Grand Jury speculation thread

[A-№1]

Technically he was denied bail because when he was asked to present a plan for his release, he instead demanded to get his toys and basically refused to answer the question until he got them.

That certainly helped convince the court Chris was more trouble that he was worth to bail out, but even had Chris been silent, the court would have reached the same conclusion. I believe the decision was based mostly on Consolvo's position (and the fact that Heilberg didn't bother to challenge it).

As a quick thought experiment, consider what would have happened had Chris been offered bail? How would he have paid it? Would any bail bondsman have taken him on? And assuming for a moment someone did, where would Chris have gone? Not to 14BLC. Not to Tom and Harriet's. So where? Is there any possible scenario where he wouldn't have ended up right back in jail but with a raft of new charges against him?

The end result would always have been the same: Chris in jail for his 40th birthday. I think the court was smart enough to see the obvious and realized there was no point in bailing Chris.

Courts operate in a world of law, testimony, and evidence, but sometimes they have to face reality too, and the reality is that bailing Chris out would only have ended in more unnecessary work for the court and everyone else.

You're only a felon if you're sentenced to more than one year for a single crime.

A single crime that is a felony, and even then the time doesn't matter. It's the conviction, not the sentence, that matters.

For example, corporations have been convicted for felonies, but how do you incarcerate a corporation? Also you can be convicted of a billion misdemeanors without being a felon, but one single felony conviction, even with no time served, is enough to make you a felon.

I forget if Chris plead down all his other felony charges to misdemeanors. I believe he did, but I can't be bothered to look it up. If so, then even for all his shenanigans so far, he still isn't a felon.

 

[A-№1]

I love learning about the shit undergrads talk about in poli sci 101 classes, but while i'm trying to read about chris chan.

You can learn more political science here than in any class.

I know relatively little about the law, but if Fatso serves one year and a day doesn't that make him a Felon?

No. You have to be convicted of a felony to be a felon. A billion misdemeanors don't count.

Which means Chris can still own firearms and, even worse, vote.

It's all due thanks to Barb.

It's all due thanks to Chris.

Because look at Cole Smithy. He's normal, escaped, and understands Barb is a terrible person.

Cole isn't what I'd call normal, but everything else is true. He managed to make himself functional, and he did it without any help from Bob or someone responsible like him. Which means Chris, himself, is entirely responsible for himself being Chris.

 

[Pappy Striderite]

Look at the pictures of Chris and 14BLC over time before and after Bob's death. Bob was the only thing keeping that household together. The house deteriorated in direct correlation as Chris grew larger and Bob was less able to physically control him. Then, once Bob was gone, the rot really set in.

sounds familiar.
seems you n i are the only ones seeing the direct connection of chris' "art" creeping out of chris' areas and taking root on barb's walls as a shadow loomed over barb, darker n darker.

 

[Tits Warrior]

all I could find on the CWCki about a bike accident was this from Kacey Call 18:

If Chris says he was 5-7 years old that means it likely happened when he was 8-10 years old.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

I found this little tidbit in chats with Sean Walker:

I wonder this had any background on the court claiming that Chris was a danger to others. Harriet and Tom seem like the type who wouldn't hessitate to furnish a threatening voicemail to the police.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

That certainly helped convince the court Chris was more trouble that he was worth to bail out, but even had Chris been silent, the court would have reached the same conclusion. I believe the decision was based mostly on Consolvo's position (and the fact that Heilberg didn't bother to challenge it).

I envision that hearing had Heilberg mentally facepalming the moment Chris responded, and wondering what he had got himself into.

A single crime that is a felony, and even then the time doesn't matter. It's the conviction, not the sentence, that matters.

By Virginia law it's the sentence that matters. Specifically a felony is defined in § 18.2-8 as a crime punishable by sentence to a state correctional facility. To be sent to a state correctional facility you must be sentenced to at least one year. All felonies have a minimum sentence of one year. The worst misdemeanors have a maximum sentence of 12 months (thus, even though the time is the same, for a misdemeanor sentence you get 12 months, for a felony sentence of the same period it's phrased as 1 year, a weird distinction in verbiage).

Classified felonies and misdemeanors as described in § 18.2-10 and § 18.2-11, respectively list the periods, with felonies listed as punishable by "imprisonment", and misdemeanors as "confinement in jail", so it's even more apparent there.

Many other states are like this.

Of course, the time ACTUALLY spent incarcerated could be less due to things like good behavior, and some or all of the sentence can be suspended, but the sentence is still what determines if you are a felon or not. A two year suspended sentence is still a two year sentence, you just don't have to serve it, so you're still a felon then even if you never set foot into prison.

I forget if Chris plead down all his other felony charges to misdemeanors. I believe he did, but I can't be bothered to look it up. If so, then even for all his shenanigans so far, he still isn't a felon.

Yes, the two times he was faced with felonies, they were lowered to misdemeanors. The Gamestop case never went to indictment and stayed in General District. In the Snyder case, I believe they were offered misdemeanor pleas but refused to take them as they believed Rob Bell could get them off entirely, so they were indicted and the case moved to Circuit Court, and they didn't blink until they trial was actually set to begin (getting essentially the same outcome they were initially offered, but blowing all of their inheritance from Bob on Rob Bell in the process).

Also something funny I only just noticed, in the Snyder case they recorded Chris as taking an Alford plea (but didn't record one for Barb).

EDIT: Which would imply that they spent all of their inheritance just so Chris could plead Alford instead of Guilty.

Chris did plead guilty for the Gamestop incident. He had a regular Public Defender for that one and he wasn't gonna pull strings over a stupid plea issue.

 

[Ophelia]

Socialism is a swamp filled with nothing but leeches.

This should be embroidered on a throw pillow.

So Chris intentionally left an angry voice mail on Harriet’s home phone? Or does he think they’d be scared by the reality of Barb in the hospital?

 

[Hepativore]

I envision that hearing had Heilberg mentally facepalming the moment Chris responded, and wondering what he had got himself into.



By Virginia law it's the sentence that matters. Specifically a felony is defined in § 18.2-8 as a crime punishable by sentence to a state correctional facility. To be sent to a state correctional facility you must be sentenced to at least one year. All felonies have a minimum sentence of one year. The worst misdemeanors have a maximum sentence of 12 months (thus, even though the time is the same, for a misdemeanor sentence you get 12 months, for a felony sentence of the same period it's phrased as 1 year, a weird distinction in verbiage).

Classified felonies and misdemeanors as described in § 18.2-10 and § 18.2-11, respectively list the periods, with felonies listed as punishable by "imprisonment", and misdemeanors as "confinement in jail", so it's even more apparent there.

Many other states are like this.

Of course, the time ACTUALLY spent incarcerated could be less due to things like good behavior, and some or all of the sentence can be suspended, but the sentence is still what determines if you are a felon or not. A two year suspended sentence is still a two year sentence, you just don't have to serve it, so you're still a felon then even if you never set foot into prison.



Yes, the two times he was faced with felonies, they were lowered to misdemeanors. The Gamestop case never went to indictment and stayed in General District. In the Snyder case, I believe they were offered misdemeanor pleas but refused to take them as they believed Rob Bell could get them off entirely, so they were indicted and the case moved to Circuit Court, and they didn't blink until they trial was actually set to begin (getting essentially the same outcome they were initially offered, but blowing all of their inheritance from Bob on Rob Bell in the process).

Also something funny I only just noticed, in the Snyder case they recorded Chris as taking an Alford plea (but didn't record one for Barb).

EDIT: Which would imply that they spent all of their inheritance just so Chris could plead Alford instead of Guilty.

Chris did plead guilty for the Gamestop incident. He had a regular Public Defender for that one and he wasn't gonna pull strings over a stupid plea issue.

Slightly off-topic, but does Virginia have anything like a Three-Strikes law?

 

[A-№1]

I envision that hearing had Heilberg mentally facepalming the moment Chris responded, and wondering what he had got himself into.

I hear a voiceover in my head: "It was at this moment Heilberg knew… he fucked up."

By Virginia law it's the sentence that matters.

But the charge defines the sentence, not the other way around.

You can be convicted of a felony and immediately go on probation with zero time actually served, but you'd still be a felon. Of course if you fuck up that probation (Chris would) you'd go straight to prison, but even if you then somehow don't spend the full time in, you'd still be a felon.

they believed Rob Bell could get them off entirely

I think that was Barb's belief. I don't think Chris was paying much attention beyond nodding along with whatever mommy Barb said.

EDIT: Which would imply that they spent all of their inheritance just so Chris could plead Alford instead of Guilty.

Financhu wizzerds indeed. I wonder if Rob Bell was laughing all the way to the bank or facepalming. Probably facepalming.

So Chris intentionally left an angry voice mail on Harriet’s home phone? Or does he think they’d be scared by the reality of Barb in the hospital?

I'm not sure what the fuck he was talking about there. He didn't exactly specify which relative. If it was Tom and Harriet, then that was some quality bridge burning on Chris' part. If it was some other relatives, then well, "wut" indeed.

Slightly off-topic, but does Virginia have anything like a Three-Strikes law?

Sort of. It's more like a 2-5 strikes depending, and what counts as a strike is a little different. Suffice to say, it's probably only a matter of time before Chris qualifies, one way or the other.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Sort of. It's more like a 2-5 strikes depending, and what counts as a strike is a little different. Suffice to say, it's probably only a matter of time before Chris qualifies, one way or the other.

Chris won't get a strike for incest, as the only statute that includes it (§ 18.2-67.5:2 , which is actually a two strikes law) only includes sex with child/grandchild.

If he is convicted for oral sex (as a felony, not a misdemeanor), however, then it would be a strike under that statute (as it makes no such distinction), and if he committed any further crimes covered by that statute he would receive the maximum sentence for whatever the second offense was.

However if he committed any crimes under the three-strikes statute, this conviction would not count as a strike, as the three strikes law only covers sex crimes under Article 7 (crimes against the person, sexual assault), if I'm reading the wording correctly.

I don't think Chris will be getting any strikes in the future though. They're mostly felonies of the most serious type, and the stupid shit Chris tends to do doesn't really fall in that category. Barb was kind of a special case.

I don't see Chris robbing liquor stores at gunpoint or fucking children. Not even the pepper spray incident would count as a strike if he'd been convicted on it with his original felony charge he was arrested on.

For violent crime, he'd have to murder someone, be part of organized crime/gangs, violently kidnap someone, injure someone with a gun/knife/etc. with intent to maim/kill, violently rob/carjack someone, or commit arson when someone was inside the building (misusing a coffee maker doesn't count). Chris is a petty crime kind of guy.

For sex crimes, he's a bit creepier, but he's more of a sexual harassment/beg for sex kind of guy. If Chris had fucked some old lady other than Barb, he wouldn't be in trouble. If for some ungodly reason a 15-17 year old decides they want to fuck the infamous Chris Chan, that's only a misdemeanor (unless for some further ungodly reason the parents put Chris in a supervisory position over them).

Moving forward, I just don't see Chris getting any strikes unless he takes a seriously dark turn towards real violence. Or if he's given unrestricted access to Barb again. OR if he somehow winds up alone in a bedroom with a woman who is passed out drunk and he decides that silence is consent.

 

[The Cunting Death]

Fun fact about Chris's hearing date: it'll be on the 44th anniversary of animal house, the 40th anniversary of an officer and a gentleman, the 5th anniversary of the emoji movie, the 23rd anniversary of deep blue sea, the 29th anniversary of Robin Hood men in tights, and the 72nd of Disney's Alice in wonderland.

dude stop shitting the threads with retarded ass pop culture references.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

I'm not sure what the fuck he was talking about there. He didn't exactly specify which relative. If it was Tom and Harriet, then that was some quality bridge burning on Chris' part. If it was some other relatives, then well, "wut" indeed.

Earlier in the chat at the link I posted, he names Harriet and Tom for that voicemail. Chris was telling Sean not to trust certain women, then segues into Harriet and Tom banning him. Since Barb wasn't in the hospital due to an accident or anything, I doubt Chris merely saying she was in the hospital was "scary". I bet Harriet told him that she was not comfortable with him and the "scared of my autism" kicked in, and Chris tarded out and "Well if they think I'm scary, I'll show them scary". Would make sense then for Harriet and Tom diming out Chris to the fuzz.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

I don't see Chris robbing liquor stores at gunpoint or fucking children. Not even the pepper spray incident would count as a strike if he'd been convicted on it with his original felony charge he was arrested on.

For violent crime, he'd have to murder someone, be part of organized crime/gangs, violently kidnap someone, injure someone with a gun/knife/etc. with intent to maim/kill, violently rob/carjack someone, or commit arson when someone was inside the building (misusing a coffee maker doesn't count). Chris is a petty crime kind of guy.

I hope you're right but Chris does have a violent side, he did in all sincerity ask Null to kill someone for him and his comic shows the kind of stuff he'd like to do to people he hates.

In his current unhinged state Chris is pretty unpredictable, like if someone bought his old home and got a restraining order against Chris because he kept turning up demanding entrance to access a magical portal in there or something stupid like that I don't know if Chris would get so mad he'd try and run them over or something like that.

 

[A-№1]

Chris won't get a strike for incest,

I didn't say he would. At this point it's almost impossible anyways, since he has run out of relatives willing to have anything to do with him, much less fuck him. But I'm talking about the future, not the present or past.

I don't think Chris will be getting any strikes in the future though. They're mostly felonies of the most serious type, and the stupid shit Chris tends to do doesn't really fall in that category.

For now. Chris is not getting better. He's getting worse. His halcyon days at 14BLC are over. The tard home saga awaits, and then the homeless saga. Do you really think they'll change Chris for the better? Chris has run out of time, and eventually the criminal justice system in Virginia will run out of patience.

I don't know if Chris would get so mad he'd try and run them over or something like that.

It wouldn't be the first time.

As low as Chris is now, he still has a lot further to fall. If he gets another car, he's fucked. If he gets into drugs while homeless, he's fucked. In so many limitless ways Chris is fucked. His life is about to take a hard turn to misery, and we all know how well Chris doesn't handle discomfort or being thwarted.

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

The latest Kengle letter (dated 1/13) implies to me that this hearing probably broke Chris. The realization was beginning to dawn on him going into this hearing, but there's no way he was prepared for the outcome.

Spending Christmas in jail was probably his first actual wakeup call. But he probably thought in January that the February hearing would magically end in his release. I dont think, even if he's acclimated to jail, that he believed they'd make him spend his birthday in jail.

If he's going through stages of grief while in jail, 2/3 must have pushed him into a new stage of it.

 

[A Grey Cat]

The latest Kengle letter (dated 1/13) implies to me that this hearing probably broke Chris. The realization was beginning to dawn on him going into this hearing, but there's no way he was prepared for the outcome.

Spending Christmas in jail was probably his first actual wakeup call. But he probably thought in January that the February hearing would magically end in his release. I dont think, even if he's acclimated to jail, that he believed they'd make him spend his birthday in jail.

If he's going through stages of grief while in jail, 2/3 must have pushed him into a new stage of it.

It's only speculation but I think the court denied him bail then kept him in jail all this time to break his spirit. Make him nice and quiet and thus more susceptible to his punishment without sperging about how he doesn't deserve it. After all the final stage is always acceptance.

15-17 year old decides they want to fuck the infamous Chris Chan

The closest we got to THAT being a reality was with Fiona. Taking everything we know about her into account she was a gen zer with a crush on classic Chris, and daddy issues that left her with a fetish for older slobs. Even after learning modern Chris isn't exactly the same chubby dork in the striped shirt he was 20 years ago, but a troon with a gourd for a head and a potato on toothpicks for a body. She was still curious enough to wanna meet him. If not outright jump his bones.

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

It's only speculation but I think the court denied him bail then kept him in jail all this time to break his spirit. Make him nice and quiet and thus more susceptible to his punishment without sperging about how he doesn't deserve it. After all the final stage is always acceptance.

They always say first impressions are everything.

Obviously we wont know the judge's opinion, but his first hearing with Chris, separate of his offenses, did include boasting of being famous, demanding his ill-gotten toys back, and requesting they hurry up the legal because this was making him, the alleged motherfucker, uncomfortable. Oh, and probably demanding he be called "she," despite appearances.

That's rife for at least some Seinfeldian karma, a level of pettiness within the confines of the judge's legal role.

 

[Sharkbait]

They always say first impressions are everything.

Obviously we wont know the judge's opinion, but his first hearing with Chris, separate of his offenses, did include boasting of being famous, demanding his ill-gotten toys back, and requesting they hurry up the legal because this was making him, the alleged motherfucker, uncomfortable. Oh, and probably demanding he be called "she," despite appearances.

That's rife for at least some Seinfeldian karma, a level of pettiness within the confines of the judge's legal role.

I think the one pronoun shite we can agree to call him is "the defendant"

 

[A Grey Cat]

I think the one pronoun shite we can agree to call him is "the defendant"

Someone did use male pronouns when Chris was at his bail hearing, and Chris flipped at that. Even having an "it's Ms!" Momment like what happened at a 7 11 once. The judge or whoever it was had to tell Chris he was just quoting what that sheet was saying. Still even if that was true I doubt anyone there not even heilburg wanted to call Chris "Ms."

 

[FinnSven]

I think the one pronoun shite we can agree to call him is "the defendant"

Makes me think of the old joke;

What do you call a scouser (Liverpool native) in a suit?

“The accused”.