Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Sonic T]

That chili looks like the aborted fetus of a can of Campbell's minestrone.

 

[rubytintedchix]

The selling point of electric pressure cookers is that they are a multifunction kitchen tool. They slow cook, pressure cook, sauté, simmer, etc depending on the model you get. Tard Jack sautés his onions, squash (???), pork and ground beef on the stove. What fucking point is it to waste another pan if your instant pot can do all of this in one shot? Plus you get the browned bits on the bottom for more flavor. But as the poster above said, he basically boiled the meat in its own fat which results in gray tasteless meat. You can dump 12 bowls of seasoning in if you want, the meat is still going to be bland.

 

[Charlie Delicious]

Nice bean water, Jack

Maybe use your eyes to see if there's enough liquid in the tardpot before adding more.

 

[Fatty2988]

I already knew Jack's whole retarded story about that beer being super limited was bullshit, but does mushbrain think $9.99 for a 6-pack is megabucks?

How did Jack manage to design a chili around the beer if he doesn't even know what type or beer it is, and how it tastes?

 

[Joycondrift]

I already knew Jack's whole retarded story about that beer being super limited was bullshit, but does mushbrain think $9.99 for a 6-pack is megabucks?

How did Jack manage to design a chili around the beer if he doesn't even know what type or beer it is, and how it tastes?

View attachment 2772096

Because his boiled meat and bean water is the same 15 ingredients Everytime.

Give or take a year old frozen brisket.

 

[boxybum]

another chili video

It really annoyed me how he says he was going to brown the meat but cuts the camera away before showing the browned meat. He does this for all of the food he heats in the pan, never shows what the food actually looks like when its finished. His chili is actually a soup. He says "I had to add water because the cooker told me to." Well then how about not making chili using a pressure cooker dumb shit? There are plenty of ways to make proper thick hearty chili. We all know this whole pot is for himself because he made it too spicy. Either that or he is going to throw it out.

edit. Just noticed he is using a stolen thumbnail again.

 

[ZipDisk]

I know PC likes to talk about the white tone in his videos, but this one is fucking PINK leveled.
He bought this stupid beer to dunk on his "friend". It's not some limited release, it's a brewery no one has fucking heard of.

Hell, the flex about getting a phone call when the shitty six pack is stocked was probably a gullibility test on Jack.
And Jack failed. So, he's trying to dunk on someone who already dunked on him.

Who would drink a beer chili made by a Teeto? They don't know shit about beer.

Did anyone ever figure out what the stupid aerosol spray sound at the end of the cooking with Jack jingle?

I see the rancid lard has replaced the meat booger.

Great, Jack managed to piss me off again.

Ruinous fucking slop. I'm guessing the water warning was equipment failure, there were 24 fucking ounces of beer in that thing.

If that instant pot could scream, it would.

I'm glad jack hated his slop. But he still gave himself an A++ ebay rating.

 

[Skwisgaar Skwigelf]

another chili video

Reminds me of this:

 

[rubytintedchix]

"People pay mega mega bucks to get this beer"

Spoiler: Ooof, my wallet.

View attachment 2771865

I'm never gonna financially recover from this chili.

This is cheaper than the Schuylkill County, PA tap water beer I drink. Jack is such a faggot.

Edit: do we think his buddy talking about this beer was Robert or the “”””doctor””””? My money is on the doctor because he was the only one I saw drinking beer on camera.

 

[RL Steinbeck]

another chili video

Wtf Jack, the ingredients are not even in frame!

Does he even look at the display before pressing record at this point?

I’m starting to think a wealthy relative recently died and left money to Jack, and he’s only continuing the show solely to spite his trolls.

This clearly is a man who does not care.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

Wtf Jack, the ingredients are not even in frame!

Does he even look at the display before pressing record at this point?

I’m starting to think a wealthy relative recently died and left money to Jack, and he’s only continuing the show solely to spite his trolls.

This clearly is a man who does not care.

I agree that at least part of the reason that he continues is out of spite, both for the trolls and everyone else who has embarrassed him. I also think it's because it gives him an excuse to eat more, it props up his ego, and he just has nothing better to do with the likely short remainder of his life. Where he gets the funds to continue what has to be a money-losing operation is anyone's guess. We don't have a good idea of what Tammy is up to lately beyond "TJ Services" which can't be making all that much. They are at the age where inheritances tend to start coming into play so that's another possibility. Or they could be following the well-trod lolcow trail, racking up a bunch of debt.

 

[ZipDisk]

Robert was also drinking beer, but he would hide it from the camera like a little bitch. Saebo Man got sassy at the end, so I'm guessing he's the one who zinged Jack with the claw-fucker beer.

I'm going to stupidly put mustard in my chili the next time I make it because of that sketch. damnit.

 

[Adamska]

Archive (360p because he doesn't film in proper HD anyway)
View attachment 2771720

Fuck it, it's been a long time since I did a full runthrough on a chili he's made.

1. Jack has fake happy energy, he's wearing the Anti Penguin Shirt, and he's replaced Bistro with is I Came sign. Given that he still keeps his anal lube disguised as Bacon grease in the back, then I guess he doesn't mind being called a faggot. You just can't mock his art deco for some reason.
2. Jack is so excited over making the same shit chili he's done dozens of times. Hell, here's a few of the times I made fun of them for those wondering.
2b. If you're excited because you think we won't mock it due to being boring Fat Jack, the other kiwis proved you wrong. I'm doing it too since it's been years since I've mocked your horrid tomato soups disguised as chilis too. Cope and Seethe fatty.
3. Jack makes up a story on the spot to pretend he has any reason to make the same shit chili and it proves he's seething we've tracked how he's made the same shit chili 27 times in a row. The only reason I'm giving him two is one was technically a white chili years ago, and the other at least used brisket.
4. Alkie Jack lies horribly over his unholy craving for alcoholism, and tries to pretend a seasonal batch of booze is super rare. By this logic, pumpkin spice is super rare because it's mostly seasonal too.
4b. Jack's rambling has two energies to it; the energy of a liar making up an excuse and the energy of a scummy YTer who is terrified that his video won't get full monetization.
5. Anyway, the murderchurcher and Jack both want to pretend they're teetotallers, when the former cried like a bitch when the brewery had some and Jack is happy since he can keep the ethanol inside his soup.
6. Jack is angy this is the same shit chili and we're mocking it.
7. Oh hoho he has fresh herbs, and of course it's cilantro since I imagine Tammy probably has the "it tastes soapy" gene. Other ingredients in this are the same as his normal shit chilis. Only differences are it's a different beer, he's using a five beans mix from Heinz, squash is back, and he has more sausage meat than beef.
7b. I'm actually surprised he didn't decide to use corn too; this further gives me the impression that Mom would give him watery taco soup while he's chained in the attic or something and she lied to him that it was chili.
8. Of course Jack uses pre-spiced ground pork for his sausage. Of fucking course.
9. The spice ingredients he uses to defend his food like a gluttonous house cat Nomming this time is Jalapeno peppers. Seriously what a gluttonous faggot who's going to hell when he dies.
10. Chipolt-lee.
10b. Also don't do what Jack recommends, Chipotle peppers and adobo sauce add a great smokiness and heat to your chilis and to whatever you add it too; you don't need a lot of them to make it work out.
11. Jack is so happy he can deter tammy with Chipolt-lees.
12. Jack calls onions a seasoning. Onion's more a vegetable than a seasoning Jack; also italian seasoning? I might use oregano when I make tacos, but I'd not use basil and sage. That's because I don't have mexican oregano, and mediterranean is close to it.
13. Jack comments once more that smoked paprika, the least old seasoning in his spice rack, is his favorite.
13b. He also pre-emptively is calling all of his ingredients good, because he needs the narcissistic supply of pretending he can cook like a master chef while also being a casual.
14. Jack assumes people cook chili in instant pots and pressure cookers. I don't. I simmer and low boil them in an old pot Jack. It allows the damn sauce you make to reduce and break down its acids more effectively.
14b. And sure, a pressure cooker can slow cook, but Jack NEVER uses that function; because he wants to eat all 10 pounds of watery gruel now now now.
15. Stop lying about pressure cooking resulting in the same taste in chili Jack. It just proves your tastebuds barely detect heat, and can only distinguish between meat and not-meat. This apologia doesn't work you bitch made narcissist.
16. Jack informs us we're supposed to brown our meat first. TBH you can do this in the pressure cooker and keep the fonds of both the meats and the vegetables.
17. Also Jack despite making mama's prison taco gruel for decades still doesn't seem to understand that you do this with vegetables first.
18. Jack slams a bit of anal lube/bacon grease into the pot despite how both burger and sausage meat have the fats needed to not need it.
18b. Seriously, you only need fats when you're working with very lean ground beef (over 90%), or if you're working with something like bison, venison, or reindeer.
19. And now we know why Jack "cHeCkS dA fLaMe!"; he's so incompetent and retarded he doesn't know how to use a gas range. He failed to actually use the right diode this time.
20. So the bacon taste will permeate through the burger meat and the dangerously oxidized and looking fucking rotten sausage meat now. Seriously, these meats need no aid and won't leave a fond, which is WHERE the flavor is.
21. Oh hey, Jack's using the egg spatula thing I use to break up the meat. He's doing something that I also find works quite well; that's rather rare.
22. On the other hand, I did see inside the sausage; it's goddamn rotten, the core is notably more red like it should be. More proof that mama fed him garbage and he was the hated child in the household.
23. Jack calls the grease that both sausages and ground beef releases "water" and pats it out. No shit, it won't brown right if you have too much oil or liquid.
23b. Jack would rather everything taste like bacon than to have nuanced flavor. So maybe he only can taste Bacon, Meat, and Not-Meat.
24. So the vegetables need one more degree of chopping IMO. Also squash being in this is retarded, so I guess he just had to get rid of it because Tammy complained about how he bought it and didn't ever use it.
25. Jack is deadset on hiding how the vegetables haven't had enough time cooking in the skillet given he hides it from the camera.
25b. He also stupidly leaves in that grease that you're supposed to pat down and remove in general, so more material for diarrhea then.
26. Jack cums so hard to meat that he calls plopping into the pressure cooker "the fun part".
27. Browned meat my ass; the burger was still partially raw.
27b. And yes, he calls the grease "juices". No retard; that's fat that will rape your colon.
28. Jack tries to justify why he should put in the salty jalapeno water from the canned jalapenos into this shit chili. It only works for him, since he's a delusional fat narcissist with special needs and a dead channel.
29. "We're going to use some of that marinade in this" ~ Jack after pouring the whole fucking can on screen like the retarded liar he is
30. You know a chili's good when it's more a bean and pepper stew than a chili. Meat's the main focus in these fuckers even if you do a 2-3 bean chili like I do.
31. Also since these canned fucking things are all pre-cooked; they're just going to melt into disgusting slop due to the pressure.
32. He assumes the tomatoes will fall apart under the pressure and he off camera scissored them. He's so angy when Lazy Man began laughing at him for doing that.
33. Jack's the only retard I know that uses all that goddamn cilantro in a chili.
34. "Can of rotel... lot's of tomato... lot's of juice... lots of flavors I like" ~ Jack on the flavor of tomato being more than one.
35. Holy shit look at that stupid fucking pile of seasoning.
35b. It's actually more than one of the cans; and on top of that he couldn't even be fucking bothered to mix that blend with a fork. This fat faggot's asking for hypernatremia given the amounts he fucking eats. God no wonder he fucking stroked out three times.
36. Jack calls the alcohol he bought a six pack for but totally won't drink honest the "star of the show". Uh... no. That's the tomato base and the seasonings. Chili's an ensemble group.
37. Two whole bottles, and he unironically goes "wow... almost filled up". It's almost like there's a thing called limits and measurements or something.
37b. Hey remember when Jack tried to lie about how he eyeballs ingredients?
38. He finishes off this travesty with the chipoltes in adobo.
38b. "I'm not going to put the whole thing in there... I just want the smokiness of the adobo sauce" ~ Jack getting the flavor contributor wrong.
38c. Jack unironically states he's trying not to make this spicy... ignoring the whole fucking can of jalapenos he poured into this shit mix.
39. Jack is very dedicated to pretending that he doesn't make everything spicy to scare off his wife from his food like an angry starving cat.
39b. I happen to like spicy food; cayenne pepper's a favorite seasoning of mine. I still don't use it when I'm making food for others though. It's called making a meal that everyone can enjoy, and only gluttons like Jack can eat 10 pounds of Chili in just a couple of goes.
40. Jack, insecure manlet that he is, preemptively bleats and honks how amazing this shit mix is.
41. Jack apparently is so terrified of electrical fires he keeps everything unplugged until it's ready. Did his mom punish him with shocks or something in his attic prison?
42. Blah blah 20 minutes not enough time to do this right blah blah.
43. Oh hey Steam Glove. Nice to see Jack is incapable of getting rid of you due to his innate retardation when it comes to operating devices designed for grandma.
44. Jack apparently in an attempt to defy us by not making liquid soup somehow managed to not put in enough. The irony being that this was solvable by not using rotel chopped tomatoes, but a tomato sauce.
45. Also reminder that because Jack pressure cooked his food, that the ethanol is still in the chili, and while it will boil off, enough of it will linger in the food when things cool down that this is not godly to eat.
46. Jack justifies steam glove's existence despite the fact he's one of a few retards I know that actually somehow burns himself using this.
47. Final product looks fucking awful and soupy. It's ALMOST like you should slow cook this shit or something.
48. Jack pretends he can smell anything worth a shit with his busted ass senses from the 2009 Stroke. I mean, you should smell a lot of aromatics sure, but I know this will taste like fuck due to the horrible amount of seasoning in it.
48b. Also squash. Fuck squash.
49. Jack calls the soup he made "a little soupy" and "a little loose". No dummy, that's a soup. Sorry your mom lied to you as she feed the dumpster soup through your attic prison Jack, but that's a damn soup. Chili's a stew, meaning that the liquid presence isn't the main body and it'd hold its form outside of a bowl.
50. Jack immediately and desperately goes back to "I had to add water", which now makes me think he made this lie up to excuse his incompetence. And here's the solution if you WANT to not get made fun of this Fat Jack the Horrible Hack: SLOW COOK IT FAGGOT.
51. Jack tries to argue that this will thicken up as it cools; and it will a little bit. Especially since the fumes you're mostly seeing are ethanol fumes, which boil off at lower temps.
51b. But he's also assuming it thickens because of all the grease in it, since grease does thicken things.
52. Jack uses the same seasoning bowl to "sample" this "chili".
53. Anyways, because fuck you liar, let me predict what he'll say: *moos like a cow in orgiastic bliss* "So good. It tastes smoky, it tastes tomatoey. It's so good guys, homerun recipe".
54. Results: I got the moo'ing like a cow right. He decided to zig though and pretend he can taste the heat of all that jalapeno water that he put into this shit mix.
54b. In reality, it's more the result of putting all that fucking seasoning into this chili; that was the amount I'd use for a tub of chili.
55. Jack stupidly says you keep the chipoltes out of the chili; in reality you'd probably cut out about 3/5's of the seasoning he shoved down into this shitty thing and halve the jalapenos and instead use bells or maybe more meat.
56. Jack is so desperate to lie about the chili's soup qualities that he keeps using the water as an excuse. This means he added none and he's just trying to avoid doing chili the right way.
57. Oh hey, Jack proves he's a narcissist destined to hell; he gave the recipe an A+ in flavor, and he proves that he will lie about how good it is.
58. Jack ends this farce by proving he reads my posts, since I advocate tomato paste a lot in chilis as a short cut to thicken it.

Standard shit chili video, but I don't think I ever did a full monty review like this.

 

[Pig Cups]

had to tineye it, apparently it's supposed to simulate what the world looks like for someone with a stroke

r/interestingasfuck - This picture is designed to give the viewer the simulated experience of having a stroke (particularly in the occipital lobe of the cerebral cortex, where visual perception occurs.) Everything looks hauntingly familiar but you ju

13,766 votes and 716 comments so far on Reddit

www.reddit.com

I just assumed that it was an out-of-focus view of the various stuffed animals/angel figurines/other trinkets that are usually sympathetically accumulated around the bed of someone in a nursing home- kind of like that video of Terri Schiavo’s father picking a balloon off of a nearby flower bouquet and waving it above her head to see if her pupils would follow it.

I.e.: After Stroke 3(4?), Jack is bedridden in a home where all he can do is look at these gift items, unable to even comprehend what they are.

Fat man's "idea" of a gift list. Also no likes on the post even though it was made 19 hours ago.

View attachment 2770852

Surprise! It's all useless products and its guaranteed they're part of the hoard. More than 2 meat thermometers, are you kidding me lmfao

View attachment 2770855
View attachment 2770857

Mushbrain gonna mush. The item immediately to the right of the Bic FlameDisk is the instant marinator that he reviewed back in 2009. Basically, he concludes that the product is a fail, doesn’t work as advertised, and declines to even link the viewer to the brand website. He admits that using a cheap Ziploc is far more effective at getting the job done. Yet now he’s hawking it…

Annnd it’s out of stock. Probably isn’t even in production anymore, as it seems the brand offers a different model while the only one of this size that I can find is on eBay. Real smooth, Jack.

 

[stets]

another chili video

This idiot just talks and talks and talks and talks and talks about beer that he wants to drink, but can't drink since Tammy has his balls in a jar on the shelf and forbids consumption. There is so much detail about beer that Jack has a brewery nerd tell him all about, detail which he parrots ad nauseum. Just drink the beers, Jack. Stop being a spineless faggot.

 

[Wilhelm Bittrich]

I already knew Jack's whole retarded story about that beer being super limited was bullshit, but does mushbrain think $9.99 for a 6-pack is megabucks?

How did Jack manage to design a chili around the beer if he doesn't even know what type or beer it is, and how it tastes?

View attachment 2772096

9.99 USD (plus tax, I guess) for a six-pack with not even half liter bottles? Are you fucking serious? That's barely two Steins. JFC
Why is that shit so expensive over there?
14.99 Euro incl. tax and that's a fucking delivery service price. It's a fucking Lager/Märzen beer.

 

[Joycondrift]

9.99 USD (plus tax, I guess) for a six-pack with not even half liter bottles? Are you fucking serious? That's barely two Steins. JFC
Why is that shit so expensive over there?
14.99 Euro incl. tax and that's a fucking delivery service price. It's a fucking Lager/Märzen beer.
View attachment 2773140

As someone who lives in a region of the country famed for it's vast microbrews.. 10 bucks for a six pack for a local seasonal beer is about average.

Domestic mass produced beer (miller, Coors, bud etc) comes in at s much lower price point..but typically (at least in my region) people buy it by the 30 pack can case for house parties/gatherings as there's way better product from local sources available in normal gorcery stores.

 

[Homer Simpson]

Another malady strikes the fat man! This time - hernia! Someone add this to the ailment list. Also congratulations to whoever that bet on "The next big health scare will be something else".

This fat Frankenstein is going under the knife AGAIN.

View attachment 2759714

THAT WAS ME! What do I win. I hooe it isn't salmonella. I don't like salmon.

 

[captkrisma]

9.99 USD (plus tax, I guess) for a six-pack with not even half liter bottles? Are you fucking serious? That's barely two Steins. JFC
Why is that shit so expensive over there?
14.99 Euro incl. tax and that's a fucking delivery service price. It's a fucking Lager/Märzen beer.
View attachment 2773140

Eh...for seasonal craft beers it's pretty on-par as far as price. Craft beers are weird. You have $10 sixers like what Jack used or you have the ACTUAL rare shit that costs $25+ per bottle. Goose Island in Chicago is famous for selling out of their Bourbon County variants when they hit shelves every Black Friday. If I saw Jack pour two bottles of THOSE down into a chili idk whether I'd be upset (because of the absolute waste it would be) or happy (because this year's variants have taste profiles like strawberry ice cream or whisky and coke and would make the chili taste like absolute shit).

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Eh...for seasonal craft beers it's pretty on-par as far as price. Craft beers are weird. You have $10 sixers like what Jack used or you have the ACTUAL rare shit that costs $25+ per bottle. Goose Island in Chicago is famous for selling out of their Bourbon County variants when they hit shelves every Black Friday. If I saw Jack pour two bottles of THOSE down into a chili idk whether I'd be upset (because of the absolute waste it would be) or happy (because this year's variants have taste profiles like strawberry ice cream or whisky and coke and would make the chili taste like absolute shit).

His chili always tastes like shit so I don't think he'd notice.

I mean Italian sausage? Italian seasoning? Fucking squash? Mushbrain has no more taste buds or they're so damaged that he needs to overseason so he's able to taste something.