Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[AncientPhosphur]

Dick explains his injury. He was walking the dog and he fell off a curb, He blames it on how ignorant women are against prostitution because of his Killstream debate. I spot checked it and I didn't hear Ralph, but Gator was on discussing anime and Jim's room.

So a rolled ankle? How is that in a way debiliting. It’s called crutches. Dick’s definitely been distancing from Ralph

 

[Inquisitor_BadAss]

tl;dr this thread: Ethan Ralph blew a bunch of money to eat a bowl of jizzum with a couple shrimp in it and a hamburger. The end.

How will Andy Warski ever recover.

 

[ThatDarnIrishMan]

Day three of Portugal trip, Ralph has:
- Taken 4 pictures of Portugal.
- Been turned away from numerous places due to having no COVID passport so had to go to Burger King.
- Had overpriced and very unappealing looking prawn cocktail, a watery paella and a "cheesecake" (spoiler, it was not a cheesecake).
- Smoked a cigar
- Sat in his hotel watching NFL
- Sat in his hotel reading at least a couple dozen pages of Kiwi Farms pages.

Edit: He also sat on Twitter a lot. A lot. Fucking loads. He sits on twitter more than I did when I worked a desk job.

 

[Shig O'nella]

LMAO RALPH YOU FAT RETARD I KNEW SOMETHING WAS OFF
View attachment 2914676
this is PHOTOSHOPPED.
now that doesn't necessarily mean he's not there. the angle of the lighting looks normal but there's just a few little things here that stand out imo. i think a likely reason for this is he photoshopped himself to look taller or his camera has a glitch cause there's that same weird line under all the photos that looks like it clipped a little bit. no results on google ris, so most likely ralph is resizing himself in photoshop which can maybe be why he's so blurry, or just can't focus a camera. that also makes me curious who takes these pictures for him?

something just looks so off about that angle. ralph's shoulders are not that broad, i think that's what stands out the most. it looks stretched so far compared to the rest of the photo. i'm trying to replicate the weird sloping shoulder angle and it's kind of painful so i don't know why ralph would intentionally stand in a pose like that
View attachment 2914696View attachment 2914706
i also resized the image to look more normal. hmmm
View attachment 2914721
i can't see it being a camera lens thing, the background looks just fine. maybe just looking too far into this

You're overthinking it, and the answer is simple. Ralph's fat enough that the camera switched to panoramic mode by in self defense.

*Note, not finished the thread so this'll probably age badly.

 

[Blewberry Nausea]

Is there a reason Spain never raped Portugal? Do Portuguese smell or somethin?

 

[Wine em Dine em 69 em]

You look at this shit and try to explain it then
View attachment 2917690

We all agree that looks like shit, but I’m more interested in the twink dining with Gunter.

 

[AnOminous]

Is there a reason Spain never raped Portugal? Do Portuguese smell or somethin?

They tried to in 1762 and got their asses handed to them.

 

[Blewberry Nausea]

They tried to in 1762 and got their asses handed to them.

Hilarious. I always love a good story of a smaller country kicking a bigger nation’s ass

 

[AnOminous]

Hilarious. I always love a good story of a smaller country kicking a bigger nation’s ass

It was part of a bigger, even more retarded European war, the Seven Years War. Portugal had the Brits on her side. Spain had France (lmao).

 

[not william stenchever]

Portugal broke away from Leon and then hijacked one of the crusades to help them capture Lisbon back from the muslims (topically enough a lot of anglos settled down in portugal after this) and I guess between their alliance with the Eternal Anglos and the wars against the rest of islamic held Iberia none of the other contenders were able to take them down.

 

[Blewberry Nausea]

It was part of a bigger, even more retarded European war, the Seven Years War. Portugal had the Brits on her side. Spain had France (lmao).

Okay not to derail this thread any further but I HAVE TO ASK. How do I recreate the Gunt in Crusader Kings 2?

 

[TakeSoma]

Portugal broke away from Leon and then hijacked one of the crusades to help them capture Lisbon back from the muslims (topically enough a lot of anglos settled down in portugal after this) and I guess between their alliance with the Eternal Anglos and the wars against the rest of islamic held Iberia none of the other contenders were able to take them down.

Awesome resume.

We were ruled by Spanish Habsburg kings from 1580 to 1640, but we were able to recover our independence (thanks Catalunha).

We started as a nation in 1140 due to a bitch fight between our first king and his mother. In May 1147, a contingent of crusaders left from Dartmouth in England. They had intended to sail directly to the Holy Land, but weather forced the ships to stop on the Portuguese coast, at the northern city of Porto on 16 June 1147. There they were convinced to meet with King Afonso I of Portugal and they helped (a lot) raping the moors and conquering Lisbon.

Since then, we've been England's bitch and fuck buddies through out history, in fact we have the longest standing alliance treaty in the World, the Anglo-Portuguese Alliance. We never sided against the English and always against the Spanish and the French (which is kinda ironic since our first king was the son of a French noble).

Napolean also took a shot at becoming our emperor but got rapped by Wellington. Again, thank you England.

TL;DR; we were able to stay independent mostly due to England's support and the fact we both disliked Spain and France.

Ralph is missing a lot of history, museums and monuments, he probably doesn't care about none of it.

 

[Blewberry Nausea]

To be fair if Ralph visited any actual historical sites he would probably piss on them in a drunken stupor.

 

[MeltyTW]

Ralphs vacations are really frustrating to watch, he doesnt fucking do anything, even vegas he just did shit he can do at home eating food he could get for cheaper at home. I feel fucking bad for him that he thinks paying more for the same shit to spite people is the height of life, watching ralph just eat, fucking burger king or shrimp cocktails or mayo shrimp makes the world feel smaller and less varied.

He doesnt do any activities, he doesnt even get into common everday antics that you dont even need to laugh at him for to be amusing or heaven forbid entertaining. his entire world is the wallmart, the burger king, and a fast food seafood chain copy pasted across the globe. This is actually what ive feared being near death is like, forgetting warmth love and mirth and instead being drawn to the bare instincts of consumption and comfort, reduced from an agent of your own destiny and mind to little more than a self serving beast who takes no comfort in companionship or higher thinking.

 

[Puck]

Only Ralph would fly across an ocean to just seethe on twitter all day

 

[Darksy DePhil]

He should travel to Ukraine to spite Null.
Preferably somewhere bordering Russia.

 

[CryptoHermit]

Ralphs vacations are really frustrating to watch, he doesnt fucking do anything, even vegas he just did shit he can do at home eating food he could get for cheaper at home. I feel fucking bad for him that he thinks paying more for the same shit to spite people is the height of life, watching ralph just eat, fucking burger king or shrimp cocktails or mayo shrimp makes the world feel smaller and less varied.

He doesnt do any activities, he doesnt even get into common everday antics that you dont even need to laugh at him for to be amusing or heaven forbid entertaining. his entire world is the wallmart, the burger king, and a fast food seafood chain copy pasted across the globe. This is actually what ive feared being near death is like, forgetting warmth love and mirth and instead being drawn to the bare instincts of consumption and comfort, reduced from an agent of your own destiny and mind to little more than a self serving beast who takes no comfort in companionship or higher thinking.

It's called being a modern amerimutt. Null said it better, Ralph and other mutts like him have no significant heritage, culture or history beyond crass consumerism so whenever they go they export the same bland materialism to other countries to not feel uncomfortable. They can't survive outside america so the rest of the world must become just as bland as them. If Ralph acted the way he does with how he treats people and especially women he would actually get attacked or even killed by the aggrieved family outside the US.

 

[Easterling]

He should travel to Ukraine to spite Null.
Preferably somewhere bordering Russia.

just picture it now, fatass is waddling through the snow with his camera towards the trench line, hes out of breath having traversed a full five feet and begins obnoxiously yelling and self promoting 'YEAH KILLSTREAM BABY!' ,shots suddenly ring out from the nearby treeline as the slavic invaders mistake the interoper for a regimental mascot, presumably some kind of pig or walrus.

 

[Post Reply]

I'd heard "living well is the best revenge" but I don't think it meant to fly out of country to eat fast food and overpriced rice.

Do you mean to imply that going on the longest, most expensive Burger King run in history is not "living well"?

 

[mindlessobserver]

He should travel to Ukraine to spite Null.
Preferably somewhere bordering Russia.

Man, Null would absolutely hate that. I can think of nothing that would piss him off more. Let's hope Gunt doesn't do that.