Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Trucker Darrell and Jack actually posted the first episode of their Bible study. Don't do what I did and watch this (even at 2x speed).

Spoiler: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

We're tackling the first 6 verses of Matthew 5 today. How is this 40 minutes long.

​

Verses 5:1-2: "“Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.”

• Jack says in “his” Bible, this section is called the “Bee-attitudes” and doesn’t know what that is. Darrell doesn’t know either, he’s never paid attention to that, and doesn’t care why they call them that. Darrell just likes the red words.
• Jack lies and says that he’ll look it up and put the answer in the description box – he didn’t do this. I guess because “beatitude” is an evil Latin word they don’t teach it in the Murder Church (it generally means "blessings" referring to the "blessed are the" passages that follow).

Verse 5:3: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven"

• Darrell does almost all of the talking in this, and a lot of it is just reading off an online concordance. Lazy men indeed.
• The poor in spirit are of all of those who realize they broke God's law and need help.
• Without the law we wouldn't know we are sinners, and when the law came, then sin came. What?
• Because we're all worthless, men's righteousness without God is "as dirty rags," a Biblical phrase that Darrell gleefully explains is "like a woman on her menstrual cycle, the rag she would use to..." wow
• Oh, "blessed" actually means "happy," because that's how language works. This means that if you meet any of the criteria in the beatitudes you should be happy all of the time.
• Jack chimes in with a bizarre aside. The peace of God isn't just a mental state, it's an actual physical experience that "everyone" describes as "a warm feeling all over their body."
• Peace of God evidence: a woman Jack heard of was fired and immediately felt warm and like everything was fine. Trucker was diagnosed with skin cancer and just went "oh, okay," and never throught or worried about it. No mention of warmth, though. Oh, he did get that bit of cancerous skin removed surgically and was healed. Praise the surgeon, I guess.
• Jack proudly touts that he’s utterly unfazed by death because after death he’ll be in heaven, so living or dying is fine by him. wow
  
• Last word on this verse from Darrell: being poor in spirit means you’re humble
• Last word on this verse from Jack “I have to tell you, one of the biggest concerns in my life is to not be that person that says I’m humble, I’m totally okay and I’m NOT. I’m literally lying to myself. Just because you say it you need to live it… I’m the biggest offender of that – saying one thing that I’m really not… If you know you have an ego, deal with it.” How's that going, Jack?

HOW ARE WE ONLY 20 MINUTES IN

Verse 5:4: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

• Wait, I thought we were supposed to be happy all the time?
• This doesn't mean to cry all the time, informs Darrell, it means to just be sorrowful in the knowledge of how you've sinned, and you will be comforted by God's forgiveness and peace.
• According to Darrell, Christians will receive their heavenly inheritance (whatever that is) before they die. No examples or further explanation given.

Verse 5:5: "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth"

• This doesn't mean to be a doormat.
• Darrell has a micro-stroke and stutters "Cun-um-cunt" instead of "courteousness." Jack assures him that he'll leave that in.
• Darrell used to have a horrible temper "before he became a Christian," but if you let your "spirit man" take over the "flesh man" you'll overcome your problems. Okay.
• Jack touts that their pastor said that their church is a hospital, so the addicts and the things people shouldn't be - "He fixes all that." Yeah, I'm sure that's how it works.

ALMOST DONE

Verse 5:6: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled."

• This means you shouldn’t hunger after the things in this world. The wendigo shudders.
• Darrell heard a story on the radio about a guy who’s wife got sick, and the hospital charged him $700,000, insurance paid $600,000 and the remainder wiped out his savings. “All of that is fleeting! Keep your treasures in heaven!” Fuck you, guy, I guess.

And with that, IT'S OVER. They'll be back next week.

LOL! He says the Peace of God is like a "warm feeling all over your body". You can get the same effect from some marijuana.

 

[Dollar Store Sentai]

View attachment 2890892

How much fast food is this fat tub of shit going to inhale before the weekend is over?

Damn, I read him like a book. A short, fat book with big letters spelling retard.

 

[RainwaterDrop]

How much fast food is this fat tub of shit going to inhale before the weekend is over?

The one thing I respect deathfats like Jack for is their sheer capacity of eating like motherfuckers whereas the average person would be feeling like shit halfway through one of these meals. Takes some dedication to be a lardball lol!

Damn, I read him like a book. A short, fat book with big letters spelling retard.

Doing guesswork on Jack isn't really hard, his average day consists of eating like a starved glutton, saying retarded shit and being an asshole. The main difference is whether or not he bought some chinesium cookware on the day or not lol!

 

[Sonic T]

View attachment 2890283

Please jump.

 

[Fatty2988]

How do they both eat so much fast food? I feel like shit if I eat fast food more than once a week. I guess your body gets used to being a fat and gluttonous piece of shit.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Please jump.

Please don't jump Jack. This isn't the way!! The city would be scraping your body off the pavement and buildings for weeks. Traffic would come to a screeching halt...they'd have to hire round the clock sanitation workers to get it all off. The city's funds are already limited as it is.

Pills are a lot more considerate. Think of those poor sanitation workers.

 

[RainwaterDrop]

How do they both eat so much fast food? I feel like shit if I eat fast food more than once a week. I guess your body gets used to being a fat and gluttonous piece of shit.

Just like alcoholics drink much more than the average person does, the body gets used to it. Mind you, they are probably suffering from all sorts of ailments that come with having a shit diet, but as they are middle aged by now they are certainly used to this!

I heard this from a fat guy too, he simply liked to eat fast food and ate more by default as he was a big guy even without the blubber. I ate a single burger and some fries and felt bloated as shit, and this guy here ate two huge burgers, a large portion of fries with bacon and cheddar and a large soda like it was nothing. Funny enough, he was the opposite of Jack while sitting on the same side of the lard scale, he was the jolly fat guy everyone liked, always had a smile on his face and loved to joke around and mingle with people. Jack could learn from people like him!

Please don't jump Jack. This isn't the way!! The city would be scraping your body off the pavement and buildings for weeks. Traffic would come to a screeching halt...they'd have to hire round the clock sanitation workers to get it all off. The city's funds are already limited as it is.

Pills are a lot more considerate. Think of those poor sanitation workers.

Or he could end up breaking a big hole into the ground, leading to the discovery of colossal deposits of rare earth minerals and gold underneath the city, making it a better place for two reasons lol!

 

[jscalfani eats bigTs muff]

Or he could end up breaking a big hole into the ground, leading to the discovery of colossal deposits of rare earth minerals and gold underneath the city, making it a better place for two reasons lol!

Oh, I get it, like a super JACKhammer!

Personally, I would prefer to see him dangling from a crane and utilized as a living wrecking ball, though. One can dream.

 

[Buck Mullet]

Please jump.

Don't worry, Jack would get gassed climbing stairs of a height fatal enough to fall from. That, and he can't even jump.

 

[MemeAreDNAofSoul]

it's pretty close, but you can taste the soy and it makes it taste like a bad cheap microwave burger meal

I dont think beyond meat has soy in it

 

[Adamska]

I dont think beyond meat has soy in it

I keep confusing Impossible with Beyond, I'll fully admit that. Either way, it's still revealed by the texture and it still ultimately tastes cheaper than the real thing.

 

[rubytintedchix]

It’s raining down ice here in NC. I’m anticipating and preparing for a power outage (as are many here) and this stupid motherfucker posts this:

This isn’t an MATI thing as much as it is a hello retard, wouldn’t you rather people be safe then have them die on treacherous roads? Isn’t that the godly thing to do? Plus a lot of churches were doing livestreams of services anyway during the pandemic and have the tech means to do so.

Also, @TheLazyMan was saying that after attending a mass last night…a lot of churchgoers including clergy and parishioners have either the flu or Covid, so I’m sure that has some bearing on these decisions as well.

 

[captkrisma]

Trucker Darrell and Jack actually posted the first episode of their Bible study. Don't do what I did and watch this (even at 2x speed).

Spoiler: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

We're tackling the first 6 verses of Matthew 5 today. How is this 40 minutes long.

​

Verses 5:1-2: "“Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.”

• Jack says in “his” Bible, this section is called the “Bee-attitudes” and doesn’t know what that is. Darrell doesn’t know either, he’s never paid attention to that, and doesn’t care why they call them that. Darrell just likes the red words.
• Jack lies and says that he’ll look it up and put the answer in the description box – he didn’t do this. I guess because “beatitude” is an evil Latin word they don’t teach it in the Murder Church (it generally means "blessings" referring to the "blessed are the" passages that follow).

Verse 5:3: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven"

• Darrell does almost all of the talking in this, and a lot of it is just reading off an online concordance. Lazy men indeed.
• The poor in spirit are of all of those who realize they broke God's law and need help.
• Without the law we wouldn't know we are sinners, and when the law came, then sin came. What?
• Because we're all worthless, men's righteousness without God is "as dirty rags," a Biblical phrase that Darrell gleefully explains is "like a woman on her menstrual cycle, the rag she would use to..." wow
• Oh, "blessed" actually means "happy," because that's how language works. This means that if you meet any of the criteria in the beatitudes you should be happy all of the time.
• Jack chimes in with a bizarre aside. The peace of God isn't just a mental state, it's an actual physical experience that "everyone" describes as "a warm feeling all over their body."
• Peace of God evidence: a woman Jack heard of was fired and immediately felt warm and like everything was fine. Trucker was diagnosed with skin cancer and just went "oh, okay," and never throught or worried about it. No mention of warmth, though. Oh, he did get that bit of cancerous skin removed surgically and was healed. Praise the surgeon, I guess.
• Jack proudly touts that he’s utterly unfazed by death because after death he’ll be in heaven, so living or dying is fine by him. wow
  
• Last word on this verse from Darrell: being poor in spirit means you’re humble
• Last word on this verse from Jack “I have to tell you, one of the biggest concerns in my life is to not be that person that says I’m humble, I’m totally okay and I’m NOT. I’m literally lying to myself. Just because you say it you need to live it… I’m the biggest offender of that – saying one thing that I’m really not… If you know you have an ego, deal with it.” How's that going, Jack?

HOW ARE WE ONLY 20 MINUTES IN

Verse 5:4: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

• Wait, I thought we were supposed to be happy all the time?
• This doesn't mean to cry all the time, informs Darrell, it means to just be sorrowful in the knowledge of how you've sinned, and you will be comforted by God's forgiveness and peace.
• According to Darrell, Christians will receive their heavenly inheritance (whatever that is) before they die. No examples or further explanation given.

Verse 5:5: "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth"

• This doesn't mean to be a doormat.
• Darrell has a micro-stroke and stutters "Cun-um-cunt" instead of "courteousness." Jack assures him that he'll leave that in.
• Darrell used to have a horrible temper "before he became a Christian," but if you let your "spirit man" take over the "flesh man" you'll overcome your problems. Okay.
• Jack touts that their pastor said that their church is a hospital, so the addicts and the things people shouldn't be - "He fixes all that." Yeah, I'm sure that's how it works.

ALMOST DONE

Verse 5:6: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled."

• This means you shouldn’t hunger after the things in this world. The wendigo shudders.
• Darrell heard a story on the radio about a guy who’s wife got sick, and the hospital charged him $700,000, insurance paid $600,000 and the remainder wiped out his savings. “All of that is fleeting! Keep your treasures in heaven!” Fuck you, guy, I guess.

And with that, IT'S OVER. They'll be back next week.

Okay...Bible lesson time.

The beattitudes, as was said by OP, are the blessings that God bestows his followers.

They fuck up the first beattitude outright.

Blessed are the poor in spirit doesn't mean those that recognize they've sinned. It means those who recognize that there is a need for God in their lives.

I can see why Trucker Darrell isn't a youth counselor anymore with his talks of women menstruating. The more wholesome explanation would be the rags that were used to dry guest's feet after your slaves washed them. Oh well, Darrell is fucking gross.

 

[Schmuck of Ages]

It’s raining down ice here in NC. I’m anticipating and preparing for a power outage (as are many here) and this stupid motherfucker posts this:

View attachment 2891872

This isn’t an MATI thing as much as it is a hello retard, wouldn’t you rather people be safe then have them die on treacherous roads? Isn’t that the godly thing to do? Plus a lot of churches were doing livestreams of services anyway during the pandemic and have the tech means to do so.

Also, @TheLazyMan was saying that after attending a mass last night…a lot of churchgoers including clergy and parishioners have either the flu or Covid, so I’m sure that has some bearing on these decisions as well.

Also dude is acting like the state is doing this but shouldn't churches be free to make this decision if they want?

 

[desudesu]

View attachment 2890892

How much fast food is this fat tub of shit going to inhale before the weekend is over?

Someone way back on this thread mentioned that because fatty's gallbladder kind of exploded and is non-functioning, he will be having frequent terrible diarrhea especially after eating greasy and spicy food (which he ALWAYS does). Knowing fat people, he is definitely smelling like shit half the time. Big T is insane to even tolerate this for the sake of their marriage's """sanctity""". Also his constant rejection of vegetables makes me surprised that he hasn't got scurvy yet.

 

[GoodFattyDeadFatty]

 

[semitooth]

View attachment 2892291

what?

 

[Captain Ahab]

what?

Stroke #3

 

[the khat quaffer]

View attachment 2892291

Maybe they formed a "No Jacks Allowed" club. When #4 hits and/or he loses a leg to the 'beetus he can form his own gang, The Holy Rollers!

No but seriously I'm sure there's some kind of soft exclusionary thing going on when it comes to Jack and the rest of the flock. He's an utterly repugnant prick on social media where he has full ability to compose and measure himself. Imagine what he's like IRL where he can't control the narrative and isn't behind a smudged iphone screen? Even the clergy would despise him. Poeple like him are probably the reason Mother Theresa ran off to an island full of lepers and cannibals.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Maybe they formed a "No Jacks Allowed" club. When #4 hits and/or he loses a leg to the 'beetus he can form his own gang, The Holy Rollers!

No but seriously I'm sure there's some kind of soft exclusionary thing going on when it comes to Jack and the rest of the flock. He's an utterly repugnant prick on social media where he has full ability to compose and measure himself. Imagine what he's like IRL where he can't control the narrative and isn't behind a smudged iphone screen? Even the clergy would despise him. Poeple like him are probably the reason Mother Theresa ran off to an island full of lepers and cannibals.

Maybe it is a church for self-absorbed assholes. I mean look at the preacher.