Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[AMHOLIO]

Apparently, she wants to have features from both sexes that are attractive, to be some sort of sexy androgynous... thing. I tried to gently explain to her that this would make her look like a freak that neither men nor women would find attractive, but she didn't listen.

Ohh, power of coomerism. That makes sense...ish.

 

[Sarcastic sockpuppet]

Yeah, a lot of randoms troons are lurking on the forum. Maybe your local troon is as well. As much as i enjoy reading this thread, Stay vague, stay safe.

Apparently, she wants to have features from both sexes that are attractive, to be some sort of sexy androgynous... thing. I tried to gently explain to her that this would make her look like a freak that neither men nor women would find attractive, but she didn't listen.

SHe may also be shitting you, you did admit you were not always the best boyfriend to her...

Of course androgyny rarely is attractive on normies. In the literary canon it's a feature of angels, in pop culture you have your feminine-looking singers... But in reality, addicts and fat basketcases can be androgynous too, it ain't pretty. You can always search the GRS thread for phalloplasties. Of all the surgeries it really seems to be the worse one.

I had a verbally & mentally abusive ex back in 2014 who always drew I guess futa or gay porn/hentai. They were bisexual. Now it’s 2022 and I went to look at their Twitter and they were on hormone treatment to transition into a woman and I mean their voice drastically changed into a more feminine voice but immediately regretted their decision & now they’re fucked.

That last part sounds fake because HRT doesn't do shit to men's voice, they can (and will) go back to their masculine register. If they didn't start blockers before the part of puberty when the voice change, their natural voice will always be a bit lower and they will have to train their voice to sound more feminine. It's Tif who get their voice permanently fucked by T.

 

[snake aids]

My girlfriend decided she was really a boy, or non binary (but really wants the fake penis). I really just don't get it. I'm hoping she doesn't actually go through with it but I haven't heard from her in a while.

Spoiler: Spergery

She apparently always had a strong desire to have a penis and be the active partner with it, particularly with another female. Being a straight male, I of course had no problem with this. I thought it was just a fetish, and she'd realize she wouldn't actually be able to do it. Another thing that probably contributed was feeling inferior to her sister, who was better than her athletically, taller than her, generally got more attention for being attractive, and was basically a shithead to her when they were growing up (I don't think more than any two siblings close in age, but still). Her parents were not very involved in her life outside of sports either. I definitely also screwed up with her and made her feel like a failure as a woman, which I really regret. Last time I talked to her, she seemed to be happy that her plan to mutilate her body was making me upset. I've tried to reach out to her a few times since then to no avail.

TLDR; I'm retarded. I've pretty much given up on her now.

Fuck.. Sorry to hear, dude.

 

[Analog Devolved]

Apparently, she wants to have features from both sexes that are attractive, to be some sort of sexy androgynous... thing. I tried to gently explain to her that this would make her look like a freak that neither men nor women would find attractive, but she didn't listen.

Troons never listen.

 

[behindyourightnow]

I've been exactly here to the extreme. Many moons ago, not related to the current thread topic. You mentioned PTSD, my narcolepsy was directly related to my PTSD. I jumped through hoops to prove it was mental, not physical. Once I finally got sleep studies and biometrics observed, I was treated for the cause.
Push it. Get studies done. There's a correlation between your physical symptoms and mental health.
Unfortunately sometimes we have to force them to see it, and not throw bullshit treatments our way.
Fight for your life.

On the other hand, narcolepsy has a pretty well established physical cause (it’s often triggered by a virus) and can be treated wonderfully with drugs like Modafinil which have close to zero side effects, so she could also just … do that.

Don’t want to invalidate your experience, but it’s usually a physical condition and the treatments are not “bullshit,” especially when they stop you dozing off behind the wheel of a car.

 

[sasanian]

SHe may also be shitting you, you did admit you were not always the best boyfriend to her...

Of course androgyny rarely is attractive on normies. In the literary canon it's a feature of angels, in pop culture you have your feminine-looking singers... But in reality, addicts and fat basketcases can be androgynous too, it ain't pretty. You can always search the GRS thread for phalloplasties. Of all the surgeries it really seems to be the worse one.

I think that might be part of it, she seemed to be happy that this was making me upset. However, she kept this and a lot of other things bottled up for months before telling me anything about it. I definitely screwed up in a lot of ways with her (which I will not elaborate on because it will make me look bad and also nobody wants to hear about it) but deciding she was trans really caught me by surprise.
Yeah I tried to tell her that, e.g. she could dress androgynously and still look good but apparently that's not enough. One of the many things that bothers me about "phalloplasty" is the flesh they remove from your arm or leg. Just the thought of her having a giant chunk of her leg ripped out make me feel sick. I really wish I could have talked her out of it. I hope she hasn't done it yet.

 

[DumbDude42]

I think that might be part of it, she seemed to be happy that this was making me upset. However, she kept this and a lot of other things bottled up for months before telling me anything about it. I definitely screwed up in a lot of ways with her (which I will not elaborate on because it will make me look bad and also nobody wants to hear about it) but deciding she was trans really caught me by surprise.
Yeah I tried to tell her that, e.g. she could dress androgynously and still look good but apparently that's not enough. One of the many things that bothers me about "phalloplasty" is the flesh they remove from your arm or leg. Just the thought of her having a giant chunk of her leg ripped out make me feel sick. I really wish I could have talked her out of it. I hope she hasn't done it yet.

>going trans to spite your ex
>mutilating your genitals and making yourself permanently infertile to get back at a former lover
she sounds absolutely batshit crazy tbh

 

[sasanian]

>going trans to spite your ex
>mutilating your genitals and making yourself permanently infertile to get back at a former lover
she sounds absolutely batshit crazy tbh

I can see how you would come to that conclusion from what I've said. Just keep in mind I am being intentionally very one sided. It probably sounds like cope, but she was at one point a very nice person. Ok, I'll stop shitting up the thread now.

 

[rotpocket]

I have my own story to share, on the bright side this person led to me understanding that the trans movement was a farce and kept me from ever being dumb enough to think I myself could've been trans and led to me accepting myself as the dorky and awkward person I am today

My very best friend, and only person who I ever truly connected to off the internet while in high school, decided to come out as trans (FtM) when we were 14. She started hanging out with a group of people on Deviantart where the one girl came out as trans, and then her online boyfriend (who was 4 years older than her) came out as 'gay'. Only a week or so after these two came out she came out as trans and started socially transitioning. Her take on socially transitioning? Suddenly started drawing a lot of porn, stopped showering, cut her hair kind of short, and started wearing more t-shirts and complaining about her boobs. Up until this point she'd given no signs of being uncomfortable with her body beyond the normal 'I wish my stomach was flatter' type stuff.

At first I respected her decision, adopted her new pronouns of he/him, and referred to her by her name (that she got from South Park lmfao). I was confused, but I was a strong 'ally' to the LGBT+ community and just wanted to be as good a friend and supporter as I could. Then her mental health started to deteriorate, and she started lying online about a host of mental illnesses picked up from her online friends. Started claiming she was bipolar, then switched to that anxiety disorder where you have panic attacks a lot, claimed to be otherkin, then it was schizophrenia, then schizoaffective, depression, started lying online saying she cut herself (she didn't at the time), just a whole bunch of crazy labels while never going to the doctor or a therapist or anything. She started lying about stuff that was happening in her real life, like claims she was being jumped by classmates in the boy's bathroom (only me and one other person irl knew she was trans, and she didn't use the boy's bathroom), claims of being sexually assaulted by her mentally retarded cousin, sexually assaulted by random boys in school, etc. Just a lot of bullshit.

Then she started consuming MASSIVE amounts of porn. Feral porn, Pokemon porn, My Little Pony porn, MineCraft porn, just got really weird REALLY fast. Fast forward two years and her narcissistic behavior and constant lying was starting to get to me, she started whining about how I shouldn't talk about my problems because being tRaNs meant she was soooooo oppressed and had it so hard, she dropped out of school because of the 'bullying', and turned to drawing furry porn and e-rping with her much older boyfriend. She always needed me to compliment how 'manly' she was, or she'd have a meltdown and say I was transphobic or something similar. At one point something bad happened to me, and I vented about it to her, and she turned it into her own story- that was the final straw for me, I blocked her, and said that she was a shit friend and I wanted nothing to do with her.
On the bright side, she is now fat and I would not have sex with her.

For the longest time I thought something was wrong with me for not seeing her as trans but rather influenced by some very horrible people online, but the more FtMs I met, the more I realized they were all groomed into it and had really weird ideas on what being a man was, and all of them were chronic liars with way too much free time. I'm still a little sad that I lost her as I truly did care and love her at one point, but I'm glad she's no longer part of my life and I don't have to deal with someone who needs my constant praise and asskissing 24/7.

 

[MightyMorphin'Willbender]

Might kind of witness one myself soon boys and girls.
An acquaintance is showing all the signs, i.e. change of clothes and hair; nonstop hornyposting of porn that does not involve their sex.

I talk to their mom on occasion. Should I say anything?

 

[Carnivorous Plant]

I've had 4 guy friends troon out. Each and every time it happened within 6 months after they asked me out and got rejected. 3 of the 4 of them blatantly tried to skinwalk as me, and it has to be an ego thing, right? A "If you're not going to date me, then I'll just become a "better" version of you!!" kind of situation? I'm not anything remotely noteworthy as far as women go. I'm fairly certain this only happened so much because of the spaces I frequented. Far too many resentful, autistic men who were never socialized properly take up space in all kinds of hobbies.

The remaining one was.... interesting. He tried to ask me out again (loathe to PL but I'm not into men. He definitely thought he found a loophole) and when I rejected him again he eventually walked back on the trans thing completely. I checked his socials the other month and all he does is post pictures of lesbian ships from children's cartoons. "He/Him" still in his bio though, lol.

There are a few people who interact with me in such a way that I'm worried about this happening again. Each time feels more dehumanizing than the last.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I talk to their mom on occasion. Should I say anything?

Yes. You're losing them anyway; be a bro and at least give Mom a heads-up.

 

[Ser Prize]

Apparently, she wants to have features from both sexes that are attractive, to be some sort of sexy androgynous... thing. I tried to gently explain to her that this would make her look like a freak that neither men nor women would find attractive, but she didn't listen.

There's this strange obsession with androgyny that some men and women have. Was your gf really into yaoi stuff?

 

[Bob jensen]

Something people also seem to forget is that this shit is here forever. If you say it, barring you going back and deleting it (and even then), someone can just look through your post history. "Who would do that, sit there for five hours and read everything I wrote?" Gee, I dunno, a crazy jilted troon lover? a very fat man with lots of time on his hands? but i repeat myself

I didn't think I could delete a post or I would have by now, or at least edit out some oversharing bits..

It's been cathartic to release it. Most responses have been meaningful, even if hard to take.

Yoga and meditation has been quite helpful. Foremost I need to stay calm and rational.

It's better if I continue to read here, enjoying my other favorite threads too, and not log in!!

To the other posters here having a rough time, do whatever works for you to clear your head. Meditation, therapy, nature walks, going to the gym, etc. Stay healthy and take care of yourselves. Don't give up because of someone else's choices.

 

[sasanian]

Might kind of witness one myself soon boys and girls.
An acquaintance is showing all the signs, i.e. change of clothes and hair; nonstop hornyposting of porn that does not involve their sex.

I talk to their mom on occasion. Should I say anything?

Yes. Do whatever you can.

There's this strange obsession with androgyny that some men and women have. Was your gf really into yaoi stuff?

Not really. Was more into furry stuff. Generally wasn't obsessed with that sort of thing, thankfully. Or at least I thought she wasn't. She wasn't as much of a deranged coomer as some people I've seen on here but that's not saying much.

 

[AMHOLIO]

Might kind of witness one myself soon boys and girls.
An acquaintance is showing all the signs, i.e. change of clothes and hair; nonstop hornyposting of porn that does not involve their sex.

I talk to their mom on occasion. Should I say anything?

The real question is: what DO you say?

Without knowing details, I think to someone's parent with a friendly air of concern is fine. Like, hey, have you notice your son acting different lately? Gently approach the topic. Focus on the behavior changes because coming off as instantly implying someone will troon out or that trans could be anything but beneficial to someone is taking the focus away from the real issue and makes you sound unhinged. Express concern in your approach and not instantly go to "Ma'am your son is going from man to ma'am". While your friend likely has a circle of generspecials, the important part is changing their personality and following strange influences.

Presenting it as a general worry is better anyway: it couls turn out you're wrong, and if it turns out you're right, the mom won't say to the child that you had concerns, meaning you can still watch your friend without being reported (likely on accident) as a cryptotransphobe to them. This way you can choose.

I've had 4 guy friends troon out. Each and every time it happened within 6 months after they asked me out and got rejected. 3 of the 4 of them blatantly tried to skinwalk as me, and it has to be an ego thing, right? A "If you're not going to date me, then I'll just become a "better" version of you!!" kind of situation? I'm not anything remotely noteworthy as far as women go. I'm fairly certain this only happened so much because of the spaces I frequented. Far too many resentful, autistic men who were never socialized properly take up space in all kinds of hobbies.

The remaining one was.... interesting. He tried to ask me out again (loathe to PL but I'm not into men. He definitely thought he found a loophole) and when I rejected him again he eventually walked back on the trans thing completely. I checked his socials the other month and all he does is post pictures of lesbian ships from children's cartoons. "He/Him" still in his bio though, lol.

There are a few people who interact with me in such a way that I'm worried about this happening again. Each time feels more dehumanizing than the last.

What hobbies? Did you go to Tabel top or Card Game meetings? Because 3 is too much.

Whatever it is, if it keeps happening maybe you need to start bringing in someone to pretend to be your date or focus more on yourself than these tards (because a large man in a skirt shouldn't make you feel mocked - he should be the one feeling like a joke by going to these extremes). How do other people in these groups react to them? Are you getting support?

I didn't think I could delete a post or I would have by now, or at least edit out some oversharing bits..

I'm on mobile but does this help?

 

[Bob jensen]

View attachment 3163433
I'm on mobile but does this help?

I don't have those dots? On mobile too. Would send screenshot from my end but don't know how to scrub from mobile either. Thank you though, if I figure it out will try.

Reminds me of a recent situation with my boss telling me I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do, then showing him I *couldnt* bc I didn't have the administrative permission level to do so lol

This life is out there!

 

[Meiwaku]

I've had 4 guy friends troon out. Each and every time it happened within 6 months after they asked me out and got rejected. 3 of the 4 of them blatantly tried to skinwalk as me, and it has to be an ego thing, right? A "If you're not going to date me, then I'll just become a "better" version of you!!" kind of situation? I'm not anything remotely noteworthy as far as women go. I'm fairly certain this only happened so much because of the spaces I frequented. Far too many resentful, autistic men who were never socialized properly take up space in all kinds of hobbies.

The remaining one was.... interesting. He tried to ask me out again (loathe to PL but I'm not into men. He definitely thought he found a loophole) and when I rejected him again he eventually walked back on the trans thing completely. I checked his socials the other month and all he does is post pictures of lesbian ships from children's cartoons. "He/Him" still in his bio though, lol.

There are a few people who interact with me in such a way that I'm worried about this happening again. Each time feels more dehumanizing than the last.

Wait.. so they knew you were a lesbo and asked you out anyways? As if some autistic nerdy manchild "in the friendzone" would be the one to change your mind and realize the error of your scizzoring ways? L m f a o

 

[Hyperborean Fried Rice]

My best friends since the 8th grade trooned out many moons ago. She's an FTM. Around 2015 I urged her to make a tumblr and post her art and participate in the WoW community there because she would complain to me sometimes about how her fanart got zero attention on instagram. I feel a lot of guilt for this and in a way blame myself for her trooning. She went from being a theybie, to otherkin, to "gender non conforming trans masc", to full blown FTM. She got really into cringe wicca (I do astrology and I'm self aware we've always been nerds) but the otherkin came along with her new found "spirituality". Thru out our entire friendship she never once mentioned anything about gender identity issues; sure we would talk sometimes about how boys must have it SO easy because their social expectations are different than women's lol.

The last time I saw her IRL she was "socially transitioning" basically just dressing like a butch but something i noticed is that she would self police her body language and mannerisms if she "slipped up" and carried herself in a feminine way. Currently she is on T now and discussing getting the tit chop on twitter. Has been on T for a few years now I think. We had a falling out back in 2019 because she basically told me she couldnt be my friend because I was a terf/radfem/gender crit (im not really a RF). I told her that I will always love her and never block her on any socials and that she can message me anytime she wants; but friends don't lie to their friends. Thus I couldn't use he/him pronouns and use her STUPID and CRINGE typical fakeboi name.

Something that still get's me is how much of a normal female friendship we had growing up. She was one of the oldest friends I kept in contact with as an adult. We were just typical girls and did typical gamergurrlllll things. I'm basically offended that she is asking me to rewrite all those wonderful memories with her as a HE, she says she was always a he, even back then. It's distasteful.

Somethings that stand out to me that i will put into bullet points.
- I asked her why she wanted to be a man and she said "idk pronouns and button downs feel right"
- She is hetero
- When we argued once I noticed she jumps between gender dysphoria being a mental illness while also saying that trans people are not mentally ill
- She has or does not have dysphoria depending on what she's arguing at the time
- She takes offense to radfems who use the term "dysphoric female"
- She was a pretty big femcoomer, I think this might have something to do with her feeling alienated from women. We're talking like pretty degen hentai stuff.
- She told me "I want to be a man with big hairy tits. Is that so wrong!!?" I told her yes, because men do not enjoy having moobs. (this was before she started coveting top surgery)
- She, like most trans men, doesnt want to be Rob the Guy, or Bill the Dude. They want to be Sebastian The Beautiful Demon or whatever
- She wanted to do the mpreg thing and then later changed her mind and said it gave her dysphoria.
- I get the vibe she changes her "narrative" with whatever makes her seem the most Valid at any given time. But it's obvious to me that she does not have "true" GID. (if its even a real thing im on the fence)

Since she's basically no contact now there's nothing I can do. I'm letting her come to me if anything changes. But it still hurts.

 

[Penis Drager]

Maybe a year ago, a buddy of mine's brother lost his virginity to a GameStop employee. She was kinda tomboyish (and frankly unattractive. She was fat). Really cool girl to have chit-chat with. On his birthday, she came out to everyone as a dude and declared that the relationship was over. Massive bitch move but I guess I'm the real asshole for cracking the joke soon after that my friend's brother's gay now since he fucked a dude.

That's about it for relevant things I can say on the topic. I knew a few dudes in high school who ended up trooning out but I had basically no relationship with them.