, instead of a normal person. And I'm scared that I am making you feel sorry for me, for what has happened. Like I am attention seeking, and using you guys, and if it does come across like that I am so, so, so, so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, annoy you, or cause you any trouble.



If this is therapeutic for you don't apologize for it.


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## Flowers For Sonichu (May 29, 2014)

I don't have a set criteria, just dealbreakers and bonus points.

dealbreakers:
Right wing nutjob
uses Buzzfeed as their primary source for news and information
rude to service employees
pointing out my various flaws that I am unable to do anything about.   I already know I have a funny voice.  I already know I'm almost 30 and can't grow a beard.  Yes, my hands shake all the time.  Yes, I vomit when I'm nervous.
420 unfriendly (I have chronic nausea and struggle with maintaining my weight and medicinal has been more effective and cheaper than any other medication)
Mocks my nerdy pastimes like pen and paper RPGs, historical miniature wargame conventions, and obsessing over baseball.
Alcoholic

bonus points:
job that makes money (I am a non-union teacher. it's not pretty).  life goal: marry a hot sueprsc
booty like jello
friendly pets that I can play with when we hang out
a new generation gaming system

side note: I get a lot of messages on okcupid from women with some seriously unresolved "hot teacher" thirst and I'm concerned that when we're gettin freaky they're going to be imagining I'm their 10th grade science teacher.  Does this happen to other people based on their profession?


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## BT 075 (May 29, 2014)

hurrhurrhurr said:


> *booty like jello*



Why hello there!


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## Marvin (May 29, 2014)

Satan said:


> Why hello there!


I do not like this.


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## Zim (May 29, 2014)

Marvin said:


> I do not like this.



Wait... I thought this was a picture of you though! Dang it... 

First and formost I like a girl who has a sense of humor and who I can actually hold a conversation with. I've had times where I talk to a girl and I have to explain words I'm using to them constantly. That gets sort of old.

Also, obviously, I've got to be attracted to her too.


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## fuzzypickles (Jun 18, 2014)

As for what I look for in a woman, what I desire most from her is a strong wit, a good sense of humor, is patient with people and has a sense of self-reliance. 

As far as physical beauty is concerned, I'm not particularly picky or demanding, although I would avoid dating women who look like this:





On a serious note, silentprincess, even though I don't know you well, I just want to tell you that you are not a victim, but a survivor. You are a survivor for the fact that while horrible things have happened to you, you still remain a kind soul to those around you, and that's something I think you're better at than I am. I get pissed off and spiteful over far pettier matters in the real world, yet you continue to show kindness to other people after things so much worse, which is, in my opinion, a character trait that I wish I had now that I've read what you had to say. But enough about me. Just be yourself; be strong, be loving, and never bend to the will of anyone else.


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## Watcher (Jun 18, 2014)

I don't usually create big lists. I just value a good conversation and a decent amount of logic to stimulate one. Valuing fellow interests is also a plus, but I've dated girls that are into wildly different things than I am.


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## ChurchOfGodBear (Jun 20, 2014)

Just want to throw this out there... The one thing I need in a partner, the one thing I can't do without... intelligence.  I've dated dumb girls in the past and it was the most miserable experience of my life.  I don't mean she needs to be a physicist or whatever (though it'd be nice...) I mean she just has to be able to have an adult conversation about a lot of different topics.  She has to enjoy learning new things and exploring all the world has to offer.

...And yet, people act weird if you tell them intelligence is that important to you.


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## Marvin (Jun 21, 2014)

ChurchOfGodBear said:


> Just want to throw this out there... The one thing I need in a partner, the one thing I can't do without... intelligence.  I've dated dumb girls in the past and it was the most miserable experience of my life.  I don't mean she needs to be a physicist or whatever (though it'd be nice...) I mean she just has to be able to have an adult conversation about a lot of different topics.  She has to enjoy learning new things and exploring all the world has to offer.
> 
> ...And yet, people act weird if you tell them intelligence is that important to you.


Intelligence is vague. If you're not retarded, you can probably be intelligent about a lot of things. You just have to find someone where those things match up with the things you want to be intelligent about.

I mean, there are lots of topics out there I don't give a shit about. I can see how someone might enjoy them, but I'd be terribly bored trying to talk about them with someone. I find computer stuff fascinating, but yet I know better than to try to have a conversation with non-computer people about it.

Hell, even my deadbeat cousin could still talk intelligently about some topics, I'm sure. Probably racism, I would guess.


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## ChurchOfGodBear (Jun 21, 2014)

My ex wasn't retarded, but she wasn't capable of talking at length about anything, not even stuff that interested her.  It was like trying to dialog with Beavis.


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## Marvin (Jun 22, 2014)

ChurchOfGodBear said:


> My ex wasn't retarded, but she wasn't capable of talking at length about anything, not even stuff that interested her.  It was like trying to dialog with Beavis.


How was she not retarded? I'm confused. Genuinely.


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## Grey (Jun 22, 2014)

For me it ultimately depends on the person/circumstance/etc.  I'd rather not pin myself down to an absolute 'type' or set of criteria, because everyone's unique and obviously there will always be cases that defy pre-set rules.  If I like someone, I go from there - I may not even be able to immediately identify what makes them special; it's just a feeling.

Very broadly speaking I'm more attracted to women that are kind, thoughtful and that have integrity.  Intelligence might help, but being smart and being able to think are different things, I've found - the latter is more my preference.  Physical fitness is a consideration seeing as I'm quite active.  Serious dealbreakers would be smoking, drug addiction and/or other self destructive tendencies.  Ignorance or bigotry is way out, as is cruelty towards children or animals.  Probably the only non-negotiable requirement is that they be comfortable/compatible with my job.  Working in law enforcement generally isn't very relationship-friendly, and anyone with criminal history would pose an association problem.

DISCLAIMER:  While I've had a few girlfriends, I've never been in a serious relationship.  Everything above hasn't been tested and will probably be subject to change.


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## cypocraphy (Jun 22, 2014)

ChurchOfGodBear said:


> It was like trying to dialog with Beavis.



Can I have her number, please?


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## ChurchOfGodBear (Jun 22, 2014)

Marvin said:


> How was she not retarded? I'm confused. Genuinely.


As in, she was never diagnosed with a severe learning disability and was never considered mentally challenged.


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## Tragi-Chan (Jun 24, 2014)

I'm not really a person who has a lot of time for relationships - I'm involved in a lot of activities and I'm a very sociable person, and sometimes I do need my "me time." So I suppose one of the most important things I'd look for in a partner is that they'd be happy with a relationship that's not based on being around each other 24/7.

Personality-wise, she'd need to be intelligent - not necessarily a genius intellect, but someone who I could have a decent conversation with. Creativity is a must. I find the ability to make me laugh incredibly attractive. I suppose in a sense, what I'm after is a bit of a geek - someone who's smart and passionate, a bit different, and not afraid to express those things.

Physically, damned if I know. What I find physically attractive seems to vary from month to month.

Deal-breakers would be egotism, attention-seeking, self-destructive behaviour, any form of bigotry, too much neediness and not being able to get on with my friends.


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## waffle (Jun 24, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> When I was told that men do not like women who worry, or women who have have mental health issues from people I know. These are the same people who told me about the levels, and being too nice is a turn off for men. All these were told to me by both my sisters boyfriend who raped me, the bullies in school, the colleagues, and my step brother who sexually abused me.
> 
> Why do people say things like that, don't they know how damaging it is to people? I thought I would let you all know this, and I hope I haven't upset anybody, made anybody uncomfortable, or given you all the wrong impression. If I have I am so very sorry for doing so, that is not a nice person for doing that.



It rely just kind of sounds like you know horrible people. I wouldn't take too much of it to heart.


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## Grey (Jun 26, 2014)

waffle said:


> It rely just kind of sounds like you know horrible people. I wouldn't take too much of it to heart.


I'd have to agree with this.  Generally the people abusing you physically are going to find other ways to get at you too; nothing they say or do should be accepted.  Just ignore the bastards, know that you are probably better than them in every way, and if the problems persist, press charges...


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## Ariel (Jun 26, 2014)

ChurchOfGodBear said:


> My ex wasn't retarded, but she wasn't capable of talking at length about anything, not even stuff that interested her.  It was like trying to dialog with Beavis.


I've dated a couple of guys like that. I don't think either of them were even that stupid. They were just very attractive and good at sport, so I don't think anybody ever expected them to be able to hold a conversation or know anything.


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## Afinepickle (Jun 26, 2014)

Well, in a woman I'm mostly attracted to maturity and kindness. I've dated too many women in my life who were both immature and abusive both towards myself, and in one particularly awful case, to her own children. I've been in a lot of abusive relationships. The last one having been very serious.

I also like assertiveness, which I suppose is somewhat odd for a male, but it's true. I'm turned off by demureness and being overly submissive. Individuality is a huge turn on, those who just tend to 'go with the crowd' immediately turn me off.

Superficially I'm attracted to curvier women, but personality and commonality are of far greater importance. I enjoy harmony in my relationships and incessant conflict is enough to make me leave. I wasn't always like that but after suffering through several abusive relationships I decided personally that I just can't deal with that kind of shit.

I suppose, seeing as how I value assertiveness and individuality that would be a contradiction, but, I think if someone is mature enough in a relationship then differences that arise from that can be managed without the need for shouting or altercation.

So for me it goes; maturity, kindness, an individualistic nature, assertiveness and it helps if they're physically of the body type I like but it is not a necessity.


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## I AM THE CREASE DANGER (Jun 27, 2014)

Foreigner, cute, and faithful. In that order.
It guarantees that the people I date are crazy and high-maintenance, but it's the kind of crazy that makes me happy.



silentprincess said:


> I was wondering this question, as I am going to admit I have never had a boyfriend and I'm not very good at attracting them. You see I have this worry that because of all my baggage, men aren't going to be willing to give the relationship a try. Also I'm not a supermodel stunner, I'm not pretty, I'm ugh.



You would be surprised by what men are willing to put up with, if it's the right guy for you. Keep an open mind, be flexible to change, and I wish the best for you.


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## Yolo Swaggins (Jun 28, 2014)

I look purely for #$wag


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## Very Honest Content (Jun 28, 2014)

OP, I'm glad to read you're in therapy because from your self description of your past and current mental state, you're going to need a lot of it to process what you've survived through to get to this point.  As to your query, it's kind of secondary to the work on yourself that you probably need to continue to invest in if you want to be capable of handling the strain of a 'normal' relationship, but if I can suggest just one book to you to read that delves into the scientific study of what you're interested in discovering in this thread, it'd be this; http://www.amazon.com/How-Make-Anyone-Fall-Love/dp/0809229897
I know it's kind of dated now having been written all the way back in '96, but it's one of the best books I've ever read on the subject and it's very well researched.  Plus, it's written, by a self described formerly painfully shy woman I might add, with emphasis on both male and female differences in the key points of attraction and rapport building between partners so you'll get an inside the skull dish on what's likely going on in the mind of the next potential partner you have an attraction to.  Don't have the $9.99 US and kindle for the digital version?  Let me try and summarize for you, people look for someone that reminds them of themselves but not too much, someone who is good at what they're deficient at in their own mind and someone who's within about two points either way on the ten scale of themselves from a purely physical standpoint due to the principle of equity they bring to their relationships.


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## mst3kluv (Aug 31, 2014)

Do men want a feminist, pro-choice, non-kid-wanter, cripple? I sure wouldn't.

But seriously, folks and dudes of all teenagers, the most important thing to look for in a partner is kindness and respect. Attractiveness is also nice.


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## Saney (Sep 1, 2014)

She has to dislike my brother as much as I do, perhaps more.


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## klystron (Sep 2, 2014)

@silentprincess, I guess mst3kluv bumped your thread. I hadn't seen it before. I hope that things are going better for you! The best advice I can give is to look forward and not back. The people who hurt you did indeed hurt you, but you don't need to let them have any more of your life than they've already taken. In my opinion the best thing you can do is be happier, more successful, and more awesome than they could ever hope to be.


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## Queen of Tarts (Sep 2, 2014)

Edit: If he has a penis, I'm pretty much good to go at that point.


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## klystron (Sep 2, 2014)

Queen of Tarts said:


> Edit: If he has a penis, I'm pretty much good to go at that point.



Why hello there.


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## Connor Bible (Sep 12, 2014)

Ruthlessness, I guess.


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## exball (Sep 12, 2014)

Connor said:


> Ruthlessness, I guess.


Deep thoughts isn't a place for shitposting. If you want to shitpost we have threads for that.




Spoiler



http://cwckiforums.com/threads/rate-the-shitpost-above-you.4424/
http://cwckiforums.com/threads/what-if-the-worst-thread-2-electric-hedgehog-boogaloo.4509/page-8
http://cwckiforums.com/threads/ways-in-which-chris-is-worse-than-hitler.3964/page-4


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## Picklechu (Sep 13, 2014)

In all honesty, my "type" seems to be someone with a strong independent streak and a lot of passion; the word "chaotic" often comes to mind. That's not to say that I want someone insane, destructive, or into weird shit, of course. I want someone who doesn't always agree with me and who has a sense of humor. Obviously, I look for physical attractiveness in a woman, but that quality isn't nearly as difficult to find as the type of personality that I'm attracted to.


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## The I Scream Man (Sep 24, 2014)

I personally have no idea but I'm keenly aware of the feeling that you'll be alone forever.

Today I broke down crying thinking about it.


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## Ti-99/4A (Oct 6, 2014)

I'm voluntarily celibate at least until I can relocate.
If I was looking, I'd want someone who won't cheat, lets me have my space when I need it, was funny, intelligent and liked at least some of the same things I do.


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## RV 229 (Oct 9, 2014)

They have to have the same level of sperginess as me (less makes me self-conscious and more is irritating), not repulsive to look at, and capable of paying half the bills without being nagged.


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## niggers (Oct 9, 2014)

i needed someone to feed






my currently girlfriend and i pretty much have nothing in common but my protection psychosis and compulsion to teach overlaps nicely with her fear of everything and desire for constant security. 

4 years, yo. it's about finding someone who's insanity is a good match for your own, in my experience.


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## ASoulMan (Oct 30, 2014)

I think people look for partners that share similar attributes to them, and can understand what they're going through in life. 

Then there's also attractiveness.


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## Konstantinos (Oct 31, 2014)

If you and another person mutually respect and like on another, that's more than enough. Having identical interests and attributes helps but it isn't what makes or breaks a relationship I've discovered.


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## CWC-in-the-minds (Nov 1, 2014)

All I'm looking for is a guy with set, professional goals, who can see above the shallow, vain stereotypes that involves being... well, non-heterosexual. Maturity, free of vices and addictions, and always looking to expand our horizons together, as I'm intending to do myself.

Then again, I also am only interested on above-average looking guys my own age, which may make me a hypocrite, regarding those shallow traits in the LGBT community, I guess (but then again, straight guys only want hot women anyway, so is that hipocrisy? Or just nature? I don't know). I'm not sure if I'm being too conservative while still wishing a more liberal world for everyone in all aspects.

That has made me realize my 'love-quest' would be redundant and a waste of time since I was 20, which has helped me focus on my career and financial future; to hell if I'm 'forever alone', all I need is my friends and family.

I am becoming asexual, though. Which may not be so bad when I think about it.


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## Locksnap (Nov 3, 2014)

I think the key element that makes a good partner and for a solid relationship is maturity. Thats what I look for, atleast.


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## BellaKazza (Nov 10, 2014)

I look for women I have equal respect for. If I can't respect them, I won't date them. Being forgiving and having good open communication is very good. One thing I've noticed with women I've dated before is that they tend to not realize the greatest allies they have, they think they are alone. In my case it was me, the boyfriend and her parents. Some people are very reasonable, they will understand, give you the benefit of the doubt and not look to put you down every time you trip up. Many young women I know would be much better off if they stopped trying to impress the people who hurt them and start leaning on the ones who keep raising them up.

So yeah, respect, forgiveness, understanding and good communication.


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## YI 457 (Nov 25, 2014)

silentprincess said:


> What do people look for in a partner?



Most of the time, an uninspired getaway from their own shit.


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## Tootsie Bear (Nov 30, 2014)

What I look for a partner is their cultural background and character. I find women who are very outgoing, rational, athletic, funny, etc. the list goes on and on, to be awesome. Appearance wise I like women who I find to be cute. What I mean I by culture is that I want to have a tight nit family that is cultural like traditional, harmony, and what not. Kind of ironic since I don't identify as traditional.


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## Rammspieler (Dec 23, 2014)

I started reading this thread this afternoon, started getting the feels but had to go to work and now I'm back and I kinda forgot what I wanted to say, so excuse the derping.

Anyway, being in the "Over 30 and Romantically/Sexually Challanged" club, I wonder what I'm looking for myself.

I can only give a rough outline of the kinds of women I would be attracted to, based on whatever small past experiences I've had. But so far, all I know is that if you're the kind of woman that has the kind of humor and wit that most people mistake you for being "a bitch", yet you care deeply for those whom are close to you, you love pets, is kind of eccentric, creative, have your own sense of style, intelligent and likes to talk about such things, nerdy, etc. Then I have a ring in my pocket, standing by. But again, this is probably just a rough outline.

Like Silentprincess, I wonder just how fucked up I must be and how that can drive potential partners away. 

I've heard said many times that for the most part, women won't point and laugh at you or even give a shit if you're over 30 and never had sex before. But it's always along the lines of "well maybe he had a strong religious upbringing or he's demisexual and just didn't want to give it up so easily". However, if it's because you've had personal issues, used to be a wizard/incel/loveshy, had anxiety issues preventing you from learning how to be social, etc. Welp, it seems like you're fucked. So if it got to the point where the fucked up person decided that enough was enough, somehow got his head out of his ass and started working on reaching some point of semblance to being a functional adult, what would be the point if it seems like your past is one giant red flag? That's how I feel. 

The thing is that, for one part I know that in my current state, I can't hope to maintain any kind of relationship because my insecurities and anxieties will fuck it all up. Yet, I'm still wary of going to a shrink. I guess a part of me feels like I deserve to suffer, that getting help would be the final admission that I am a failure, I'll lose the only thing about myself that I'm proud of (which is my talent for writing), I won't be able to decide to die like Hunter S. Thompson when things get bad,etc. I sometimes even wonder if I have a right to feel like I do, seeing as how there are people who have legitimate reasons for feeling like they do, whereas the only reason I feel bad is because I let my fears get the best of me and I was the unpopular kid at school.

Yeah, sorry about that.


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## Conrix (Jan 13, 2015)

Anyone who's not completely repulsive to look at, not completely grating to deal with, and has at least one consenting orifice that can take at least 9 inches.

If I can relate to them as an equal, and we have little to no difficulty treating each other with kindness and respect, that'd be much better.


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## Naamaleipuri (Jan 14, 2015)

Someone who's nice, shares some interests with me, is ready to go jogging together every now and then, likes cooking together, doesn't mind that I get up at 5 AM during weekdays, doesn't mind that their boyfriend is a short frowning blonde guy, likes hugs and is ready to talk if they have a problem.
..Also bonus points if they have a 3DS and like Monster Hunter.

As far as looks go.. I'm not that handsome myself and really, I don't think looks matter all that much. The will to love and being able to accept love are the most important parts in a relationship. To love another you have to love yourself.


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## Fashhole (Jan 16, 2015)

Ya know, about baggage, I would've thought that being Autistic, major-depressive, and having multiple physical issues would've killed my prospects but there's someone who has not only been with me for five years but practically can't wait to marry me. I will admit I was cautious and VERY skeptical in the beginning, but that's just who I am in general too.

"Baggage" just prevents you from being with self-centered, shallow people who'll drop you at the first sign of "imperfection." The man I'm with is the most patient and understanding dude in the world. My limitations are not detractors, they're just stuff I live with. If you actually give a shit about someone, "baggage" isn't this huge horrible game-changing deal it's made out to be. You work around it and live. The partner just has to have the right attitude/personality, which is a lot harder to come by than your generic douchebag. 

I think people are attracted to people who compliment them, as opposed to that bullshit adage of "opposites." It's really about mutual care and respect, which requires the (apparently difficult) ability to just be your true self around them and not pretend you're someone else. Mutual interests are a plus but I think it's over-emphasized. It's healthy to do stuff on your own and have your own interests rather than crawl around in each other's assholes. I'm not gonna lie, looks are part of it too, but the personality wins over it.


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## Ruin (Jan 16, 2015)

OP based on your forum posts you are an incredibly empathetic and kind person, If that's not attractive to some people fuck em, that's their loss.


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## The Dude (Jan 17, 2015)

I guess what I look for in a partner, at least with my wife, is personality, dedication, loyalty, sense of humor, and above all respect. As far as looks go, it's never been a huge deal for me and it would be horribly hypocritical of me to make that a factor in a partner as I myself am not a physically attractive man. Neither my wife or I are what most people would call good looking, but we love each other and our love was never based on physical attraction. One of the things I love most about my wife is her brain. She is such an intelligent woman, it's amazing. She's a loving and dedicated mother and a compassionate wife.

I openly say this all the time to her, but I married way above my station in life. She comes from a family of educators and educated. Both her parents were teachers, her Mother an elementary school teacher and her Father a college professor. So it only made sense that she'd follow her parents example and went into education as a middle school math teacher. I came from a family of lower-middle class blue collar types. She has a college education, I have a high school diploma.

Honestly, if anything ever happened to my wife or if she left me I'd have no fucking chance in finding anyone else. I'm not handsome, I'm overweight, I have minimal education, few prospects for a career, and I'm very eccentric. Frankly I have no idea why my wife settled for me. She must see something that I don't.

Let's say that I were single again. For the sake of discussion here is what I would be looking for:

Intelligence
Sense of humor
Personality
Loyal
Christian, preferably lax LDS
Pro-gun. A woman who can field strip and clean an AR-15 or 1911 is a sexy woman in my eyes
Pro-LGBT rights
Pro-Cannabis legalization and use
Politically Libertarian or Right-Leaning Moderate
Enjoys motorcycles, ATVs, and cars
Enjoys camping and the outdoors
Enjoys traveling and road trips
Physically affectionate (hugging, kissing, cuddling)
Sexually modest (nothing too kinky)
Casual dresser (t-shirts, hoodies, jeans)
Enjoys various music genres, with rock and roll and punk rock being favorites
Enjoys horror movies, especially zombie movies
Adventurous
Spontaneous
Enjoys getting out of the house refularly
Not a heavy drinker
Non-smoker
Curvy, but not morbidly obese
Kind of nerdy and into geek culture
Like spending time with my son and willing to have him along with us
Loves dogs and other animals
Not shallow or self centered
Not vapid
Generous and kind hearted
Doesn't mind my occasional cussing and even cusses herself once in a while
Open minded
A hard worker, but also knows when to drop things to have fun
It would be great if she enjoyed retro stuff like old cars, record players and 45rpm jukeboxes, classic movies and old school rock and roll, 80's music, vintage clothing, Americana...stuff like that.

I can be flexible on some of this list, but other things I would be very rigid on.


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## Foulmouth (Jan 21, 2015)

For me to take a relationship seriously it has to be someone who I actually admire, attraction and having fun together are a good start but if it's to be a real thing I have to admire their way of thinking and doing things.


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## autisticdragonkin (Dec 6, 2015)

In a woman I find the following traits attractive:

Non drug user
Attracted to me
Doesn't jump to conclusions
Will not demand a large amount of time
Keeps her word
Isn't a communist
Values family
Doesn't believe in New Age stuff
Healthy
University Graduate
Wants children
Are males who are genuinely passionate about their careers attractive or does it just make them boring


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## PetalPinkPuppy (Dec 7, 2015)

In a man, I find the following attractive things:

Non-drug user
Non-smoker
Casual drinker
Childfree, no children
Pro-choice
Loves psychological horror
Democrat
Loyal and monogamous
Honest
Geeky - he better like Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Transformers
Not clingy, I like my space
Pro-LGBT
Gamer - if he loves The Legend of Zelda and not COD, all the better
Baseball fan, no football
Not a hunter or into guns
Spiritual but not Christian, no organized religions
Intelligent
Loves retro 80's stuff or even retro in general
Toy collector
Loves going out and doing things
Loves cats
Patient and supportive
Loves to read
Passionate about live and living
Understands I need "introvert time"
Can handle my baggage 
And the biggie - willing to go without sex and won't pressure me into sex. 

Basically - a unicorn because men like that don't exist.


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## Sanae Kochiya (Dec 8, 2015)

Requirements:

A girl.
Over the legal age of consent so it isn't creepy.
Not fucking crazy.

I think you guys are overthinking what to look for in a partner.  Your "ideal partner" is probably not gonna exist.  Just, you know, be open to shit.

That and giving us an overly detailed list of what you want your "waifu" to be is kinda autistic imo.


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## HypeBeast (Dec 8, 2015)

Sanae Kochiya said:


> Requirements:
> 
> A girl.
> Over the legal age of consent so it isn't creepy.
> ...



This, I feel like the people who aren't very experienced with dating tend to have a longer "list" of requirements. I feel like if you meet the right person things kinda just click, corny as that sounds. Then that list of requirements doesn't seem to matter as much. You should try to find someone that is basically your  best friend and also motivates you to do your best. Support and help each other do better yadda yadda. 

I also feel like being super fixated on finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is unhealthy, it seems desperate. Work on yourself and you will meet people along the way, don't settle for less.


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## TheProdigalStunna (Dec 8, 2015)

Between 5'0" and 5'3"
Between 90-120 pounds
Between ages 18-22
DD-Cup Minimum
Dirty Blonde
Green Eyes
Always DTF
Of Slavic origin
150+ IQ
National Bolshevist
Kissless Virgin
INFP
Loves Ferrets
Owns many guns
Drug User
Only listens to classical music
Loyal, will not look at another man without my permission

I don't ask for much.  I'm a simple man with simple tastes.


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## Have a Pepsi (Dec 8, 2015)

To be honest, all I'd ask for is someone that actually wants to be with me and is serious about it. Even if I don't find her attractive immediately, I could learn to love her, assuming, again, that I'm not just doing so for nothing.


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## Batman VS Tony Danza (Dec 8, 2015)

- No close family
- Enjoys camping
- No tattoos or easily recognizable scars
- Enjoys long drives in a windowless van
- Has shitty cellphone coverage


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## Flowers For Sonichu (Dec 8, 2015)

I like my women like I like my beer.  Cold and about 6% alcohol


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## TyrannoNinja (Dec 9, 2015)

I want a sweet, smart, and sexy African-American lady. Sharing an interest in art, history, or science would be a bonus.


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## grilledcheesesandwich (Dec 9, 2015)

Sick parkour moves


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## Evilboshe (Dec 9, 2015)

I've seen a couple of other people mention a desire to share interests with a potential partner, and I have to agree with that.  I don't have much experience with relationships, but when I picture a good relationship, I often imagine myself and my partner doing things together that we both enjoy (seems pretty obvious, huh?)  

Case in point, I hadn't really been interested in anybody for a while until I met this girl at my college the other week.  She complimented my hat (that had my favorite hockey team's logo on it) and we talked hockey for a little.  I never learned her name and can scarcely remember what she looked like, but that encounter has stuck with me.  Most of my friends don't share my love of hockey, but it would be awesome if my "special someone" did.

It's not really a must-have though. The only things I really think I'd require out of a relationship would be things like love and respect.  Plus hopefully it'd be someone who isn't so hideous it makes me sick or whatever.


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## Silver (Dec 9, 2015)

Interests, primarily.


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## Yamyam (Dec 20, 2015)

Don't care what gender or race they are but:

Around my age
Don't mind helping and dealing with my depression and anxiety 
Nice 
Funny
Like video games like me
Not racist 
Pro lgbt 
Don't mind cuddling 
Get along with my family 
And for some reason when someone constantly call me cute I tend to take interest in them like I can't help but to have crushes on people who call me cute over and over.


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## Cuck Norris (Dec 20, 2015)

Tits and a heartbeat.


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## Lackadaisy (Dec 24, 2015)

For most people, it goes like this:

- Has desired sexual organs
- Has similar interests (not the exact same, usually)
- Has pulse (if not, keep looking)
- Has similar attraction towards them


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## Overcast (Dec 25, 2015)

I miss @silentprincess.


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## Cave (Dec 28, 2015)

A friend.


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## Joan Nyan (Dec 29, 2015)

I was thinking of a list of things but then realized I was describing myself but with more money.


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## Cosmos (Dec 30, 2015)

A sense of humor above all else. I want someone who can make me laugh. My dad can always make my mom laugh and I want that for myself (my parents' relationship has given me a lot to aspire towards, actually).


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## autisticdragonkin (Mar 13, 2016)

Overall I look for someone who is essentially @Cosmos


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## grilledcheesesandwich (Mar 13, 2016)

Tall, white, blue eyes, brown hair, likes to imitate his heroes, unique fashion sense, overweight, outspoken about needing to use the restroom, accidentally stumbles into a wacky situation, shits himself, named Sammy


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## AnimuGinger (Mar 13, 2016)

Short, thin brunettes. Darker eyes preferred. A little bit crazy.


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## Philosophy Zombie (Mar 26, 2016)

This thread gave me a lot of information and pointers on how to personalize future catfishings to members' specific fantasies and desires


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## Emiya Kiwitsugu (Apr 3, 2016)

Philosophy Zombie said:


> This thread gave me a lot of information and pointers on how to personalize future catfishings to members' specific fantasies and desires


Tbh it looks all you have to do is act vaguely interested and you're set.


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