Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[taintmisbehavin]

I wish I could be in the same room as Pam Anderson when someone shows her this "homage" to her Barb Wire role.

The looks on her face as she witnesses Tess cosplaying as a elephantine version of her would be priceless.

The tragedy when you set out to do Pamela Anderson and just end up looking like Louie Anderson in a Pamela Anderson wig.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

My sides, holy shit. The person who posted those behind the scenes pics must really hate her.

 

[maybe a pigeon]

Why does she always have to be so gross?
She looks freaking massive, I guess filters don't work on a crowd.

Why TF is she choosing to wear clothes the same color as her skin. It makes it look like she’s naked.

So … thanks for the PTSD, I guess?

 

[Angry New Ager]

As I looked at those behind-the-scenes photos, I kept thinking, "You know, this is actually a good look for her." She's so goddamned trashy, if she adopted this aesthetic it would make total sense, and seem perfectly natural on her.

 

[NoReturn]

Tess, put that tongue back in your mouth or a crow is going to swoop in, grab it, and have a delicious taco de lengua.

 

[Owlflaps]

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Jesus fuck. She looks like she just came to after a week-long bender and has no idea where she is or where that dog came from.

Barb Wire? More like "Blob Crier!"

 

[M.T. Graves]

Tess is the ultimate best friend. You can always check your reflection in her forehead.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

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An "old Hollywood face," huh? Camera quality has vastly improved since "old Hollywood." I think they just mean they don't want to see the that level of detail or redness. Honey, you have a face for radio.

 

[Alpaca Autopsy Expert]

Barb Wire? More like "Blob Crier!"

Carb Wire?

 

[JambledUpWords]

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Tess, put that tongue back in your mouth or a crow is going to swoop in, grab it, and have a delicious taco de lengua.
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Last I checked, Old Hollywood didn’t have fat faces like Tess’s. Then again, Tess strikes me as the type to say that Marylin Monroe was plus size, so therefore she and her are alike. I see less “Old Hollywood” and more “trashy hooker” with Tess’s aesthetic, especially after her copious amounts of fillers in her face that just end up making her look worse.

 

[Gay Mouth]

“Old Hollywood Face” is a Nick Holliday compliment. Is she missing him? Or just his attention?

 

[Water-T]

"Old Hollywood"?

I believe it. Tess looks like an old hooker you'd find plying her trade on the corner of Hollywood & Vine.

 

[Barbarella]

Old Hollywood? Her face is bigger than the butts of girls of Old Hollywood. Nobody wore lashes doubled up, lips plumped like anuses, or fake freckles that look like dirty black heads. As close as she gets to old Hollywood is looking like Rue Paul wannebes at the Greyhound bus depot, and they aren’t looking for movie parts.

Maybe they meant like personality-wise, like Joan Crawford and her wire hangars.

Delusional, I tell ya. Nobody told her that, she decided it herself, and I guess she’s never seen a movie of that era, where the women were all lithe and elegant and their faces fit their body and were luminous.

Tess is very much a whore of today. She’s lucky that a guy’s every fetish is easy to find, thanks Internet.

If she’d ever been thin she’d be pretty, but not that type of elegant beauty. She’d be a normally pretty girl.

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

Carb Wire?

Lard Liar

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Old Hollywood didn't use smartphone filters that wobble when you tilt your chin up and reveal your rolly-polly neck, Tess.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

Funny, I don't remember ONE Old Hollywood starlet ever being super morbidly obese...

 

[Constellationzero]

Last I checked, Old Hollywood didn’t have fat faces like Tess’s. Then again, Tess strikes me as the type to say that Marylin Monroe was plus size, so therefore she and her are alike. I see less “Old Hollywood” and more “trashy hooker” with Tess’s aesthetic, especially after her copious amounts of fillers in her face that just end up making her look worse.

Last I checked, Old Hollywood:

* Could muster more than one solitary SPED facial expression
* Never bit the insides of their cheeks
* Could color INSIDE THE LINES (CHRIST, that lipstick application looks like it was applied with the accuracy of a dead drunk with a loaded canon)

 

[pumpkintea]

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Tess, put that tongue back in your mouth or a crow is going to swoop in, grab it, and have a delicious taco de lengua.
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Is it literally just the black and white filter that she’s saying is Old Hollywood? Tik Tok is sadder than I thought.

 

[NoReturn]

 

[Water-T]

Barb Wire? More like "Blob Crier!"

Barge Wider!