# Dumb things you did as a kid.



## ProfDongs (Jul 10, 2019)

Its hard to imagine that nobody would have a stand out moment of just pure stupidity or thinking "Why would I do that?" and I think it would be interesting to share some of those moments with others. Two usually come to mind for me of being extremely lucky that nothing happened because of it and the lack of thought process that went into those moments.

The first for me is back in grade school, probably around age 9-10 and getting ready to go home for the end of the day. We would be lined up so the teachers could make sure that everyone was going with everything they needed and wait a few minutes for the bell. There was a double doorway exit with two sets of heavy metal doors that the kids would open on their way out. I remember being near the front and the door opening as per usual and noticed the opening that would be on the side of the hinges. For reasons unknown I decided to stick my middle finger in the opening, of course the door starts to close a bit and I remember feeling probably the worst moment of pain in my life. There was so much pain I wasn't able to move or speak or scream but just stand there unable to move my hand away. More people start rushing out and the door gets pushed back open and I pull my hand away. Thank god before it closed anymore other kids leaving pushed it open because I'm very sure that I would have ended up with a severed finger had it closed any more.

The other is something that ended up affecting someone else. Me and a buddy were a pair of fire bugs probably around 12-13. There was a creek area with a large rock filled area that sort of looked like this ]__[, kind of like a hallway. We were at least smart enough to burn stuff there because nothing could really catch fire, there weren't really houses and it wasn't visible to other people. This time we had brought some lantern fuel from his garage to burn stuff like paper, cotton swaps and just other junk. We burnt some of it, but the fire was pretty small and I wanted to make it bigger so I climbed up the rock wall to the top. He's standing basically in front of the fire and I start pouring from the top. The most obvious thing happens and it ends up splashing onto him, it would have been his face but he braced with his arm. His arm immediately ignites and he starts flailing it around for a few seconds, and I don't remember if that put it out or if he had to dunk his hand in the water near us but the fire on went out. All the way up his arm the hair is gone, and he ends up with some minor burns. He wasn't mad or anything, told his parents that he fell in gym and that's how he hurt his arm. The next day he comes to school with a few water blisters on his arm along the way up but nothing to severe and it healed up fine after words. That was one of the last times we played with fire, although the next time we did was also incredibly dumb and we got lucky again.

What are some moments that stuck with you?


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## Rick Pratt (Jul 10, 2019)

I used to chew my PlayStation 2 cables as a kid and then we ended up having to get covers for them so I wouldn't chew them anymore
(I chewed Barbie doll feet aswell and I'd take their clothes off)
I used to believe the Flushed Away universe actually existed
I once opened a car door while the car was still driving along the road

overtime though as I got older, I didn't do stuff like that anymore I was more mellow and relaxed afterwards.


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## The Last Stand (Jul 10, 2019)

Put Blue Clue's gummi bears in the VCR because I wanted to watch Blue Clue's.

Put a photograph in a microwave, then watch it catch fire. (Those photo cameras that would spit out the photo and "shake" to make it develop faster.)

Threw a rock at my own house window and then ran away.


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## nagant 1895 (Jul 10, 2019)

My first 7 years (before exile to uncle's rural property) were in a liberal college neighborhood where we, the neighborhood children, were denied our sacred right as american children to own simi-automatic rifles. To compensate ourselves we would fill tennis balls with strike anywhere match heads and then pump shoe glue into them. I don't know if anyone has ever used such a thing as a weapon but it's basically sends sticky burning globs covering a 6 foot radius.
Attempts to try an enlarged basketball and sparklers version were intercepted by an older sister.

Edit: I just remembered the other good one. You know what a sidewalk edger is right? It's a little lawn mower looking thing with a vertical oriented spinning blade. I found a stack of the blades once and figured them for large ninja stars or small frisbees. My friends and i ended up throwing them at each other for days and clap catching them or letting them sail. The fact that none of us lost a finger or got our necks chopped into is a miracle.  



Spoiler: what we were throwing straight at one another


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## TheImportantFart (Jul 10, 2019)

I accidentally put a pitch fork through my own foot while helping my Dad clear up leaves in the garden. It was like something out of a comedy film. I finished shoveling leaves, plunged the pitchfork into the ground to signify I was done, only to look down and realise it had gone through my boot. It didn't hurt as much as you might think, but there was loads of blood. I've still got the scar.

I also peeked into the girl's changing room for a dare once when I was about 8. I got (deservedly) reported to the teacher who threatened to put it on my school record. At the time, I didn't fully appreciate the magnitude of what I'd done. I do now and out of all the stupid things I've done over the years, it's probably the one I'm most ashamed of.


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## King Buzzo (Jul 10, 2019)

The classic "calling the teacher Mom" bit. I did it at least once in every grade during elementary school. I could feel the awkwardness of the nearby kids hearing that and laughing at me. Of course, I did the same when a few of my classmates were saying it too.

I was also the sperg who thought that professional wrestling was real.



Rick Pratt said:


> I used to chew my PlayStation 2 cables as a kid and then we ended up having to get covers for them so I wouldn't chew them anymore
> (I chewed Barbie doll feet aswell and I'd take their clothes off)
> I used to believe the Flushed Away universe actually existed
> I once opened a car door while the car was still driving along the road
> ...


Can relate to the PS2 cables except I didn't chew on them, I stuck my tongue into the adapter once like a 9v battery. Never did that again.


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## Easterling (Jul 10, 2019)

When I was around six years old I liked to pretend I was Spider-man by playing around on the stairs, as expected my luck caught up with me and I fell down the stairs, I reached for the handrail to stop myself from falling further and ended up breaking my arm. I guess Darwin was wrong because natural selection decided to give my retarded ass a free pass that night.

I also believed that father Christmas was real till the age of 10 which is pretty late from what I've heard from other people. And there was also the time I attributed my grandmothers recovery from bowel cancer as a miracle from god (family is very religious which fuelled this) and I essentially became a christian fundamentalist for about a year. Imagine a younger and more autistic version of Frollo from the hunchback of Notre Dam. God I fucking hate younger me looking back


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## ForgedBlades (Jul 10, 2019)

We had one of those basketball hoops with the base at the bottom that you filled with sand or water to weigh it down and prevent it from falling over. I liked getting a big ladder out, climbing to the top, and jumping off it to dunk the ball and hang on the rim. 

So one morning I drag the ladder out, jump off and hang on the rim. I didn't know that my dad had drained the base the night before. I immediately start to fall backwards, cracking my head on the ground and knocking myself out, along with breaking multiple bones in both of my hands from the impact of the rim that I was still holding onto slamming into the ground. The knuckles on both of my hands are still weirdly shaped and swollen looking from this accident that happened like 25 years ago.


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## ProfDongs (Jul 10, 2019)

I just remembered a more light hearted one from being very young. I hated Count Chocula cereal as a kid and for whatever short span of time it was, my solution to not eating it but getting rid of it was to pour the bowl out behind the TV in the corner of the living room.  At the very least it was dry cereal so there wasn't any damage, but I got caught after the third or so time that I did it.


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## Martys_not_smarty (Jul 10, 2019)

Lot of stealing, not just me but friends of mine as well I think the worst I did was a couple hundred dollars worth of Spider Man and Marvel trading cards they made back in the 90's those fancy ones with holograms and shit.  We had our own racket going where we'd tag team the various gas stations in our neighborhood a few times a day and only got caught by my parents who wondered where a stack of cards the length of a mans forearm came from.  That was just me but I had a friend that one bettered he stole a new pair of shoes from a different store in our local mall for near two weeks talking Nike's and Reeboks so that added up to about a grand worth of shoes.


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## TerribleIdeas™ (Jul 10, 2019)

After dropping an open-faced sammich on the floor, I tried to wash it off in the sink?


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## Varg Did Nothing Wrong (Jul 10, 2019)

Did a bunch of dumb shit as a kid - jumped my bike off stuff I shouldn't have, jumped myself off stuff I shouldn't have, played with flammable liquids and solids, etc. One story that really stands out for just how funny it was in hindsight:

I once set a Dixie cup of gasoline on fire in the driveway and when the flames got to be a little too big, I did the obvious thing to do to a fire - stamp it out. Except that this was a mostly full paper cup and the gasoline that was on fire was just the top layer, so when I stomped on it, gas sprayed all over the driveway and up my leg and immediately started blazing away. I fucking sprinted like Usain Bolt around the house to the backyard to get the hose, except when I picked it up - it was empty, because I forgot to turn the hose tap on. The hose tap was in the front of the house. So I sprint back around to turn the hose on, then sprint back around a third time to put myself out. 

It was like an extended gag from a cartoon or something, it still feels unreal to this day, but it happened. No injuries either, aside from completely hairless legs for the next few weeks.


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## MediocreMilt (Jul 10, 2019)

King Buzzo said:


> The classic "calling the teacher Mom" bit.


Once at a Department Store I lost my Mom (I was like three or four) and saw her and ran up and hugged her. Except it wasn't her. It was just some random lady. I don't remember how she reacted.


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## Red Hood (Jul 10, 2019)

Ate too much pizza, went and played rollerhockey in 100 degree SoCal heat, puked all over the street.


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## PsychoNerd054 (Jul 10, 2019)

I've tried to microwave small bits of chocolate in water in order to make hot chocolate.


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## Faket0Fake (Jul 10, 2019)

I had a really bad habit of climbing accidents, getting stuck in trees,falling off stuff and so on. I loved climbing and getting myself into trouble. My group of friends used to jump fences and sneak into different places and one day we had the bright idea of sneaking around our school at night and throwing eggs. I thought hitting a security alarm was a good idea and somehow it set it off and we panicked and ran away across the field to get to the fence. 

As I was jumping back over my pants go caught on one of the spikes on top and I was left hanging there while my friends ran away until a security car pulled over, laughed their asses off at me and got me down. They didn't report me I guess they felt sorry for me or couldn't be bothered to deal with some dumb kid who set an alarm off with an egg. 

When I was 5-6 I went to the bathroom and sat back down at the wrong table in the food court. I remember seeing the same meal I had at a table and sitting down without thinking, even started talking for a whole 10 seconds or so before looking up at the table to find a bunch of strangers looking confused. There was an awkward moment where I put down the chicken nugget that wasn't mine and slowly got up and walked back to my family.


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## Exigent Circumcisions (Jul 10, 2019)

Hated rollerblading but decided one day to go down a very tall, steep hill with no safety gear. Made it 20 feet before I decided it was a bad idea and tried to bail out to the grass. 

Didn't make it, ended up tumbling down the sidewalk for a further twenty feet, then I had to take the skates off and walk the quarter mile home.


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## The Last Stand (Jul 10, 2019)

I remember it was Valentine's Day in elementary and this girl I liked didn't give me a card, so I made a fist and slammed it on her hand at the desk.


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## Marco Fucko (Jul 10, 2019)

I was at the mall when I was like 6 or 7 with my mom and she was looking at jewelry. Jewelry is boring so I asked her "hey mom can I go look at toys" and I SWEAR I heard her say "yeah sure whatever", so I just kind of walked off to go look at toys. I walked around the store for a bit but since I was like 6 or 7 I had no money, so I walked outside the toy store and my mom was outside and saw me and she started crying and hugging me and I still had no idea what was going on.

To this day whenever she brings it up I swear I heard her give me approval.


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## kadoink (Jul 10, 2019)

Marco Fucko said:


> I was at the mall when I was like 6 or 7 with my mom and she was looking at jewelry. Jewelry is boring so I asked her "hey mom can I go look at toys" and I SWEAR I heard her say "yeah sure whatever", so I just kind of walked off to go look at toys. I walked around the store for a bit but since I was like 6 or 7 I had no money, so I walked outside the toy store and my mom was outside and saw me and she started crying and hugging me and I still had no idea what was going on.
> 
> To this day whenever she brings it up I swear I heard her give me approval.


What a bad son. You made yer mother cry.


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## Marco Fucko (Jul 10, 2019)

kadoink said:


> What a bad son. You made yer mother cry.



She cries about everything though. It's really annoying tbh.


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## kadoink (Jul 10, 2019)

Marco Fucko said:


> She cries about everything though. It's really annoying tbh.


Then stop beating her! What kind of a son are you!


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## Lame Entropy (Jul 10, 2019)

I was the little weirdo eating flowers in the park.


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## DDBCAE CBAADCBE (Jul 10, 2019)

kadoink said:


> Then stop beating her! What kind of a son are you!


I'll stop hitting my mom when she's dead. Maybe.


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## Pina Colada (Jul 10, 2019)

Whenever I played Operation, I got scared of Sam's nose lighting up for no damn reason- so one day I just yanked it right off the board and defeated the purpose of the game. This was a few weeks after my 7th birthday.

When I was 10, I thought that I could find and sell quartz inside rocks that decorated our front yard, so I took a hammer out of the toolbox and broke them open. Sad to say, I didn't strike gold.


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## Bunny Tracks (Jul 10, 2019)

Spoiler: Long horrifying story about how lethally stupid my friends and I used to be as kids



Back when I was in fifth grade, my friends and I were really into WWE. Everyday before school started, and during recess we'd wrestle each other in a little area that was tucked behind the school that was just barely part of the playground. Point is, it was out of sight of the teachers. We'd be swinging each other around, roughhousing, and shit like that, and since were kids and didn't know any better, we naturally decided to copy what we saw on TV and began trying to do actual wrestling moves.

And for the most part, it went fine. We never went full on with it.  We were always careful not to actually hurt each other that much. Looking back on it, it wasn't because we were actually concerned about safety. It was more so that we knew we'd get our asses busted if we got caught wrestling and even more so if one us of us had gotten injured because of it.

So the days went by, and we went on full nelsoning, chokeslamming, clotheslining each other, having a great time. Till one day, one of the teachers caught us, and busted our asses for about ten minutes as to how dangerous what we were doing was. She was right of course, and miraculously she did not call our parents, but did threaten to do so if she ever caught us doing it again.

Did we listen?

FUCK NO.

We were kids! We thought we were invincible! We thought we were so much smarter than everyone else, and that since we were so careful that nothing could go wrong.

So literally the next day, we gathered behind the school again before class started and began wrestling again; taking extra care to keep an eye out for teachers.

At this point, I got to introduce you to two of my friends. The first one, I'll just call him John, was huge. Like an absolute unit of a boy. I mean, he was literally six feet tall. And lemme tell you, he was fucking strong. This kid had no trouble throwing any of us over his shoulder and carrying us around like we were a sack of potatoes. He was really nice, though. A total gentle giant, and he always made sure to be extra to careful not to hurt us.

Now the polar opposite of John was this kid who was ironically his best friend. I'm just gonna call Tom. Tom was, and still is, a fucking manlet. He was only about a four-and-half-feet tall back then, and has not grown much since. Like most manlets, he was, and again still is, aggressive af, and always trying to prove himself to be tougher than he actually is.

I'm explaining this, because I'm pretty sure if their height differences weren't so drastic, things wouldn't have turned out so bad.

So we were all having a good time, and Tom suddenly tells John that he wants him to piledrive him. They had done this a bunch of times before, and it was basically just John holding him upside down before gently lowering him onto the ground. It was nothing to worry about.

But that day, I'm still not sure how, John lost his grip, and Tom fell, and cracked the back of his head on the asphalt. And he didn't get up. He was out cold.

We fucking lost it. We were panicking like crazy, trying desperately to wake him up. John was crying, and all of us were frantically checking to make no teacher is coming. And no, we didn't go get a teacher, because we didn't want to get in trouble. It was five minutes before class started, and Tom still hadn't woken up. We were shaking him, smacking his face, I dumped part of my water bottle on him, nothing was working.

At this point, we all decided that we had to hide him, and just act like he never came to school. There was a dumpster behind the school in our little fighting area, and John, in tears, picked Tom up, carried him over to it, and with the help of the rest of us, dropped him into the dumpster.

We were just about to close the lid when Tom's eyes flew open, scaring the shit out of all of us, and asked us what happened and what was going on. We quickly pulled him out of the dumpster, just in time for bell to ring for class to start. We rushed over, trying to act like nothing was wrong. Tom went to nurse after complaining about a really bad headache, and while we were all really shaken up about what happened, we were immensely relieved that it hadn't been worse.

Because it could've, and it would've. For you see, not even an hour later, the teacher decided to have us do our morning work outside because the weather was so nice. My friends, and I didn't go behind the school again, but instead on a little grassy knoll parallel to the area.

So we're doing our worksheets, Tom holding a frozen sponge to the back of his head, when we see a garbage truck pull up behind the school. Turns out it was trash day, and instead of actual garbage men coming out to come collect the trash, the garbage truck was one of those kinds that could do the work mechanically without seemingly any human aid, or oversight.

And all of us watched in absolute horror as the same dumpster that we had hidden Tom in was picked up, turned upside down, had all of its contents dumped out and slowly crushed and compacted without a single person bothering to check what was in it before driving off.

It was during those incredibly painful, and chilling moments that we realized that we had almost gotten Tom killed.

We never wrestled again.


Tl;dr: We almost got our friend killed after knocking him out while wrestling and hiding him in a dumpster on trash day, and I still haven't forgiven myself for it.

*Edited for better clarification.


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## PL 001 (Jul 10, 2019)

I was probably about 6 or 7. My neighborhood friend and I wanted to "prank" all of our neighbors. This consisted of us melting gummy bears over a Ritz cracker, sneaking out around 6:00 in the morning, ringing the doorbells of everyone in the cul de sac and asking if they ordered a pizza while presenting the Ritz cracker abomination. 

They were not happy. My dad was not happy.


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## Mrs Paul (Jul 11, 2019)

- Tried to take my cat into the bathtub with me.
- Touched the electric fence my grandfather had around his garden.
- My friends and I used to collect buckeyes, and I kept them on this one shelf in our living room.  Until they attracted maggots.


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## Dom Cruise (Jul 12, 2019)

I was 6 years old, I was hopping around the living room, pretending I was the Tasmanian Devil.

I hopped onto this little plastic lawn chair I was keeping in the living room, I go flying off it and break my arm.

I still have the surgery scar on my left arm where they had to insert pins into my elbow.


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## DDBCAE CBAADCBE (Jul 12, 2019)

So me and my cousins used to build go-carts out of lawnmowers and car parts when we were kids. To be more specific, while I did often help them put the go-carts together I was ALWAYS the test driver. So one day I got over to my cousin's place and they already had a turquoise one built and ready to go that I hadn't seen before. So I get in and start it up, just driving around in the neighborhood around 30mph. Turns out the brakes weren't hooked up to anything and I quickly started to freak out. Now understand these go-carts were by no means professionally made so to actually turn one of them off you had to turn around to the back where the engine is and unplug it. So I was basically barreling through the neighborhood screaming and crying until I just decided to run it into the side of a neighbor's house. Obviously I jumped out and into the grass right before it hit.


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## CamelCursive (Jul 12, 2019)

I was in kindergarten and we had a school field trip, and afterward we all got to go to the park and play on this really awesome playground.  I had to poop, and the bathroom at the park had no lights and was full of nasty looking bugs, so I went and shit in the bushes and the teacher caught me as I was curling one off because I didn't hide that well.  Fortunately she brought napkins for me to wipe my ass, something I hadn't thought about.

Not really 'dumb' but I was pretty autistic about my G.I. Joes and kept all of their weapons and helmets sorted out in zip-lock bags, and I kept the figures in very specific shoeboxes for Cobras and Joes. I would lose my shit if someone didn't put them back in the right bags or boxes.   Say what you want about it, but I just wasn't one of those kids that lost my GI Joe stuff.  I honestly wish I was that organized and OCD about more shit these days because my toolboxes are a clusterfuck.  

A black dude that was best friends with my dad growing up would come by on Sundays for dinner when I was small, and he had a huge Afro. I wanted one of those afros because they looked so cool to me, and it seemed all fluffy and fun- and I actually cried when my mother explained why I couldn't have one. 

I had listened to some of the wrong adult conversations apparently, and when one of my cousins tried to make me cry by telling me that Santa wasn't real, so I told him that the real reason he was moving was because his parents were getting divorced and his dad wasn't coming with them. I don't even think I realized what all that really meant, but my dad beat the shit out of me for it. 

I had this Spider-Man book from the library, and for some reason I drew dicks on a lot of the pictures, just hanging off and spraying piss. I somehow knew this was wrong when I did it, and I freaked out, so I took a bunch of spray paint and just blasted every page and then tried to pretend I had no idea what happened. It was not effective, and even worse- you could still see the pissing dicks.


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## Gravityqueen4life (Jul 12, 2019)

i got so many i could post in this thread forever. i pour a glass of water all over the family TV just to see what would happen. mom slapped the shit out of me.


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## saisegeha (Jul 13, 2019)

Took a shit on the schoolyard and tried to sell it to my classmates.
I was in second grade.


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## Niggernerd (Jul 13, 2019)

I put my fingers in a vhs to go into video world or whatever exceptional shit I was thinking. 

I used to fly head first into paintings like a sped because blues clues 

I used to put veggies in my socks and throw them away.

Used to have wedgie wars when ed edd n Eddy first aired.

Tossed my cousins expensive buzz lightyear toy off the roof into a dense forested void and explained buzz is alright and he'll be back before he knows it. (it's been 13 years)


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## MZ 052 (Jul 13, 2019)

Me and my mates used to pitch together to get eggs, bog roll, fireworks, spraypaint and other shit just to go and terrorize this one particular nearby town when we were like 13 til the last night doing this when we got arrested for it when we would have been closer to 15
so we did this shit over about 6-7 outings over 2 years
first was a big night for halloween where about 9 of us went to this town, notable incidents from this:
-our Indian friend brought his dog's shit in a bag, we proceeded to smear this on windshields in a car park
-we egged some cars (more on this in a sec)
This night was mainly spent hiding in places, waiting for cars, throwing eggs at the cars (particularly as taxis have to go and wash the egg off before they can continue working which really riled them up, plus they're all pakis in that town lol)
before the night was out I threw an egg really hard at a sports car's windshield, according to two people the windshield may have actually cracked due to how hard I threw it combined with how fast he was travelling, he skidded to a halt and by that time we'd all ran into a nearby park
We could see him but he couldn't see us, and he went to the boot and got what looked like a crowbar or a large cold chisel and started screaming "COME OUT! COME OUT YOU PUSSIES I'LL KILL YOU" and then when we didn't do so, he started circling this park (it wasn't a large park like it was smaller than an average football pitch)
We ran for it when he'd just gone past where we were hiding and ended up running down an alley behind the houses adjacent gardens 
There were some more less eventful such nights but I'll just bulletpoint the good shit and get to the two times when it got out of hand and the eventual arrest
-we egged some greebos and a fat man as he left KFC
-we stole some roadworks signs to bring cars to a halt so we could shoot fireworks and throw eggs at them
-we tp'd and egged a chippy
Then the group fell off, especially as fireworks and burning things in general came more into play, and it whittled down to a core group of 4 of us - I'll call them P, J, and M plus myself. One time when we went out vandalizing, we egged a paki's taxi and within about 5 minutes the entire area's paki population was after us, we ended up having to sneak out of that entire estate with them in cars and in groups walking looking for us - we were extremely lucky that night. The next time, M had brought some fireworks from home, and we figured out that we could position them like rockets on the cage/frame thing at the bottom of a billboard, conveniently so that they launched straight by the side of a bus shelter. Our plan was to hit a bus with one as it either just arrived or just left, wanting to see the simultaneous shocked reactions of the passengers. We saw one approaching, lit the firework, but then the bus left unexpectedly fast, and just as it was out of range the firework went off - flying into the road and exploding underneath the car_ in front of a police car_. We immediately bricked it and ran off, luckily because we were basically on some undeveloped land that backs off onto fields and a sink estate we managed to get away and quickly get the bus to P's. Now for the night when we weren't so lucky - we went out near Bonfire Night, and had eggs, fireworks ect again. Had a pretty standard evening - sprayed dicks onto an art sculpture and a Chinese takeaway's shutter, set fire to some bins, egged a few taxis and ran away. Got late and we were on our way back to get the bus, M passes me an egg and says its the last one do what you want with it. So as we walked over a bridge over the main road, I decided to throw it down onto an oncoming car's windshield. Bang, tires screech, we giggle and start running down the stairs. He immediately does a u-turn (illegally on a main road lol) and blocks us from getting down that we. When we start running to the other end of the bridge he does the same. Panicked a bit but eventually managed to get to the other end of the bridge unseen so he was still at the end we'd ran to thinking we would come down those stairs. He sees us as we run off the bridge at the other end, and starts chasing us - we escaped him by running down an alley he couldn't drive down, don't know if he bothered to get out and run after us at all but we were long gone. Then as we were walking elsewhere, to go and get the bus, a police car comes round the corner with its sirens on - we presumed he'd called the police and ran off immediately. As we ran down another small cobbled alley, M tripped and hit the floor, but was up really fast and running again so I didn't think anything of it at the time. By chance me and P took one route, J and M took another, and me and P ended up losing the police and resolving to simply go back to P's, since if J and M had gotten away then they'd come and meet us or go home themselves one way or another. As we're going to get the bus, M calls me and tells me they'd gotten away and to meet him at a certain place - long story short when we got there, we saw J arguing with the police and M looking sheepish since he'd gotten us to meet him on their behalf. Cop asked if I was anon, I lied, he called me off of M's phone, it rang, he got pissed off, and we all got juvenile cautions lol.


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## Count groudon (Jul 14, 2019)

Plenty of stuff. Was a dumb, dumb kid. 

When I was like six, my mom took a nap and I wanted to do that shaving cream in the hand prank. Didn’t have any shaving cream so I instead substituted laundry detergent. When the prank was done my mom took off running to the bathroom with bloodshot eyes and I was bewildered as to why the prank didn’t seem as funny as what I saw on tv. My mom was okay but damn if that wasn’t stupid. 

I also snuck off into the woods one night armed with a wooden sword because I heard weird noises in there the night before and me being the fucking nerd I was decided I was gonna go in there and slay that thing before it hurt my family. Thank god I didn’t get too far before I got spooked and ran back inside, because looking back I’m pretty sure those weird noises were a pack of coyotes that would’ve thrashed my scrawny 9 year old ass.


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## ProfDongs (Jul 14, 2019)

Stink bombs were sold in a store near my house and a few friends of mine bought some and we ended up doing some pretty dumb things with them. The "biggest" that we did with them was tossing them into the bottom of a vending machine through the flap, and the other was throwing one into a car with an open window onto the drivers seat. Never stuck around to see the end result but I imagine it wasn't pleasant for whoever had to deal with it. I think these were the exact ones we used.


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## Midlife Sperglord (Jul 15, 2019)

Put yogurt in the freezer, trying to make frozen yogurt.  I was four at that time.


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## Fliddaroonie (Jul 16, 2019)

We would go stay with my aunt and cousins a lot, and get up to a lot of no-good. One that stands out is we put my youngest cousin in a shopping cart and pushed him down a hill. He ploughed into a fence, flipped over it and smashed his head on a rail

We all lied about it and thought nobody guessed what we did, only to be told several years later that everyone knew what we'd been up to.

Also: A kid from secondary school made my life hell. Would pick on me pretty mercilessly. Saw him walking home one day and I just snapped. Launched a can of soda pop at his head (it hit him, rare for me cos I'm a sped) then cut through a back yard and hid so he never figured out who it was.


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## Gravityqueen4life (Jul 17, 2019)

here is another story. i think i was 5 at the time and a stole 50 dollors out of my dads wallet to buy candy for around 5 dollars ( maybe even less). didint even bother taking the money i was given back and just left and ate my candy. didint take long until my dad found out and mom slapped the shit out of me. he went back too the store too pick up the cash i left but the store owner refused to give him the money which almost made him get into a fight with the owner but gave up. as punishment, i was slapped some more and no candy for a month.


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## Fish-Eyed Fool (Jul 17, 2019)

It was boiling hot summer day.  I was 7, my friend was 6, and we were bored.  We wanted to make a camouflage car, like the little models we played with.  

So we took a big bunch of our neighbor's freshly mowed grass and put it all over his brand new and newly washed car.  Had a great ole time until the guy came outside, understandably upset and yelling at us.  He told our parents, we got the tanning of our lives, and I remember my dad paying for it to be cleaned again.


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## Francis E. Dec Esc. (Jul 17, 2019)

Remember those Thundercats action figures that had the little AA battery powered wand you'd jam into the small of Lion-O or Mumm-Ra's back to make the figure's eyes glow?







I used to lick the end of the wand because it tasted 'sparkly'.


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## Scarboroughgirl (Jul 17, 2019)

my siblings and I used to take chairs from the dining room, turn them over and use them as "dogsleds" pretending we were mushing in the arctic, with all of our stuffed animals set out in front for the huskies..


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## .Woody (Jul 17, 2019)

I used to go outside and talk to people. God I was such a loser.


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## The Saltening (Jul 17, 2019)

I got a boner in church... i was wearing gym shorts.... I didn't know what it was at the time..... fuck me
I also developed an addiction to pulling my hair out. I now have a bald spot.... years later....


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## edibleBulimia (Jul 17, 2019)

That’s easily the dumbest thing I ever did:
When I was in second grade, I was going to the bathroom once and I saw a girl who went in the bathroom, quickly took off her pants and panties and got in the cabin. Looking back now, it was really weird, but 7 year old me thought it was genius, but I wanted to be smarter than her... 
One day later, I go up to the teacher, ask to go to the bathroom. She lets me go. I stood up, left the classroom, took off my pants and panties in the hallway and I went to the bathroom.

Why.


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## UntimelyDhelmise (Jul 20, 2019)

When I was little I would run down this giant hill behind the house with one of those classic little red wagons, but one day I got the idea to ride in it while using the handle as a makeshift steering wheel. After doing it a couple times I found myself careening towards the woods and couldn't stop, so I leaped off the wagon and landed flat on my back, and for the first and only time in my life I had all the wind knocked out of me.

It was terrifying. I couldn't move, I couldn't breath, I just lied there desperately gasping for air like a fish out of water. When I finally managed to get a few breaths in it was a long and painful crawl back up the hill into the house. The whole time I tried to weakly call for my mother, but just my luck it turns out she was in the shower so by the time I finally managed to reach her I had basically recovered from the incident.


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## Washedupdrunk69lol (Jul 20, 2019)

Drew dicks on the computer cart at school lol.


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## MeatRokket08 (Jul 20, 2019)

When I was 7, and my brothers got the great idea to tie a laundry basket to the back of a sit-in lawn mower with rope and drive the mower all across my very hill-ish yard. Needless to say we went flying more times than I can remember.

Still want to do it again.


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## UntimelyDhelmise (Jul 20, 2019)

Washedupdrunk69lol said:


> Drew dicks on the computer cart at school lol.


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## PL 001 (Jul 20, 2019)

Got into my first fight in elementary school because I kept calling this kid named Jimmy "Jimbo Bimbo"


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## The Last Stand (Jul 20, 2019)

Just remembered.

Little fuzzy, but when I was around 4 or 5, I let open the back door and used my toys to shovel snow in the house to the kitchen. That same day, I turned on the stove to high for two of the burners. I even tried to burn a toy I had too. 

Another time, I was fooling around on my parent's work computer and deleted her work files. Even worse, I found porn on that computer and I think I left it open for work to see or sent it to the boss.


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## The Last Stand (Jul 21, 2019)

Gravityqueen4life said:


> i got so many i could post in this thread forever. i pour a glass of water all over the family TV just to see what would happen. mom slapped the shit out of me.


I remember one time, I put a cup of juice on top of one of those tube TVs. It just spilled out of nowhere on the back. The TV was off, but I just hightailed it out of there.


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## Niggernerd (Jul 21, 2019)

When I was 4, we were getting ready for church. I was still naked and walking around the house, the slide door was open so I took off. Parents went to go look for me and found me on our old black neighbors porch drinking koolaid


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## Info Neutral Agency (Jul 24, 2019)

I had sex in 69 with my lesbian girlfriend while driving on a highway in Los Angeles in the summer of 69'!


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## MalWart (Jul 25, 2019)

In preschool, I had of calling this chubby Asian kid a "banister boy". I'm still surprised none of the staff found out about it. 

I also referred to transmission lines as "negs" when I was 5. I remember proclaiming that these things were "angry negs" because of the antenna things on top:



Needless to say, I'm glad my parents called me out on it before I'd end up getting myself in trouble somewhere down the road.


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## Roast Chicken (Jul 25, 2019)

When I was small I used to go around picking up discarded sweet wrappers and putting them in my mouth. I also ate laurel leaves, grass, toothpaste and licked an AA battery (mmm, tangy). I also remember putting pennies in my mouth and almost choking on a 20 pence piece. My grandparents were sitting on the sofa behind me when I did that. I don't think they noticed.


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## PL 001 (Jul 26, 2019)

I had no filter and would comment on people in public, whether or not they could hear me. 

We laugh about it now, but my dad likes reminding me of the time we were getting groceries, and I was probably 7 or so. There was this huge obese dude in front of us at the register, and I had (rather loudly) said "He looks fat, huh dad? He needs to exercise!" 

Apparently hurt the guy's feelings, and embarrassed the fuck out of my dad.


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## betterbullocks (Jul 26, 2019)

Something compelled my sister and I to make fabrege eggs, so we went out and got parafin wax to preserve the eggs we had. We (more or less) successfully preserved the empty eggshells, but we had a shit ton of melted wax left over.

So we poured it directly down the sink.

There was SO MUCH wax, like most of the box, it was practically irreparable. My mom made my sister and I dig out every last bit of wax, along with last night's food, the egg from earlier, God knows what else. It was absolutely disgusting and my fingernails were soft and broke off from the constant, waxy, wet clawing. Took about 6 hours, and I 100% deserve it.


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## Immortal Technique (Jul 27, 2019)

As a little kid, I would plant broccoli thinking that's where trees came from.


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## MrTickles (Jul 27, 2019)

I halfheartedly (didn't know it was the master book) sabotaged a school yearbook by drawing dicks in everybody's hands before they took it to the printers. Queue 1600 copies of students standing arranged by year holding crudely drawn dicks. 

To this day nobody knows I was the one responsible for the mass dickening.


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## nekrataal (Jul 27, 2019)

When I was 7 I stumbled upon my uncle’s meth lab he was trying to hide from his wife while at my cousin’s birthday party. I asked him in front of everybody if he was a scientist and he freaked out and made everyone go home. His wife turned him in later on that week.


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## ES 195 (Jul 27, 2019)

When I was below 10 I used to eat watch batteries to absorb their power.
I convinced a friend to help me steal some stuff when everyone was out on a field trip but us. We got caught pretty fast.
I also used to convince my younger brother to open a Christmas present early so I would get one too. I did this for a couple years until my mom started to just rewrap them.


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## skellig58 (Jul 28, 2019)

ProfDongs said:


> I just remembered a more light hearted one from being very young. I hated Count Chocula cereal as a kid and for whatever short span of time it was, my solution to not eating it but getting rid of it was to pour the bowl out behind the TV in the corner of the living room.  At the very least it was dry cereal so there wasn't any damage, but I got caught after the third or so time that I did it.



There was a cereal called, I think "dinky donuts" I hated that shit. So to get rid of it I in my 3-4 year old wisdom, I dumped it down the dining room register. No one noticed until the air kicked on in the summer and a cloud of desiccated dinky donuts flew up to haunt the room. Busted.

Edited: Not to double post.

I also hated socks. I mean HATED them. My mom and I would fight every morning from first to third grade about getting the damn things on my rebel hillbilly feet. She'd always win because "Secret Mom Powers". But after school, I would retaliate by pulling the damn socks off and throwing the fuckers behind the couch. Mom got pissed and threatened just to paint socks on me. I thought that sounded just fine. So There. It was kinda a stalemate and that phase ended as soon as it began. Kids are weird

Oh God, I have more... When I was really tiny, I had a favorite blankie. Actually, it was an old faded to hell flannel nightgown that used to belong to mom. Its name was Snuggie, And I loved that fucking thing. I did something or was just being a defiant little bitch, and as punishment, mom grabbed Snug and ripped it in half. Being the smart ass little shit I was I just said, "oh now I have TWINS". I think my logic defeated mom's anger, and I got my twin Snuggies back. I still have Snug incorporated in a quilt I made of childhood blankets and clothing. But no damn socks.


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## PT 940 (Jul 28, 2019)

I asked my mom if there were "retarded Indians" (Native Americans) because I legitimately wanted to know but she just got mad, threatened to ground me and never answered my question.  It took a really long time way after the fact to convince her that it was a real question.


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## Kiwi Lime Pie (Jul 28, 2019)

Easterling said:


> When I was around six years old I liked to pretend I was Spider-man by playing around on the stairs, as expected my luck caught up with me and I fell down the stairs, I reached for the handrail to stop myself from falling further and ended up breaking my arm.


Around the same age, I liked throwing a miniature, palm-sized football around and pretending I was involved in whatever the big NFL match-up was from the previous Sunday. Normally, I'd do that in the basement, but I got chided for sliding too much and putting holes in my jeans. One day, my young self got the (not so) bright idea of doing this on the steps between the first and second floor. It wasn't long before a pass to myself led me to lose my footing, slide halfway down the stairs, and sprain an ankle. My pretend football career ended that day. 



Bunny Tracks said:


> Tl;dr: We almost got our friend killed after knocking him out while wrestling and hiding him in a dumpster on trash day, and I still haven't forgiven myself for it.


That's some pretty scary stuff, reminiscent of a scene from one of the Law and Order franchises. Thank goodness things didn't end as horribly as they could have in your situation.



UntimelyDhelmise said:


> When I was little I would run down this giant hill behind the house with one of those classic little red wagons, but one day I got the idea to ride in it while using the handle as a makeshift steering wheel. After doing it a couple times I found myself careening towards the woods and couldn't stop, so I leaped off the wagon and landed flat on my back, and for the first and only time in my life I had all the wind knocked out of me.



My next door neighbors had one of those red wagons with the removable wooden slats that normally served as walls. one end of our block had a gradual-enough slope to it that we and other neighbor kids would give each other rides/pushes while the person inside steered with the handle until the wagon either stopped or veered off the sidewalk into the grass.

Of course that's not as dumb as my neighbor using the handle of the name wagon as a pile-driver to tear up part of his yard's lawn.

When we were about 14 and 11, our city did a total replacement of the gas lines, replacing the old metal piping that was in bad shape with plastic tubing that would supposedly last indefinitely. While the gas company had space dug out in front of his house, my neighbor convinced me to help him bury one of his younger brother's toys the former didn't like. given how slowly plastic degrades, I'd imagine it's still buried there just waiting to be found should the city or anyone else need to dig there in the future.


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## skellig58 (Jul 28, 2019)

I love all of these stories. Reading them reminds me of Jean Shepherd's books. He's the author that wrote the stories "A Christmas Story" is based on.


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## オウム (Jul 28, 2019)

Eat the cheerios out of the dog's food, at least I didn't eat the kibble.


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## AmokSweptMeFromMyFeet (Jul 29, 2019)

Forced myself into not talking anymore, even limitating my non-verbal movements, because i was too afraid of commitng sins/blasphemies and not noticing it, lol. Going to Hell terrifyed me way too much back then, thanks to my parents' inculcations and choleric reprehension.

Now i hate religion and have ever-lasting after-effects on my social-emotional behavior, kek.


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## PL 001 (Jul 29, 2019)

I was around five, and my parents were watching a movie that I guess used the word 'nigger' in one scene. I had no idea what it meant, but it sounded like a funny word to me...funny enough that I was trying to get our pet cat to come over and be petted, and said "c'mere you nigger" when it wouldn't. My parents didn't find it as funny as I did.

No, the cat wasn't black before someone asks.


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## オウム (Jul 29, 2019)

AmokSweptMeFromMyFeet said:


> Forced myself into not talking anymore, even limitating my non-verbal movements, because i was too afraid of commitng sins/blasphemies and not noticing it, lol. Going to Hell terrifyed me way too much back then, thanks to my parents' inculcations and choleric reprehension.
> 
> Now i hate religion and have ever-lasting after-effects on my social-emotional behavior, kek.


Lol that just reminded me of going into Spencer's Gifts for the first time as a kid and looking at their "goth" section with all the demon skulls, blood, black etc and thinking some of it looked cool. Then I felt bad because that must mean I'm a satanist. Not sure where I got that from we weren't devote Baptist or Catholic or any other denomination with all the cool blood and damnation stuff we'd just go to Christmas service at a Presbyterian church.


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## ProfDongs (Jul 29, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> I was around five, and my parents were watching a movie that I guess used the word 'nigger' in one scene. I had no idea what it meant, but it sounded like a funny word to me...funny enough that I was trying to get our pet cat to come over and be petted, and said "c'mere you nigger" when it wouldn't. My parents didn't find it as funny as I did.
> 
> No, the cat wasn't black before someone asks.


Oh christ, that reminds me of something around the 3rd or 4th grade. I hadn't heard someone say "Nigger" before and an older kid was going around telling a bunch of kids what it sort of meant during recess. Then we started to play grounders on the playground and I very loudly kept calling the guy who was It a nigger. I must have said it 20-30 times in the span of a few minutes. I get told on by him, and somehow the teacher never ends up calling my parents about it. Fortunately(?) my school was basically an ethnostate though so nobody whose opinions would have mattered heard it.


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## Niggernerd (Jul 29, 2019)

skellig58 said:


> I also hated socks. I mean HATED them. My mom and I would fight every morning from first to third grade about getting the damn things on my rebel hillbilly feet. She'd always win because "Secret Mom Powers".


God if this wasn't me.
I used to hate wearing sockys because each corners inside at the end had like a ball or whatever (made of the sewing string and extra socky fabric) and just made me feel claustrophobic for some reason, I had the bright idea to cut every corner of all my socks not realizing it undid all my socks and gave my toes too much wiggle room. I was fine with it, mom not so much.

I remember when us boys in elementary used to go on the swings, swing to a really high height and just fly off for the fun of it and land on our asses or back. My backs in shit shape now that I'm older. (I'd like to go back In time and beat past self)

Thanksgiving 2nd grade lunch, I had the bright idea to pee snipe the bathroom mirror while another kid was washing his hands. Principal made me clean up the area with a toothbrush.

Last day of 3rd grade, half the girls in my class really liked me (it was the nice elementary in that town so those girls ended up being the high school cheerleaders) and one of them was going to ask me out while I was eating snacc and playing beyblade with the boys.
So when she called out to me I ended up just burping in her face and all the bros were cheering in victory for no exceptional reason.
Another tried but because I genuinely liked her I just avoided making eye contact with her and kept my mouth farts to myself.

Middle school I took an AK47 round to school with me because I thought it looked cool and wanted to show my best friend at the time then some faggot told the principal on me and they thought I had a gun. They called me to show them my backpack just took away the round  from me and I picked on that kid until he had to move out of town.

Edit: funny enough boy in my thanksgiving story is the faggot who told on me in the AK round story.


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## JM 590 (Jul 29, 2019)

オウム said:


> Lol that just reminded me of going into Spencer's Gifts for the first time as a kid and looking at their "goth" section with all the demon skulls, blood, black etc and thinking some of it looked cool. Then I felt bad because that must mean I'm a satanist. Not sure where I got that from we weren't devote Baptist or Catholic or any other denomination with all the cool blood and damnation stuff we'd just go to Christmas service at a Presbyterian church.


I almost bought one of those goth medallions with a red jewel in the middle from there when I was a teenager

Thankfully I didn't


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## PL 001 (Aug 1, 2019)

Being a stupid kid using the family computer late at night to browse porn and not knowing to delete my search history after. 

Thought my mom found out all the things I'd been looking up, but she also thought installing Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 would give the computer a virus so I was safe.


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## MalWart (Aug 8, 2019)

WinterMoonsLight said:


> Being a stupid kid using the family computer late at night to browse porn and not knowing to delete my search history after.
> 
> Thought my mom found out all the things I'd been looking up, but she also thought installing Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 would give the computer a virus so I was safe.


Your mother sounds like the more naive person here, tbh.


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## werbwub (Aug 8, 2019)

I have a couple of good ones.

- I brought those popper fireworks, the ones that you throw, and started to give them out to other people to throw at teachers. Me and 5+ kids got suspended.

- I stole a flash drive from from the "asshole teacher".Next time I had class the guy came in and started interrogating students. I was never caught

- Almost go in a fight with a big black dude due to the events of the first story.

- Emailed all the teachers job applications for hooters. 

- Made a Nutella and Chromebook sandwich with one of the schools Chromebooks. 

- Showed kid porn on the Chromebooks using Wikipedia.


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## Molester Stallone (Aug 8, 2019)

We had a small creek in my neighborhood that had an almost vertical bank on one side. It was probably 30-40 feet above the creek that was at most a foot deep. We used to swing on vines out over this creek and back. No one ever fell, but if they had they probably would have died.  Some guy saw what we were doing and told our parents. Next time we went back the vines were trimmed up so high we couldn't reach them anymore.

One of my friends tossed a quarter-stick into a pile of cinder blocks. We all learned a lesson about shrapnel that day. 

Another kid used to make pipe bombs and exploding arrows. He got arrested after making a bomb threat and we stopped hanging out with him when he became a junkie.


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## 0 2 (Aug 9, 2019)

My friends and I always showed "affection" by casually insulting one another. Once, the person in charge of watching us (who was about 14-16 at the time) asked us to help her with something. When my brain was still in "goofing around with friends" mode, I told her, "sure thing, crater-face" since she had bad acne. The moment the words left my mouth, I immediately realized what I said and she looked visibly hurt. I was expecting to be punished, but she was so dejected that she just didn't even say anything. I think I either brought her store-bought cookies or drew her a card the next day to apologize, and she was so moved that she started to cry. Of course, being a child, I didn't quite understand yet that people can cry for reasons other than being sad, so I just kept apologizing. I don't know why, but it's one of those things where even though I corrected my mistake, I still severely regret making it. We were on good terms after that, though, but her reaction still bothers me to this day. Kids are cruel.

Other than that, I had a friend who was blind that I would escort from class to class since we shared mostly the same schedule. I wasn't paying attention and accidentally made him walk into a metal support beam. It definitely hurt--and a lot, since there obviously was no feasible way for him to even prepare for the impact. He knew it was an accident, but everyone else thought I did it on purpose, it was my friend himself who convinced them otherwise. Still, I couldn't believe how careless I was. I was certain to make sure it never happened again.

Personally, the one thing I still can't understand to this day was when I was _very_ young, I had an irrational fear of toilets flooding the house or building.


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## Providence (Aug 9, 2019)

Was briefly living with my grandma at 12. She worked weird hours and was basically never home. No rules, no supervision. I ran amok every night, long after all the other kids were called home. I'm prone to "incredible thoughts", and one weekend,  it occurred to me that it would be devastatingly funny to remove every house number from every house on our street "to fuck with the mailman". I did not know the mailman, had never seen him/her, there was no vendetta, no rationale.

I knew it would be a fuckin herculean task requiring tools and equipment, so I made an itemized list of everything I'd need - both types of screwdrivers,  contractor bags, scrapers (butter knives and shit), a place to stash the loot. Next night, at the STROKE of midnight cause I'm a goffick champion, the work begins. 

It was SO much harder than I thought it would be. There were SPIDERS on so much of it, screws rusted into place,  cumbersome wood plaques, metal signs,  every kind of decorative thing, house numbers carved into big goddamn rocks.  Occasionally, I'd think of how perplexed the mailman was gonna be and literally fall to the ground in hysterics,  stuffing my shirt in my mouth to keep from howling with laughter. 

It took fuckin HOURS, and three contractor bags full of house numbers lugged home to the asshole of my closet. I pretended to be The Grinch, stealing Christmas and again was destroyed by the hilarity and greatness of this idea.  By 5am, I had done it,  and was completely fuckin exhausted.  Pretty much forgot all about it within a week. One day my grandmother was bringing laundry into my closet,  saw the bags,  looked inside,  looked at me, closed it back up and left.  Never asked,  I never told.  In fact, I've never told anyone until just now.   

I was the terror of a little town in New York 20 years ago, and I'm not the least bit sorry.   

Enjoy your day.


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## Casey0714 (Aug 9, 2019)

A long time ago back in the early school days, we didn't have emailed report cards so the kids were expected to always take the thing home, have the parents sign, and bring it back to the teacher. Now, there wasn't much getting around having low grades because a bunch of kids are too stupid to figure out how to forge a signature but what I could do was mess around with things slowly until it was time for that card. Thinking I was clever at the time, I'd always bring in my graded work, making sure to set anything with a C or above in an easy-to-find stack making it look like I was just getting clutter out of my backpack but at night, I'd hide away all the "F"s and "D"s that I'd get in trouble for into a small crevice behind the racecar bed that my parents never thought to look into. Whenever I had a chance, I'd just take all the bad grades and sneak them out to burn or toss into someone else's trash so even if they checked, chances were they'd just find an empty spot. Now, this led to a long drawn out feud between my parents and the teacher as they demanded to know how I was making such a bad grade on the card when all the work I brought home showed that I was doing well in class. The teacher hated me and was trying to get me on some meds because she was annoyed with me doing stuff like tapping pencils on the desk and leaning back in my chair, nothing really warranting going that far. Well, after a failed attempt at searching my room and finding nothing, my parents sided with me and I kinda rode through that year getting hell from that teacher but at least I didn't get grounded so I'd still get to play videogames whenever I got home. That's all I really cared about back then.


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## Dr. Henry Armitage (Aug 9, 2019)

In kindergarten my teacher was giving away a pair of sunglasses as a prize for something. She had an example pair that she had written her name on and put on her desk so the students would see them and be motivated.  And I REALLY wanted to win them. So I did what anyone would do, I stole them. I went  home proud as can be to show my mom my prize. it didn't take her long to realize what i did. She beat me for it because if people found out it would make her look bad. She made me apologize to my teacher the next day for stealing them. I didn't want to win a pair after that.



skellig58 said:


> Oh God, I have more... When I was really tiny, I had a favorite blankie. Actually, it was an old faded to hell flannel nightgown that used to belong to mom. Its name was Snuggie, And I loved that fucking thing. I did something or was just being a defiant little bitch, and as punishment, mom grabbed Snug and ripped it in half. Being the smart ass little shit I was I just said, "oh now I have TWINS". I think my logic defeated mom's anger, and I got my twin Snuggies back. I still have Snug incorporated in a quilt I made of childhood blankets and clothing. But no damn socks.


That reminds me of something my mom did. When i was 6 or 7 I had this tye dye shirt i really liked to sleep in. I was like 3 sizes to big but it was super soft and comfy. My mom hated it for some unknown reason. And because shes extremely selfish and self centered she decided to destroy my favorite shirt. One day she calls me in to the living room and cuts it up in front of me laughing the hole time. When I asked her why she straight up told me its because she didn't like it. she threatened to hit me if i got any of it out of the trash.


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## Slimy Time (Aug 9, 2019)

I had a battery operated spinning top toy. You put the top into the launcher, spun it and pressed a button and it would fly up and hover in the air. Pretty damn cool for a kid. One day it was showing it off to my kid/toddler sister, thought it would be a fun thing to do to would be to spin it up with her long, never before cut hair in between the top to see what happened. It went as you imagined, her hair was tangled with the toy, absolutely impossible to disentangle it from the toy.

She started to cry, both because she was hurt from it and the fact that she had this top stuck in her hair. Shitting myself at the thought of getting the fuck beat out of me for doing something so monumentally re.tarded. I ran out and got the scissors and snipped off her hair,then had to get her to swear that she would never tell our parents. This was in spite of her having a noticeablely shorter portion of hair at the front of her head.

Thankfully she covered for me, said she did it and got told off for using scissors. Great, all clear, they will never know. I ruined my cool toy, but I wasn't going to get smacked around. The day goes on, we go to bed, and my sister asks to sleep with my parents. Next day. I wake up to 2 absolutely fucking furious parents, ready to belt the shit out of me. Turns out she woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and told them what happened. That day was not a pleasant one.

At least in hindsight it was a memorable event between all of us.

Edit: Also remember deciding to do some WWE wrestling with kids my age, ended up giant swinging a kid and thought it would be fun to giant swing him headfirst into a pillar. You can guess how that went. Didnt seem to learn my lesson years later. Ended up drunkenly deciding to repeat something similar when I reached my teens with some friends, ended up being tackled by another lunatic down a hit and ended up narrowly missing slamming my head into a large rock.  This screwed up my semicircular until I got it fixes


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## Meaty Spaghetti (Aug 9, 2019)

Me and few kids I hung out with once filled a shopping cart full of cinderblocks and pushed it down a steep hill road where there is a good amount of traffic, this is also back when you could Run and get away with shit, don't know if it the shopping cart hit anything because I never heard any police sirens or nothing


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## Arcturus (Aug 13, 2019)

Like most kids, I was really excited about the prospect of the tooth fairy giving me money. The first day I had a tooth that just barely moved when I touched it I couldn't wait for it to come out. Imagine my disappointment when my mom told me it'd be a little while before it was ready to come out. After a whole few hours my patience had worn out.

I had a plan. I went into the bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush. I proceeded to spend the next however long beating the tooth with the end of the toothbrush until it was loose enough to pull out. I ran out of the bathroom, blood trailing down my arm, tooth in hand, to tell my mom that I was ready for the tooth fairy. She was understandably not as excited as I was. My joy overrode any pain.

Bitch only gave me 50 cents.


----------



## Maskull (Aug 13, 2019)

For years long period as small child I would stuff mouth full of pocket change because each coin had its own distinct taste. Would as well chew the nails. And the toenails.


----------



## Surf and TERF (Aug 13, 2019)

I tried using nair and failed to wash it off completely, so it didn’t get addressed until hours later when my mom noticed the burning skin and chemical smell.


----------



## Meaty Spaghetti (Aug 13, 2019)

when i was like 8 or 9 years, I told my cousin who is half black he was 4 or 5, Hey I got a game we can play, I'll be the KKK man and you be the Nigger, when my cousins mother (who is white) found out and got pissed and so did my mother, but my Dad thought it was the funniest thing he ever heard


----------



## Martys_not_smarty (Aug 13, 2019)

The same kid from shoe theft story is back again this time it involved a can of mace my sister had that we swiped, while he was doing something or other his brother and I thought it would be funny to spray it on his new bike he got for his birthday so we do.  This was the old school time release shit so he didn't hit the ground writhing in agony until he was at the end of the block to show how fast he could go, well we had a good laugh until that mace started to kick in on us as it was all over our hands.


----------



## LyapunovCriterion (Aug 13, 2019)

Tried running downstairs in socks, on a slippery corridor in an apartment block. I wasn't the smartest 4 year old. Fell down, broke two front teeth and left a bloody mess. Not sure how they fixed me up, but according to my mother the teeth went all the way back to the gums.


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## LateNightMuffin (Aug 13, 2019)

1) i saw how easy it was for heroes in movies to jump off buildings and land safely, so i jumped off the roof. the ground was a lot harder in real life than it seemed in movies.

2) i loved the smell of lemons, and i saw a container with a lemon on the cover, so i opened it and took a big whiff. it was lemon-scented ammonia.

3) i had to take music lessons. i didn't want to. i would consistently lie to the music teacher and say i practiced several hours per day, when i hadn't touched the piano all week. i somehow thought i'd fool the teacher, even though weeks later i still couldn't play 'three dancing bears.'

4) when i was a little older, i had a bow and arrows i'd inherited from my older siblings. i invented a game i called archery golf, where i would have to shoot the arrows and have them land in a hula hoop on the ground. that's fine so far. but i'd put the hula hoop in the back and stand in the front and fire the arrows over the house. of course i didn't tell anyone i was doing this. it's lucky i never hit anyone with an arrow.


----------



## Dante Alighieri (Aug 13, 2019)

I mailed love letters to this girl that moved away, I was maybe 11 or 12.


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## Surf and TERF (Aug 14, 2019)

DanteAlighieri said:


> I mailed love letters to this girl that moved away, I was maybe 11 or 12.



That’s more cute than dumb tbh.


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## Dante Alighieri (Aug 14, 2019)

Surf and TERF said:


> That’s more cute than dumb tbh.


It's dumb because my mom found out about it and I don't know when she did, and I'm not about to ask.


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## NarcoticReptile (Aug 14, 2019)

i Would oovoo with people from my town/city and even school I didn’t know in person or very well. Most of these people I met on Facebook (I was 12-14) or through my one friend in school (she would tell me to add them). It got us in a lot of drama and weird times, as most of these people were... very interesting. long story short.


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## LateNightMuffin (Aug 14, 2019)

i thought of two more, both from junior high chemistry. 

1) we were given some substance and were supposed to do various tests to see if it was a salt. instead of wasting my time with the tests, i tasted it. it tasted like salt. i told the teacher. it had in fact been table salt, because the teacher was smart enough to know he was teaching junior high school students who will do stupid things like taste the chemicals in the lab. but he explained to me that 'salt' in chemistry doesn't normally mean table salt. 

2) my older sister was in college, and when we were learning in junior high chemistry about acid reactions, she told me to make sure to ask my teacher about half-acid reactions. so the next day in class i asked him to tell us about half-acid reactions. he covered his smile with his hand, and told me he'd tell me about them after class. then after class he asked me where i'd heard about them, and i said, 'my older sister.' he said, 'ah, that explains it.' since you're reading this instead of hearing it out loud, there is no such thing as half-acid reactions. my sister just got me to say 'half assed reactions' in class.


----------



## Smaug's Smokey Hole (Aug 14, 2019)

Back in kindergarten when I was 5 or so a girl of the same age started going there, or was enrolled, I don't know what to call it. Her family had just moved to our town in Sweden from Australia, I think her father worked for GE and relocated for something. Anyway, they had just arrived and naturally she only spoke English which none of us kids did. Except for me, I had picked up exactly ONE word and I decided to use it to impress her because she was cute. That word was 'blood'.

So I walked up to her and said it, more than once of course, I was trying to start some kind of conversation after all. Another kid picked up on it and joined in. Then it spread to all the boys and girls. Standing around the Australian girl and repeatedly saying blood was now how we communicated with her.

After the first week I never saw her again, must have changed kindergarten.


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## Count groudon (Aug 14, 2019)

Tried to make a Molotov out of a soda can and an old napkin when I was 7. Wind blew it out as soon as I lit it.

Saw someone do it in a movie and randomly decided to try it out. Genuinely didn’t occur to me that I’d have to use a flammable liquid and a breakable container for it to work, nor how much I’d probably fuck everything up if it’d actually worked.

I was an exceedingly stupid kid.


----------



## RottenLettuce (Aug 14, 2019)

I microwaved a pepsi because I left it in the freezer for too long and was too impatient to let it thaw naturally.


----------



## UF 404 (Aug 14, 2019)

Making my own bath toys. Out of paper.


----------



## Fliddaroonie (Aug 14, 2019)

AmokSweptMeFromMyFeet said:


> Forced myself into not talking anymore, even limitating my non-verbal movements, because i was too afraid of commitng sins/blasphemies and not noticing it, lol. Going to Hell terrifyed me way too much back then, thanks to my parents' inculcations and choleric reprehension.
> 
> Now i hate religion and have ever-lasting after-effects on my social-emotional behavior, kek.


Religion is like ass sex and brussel's sprouts: Force them on a kid and they're gonna despise them as an adult


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## Xarpho (Jun 29, 2020)

I remembered another one. I remember that the newspapers carried Spider-Man (not the same thing as the real Marvel comics, it turned out) and it mentioned that the spider bite had turned him into Spider-Man, and I thought that he wasn't wearing a costume because the bite had physically mutated him.


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## Pitere pit (Jun 29, 2020)

Drinking soap when I was a toddler. I remember that day, the TV in the living room was showing that episode of Arthur when Brain was singing in a library or something like that, my parents calling the toxicologist and then forcing me to drink what I think was olive oil. It's been years but I still can taste that soap.
Another one is talking about how our exking was based because he told Hugo Chavez to shut the fuck up, this was said when I was in a family dinner with my grandparents.
I was afraid of dogs so everytime I saw one I tried to cross over sidewalks.


----------



## Gravityqueen4life (Jun 29, 2020)

i once tried to make hamburgers by putting hamburger meat inside a toaster. we had to get a new one.


----------



## Molester Stallone (Jun 29, 2020)

When I was in 8th grade chemistry class we were learning about hydrogen. I remember we were doing an experiment making it ourselves with our lab partners. Basically we were supposed to fill an upside down test tube with the stuff and light it using a Bunsen burner. The gas would ignite and make a loud whistling sound.  I got the bright idea to use a larger Pyrex measuring cup so I could catch more of it because what's the worst that could happen? I turned the measuring cup upside down on the lab table with the edge of the glass hanging off the table so I could light the gas. That sumbitch took off like a rocket and went through the drop ceiling.  It was so freaking loud the kid in front of me fell off his stool and got a bloody nose.  I had to explain to the principal what I had done and he just kind of chuckled and told me to stop destroying his school.  My science teacher watched me like a fucking hawk after that.


----------



## Crankenstein (Aug 13, 2020)

I was 9 and once tried to cut a piece of metal cord for a necklace, I didn't have any cutting tools so I thought it would be wise to use a paint scraper and bash it until it broke. I ended up slamming the scraper into my finger and busted my nail horizontally, cracking the bone in the process.


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## A Grey Cat (Aug 13, 2020)

I once tried to make hot chocolate as a kid and by that I mean I put milk and chocolate syrup in a glass then put the glass on the stove top on high. It's a good thing I was in the other room when the heat made the glass explode and send shards flying everywhere


----------



## FuckedUp (Aug 15, 2020)

Bunny Tracks said:


> Spoiler: Long horrifying story about how lethally stupid my friends and I used to be as kids
> 
> 
> 
> ...


lmao, reminds me of the kid who died when playing Naruto.


----------



## Coffee Druid (Aug 17, 2020)

Me and my sibling had a game called sumo when we were like 6. You would pile all the pillows and stuffed animals onto a bed and jump onto that pile like you’re in a WWE match. We ended up breaking several boards on that bed one day and got in big trouble with our parents. 

I didn’t clean my room much has a kid. One day I was too lazy to move something aside on the floor so I tripped and slammed face first into a dresser. Got a cool scar where my front teeth went through my lower lip.

Lastly I remember making “stuffed animals” when I was 7 by cutting out front/back shapes from paper towels, drawing features on in marker, stuffing tissues between them, and stapling the two sides together. I had plenty of actual stuffed animals but i thought I was an artiste at the time.


----------



## Spangled Drongo (Aug 17, 2020)

Got so hyped up on sugar I thought it was a good idea to leap off a wall pretending to be a ninja. Face planted and got sent home with a nasty black eye, had to explain to my dad that no, nobody hit me, I was just messing around and lost my footing.

Also I broke my best friend’s music box when we were 6 as it had a couple dancing together and I believed in “boy germs” (what we Aussies call cooties). My mother was livid and made me buy her a new one.


----------



## The Lawgiver (Aug 17, 2020)

I somehow shoved a laser pointer in my eye at some point,. As in, I stared into it with it on for quite a while voluntarily. I can't remember the details of what led to it, but point though is I somehow didn't damage my eyes via doing this. It wasn't even just one time either! I don't think I'd get as lucky if I did it again in current year. My lucks been shitty for years now but thats unrelated.


----------



## Gravityqueen4life (Aug 17, 2020)

me and some friends were gonna have a water battle and decided to make some water balloons. i made the biggest but the balloon was so heavy, i dropped it on the floor of my friends apartment and it was beside a electric contact. it stopped working after that.


----------



## LemonKingLover (Aug 17, 2020)

I used to lick the wooden stair banisters and eat paper until I was about 8. Also pulled a cat halfway up a door using a piece of rope because it seemed fun. I also did not understand jokes for a while, so they would be long rambling stories instead, with me laughing like a lunatic.


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## FuckedUp (Aug 17, 2020)

LemonKingLover said:


> pulled a cat halfway up a door using a piece of rope because it seemed fun.


One time when I was five I somehow managed to put a cat on a slide without getting scratched to death.


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## LemonKingLover (Aug 17, 2020)

> One time when I was five I somehow managed to put a cat on a slide without getting scratched to death



Damn, that's actually impressive. Must've one terrified or chilled out cat


----------



## Fek (Aug 17, 2020)

I was told that a very young Fek had a sleepwalking problem. One such episode involved me opening up my bedroom closet, dropping trou, and pissing all over everything thinking I was in the bathroom.


----------



## Teiluna (Aug 18, 2020)

we had a trampoline when i was younger, i think about 4 or 5. i was playing on it with my 2 older brothers (one is about 15 years older than me) and we used to do this thing we later called ground pounding (like mario), because it would make the lighter people fly up really high. one time we did this, i ended up directly underneath my eldest brother and he slammed directly into my back. i'm surprised i didn't break anything, but i couldn't breathe properly for a good hour or so.
another trampoline story is that i used to let the younger brother (4 years older, the older one is my half brother which explains the massive gap) swing me around with his friends. one would hold onto my ankles and the other my wrists, i'd let them swing me from side to side and throw me into the net. one time this resulted in my hitting my head on the metal poles.
on several occasions, i fell down the stairs. somehow i never broke anything
tried to do something akin to this video, but with no safety gear:




somehow, i also didn't break anything


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## Rafal Gan Ganowicz (Aug 18, 2020)

Made a giant slingshot out of an old clothesline pole and bike tube, set it on a hill overlooking the highway, and almost killed a driver. with a fist'size rock. The beating I got  when I got home still hurts to this day.


----------



## Cheerlead-in-Chief (Oct 16, 2020)

Ate a flower petal, after watching a woman eat it in a Juan Luis Guerra (Dominican Singer) music video
Ate food on the floor in fourth grade for a brief time (I was bored)


----------



## Mr. Krinkle (Oct 16, 2020)

One of the dumber things that I remember doing as a kid happened in elementary school.

One day I was riding the bus home after school and I was sharing a seat with this kid Bryan (I don't remember which of us was sitting next to the window) and this kid Lennon (yes his name really was Lennon and he was a very weird kid) who sat behind us stuck his face in the gap in between the seat and the window and said something along the lines of "Hey check it out I'm like that dinosaur from Jurassic Park, ya know the one that spits acid in people's faces" and he hocked a nice big loogie on our window.

The next thing I know all three of us are taking turns spitting our phlegm and mucus on the window, seeing who could leave the biggest mark and trying to make our snotballs stick without running down the window until the bus driver lady saw what we were doing and flipped the fuck out and made us clean up our mess with windex and paper towels while lecturing us on what a disgusting ordeal that was.

Definitely one of the dumbest things I ever did but I still crack up when I think about it.


----------



## Frosty Fetus (Oct 22, 2020)

I snorted hand sanitizer when I was 11. I still do it to this day. Its surprisingly addictive! Although it burns like hell.


----------



## Nondescript Autist (Oct 23, 2020)

I rode my little Fisher Price tricycle off the porch trying to get some air. I hit the ground before my back wheels left the porch.


----------



## Damien Thorne (Oct 23, 2020)

Tried to open a package of pepperoni with a sharp knife when I was three and my mother (she usually was a great mother, I can't exactly fault her for this) had her back turned for a few seconds.  Still have a nice scar on my hand to this very day reminding me that I should have waited for my mother to open it.


----------



## Chan Fan (Oct 24, 2020)

A quick but of history - my parents didn't like spooky movies/stories AT ALL so as a kid I didn't grow up around any of that kind of stuff.  So when I was like 8-9 I went to a surprise birthday party for one of my parent's friends and the kids all went to their own area and someone suggested telling ghost stories.  They told a story about a woman who was kidnapped by the devil, skinned alive, taken to Hell and was only allowed to eat pieces of her skin and I was terrified.  Not being around this stuff mean I had zero desensitization to it and also no one ever told me that these stories weren't real so by the time I found my dad I was crying hysterically, in the middle of this party, and he tried to brush it off and act like it wasn't a big deal but it messed me up for literally months afterward


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## FuckedUp (Oct 24, 2020)

Already mentioned this in another thread, but one time when I was eight, I was playing on my DS at a fancy restaurant and wondered if there was an easter egg if you yelled into the microphone loud enough. I both overestimated my control over my vocal cords and underestimated other peoples' awareness of their surroundings, and thought I could yell really loud for ~1/10th of a second and immediately shut up without anyone noticing.

I ended up screeching at the top of my lungs like a literal retard for about a full second, got kicked out of the restaurant, and had my DS taken from me for a month.


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## Bunny Tracks (Feb 3, 2021)

>be me
>be like 6
>go to fancy dinner party because my dad has a gig there
>fancy dinner party has chocolate fountain
>have never seen one in my entire life up until that point
>OMFG.jpg
>mom and dad make it very apparent that they will kill me if anything happens to it
>warn me not to stick my fingers in it, or else they'll break them, and to use the wooden skewers provided
>parents and adults suddenly fuck off for some reason and leave me alone with chocolate fountain
*>I FOLLOW THE RULES*
>use skewers to dip marshmallows, strawberries, and other shit into fountain like i'm supposed to
>notice they have also have almonds
>fucking love almonds.jpg
>almonds are a bitch to get on skewer
>want to use fingers but remember the rules and don't
>no broken fingers for me thank you
>eventually manage to stab skewer through almond without it breaking
>dip it into fountain without any issue
>repeat process a few times with nothing happening
>suddenly almond #8 falls off skewer and into the fountain
>tiny almond somehow jams the spinny part of fountain
>spinny part of fountain shoots up like a tornado, sprays chocolate everywhere, and knocks everything over before falling onto the expensive ass tile floor
>chocolate is literally fucking everywhere
>kitchen is now a complete fucking mess
>6 year old self looks like fat kid from Willy Wonka when his obese German ass fell into the chocolate river
>don't understand wtf just happened
>only know i'm going to die and start crying
>rip me and my fingers
>am saved only because the party owner's wife walked in the moment it happened, and knew it wasn't my fault
>wasn't even mad at me tbh but instead my stupid ass parents who left me alone with it
>parents naturally embarrassed and furious and demand to know what happened
>try to explain what happened while having a panic attack
>parents suddenly realize it's their fault but don't wanna admit it
>both storm off leaving chocolate-covered Bunny crying, and not knowing what to do with party owner's wife
>party owner's wife's is pissed and doesn't know what to do with crying chocolate-covered child
>suddenly big bro walks in after just arriving
>big bro is obviously very confused about what the fuck is going on
>party owner's wife explains situation and big bro naturally becomes pissed, and gets into fight with parents when he finds them
>things escalate from there
>screaming fight erupts
>everyone is staring
>everyone now knows about what happened
>cry even harder
>big bro walks back into kitchen and says he's taking me back to his place
>party owner's wife is nice enough to give me new clothes before leaving
>still crying.jpg
>stay at big bro's place for like a month because parents were that pissed
>wanted to stay even longer tbh
>parents still don't talk to me for like another month even when i get back
>stays away from chocolate fountains even to this day


----------



## Gaear Grimsrud (Feb 3, 2021)

When me and my cousin were kids we would fool around.   She'd suck my dick and I'd lick her pussy and stuff like that.

Pretty weird in retrospect.


----------



## Vlinny-kun (Feb 4, 2021)

When I was in the third grade I called my teacher by her first name as soon as I found out. I then preceded to debate her on why it wasn't ok because I genuinely had no clue. I think I got written up for that.

I had a very short lived satanism phase at the tail end of middle school. I found a satanist blog that was very wordy and kinda blew my young mind that someone could """prove""" that the bible is wrong, so I started to take this dude's words as gospel. The very next day I let it slip that I was now a devout satanist to my Christian mother. She started to yell at me something to the effect of "what the hell is wrong with you?" But this was ok because I came prepared with the ultimate counter-argument of freedom of religion. The next day was nothing but chores and my equally Christian dad screaming at the top of his lungs at me. Grounded for two weeks with no tv, internet, games, or going outside. I was so pissed that it didn't work out that I never touched anything to do with satanism until I turned 18.


----------



## Niggernerd (Feb 4, 2021)

Vlinny-kun said:


> When I was in the third grade I called my teacher by her first name as soon as I found out. I then preceded to debate her on why it wasn't ok because I genuinely had no clue. I think I got written up for that.
> 
> I had a very short lived satanism phase at the tail end of middle school. I found a satanist blog that was very wordy and kinda blew my young mind that someone could """prove""" that the bible is wrong, so I started to take this dude's words as gospel. The very next day I let it slip that I was now a devout satanist to my Christian mother. She started to yell at me something to the effect of "what the hell is wrong with you?" But this was ok because I came prepared with the ultimate counter-argument of freedom of religion. The next day was nothing but chores and my equally Christian dad screaming at the top of his lungs at me. Grounded for two weeks with no tv, internet, games, or going outside. I was so pissed that it didn't work out that I never touched anything to do with satanism until I turned 18.


Remember kids, Satan causes you to get grounded.

I remember when ed edd n eddy was on its 5th or 6th episode. And my aunt used to get mad all the young boys in the family for watching it because it'll rot yoir brain blah blah blah. She forbade us during the episode with the ed boys getting wedgies and said to never copy that shit. ever. Lo and behold i do it to my cousin 5 minutes after and get the R belt (her belt with a custom gold R as the buckle)


----------



## Desparagus (Feb 4, 2021)

My friend and I tried to make a parachute out of bed sheets and duct tape. We then decided we needed to test it by jumping off the roof with it. I was too pussy so I convinced him to do it. He got up on his roof and jumped and shattered both his ankles on impact and just laid their screaming his head off. So I ran. All the way home. Where I got in trouble for it after his mom called mine.

Same friend and I also had the brilliant idea to explore these big sewer tunnels by our houses. It was very dark in them obviously and we couldn't find flashlights. So we decided to wrap towels and t-shirts around plastic mop and broom sticks, soak them in lighter fluid and light them for the authentic torch adventurer feel. We barely got into the tunnel before the smoke and the fumes from the melting plastic had us nearly dying.


----------



## A Thick Piece of Meat (Feb 4, 2021)

Use to roll down hills not realizing I'd get some scratches.


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## Sumdood (Feb 4, 2021)

I had one of those classic ‘Thought this girl was waving at me so I waved back but she was waving at someone behind me’ scenarios, in a crowded room no less. Still want to kill myself over that one.

When I was like 12 I would do cringy larp shit like wearing a dozen pouches and tool holsters on my belt whenever we went places. I wish my parents had beaten me more as a child.

One time in my teens I showed up to a party alone and _on time_, and the chick who was having the party made a point of double-checking who invited me. If I ever an hero it’s probably gonna be over that.


----------



## LazarusOwenhart (Feb 4, 2021)

Molester Stallone said:


> When I was in 8th grade chemistry class we were learning about hydrogen. I remember we were doing an experiment making it ourselves with our lab partners. Basically we were supposed to fill an upside down test tube with the stuff and light it using a Bunsen burner. The gas would ignite and make a loud whistling sound.  I got the bright idea to use a larger Pyrex measuring cup so I could catch more of it because what's the worst that could happen? I turned the measuring cup upside down on the lab table with the edge of the glass hanging off the table so I could light the gas. That sumbitch took off like a rocket and went through the drop ceiling.  It was so freaking loud the kid in front of me fell off his stool and got a bloody nose.  I had to explain to the principal what I had done and he just kind of chuckled and told me to stop destroying his school.  My science teacher watched me like a fucking hawk after that.


We're you doing the fractionating column by any chance? I literally came here to tell my own experiences with that exact experiment. Our Chemistry lab was pretty well equipped and we realised that our particular setup was producing a LOT of hydrogen we swapped the test tube for a bell jar and took out a 6x4 laboratory window.


----------



## Tingle (Feb 4, 2021)

Used to play this game with some friends in grade school where two people would be on a swingset together and the goal was to spit on the other person without getting hit by their spit. I also had fantasies of digging an underground mine in my backyard so I took a bunch of garden equipment with me underneath a wooden fort and got about two inches into the ground before giving up.


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## Molester Stallone (Feb 4, 2021)

LazarusOwenhart said:


> We're you doing the fractionating column by any chance? I literally came here to tell my own experiences with that exact experiment. Our Chemistry lab was pretty well equipped and we realised that our particular setup was producing a LOT of hydrogen we swapped the test tube for a bell jar and took out a 6x4 laboratory window.


I don't recall the exact experiment we were conducting as it was quite awhile ago.  I'll never forget how loud that sumbitch was when it took off though.  It made up for the anticlimactic volcano we built in first grade science class.


----------



## Botchy Galoop (Feb 4, 2021)

I used to roll my raisins in dirt and eat them if you paid me a nickel. *shrugs*


----------



## big ups liquid richard (Feb 4, 2021)

The house I grew up in had a 2nd floor bedroom balcony but it never had a gate built around it. One day, a friend and I decided to take our squirt guns and go out onto the balcony to shoot birds in the nearby tree. The balcony floor was seemingly waterproof, but it was hot and we were barefoot. I decided to squirt the floor to cool it off, and I remember it seemed to work. Later, I slipped and almost fell off.


----------



## Niggernerd (Feb 5, 2021)

Sumdood said:


> I had one of those classic ‘Thought this girl was waving at me so I waved back but she was waving at someone behind me’ scenarios, in a crowded room no less. Still want to kill myself over that one.


Even worse when someone says hi, and you do as well only for them to walk past you talking to someone else.
Man it makes me want kms just remembering that


----------



## Mr. Krinkle (Feb 5, 2021)

When I was around 5 or 6 years old I was walking around the mall with my dad and like most kids I was just absent mindlessly spacing out and day dreaming when I turned my gaze towards my dad to tell him something only to realize that I had been walking alongside some old lady. I looked up and saw my dad walking like 10 feet in front of me...I must've been walking next to that old lady for at least a minute before I realized what I was doing...don't know how my dad didn't notice...

I also use to think it was normal to dip my potato chips in ketchup until I learned otherwise.


----------



## Dwight Frye (Feb 5, 2021)

When I was around 7 or so, this neighborhood kid I was friends with was hanging with me and we decided we’d epically prank our neighbors....by smooshing gummy bears onto a Ritz cracker, ringing their doorbell and asking if they ordered a weird pizza. We did this at like 6:30 in the morning. Our parents were not happy with us.

A friend of mine from school and I were at my dad’s softball game one summer and we were hanging out in the playground and found an old lighter that still had some butane in it. We started setting random shit on fire before one of my dad’s work buddies caught us.


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## Niggernerd (Feb 5, 2021)

I vaguely remember being 5 living in hawaii and asking my friend who had an eyepatch if he was a pirate


----------



## Strange Wilderness (Feb 5, 2021)

As a dare I stood at the side of the street naked with a newspaper over my crotch and later mooned passing cars with two or three other people

When I was really little I would ask for the lettuce that would garnish plates at resturants so I could feed them to a toy Brontosaurs I had so he could eat. 

 When our Dad rented a wood chipper me and my sister bought a ton of random shit at the dollar store and tried tossing it in ala Malcolm in the Middle. Our expectations of seeing Barbie shredded into pieces were sadly dashed. Really should have sprung for the box of confetti.


----------



## Devyn (Feb 6, 2021)

Broseph said:


> I also use to think it was normal to dip my potato chips in ketchup until I learned otherwise.


Lol I used to dip potato chips in ketchup as a kid, and I always added it to my macaroni and cheese too (a lot of younger kids are weirdly obsessed with ketchup though, so while gross I don't think it's necessarily _that_ unusual)

One time at about age 6 I looked at the stove burner I knew had recently been in use, and since it was grey I assumed it must be cold now and had a sudden, intense urge to reach out and touch it.  I realized it was a stupid idea but did it anyway, putting the whole palm directly on the element, and--shocker!--it was still really hot.  I jerked away instantly but still had massive blisters all over my hand for like a week.  That was the first and last time I was a retard (or even just careless) about the stove


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## Flavius Claudius Julianus (Feb 6, 2021)

Moved to a new house when I was 8-9 years old. There was a major motorway being constructed nearby, and it was interesting enough for my preteen friends and I to fuck around on after school most days. Annoying the construction workers, sitting in the heavy machinery, all that shit.

One day we had the bright idea to undo the large, metal signage hanging from the bridges, letting it crash down below. We one day did this while construction was going on down below, men, vehicles, all passing underneath.

It was amazing we didn't have the police called on us a thousand times. Got chased off by fat construction workers more times than I care to remember.

Edit: just remembered probably the WORST shit I ever did.

Around 10 years old I had one of those giant super soaker water guns, the fucking huge model with like a 3 litre tank on it. Once fully pumped, it was like a firehouse with insane range. 

One day a friend and I (who was similarly armed and retarded) decided to stand by a busy main road and fire these guns into the open windows of passing cars. As I say, the range we had on these guns was easily 40ft or more, and it was powerful. 

After blasting a few cars and soaking the drivers, we'd run off and hide for a few minutes if they showed signs of slowing down or turning in to chase us. Didn't get caught. 

After doing this several times, we sat down on some nearby grass, laughing our asses off at how funny it was. Until suddenly I found myself being dragged to my feet by some insanely angry guy, who shook me by the collar and screamed into my face, 'what the fuck is wrong with you, are you stupid? You could kill someone doing that.'

My friend practically shit his pants, as did I. The guy picked up my gun and went to his car, never saw it again. Probably for the best.


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## OneMillionRPM (Feb 6, 2021)

When I was 3 or 4, I stuck a penny in a power outlet pretending it was a coin slot like in an arcade game or vending machine. I don't remember how badly it hurt, but it did leave a big burn mark on the wall.


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## Niggernerd (Feb 6, 2021)

When i was 4 i escaped my house buck ass naked, and my mom and sister found me sitting on a porch of some old black couple drinking grape koolaid.

Literal porch monkey


----------



## Taylor Swift's Ghostwrite (Feb 6, 2021)

When I was very small we were in France and I got separated from my parents while visiting the Louvre. I saw them across the way, so naturally just ran over to see them. Everyone around me including a security guard began freaking out as I was walking, and my parents looked aghast and I had no clue what was going on. I discovered that I had crossed under a little rope that was blocking off a piece of priceless art and just walked across it because I didn't bother thinking of why the rope was there.


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## Kiwi Lime Pie (Feb 7, 2021)

Devyn said:


> One time at about age 6 I looked at the stove burner I knew had recently been in use, and since it was grey I assumed it must be cold now and had a sudden, intense urge to reach out and touch it.


Around the same age, My dad was cooking something in one of those open countertop cookers. He apparently had it closer to the edge of the counter than I thought because I walked by to peek at what was inside and my lip pressed against the edge of the cooker and got burned. From what i remember it smarted for a couple of days and I'm not sure how my parent's didn't see it or find out.
---
When my neighbor was 4 or 5 and I was 7 or 8, he had me write some stuff about another neighborhood kid he hated because he hadn't yet learned to write well enough to do it himself. I thought most of what he had me write down was silly or dumb, but I didn't think much of it. Anyways, we go outside to play a bit and his mom calls us in. She tells me she saw what I wrote and she knows it's my writing because he wasn't writing yet. I quickly told her how he told me what to write. Fortunately, all she did was tell us that what we did was rude/wrong and tore up the paper while she told us not to do anything like that again.


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## Niggernerd (Feb 7, 2021)

Back in elementary, all us lads thought it was XTREME to go as high as you could on a swing and jump off. Falling right on our asses. Pretty sure it came back to haunt me and fucked my back.


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## Frosty Fetus (Feb 18, 2021)

In grades 1-4 I was scared of wetting my pants and would stick my hands down my pants to check if it was dry or wet. I did it at home and in public.


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## Yamamura Video Rental (Jun 22, 2021)

So there was this kid in my school (who was possibly autistic) who really liked Sonic, like I'm talking Sonic merchandise, sleeping with a stuffed Sonic doll, Sonic themed birthday party and the whole nines.  He was also a Christian.  So I just causally asked him one day if he thought Sonic was gay for Tails.  He got seriously livid at that thought.  Other kids caught on to this as well to the point where (this kid in question was kinda strong) he picked up a chair and was winding up to throw it at this other kid.  Needless to say he got taken out after that.  To this day I still sometimes think back to that moment.

What would that kid say if he saw half the shit on Deviantart?

I know what you're thinking and no this is not Chris.


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## Crex Crex (Jun 23, 2021)

I was at the beach and stuck my hand in a hole to catch a huge ass crab living in it. Predictably, the son of a bitch pinched my finger and made a pretty deep cut


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## Battlecruiser3000ad (Jun 23, 2021)

At our cabin I kept poking a nest of forest ants with a stick until one squirted acid right into my eye. Lesson learnt.


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## CrystalRoserade (Jun 27, 2021)

Once when I was, like, 5-6, I tried to warm up some Long John Silver's fries in the microwave. For 30 minutes. Needless to say, they caught fire. I was terrified of microwaves for a while after that incident. Had another potato product fire earlier this year, but that's not what this thread is about. Also licked the inside of a freezer for some reason and got my tongue stuck. Don't know what I expected from that, honestly.

Another incident was when I went to the bathroom at my dad's work and, like a dumbass, forgot which door I came in from.


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## Cheerlead-in-Chief (Jun 27, 2021)

I went to the pool with a fellow Girl Scout's family, went to the biggest slide and promptly drowned after looking at the water and passing out. Was revived by a lifeguard.


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## Agoraphobic Bullshit (Jun 28, 2021)

Do any of y'all remember the nursery rhyme "Jack Sprat"? Basically it's about a dude who only eats lean cuts and his wife ate the fat. We were behind a large woman in a grocery store and I loudly told my mom "that woman must be Jack Sprat's wife!" We went home without groceries since my mother was so embarrassed. 

Next one happened first day kindergarten. Idk why I thought this, but at noon I thought school was over (we had full day kindergarten) and I couldn't find the bus so I walked to my grandma's. She wasn't home and I had a full panic attack in her driveway. Luckily a kindly neighbour knew me and returned me to school, where the teachers were also in a full blown panic over my disappearance. I didn't want to get into trouble for leaving school so I told the teacher I saw a spider and hid. I was forever known as an arachnophobe despite actually really liking spiders.


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## Ghost of Wesley Willis (Jun 28, 2021)

When I was 6 or 7 years old, I smashed my own head against my bedroom window and shattered it. I don't remember why exactly I even did it to this day.

I kept the curtain closed for days hoping my parents wouldn't see the damage I did to it.


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## Kornula (Jun 28, 2021)

Niggernerd said:


> I vaguely remember being 5 living in hawaii and asking my friend who had an eyepatch if he was a pirate


That is not stupid as a kid or an adult.

Anyway, does watching Speed Racer count?


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## anti SJW (Jun 28, 2021)

1. In pre school.  There was a black kid I called Blackie a couple of times. That got shut down pretty quick by the teacher. 

2. Driving my big wheel ride on toy down the hill we lived on.  No hand brake. Barefoot. I only did that once.


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## Kornula (Jun 29, 2021)

Niggernerd said:


> When i was 4 i escaped my house buck ass naked, and my mom and sister found me sitting on a porch of some old black couple drinking grape koolaid.
> 
> Literal porch monkey


I would have loved to seen an actual picture of that.


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## Merried Senior Comic (Jun 29, 2021)

I put a pizza Lunchable (I didn't even open the damn box) in the microwave thinking it would cook it. 

It promptly caught on fire.


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## Had (Jun 29, 2021)

When I was younger, I had this knight light. Every morning my parents would come in and unplug it so it would turn off. But one day I woke up early and wanted to do it myself. I got a knife and tried to use it to unplug the light but I touched the two electrical prongs together. Luckly I chose a knife with a plastic handle, needless to say that was stupid.


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## serious n00b (Jun 29, 2021)

Niggernerd said:


> When i was 4 i escaped my house buck ass naked





Kornula said:


> I would have loved to seen an actual picture of that.


Go to jail.


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## Agent Abe Caprine (Jun 29, 2021)

I used to wear lanyards as good luck charms.


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## Pimpleking55 (Jun 29, 2021)

As a toddler a ate a sigaret.....


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## Kornula (Jun 29, 2021)

serious n00b said:


> Go to jail.


What is not funny about a kid being a literal porch monkey.   geez.


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## Cheerlead-in-Chief (Jun 29, 2021)

Kornula said:


> What is not funny about a kid being a literal porch monkey.   geez.


Technically it's kind of adorable.


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## Apis mellifera (Jun 30, 2021)

When I was in primary school there were these girls playing house on the playground and I was chilling near, probably messing with bugs or something, I don't really remember, and this really overweight girl was describing her OC as "someone who constantly gets told she's too skinny, and needs to eat more".  I immediately inserted myself into the conversation, and said to this girl, "but you're not [skinny], though".  All of her friends promptly told me off and I got in a load of trouble with the girl's older brother and my mum.  

I honestly had no idea what I'd done wrong at the time, as I was just being honest, and I hadn't yet realised that it wasn't socially acceptable to imply that somebody's a fatass.  Similar incidents occurred over the years and my parents had me tested for autism because I was so socially retarded.


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## Kiwi Lime Pie (Jun 30, 2021)

The Shadow said:


> Ate too much pizza, went and played rollerhockey in 100 degree SoCal heat, puked all over the street.



My next door neighbor at the time decided to use some of his paper route tip money to get us each a root beer float from the deli at the other end of our block. I looked on in shock to see him bringing what looked like two of the largest cups the deli sold. He explained that he had asked for two medium floats, but whomever made them grabbed the large cups by mistake. Not wanting to be wasteful, the person told my neighbor he could have the larges for the price of the mediums.

Although we were smart enough to sip and drink slowly, we weren't smart enough to know that young kids can't drink that much fluid in one sitting. It wasn't until after we finished our floats that we realized too late what a bad and dumb idea it was. We went to stand up from the picnic table in my back yard but couldn't do so comfortably. We spent the next several minutes sitting and groaning about how bad it hurt to move. Presumably to be sarcastic, my neighbor suggested we play a game of 21 next. I told him I wanted to deck him one for saying that, but it would hurt too much to try. I think at that point we laughed until our sides hurt and just stayed in place until he had to go home.
=====
Some years later, a bunch of the neighbor kids on either side of our street would throw a frisbee back and forth to each other across the roadway. Normally, we'd stop when a car would come down the street, but one occasion saw one of the neighbors decide to be cute and throw the frisbee down at the pavement with the idea that he could throw it under the vehicle and have it bounce back up to the other side after the vehicle had passed. It didn't work. The frisbee instead hit the car's underbody and the driver decided to slam on the brakes and acted as if he was ready to come after us. We all scattered in every direction we could find and spent the next several minutes hiding from what would have been an early version of road rage.


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## Agent Abe Caprine (Jul 1, 2021)

I thought it was illegal to pick money up off the street. All coins I picked up went into a bucket of legos. Why legos? I thought it would deter the cops.


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## Blue Screen of Death (Jul 1, 2021)

In elementary school one day I randomly decided to cut off like a solid 1.5 inches of some girl's hair for some reason.
I still don't know what the fuck I was thinking.


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## A Series Of Tubes (Jul 2, 2021)

Oh boy, there were so many times where I fucked up as a kid...
One time that comes to mind is the time I said "say something, bitch!" to this quiet hippy looking girl who never bothered anyone in 5th or 6th grade just to make a few hoodrat friends of mine laugh. I still feel awful when I think about it, especially since I made her bawl her eyes out.


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## palmtreesalad (Jul 2, 2021)

Some dude in my first grade class was an ashy latino and it bugged me so much. One day, I reached over and thought it would be an amazing idea to lick part of his arm. I thought my saliva would help him not be ashy anymore. Needless to say, he didn't appreciate it and told on me.


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## Cheerlead-in-Chief (Jul 3, 2021)

At second grade, I decided to cut off my hairs at the nape of the scalp with safety scissors: probably in front of mom and was deterred. I think my logic was "it's too long, Have scissors = snip snip".
At 3rd grade, I told a boy with asthma, "I thought you were a girl at first!" Well, he got offended and told the teacher; nothing came of it and I now think in retrospect partly because I was the Teacher's Pet lol.


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## CiaphasCain (Jul 3, 2021)

*1)* When I was 5 I overcooked something in the microwave and for some reason I thought the defrost snowflake icon was for making things colder, it took me 10 minutes of burning myself to figure out that I was just making it hotter and hotter.

*2)* When I was 9, me, my brother and one of my friends decided to build a barricade of pillows at the stop of the stairs. The game involved two people having to defend while the other person tries to climb over the barricade. As you can imagine it didn't take long for my friend to fall backward down a whole flight of stairs.


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## A Series Of Tubes (Jul 9, 2021)

Another good one I remember very vividly....one day in eighth grade during lunch, me and a few hoodrat buddies of mine were sitting and having a very profanity and ebonics laced conversation....as luck would have it, the principal overheard us and got PISSED and gave us a stern talking to. It gets better, though. As they walked away, I made the mistake of mumbling something under my breath like "fucking mad gay principal, yo"......and they heard it. They yelled at me so loud the entire cafeteria went dead silent, I'm talking like, you could hear a mouse take a shit silent. Was the most embarrassing walk to the principal's office imaginable. I can't even recall how many weeks of ISS I got for that.


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## Pillar of Autism (Aug 2, 2021)

Me and a few of my friends would do "lightsaber jousting". We'd ride bikes towards each other at full speed, with those plastic lightsaber toys with the collapsible blades.

One day, we couldn't find the lightsabers. Then my tard ass suggested that we should use metal broomsticks instead. I damn near lost an eye


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## Citizen Lain (Aug 2, 2021)

I used to tell people I was allergic to water so they would give me juice. Believe it of not, it worked.


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## HOMO FOR LIFE (Aug 2, 2021)

I stole comic books. 

I beat people. 

I laughed at kids who crashed from bicycle and was crying. 

I ripped my mother's painting because I was embarassed by it at school. 

I used to buy fucking rubber sticker from supply stores in shapes of digimon and pokemon. 

I don't know. I was dumb.


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## Micotil 300 (Jan 17, 2022)

I recently remembered something that qualifies, and kind of freaks me out to think about how it could've been fatal dumbassery. As far as I can figure, I was probably 8 or 9 (ie., _old enough to know better_) and playing in the basement by myself. For some reason, I thought it would be a bright idea to try and climb in the big chest freezer we had. Even though I piled up clothes hampers and clothes and whatever, I guess I was too short to get into the freezer and got bored as children that age do.

The thought that _I'm _the kids the dumps warn you are going to suffocate in your refrigerator if you don't take the door off is really embarrassing.


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## Agent Abe Caprine (Jan 18, 2022)

I woke up thinking it was show and tell, so I brought a pet to school. Was allowed to spend the whole day at school with my buddy. Either I was really charismatic or they thought I got an emotional support animal.


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## serious n00b (Jan 18, 2022)

Agent Abe Caprine said:


> I woke up thinking it was show and tell, so I brought a pet to school. Was allowed to spend the whole day at school with my buddy. Either I was really charismatic or they thought I got an emotional support animal.


What kind of animal was it?


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## Imaloser (Jan 18, 2022)

When I was a kid I set the ipad’s wallpaper to softcore porn.


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## Akashic Retard (Jan 18, 2022)

I laid in my bed at night and picked my nose and wiped all the boogers on the wall by my bed. I did this for a while until my Dad found the boogers all over the wall and made me scrape them off.


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## serious n00b (Jan 18, 2022)

Imaloser said:


> When I was a kid I set the ipad’s wallpaper to softcore porn.





Imaloser said:


> When I was a kid I set the ipad


How old are you

Also, why did you edit the "and it was a very awkward conversation with my parents" bit out?


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## Imaloser (Jan 18, 2022)

serious n00b said:


> How old are you
> 
> Also, why did you edit the "and it was a very awkward conversation with my parents" bit out?


Well, I was a kid and the first ipad came out in 2010. That should give you an idea. 

Because I thought it was extra fluff.


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## serious n00b (Jan 18, 2022)

Imaloser said:


> the first ipad came out in 2010.


Damn


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## Agent Abe Caprine (Jan 18, 2022)

serious n00b said:


> What kind of animal was it?


A guinea pig.


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## Micotil 300 (Jan 18, 2022)

Some of the more "foot-in-mouth" responses made me remember one of my very own special moments of that flavor. For some reason, the elementary school I attended for 1st grade in Bubbafuck, Wisconsin had Japanese class as part of the curriculum. There was not a Japanese population; in fact, I had never even seen a Japanese person until we had a nice older lady from Japan come in to answer questions we might have. 

Apparently, I had a question. According to my parents, I asked this sweet lady, whilst miming slanty eyes: "Why are your eyes like that?" In my defense, _I was seven years old, _and not exactly a member of a racially diverse community. However, my teacher, who hated me special, called my parents and made a huge deal about how inappropriate that was and that I was a little racist, yadda yadda (this woman is probably why I developed a persecution complex). My parents thought the whole thing was hilarious, talked to me about appropriate questions for strangers, and that was it. They still bring it up sometimes to get a reaction out of me. 

I kind of wonder what the reaction to a kid asking that nowadays would be. This was like, 2004 or something.


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## Shitted Scaredless (Jan 18, 2022)

Micotil 300 said:


> Some of the more "foot-in-mouth" responses made me remember one of my very own special moments of that flavor. For some reason, the elementary school I attended for 1st grade in Bubbafuck, Wisconsin had Japanese class as part of the curriculum. There was not a Japanese population; in fact, I had never even seen a Japanese person until we had a nice older lady from Japan come in to answer questions we might have.
> 
> Apparently, I had a question. According to my parents, I asked this sweet lady, whilst miming slanty eyes: "Why are your eyes like that?" In my defense, _I was seven years old, _and not exactly a member of a racially diverse community. However, my teacher, who hated me special, called my parents and made a huge deal about how inappropriate that was and that I was a little racist, yadda yadda (this woman is probably why I developed a persecution complex). My parents thought the whole thing was hilarious, talked to me about appropriate questions for strangers, and that was it. They still bring it up sometimes to get a reaction out of me.
> 
> I kind of wonder what the reaction to a kid asking that nowadays would be. This was like, 2004 or something.


Kids are just curious about other people who look different.
Like how I apparently embarrassed the shit out of my parents at a restaurant because our waiter was black. Now I couldn't have been more than two. I was apparently very concerned about if he got sunburned. 

Dad had to desperately explain that we lived in the woods. Waiter didn't mind though.


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## Micotil 300 (Jan 18, 2022)

Shitted Scaredless said:


> Kids are just curious about other people who look different.
> Like how I apparently embarrassed the shit out of my parents at a restaurant because our waiter was black. Now I couldn't have been more than two. I was apparently very concerned about if he got sunburned.
> 
> Dad had to desperately explain that we lived in the woods. Waiter didn't mind though.


I think it would've been one of those things that's just a forgotten childhood lesson had the teacher not overreacted so badly. We were encouraged to ask questions about whatever we were curious about, even things that werent "age appropriate." That teacher was bad enough that my mom sent me to a school in another district later, and my mom is the, "If my kid is the problem, I'm not covering their ass for them" type that wouldn't pull me out of school for no reason. Luckily I don't remember most of that.


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## serious n00b (Jan 18, 2022)

Shitted Scaredless said:


> Dad had to desperately explain that we lived in the woods.


It's amazing how guilty white people will get over stupid shit.


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## Rome's rightful successor (Jan 18, 2022)

When I was around 10 or 11, quite of a few times of whenever I took a shit at a public restroom I would catch my poop before it landed in the toilet. Once my feces is in my hand I would place it on the ground tucked away in the corner behind the toilet seat.
I don't think I have ever seen anyone come in there after and complain that their is shit behind the toilet seat. But I knew from my sweet little sadistic mind of mine that I ruined the day of some fast food/mall worker or a member of that after school church I went to. Of course I never did this at home, because my father would have been the last person I would have wanted to dare to piss off.


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## Fools Idol (Jan 25, 2022)

I have a lot of these stories. I had the dangerous combination of being too curious for my own good, having a lot of space to fuck around without any supervision and being terminally retarded.

A good example would be my home made pipe bombs. I found out that you can mix the powder from crushed match heads with the powder from the powder from the side of the match box, put said mix with the right ratio in a pvc pipe with both ends glued together and hey presto a pipe bomb. I would later use a similar formula to make a match head muzzle loader which was probably an even worse idea.

Nothing beats my attempt at making nitric acid though.

Looking back on it, it's a miracle I didn't lose any of my fingers or poison myself. Funny thing about the situation was that my obsession with fire was greater than my explosives and that saved me a lot of trouble in the long run. Pulse it's a pain in the ass to get the material needed to do anything worth while when you can't just go out and buy them.


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## El Conserje (Jan 25, 2022)

I once thought Chinese food was made with Asian human flesh. I was horrified that people normalized oriental cannibism.


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## Gravemind (Jan 27, 2022)

Shitted Scaredless said:


> Kids are just curious about other people who look different.
> Like how I apparently embarrassed the shit out of my parents at a restaurant because our waiter was black. Now I couldn't have been more than two. I was apparently very concerned about if he got sunburned.
> 
> Dad had to desperately explain that we lived in the woods. Waiter didn't mind though.


I touched a woman's tit once when I was 5 or 6 years old while chilling with my parents at a hotel pool because the woman was wearing a two piece bikini with a stars-and-stripes design, one of the stars on the fabric just so happened to be perfectly situated right on her nipple, and my little kid curiosity compelled me to just reach on up and give it a touch.

I remember being super embarrassed and not wholly understanding why afterwards when my parents pulled me away, apologized, and (thankfully) the woman laughed it off, but, in retrospect, it was pretty cool.


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## MarqueeIsAFunnyWord (Jan 27, 2022)

I punched and shattered a window to scare away a dog that was sitting near it. I almost scared my parents to death because they thought someone broke in.


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## Therapy Dog (Jan 28, 2022)

When I was about 3 or 4, I legit believed that black people were white people who smoked too much. If I recall correctly, I got the idea from a cartoon which featured a black character who smoked and coughed incessantly.

It's been all downhill since then.


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## Micotil 300 (Mar 11, 2022)

My dad reminded me of this the other day, when we were talking about the different houses that I lived in as a kid. We moved a lot, but my parents found a rental house that came with the bomb-ass  combination of a trampoline, a tire swing, and The Fort, a two-story play set built by the owners of the house. So as one can imagine, it was a veritable wonderland of dumbassery. 

The tire swing that we had was held up by fraying ropes and a half-dead limb. Every few months a rope would snap and one of us would more often than not be dumped on our ass. Eventually the last rope broke, and there was no longer a tire. We made the best of this, however, typing a loop to stand in and just using it as a rope swing. The problem was, in order to get the maximum height and arc, you had to climb the spiked, dry-rotted picket fence, and swing down from there... over another corner of the fence, and hope that you didn't slam into the tree. My brother did that once, and there was blood. 

My parents tried to keep us from doing that, and I'm sure they were imagining gory scenes of impalement as I am right now. We just kept doing it though, because it was fun! Eventually we got a big storm that took out half of that tree, and the swing with it. I don't think my parents were horribly upset.


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## I am the Muffin Maker (Mar 11, 2022)

BB gun tag.


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## CaseyTatumm (Mar 11, 2022)

Akashic Retard said:


> I laid in my bed at night and picked my nose and wiped all the boogers on the wall by my bed. I did this for a while until my Dad found the boogers all over the wall and made me scrape them off.


My kid did this too


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## Mysterious Girlfriend X (Mar 12, 2022)

When I went to the bathroom as a kid, I would punch the shower curtain just in case there was a killer hiding behind it.


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## Lucky Jim (Mar 12, 2022)

Wanted to write a mean, vulgar letter to Obama, but I thought the CIA might come after me so I toned it down so much that it became very courteous and encouraging


----------



## Ass Sniffer (Mar 13, 2022)

Growing up, I climbed one of those rotating monkey-bar things at a playground despite being a bit old for it, the thing clearly was oddly made as it was slightly tilted so if you held onto it, it would rotate and use your body weight to move you as the pole it was on was bent.
(example of what I mean below)





Dumbass me asked a family member of mine to rotate me fast as I can, later on I began losing my grip and basically felt like I was holding onto a wind turbine propeller and fell face and chest first into woodchips.


Who ever saw the concept of woodchips and gravel as playground flooring, GTFO


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## Mountain Gorilla (Mar 13, 2022)

Friend told me there were worms in McD hamburgers and I didn't eat hamburgers for almost a decade


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## Realistic Elephant (Mar 13, 2022)

During the winter I'd suck on pieces of road salt.  To be fair it was probably pretty clean of chemicals but still...what the hell.


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## serious n00b (Mar 14, 2022)

Mountain Gorilla said:


> *Friend told me there were worms in McD hamburgers* and I didn't eat hamburgers for almost a decade


That's impossible. McDonald's doesn't use any organic ingredients.


----------



## The Gifted Kid (Mar 14, 2022)

I used to put magnets on my family's old CRT tv because it made "rainbows".


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## Muu (Mar 15, 2022)

So many dumb things...
I used to dress up like Max Payne wearing my dad's leather jacket and jump sideways onto the bed. I also layed on the sidewalk once for no reason and even a passing car stopped thinking I was dead untill I lifted my head (it was sunny so maybe looking at the sky).

Probably the most dumbest was things was going out on a frozen lake with a guy I knew. I remember photographers telling us to come back but I just thought they were mad we were ruining the shot not "hey, get back here or you'll drown and die". 

If only the dumb things stopped when you grow up


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## Frencel (Mar 15, 2022)

As a kid it was comforting to chew on my sleeves and suck the spit back out like an autist king


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## serious n00b (Mar 15, 2022)

Frencel said:


> As a kid it was comforting to chew on my sleeves and suck the spit back out like an autist king


I'd also bite myself as a kid for some reason. Never enough to cause bleeding or anything, but there would be a red mark that would fade away within an hour.


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## CaseyTatumm (Jul 31, 2022)

Mountain Gorilla said:


> Friend told me there were worms in McD hamburgers and I didn't eat hamburgers for almost a decade


My friend in high school whole heartedly believed this and still at them,


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## PipTheAlchemist (Aug 1, 2022)

Ass Sniffer said:


> Who ever saw the concept of woodchips and gravel as playground flooring, GTFO


Millenials like you are the reason why monkeybars on playgrounds are the same height as the child using them


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