Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

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This thread is really special for queers like me. It really brings me back to a hilarious time and place on the internet.

Now we just need to get Patrick to appear on The People's Court and then issue a $5k bounty to anyone who can shut this thread down.

 

[Euro Mongo]

If I opened my eyes to this


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I'd close them and never open them again too. Pat killed those people.

That mouth is so utterly, UTTERLY repulsive
The fleshy, flabby, effeminate lips
Those long creases? at the corners of his mouth
The downturned overall shape

That visage is a fist-magnet, I don't know how he dares show his face inside bars

 

[r00]

Have you imbeciles considered not giving free money to these idiots?

You're apparently smart enough to write for money. Are you smart enough to contemplate where your money is going?

If they weren't imbeciles, they wouldn't be in their little backslapping "author's" club for faggots. SFWA is just a scam so useless autistic shut-ins can feel like they've accomplished something real, as opposed to just squandering their lives scribbling space stories nobody will read. Kinda like how some people need to pay mensa to tell them they are intelligent.

 

[Oliver Onions]

So, I have an early present for all of you.

Pat's Nielsen BookScan sales numbers.

Wew lad are they bad.

The Ark: 2,631
Trident's Forge: 1,087
Children of the Divide: 530
Gate Crashers: 970
Starship Repo: 526
In the Black: 231

No wonder nobody has ever seen his books in stores. With sales that bad, his publishers might as well have set his advance on fire.

Assuming these are in chronological order, do we know what caused Gate Crashers to buck the sharp downward trend? Was it particularly bad? A new contract that merited slightly more marketing? Given away with every sale of a real book?

 

[Somerville Dan]

Assuming these are in chronological order, do we know what caused Gate Crashers to buck the sharp downward trend? Was it particularly bad? A new contract that merited slightly more marketing? Given away with every sale of a real book?

From my understanding, Gate Crashers was a much more light-hearted space story/caper in the vein of Douglas C. Adams. Patrick was basically trying to write his own Hitchhiker's Guide trilogy and it was heavily marketed as such. Patrick also was coming off a string of "viral tweets" so I'm sure there was some organic word of mouth that way.

Patrick's fatal flaw (other than being a dogshit writer) was mistaking his luck and middling early success for greatness. His work shows no improvement book to book and his stream of consciousness, writing-while-drunk method is arrogant and lazy.

Long story short, he only got into writing to become "rich and famous" and get back at his wife and good friend who cuckolded him. Writing is not a passion for Patrick; it's simply another easy path to feed his narcissism.

 

[ShinyStar]

Assuming these are in chronological order, do we know what caused Gate Crashers to buck the sharp downward trend? Was it particularly bad? A new contract that merited slightly more marketing? Given away with every sale of a real book?

From my understanding, Gate Crashers was a much more light-hearted space story/caper in the vein of Douglas C. Adams. Patrick was basically trying to write his own Hitchhiker's Guide trilogy and it was heavily marketed as such. Patrick also was coming off a string of "viral tweets" so I'm sure there was some organic word of mouth that way.

Patrick's fatal flaw (other than being a dogshit writer) was mistaking his luck and middling early success for greatness. His work shows no improvement book to book and his stream of consciousness, writing-while-drunk method is arrogant and lazy.

Long story short, he only got into writing to become "rich and famous" and get back at his wife and good friend who cuckolded him. Writing is not a passion for Patrick; it's simply another easy path to feed his narcissism.

Gate Crashers was the beginning of a new series, and also his first book with Tor, if I recall correctly. So he switched publishers, got a little publicity from them, and had his tweet noticed by Ben Shapiro. Of course, it inevitably gets to where his books have to have merit for people to continue buying the next one. It's impressive how reliably each book makes half the sales of the previous one. He bleeds readers like Batwoman bleeds viewers.

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

It's impressive how reliably each book makes half the sales of the previous one.

That implies someone out there owns all of Fat Dick Hamlinson's books. I'd love to find out what sort of person might do something like that.

 

[Oliver Onions]

That implies someone out there owns all of Fat Dick Hamlinson's books. I'd love to find out what sort of person might do something like that.

Not even joking: I imagine the only ones with a full set are OnA or Farms members who bought them all to laugh at his shitty writing.

Even if you had no idea what a gigantic asshole Pat is, his writing is so bad I can't imagine anyone actually reading them for genuine pleasure.

ETA: It occurred to me there is also a chance someone wanted the full set for posterity after Pat finally snaps and shoots up a black daycare or whatever.

 

[KingOfGains]

Jesus, I missed out on a lot. The level of trolling on Fat this past month is just beautiful. Not to mention that he still claims to deadlift and shows absolutely nothing for it. He'd fit right in with most /fit/izens on 4chan. Sad I missed out on all fun with the con for book geeks, and how the booster shot fucked him up.

Have to thank you all for keeping tabs on the faggot. Gave me something to read and watch while I deal with my round with covid.

 

[James done did it]

Not even joking: I imagine the only ones with a full set are OnA or Farms members who bought them all to laugh at his shitty writing.

Even if you had no idea what a gigantic asshole Pat is, his writing is so bad I can't imagine anyone actually reading them for genuine pleasure.

ETA: It occurred to me there is also a chance someone wanted the full set for posterity after Pat finally snaps and shoots up a black daycare or whatever.

Nobody on OnA has ever read more than a few pages of his books as far as I know. I don't think there is a single person in the world, not even Pat, who has read Pat's corpus.

 

[NotFatChild]

Nobody on OnA has ever read more than a few pages of his books as far as I know. I don't think there is a single person in the world, not even Pat, who has read Pat's corpus.

Then who bought the astounding 231 copies of his latest best seller? Checkmate.

 

[James done did it]

Then who bought the astounding 231 copies of his latest best seller? Checkmate.

Pat probably bought 200 of them for handselling, the other 31 I can't place, maybe one of his groomer friends bought them for a class? 31 is about the size of a class of schoolkids around here and it's well known that pedophiles often try to work with kids.

 

[Caverlock]

Woke Marketing 101: How to Disguise Your Lazy, Profit-Driven Pandering as Social Activism

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Don't question why the female crab monster alien has a male sex characteristic, or it will fly into a murderous rage--good message, Patrick!

(A, L)

 

[AprilRains]

Good God, what a nasty bore he is. This stuff is about as transgressive as Count Chocula.

 

[AnOminous]

Woke Marketing 101: How to Disguise Your Lazy, Profit-Driven Pandering as Social Activism

Why the fuck would anyone want to read books that have characters that "deliberately exist for no reason at all?" What the fuck does that even mean? Honestly that sounds like something a reviewer completely trashing a book would say in their review saying it was useless even as toilet paper.

 

[AprilRains]

Why the fuck would anyone want to read books that have characters that "deliberately exist for no reason at all?" What the fuck does that even mean?

I take him literally. It means he has absolutely no reason for doing the things he does. His narratives drift like toy balloons in the wind. He has completely abdicated his responsibility as an author.

 

[AnOminous]

I take him literally. It means he has absolutely no reason for doing the things he does. His narratives drift like toy balloons in the wind. He has completely abdicated his responsibility as an author.

I also like how he thinks he's sticking it to anyone at all by including some "diverse" character in some book that literally nobody will ever read.

 

[AprilRains]

I also like how he thinks he's sticking it to anyone at all by including some "diverse" character in some book that literally nobody will ever read.

That's an ego salve, as it is for many who tweet about how they are part of #TheResistance or whatever, If there were literally any risk to doing so, if there were a true resistance, these absolute units would never dare to say a fucking word.

 

[Post Reply]

Woke Marketing 101: How to Disguise Your Lazy, Profit-Driven Pandering as Social Activism

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Don't question why the female crab monster alien has a male sex characteristic, or it will fly into a murderous rage--good message, Patrick!
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Patrick seems to spend an awful lot of time thinking about big black gay marines...

 

[ImportantOpinions]

You rarely ever see black homosexuals in movies, tv shows, novels, etc these days. Besides Patrick's novels of course.