Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Draxx them Sklounst]

I find the ongoing Lucas love quest a bit bizarre, because the reality is at this point his ability to attract women is totally irrelevant since they couldn't be his girlfriend in any conventional sense. Maybe it's insulting to quantify women's roles in relationships like this, but what exactly would he get out of having a "girlfriend"?

- It seems like the assumption tends to be that he's after sex, except even if he could before there's no chance in hell Lucas could sexually operate anymore, and I even question how much sex drive he could have. Between his extremely poor health, inability to comfortably connect with other people, and the fact he's on antipsychotics which almost always severely affect sex drive, I doubt he could or even would want to attempt to screw. He might give it a shot one time purely because that's what cool guys are supposed to do with women, fail and embarrass himself, and that would be it.

- I know sometimes it's nice to just have someone to take on a date if you have extra money lying around, but he doesn't have any money and he doesn't actually enjoy going anywhere.

- He has no place of residence so it's not like he wants to move her in and be in a weird sexless roomate-esque relationship akin to someone like DSP where she's mainly there for company and status.

So what would "dating" even look like for Lucas? Does he want her to just exist in his general vicinity and nod when he refers to her as his girlfriend? I realize he'd end up trying to get a girl who's young enough to be his daughter to pay for everything and house him and whatnot because he's pathetic, but that's not specific to women, he does that to everyone.

I guess my point is that originally Lucas' obsession with barely legal women was probably due to being a sexless creep, but I think we've long since reached a stage of inceldom where to him they've become nothing but walking representations of him not getting his way, which is probably even more worrying. Hopefully he loses those legs quick.

I've often wondered that myself... what would he even DO with a girl, should he get one? This is like a dog chasing a car.

 

[Stinkyboy]

Why the fuck does he have a ramekin full of what looks like mustard and mayo?

On a spoon too… is he eating it by itself?

-edit-
The glare on the side plate tricked me. A plateful of mustard/mayo is still weird.

 

[ThomasAudley]

Looks like jello and whipped cream to me

 

[Stinkyboy]

Hadn’t really considered dessert. Could also be cheap lemon meringue.

 

[mothman96]

Since the Creep's cons for lunch/dinner doordash have been successful, he's now giving it a go for mornings too. He's not "usually" a breakfast person (he'd have to be tied to the bed to miss breakfast), but is sad he missed breakfast this morning.

ETA:
I don't believe the only thing served for breakfast was a bagel with cream cheese. Some other food was included.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Poor Lucas did not get doordashed last night. This is what they serve him. He "almost never needs seconds", he says. Yeah...Cough (bullshit) cough. View attachment 3171878View attachment 3171877

Are his hands too shaky to apply condiments? Putting ketchup on your food shouldn't look like someone cumming blood all over your plate

Edit: He's "not a breakfast person, but he's sad he woke up too late for breakfast today"?

That doesn't even make any sense. If you have an appetite early in the morning, it's because your body is used to food in the morning. People who don't eat breakfast tend not to get hungry when they get up, usually just a cup of coffee and go. There's absolutely no way that Lucas got to the size he's at in as short of a period of time as he's been at Mallon without seconds on all three meals.

Edit: I second the thought that he can't have much of a sex drive anymore. In the past, when he wrote that long piece for the "It gets better" project, he mentioned the chief side effects that he dislikes from his antipsychotics being shaky hands, sedation, and killing his sex drive. With him being about 10 plus years older now, there's no way it isn't even worse.

Edit:. This whole "Look at my food, you be the judge about whether it's good enough, and if you don't think so, then send me something better!", is so uniquely, obnoxiously lucas. When he first got to Mallon, he was talking about how good the food was, and one of the videos when he's playing with Jamie or somebody he even asks one of his neighbors if they agree that the food is good. But of course, after this long of being deprived of the level of binging that he likes, now he's decided the food is terrible. Kind of interesting that he ballooned up over a hundred pounds if the food is so bad, right? He's always so ungrateful for everything he's given, that's one of the aspects of his personality that makes him the most detestable. There are other people who get government assistance, and they're glad to have what they have, I mean I'm not saying you need to get down on your knees and praise god, but the fact that Lucas is always turning his nose up at his own benefits, and in this case the food, it's just disgusting. He's an abhorrent human being.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

I'm interested to see how his new caffeine addiction will play out. Too much or too little (for a typically heavy consumer) can make a person snappy and extremely irritable. I wonder if he'll part ways with Mallon in a caffeine fueled chimpout. However, the clown said he chimped in that restaurant with Suzanne because he had too much caffeine from soda. That would have to be like more than a two-liter amount of soda to get enough caffeine to be irritable. He drank two Bangs in the same day last week and that's the limit of what anyone should ever have in a day. The too much caffeine excuse for that restaurant incident is probably bullshit, but if it isn't then you'd think we'd have seen another example of it by now with his multiple coffees every meal on top of these energy drinks. I guess it's possible his meds might be negating the irritability. If he does leave Mallon, quit taking his meds, and keep up the same level of caffeine consumption, then we might get some new chimpout vids this summer like that 2020 compilation of him completely losing his shit.

 

[Stinkyboy]

I’d be surprised if he wasn’t advised to be careful about his caffeine intake. Someone that large absolutely has to have heart problems; being stressed both by actual distance within the body it has to pump to, and arterial clogging from cheap and fatty foods.

Dr. Niggae knows best, so he doesn’t need to listen.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

I'm interested to see how his new caffeine addiction will play out. Too much or too little (for a typically heavy consumer) can make a person snappy and extremely irritable. I wonder if he'll part ways with Mallon in a caffeine fueled chimpout. However, the clown said he chimped in that restaurant with Suzanne because he had too much caffeine from soda. That would have to be like more than a two-liter amount of soda to get enough caffeine to be irritable. He drank two Bangs in the same day last week and that's the limit of what anyone should ever have in a day. The too much caffeine excuse for that restaurant incident is probably bullshit, but if it isn't then you'd think we'd have seen another example of it by now with his multiple coffees every meal on top of these energy drinks. I guess it's possible his meds might be negating the irritability. If he does leave Mallon, quit taking his meds, and keep up the same level of caffeine consumption, then we might get some new chimpout vids this summer like that 2020 compilation of him completely losing his shit.

Perhaps I'm remembering wrong, but didn't he blame the throwing the glass in the restaurant incident on too much sugar, not caffeine? I mean, it's obviously bullshit, unless you're 5 years old, and excess of sugar isn't going to make you lash out in domestic violence. This new fixation on high caffeine drinks kind of surprised me, because I associate Lucas with being afraid of coffee kind of like Russell Greer? He famously took his hot chocolate elsewhere. Excuse me, his hot cocoa.

But you're absolutely right, if the amount of caffeine and sugar in Coke made Lucas freak out, then energy drinks should have him climbing the walls and getting into fist fights with total strangers. It's a much stronger "up".

(There's something about a grown man calling that drink "cocoa" that just has pedophile creeper written all over it)

 

[For the Love of Mancy]

Perhaps I'm remembering wrong, but didn't he blame the throwing the glass in the restaurant incident on too much sugar, not caffeine?

It was caffeine.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

It was caffeine.

View attachment 3172864

Didn't he throw the glass because there was a father there with his two daughters, but Lucas thought it was some old guy with two honeys and was pissed off about it?

 

[For the Love of Mancy]

Didn't he throw the glass because there was a father there with his two daughters, but Lucas thought it was some old guy with two honeys and was pissed off about it?

He was “under some stress trying to figure out some problems with Faster Than Light telemetrics and also cleaning up her messes in-between cooking her meals and shit.”

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

It was caffeine.

View attachment 3172864

I know this discussion has been driven into the ground but caffeine is the excuse he used for his violent behavior. Fact is no one knows exactly what the story is about what happened in that restaurant except Lucas and his ex. But it is pretty obvious that too many sodas don’t turn people into violent maniacs.

I couldn’t point you to the exact page but this incident was covered in the thread somewhere awhile back where it was pieced together pretty well what happened, the how’s and why’s, which gave a pretty convincing summation of it.

Ending up in jail for 50 days for throwing a glass because he had too much caffeine is one of the more absurd Wern stories. 50 days in jail for throwing a glass?

 

[For the Love of Mancy]

I know this discussion has been driven into the ground but caffeine is the excuse he used for his violent behavior.

Oh of course it’s horseshit. The question was what he blamed it on.
Sorry, I thought that was implied. By no means am I giving him leniency.

 

[Jeep1971]

Since the Creep's cons for lunch/dinner doordash have been successful, he's now giving it a go for mornings too. He's not "usually" a breakfast person (he'd have to be tied to the bed to miss breakfast), but is sad he missed breakfast this morning.

View attachment 3172120

ETA:
I don't believe the only thing served for breakfast was a bagel with cream cheese. Some other food was included.

View attachment 3172152

Mallon must be real low rent because I've never been in a medical or care facility that DID NOT have an alcove somewhere in the building with drink and snack vending machines.
They are expensive to buy from but it's a convenience thing. It beats humping ass to the mini Mart.

 

[Club Sandwich]

50 days in jail for throwing a glass?

people don't get jail time for petty vandalism or disorderly conduct. you get a citation or a court appearance and a suspended sentence for community service, anger counseling and/or a fine and possibly being forced to pay out damages either in a combined docket for civil penalty or a separate civil penalty brought by the restaurant before the court.

the most common situations where something super minor can get you jail time are repeat offenders, actual injury, significant property damage (think using a bat to smash up the entire front glass windows) that might stem from misdemeanors like wanton destruction of private property, intent to use violence to further another crime (intimidation, et c) or violating restraining orders like trespassing and this was the latest in a string of offenses a guy was already on thin ice for.

He was “under some stress trying to figure out some problems with Faster Than Light telemetrics and also cleaning up her messes in-between cooking her meals and shit.”

it's such obvious bullshit that he tries to spin his poor impulse control on external forces. his time travel nonsense plagiarized from the internet is bullshit. cook/clean, sure but he's not a beaten housewife and if the other person in the relationship is paying for everything and working each day, then cooking/cleaning is simply the other half of that arrangement that any reasonable person would agree borderline expected. his atheism is an attempt at eliciting a combination of pity and claiming a "protected" class where he's supposedly putting himself into an unusual situation out of the goodness of his heart/character, which has zero bearing on anything. he isn't persecuted for that in the US.

separately, his attempts at using other's religion as a cudgel to get what he wants is supported on the barest understanding of the tenants of that faith - you aren't required to forgive anyone for sins that aren't resolved. when a debt is repaid in full, you forgive the debt. when someone has committed a sin against you and God, you forgive that person if they are remorseful and make amends (whether the Almighty forgives that person is a separate topic). if you have made zero restitution or any remorseful understanding of your transgressions and haven't tried to make things right, then you are unlikely to be forgiven. being forgiven is a privilege, not a right.

i think a big chunk of what makes Lucas a cow is how insufferably aggrandizing he his about his own abilities/intelligence far past the point where he could have any meaningful introspection into the how/why he's wrong about something. he shares this with many other lolcows on the site, but Lucas has a special blend of ignorance, incompetence, malice, cowardice, and pompous greed that most others lack.

also the Pope isn't the head of Catholicism and can't hand down decrees like forcing people to forgive or "this is how the religion works now" or whatever, the Holy Trinity is the head of the Church, the Pope is more like a Prime Minister.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

I know this discussion has been driven into the ground but caffeine is the excuse he used for his violent behavior. Fact is no one knows exactly what the story is about what happened in that restaurant except Lucas and his ex. But it is pretty obvious that too many sodas don’t turn people into violent maniacs.

I couldn’t point you to the exact page but this incident was covered in the thread somewhere awhile back where it was pieced together pretty well what happened, the how’s and why’s, which gave a pretty convincing summation of it.

Ending up in jail for 50 days for throwing a glass because he had too much caffeine is one of the more absurd Wern stories. 50 days in jail for throwing a glass?

Lucas said the real reason why in one of his videos. He saw a daddy-daughter couple and freaked out.

 

[Club Sandwich]

He saw a daddy-daughter couple and freaked out.

i vaguely remember something like that too. you'd figure someone out with their significant other wouldn't be paying too much attention to other couples and developing such an all encompassing irrepressible rage they feel forced to violently lash out would be a distant possibility.

but such is Lucas' mental illness and lack of control. be glad he's alone and not subjecting others to his "intimacy".

 

[mothman96]

More weight coming, someone is sending the Creep a ham dinner.

He won a box of instant coffee packets playing bingo. It's not decaf.

 

[The Mega Micro]

I personally hate the “daddy daughter” reasoning he did it, but it’s the one everyone clings to. He told an underage catfish that version of the story trying to get some puss puss from her. I definitely don’t think that’s the actual situation that occurred because he didn’t jump on wanting younger until he got severely jilted by Suzanne for getting him put in jail and left homeless and refusing to take him back. Before he met Suzanne, he had section 8 and was all set up in a nice place that his parents cleaned for him monthly. He let that go to move into Suzanne’s place and fucked it all up by being a lazy, entitled piece of shit. He eventually wanted to date young hotter women just to spite her. It started as merely a year younger than he and eventually his insanity spun it all the way down to wanting to fuck 15 year olds.

His story always changed whenever he tried to give a reason for it. The pressure headaches are one of my favorites. I would love to hear Suzanne’s version of events, because I have always had my own theories based on it from other convos he’s had.