# Stupid things you've heard at school



## Zorceror44 (Mar 22, 2015)

What are some stupid things you've heard people say in school?


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## Grand Number of Pounds (Mar 22, 2015)

some kid in my 8th grade science class thought galaxies were a theory

I mentioned this before, but I went to a Christian school and we watched Kent Hovind videos in biology class.


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## Watcher (Mar 22, 2015)

That there was a Mew under the truck


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## fishercat (Mar 22, 2015)

One guy said that Bill Nye the Science Guy isn't all that great.


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## Zorceror44 (Mar 22, 2015)

fishercat said:


> One guy said that Bill Nye the Science Guy isn't all that great.


THAT FUCKING LIAR


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## sm0t (Mar 22, 2015)

"The Holocaust?  Yeah, that's a myth!"

Said by my 9th grade US History teacher.


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## Picklechu (Mar 23, 2015)

I mentioned it in the personal lolcows thread, but the weeaboo who sort of stalked me would say all kinds of dumb shit. We actually had a list of all of it, although I've lost it in the nearly ten years since we wrote it. One notable gem was her insistence that ice cream is not a food because it is a dairy product.

Also, in eighth grade, there was a girl who thought that the show "Numb3rs" was pronounced "numb-three-ers."


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## Big Nasty (Mar 23, 2015)

Some kids bragged about finding a "fag cabin" in the woods that was supposedly full of porno mags.


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## Ravenor (Mar 23, 2015)

Guy arguing with a science teacher that Sound was faster than Light. 
Book burning is fine, if you don't like the message.


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## exball (Mar 23, 2015)

"So why did the Americans name our language after our enemies, the English."


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## Teddy (Mar 23, 2015)

My ex-hippie English teacher once said that guns were the equivalent to the Devil.

I also meant a kid who truly believed that the world was flat.


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## Zorceror44 (Mar 23, 2015)

I think that I, the maker of this thread, needs to share his experience

In my 6th grade science class, a girl basically asked if rocks were alive. In 6th grade.


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## Fialovy (Mar 23, 2015)

This one teacher I had at my Christian school said that the Archaeopteryx is an inside job.


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## MerriedxReldnahc (Mar 23, 2015)

I knew a stoner girl once who thought that the smoke from weed would actually repair the hole in the ozone layer. She also didn't know the difference between the words "fallacy" and "phallus". God bless her.


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## Super Collie (Mar 23, 2015)

This isn't so much a "spoken" stupid thing, but it still falls into the realm of things that are audible. I attended a university that had a great computer science program, but the campus itself also attracted a bunch of high school airheads (bros and cheerleaders who peaked in high school). I would spend my lunch periods in the university cafeteria reading comic books or doing my homework and without fail most days of the week there'd be some idiot with an acoustic guitar trying to play a Sublime song. The fucked up thing is that it wasn't always the same guy, there were multiple people who thought they could play Sublime and they'd just sit there macking on freshman girls while playing the guitar _horribly_.

I have no issue with public music, but at least know how to tune your fucking guitar.


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## AnimuGinger (Mar 23, 2015)

"They wouldn't buy me that coat because it's $700. Like, really, child abuse."
~Blonde Bitch #123 to Blonde Bitch #45


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## Picklechu (Mar 23, 2015)

Anathe said:


> "They wouldn't buy me that coat because it's $700. Like, really, child abuse."
> ~Blonde Bitch #123 to Blonde Bitch #45


A few years ago, when I was a college junior, I overheard a girl on a campus bus complain that her dad had cut her monthly allowance from $1000 to $800. She then proceeded to say, and this is a direct quote "I mean, yeah, I'm going to spend it all on clothes anyway, but, I mean, come on, you know?"


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## sm0t (Mar 23, 2015)

A former classmate of mine back in art school got into an argument with the painting teacher that color always exists even in total absence of light.

That same student was a rather sheltered Mormon who also tried to tell another student to tone down their poetry because "it offends me."


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## Surtur (Mar 23, 2015)

Not in school but in boot camp one guy asked the Drill Instructor if you had to salute police officers.  The DI was so dumbstruck he could not speak.


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## AnimuGinger (Mar 23, 2015)

Picklechu said:


> A few years ago, when I was a college junior, I overheard a girl on a campus bus complain that her dad had cut her monthly allowance from $1000 to $800. She then proceeded to say, and this is a direct quote "I mean, yeah, I'm going to spend it all on clothes anyway, but, I mean, come on, you know?"


Canada Goose parkas. Those will be my downfall.


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## The Knife's Husbando (Mar 23, 2015)

Not at school- but at work- when I was running really, really late closing down the butcher's shop.  I was straightening the meat case & heard this from the next aisle over:

"Dude. You okay?"
"I...I...I dunno man."
"How's that stuff doin' for ya?"
"I...I..._I GOTTA GET THESE BEES OUTTA MAH TEETH_!"


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## Francis E. Dec Esc. (Mar 23, 2015)

There was a secret "weapons mode" in Street Fighter 2 that you could unlock with a code that made the characters fight with weapons.


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## MerriedxReldnahc (Mar 24, 2015)

I just though of a good one from the 5th grade. I brought up the fact that I was part Danish, and this boy bust out laughing saying that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard someone say. See, I can't possibly be part danish, because how can a person be part pastry?

I just could not convince this guy that Denmark was a thing and that I was not, in fact, claiming to be part pastry.


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## NostalgiaJazzAdmirer (Mar 24, 2015)

Basically fishercat's post but replace Bill Nye with Mr. Rogers.


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## Bogs (Mar 24, 2015)

"Episode 2 wasn't all that bad; it had Yoda jumping around with a light saber."


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## Shokew (Mar 24, 2015)

"Sword Art Online is a good anime."

Heard by me, while in college getting my computer cleaned of viruses, some time last month.

I came this close to choking a bitch with how stupid that sounded.....


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## hm yeah (Mar 24, 2015)

my bro has more of these than i do. probably because i was too busy doodlin' pogeymans to be paying attention to other stupid shit.

according to mah broski:

- when jesus multiplied all the dead fish and bread loaves, that's where all the food in the world came from. including food that was there before jesus came along and made dead fish multiply, and even non-fish and non-bread items (catholic kindergarten)

- everyone on the titanic who prayed got rescued (same source) - apparently someone asked all the dead people and confirmed that in fact, they did not pray.

- at a montessori school, he got a hippy teacher who believed in crystal powers and that soap was a conspiracy. she was quite unhygenic.

btw, at this montessori school, after he left they got a model skeleton. and named it after him.

wish i could leave this kind of impact on people.


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## ProRosen (Mar 25, 2015)

I'm not sure, but I'm guessing this is what all the kids are saying now:
"21"


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## Teddy (Mar 25, 2015)

Lbpsack said:


> I'm not sure, but I'm guessing this is what all the kids are saying now:
> "21"


Ugh. Don't remind me. That comes from a stupid vine with some black kid saying 21 in a weird way. I hear it all the time as well.

Today I overheard one of my peers say that Winston Churchill fought in the Vietnam war. This was supposedly someone in AP World History.


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## John Titor (Mar 26, 2015)

I had a teacher who admitted that he let his 8 year old daughter watch Hostel and told her to cover her eyes at the sex scenes. Not sure if taking the piss.


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## Flowers For Sonichu (Mar 26, 2015)

Some girl I went to college with said that she doesn't really consider the bus a valid form of public transportation (she was stoned out of her mind btw)

My kindergarten told us that black people were black because God left them in the oven too long


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## Watermelon1337 (Mar 26, 2015)

In highschool during biology class. "I'm glad I never watch Mr. Rogers as a kid. He's a convicted pedophile."

Middleschool. "Seals are fish! They live in the water, they can't hold their breath for years under it!"


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## meatslab (Mar 26, 2015)

From a woman in her 40's at mortuary school:

"Donating blood to someone makes you two blood relatives."


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## Bogs (Mar 26, 2015)

Religion (Catholicism) Class on Contraception:

"Abstinence is the only way to guarantee prevention: If you use condoms, it is possible to recklessly have one night stands with people you don't know: the condoms could break and the girls could get pregnant. Cut to 20 years time and your kids could be interbreeding without knowing. You could be interbreeding without knowing."

They said this shit with conviction.


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## Picklechu (Mar 27, 2015)

Bogs said:


> Religion (Catholicism) Class on Contraception:
> 
> "Abstinence is the only way to guarantee prevention: If you use condoms, it is possible to recklessly have one night stands with people you don't know: the condoms could break and the girls could get pregnant. Cut to 20 years time and your kids could be interbreeding without knowing. You could be interbreeding without knowing."
> 
> They said this shit with conviction.


Technically that's true. Every action has risk; one of the risks of engaging in sexual intercourse is pregnancy. Condoms reduce this risk, but the possibility of a condom breaking or tearing exists.


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## Teddy (Mar 27, 2015)

This was said by some girl in my Spanish class

"Can't wait til the Mexicans overrun this country. They'll finally take what should have been theirs"

The wonders of illegal immigration in good old California!


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## dabluearmedbandit (Mar 27, 2015)

My entire school was obsessed with the Old Gregg episode of Mighty Boosh for an entire year. It was so damn cringey.


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## José Mourinho (Mar 27, 2015)

Pretty trivial, but someone actually thought that in the Pokemon Trading Card game, you can use Energy cards as much as you want.


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## Morbid Boredom (Mar 27, 2015)

sm0t said:


> "The Holocaust?  Yeah, that's a myth!"
> 
> Said by my 9th grade US History teacher.


Where. Is. The. Horrifying button?!


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## Bogs (Mar 27, 2015)

Picklechu said:


> Technically that's true. Every action has risk; one of the risks of engaging in sexual intercourse is pregnancy. Condoms reduce this risk, but the possibility of a condom breaking or tearing exists.


Yes, I know. But they were kind of jumping to conclusions, weren't they?


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## Zorceror44 (Mar 27, 2015)

I have another story to share. So, around the time of the Ebola Craze, I heard one of the guys in my school say something like "If I see the guy who brought Ebola to America, he's gonna end up like Stephan Hawking". I don't think I have ever heard something  more tasteless in my entire life.


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## Avocado (Mar 27, 2015)

In a "topics in art" class I took in college the professor one day insinuated that illustration had no artistic merit. One of the students in the class was a published children's book illustrator who also taught at the college. This escalated into a verbal debate shitstorm that lasted the entire class.

At some point, some random student had the floor. He started rambling about gearing your art toward a target market and how it's useless to make great art that your audience isn't seeing. He used the analogy "*It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway* - no one's going to catch it." 

I think that was the moment that derailed the class discussion beyond all hope.


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## Eldritch (Mar 27, 2015)

"how does a human come from a fish" -kid with hillbilly accent in 8th grade biology


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## Teddy (Mar 28, 2015)

I don't know if I can call this stupid. Maybe ridiculous.

My art class had the classic debate about what is considered art awhile ago I said that it's  anything that brings appeal to a person's senses, specifically their eyes. This is what one of my peers said.

"Art is whatever you want it to be"

"So if I take a crap and smear it on paper that's art?", said my friend.

"Yes, because you consider it to be"


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## Bugaboo (Mar 29, 2015)

Some kid told me that in Pokemon Blue I had to fuse two Blastoise with a Pikachu to get past snorlax and to do that I had to go find some man who throws me in a maze where pokemon can actaully die if they spend too much time down there and then when you beat the maze you fused together your two Balstoise and a pikachu which can wake up snorlax
He said his dad worked at Nintendo


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## sparklemilhouse (Jul 12, 2015)

Big Nasty said:


> Some kids bragged about finding a "fag cabin" in the woods that was supposedly full of porno mags.



There is this lil nasty beach in our school district. Kids on the bus would say that it was a major hangout for gay guys. One claimed he spotted our elementary school principal there. Kids would see guys walking to the beach and yell out the bus window "hey bby!"

There was also the "purchasing a ticket to the elevator to the basement pool" prank at my high school. They warned us in middle school not to fall for that one.  Once I got online years later I found out that every high school has that prank.

My friend tried  to trick me into thinking she accidentally saw the teacher I had a crush on's weiner. She claimed that he accidentally had his dockers unzipped and he sat on top of a desk and she claimed she saw it peeking out a little.

Sorry for bringing up an old thread.


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## TopperHay (Jul 12, 2015)

In university I remember some guy saying that he didn't like the movie Up because "You can't tie a bunch of balloons onto your house and float away. That's just unrealistic." He was an animation student.


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## Jumpin Jenkins (Jul 12, 2015)

In 10th grade, some dingus told everyone that I was a terrorist because of my accent.


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## Da Pickle Monsta (Jul 12, 2015)

"The Europeans spread diseases to the Native Americans.  In turn, the Europeans got diseases from the New World, like the Plague."
--9th grade geography teacher

"So . . . is there a bomb . . . _that can blow up the earth?_"
--junior college student during a lecture on WWII

"Can you feel a cell die?"
--student in 9th grade biology

"I don't think that Islam is a religion.  They're moon worshipers and loved by Satan."
--dumbass in basic training

"Homosexuality is a mental illness.  We should put all the gays in mental institutions until they figure themselves out."
--a relative

"You can get Luigi in Super Mario 64 by using a Gameshark and making Mario invincible and then making Mario jump into the lava waterfall in the volcano in World 7 and then when he grabs his ass and screams, you keep making him jump higher until you get over the waterfall and there's a secret room back there where you can switch to Luigi."
--kid in gym.


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## Abethedemon (Jul 12, 2015)

That the cold war was when the United States invaded Russia and it was called "the cold war" because it was cold there.


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## Goddessoftheshire (Jul 12, 2015)

I had a Spanish teacher in my first year of middle school (1996) who was a huge white guilt idiot it would be like if ADF taught a language class. I also think the reason why I remember her so well is because she was really the first stupid teacher I remember.

White guilt twit says "Everything west of the Mississippi should be given back to Mexico because the Mexicans were the true inhabitants of North America"

I ask "What about the Native Americans who were here first"

White guilt twit says "that's what I was taking about"

I say "no that Native Americans were here first and the Mexican government did no exist until they broke away from Spain"

She says "that was an American lie"

I dropped the subject and never raised my hand again.

White guilt also said "Gaelic was not a language and only gibberish" and there is "Only one Spanish and no such thing as regional differences between Spanish used in Mexico or the Spanish used in Spain" a student asked her then "why are there differences between UK English and American English" the poor thing looked really confused and she changed the subject.

Also in my seventh grade English class there was an edge lord type Goth kid who bragged about killing animals no one believed him until he tried to set another kids hair on fire.  The dumbass stole a bic lighter and tried to set fire to a girl with long hair who sat in front of him.  He also wondered why he was expelled. Someone he knew told the teacher he tried to also set the boys bathroom trashcan on fire earlier that day.

In High school there was a really crazy teacher who was so mentally unstable he was removed from the school. He would talk during biology class about shopping and decorating his apartment. He would also have massive crying sessions with everyone in the class looking uncomfortable. The poor guy was clearly gay so this made him a target for the jocks and wiggers who would torment him. His last class ended with his removal from the school he ended up having a huge melt down.

He yelled at the kid that called him a fag and he started crying which made the class laugh and then he screamed while throwing a text book "that we were damn little shit heads and why were we so mean and hateful" The class was so out of control that the principle came in and removed the teacher who was fired later that day.

Also that year we had a really creepy kid on the bus who would announce really freaky sexual stuff.

Creeper says " I fuck stuffed animals" the bus goes silent.  No one knew what a furry was back then expect maybe a furry.

Creeper announces " I want to screw the lunch lady in front of the school" the women in question was very over weight and elderly.

He eventually was removed from school because he was caught playing with himself in his one of his classes.

In community college there was a really conservative Christian girl who was really something special.

Christian girl says "George W. was a gift from god" and says the "European Union is the creation of the Catholic anti-Christ who is the Pope"

She also found out I was gay from someone we mutually knew every time she saw me she rebukes me "in the name of Jesus" and she than speaks in tongues. It was funny until I recently found out she is a now quiver full Christian with kids now she can pass on her bigotry and stupidity .


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## Zvantastika (Jul 12, 2015)

Where do I start?:

So injecting air in your veins can harm you?
- Biology class, high school

Everybody knows Colombus arrived to USA first, that's why he called the continent "America"
- History class, high school

Why do we even need math class? I Just want to be an engineer! (In complete serious tone).

This one a bit nerdy:
A "self educated" guy argued with the physics teacher that, according to him, a  particule thrown up, keeps his upwards speed even when it reaches his maximum altitude (meaning his upward speed is now 0).  He couldn't understand that if the particle keeps its speed, it would mean it's still moving and that it should eventually stop.
- College (that guy didn't make it past the first semester btw)

Condoms are useless because the virus are so tiny they simply bypass the condom. *Proceeds to crudely draw circles and small dots around*, if you use a microscope you'll see the latex is made up of layers with holes in it, the virus pass through this holes and infect you.
- Sex ed, courtesy of your always helpful religious nut who try to convince teens not to screw around.

That's the ones I remember for now.


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## sparklemilhouse (Jul 12, 2015)

Abethedemon said:


> That the cold war was when the United States invaded Russia and it was called "the cold war" because it was cold there.



lol lol lol I think I thought that when I was in elementary school!


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## Funnybone (Jul 12, 2015)

When I was in 4th grade my science teacher said that all birds were cold blooded. She argued with me about it-- she got the class to agree with her AND laugh at me.
Some day I will have my revenge


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## John Titor (Jul 13, 2015)

"How come we couldn't win the Cold War by dropping more nuclear bombs?"

Perhaps you should pay attention during the Cold War lecture.


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## Lunete (Jul 13, 2015)

I was in middle school when 9/11 happened and some of my classmates were terrified that smoke and debris from the destruction could drift down to us and pollute our air. My school was in Oklahoma.


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## Flowers For Sonichu (Jul 13, 2015)

Lunete said:


> I was in middle school when 9/11 happened and some of my classmates were terrified that smoke and debris from the destruction could drift down to us and pollute our air. My school was in Oklahoma.



On 9/11 I was a Sophomore in HS.  A senior at my lunch table got up and yelled "I AM LEAVING SCHOOL TO JOIN THE MARINES" and went home to smoke weed.  Later I found out because he couldn't join the marines because he has asthma


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## Bogs (Jul 13, 2015)

Goddessoftheshire said:


> I had a Spanish teacher in my first year of middle school (1996) who was a huge white guilt idiot it would be like if ADF taught a language class. I also think the reason why I remember her so well is because she was really the first stupid teacher I remember.
> 
> White guilt twit says "Everything west of the Mississippi should be given back to Mexico because the Mexicans were the true inhabitants of North America"
> 
> ...


How many school shootings have there been at your school?

Edit: Forgot this one: In history class someone once asked: "Why is called the Medi-evil ages? Is it because of the Black Plague?"


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## Goddessoftheshire (Jul 13, 2015)

Surprisingly none this happened in three different counties and school districts. My family moved a lot because of work the worst incident with the kid with fire issues happened outside of D.C. in middle school. I was in two high schools the crazy teacher thing happened outside of D.C. I moved right after it, and the sexual creeper incident happened when we moved to a rural area. The D.C. area high school had a lot of problems and after the Columbine School shooting we received treats all the time we even were evacuated at one point. The community college incident happened in an even more rural area in a part of the Bible belt that had a lot of formally homeschooled Christian kids who still lived at home with their parents. These kids were for the most part not allowed to go to college unless it was one of those paper mill schools headed by Jerry Falwell  or Oral Roberts so they ended up in the local community college if their parents let them.


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## High-Tech Redneck (Jul 13, 2015)

A science teacher once told me that you couldn't believe in evolution if you believe in God. After I did my research, I came to the conclusion that she was a fucking moron.


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## Molasses Assassin (Jul 13, 2015)

I had an insane ,old art teacher in highschool. She was racist and sexist, sometimes said creepy things to the students and often just raged at the class or talked way too damn much.  There is a long long list of stupid shit my friends and I have heard her say, heres some of that stuff.

-"When you paint black people, you have to give the forehead a shine and add the white teeth because of all the calcium."

-"her butt doesn't look like that, she has a cute little, tight-..." (referring to drawing of a student)

-"how many people here like fried chicken?" (most of the class is black so they raise their hands and she lols.)

-"that's kind of small, why dont you make it a big, giant, pussy!-" (to a student sculpting a cat)

-"no! Men can't truly experience love" (to a male student who wanted to choose love as a topic)

-"DON'T BRING FOOD IN HERE! It attracts the mice and the monkeys" 

-"JUST BECAUSE I'M BAD AT MATH DOESN'T MEAN I'M FUCKING STUPID!" (To two other teachers)

-*picks up an indian student's painting of a stream and mountians* "gasp, look! India!" Student says "no, it's just a painting of a stream"

-"you know how black fathers always leave" (than goes on to assume my father left because he's black, but he didn't leave and he isn't black)

-I heard this pissed off student say she said " black people shouldn't be complaining, they got a free trip to North America"

The list goes on. She would sometimes just talk for the whole class then yell at us the next day for not getting things done on time.


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## Ification (Jul 13, 2015)

My geology teacher once told me that he was teaching some middle schoolers about how fossils worked, and when he said that it was impossible for animals to get fossilized on lava, one of the middle-schoolers said "But a pokemon was fossilized in lava."


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## Oglooger (Jul 13, 2015)

They told us that college was super important and that the SAT was mandatory by law.


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## Molasses Assassin (Jul 13, 2015)

I got more

A highschool teacher asked a student "what do you think about euthanasia? " and the kid said "I dunno, they're hot".


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## Jumpin Jenkins (Jul 13, 2015)

I had he worst 4th grade art teacher back in France.
"Never draw 2 boys close to each other, you fag!"


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## Fallensaint (Jul 13, 2015)

Marilyn Manson removed 2 ribs so he could perform auto-fellatio.


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## ASoulMan (Jul 13, 2015)

The U.S. government created mosquito-sized drones to spy on us and take blood samples.


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## ShavedSheep (Jul 13, 2015)

One time I was talking to the English teacher about a book I was reading and said I liked its "Detective Noir" themes, another student complained about how I was using big words (keep in mind this is fucking 11th grade English) and me and the teacher just kinda were dumbfounded and then the teacher said "It's four letters, man."


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## ShavedSheep (Jul 13, 2015)

Reading back on the things kids lie about on video games, someone said to me if you start up Final Fantasy 7, start a new game, and let the clock get to 99:99:99 or whatever on the time played before you leave the station, that Sephiroth would walk up and say "I've been waiting for you" and join your party.
I was like 8, so I tried it :/


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## AnOminous (Jul 13, 2015)

Ification said:


> My geology teacher once told me that he was teaching some middle schoolers about how fossils worked, and when he said that it was impossible for animals to get fossilized on lava, one of the middle-schoolers said "But a pokemon was fossilized in lava."



That's double-barreled stupid, because not only are animals often fossilized in lava, but well, Pokemon.


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## Jewelsmakerguy (Jul 14, 2015)

When I was in fourth grade: That Beyblades could actually have monsters come out of them. And that Medabots were real.

Both of those coming from the same guy, while I'm at it. Never saw him again after that grade.


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## Jomadre (Jul 14, 2015)

A teacher told me in all earnestness that America was the only country to practice Democracy.  Ever.


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## Oglooger (Jul 14, 2015)

Back when I was living in Mexico during the Swine Flu epedemic. I remember how some of my classmates claimed that swineflu was a virus engineered by the United States so they could kill off us Mexicans, weaken our military and give them a chance to invade us again in name of manifest destiny.

Here in the US, there was this kid who insisted that Toad from Mario was pronounced "Todd".


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## Assorted Nuts (Jul 14, 2015)

I knew this kid who thought that height was determined entirely by age. He couldn't handle the idea that my father was shorter than my brother.

The password to the administrator account on my high school's computer network was password.

I knew this asshole in high school who would brag about the stupidist shit like it was impressive. I remember one time he claimed to have gotten an impossibly high score in Yahtzee of all things. Yeah.


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## Dalish (Jul 14, 2015)

i was doing an internship at a middle school, and these kids were talking in the hallway. i heard someone say 'fuck' and i had to tell him off. the conversation went as follows:

"hey little jimmy, did you just drop the f-bomb?"
"no ma'am, we dropped the f-bomb on Japan to stop the Nazis."


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## High-Tech Redneck (Jul 14, 2015)

The same teacher who told me that I couldn't believe in evolution since I was a Christian also told me that we haven't found planets in other star systems yet.


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## sparklemilhouse (Jul 14, 2015)

MasterMolassesAssassin said:


> I got more
> 
> A highschool teacher asked a student "what do you think about euthanasia? " and the kid said "I dunno, they're hot".




There was a kid in my senior year english class (filled with the dumbest kids at my high school), who said "euthansia" like "youth in asia"...and I really thought he was going to discuss the trends over there, like what the youth was doing over there for his paper. Nah, just some unresearched bullshit, we didn't have wikipedia yet, so he probably just copied whatever his Encarta CD said.


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## Flowers For Sonichu (Jul 14, 2015)

I remember a kid citing an Onion article in a paper.  Nowadays he's a recovering alcoholic/meth addict who is in and out of jail and has a different baby's momma every month or so.


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## AlephOne2Many (Jul 14, 2015)

Schools in Texas. Shall I say more?

Actually, yes, this state can be Hollywood Stupid at times. Especially the children.

-Freshman Year-

Meh. Some kid told me he could get high off of actual dog shit.

Someone else told me white semen is unhealthy. Whatever.

-Sophomore Year-

Girl: "Did you vote for Obama?
Me: "My vote wouldn't count."
Girl: "So you're a racist?"
Me: "...My vote would NOT count."

-Junior Year-

Girl: (to the teacher) "What kind of water are you drinking?"
Math Teacher: (holds up Ozarka)
Girl: "...The clear kind, right?"

-Senior Year-

Gracefully, the 'SWAG' jokes came in at full force during graduation.


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## Dr. Meme (Jul 14, 2015)

"You need to do your homework"
stupid faggot teacher lmao i get pussy


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## Pickle Inspector (Jul 15, 2015)

At college some girl said she loved Ziggy Stardust but didn't like David Bowie so I told her they were the same person and she got really angry, said I was wrong and stormed off.


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## pickleniggo (Jul 15, 2015)

Once at my college I overheard a conversation between two girls and one goes, "Does Long Island have beaches?"


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## House Of Reeves (Jul 16, 2015)

High School: 
-Was told that Vintage Stock was run by jocks to subjugate and bully nerds outside of school.
-Some guy I knew told me that cigarettes didn't effect him, as he had a genetic condition that cancelled out all negative effects.
-All sorts of religious hoo-haa, especially over gay rights and Harry Potter. 

College:
-Freshman year in college, a girl in my speech class asked what self-harm was. 
-A guy in anime club (big surprise) said that Kämpfer was the German word for transsexual. 
-An anime club president claimed that there was legislation before Obama that would make anime illegal. He wasn't joking either, he said this and meant it very seriously. And several members believed him. 
-That there was a conspiracy at the university to have anime club banned due to the administration hating nerds. 
-The Geology club would physically intimidate any who dare hold a fundraising sale in the science building. This was said to us by another anime club president. 

Thinking about it, anime club pumped out a lot of sperginess and autism. No surprise there.


----------



## The Lawgiver (Jul 16, 2015)

Once during some point in one of the many high schools I attended, there was an event or something where the poster was going to use the "life is like a box of chocolates "Quote  from Forrest Gump, but for some reason the higher ranking staff members deemed the quote offensive somehow, and changed it to "crayons".  The same school later "changed management " and got a hell of a lot worse. Essentially, the new Principal had previous medical connections, and in his own words was making the place a "partial inpatient". Thing of it is, all the students from before this _transition _were still attending, myself included. He'd later begin lying when asked why he was doing it saying it's "always been a partial hospitalization."  My parents pulled me outta there as fast as they could after they caught wind of that news.


----------



## The Great Citracett (Jul 16, 2015)

Had a fundie science teacher junior year. Looked like Bob 1 from Devo and talked like Ben Stein. After about every class he'd do this little "...but we all know what really happened, don't we *wink wink nudge nudge* come after class and we'll study the bible..."

-He'd always want to play "scientifically relevant" songs for the class but never had the CDs, one time I brought in a Devo CD he'd asked for, he played the song, then handed me back the CD and said he'd have been a fan "if they weren't pushing a fag agenda". Yep, "Jocko Homo" is a gay pride anthem...

- He had us all draw food chains. Any type we chose. Mine had me at the top, with pretty much every creature below, including aliens, the loch ness monster, and such. He failed the whole class. Why? Because the mosquito is at the top of the food chain. It eats you. Duhhh... No exceptions.

-Same teacher told us if we were ever lost in the woods, look for grape vines. Because they're hollow and will spray water like a hose if cut, and so we would have plenty of water to drink. Pretty sure he'd never seen a vine. Grape or otherwise. Plants don't work like that.

-Had a stanky ass kid in elementary school, that always had such awesome stuff. Of course it was all invisible and only he could see it. He always bragged about his NES games especially "Bad News Baseball". Every time a player struck out, they'd get killed in a gruesome way. Trapdoor spike pit under home plate. Pelted by balls from the crowd. Seemed actually plausible. His dad of course also worked for Nintendo.

-Had a senile history teacher that never remembered anything. Screamed and ranted at us the entire hour calling us commies and no better than the fucking Nazis because we didn't do our homework. He'd never assigned homework. This happened often. He eventually retired to run for local office as the batshit tea party candidate.

-Had an old lady substitute teacher freak out over the word wigger. She acted all hurt and explained that they just can't help the way they are, most are actually born retarded. She even had some wiggers in her family. Turns out "Wigger" for her was some old timey slang for mentally challenged with a tendency to wig out and she thought we hated the disabled.

Maybe I'll try to remember more.


----------



## Queen of Tarts (Jul 16, 2015)

Some guy said gays were going to destroy the world and the only way to stop this was to kill them all.

He was the lispiest fucking fag I've ever seen, too.


----------



## Mulligan (Jul 16, 2015)

In 12th grade one of my friends tried really hard to convince me that puerto rican is not a ethnicity...I'm puerto rican. Another time the same person told me that they would be extremely disappointed if there was ever a female president, she is a girl. 

Also back at my old high school we had to take PE for half of the year and health for the other half. For my health class my teacher was this one old dude who I can't remember the name of. He always spoke in pigeon and had such a heavy accent it really hard to understand what he was saying, because of this I nearly failed the class. Anyway, one day he claimed in front of the entire class that when you are put under general anesthesia you die. Not go to sleep or black out or anything like that, nope when you go under your heart stops and when you wake up you are brought back to life. My HEALTH teacher said that, and he was dead serious.


----------



## AnOminous (Jul 16, 2015)

TheGreatCitracett said:


> -Had an old lady substitute teacher freak out over the word wigger. She acted all hurt and explained that they just can't help the way they are, most are actually born retarded.



Well, they kind of are.


----------



## BentDuck (Jul 16, 2015)

I once said something stupid in my Spanish class years ago. There was this basketball player in our class and we were just chatting after a lesson and he tells me about how he needs to clean out his bag because he saw a rat trying to get in his bag. Without thinking, I said "at least it didn't get in your bag and lay eggs."

To my credit, I immediately cringed and he was like "dude, rats don't lay eggs, it's not a cockroach." We had a good laugh afterwards though.


----------



## Kataomoi00 (Jul 16, 2015)

This guy in my government class thought that the capital of Japan was Hong Kong...



Spoiler: More creepy than dumb



I just remembered this one time a girl that I knew came up to me and bragged that a boy my age had a crush on her and stripped for her when he was at her house. This obviously never happened, the boy didn't even know her and she just had a crush on him. I was eight at the time and *she was five... *


----------



## The Great Citracett (Jul 17, 2015)

Actually, probably the funniest thing in high school was the Poppy incident. There was a kid named Nate in my history class that never really did anything but sleep. Was an okay guy, didn't talk much though. And had Goku hair. Like long hair he didn't wash, so it was stiff and formed anime-style points. Kinda smelled bad.

His desk was right dead center of the room and he was just allowed to nap the whole class for whatever reason. One day, during silent reading (with Nate snoring away as usual) he suddenly bolted upright.

We all looked at him because it made a hell of a noise as we had those desk/chair all in one things. He was sitting bolt upright, eyes still closed, and screamed

"Poppy! I want your penis!!"

And then crashed back down and resumed snoring. But the really messed up thing was he yelled it in a weird Fran Drescher voice. So it was more like

"Pahhpy! Ah wahhnt 'cha paynis!"

His nickname is probably Poppy to this day still.


----------



## trip2themoon (Jul 17, 2015)

When I was in primary 2 (6 years old) when asked on Monday morning had I been to church on Sunday and I said no. I was asked why not? I replied: my mum and dad never took me. The teacher then asked: Why didn't you go on your own?


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## Da Pickle Monsta (Jul 17, 2015)

The university where I did my undergrad had a pretty close relationship with a sister school in Japan.  Our university hosted a summer program where several students would go to Japan for the semester and get a nice tour of the country, and the sister school did the same with their students.  There were also quite a few year-round Japanese exchange students on campus.

Well, there was a new associate professor on campus who taught in the political science department.  He leaned pretty far to the left and was kind of a proto-SJW.  This led to a number of conflicts between himself and the student body and other staff, who were largely conservative (as far as university cultures go).

Well, one day he was giving a lecture on war crimes during the Gulf War.  Without any transition, he breaks into the atomic bombing of Hiroshima, throwing out all the gory details.  He starts _crying_ during this lecture, and after he finally tapers off, he puts his hand on one of the Japanese student's shoulders and whispers, "I'm so sorry."

It took him a long time to recover professionally.

I later attended a conference with this guy, and a group of us went out to dinner at a nearby restaurant.  I always say that if you want to know a man, look at how he treats a restaurant server.  Unsurprisingly, he was rude as hell to the wait staff.


----------



## AnOminous (Jul 17, 2015)

Da Pickle Monsta said:


> I later attended a conference with this guy, and a group of us went out to dinner at a nearby restaurant.  I always say that if you want to know a man, look at how he treats a restaurant server.  Unsurprisingly, he was rude as hell to the wait staff.



This.  If you treat wait staff badly, your social justice a shit.

(Incidentally the same applies to anyone you're dating.  That's how they'll treat you eventually too.)


----------



## MerriedxReldnahc (Jul 18, 2015)

Back in middle school:
 "What's a state that starts with 'Q'?"
 "Cuba."


----------



## Dudeofteenage (Jul 18, 2015)

My high school music teacher told us that Edvard Greig was a "Norwegian, from Norwegia"

One of my friends told me that gay people should be "put in special camps".  He regarded himself as a moderate because he didn't want to kill them.

My primary school teacher told me "Russia will always be poor because it's so cold".


----------



## Le Bateleur (Jul 18, 2015)

Overheard in geography class during the final year of secondary school:

"So Africa isn't a country?!"


----------



## drtoboggan (Jul 18, 2015)

My high school health teacher claimed atheists believed in god. I came up last day after final grades were in and said "atheists don't believe in god, moron. Atheist means one doesn't believe in gods, even your imaginary one. You're supposed to be a teacher, not a liar."
He used to jingle his change in class, earning him the nickname Pocket Pool (last name). Found out later he was fired amid sexual misconduct allegations.


----------



## Dr. Meme (Jul 18, 2015)

drtoboggan said:


> "atheists don't believe in god, moron. Atheist means one doesn't believe in gods, even your imaginary one. You're supposed to be a teacher, not a liar."


lmao /r/atheism


----------



## nad7155 (Jul 18, 2015)

For engine spergs only.


Nitrous oxide or NAWSSS increases compression.

Police cars came with a "chip" that gave MOAR power.

Higher octane gasoline gives MOAR power.

Countless others...


----------



## drtoboggan (Jul 18, 2015)

Dr. Meme said:


> lmao /r/atheism


This was in 1998. I wasn't militant and didn't have a short fuse, but the sheer idiocy of the statement made me angry. Had he said that was his opinion, fine. But he tried to pass it off as fact. And tried to molest a high school girl. 
A kid claimed atheists were "devil worshipers," a phrase indicative of stupid. I corrected him and he shouted "well that's my opinion!" I retorted with "no, it's you being a fucking idiot. It's a fact, you hick. Go back to fucking your sister." He ran off crying.


----------



## fishercat (Jul 18, 2015)

I'm not sure if this counts, but it's stupid and it happened at school, so that's good enough for me.

Ok so, story time. There was this girl in my high school art class that nobody liked. She was this overweight kid with stringy blonde hair and pimples all over her face, and she had one of those really loud, really grating voices that you can't forget no matter how hard you try.

My friends and I always sat at the same table together, and every day, without fail, this girl would sit with us. She would loudly butt into our conversations, and we'd just sort of  grit our teeth and let her, because we were too polite to tell her to fuck off. Once she came in wearing her cosplay. (I think it was of someone from Inuyasha)

The most memorable thing this kid ever did was when we were making ink prints. We're chatting about funny things that have happened over Skype chats when all of a sudden she begins to tell us about these group calls she has with a bunch of guys on a forum. We're just smiling and nodding along with her and hoping she'll shut up like we usually do, but this time we just stared in stunned silence.

Apparently she was getting changed in front of her computer, _during a video Skype call_, while those guys were watching. If that mental image of a fat, sweaty underage girl wasn't enough, her uncle walked in on the video call. He walked in on his niece undressing on camera in front of total strangers, and apparently she liked to sort of gyrate her hips while she was doing it, a movement that she helpfully demonstrated to us in class. The worst part of all of this is that the hambeast seemed _proud of herself_. She thought that this was the funniest story ever. We all just quietly decided to change the subject and never speak of it again.

She may have been lying in order to seem "funny" around this group of friends she kept trying to shoehorn her way into, but even if that's the case, she still said it in the middle of class, very loudly, while a dozen other people were in the room, including the teacher.

She apparently did some weird shit in elementary school like locking everyone else out of the classroom during recess, but thankfully I wasn't in her class back then so I never had to deal with her until that year in high school. I'm so glad I graduated and I never have to see her again.


----------



## Ancani (Jul 18, 2015)

It's not a thing I _heard_, but in I think my senior year (might've been junior year), I wound up sitting with the other kids in my humanities class. This was a rarity, since I didn't really like them and they didn't really like me. I'm not sure what the actual circumstances were. I'm only mentioning the fact that this was a rare occasion because for all I know, this could've been something people in the group did _constantly_.

We were all chatting about our weekend plans, and one girl started bragging about how she'd gotten some amazing weed and announced her intention to smoke a lot of it. Note that about half of what this group enjoyed talking about involved soft drugs, especially weed, in some way. (This is part of why we didn't get along--I was kind of a teacher's pet, and as I'd later learn, they thought I'd rat them out, and I didn't find the topic nearly as interesting as they seemed to.) So I mean, her rambling about weed was pretty par for the course. 

It was at this point that she pulled a cloth pencil case (the bag-with-a-zipper kind, idk how to describe them) from her backpack and opened it, revealing a bunch of fucking weed. She showed it off to the entire group like it was show and tell or something. Oh, and did I mention that the table was maybe ten feet from the door to the classroom? And that the door was open? And that the teacher was _still in there_?

For what it's worth, she didn't get found out, but she _did_ show a bunch of weed to the girl she thought would tell the teacher, so I'd say it still qualifies as incredibly stupid.


----------



## Drawets Rednaxela (Jul 19, 2015)

Well there was the bimbo that didn't know Madagascar was a real place. Had to stifle a facepalm for that one.


----------



## Johnny Bravo (Jul 19, 2015)

When I was in middle school kids told me there was a Mewthree.


----------



## Asmik Otaku (Jul 19, 2015)

Back when I was in college I had once met a girl at a party and I would constantly bump into her around campus. One day I invite her back to my room. 
Anyways, she makes it to my place and I open the door. At the time I'm watching some anime and she looks really shocked. She proceeds to berate me for having "immature tastes" and then suggests we watch Jersey Shore. 

Needless to say I stopped seeing her after that.


----------



## sm0t (Jul 19, 2015)

drtoboggan said:


> A kid claimed atheists were "devil worshipers," a phrase indicative of stupid.



This just reminded me of a girl that went to my high school who thought that my now-husband sacrificed small animals just because he was a pagan.  She also thought that abortion and gays were destroying the country.


----------



## drtoboggan (Jul 19, 2015)

sm0t said:


> This just reminded me of a girl that went to my high school who thought that my now-husband sacrificed small animals just because he was a pagan.  She also thought that abortion and gays were destroying the country.


Turning that around on poor, idiot Republicans is so fun. "Abortion clinics and gays aren't sending our jobs overseas, selling the country to China, sending our children to die halfway across the country, or denying health care to people. That's what people you vote for are doing." They usually give a SJW response.


----------



## John Titor (Jul 19, 2015)

I know someone who thinks latino/a and Italian is interchangeable. 



CuriousBystander said:


> When I was in middle school kids told me there was a Mewthree.


Ah yes, Pokemon rumors.
Like leveling up a Magikarp to level 99 will evolve it into a Pokegod or some dumb shit like that.


----------



## AN/ALR56 (Jul 19, 2015)

nad7155 said:


> For engine spergs only.
> 
> 
> Nitrous oxide or NAWSSS increases compression.
> ...


I thought this thing except the nitrogen were true and I am a engine sperg


----------



## TopperHay (Jul 20, 2015)

I knew a guy who didn't know that Mario Paint was a paint program. He thought it was just a music composer. To be fair, the composer was the most popular feature of Mario Paint, but how do you not know you can draw in it when the word "Paint" is in the title?


----------



## Dr. Tremolo (Jul 20, 2015)

I was told that I'm reasonably handsome by multiple people.
Pfft! Good one!


----------



## sm0t (Jul 20, 2015)

Some kid in 3rd grade thought that elephants brayed like donkeys.  Also a guy in my 12th grade physics class thought pigeons crowed like roosters.


----------



## The Great Citracett (Jul 21, 2015)

My high school health teacher was an old fucker who did all sorts of awful stuff and got away with it because in his words "fuck you, I've got tenure!" He had like 2 years before retirement when I had him, so he was really in top form.

-Was a fundie christian like the science teacher, so he completely skipped everything in the health/sex ed book he decided he didn't want to teach. Like only mentioning birth control to say it never works, is a sin, etc. Spent a lot of time railing against gays, condoms, women, abortion, etc.

-Played the persecuted Christian card constantly to get away with bigotry and such, and to not have to teach anything he didn't like.

-Once bragged about betraying a lifelong friend who chose to confide in him that he was trans, disowning him, and outing him to his family rather than keep the secret he'd been trusted with.

-Always talked about drugs as if he was in the know and kept up with what the kids were into. Used the most ridiculous 50s style slang names and believed quaaludes and stuff like that were still a thing.

-Watched law and order and fox news, and believed kids were seriously doing all the fake "teen fads" from the show. (Pharm parties, rainbow parties, orgies, etc.) Also believed jenkem was real.

-Claimed to have once been liberal and pro choice until one day his then-2-year-old son stood up and looked him in the eye and explained, at great length, why abortion is wrong. He right then and there did a 180 to become the sexist, racist, prejudiced zealot we all knew. Because a 2 year old told him to.

-He felt the best way to demonstrate rape statistics  (1 in 4 girls gets raped he said) was to walk up and down the rows in class, duck-duck-goosing the girls. Tapping them on the head as he went, 1, 2, 3, RAPE, 1, 2, 3, RAPE. Creepy.

-Never shut up about his son being the most clean, pure, wonderful kid ever. His son was well known as the fuckup who loitered in the halls selling pills and weed between classes.


----------



## hopietan (Jul 21, 2015)

In 12th Grade I heard this one:

"So does Alberta have a Prime Minister like Ontario does?"

She wasn't even from another country like I'd suspect someone who'd ask such a question about Canada's government system.


----------



## Too Many Crooks (Jul 21, 2015)

The only stupid thing I remember was in my senior year, when this douchebag kid claimed that "anyone who believes in global warming is mentally ill". He said this several times when the topic was brought up.


----------



## Da Pickle Monsta (Jul 22, 2015)

I went to Japan in 2002 as a part of an exchange program.  When I got back to school, several people approached me and asked, "how was China?"

"I didn't go to China.  I went to Japan."

"Well, yeah.  Japan's _in_ China, right?"

I've also run into an upsetting number of people who don't realize that there are two Koreas or that New Zealand is an actual place.


----------



## John Titor (Jul 22, 2015)

I knew someone who thought Hitler was an okay guy because he was anti-Left.


----------



## Da Pickle Monsta (Jul 22, 2015)

I had a teacher who claimed that her husband was a Holocaust denier.

She later went nuts, ran away from her husband and holed up at different friend's houses while her husband filed a missing person's report.

I wouldn't be surprised if the two incidents were related.


----------



## dunbrine47 (Jul 22, 2015)

It was that time of year in my highschool, research reports. While in class and discussing topics one of my classmates said he wanted to do the history of the tin can.  The history teacher was not amused. Mr. Tin can's response was "American History is so boring".


----------



## Da Pickle Monsta (Jul 23, 2015)

I once had an English teacher who offered extra credit if we would bring in "Roman" foods, since we were doing a unit on Shakespeare's _Julius Caesar. _

She gushed madly over people's spaghetti, lasagna, and pizza, and then tried to claim that Italian and Roman cuisine was essentially the same.  Oh, and she marked people down for food that she didn't like.

Just a reminder: the tomato plant comes from South America.  It wasn't introduced to Europe for 1500 years after Caesar's death.


----------



## Da Pickle Monsta (Jul 24, 2015)

Sorry for the double post, but I just remembered something:

Kent Fucking Hovind once gave a lecture at my high school.


----------



## Shiny Marshtomp (Jul 25, 2015)

Some people in my 9th grade history class (14-15 year olds) thought the Netherlands were isles off the coast of Switzerland.

There was also some rich girl whining how her dad wouldn't buy her another horse.


----------



## Shuu Iwamine (Jul 25, 2015)

Back when I took biology in high school, we were discussing evolution, and our teacher went on to say that humans were animals. Mammals to be precise. There was this girl across the class who suddenly yelled "NO WE'RE NOT". All of us just kind of looked at her, and our teacher just kind of stared in her direction blankly, as if he couldn't comprehend what she had said. He went to grab a text book, thumbed to the section regarding evolution, found the definition of animal, and read it aloud to her. He asked her if that definition sounded like humans, as well as other animals, and she didn't know what to say at first. Then she went on a tangent about how we were created in God's image, and he "had no right to say otherwise".

I don't remember much of the argument after that, but at one point she called our teacher a stupid atheistic old man who was going to burn, and she got referred to the principal at that point. It was fun to watch, and what was even funnier is that our teacher was quite religious, himself, but just found nothing wrong with classifying humans as animals. He was a pretty good sport to debate her any way, but he wasn't going to deal with being insulted.


----------



## TheAmazingAxolotl (Jul 25, 2015)

When I was a freshman, I tore a muscle in my back and spend most of the day doubled over in pain until I decided it would be a good idea to go to the nurse and call my parents and get out of there. I was out of school for another day until my back stopped hurting as much, but when I came back, I had to answer to rumours that I had left school grounds to do drugs and then got arrested. The people that started these rumours had seen me doubled over in pain most of the day when it happened.

As a junior, in psychology class, we were talking about that one incident where a botched circumcision turned into a total gender reassignment and one girl after the lunch break started asking everyone "If you take the wings off a butterfly, is it still a butterfly?", and in terms of genetics, yes, it's still a butterfly, but the person that pulls the wings off one is a cruel fucking human being.

Also as a junior, in French class:  "Rock is the hardest metal."

I think this was when I was a sophomore, but the situation was one of the many varieties of redneck was trying to start shit with me, and his solution to my existence was "I will go over to the SRO, steal his gun, and I will kill you." Yeah, man, taking a gun from a cop is shown to be effective in ending someone's life.

But the stupidest yet most profound thing I had ever heard in school comes from a discussion on ethics in Theory of Knowledge. In the context of utilitarianism and a runaway rail car that could go on a path of destruction that would kill two people on one possible path or two hundred on another, but there existed another way of stopping the rail car and preventing more destruction, we were all asked this one simple question:
"Would you push the fat man?"


----------



## AnOminous (Jul 25, 2015)

TheAmazingAxolotl said:


> But the stupidest yet most profound thing I had ever heard in school comes from a discussion on ethics in Theory of Knowledge. In the context of utilitarianism and a runaway rail car that could go on a path of destruction that would kill two people on one possible path or two hundred on another, but there existed another way of stopping the rail car and preventing more destruction, we were all asked this one simple question:
> "Would you push the fat man?"



Yes.


----------



## grilledcheesesandwich (Jul 26, 2015)

one time i overheard a girl telling her friends that her boyfriend's cum tasted like vegemite and it really messed me up


----------



## AnimuGinger (Jul 30, 2015)

I had a professor assign us a paper on the Iran-Contra Affair. But only the part where drugs came into the US. This in itself is not the problem.

The problem is that his assigned sources that we *had* to use, were from a lovely individual named Alex Jones. That's right, a history professor trying to pass off Alex Jones as a reputable source of information for a paper. He also had a tendency to shut down any arguments that disagreed with his using examples that don't really apply, so his note that "It will be graded objectively based on the quality of arguments, not my opinion." was rather bullshit.


----------



## AnOminous (Jul 30, 2015)

When I got my undergrad degree, it was at an actually conservative school, and the head of the department of my poli sci major was a neoconservative.

I had no problem at all.  I did not feel remotely suppressed when I openly mocked his opinions, disagreed with him, and even flat-out trolled him.  He really hated the opinions of Michel Foucault, and after he flipped out at the mere mention of his name and declared him a "degenerate Nietzschean," I made it a point to cite Foucault whenever possible.

Not only did I ace his class, but he even gave me a recommendation to law school.

I wish I could recommend liberal professors in this way, but as far as professors who I disagree with go, the conservatives have my nod.  Maybe it's because they're in the minority, but they generally seem to have actual respect for the concept of academic freedom.


----------



## ASoulMan (Jul 30, 2015)

Obama declaring martial law.


----------



## John Titor (Aug 12, 2015)

Some kind of bizzaro A-Log told me I need to get a girlfriend instead of learning programming reasoning with "_I _don't know how to do that." Somehow being an idiot is preferable than trying to learn something useful.

Last time I heard from him, he's working at a Wal-Mart constantly bitching about his employers.


----------



## tomgirl4life (Aug 14, 2015)

Dude I knew in 7th grade swore to me up and down that girls had testicles, they were just "on the inside".

On another note, I had a professor in college for a class called Foundations of Education, where we supposed to learn the basic concepts of teaching.  The problem was that the professor went to charter schools growing up, got her Bachelor's and Masters in Philosophy, her PhD in Philosophy of Education and openly referred to herself as an academic so she didn't need any of that pesky "practical experience".  She unironically wore those coats with the padded elbows, had never set foot in a traditional classroom and assigned books by her friends, John Dewey (the only man whose dick she'd be willing to suck) and a book she contributed to.  That's not so bad, a lot of professors pad their book sales by assigning their work for the class, but this book wasn't even pertinent to the topic. It was called "Why we Write", was by writers, and was literally a collection of essays on what inspired them to get up in the morning and write.

She kept going on  and on and on about how the entire experience of education was valuable, then turning around and demonstrating the exact opposite.  I remember specifically one day someone closed the door to the classroom as they came in and she exclaimed "No, leave it open!  Dewey wouldn't close the door, he would encourage all outside noise as part of the experience!"  Then when one one of the other classes in the building let out 30 minutes later she got all pissed at them passing by, grumbled and shut the door.  She openly encouraged freedom of thought, except when someone called her out on her bullshit theories at which point she would shut them down and threaten to drop them from the class.  The only reason that we stayed in it is because it was the last semester for that class, and if we missed it we would have to meet different practicum requirements.

On the first essay test she wanted a lot of quotes, wanted it "based on the quotes".  I didn't agree with her, but she had demonstrated that she didn't care for dissenting opinions, so I tried to write it based on the idea that she wasn't full of it and it was an awful essay.  She gave me a C-, which was higher than I would've given it. So when it came time for the final, I was in a bind.  I started off trying to do the same thing, but realized I no longer cared about my grade in the class.  So I took about 30 quotes from her book, then ripped her a new one for about 15 pages telling her in no uncertain terms what I thought about her, ideas, her teaching style, and her personally.  

The last day of class was the due date for the final essay, and when I turned it in and started to walk out she asked me if I was staying for class.  I laughed at her as I told her no.  I was honestly expecting to fail the class, but I ended up with a B, so I apparently got an A on the essay.


----------



## ahavayeshana (Aug 16, 2015)

"I'm a virgin because my boyfriend wears condoms."

"I may be pregnant, but I'm still a virgin because my cherry never popped."

"I lost my virginity to a tampon."


----------



## Big Nasty (Aug 18, 2015)

ahavayeshana said:


> "I'm a virgin because my boyfriend wears condoms."
> 
> "I may be pregnant, but I'm still a virgin because my cherry never popped."
> 
> "I lost my virginity to a tampon."


"It's not cheating on your boyfriend if the guy uses a condom"


----------



## SpessCaptain (Aug 18, 2015)

My friend lied that her super cool oc donut steel got picked up by some game company and they were going to build a game for her.

God, she made me draw concept art. CONCEPT ART.


----------



## Apocalypso (Aug 20, 2015)

The world is pear shaped.


----------



## Rat Speaker (Aug 20, 2015)

"Hey bro D's get degrees"


----------



## fishercat (Aug 20, 2015)

There was some Tumblr kid in my old English class that tried to teach everyone the Infinite Chocolate Bar thing.


----------



## Overcast (Aug 21, 2015)

Only thing I can think of is this one girl in middle school called me a slut. It would be one thing if she called me a manwhore or whatever the male equivalent of a slut is, but she straight up called me a slut.

Other than that, I was usually the one who says stupid stuff.


----------



## ShavedSheep (Aug 21, 2015)

Rat Speaker said:


> "Hey bro D's get degrees"


but they do doe


----------



## Eldritch (Aug 21, 2015)

A Mexican kid called me a lesbian in elementary school. when my mom explained what it meant, I was pretty confused.


----------



## SpessCaptain (Aug 21, 2015)

scorptatious said:


> Only thing I can think of is this one girl in middle school called me a slut. It would be one thing if she called me a manwhore or whatever the male equivalent of a slut is, but she straight up called me a slut.
> 
> Other than that, I was usually the one who says stupid stuff.


I was called a slut because I flirted with a guy on Runescape and my friend got jealous and told everyone at school.


----------



## Pinkamena Diane Pie (Aug 24, 2015)

TheAmazingAxolotl said:


> When I was a freshman, I tore a muscle in my back and spend most of the day doubled over in pain until I decided it would be a good idea to go to the nurse and call my parents and get out of there. I was out of school for another day until my back stopped hurting as much, but when I came back, I had to answer to rumours that I had left school grounds to do drugs and then got arrested. The people that started these rumours had seen me doubled over in pain most of the day when it happened.
> 
> As a junior, in psychology class, we were talking about that one incident where a botched circumcision turned into a total gender reassignment and one girl after the lunch break started asking everyone "If you take the wings off a butterfly, is it still a butterfly?", and in terms of genetics, yes, it's still a butterfly, but the person that pulls the wings off one is a cruel fucking human being.
> 
> ...


I`m just surprised that the nurse let you go home. My nurse just stared at me as I got sick. 

Yeah...Nurse Ratchet.

"How does Ulcerative Colitis impede your ability to walk?" Stupid quote from nurse. 

I guess malnutrition, severe anemia, and severe dehydration weren't possible outcomes of, you know, a DIGESTIVE DISEASE.


----------



## Big Nasty (Aug 25, 2015)

I remember this kid that called someone a "poop-eating werewolf" as an insult.


----------



## MerriedxReldnahc (Apr 26, 2016)

threadnecromancyahoy

In my 8th grade art class we were strictly forbidden from drawing anything gang-related.  I was told I couldn't use Old German or blackletter style script because it was gang-related. 
For one project we were supposed to draw a depiction of music, so my friend drew a African-American gentleman in a leisure suit with an afro (representing disco). Our teacher told him that it was nice, but he might have to change his idea because it was _gang-related_. 
My friend had a very hard time convincing her that not all black people are in gangs.


----------



## AN/ALR56 (Apr 26, 2016)

History class in high school
Dude told us he had an altar with che Guevara and Jesus Christ.
Also the infamous monopoly thing where capitalism is evull.
Dude forgot he was teaching to a private school where 75% of the kids were farmers or businessmans kids.
His questions in tests were always capitalism related and the right answers were always negative to capitalism and positive to socialism.
The conservative history teacher,was a completely neutral dude however.


----------



## autisticdragonkin (Apr 27, 2016)

My 9th grade social studies teacher said that someday we were going to wake up to an evacuation by the Canadian military as america invades and enslaves all Canadians that they capture. He also talked about his interpretations of the book of genesis a lot


----------



## The Great Citracett (Apr 27, 2016)

-Had a writing teacher in elementary teach a really halfassed way to write letters. I remember for "K" we were told to draw a vertical line then butt a lowercase "e" up to it. For "8" just make an "S" then draw a slash across it. There were others too.

-Giraffes have two hearts. One in the chest like other animals, one in the neck about halfway up. How else can blood get to the brain? From a science teacher.

-A friend in fourth grade sat on a pencil that was dropped on his chair when he wasn't looking. Stuck him in the asscheek pretty good, he screamed like a stuck pig and I watched from my classroom across the hall as he was taken to the hospital for stitches. He came back insisting that he didn't scream, and that the pencil went "right in the hole, right up muh rumpus." to anyone who would listen. 

-In high school there was a girl who was pretty well known for treating everyone like shit. Was dumb as a post, and incredibly rude and hateful to students, teachers, everyone. Hung around with the football team. Got passed around by the football team. One night, she and the football team  broke into the school and stole all the computers from the computer lab. Next day, nobody would confess. Principal takes her aside and says, hey, you can't lie to me... we got your prints from the door handles. She snaps right back "No you didn't! We wore gloves!" Nothing ever came of it. She probably started sleeping with the principal too. She continued doing shit like that too. What happened to her?  Well, you see, she just happens to look like a Kardashian, so having thrown away all her family and friends like trash, she flies between Hawaii and NYC and hangs out with millionaires and does modeling and such while remaining a rotten, probably still functionally retarded person, because there's no justice in the world.  

-Previously mentioned football team all seem to hold retail and other menial jobs as they were the winningest team in school history and so weren't made to study or pay attention in classes. They were basically told they'd get scooped right up by the NFL right out of high school. This was an extremely small rural school, where each teacher also doubled as a sports coach. This also was used to ensure the team always got "A's" and never got in trouble. Needless to say, nobody went to the NFL. Or college. Or out of the county really. I actually kinda feel bad for them.

-Also, about a month before the computers were stolen, I was hauled out of class into the hall to watch as the principal ransacked my locker and threw my stuff up and down the hallway. The reason? The school had gotten new mousepads with the mascot on them, and they'd all come up missing. Since I was the new kid that year, I'd obviously stolen them to try and wreck the "school spirit". No idea who actually took them, but I can still remember the look on the principal's face as he frantically shook my textbooks as if I'd hidden 15 or so thick-ass mousepads between the pages.


----------



## Megapiss (Apr 27, 2016)

This isn't a stupid thing I _heard_ but it's a really stupid thing someone did. I'm in a medical lab tech program, and in our biochemistry lab we were doing some testing on osmometers. The osmometer looks like this and is extremely simple to use: you pick up a sample with the pipette, place it in the blue cradle and push it into the hole. Some guy tried to place it into the hole without using the cradle, and when it didn't fit, he just SLAMMED it in there as hard as he could, irreversibly breaking the instrument. Guess how much those things cost? 500 dollars? 1000? 



Spoiler



About 27,000 dollars.


No one was watching the osmometers at the time as our professors didn't think anyone would do something so stupendously retarded. So nobody knew who did it. The next week, we were using them again, and _*THE SAME GUY DID THE SAME FUCKING THING!!!!*_ He got caught this time- he automatically failed the course and might get kicked out of the program. I cannot understand the thought process that would lead you to do that not only once, but twice in a row.


----------



## Rabbit Bones (Apr 27, 2016)

In a college world history class, the professor asked if anyone had traveled to a non-European country. Apart from me and the guy from Korea, everyone else said England or France.


----------



## autisticdragonkin (Apr 27, 2016)

Rabbit Bones said:


> In a college world history class, the professor asked if anyone had traveled to a non-European country. Apart from me and the guy from Korea, everyone else said England or France.


What country was this taking place in?


----------



## Rabbit Bones (Apr 27, 2016)

autisticdragonkin said:


> What country was this taking place in?


America


----------



## autisticdragonkin (Apr 27, 2016)

Rabbit Bones said:


> America


So nobody had been to Canada or Mexico or America in that class


----------



## The Lawgiver (Apr 27, 2016)

There used to be this short, angry, middle eastern kid with a heavy accent and a moustache he probably shouldn't have had at his age at one of the schools I went to. One time, he suddenly screamed "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU NIGGER?" when I walked by him.  I'm white by the way.

He eventually got expelled for barely opening the emergency exit window of a bus as a "prank" on a school trip.


----------



## Bluebird (Apr 27, 2016)

Another kid would argue with me that all the names of the not yet released second generation of pokemon was "Neo". To clarify, cyndiquill was named neo charmander, heracross was neo pincer, lugia was neo articuno, ect.


----------



## Lackadaisy (Apr 28, 2016)

BLUEBIRD said:


> Another kid would argue with me that all the names of the not yet released second generation of pokemon was "Neo". To clarify, cyndiquill was named neo charmander, heracross was neo pincer, lugia was neo articuno, ect.



Ah, I remember all the crazy Pokémon conspiracy theories that would fly around my elementary school back in the day, like how "Pokémon Green" let you pick whatever starter Pokémon you wanted and how to catch "Pikablu." Good times.


----------



## The Great Citracett (Apr 28, 2016)

Lackadaisy said:


> Ah, I remember all the crazy Pokémon conspiracy theories that would fly around my elementary school back in the day, like how "Pokémon Green" let you pick whatever starter Pokémon you wanted and how to catch "Pikablu." Good times.



Pencil-in-the-asscheek boy I mentioned earlier was a big believer in the "PokeGods", secret super powered pokemon you could supposedly catch in insanely time consuming ways that were just made up to troll pokemon kids. One was named "Melomagticuno", which is of course impossibly long for a pokemon name.

Same kid bought a super early players guide and in the cinnabar island section there was a translation error that said "betobetan" could be captured in the mansion. I told him that was just the Japanese name for muk but he didn't believe me and spent like 3 solid days with no sleep just walking back and forth in the mansion to find the damn thing. He never did. He looked like a zombie. And his pokemon still sucked because he'd just run from every non-betobetan instead of leveling up.

Actually, he was kind of a "that kid" maybe we should have a thread for kids like that in school.


----------



## superthermite (Apr 28, 2016)

Someone I knew in high school used to argue a lot of stupid shit. One time he was insistent that it was more accurate to hold a gun sideways to shoot because his "friend in the military" told him that. Either his friend was imaginary or he was getting trolled.


----------



## Yamyam (Apr 29, 2016)

In high school when me and my friend was leaving after school, we heard these two girls arguing and one of them said that the other looked like a foot.
I couldn't stop laughing and till this day I still laugh.


----------



## Tranhuviya (Apr 29, 2016)

I once saw some dude beat a black midget half to death with a lunch tray.


----------



## AnOminous (Apr 29, 2016)

Manlets.  When will they learn?


----------



## Pepsi-Cola (Apr 30, 2016)

I think everybody knew a kid like this in some form at some point during their childhood or teenage years, but in I believe intermediate school there was this fat kid that hung out with my group of friends that would lie about literally anything to make himself seem cool. He told us that a famous Hockey Player was his cousin, that there was a Battleship that was named after him and his dad, that there was a brand of torpedo named after him and his dad, he even told us the classic "my second cousin's dad works at Sony and he's letting me and him game test the new Playstation"

And that's only the stuff that I can remember off the top of my head, anyways, long story short, he got beat up and bullied in highschool and around grade 11 it got so bad he had to transfer. Have no idea what happened to him after highschool.


----------



## autisticdragonkin (Apr 30, 2016)

Pepsi said:


> I think everybody knew a kid like this in some form at some point during their childhood or teenage years, but in I believe intermediate school there was this fat kid that hung out with my group of friends that would lie about literally anything to make himself seem cool. He told us that a famous Hockey Player was his cousin, that there was a Battleship that was named after him and his dad, that there was a brand of torpedo named after him and his dad, he even told us the classic "my second cousin's dad works at Sony and he's letting me and him game test the new Playstation"
> 
> And that's only the stuff that I can remember off the top of my head, anyways, long story short, he got beat up and bullied in highschool and around grade 11 it got so bad he had to transfer. Have no idea what happened to him after highschool.


Did he still say those ridiculous lies into highschool (is intermediate school middle school)


----------



## Pepsi-Cola (Apr 30, 2016)

autisticdragonkin said:


> Did he still say those ridiculous lies into highschool (is intermediate school middle school)


Sort of, he cut it out pretty early on though because that's what caused him a lot of trouble.


----------



## The Great Citracett (May 2, 2016)

I remember getting bitched at a lot by my art teacher in high school for drawing comics and not spelling it "comix". I'd always put a fake publisher logo or something on them and spell comics right, and he'd cry about how that wasn't cool, and how nobody would want to read it. "Comix" just reminds me too much of 90s "Xtreme" marketing I guess. Really he seemed to be upset that his original character never amounted to anything and he never got rich off it, and seemed to sometimes take it out on us kids.

Also he'd complain that all my stuff is in black and white, and that nobody would want to read it if it wasn't in color. I can't draw that well, and I can only imagine how shitty it would look in color.


----------



## MysticMisty (May 2, 2016)

I had a really dumb teacher in fourth grade. Here are a few of her "highlights".

-Taught us that Highs are when atmospheric pressure drops and Lows are when it rises. My folks thought I must have fucked up my notes and made sure to correct me. Predictably I got that question wrong on a test and it confused the hell out of me for years.

-According to her, the reason why western South Dakota (where we lived) was hilly/mountainous in comparison to the eastern half of the state is that during the ice age this part of the continent was under water with a bunch of icebergs floating on top, ironing out the land. But as they drifted west they didn't get much farther past the Missouri River before melting completely, and that's why the Black Hills exist.

-Pocahontas is just a cartoon character, not a real person.

-The Summer Olympics are only every four years, but the Winter Olympics are every two years. Got angry when I pointed out the last Winter Games were four years ago.

-Accused me of lying about the Tri-State Tornado in an assignment and told me that I needed to read about real tornadoes instead of watching Twister and making up junk because of it.


----------



## autisticdragonkin (May 2, 2016)

MysticMisty said:


> -Pocahontas is just a cartoon character, not a real person.


In her defense the movie is heavily fictionalized and she might have been trying to get at that


----------



## Mapache (May 3, 2016)

Back in 9th grade Spanish class two girls got into an argument over if onions were a plant or a vegetable.
Apparently to girl #1 vegetables aren't plants.
The same girl got into an argument in biology because she thought dolphins were fishes and thus weren't animals


----------



## LD 3187 (May 3, 2016)

You can be whatever you want.
You have a bright future ahead of you
Cyberbullying is bad
Jet fuel can melt steel beams


----------



## Checkered Spotlight (May 3, 2016)

"Okay but like, you chinks are so feminine that it's not gay if you suck my dick, right?"
"Allah is the Boku Harem (he literally thought it was spelled Boku Harem) god."
"Black people don't only come from Africa! They come from New York, and Germany, and Kansas..."
"There's no starvation in North Korea, that's South Korea. South Korea has Kim Jong Un."
"Come at me you gay-ass bitch!" -Shortly before getting punched in the stomach because he left it wide open
"No no, see, I can touch your boobs because I'm gay."

God Bless Virginia.

Edit: Bullshit from teachers!

"You're going to be in some deep kimchi, Anthony!" -said to the fuckign Vietnamese kid
"Anyways, let's call her Mary, instead of Ching Chong Ling Long or whatever her name is." -on a Chinese character in a book
"Another Armenian recipe?" -Backstory: She thought my dad was Armenian and not Moroccan and insisted that I was an Armenian despite saying several times that I wasn't.
"Shut your mouth and don't correct me, Checkered, I know you're Armenian. Stop lying." -Said when I tried to correct her.

This teacher also liked to throw around one kid's stuff because he cried a lot.


----------



## Mapache (May 4, 2016)

Checkered Spotlight said:


> "Okay but like, you chinks are so feminine that it's not gay if you suck my dick, right?"
> "Allah is the Boku Harem (he literally thought it was spelled Boku Harem) god."
> "Black people don't only come from Africa! They come from New York, and Germany, and Kansas..."
> "There's no starvation in North Korea, that's South Korea. South Korea has Kim Jong Un."
> ...


Wow, just . Your school sounds like the definition of backwater


----------



## MysticMisty (May 4, 2016)

autisticdragonkin said:


> In her defense the movie is heavily fictionalized and she might have been trying to get at that


I can see why you would hope that, but no. She told us Pocahontas was a fictional character that only existed in a cartoon.


----------



## Somar (May 4, 2016)

Back in High School one of my friends used to constantly tell stories about this fake creature called the hippowatermoose. At first it was funny but then it started to get annoying constantly having to hear tales about a creature that doesn't even exist.


----------



## Pandas Galore (May 4, 2016)

Since we have backwater Virginia stories let's get some preppy Virginia stories.

At our high school there were a lot of Indian kids that had recently moved into the area and some parents had conflicts with them. In robotics for lunch parent volunteers would make  food for us during build season meetings and it was an Indian parent's turn. One mom was so scared of the food saying that the "foreign food would give him some kind of disease" and took him home to eat. Next year she became the "official" food person apparently and literally never brought in anything besides turkey sandwiches.

In college last semester I was in the physics lounge and a professor came in for donuts cuz we have that on Fridays. A kid in there was talking about something called "anarchocapitalism" and the professor started arguing with him. The kid ended up saying "medicine will make it so people no longer are aggressive and selfish and people will coexist peacefully" and the professor just responded "you mean a lobotomy".


----------



## Checkered Spotlight (May 4, 2016)

Pandas Galore said:


> Since we have backwater Virginia stories let's get some preppy Virginia stories.
> 
> At our high school there were a lot of Indian kids that had recently moved into the area and some parents had conflicts with them. In robotics for lunch parent volunteers would make  food for us during build season meetings and it was an Indian parent's turn. One mom was so scared of the food saying that the "foreign food would give him some kind of disease" and took him home to eat. Next year she became the "official" food person apparently and literally never brought in anything besides turkey sandwiches.
> 
> In college last semester I was in the physics lounge and a professor came in for donuts cuz we have that on Fridays. A kid in there was talking about something called "anarchocapitalism" and the professor started arguing with him. The kid ended up saying "medicine will make it so people no longer are aggressive and selfish and people will coexist peacefully" and the professor just responded "you mean a lobotomy".



Truly, we are the pinnacle of knowledge.

If you don't mind me asking, what part of Virginia are you in? I'm in the south east towards the naval base.


----------



## AnOminous (May 4, 2016)

Checkered Spotlight said:


> "Okay but like, you chinks are so feminine that it's not gay if you suck my dick, right?"



Isn't that true, though?

And I thought I was straight all this time.


----------



## Pandas Galore (May 4, 2016)

Checkered Spotlight said:


> Truly, we are the pinnacle of knowledge.
> 
> If you don't mind me asking, what part of Virginia are you in? I'm in the south east towards the naval base.


Central, not NOVA which is where most people think the preps are.


----------



## Lurkman (May 12, 2016)

I once met a guy that thought carrots could have sex.

He surprisingly was not on drugs.


----------



## yasscat (May 12, 2016)

Lurkman said:


> I once met a guy that thought carrots could have sex.
> 
> He surprisingly was not on drugs.


...what


----------



## Lurkman (May 12, 2016)

Blake Bumbleby said:


> ...what



I don't know either, I just laughed and assumed he came from a sheltered household.


----------



## AnOminous (May 12, 2016)

Lurkman said:


> I once met a guy that thought carrots could have sex.
> 
> He surprisingly was not on drugs.



Well, they do reproduce sexually, being a flowering plant.  I assume he meant something weirder than that, though.


----------



## MellowJello (May 12, 2016)

In eighth grade my orchestra teacher was telling us how in a competition the spokesperson pronounced the title "Birch Canoe" as birth canal and some kid out loud asked what a birth canal was.


----------



## MerriedxReldnahc (May 12, 2016)

One particularly dim bulb I knew was convinced the artist who wrote Maus was a racist for depicting the Jews as mice and the Nazis as cats. An allegory for the helplessness of the Jews trapped under the cruel and oppressive Nazis? Nope, it's racism.  He also thought the term "South African style" (in reference to the discus throwing technique) was racist. He thought stating your dislike of Ellen DeGeneres' particular comedic style made you a homophobe. 
I hope he never discovered tumblr.


----------



## MysticMisty (May 12, 2016)

MerriedxReldnahc said:


> He thought stating your dislike of Ellen DeGeneres' particular comedic style made you a homophobe.


I was accused of being racist because I simply said I didn't think Bill Cosby was funny. Maybe these people were just proto-SJWs.


----------



## AnOminous (May 12, 2016)

MysticMisty said:


> I was accused of being racist because I simply said I didn't think Bill Cosby was funny. Maybe these people were just proto-SJWs.



Too bad that isn't now, and you could accuse them back of being rape advocates.


----------



## Lorento (May 12, 2016)

I have a couple of stories, mixtures from my own time and my brother's time at school. Geography in particular was a fun place full of some serious bullshit.

-I once heard a girl claim that Egypt was 'European' 
-My brother once had someone claim that Portugal was the capital of Wales (!!!!)
-In history, while learning about the Norman Conquest, we had one kid claim that the man who conquered England in 1066 was in fact 'King Norman' 
-Had an IT lesson where the teacher spent the whole lesson trying to teach internet lingo, including the idea of Rickrolling. In 2013. (Middle aged people trying to understand the Internet. Yeah)
-My Art teacher broke down in class after an arguement with a student and stormed into an office and left the class in ten minutes of awkward and confused silence.
-A maths teacher who was a fan of music to the point where she invented the 'Square number song' and made parents sing along to it at Open Evenings.

But the creme de la creme of all this has to be my Head of Sixth Form. He was a religious nut, who had previously been Head Boy at the school and had come back after Uni to teach. In short, the school was his life and he was passionate about three things. The School, Sport and God. I could make a post on him in the personal lolcow section, but he did say a lot of stupid shit, so we'll put it here. 

Every Tuesday we'd have to have an assembly with this guy, where he'd talk about the 'Message of the Week' and something something, Jesus, something something. The man could barely speak without going 'erm' every half second, he connected with the students about as well as two negative poles on a magnet and his messages were usually cringey as fuck. 

It gets better though. My brother went to an Open Evening for that school after I'd moved on and from what I understand, this Head of Sixth Form spoke. Apparently he went off topic and started talking about Jesus and then started banging the podium he was at with his spare hand, the other clutching a sheet of paper. In the words of those who witnessed this, 'One man had his head in his hands' and 'Some girls in the front row were openly laughing.' So yeah. Turns out England isn't safe from total retardation.


----------



## autisticdragonkin (May 12, 2016)

Lorento said:


> -I once heard a girl claim that Egypt was 'European'


But it is European (or at least was prior to the fall of rome)


----------



## AnOminous (May 12, 2016)

autisticdragonkin said:


> But it is European (or at least was prior to the fall of rome)



Explain how a country in Africa was European.  I'm really interested in this.


----------



## xXRonPaul_42020Xx (May 12, 2016)

Lurkman said:


> I once met a guy that thought carrots could have sex.
> 
> He surprisingly was not on drugs.


Ive seen that video.


----------



## fire_fly (May 12, 2016)

"Japan is a continent in the state of China" is probably my personal favorite (and also the only one I can think of right now). Said, out loud, for the entire Geography class to hear.

The girl who said it was pretty much your typical airheaded beach bunny, but she was a really sweet person and I feel bad now for judging her so negatively for that. I was an asshole back in high school.


----------



## Admiral Piett (May 12, 2016)

Back in high school, there was this one retarded tranny chick, FTM. She had been in the grade above us for the rest of high school, but for some reason she fucked up, and ended up being put into our grade. The SJW's in my grade hated her for being tutcute, and an attention whore and the rest of the grade found her creepy. 

Things she did:
She was a kid in drama, and on the way to a performance, watched porn. This was in the middle of a school bus, with all her classmates.

She solicited people for sex. From what we figured out, she asked about twelve people, including myself. 

She also asked people out to formal (our version of prom) and asked people six months in advance. 

She also asked our school captain, and according to him it went something like this:



Spoiler: Tranny Convo



Tranny: He Joe, have you got a date for formal?

Captain: No, not yet, have a few girls in sight but none yet. 

Tranny: Would you consider going with me?

Captain: Sorry, it's way too early to tell. 

Tranny: Do you want to die alone Joe?

Captain: Lol, no. 

Tranny: If you keep up with that, you will.

Captain: Ok then....


----------



## Keerakh (May 12, 2016)

in grade 6, we had our class arranged where two students each were paired together for about half the year. i was set next to a generally jock-type guy.
Anyway, he said two hilarious things that come to mind. 
First off, our homeroom/english/french teacher was pregnant at the time, noticeably so, and in some offhand discussion she brought it up totally naturally and then he pipes up, saying "Pregnant? I just thought you were fat."
The teacher gave him a death glare and said "No woman, pregnant or not, wants to hear anything like that". 
There were a few stifled giggles in the room but honestly, all through the year he gave the teacher shit.

The second thing he said was during science class. We were discussing weather or something, i forget the topic, and the teacher made a comment about the wind making the trees move and sway. Once again, the guy I'm next to pipes up and says "What? I thought the trees made the wind." The science teacher made a curt chuckle probably thinking "look at this poor fucking retard," and I look at him, saying "you gotta be joking". He made that hands-out gesture, and replied "No, seriously, I did."


----------



## autisticdragonkin (May 12, 2016)

AnOminous said:


> Explain how a country in Africa was European.  I'm really interested in this.


Africa, Europe, and Asia are all one landmass that is arbitrarily divided into three continents (sometimes 4 if the middle east is considered to be separate from Asia proper). The division between Europe and Asia (at the urals) is completely arbitrary and the real motivation is simply cultural differences and the same is the case if we are going to consider the middle east to be separate. Africa is a little more controversial because although it is connected by land it is connected by a small isthmus, but if one were to look at barriers that actually affect human contact the sahara is far more important than the water barriers when present. In antiquity there was no distinction between the middle east and europe and africa in the same way that there is today, geographers knew about the red sea but they didn't know how far africa went south with the world map looking more like this





And Egypt was part of the roman empire and Christianized with the rest of it and even had Germanic invaders after the fall of Rome. It was only at the rise of Islam that Egypt and northern Africa became very culturally distinct from Europe


----------



## AnOminous (May 12, 2016)

autisticdragonkin said:


> And Egypt was part of the roman empire and Christianized with the rest of it and even had Germanic invaders after the fall of Rome. It was only at the rise of Islam that Egypt and northern Africa became very culturally distinct from Europe



Being culturally distinct and actually being European are two different things.  Egypt was never in Europe.  When was it ever considered to be part of Europe?  Is there a credible source that actually says "Egypt is/was European?"


----------



## MerriedxReldnahc (May 13, 2016)

Since we're drifting a little off topic here My third grade teacher told us that you should never have a door or a window open when running the heater, because that causes global warming.


----------



## Eldritch (May 14, 2016)

One of my friends in high school had a class with this autistic kid.
Once, in the middle of this class, he suddenly said to everyone "You know, I'm very good with aphorisms..."
People didn't pay him much attention. After a 30 second pause, he lifted up one hand and said "Fear not the wounds of the physical for they are temporary, fear the wounds of the emotional, for they are everlasting... That's one I came up with last night"


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## John Titor (Sep 18, 2017)

I'm necroing this to share you this fun little bit:

I had a teacher who argued that we shouldn't be upset when someone breaks into our car and steal our phones when banks are ripping people off because in the grand scheme of things, "it's just a phone".

Just because there are greedy fuckers out there that screw people over does not mean I want some lowlife faggot breaking into my car and taking my shit that I worked hard for.


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## DoctorJimmyRay (Sep 18, 2017)

Back in 1st grade, during lunch, a group of us were questioning the edibility of those shitty rectangular pizzas that get served in American public schools and prisons. One big black girl loudly and confidently exclaimed that "Cheese is made of dirt." One kid tried arguing with her, but she won the debate by having a fat stronger force of will. 

To this very day, when people ask why I don't eat cheese, I proudly tell them the same thing. I hope life is treating you well Latia, wherever you wound up.


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## TiggerNits (Sep 18, 2017)

fishercat said:


> One guy said that Bill Nye the Science Guy isn't all that great.




Man, I hope you apologized to this kid after recent events

As for mine:

Had a High School teacher and vice principal during my freshman year get really mad when during hispanic history month I told them Chris Columbus wasn't Spanish at all, and was infact Italian. They argued with me for an hour, even after I showed them their own history books that they had just gotten that year. My dad ended up having to get the school board to intervene so I wouldn't get suspended and miss 2 baseball games that season.


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## fishercat (Sep 18, 2017)

TiggerNits said:


> Man, I hope you apologized to this kid after recent events


The old show remains fucking amazing. It's possible to ignore what the man's up to now.


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## Picklepower (Sep 18, 2017)

When I was a kid I did have someone tell me they had an uncle who works at nintendo, I shit you not.

In middle school there was a girl in class who started acting like she was afraid of me and I asked her why, and she said "your not gonna bring a gun to school are you?" and I was like "uh no." and she was all relieved lol


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## NARPASSWORD (Sep 18, 2017)

There was a dumbass kid at my high school that actually thought that eggplants were eggs.


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## Big Nasty (Sep 18, 2017)

A guy once tried to fight me because I said that Porky's Revenge was a shitty movie.


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## HomeAloneTwo (Sep 18, 2017)

Picklepower said:


> When I was a kid I did have someone tell me they had an uncle who works at nintendo, I shit you not.



This was the classic. You couldn't hear about a fake cheat or secret for a game at school or online without the preamble "my dad works for nintendo". Geocities and angelfire sites were littered with this.


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## MW 002 (Sep 18, 2017)

That Alaska is a Canadian state... from my social studies teacher.


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## KickyerArsene (Sep 18, 2017)

I've seen Obama pictures (still) plastered in classrooms of my old elementary school.

So I can only imagine the dumb shit being said. It's no different from when I was enrolled though, "Bill Clinton is our best president", "I'm glad OJ was found innocent", etc.


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## HY 140 (Sep 18, 2017)

I used to know a kid in middle school who thought he was "ganster" and basically a wigger, and he claimed to have like, 3 PS3's and shit like that, supposedly he got robbed but i like to think his crack making parents refused to buy him a PS3.

I also knew another kid who claimed to saw a cryptid called like the bobtrix, I think his grandparents slipped LSD in his cereal tbh.

Then one time there was this girl, who thought an insulator was something you use to check tempratures.


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## NARPASSWORD (Sep 19, 2017)

Dicaprio Delorean said:


> I used to know a kid in middle school who thought he was "ganster" and basically a wigger, and he claimed to have like, 3 PS3's and shit like that, supposedly he got robbed but i like to think his crack making parents refused to buy him a PS3.
> 
> I also knew another kid who claimed to saw a cryptid called like the bobtrix, I think his grandparents slipped LSD in his cereal tbh.
> 
> Then one time there was this girl, who thought an insulator was something you use to check tempratures.


Did that wigger at least called the PS3 the PS Triple?


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## TiggerNits (Sep 19, 2017)

Dicaprio Delorean said:


> I also knew another kid who claimed to saw a cryptid called like the bobtrix, I think his grandparents slipped LSD in his cereal tbh.
> 
> \



Oh, dude

When I was maybe 12, we lived in what was then a navy base but is now part of the National Forest. We had a kid in the grade below us my younger brother and a few friends of ours would trick in to going with us in to the woods at dusk and then we'd get him lost and ditch him, but stay close and hidden so we could watch him, he was probably undiagnosed schitzo because he'd have ticks and think shit was following him at school, but in the woods at night when 5 other kids are making weird noises and throwing pinecones and shit around when he thinks he's alone he'd freak out and start speaking in tongues and threatening bigfoot and shit. Then when we'd "Find" him after 20 minutes he'd tell us crazy stories about fighting the dracula and shit while we were away.

Eventually the kids at school started calling him "Monster Squad"

Kids were fucking animals in the 80s


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## HY 140 (Sep 19, 2017)

NARPASSWORD said:


> Did that wigger at least called the PS3 the PS Triple?


Nah sadly not


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## Big Nasty (Sep 19, 2017)

TiggerNits said:


> Kids were fucking animals in the 80s


I know. I used to be one.


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## Pukahontas (Sep 19, 2017)

Someone in one of my classes got punched in the face after saying he didn't like Dream Theater.


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## NARPASSWORD (Sep 19, 2017)

I forgot to mention another dumbass thing that eggplant kid said.
He claimed that 9/11 (as in, the towers themselves being destroyed with the deaths of thousands of people) never happened, and said that the US government just painted the towers invisible so they would appear to be gone, but only the front side.

And no, this was not a joke, he sincerely believed that.


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## American Lollinator Mace (Sep 20, 2017)

I had to correct my first-grade teacher that "reindeers" is not the plural of "reindeer." This woman was at least 55.


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## Derinuyu Underground City (Sep 20, 2017)

"Why didn't the slaves of Egypt just leave?"


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## Wraith (Sep 20, 2017)

I got in trouble because of extremely stupid teachers. 
One time some dumbass was picking a fight with younger kids, said something and my response was, "Like you." Apparently that was enough for this old white haired land whale to interpret that as Eff You and I got busted. 
But one of the things that really grinded my actuators was this ginger pain in the ass. You know how little girls can really like getting people in trouble and tattling? I had this one toad who was upset that I rotated my drawing paper in order to color areas more efficiently. I got yelled at, for rotating one of those pathetic little print outs you just color in. I never forgot that teacher, and was my first encounter with teacher stupidity.


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## MerriedxReldnahc (Sep 20, 2017)

I've had some weird ass teachers when I was a kiddo. My 5th grade math teacher (we went to other classes to do math. It was very inconvenient and I was never sorted into the right level) was trying to "help" me out with my math skills during a talk with my mom and I. Specifically she was trying to help me out with "logical thinking" by presenting to me a scenario: If she kidnapped me, drove me all the way to San Fransisco, dumped me off on a sidewalk and took off, what logically should my first step be? Finding a goddamn cop, you lunatic!
She was somehow less weird then my 4th grade teacher who probably contributed to my borderline phobia of heavyset middle aged women who communicate by bellowing. She liked to change the entire layout of the classroom and how homework was turned in on a monthly basis, which was very confusing for young me. She once got so annoyed with us fiddling around in our desks that she fixed the layout of the classroom to make this impossible and to banish all semblance of logic. Behold:




You see, our desks were all turned backwards. I had to turn around and reach into the desk of the person behind me to get my materials. The person behind me had to walk to the back of the room and get their materials from a shelf. This was too weird for us 9 year olds to handle and class was a general mess every day. This once lead to her breaking down in tears one day and telling us we were her worst class she'd ever had. People that had her in different years claimed that she used to cuss out the whole class when she got mad enough.


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## The Great Citracett (Sep 20, 2017)

I was told in 6th grade history that Hitler was so beloved that wherever he went the crowds of Germans would all wave and greet him with shouts of "Hi, Hitler!"


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## Wraith (Sep 20, 2017)

TheGreatCitracett said:


> I was told in 6th grade history that Hitler was so beloved that wherever he went the crowds of Germans would all wave and greet him with shouts of "Hi, Hitler!"


You now made me imagine a sitcom along the lines of Cheers where instead of the heavy set guy named Norm entering the bar with everybody shouting, "Norm!" you have Hitler in his own sitcom. 
"Hi, Hitler!" the bar says as he enters. 
"How's the war going, Hitler?" says a bartender. 
"Let's talk about what's going in Hitler. Give me a beer," Hitler says as his quip of the day. Then the audience laughs because feelings.


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## Long Sun (Sep 21, 2017)

MerriedxReldnahc said:


> Since we're drifting a little off topic here My third grade teacher told us that you should never have a door or a window open when running the heater, because that causes global warming.


In know this is but...
That is potenial DEADLY advice with some heaters with a lot of heaters it can lead to a build up of carbon monoxcide


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## Dysnomia (Sep 21, 2017)

There was a girl in my school who panicked when I told her that I had eaten vanilla ice cream before I went to bed the previous night. She told me that if you ate it before bed worms would grow in your stomach. Now I was of course skeptical. I didn't believe the story about how swallowing a watermelon seed would cause a watermelon to grow in your stomach. But this was about worms. So I started thinking that maybe parasites were in ice cream. So I avoided vanilla for a bit until I realised how stupid this all was. I asked my mom and she said that this girl was probably told this because her mother didn't want her eating ice cream before bed. I think I was in second or third grade. I can still clearly see the scenario in my head. It's stuck with me all this time as one of the stupidest things I ever heard.


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## Tootsie Bear (Sep 21, 2017)

Oh, man. The one that comes to mind is when I was my school's library computer lab, I didn't hear the bell ring! And I overheard the typical airhead blonde was talking to her friends about two beautiful parents making an ugly baby; while two ugly parents make a cute baby. Then all of a sudden they asked what my parents looked like. My mind was blank so I said "what?" and they left me alone.


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## Nien Nunb (Sep 21, 2017)

The first thing that the token autistic kid at my old high school said to anyone there was him rambling about Kung-Fu Panda in the middle of class, and for the first week or two, he'd openly (and loudly) threaten to kill people and rape souls.

He'd make for a good lolcow if he had an internet presence.


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## LazarusOwenhart (Sep 21, 2017)

AnOminous said:


> That's double-barreled stupid, because not only are animals often fossilized in lava, but well, Pokemon.


Ash yes, Lava no. Fossils usually only occur in sedimentary deposits however volcanic ash can preserve biological matyter in situations such as the city of Pompeii. Lava is too hot, any biological matter it encounters is incinerated way before any preservation can occur.

Anyway..

I once had a teacher tell me that psycological bullying didn't exist because you could just choose not to feel bullied. Whenever anybody reported bullying to her (she was the deputy headmistress) she would ask them to "Show her the bruises". This in a school that boasted about its successful anti-bullying policy on it'd god damn entrance sign.


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## The Great Citracett (Oct 11, 2017)

-In third grade we got a new student from Puerto Rico. Teacher tells us of the shitty awful existence he and his family are fleeing from. She says "Carlos is so lucky he came here when he did, this year in Puerto Rico he'd be forced to take a test that would decide his job for the rest of his life!"

His parents were super rich doctors and they moved into a huge mansion. They were like Token's family on South Park. A lot of us wished we could take a test to be rich in third grade.

-Got downgraded in art class by the teacher who was always trying to impress the girls in class. I'd get points taken off comics I'd draw because I wouldn't spell it "comix". I thought it looks dumb. Still do.

-Got outed as autistic by my 6th grade homeroom teacher, and had to sit in total shame and humiliation as she launched into a speech to the class about my special needs and how they all would accommodate me. It was as if she thought autism was Down syndrome or something.

Thing is, I don't have autism. And thanks to that incident, I had no friends in middle school either.


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## HomeAloneTwo (Oct 11, 2017)

We had this habitual liar who said, "Me and the Red Vs Blue guys hijacked a plane once" with a straight fucking face, in high school. Im not sure i've ever laughed so hard in someones face. He also said, after talking to the army recruiter on campus once, that the army wouldn't take him because "he'd be too good at it, because he has no emotion".


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## Deadwaste (Oct 12, 2017)

less so a stupid thing i heard at school more so something stupid that happened to me instead
one day, i was in math class in middle school, near the end of the day. kid hits me in the back of the head with a textbook, twice. kid who hit me is let off for the rest of the day. vice principal suspended for three days because apparently i said the n word about obama (he was still president at the time) even though i didnt. my mom got pissed about it and got to the highest administrative teaching thing in the parish. im back in school one day later, but that kid never got suspended for hitting me


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## UncleFezziesPantsPuppet (Oct 12, 2017)

When there was that Columbine shooting, I would think the stupidest things said would be "Please don't shoot me!" and "Ow, bullets hurt!"


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## Sylvie Paula Paula (Oct 12, 2017)

I have a bunch of these from elementary school and a few from high school.

When I was in elementary school, I used to have a teacher who got really mad at me for spelling the word "colour" with a u (when we had books that had that spelling). 

My first grade teacher also hated when I used the word "vague" in my writing, despite me knowing what it meant. I was in first grade and didn't have the balls to use it again until third or fourth when I saw it in a book and thought it was "un-banned". Then again, said teacher wanted me to be held back because she thought I was severely disabled and not "emotionally ready" (when in reality the school staff didn't take bullying that seriously) for elementary school.

I also got yelled at for looking at a poster. The teacher thought I was looking at the "bad child" of the class. The way it was set up was that there were a series of posters in the closets where we'd all put our backpacks, and so if I wanted to I could turn around and read the posters. She interpreted it completely differently, and began to yell at me for "encouraging" the kid to continue misbehaving, and threatened to send me to the principal's office. Being the good noodle I was, I began to cry in the class because I didn't want to get in trouble. 

And now jumping to high school, the sophomore class president was very conservative and actually somewhat pro-Hitler. He said Hitler had the right ideas, and that if he (the kid) could he'd gas anyone from the Middle East and put the gays in insitutions. The times I called him out for being racist he'd always threaten to shoot me - very loudly - which the school... didn't think was a problem, somehow? In public school I'm pretty sure the kid would've been expelled. Catholic school was a strange place.


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## ShittyRecolor (Oct 12, 2017)

There was this one crazy girl in elementary school who was convinced sex involves cutting off the guy's dick so the girl can penetrate the stub with ther clit. After a few years when we met again in a different school when I was 13, she was running around panicking because she thought she got pregnant from masturbating with a broom stick.

I also had this one asshole in high school who thought all the victims of 9\11 deserved to die and that it was holy retribution by God for the sins of America. For all I know he's out there praising Allah and raping goats in Syria.


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## m0rnutz (Oct 12, 2017)

Fat kid shoots pencil across classroom with his bellybutton, proceeded to say "you can't do this cause you aren't gay"

Had one kid in Spanish point to a white dudes boots and say "I like your negros". In his defense, he saw a picture of black boots with "negro" under it.

Had a teacher watch me look at my wrist, see I forgot my watch, then watch me turn it on to check the time. Had it taken because "you were texting in class" while I was putting it back in my pocket, even after showing her I legit had no contacts or friends to talk to.


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## fishercat (Oct 12, 2017)

I had a counselor that thought I was schizophrenic for using metaphors when I was seven. I didn't know the phrase "pins and needles" when your limbs fell asleep, so I called them "bees in my shoes." She _flipped out_. My mom had to assure her that I did this stuff all the time.


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## BadaBadaBoom (Oct 12, 2017)

My favorite thing was in this one Japanese class I took where we were just starting to memorize kanji. Someone asked the teacher how many kanji there were and, instead of just saying thousands or some other high number, the teacher gave this really serious look and in a spooky voice said, "_nobody knows."_ It always cracks me up remembering that.


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## Hui (Oct 12, 2017)

That if you try hard enough you can achieve anything you want!


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## Big Nasty (Oct 12, 2017)

There was this kid in my class when I was in my early teens who was called "Big Red" because he was a ginger wigger.

He made these "trading cards" which were naked chick cutouts from porno mags that he had glued the faces of girls in our classes on to. He even made a "special edition" that feature the head of our math teacher (a fat beardo) stuck on the body of a nude woman. Said math teacher also got a hold of the special edition and laughed his ass off. Amazingly, no hard feelings anywhere. Nowadays, something like that would most likely ended in a sexual harassment trial.

Also, one time Big Red spat on my glasses and I took off my left shoe and whacked him in the head for it.


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## The_Truth (Oct 12, 2017)

My high school mascot was the Raider, a pirate fellow, anyway tucked away in a corner of the school up near the office was this small replica of a plow on a brick platform.

One day the local "woke" kids who numbered about 7 broke the handle off the plow and claimed it was a "symbol of slavery".

The plow was the type pulled by animals, not people. But more importantly up until about 30 years prior the high school had been part of unincorporated Warwick County, and it was all farmland.

And the orginial mascot?

A farmer. Hence the plow.

This was back in the mid / late 90s before internet really gave these morons a platform.


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## autista (Oct 12, 2017)

- 9/11 happened when I was in elementary school, and people said I was a terrorist and that I was "Bin Laden's daughter" because my mother was born in Saudi Arabia (despite her parents being white Americans who lived on the ARAMCO compound).

- Not really something that was said, but someone (a boy I suppose, since it happened in the boys' bathroom) decided to smear his own shit on the wall and draw a smiley face in it. This gave rise to a bunch of people making puns like "what a shitty situation!" and "we need a Shitlock Holmes to solve this shitty case" (no one ever found out who the culprit was).

- In college, I was in a class and we were reading stuff about Mexican drug cartels and we had read a text about a cartel leader who was female. This girl raises her hand and says that she thinks that female cartel leaders are a symbol of feminist empowerment because they're subverting Latin American and Mexican machista norms by being the leaders of the cartel and then compares them to Margaret Thatcher (because they are both "powerful females;" I highly doubt this girl knew much about Margaret Thatcher beyond her being the PM of the UK). She also referred to them (the female cartel leaders) as "sexy femme fatales." I mean who cares about the horrors of the drug war in Mexico and the horrific shit that the cartels have done to that country, let's focus on how empowered and feminist these female cartel leaders are uwu


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## Caesare (Oct 12, 2017)

Big Nasty said:


> There was this kid in my class when I was in my early teens who was called "Big Red" because he was a ginger wigger.



I went to school with a redheaded kid that one of the teachers nicknamed "dog dick".


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## Lackadaisy (Oct 12, 2017)

Knew this fat kid in elementary school who would scream "BOMB HIROSHIMA!" on the playground and would compare his favorite video games to whatever we were studying in social studies. My younger brother hung out with him for some reason and when he stayed the night for a birthday party, this boy demanded that he be given ten pancakes after nearly eating my mother out of house and home the night before. He wouldn't stop bitching about it, so my mom made him the damn pancakes, and I had to sit there and watch as he ate them all with rivers of syrup. The fat kid was also friends with this older kid with Cerebral Palsy, and I think they were each other's only real friends. That was kind of sad, but that didn't stop me from hassling the fat kid.
Knew this black/mexican girl in middle school who wouldn't leave me alone for whatever reason and who insisted that I was pregnant with Satan's baby because I was Jewish, that I'd assaulted her on the bus, and that I'd (somehow) voted for McCain (anything less than full support of Obama at the school would get your ass beat).
Knew this fat Jewish girl in college who turned me off of ever joining the Jewish student organizations because of her snotty attitude, how she flaunted her wealth, and for her really annoying political views. It didn't help that she and her cronies were pretty much the only other Jews on campus. For Halloween, I dressed up as a Ghostbuster, and she got this look on her face, like I'd finally joined the cult. When I told here I was Peter Venkman, she called me a misogynist. She also had a huge freak-out when Trump won, alongside most of my classmates and professors. I had to hide my face behind a scarf so she didn't see me laughing at her.

Suffice to say, my adventures in lolcow observation started at an early age.


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## Karl der Grosse (Oct 12, 2017)

I had a teacher in high school history who solemnly informed the class that Stalin had deported all the Basques.  I'm hopeful he meant some other ethnic group.  Never looked at him the same way again.


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## hambeerlyingnreed (May 1, 2018)

I used to watch a bunch of PBS because we didn't have cable, so I was a regular viewer of a math related show called Square One. I was in 3rd grade and had a friend in 5th grade, so she thought she was smarter based off of that. I got into a debate with her about negative numbers, and she insisted that 1 minus 2 is zero and not negative one... but this same friend got super upset, like actually crying, and thought I called her an "old bitch" when I really said Old Dutch (a brand of bleach) She didn't believe me, even after I found a label and showed her it, which I guess should be an indicator of her mental state.


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## Thelostcup (May 1, 2018)

Was mocked and laughed at by my 11th grade history class for being able to read out of the textbook without stumbling.

Had to explain to the same class what a pun was.

Also in the same class was this chick who got knocked up mid semester and would talk about she would smoke hella weed to get her baby high.


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## American Lollinator Mace (May 1, 2018)

hambeerlyingnreed said:


> I used to watch a bunch of PBS because we didn't have cable, so I was a regular viewer of a math related show called Square One. I was in 3rd grade and had a friend in 5th grade, so she thought she was smarter based off of that. I got into a debate with her about negative numbers, and she insisted that 1 minus 2 is zero and not negative one... but this same friend got super upset, like actually crying, and thought I called her an "old bitch" when I really said Old Dutch (a brand of bleach) She didn't believe me, even after I found a label and showed her it, which I guess should be an indicator of her mental state.


Square One! _That _was the name of the show! (I watched a lot of PBS as a kid, but I'm a few years younger than you, so I saw it when I was in kindergarten.) I was learning about symmetry, warm/cool colors, and like you said, negative numbers way earlier than most kids did. Remember the little "math mystery" serials they'd finish the show with? I loved that.


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## SirQuicksand (May 2, 2018)

Around 11th or 12th grade, there was this dude who kept talking on his phone even as the bell for class to started to ring. One of the teachers got on his for it and he started lashing out for justifying his reasons as to why needed to keep talking on it. Needless to say, it didn't take the teacher for long to throw him out of the class and into suspension.


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## Wraith (May 2, 2018)

The staff actually cared about us kids and our future. Funny, I know.


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## OhGoy (May 2, 2018)

My math teacher said I looked like a terrorist once when I came back with long hair and a full beard. Not really stupid, but it was pretty amusing.

I bought a "MAGA" hat and wore it around high school just for the reactions. Needless to say, everything went just as one would expect. Mexicans, blacks, SJW teachers, etc... they all took the bait.

I don't remember how it came up, but I was talking to some black girl and said something along the lines of, "haha, you know me, I'm such a _huuuge _racist," as a joke. Even though I've never actually done or said anything that was actually racist beforehand, she threatened to slit my throat right after. We never talked to eachother again afterwards.
 - tfw i've said things that were even more inflammatory than this to other blacks, yet they didn't threaten to kill me
 - tfw they laughed instead


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## VB 305 (May 2, 2018)

"How do you know its a pentagon?" - some retarded girl
"Why is my penis so big?" - health class
"How do I get of a square? Don't you have to do those 5 steps that the teacher gave us?" - same retarded girl

I remember that the health class teacher replied to that with "I don't know why your penis is so big."


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## Coconut Gun (May 2, 2018)

hambeerlyingnreed said:


> I used to watch a bunch of PBS because we didn't have cable, so I was a regular viewer of a math related show called Square One. I was in 3rd grade and had a friend in 5th grade, so she thought she was smarter based off of that. I got into a debate with her about negative numbers, and she insisted that 1 minus 2 is zero and not negative one... but this same friend got super upset, like actually crying, and thought I called her an "old bitch" when I really said Old Dutch (a brand of bleach) She didn't believe me, even after I found a label and showed her it, which I guess should be an indicator of her mental state.


But 1-2 is 0. You can't go lower than 0.


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## hambeerlyingnreed (May 2, 2018)

American Lollinator Mace said:


> Remember the little "math mystery" serials they'd finish the show with? I loved that.



Mathnet! It was a spoof of a cop show called Dragnet. I was too young to really remember that one, but I think my dad watched it (his house had cable)


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## Molo (May 2, 2018)

"Dude if the teachers not here in 15 minutes we can legally leave"


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