# Dumbest thing you've ever done?



## Jan_D3 (Jan 18, 2017)

I, for one, told lies about myself being a convicted paedophile and now I'm  getting myself ostracized from being metro as  a means of stress relief for missing out on attending the program when  my personality has always  related to being metro

Here's what I did to myself

1 - Someone tells lies about me since 2010 that caused people to believe in them, stalk me by taking photos, and even spreading these photos and lies to others for the many years ahead. Fast-forward to 2012, a metrosexual organization chose to believe in them and subsequently spread them to a network of metrosexuals.  I held in all the mental anguish imposed on me by random people. 

2 - I missed out on attending a metrosexual program ran by this organization due to an unforeseen event with my employment while parents took my teen siblings and eldest sibling.  I felt left out and frustrated from something that matched my personality and preferences that   I now tell lies about myself being a convicted paedophile that will then be relayed back to this organization by other metros who heard me say these lies about me where the lies are then mixed with the other lies about me from 2010!   I also slander myself because my eldest sibling, out of immaturity, thinks he was "metro" before me and that he had ever right to have me ostracized when he was the macho man, not me.


I'm now going on Omegle to have myself ostracized by telling lies to others I stole a metrosexual's dance moves while pretending to being another person at the time. 

Look at what I did to myself.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...51907607514.2158085.1578605732&type=3&theater


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## Jan_D3 (Jan 18, 2017)

^^^ I said lies I stole a metrosexual's dance moves while pretending to being another person^^^ I think it's called from an other person's perspective???


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## RG 448 (Jan 18, 2017)

I read this.


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## TiggerNits (Jan 18, 2017)

I was a goon, years ago


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## doubledigitgendergap (Jan 18, 2017)

Signed up to kiwifarms


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## Jan_D3 (Jan 18, 2017)

doubledigitgendergap said:


> Signed up to kiwifarms



Don't let my post sour you from kiwifarms. My posts don't even reflect this site at all.


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## Electric Eye (Jan 18, 2017)

The fuck did I just read?


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## TiggerNits (Jan 18, 2017)

Electric Eye said:


> The fuck did I just read?



Exhibit G in an upcoming trial, I think


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## ICametoLurk (Jan 18, 2017)

Posted in this thread.


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## Ronald Gaygun (Jan 18, 2017)

I thought people telling me putting metal stuff in a microwave were just trying to mess with me, so I put a pack of those bear paw cookies with the aluminium foil wrapping in the microwave at school one day. Not sure how to describe the results but they were thoroughly inedible after about a second.


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## Darndirty (Jan 18, 2017)

I thought to myself "who is this Christian weston chandler fellow I keep hearing about, lemme Google him."


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## The Fool (Jan 18, 2017)

woke up today


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## Todesfurcht (Jan 18, 2017)

Used Second Life for a year.


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## Sailor_Jupiter (Jan 18, 2017)

Bought internet access.  Goodbye, fondness for the human race!


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## Meat_Puppet (Jan 19, 2017)

Tried to run away from home on a school night. Town was under a strict curfew law and was caught only 3 blocks away because I had to stop for a smoke.


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## POWER IN MISERY (Jan 19, 2017)

back when i was like 18 i tried to drift in my fucking daewoo, which translated to yanking the parking brake while on a winding road, in the middle of rain.
naturally my car fishtailed back and forth, eventually finding itself in a ditch.


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## Jan_D3 (Jan 19, 2017)

timecop said:


> back when i was like 18 i tried to drift in my fucking daewoo, which translated to yanking the parking brake while on a winding road, in the middle of rain.
> naturally my car fishtailed back and forth, eventually finding itself in a ditch.



I recently mistook the accelerator for the brakes in a 2007 Daewoo Lacetti and smashed a gate with it. In the end, the car suffered a dented front fender and a bent windshield pillar.


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## Apocalypso (Jan 19, 2017)

Shit myself and do nothing.



Spoiler



when I was barely a year old


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## trip2themoon (Feb 17, 2017)

When I was in first year of high school (12 years old) me and a few friends were walking home from school. The route we took home runs parallel with a busy road. There was a large truck approaching on our side and my mate hands me a stone and says "bet you wont hit that truck" so I threw the stone at the truck. My intention was to hit the side of the trailer but I somehow managed to put it through the window of the passenger door. The truck slammed on its brakes and this caused the 2 cars behind to hit each other. The three of us started to run but my mate who gave me the stone stopped, but I didn't look back.

About an hour later I got the fright of my life when a truck drove into my street but the driver got out and went into a neighbour's house. Turned out that was my neighbour's boyfriend. At about 6pm my door went and it was my mate who gave me the stone, first words out of his mouth were "you're a crazy bastard". Turns out the stone had also went through the windscreen. He told me the driver had managed to catch him, but my hat's off to him, he never grassed me up. When asked "who was that?" he said "I don't know, he's not in my school".

Later that evening we returned to the scene of the crime and you could see the skid marks from the truck and the cars that had crashed. For about 6 months after that I took the alternative route home along the cycle path.


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## Varg Did Nothing Wrong (Feb 17, 2017)

timecop said:


> back when i was like 18 i tried to drift in my fucking daewoo, which translated to yanking the parking brake while on a winding road, in the middle of rain.
> naturally my car fishtailed back and forth, eventually finding itself in a ditch.



Dat Korean dorifto action


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## Bassomatic (Feb 17, 2017)

Not hang myself with my umbilical cord.


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## Jason Genova (Feb 17, 2017)

one time I did no-fap for like a few days then cummed a HUGE load into a napkin

looked at it for a few seconds and downed that shit like a champ srs
tasted salty and acidic made my throat feel bad like drinking thick warm ocean water bro


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## Kari Kamiya (Feb 17, 2017)

Many years ago, I talked my little brothers into us playing with large poles and bars that were rested against the shed. Not long afterwards, one of the metal bars was chucked at me and I had to get stitches that night.


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## Club Sandwich (Feb 18, 2017)

poured the nearest liquid (vodka) on a man who set his genitals on fire as a drunken dare.

it did not end well.


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## MG 620 (Feb 18, 2017)

Bassomatic said:


> Not hang myself with my umbilical cord.



Same.

You only have one chance at it, and I fucked up big time.

Now I have 1200 posts on Kiwi Farms.


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## Morose_Obesity (Feb 18, 2017)

Moved to Chicago. Seriously, fuck this place.


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## Kari Kamiya (Feb 18, 2017)

Triggered Fivehead said:


> Bassomatic said:
> 
> 
> > Not hang myself with my umbilical cord.
> ...



I hung myself with my umbilical cord (four times around neck). Doctors still revived me.

And then in 1999, my sperg adventures started with Pokémon. Sometimes I wonder what I'd be like had I not been caught up in the Pokémon craze, or quit when I had the chance. Could've made better choices, I suppose.


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## Lurkman (Feb 18, 2017)

I drank this drink that was mixed with every soda under the sun. It was disgusting and fattening.


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## ConcernedAnon (Jan 11, 2018)

I tried to run through a cinderblock wall when I was in preschool.
Somebody told me that atoms had a lot of empty space between them, so I figured I'd be able to power through if I got a running start.
And that was my first concussion. Explains a lot really.


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## scared sheep (Jan 11, 2018)

I posted online way too much as a child and teen, but I had serious abandonment issues and literally spent all my time alone in my room by age 15, no school or anything, so it was kind of understandable. My only friends were internet friends and I never told anyone about what was going on at home. It's taken me a long time to recover from that.


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Jan 11, 2018)

I went out shoplifting with some teenagers I was friends with and I took the bag when they offered it to me. Then I made a confession to my crime when it turned out the tape that they played for me didn't even work.


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## Dolphin Lundgren (Jan 11, 2018)

Joke's on them though. I took a deal and ratted on the girls that were with me.


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## jewelry investor (Jan 12, 2018)

being a communist.


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## TheClorax (Jan 12, 2018)

Make this post.


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## Pixichick (Jan 14, 2018)

Reading All This.....


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## blah (Jan 14, 2018)

Put my wrist on a train track just to see how it felt, subsequently lost hand and got a shitty prosthetic instead.
Didn't even feel anything.. shock and all that.


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## ZenKlassen (Jan 14, 2018)

Drink soda while laughing really hard at a family dinner back in 2010; you can already tell how that went.


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## Nekromantik (Jan 14, 2018)

I ate a tequila worm... maybe a couple worms. 
 It was 4.


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## Red Hood (Jan 16, 2018)

Student loans.


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## Yeeb-Renzo (Jan 16, 2018)

Drink bleach, and surviving.


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## omori (Jan 16, 2018)

First week of high school I climbed up a set of folded up bleachers in the gym during PE then jumped off. I messed up my legs for two weeks, didn't break any bones but the shock of landing messed up the muscles something fierce.


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## Cato (Jan 16, 2018)

When I was a kid I mistook my dad's cologne for breath spray.

I thought it would taste like mint. Instead it tasted like burning.


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## JustStopDude (Jan 16, 2018)

I once put a 40 ton test container onto port manager's car. 

In my defense, his car was parked in unauthorized location.


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## Yellow Shirt Guy (Jan 16, 2018)

When I was about 13 10 years ago, I gave a girl a scary face when she got off the bus she ran so fast she fell face in the ground, then she gets up and runs to her house, and I had no idea where she lived, 10 minutes later me and my friend were walking down the next block, which she lived on apparently, she stood on her porch with her father holding a baseball hat and yelled "there he is" and the dad yells come here motherfucker and starts chasing me 2 blocks before he got tired and then saw him 15 minutes later standing in a parking lot in his van, I saw him then ran like crazy home, he didnt see me


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## Registered Human (Jan 16, 2018)

Probably not the dumbest thing but when I was 6 my friend and I tried to see how close you could get to a jumping cactus before it sticks. We tested it with our hands and it went about as well as you would expect.

We also used to jump off of his second floor onto a couch below. The floor around was concrete.

I was a pretty retarded kid.


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## Fougaro (Jan 16, 2018)

As a teenager I once wrote a fan fiction. I am not proud of it.


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## 0 2 (Jan 17, 2018)

When I was younger we got our first microwave and I spend the whole day microwaving things like a high-tech pyromaniac. I watched a CD turn into sparks, observed as bread turned into charcoal, and saw how paper...uh...stayed paper. With solid objects out of the way, I decided to microwave some water until it turned into steam. Not satisfied, I moved on to microwaving soda until it bubbled intensely. Playing scientist and curious about my "creation," I decided to taste it. I suppose my logic at the time, being as young as I was, was that since water cools you off then water can't ever be hot...or something like that.

The reason why doesn't really matter, because I immediately burned my tongue, dropping the boiling soda all over the floor as I recoiled. For about four days I had unbearable pain unless I kept an ice cube in my mouth, and I had trouble speaking for about two weeks. Even now, dentists note that I have unusual scarring on my tongue that I feign ignorance for. Actually, on reflection, I guess a burnt tongue could explain my high tolerance for spicy and sour foods.

Anyway, that's tied for an equally stupid idea around the same time where I dropped and watched water sizzle on a piping hot incandescent bulb. At a certain point the bulb literally exploded with a violent shatter which even today I'm surprised didn't manage to harm me.


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## UnKillShredDur (Jan 19, 2018)

Joined Kiwi farms.


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## Pina Colada (Feb 5, 2018)

When I was about 9 years old, I was self-conscious about my Brooke Shields brows yet was too young to get them waxed, so I tried to "trim" them with my mom's disposable razor and ended up shearing off half my eyebrows. I was lucky I didn't cut myself to ribbons.

The kicker? I did it the day before our school's Picture Day.


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## WC 027 (Feb 5, 2018)

I let those monkey fuckers turn me into a frog.


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## TheClorax (Feb 5, 2018)

Posting in the Dobson Thread.


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## Bagronkleton (Feb 5, 2018)

Ran around a thrift store with a hockey mask and plastic machete as a kid. Turns out jumping out of a clothing rack and giving an old lady a heart attack will get you banned from it.


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## Billy_Sama (Feb 5, 2018)

Wasting money on the college industrial complex. I didn't get too shafted like most but I most if it was pointless.


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## Uncle Warren (Feb 5, 2018)

Put money into bitcoin.

Least that is what I would say if I actually invested instead of having some left over.


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## Y2K Baby (Feb 5, 2018)

Turn gay.
Cry.


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## Yop Yop (Feb 5, 2018)

This is what coming off of meth looks like.


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## Mal0 (Feb 11, 2021)

When I was like four or five, I was playing pretend outside while my dad worked. At the time he took one of the fleet vehicles from the company he owns home since he needed the Piperack to haul some tubing to redo our sprinkler system. Well, my dumbass found one of  the elastic straps he had laying around and thought "Hmm... I wanna go bungee jumping today".  So I hooked one end to the back belt loop of my pants and climbed onto the truck, hooking the other end to the top of the Piperack. After giving it a tug to make sure I'll bounce, I jumped off.

It took my dad about five minutes to save me, mainly because it took four and a half minutes to stop laughing at his son who had just given himself an atomic wedgie. On the bright side, I learned truly how well made wrangler jeans were, the belt loop didn't tear, nor did the pants show any signs of damage. My balls and pride however...

Below is the strap in question:


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## Flavius Claudius Julianus (Feb 16, 2021)

1) drove my Nissan Note at 135mph on the motorway. At 4am, drunk. And I jerked off while I was doing it. 

The adrenaline was intense, and I had to sit in the car for 10 minutes to cool down when I got home. Had I been caught, that would have been game over - in many ways.


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## Cool Dog (Feb 16, 2021)

Did a lot of stupid shit................most recent one had to be not buying GME at $10 and selling at $400


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## Dwight Frye (Feb 16, 2021)

I have two, the lighthearted “haha I was such a dumbass” and the “god I was dumb and an asshole” events.

Lighthearted - when I was a complete newbie at smoking pot, I smoked an entire gram joint of Blue Dream on my own, greened out and had an awful night completely convinced my entire life up to this point was a fabrication I had conjured as a coping mechanism and the real me was in a mental institution hallucinating what I thought my life was. Friends thought it was hilarious seeing me freak out, eventually I did too but that was terrifying and I was a dumbass thinking I could chief down that much weed as a newcomer

serious - I was a little thief when I was a teenager. Stole from pretty much everyone except family and close friends. As expected, ended up getting caught stealing eventually and betrayed the trust and severely disappointing quite a few people. Took me ages to earn back a solid reputation. Thief me was a low point in my life and one of the dumbest moments


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## Molester Stallone (Feb 16, 2021)

When I was a teenager I was out camping with some buddies. Someone decided to toss a softball sized rock into the fire. About 3 hours, and 12 beers later I got the bright idea to pull the rock out and throw in into the nearby creek. I figured it would do nothing but create a bunch of steam and bubbles. Nope, the damn thing exploded instantly pelting myself, and another one of my buddies with hot shrapnel. Several pieces also managed to find their way onto, or clean through a few tents leaving holes in them.  That old saying that being stupid should hurt definitely applies  under the right circumstances.


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## BrunoMattei (Feb 16, 2021)

Leaving a decent paying job because I couldn't stand the customers. If I had a time machine... I would have told myself to stick with it, maybe game the system or take a brief unpaid vacation to chill out. My life would be very different right now.


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## Strange Wilderness (Feb 16, 2021)

The dumbest thing I have ever done in my life was driving drunk. I'm not talking a little buzzed I'm talking full on wasted. Me and some friends were at a bar and the time came to pick a designated driver. The most sober of us was this nervous guy who was unsure about his driving skills so I volunteered. I had had at least two fish bowls and a few beers and I drove with three other people in the car with me. By some miracle I managed to drive everyone home safe and sound. It was the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life just because I put three other peoples lives at risk because i didn't have the balls to tell someone else he was more capable to drive then me. I am ashamed of that night and how much of a wuss and an idiot I was to not tell the sober guy he had to drive us.


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## Spicboyskafan (Jun 20, 2021)

How I decided to spend my childhood playing vidya and staring at the idiot box for hours instead of building relationships with kids or honing any skills or talents before I turned 18


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## Monkey Shoulder (Jun 20, 2021)

Started doing drugs as an early teen and totally disregarded everything about school and such. 
Now I can hardly remember the first half of my life. Been doing alright the last couple of years, but it's been harder than it had to


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## jell0 (Jun 25, 2021)

I got at least two that haunt my just before sleep thoughts.

First one, I tried running across the tops of desks in high school and ended up falling after one tipped over. Landed on the desk edge and broke a rib.

Then this one time at Band class in middle school I cleared my spit valve from my trumpet and got it on the crotch of my pants. Was known as the kid that pissed himself in band class. Also the smell of old spit didn't help things :I


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## Shitted Scaredless (Jun 25, 2021)

I am not a very smart person. 

When I was a kid (4 - 6), I used to play with the friendly old man who lived in our neighborhood. He turned out to be a pedophile. Anyway, I don't think he ever did anything to me, but I could be repressing shit and thats why I'm fucked up. But I sure as hell don't want to dig that up 

I gave myself a concussion by slipping in the snow at school 

I ran face first into a pole and that's how I got my first black eye. 

I went on omegal as a dumb younger teen and oh boy do I have regrets 



There's more dumb shit in my life but hey


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## Neurotypical Mantis (Jun 25, 2021)

make a kiwifarms account


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## The Penultimate Warrior (Jun 25, 2021)

I once bought an Insane Clown Posse album.


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## jell0 (Jun 25, 2021)

The Penultimate Warrior said:


> I once bought an Insane Clown Posse album.


I bought a papa roach album once, so don't beat yourself over it.

Also for some reason when I was a sprout, I'd always manage to get a belt loop stuck on a door handle. 

Once got face fisted by a kick ball so hard I lost my front teeth (baby teeth,  thank Christ)

Also I was an "ADHD"  kid so I was hopped on so much Adderall that I couldn't eat breakfast. So I'd eat paper towel and drink water to make it through the morning till lunch time on bathroom breaks.


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## TheRetardKing (Jun 25, 2021)

When I was a smol tard, I watched The Simpsons Movie multiple times on ITunes. Well... one day, I thought it would be a smart idea to imitate the scene in which Bart rides his skateboard across Springfield naked. What I ended up doing instead was run around my yard with my butt and wee-wee hanging out like a dumbass while stimming the naked Bart theme.

*...Autism is one hell off a drug,*


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## Serbian Peacekeepers (Jun 25, 2021)

Your Mom , she has the iq of a goldfish.


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## Pickle Dick (Jun 25, 2021)

As baby Pickle Dick, I put shampoo on my pickle for reasons I do not remember (I think I was taking a bath, so maybe I was trying to clean it?)

I remember it burning so hard I put myself a band-aid over it. The scar is still there to this day.


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## eDove (Jul 15, 2021)

I fell for a blatant PS5 Craigslist scam. Possibly the dumbest thing I ever did. But on a lighter note, I finally snagged one for my husband today, so it's all good.


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## The Real Fizzicist (Jul 16, 2021)

When I was around 7 or 8, some kid in my neighborhood tried to take my baseball bat from one of my friends because he wanted to hit next. I thought that the ONLY way to stop him was to throw a ball at him. It hit him in the back of the head and the kid ran off and told his mom about it. He never came back to play with my friends whenever I was with them.
I still have no idea what I was thinking.


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## Ughubughughughughughghlug (Aug 1, 2022)

The Kennedy Space Center has this little area where its supposed to be like the International Space Station, little chambers. I thought it was a bit crazy how little room it had, but that's how it is on submarines, you know?

In a moment of pure retardation I crawled into the thing thinking it was going to have little rooms inside, like the ISS. At some point inside I see it just loops back out, and turn back around and come out by a Black woman and her kids. I then realized that it was a children's thing, and said to the Black lady, who didn't seem the least bit fazed, that I thought it would have something inside. Like, an actual display.

Only after I left the place did I realize how retarded I was that I took a children's crawling tunnel for an adult display. I mean, in my defense, I didn't think it had clear signage up specifying that, but what the fuck was I thinking, that they'd have a display for adults that would involve crawling around? There were no kids in it at the time, thank god.

It made perfect sense in my head at the time but now I remember it and want to die.


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