Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[wenttobermuda]

Who just posted Lucas on /b/

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They got his stats pretty close. No mention of his age or health, though, and a missed opportunity for "in the cards" jokes.

 

[Da Dude123]

The moo cow keeps begging people to send him grubhub, despite lunch being served at the nursing home. Claims that these livestreams count as work. He also mentioned that he will hunt elk once he gets his dad's property. Lunacy! Pure lunacy

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

The moo cow keeps begging people to send him grubhub, despite lunch being served at the nursing home. Claims that these livestreams count as work. He also mentioned that he will hunt elk once he gets his dad's property. Lunacy! Pure lunacy

At this point the idea of people constantly sending him food just to see how fast they could fatten him up sounds pretty damn funny.

Although personally I don’t think anyone should spend a dime on him in any way.

 

[Svetlana Helsinki]

At this point the idea of people constantly sending him food just to see how fast they could fatten him up sounds pretty damn funny.

Although personally I don’t think anyone should spend a dime on him in any way.

Like fattening a pig for the slaughter, or force feeding a goose or duck for foie gras. Except, in this case, he’s most definitely gleefully enlarging his fatty liver to 10x it’s size all on his own. Y’know, like body builders do. Unfortunate that the duck has more sense to know when it’s full than Lucas does, and has to be force fed. Think about that the next time you call Lucas “bird brained.”

Also, I’ve heard that YT is cracking down and demonetizing mukbang videos too, as I’m sure that was something he tried pitching to the outcast owls already. Obviously it’s not for his health, and he already mentioned that he would eat anything that viewers sent.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

It's so strange to me to see where Lucas's appetites end, and his preening begins. He'll proudly show off his cookie dough log, talk about how delicious it is, but then start to feel guilty, and physically move it away from himself to a desk behind his bed. He ends up going back to it though, justifying it with rationalizations about it being a binge day.

He'll pull his ratty rubber band out of his ponytail, and spend a few minutes vigorously and frantically combing his fingers through his mullet, arranging it on either side of his giant head in a manner that he deems most pleasing.

He'll be careful to mention how much weight he's lost, as a justification for the disgusting amount of food he eats, and in the same breath talk about how he's going to have a large bowel movement... And then proposition a "girl" listening to the stream to come visit him at Mallon house.

It's a rare mixture of vileness and narcissism. Usually I would imagine you would have one or the other, someone who completely lets themselves go and doesn't care what anyone else thinks, or someone who's very careful to present themselves in a particular way, and would at least eat off camera, at least when indulging in an entire log of cookie dough.

I'm fascinated by this split between his narcissism and his appetites, and how he maintains it; he lifts the weight of this contradiction with incredible ease.

 

[Twrx]

In Washington, a person with a dv conviction can only hunt with a bow, not even a muzzleloader, which is different than other states, Lucas gets out of breath eating cookie dough, even putting his fat fingers around a bow would break him, let alone dragging out a kill. He would also have to pay for, attend and graduate a hunting education course, and he is in capable of even squeezing a few bucks together for a id. And those aren't his dad's elk, those are state owned.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Yeah well Lucas has talked about becoming a bodybuilder, so he pretty much is a bodybuilder in his mind.

That's how his mind works. He doesn't have to put work into ANYTHING. He can just decide what he his.

Dr. Niggae Luke comes to mind.

"I'm a doctor!" he claims as he flunks out his first semester of an AA.
"I'm a body-builder!" he claims as he shoves a whole roll of cookie dough down his fat gullet.
"I'm a an ideal father candidate!" he claims as he is unable to earn his own income and can't stop talking about daddy-daughter molestation.

 

[Svetlana Helsinki]

Where is he even storing the food he buys? If he’s living with a bunch of dementia patients, and there’s regular meals and snacks, they wouldn’t have a communal refrigerator. You can’t keep raw cookie dough unrefrigerated. And he was talking about someone sending him Clinkerdaggers and he would keep it for a while in his closet and do a video. There’s not a mini fridge in his closet or room. Anywhere. I wonder what kind of mental diseases and deficiencies you can get from eating expired/foods that have been left out.

 

[Alex Hogendorp]

At this point the idea of people constantly sending him food just to see how fast they could fatten him up sounds pretty damn funny.

Although personally I don’t think anyone should spend a dime on him in any way.

He must be at a point now where he won't be able to find his small penis through all that body fat.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

In Washington, a person with a dv conviction can only hunt with a bow, not even a muzzleloader, which is different than other states, Lucas gets out of breath eating cookie dough, even putting his fat fingers around a bow would break him, let alone dragging out a kill. He would also have to pay for, attend and graduate a hunting education course, and he is in capable of even squeezing a few bucks together for a id. And those aren't his dad's elk, those are state owned.

It's like he thinks his dad is the Lord of a feudal estate and that he is just a temporarily embarrassed Duke without any land and barely a title claiming some noble lineage to ancient Germanic tribes and access to a swimming pool in Arizona.

Something I've been thinking about with regards to his live streams is just how much he gets dog piled on. It's amazing someone like that can carry on without wanting to erase everything about their personal identity and start over where nobody has ever heard about them or can look them up online. I mean that way he'd have a chance to just maybe find a way to eke a living as a dishwasher in another part of the country and buy and design his stupid board games in peace but I think the Wern will be fated to keep up the same dance until he keels over.

Edit: its hilarious to me this idea that he could ever get hired to be a receptionist when the role of the job is to be good at organizing paperwork, making appointments, answering the phone and handling communication for the practice. To power level a bit at one of my two jobs I wear this hat and its not hard when you are organized but when things go badly you are the representative face of your employer and you have to be a professional. Lucas would throw such a hissy fit when anything goes wrong it would be hilarious but he thinks he will be sitting at a desk doing nothing all day and that's why it appeals to him.

 

[moseph.jartelli]

Where is he even storing the food he buys? If he’s living with a bunch of dementia patients, and there’s regular meals and snacks, they wouldn’t have a communal refrigerator. You can’t keep raw cookie dough unrefrigerated. And he was talking about someone sending him Clinkerdaggers and he would keep it for a while in his closet and do a video. There’s not a mini fridge in his closet or room. Anywhere. I wonder what kind of mental diseases and deficiencies you can get from eating expired/foods that have been left out.

It'll hopefully go like this

 

[Todd Weiss]

Where is he even storing the food he buys? If he’s living with a bunch of dementia patients, and there’s regular meals and snacks, they wouldn’t have a communal refrigerator. You can’t keep raw cookie dough unrefrigerated. And he was talking about someone sending him Clinkerdaggers and he would keep it for a while in his closet and do a video. There’s not a mini fridge in his closet or room. Anywhere. I wonder what kind of mental diseases and deficiencies you can get from eating expired/foods that have been left out.

Fat ass casually mentioned his neighbor gifted him the cookie dough during the stream. I imagine most of his tugboat goes to the facility, including meal services, leaving little leftover for perishable garbage he'd normally chuck in a toast oven.

 

[mothman96]

Fat ass casually mentioned his neighbor gifted him the cookie dough during the stream. I imagine most of his tugboat goes to the facility, including meal services, leaving little leftover for perishable garbage he'd normally chuck in a toast oven.

He said "I just acquired it from a neighbor". Yea sure, like his neighbor just happened to have a tube of Pillsbury cookie dough that requires refrigeration sitting around.

 

[Wernology]

Rate me autistic but this is the Werner Clan’s ancient Germanic chieftain demanding food as tribute from “fans” for his insult comedy or else he will eat a zoomer bae from the village. The Wern demands his two servings of breakfast, lunch and dinner along with his midnight porter steak and tub of cookie dough to satiate his appetites.

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This will be Lucas at 50.

I mean, the guy even uses Lucas' camera angles.

Edit: He's live again.

 

[Twrx]

It's like he thinks his dad is the Lord of a feudal estate and that he is just a temporarily embarrassed Duke without any land and barely a title claiming some noble lineage to ancient Germanic tribes and access to a swimming pool in Arizona.

Something I've been thinking about with regards to his live streams is just how much he gets dog piled on. It's amazing someone like that can carry on without wanting to erase everything about their personal identity and start over where nobody has ever heard about them or can look them up online. I mean that way he'd have a chance to just maybe find a way to eke a living as a dishwasher in another part of the country and buy and design his stupid board games in peace but I think the Wern will be fated to keep up the same dance until he keels over.

Edit: its hilarious to me this idea that he could ever get hired to be a receptionist when the role of the job is to be good at organizing paperwork, making appointments, answering the phone and handling communication for the practice. To power level a bit at one of my two jobs I wear this hat and its not hard when you are organized but when things go badly you are the representative face of your employer and you have to be a professional. Lucas would throw such a hissy fit when anything goes wrong it would be hilarious but he thinks he will be sitting at a desk doing nothing all day and that's why it appeals to him.

This is why I'm convinced he's not so much autistic, but somewhat retaraded. I'm sure he's aware of it to a level, but refuses to adapt to it. He's going to do the same shit repeatedly, knowing it is always going to end in the same manner, but will do it regardless.

 

[dirtydeanna96]

Where is he even storing the food he buys? If he’s living with a bunch of dementia patients, and there’s regular meals and snacks, they wouldn’t have a communal refrigerator. You can’t keep raw cookie dough unrefrigerated.

gonna rate you disagree. to say that Lucas can't do something...
he sure as hell can keep raw cookie dough unrefrigerated, there isn't anything you, or the FDA can do to stop him

 

[Wernology]

You're welcome.

Edit:
Sorry not sorry.

And, if you'd like to leave a comment on the Youtube version:

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

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looks like he’s off to get more cookie dough and then he’ll be back

Edit: he seems medicated and more calm than on his recent walks around the neighbourhood

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Since fatty is finally getting his ID Monday (allegedly), there's an extremely low chance he might actually go to Post Street into the bars he's always talking about. I really don't think he'll have the balls to even go to any but I really hope he does. Him sitting somewhere seething, watching young people hanging out together with their partners and with friends, living the kind of life he sits around fantasizing about. It turns him into this version of Lucas. That's my favorite version. A visualization of an existential crisis the magnitude of 42 years of a wasted life. Let's see how those meds hold up when he puts himself back in those situations that make him spazz out.

 

[mothman96]

You're welcome.

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Edit:
Sorry not sorry.
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And, if you'd like to leave a comment on the Youtube version:

His pants look grungy. I think those are the only pants he has and haven't been washed since he's been at Mallon Place.

looks like he’s off to get more cookie dough and then he’ll be back

Edit: he seems medicated and more calm than on his recent walks around the neighbourhood

Yea, they could be giving him some med to keep him from acting out.

Since fatty is finally getting his ID Monday (allegedly), there's an extremely low chance he might actually go to Post Street into the bars he's always talking about. I really don't think he'll have the balls to even go to any but I really hope he does. Him sitting somewhere seething, watching young people hanging out together with their partners and with friends, living the kind of life he sits around fantasizing about. It turns him into this version of Lucas. That's my favorite version. A visualization of an existential crisis the magnitude of 42 years of a wasted life. Let's see how those meds hold up when he puts himself back in those situations that make him spazz out.

A couple of days ago he was waving around some paper that he said he was going to send in to get mailed a voucher to get the ID at a reduced cost. Now he is just going to go on Monday. We'll see.