01/03/22 - 24 Hour Free Ralph Festival (now the 24 Hour Guntry Road Special) - Ralph intended to do a 24-hour stream the second day before his trial and is now stuck on I-95

[instythot]

But he said he's not a computer geek sitting inside all day

He really is the true Ralphamale, but it doesn't mean what he wants it to mean lol

He's not a computer geek sitting inside all day, he's a coomer watching replays of Soph inside all day. We all know what Ralphamale means even if we don't want to admit it

 

[Lame Entropy]

Ralph has all the negatives of white trash, but not a single one of the scant positives. Motherfucker has negative survival skills, he'd go out of his way to get killed if he got lost in the woods.

Hey he knew to have booze on hand, the Gunt would have both starved and frozen to death during those perilous hours without that sweet Maker's Mark.

 

[Weeb Slinger]

Ralph's life has taken a questionable detour into a low-budget version of the scene from The Wolf of Wall Street, where Jordan Belfort inadvisably attempts to sail his super yacht through the storm of the century to Monaco, so that he can travel on to Switzerland and forge his deceased aunt's signature on some documents before a 24 hour deadline expires. That, but the soundtrack is solo tuba and the director is Tommy Wiseau - no ambitious tracking shots for the Gunt - only non-sequiturs and baffling melodrama.

 

[Punished Brent]

GUNTRY ROADS! TAKE ME HOME!

 

[Pill Cosby]

Ralph thought he was a giant thumb taking the backroad. Something he can huff and puff about later.

 

[Spergichu]

Shit. I was hoping he'd come across a rustic cabin owned by a family of cannibals.

Too fatty meat, not worth the trouble.

 

[RedRocket69]

never underestimate the sheer retardation of rural americans. they think they can drive through fucking anything because they've lived in that area all their life, or because they have 4WD

Um akshually, Ethan Ralph is an urbanite. Just because someone is from the South doesn't mean they're remotely competent at anything. A country boy can survive, but he's not country. Based Tractor Nog is the only reason he didn't end up dying in the snow. I'm sure BTN doesn't drive a little faggy sedan when it's dumping 15" of snow

 

[ColtWalker1847]

You'd think someone who grew up/lives in the area would know better than to try dumb shit in the snow.

You forget who you are talking about. Ralph and knowing don't belong in the same sentence.

never underestimate the sheer retardation of rural americans. they think they can drive through fucking anything because they've lived in that area all their life, or because they have 4WD

Hey hey hey. Sometimes we do it because getting stuck is fun. It gives you an excuse to use that winch and other goodies you paid way too much for. 4x4 culture is a special breed of well-meaning thoughtful creative stupidness.

 

[Moist Unguentine]

Whatever Ralph was driving didn't have the ground clearance for that amount of snow so he should have never strayed far from I-95. I like my Honda Accord but it absolutely sucks in snow over 3-4 inches. They never seem to plow the entire width of the road so if you have to move over for an oncoming car you're fucked.

 

[Harlan Wick]

You think a bunch of inbred cannibal rednecks care?

No but please don't get my hopes up.

 

[Mike Stoklasa]

Yer honor, I'm dumb as shit. How was I supposed to know my car couldn't get through the snow? I thought snow was just a conspiracy anyway after seeing all those videos of people lighting it on fire. And because of that I couldn't stream and collect donations to pay my bail. It's probably all that pedophile Josh Moon's fault. When you think about it, he should be here instead of me. I'm just a simple internet streamer that doesn't know jack shit about anything.

 

[Generic Retard]

Too fatty meat, not worth the trouble.

I like to imagine he would probably be inedible because of his diet and pills/alcohol.
Like some MRE food stuffed with preservatives but way worse.

 

[I.B. Niggin]

Lmao good going, ya fat faggot!

 

[Papa Adolfo's Take'n'Bake]

How it started:

How it ended got cucked: (15 years, JFC.)

Part of the fun of being a New England Kiwi is laughing at Ralph for being Ralph but also laughing at him for being bad at snow.

 

[beautiful person]

Don't know how deep in the woods he was, but chances are that, with a blackout and no power for mobile phone base stations, he would have been stuck there for good.

There's a road in my state that's notorious for this thing happening. Last group that was rescued had to send one person to hike a mile in the snow for cell signal. People have died, including one guy who didn't even try to find help. I feel like Ralph was like that guy, just waiting.

He got stupid lucky.

 

[Matt Damon]

Whatever Ralph was driving didn't have the ground clearance for that amount of snow so he should have never strayed far from I-95. I like my Honda Accord but it absolutely sucks in snow over 3-4 inches. They never seem to plow the entire width of the road so if you have to move over for an oncoming car you're fucked.

Hell, even in my truck with much more clearance, you have to keep going in heavy snow or you're going to end up on a low spot and get stuck.

All the 4WD and ground clearance in the world won't change the coefficient of friction between snow and rubber.

 

[Moist Unguentine]

Even better when their 4WD is just that, with no way to lock any of the differentials. Enjoy being stuck when one wheel gets lifted by the snow mass lol

4WD ain't what it used to be. All the electronic traction control they use now does all the wrong things when you're stuck.

 

[instythot]

So how does the trial work now? Does Ethan skype in from some random farmer's tractor and promise to turn himself in?

 

[Mr. Manchester]

Thread Theme:

 

[ANiggaNamedElmo]

How it started:

How it ended got cucked: (15 years, JFC.)

Part of the fun of being a New England Kiwi is laughing at Ralph for being Ralph but also laughing at him for being bad at snow.

Lol that song is about cocaine but I guess that fits as well.