Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[3-2-1836]

Nobody I know has trooned out, on the other hand my sister became a furry, ate tidepods, then got preggers at 14 which is why I avoid my family

 

[Hepativore]

I found out my Aiden cousin is saving up money for bottom surgery.
She's already dead to me but I dread when she kills herself, the family will be devastated and I've already processed her death when she came out as trans so I wouldn't cry a tear.
If I get dragged to her funeral, I'd just approach her coffin and whisper "I tried to warn you".

I'm 100% serious. I wouldn't even cry at her funeral, when I couldn't change her mind by saying "It's OK to be a masculine girl", I just gave up and she became dead to me so when she inevitably kills herself, it won't hurt.

I am sure that it is also a good idea on your part to insulate yourself from her emotional fallout that also might follow from the medical complications that might result from said "bottom surgery" including the frankendick falling off, needing to be amputated, UTIs, infections, etc.

Yes, SRS is just one giant picnic and everything always turns out SWELL!

 

[Guayabera]

I don't know if this counts since all of this only came out because my relatives decided to finally look at what their child is doing online, rather than the person first deciding to come out, but basically my relatives have a child who was on a website (they knew about it because they had purchased a currency or membership for this website for this child's birthday.) Since about the same period of time, the mom mentioned a few times in conversations how this kid has gotten more reclusive and not wanting to talk with the parents as much, not bathing as much and staying up later, those types of things, we kind of assumed it was teenage angst and maybe the impact of lockdowns and not being in school in person. I didn't ask about this website specifically because I wasn't told the name yet so I assumed it was club penguin or something. I had asked generally if they were even acutely aware of their kid's habits online because I've heard grooming victims can act like this, but I was assured it was "fine"/under control.

I'm not sure what the catalyst was but they actually decided to look at what the child was doing on the computer this past month, and found the site is a chat website (child apparently said it was a dressup game which, from me looking it up myself afterward was partially true, but it seemed heavily chat based,) and said child has been claiming to have conditions they're not diagnosed with (the 'trendy' ones, you could probably guess,) claiming to be both transgender and not a human (instead claims to be a bat on the website and has a sort of 'pronouns' accordingly, like not he/she/they type of thing.) It sounds like a joke and when the parents told me at first I thought they were making some sort of joke, or that their kid was just roleplaying (especially the bat part.) I'm not sure that this fits here because claiming to be transgender isn't the only thing (like "being a bat"...) but the parents said the child was very serious, insistent and emotional about all of it when spoken to (including being transgender and the bat thing.)

Part of why I'm posting here is out of annoyance honestly. The website seems like a grooming hub for adults to convince teenagers and I guess other adults that they are transgender and not a human being, and being "cis" (not transgender) is bad and ""cis" people need to die," and has other weird practices like sections dedicated to giving presents to people for being transgender and/or not a human. Of course an impressionable teenager whose parents are being negligent is going to be swayed. I want to talk to this kid and just genuinely ask what's going on but I feel like it's not going to change anything no matter what I say with how these things tend to go, I'll just be deemed "transphobic" by the kid no matter what and ignored, and if they're really feeding into what this website is telling them the child probably will think I'm just an angry "cis." Slight PL but my family is pretty closeknit which is why I'm hesitant to talk up and upset anyone. The parents aren't fully onboard either but also don't want to upset the kid, but I feel like if any person can get through to the child it's them. Really if anyone has children themsleves or child family members that they care about, please pay attention to what they are doing online. The only reason I haven't posted the website name is because from what I saw many of the people on it are teenagers even though there's a culpable adult population as well so I'm not sure if I should post it. But it's just a bit of a sad situation, it seems very peer influenced rather than genuine. I feel bad that I didn't act sooner honestly.

 

[Hepativore]

Sorry for a late response, but I felt like I wanted to interject with this. Powerlevel incoming as I'm a woman.

Going thru puberty as a biological girl is very difficult, as you feel constant insecurity and anxiety over your body becoming sexualized in the eyes of men (usually ones much older than you). It can be traumatizing for a lot of young girls, so they resort to wearing more baggy clothes or presenting more "masculine" to avoid it.

In general, feminine things (and being feminine) are seen as "weak". Liking pastel colors, wearing dresses, what have you. As some other people have mentioned, though, a lot of FtMs seem to thrive in being a man that is totally heckin valid for being feminine. It's a weird contradiction.

And the thing is, they don't understand how it feels for cis men to even be slightly less masculine and not only care about football and beer. Being called a sissy and faggot, being emasculated, is a serious thing that they don't or will never understand. If you have a high voice or wide hips, no one's going to judge you for reading yaoi or painting your nails.

I hope this makes sense.

There are things that I think biology really screwed women over on, such as periods, as they seem very inconvenient and unpleasant.

I have a cousin of mine who had a hysterectomy at 28, as she had endometriosis and the issues she was having with her period were causing such heavy bleeding that it led to anemia and other problems, so she had no choice but to have her uterus taken out at such an early age.

Her cervix and ovaries were spared to prevent the hormonal problems associated with menopause at 28, but there is the risk of acute ovarian failure with a subtotal hysterectomy due to the fact that the ovaries depend on the same blood supply as the circulatory layout of the uterus. Fortunately, she was lucky enough to avoid ovarian failure.

Anyway, what I want people to understand is that you cannot change what you are from a biological standpoint, and even if you have interests in things that are outside of what the stereotype of what a man or woman is, you should realize that these are stereotypes and while you may be a man or a woman this should not dictate what your interests are. Just because you do not fit various gender stereotypes does not make you "trans".

For instance...I like hot pink as it makes me nostalgic for the 80's...yet that does not make me a TIM.

 

[Ser Prize]

Sorry for a late response, but I felt like I wanted to interject with this. Powerlevel incoming as I'm a woman.

Going thru puberty as a biological girl is very difficult, as you feel constant insecurity and anxiety over your body becoming sexualized in the eyes of men (usually ones much older than you). It can be traumatizing for a lot of young girls, so they resort to wearing more baggy clothes or presenting more "masculine" to avoid it.

In general, feminine things (and being feminine) are seen as "weak". Liking pastel colors, wearing dresses, what have you. As some other people have mentioned, though, a lot of FtMs seem to thrive in being a man that is totally heckin valid for being feminine. It's a weird contradiction.

And the thing is, they don't understand how it feels for cis men to even be slightly less masculine and not only care about football and beer. Being called a sissy and faggot, being emasculated, is a serious thing that they don't or will never understand. If you have a high voice or wide hips, no one's going to judge you for reading yaoi or painting your nails.

I hope this makes sense.

Going through puberty as a man is no better, trust me. But I have a hard time believing merely going through puberty can be traumatizing for so many girls.

It can't have always been this way, so what changed? What is causing these girls to feel such overwhelming fear and loathing?

 

[FeatherPlucker]

Going through puberty as a man is no better, trust me. But I have a hard time believing merely going through puberty can be traumatizing for so many girls.

It can't have always been this way, so what changed? What is causing these girls to feel such overwhelming fear and loathing?

Ugh, regressing from being a "potty trained" child to having uncontrollable "accidents" that involve destroying your clothes is traumatizing in itself.
My family completely humiliated me once they realized I reached that point. Not going into details, but it was horrific.
It's not unique. Many cultures like to imply newly menstruating girls are "dirty" or automatically "slutty" and therefor garbage people once they hit menarche. You go from being a precious and loved child to a "grotesque bleeding monster who is boy crazy" even if you don't behave that way. People are assholes.
Even family gets extremely nit-picky hypercritical about your weight, body shape, looks, once you hit puberty if you're a girl-- to the point of outright cruelty. It's as if you go from being human to being livestock.

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

In general, feminine things (and being feminine) are seen as "weak". Liking pastel colors, wearing dresses, what have you. As some other people have mentioned, though, a lot of FtMs seem to thrive in being a man that is totally heckin valid for being feminine. It's a weird contradiction.

I agree. Sure, there's always been feminine men around, but don't you think it goes against one of the reasons why you're transitioning into a man? May as well keep it safe and call yourself a non-binary, if it's that important (obviously not referring to you lol. That bit in your post always confused me as well).

 

[Mrs. Addams]

Going through puberty as a man is no better, trust me. But I have a hard time believing merely going through puberty can be traumatizing for so many girls.

It can't have always been this way, so what changed? What is causing these girls to feel such overwhelming fear and loathing?

I'd be curious what about puberty was traumatizing to guys...

From a girl-child point of view, I think I thought of "male" and "undeveloped female" as pretty much the same thing. I remember around age 12, praying every night for God to change me into a boy and to hurry up because "this female thing is getting worse". There wasn't anything really positive about being female as the clothing was complicated, modesty was impossible, every man was suddenly a rapist (dumb but that's what I was taught), and periods sounded like a nightmare.

 

[smegma lover 69]

I agree. Sure, there's always been feminine men around, but don't you think it goes against one of the reasons why you're transitioning into a man? May as well keep it safe and call yourself a non-binary, if it's that important (obviously not referring to you lol. That bit in your post always confused me as well).

Like other people have said, it's totally possible to be cis and still not conform to gender stereotypes. Lots of feminine cis men and masculine cis women exist. It's not the 1950s anymore, no one's really gonna care if you're a guy with long hair who likes bright colors. And if they do, that's on them, not you.

 

[Land of Noz]

Blows my mind that so many in this thread have direct experience with transgender individuals. I'm 30 and never even interacted with one til about a decade ago, and that was a single 50 year old black crackhead tranny that lived in government housing near my university. He/she would frequently walk up and down the main drag. Other than that I think I've seen noticeable trannies maybe a handful of times in my life, but I don't know anyone personally who is transgender. I do know one guy I went to college with who does/did drag shows, but that's as close as someone I know becoming trans. Maybe it's because I'm not in a big coastal city, and I'm in a red state, but to me trannies are still something I read about and hear about online, but have basically no in real life interaction with. Vibes to all of you, especially those who have lost friends or family to this mind virus

 

[Hepativore]

I'd be curious what about puberty was traumatizing to guys...

From a girl-child point of view, I think I thought of "male" and "undeveloped female" as pretty much the same thing. I remember around age 12, praying every night for God to change me into a boy and to hurry up because "this female thing is getting worse". There wasn't anything really positive about being female as the clothing was complicated, modesty was impossible, every man was suddenly a rapist (dumb but that's what I was taught), and periods sounded like a nightmare.

The whole voice-changing thing is something that some guys get a lot of shit for, not to mention shaving your face is a pain in the ass...which is why so many of us grow beards.

There is something else, though...and I do not want to derail this thread too much, but if you are male, once you start to hit your late teens, you have to be very careful about how you are perceived.

We have all heard stories about "stranger danger" or spotting a potential rapist, etc. There are numerous cases where men refuse to help a child in trouble or has been left alone for fear of being labeled a potential sex offender. Many men have difficulty coming to terms with how paranoid people are over the smallest things when it comes to how they are viewed by people once they reach their late teens and onward.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I'd be curious what about puberty was traumatizing to guys...

From a girl-child point of view, I think I thought of "male" and "undeveloped female" as pretty much the same thing. I remember around age 12, praying every night for God to change me into a boy and to hurry up because "this female thing is getting worse". There wasn't anything really positive about being female as the clothing was complicated, modesty was impossible, every man was suddenly a rapist (dumb but that's what I was taught), and periods sounded like a nightmare.

When I was a kid I would dig around my grandparents' bookshelves, they never threw away anything so they had lots of middling-quality books from the 30s-50s. One of them was a parenting manual and the section on adolescence warned that you should talk to your son about what's going on as soon as he seems to be maturing because otherwise many young chaps would believe they had injured themselves or gotten a serious illness when ejaculate showed up for the first time.

Basically, puberty used to be understood to be a delicate time for both boys and girls because of stuff like this, and adults were supposed to break the truth to kids gently so they would be prepared. Today's weirdo porn plus shock and awe "sex ed" likely makes things worse than even just being ignorant and in the dark was.

 

[Ser Prize]

Ugh, regressing from being a "potty trained" child to having uncontrollable "accidents" that involve destroying your clothes is traumatizing in itself.
My family completely humiliated me once they realized I reached that point. Not going into details, but it was horrific.
It's not unique. Many cultures like to imply newly menstruating girls are "dirty" or automatically "slutty" and therefor garbage people once they hit menarche. You go from being a precious and loved child to a "grotesque bleeding monster who is boy crazy" even if you don't behave that way. People are assholes.
Even family gets extremely nit-picky hypercritical about your weight, body shape, looks, once you hit puberty if you're a girl-- to the point of outright cruelty. It's as if you go from being human to being livestock.

I'd be curious what about puberty was traumatizing to guys...

From a girl-child point of view, I think I thought of "male" and "undeveloped female" as pretty much the same thing. I remember around age 12, praying every night for God to change me into a boy and to hurry up because "this female thing is getting worse". There wasn't anything really positive about being female as the clothing was complicated, modesty was impossible, every man was suddenly a rapist (dumb but that's what I was taught), and periods sounded like a nightmare.

For a man you go from being a little boy to a big, hairy, threatening man with urges. And no matter what you do everything you do from now on has the potential to be 'rapey', as you both demonstrated. Suddenly you have a high chance of being called "creepy" and being socially suicided.

 

[Mrs. Addams]

The quote function isn't working today, but that's super interesting and I appreciate the sharing....
Do you guys think that, baked in the right pressure cooker, all that could be enough for a boy to start hating being a boy?

 

[Astro Loafo]

Some times I wonder why I even try fighting back. I'm just so tired. No one gives a shit either way. I'm just so tried of trying to do the right thing. I just want to go back to sleep. I'm just so tired of being alone.

 

[smegma lover 69]

For a man you go from being a little boy to a big, hairy, threatening man with urges. And no matter what you do everything you do from now on has the potential to be 'rapey', as you both demonstrated. Suddenly you have a high chance of being called "creepy" and being socially suicided.

I feel like this might explain why MtFs might start feeling dysphoric, because they fall into "all men are gross icky rapists" rhetoric, and think being a woman will erase any of their toxic masculinity and attachment to the patriarchy.

Which, of course, is just based on outdated stereotypes. Regardless of how horny a teen is (which is every teen), they don't lose their moral compass or the conscious that tells them rape is wrong. Thinking that being a woman will absolve you from all your problems is just an incredibly unhealthy mindset.

 

[Hepativore]

The quote function isn't working today, but that's super interesting and I appreciate the sharing....
Do you guys think that, baked in the right pressure cooker, all that could be enough for a boy to start hating being a boy?

Of course, as in a person I knew who trooned out...he was rather emotionally sensitive but he was very tall and so he felt that he accidentally intimidated or threatened people even though he was quite shy...and all of this went together to where he became an MTF so he could express the full range of his emotions without being judged as being "weak" and also to be less "threatening" as he wanted to be accepted. It did not work of course...even after the surgery and all that it led to the uncanny valley effect and the HRT made his behavior erratic and paranoid.

Anyway, a lot of boys and men constantly grow up with messages in the media, PSAs, articles, and so on regarding how they are "the enemy" as they are stereotyped as potential rapists, domestic abusers, or child molesters and how any one of us is just a bomb waiting to go off.

I think that is indeed a lot of the driving force behind this recent trend of MTFs as they are tired of being painted as "monsters" as men, so they troon out to try and escape from these negative perceptions.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

The quote function isn't working today, but that's super interesting and I appreciate the sharing....
Do you guys think that, baked in the right pressure cooker, all that could be enough for a boy to start hating being a boy?

Of course. I've seen that trope come up in their transition stories a lot. Especially ones whose momma got beat up by a boyfriend or was a lesbian feminist or otherwise had some reason to especially teach that men are bad and scary.

 

[Mrs. Addams]

Of course. I've seen that trope come up in their transition stories a lot. Especially ones whose momma got beat up by a boyfriend or was a lesbian feminist or otherwise had some reason to especially teach that men are bad and scary.

That's interesting. I'll have to keep an eye on my transfolk, and see if that can hold true with whatever backstories they care to share.

 

[Ser Prize]

I feel like this might explain why MtFs might start feeling dysphoric, because they fall into "all men are gross icky rapists" rhetoric, and think being a woman will erase any of their toxic masculinity and attachment to the patriarchy.

Which, of course, is just based on outdated stereotypes. Regardless of how horny a teen is (which is every teen), they don't lose their moral compass or the conscious that tells them rape is wrong. Thinking that being a woman will absolve you from all your problems is just an incredibly unhealthy mindset.

The quote function isn't working today, but that's super interesting and I appreciate the sharing....
Do you guys think that, baked in the right pressure cooker, all that could be enough for a boy to start hating being a boy?

Oh, definitely. I had it better than most; I had a good role model that was traditionally and unabashedly masculine, even if teasing me about hot girls may have been embarrassing as a shy preteen boy.

But a lot of people don't have that; and what's worse, they've grown up in a world that is openly hostile to men and all things masculine. Even you ladies, though well intentioned, demonstrated part of that modern in-day bias of "men are slobbering rapists who look at all women like a piece of meat, making women ashamed of their bodies".

Let's say you're a boy coming into being a man. Do you really want above to be how people see you? Do you want to be automatically placed in "dirty raping man ape" ville for the rest of your life? I didn't, even though I had better conceptions of masculinity I was still scared of puberty. I used to cut my arm hair in the back of my class when I was 10 because I just didn't want that to happen to me.