# Presidential Penis Speculation



## Red Hood (Sep 19, 2018)

Since Trump's penis is apparently newsworthy, let's speculate on what each US president's member was like, from first to last.

I'll start: per the Washington Monument, I believe George Washington's penis was a perfectly angled alabaster obelisk.


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## Yellow Yam Scam (Sep 19, 2018)

Basically every president up until the industrial revolution had a huge penis because a certain tribe of people were not yet able to add their hormone destroying chemicals into the food supply yet.


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## adorable bitch (Sep 19, 2018)

every good president had a big penis and every bad president had a small penis.


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## BILLY MAYS (Sep 19, 2018)

Obama's penis is a near seven incher damn cock, is larger than previously photographed, and no longer bent.


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## OhGoy (Sep 19, 2018)

teddy roosevelt had the biggest dick of all the presidents

he constantly repeated the phrase "_speak softly and carry a big *dick*_"


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## ICametoLurk (Sep 19, 2018)

hood LOLCOW said:


> Obama's penis is a near seven incher damn cock, is larger than previously photographed, and no longer bent.


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## Positron (Sep 19, 2018)

adorable bitch said:


> every good president had a big penis and every bad president had a small penis.


Those who have no penis cannot be president.


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## Trasha Pay That A$$ (Sep 19, 2018)

The only thing not crooked about Nixon was his dick.



Positron said:


> Those who have no penis cannot be president.



Pick your tranny president 2020?


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## Duncan Hills Coffee (Sep 19, 2018)

LBJ famously had a massive dick, to the point he nicknamed it Jumbo and would walk around his office with it hanging out, bragging, "You ever seen one this big?"

Then there's this taped conversation with the tailor requesting his pants be bigger so he has more room for his cock.






EDIT: It was Jumbo, not Jimbo


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## break these cuffs (Sep 19, 2018)

Old Hickory was the biggest dicked president ever. Physically yuge enough to determine his nickname and his metaphorical balls possibly larger still. He didn't take no shit from injuns or kikes and he survived the attempt on his life by the tribe.


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## ES 148 (Sep 19, 2018)

All politicians have tiny dicks in comparison to Hulk Hogan


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## Lipitor (Sep 19, 2018)

dems have liberally sized penises, and republicans have conservatively sized dongers.


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## Battlecruiser3000ad (Sep 19, 2018)

Wilson had five dicks, lined next to each other. He called it his wood row.


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## OB 946 (Sep 19, 2018)

Abraham Lincoln had the hairiest dick of any president. Supremely sizable beard.


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## RomanesEuntDomus (Sep 19, 2018)

How can this even be up to debate when we have the most scientifically accurate analyzing software at our disposal already?


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## Tragi-Chan (Sep 19, 2018)

Truman’s was not only big, but he knew how to use it, for he was a true man.


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## CWCchange (Sep 19, 2018)

JFK was the only president proven to be circumcised, from his own account because phimosis in the 1930s. LOL, and he was the only Catholic.


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## You Can't Sit With Us (Sep 19, 2018)

I changed my profile pic on Grindr to a picture of Trump, and this happened:



Spoiler











Also, i literally got banned from Grindr for impersonation, because i had  a Trump profile pic for a couple of hours.


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## Star Wormwood (Sep 19, 2018)

Jackson had no penis, just a second face on his crotch that screamed about how much it hated banks.


Tragi-Chan said:


> Truman’s was not only big, but he knew how to use it, for he was a true man.


It was a Fair Deal larger than most other cocks.


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## Rand /pol/ (Sep 20, 2018)

You Can't Sit With Us said:


> I changed my profile pic on Grindr to a picture of Trump, and this happened:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Why're you on Grindr


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## Null (Sep 20, 2018)

Ron /pol/ said:


> Why're you on Grindr


he fag


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## LazloChalos (Sep 20, 2018)

Jimmy Carter's was shaped like an elephant, legs and all, with a length of 5.3 inches and a girth of 1.6 inches.

His ejaculations were powdered and made a sad trombone sound.


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## AshitPie (Sep 20, 2018)

Bet Donald has a larger pee pee than DSP.


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## thismanlies (Sep 20, 2018)

I believe that Stormy Daniels' description of Donald Trump's penis is quite accurate. Through much scientific research, I believe she was describing the bulbus glandis, aka the knot. These biological structures were designed specifically to fuck bitches.


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## Golly (Sep 20, 2018)

Taft had a micro peen.


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## Htom Sirveaux (Sep 20, 2018)

Let's just say they didn't call Lincoln "The Old Rail Splitter" because of his skill with a hatchet.


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## Jub-Jub (Sep 20, 2018)

RomanesEuntDomus said:


> How can this even be up to debate when we have the most scientifically accurate analyzing software at our disposal already?
> View attachment 544452


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## Piga Dgrifm (Sep 20, 2018)

Dubya always ejaculates twice during sex, he refers to intercourse as an inside job. 

Barack Obama’s penis size unfortunately comes from the white side of his family and not the black.


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## The Lizard Queen (Sep 20, 2018)

It's on record that Lincoln's was four score and seven inches long.

We also know that the founding fathers were pretty good with theirs. They brought forth an entire nation, conceived in liberty. And they were all created equally long.


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## Alex Krycek (Sep 20, 2018)

Old Tippacone fucked a ton of Native chicks, had a bunch of kids with his wife and gave no shits at all. Bet he's a number one contender. Not to mention a canoe is made from wood... hard wood.


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## Kari Kamiya (Sep 20, 2018)

Golly said:


> Taft had a micro peen.



William Howard Taft's must've been a chode. 

James Buchanan's penis never got anywhere near a woman, so your guesses are as good as mine.


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## Piga Dgrifm (Sep 20, 2018)

Washington cut down that cherry tree with his magnum dong.


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## Red Hood (Sep 20, 2018)

Millard FILLMORE. It's in the name.


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## ObeseScreamingBlackMan (Sep 20, 2018)

Golly said:


> Taft had a micro peen.



Despite what Chance Carmichael would have you believe, William Howard Taft was the actual inventor of 'fat pad fuckin'.   He invented it while he was waiting to be freed from the bathtub he was stuck in.


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## The Great Chandler (Sep 20, 2018)

Buchanan had the smallest of them all and was probably gay so he'd be on the receiving position.


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## Prince Lotor (Sep 20, 2018)

Well according to this https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/std-us-eu/ Washington D.C. currently tops the charts for Syphilis, Chlamydia, and Gonorrhea. . .so if that was the case going back through history as well I'm going to guess: Gross looking, especially the ones from before antibiotics


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## 💗Freddie Freaker💗 (Sep 20, 2018)

It is a well known fact that George Washington had 4 nads and 30 dicks.


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## Furina (Sep 20, 2018)

I can imagine Roosevelt having a pretty thick dick. He seems like the kind of guy who probably never thought twice about it before because it was just a fact of life. This is the most I've ever had to think about dicks but I think it's ok because Roosevelt was a badass.


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## MG 620 (Sep 20, 2018)

You Can't Sit With Us said:


> I changed my profile pic on Grindr to a picture of Trump, and this happened:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Rude! They could have asked you to tweet something on Twitter as proof.


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## BoingBoingBoi (Sep 20, 2018)

jfk's was good enough for marilyn monroe so he has to be in the runninng for top presidential dicks.


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## Asperchewy (Sep 20, 2018)

Warren G. Harding...... mount up.


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## The Dude (Sep 20, 2018)

Clinton's is gnarled with horrible genital warts. Her husband Bill's is rather average and leans to the left.


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## DICKPICSRUS (Sep 20, 2018)

Why was this featured this sounds super gay

Its Abraham Lincoln


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## CWCissey (Sep 20, 2018)

Lincoln's was for scoring, but it was last 7 years ago 

FDR's left testicle was the only one that worked.

William Henry Harrison could last for 30 days.

Andrew Jackson just had huge balls.

Obama was labelled biggest Presidential disappointment.

Clinton is always secreting pre-cum, hence his slick Willy.

Both Bushes were the hairiest.


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## Furina (Sep 20, 2018)

DICKPICSRUS said:


> Why was this featured this sounds super gay
> 
> Its Abraham Lincoln





Spoiler: I can believe it


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## not william stenchever (Sep 20, 2018)

I am going to guess without evidence that Lincoln had a chode (i.e. length < girth)


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## SugarSnot (Sep 20, 2018)

Video footage found of Trump's blumpf sighting Stormy Daniels under an ocean of make-up.


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## Apteryx Owenii (Sep 20, 2018)

FDR had the most massive dong he could do nothing with thanks to his infirmity. Every day he would curse God for the joke and wait until he could finally get his blue balls off by nuking two cities. Then he died just before the bomb was ready. Rekt.



BoingBoingBoi said:


> jfk's was good enough for marilyn monroe so he has to be in the runninng for top presidential dicks.



she was always drugged out of her mind and probably couldn't even tell if it was in or who it was


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## Garfieldchu (Sep 20, 2018)

Election 2020: Toad vs. Spanish Stink Ditch


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## Raiken (Sep 20, 2018)

Could we tag every single mistress they had here and ask them?


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## Red Hood (Sep 20, 2018)

Garfieldchu said:


> Election 2020: Toad vs. Spanish Stink Ditch


:autism: theory: 
Trump's dick is shaped like Toad. The Toad is a relative of the Frog. Therefore


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## Ginger Piglet (Sep 20, 2018)

Lincoln's was the biggest. They call it the Lincoln Log for a reason. Second place is Lyndon Johnson; the clue is in the name.

Teddy Roosevelt had a fairly average member but you should have seen the size of his balls.

Jimmy Carter wasn't awfully well endowed. It was a bit like a peanut really.

JFK had a smaller dong than you would expect but he knew what to do with it and was grabbing them by the pussy long before that was a thing.

Nixon was extremely under endowed. There's a reason he coined the term "ratfucking."

Finally, Barack Obama's penis. Was fairly big, but didn't work. Hence his tendency to flip flop on all the important issues.


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## OrsonZedd (Sep 20, 2018)

When Teddy Roosevelt masturbated, he spoke softly and carried a big stick,


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## CWCissey (Sep 20, 2018)

Did McKinley keep shooting his load despite something that would prevent that being in the room at the time?


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## Cake Farts (Sep 20, 2018)

Everybody’s talking about the basic thots and ignoring the fact Hoover fucked an entire nation once


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## ForTheHoard (Sep 20, 2018)

Howard Taft's dick looked like a Skoal can.


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## Terran Wraith (Sep 20, 2018)

George Washington is the original, all other presidents are just imitations.
He is on the 1 dollar bill for a reason. Numero uno.


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## Inklings (Sep 20, 2018)

Vrakks said:


> All politicians have tiny dicks in comparison to Hulk Hogan


_Terry Bollea's_ on the other hand...


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## Jaimas (Sep 20, 2018)

I have nothing to contribute about presidential penises, but I am going to suggest that Luke Plunkett clearly craves Trump's DRUMPF, if you know what I mean and I think you do.


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## Dynamite Ninja (Sep 20, 2018)

RomanesEuntDomus said:


> How can this even be up to debate when we have the most scientifically accurate analyzing software at our disposal already?
> 
> View attachment 544452



I used that same analyzer to compare the dicks of the last 4 presidents. 






No wonder Monica Lewinsky gave Bubba a Blowie lol


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## You Can't Sit With Us (Sep 20, 2018)

Ron /pol/ said:


> Why're you on Grindr


Cus im a horny fag, you doofus.


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## CWCchange (Sep 20, 2018)

Blue Jerkop said:


> FDR had the most massive dong he could do nothing with thanks to his infirmity. Every day he would curse God for the joke and wait until he could finally get his blue balls off by nuking two cities. Then he died just before the bomb was ready. Rekt.


FDR's dick was substandard pubic works.



DynamiteNinja said:


> No wonder Monica Lewinsky gave Bubba a Blowie lol


Nah, Clinton had a needledick if it could be substituted with a cigar tube up Monica's cunt. Now if it was Chelsea Clinton's pogs container (after all, it was the 90s)...


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## Ginger Piglet (Sep 20, 2018)

CWCchange said:


> ah, Clinton had a needledick if it could be substituted with a cigar tube up Monica's cunt.



I thought it was the actual cigar itself?



CWCchange said:


> FDR's dick was substandard pubic works.



Calvin Coolidge was a two stroke eddie. This is not speculation.


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